#honestly can i just pass away though. i am so pathetic

[newwave-lesbian]

they really did just give me all of the dogshit mental illnesses, huh

#i mean what mental illness isn't dosghit #anyways the reason why my depression meds probably don't work is because i'm bipolar #that's what my therapist thinks anyways. and it makes sense considering the lil manic episodes i have #so um. that fucking sucks but it also explains everything so its fine really #like i really really want to do drugs actually #i mean i am just so sad and empty feeling #i'm working on art but nothing i'm making means anything #can i just get permission to do a shit ton of stimulants #i am sooooooo bored #i'm really trying to make myself feel better here but only with things that'll do it instantly #anyways i want to not smoke because i am running out of weed and money #but i'm gonna smoke delta 8 anyways rn because even after all this caffeine etc i feel nothing and i need something #honestly can i just pass away though. i am so pathetic #or can i actually become hypo manic again. because at least i felt something #anyways does anyone want to be friends with me even though i am severely mentally ill #or can someone give me some dopamine/serotonin. i feel like shit #vent

[simpjaes]

hi i just stalked the crap our of your page and HOLY CRAPTHIS IS MY NEW GUILTY PLEASURE

can i req seeing how enha hyung line would take care of you after railing you soooooo hard????

hyung line + aftercare after very intense sex

warning: uh....painful sex, fainting, dissociation, anal, implied squirting, degradation, idk just a lot of intense sex stuff ig

note: it's a lil messy, i've been running errands all day and am using this to push myself back into the writing brain :D

★ heeseung:

what i wanna say is that depending on the circumstances, he'd probably throw a towel at your head and walk away to shower alone but we all know heeseung is so much more than a careless fuck boy for the most part. in my opinion, if he's got you where he wants you and he's allowed to fuck you as hard as he can, rendering you faint, dizzy, and almost dissociated, he either has some sort of feelings for you, you're someone else's girlfriend and he wants you to like him more, or you're already in a committed relationship lmfao

and you know, you thought that after he managed to pull three orgasms out of you, fucked all three of your holes, and managed to get you all twisted up for him to cum in places he definitely isn't supposed to, you really thought he was done.

but then he chuckles, taking one look at you once his own mind clears from his orgasm and it's like...how could he not just continue to fuck you? you look so pretty already fucked open, lying there with tears in your eyes and shaking?

you'd hear something akin to "you're gonna take a bit more, open those eyes back up for me," and "i can tell you can take it, just keep your eyes on me."

it's kind of pathetic, actually, how you really do just lay there and take it until he says you're finished.

so, yeah, when you're with someone like heeseung, there's always a thought in your head about if he'll even take care of you at all after the fact. at least, the thought is there before he breaks your brain. even if every time before this where he's needed to bring you back, he has without question and with a voice from him that is always so rare to hear.

just kinda hard to imagine someone who fucks you near to the brink of passing out, sometimes actually passing out, finding it within themselves to take care of you as deeply as they fuck you, yknow?

but, time and time again he has to remind you that he's not only capable but willing to make sure you're well taken care of. after all, you do your part in taking it, so he'll do his part in giving you what you need too. only after scooping half the mess with his fingers and feeding it to you, of course.

after that though? he's very much hauling you off for a warm shower and tenderly washing you. very very gentle with his hands, knowing how sensitive your holes are. he'd compliment you, he'd praise you for letting him absolutely destroy that ass, and ultimately, lay you to sleep next to him regardless of what the relationship status is, making sure you're well aware that he's not just using you for pleasure. he's very much appreciative of what you bring to his bedroom, and there's no reason to pretend he isn't.

☆ jay:

i like to think that jay would have you in fucking pain and barely able to stand on your own two feet by the time he allows you to close your legs with deep groans as you try to catch your breath.

honestly, the stamina this man has and actively spends on you could render anyone immobile for at least a week with the way he snaps his hips and holds you down from wiggling away in sensitivity. and man, the things he'd fucking say to you through it. so degrading, so controlling and dismissive, entirely fucking insulting. you're shocked time and time again that even while knowing it's just sex talk, it still hurts your feelings every single time.

then again, he's aware of that. but you're so goddamn pretty when you're crying and moaning, it drives him insane to know you endure it for his pleasure.

you're soaked by the time it's over and done with, he's soaked, and honestly the swollen marks against your ass still burn intensely when he rolls you over on your belly to get a good look at his work.

always with a breathy "aw, baby, i really fucked you up this time, huh?" or a little "took it so well, you still can't even focus your eyes on me, can you?" before rubbing any and every pained mark he left on you.

after his own brain clears of the sex-fog, he'd wrap you up, really warm and tightly in his arms as if his hug would wipe away any of the spit and cum drying between your bodies, as if it could mask all of those insults he flung at you. still, he'd be fluttering hundreds of kisses against your neck and ears, whispering little compliments about how pretty you are when you're barely able to keep your eyes open, about how much he adores you, and how often he wishes you'd believe these words over the silly orgasm-fueled insults.

still whispering, throughout the entire session of his care after the fact. always loving that you let him harm you as long as he's healing you just as good. and he does, truly, with the back rubs and the showers, tons upon tons of sweet kisses. constant praise. he'd put your lotion on you and rub it in thoughtfully, occasionally some medicated cream if his fingernails dug in a little too deep.

always always always holds you against his chest when you drift off to sleep, making sure any pain in your body feels more like love than anything else, and promising time and time again that he'll make sure you always fall asleep knowing he loves you, and that he doesn't at all think you're a fuck-doll, that he wouldn't let his friends have their turn way you.

(i am madly in love with him, pls look away and stop thinking of him now thank u)

★sunghoon:

ah, sunghoon. yeah. sunghoon. this man would leave you a fucking mess of tears and drool, edging you for hours. hell, he edges you for fucking days just because he can. not at all because you've been bad, or a brat, or have managed to make him jealous.

this is one of those days. you could tell he came home with that look in his eye, grabbing your face and practically forcing you to lift on your toes just so he could whisper the planned torture against your tongue.

so, after the second day with you whining, fucking begging to be released from your prison of sensitivity and lust, maybe he gives it to you. maybe he wakes you up from a deep and much needed sleep with fingers harshly pinching your clit.

ah, the pain. that alone was enough to make you cum, and you did. unfortunately, he didn't like that very much so your new torture was to get off as many times as he expected you to.

after about, what, the seventh orgasm? you stopped counting, it was closer to eleven in the afternoon and he'd been giving it to you for hours, all over that little mishap.

an eight orgasm knocked your ass out, exhausted, spread out, fucked senseless. you could barely hold your head up, but he does it for you. first by your hair, but noting the look in your eye indicating that he really needs to stop by this point.

and sunghoon is the type that would stop at that point. something in his brain clicking and forcing him back into that perfect boyfriend persona, where the only thing in the world he wants to do is make you happy.

and he knows it's not that you're not happy right now, it's mostly just the fact that he thinks he broke you're brain and you forgot how to feel anything other than his cock ramming inside of you.

so, he'd remind you time and time again. how his hands can do so much more than choke you, and how his lips can be sweet and less bruising against your temple when you really need it. you'd feel entirely loved when he's taking care of the mess he caused. both physically and mentally for you. needing to bring you back to reality with soft touches and tight holds.

it worked every time, because by the next morning, you'd just be moaning and groaning about how if he hadn't of make you breakfast in bed, you may have very well slashed his tires for the amount of suffering he put you through.

☆ jake:

bro is taking care of you not only after sex, but the entire time during sex. there's not a single moment where he's intentionally trying to hurt you, or forcing you to take more than you can handle.

it just....kind of happens on nights like these. where his hands are clinging, and his throat is begging, and your body can't say no. with his pretty puppy dog eyes asking if he can try anal, with his fingers slamming too deep, with his grip on you so tight you know it'll bruise, with his ability to knock the breath out of you and not give it back until you're nearly blue in the face.

yeah, most of the intense shit is accidental, but god is he taking care of you. always apologizing but continuing, always promising to make it up to you, always feeding into your ego more than his own, reminding you that the pain his body lends only comes from the immense amount of need he has to practically crawl inside of you and live there forever.

it's kind of amazing actually, that someone who starts so gentle can also end with blood in his mouth from bitten lips and swelling bruises all over your body.

he tends to you hand and foot. carrying you where ever you need to go even if just to your closet three feet from the bed, dresses you, undresses you, fixes your hair, does your skin care, all while kissing the bruises and ignoring the fact that he knows he'll never have enough of you, and you're probably always gonna be in pain when he loses his control like that.

#enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #heeseung smut #jake smut #jay smut #sunghoon smut #jaeyun smut #jongseong smut #hardthots

[daylite-writes]

Traitor readers always hit different! How about traitor reader with all of the harbingers (but I got a special bias for Pierro) 😫. Like betraying one is bad enough betraying and hurting all? Oh boy

Oooh I like this! I am gonna split it up into separate little instances of what I think they’d be like though for my sanity. I may expand to a few other full traitor fics (esp the Pierro one I really popped off on that damn) later on if I get ideas!

Certain characters take it MUCH better than others, varying from a scale of “Oh that’s Lowkey Hot” to “DIE”.

cw: yandere (?) behaviors, murder, manipulation, imprisonment, forced marriage, forced experimentation

~~~ Harbingers reacts to Traitor!Reader (ordered best to worst ~~~

Childe definitely takes it the best. In fact, this is honestly preferable for him. He’ll let you escape back to your leaders after you find out, giving you a head start before chasing you across Teyvat. The adrenaline is the hot part. He can’t get enough. He’s so easily bored. Come on baby, run a little faster. Make it fun. And after he follows you to your master’s base of operations, he’ll slaughter them and offer you an official place within the fatui’s ranks. Under him, of course! He won, after all, and the winner takes all.

Pantalone doesn’t see this as the worst thing. He’s very familiar with traitors, spies, and secrets. Though how you got around him for so long is a mystery. Once he finds out he’ll just be so sweet. Come on, treasure, just tell him everything and he’ll protect you. No? Oh well. A pretty enough price—or a favor from his more violently inclined coworkers—will have them abandoning you forcefully or not. Then he can scoop you up and… convince you to come home with him. It’s just more leverage to have over you, and it’s perfect for a man with control issues.

Pulcinella just… drops you. He has a nation to run, and his proximity to important information is too valuable. Unlike many of his colleagues he is not willing to bend the rules for feelings. He’s old, and he knows whatever feelings he feels towards you (platonic, romantic, familial, whatever) will pass with time. He reports this information to the proper place, and trusts the people he commands to take care of you properly. It hurts, but most things do at first.

Signora really thought you loved her. She hasn’t felt passion in centuries, and now as soon as her frozen heart thaws it’s revealed you're a traitor? Her heart can hardly take it. It hurts so much. Leave. Go now before she changes her mind and kills you. She cannot bear to have another lover dead in her arms. So take this chance and go, if you don’t, ice will encase her heart and she will slaughter you.

Columbina goes the kidnapping route essentially immediately. You can’t be a spy if you can’t report back to your masters! She’s very gentle though, running her fingers through your hair, humming happily, showering you with beautiful outfits and clothes. Even if you’re paralyzed from her haunting melodies, and feathers and eyes unfurl from the corners of your vision. Like a bird in a cage. It’s really your fault for catching the attention of someone so insane and powerful.

Arlecchino reacts similarly to Capitano, she is very proficient at breaking people down, ruining them, and turning them into what she thinks you ought to be. How dare you? This is a betrayal she will have to remedy. Loyalty is necessary. She’s crueler than him about it. Less patient. You will not be coming out of this unscarred. It’s better to just give in quickly, convincing her you learned your lesson, that you’d never betray her again. Reguardless of what you do though, several house of hearth members will be stalking you whenever you’re away from her, so don’t even bother trying to get back to your masters. It will not end well.

Pierro. Oh Pierro. You’ve never seen the man so sad. For a second, he looks almost pathetic. That is, before he motions for his men to drag you down to whatever dungeons are within the palace. He doesn’t visit you for weeks, but as soon as you start to think he’s never going to look at you again, he’s there, outside your freezing cell. The sadness so heavy in this man is wiped away by fury. He, personally, drags you from your cell. You can’t even walk as he pulls you along, stumbling every time you try to get your footing. He drags you for what seems like forever, ignoring you. Eventually, you’re in the Tsaritsa’s cathedral, with the ice goddess herself standing where the priest was. She smiled at you, and fear floods your body as he forces you down the aisle. He mutters something about how lucky you are. How many strings he had to pull with his god to allow this. You’re married there, ice freezing your ankles as you stand where a bride would, heart heavy in your throat. You know then that the only option is to say “I do”.

Scaramouche does not and will never take this well. Another betrayal? Typical of humans. He will go into a rage when he faces you, and chances of you escaping that rage in one piece is slim to nothing. If you don’t, ice floods his veins as he curls around your body, just asking why why why. If you do, he’ll drag you to the infirmary, force some poor healer to fix you, and then toss you in the dungeon similar to Pierro. He won’t visit you, thinking that this is a proper punishment. You abandon him? He’ll abandon you. He’ll come around sometimes though to yell at you or sob on your lap. Other than that, expect a life of imprisonment with mild favoritism and some physical scars.

Sandrone doesn’t take it well at first. When faced with your crimes, she immediately lashes out, destroying several of her newest machines and scarring you physically. After she calms down, though, she’ll calmly figure out everything that you leaked, who you leaked it to, and begin to work while you stay in a cell in her lab. She comes back to you a few days later, in which you’ve been completely abandoned, with some sort of mechanical collar and a tracking chip. Oh calm down, she’ll say as she rolls her eyes. The surgery is quick, but done without any anesthesia. The collar records everything and will shock and paralyze you upon exiting her laboratory. The chip is for tracking, but it can also release poison into your bloodstream. There! She was being so nice, not turning you into a machine. Say thank you, it might make her more likely to feed you.

Dottore has a breakdown almost immediately upon hearing this. He’d cackle, pacing in front of you, rambling on about how bold you were to try this shit with the cruelest of the Harbingers. Really? Playing with his heart is probably the worst mistake a person could ever make. He’s never been too enamored with human bodies, but monsters? Abyssal creatures? He finds them so beautiful, and he’s been needing a new subject. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt! Just be quiet and let him make you into the ideal version of yourself. He’d never dare do this to you if you weren’t a traitor, he loved you, but all bets are off as soon as you sabotaged his work and smuggled information. And the worst part? You’d still be his lover. Forever bound. Just more monstrous than before.

~~~

Lowkey I can’t believe I wrote for all of them. I didn’t think I do them all but then I had IDEAS. Which is somewhat uncommon for me. Everyone clap!

#genshin yandere #Yandere Genshin x reader #yandere harbingers #yandere dottore #yandere childe #yandere sandrone #yandere pierro #yandere pantalone #yandere Signora #yandere scaramouche #yandere arlecchino #yandere Pucinella #technically? I mean he’s here #yandere columbina #i think that’s everyone #asks #requests #genshin fanfic

[sunnyy3d]

Hi are requests still open? If they are could you write about Thomas with the reader being Isabels sister, she has always loved him but couldn't say anything as she was already betrothed and died shortly after him due to illness, it wasn't until Allison came and Thomas starting flirting with her that the reader finally snaps and reveals her almost 200 year old feelings for Thomas?

All the Time in the World| Thomas Thorne x Reader

A/N: Thank you so much for this request, I hope you love it!! It was actually so fun to write! I'm so sorry it took so long; it has been a STRESSFUL few weeks... But Happy Valentine's Day <33 I hope you guys had a wonderful day! This isn't necessarily a special, but I made sure to get it out today... Requests Open!!

     I remember the day Thomas died. It was one of the worst days of my life. The only other day that comes close to it was the one that revealed that I was to be betrothed to a man whom I did not love. Even if I tried, I could not love him, for my heart already belonged to someone else.

     Being the eldest daughter meant that I had responsibilities that Isabel did not. Regardless of whether I had found my true love, I was expected to be wed first and fast. And by the time I did, I had the choice ripped away from me.

     My parents wanted me to marry someone with a respectable profession, which Thomas did not fit into. So instead, they passed me along to a viscount. But I had no interest in him. He was the complete opposite of Thomas. He was serious and uncreative, not to mention old. I needed someone to share my love of art with.

     To cope, I made more paintings in my month of betrothal than I had ever before. I put all of my emotions into my art. Both my love for Thomas and my hatred for the viscount.

     Not long after Thomas' death, I fell ill. The doctors said that there was nothing that could be done besides living the rest of my life in peace. When I received the news, I was unsure whether I should be sad that my life would end short or happy that I would not be forced to live a life full of lies. I put the last of my life into my paintings, some of which still reside in the Button house.

     I often think about the life I could have lived if only Thomas had opened his eyes and looked closely. If only he were not so oblivious. But he was not. So, instead, he died fawning over someone who did not love him. I wish he had looked past Isabel's beauty and realized she was not the one who loved him. Alas, there is no changing the past.

     He still has not stopped being obsequious to every woman that walks past him. Even though he knows he has no chance with her, that does not stop him from spouting poetry at her. It is aggravating and, quite frankly, a bit pathetic. I mean, she cannot even see him. If he would just be a little less blind and catch all of the hints I have dropped, he would see a woman who loves him and all his stupidness.

     The only thing that has changed since Alison has shown up is that Thomas is more persistent. Now that he knows someone can see and hear him, he believes he has a chance. Of course, that is not actually true. Alison is like two hundred years younger than him, alive, and married. Honestly, it has never been more frustrating.  

     "Alison, my dear, you are the pinnacle of beauty," Thomas exclaims as I walk into the family room. Hearing the beginning of a rant, I walk straight out. 

     Unfortunately, Alison spots me before I can sneak away. "Wait, wait, I need your help!" she shouts, cutting off Thomas. I freeze right outside the door and debate whether or not I can get away with pretending like I had not heard her. Before I can decide, Alison seals my fate with a little "Please!"

     I sigh and spin around to re-enter the family room. "Yes, Alison?"

     "I was wondering if I could get a little of your artistic expertise?" she smiles shyly, walking closer. Thomas follows behind her like a lost puppy.

     "Of course you can, Alison. I am glad you asked." I really am glad she asked. It is not often that I get to participate in art-related things, being dead and all. Alison gives me a genuine smile and leads me to the other side of the room where the canvas she has been working on lies.

     "Something's off about it, but I'm not sure what it is. What do you think?" she asks while frowning. I tilt my head as I suspect the portrait. It is of Thomas, but she is right; something is off.

     "I think it is absolutely beautiful, Alison. Much like yourself," Thomas praises.

     I roll my eyes. "It is not bad, there are merely a few things that need to be fixed. Alison, I think you made his lips a bit too small. And the eyes need to be fixed as well. Everything else is good though." It only makes sense that I would recognize this; I have spent years yearning for him. With how much time I have spent around Thomas, I would be disappointed if I did not notice.

     Alison squints for a second, looking between Thomas and the portrait. "You're right! How did you notice that so fast?" I can only shrug in response, not willing to reveal the truth. 

     "I think that you have done a wonderful job, it is perfect like it is," Thomas claims. This is starting to get old. Actually, it is old, about two hundred years so. 

     "But that is not true. Besides the fact that nothing is perfect, Alison has only managed to capture your likeness, not you." It is true; she had the portrait of Thomas but had not gotten the more minor details. Though they may seem insignificant, they were the things that made him him. The things such as the sparkle behind his eyes that show his passion or the dimples in his cheeks that show his joy.

     "That is also not true," Thomas states matter of factly. "There are many things in this world that are perfect, and Alison's portrait is just one."

     Unbeknownst to me and Thomas, Alison slowly backed out of the room, trying to avoid the argument. "Oh, of course you think that! Of course Alison is perfect and of course her portrait is perfect! It is missing the most important detail about you! But no, it is perfect because she is," I yell, throwing my hands about. I do not mean to lose my temper, but I have been perfectly calm about this for far too long. 

     “I never said that! I merely stated that the portrait is," Thomas stammers.

     "You do not need to say it, it lies within your actions."

     Thomas looks into my eyes, "Clearly, I would need to say it because my advances have gone unnoticed."

     "It is not that they have gone unnoticed; it is simply that she does not return your feelings! She is married, for god's sake!"

     Thomas frowns, "But just because one is married, does that mean that she does not love another?"

     I hesitate, debating my next words. "No, it does not. And you would notice that if you would just open your eyes."

     "Are you saying?" Thomas cuts himself off.

     "Yes, I suppose I am. Thomas Thorne, I have been in love with you since I first saw you," I avert my eyes from him. "But you never loved me. You loved Isabel."

     I hear Thomas step closer. He grabs my hand, saying my name. "I did not love Isabel. I never did. But you were betrothed to the viscount."

     I finally look Thomas in the eyes. "Are you saying?"

     "I suppose I am," Thomas jokes. "I have been in love with you since I first saw you."

     "But, what about all the other women were infatuated with?" 

     Thomas squeezes my hand, "It may sound ignorant, but they were solely distractions. I genuinely believed you did not love me back, which I now know is stupid. It was the only way I could think to cope." 

     I purse my lips, thinking for a moment. "As nonsensical as that is, I suppose I understand," I say, clasping his hand within mine. I smile, and we stand in blissful silence, enjoying each other's presence. 

     After a moment, my smile drops. Thomas' brows furrow in confusion. "What is the matter, my love?"

     "You are telling me that we have been in the same house for over two hundred years, pining over each other? We could have been together forever ago!" 

     Thomas drops my hand, instead placing it gently on my cheek and softly caresses it with his thumb. "Well, at least we have all the time in the world to make up for it."

#x reader #mathew baynton #fanfic #thomas thorne #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts thomas #thomas thorne x reader #bbc ghosts thomas thorne

[cacoetheswriting]

Hi! Pearl is impeccable! It needs more recognition!

Not sure if you take requests for like side blurbs but I really want to know how Eddie is handling princess being away? Thank you!

hello, anon! <3 thank you very much, i appreciate you taking the time to leave me your sweet words! 😇 as for how eddie is dealing with his fav girl being a thousand miles away, think it would go something like the below - hope you enjoy!

pearl: september 1984 [drabble]

content warnings: best friends to lovers, oblivious idiots in love, adult language, use of pet names, self-doubt / insecurities, mentions of recreational drug use - unedited - if i missed anything, pls let me know!

pearl masterlist

“So princess, be honest now, how much do you really miss me?”

The question rolls off Eddie's tongue as he stretches. He’d been sitting on a stool by the wall with the phone pressed to his ear for the last hour and a half. His back was starting to hurt, though he’d gladly stay here all night if it meant I could continue talking to the girl he loved.

“If you’re curious whether I’ve finally replaced you, the answer is no.”

Your tone of voice is melodic and Eddie pictures you smiling on the other line. His heart skips a beat at the thought.

“Well, I am unique. You’ll never find anyone like me, no matter how hard you try," he states confidently.

You chuckle. “How very modest of you, Eds.”

“That’s me. Eddie Munson, king of modesty.”

“More like the king of douchery.”

“Ouch,” he dramatises, a smirk circling his lips, “are you trying to hurt my feelings, princess?”

“Maybe,” you answer honestly, “or maybe I just miss you and poking fun makes me feel like I’m there beside you.”

Eddie smiles wide against the headset. I desperately wish you were here, he thinks but doesn't dare say the words out loud in case it steers the conversation in a direction he couldn’t really avoid. Or rather a conversation he wasn’t ready to have, despite his strong feelings towards you.

“When are you coming home?” Eddie asks instead, “There’s only so many times I can listen to Pearl without you before it starts to depress me. A cruel punishment, you leaving me that tape, princess. I know you meant well, but shit.”

The two of you hadn’t seen each other in five weeks. That’s the longest you have gone without a physical interaction since the day you first met and the metalhead didn’t quite realise just how much you had positively taken over his life until you were no longer there.

School especially was shit without you. Every day felt so mundane, borderline imprisonment. Repeating senior year wasn’t an ideal scenario anyway, but having to do it all over again without you was an even bigger disappointment, to say the least.

Eddie spent his days wondering what you got up to and honestly just counted down the minutes until your scheduled evening call. Hearing your voice every night made everything better, yet it hurt him all at the same time. As you detailed your day over the phone, he held his breath while hoping you hadn’t met anyone that would come close to replacing him.

Or worse — anyone you'd end up loving.

Selfish? Yes. He had no right to keep you all to himself, especially since you had no clue as to how he really felt.

And with every day that passed, it was getting harder for Eddie to keep this secret. Once the confession almost slipped out when he was high out of my mind and you laughed over the phone at one of his rather pathetic jokes — not ideal.

So he debated coming up with a plan to finally tell you during Thanksgiving, if nothing got in the way before that. However, at the same time, was honesty really worth risking the best friendship he's ever had?

Probably not.

as always, thank you for reading! pls be so kind to reblog & tell me what you think - ily

pearl masterlist

#eddie munson #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x female character #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x female!reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x best friend reader #eddie munson best friend #best friends to lovers #pearl (eddies version)

[sapphorror]

Now that you have read the ZimVoid arc, what are your toughts on Zib and Za2r (Zib❤Zim2[2im{twoim}])?

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!! alright, maybe I was definitely going to say this all anyway, but now I have a decent excuse to braindump it all at once instead of trying to write, I don't know, coherent analysis.

Yeah, I'm obsessed with this guy. I'm still only just starting to build a proper 3D model of him in my head, so don't take anything I rave about here too seriously, but my god is Zib something else. Also, really cute. No one told me he'd be cute and I wasn't at all equipped to deal with what I got. I was operating under the assumption he was going to be at least a LITTLE cool, but this is the most pathetic wet meow meow of a character I have ever seen, and that is no small statement.

(Also also, is it just me, or does the way Zib's drawn remind anyone else of rubber hose animation like, moreso than the comics artstyle generally does? I can't quite pin down what's making it feel that way, but I like it. Gives him Vibes™, y'know?)

Anyway. Fusions like Zib are always going to be fun, just for what they imply about their component characters and the game of trying to identify what characteristics come from where. And Zib is especially fun for this because Zim and Dib are such similar people to begin with. It honestly doesn't surprise me that the Zimfluence went initially unnoticed by our Dib, not just because he's more prone to cognitive bias than he likes to believe, but because there are so many overlapping traits between these two guys that Zib wasn't so much altered by the fusion as he was exacerbated. They blend seamlessly to the point it's really hard to pick out where one ends and the other begins, and in a different kind of story, Dib might actually be forced to reflect on what that implies about him and his motivations. As is, he's just going to keep fooling himself, though.

Probably the most obvious dichotomy between them, at least where it applies to Zib, is motive, and that definitely brings up some interesting questions. When he chooses to take over the Earth, is that the Zim side disguised by Dib-passing justifications, or does it say a whole lot more about Dib's actual loyalty to the Earth against his loyalty to opposing Zim than anyone would really like it to? How about the total lack of internal conflict when it comes to decimating the Armada and wrecking the Irken Empire? What does that say about Zim's ultimate loyalties?

Granted, I am at this point pretty certain Zib didn't just put on the PAK and call it a day, I think he took precautionary measures to ensure that the Dib half remained the 'dominant' personality, given that in 10 Minutes to Doom we see him completely subsumed by Zim's coding, so this isn't a perfect equal split. But it is still a split—Zib clearly did not have the foresight to account for everything, if he even wanted to—and the fact he prepared himself for this is itself interesting, because it means the decision was premeditated, not done on a whim during some momentary mental break. This might even be why he's half-Irken; instead of the PAK altering his biology, maybe Zib altered his biology so it could survive the long-term integration of the PAK. And isn't it just insane to imagine any version of Dib willingly body-horroring himself like that, stripping away his own humanity? When he accused our Dib of being just another ignorant human, could that maybe be a sign that he didn't want to have anything in common with those people anymore?

None of this is what really gets me about Zib, though. This is.

Admittedly, I'm sort of predisposed here, because I have this whole Thing about Dib's unfaltering belief he can somehow prove himself to humanity, despite all evidence to the contrary, being in essence identical to Zim's delusion that he's already adored by all... that's it's whole own post, tbh, but my point is Dib's ostracization wouldn't be solved by exposing Zim, and it's fun to see that explicitly confirmed.

But it's also more specific than that. Because what Zib was forced to realize here is that he destroyed the only person capable of actually caring about him. And that's why the Zimvoid is the Zimvoid, isn't it? Zib could've used those portals to escape anywhere or lure in anything, but instead he does this. Part of that's the obsessive need to succeed where he'd previously failed and decimate the Armada (+ repeatedly 'defeat' Zim because he's still too emotionally stunted to understand that's not actually what he needs), and I think all of that is important, but there's also something to be said about how deeply driven Dib is by the desire for external validation, and here he went and fused himself with the one person in the universe who might be even more love-hungry than he is. Zib's not afraid of being alone simply because he dislikes isolation—I mean, even within the Zimvoid, he still physically and ESPECIALLY emotionally isolates himself from the other Zims. Being the only person left in his reality means there's no one to admire his greatness, and given who he's a combination of, of course that's his worst nightmare. And ridiculous as it may be, he understands that Zim is the only person who's ever given him that kind of attention. So why not make a whole planet of them? Why not trick them into idolizing him? I mean, who else could even matter besides Zim?

Also? This one's sort of auxiliary to the last point, but there is something deeply, deeply sexy and thematically chewy in Dib wanting/needing Zim so badly that he quite literally became him, and that not being enough. I mean, what is the Zimvoid but a huge collector's display? And it's exactly this that makes him the architect of his own ultimate tragedy. I have a thing for characters who damn themselves not through any single choice, but by passing up a million little opportunities to save themselves, totally confident in their decisions right up til the moment it actually is too late. He could've used those portals to escape to another timeline. He could've designed the Zimvoid as anything other than a ticking timebomb of lies, conflict, and an ever inflating population of lunatics. He could've given up on his destructive plans and just enjoyed the huge fucked up harem he built for himself. He could've quit while he was ahead.

And the really funny thing is, even after the collapse of the Zimvoid, his total isolation is still a consequence of his own actions. I mean, the Zim from his own timeline literally cannot be taken away from him through any method short of murder. He's still right there. But by winning, by possessing his Zim to the point of consumption, Zib defeated the entire purpose of having Zim in the first place. They'll never be separated, and that's exactly the reason why he'll always be alone.

As for ZA2R... hm. I'm not sure if I have much to say about them just yet, but suffice to say I am Deeply Compelled. I'm always weak for that (false) god x worshipper dynamic. It's about someone as lonely and broken and closed off as Zib finding out the hard way that they're still capable of genuine love, no matter how bad they are at it, and there's something very special in every Zim's desire to be someone's favorite being so specifically exploited. I mean, the dynamic of highest subordinate is essentially identical to the one Zim likes to imagine he has with the Tallest, only actually real. Dishonest and exploitative, to be sure, but still real. And hey, important question, but what about #2's personal Dib and the fact Zib is always going to be implicitly competing against the person actually cosmically destined for his partner, because he fucked his own cosmic destiny up so badly? Or the inevitable spectacle of Dib's semi-latent yandere tendencies being brought to bear against himself?

Also! Shameless Homestuck chatter, but I take so much joy in pale ZADR dynamics (black diamond romance my beloved), and the fun thing about ZA2R is that their default pacifier/pacified dynamic swaps. In, uh, normal person terms, they've managed to contrive themselves a situation in which Zim is actually the comparatively sane/stable one, keyword comparatively, and being worked to death about it. There's nothing I love more than a justified role reversal, y'know?

THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT FOR NOW but like I've been thinking about these guys nonstop for 24 hours already, I WILL be losing my mind about them again. I don't know when, I don't know how, but it's gonna happen.

#invader zim #zib #za2r #zadr #zadp #za2p #meta #my meta #saph reads #iz posting #asks

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Carla [BRUTE ENDING]

ー The scene starts with Yui entering Carla’s room

*Creaaak*

Yui: Carla-san...?

Carla: ...

Yui: ( ...! No reaction... )

*Rustle rustle* 

Yui: Carla-san, are you alright!? Carla-san...!

Carla: ...Yui, is that you...?

Yui: ( Thank god, he’s still alive...! )

Carla-san, your life will be in danger at this rate. Let’s hurry to Rotigenberg!

You can recover from Endzeit by going there. Soーー

???: Well, well, if it isn’t Eve. Now what could you be doing here~?

Yui: ...!

Kino: I figured you’d be over at the Vibora Castle right now, playing the role of a true Goddess of Victory and leading their troops. 

I can’t believe you actually returned here, you must really love him?

Yui: Don’t hurt Carla-san!

Kino: I won’t? I don’t have to do anything and he’ll die either way.

Anyway, don’t you think you should worry about yourself instead of worrying about others!?

ー Kino runs up to Yui and grabs hold of her

Yui: Ah...!!

( He twisted my arm...! )

Carla: Cut it out...! Let Yui go...!!

Kino: Did you truly believe I would listen? You’ve become quite pathetic, haven’t you, ‘almighty King’? 

Eve was always supposed to be mine. I’m just taking her as was the plan all along.

*Rustle rustle* 

Yui: No, let me go...!!

Kino: You can make a fuss all you want. Mr. King is on the verge of death and his younger brother already kicked the bucket.

There’s nobody to save you, do you understand? 

Yui: No way...Shin-kun has...!?

Kino: Yeah. He was being his usual rutheless self, so the Ghouls attacked him. I’m the one who delivered the final blow though. 

Yui: ...How could you...!!

Let go!! I’ll never do as you say...!!

Kino: Ow...! You scratched me just now, didn’t you? You cheeky little...!

*Cling*

Yui: ...!

Kino: God, you’re such a handful. Come on, you better behave if you don’t want to get cut up by this kinfe!!

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: No! I’m going to save Carla-san!!

( We have to get out of here and make it to Rotigenberg, no matter what. )

( I’ll save his life...! )

Kino: How many times do I have to tell you to stop making a fuss!? ...Ahー God, if you’re going to be this rebellious, I’ll start by killing the Founder King first, you know!?

*Thud*

*Cling*

Carla: Ugh...

Kino: Are you sure you want your precious King to die in front of your eyes!?

Yui: No...Dooooooon’t!!!

*STAB*

Yui: Uguh...!!

Kino: Idiot...! You jumped in front of the knife...!?

Carla: Stop...! Let her go...!!

ー She collapses onto the floor

Yui: A-Ah...

( The right side of my chest feels hot...Was I stabbed...? )

Carla: Yui, hang in there! Yui...!!!

Yui: Carla-san...

( It’s no use, my vision is going black... )

I’m sorry...I couldn’t...protect our new life together...

Carla: ...!!!

ー Yui passes away

Carla: ( For my sake... )

Kino...

You bastard...How dare you!

*Woosh*

Kino: W-Wha...Where are these powers coming from!? You’re supposed to be as good as dead...!

Carla: ...Unforgivable. I shall never forgive youーー!!!!

*WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH*

*BOOM*

ー The scene shifts to the forest

Carla: Ugh...

( I ended up flattening Banmaden with the ground... )

( I am honestly surprised there was so much power left inside of meーー )

( But I suppose you could say those were the final embers of my life... )

( I have nobody left. No Shin, no Yui. )

( Not even the unborn child who would ensure the continuation of the Founder bloodline in the future... )

Coff...!

*Splatter*

ー He collapses

*Thud* 

Carla: ( Nothing matters anymore ーー... )

ーー THE END ーー

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #carla tsukinami #lost eden #diabolik lovers translation #lecarlaending3

[fruitcoops]

Hi! I wanted to request something, in Sweater Weather when Sirius broke his ribs and Remus eventually has to go back to work and away games, it's mentioned that Regulus was the one that took care of him. I just wanted to ask if maybe you could write something about that? About Reg helping Sirius get through the day? Only if you want to of course! Thank you and have a great day :)

I can't get over how Regulus was the most helpful feral cat living in Coops' basement for like. a month. Character credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for injury and mentioned medication

Sirius winced when he shifted, tucking the blanket a little tighter around himself. He was steady against the pillows; his gaze stayed focused on the window, eyes big and sad whenever a passerby continued down the sidewalk instead of turning in. But his breaths were even and the initial pain with each inhale appeared to have abated, which counted for something.

Honestly, it was like Regulus had been asked to pet-sit.

“When will my husband return from the war?” he said with a wheezing accent as he shoved a plate into Sirius’ hands.

Sirius turned away from the window to scowl. “I don’t sound like that.”

“You’re two steps away from knitting a fucking doily. It’s pathetic. Eat and I’ll get your medicine.”

“When I offered to let you live here, I thought you might be a little nicer to me,” Sirius grumbled, picking at the edge of a lettuce leaf where it stuck out from the bread.

Regulus rolled his eyes. Ungrateful. “If you’re not going to even try the meal I slaved over—”

“You were gone for ten minutes!”

“—you can make your own lunch next time.”

Sirius took a pointed bite of the sandwich and jammed Regulus in the thigh with his blanket-covered knee; he didn’t miss the way Sirius’ brows creased at the sharp movement and swallowed down his retaliation. “Merci,” Sirius said around a mouthful of bread.

“It’s edible?”

Sirius tipped his head from side-to-side and Regulus couldn’t help but punch him lightly on the thigh—hey, he wasn’t broken there—but was glad to see it only got him a laugh. “It’s good. I’ll stop bothering you now.”

“I’ll bring your meds in dix minutes.”

It was a funny thing, this new world. Regulus woke up when he wanted (he had worked his way all the way to 9 am over the course of several weeks), ate when he wanted (though he would never pass up Remus’ cooking), went to bed when he wanted (later than he had ever been allowed). He did what he wanted. For the very first time, his life was completely unscheduled. It was horrendous.

18 years of strict time management with every minute accounted for had been truly suffocating when he was living through it, but the sudden shock of having days upon days of no structure was like someone had taken their hands off his neck and shoved a leafblower down his throat instead. It was too much after too little—freedom felt like a whole new kind of trap. And in a city he didn’t know, surrounded by people he didn’t want to know…

Well, being tasked to care for Sirius despite his awkward, unsure, bitchy attitude was a strange sort of gift.

Regulus made a face as he headed back to the kitchen. His internal monologue was starting to sound far too sappy. So what if Sirius’ awkwardness around him was a little endearing? And so what if seeing him relaxed and comfortable even with four broken ribs was a relief Regulus had never imagined? That didn’t mean he had to like him. He could love his brother and mock him relentlessly for having zero social skills at the same time.

(Perhaps, secretly, he could like him a little. When Sirius saved him a plate of breakfast or got him a bus pass or ruffled up his hair the way not a single living soul had done in six years, perhaps Regulus could be a little bit grateful for him.)

Remus, too, was an interesting case. Obviously whipped for Sirius—Regulus had been suspicious of him until he saw that clear devotion—and weirdly normal. He looked and acted like someone Sirius had found browsing Home Depot instead of the second actor in a dramatic love story. He didn’t seem to mind Regulus’ constant lurking, either, which set him apart from ninety percent of his ex-teammates’ partners.

Don’t you have other things to be doing?

Why are you here?

How old are you, kid?

What are you, their mascot?

Babe, I didn’t want to spend time with your…friends.

Remus said “good morning” and “goodnight” and always made extra food for Regulus without being asked. He had assumed Sirius would go for someone quiet and, well, serious, but Remus was downright perky in comparison to the few short-lived girlfriends Sirius had during their school years. Christ, it was like the guy wanted Regulus to like him or something.

People didn’t like Regulus. They tolerated him. They kept him around because he was useful.

Sirius and Remus had never once asked him to be useful.

“Blanc ou bleu?” he called. Quebec French felt so right in his mouth after months of forced English.

“Quoi?”

“White or—”

“Fuck you, Reg.”

He grinned to himself at the resignation in Sirius’ voice and padded back into the living room with the pill bottles in-hand, then rattled them to get his attention. “Blanc ou bleu?”

“Blue right now, white in…” Sirius twisted to squint at his phone and froze halfway through with a grimace, the corners of his eyes pinching.

Regulus watched as he took two careful breaths. “It’s 1:30,” he said quietly.

“White in 90 minutes.” His voice was tight; Sirius carefully eased himself back onto the pillows and closed his eyes, chest moving steadily beneath the thick bandages. Regulus set the glass of water down next to him and pressed one small blue pill into his palm. “Thanks.”

“I’ll get some ice.” Ice, a cure-all for them both.

But Sirius shook his head. “C’est bon, just needed a second.”

“Really, it’s fine.” Remus had given him a tour of the first-aid cabinet with a wry grin that poorly hid his worry before leaving for work that first day. Regulus was sure he would not have been Sirius’ first choice of a babysitter, but he had promised to do his best. Somehow, Remus seemed to believe him.

“Go do your thing,” Sirius said with half a smile and a tilt of his head toward the hall. “I’m fine here.”

He thought of his video game, probably still paused where he had left it to go make lunch. The stack of books on his dresser, the bus pass in his wallet, and gorgeous sunlight outside. “Move.”

Sirius gave him a look.

“Move,” Regulus repeated, shoving at his abnormally long legs until there was enough space to settle in and grab the remote control. “Stop being a blanket hog. How do you turn on your television?”

--

Sirius napped through the last three-quarters of the movie, unfortunately. Regulus knew he was supposed to rest, but he didn’t know how Remus put up with the snoring and the kicking and the twitching. The poor man deserved a gift basket.

Regulus woke him to take his medicine at 3 pm on the dot, and if he tucked the blanket tighter around Sirius’ shoulders when he started to doze off again, that was nobody’s goddamn business.

He kept an ear out while Sirius slept, puttering around the house like some sort of ghost. There was some clean laundry in the dryer—he still wasn’t sure how the machines worked, but he figured he couldn’t be too bad at folding the clothes that were already done. And dishes were easy, just a couple of things from breakfast and lunch. The flowers Pots’ baby had ‘helped’ pick 10 days before were pretty much dust, so those went into the green bin under the sink…while he was up, it wasn’t a big hassle to shuffle the shoes in the closet into their proper places.

Remus came home at 4:15, just as Regulus was unloading the dishwasher. His greeting stuck in his throat when he came into the kitchen, and his brows rose. “Woah.”

Regulus frowned. “What?”

“The house looks really nice,” Remus said, turning in a half-circle to take it in. He nodded slightly to himself. “Really, really nice. Did you—you did this?”

“I got bored. The closet was a mess, by the way.” Satisfaction bloomed in Regulus’ chest at the awed look on Remus’ face and he fought to keep his expression under control. It wouldn’t be polite to let him expect that kind of cleaning on a regular basis. “Oh, and Sirius is asleep.”

Remus’ surprise softened, and he glanced back toward the living room. “Oh, good. He was up a lot last night.”

“He snored through our movie.” Remus shook his head, smiling, as Regulus put the last glass into the cupboard. “I’m serious, it was terrible. He should get that checked.”

“Hey, I’ve done my best to convince him. How long has he been out?”

“Off and on since 2.” Regulus watched with narrowed eyes as Remus removed his jacket, scarf, and shoes, then relaxed when they were set into their proper places. So the previous state of the closet was Sirius’ fault, then. Good to know. Another bonus point for Remus.

“Did he take his meds? He was due at—”

“3, I know. I woke him.”

“You’ve got this thing down pat, huh?” Remus laughed. “Thanks for keeping an eye on him.”

“He’s like a bear when his naps are interrupted,” Regulus continued. Accepting any kind of thanks was still uncomfortable, so it was best to just ignore it for now. “Did you know that? I thought I was going to get mauled. You should run while you still can.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Remus’ easy smile told him the warning went unheeded, though Regulus couldn’t bring himself to be disappointed. His freckled face brightened when something rustled in the hall. “Mornin’, baby. Good nap?”

Sirius mumbled something unintelligible and absorbed Remus into his blanket for a hug with a quiet sigh. Regulus let them have 15 whole seconds of public cuddling. “Congratulations,” he said dryly. “You can stop pining at the window now.”

“Pining?” Remus teased at the same time Sirius made a grumpier noise in his general direction.

“It was pathetic,” Regulus confirmed. He worked the next words around in his mouth before speaking. “It’s good to have you back.”

Remus didn’t say anything, but his expression told Regulus everything he needed to know. You, too. It hung silently between them; he gave one last nod before heading back to the basement.

#regulus black #sirius black #remus lupin #coops #black brothers #sweater weather #lumosinlove #my fic #fanfic #hurt/ comfort #broken ribs

[tomholland1996simp]

Pregnant and emotional || Tom holland

Pairing: Husband/DadTom x pregnant reader

Unknown: Can you make one where Y/N is like 7months pregnant and is really emotional over something really silly or little things. Tom comes home and hears her crying then comforts her. And like during the day she gets emotional over everything as of her hormones being pregnant thanks :)

Me and Tom have been together for 5 years now and we have been married for over a year. After our wedding we planned that we would try for a baby. And now I'm 7months pregnant to a baby girl. When me and Tom found out I was pregnant we were so happy and so was his family. We're both 25 now, we're ready.

Being pregnant has been kind of hard for me. Luckily Tom has been with me every step of the way. I just worry that he will be at work filming when my water breaks. I don't want him to miss our baby girl being born.

His family are so excited for this baby, mostly his brothers. Harry always goes on about and I quote 'I will be the best uncle and always protect my niece she will love me the most!'. His family have been helping me through it all as well.

Right now I'm sitting on mine and Toms bed crying. To be honest I have no idea why, but I just came out of the shower and tried to brush my hair. Which was incredibly knotty.

"Fuck sakes Please just brush" I violently brush the big knot in my hair. I was sitting on the bed still in my towel. I was happy Tom wasn't here to see his wife crying because she couldn't brush her hair. He would think it's pathetic!

"Ugh forget it" I cry out, throwing the brush at the wall. I just sat there holding my towel to my body and sobbing.

Then my phone started ringing, I pick it up to see that Harry was calling me.

"Hello" I said trying not to sound sad. "Hey y/n you okay?" Harry asked obviously hearing my sniffles. "Y-yeah Im fine w-whats up?" I sniffed.

"TOM!" Harry shouted away from the phone.

"What!" I heard Tom shout back.

"Come here please! You told me call y/n but I think she's crying".

Tom was on set right now, that's why I didn't want to bother him. Luckily he is filming a movie in London, he decided it was best due to me being very pregnant. Normally he never has to come over to check me to see if Im okay, but he does it anyways.

Honestly all day I've been very emotional and it's probably all my hormones that's making me so emotional.

Tom took the phone off Harry. "Hey darling, are you okay? Is our baby girl alright!" I heard Toms worried voice.

"Y-yeah everything's fine. Harry is the one who called me" I sniffed, I am so bad at acting.

"Your crying I can tell. I know when your not okay y/n. I just wanna know Is the baby okay? Are you okay?"

"She's fine Tommy really. Go back on set"

"I'm coming home" he said.

I really didn’t want him to see me like this, "Nooo, Don't come here please" I begged now crying.

"Princess, If your upset I wanna make sure your okay. Your all I care about right now, okay. I'll be 15 minutes max. I Love you bye" He then put the phone down.

I just sat there crying more, thinking of how he's coming home because I'm being the baby. I didn't even realise that 15 minuets had passed so fast as I heard the door shut with footsteps. I was still sobbing into my hands, so I didn't even realise that Tom walked into the room.

"Princess what's wrong?" Tom sat next to me, moving my hands from my face so I can face him.

"Tom I told you go back on set" I look at him with a bit of a harsh tone, he didn’t mind though.

"Well I need to make sure both my baby girls are okay." He places his hand on my stomach that was covered by my towel. "You know you can tell me anything. Why you crying angel?" He wiped my tears.

"B-because this day is going so bad. First, I woke up a-and dropped my water all over me. Then I cried about that because I'm such a b-baby. Second thing i-is that in the shower I couldn't even wash my back properly. A-and now I can't brush my hair because of—of some stupid knot! that won't come out and now your here. Probably thinking why's my wife being a fucking baby because she can't do simple tasks. I just keep crying, I'm so emotional right now and your gonna just laugh" I ramble on full on sobbing.

"Hey, hey. Your not a baby for crying over certain things. And you should've called me If you was feeling very emotional today. I would never ever ever think that. I don't know what it's like being pregnant so I have no excuse to even laugh and I don't want to. Don't cry please. Because If your sad then our baby girl is and I will be" He kisses my forehead.

"I can't brush my hair" I cried into his chest.

"Here let me do it. Where's the brush?" I point to it on the floor by the wall. He then stand up, grabbing the brush from the floor,  standing above me. Tom brushed my hair carefully making sure he didn't hurt me. After he was done brushing my hair, he pulled out a pair of his joggers and a shirt for me to wear.

"Here put these on, I'm gonna set up a movie and i'll get you some snacks" He pecks my lips leaving the room.

I got my underwear on and then tried to pull the joggers up, however my bump was in the way so it didn't really help me.

"Tom?" I called, knowing he's the only one that can help me.

"Yes babe" He walked into the room seeing me with just my bra and panties on with the joggers half way up.

"Close your eyes!" I try hide my body but he doesn't listen, just walks over to me.

"Love, I've seen much more than this before. Do you want help beautiful?" he points to the joggers, I nod. Of course Tom has seen me fully naked before, I mean I am pregnant right now.

"I just feel ugly and fat" Shit, I didn't even mean to say that out loud.

Tom quickly pulled the joggers up then looked at me. "What! What did you just say" He looks at me, I just stay quiet. "You are the most sexiest, prettiest and most hottest girl i've ever known. Your pregnant not fat. Your so fucking stunning. Don't ever say that. Even the fans say you are beautiful ! Don't let anyone tell you different." he picks up my t-shirt and puts it over my head.

"I-I'm sorry" A tear fell down my cheek.

"n-no don't cry bubs or apologise. Just don't think about yourself that way, every inch of you is beautiful. I love you, okay"

"I love you too Tommy, so much. I'm so lucky to have you" I kissed him softly.

"I think I'm the one who's lucky Darling" he smiles into the kiss.

For the rest of the day we watch movies and Tom was there to comfort me. I love him so much and he's gonna be the best Dad ever. :)

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #fluff #tomhollandsimp #pregnant #pregnant reader #tom #tomhollanddad #tomhollandfans #tom holland fic #tommy #like

[whatsyourcolor]

Honestly I am impressed by how they handled Akane’s charecter.I am in here for Akane and Akane only.It should be her one woman show(I hope so at least).Akane’s pursuit of justice.Anywho Kougami is there and my god I have some reservations.I am just using the scenes everyone has seen already.

1.From the get go it becomes exceedingly clear the only person who cares about Kougami being used as a killing machine is Akane.Like how pathetic!No one cares!Only she pops the question if they let him back in just so they can counter violence with violence.She’s worried about him being used.He doesn’t deserve the worry nor the sympathy.

2.When she asks if he’d come back with her instead and he says who knows!You can see for 3 seconds her face crumples then she moves on saying she doesn’t have the authority.I don’t even perceive it as jealousy.The amount of stuff Akane has gone through for him,she can totally ask if he’d come back if she asked.If I did that much for someone I’d expect loyalty.

3.I found the explosion scene weird.Akane,Frederica and Saiga are standing in the same line.Kougami has already shouted the explosives are about to go off.Akane is just rooted in place so Kougami can jump on her(in slo mo recorded from a questionable angle)while Saiga and Frederica are already outside blast radius?Why?Akane is a competent field agent.This scene is unnecessary as hell.

4.I found his “mansplaining”to Akane(while she’s grieving)unbearable.Like what is bruv talking about?Not letting anger cloud her decisions?Not to blame Frederica because it changes nothing ?Wtf are you talking about ?!She isn’t a hysterical woman going off on everyone!MOFA and Frederica are to blame!Guess whose rogue unit is peacebreakers?Whose idea was it to use an innocent man as bait?!These words coming from him is completely redundant.His entire personality is based on narrow minded displaced anger,revenge and hatred.

5.I must say loyalty to FA looks good on Kougami.He’s truly found his niche.After all he literally never had any loyalty for MWPSB or Akane( and Ginoza who’s his bff for 20+years).It’s so funny how he doesn’t realise he’s a still a dog on a leash.His masters value him just because he’s good at violence than the bad guys.He’s just as disposable as he ever was.I will discuss the Tonami incident when more people have seen the movie which is like another clusterfuck on his part.

I’ll just say it.Kougami adds nothing to the current PP story.Give those Tom Cruise MI stunts to someone else and it doesn’t make an iota of difference in the script.Granted I never was the biggest fan of him but now his stoic manpain just repulses me.He’s contributed what he can on Akane’s arc.Now get him away from my girl.I don’t want to see him around her post FI.

Hello, I wrote a reply to you two days ago at work, forgot to save it and only now do I have a chance to rewrite it. Grr, hate when that happens! Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I was also happy to see Akane at the center of Psycho-Pass again, but I wish the story had been told more from her point of view. Maybe more in-depth dialogue with other characters.

Yeah, Akane worries about him. Though, to be fair, Saiga also warns him about becoming a killing machine. I think Saiga worries about Akane worrying about Kogami and can I say it's adorable how much he dotes on her? I'm sure she was his favorite student. (Take that Ko and Frederica!). This may also be the reason why he tells Kogami to apologize to Akane and is very quick to catch that he didn't the next day. I'm also not sure if Kogami knows everything that Akane has gone through, but I'm sure Ginoza's punch to the face gave him a clue.

Maybe it's not jealousy, but there's definitely something there. The way she looks down and then crosses her arms and talks about how she doesn't have the authority of the power. I think in a way her ego is definitely a little bruised, which is why she's also confrontational with him. What made him return? I'm sure that question itches at her.

I agree about the explosion. Considering the fact that Akane kicked Kogami's ass in the PP Movie, it's safe to say this scene was a blatant bait for all shinkane shippers and an echo to the explosion scene in the PP movie. Akane would not just stand there looking. She knows how to fight and how to protect herself. Now, I'm a shinkane rat, so I'll take whatever contact between them they give me, but they definitely made that scene to be the Hamelin's flute to drag all the rats like me to the movie theaters. I also would've liked to see more of Akane being a total badass and fighting for sure. My brave petite woman.

I agree so much with this. Akane is not crazy or emotional. She's screamed at Sybil, Mika, Nicholas Wong and all the mercenaries for treating human life so cheaply. It's the right reaction. I understand Kogami has never treated Akane like a little girl, but the unsolicited advice coming from him is deeply hypocritical considering the man holds grudges for decades and solves his anger issues by killing. And they were alone! There was no need to be all "professional" here. They could've reminisced about Saiga and bond for a moment. He could've let some emotion show after the mentor who went to jail because of him got killed. It would've been beautiful for him to hold her, let her cry, (see? contact that makes sense) and when the doors opened, tell her that they need to solve the case or whatever it is that Kogami always says. This was such a missed opportunity to show another angle to their relationship and to show that he has changed and that there's still some trust between them.

Please tag me when you discuss the Tonami incident. I want to know your thoughts.

I know some people dislike Kogami since S1 when he told Akane to kill Makishima. I honestly think the writers don't know what to do with him either. The fact that everything that involves him is action and violence cheapens his character. He was an intelligent detective and had a degree of empathy even if he was selfish. He showed emotion when Sasayama died, when he thought Kagari had been killed, when he realized Masaoka had died, when Sem died. Now he's stoically boring and plain. The coolness from S1 came from him being more than a stereotype of masculinity.

#psycho-pass #psycho pass providence #kogami shinya #akane tsunemori #psycho pass #shinkane #sinners of the system #psycho-pass 3 #tsunemori akane #first inspector

[eldritch-spouse]

Question specifically about Mervin Santi and Grimbly. I am a seamstress (an amateur at best but let's say I'm pretty good in this case) what if I made them fancy clothes obviously I tried to stick to their tastes.

[Thank you for specifying! :>]

Seamstress s/o

It's funny that you include Santi here. Because honestly, he goes out of his way to dress as little as possible at all times. In fact, he only dresses the barest amount so he can go out and not get arrested for public indecency (though monsters with internal genitalia are often given a pass during these instances). So really, you're making clothes for someone that will take them off whenever he has the chance. Don't get him wrong, he'll adore them simply because of the effort you put into them, especially if you tried to make the fit slutty enough for his tastes- But he's likely only going to wear that during Winter, when he does feel a chill. Say, don't you want anything in return for all this effort love?

Grimbly might give you a bit of a headache at first. He's just so excited about it! You can make cute stuff right?? Well, here's a huge list of outfits Grimbly's thought of and that he hopes you can make for him, it's okay- Take your time... He'll just be hovering by your side like a creep, vibrating with excitement. If nothing else, he'll bring you his favorite older outfits that need patching, or the ones where he'd like a couple of small changes. He's definitely an opportunistic little bastard about it, but he'll sit on your lap and give you kisses every time you start complaining about his requests.

Mervin is a complete dick, the first thing he's going to do is put you down about it and say that you're the last person he'd ever get clothes from. He hates it, it sucks- He says, as he wears whatever you made for him almost religiously. Really, it's the worst. He does pay you, regardless of whatever you say. Whine all you want, he's shoving the money in your face because otherwise he thinks it's pathetic of you to just give things away like that. You're too nice. You're only nice to him, right? You know other people will take advantage of you, right? D-Dumbass.

#Santi oc #Grimbly oc #Mervin oc #foragingfae

[bepp-ers]

3/3 MC: " He can annihilate you if he wishes to do so. He might be benevolent but I am not next time you talk shit about him you wont get away with just a broken nose" Demon runs away Lucifer*inwardly proud* " MC you should not do things like that ignore them like I do" MC :"You might ignore them but I wont let anybody disrespect anybody dear to me!!! I will throw hands if necessary."

okay look. bro. I LOVE YOU THIS IS SUCH A FUNNY CONCEPT I WATCHED THESE ROLL IN AND I DROPPED EVERYTHING FOR THIS!!!!! tysm my lovely, im really glad someone likes my theme too!! love ya <3

mc throws hands cos someone insulted their man - brothers reactions (pure crack/fluff)

🦚 lucifer 🦚

luci knew that you weren't a doormat. you had spirit, as he'd seen for himself firsthand.

but this? it was hot as fuck, and funny as fuck to the prideful demon.

the two of you were arranging something for an upcoming event, walking along in the R.A.D courtyard, when it happened.

"hah. look at him, diavolo's simpering little lapdog. doesn't he look pathetic?"

one moment, you were calm and collected, pleasantly suggesting ideas.

the next, your head whipped around, glaring at the two demons.

"okay, which one of you just said that?" lucifer was a little taken aback, but he wouldn't stop you- not yet, anyway.

"what's it to you, human?" oh, so that's who said it.

"okay you miserable waste of space, clean out your filthy ears and listen-" you marched over, eyes fixed on the perpetrator before you.

"-you insult him again, and i'll slice your balls off and feed 'em to Cerberus! lucifer is a capable and formidable demon, not a lapdog, and if i hear one more thing from you i swear man. count your goddamn days."

you glared up at the demon, who steeled his gaze. a second passed, then two, then he chuckled.

"huh. human's got bite." he mumbled, and walked away.

"MC."

oh shit. 'guess i should count my days, huh.'

"uhh- sorry, it just irked me the way he--" "thank you. now, what were we on about?"

the man is impressed. you might think he'd be mad, and if others were present he might pretend to be, but honestly? he's never seen the human do something so assertive, and he's down bad for it.

just try not to make a habit of it, cos between you and me, he doesn't want to set a bad impression of diavolo.

💰 mammon 💰

"hey look- it's the mutt, and his owner!"

you were in town with mammon, enjoying the day when your favourite demon was heckled right before your eyes.

he rolled his eyes and mumbled something, turning away.

"hey, aren't you gonna say something back?"

"nah, 's not worth my time." you shrugged. "okay, i'll do it then."

"okay then, wait - nonononono MC! what are you doing?!" he couldn't stop you though, as you were already heading over to the heckler.

"oi. wanna repeat what you just said, buddy?" you asked, a strange surge of confidence washing over you.

"oh? here to defend your pet?" "okay moron- that right there? that's the mammon. not a pet. he'd turn every bone in your body into gold and eat it for lunch if he wanted to! keep his name out of your filthy mouth, asshat."

"MC!! what are you doing??" mammon had ran over at this point, placing two hands on your shoulders to steer you away.

"u-uh... sorry bout the comment..." the demon mumbled, backing away slowly as you glared.

he glanced between you, a human with more fire than all 9 layers of hell inside you, and mammon, who looked more annoyed than anything, and then ran.

"jeez, what a loser. wanna go try that smoothie place now?" you turned back to mammon, your tone back to nonchalance as before.

"mc... that was really cool 'n all, but i don't want you to get hurt. please don't do that again- i mean, 's not like i care all that much but- but you know what i mean!"

he fumbled with his words as you walked, and you chuckled.

"aw, the great mammon cares about me. no promises, sorry."

🎧 leviathan 🎧

the one time you'd convinced him to leave the house, of course something had to happen.

"mc, i really don't think this was a good idea..." "nonsense! you're fine! i'm right here, don't worry."

you happily kept your arms linked, ensuring that you were calm enough for the two of you as you traipsed the anime convention.

"sheesh, that guy looks like such a loser, clinging on to the human like that. who does he think he is?"

oh. oh. oh they did NOT just insult your bestie, love of your life, yee to your haw--

you glanced up at levi, who was desperately trying not to focus on what he'd just heard.

'yeah. no. not on my watch.'

"hang on sweetie, stay here 'kay?"

"mc w-w-wait-! oh no! of course they'd leave a yucky otaku like me..."

you sidled over to the demon who had caused the offense, and tapped them on the shoulder.

"excuse me, i think you dropped something?" "huh?" "yeah, your goddamm standard of living? you fucking profiterole- do you have any clue who you're insulting??"

the demon, clueless and pissed, looked at you with a dumbfounded expression.

"that's the grand admiral of hell's navy. say one more thing and i won't hesitate to deck you." "what the fuck is wrong with you humans?? dear god..."

the demon glared and shoved past you, sauntering away.

"heyy, i'm back." "gah!! mc, you scared me- and that guy, what were you doing with him??"

you shrugged. "just letting him know what the 'human you cling to' thought of his comments. wanna find another stall now, or take a break?"

oh dear. you've 100% gone and broken the poor guy.

mc?? stand up for a loser like him??? impossible, a paper dream, never in a million years!! he had to be dreaming, right?

"hello? mr grand admiral, levi, you still with us?"

"u-uh-! yeah, sorry! you're so cool, mc..." "heh, glad to hear it."

📗 satan 📗

okay, it's probably going to be both of you trying to kill the poor demon who dared slander the 5th born.

on the off chance that satan isn't trying to throw hands, he'd probably just get seriously annoyed and try to drop it.

not you, though.

"...just like lucifer..."

the sharp intake of breath was like a gunshot next to you, and you gripped satan's arm tightly to calm him.

"heyyy. hey. focus on me, alright?"

he rolled his eyes, but made no effort to break away from your grip. good. that's what you wanted.

"let me handle this one. you find another book to read, i'll be right back."

you stood from your chair, leaving satan both curious and confused.

you knew for a fact that he'd follow you, which furthered your confidence even more.

"hey, you there- yeah, i'm talking to you." "ohh, you're that human right? the hell do you want? lost your little demon pet?"

now, normally you'd have tried to keep calm, smooth things over with words, or maybe plaster a smile and simply ignore him, but this time was different.

the demon paled as you grabbed him by the collar, keeping your voice low and malicious.

"try anything like that again and i'll... i'll invert your ribs and wear them as a crown. got it?"

the demon nodded, shivering, and you could feel your confidence begin to fade.

"good. don't you dare forget it, either."

with that, you decided to skedaddle, not wanting to tempt fate any further.

"i must say, mc, i'm pretty impressed. someone's been paying particular attention recently i see."

you settled back into your seat next to satan, leaning on his shoulder to read whatever he was reading.

"mm, it was nothing. the guy was being a jerk, 's all." "whatever you say, mc, whatever you say."

💖 asmodeus 💖

it's no secret that with fame comes fans, and also haters.

one of which you'd somehow managed to run into whilst shopping with asmo, it seemed.

coming back from searching for a particular jacket, your eyes widened as you saw asmo and an incubus toe-to-toe, deep in a wicked argument.

'uh oh... i've got a bad feeling about this.'

"-oh, here they are now! tell him, mc! tell him i'm not fake, tell him!!"

tears were threatening to spill down his perfect face, and you knew you had to act.

"what the hell did you say to him, you jackass?!"

"tsk, i only suggested the realistic possibility that he's only dating you to further his own fame."

"i- excuse me?"

"c'mon babe!! we've all seen the devilgram posts, it's black and white, everyone can see it."

"okay. alright. that's how it is, huh? what are you, jealous? he's not using me, he's a genuinely nice demon, that fucking cares about other people! what are you, jealous? can't find your own happy ending so you try to ruin others? get the fuck out of our sight before things get messy- now!!"

the incubus glowered at you before skulking away, mumbling something unintelligible.

"asmo, honey, it's okay. he's gone now." asmo sniffed and threw his arms around you, burying his head in the crook of your neck.

"you really mean everything you said??"

you laughed, gladly returning the hug.

"of course you loveable idiot. pay no mind, the guy was a prick." "oh mc, what did i do to deserve you?"

you shrugged. "could say the same about you, cupcake. how about we finish our shopping, hm?"

🍔 beelzebub ��

beel didn't even realise the other demon had insulted him until you ran off, questioning and berating him.

poor guy was far too hungry, but once everything was explained, he was grateful.

"he said you were gonna eat me alive, beel."

"oh. mc... do you think i'd eat you? i mean you do look tasty, but i wouldn't eat you." you giggled.

"no beel, i don't think you'd eat me. i swear though, if i ever see that demon again i'll eat him!"

he appreciated the incentive, truly. at first he was worried that you might actually start to believe that he'd eat you.

"so mr 'im gonna eat the human', your stomach is getting too loud. wanna grab a gigadeath burger?"

"i'd like that."

💤 belphegor 💤

look he's probably asleep when it happens. just- it's what he does, okay?

"jeez. why the hell are you babying a demon?"

it was another member of your class, a demon you didn't recognise.

"excuse me?"

you were letting belphie nap on the desk using your blazer as a pillow, when the offender came along.

"you heard me. why do you coddle him so much? you're only human. it doesn't make sense."

you stood up, unusually irate.

"okay. aight. firstly, it's none of your goddamn business what i do with my friends, and secondly, i'm not coddling him, i'm showing basic decency!"

at this point, the commotion had stirred belphie, who was looking between the two of you, disoriented and confused.

you glared at the demon, and he muttered something before glancing between the two of you.

"what was that about?"

you returned to your seat, calm once more and smiled. "nothing. go back to sleep if you wanna."

he shrugged and nestled back down, head buried in the fabric.

you ran a hand through his hair, not seeing the little hidden smile, as he had seen the whole event but chose not to make a fuss.

he'd just haunt that demon's nightmares later. and thank you properly when no-one else could bother you.

#obey me #<3 #bepp-ers #obey me! shall we date? #omswd #om!swd? #omswd x reader #om! shall we date? #om!swd? x reader #obey me headcanons #obey me crack #obey me brothers #obey me shitpost #obey me brothers x reader #obey me lucifer #obey mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #ggahausnsisjsks this took so long im sorry chief

[freshgraduate]

A Blog For Me

I'm starting this blog because I'm honestly not doing entirely well. About three months ago, I graduated with Honours after four years at Drama school. It was, frankly, a harrowing and chaotic time, but there was always something to do: scenes to be rehearsed, self tapes to film, movies to review. Even when I didn't want to be doing half the stuff I had to get done in order to pass, I knew deep down that being told what to do was good. It was a 9-5, Monday- Friday, full commitment type of thing. No time for a job. No time for non-actor friends. Four years of all-out hustle. And then it sort of just ended. I'm yet to pick up that little paper that says I've done it (graduation ceremony is next month), but for all intents and purposes, it is done. By the end of the whole thing, I was just fed up. I wanted to be done with uni and be getting on with my life, figuring out who I am and who I was away from homework and constant assignments.

Turns out, I am very unfunctional. I am no longer forced to be somewhere every day, and so I stay in bed. I have no real work experience, so I fear the real world. Anyone who isn't forced to see me every day anymore chooses not to. I am chronically friendless. Oh, and I graduated AGENTLESS!! It's a classic actor's story- study all through drama school, and leave with nothing to show for it. Deadbeat, some would say. So why blog? Well, for one (if it isn't clear enough), I am lonely and I figure typing into the void at the hopes of someone hearing me out might be a tad therapeutic. Also, I used to love this whole tumblr thing when I was 15 and now that I'm 21, I figure there was probably something in that. Finally, I'm kind of praying that there's someone else out there like me- lonely and quite afraid- who can maybe hold my hand and possibly even advise me through this whole thing.

A fair warning: this blog won't be pleasant. It's sort of a final plea. I am a very depressed and negative person these days, which I'm desperate to change. It might get dark here and there. Not to worry! I will tag appropriately!

But, you know, I've done a lot of googling: 'How do I love my life?', 'What is my purpose? (quiz)', 'Should I just pack everything and go?' That kind of stuff. And google doesn't really know either. So. Blog. I'm trying a blog.

Currently my days consist of a good 2 hours trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of bed, doing a 20- 40 minute yoga session after breakfast, showering, and gaming until the day is over. I live with my parents, but it's clear that if I don't get my shit together, they might start thinking about kicking me out. I want to get a job, but every time I think about writing a resume I get scared and chicken out. I'm an actor and a writer, but I'm terrified of putting myself out there because I don't think I'm good enough. All my fellow graduates are 'doing the thing'. Have agents, making films, etc. Successful. I am the failure of the year. I'm considering giving up. Even though I haven't even really tried yet. Pathetic, I know.

Tonight the dream is to get a job, save my money, and volunteer on a farm in Italy early next year. Travel alone. Idk. If I don't feel like I have anything going for me, then there's no harm in running off for a little while. Tomorrow, I will think about the dreaded resume and never end up writing it. This is the pattern of my life.

Expect an update in a few days, or maybe a week, when something or nothing changes. I turn 22 next week.

TLDR: I am a depressed post-grad with nothing going for me. I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I want to be happy. This blog will document my journey.

#post graduate #post grad life #post grad problems #new blog #welcome to my blog #get to know me #what do i do #personal #unemployed #jobless #soul searching

[harajuku-cookie]

I'm sorry, I just need to get things off my chest, again. If I had my therapy session sooner rather than waiting over a month for it, it would've been helpful. Alas I have no choice but to wait and with no one to turn to, I'm gonna talk into the void.

I am completely mentally drained and exhausted in all sense of the word. I don't think it's been this bad since 2018. Honestly I think this time it's much worse. I rarely get out of bed unless I need to do something important or forcibly drag myself out. I can't sleep at night and sleep most of the day when I'm allowed to, well unless I'm dealing with a nightmare, which has become my daily hell. Trust me when I say I would rather dream of Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, and Chucky chasing me than the dreams I've been having. I've been eating a lot of chocolate just to feel some kind of joy.

I don't have anyone to talk to. My mom has never been a reliable person to talk to about this stuff because she's too judgemental, doesn't get it, is too stressed out herself, or she makes me about herself like, "Oh if I can do it, so can you so you have no excuse." My friend is busy with her life and I don't feel comfortable telling her stuff like this when she's already dealing with so much. And in general I've just been feeling ignored and pushed to the side like I'm not there, like my voice doesn't matter.

All of this is starting to affect me physically to the point where I feel pain in my chest and feel my blood pressure spiking and my stomach churning from how stressed out I am. And no matter how much I try to distract myself, do all the breathing exercises, and practicing mindfulness, it hasn't worked. Hell I almost passed out in the store today from how bad it was. And I know I need to find a way to fix it, especially with surgery two weeks away, but man has it been hard.

And I know this is going to sound sad and pathetic, but literally the only thing keeping me going is Gilbert's route being released in EN soon. I'm remembering I had an attempt back in December '22 and the only thing that stopped me was that I didn't get Gilbert's 5 star card when they officially dropped in EN and I wanted more opportunities to try and win it. Then it turned into I wanted to read more stories about him, then wanting to read translations of his route that was released in JP, and now I'm trying to use his EN route release to keep moving forward, even though all I want to do is give up. If it keeps me alive, why not? Not that I'm heavily depending on a fictional character to keep me above water, just that he's part of the little pieces that give me motivation to keep going. I also want to see the surgery through and recover and hopefully feel better enough to have a new life, I want to find a good job that pays well so I can have more income to help out and do more things that I want to do, I want to make more cosplay, draw and write more, create that custom Emma doll, wear the pretty dresses, travel at the very least out of my city/state, make it to my 30th birthday, find more GF and dairy free snacks I can actually eat, read more romance books, and so on. Even if I'm on my own in all of this, if I can use these things to hold on, I'll try to keep pushing forward.

For now I'll have my good cry, eat my chocolate peanut butter cups, take a shower, and hope that maybe God will grant me mercy and make tomorrow a much better day for me.

#vent #slight TW #just letting off some steam #might delete later

[joppaisla]

Bored, 19 (ish), and Weird: sort of nsfw..?

I hear screaming outside my door, not the murdery kind, that’s not this kind of book, or rather, journal. It’s a Friday night, and it seems like the rest of the world is having fun. Boys over at 1am, Drake playing from an RA’s room. It really does seem like every person on this floor is having fun. Except me.

Yes I know I’m being something of a sourpuss, spending my days complaining, or sleeping, or…well really nothing else. It’s a Friday night and what do I have to show for it? Well let’s look, I fished some strange cucumbers out of my fridge, I had put them at the wrong setting and when they defrosted they had become liquified insides and a still hard outside. It was like touching an alien’s penis, ok that wasn’t appropriate. Well my next activity of partying was just as grim, and embarrassing to share. After I threw away my strange squishy cucumber I was bored, and the first thing any human on this earth does when they are bored is masturbate.

It’s a go-to but also so depressing, most of the time I don’t even finish, its fun for a few moments, using my abused $15 bullet from Amazon but eventually it just gets sad. I start to see myself as the fruit fly living in my plants which has refused to die, lonely, slightly chubby, almost nineteen year old zapping herself for stimuli. That always takes me out of it. 

Next thing you know you’re drinking Trader Joe’s tea from a mug you stole from your roommate googling “Am I depressed? NO WebMD”. You get caught up in the semantics of it, “If I even have to ask I must be depressed” “No, a really depressed person doesn’t need an online quiz from 2013 to affirm them, you must be faking!!” 

I spend my time so wastefully I look up from my computer to see the sun has fallen, I get…sad. I wasn’t going to leave my room anyway, go outside and do what? Hang out with what friends? Go and get what food? Even though I was never going to leave my little cave I still feel sad knowing I can’t leave, at least not at the “raping hour”. 

So what’s the purpose of all this? What’s it mean to be a college freshman with no friends, no money, no job, no boyfriend or girlfriend. Well it means you invest in vibrators and one dollar ramen I’ll tell you that, but other than that? I have no idea. 

Freud told me that no-one who is happy ever daydreams, only the man with a unsatisfied life. I’d love to tell Freud beyond the grave how wrong he is but he truly isn't, at least not here. In fact I can’t wait for when I’m able to leave my classes and daydream. Mostly about romance and you know what but everything, from being a princess (yes I never grew out of those ones) to flying a plane, to being a celebrity, to writing the eulogy of an unknown family member. It’s honestly the best part of my day when I no longer have to pretend to live this life, I can do whatever I want, only of course in the confines of my brain.

That’s the worst part, being a brain, or a brain with a person attached. I am envois of every creature or insect I pass, I think “It has no idea how good a life it’s living”. I know it’s hard to hear from a white teenage girl in the middle of the midwest talk about the struggles of life and I don’t mean to mope but I truly think the bug has it better.

The bug has no needs it cannot meet, it wants food it gets food, it wants children it mates, none of this friends with benefits shit with bugs. Its life while yes full or fear and short lived will always be infinitely happier than the humans who step on it. It doesn’t have to every worry about matching socks or how their major and insect university will never make them any money. They struggle but are happy. 

When I get in these moods I try to reinvigorate myself by a good stalking of social media, stalking every girl I hate, every guy I’ve had sex with, sometimes a person is both of these things…Its a little pathetic to announce, imaging me, a spinster turned old hag looking through frenemies daily lives, chuckling a little to see they failed a test, gained weight, or got back with their ugly ex. For a moment I feel better, than my own patheticness seeps back in. Not only am I an old hag sitting along in my dark cold room on a Friday night but I can’t even doing it in peace.

Now I’ve exhausted every method of fighting off boredom and loneliness, everything returns here, back to nothing. Hey maybe I’ll try masturbating again.

#dear diary #diary entry #diary #journal #journal entry #rant post #rant #bored #college student

[darktreeroots]

asternewt’s knowledge

1.7k words

important characters:

asternewt (she/her) - a white and gold tabby

petalstar (he/they) - a white and gray tabby

(not as important, but asternewt’s sibing - they/she - is spectralpetal)

When she was called to the leader’s den that day, she expected to be chewed out. At the very worst banished, but Petalstar was unlikely to go that far to punish her. After all, giving the cat who ran from battle the punishment of running away from further reproach was basically a mercy. Unless Petalstar knew just how badly Asternewt wanted to stay here and be part of MarshClan…or just how much it hurt being rejected from LaurelClan. 

Petalstar…didn’t know all that, right? He couldn’t, right?

“Ah, hello Asternewt. I’m glad that you are healing nicely. You tore your claw, didn’t you?” Petalstar asks kindly, though their words are anything but. Asternewt vigorously shakes her head before she realizes her mistake and then nods. 

“I’m fine! Thank you very much Petalstar but…I am…fine.” Her voice gets quieter and quieter until her sentence ends and she realizes that she cannot lift her head and meet him in his green eyes. They share the same eyes but Asternewt hopes that hers never gets passed on. Or if they do, that her children will relate more closely to Petalstar than Asternewt. 

Who would want to be close to her, a coward who couldn’t even defend her own Clanmates. 

“Are you really?” Petalstar says lightly, “Because as far as I know, you abandoned MarshClan in its time of need.” Asternewt stills, all her senses telling her to flee but she couldn’t, “Come here.” Petalstar pats the wet ground next to them, squeezing some water droplets out of the moss. Asternewt hides their dejection as much as possible as they sit next to Petalstar, brushing their pelts together as they used to do when Asternewt was young. 

An an apprentice they used to share tongues all the time. Asternewt was so proud that she got to spend so much time with a deputy and then the leader. And then she grew up into the mess that she was now. 

“Now now, no need to look like that.” Petalstar says, giving the top of her head a quick lick, “Don’t you remember. You’re my kin. And my kin never show weakness.”

“I know, Petalstar…I—know.” Asternewt says, words weak. She still cannot raise her head. They’re the same size but Petalstar is much more muscular, proof that he actually goes out and fights backs. Unlike her, who can barely fight off a minnow. 

Dear StarClan, she’s pathetic. 

“Good. And as my kin, I have decided that you’re the best cat to replace Carpscale as deputy. He’s going to retire soon and I need someone to take her place.” Petalstar’s tail goes over her spine, smothering her. Not smothering much actually, she’s too shocked to speak, “I’ll tell the Clan tomorrow!”

-

No one is happy with it. 

-

Asternewt makes a decent life for herself as deputy. It provides her with enough unfounded confidence to finally confess her feelings for Wolfwatcher as least! And he accepted for whatever reason. She honestly doesn’t know why he even bothered, it would have been much smarter for him to reject the cat that had tried to leave this entire clan just a few seasons ago. 

But. That doesn’t matter now. Now she’s a queen with kits in the way and she has something approaching a friend now. 

That, or Needletooth didn’t care enough to shut her up. 

No, this was Needletooth. 

She has something close to a friend in Needletooth. They hadn’t been apprenticed together—this was both of their first litters but Asternewt was older than her by quite a few seasons. Apparently her generation was much brasher than Asternewt’s because she couldn’t imagine snapping at Wolfwatcher as often as Needletooth did to Bushtail. If she ever did, she might just die of shame. 

She was already getting more than she deserved, it wasn’t doing her any good to get too comfortable with any of this. Asternewt could lose everyone she had again in the flick of a claw. 

Now, she wasn’t going to do any of that. 

-

“You’re just a coward.” Heronlunge hisses at her and she thinks of his mother. His strong-headed, fierce, idiot of a mother that didn’t listen when Asternewt said to run. Because Asternewt is a coward. Because Asternewt is always a coward so when she says run that means I don’t want to fight and doesn’t always also mean this isn’t a fight we can win. 

“You don’t need to tell me that.” Asternewt says with a low chuckle as she scrapes together the scrapes of carp that she had finished. She wasn’t truly hungry but Petalstar told her that she couldn’t share her food with anymore, no matter how much they groaned about. 

No matter how many ribs she could count under their skin.

No matter how many people whispered into her ear. 

No matter how much hatred simmered in Juniperpaw’s eyes. 

No matter how little of Spectralpetal remained day after day as the Rot continued to spread. 

She was only a coward. If the clan wanted a hero, then they should look to Mistnose. But oh well, they was dead and there was only Asternewt until dawn. That, or Petalstar would do whatever he damn wanted and they would leave Asternewt the only deputy. 

And then MarshClan would crumble because she couldn’t keep it together. She could barely keep her own family together, Petalstar was better at it then her. He’s the one who led Wolfwatcher into becoming her mate, it was them that her children looked up to. 

“So you’re not going to do anything?”

“I’m going to bury this outside camp.” Asternewt says. Heronlunge’s chest heaves, powering chest rippling with muscles. It’s nice to see him doing better than just a moon before when she could nearly see his lungs pressing against his very exposed ribcage with every breath,“And then I will see who is healthy and send them out on a border patrol. I don’t trust that LaurelClan isn’t going to take advantage of our weakness.”

“And then what if they are? Will you lie over and expose your stomach?”

I would rather be in StarClan than talking to you right now. Asternewt thinks, the thought both vicious and exhausted. Why must everyone expect so much of her when she’s already proven to be incompetent a hundred times over. They should really learn to lower their expectations. 

-

Just as she should learn to raise hers because for all of Heronlunge’s bluster and strength, she never expected a mutiny. She steps backwards away from the crowd of cats, more and more of which are showing their support for the young warrior. She always expected Shatteredmask and Fawnthroat to be on his side but as far as she was aware, Sunslash hated Heronlunge. And now she was hissing at Petalstar. 

Where is your loyalty? She thinks while knowing that she is being a hypocrite but she tries to rationalize, excuse, make sense of it, They’re strong. They’re brave. They know how to keep their heads down and listen to Petalstar. So why aren’t they? The Clan leader’s word is the code, that’s the most important of the code. 

Even a coward like me knows that. 

She doesn’t stand up for Petalstar as cats begin to climb up the HighWillow, Heronlunge the first of them with Fawnthroat and Shatteredmask and the rest of the clan not far behind. Asternewt sits there and stares freely because not a single cat thought her enough trouble to try and restrain her. 

Asternewt watches as Petalstar—Petalfloat is exiled from the forest. 

It’s not a coward’s place to change the world. So she doesn’t. So her littermate dies and she doesn’t do anything about it. All she does is cheer Heronstar’s name when he returns from the Moonhole three days later. 

She doesn’t grief. 

She doesn’t complain when Heronstar reinstates her as deputy. 

She doesn’t say anything when he makes her mate deputy alongside her. 

She doesn’t even startle when Heronstar calls her to Petalstar’s—Petalfoot’s—his den and asks her, “Are you wondering why I made you my deputy?”

“It is not my place to know things.” Asternewt says with a long sigh, “Or to do things. Why else do you think I didn’t accompany you to the Moonhole. Other than the fact that there was no way StarClan was going to choose me and several cats would have torn me apart if I had tried.” Asternewt says. She wonders when she lost the light, wavering part of her voice. 

Heronstar glares and he lowers his ears and his eyes fill with disdain but she doesn’t respond. What is there to respond with: I’m sorry? I wish I was stronger? I should have saved your mother? 

So she only responds when he asks her, “How many lives did Petalstar have left?”

“Five.” She answers truthfully. 

“They’ve been leader for seasons.” Heronstar hisses, eyes narrowing, “I don’t believe you.”

“You believe that Petalstar would put himself in danger?” Asternewt replies, voice flat. She would never call Petalstar a coward—she ran he avoided. He avoided because they knew it was the best thing to do, it was the way the clan thrived. She ran because she was so scared all the way that there wasn’t a heart in her body. She was only a hollow that whistled with fear like a sparrow’s dying call through the ice-covered marsh. 

Heronstar hisses, “I didn’t know the depths of his pathetic cowardice. I am further amazed day by day.”

“He’s not a coward.” Asternewt says, reflexively, “I am.” She continues before Heronstar can snap at her. She bows her head and takes her leave but before she can, Heronstar calls out. 

“There can be many types of cowards. I think that you are one of the better ones.”

Is that why you made me deputy? Asternewt thinks dully before she leaves, because I am a better type of coward? 

#warrior cats #warriors cats ocs #allseeing eyes close #asternewt #kitty talking #heronstar #petalstar