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prcmctheus · 6 years

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beep beep y’all ur resident dumpster dweller kay here in action and ready 2 introduce u all to my Fave Boy misha who uhHHhh p much has rbf and a Thicc ukrainian accent. will this contain anything of substance other than immense rambling ?? whO KNOWS but we’ll go on this journey together but feel free to drop a like if u wanna plot and i’ll pop over to ur dm’s !!

potential triggers: death + mob activity

! ✰ ° — [ CHRIS PINE, CISMALE, HE/HIM ] mykhailo “misha” chernenko, aka agent prometheus is a thirty-five year old tactical agent that has been loyal to mercy twelve years. during that time they were injected with the gamma serum and earned regenerative healing they have a reputation of being the sagacious because they can be pragmatic & diligent. but let’s not forget they’re pretty acerbic & reticent. if you listen closely you can hear another one bites the dust by queen whenever they walk past.

okie to start off ya boy was brought into the world as михайло оландрович черненко ( aka mykhailo oleksandrovych chernenko ) but typically goes by the nickname of misha bc it’s easier and was born in kharkiv, ukraine ,,, he is a proud ukrainian and v much dislikes being deemed a russian ,, don’t do him dirty y’all . . it’s a struggle and one he will never forget n have u on his shit list ,, especially since his accent is still Thicc so any jokes will get u a side eye

his father oleksandr had strong nationalistic views , especially so when ukraine was still under soviet control and following the death of his first wife yulia ( they were visiting her family in moscow when she was caught in the crossfire of russian mob activity on her way home from the store and ultimately died from gunshot wounds ) he became heavily involved anti-russia groups back in ukraine

in 1983 when misha was born, he uHHhhHHhh wasn’t really wanted per say ?? like ,, his dad was hooking up with his mother kateryna and it was a surprise to them both that kateryna was pregnant ?? so oleksandr did the noble thing ( arguable bc he ain’t so noble ) and put a ring on her ,, mainly bc it was expected and kateryna gave him hell so u go kateryna

misha’s childhood wasn’t the best considering his parents argued more than they got along and kateryna really despised her husband from his life of crime ?? definitely didn’t agree with his ties to the ukrainian mob bc of the threat it brought to the family and especially the dirty money so she often put her sewing skills to use and made little of her own money ,, then wOP ,, four years down the line kateryna surprises oleksandr with the fact that she’s pregnant again but this time it ends up being a daughter that they name nadezhda but call nadia

it was an odd thing for misha bc for as harsh and distant as his father was to him, he had put him on this pedestal with a strong sense of idealism of what his father was like if he managed to do something to make him proud ,, despite not fully knowing in depth what his father did in the mob ( aka not good things like murder, drug trafficking and human trafficking ) so essentially that became misha’s goal in his v young life ,, he mimicked his father’s anti-russian views and showed interest in what he did for a living ,, rip 2 misha’s mom bc she nearly had a heart attack when she heard her son acting like everything she didn't want him to end up being

but with kateryna’s dismay came the affection from his father that misha had so desperately wanted and it became some weird take ur child to work day thing ,, this started when misha was around 6 years old and lasted up until he was 13 ( for reasons i’ll get into soon jndsjksd ) where oleksandr would often bring misha after school or even take him our during school ,, as some weird initiation thing of another generation of chernenko dedicating themselves to the cause of ukrainian independence

misha himself is an intelligent boy with a quick witted mind and ability to retain information and was quick to pick up on the russian language around him in kharkiv as well english ,, generally v good at learning languages and i just !!! get a lil emo thinking about the life misha could have had bc of his smarts if he didn’t get himself involved in this spy shit

his father finds it useful to start teaching misha how to properly fight bc #fambonding am i rite ,, also bc oleksandr is a shite dad who was gonna bring misha along to some attack they were planning near the russian border from tensions between the ukrainian mob n the russian mob that was starting to infiltrate in ,, just dudes being dudes n getting territorial

let’s pray 4 kateryna when she finds out bc it’s when misha is 13 and tags along with his father to this smackdown which ?? ukraine is independent at this point by 5 years so oleksandr is trash n still chilling with the mob and when shit hits the fan and long story short, oleksandr ( along with many others ) gets killed, misha ends up severely hurt and it’s not a good time ,, but things shift bc when misha comes to he’s in a hospital bed and o shIT ,, he’s chilling with the security service of ukraine which deals with counterintelligence activity and terrorism

chilling ain’t really the term but yA KNOW ,, turns out they’ve been keeping eyes on the mob movements and misha attracted the attention of ukrainian intelligence “offered” him a role as a spy with the promise of training and serving his country proudly ,, u know ,, offered is in quotes bc hoe didn’t really have a choice but it wasn’t a hard choice bc misha was eager to help out his homeland

he didn’t officially go out into the field until he was 17 bc of extensive training in combat and espionage to help defend the still young foundation of the ukrainian government especially since it was rocky from the poor economic conditions ,, and after proving both his worth and abilities in several missions, he was activated as a sleeper agent in the russian government to get a hold of information regarding russian intelligence ,, more importantly such impacting ukraine

ya boy excelled in his position, given it wasn’t the most exciting bc it involved a lot of blending in and upholding this russian persona ,, gone was mykhailo chernenko for those three years up until he was 23 since he went by the alias of konstantin vasiliev ,, and he did well !! as someone who excelled in linguistics, his was v fluent in the russian language with a believable accent to match ( one of his best qualities in his ability to take on accents easily and rn he’s fluent in french, german, italian and spanish outside of his ukrainian, russian, and english )

things went well for the three years acting as a secretary for a high ranking russian government official and uh,, u know it helped that misha was attractive and knew how to use it to his advantage and successfully infiltrated into classified information since his superior viewed misha as just a pretty face with minimal understanding of how politics worked ,, meanwhile he was the one who spilled shit during sex so who was the real weenie

due to unfortunate events, misha’s cover was blown and barely made it out of russia alive and it was around his 23rd/24th that mercy got into contact with him and for as much as misha loved his country, he figured for his own safety it would be best to leave the area since lowkey the russian government still had it out for him ,, so he joined the mercy division as a field agent and AGENT PROMETHEUS was born ,, a couple of years into it he was convicted into taking the gamma serum which gave him regenerative healing which helps out v much when he gets shot at or generally hurt

so yeah p much ya boy has been chilling at mercy as a field agent for eleven years and generally enjoying his time here given things can’t ever really get normal as a spy ,, but it was last year that bc of numerous influences, misha decided to accept the offer of joining the tactical agents and retire his days as a field agent.

personality wise ,, misha is v devoted to his job and does this hoe ever genuinely laugh or smile ?? who knows ,, i think there’s a rumor somewhere that he’s actually a robot. def gives into the slavic stereotype where ukrainian’s never smile ,, not to mention his father ingrained into him the ukrainian saying of Сміх без причини є ознакою тупості aka “laughter without a reason is a sign of stupidity” soooOOoo he’s just a bit stoic and has resting bitch face

doesn’t really realize he’s v blunt and forthright in his speak so he can come off as an asshole ( which 67% of the time he doesn’t mean ) ,, has the patience of a saint but if u push hard enough he’ll crack ,, a bit dry on the humor but can def be an asshole when he wants to. doesn’t trust a lot of ppl and it’s hard to earn his trust ,, word the only major ppl he’s trusted was a) his dad b) the security service of ukraine and c) now mercy so kudos on getting on his good side

has no contact whatsoever with his mother kateryna or his sister nadia ,, partially bc couldn’t keep up for security n safety reasons but also bc misha is p much dead to kateryna after following his father’s footsteps, getting involved in the whole mess of ukrainian / russian political n governmental affairs and also dropping his v tiny attempt of college before becoming a sleeper agent for ukraine ,, so ya boy is on his own so u can expect wALLS around him ,, bc u know ,, he don’t do emotional vulnerability or relationships

#mhq.intro #if all goes well and i am .. not dumb fjdnsj then this posts while im out to dinner #luv me and my goblin son

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juunshua · 6 years

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henlo! can u post a gif tutorial cause your gifs are so pretty and look amazing, even on mobile which messes up with everythjng 😆

ahh anon u flatter me!! thank you for your kind words!!! i honestly have ways to go, but it means a lot that u say this thank you

so for starters i have a mac + photoshop cs5 so a lot of this tutorial will be based on what you do for that, but i’m sure u could do the same thing on pcs (actually pcs have more programs available so i highly recommend, if u have a pc, finding a tutorial that is based around pcs) and other photoshop versions too! but i think the general process is still the same, a different tutorial might just be more nuanced^^

1. Finding/downloading your video~so for normal mp4 videos on youtube i use this website. it’s pretty useful it can download from actually a wide variety of sites like naver (up till 1080p!) ~for v app videos i use this site~ts files i find on kpopexciting or kpop24hrs (u need an account for kpop24hrs i think to download video but! signing up isnt difficult and its nothing fishy. i use it a lot esp for older ts files it has a good archive, kpopexciting tends to be faster though.)~the higher quality files you find the better! i find that it tends to go mp4~honestly finding the right high quality video is a HUGE part of making gifs look nice2. Extracting your video~there are many many many ways to extract your video but I highly recommend downloading avisynth! There are ways to download it for pc! avisynth is beautiful because it doesn’t really reduce the quality of your video to the extent that photoshop does, plus it can extract 60fps from ts files. some gifs ive made through avisynth ( x x x ) if you’re interested in avisynth further, tumblr user @/brandinator is a good place to start! if you want to know more regarding how to use it and a different tutorial through that, let me know! ~now i’m not sure if there is an avisynth tutorial for mac anymore, BUT theres another great program, vapoursynth, that mac users can look into. here’s a tutorial that i’ve found~Before I got avisynth I used VLC player for ts files but I had to basically screenshot each frame individually. Some gifs I’ve made through this method ( x x x ). these gifs are 60fps only bc i found a user who uploaded the ts file in 60fps. usually you cant get 60fps w/o avisynth. but this is also me saying that if you cant get avisynth or vapoursynth, there are still ways to work around it i think! one of my fav giffers for the longest time didnt use either!! and sharpening and coloring were always on point.~I think pcs can use kmplayer? id look into that if you have a pc~for normal mp4 videos I just use photoshops ‘import video frames to layers’ option (under file in the menubar)! you can use avisynth as well, but for me it takes forever to extract what i want in avisynth (minimum like a minute ish), whereas ps can get the part of the video i want to gif in a couple of seconds. I think it’s self explanatory but basically you find the video you want to extract, find where u want ur gif to start, and for photoshop cs5, you hit the ‘shift’ key and let the part u want giffed in the video play. when youre done u lift the shift key and hit ‘ok’ (idk if it differs for different versions of ps). i extract all!!! frames!! it makes it look smoother too :)

3. Coloring/Sharpening/Cropping/Etc~now this is the step that I can’t really give a tutorial on because honestly it varies for everyone! but i feel that this is the step that a lot of ppl need guidance with (me included) because it is the hardest step, probably because it is so ‘up in the air’ for lack of a better word? there is no one right way of doing it the possibilities are literally endless but here are some tips~Coloring: ~most important rule: don’t whitewash ur gifs!! ~other than that, the world is yours. ~honestly have fun with this part! coloring is something that i haven’t fully learned yet ~i tend to play around mainly with the curves, selective color, hue/saturation, and color balance layers ~you can also download psds other ppl have made (i dont do this myself) and use those! ~also i feel that a lot of the times, the right coloring can make ur gif seem higher quality. coloring can also play a role in reducing gif size if u do it correctly. ~honestly this part is just a lot of experimentation, over the course of a gifset and over the course of time in general. some people find their coloring style easily, but i was not one of those people. ive spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to adjust what layers to get the colors that i want and i think only as of this era ive been able to execute the coloring i had pictured in my mind. so patience is a virtue!!! ~Sharpening: ~ah yes my biggest enemy: sharpening ~first things first, i sharpen my gifs using smart sharpen + topaz ~settings for my smart sharpen are 500%; 0.4 ~check the box that says ‘more accurate’ and i personally remove ‘gaussian blur’ ~some people also use topaz denoise, and/or topaz clean ~ honestly topaz is a lifesaver for me bc it smoothes out a lot of grain that can be introduced via coloring! also!!! it can reduce gif size by a lot!!!!!!!!!!! ~on topaz denoise i hit the ‘light’ setting on the side and adjust the settings accordingly ~idk how to use topaz clean even though I have it, because it refuses to work ~to apply topaz you have to hit ‘flatten frames into layers’ ~some gifs i’ve made with just topaz and no avisynth ( x x x x) ~there are ways to make it look nice without topaz but i’ve forgotten how after i got it ~id duplicate the frame then use smart sharpen and ‘gaussian blur’ under ‘blur’ ~then adjust the opacity levels in some way. ~my settings for the opacity levels aren’t good so i’ll refrain from sharing ~some gifs ive made through this method ( x x ) ~last but not least i’ll bring up avisynth again. avisynth is nice at preserving video quality ~a lot of ppl i know say they don’t even sharpen gifs out of avisynth ~here are some gifs i have made with avisynth + topaz ( x x x x x x x ) ~honestly when it comes to sharpening, im still floundering with it. my sharpening needs a lot of work but, amongst the people who i consider good sharpners, most of them use avisynth, topaz denoise and/or clean, and smart sharpen! so all the resources are here !

~Cropping: ~it’s super important to follow tumblr dimensions otherwise gifs come out looking grainy! even when they’re not ! (case in point: x in which i used 168 instead of 178 for the dimensions)~Timing: ~Timing is so important!!! I almost forgot!! Always make sure u dont have duplicate frames for starters! for 60fps source videos i use .03, for mp4s i typically use .04 but sometimes the frame rate is kinda funky so you may have to go slower accordingly! and the important thing about timing is that if u use smart object, when u save ur gif, it’ll be in a different timing? like .04 gets changed to .07 but in order to fix that, u can simply just save ur gif in the wrong timing, and then reopen the gif in ps, simply change the timing to what u want on all ur frames, and then save it again!! idk if that made any sense but laskdjf this was the biggest mystery for me for so long omg4. Saving the gif~personally the save settings I use are “Selective/Adaptive” ; “Diffusive”; Dither: 100%; 256 colors. sometimes this makes the gif super grainy so i use “pattern” instead of “diffusive” in those instances5. Pray Perseverance ~a lot of the time when you’re giffing, gifs won’t come out the way you want it (i’m sure for every gifset i’ve uploaded on tumblr, there’s a gifset that i started making and never finished because it looked really bad). idk sometimes it feels like photoshop has its own will, sharpenings wont always work the same way each time, video quality won’t be the way you want it, i’m honestly still very experimental right now I don’t have ps figured out at all. so yeah…sometimes all u can do is that when u hit that save for web button (that ruins everything alskf), pray that ps doesnt mess it up too bad ahahaha but also that even when it does, its okay and you can try again! or try something new!

this is a super generic guide! let me know if you need more information!

#anon #replies

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fezrus · 7 years

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A dog person - Young!Sirius x Reader

Warnings : nope, maybe the GIF that personally makes me weak

Words : 2.8k

Request : yes

Note : it's the imagine that I wrote a few days ago and that was deleted somehow, I'm sharing it again now. I know some people had the same request but anywayyyyy (thank you to the ppl who told me to post it again btw❣️). I just imagined a Patronus for Pettigrew, don't mind it if it bothers you. I loved this request and got a bit carried away, it was just so damn cute.

Even at Hogwarts everybody hated monday mornings, as they symbolized the end of the weekend, the return in class and especially, implied a lot of exhaustion. In fact, everybody except the 6th years, because to them Monday morning meant Defense Against the Dark Arts. Here you were, at your usual seat next to the wall on the first row. The classroom 3C had probably the biggest windows out of all the Turris Magnus, unfortunately you were too short to observe the view -everybody was- but you still tried to take a look everytime. You were on tip-toes, taking advantage of the fact that your teacher had not yet arrived to make another attempt.

« You know Y/N, I really enjoy the view you're offering me when you stand up like this in front of me, but I think you should just sit down as our dear Professor is here. » whispered Sirius behind you. Your cheeks turner red as you did what he said, sighing in exasperation and trying to focus on the tall man standing in front of the class. Sirius knew his little seduction game made you feel a bit flustered and that was exactly why he liked doing it so much, he didn't want you to be uncomfortable, he was only joking and you knew it. Out of the four Marauders, you spent most of your time with him or Remus, who actually introduced you to the others after meeting you at the library.

« Today I will try, and please notice that I said try, to teach you something that I know most of you have been waiting for. » said your teacher solanemly, holding his hands together behind his back. « The majority of witches and wizards are not able to produce it for it requires patience, concentration and determination. You probably guessed it already, I am talking about the Patronus charm, one of the most powerful defensive charms that exist.»

Immediatly, everybody started to whisper enthousiasticly to their neighbors, and even Lily who usually was the definition of the model student seemed hysteric. You smiled when you saw her, her dazzling hair flying in the air while she turned around towards the boys, already beginning to discuss on the shape their patronus would take. James had already managed to produce one and it was a deer just like his animagus. He could be turbulent, sometimes even insolent, but nobody could deny that he was an incredibly talented wizard just like Remus who was sitting next to him. Strangely, he stayed away from the general euphoria which spread in the class, playing almost nervously with his hands. You frowned, ready to ask him what was going on when your teacher knocked two times on the desk with his fists. The noises stopped and everybody looked at him once again.

« To produce a Patronus, it is necessary to concentrate on your most beautiful memory, and only this one. Find the memory that warms your heart the most and say clearly, wand in hand : expecto patronum. » Suddenly, a silver eagle flew from his hand and in the classroom. It was both beautiful and captivating. « This requires training, today we shall satisfy us with approaching the theoretical side of it and in the next class, I hope that you will be ready. Just know that it is difficult to obtain a corporeal patronus, and that its purpose is not to be beautiful, but to protect you from Dementors. Whether it is a rat, cat or lion, its power will be the same : the partonus is a shield, a messenger and a protector. »

He kept speaking during the whole following hour, adding that even if the animal shape the Patronus took did not define its strenght, it could mean something important for the wizard. Leaving the class everybody had only an idea in head : discover what their patronus was. The four boys, Lily and you had mutually decided to train together by the lake this afternoon. But right now you were going to eat, Sirius and James led the group speaking loudly and walking way too fast. Behind and standing by your side, Lily seemed to explain to Peter the details he had not understood. You left them silently to join Remus who walked at the back, alone, head low and dragging his feet. He raised his head when he saw you were waiting for him and turned the gentle smile you were giving him back to you. Interlacing your arm in his, you jumped at the opportunity to be alone with him to ask him what was wrong. Remus sighed, he seemed embarrassed and you strated to worry. He looked around to be sure no one was listening and then he bent a little towards you.

« I'm afraid my corporeal Patronus gives too much away, if you know what I mean. I already tried with James and it almost worked, and I swear I saw a long hairy tail before the light went off. » He whispered, biting his lip « With you guys it doesn't matter, but if anyone else sees it... » He didn't finish his sentence but you knew what he meant. Remus had always suffered because of his lycantropia, his parents and him had a nomadic life before he came to Hogwarts thanks to Dumbledore. Everytime someone started to be suspicious, they left and the little Remus never got to make friends. Even now that he had friends, really good ones, he was still afraid someone would found out. Taking his hand in yours, you squeezed it gently so he knew he wasn't alone and you were here for him.

« We can practice alone another day if you want to be sure, you don't have to do it today if you don't want to. »

« I think that's a good idea, thank you Y/N. »

Around 4pm, you sat in the green grass which lined the lake, between Sirius and Peter who seemed strangely concentrated into tearing away the petals of a flower one by one. You turned around towards Sirius who was already looking at you. You felt your cheeks burn a little when he did not look away which made him laugh, revealing his white teeth and his dimples. He was a handsome young man, really, and you never knew if you just found him attracive or if it was something more. Anyway, you came back to reality when James showed up, back from his Quidditch session. A proud smile could be seen on his face as per usual, and it grew even bigger when a bunch of Gryffindor girls passing by stared at him like he was a piece of art, or a piece of meat. It always made Sirius giggle but Lily just rolled her eyes every single time.

« Did you mess your hair up on purpose again just so you can look like some Quidditch rock star ? » suggested Remus, looking quite amused.

« You'll be authorized to criticize my hair when your furry little problem will be solved, Moony chéri. » teased James, winking before he spoke again while turning around « Let's get started folks, why don't we let the Lilliputian try first. »

Eveybody laughed, James flirting with Lily was the funniest thing ever, especially when he came up with these strange nicknames but you had to admit that for once it wasn't so bad. She stood up, pointing her wand towards him which caused him to slightly move to the side.

« In fact I'm two months older than you Potter, show me some respect. » Remus, Peter and Sirius giggled while James seemed outraged, but before he could come back with anything Lily exclaimed, her wand pointing to the sky « Expecto patronum ! »

You held your breath just like the others while slowly but very clearly, from the tip of her wand, a bright silvery light started to burst before fading out. She tried again multiple times with James giving her advices and finally, a tall and gracious doe was running in the air, following the rythm of Lily's laugh. Her green eyes were wide opened, she seemed proud and happier than ever. You all applauded, Peter even took a bow.

« It's strange, isn't it ? Your patronus is a doe and Potter's one is a deer. If it isn't a sign, I don't know what it is. » teased Sirius, winking to Lily. Her cheeks turned bright red before she exlaimed « Simple coincidence, that won't make me go out with you any sooner Potter. »

Finally you formed little groups, James and Lily stayed together, Sirius was with Peter and Remus with you. This way, the others didn't pay attention to the fact that Moony wasn't really trying to practice and he was pleased about it. You tried to remember all the informations your teacher gave you this morning, and took a deep breath. You hoped it would work but as Lily said again and again, it was a difficult spell and it was normal if you didn't succeed on your first tries. For what felt like an hour you persisted, repeating the two little words again and again, sometimes managing to produce a little shiny light at the end of your wand. But no animal, nothing. Frustrated you sighed noisily, which caught the attention of Remus, Sirius and Peter. The two others seemed too busy arguing about who-knows-what, and anyway they did not really need to practice anymore. Seeing your disappointment, Sirius smiled softly before suggesting to the boys to train together and that he would help you. After all if that did not work so well that way, you could try.

« I can't do it either, you know. Maybe it's because you distract me. » he suggested, teasing you once more with a grin on his face.

« That's not funny Sirius. » you whined, a pout on your lips.

He looked at them for a bit too long before coming back at your eyes. Finally he stood behind you, his chest pressed against your back. You were thankful he was behind, at least he couldn't see your burning cheeks but it wasn't finished yet because you could now feel his strong hand taking yours, holding your wand with you while the other one was placed on your hip. Your heart was racing and you were probably shaking too because he laughed soflty, speaking soflty.

« Maybe you're not thinking about your happiest memory. Close you eyes, the first one to come to your mind is probably the good one, focus on it. »

Even if his body pressed against yours and his breath crashing on the thin skin of your neck did not help you at all, his soft and low voice was relaxing and you now thought of nothing else. You no longer heard the sound of the wind in the trees, nor the murmur of the water of the lake, you did not see your friends staring at you a little farther : it was his voice and his body near you that occupied all your mind. You closed your eyes as he had suggested, and with trembling lips you pronounced the two words « Expecto patronum. » You opened your eyes slowly, just in time to see a magnificent light spraying out, more powerful than what you had managed to do until then. It grew larger, Sirius's hand still held yours and guided the movements of your wand. After a few seconds, you saw it. In front of you stood a brilliant, tall and perfectly formed dog. But it was not a common dog, you had seen this one several times already and you recognized it immediately. You understood that Sirius did too when you felt his fingers release your hand smoothly and his body move back slowly. Your concentration broke and the big dog disappeared. You did not dare to turn around, both shocked and mute, because you finally knew what your patronus was. And it was him. It was Padfoot.

You stood there, sitting on your bed without knowing what to do or even what to think. After the events of the afternoon you quickly ran away, stammering that you did not feel well and that you were going to rest. But everyone had seen the same thing as you, and everyone knew that your patronus was none other than Sirius Black himself, or at least his animagus form. You tried to convince yourself that it was just a simple dog, but you knew what you saw. Maybe it didn't mean anything at all, maybe it did. It probably did. Sirius and you had been friends for years and even though he liked to tease you all day long, it had never been more than a platonic relationship. As you kept thinking about this, images started to come to your mind. The day you met, how funny you found him, yet annoying. The first time you sat together in class, and how you spent the hour drawing stupid things on each other's books. That time in 4th year when he punched a guy who insulted you, and definitely got a detention for it. When one of his pranks hurt you and he brought you chocolate and flowers to make it up. The time he hugged you so tight after Gryffindor won the house cup that you thought he was going to choke you. Maybe he wasn't just a friend after all, and it took you a couple of years and a patronus to realize it. A knock on your door made you lift your head up, the person did not let you any time to answer and entered the room.

« Can I come in ? » asked the black haired boy. « A bit too late to ask, isn't it ? »

Sirius did not answer, he just closed the door leaving you both alone in the dorm. He sat next to you, your knees barely touching, but not a word was said. You looked at the floor for a few seconds before you saw him turning his head to you from the corner of your eye. Slowly, you looked at him too, your heart skipping a beat when you met his dark grey eyes.

« Why did you leave earlier ? You missed something, we learnt that Peter's patronus is a mole. » « You know why I left. » you said, smiling slightly at the end. « You don't have to be embarassed about it. » he shrugged « But I have to admit that I thought it would be something else. » « Like what ? » « A penguin. »

You scoffed, clearly not especting that answer. Sirius looked at you curiously, he didn't seem to understand why you were chuckling but he still smiled when he heard your laugh.

« What ? They're cute and funny, everyone likes penguins. » he smirked. « Nope, you're probably the only person to fancy penguins that much. » « Well I don't try to hide it. You shouldn't either. »

His last words were whispered in your ear before he placed a soft kiss on your shoulder. You knew what he meant, and you couldn't act as if the butterflies flying in your stomach weren't here. He bent down to give you another kiss, on the cheek this time, but the weight of his body made you both fall back on the bed. You laughed as he found himself lying on top of you and for the first time since you met him, you saw a light shade of red on his cheeks. You stayed like this before he kissed your forehead, and then your nose. You smiled and he looked at your lips, and back at your eyes again. Your hands made their way to the back of his neck as he brushed your lips with his own, without ever pressing them together. Your heartbeating probably echoed throughout the entire room, or maybe it was his own. He smirked again when he saw the look full of frustration and desire you gave him, biting his lip and kissing the corner of your lips and then your cheek, before whispering in your ear again.

« I always knew you were a dog person. »

And after that he finally pressed his lips against yours, tenderly, as if you were the most precious thing in the world.

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years

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s2g that moss has even been foreshadowing that lars was gonna get briefly killed like…not that specific but since we’re shown that the moss is lars and the flowers have a bit of gem in them…………

ppl are always weird about stuff everywhere smh but like…theres been obviously weird things like being way more ok with ancient beings ready to destroy all life on the planet than lars being too ill-tempered or doing something selfish like…i see that…. like lars doesnt need to be redeemed for anything jeez. every episode where he does something crap its on a minor scale vs like endangering lives or something and he gets k.o’d for it and then makes some sincere form of apology like? theres your redemption…i guess maybe people expect him to become acceptable overnight maybe but thats how people work and then every episode is like The Lesson of the Week instead of a closer look at a character and another step in their development as people figuring themselves out

like literally every character has issues smh! in like this and everything also but like….honestly lars has been a super self conscious and anxious teen from the start and really unhappy and like sometimes he does dumbass shit but who hasnt. if you think youve never hurt people you havent been paying close enough attention

anyways one of the things i really dont like? despite general overall stuff like teenaged lars momentarily losing his patience and realizing he’s in the wrong and immediately trying to make amends = him being judged more harshly than like….every millenia-old actually murderous actual antagonist introduced…. is that overall? its like really really clear really early on that he’s always struggling with a lot of mental health issues, and a common theme is irl people who really do have disorders pointing this out. like, that point can be made for every character in su and lars isnt The Mentally Ill One who alone represents the whole of the universal mental illness experience because obviously that doesnt exist and its a very unique and personal experience, and people dont have to directly relate to lars or any other character with such problems to verify their own. but lars and the cool kids is like super upfront about anxiety and he obv has really low confidence and low self worth and i’ll fight anytime about island adventure hinting strongly at depression—in addition to having him state outright that he feels lonely and isolated all the time. and like, he hates the job he works all the time, he’s not good in school, he and sadie feel an early connection but they obviously had to do a lot of work on that and step on each other’s emotional fingers along the way to finally get to where they are now—which i’m guessing is dating but without acknowledging so or at least not to others, he isn’t very close to his parents currently, he starts the series with 1.5 friends maximum and cant even approach the cool kids besides being desperate to be friends with them

like clearly he’s unhappy and for a while sadie and steven are probably the people closest to him even tho he is a lot more annoyed by steven at the start of things when steven is more little-kiddish than he is now…..but lars still acts mostly like himself around them But at the start him and sadie have too many complications and uncertainties to be really comfortable and again steven doesnt really come across as very mature, with lars pointing it out just now how stevens changed in that way, and it being difficult anyways for lars to confide in anybody

so like lars is and has always been super super defined and restricted by his fear of everybody he encounters, specifically being afraid of being hurt by them / fear of being disliked. i like to say that i think the way he prevents himself / his image is meant to be a way of controlling the reactions he expects people to have: i.e. making people dislike him is less scary/painful than being judged badly while hoping for the opposite. but i also never like saying that anyone who consciously cultivates their Look is faker than someone who doesnt put any thought into it, or is lying to themselves or others or whatever, i just would bet thats a part of it. but moreso than that, the fact that he’s irritable and ill-tempered all the time fits really well as a result of being so unhappy and afraid and trying to deal with it solo. it’s not about him not caring about people, when on an unrelated note but related-to-the-universal-human-experience he does something thoughtless or mean or just generally crosses a line, he notices immediately when someone feels hurt, and he’s shown to immediately feel bad, arguably to a fault and going too far with how guilty he feels. but anyways clearly even though he has the capacity to hurt people’s feelings, he’s very sensitive to that, he cares deeply when it happens, and he doesn’t want to hurt people. like apologizing with any genuine depth to it right off is an incredibly difficult task even for grownass adults, and lars is already really good at it. its wild that people think of him as super cruel and selfish when it’s clear that he’s very emotionally vulnerable and doesn’t have the capacity to callously disregard other people’s hurt feelings

anyways a point i’m taking a really long time to come around to is that lars is a really good example of someone who’s young and unhappy and isolated and really struggling with a lot of things and afraid of everything and the fact is that usually when youre looking for characters who are struggling with this kind of shit you get one-dimensional, maybe even one-episode characters like the person who shows up for the very special episode where everyone has a serious talk and learns a serious lesson and the Depression Character never shows up again, having gone off to be depressed somewhere else since we already know about depressed people. or depression and anxiety is something that can be solved literally overnight if you just confront the root cause, like eliminating the life problem that made x depressed or giving y a makeover or throwing them a surprise party to show them they have friends or something. or you learn that joe the bully is actually just physically violent because he is insecure, whoa man. or the Sad Kid is a running joke and a periphery character and their parents are getting divorced etc etc etc etc

the point is that lars is a main character and even when he learns things about himself that put him in a better place than when the episode began, his issues still don’t vanish (and i wouldnt be surprised if people use that as evidence that his character doesnt “grow”). and dealing with / revealing some of his issues arent a special episode, its just an episode, and its about him. he’s developed over and over and he’s shown to be a complicated person. he’s shown to enjoy things and have interests and a life. he’s a regular character as much as anyone else is, he isnt set aside in a special category

but the thing is that maybe people expect Mentally Ill™ characters to be more of the hamfisted media clichés with zero nuance and about as much accuracy to them? because there’s always the sweet-and-soft kind of person who’s surely dealing with mental illness acceptably because they make up for it by being pure and noble and something approximately like a newborn lamb. like depression is being maybe a bit cagey and avoidant and crying a lot and writing poetry (which will later be revealed as their secret talent!!) and sighing and generally just waiting for someone to approach them, very gently because they are shy and nervous like a fawn, and that savior will cure them with love and also with showing them how beautiful life is!!! and then they will start wearing more colorful clothes and they will be happy and the depression is over now, because someone just had to show their delicate, beautifully wounded soul the light

trauma? you can tell someone has Trauma because they act very stoic and strong 1000% of the time no exceptions but it is just a façade. they will never talk about The Thing. they will finally talk about the thing because someone pries about it with pure intentions and it is a big dramafest and theyve never talked about this before and everyone cries and its super serious and heavy and the person is a bit softer after that because they could finally let it out that one time. thanks, another savior. having disorders is just having turned away from the light

the point is that irl obviously things are very different and its rare to see people with such issues being treated the same as any other character and being able to grow in a realistic way and being able to have flaws the way that everyone else does, not having to be a pure defenseless dewy-eyed baby kitten who someone strong and Normal needs to rescue and put on the right path away from these problems forever. being pissed off and frustrated and confused but trying a lot of different ways to figure things out anyways is a lot more common, the way lars reacts to and deals with his vulnerability is a lot more realistic than just being a fairy-tale in-distress type figure. his character feels a million times more like he was developed by people who understand what its like to be experiencing what he does and developed for people who can relate to him, rather than being made by and for people who cant directly relate and who tend to make content thats wholly inaccurate and treats that kind of thing like an Other issue for Others that you only need to learn bullet points about because if its going to be a part of your life it’ll be a fleeting, one-time thing, not your everyday reality

i mean, its unsurprising that lars is actually pretty comfortable with steven now, given how long theyve known each other, but also how relentless steven is in being supportive of lars and treating him like a friend. its not surprising that it took lars this long to accept that, or that it was in part forced along by being stuck in a “we might die” scenario with steven. and its important to point out that this wasn’t just lars changing that made their relationship better, but steven growing as a person as well. if you put both if them in that situation during the start of the series, they could probably get along better than usual still, but you cant say that this is the first sign of lars developing any more than you can say this is stevens first development. lars has been struggling with himself just as steven has, although not in a fate-of-the-world way till now. lars couldnt be so conscious of his own fear and frustrated with it, and steven wouldnt have the maturity to do stuff like freakin sacrifice himself for earth by separating himself from the other crystal gems, much less lend lars the emotional support needed to give lars enough confidence to protect the off-colors

lars has been developing the whole time and even if people look at individual episodes and think lars learns nothing during them, i cant see how anyone could deny that this isn’t a turning point for lars as much as its the culmination of a gradual path he’s already been on. not to mention that “turning point” has implications like “redemption arc,” as if lars was inherently bad or worthless at the start of the series. he wasn’t; none of the characters were, but each character and all of their relationships were least developed of course. we see details and different sides of the donuts right away, and they both care enough about steven to treat him more as a little brother than a customer and to humor him sometimes. theyve always been important, and the fact that lars has always been a main character in the set of protagonists and that steven has always been a friend means that he cannot be converted by a “redemption” arc. he’s already there smh he’s always been there. seriously name one episode where he’s done something shitty and didnt do anything to make up for it. the only thing unresolved rn is he couldnt fight topaz for sadie, and he said himself he felt guilty over it, and it was already at that point the boldest thing he’d done and like, its not that unreasonable for a wisp of a teen to be terrified by a giant gem warrior that he had zero chance of doing anything to anyways. it wasnt glistening heroics but if thats gonna condemn lars like throw me in the pit too i guess. then he went and died for twelve individuals and left himself defenseless in hostile unfamiliar territory so that steven can go back to earth so thats something. but before all this alien drama like, again…..he’s always directly apologizing for shit and he’s just making everyday kinds of fuckups. he beats himself up about stuff. and gets beat up. and really like doesnt ever require an apology when he’s the one to get hurt, which isnt a requirement by any means and which is probably part of him thinking too badly of himself

the point? that maybe i still havent made besides saying i was gonna make it like half a dozen times?? is that lars is a really real portrayal of a person dealing with things in a real way. and its not the “pain is transcendent” thing where if someone is Suffering from mental illness it makes them wiser and kinder and holier than us regular people. its not where all you need to help someone with mental illness is one incidence of reaching out and telling them you love them and look at the stars and isnt it lovely. its not where disorders themselves are an arc and at the end, people’s personalities will be indistinguishable from that of those who never experienced what they did. its where dealing with this shit is normal and human and everyday and its not beautiful and its not gonna make other people “inspired” or get to feel good about themselves as your savior. its about pushing people away or having them avoid you anyways because they can hurt you in ways they can’t understand as being hurtful and shits confusing and sometimes kids will lash out and i bet lars was a lot more Difficult closer to stevens age than he is now. its about characteristics that seem ugly or repulsive or otherwise don’t directly cry out for help. its about shit staying with you even while you’re trying to figure out how to work through it. its about the unpleasantness of it all but also the real humanity behind it, not just using it as some device. lars’s problems are about lars and belong to him

and yeah of course he hurts people, but literally all the characters do; it has nothing to do with having disorders or not. everyone hurts each other even though they love each other, sometimes with the best intentions or 0% knowingly because they just have to figure out more things about themselves and each other. everything is about people making mistakes. lars is no worse in that matter than any of the other characters, he just happens to have a less appealing/inviting personality, god forbid less relatable. in the recent episodes he didnt have his usual defensive abrasiveness, even his frustration with steven in “stuck together” wasn’t that significant, and wasnt even much directed at steven. after that he was just scared, without it being masked by anger. he could be brave for the other gems because he knew he wanted to be brave and he knew how it felt for them to be so afraid and he was finally told that it was an okay thing that he still felt terrified. he could be completely himself with steven because of all the ways steven has gotten to know lars and refused to stop valuing him and how steven has grown to be someone who could protect others on his own in serious situations—which in this case included supporting lars emotionally as well as protecting him physically. if lars was dropped in that situation with the kid who just learned to summon his shield and was having an ice cream crisis five minutes ago, he couldnt trust or rely on him or count on him for encouraging advice. the way lars is in the wanted arc being so different from earlier episodes is as much about stevens development as lars’s really

like the real lars is and always has been deeply sensitive to peoples feelings (to the point he feels extremely vulnerable to them e.g. afraid of being hurt by being regarded negatively) and he’s always cared about the people he feels close to and he’s always been capable of moments of bravery for the sake of others and he likes wrestling and he’s good at cooking and he’s a dumbass sometimes and he watches scary movies and plays video games and sucks at school and is grumpy and is passionate and is scared and is a huge nerd with nerd parents and he never got over feeling hurt by the explorer club incident and he doesnt like fries and he and his coworker like each other and relate to each other and he sees steven as his annoying little brother and he doesnt know what he wants and also he’s a bi icon, it must be exhausting

lars has always been good and complex and i might be willing to forgive my slight disappointment in people realizing he’s good only now if and only if they go back and acknowledge that he’s been good this whole time. like obviously he doesn’t have to be your Fave or even “liked” to just be not hated or to be recognized as a complex, solid character. lars is so, so developed, probably more than any other human. he’s always been important, even before his importance had direct cosmic significance. he’s always shown signs of being thoughtful and caring and soft, and the fact that he’s hurt people he cares about and who care about him isnt evidence that he’s bad, not only because of the fact that literally all the Good characters hurt each other, but because irl hurting people you love isnt even necessarily evidence of a failure, its just an inevitability, and what happens following the event is whats a lot more telling than the fact any negative emotions were ever a part of a good relationship

anyways what’s definitely true is that lars didnt need to die. it wasnt a necessary atonement for anything lars has ever done. he didnt and doesnt need to be redeemed. he just was willing to risk his life for gems in a situation he could immediately relate to, and that risk happened to win out momentarily. besides, what lars was overcoming in that situation was his own fear, it wasnt anything that caused the stuff in the past that people seem to think so badly of him for. he was also protecting steven, sure, but steven was pretty much fine by the end of it coz of his shield. but he also hadnt ever really Not protected steven or anything so he didnt really need to make up for that or whatever

also one more thing ive always meant to bring up is that lars doesnt think much of himself and is prone to being too hard on himself but i know there are probably plenty of people who believe him when he says he needs to “deserve” being alive again. nah!!!! lars always deserved it

#i havent rambled this long about lars in a minute sorry #as usual i lose track of the point i was saying and everything probably switches gears at some point but im just out here thinking these #essays in the back of my head so #Lars Was Always Good and is a great character #even having disappeared a lot he's been developed a ton #long post ////:

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therewas-a-girl · 7 years

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Ppl thinking oliver queen would have been better - liked/treated/his issues better respected - by fandom, if he had been a woman has me laughing at the… is it called paradox? Blatant nontruth of the statement?

Here are some easy examples of how this is not so:

Laurel lance (lol most heatedly hated character of arrow for a myriad for reasons, at least half of them sexist bullshit the other ¼ shipper bullshit; had some shit writing which is always taken as a character trait and for which SHE is blamed for; had a depression arc, is an addict, after all the times shes been kidnapped abused and beaten probably has some form of lingering effect from all the… u know… trauma + the emotional upheaval that has been her life for the last 10 years. And yet - still loathed and her issues are negated and belittled at every turn. Always misinterpreted, rarely afforded the luxury of viewer empathy; favorite fandom strawoman usually)

Sara lance (ptsd from all the fucked up shit the league put her through amd that she went through before that, which was very visible when she was on arrow. Probably dealt with some for of sexual harassment/threats of violence/violence when she was on the Amazo, which we never explicitly saw thank god. A good portion of Olicity fans dispise her cause ship reasons, same with lauriver fans. Who is the REAL black canary discourse is still going strong btw, which inevitably generates hate on either of the lance sisters side. Saras bisexuality is constantly erased or denied or treated as sth tintillating for the straight male gaze; she is slutshamed at every corner; ppl hardly can be bothered to remember that she was actually suicidal at one point, that she thought she was not worthy of love or capable of love or of being with someone - HUGE CHARACTER MOMENT HERE - when she broke up with oliver usually dismissed/forgotten cause felicity walks in the room so most of the olicity fandom - big portion of arrow fandom - 9 times out of 10 doesnt bother to remember that sara was talking about herself here)

- yes shipper tendencies matter, they shape character perceptions.

Bonus: thea queen (neglected by her mother, abused physically and emotionally by her monster father, has some serious issues with violence, probably ptsd-related avoidance for it, the mask, her old life. Has utterly detatched from a whole side of her personality and history, something that was intrinsic to her for 2 years, and yet nobody sees that as eyebrow-raising worthy for some reason cause that is what a tots normal person would do. The almost oliver-like split of the sides of her life/personality is mentione…. how many times in fandom? The metas are where? Maybe ive just missed them. Okay. Oh i almost forgot - was stabbed and just about died. But she got over that, right? Which has nothing to do with the bloodlust, by the way. Thats from the Pit. Trauma outlasts the bloodlust. And yet whenever she displays behaviour that is consistent with some kind of post-traumautic symptoms/behaviour… she is bitchy or ungrateful or whiny or being a child again. Literally do not know how to go on with this one)

Extra bonus: felicity smoak. How much felicity’s trauma was aknowleged = she has all kinds of traumatic shit happen to her, including but not limited to near-death experinces, and yet the effect this had on her is nearly nonexistent in big fandom spaces. Sunshine felicity yay! Supporting and taking care of oliver. Yay. Always the light to guide his way. Untarnished. Y. A. Y. (Feel my burning enthusiasm for this interpretation. But thats my preference and of no consequence here.) And the moment it was “officially” aknowleged that a ptsd arc would be explored with her (which is, imo, still a euphemism, or a gross misusage of this very serious illness /that they cant be bothered to portray right on a woman/) - the same ppl that say ‘olivers mental illness is disrespected cause he is male’ were all about (paraphrasing here) “olivers LONG LASTING and X YEAR LONG ptsd is as valid as felicitys NEWLY CONCOCTED/FRESHLY CREATED ptsd” …somehow managing to insult the both of them and imply that the years one lives with an illness give u a sort of precedence and ‘elder card’ in the club. ‘Empathy should go first HERE where its mooore…’ more what? I just dont know how to continue this. needed? Valid? I dont know man. I mean, by works of logic the obvious non-truth of the beginning statement of this post is encapsulated by this last example. But lets be thorough.

Look there are layers. Olivers character deals with shit writing sometimes and horrifying demonisation of his mental illness FROM THE WRITERS OF HIS OWN SHOW. And there is a shitton of ableism in fandom about him.

But if he’d been a woman… my dude… my guy… my pal…. experience shows fandom generally, not as separate ppl but as a block unit, (fandom currents? Fandom tendencies?) have *lower* empathy for women and their narratives (e.i. a lot **less** 29596k word metas about why he does the things he does, trying to explain away the writing holes would be floating around). Lower patience for their fuckups. Lower imagination for their inner lives and even lower willingness to search them out. The show itself would have a lower interest in exploring these issues, as they have shown it to be the tendency with female characters.

Oliver queen is human, he fucks up, he has a deep inner life and his trauma has far reaching shockwaves. All those are characteristics we assume him to have, as default, cause hes a WHITE MALE presented as straight. Who has to contend with bullshit ableism, sure, and fandome expectations colored by toxic masculinity, which canon doesnt even support. But he would have faaaar more prejudices to contend with if he were female. All those assumptions - of hidden logical reasons, depths, triggers etc - up there wouldnt even go halfway if hed been a woman, or not white or, god forbit, a woman of color.

(Dude can u imagine the shitstorm of slutshaming that would hit a female!oliver for sleeping with a *fraction* of the number of ppl oliver has slept with??? In canon he has always had emotional ties or reasons for sleeping with every single one of his partners whether fandom likes it or not, and STILL he is called a manwhore, as if he only thinks with his dick. Even oliver isnt afforded brains and emotions when it comes to sexual agency. It baffles me.

But im willing to bet that it would be worse if he were a woman because the reason for dumbing him down would go from ‘i want to belittle all these other relationships he has so that THIS ONE SHIP shines thru’, to straight up sexism and womens agency over their bodies and emotions. Case in point ppl were calling felicity a plethora of disgusting epithets for sleeping with ray (ONE MAN) when she was a FREE BEING WITH AN INDEPENDENT WILL tied to !!!nobody but herself!!!, just cause she didnt plant olivers name on her ladyparts from the moment she first saw him. (Lets also admit that shipper reasons are present here too but the difference is that in olivers case, his sexing up other ppl lowers olicity’s value cause hes not devoted enough and whatnot. In felicitys case, her sexing up other ppl lowers *felicity’s* ‘value’ because… do i rly need to explain why here? Hint - It ties back to the ‘pure felicity oliver’s light’ argument and the dehumanization of her character by making her the literal object of olivers salvation and therefore nullifying/ridiculing her choices if they make her path deviate from olivers.) Ppl are saying Laurel would be betraying tommys memory by loving oliver still - TOMMYS MEMORY. a man whos been dead for *four years* matters more than a live womans feelings. Just… christ…)

#personal #negativity #pure vitriol yes #ps: my personal stance is and will always be that all issues of everyone involved in an interaction are always valid #and they will always explain to u the reasosn for these actions #but these reasons - mental illness. abandonment. neglect all of them - will never justify the wreckage #a characyer or ppl cause #mentaly ill ppl are as responsable for the hurt they deal out as evetybody else and there are differnet ways to adapt to #each other when both or three pll or a family is made up of fucked up individuals #but in the end as long as the discussion progresses in a way that shows that wveryone matters #its gonna be okay #this is to say that i will never fu king stan for amy character ever because i have see it time and again that it blinds ppl #to the humnity of other characters and just overall doesnt make for a good writing or researching tecnique #it throws everyoing far out of balance #but i will alwas write for ppl whose stories are never told. because what is the point of not doing so #and seriously this post is pure wank #im not bitter. i say bitterly. with a bitter expression.

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