#casserole pie.. whatever the hell that is.. I kind of like this one though. Maybe my favorite out of the current batch. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

artificialqueens · 3 years

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What Baking Can Do (Rosnali) - Athena2

Summary: Rosé keeps making food for Denali as a way of expressing her crush, not knowing that Denali feels the same way.

A/N: Writing has been slow for me lately, but I'm glad I was able to finish this! It's basically just pure fluff, and I hope you enjoy! Please leave some feedback if you'd like, I really appreciate it! Thank you to Writ for betaing!

Title from the song from Waitress because I'm basic.

Rosé might live in the city now, but in the small southern town where she spent most of her childhood, every woman had an arsenal of pie and casserole recipes to whip out at a moment’s notice for birthdays, funerals, and new neighbors.

Rosé just so happens to have a new neighbor, and as she knocks on the door, a fresh strawberry pie in one hand, she feels the pride her mother must have felt in welcoming someone new, giving them a nice gift.

Even if she’s already friends with the new neighbor she’s welcoming.

“You didn’t have to do this, Rosie,” Denali says as she takes the pie, a huge smile on her face showing her dimples. “I mean, we’re already friends. Hell, I should make you something for telling me about this apartment in the first place.”

It’s true that Rosé had gone right to Denali when she found out the apartment was up for sale, knowing that she and her roommate Kahmora hated the tiny apartment they had, with the shower that always broke and the heat that never went on. She was just helping out a friend. A friend she’s just happened to have a crush on for a year now, since the night Jan introduced them at some club.

“It’s nothing,” Rosé insists. “You know I like to bake.”

“Why complain, Denali?” Kahmora asks. “It’s food that’s actually edible.”

“My food is perfectly edible!” Denali sputters. She bites her lip as Kahmora stares, and nods in admittance to herself. “Look, no one’s ever died from eating my cooking.”

“No one’s ever really enjoyed it, either,” Kahmora mumbles under her breath.

Rosé holds back a smile. Denali’s struggles in the kitchen have been well-known in the time Rosé’s known her, with Rosé’s favorite being the pancakes that Denali somehow burnt and left raw at the same time. She’s always been so busy with skating and work that she never got much practice at cooking, and Rosé pushes away the thought of teaching her, of her hand curling around Denali's as they mix ingredients.

“Keep mumbling, Kahmora. Maybe I’ll eat the whole pie myself.”

“I’ll see you, Denali.” Rosé leaves them to fight over the pie and heads back down the hall, passing apartments full of people she’d welcomed with food at one point. There’s Kylie and her roommates Ra’jah and Scarlet, who loved the peach cobbler Rosé made. Then Brooke and Vanessa, who demolished her chocolate cake, next door to Raja and Manila, who she still makes almond tarts for from time to time. It’s Rosé’s favorite part of making something, really--to have someone love it so much. Rosé thinks of the smile on Denali’s face and knows this won’t be the last time she makes her something.

—-

Rosé’s normally much smoother, more confident. If Denali were anyone else, Rosé would’ve been open about her crush and already asked her out months ago. But there’s something different about Denali, something that makes Rosé hesitant to take such a leap, to confess her feelings, because if it ruins things between them, then she’d lose a friend she really cares about.

Food is safer than feelings, so Rosé ignores everything and busies herself in making dinner, not realizing how much spaghetti she’s making until it’s all piled in the bowl. There’s enough to feed a village, even after she and Jan eat. Rosé stares at the bowl and figures Denali wouldn’t mind some.

Her heart leaps into her throat when Denali opens the door. Her hair is up in a bun and she looks adorable in her tie dye sweatshirt, soft and sweet in a way that makes Rosé’s chest hurt.

“I made way too much food,” Rosé says, handing Denali the bowl. “I didn’t want to waste it, so I figured I’d give you some.”

“Thank you.” Denali flashes her dimples. “Hey, do you want to come in? Kahmora’s out with some friends.”

“Sure.” Rosé follows close behind Denali, moving past boxes she hasn't unpacked yet on their way to the kitchen. The apartment feels like Denali already, with sneakers by the door and video games in the living room.

Denali hums with joy as she eats the first bite, and Rosé grins, her body buzzing with that rush of someone loving what she made. No matter how many times it happens, it will always be special to her.

“How was work?” Rosé asks.

“It was good! My coffee tasted so good this morning, and all my lessons went well, and I saw this adorable dog—not as adorable as you, Donut,” Denali adds to her dog, who’s curled up under the table.

Rosé just laughs as Denali talks, and it’s easy. So easy. Easy being friends like this, just talking and laughing. Watching Denali’s eyes widen and listen to her laugh just makes Rosé like her more, but it also makes her want to hold back on admitting her crush a bit more. Because the more she likes Denali, the more she has to lose if things go wrong.

Denali bursts into laughter as Rosé shares stories of her day, and it’s enough.

—-

It’s nice, knowing Denali is open to accepting leftovers. Rosé usually makes small recipes for her and Jan, and it’s nice to make whatever she wants, even if it feeds a crowd, and just bring some down the hall instead of giving herself a headache trying to halve fractions of ingredients.

She makes chicken and potatoes and cookies and brownies, extras carefully wrapped up and delivered to Denali, each one letting them have time to talk and just be around each other. They talk about work, about friends, about funny things Donut did that day. And Rosé loves every second of it.

Rosé finds herself making more things than she probably should, but she can’t help it. Cooking started out as a stress reliever for her, when she and Jan were up to their eyes in paperwork trying to open the dance and vocal studio. Jan suggested she make something to relax, and Rosé remembered how much she had loved to be at her mother’s side when she was little, watching her roll out pie crust. She remembered how much she loved creating something out of a pile of ingredients, the soothing repetition of mixing batter, the joy of watching someone eat what she made.

She’s made things all the time since, and part of her knows she’s making more now just so she can give them to Denali. Jan’s always teased her for baking enough to run a bakery when she’s in love, and Rosé doesn’t want to admit how true it is. Because baking is a form of love for her, a way of transforming her love and work into something people can eat. A way of caring for them and loving them at the same time.

Not that Denali knows any of that.

---

Denali sighs as she shuffles to the elevator after the skating class from hell. She had parents almost fight her because costumes haven’t come in yet, like Denali controls the mail, then yell at her some more for not giving their kid the solo in the group performance.

Rosé slips in the elevator with her, and Denali smiles a bit just seeing her, with her big green eyes and soft red waves. Rosé always makes her happy, since the night they met, and being around her just feels right to Denali. So right that Denali likes to invite her in when she drops off food, just for an excuse to spend more time with her. So right that Denali wishes they could do it all the time, that they could always be close, maybe even close enough to kiss--but no, they’re nothing more than friends. Especially not when Denali is standing here in old sweatpants and smelling like a skating rink locker room. How could Rosé ever like her back anyway? She makes fancy pastries with fancy names and Denali almost set ramen on fire once.

“Rough day?” Rosé asks.

Denali groans as her answer. “If I ever become a parent, please don’t let me be like the ones at the skating rink.”

Rosé snorts. “Tell me about it. I’ve had parents follow me to the parking lot because their kid isn’t famous yet.”

Denali manages a smile. It’s nice to know she isn’t the only one, that someone else understands.

“Is there anything I can do?” Rosé asks.

Denali’s heart flutters at how she’s always so caring, so kind. Just friends, they’re just friends. “I don’t think so. I’ll probably just take a bath and watch TV. Thanks, though.”

“Of course.”

They head to their own apartments, and Denali soaks in the tub until the water runs cold, the stress of the day leaving her.

There’s a knock on her door as she turns on the TV. Denali groans and throws the door open, only to find a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the welcome mat.

Still warm.

---

Rosé turns down the hall and almost smacks into her neighbor, Kylie, who’s on her way to walk her dog. Gizmo licks happily at Rosé’s ankle, and she would pet him like she normally does, but her hands are full of the pan that might be just a little too big, if Kylie’s staring is any indication.

“What’s that?”

“Mac and cheese I made for Denali.”

Kylie blinks at her. “Hun, are you sure that’s for Denali and not a school cafeteria?”

“Well, I mean, she can freeze it if she wants,” Rosé stammers.

“I hope she’s got a big freezer.” Kylie looks at her thoughtfully. Rosé’s always thought Kylie has some sixth sense, able to figure out your feelings and what you need to hear just from looking at you, and she’s about to be on the receiving end of it. “You should tell her,” Kylie says softly.

Rosé doesn’t bother to ask how she knows. “I don’t—I don’t want to lose her if she doesn’t feel the same way,” Rosé says, eyes on the floor.

“I don’t think you have to worry.” Kylie heads for the stairs, and Rosé stands in the hall like an idiot before taking a breath and going to Denali’s door.

Someday. Maybe someday she’ll tell her.

—-

Denali knocks on Rosé’s apartment, trying to calm her heart. There’s no reason for it to be racing like this, not when she’s knocked on Rosé’s door to bring back her food containers a dozen times. Not when she talks to Rosé almost every day.

Denali isn’t sure if she’s disappointed or relieved when Jan opens the door.

“I just wanted to bring Rosé her plate back,” Denali says.

Jan nods. “I’ll give it to her. You can come in, if you want. There’s some leftover blondies on the counter.”

Denali follows her inside, taking in the apartment with wide eyes like she’s never seen it before. Being in the kitchen feels special, like she’s in Rosé’s sacred space. Denali peeks at the soft pink stand mixer and utensils beside it, at the worn recipe box and well-used cookbooks on the other counter. She thinks of Rosé standing here, carefully measuring out ingredients, flour in her red hair, and her heart tugs painfully. What she would give to be around Rosé in her element like this, at her side while she cooks. “She really likes cooking, huh?”

Jan rolls her eyes. “You have no idea. She loves cooking for people, especially when she really likes them. It’s basically her love language. When she was with her last girlfriend, this place was like a freaking bakery. Not that I’m complaining, because her stuff is amazing. Even if she makes a giant mess of the place.”

“It is,” Denali says, but then she freezes as Jan’s words hit. Especially when she really likes them. Does that mean Rosé likes her? Likes her as more than a friend, if she cooks this much when she really likes someone? If cooking is her love language? It’s normal for Rosé to cook a lot, Jan said so. And Rosé still cooks for other people, has her friend Lagoona over for dinner every week. But Denali thinks of how many carefully-wrapped plates and full containers Rosé has given her the past few months, juicy chicken and thick soups and buttery shortbread cookies, and knows it’s more than anyone else has gotten. Rosé likes her, and the food is her way of showing it.

Denali usually isn’t so oblivious. Then again, she usually isn’t so hesitant around her crushes either. But maybe she was so oblivious and hesitant with Rosé because she didn’t possibly think Rosé could like her back.

But Rosé does. She likes Denali.

And if food is love to Rosé, then Denali has an idea.

---

Rosé hums as she unlocks her apartment. Jan has a date tonight, so it’s just her, and she’s really in the mood for takeout. Maybe she’ll order from that Chinese place--

Rosé drops her keys when sees someone in the apartment, and she drops her heart when she realizes the person is Denali. Denali, who’s standing in her living room for some reason.

“Um, not that I’m not happy to see you, Denali,” Rosé says, easing her way inside, “But what the hell?”

Denali’s cheeks are flushed and some hair has escaped her ponytail, and her smile is one of the brightest she’s ever seen. “Jan let me in so I could surprise you.”

“Well, I’m definitely surprised.”

“But not surprised enough,” Denali gloats.

“There’s more? Haven’t I had enough near-heart attacks today?”

Denali just smirks and leads her into the kitchen, where Rosé sees the table laid out with candles and a fancy tablecloth and huge platters of food.

“I thought I’d cook for you for a change,” Denali says. “I’m not the greatest, but they’re my mom’s recipes and I had her FaceTime me to help, and I don’t think you’ll get food poisoning or anything—“

“You cooked for me,” Rosé says softly, looking at Denali in awe.

“I did.” Denali bites her lip, and her cheeks flush even more. “Rosé, I--I realized how much cooking means to you. And what you were trying to tell me with your food. I want to tell you that I...I feel the same way. I like you, I’m trying to say, and that’s why I wanted to cook for you.”

Rosé reaches for Denali’s hand, squeezing it gently for proof that this is real. That Denali really does like her too. That Denali took all the love Rosé puts into her cooking and gave it back to her. “I like you so much, Denali. For a while now. I just wasn’t sure if you--”

“Well I wasn’t sure if you would like me,” Denali laughs softly.

Rosé snorts. “We could’ve done this a while ago if we weren’t idiots.”

“But we’re doing it now.” And then Denali is leaning in, her lips meeting Rosé’s like coming home. Denali’s kiss is soft and sweet, just like her, warm and passionate yet still gentle. It’s everything Rosé has dreamt of, and she can’t resist going back in for another.

And another.

“Hey, the food’s gonna get cold,” Denali says, and they laugh all the way to the table.

#submission #rpdr fanfiction #denali foxx #rosé #jan sport #kylie sonique love #rosnali #lesbian au #fluff #athena2 #concrit welcome

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undeadsnorlax · 3 years

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Can Anybody Tell Me Why I’m Lonely Like a Satellite?

heyyy my first fic for @badthingshappenbingo. starting things off with my favourite space boy

Ao3 link

Prompt: Loneliness

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV Series)

Warnings: mentions of self-harm, angsty as hell

Wordcount: 2603

A day in the life of Luther on the moon.

***

Wakey-wakey.

“Urgh…” Five more minutes…

Come on. You need to get up.

Luther groaned, rolling onto his back and squinting up at the blank metal ceiling. It took him a few more minutes to open his eyes properly, and a couple more to roll over and check the clock with another groan. 22:47.

“It’s early,” he mumbled, swinging his legs around and rubbing his face down. Well, early in his sense, at least.

Fifteen minutes won’t kill you. Means you could go to bed earlier later tonight, technically.

Luther considered this and nodded, slowly getting to his feet and walking toward the door-

Thunk!

“Every time!” he cried, rubbing his forehead. He’d learn to duck eventually.

He stretched his arms until his fingers brushed the ceiling, then placed a hand at the bottom of his back and arched it, grunting at the dull crunch his spine made.

With a few more stretches, he dragged his feet over to the counter, smiling at the small potted umbrella plant there.

“Evenin’ Ben,” he said softly, large fingers stroking the leaves before picking up the tiny watering can.

Hey Luther.

Luther let out a sigh, tapping one of the radars beeping away on the workstation below the plant.

Something wrong?

“Nah, nothing.”

He shrugged and went about doing his other ‘morning’ chores. Checking the base’s oxygen levels, collecting any trash, seeing if there was any response from home.

Nothing. Of course.

Luther dressed in his space suit, taking the bag of trash out and dumping it with the rest.

He allowed himself a moment of freedom, pure gleeful joy as he bounced light as air across the moon’s surface. He’d been up here two and a half years and this part still never got old. He was in space!

He pushed off from the ground hard, floating a foot higher before landing with a weightless thud. Grinning behind his helmet, he tilted his head to look up at the Earth in front of him.

It was awesome, thinking about how one planet could contain so many billions of people going about, living their lives.

Including four of the ones he’d grown up with. What would they be doing right now? Vanya would definitely be going to bed, and maybe Allison was doing a late night movie shoot. Klaus would probably be partying and Diego doing...whatever he did.

Luther let out a heavy sigh, his grin fading. No use in wondering like that. Just reminded him of how everything fell apart.

He was brought back into focus by his stomach rumbling. He clasped at it for a moment, staring blankly at the stars, before trudging back to base to eat.

Running low on those.

Luther narrowed his eyes as he opened a packet of soy paste, slumping down heavily on the nearest chair.

“I know,” he said quietly, squeezing every last drop into his mouth ravenously.

He also knew this would do nothing but numb his hunger for only a few hours, knew this wouldn’t have been enough food for him even before his accident. For as little as he did physically up here, his body still craved energy, and this shit just didn’t cut it.

You asked Dad for more, right?

“Every time.” Luther glared at the plant. “I’m due more soon, okay? Today or tomorrow…”

He drummed his fingers against his thigh, staring at the empty packet. Reluctantly, he went to the box and got another, pretending it was something more elaborate instead. One of Grace’s amazing dinners, a rich beef casserole in a thick red wine sauce, with potatoes and vegetables, maybe some kind of pie for dessert, with ice cream-

He groaned, swallowing the mouthful of saliva he’d formed at the mere thought.

Not helping?

“I miss real food.” He rubbed his middle, feeling at least a little more full, enough to concentrate on work.

Have you checked your bandages?

Luther licked his lips, before shaking his head, looking away like a naughty schoolboy getting a scolding.

Do that. Please? It’s been a few days.

“Okay, okay.”

He went to the cramped bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror first. He looked rough.

Dismissing that observation, he slowly zipped down his top, careful to not get it stuck on his body hair.

How’s it look?

“Better. Honest.”

The bandage itself, on his right side just above the ribs, looked a little grubby, dried dark brown stains having seeped through. Carefully, he picked at the medical tape keeping it in place, wincing every time it caught a stray hair, but managed to rip it off and inspect the wound underneath.

A laceration done in such a way there was a small chunk of flesh missing, but it was healing nicely.

Luther reached for his first aid kit, pouring out some antiseptic onto a cloth and pressing it down. He winced again, gritting his teeth, but knew it was all worth it to help it get better.

As he prepared clean bandages to patch it up again, Ben chimed in.

It was scary when you did that. You were so scared.

Luther’s gut churned with unease, remembering the frantic, near manic state he went into a few days prior. It wasn’t the first time it had happened either. A sudden burst of wild emotion overwhelmed him, forcing him to his knees as he tried to let it pass, but the feeling inside him just got worse and worse.

Are you okay now?

“I don’t know.”

He bandaged himself up again, before he traced along a similar mark on his stomach, healed now into a bright pink scar.

His fingers curled into a fist, zipping up his top again before he could do more damage to himself. Ignoring the urge hadn’t done much good the last few times, but maybe this time he’d figure out a way to not hurt himself again.

Doubt it…

He went back to sit at a console, rummaging through the mess of paper cluttering the table.

What’re you doing today?

“Going through these.” Luther scratched his chin as he thought, eyes skipping down the page. “Need to arrange them in order, rewrite them neater...pretty boring, right?”

What work isn’t?

Luther chuckled, splitting the paper into small piles. “Got that right.”

And then silence. Luther became engrossed in his work, only moving to either stretch his back or use the bathroom, and even that wasn’t often.

Sure, it was boring but...it was his kind of boring. One of his earliest memories was pouring over a book on the solar system, using it to try and figure out the constellations he could see from his bedroom window. Him and Five raced to have their hand up first during their physics classes.

It became a one man race after he vanished.

Luther tapped his pen against his temple, chewing the inside of his cheek. His mind was drifting, thinking of his siblings again.

He tried not to think of Five too often, but he still wondered what the hell could have happened to him. Sometimes he wondered if his brother had just settled somewhere. Gotten taken in by a nice family who looked after him.

He didn’t like the alternative. The portrait that hung in the living room reminded him every day for over a decade of the alternative.

That’s how he tried to feel about Ben. He was in a better place. He was at peace. Happier, maybe.

Again. Better than any alternative.

He wasn’t even sure he believed in an afterlife.

With a heavy sigh, Luther pressed his head down against the desk, closing his eyes for a second...

Luther…?

He jolted to sit up again, muscles tensing for a moment before he relaxed, picking the piece of paper that had stuck to his forehead. “Wha’?”

Drifted off bud. Not long.

“Ah. Right.”

You have been working hard for a while.

“It’s not that long-“

Luther cut off upon seeing the time. Eight hours had passed since he started. “Oh. Dang.”

You deserve a break.

“No, I’m...I’m nearly done, it’s fine.”

Luther…

“It’s fine.”

He didn’t mean to snap. He flinched the moment he did, putting his head in his hands.

Look, I get it.

“No you don’t. You’re a plant.”

Luther turned on his seat to face said plant, scowling at the thing. “You’re a voice in my head.”

Helps though, doesn’t it?

Luther wrinkled his nose a little, turning away and tapping a finger against the desk.

Helps to have someone to talk to.

“Crazy Luther Hargreeves, all alone on the moon with a plant that sounds like the brother he let die,” he muttered.

You know that’s not true.

“It’s true enough.”

He suddenly became aware of another console that had been letting out several beeps. Luther gritted his teeth and made his way over, reading the screen.

DELIVERY INCOMING

ESTIMATED ARRIVAL 0823

“Told you more food was coming,” he said, going to suit up once more. He’d missed it landing with his quick nap by about ten minutes.

Out on the moon’s surface, Luther tilted his head back, taking a slow deep breath. He could see the pod the package came in at the usual spot, but he desperately needed some quiet.

Inside his base, there was always some kind of noise. Little things, the consoles and monitors gently humming away in the background, the soft drip of a tap he might have left on. Constant.

Even back home in the mansion after everyone left, he grew used to the creak of floorboards, the structure settling around him. Every opening door making him perk up and hope someone was walking through, coming back.

Outside, on the surface, it was silent. It was like he could hear his body working, every thump of his heart that sent blood coursing through his veins.

In space no one can hear you scream…

So he did. He bent his knees, and took a deep breath and screamed at the top of his lungs. Everything contained within his helmet.

Straightening up, he screamed again, a rush of catharsis overwhelming his brain. It felt good to scream. He should do this more often. Better than hurting himself.

His chest ached a little as he caught his breath once more, staring dazed at the ink black sky above him.

So much...nothing. The night skies were never this clear back on Earth and maybe now he was glad because being confronted with such a sheer vast nothingness every day was sure getting to him. Would explain why his plant was talking.

Luther scrunched his eyes tight, and went to get the delivery. He dragged it inside, changing from his suit once more and tearing the box open.

Anything good?

He glanced up, narrowing his eyes, before getting out smaller boxes of soy paste. He sighed, inspecting the writing. They always said they were different flavours, but he mostly got the same soggy muesli or stale bread taste with every packet he consumed.

That…doesn’t look like a lot.

“Shut up, I know…”

Luther set one aside and put the rest in his food cupboard. He didn’t take a chair this time, just slumped down on the floor and gently squeezed the contents through the packet, huffing heavily.

Luther, that’s not going to last.

“I’ll make it last,” he mumbled, unscrewing the top and sucking gently, trying to savour it, “I have to…”

He tried to focus on the gentle hum of the base instead, closing his eyes to help. He wasn’t sure what had happened in recent months that his food packages were becoming less frequent, and less in amount, but it didn’t help anyone to dwell on that. Dad was busy, he had stuff to do…

C’mon big guy. You know that’s bullshit.

Luther glared up at the ceiling. That was new. Hearing Ben’s voice had happened surprisingly quickly, the moment he decided to name his plant after him. He never heard anyone else’s voice, but having Diego’s growling in his brain was almost a welcome change.

Almost.

You really think he’s that concerned for you up here?

“Shut up…”

Should’ve gotten out when you had the chance.

“Shut up!”

Luther slammed his head back against the console, grunting from the quick hit of pain. When Diego’s voice didn’t go away, kept taunting the same message of should have gotten out when you had the chance, he did it again...and again.

Until there was silence.

Too much silence.

Using the counter for support, he got to his feet and went back to his desk, staring at the piles of paper in front of him.

“This mission is of the utmost importance, Number One.”

That’s what his father had told him after explaining he was going to the moon. He’d blankly affirmed, not pointed out how pointless it was to refer to him by his number when it was just him left (because look what happened last time he said that), and gone along with it.

His whole life, Luther had been raised to lead a team and save the world. His team had left one way or another, and the ‘world saving’ work he did was mostly thankless.

But here he was. On the moon. Part of the mission. Everything was part of this lifelong mission. All the data he was collecting, the experiments he ran, they were important for...something.

Luther stared at his hand, the greyed skin and dark fur that kept making him forget it was his hand. This was all part of it too, somehow. It had to be.

Otherwise…

He finished his work. Filed away the pages neatly and made plans to send them out tomorrow.

For a moment, he hesitated by the umbrella plant, reaching to touch it’s delicate leaves.

“...Ben?” he said softly.

Nothing. Of course not.

With a heavy sigh, he dragged himself back to his bedroom, grabbing his personal notebook from the side table. He flicked through the pages until he landed on the poem he’d been struggling with for the last week, tapping his pen against the words.

Constellations are families, each star has their purpose, their name and position.

They work together as something bigger, part of the galaxy’s nightly exhibition.

There must be times where they can do nothing but fight,

When it grows so tiring to always be shining so bright.

Luther clicked his tongue, frowning at the words. Of all the hobbies he could have taken to pass time up here, he never anticipated poetry, but he was really getting into it, having filled pages already, some of which he’d sent back...just in case Dad was curious.

He could just see his plant on the counter through the door. He went to call Ben’s name again, but he cut himself off and shut his eyes, focusing on the hum of the base once more instead.

The voice in his head was never Ben. Ben was dead. Five had gone long ago. Allison, Diego, Klaus and Vanya were back on Earth living their lives. Had been living their lives quite easily without him.

He’d managed by himself. He was exactly where he wanted.

In space. On the moon. Just him.

Number One.

By himself.

Like it had been for years now.

Tomorrow he’d wake up and go through this again. The self-doubt and the spiralling and the focusing on work so hard to forget what was really happening. Maybe his plant would start talking to him again.

But really they know that no matter how much they argue and moan,

Being a family at odds is far better than being one star all alone.

#the umbrella academy #trope: loneliness #tua fic #luther hargreeves #undeadbthb #badthingshappenbingo

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rexyadaar · 6 years

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OC interview meme: Hare Lavellan

I wasn’t tagged by anyone, but I was inspired by @fleshwerks. The image is also by her.

1. What is your name?

“Hare of Clan Lavellan.”

2. What is your real name?

“Depends on what you mean by ‘real’. Do you mean my birth-name? Or by the name I choose to go by? You’ll have to be more specific.

My birth name is different from my current name, but I’ve left that name - and life - behind.”

3. Do you know why you were called that?

“It started out as a nickname. Assan, my mentor and brother by choice called me ‘Hare’ since he found me while out hunting hares. Since I was eager to get rid of the name I was given at birth, I started using it as my new name.

And Lavellan is my Clan name. Why it’s called Lavellan, I have no idea. You’ll have to ask the Keeper.”

4. Are you single or taken?

“Taken.”

5. Have any abilities or powers?

"Depends on what you mean. Do you mean magic? Then, no. If you mean something else, I’d say I’m pretty handy with knives and I make a mean druffalo casserole.”

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

"Hahaha.

Oh, wait, you’re serious?”

7. What’s your eye color?

"Amber. Orange. Light brown. Depends on who you ask, really.”

8. How about your hair color?

”Red-brown.”

9. Have you any family members?

“My Clan is my family. Assan is my brother my choice. Other than that, I have some people who are related to me by blood out there somewhere.”

10. Oh? What about pets?

“Sparky the Dracolisk. I like mounts of all kinds. And a griffin would be pretty nice.”

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

"Solas. And nobles. And racists.”

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

"I like the stables. I enjoy working with the mounts, cleaning, caring for their equipment. Animals are better than people. Easier to read. And they don’t care what race you are. As long as you’re nice to them, they’re nice to you.

And no, I don’t enjoy the stables just because Blackwall happens to be next to them. I’m not some lovesick teenager.”

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

"Once again, depends on how you mean. Hurt some physically? Yes. Hurt someone’s feelings? Yes.

On second thought, doesn’t matter how you mean.”

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

"Yes. Even before the Inquisition.”

15. What kind of animal are you?

"Despite my name, I’d like to think I’m something a bit more fierce than a hare. Something agile with sharp claws. A cat, perhaps?”

16. Name your worst habits.

"I’m an angry person. I do my best to contain it, but I’m constantly in some state of anger.

And I chew on my nails and sometimes forget that shemlen want you to bathe regularly.”

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

"I’m an elf, I’m pretty short. I look up at a lot of people. Especially Bull.

But in a more metaphorical term, no. I don’t look down on them either though.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

"Does it matter? But if you have to know, I enjoy both men and women.”

19. Do you go to school?

“If I had gone to school, I would probably been kicked out pretty quickly.”

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“Maybe? I’m just trying to survive from day to day at the moment. If this is ever over, I might consider it. If Blackwall is up to it.”

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

"Probably. People in power often have people who idolise them.”

22. What are you most afraid of?

“To be seen as a coward. I’ve done... Things in my life that can certainly make me look like one...

Next question, please.”

23. What do you usually wear?

"Something that allows me to move freely. I’m a rogue. I don’t want something that can impede my movement.”

24. Do you love someone?

"I suppose.”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

"What does that have to do with anything?”

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

“Okay?”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

“Low class, I suppose. But the Dalish doesn’t really have classes, so now I don’t know.”

28. How many friends do you have?

"I have a lot of acquaintances, but I don’t have lot of people who’d I call ‘friends’.”

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

"I mean, it’s food.”

30. Favorite drink?

“I’m not really someone for fine drinks. Whatever gets me drunk. I enjoyed the stuff Bull gave me after we killed that dragon. Hell of a hangover, though.”

31. What’s your favorite place?

"I don’t think I have one. I’ve been to a lot of places. All have their good and bad sides. But if I had to pick, probably the backstreets of Ostwick. I know, unexpected answer. But there’s something real and gritty about it that the forests lack.”

32. Are you interested in someone?

"Maker’s breath, you need to work on your specificity! I’m interested in a lot of people. If you mean romantically, I’m only interested in one.

But I’m interested in most people. Everyone has a story and it’s almost always interesting.”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

"I mean, you can probably discern that by looking at me.”

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

"A lake. The ocean is too treacherous. Riptides, tides, you name it. Also, the salt hurts my eyes.”

35. What’s your type?

"Hm... No one clingy. No one who expects an happy ever after. No one who expects me who fully commit to them. Love is a nice, but I will never let it take over my life. I’ll never bend over backwards to accommodate a partner.”

36. Any fetishes?

"Let me be in charge.”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?

“I... I don’t know what most of those words mean. Do you have to define it? Why not just enjoy it? It’s probably a shem thing. They have to make everything so complicated.”

38. Camping or indoors?

"Camping. It’s more freeing than indoors. No one has any standards while camping. Indoors, I’m expected to be someone I’m not.”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end?

“I mean... Yeah.”

40. Now it’s over!

"Good. I have shit to do.”

#Hare Lavellan #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #OC meme

3 notes · View notes

instantdeerlover · 4 years

Text

The Best LA Pop-Ups, Summer 2020 added to Google Docs

The Best LA Pop-Ups, Summer 2020

We’re not sure if you’ve heard, but LA is in the midst of a renaissance. But you won’t find any lame ceiling paintings or anatomically lacking sculptures. What we’re witnessing is something much greater than all that. It’s a new dawn, a complete rebirth. It’s the beginning of a better, more delicious epoch. Behold! The Golden Age of Pop-Ups!

[INSERT GRAVE-SHAKING AWE AND HARP SOLOS HERE]

Sorry... we haven’t spoken to another human being in five months. Where were we? Oh yeah, pop-ups!

From dazzling boxes of sushi to Caribbean roti, some of the best (and most exciting) dishes in the city right now aren’t being made in restaurant kitchens - they’re coming from backyard BBQs, coffee shops, and loan office parking lots. But more on that later. Without further ado, here are the 19 great LA pop-ups you should know about.

Featured In The LA Socially Distant Summer Guide Everything you need to enjoy some semblance of summer. THE SPOTS Ăn Cơm An Com $$$$

Here’s how it works: Once a week, the homestyle Vietnamese pop-up drops a new menu on Instagram - most recently, they’ve featured dishes like cơm gà (poached chicken served over burnt star anise rice) and thịt kho, or caramel-braised pork belly. Once that goes live, you have approximately one hour to drop everything (and we mean everything) and head to their link in bio to place an order. Be warned - pre-orders tend to sell out quick.

Anjahles Anjahles $$$$

The menu at this Jamaican fusion pop-up is constantly changing, but what stays consistent is their innovative take on Caribbean cooking. Well, that and their incredible graphic design skills. Past menus have included burritos made with oxtail, jerk chicken served over rice, and “mosschata,” an Irish moss horchata sweetened with agave nectar. The menu is posted every Friday at 9am for preorders — so make sure you set an alarm (or seven), then text your order to (323) 300-4054.

Anikah Shaokat Bali Mesari $$$$

Chef Luh Putu Suarniti harnesses the unique flavors of Bali at this Downtown pop-up. Think fragrant plates of nasi jinggo, a classic dish made with chicken, yellow rice, and coconut milk, or Balinese pork ribs served with sambal matah. Pre-orders for Bali Mesari open every Saturday at 5pm, DM their Instagram to place one.

Bridgetown Roti Bridgetown Roti $$$$

This Caribbean pop-up specializes in one thing, and one thing only - Bajan roti. Pockets of thick, flaky dough are stuffed with fillings like curry-braised oxtail and peppers, as well as sweeter options, like curried yams and mangoes. Lurk their Instagram for the next pick-up date, then DM to order. And maybe bring a friend? Orders are capped at eight patties/person.

Burmese, Please! $ $ $ $ Burmese in Arts District $$$$ 672 S. Santa Fe Ave.

Securing an order here might require a bit of planning (pick-ups only happen twice a month, on Tuesdays), but in a city with shockingly few Burmese options, breaking out your calendar app just might be worth it. The Southeast Asian pop-up brings you dishes like fermented tea leaves, catfish soup, and vegan khao swè, a traditional curried stew made with thick noodles. But what really makes the food special here are the details — our Editorial Operations Coordinator, Anikah Shaokat, recently ate here and had this to say:

“Everything at Burmese, Please! is rave-worthy. But what really made the entire meal memorable were the accoutrements. Namely the Ngapi Kyaw, a salty, umami-rich fermented shrimp powder. This is a staple in Southern Burmese cooking (very close to where I grew up), where seafood isn’t just food, but a way of life.”

So… yeah. It’s probably time to fire up the Google Calendar.

Carla Cafe $$$$ 9229 W Sunset Blvd

Home to some of our favorite new sandwiches in LA, Carla Cafe currently pops-up every few days inside Bootsy Bellows in West Hollywood. They post all the ordering details on their Instagram so definitely give them a follow and, uh, wait? (we’re not sure why they’re private, either). Stay diligent, though - they sell out quickly. They only make one kind of sandwich each day and it always changes, but just know that whether you get the garlic aioli chicken, tuna chop, or pesto chicken, it’s going to be incredible.

Chainsaw Chainsaw $$$$

Not only is this Echo Park pop-up churning out homemade sherbet, pies, and boxed lunches, they’re doing it in a bucket. It’s all a part of their new contactless pick-up system: You place an order online through their website, then they’ll place a variety of summer-ready snacks like grilled pork sandwiches, strawberry+lilikoi sherbet , and nectarine hand pies in a metal bucket hung from their window and then lower it down. If you have any sort of LA bucket list going, Chainsaw needs to be on it.

De Porres de Porres $$$$

For seven years, Pablo Osorio and Danielle Bell staged intimate dinner parties across the U.S. Now, they’ve launched a weekly delivery service, featuring an always-changing menu of dishes inspired by Osorio’s native Peru, and desserts inspired by Bell’s time in the South. That means gravy-smothered quail, vegan causa (Peruvian potato casserole), and caramel pound cake - delivered right to your door. For ordering info and more, check out their website.

Golden Rice Co. Golden Rice Co. $$$$ 9229 Sunset Blvd

A Persian pop-up making perfectly crisp, Saffron-studded tahchin - rice cakes popular in Iranian cuisine - Golden Rice Co. does Sunday pick-ups and deliveries, and they sell out fast (like, they’re currently taking orders for September 6th). To see their full menu, which includes other Persian favorites like Mast (a refreshing salad made with yogurt, cucumbers, and dill), or to place an order in while you still can, check out their Instagram.

Gold Land BBQ $ $ $ $ BBQ in Culver City $$$$ 12430 Washington Blvd.

Gold Land BBQ sets up shop every Sunday in the back parking lot of Menotti’s Coffee Stop in Culver City West. Running from 11am-3pm, expect a true neighborhood barbecue feel, complete with a giant grilling pit, music on the loudspeaker, blankets and chairs strewn about, and some of the best Santa Maria-style BBQ in LA. The ribs and linguica sausage are standouts. You can pre-order through their website.

Kinkan Kinkan $$$$

From neatly packed sashimi bentos to dazzling boxes of uni, this Silver Lake sushi pop-up is utterly obsessed with perfection - but in the best way possible, kind of like Sugarfish on Adderall. Elaborate chirashi dons are served in ceramic bowls (which can be purchased for $5) and are filled with expertly cut pieces of bluefin tuna, unagi, sea bream, and ikura. Plus they give you a little can of yuzu soda with every meal, which is just... nice? DM their Instagram to pre-order.

Kuya Lord $ $ $ $ Filipino in La Canada Flintridge $$$$ 4526 La Granada Way

This Filipino pop-up is run by Lord Maynard Llera, a former sous chef at Bestia, and operates entirely out of his house in La Canada-Flintridge. There isn’t a set ordering schedule at the moment, but you’ll get all the menu, payment, and pick-up location details by following @kuyalord_la on Instagram. So go ahead and do that right now, because this food is simply too special to miss. The pancit chami is a revelation.

Nunchi $$$$

Roll cakes decorated with flowers. Lotus rice that’s been stained pink. And jelly mooncakes in the shape of corn on the cob? At Nünchi, the lines between art and food aren’t just blurred — they cease to exist. Equal parts Korean pop-up, dessert catering, and vaporwave dreamscape, everything here seems too pretty to eat — but maybe that’s the point? DM their Instagram to pre-order.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by NÜNCHI (@eatnunchi) on May 12, 2020 at 9:07am PDT

Perilla Perilla $$$$

Perilla is a Korean pop-up where chef Jihee Kim cooks a rotating menu of banchan out of her tiny kitchen in Koreatown. She takes inspiration from whatever she sees at the farmer’s market that week, which means seasonal dishes like corn crab salad with tomatoes, fermented carrot in ginger and mandarin zest, and green beans in creamy garlic confit. For menu and information, check out her Instagram.

Ribtown BBQ Ribtown BBQ $$$$ 2125 W. Jefferson Blvd

This Southern-style BBQ truck is serving pit-smoked perfection, in the form of hot links, pulled pork, and, their house speciality - tender, juicy rib tips covered in a custom Sweet Baby Ray’s sauce (a.k.a. Mark Zuckerberg’s favorite meat accompaniment). And although they might operate out of a loan office parking lot, when the meat looks this good, there’s no way in hell you’ll be leaving alone. Yes, we went to college. And yes, we’re still paying off those loans - maybe with Ribtown, we’ll kill two birds with one stone? Open Friday through Saturday, pre-order through their website.

rose + rye $ $ $ $ Cafe/Bakery , Dessert in Granada Hills $$$$

This dessert pop-up has only been around since the end of May, but it’s already managed to hold cake auctions in honor and raise funds for Breonna Taylor and Elijah McClain, participate in the Pies For Justice bake sale, and educate their followers on critical radical justice issues. All of this, while continuing to make one of the best treats in town - baked in a crisp, golden crust, Rose + Rye’s banana Nutella pie isn’t just good, or even great - it’s Decadent with a capital D. Head to their Instagram to place an order.

Thank You Coffee Thank You Coffee $$$$

This is easily the cutest coffee pop-up in the city, and perhaps even… the world? Operating out of the Chinatown stationery store Paper Please (good manners abound here), Thank You Coffee offers a compact menu of pour overs, herbal teas, and specialty drinks, like the You’re Welcome latte, made with lapsang souchong syrup (a smoky, aromatic black tea from China’s Fujian Province), chicory pecan bitters, espresso, and oat milk. Plus all of the bottles come with little cat drawings. What the hell.

The Bad Jew The Bad Jew $$$$

Rebecca King is the titular Bad Jew at her “very un-kosher” sandwich pop-up, which operates weekends out of places like The Nosh in Beverly Hills and Naughty Pig on the Sunset Strip. She wood-smokes and cures all her own meats for sandwiches like the Reubecca (a corned pork Reuben) and the Danny Boy (a pork pastrami Reuben).

Villas Tacos $ $ $ $ Tacos in Highland Park $$$$ 4958 Lincoln Ave.

This backyard spot in Highland Park is making some of the Best New Tacos In LA. Starting with a Dodger-blue corn tortilla base (taquero Victor Villa’s tribute to his hometown team), these seven-layer quesotacos pile on the mesquite-grilled meats, and are made even better with a bit of Villa’s fiery salsas and pinch of pickled hibiscus onions. The house specialty - and we mean that literally, since Villa operates out of his grandmother’s corner lot - is chorizo and potato, which we love. Give them a follow on Instagram, and DM your order for pick-up.

via The Infatuation Feed https://www.theinfatuation.com/los-angeles/guides/best-la-pop-up-restaurants Nhà hàng Hương Sen chuyên buffet hải sản cao cấp✅ Tổ chức tiệc cưới✅ Hội nghị, hội thảo✅ Tiệc lưu động✅ Sự kiện mang tầm cỡ quốc gia 52 Phố Miếu Đầm, Mễ Trì, Nam Từ Liêm, Hà Nội http://huongsen.vn/ 0904988999 http://huongsen.vn/to-chuc-tiec-hoi-nghi/ https://trello.com/userhuongsen

Created August 26, 2020 at 11:42PM /huong sen View Google Doc Nhà hàng Hương Sen chuyên buffet hải sản cao cấp✅ Tổ chức tiệc cưới✅ Hội nghị, hội thảo✅ Tiệc lưu động✅ Sự kiện mang tầm cỡ quốc gia 52 Phố Miếu Đầm, Mễ Trì, Nam Từ Liêm, Hà Nội http://huongsen.vn/ 0904988999 http://huongsen.vn/to-chuc-tiec-hoi-nghi/ https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1xa6sRugRZk4MDSyctcqusGYBv1lXYkrF

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junker-town · 7 years

Text

30 college football rivalries as Thanksgiving food items

Let’s come together and enjoy a weekend of annual traditions ... and some weird stuff that no one will take the blame for.

Thanksgiving is the best holiday on the calendar. I’m not really here for any contrary opinions. Christmas doesn’t have college football, and New Year’s doesn’t have the food. My family isn’t weird, so we don’t give out presents on Easter, and the Fourth of July is already a summer day to begin with, so it can only get so much better due to holiday status.

Thanksgiving is also college football’s best holiday, with many teams’ major rivalries happening all weekend long. Thanksgiving dinner and many of the sport’s annual fixtures go hand-in-hand. Dinner is a sport, so let’s compare dinner to sports.

Cranberry sauce: Florida-Florida State

Florida will always try to hard to be the ivory tower and regard FSU as the lowly CRIMINOLES. It’s just like your silly can vs. fresh cranberry sauce debate. At the end of the day, it’s still weird looking, purply-red goo that you’ll have had more than enough of after one serving.

We’re all still Florida men and women. Gators wear jean shorts and bark at police dogs. Noles steal shoes and look like this guy.

I dub thee: Fail Earnhardt http://pic.twitter.com/a5PnftJunw

— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) September 6, 2016

Green bean casserole: Egg Bowl

It’s the blend of something that tries so hard to be sophisticated (casser-Ole Miss) and something that’s shamelessly straight country (a bunch of green beans: Starkville, Miss.).

Your uncle's politics rant: Kentucky-Louisville

Guaranteed to reek of bourbon and have physical confrontations before it even begins.

youtube

Corn: Nebraska-Iowa

Obviously.

Photo by Eric Francis/Getty Images

Pumpkin pie: Illinois-Northwestern

It’s like someone did this to our wonderful sport by putting it on the schedule:

a special place in hell wouldn't be enough for you http://pic.twitter.com/VzgtaexYqB

— artificialdeath.flac (@hyped_resonance) November 23, 2016

Fruitcake: Tennessee-Vanderbilt

Nobody understands why it’s being served or how it’s managed to stay part of the Thanksgiving meal for as long as it has. Its meaning is questionable, and you don’t know anyone who thinks about it the other 364 days of the year.

Stuffing from inside the bird: Clemson-South Carolina

Occasionally great, usually not as good as it should be, and sometimes, you get food poisoning. Tajh Boyd demonstrates:

youtube

Being seated next to a cousin you haven’t really spoken to for years: Arkansas-Missouri

You lived near each other for years without intentionally spending any time together. There was probably a reason.

Pizza: Indiana-Purdue

There’s a pizza place in my hometown that puts yard signs out advertising that it delivers on Thanksgiving. Nothing could be more soul-sucking than crummy pizza on this holiday, unless your rivalry trophy is this:

I'm the Old Oaken Bucket, and I'm a Hoosier!!! http://pic.twitter.com/55unvjeust

— Homegrown Hoosier (@HomegrownHoos) November 29, 2014

Ham: NC State-North Carolina

Good, but we’d much rather have it in March.

Mashed potatoes: Minnesota-Wisconsin

Always decent, heavy, and loaded with dairy products.

Cornbread: Virginia Tech-Virginia

A little bit country and a little bit cake.

Mystery meat: Oregon-Oregon State

Here, I passed @SBNationCFB 's photo through a "can color blind people distinguish these" filter. I think. http://pic.twitter.com/ebZoJ65HBf

— GeauxDucks (@GeauxDucks) November 30, 2013

Gravy: Georgia-Georgia Tech

It thinks it can carry the day by itself, and you’d miss it if it didn’t happen, but it's not the feature.

Collard greens: Grambling State-Southern

If you don’t get this, I can’t really do anything to help you.

Turkey Bowl: Arizona State-Arizona

A just-for-fun game of football that rarely matters to anybody outside the family, though somebody will hold a grudge for decades.

The spouse who’s new blood at the family dinner and trying too hard to fit in: UCF-USF

The War on I-4 just got real...we earn points every time we beat USF in a sport Points are be updated each game ➡️ https://t.co/RdfKKAKMnE http://pic.twitter.com/t6C0XSemWo

— UCF Party Tutor (@UCF_PartyTutor) September 21, 2016

Whatever kind of pie your family only has once a year: Apple Cup

We expect Washington-Washington State to be really good this year, but even when it’s bad and both teams only have one win between them coming into the game, it’s still dessert.

youtube

Whatever it is your family used to make but doesn’t anymore because of the divorce: Texas-Texas A&M

Man, it would just be so much better if mom and dad would have just sorted their differences out, maybe gone to counseling, and just stayed together.

The fine dish your new step parent makes as a replacement, but nothing remotely like the original: LSU-Texas A&M and Whoever-Texas

I mean, sure. It’s still stuffing (which happens to be my favorite thanksgiving side dish), but Linda makes stuffing with mild sausage instead of spicy, so there’s no way in hell you’re ever calling her “Mom.”

Roasted turkey: Michigan-Ohio State

A cornerstone of the entire experience, whether it needs to be or not.

Your dad tells you about Woody and Bo and how it was awesome back in the day. He’s talking about those super awesome games of yesteryear that never had both teams eclipse the 20-point margin in the same game. This game is turkey, but it’s not exactly seasoned.

Bird just went in! Family and friends in route. It is going to be a great day! http://pic.twitter.com/cxYWTEdBfP

— Tom Rodgers (@TomRodgersNews) November 26, 2015

Exploding fried turkey: Iron Bowl

You can be as careful and as calculating as Nick Saban is. You can plan it all out to a T to get your lovely, gloriously juicy, and succulent fried turkey for all to enjoy.

Or you put one second on the clock and hastily try to thaw the game instead of going to overtime, and the whole thing might just explode.

The Reservoir Fire Department helped us demonstrate the wrong way to deep-fry your #Thanksgiving turkey (HINT: Thaw that bird out first!) http://pic.twitter.com/n95oaMmjGe

— The Clarion-Ledger (@clarionledger) November 21, 2016

youtube

Turkey sandwich: Army-Navy

One of the greatest traditions of them all, and it doesn’t happen until days later.

And a few that aren’t on Thanksgiving weekend this time around:

Mac and cheese: Notre Dame-USC

Your grandparents love it. Everybody's fine with it, and it’s sometimes an absolute classic, but BOY is it easy to screw up if it takes itself too seriously.

Greet Thanksgiving guests with this grown-up version of mac and cheese https://t.co/XpzrqVROI0 http://pic.twitter.com/fGzMJiriJ1

— The New York Times (@nytimes) November 23, 2016

Sparkling apple cider: Utah State-BYU

Non-alcoholic, but fine.

Brussels sprouts: Kansas-Kansas State

I needed to illustrate this game with the plainest food imaginable.

Salad: Boston College-Wake Forest

No one wants it. Go away.

Your aunt’s story that just will not end: Texas Tech-Baylor

Guaranteed to last entirely too long. But it’s tough to pull away from, because there are interesting parts around the 4.5-hour mark. You just have to settle in for the duration.

The last bite: West Virginia-Iowa State

Toward the end, weird things run together on your plate. No one would ever intentionally eat creamed corn with cranberry in it, but Thanksgiving produces strange mixtures sometimes.

Tofu turkey: Rutgers-Maryland

No one will even look at this.

Standing in the TSA line with a food coma in order to fly home after the holiday: Penn State-Michigan State.

Nothing happens, and it still feels like it takes forever.

This is a contrived way to get this commercial from Saban’s days as Spartans head coach in here.

youtube

0 notes

junker-town · 7 years

Text

30 college football rivalries as Thanksgiving food items

Let’s come together and enjoy a weekend of annual traditions ... and some weird stuff that no one will take the blame for.

Thanksgiving is the best holiday on the calendar. I’m not really here for any contrary opinions. Christmas doesn’t have college football and New Year’s doesn’t have the food. My family isn’t weird, so we don’t give out presents on Easter, and the Fourth of July is already a summer day to begin with, so it can only get so much better due to holiday status.

Cranberry sauce: Florida-Florida State

We’re all still Florida men and women. Gators wear jean shorts and bark at police dogs. Noles steal shoes and look like this guy.

I dub thee: Fail Earnhardt http://pic.twitter.com/a5PnftJunw

— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) September 6, 2016

Green bean casserole: Egg Bowl

It’s the blend of something that tries so hard to be sophisticated (casser-Ole Miss) and something that’s shamelessly straight country (a bunch of green beans: Starkville, Miss.).

Your uncle's politics rant: Kentucky-Louisville

Guaranteed to reek of bourbon and have physical confrontations before it even begins.

youtube

Corn: Nebraska-Iowa

Obviously.

Photo by Eric Francis/Getty Images

Pumpkin pie: Illinois-Northwestern

It’s like someone did this to our wonderful sport by putting this on the schedule.

a special place in hell wouldn't be enough for you http://pic.twitter.com/VzgtaexYqB

— artificialdeath.flac (@hyped_resonance) November 23, 2016

Brussels sprouts: Kansas-Kansas State

I needed to illustrate this game with the plainest food imaginable.

Fruitcake: Tennessee-Vanderbilt

Tofu turkey: Rutgers-Maryland

No one will even look at this.

Stuffing from inside the bird: Clemson-South Carolina

Occasionally great, usually not as good as it should be, and sometimes, you get food poisoning. Tajh Boyd demonstrates:

youtube

Your aunt’s story that just will not end: Texas Tech-Baylor

Guaranteed to last entirely too long. But it’s tough to pull away from, because there are interesting parts around the 4.5-hour mark. You just have to settle in for the duration.

Being seated next to a cousin you haven’t really spoken to for years: Arkansas-Missouri

You lived near each other for years without intentionally spending any time together. There was probably a reason.

Pizza: Indiana-Purdue

I'm the Old Oaken Bucket, and I'm a Hoosier!!! http://pic.twitter.com/55unvjeust

— Homegrown Hoosier (@HomegrownHoos) November 29, 2014

Sparkling apple cider: Utah State-BYU

Non-alcoholic, but fine.

Ham: NC State-North Carolina

Good, but we’d much rather have it in March.

Mac and cheese: Notre Dame-USC

Your grandparents love it. Everybody's fine with it, and it’s sometimes an absolute classic, but BOY is it easy to screw up if it takes itself too seriously.

Greet Thanksgiving guests with this grown-up version of mac and cheese https://t.co/XpzrqVROI0 http://pic.twitter.com/fGzMJiriJ1

— The New York Times (@nytimes) November 23, 2016

Salad: Boston College-Wake Forest

No one wants it. Go away.

Mashed potatoes: Minnesota-Wisconsin

Always decent, heavy, and loaded with dairy products.

Cornbread: Virginia Tech-Virginia

A little bit country and a little bit cake.

Mystery meat: Oregon-Oregon State

Here, I passed @SBNationCFB 's photo through a "can color blind people distinguish these" filter. I think. http://pic.twitter.com/ebZoJ65HBf

— GeauxDucks (@GeauxDucks) November 30, 2013

Gravy: Georgia-Georgia Tech

It thinks it can carry the day by itself, and you’d miss it if it didn’t happen, but it's not the feature.

Collard greens: Grambling State-Southern

If you don’t get this, I can’t really do anything to help you.

Turkey Bowl: Arizona State-Arizona

A just-for-fun game of football that rarely matters to anybody outside the family, though somebody will hold a grudge for decades.

The spouse who’s new blood at the family dinner and trying too hard to fit in: UCF-USF

The War on I-4 just got real...we earn points every time we beat USF in a sport Points are be updated each game ➡️ https://t.co/RdfKKAKMnE http://pic.twitter.com/t6C0XSemWo

— UCF Party Tutor (@UCF_PartyTutor) September 21, 2016

Whatever kind of pie your family only has once a year: Apple Cup

We expect Washington-Washington State to be really good this year, but even when it’s bad and both teams only have one win between them coming into the game, it’s still dessert.

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Whatever it is your family used to make but doesn’t anymore because of the divorce: Texas-Texas A&M

Man, it would just be so much better if mom and dad would have just sorted their differences out, maybe gone to counseling, and just stayed together.

The fine dish your new stepparent makes as a replacement, but nothing remotely like the original: LSU-Texas A&M and TCU-Texas

Roasted turkey: Michigan-Ohio State

A cornerstone of the entire experience, whether it needs to be or not.

Bird just went in! Family and friends in route. It is going to be a great day! http://pic.twitter.com/cxYWTEdBfP

— Tom Rodgers (@TomRodgersNews) November 26, 2015

Exploding fried turkey: Iron Bowl

You can be as careful and as calculating as Nick Saban is. You can plan it all out to a T to get your lovely, gloriously juicy, and succulent fried turkey for all to enjoy.

Or you put one second on the clock and hastily try to thaw the game instead of going to overtime, and the whole thing might just explode.

The Reservoir Fire Department helped us demonstrate the wrong way to deep-fry your #Thanksgiving turkey (HINT: Thaw that bird out first!) http://pic.twitter.com/n95oaMmjGe

— The Clarion-Ledger (@clarionledger) November 21, 2016

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The last bite: West Virginia-Iowa State

Toward the end, weird things run together on your plate. No one would ever intentionally eat creamed corn with cranberry in it, but Thanksgiving produces strange mixtures sometimes.

Standing in the TSA line with a food coma in order to fly home after the holiday: Penn State-Michigan State.

Nothing happens, and it still feels like it takes forever.

This is a contrived way to get this commercial from Saban’s days as Spartans head coach in here.

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Turkey sandwich: Army-Navy

One of the greatest traditions of them all, and it doesn’t happen until days later.

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