#ch: rey organa solo
Note
Reylo 👀
*runs away*
CRACKS KNUCKLES LETS FUCKING GO
he's abusive. you could discount literally every other thing on this list, and this point alone would be an immediate no. he physically, mentally and emotionally tortures her. he ties her to a chair and invades her mind. he spends the movies taunting her viciously, picking at her weak points, laughing at her about the death of her father figure HE MURDERED. WHO WAS ALSO HIS FATHER. he's a remorseless sociopath who has genuinely no understanding of why using his power to abuse people is wrong. this is as evident with rey as it is with his fucking fascist galaxy-wide army he uses to try and kill his own mother. jfc
literally at no point do they display any sexual/romantic attraction to her. kylo is creepily obsessed with her. rey is repulsed by him
they have no chemistry. i have literally seen hallmark movie couples with more chemistry
they don't know each other, they don't understand each other, they never at any point develop any affection or trust. enemies to lovers doesn't have to mean healthy relationships, but it does have to mean dislike based on something specific, which then disappears or is overcome by a dramatic change in understanding/circumstances. all that happens is they get tortured by snoke together. rey never changes her opinion of him, they never have ANY kind of relationship, in whatever form
rey goes from a ~25 years of compounding trauma and is living in a constant state of fight or flight. she then gets chucked head first into a literal war. and then she finds out she has some supernatural power, which is even more powerful than other people with that supernatural power, and she's so dangerous that the all-knowledgeable teacher of these mysterious people shuns her. thats fucking beyond terrifying. her entire world has been blown up and shes trapped in what must feel like a horror film, with absolutely no one to ground her. the closest she gets is leia, for a few months on ajan kloss, until she's ripped from her too. REY IS A TRAUMATISED MESS. there is absolutely no way she can make any rational decisions, have any genuine understanding of her feelings. i actually wrote a reasonably light-hearted fic about rey's bond with kylo as a trauma response which you can read here
rey's a lesbian
send me a ship and i'll give you my brutally honest opinion about it
#me pausing tros to yell this at everyone watching with me#anti-reylo#ch: rey organa solo#ty for this ask i love nothing more than ranting about how fucked up the ST are#asks
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something real - ch. 3 posted
(E, WIP, Chapter 3/6)
Accidentally submitting her Galaxy Wars fanfic to Professor Organa instead of her term paper was probably the worst thing that ever happened to Rey. Oh god. She didn't know how to explain this.
And just when Rey thought she might recover from the embarrassment, Professor Organa invited her over to meet her son. Ben Solo. The world-famous director. The person who'd directed her favorite Galaxy Wars movie.
Fucking hell. What had she gotten herself into?
Read it on AO3
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tag drop i
a burning brand to your enemies and a brilliant fire to your friends {face}
mother is the name of god on the lips of all children {leia organa solo}
yun harla incarnate {headcanons}
i was born in a thunderstorm // i grew up overnight {ch. study}
someone to show her softer side to {wants and wishes}
i garb myself in the universe {wardrobe}
his commitment is absolute {poe dameron}
you knew my tears though i couldn’t cry {caydren trecoll}
again and again we crash together like a galaxy wanting to be born {jagged fel}
i want to punch him as much as kiss him {luconis}
faces in the stars {wanted opposite}
the home amongst the stones and trees {yavin 4}
dear brother do you still believe in love i wonder {darth caedus}
my father taught me how to live {han solo}
from him i learned who i am {luke skywalker}
my grandfather still {bail organa}
made of love and courage {breha organa}
her fire burns brighter than the stars that she calls home {rey}
he wears bravery and loyalty equally well {finn}
his heart was born out of fire {anakin solo}
such a brave droid {bb8}
he is a fine knight {ben skywalker}
all this bad blood here // won’t you let it dry {kylo ren}
i had two mothers and i love her still {winter}
wildfire and wisdom run through her veins {mara jade skywalker}
we are two halves of the same whole {jacen solo}
i never dreamed i would meet somebody like you {re:jagged fel}
are you and angel / are you a devil {re: luconis dalmore}
#a burning brand to your enemies and a brilliant fire to your friends {face}#mother is the name of god on the lips of all children {leia organa solo}#yun harla incarnate {headcanons}#i was born in a thunderstorm // i grew up overnight {ch. study}#someone to show her softer side to {wants and wishes}#i garb myself in the universe {wardrobe}#his commitment is absolute {poe dameron}#you knew my tears though i couldn’t cry {caydren trecoll}#again and again we crash together like a galaxy wanting to be born {jagged fel}#i want to punch him as much as kiss him {luconis}#faces in the stars {wanted opposite}#the home amongst the stones and trees {yavin 4}#dear brother do you still believe in love i wonder {darth caedus}#my father taught me how to live {han solo}#from him i learned who i am {luke skywalker}#my grandfather still {bail organa}#made of love and courage {breha organa}#her fire burns brighter than the stars that she calls home {rey}#he wears bravery and loyalty equally well {finn}#his heart was born out of fire {anakin solo}#all this bad blood here // won’t you let it dry {kylo ren}#i had two mothers and i love her still {winter}#such a brave droid {bb8}#he is a fine knight {ben skywalker}#wildfire and wisdom run through her veins {mara jade skywalker}#we are two halves of the same whole {jacen solo}#i never dreamed i would meet somebody like you {re:jagged fel}#are you and angel / are you a devil {re: luconis dalmore}
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Nonsense & Nuptials
Rated: T | Regency AU | Reylo | Romantic Comedy | 6.7k | ch.1/2
“I have just learned the most shocking news. Miss Netal, whom we all thought Ben Lord Solo would ask in marriage, and who had been accepting his attentions for some time, has gotten engaged to the old Duke of Grummgar! I can scarcely believe one could reject a young, handsome man (for Lord Solo is, indeed, very handsome) and future earl for a much older prospect, only because the latter has a higher title!
It is my belief that B Lord Solo deserves a far better match than Miss Netal — and I shall take it upon myself to see that he finds one.
Yours affectionately,
Rey Niima”
Chapter 1
Once the season is over, she will have to seek a position; she can no longer rely on Lady Organa’s kindness and live a life of leisure when she has no income of her own, and only a meager inheritance. A position as governess is the only thing she can do — unless, of course, someone asks for her hand in marriage, but who would do such a thing? And who would she even be inclined to marry?
“You look like you’re overthinking again,” Ben suddenly whispers to her, catching her off-guard.
How Ben seems to always know what she’s thinking is a time-old mystery to her; would that she had the same powers.
Read on Ao3
#reylo#star wars#reylo fanfiction#star wars fanfiction#rffa writers#regency au#regency romcom#rey#ben solo#thehobbem writes
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A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 64
Warning, PLEASE CHECK TAGS IF YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT TO READ THEN DON’T READ. | Tag lists are closed | INBOX OPEN
Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Will tag as I go along, Will update tags, Slow Burn, Influenced by Star Trek and other Sci-Fi themes, References to We Happy Few, Tons of References and quotes to George Orwells 1984 see if you can find them all, The First Order is the new Big Brother, but who is really surprised, Blatant Nazi Symbolism, Interrogation Themes, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Really just drawn out Slow Burn, Don’t repost without permission, Torture themes, Suggestive Themes, Execution themes, Disturbing Themes, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Controlling Kylo Ren, Physical Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Possessive Kylo Ren, A character shamelessly based on Zelda
A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–
He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?
MASTERLIST
Chapter 64: Empty
You felt the weight of his presence in your mind leave you, slowly dissipating like smoke in a room. “I shall leave for now, but if the pills don’t work, and she is too weak to guard herself it will leave me no choice but to protect her.” His hand came to your crown, almost as if he was trying to physically caress your mind with his own hand.
Your head felt rather empty without him there. The rational part of your brain, the one that always had its own personality, the fire that kept you going, was now reduced down to not much more than a lamp flame. Your wildfire was almost completely snuffed. Your spark was almost gone.
“How do you feel, m’lady,” asked Dr. Dabrini. Kylo remained silent. He removed his hand from you.
You lifted your head, trying to avoid meeting Kylo’s direct piercing gaze, your sight still blurry from your tears. You tried to focus on the doctor, trying to meet his analyzing but gentle gaze. “I don’t know. Better I guess, but I don’t feel the same as before,” your lips trembled as you spoke, afraid to know the truth of what was happening to your mind. You felt the hollowness of your own mind and the heaviness of your heart.
The doctor came to kneel next to you; you knew that he would be able to see into your mind as Kylo could. He could ask questions, but that was only so good. He couldn’t feel what you were feeling. “What do you feel, m’lady? Can you describe it?” His voice quieter than before, like he wasn’t wanting to scare you off.
“I feel… empty, like what was there before isn’t now. It isn’t completely gone, but it is mostly gone. My heart is heavy and my head is light, but not in a good way? I don’t know how else to describe it.” Because in truth, you couldn’t—not really. How would you explain that a part of yourself was now gone?
You felt the bed shift as Kylo stood up, his back to the both of you.
The doctor glanced at him before he spoke to you again, “I cannot guarantee that the missing pieces of you will ever return m’lady. I do know that you should spend some time reflecting on what is still there, the memories, emotions, thoughts, and figure out how to move on with them. I know that it might not be ideal and that it may scare you, but there is nothing that I can do to bring them back. What I can do is give you dreamless sleep tonight.” You could hear the sincerity in the doctor’s voice. You could tell that he wasn’t happy, that he couldn’t do more for you. His face was full of grief and sympathy.
You nodded and looked at Kylo, whose back was still turned to you, with clenched fists. You wondered what he was thinking. How he felt about taking so much from you? How did he feel knowing he hurt you again? He broke his promise, but with good intentions. He was trying to protect you after all, wasn’t he?
The doctor glanced between you two before standing, “You know all that I can offer you. Tonight I will have a sleeping pill delivered, and tomorrow we can discuss its effectiveness. But for now, this is all that I can offer, and I shall leave you two alone to discuss our findings.” Dr. Dabrini then stepped out of the room.
Kylo had yet to move a muscle, his hard rigid back creating a wall between you. You didn’t know if it was protecting you or if it was keeping you out.
Your voice was small and broken, “Kylo?”
He turned to you, “He’s right. I must speed up my plans, our plans.” He then glanced down the hall, to where you did not know. “I will do what I must to protect you. They will be eliminated and soon. I do not want to take over you, but I will if it means keeping you by my side. Do you understand?” His voice became hard, his cauldron eyes ablaze with cascading emotions. Currents of dark painful water that you knew you could not swim against.
You did not want to lose yourself, but neither did he. Leia did not want to hurt you, she just wanted him home, Ben home not Kylo. But Rey, Rey would harm you to get Ben to come home, to leave you so he could be with her. Ben not Kylo. Ben the weaker half. “Yes.” You looked up to his face, and attempted to get up to meet him,
He moved to meet you on the bed. He drew you into his arms. “I will be fully yours then. Won’t I?” You searched his face for an answer.
“Yes, if I complete my task, you will be mine alone. Ben Solo will no longer exist. But you will be stuck with a broken monster.” His hand came up to move your hair behind your ear. You were a mess after this whole ordeal but there were more important things to worry about.
“So if you do this there will be no more you or him?” You didn’t know if that scared you or thrilled you. You thought all the gentle moments you two shared may not have been him, but you couldn’t be sure.
He brought your wrist up to his lips, and kissed his name gently, for the first time in weeks. “Yes, if that is what you want.”
Your heart pounded at the gentleness of it all. You were two equally broken people clinging to each other, to mend yourselves whole. Two souls that were chosen from the galaxy to intertwine. Where one couldn’t survive without the other?
“I don’t want to be hurt by this tug-of-war anymore. I want you Kylo, just you. Ben Solo betrayed me, by not protecting me, by leaving me defenseless to attacks, but you have tried to protect me. You only harm me when you fight him, so the fight needs to end.” It was partially true, he was a monster, but he was fighting against himself and his slashes were hitting you in the process. You needed to figure out who the monster was, so you could fix him. Train him to be your hound. Once you were Empress. A monster only you could understand, a monster that you were created to love.
“Then I will have to leave you, to kill him. To kill them. You are MINE,” the monster growled. “I will not let them have you, I will not let him win.” His lips crashed harshly against yours, biting your lip as they did. Teeth scraping and rough, this was him, this was Kylo. “And when I win, you shall be Empress,” he snarled into the kiss. A rough lover, one with intense passion, that ignited heat within you.
His sharp teeth nipped, and he sucked down your neck, marking you as his and his alone. His nose guided his lips back up to your ear, “As much as I would like to play with you Kitten, we have a meeting to get to, one that will help us accomplish our goal,” he gave you one last harsh nips to your lips as you broke apart. His arms sliding under you as he stood, carrying you to your dressing room where Adlez and Olivia-Rose were waiting to fix you.
“You have ten minutes to make her presentable,” he then set you down in front of your vanity. A harsh bruising possessive kiss to your lips before he left you into their care.
You glanced at your reflection in the mirror. You looked like and felt like hell. Your appearance made it seem as if you just got out of an active war zone, out of a fight for your life. Adlez and Olivia-Rose buzzed around you with such a speed you hadn’t witnessed before. Adlez carefully but quickly put your hair back into place and started assisting Olivia-Rose in covering the dark circles under your eyes, and the fresh love bites along your neck. You were then pulled to the armoire where your dress was practically ripped off you and then promptly replaced. Almost as soon as you were placed for inspection in front of the full-length mirror, there was a loud knock on the door. Time was up.
If you hadn’t started to move you were sure that Adlez would have ripped the door out from its pocket in the wall and screamed at Kylo. But you made it to the door before she did. Your body moving on a sort of autopilot. Once the door opened an arm pulled you out into the hall and started walking you out of your chambers. He was moving with a purpose and taking you with him.
You walked down the halls until you reached the familiar conference room from the day before. Kylo sat you down in your seat as he stalked to the head of the table. You could see that it wasn’t just a few members of the High Command present like Hux had said before, it was everyone. Well, some were holocommuting in, but still all members were present in some form.
Everyone seemed to be on edge. Kylo’s mood resonating to each individual person. Hux was the first to speak, “You called for this meeting Supreme Leader? Have things changed?” You could hear the uneasiness in his usually confident voice. His eyes reflected that same fear as he gazed upon the black monster in front of him.
“Yes, the plans have changed. Things have changed. The need to kill the scavenger and General Organa has become more important, more immediate. It needs my full attention. I shall leave sometime tomorrow to complete the task.” His voice through his mask is more menacing than ever.
“But we do not know where they are,” said Pryde. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say as Kylo shadowed towards him. His dark threatening black form seemed impossibly large.
He brought his face to be level with Pryde’s holo one. “Do you doubt my abilities, General Pryde?” You could hear the taunt, like a hyena’s laugh, only more deadly.
You watched the general swallow, to what you could only assume to be a dry mouth. His lips trembled in fear as his hologram eyes met the chrome of Kylo’s mask. “No, Supreme Leader, I do not.”
Kylo’s mask was less than an inch from the projection before he said, “Good.” He then stood back up to his full ominous form as he tracked back to the head of the table, “we wouldn’t want tradition to doubt authority and the ability of the Force.” You could hear the direct jab at Pryde’s pride. “After all, I am my grandfather’s heir apparent. Am I not,” his head whipped around to meet Pryde’s gaze.
“Yes, Supreme Leader, you are. You shall exceed Lord Vader’s legacy,” you could practically smell the fear through the hologram. You could certainly see the sweat forming on his brow, anyway.
Kylo lifted his head in a mock approval before he haunted around your side of the table before stopping next to you, “Once I return, Lady Ren will assume the position of Empress. And you will all be prepared for this. All preparations will need to be prepared. As neither of us will wait.” His hand rested on your shoulder.
“Preparations will begin immediately,” responded Hux.
“Would you like for the ceremony to take place back on Earth? Or shall it be somewhere else,” asked General Parnadee.
“Where would you like the ceremony to be held,” asked Kylo. He was speaking to you and you alone. The rest of the room waiting on your answer.
“How about somewhere new, somewhere important to you maybe? There is no use going back to my planet, is there?”
“As you wish,” responded Kylo.
“There is your grandfather’s castle on Mustafar m’lord,” said Hux.
“Yes, send preparations there. We are finished here.” With that, he guided you back up, escorting you back down the halls to your chambers. To be alone with him once again. To see the monster behind the mask, to learn about him. To love him, to mend him.
#kylo ren#kylo ren x reader#kylo ren imagine#kylo x reader#kylo x you#star wars#first order#star wars imagine#Star wars soulmate au#sw first order imagine#star wars first order#a soul to mend his own
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You should see me in the crown modern!kylo x reader
ты должен увидеть меня в короне
Ch 1
“Ben Solo is a fucking dirty cop, and he’s working for Queen of the Damned, I know, it... it sounds crazy Rey. But please, please, believe me, we have to tell Captain Organa and Sergeant Solo.” Finn pleaded to Rey over the phone, blood dripping from his nose and mouth, both blending in the rain. He caught the dirty bastard in the middle of a drug exchange in the back alley of some bar, “Rey I saw him, with one of her girls, he spoke something to her, and then…he saw me... I don’t know how, but he did and I’m bleeding, I can’t tell if it’s a lot or a little, but that fucker is dirty Rey.” She sighed into the receiver, “Finn, you’ve been trying to get this guy on something for months if not years, but, Finn to go off something without evidence, you could be on desk duty for who knows how long or you could be fired, I just think it’s a bad idea, with you and Poe up for promotion this could derail everything.” Finn looked down at a puddle outside his cruiser, “I’ll get evidence somehow Rey. I swear to you.” He heard her hum in agreement, “I’ll see you later Finn, I have a report to write.” He nodded, knowing that Rey can’t see his actions through the phone, the line went dead. Finn leaned his head on the cool leather of his steering wheel. “Fuck, I can’t believe that fucker, he’s working for her, I know he is.”
Kylo saw through the visor, Finn was still there “What a little pest…” he seethed. ‘The Queen won’t be happy about our encounter. Be more careful next time Ren, or I will let her know.’ Those were the last words Phasma said to him before speeding off. How did that goodie two shoes follow him out here, he was boiling over, She would have his head or his body. Whichever one that would make Королева happy, Kylo was willing to give to her, even though he has never seen her, she has seen him, and she made sure Kylo knew. He jumped on his motorcycle and sped off in a different direction back to his hole of an apartment, he knew in the back of his head that she was going to send one of her “men” to rough up Finn and himself. He cursed under his breath, “какая чертова сука, она разрушит мою жизнь” As he pulled up to the apartment he took notice of a few fancier cars in the car park, “Fuck. Phasma told someone…” He quickly unclipped his gun from his holster, he had a feeling that something would go down in his apartment. He quickly ran up the stairs to his door, keeping his back close to the grungy walls, ‘God, this apartment is disgusting, I need to move soon, somewhere clean and orderly.’ He thought to himself. He saw that his door was unlocked, which sent a cold shock of anxiety through his body, his heart fell to his stomach. He slowly pointed his gun around the corner of the door. “Kylo you better get that thing away from me,” Automatically Kylo knew that voice from anywhere, “Hux what are you doing here,” Kylo growled menacingly, he hated his partner, both at the precinct and in the ring “you need to get out before I make you.” Kylo threatened while lowering his gun slightly. Hux removed his grey peacoat and discarded it onto Kylo’s black couch. “ You had a little колючка follow you to a drop location” Kylo grimaced “I didn’t know that he was following me, мышь I know he has an inkling of something-” Hux closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose and hung his head “Idiot. Now he has proof of you meeting someone. And that someone is a known drug-runner for the biggest mafia and drug rings. How could you be so careless.” Hux scolded Kylo like a young child. Kylo felt the bubble of rage start to boil in the pit of his stomach, he clenched his jaw in anger trying to quell the urge to choke Hux, he craved to bring him close to the brink of death. Then Hux would know who is truly in charge of their operation. Hux’s voice kept droning on in the back of Kylo’s head until both of their phones chimed with an identical ringtone, both hands reached for their phones.
глупые парни перестают спорить, разрешают женщинам вызывать выстрелы. следующая капля 3:30 утра угол Итора и Тариса.
Hux’s green eyes fixed upon Kylo’s amber eyes, “She is calling you stupid.”
That was the final straw for Kylo, he grabbed Hux by his pristine grey colored collar and slammed him up against the drywall, “You don’t know SHIT, to what she is referring to you cretin. All I know is that you are forgetting to who you fucking report to. Both in uniform and out of uniform. “ Hux’s face was turning a slight shade of blue, ‘Delicious’ thought Kylo. Hux’s feet began thrashing and for one final act of humiliation, Kylo spat in the man’s face and then dropped him, Hux began sputtering trying to catch his breath. “ Get up you swine, and get out. You are so very lucky I didn’t kill you. It would be far too much paperwork and would cause quite a stir with the Lady.” Hux caught his breath and stood up, and grabbed his coat, “Fuck off Solo, and see you tomorrow.” He quickly ran out the door before Kylo could catch him. All the hairs on Kylo’s neck bristled when he heard his “real” last name, a name he had to use at work but had no real meaning to him. He quickly decided to pour himself a glass of whatever was left in his fridge while he waited to go out for the drop. His phone buzzed again, a call from his superior officer/ older drug kingpin.
“Hello, Snoke,” Kylo said through slightly bared teeth. “To what do I owe the honor of speaking to you.” Snoke chuckled over Kylo’s sarcastic, yet apprehensive comment. “Ren, I will be expecting you and Hux over at Neskar tonight. I know ‘Королева’ has a drop tonight and I expect that you and Hux will be getting me what I need. She took something very valuable from me, so we will be taking something of slightly… lesser value from her.” Kylo exhaled quickly, it was difficult being a triple agent of some sort; a cop, an underboss for Snoke, and a ‘brigadier’ or a бригадир for Королева. And she has been good to him since she came to power. “Of course Don Snoke. I am willing to do anything for the family.” He heard another bone-chilling chuckle. “Good, good. I will see you tonight.” Kylo hung up the phone after that, ‘God I can’t wait to get rid of the old fucking man.’ Kylo thought, ‘If Snoke died under mysterious circumstances in the precinct Kylo would be fully in charge and once Snoke fell as Don in the family he could take over and try and unite both mafia’s if Королева would have him.’ Tonight was going to be a long night for Kylo.
In your apartment, you were overseeing any possible attacks that would happen if Snoke tried to get his dominion back, which you would expect. “где, черт возьми, Хакс, моя сладкая фазма.” you cooed to your tall and silver-haired companion, though you two never were ever physically attracted to her, you were attracted to her power and the strategic mind she wielded. Her undying loyalty to you and her absolute brute force solidified her easily as your right-hand woman, in business and friendship. “Мой дорогой Hux went to go after the idiot Kylo.” Your eyes flicked up from the papers in front of you “What did he do.” Phasma looked over at you “Darling, it’s truly nothing to worry about, Hux and I will fix it.” You slammed your fists onto the desk “Tell me Phasma, as your Королева I demand it.” Phasma clenched her teeth, “He was tailed by someone, Kylo scared him off but not for long, it’s definitely someone who works for Solo and Organa.” Rage boiled in you, how dare that half-wit be fucking followed especially by a cop. “Hux assured me he would talk some sense into him.” You felt yourself stand up at your ornate table “Phasma, Kylo will not listen to anyone, especially that vermin Hux. Kylo could eat him alive.” Your partner took a deep breath in “ I know.” You screamed in anger “That fucker works under Snoke as a cop, and I know he is somehow involved in something, he must be stopped, and eliminate that thorn that followed Ren. We can’t have any chance.” You pushed the papers off the table. “Phasma, we were on the brink of an all-out war with Snoke, after I had the girls take his warehouses and help his ‘property’’ You practically spat out the last word, the idea of a man owning women and abusing them for other men’s pleasure was the reason you craved to bring him down. You needed to create a new order to this city and if that meant to take down the God-like man, with all officers either being too stupid to realize that Snoke was the puppet master, or most turned a blind eye to him. You knew that you were his Lucifer, and God willing you can bring him down one way or another. “ We will be in all-out war if the police, Snoke, or that Kylo Ren try anything tonight.” Phasma cupped your elbow, hoping it would bring you back from the brink of murdering anyone. “I have a good informant, they said that Hux and Ren have meaning to meet with Snoke at Neskar, before our drop.” Your jaw gritted together making your lips into a thin line, deep in thought “ We will be there tonight, I should meet one of my бригадир in the flesh. It would be nice to put a face and flesh to their names.” You felt your breathing slow to a more controlled and still slightly enraged, you closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose, “Phasma, I want them to all know who, they are dealing with. If that means we have to go all-in with how we dress and how I interact with all of the men, then so be it. But I cannot have any of them forget who we are, and what they are dealing with.” The storm was brewing inside you, as it was brewing again outside. Snoke’s family, the NYPD, Hux, and Kylo had no clue what was coming, and for now, they were in the eye of the storm.
#kylo ren x reader#kylo ren#kylo trash#modern!kylo#dirty cop! Kylo#drug lord! reader#mob boss! kylo and reader#kylo ren x you#kylo ren slow burn#ben solo x reader
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Avatar: Duel of Fates (A Reylo ATLA AU) Ch. 3 Preview
Prologue:
Air. Water. Earth. Fire. A long time ago, Avatar Aang and Fire Lord Zuko transformed the Fire Nation colonies into the United Republic of Nations, a society where benders and non-benders from all over the world could thrive together in peace and harmony. Thousands of years have since passed, and the Republic eventually split into two kingdoms: the Old Republic ruled by House Organa and the Zukonian Empire ruled by House Palpatine. With the passing of Avatar Ahsoka nearly twenty years ago, growing geo-political tensions between kingdoms, and whisperings of a prophecy about a Dark Avatar, the world anxiously waits for the true Avatar to rise and restore peace and balance to the world.
BOOK ONE: AIR
CH. 3 PREVIEW:
Hux walked to the center of the arena and beckoned Rey and Ben over to him. Rey and Kylo locked eyes on each other as Hux spoke.
“All right, you know the rules. The one to draw first blood wins. Make your introductions, take your respective places, then you may begin your exercise of poor judgment,” his eyes narrowed on Ben. A dimple the size of a platypus bear appeared on Rey’s cheek as she concealed her amusement.
Ben spoke first, “Ben Organa Solo, son of General Leia Organa, crown prince and heir apparent to the Old Republic.” He looked so pleased with himself, Rey couldn’t wait to rough up that pretty face of his. She made it a point not to react. “I’m Rey,” she forced herself into a closed-mouth smile. "Do you accept my challenge to a duel, Prince Solo?” Rey emphasized his title with every ounce of feigned reverence she could summon.
“I do.” Their eyes lingered on each other, as if the staredown were part of the duel. Hux’s eyes flickered between them before conjuring a loud, awkward cough to snap them back to reality. Rey broke eye contact first, turning to walk toward her end of the arena. Ben did the same while Hux made his way to Finn and Poe on the sidelines.
“Admit it, Hux, you’re secretly excited about this,” Poe mused as he elbowed Hux. Hux’s facial expression remained stoic, “I don’t enjoy the kingdom being made sport of, which will no doubt happen. I do, however, relish Solo making a fool of himself.”
“Especially when it’s because of a girl he claims he doesn’t like,” Finn added.
Now facing one another on opposite sides of the arena, Ben practically threw his robe off with an exaggerated shoulder shrug. Drama queen, Rey shook her head before calling out to him, “If you’re done trying to inflate that fragile ego of yours, I think we should begin.”
Ben tried his best to suppress the playful smile growing on his face, “As you wish, sand-rat.”
They bowed to one another before taking their dueling stances.
A work by @kylorendustries & @you-might-belong-in-gryffindor
CH. 3 Coming Soon!
Catch up on the first two chapters HERE.
#this is not going to go the way that you think#reylo#rey#ben solo#kylo ren#zutara vibes#reylo au#a03 fanfic#atla au#armitage hux#Hux has mai energy#finn#poe dameron#darth maul#role reversals with some twists and turns#palpatine#leia organa#the atla au Ive always wanted to write#selective canon compliance
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Miracles Happen - if you believe
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2Dw9gtK
by Shippingtheswann
The Princess Diaries AU that no one asked for.
Rey had wondered who she was her whole life - and now she knew. She was the granddaughter of King Kenobi - may he rest in peace. That meant she was Princess of Chandrila. But, being a princess meant more than she could have ever thought - it meant being Queen. And being Queen came with stipulations she didn’t think she could live with.
Words: 4865, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: F/M
Characters: Rey (Star Wars), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Lando Calrissian, Finn (Star Wars), Poe Dameron
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Kylo Ren/Rey
Additional Tags: Princess Diaries AU, Star Wars AU, reylo au, Princess - Freeform, Surprise Family, Royalty, Oh How Sweet, Riding in the Stang, Smile and Wave, shut up, noone asked for this, I probably watched the movie 100 times writing this, Rey is a princess, Kylo isn't that bad, Pining, Slow Burn, Ben doesn't show up till Ch 5, Snoke is a douche, Rey is a Kenobi, You've watched the movie, happily ever after guaranteed, No Raven at all, Leia is Queen, quarantine fic, Royal Engagement, Poe is her fiance, A slow burn but not a slow burn, Orphan Rey
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2Dw9gtK
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Reylo Coffee Shop AU
"You know," she heard her best friend Rose say. "As a barista, I feel like I should tell you that you look like you could use more coffee. But as your best friend, I feel obligated to tell you that maybe you just need some sleep."
Rey groaned as she straightened up from leaning against her open textbook at her table. "It's not like I can sleep in my dorm room. My roommate is the worst." Giving up on studying, she packed up all her supplies as she started into a rant. "She got this new boyfriend, and he basically lives in our dorm now. I barely want to study with a stranger in the room, I definitely don't want to sleep with him around. And do you know what my roommate said when I talked to her about it? She had the nerve to tell me that I'm just jealous." She slammed her textbook and looked to Rose for encouragement. "Can you believe that?"
She was met with pursed lips from Rose. "So I'm not saying what she's doing is fine, cause it isn't, but are you sure that none of this hostility is coming from just a little bit of jealousy?"
"I am not jealous."
Rose raised her hands in defense. "All I'm saying is that you also seemed a bit touchy like this when Finn and I started dating."
Rey rolled her eyes harder than she ever had. "You guys met here. At a coffee shop. Do you know how cliche that is? Who actually meets their soulmate in a coffee shop?"
"Technically we met in freshmen biology. I just didn't work up the nerve to ask him out until he started coming here everyday for coffee."
"I have not had enough caffeine for this conversation," Rey said massaging her temples.
"I'm not making you anymore coffee," Rose warned, getting to her feet. "One sec, I've got another customer."
Rey's eyes followed Rose back to the counter, and she sat up a little straighter when she saw the waiting customer. A well-dressed man stood at the counter and gave a small smile as Rose took his order. Maybe it was just a result of all the relationship talk, but Rey couldn't help but notice that he was insanely attractive. He had dark wavy hair and dark eyes that swam with hidden depths of mystery. And he was tall. Rey was rather tall herself for a female, but this man would've towered over her still. Even though a counter separated them, she could see that the top of Rose's head didn't even reach his shoulders.
Rey immediately felt self-conscious of her hair, which was pulling up in the world's messiest bun, and of her shirt which may or may not have had more than one coffee stain on it. Her gaze didn't stray from the man, but he never looked her way. He simply waited for his coffee, and he left as soon as Rose handed it to him.
Rose returned to Rey's table a minute later taking off her apron as she sat. "And that is officially the end of my shift."
"Who was that guy?" Rey asked with a one track mind.
"Why?"
"Just curious," Rey shrugged.
Rose chuckled. "I don't really know except that his name is Ben. He's been coming in every day for about two weeks now to get coffee. And you've been sitting at this table studying for about two weeks now. But I guess you just now noticed him?"
"Ben, huh?" she asked, her mind drifting. "And you said he comes in here everyday?"
"Yeah... What are you planning?"
"Absolutely nothing."
*****
"Are you wearing mascara?" Rose asked incredulously the next day.
"Maybe," Rey said coyly as she dropped her backpack on the ground at her table.
"Who are you trying to impress? Is it about that guy you were asking me about yesterday?"
"Can't a girl just feel like looking nice just for herself?" Rey asked as she pulled out her laptop.
"Well of course a girl can. But you never do."
Rey may or may not have put a little bit of extra effort into her appearance when getting dressed this morning. She put on a subtle layer of makeup, although obviously not subtle enough, wore a nice black blouse, her best jeans, tall boots, and even wore her hair half down. But it's not like she was trying to impress anyone. Nobody but Rose paid attention to her anyway.
"I just felt like changing things up today. Don't overthink it."
Rose narrowed her eyes as she returned back to work. One peppermint mocha latte later, Ben walked in the door. Rey stared over the top of her laptop as she pretended to be writing her research paper. Once again though, he got his coffee and left without even looking in her direction.
She frowned slightly as he walked out. It was fine. She wasn't upset. It's not like she'd been expecting anything. Only people like Rose got cutesy love stories in coffee shops, and Rey's life certainly wasn't a fairy tale.
When Rose's shift ended and she came to sit, Rey didn't hesitate before speaking. "So his name is Ben Solo."
"What? No middle name. I'm disappointed." Rose laughed.
Rey glared. "His full name is Benjamin Lucas Solo. Now may I finish?"
"There's more?" Rose sighed as Rey's glare intensified. "Of course you may finish."
"He's a senior in his final semester here. He's graduating a semester early in case you were wondering. He's a political science major with a minor in literature. His mom is Leia Organa and his dad is Han Solo! And that means his uncle is Luke Skywalker!"
Rose raised an eyebrow. "Should I know who any of those people are?"
Rey groaned. "Leia Organa is only one of the most influential senators of this generation. and Both Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are famous war heroes. Han with the Air Force and Luke with the Army. Come on, Rose. And I thought I lived under a rock having grown up in an orphanage."
"Okay, okay," Rose said. "So he's related to pretty important people. How did you even find any of this out?"
Rey waved a hand. "The internet knows everything."
"But how did you..." Rose trailed off and shook her head. "Never mind. I don't wanna know. So what are you gonna do with all this information?"
Rey sighed. "Nothing. There's nothing do with it."
"You know, you could just try talking to him. He seems nice enough."
"He probably doesn't want to talk to me. He's related to so many important people, and I'm just some random nobody."
"Well, you never know until you try."
Days passed and Rey continued to dress nice to stare as Ben came to get coffee only to leave without speaking to her. One day she was almost certain that he looked at her, but that's about all she had to show for her efforts.
On the last day of finals, the last day she could see him before he graduated and left forever, Rey had an idea. As soon as she got to Starbucks, she walked up to the counter where Rose worked.
"Grande peppermint mocha latte?" she asked with a knowing smile.
"No," Rey said firmly. "Well, yes. But also no."
Rose scrunched up her eyebrows. "I'm confused. Do you want one or not?"
"I do. But I was also wondering, do you know what Ben's order is?"
"Of course." Rose smiled. "He orders a black coffee everyday."
"What?" Rey scrunched her nose. "Why? Why come to Starbucks and just order a black coffee? Wouldn't it be cheaper to just buy a Keurig?"
"Maybe," Rose shrugged. "But he said this gives him an excuse to see someone everyday." She sent Rey a pointed look.
She blanched. "You don't think he means me, do you?"
"Look around. Who else is in here everyday?"
"Then why hasn't he ever spoken to me?"
Rose let out an exasperated sigh. "Why haven't you ever talked to him? You both are assuming the other doesn't want to know you."
"Okay, okay." Rey took a deep breath. "I'm going to buy his coffee today. When he comes in to order just point him in my direction."
"I can do that."
Fifteen minutes later, Ben walked in and Rey felt her stomach flip. What if she made a huge mistake? As he walked up to the counter and talked with Rose, Rey honestly felt like running for the door. She watched Rose hand him his coffee and point in her direction, and she braced herself for the inevitable.
He walked over to her table with a small smile. He gestured to the empty seat across from her. "May I?"
"Of course," Rey forced herself to smile instead of showing the anxiety she felt.
"So you're the one who bought my coffee today." His voice was a low rumble that somehow seemed to make him even more attractive.
"Oh yeah," Rey tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I see you in here everyday, and I've been meaning to introduce myself but I never got the chance, so I figured this was just as good a way as any."
"Do you know who my parents are?" he asked.
"I do, but that's not why I wanted meet you."
"Really?" He seemed genuinely shocked. "That's usually the only reason people talk to me. They see me as their gateway to fame."
"Well I promise that's not me," she said. "I just think you look like a really nice guy is all." And you're super cute so if you wanted to marry me that'd be cool too, she added in her head.
"You're Rey, right?" he asked.
Her jaw hung open for a moment. He knew who she was already. He knew her name. "That would be me."
He smiled. "I've read some of your research papers the university published. If you could actually manage to create the technology you proposed that could change the world."
Now her jaw was definitely hanging open. "No way! You actually read those papers? The department made a big deal out of publishing them but I didn't think anyone would even look at them."
He laughed. "Well I read them. And I'll admit, it made me a little curious about the girl who wrote them so I may have done a little research on you."
"And learned that I come to this Starbucks to study literally every single day?"
"I may have noticed that."
Rey laughed now. "So do you have big plans for after graduation?"
He shook his head. "Not really. I want to go into politics like my mom obviously, but my dad's still bugging me to become a pilot. And my uncle has always wanted me to join the army. Did you know that my uncle made me do an army military camp with him one summer in high school?" He laughed. "Worst summer of my life."
"Really? Was it really that bad?"
"Oh it was the worst. I told him I was going to burn the place down to save other children from having to go through what I did."
Rey burst into laughter. "I'm assuming you didn't actually burn it down."
"No, but I came close."
"Okay, but seriously, you've gotta have some kind of a plan for what you're about to do with your life."
"I do," he relented. "But my goals are more long term. The short term goal is to get to know you outside of this coffee shop."
Rey gave a small laugh. "You're just messing with me now."
He shook his head. "I'm not. Here." He passed a napkin over to her with his messy scrawl on it. "It's my phone number. I'm hoping you'll get good use out of it. Being the son of national heroes means you're actually pretty lonely most of the time."
Rey smiled broadly as she took the napkin. "Well you're not alone anymore."
Ben smiled back. "And neither are you."
#reylo#coffee shop au#star wars#rey#ben solo#kylo ren#tros#rise of skywalker#reylo au#oneshot#bendemption
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Dark hope ch.5
A/N- hope you guys like it!! :)
Warning- language and sadness
Pairing- Kylo Ren x Reader
Tagged- @angelmarie823
(Let me know if you want to be tagged)
—
Han had seen Finn hand on top of yours and you knew he didn’t like that because he immeditaly and very kindly in his own way told him to go outside. You laughed at his overprotectiveiness towards you. You exited the Millennium Falcon and saw the many resistance fighters all around the base. Some of them you knew and a lot you didn’t. You tried to look for your friend to see if he would be around in the bunch of people but you couldn’t spot him. That’s until you heard your name being shouted out.
“Y/N!!” You turned your head towards the direction of where your name was being called and saw the exact person you were looking for. A wide smile appeared on your face as you two ran towards eachother. You practically jumped into his embrace almost knocking him down. When you were back on the ground you looked at your friend with much exciment.
“POE DAMERON.” You shouted earning another wide smile from him. “I knew you were alive you’re tough to kill.” You say to him as he got a cocky smile.
“What can I say.” He said shrugging his shoulders. “What about you I saw you down there fighting like a badass like always.”
“Thank you I really do try.” You say to him. You both begin walking in a circle with too much exciment. “What about you! You flew in with your X-Wing out of nowhere! Taking out those Tie-fighters! And the stormtroopers on the ground! That barrel you did was awesome!!”
“Nah you deserve all the attention with your lightsaber!! I saw you swing that thing!! Knock all them stormtroopers down like if they were nothing. With your Double pistols!!” You both still walking in a circle complementing eachother on what one another had done. You both were excited little kids who had received gifts. “I’ve missed you my friend you’ve been gone to long.” He says and you give eachother another hug.
“You know me I’ve got to keep moving with my crew.” You turn to look over at Finn and BB8 who just look at you like if you both were crazy or something. “Finn this is my friend I told you about. He’s my best friend.” You say with the grin still on your face. Poe wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer to him.
“You two already know eachother?” Poe asked.
“Yeah she helped a friend and me out.” Finn said. Poe then laughed.
“Y/N you really do have that tendency to befriend the people you save don’t you?” He asks and you just scoff and roll your eyes. “She helped me out too some while ago. Came in with her double pistoles and saved me without her I don’t know if I would’ve been here now.” He explains making you kick a the ground and making your cheeks go pink. “Where are your pistols by the way?”
“Still with me Dameron you know I can’t be without them. And no you can’t have them.” You say. He had x-wing and you had your pistols before and now you have your pistols and your saber. Poe has always liked your pistols and always offered to buy off you but they were most priced possession you could never part from them.
“You met BB-8 already right?” Poe asked you. You nodded.
“Almost took him with me.” You say as a joke one that made Poe laugh.
“We need your help.” Finn said to Poe.
-
Seeing Princess Leia or General Organa is like a dream come true. Ever since you were young you’ve heard stories about her. Stories and her battles with the empire and now the first order. When you were young you wanted to be a fighter like her. So seeing her in front of you just feels like a dream. After Finn finishes explaining that he needs help rescuing Rey you step up.
“Oh wow.” You whisper with the biggest nervous smile ever. “Hi I’m Y/N. You’re Prin I mean General Organa it’s such a pleasure meeting you...I’ve heard stories about you.. you’re like my hero.” You say rambling on. She returns the smile and shakes your hand.
“It’s nice meeting you too Y/N thank you.” She tells you and for the first time you feel shy around her. “Han has told me about you we’re going to find Luke so he can help you.” You nod in agreement.
After that you all move to discuss a plan to save Rey and to destroy The starkiller base. You get ready and get on the Millenium falcon to join Han,Chewie and Finn as they’re set to disable the shields and mostly likely save Rey.
When you land on the planet you immidiatly a presence. It’s Ben solo or like he calls himself Kylo ren. You shake off the feeling and continue moving in the cold snowy planet. As you continue moving on you stop as you’re getting closer to where you need to go.
“So Finn What was your job when you were based here?” You asked him curiously still keeping an eye out just in case anyone unwanted came your way.
“Sanitation.” He said and you along with Han scoffed. But unlike Han you didn’t push Finn to the wall.
“Sanitation? Then how do you know how to disable the shields?” Han asked him annoyed and angry by Finns answer.
“I don’t I’m just here to get Rey.” Finn said and that made you look over to him. His answer made you feel some sort of way. Jealousy? Anger? Sadness?Or Proud for him going back to a place he hated just to save someone he cared for. You weren’t sure what you felt.
“People are counting on us the galaxy is counting on us.” Han said to Finn in a harsh whisper.
“Solo we’ll figure it out. We’ll use the force.” Finn said making you scoff and narrow your look at him in a dangerous way.
“That’s not how the force works!” Han and you said in unison. Chewie then inturrpted by saying he was cold and you couldn’t help but agree. After that interaction you all kept moving to go disable the shields and find Rey.
-
When you make it inside you go find someone Finn says can disable the shields. You get her in the room and it’s not surprising that she doesn’t want to comply. You roll your eyes and outstretch your hand. You close your eyes as you take a deep breath.
“You’re going to listen Finn and disable the shields.” You instruct who Finn says is Phasma. She turns to you both.
“You’re making a big mistake.” She says.
“Do it.” You instruct her again and this time she listens.
“See the force.” Finn says a little to happy.
“Yeah yeah whatever.” You tell him as you roll you eyes and pay attention back on Phasma. You watch as she disables the shields and when she does you don’t take long to move out to try and find Rey now as quickly as you can.
When you find her she’s coming out of some opening. You all quickly go to the location where she is and you all jump when you cross paths. Your hand instinctvly goes for your saber and your pistol your sides. But when you see it’s just Rey you let go. Finn and Rey hug and you have that feeling again but you shrug it off again. Because theirs other more important things to do.
-
On your way back to the ship you see the resistence fighting the first order and you all realize that you can’t just leave without helping out. So you go and set up bombs. You go on opposite sides of Han on the bottom and set up each bomb on a column. Every minute that passes by it only gets darker making you work quicker. When you finishes you’re about to go meet up where you agreed to meet up but you quickly hide when you see storm troopers coming.
You silently keep moving but stop in your tracks when you hear Han shout. You poke your head out and see him standing a few feet apart from Ben solo. You hear the storm troopers above you load their blasters and aim just in case Han wanted to try anything. You yourself grip onto your saber just in case. You watch their interaction closely. You don’t know what to expect from them. So you try and move closer but stop in your tracks when you see that Ben noticed you. You couldn’t really tell because his eyes were hidden behind his mask but you knew he was looking at you. Han then moved closer pulling back his attention.
You didn’t dare move anymore and stood where you were and watched them. You watched as Ben took off his helmet finally revealing himself. He was just like how Han had described him. You couldn’t help but feel attraction towards him. Yes he was consdiered a bad person but that still doesn’t make him unattractive. You also notice that their a sort of soft look in his eyes one just like how Han had.
You focus once more on their interaction and notice Han is much closer. It’s hard to see what’s going on because Han has his back faced to you but you notice that Ben hands him something. You inch closer to try and get a better view.
Everything then goes dark. You look and notice that the sun is completely gone now. You look back to Han and Ben and now it’s even harder to see what’s happening. That’s until you see what happens.
You see the red saber blade go through Hans chest. Your eyes instantly began to water and you feel as if your heart stopped in that instant. Everything else just disappears leaving only seeing the red blade impaled into Han. Chewbacca’s roar and Rey’s shout brought you back. You instantly fall on your knees and your lip quivers. Theirs nothing you can say because you feel as if the words are stuck in your throat. When you see Han fall a single tear falls down your cheek. You tighten your grip around your saber and turn your gaze up to Kylo Ren. The sadness you felt disappears and is quickly consumed by rage.
You’ve never felt this angry before. But now it’s all you can feel. It’s like it’s taking over and you can see nothing but it. You stand up and you meet Kylos eyes. You look up at Chewie who shoots Kylo in the shoulder.
“DO IT! CHEWIE DO IT! PRESS THE BUTTON.” You shout to Chewie. “I’m going after Kylo Ren.”
.
.
.
#Star wars#star wars force awakens#star wars imagines#star wars imagine#star wars fanfiction#starwars#starwarsimagine#starwarsfanfiction#Kylo ren#kylo ren x reader#kylo ren fanficition#kylo ren imagines#kylo ren imagine#Ben solo#ben solo imagine#ben solo fanficiton#rey#poe dameron#finn star wars#finn#chewbacca#general organa
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the legend of reylo
by klutzybriefing
Recent college graduate Rey is out of work, out of luck, and out of money.
So she does what any jobless humanities graduate would: busts out her dad’s old N64 and attempts to lose herself to nostalgia.
But what happens when she stumbles upon an old, unmarked cartridge and finds herself quite literally transported to a universe that’s missing its protagonist?
She’s only got three shots to get this right, if she ever wants to make it back to her reality—or, somewhat less importantly, if she doesn’t want to literally die. Which would really suck, since she’s finally landed a date with her incredibly hot (albeit strange and intense) neighbor and would very much like to make it.
She meets several key SW figures (tiny ch 1-3 spoiler: Finn, Poe, Rose, Leia and Han) along the way, including the ~~Big Masked Baddie Daddie~~ himself, Kylo Ren (who knows a liiiittle bit too much about her life outside of this game universe for comfort).
Angst. Very slow burn. Some popular and thinly veiled game references sprinkled in like… sprinkles. Other character development. Yes, there will eventually be smut
ANOTHER FIC CONCEPT NO ONE ASKED FOR
I DID IT ANYWAY :)
Words: 1603, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: F/M
Characters: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey (Star Wars), Poe Dameron, Rose Tico, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Armitage Hux, Unkar Plutt
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Finn, Leia Organa/Han Solo
Additional Tags: Video Game AU, Mostly fantasy, Kind of medieval, Reylo - Freeform, Action/Adventure, Fun angst, Best angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, This will be long, Obsessive Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Angry Kylo Ren, Badass Rey, Rey Needs A Hug, Video Game Tropes, N64 AU, Unabashed Nintendo references, Spoiler Alert: Reylo is Endgame, Dungeons and Bosses and Quest Items--oh my, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, Fun in the meantime, Angst and Fluff and Smut
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/35Uqg57
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the feminine urge to write all characters who display superhuman feats and swing from one enormous emotion to the other and seem constantly afraid the worst is about to happen and are always just a little bit unstable and are so talented it actually seems scary as being bipolar
#tonight is rey#which i mean#im scared of myself im scared of the darkness within etc#and when she opened up about that to LEIA a bipolar queen if ever there was one#the important thing is she is a 3D character with flaws and not a series of shitty tropes bundled together in Girlpower Rep#and also shes a lesbian#ch: rey organa solo
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CHAPTER THIRTEEN: NEW MOON (AO3)(COMPLETE)
(ch 1: worm moon | ch 2: worm moon II | ch 3: waning gibbous | ch 4: third quarter | ch 5: third quarter II | ch 6: waning crescent | ch 7: waning crescent II | ch 8: waning crescent III | ch 9: new moon | ch 10: waxing crescent | ch 11: sap moon | ch 12: third quarter)
Rating: M (T this chapter)
Words: 36,902 (13/13 chapters)
Tags: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Finn, Rose Tico, Unkar Plutt, Leia Organa, Snoke, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Fairy Tale Elements, Moon, Scavenger Rey, Reylo Fanfiction Anthology, Spoilers, Tags Contain Spoilers, Stop reading these tags if you don’t want to be spoiled, Selkies, Selkie Ben, The Force, Magic
Summary: Rey has a busy schedule: between her part time jobs, trying to get a degree, and breaking into certain people’s homes to steal items she can pawn off to Unkar Plutt, she doesn’t have time for anything mysterious or unusual. And she’s not exactly in the habit of returning lost property.
However, something gets her to make an exception. Which somehow mixes her up with Ben Solo, and that turns out to be a hard bond to break.
Notes: Thank you again to everyone who was part of the @reylofanfictionanthology and who helped make this happen. <3
@persimonne , incredible human that she is, made a beautiful piece of art for this fic, right here! Spoilers for the fic, but it’s one of my favorite things ever.
This is the end! This fic has meant a lot to me, and I'd love to hear what you think. <3
-
Rey’s eyes slowly blinked open in the early morning light. The sun was just below the edge of the horizon, and the gray light of dawn spread over the city. The empty shadow of the moon still lingered. Rey sat up in bed, reality filling in around her. The first thing she noticed was the cold and empty space next to her. Ben had left. With a sinking feeling, she realized exactly why he had come over last night. He really had meant it as a goodbye before he went off and faced Snoke on his own.
“That idiot,” she growled, swinging out of bed. She started grabbing for clothes at random, mind racing.
(cont. reading under the cut)
She thought about what Finn had said to her last night. Ben was just as bad as she was, running head-on into things without thinking them through. Their entire relationship was proof of that. She very much doubted he would be going for a subtle approach.
He wanted to face Snoke and take back his freedom for good or die trying. Snoke's headquarters it was then. She changed her tactics, tossing aside the ratty t-shirt she'd been about to put on and instead searching for something that might get her into an uppity office building. She didn’t know if Snoke had somewhere else he used for his supernatural dealings, but his offices seemed like the best bet right now. If that didn’t work, she’d go back to his mansion, and if that failed, then --
She’d deal with that if she got to that point. One step at a time.
Her closet didn’t have an abundance of dress clothes, but she did at least have the skirt and blouse she’d found at Goodwill for her interview with Maz. (It had turned out to be overkill, but worth having for those rare occasions she needed it.) She dug them out from behind her stained jeans and hoodies and set them on the bed, then fished her one decent bra out from the drawer. She dressed herself with jerky motions, settling herself into her best approximation of put together as quickly as she could. Grabbing her keys, she ran out the door of the apartment before the sun had edged over the horizon.
On the streets, she skirted around other people headed to their jobs, their work clothes changing from polos with company logos to button downs and suits with ties the closer she got to Snoke’s building, walking as fast as her worn out flats would let her. Office workers were starting to trickle into the building as she arrived, and she followed a group of them into a polished gold elevator, letting someone else scan their id and then pushed the button for the top floor. One of the women gave her a surprised look, her judgemental gaze quickly taking in the state of Rey’s outfit, but Rey kept her eyes fixed ahead, doing her best to look bored even as her heart pounded.
The elevator gradually emptied out as it travelled upward, until the last couple people aside from Rey got out a few floors from the top. The doors slid closed again, and Rey was left alone, looking at her reflection in them as she was carried up to the man who’d been lurking on the edges of her life for months. She breathed slowly in and out, focusing herself.
The elevator stopped with a soft chime and a woman’s voice announcing the floor as the doors opened. Rey stepped out, keeping her pace steady even as she wanted to run to Snoke’s office and wrap her hands around his neck until he gave back everything he’d taken. A man in an expensive bright red shirt sat at a large curved desk just to the side of the elevator, and he looked up at her with raised brows.
“Can I help you?” he asked, his tone making it very clear that he thought that she needed more help than he was prepared to offer.
(continue reading on ao3)
#reylo#benrey#rey x kylo ren#kylo x rey#reylo fic#reylo fanfic#rffa writers#reylo writing den#my fic#between belief
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My Fanfics - Master Post
Completed Fics
Chained (part 1 of the Bound Trilogy) - Rated M
Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren, Rey (Star Wars), Luke Skywalker, Armitage Hux, Snoke (Star Wars), Ezra Bridger, Sabine Wren, Leia Organa, Poe Dameron, Force Bond (Star Wars), creepy kylo, Tough Rey, Luke is a complex character, Everybody is damaged it just is a matter of how much, Slow Burn, First of a Trilogy
Canon compliant through TFA, my exploration of the idea of a force bond between Rey and Kylo. Funny thing, I really didn’t think they’d do it in canon, so this is one of my few fics that actually have a force bond between them.
Trigger warning for an attempted dream rape sequence and child abuse in a Rey flashback dream. Canon typical violence.
Summary
Kylo Ren has found himself fixated on the girl he captured on Takadona. The girl who had somehow managed to best him on Starkiller. The girl who he now realizes is the one from his dreams, the girl in the veil who he has endlessly chased and never catches. The girl that he now appears to be strangely linked to, able to feel over light years of space.
If there is one certainty in his life, it's that this girl will be his, that he will capture her and she will submit to him
Rey survived Kylo Ren and escaped Starkiller, only to find him haunting her. Whispering in her head and finding her in her dreams. Sent to find Luke Skywalker, Rey finds herself training, learning to use her powers, soon realizing that she was being hunted by the monster she defeated but left alive. The monster who's mind now seems linked directly to hers.
Chained together by a force bond, the two adversaries begin to understand the potential and dangers of this link between them.
Snare - Rated M
Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren & Rey, Rey (Star Wars), Kylo Ren, Leia Organa, Original Characters, unnamed-background-Resistance-members™️, Luke Skywalker, Chewbacca (Star Wars), Han Solo, Finn (Star Wars), TFA flip script, And less in a toss the pages in the air kind of way and more of a I put the script in a blender, Dark!Creepy!Luke, Neither side is black or white, everyone is morally grey, characters that are just slightly out of character, On Purpose, It's hard to explain, you'll understand once you read it, Slow Burn
A flip script of TFA that has a Resistance ambush set up in Tuanal and let’s the story deviate from there. Lots of turning themes and arcs and scenes from TFA on their head, so the story feels familiar, but you still just never know for sure what to expect.
Summary
Kylo walked into a trap set up by the Resistance when the First Order raided San Tekka's village. He's now found himself alone in the desert, on a planet crawling with Resistance and Resistance allies and a bounty on his head that is going to have the locals all interested in capturing him.
Pro Forma (Part 1 of Pro Forma Universe) - Rated M
Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren, Rey (Star Wars), Armitage Hux, Leia Organa, space ball
Written using this work of @elithien as my prompt. A space ball in neutral territory where Rey and Kylo once again cross paths.
Preview
Did it even matter? He had been a boy still, the last time he’d been in the same room with his mother. The last time he heard her voice, they hadn’t talked over a com either since then. They had written, there was that, though he had written far more than she wrote back. Dutiful son and Jedi padawan that he had been, he wrote faithfully. She wrote back when she found the time, which, as it always had been with finding time for her family, had been rarely.
Hux swept his way towards the group surrounding the Vice-Chancellor, puffing himself out. He had seen Organa, that was certain. His motives for joining whatever conversations were taking place was certainly to kriff with her. It was what the little prick did best.
Why was he even still standing here? He needed to move, needed to get out of sight. If she looked over at Hux as he approached them, she would see him. Surely, there was nothing good that could come from her knowing he was here. Taking a step back, he began to turn when another figure stepped next to his mother.
Her. The girl. The scavenger.
Six of Swords (part 1 of Arcana)
A little post TLJ angsty force bond ficlet I wrote for ceallaigheirinn for the underated Reylo secret santa. Became the first in what will hopefully be a Tarot inspired ficlet collection.
Six of Swords - A regretful but necessary transition. Being forced to let go of something to which you were attached. A journey that is necessary to leave turmoil behind and find calmer waters.
Reversed, limbo, being unable to move on, let go of baggage.
Works In Progress
Something to Love - Rated M - Ch 14/?
Kylo Ren/Rey, Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey (Star Wars), Leia Organa, Finn (Star Wars), Poe Dameron, Jessika Pava, Rey and Kylo ran away together, Sadly they're not going to be able to live happily ever after, Just when they think they were free they get pulled back in, Reylo babies, These two love each other, War's a bitch, six years or so later, General Finn, Admiral Poe Dameron, Commander Jessika Pava, Snoke is still a creep, The Resistance are kind of assholes too, General Finn Tico, Angst, So much angst
A runaway AU and a Reylo Baby AU, where Kylo and Rey ended up both abandoning the fight and running away together. Be prepared for angst and to hate characters you didn’t realize you could hate. Seriously, this fic is kinda non-stop emotional abuse of my readers.
Summary
Six years ago they ran.
For four years they've been living in peace, away from the chaos and the war that continues to rage.
Rey and Kylo have built a family and a home on an isolated moon in wild space. For four years with no conflict or run ins with either the First Order or the Resistance, they've allowed themselves to relax and breath, thinking that maybe both sides of the conflict have decided to leave them behind. But the war isn't done with them yet, and when they find themselves forcibly dragged back into the fray, Rey must choose to fight again to protect her children and the man she loves.
Apathetic Synergy - Rated M - Ch 15/?
Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren & Rey, Rey (Star Wars), Kylo Ren
I really need to up my tag game on this fic, lol. This is an AU where Rey is captured at the end of TFA by the First Order and is put under Kylo’s care.
Preview
She twisted on the bed, bending as much as the restraints would let her, ignoring the pain of her still healing side and tuning out the steady, irritating beep of the medbay equipment. Her focus was on the clear line running down to the connection to her vein. The medics had come again, added the drugs to IV bag without any acknowledgement of her before leaving. It’s effects were already starting to be felt. Soon it would sweep her away into an unfocused daze.
If she let it.
Catching the line on the guardrail of the bed, she twisted her arm against the restraint, pulling the line taut, biting her lip against the pain of the catheter twisting in her vein. With a slow, steady pull, she felt the needle of the line slip out of the catheter, just enough that the drip would run off and not into her body. The line was close enough that she could use the force to push it back in when they came to check on her, or when the bag was empty and the worry about the drugs were no longer a threat.
Bloodstock - Rated T (for now anyway), Ch 6/?
Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey (Star Wars), Han Solo, Chewbacca (Star Wars), Kylo Ren, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Phasma (Star Wars), Armitage Hux, Snoke (Star Wars), Amilyn Holdo, Poe Dameron, Rose Tico, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, equestrian AU, Hunter/Jumper AU, Equestrain book and movie tropes abound, Dark side of the horse industry, Some inspiration from real events and crimes, Millenium Falcon is a horse, As is Kylo's TIE Silencer, Rating subject to change
The equestrian AU no one asked for, where I can combine my horse obsession and my star wars obsession all in one place!
Featuring washed up former champion trainer Han Solo, spunky girl from nowhere Rey, champion jumper rider Kylo Ren who works for Snoke's First Order Stables. Trigger warnings for some violence and animal deaths.
Summary
Whatever Rey had been expecting when she began hitchhiking her way westward across the United States with an expired visa, no money, and next to nothing to her name, ending up working and riding for former champion horse trainer and rider Han Solo had not been one of them. Yet that's where she's found herself, living and working on Han's farm in rural Minnesota with Han, Han's friend and stablehand Chewie Bacca, and the gruff trainer's six horses.
When Han gets himself into more than a little bit of trouble, Rey presses him to bring his old jumper—Millennium Falcon—out of retirement and to let her try to help win the money the man needs. The three travel to Illinois, where the hunter/jumper show world is dominated by First Order Farms, owned by the shady Silas Snoke, and home of champion jumper rider Kylo Ren. Rey soon finds the horse industry is a far darker and more dangerous place than she ever could have expected.
Bonded (Part 2 of the Bound Trilogy) - Rated M - ch 13/?
Kylo Ren/Rey, Reylo, Kylo Ren, Rey (Star Wars), More characters to be added as we go along ;), Slow Burn, Grey Jedi, Force Bond
Another I have to up my tag game on. Sequel to Chained.
Summary
Kylo Ren finally has his scavenger, an agreement for her to travel with him for the next year in trade for information he provided the Resistance on the First Order, yet she remains resistant both to him and to being taught by him. With the First Order and Supreme Leader Snoke hunting for them to punish him for his betrayal, he struggles to win Rey's trust, trust he needs if the two of them are going to survive.
In a journey that leads them through the edges of the outer rim to the unmapped reaches of the wild space, the two find themselves following old legends as they attempt to find a better understanding of the Force. In taking on this journey, they will find more about themselves, their feelings towards one another, and the connection that binds them.
Low Places (part 2 of Pro Forma Universe) - Rated M - ch 8/?
Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren & Rey, Dopheld Mitaka/Phasma, Kylo Ren, Sometime after the events in Pro Forma
This takes place after the events in Pro Forma, on a sketchy bar in a neutral world, where Kylo and Rey once again cross paths. The Pro Forma Rey/Kylo are possibly my favorite variations of those characters. It’s a far more, I don’t know, lighthearted than my other stuff? I mean there’s stress and angst and pining, but there’s just something adorable about these two. And this fic can be borderline cracky but not in an unbelievable way.
Preview
Slowly, deliberately, he folded his arms across his chest, cocking his head before speaking in with a tone of dry humor, “Come now, that’s no way to talk about General Organa.”
The mob of Resistance muttered among themselves, not getting the joke. Likely because no one realized who was in the room with them.
Even though the audience that got it was limited, he still thought the joke was a good one. And judging from the flash of annoyance in Rey's eyes, she got it. She’d laugh about it later when the tension in the air wasn't so smothering, he was sure if it.
But right now, Rey was looking around with a panicked desperation in her eyes and he sighed inwardly, taking pity on her as she tried to figure out how to keep the peace and not let things continue to spiral out of control. It tugged at his heart in a way that only she seemed able to inspire, and he forgave her for her concern for the traitor. Forgave her for any and every trespass she’d committed and was still to commit.
Force, she had him. He was completely and irrevocably hers. He would forgive her for anything.
Remnants - Rated M - Ch 7/?
Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, Rey (Star Wars), Poe Dameron, Canon Divergence - Alternate Timeline, Flip script, Takes place over the same time as the events in TFA, But Ben never turned against Luke, But the First Order still destroyed the academy, And Luke still ran off and vanished, Ben and Luke are the only survivors of the new Jedi, These tags are complicated
Another flip script of TFA. This one with the idea of Ben never turning against Luke, but still with the new Jedi order being destroyed and Luke vanishing.
Summary
Six years ago the First Order attacked and destroyed Luke Skywalker's new Jedi order, leaving only Ben Organa and Luke as the survivors of the massacre. His uncle having vanished, Ben now serves as the last remnant of the fallen order as the threat of the First Order continues to grow. Doing his best to aid the Resistance and help stop the rise of the First Order, the weight of legacy heavy on his shoulders, he finds himself torn between light and darkness as he searches for his uncle along with darker answer to the events of the past.
Word comes that there's a map that could finally help lead him to his missing uncle, after six years of fruitless searching for clues. For the first time in a long time, he finds hope that he might finally be able to find Luke and bring him home, and finally shed some of the burden that had been left on him in his uncle's absence. Hoping for the best, he heads to meet up with Poe Dameron on the desert planet of Jakku to find this map and keep it from falling into enemy hands.
Arcana - Rated M - Ch 2/77
A little project of mine to create one ficlet for each card in the tarot deck. Each chapter is one card and ficlets are not linear or necessarily within the same timeline.
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Chapters: 63/63
Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Leia Organa & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Characters: Rey (Star Wars), Kylo Ren, Leia Organa
Additional Tags: alternative universe, Reylo - Freeform, Sad prince, Sad scavenger, RIP Resistance, trying something different this time, Darkness rises, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Mommy Issues, Emperor Kylo Ren, Ahch-To, exiled, Allies?, Knights of Ren - Freeform, secrets and lies, ”I am a jedi like my grandfather before me”, Rey is a hot mess, Exile, Secret Marriage, Rose Tico - Freeform, finn - Freeform, Vader choke, SJW Empress Rey making no apologies, lovers separated by war, Young Love, young marriage, Mistakes, Not for snowflakes, grit - Freeform, Coup d’etat, Just Friends
Summary:
Snoke is dead.
The saber splits.
The Raddus jumps to lightspeed through the First Order fleet.
And in the ruined and burning throne room, Kylo Ren wakes first.
*********************************************************************************
Found this on a TOTAL caprice tonight. It was mentioned in the comment of another fic I was reading. It’s addictive as heck. I’ve been up way too long reading! I’m on Ch 6 or 7. This is a COMPLETE FIC that looks like it completed in 08/2018 (just last month). Lots of kudos but not many comments (readers who binge and never comment shall inherit the wind, I’m just sayin’).
REALLY great writing - the summary doesn’t do it justice.
Also, @blueenvelopes935 is not on Tumblr unless she or he is under another name and I couldn’t find any promo posts for it, so I assume it’s an AO3 writer with no tumblr account.
It’s so late my eyes are crossing, so I’ll just suggest you take a look and see if you like the style and story. It’s over 1000 kudos, so I’m late to the party on this one, but again, oddly not many comments, at least not in the beginning.
Anyhow, I’ve read 6 out of 63 chapters and without knowing any more, I’ll just say it looks very promising if you want a good read. Look at it and judge for yourselves!
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[CLEAN VERSION] Soul Searching, Ch.31
Sexual situations redacted.
If you’ve read the story until now, you’ll note that sexuality in the past has been referenced but not explicit. That’s the level I’m going for in the clean version, as well.
I’m including a brief non-explicit description when context is necessary.
Original version on AO3 here.
Many thanks to @reyloandotherfandoms for beta reading. :) You rock.
Chapter 31: Opening Remarks
Rey freshened up before she left her room. She ran a comb through her hair, touched up her lip tint, and fixed a smear of mascara from her earlier tears.
She didn’t try to pretend the cosmetic fixes weren’t for Ben, but her motives weren’t remotely altruistic. If he had a reaction to her anywhere close to the one she’d had to him, this afternoon would be torture for him.
She met her own eyes in the mirror and straightened her shoulders like a soldier going into battle.
Ben Solo wasn’t going to get out of this unscathed.
Ben kept touching the tip of his tongue to the wound on the inside of his lip where his teeth had cut into it.
Rey had one hell of a left hook. And a right hook. He’d always supposed she would take advantage of his old punching bag after he left — he knew how cathartic it could be — but he had not thought through the fact that a punching bag would make her better at punching.
Not that he’d expected Rey to punch him when she saw him. He had imagined hundreds of different scenarios, some good and some bad, but he was embarrassed now that he’d been hoping for a warmer reception. The kind that had her arms around his neck and her lips on his and her hands in his hair and his hands under her thighs as she wrapped her legs around his waist and ground herself against—
Shit.
Good thing he was sitting down, he supposed, then decided it was a very good thing when she exited the house and joined Chewie at the grill.
Was she taller? Or had she always been that tall? And had her legs always been that long? Or was it the dress? When she’d punched him, she’d been wearing that stupid billowy graduation robe, and it was a shock to his system to see her out of it and in some wispy thing that more than covered everything while leaving a huge amount of skin on display.
He was staring, he knew, his forearms on his knees as he watched her, but he couldn’t stop.
Lando sank into the chair beside him and gave a low laugh. “You have it bad, kid.”
Ben considered denying it, but there was no point. “Yeah.”
She wouldn’t look at him. She knew he was staring, she had to, because how else would she know where not to look?
He just wanted her to look at him. To look at him and walk over and take his hand and lead him inside and into a back room and shove him against a wall and—
Lando crossed his legs and leaned back, clearly not suffering the same affliction as Ben. “Why’d you take off, anyway, with a sweet girl like that waiting for you?”
“I don’t really feel like explaining myself,” Ben replied. When Lando only looked at him, waiting, Ben huffed an annoyed breath and said, “She was underage, and I didn’t want to be a creep.”
Lando lifted his beer to his lips with an elegant brown hand. “And how’s that working out for you?”
Ben snorted, knowing Lando didn’t expect a reply. They both regarded her, and Ben said, “I can look myself in the eye.” He felt Lando’s dark gaze on him but didn’t turn to look.
“I guess that’s something.”
It was everything.
Ben hadn’t done much in his life that he could point to and say, “I’m proud of that.” But goddamn, this was one of them.
Now if he could only get her to understand.
His mother had said when she picked him up at the airport that Rey didn’t have a boyfriend, but Ben wouldn’t have altered his course if she had. There was a reason that most developed countries had a no-fault divorce law for couples split up by a soulmate connection. The bond was too hard to resist. He’d read articles about couples with soulmates who’d stayed married because of children or religion, but most cases ended with one spouse leaving the other for their soulmate.
Ben had very clearly defined rules about age, but he had zero qualms about stealing from other men. Or, as was more likely in Rey’s case, boys. Ben would have pursued her with brutally efficient focus, and eventually she would have left whatever little prick had been keeping her company.
No, the only person in the way of a life with Rey was… Rey herself.
And she was a challenge he was sure he could surmount.
Unlike the one in his pants.
When it occurred to Rey to be surprised that Luke and Ben were in the same place without violence or drama, she cornered Luke in the kitchen and asked him about it.
Luke nodded and turned the soda he’d been getting from the fridge over in his hands, the mechanical one making tapping noises where it touched the aluminum. “We’ve been talking. We have a ways to go, but we can be in the same room now.”
“Oh,” she said, stunned. She wasn’t sure if she was more surprised that it had happened or that no one had mentioned it to her. Perhaps they hadn’t thought it was any of her business. Thinking about it, they were probably right. It wasn’t any of her business. Except that it had to do with Ben, and he was her business. She tried to wrestle the conflicting emotions into order and found herself left with the aching sense of being left out. “I’m… I’m glad.”
Luke leaned against the counter, his blue eyes on her, and Rey blushed, wondering if he’d read her thoughts on her face.
Instead of comment on her internal battles, he merely said, “I went to see him. We came back on the same flight.”
Of course they had. It made sense now that she thought about it, considering the timing of Ben’s return. Of course they’d traveled back together. A troubling thought occurred to her, and she asked, “You didn’t tell him to come back, did you?”
Luke’s brows rose. “No, of course not. He already had a ticket booked for two days from now. I persuaded him to change it to today.”
Rey frowned. “Oh.”
Luke waited for her to continue, but she didn’t, and he let the moment pass. “I took him to see my father.”
Rey’s eyes widened. “The…”
“The crazy genocidal war criminal. Yes.” Luke examined her expression and glanced out the windows. Rey looked as well, only able to catch the edge of the grill and the people around it.
Luke switched gears. “I talk to my father about my mother sometimes when I visit. Padme. He likes to tell stories about her more now that he’s getting older. He wants someone to keep her memory alive.” He turned his soda in his hands without seeming to realize it, and a small sad smile played across his face. “The Organas told us about her, and everything my father says supports their stories.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “We were robbed when she died. The world was robbed.”
Rey saw the grief lining his face for a mother he’d never even met and felt a peculiar kind of kinship. “What was she like?”
Luke considered his words. “Think of… of the strength of conviction it would take to be a genocidal maniac. The force of personality it would take to see that level of destruction through. To command fear and respect enough to have your commands followed without question.” He looked at Rey, and his blue eyes burned bright. “Now imagine that same level of conviction, that same ability to command, channeled not for destruction but for peace. That was my mother. Her people loved her. They respected her. She was a powerful leader.”
Luke set his soda down but continued to toy with it. After a while, he said, “I told Ben this while we were in Holland, but I think it’s pertinent here.
“A lot of people think a soulmate is your perfect romantic match, but they’re wrong. It’s much deeper than that. A soulmate is the other half of your soul. And I think… when souls get shared across two people, sometimes you’re exactly the same. But most of the time, you’ll be symmetrical in all but a few key points. I think my parents were that way. The same, but my father got all the darkness and my mother all the light. Or maybe they were the same but my father’s environment nurtured the wrong things in him. I don’t know.
“Leia and I are a good example of soulmates who got different qualities. Our strengths are the other’s weaknesses. Together, we complement each other.”
Rey nodded, remembering that Ben had said something similar long ago about his mother and his uncle, before he even knew they were soulmates. “Yin and Yang.”
Luke nodded. “I see a lot of Ben in you. A lot. But you’ve got some strengths that he doesn’t. And he has some you don’t. Weaknesses, too.” He tapped the side of his soda with his mechanical hand. “And I don’t want to be an interfering old man,” he said with a wry look that she thought meant he already considered himself to have interfered, “but once the two of you work out this rift between you… you’re going to be one hell of a team.”
He left her, then, and Rey mulled his words over for a long time before going back out to the busy patio.
Somehow, when the food was ready, Rey found herself maneuvered into sitting at the patio table between Luke and Leia, far closer to Ben than she would have preferred. He was across from his mother, between his dad and Chewie, while Lando lounged in his silk suit on Luke’s other side. Rey mostly talked to Luke so she wouldn’t have to look in Ben’s direction, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t noticed him or that she didn’t feel it in every cell of her body when he looked at her.
Leia turned to him and asked, “So, Ben, how have you kept yourself busy this last year?”
He hesitated, then said, “I wrote a book.”
Rey’s head came up despite herself, and she saw he’d surprised everyone else as well. His eyes flicked to hers before pink flared across his cheeks and he glanced back down.
The others spoke up, ranging from incredulous to curious.
“You wrote a book?”
“What about?”
“Do we get to read it?”
Ben started breaking a ruffled potato chip into crisp clean pieces, the gesture exposing his nervousness. “Ah, no. Nobody gets to read it because it’s complete shit. But… I liked writing it. It was fun. I think it’s something I want to keep doing.”
“You always did like to read,” Leia said warmly.
Han sat back and gestured with his beer. “So that’s what you’ve been up to on your little vacation.”
Ben frowned at Han and set the chip down. “Could you not?”
Han spread his hands and smiled. “Come on, kid. You can’t take a little ribbing?”
“That’s…” Ben shook his head, frustration radiating off of him. “You need to learn when to keep your mouth shut.”
Anger snapped in Han’s eyes. “Maybe I should never say anything at all, would that make you feel better?”
Ben glowered at Han as the latter pushed his chair back and left the table.
Leia sighed and started to push her own chair back.
“No,” said Ben, stopping her and getting up. He wiped chip grease onto his napkin and dropped it by his plate. “It’s unfair to make you clean up our shit.” He shrugged and pressed two fingers to the bridge of his nose, looking tired suddenly. “I need to talk to him, anyway.”
Leia frowned, concern clear on her face. “You know your father jokes when he’s uncomfortable.”
Ben stiffened. “He called it a fucking vacation.”
“Wasn’t it?” Rey asked, eyes on her soda’s condensation as she trailed a finger through it.
The table went quiet, and she knew he’d turned his head to look at her. She didn’t look up, too proud and too scared of what she’d see in his eyes. Her neck felt strained, almost brittle, like it could snap at the slightest touch.
It was not lost on her, and probably not on any of the rest of them, that this was the first time she’d spoken to him since he got home.
When he replied, his voice was deep and gravely with something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. “No.”
Ben found his dad in the garage, sitting in the Falcon with a fresh beer.
Ben stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned on the van. “You can’t keep doing that.”
Han scowled. “It was a joke. You’re too sensitive.”
Ben shook his head, fighting down a flare of frustration and trying to remember all the things he’d covered with Dr. Statura. He’d made plans for this conversation, but fuck if he could remember any of them. “It wasn’t a joke, and you know it. You can’t keep doing things this way — poking and prodding and then pretending to be surprised when I get offended.”
His dad took a deep swig of beer and climbed out of the van. Ben stepped back to give him room, and Han stood there and crossed his arms and waited. When Ben said nothing, Han jerked one shoulder up. “What do you want me to say, kid? You want me to apologize?” From the way his dad said that last word, it was clear he had no intention of apologizing. At all. “Talk about my feelings? Yell at you?”
“Yes,” said Ben. “All of the above would be good, but just talking to me about why you’re angry instead of…” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Look. You and I have never understood each other. The only things we have in common are flying and a truly astounding level of stubbornness, and we both know it drives mom up the wall.”
His dad tilted his head in agreement.
“I just… the way we’ve handled things up to now hasn’t worked. And, no, I don’t know how to magically fix things or what exactly will work, but… I’m so tired of fighting.”
“Says the kid who ran away.”
Ben gestured. “See? That is what I’m talking about. All you’re doing is trying to piss me off. Why don’t you just tell me why you’re mad?”
He watched his dad examine him through narrowed eyes, could see the wheels in his head turning. His dad was loud and brash and proud. They’d never just talked, they were both shit at communication, but Ben had to try. He was tired of fighting, but it wasn’t just that.
He wanted a better relationship with his father.
“I had to watch that girl cry,” Han said abruptly. “And it didn’t make sense to me, why she had to hurt while you ran off and enjoyed yourself.”
Ben flinched. “I wasn’t ‘enjoying myself.’”
His dad shrugged, and Ben was suddenly angry.
“I was alone. You talk like I was snapping selfies on some fucking beach, but I felt like I was drowning out there, surrounded by strangers and unfamiliar places, and I just wanted to come home and be with her, but I couldn’t, and the only thing that kept me from hating myself was the thought that I was doing the right thing.”
“You hurt her,” his dad started, but Ben cut him off.
“I know that! You think I don’t know that? You think it wasn’t all I could think about for months? That it didn’t keep me up at night? I know I hurt her.” His jaw shifted, and he pressed his lips together to hide their trembling. “I know I should have handled it better. I’ve had a year to consider every single fucking place I went wrong.”
His dad took a swig of beer, his frown more solemn than angry now. “Why did you even have to leave? Why couldn’t you have stayed and worked it out?”
Ben sighed and looked at the workbench standing nearby, the tools in a haphazard order that somehow made sense to his dad. “I wrote all of this down somewhere to help me explain it, but I have no idea where that is, so I’m just going to wing it.” He thought about all his reasons and found the one that would make the most sense to Han Solo. Then he took a deep breath and said, “I didn’t want to be a sexual predator like Snoke.” He held up a hand when Han frowned and opened his mouth. “I know I wouldn’t have been exactly like him, but I assume you can understand my not wanting to be even tangentially associated.” He let out a nervous huff, speaking quickly to shut down the other potential arguments. “Also, yes, eighteen was and is a non-negotiable hard limit, and no, I couldn’t have kept my hands off her for a year, and yes, this is the most embarrassing conversation I’ve ever had in my life.”
Han didn’t speak for a moment. “I dunno, The Talk was pretty bad.”
Ben snorted, recalling his dad’s fumbling, flustered attempt to teach him about sex. “No, this is worse. Trust me.”
The Talk hadn’t forced Ben to admit that he desperately wanted to fuck the girl Han thought of like a daughter.
Ben sighed. “What it boils down to is that I had to choose between a year of torture away from her or the prospect of comparing myself to a monster for the rest of my life.”
His dad picked at the label on his beer. For a long time, he didn’t say anything. “Do you know why I hate talking about Snoke?”
Ben stared at him, thrown. He shook his head. “Because he was a creepy serial killer child molester?”
Han didn’t smile, just kept picking at his beer. “Because it reminds me that I couldn’t protect you. That if I’d put my foot down and kept you at home like I wanted to, it wouldn’t’ve happened.”
Ben looked at his father, at the lines on his face and the grey in his hair, and for the first time in his life he saw how old he really was. “It wasn’t your fault, Dad.”
Han nodded, lips twisting like he was holding onto his stoicism by a thread. “Yeah, well,” he said gruffly. They stood there for a long while, both pretending they weren’t fighting off tears, until Han shifted his weight. “We should probably get back.”
“Okay.” They walked inside together, and Ben glanced at his dad as they approached the patio door. “Listen, I’m trying this new ‘don’t bottle everything up until you explode’ thing, so I’m reserving the right to call you out on being a dick. Fair warning.”
Han snorted. “Sure, fine. So long as I get to call you out when you’re being a dick.”
Ben grinned. “I can live with that.”
Rey was still baffled by how Ben could have talked Han around in the space of fifteen minutes. Lunch had wound down and Leia had sent Han inside to fetch Rey’s graduation gifts. Rey fidgeted as they waited, still not used to accepting presents. The whole process made her uncomfortable.
Han returned pulling a giant rolling suitcase in a lovely shade of olive green, and Rey smiled. She liked practical gifts the best, and Leia seemed to know that.
“For college,” Leia said cheerfully as Rey got up to look at it. “You’ll need luggage when you go. Here, unzip it and there are more bags inside. They stack.”
Rey did as Leia bade, laying the large suitcase flat to find a medium-size version tucked inside. She unzipped that to find a matching green duffel bag folded neatly within.
“Here, lift that out and take a better look at it.”
Rey stopped mid-lift when she saw the long box hidden beneath the duffel bag. Her gaze snapped up to Leia’s, who looked particularly gleeful. “Leia…”
“No arguments,” Leia said because she knew Rey’s difficulty accepting expensive gifts.
Rey had never had her own computer before. She’d been using the one in Leia’s home office for schoolwork and email, but this was… “It’s too much.”
“It’s not top-of-the-line, and that is the only concession I was willing to make. You need a laptop for school, and that one is very reliable.”
Rey felt like crying, but she got up and hugged Leia, then Han. “Thank you, guys.”
“I wanted to get you a fuel-injection system,” Han complained.
Rey grinned at him. “Christmas.”
The uncles gave her money. Luke put his in a thoughtful card, but Chewie just handed her a check. Altogether, she got seven hundred dollars, and the amount made her head swim.
An awkward silence fell as everyone but Rey glanced at Ben.
“IOU,” he said, spreading his empty hands.
Rey put the suitcases back together and zipped them up. “I’m going to put these things in my room.”
Leia kissed Rey’s cheek. “Congratulations, sweetheart. We’re so proud of you.”
It almost made her forget how badly the day had gone.
Rey was washing dishes in the kitchen after lunch when Ben came up and asked if he could dry.
Without looking away from her work, she said, “It’s a free country,” then set her sponge down and started to walk away.
He heaved a sigh. “Rey.”
She turned on her heel and met his eye. “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I not old enough to make my own decisions yet? Is that what this is?” She gestured at the dishwater.
He scowled. “That’s not—” He spread his arms helplessly. “All I said was your name.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “It’s the way you said it.”
He rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes with a growl. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
Rey turned to leave again, but Ben’s warm fingers closed gently around her wrist. She stared at the point where he touched her, her face and body flaring with warmth, and forced her expression into a glare before meeting his eye again.
And promptly forgot what she was going to say.
“I’m sorry,” he said gently, thumb rubbing across the sensitive skin on the underside of her wrist. “I should have done things differently.”
Rey drew a breath into her too-tight lungs and tugged her arm away with more force than was strictly necessary. “Don’t do that.”
He glanced at her wrist and ducked his head. “Sorry.”
“Not that,” she snapped. “Although, yes, that too. I mean the…” She gestured vaguely at his face, which now just looked confused. “The puppy dog eyes.” She folded her arms irritably and looked away. “Don’t do that.”
He blinked, then laughed softly. She glared at him again, and he raised his hands. “Okay, sorry. Sorry. I didn’t realize that was a thing. But I will try not to do the thing I wasn’t aware I was doing. For you.”
She was pretty sure he was laughing at her, but she just rolled her eyes and said, “See that you don’t.”
She retreated to her room and locked the door behind her, then climbed into her bed and guiltily shimmied out of her underwear.
[Rey again does what she set out to do.]
Holy fuck, she thought. If she was going to have to retreat to take care of herself every time she interacted with him… she was screwed.
And not even literally.
Rey made sure her laptop was charging before she guiltily exited her room. The sound of running water from Ben’s old room pinpointed his location, so she wandered toward the kitchen and saw the other men out back shutting down the grill.
She found Leia in the laundry room with a large black duffel bag.
“You're doing his laundry?” Rey observed, leaning against the door jamb and resisting the urge to imagine Ben naked and wet.
Rey shivered, glad Leia was digging through the bag instead of looking her way.
“I offered,” Leia said simply. Then she glanced up at Rey and smirked. “Unless you want to do it.”
Rey grimaced, and Leia laughed.
“Didn't think so.”
They chatted for a bit, and Rey pretended that she wasn’t filing away that Ben wore boxers in a narrow range of dark colors.
Maybe she’d get some fluorescent pink ones and sneak them into his bag just to mess with him. Or maybe something stupid, like smiley faces or a Union Jack or kittens.
It amused her to consider, but then she realized she was thinking about his exasperation when he found them and maybe him wearing them for her, and she needed to shut that line of thought down.
No buying Ben underwear, she told herself sternly.
So when a knock came at the front door, Rey went to get it to distract herself.
“Finn!” she cried, throwing her arms around him. Perfect. She really needed someone on her side right now. The rest of Ben’s family were too happy to have him back. Rey didn’t begrudge them their happiness, but she’d felt a little bit alone because of it.
“I can’t stay long,” he said, hugging her back. “Mom dropped me off while she runs to the store to grab a pie or something for the Ticos.” He let her go and shrugged, following her inside. “She doesn’t want to show up empty-handed.”
“I like your mom,” Rey said as they passed through the house and headed out to the back patio where the men were still drinking. “Have I said that before?”
“Once or twice,” he replied with an easy grin. Rey didn’t miss that his eyes had been scanning their surroundings as they walked through the house. He nodded at Han and the uncles, but Rey led him past them.
“He’s in the shower, I think,” she said softly when they got to a bench swing Leia had purchased after Rey kept taking friends into the back yard. They sat and began to lazily rock, too far away to be heard if they kept their voices down.
“How’s that going?”
She decided to deliberately misunderstand. “His shower? How would I know?”
Finn smiled, but his steady gaze pried a sigh out of her.
“It’s tough.” She wasn’t about to tell Finn she’d masturbated twice already. She was open with him, but that wasn’t the kind of thing they discussed. Ever. “It’s like… I want him to be this huge unrepentant jackass so I can hate him, but he’s not.”
“Yeah?”
She slouched and glowered at a bush. “He tried to apologize.”
“That bastard.”
Rey snorted.
They swung together in silence for a while before Finn stirred and said, “I’m going to have my phone on silent while I’m at Rose’s because her aunts and uncles and grandparents are there and I need to make a good impression, but if something happens or you need to get out of here for a while or something, Rose and I can put together a rescue party. Okay?”
Rey smiled up at him. “I do have a car, you know.”
His brow furrowed. “Oh. Yeah. Right. Well, if you need to talk or something.”
She appreciated it, she really did, but she wasn’t about to distract him from getting in good with the entire Tico clan. “Thank you. I probably won’t, but thank you for offering.”
“Tomorrow,” he insisted. “Call me and let me know how things are.” He made a face and added, “But wait until after eleven. You get up stupid early.”
Rey laughed.
When Finn’s mom finally texted him she was back, they walked together to the front door.
Ben was in the living room playing a game on his phone, one elbow on the arm of the couch and chin propped in his hand. He’d changed from his suit into jeans and a white tee that looked good with his dark hair. He only moved his eyes to look at them but took his chin out of his hand to wave casually at Finn.
Finn nodded stiffly back, then glanced at Rey, and they continued to the front door where he turned and whispered, “Did you want me to be ruder? I wasn’t sure there. Like, if you want me to flip him off or something, I can do that, but I need instructions.”
Rey smiled and shook her head. “Just be you. You’re perfect.” She wrapped her arms around Finn’s waist, and he wrapped his around her back. She grinned against his shirt and tie. “And hey, have fun being picked apart and your every move examined by Rose’s entire family tree.”
“I hate you,” he laughed as he let go and started down the path to his mom’s car.
“You love me!”
He turned to walk backwards and shrugged. “Yeah, I do.”
Ben made himself stay seated as Rey and Finn went to the door. He could hear them laughing, but he knew she wouldn’t appreciate him being a lurking weirdo. Plus, his dad and uncles were coming in from the back yard to gather around the TV and would notice if Ben hovered by the wall and tried to eavesdrop.
And his dad would definitely yell something like, “Whatcha doing there, kid?”
Ben had been more than a little distressed by the fact that he’d come back from showering and changing to find her in the back yard with Finn, but he’d left them alone (after staring at them far too long through the kitchen windows and receiving a knowing smirk from Uncle Lando).
When Rey returned from seeing Finn out, adorably barefoot and more relaxed than he’d seen her since they’d gotten home, she leaned over the back of Han’s chair where his dad sat and draped her arms over him in a pseudo-hug. Ben’s old man patted her arms.
“We were thinking about a movie,” Han said. “Gotta pick something quick, or Leia’ll make us watch something artsy.”
“Can’t have that,” drawled Rey, and Ben wondered if she knew she was presenting her ass to him or if she’d be pissed if she noticed him looking.
He tried to stop, he really did. It was just… Rey. And Rey’s ass. And the strong urge to stand and flip her skirt up and palm it right where his dad and uncles couldn’t see.
Damnit. He shifted in his seat, glad that everyone was focused on the TV and that he’d taken care of himself in the shower. He hadn’t wanted to spend the whole day trying to hide an erection, and now at least he wouldn’t spring to attention quite as fast.
But that didn’t mean he wasn’t affected.
He tried to focus on the others instead of Rey, to mixed success. She kept shifting her hips, and fuck if it didn’t look intentional. But he’d never thought she was a tease, and he knew from experience (just that morning, in fact) that she was more likely to attack her problems head-on than with oblique sexual torture.
But then again, he’d been away for a year. Things could have changed. She could be into both now.
Ben decided to stop overthinking it and just enjoy the view.
Rey retreated to her room before the movie to dig her phone out of her purse and plug it in.
She saw a few text notifications and unlocked her phone to see that Lusica had sent a You go girl! right after Rey had punched Ben, but everything after that was about how well and truly bored Lusica was of her family.
Rey ignored the first text and snorted as she read over the rest. She sent, Better there than here.
Lusica’s reply was almost instant. Like hell. I’d MUCH rather be there watching you and Benny boy dance around each other.
Rey smiled despite herself. Lusica had taken full advantage of being able to call him Ben after he left, citing the fact that he wasn’t a teacher anymore.
Because Rey could tell Lusica things she couldn’t tell Finn, she admitted, I want to jump his bones.
No judgment here. Climb that man like a tree.
Rey laughed and flopped back onto her bed, typing quickly. I’m still mad at him.
Angry sex is supposed to be the best.
Rey rolled her eyes at that, certain nothing would happen anytime soon. He still had some apologizing to do. We’ll see.
Your call. But let me know how big his dick is, please.
Rey smiled. Slut.
A NUN would want to know what that man’s dick looks like.
Rey rolled her eyes and blushed. Whatever. We’re about to watch a movie, I should get back.
I neeeeed this, Rey.
Rey laughed. I’m going now.
I need it!
She turned her screen off and plugged her phone in, then turned to find Ben in the open doorway, those damn eyes of his far too vulnerable.
“Can we please talk?” he asked quietly, gaze flickering to her phone and back.
Rey stood and faced him, crossing her arms. She let him wonder for a moment, let him get his hopes up, then said, “No.” And ducked around him to head to the living room.
Or tried to. He placed an arm in her way, his eyes still pleading with her. “Rey…”
She glared up at him and tried to ignore the fact that her bed was right there reminding her of what she’d done in it not just today but over the entire year he’d been gone. “No. You’ve made every decision so far without me. You can damn well wait until I’m ready to talk.”
He dropped both his arm and his eyes. “Okay.”
She breezed past him with her head held high, wishing he wouldn’t be quite so compliant so she’d have an excuse to yell at him. She glanced back with narrowed eyes when she got to the entrance of the living room and wished she hadn’t.
Goddamn puppy dog eyes.
Frustrated, she swept away and threw herself irritably into one of the single-occupant chairs because she didn’t put it past him to try and sit with her.
And there was no way she was going to let that happen.
Rey went for another soda during intermission, and she stopped on her way back when she heard Leia’s voice coming from the laundry room.
“…think it would be best.”
“No, it’s fine,” said Ben, accompanied by the sound of the dryer opening. “I get it. And I think you’re right, she’d probably be more comfortable if I weren’t here.”
Rey flattened herself against the wall and fought rising panic. If he wasn’t here? What did that mean? She didn’t want him to leave; she’d been pissy, sure, but she didn’t fucking want him to leave.
“Thank you, sweetie,” said Leia. “I know it’s inconvenient. Another time, you’d be welcome to stay overnight, but given the circumstances…”
Overnight. Rey latched onto the word. Leia wanted him to leave for the night.
To her surprise, she found she didn’t like that idea, either.
The sound of clothes being moved over. “Really, mom, I don’t mind. She deserves to feel comfortable in her own home.”
Silence, and the sound of a dial turning.
“It’s your home, too, Ben,” Leia said softly.
“I know,” he said, just as soft. “But I don’t live here anymore. She does.”
“I just don’t want you to feel unwelcome.”
A low laugh. “Mom, it’s fine. Seriously. It’s not like you’re telling me I can’t come back, I just can’t spend the night. That’s reasonable.”
No, it wasn’t. Rey fought the heavy thumping of her heart, the sick worry that settled into her stomach. She didn’t want him to go, not for the night and not ever.
The dryer door clanged closed and a moment later it rumbled to life. Rey edged closer to the door, unable to help herself.
“It’s just that she’s been through a lot.”
“Yeah,” he murmured on a sigh. “Yeah. I know.” Silence, then, “I’m glad that you’ve been there for her. You and dad. It means… it means a lot.”
Someone sniffled, and Leia’s voice came out thick. “We should have been there for you, too. When you were younger. I should have—”
Shushing noises, and Rey started to back away, but Ben’s voice made her stop.
“You were there for her. That means more to me than anything. I don’t think I could have survived this past year if I didn’t know she had you watching out for her.”
“We love her,” said Leia.
His reply was too quiet to hear over the dryer.
As Rey retreated to the living room with her soda, she couldn’t help feeling like she’d missed something important.
The fact that Ben wasn’t spending the night continued to bother Rey all through the movie. She tried to tell herself it didn’t matter, but it seemed that her responsible inner voice had decided to take a nap ever since she saw him at graduation. She’d been running on pure emotion and instinct ever since.
It was exhausting.
Luke sat on the sofa with Leia and Ben, and Han had his usual chair. Chewie had pulled another chair around for himself — the one Ben used to sit in and do his grading before he left, the one she still thought of as Ben’s chair.
Lando had begged off, saying he had some work to do for Monday. He’d congratulated Rey and bowed over her hand with a smile, then did the same with Leia’s (with far more flourish), and bade them all goodbye.
Luke fell asleep soon after they started the movie back up. Rey glanced back when she heard a slight snore and saw him with his arms crossed and his chin slumped onto his chest.
Leia caught her eye and smiled, laughter twinkling in her eyes.
Rey smiled back, trying not to notice that Ben’s eyes were on her, and turned back to the movie.
She didn’t want him to go.
For a moment she wished everyone else would just leave so she could crawl into his lap. Not to kiss him but just… to be close to him. Just for a minute.
She really wanted that.
Rey shifted in her seat, frustrated by the fact that she was now imagining what he might do if she crawled into his lap. Her skirt covered most of her thighs and fluttered around her knees, so her skin touched the leather of the chair in several places. She worried about leaving a damp spot when she stood up and shifted again.
I am not going to sneak off to my room again, she told herself sternly when the urge popped up. I have some self-control.
She ignored the multiple examples just that day of her lack of self-control and curled up in the chair, settling her popcorn against her stomach, her head on the arm. She focused on the movie, and gradually the needy demands of her body eased.
As she lay there, warm and safe, the day caught up with her, and she nodded off.
When Rey stirred, she found that the movie had ended and someone had draped a blanket over her. Probably Leia, but she couldn’t help imagining Ben.
She glanced toward the couch as she sat up.
Empty.
Rey started to tremble. She threw off the blanket and got up, terrified that he was gone, that it was too late to ask him to stay, too late to touch him and be held and…
She stumbled toward the kitchen, where the light was on and low voices came from the direction of the breakfast table.
Rey clung to the edge of the doorway and nearly sagged in relief when she saw Ben there with his parents.
He saw her before Han or Leia did, and she jerked back, breathing hard.
The old pain returned, and she went to her room and dropped onto her bed and cried.
A few minutes later, she grabbed her phone off the charger and texted Leia with shaky fingers. Don’t let him leave. Don’t mention me, but please don’t let him leave.
She checked her other texts. One from Finn checking in. She sent him a thumbs up emoji. Another from Lusica which was just an eggplant and some sweat drops, which made Rey smile and shake her head.
Stalwart companion and horny bitch, she thought wryly, sending an eyeroll emoji back.
Her phone Ta-dinged. Leia.
Are you sure?
Rey took a deep breath and wrote, Yes.
A few seconds that felt like years before ellipses appeared to indicate Leia was typing.
Okay.
Rey sighed, relieved, and went to wash the makeup off her face, looking at her damp freckled skin in the mirror when she was done. She wasn’t sure what exactly it was she was looking for. Maybe that thing that had made Ben write that he wanted her.
Whatever it was, she didn’t find it.
It was late enough that she considered changing into her pajamas, but she looked nice in this dress and part of her wanted to keep looking nice. Maybe it was weak of her, maybe it was vulnerable, maybe it was contradictory, but she wanted Ben to notice her.
She fetched her phone and typed, Is it normal to want to kiss someone you also want to push off a cliff?
The ellipses appeared after a minute, and then Lusica’s reply came through. It’s how you feel, so it’s normal. More ellipses. And you already punched him, so get to the kissing. I need to live vicariously through you.
Rey snorted. Her fingers hovered over the screen, and then she typed, I’ll keep you apprised.
Rey left her phone on the nightstand and wandered back out toward the kitchen. Han and Leia were in the living room, discussing whether to watch something or pull out a board game. They let her know that Luke and Chewie had both gone home after the movie and hadn’t wanted to wake her to say goodbye.
Rey entered the kitchen and peeked at the breakfast table, but no one was there.
Light and movement came from the laundry room. On impulse, Rey slipped inside and shut the door behind her, heart thumping hard as Ben stopped mid-fold to stare at her.
“You have one minute,” she said, leaning against the door and folding her arms, heat flaring in her cheeks as she tried to pretend she’d had a plan before walking in there. “Talk.”
He just stared at her, wasting precious seconds, before swallowing and setting the item in his hands down — a hooded sweatshirt. He rubbed his palms on his jeans and said, “I love you.”
Rey’s head jerked, her chin lifting half an inch, and she stared at him. Her heart filled so fast and so hard that it hurt, and she couldn’t tell if the joy or the pain was more real, but she’d come to trust pain. It was more honest.
He glanced around them and his mouth pressed and trembled the way it did when he was overcome with emotion. “I didn’t intend to tell you while surrounded by laundry,” he said, gesturing in an all-encompassing way at the dirty clothes still in his bag and the folded things on the dryer. He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath. “But, I don’t know, it seemed like something I needed to say first. Before anything else.”
Rey nodded minimally, attempting to keep her expression impassive.
His jaw shifted, and he swallowed. Put his hands in his pockets. She could see a reddish bruise on the underside of his jaw. It matched the much more obvious one at the corner of his mouth, and she felt a twinge of guilt. “Luke and I talked about the nature of soulmates. It started in letters, but we talked a lot more when he came to see me. He said something that hit me pretty hard. See, I was thinking about my leaving like… you were a kid, you weren’t my girlfriend, you weren’t… in a position where I had to pass everything by you. We weren’t together, I didn’t need permission, and that was supposed to make it easier, simpler. But what Luke said was… soulmates transcend romance and even family. They’re deeper than all of that. And I realized… I was thinking about it wrong. I thought of you as an individual apart from me, but you became a fixture of my life the moment we sparked. So I should have included you.” His mouth worked for a moment. “I doubt there’s anything you could have said that would have made me stay, but I should have let you in, told you everything, let you say whatever you needed to.”
“I couldn’t have made you stay,” she repeated slowly, unfolding her arms.
He shrugged, and that infuriated her. “Maybe I would have stayed a little longer. Tried to see if I could do it. If we could do it, together. But—”
She bristled. “But you left. Do you have any idea what that did to me?”
He looked like he wanted to say something but thought better of it. Instead, he looked helplessly at the laundry as if it held the answers. “Tell me, then. Make me understand.”
She clenched her hands and unclenched them. “My parents left me. Suddenly. Without an explanation. And then you came along and did the exact same thing.” She balled her hands into fists until her nails bit into her palms, and her eyes filled. “They never came back.”
He opened his mouth, but she shook her head. She wasn’t finished.
“I didn’t know if you were going to come back, Ben. I really didn’t. My own parents thought I was trash they could throw away, so why wouldn’t you?”
He flinched at that.
“You’re here, but what’s to stop you from running away when things get hard again?”
He considered her, his gaze solemn. Eventually, he asked, “Did you want an answer to that?”
She shrugged, the tears spilling down her cheeks.
He ran a hand through his hair and looked at the washing machine. It was open, and he’d obviously just finished a load. His lips twisted, tugging at the bruise, and he fixed her with those intense eyes of his. “You’re talking like I wanted to leave. I didn’t. I just didn’t see any better option.”
“Than abandoning me?”
He took a step closer, brows coming together. “You wanted an answer. I’m giving you one. I’m not your parents, Rey. I left you in good hands, I gave you a reason — a crappy one, yes, but a reason — and, yes, how I left should have been handled better, but I kept in contact, and I fucking came back. So don’t fucking compare me to them.”
Rey felt her eyes widen, and if she didn’t have a door at her back she would have retreated a step.
Well.
Okay, then.
His expression softened. “I get that your parents screwed you up. I get being screwed up. And I am so fucking sorry that I stirred all of that shit up. I really am. No qualifiers. I am so sorry about that.”
She struggled not to tremble, the tears flowing freely now.
He took a deep breath. “I love you. I loved you. And I wasn’t honest with you. I didn’t trust you. I’ve given you very few reasons to trust me, and I know it’s going to take time to rebuild that. But I didn’t leave because I wanted to hurt you. I left because I wanted to keep you safe.” His mouth worked and his eyes turned wet, but it didn’t dim his intensity. “From me.” He stepped forward again and leaned in, placing one hand on the door beside her head. Rey fought a shiver. She’d forgotten how big he was. “But you want to know why I’m never going to leave again? Because of you. Because I never want to be away from you another fucking second for the rest of my life. And the only thing that will ever make me leave again is if you tell me to. If you need time for college, if you need time for yourself, I’ll give it to you. You only have to ask. But if you don’t—” He leaned further in, close enough she could feel his breath on her upturned face, close enough she could see how his eyes flickered to her lips and then back up. “I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.”
Rey lost her breath, caught by the absolute conviction she saw in his eyes. When he said that, he believed it, and she found herself wanting to believe, too.
She came slowly back to herself and shifted sideways out from between him and the door. She wanted to say something but didn’t know what, so she just reached for the doorknob.
Ben stepped back to let her open it, but she felt his gaze burning into her as she slipped out of the room.
Ben did his laundry in a daze after Rey left, overwhelmed by having her in his proximity, talking to him, looking at him. He thought about their conversation, picked over it, wondered if he’d made things worse.
Maybe he should have been more penitent, but he wasn’t going to lie or pretend. And he wasn’t inclined to be a doormat. Neither was Rey, and he loved that about her. Respected it.
His soulmate had a core of steel.
And, it seemed, fists of steel.
He touched his tongue to the wound on the inside of his lip. He’d been prodding it throughout the day, unable to help himself. He didn’t hate her for hitting him. Didn’t even blame her, really. It had pissed him off in the moment, but he thought it was something she’d needed to get out, and if anyone could understand the overwhelming need to hit something…
Ben wasn’t one to throw stones.
They would talk about it, but not yet. They had more important ground to cover, and he didn’t get the impression that she was itching to hit him again.
So that could wait.
The applause when she’d hit him had been unexpected but shouldn’t’ve been. She’d punched him in front of people who’d enjoyed the drama and bloodsport he and Rey had provided ever since they’d sparked.
It made him so fucking glad he’d quit. After the incident with Thomas, the administration had been relieved when he’d called to resign. They hadn’t said it, but he knew they’d been worried about Thomas suing the school. They would probably have fired him if he hadn’t already been leaving the country. He was, frankly, surprised they hadn’t fired him in his first year, the first time he’d destroyed school property, but he thought that had had a lot to do with who his mother was. He wasn’t so naive as to think the administration liked him enough on his own merit to let him get away with that shit. And though he hadn’t ever intentionally used his mother as a crutch, he’d always known his connection to her had propped him up.
So, when he’d left, he’d emailed all of his remaining lesson plans and tests so that the sub wouldn’t struggle. It had been the least he could do after not giving his two weeks notice.
He did wonder if any of his kids from the robotics club had clapped. Stynnix probably had. It seemed like something she would do, if only because she loved drama. But Ben found himself oddly unsettled by the thought of Finn or Rose or Connix clapping and cheering with the rest of the mob.
Maybe they hadn’t clapped. They’d never struck him as bloodthirsty, and he’d seen plenty of kids in the crowd who’d been looking at their peers in confusion or disgust.
He didn’t care that the little shits from his classes had almost certainly been the loudest and most enthusiastic. He’d hated them as much as they’d hated him. Of course they would have loved it, and that was irritating, sure, but he’d have been amused if those bastards had been slapped around by someone half their size, so it evened out.
But it did bother him to wonder if his kids had clapped.
That stung.
Ben finished putting a new load in and folding what he’d gotten out of the dryer, and then he went into the kitchen and looked outside, peering into the quiet green. He could make Rey out in the hammock across the yard, all bare arms and legs, but she wasn’t close enough to see him.
Part of him still sounded alarm bells at the sight of her. She looked so young. But he knew that there had to be a point when he stopped pushing her away, stopped treating her like she couldn’t make her own choices, and that point had always been eighteen. He might still fight with himself over lingering concerns, but it wasn’t his job to protect her from himself anymore.
He wasn’t entirely sure how to explain it if she didn’t understand what would have been so bad about him messing around with a seventeen-year-old. He could tell his dad still didn’t get it, even after their talk. Han wasn’t exactly prone to following rules in the first place, and to him legal was good enough.
At least he seemed to accept that Ben hadn’t run off for the fun of it.
When Ben was a teenager, he’d run away because he’d been hurt and angry and wanted to hurt his parents. To make them pay attention to him, to acknowledge his pain and their role in it.
With Rey… he’d been afraid. Afraid of himself and his demons. Afraid of her.
He’d had almost nothing but introspection to keep him company this year, and he’d come to the conclusion that things would have been less traumatic for Rey if he’d been honest with her from the start and had set clear boundaries. He might still have had to leave, but she would have known why instead of whatever garbled shit he’d given her at prom when his hand had been hurting like a motherfucker and his brain had been muddled by rage and need and terror.
Making impulsive decisions on painkillers for a boxer’s fracture had probably not helped. He’d been slightly high when he’d called his mother and babbled at her while packing a bag after he’d booked a ticket to Europe. To his mother’s credit, she’d tried to calm him down and make him think about what he was doing, but he’d been convinced that leaving had been the only way.
He was still convinced it had been necessary, but everything before his leaving had been a problem. The problem, really. His worry that telling her the truth would push things further and faster down the track had instead built to a truly spectacular trainwreck. With multiple casualties.
His leaving might still have opened a rift between them, but it wouldn’t have been as wide.
Probably.
Maybe.
And maybe he shouldn’t have snapped at her about lumping him in with her parents, but it had pissed him off. He knew it had hurt her, and he felt like shit that he could have spared her pain by being… better. At communication, at being an adult, at being a soulmate, at being a person, but her parents were pieces of shit who’d left a kid — their kid — by herself in the most selfish and destructive way possible.
Ben might be a piece of shit, but he wasn’t her parents. He hadn’t left her unprotected, friendless, and alone. He hadn’t left her wondering where he was or if he’d ever come back — though it had fucking gutted him when she’d said she hadn’t known if he was going to come back. He’d told her he would. He’d meant it. And he’d done it.
But he did have to be a man and face what his failures had done to her, the breaches of trust and wounds he’d reopened.
So he would.
Leia came out to tell Rey they were queuing up another movie. “I told him he could stay the night. He didn’t want to, so I said I’d cleared it with you. Is that okay?”
The hammock creaked as Rey shifted. Leia’s phrasing didn’t make it sound like it’d been Rey’s idea, and that was what she’d been worried about. “Yeah. Thanks.” She blushed, feeling awkward that she’d asked Leia to do this for her, and dismounted the hammock, which tried to keep hold of her skirt, but she quickly tugged it back into place. “I just…”
Leia stopped her with a hand to her arm and a gentle smile. “You don’t have to explain. I understand.”
Rey expected that she did.
When they entered, Ben was leaning against a counter, looking at his phone again. Rey caught sight of a row of yellow letter tiles and a colorful board before he glanced up.
She frowned and moved closer. “Are you playing Words With Friends?”
His eyes tracked her, but she ignored him and focused on the device in his hands. His murmur was low but mild. “You didn’t think I gave up Scrabble altogether, did you?”
“You two make the popcorn,” said Leia.
Wait, what?
Rey whipped around, but Leia was already out of the room.
Ben moved, and she turned back to find him pocketing his phone and reaching for the cabinet with the popcorn. “She is not as subtle as she thinks she is,” he rumbled.
He handed Rey a bag of popcorn, which she opened and placed in the microwave. She felt his eyes on her, calculating.
“I played against my mother while I was away. And others, mostly random matches. A few with Uncle Luke. He has a different vocabulary than mom, but it’s just as decimating.”
Rey dug in the fridge for a bottled water. She didn’t know if Han would want another beer or not — he’d been slowly building up his blood alcohol all day and might be at his limit. On holidays, which Rey supposed today counted as, he liked to get just shy of tipsy. She got him a soda to be safe, and another for Leia.
Ben could get his own damn drink.
He’d said he wasn’t like her parents, and she’d thought about that in the quiet of the hammock. So when she straightened to set the water and soda on the counter, she also straightened her spine. “You’re not my parents, but your leaving felt the same.”
A moment of silence as the microwave hummed along and popcorn began to crack into being. Rey steeled herself to look at him, a little surprised at how close they were. She had to look up at him, and he had to look down at her, his eyes so big and sad that she almost wanted to hug him to make him feel better.
“I get that.” He glanced toward the microwave and kept his voice down so they wouldn’t be heard from the other room. “There’s a lot I probably could have done to prevent that, or mitigate it. You didn’t need to go through it, and you definitely didn’t deserve it.”
Rey felt grief pull at the corners of her mouth. “But you wouldn’t have stayed.”
He only looked at her, his eyes sad.
“How am I supposed deal with that?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. But I’m here to help, if you need me.”
She gave a humorless laugh. “Yeah, now you are.”
He spread his hands. “What do you want me to say, Rey? That I’m sorry I removed myself from a situation I was in no way emotionally capable of facing? That, more likely than not, would have resulted in me taking advantage of a girl ten years my junior? Even without my Snoke issues — and we can go over all of those if you want — you needed a chance to find out who you were without me. In a healthy environment.” At this last, he gestured to the kitchen, the motion encompassing the house and his parents in the next room.
Rey narrowed her eyes at him, his patronization astounding. The mention of Snoke had almost been enough to keep her silent, but that last little bit had pushed all the wrong buttons. “Yes, please, tell me more about all the decisions you made for me.”
He huffed a sigh. “Rey…”
She crossed her arms and put her weight on her back foot, shifting a few inches away from him. “There’s that tone again. Do you think I’m being unreasonable, Ben?”
She saw the calculation on his face, the suspicion that things would go very badly for him if he said yes. But she also saw the urge to say yes, and that pissed her off further.
“You are such an asshole,” she snapped, then turned and marched into the living room.
He followed. “I didn’t even say anything!”
“You didn’t have to!” she yelled back.
Han and Leia, who were on the couch together, started laughing.
Rey blinked at them, puzzled and annoyed.
“Sorry,” said Leia, covering her smile with a hand.
Han grinned and slung his arm along the couch behind his wife. “You sound exactly like us, when we were your age.”
“Huge fights,” Leia said, nudging her husband in the ribs. “Screaming matches, really.”
“You loved me,” Han said smugly.
“You were obnoxious,” she replied.
Han looked between Ben and Rey and said, “That wasn’t a no. You both heard it, you’re my witnesses.”
Leia rolled her eyes and leaned against her husband. “You keep telling yourself that.”
They made a pretty picture of domesticity, and Rey felt embarrassed for having quarreled with Ben in front of them.
She went back into the kitchen, jerking her head for him to join her, and led him into the backyard. There, she folded her arms. “Okay. Clearly, I don’t like that you left. And you’re not going to apologize for it.” She glanced up from under her lashes, hoping he would contradict her, but he only shook his head minutely.
“I’m sorry for the way it went down,” he said softly. They stood silently for a moment, and he looked at her training dummy, his pensive expression lit by sunlight only just beginning to slant into golden evening. His tone changed, became solemn and distant. “You know… Luke is the only person who told me I was doing the right thing.”
Rey frowned at him, thrown by the abruptness of the declaration. Did he expect her to change her mind based on Luke’s opinion? Was that what this was?
Ben swallowed and shook his head as if to clear it. “Statura doesn’t make judgment calls, just sort of asks questions until you figure out your own answers.”
Rey nodded warily. Her therapist did the same thing.
“And my mom… she’s so adamant about not getting into the middle of… of us that she hasn’t really said anything about it.”
Rey glanced at the house, thinking about Leia and trying to see her actions through this new lens. “Is that why she didn’t tell me you were arriving today?”
He considered it. “Maybe. Or maybe she didn’t want to spoil your day.”
Rey sighed. “Well, good fucking job there.”
Ben laughed at that, and the sound made her feel warm. He still had a slight smile when he continued, his bruised mouth more obvious with the sunlight highlighting it. “Dad obviously thought it was dumb. He’s very black-and-white sometimes. If I didn’t want to… you know… then I should’ve just kept my hands to myself. Simple.” He kicked idly at the flagstones and shook his head, mouth grim. He clearly didn’t think it would have been that simple. “But Luke said he thought I was doing the right thing.” He shrugged, and Rey recognized in the motion that he was trying to downplay how much it meant to him.
It struck her for the first time how few people Ben had in his life. He’d just mentioned every person who would have had any contact with him while he was gone.
Four people. Five, including her.
And one was his therapist.
He didn’t have any friends to tell him everything was going to be okay, to get him through the day. And, yeah, he’d brought that on himself, but… it made her sad. He didn’t have a Finn to keep him from getting too down on himself, or a Lusica to tell him his feelings were valid even when his emotions were at war, or a Rose to slap him in the back of the head when he needed it.
He hadn’t even had his own mother for most of that year, except for phone calls and game apps, and Rey felt a pang of guilt at having kept Leia away from her own son.
Leia had gotten Rey through some very dark nights, but Ben had had to face his alone.
“Was it very bad?” she asked softly, turning her face down so he wouldn’t see the tears. “Being out there on your own?”
She felt his eyes on her, but she couldn’t look at him.
“It wasn’t easy,” he said softly. “But knowing I was doing the right thing — believing that — it helped.”
“And if you ever stopped believing that?”
“If I stopped believing it was the right course, I would have come home sooner. But I didn’t.”
“You could have.”
He didn’t say anything, so she glanced at him, and the motion jostled a few tears loose. He was watching her solemnly, as if he wasn’t quite sure what she was trying to say.
She could feel her heartbeat in her throat. “You could have come home sooner. You waited until now, but… you wrote… I mean, you made it sound like… like it was hard to stay away. But you didn’t come home on my birthday.”
He frowned, his eyes a warm toffee brown as the scents of summer curled around them, fresh cut grass and traces of smoke and barbecue still clinging to the grill. Carefully, he asked, “Did you want me to?”
She gripped her elbows, feeling vulnerable. “I thought you might.”
Concern creased his brow. “You should have said something. I would have. I just… you were so upset about your finals last year, I didn’t want to distract you. I knew how much MIT mattered to you.”
“Well, I’m probably not going to get in anyway,” she said, her voice breaking.
Ben made to step forward, then hesitated and asked, “Can I… do you want a hug?”
She sniffled and shook her head, not quite ready to touch him yet. She might break apart if he put his arms around her, and she didn’t know if she would be able to put the pieces back together. “No. But thank you.”
He nodded and stayed where he was. Watching her.
Rey rubbed her tears away with the heel of her hand and turned toward the house. “What awful movie do you think your parents picked?”
He followed her inside, and for the first time in a long time Rey didn’t feel like her world was askew.
To Rey’s surprise, Leia had talked Han into the new “Wonder Woman.” She hadn’t anticipated that Leia might like superhero movies, but once they settled in with snacks (no one felt like eating dinner after their late lunch), Rey realized why Leia had wanted to see it. It had triumph and pathos and plenty of strong women who could kick ass.
Leia smiled when they paused for a bathroom break and more snacks. “I love that General Antiope is played by the actress from ‘The Princess Bride.’”
“Really?” said Rey. She hadn’t recognized her.
“Mhm. Robin Wright.”
“She’s good in ‘House of Cards,’” Ben said, coming back from the kitchen with a bag of ruffle chips and tub of dip. He offered some to Rey, and she grabbed a handful and started to munch. She was sitting on the opposite end of the couch from him, while Han and Leia sat in their usual chairs, but Rey was on the side Ben used to sit on. It threw her a little bit.
Ben opened the dip and held it out, and she dragged a chip through it and sighed when she put it in her mouth.
He smiled, bemused. “I forgot how much you like food.”
She stretched to get more dip as he sat down. “I love food.”
“Mm,” he murmured, gaze flickering over her. “You’ve gained some weight.”
She arched a brow at him, and Leia put her hand over her face as if she couldn’t believe her son’s stupidity. Rey considered it, though. His tone of voice had been… pleased.
He seemed to realize that the two women were just sitting there, not saying anything, and a spark of panic lit in his eye. “I didn’t mean…”
Rey got to her knees and stole the bag of chips to grab another handful. She handed it back with a reassuring nod. “I know what you meant. It’s fine.” She reached to drag a large chip through the dip and put the whole thing in her mouth, silencing her for a moment as she broke it with her tongue and chewed. When her mouth was clear, she said, “I did need to gain some weight after Plutt’s.”
Leia glanced back at them and raised a brow at Ben. If Rey read the look correctly, Leia was letting her son know he’d gotten off easy. It made Rey both want to smile and frown. She didn’t see any reason to get angry about a comment he hadn’t intended as an insult.
When she leaned across the middle cushion to get more dip, he leaned toward her and whispered worriedly, “You know I think you’re beautiful, right?”
She looked up at him, frozen at the furthest point of her reach, and slowly shook her head no. He had never called her beautiful. Not even in his letters.
He took a deep breath, his eyes still on hers. “I do. Very much.”
Rey felt a flare of insecurity and whispered back, “What about Paige?”
He looked so confused that she almost laughed, and then his expression cleared. “Paige Tico?” he whispered, incredulous. “Are you still mad about that?”
Rey shrugged and looked at him expectantly.
Ben blinked and shot a glance at his mother, who suddenly got up and went to see what was keeping Han. Rey felt embarrassed for a second that their whispering probably hadn’t been as quiet as they’d thought, but Ben’s eyes were intent on hers and his chest rose and fell faster than usual, and his gaze dropped to her lips. He flushed and jerked his gaze back to hers. He seemed to chew on his words for a moment. “I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. And definitely not Paige Tico. I mean, she was nice and all, but… you’re you.” He shrugged helplessly and licked his lips, wetting them.
Rey wanted to lick those lips for him.
“I didn’t even have a type until we sparked.”
Rey stared at him, eyes wide and heart thumping, and he caressed her with his eyes from head to toe and back.
His chest expanded. “You are the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Rey was going to kiss him. She was just about to sway forward when she was saved by Han calling, “We’re coming in! You can stop making out now!”
They jumped apart and turned as one to glare at the doorway, but it was Rey who said, “Shut up, Han,” when Ben’s parents entered.
Han raised his brows at her, then threw back his head and laughed. Leia smirked, and Rey caught Ben giving her an odd look.
From then on, Rey tried very hard not to accidentally touch Ben when she reached for more chips, and he moved the dip to the cushion between them so that she wouldn’t have to stretch as far. She felt hyper-aware of him, and it didn’t help that he looked at her almost as much as he looked at the movie.
If their fingers brushed, she wasn’t sure it wouldn’t turn into a caress, and Rey wasn’t quite ready to expose just how badly she wanted him.
Not yet.
Rey checked on her new laptop after the movie and found it charged. She turned it on and was in the middle of updates when Ben knocked on her open door and poked his head into the room.
“Hey,” he said awkwardly when she turned. “Um, my mom said I could stay the night here, but I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with that.”
Rey shrugged and focused on her laptop, attempting nonchalance. “It’s fine.”
“You’re sure? I know she asked you if it was okay, but it can be hard to say no to her.”
“Stay if you want to,” she replied, still not looking at him. She had a brief vision of herself having to grab him to keep him from going to a hotel and how embarrassing that would be, so she added, “Your old room is still there. I didn’t even wreck it.” She tossed a glance over her shoulder. “You’re welcome.”
He smiled, and Rey turned back to her laptop as her heart flipped over. “Thanks for that.”
She shrugged. “I’d never do that to Leia’s property.”
His voice turned wry. “So thoughtful.”
She didn’t hear his footsteps retreating, so she glanced back over at the door. He was still there, looking at her room. It was different than it had been a year ago. She’d put posters on her walls and had stacks of books jumbled on a shelf and a desk crowded with potted plants in front of her window, at which she now sat. Her laptop was settled into a spot she’d cleared for it, but there were traces of dirt and water spots where it sat.
She had photos on the walls of herself with friends and with Ben’s family, printed and framed for her by Leia even though Rey had most of the same images on her phone.
She even had new bedding in earthy tones with plenty of green, different from the pristine ivory set Leia had chosen when this had just been a guest room.
He was huge in her doorway, and she noticed that he didn’t actually enter the room. He hadn’t earlier, either, though he’d blocked her path.
The white t-shirt looked a bit loose on him, and Rey noticed that he seemed just as underfed as he had in Leia’s Christmas photo.
“How much have you been eating lately?” she asked, frowning.
He slid his eyes toward her and smiled. “Worried about me?”
She turned back to her laptop. “No.”
“Liar.”
Rey stiffened, but she didn’t have anything at hand to throw at him except for her precious succulents, cacti, and the philodendron named Phil that would need to be repotted soon, so she just tucked her hair behind her ears and ignored him.
She felt his gaze on her for a few minutes before he said, soft and yearning, “I love you.”
Rey swallowed and trembled, lips parting. She didn’t look back at him, but her voice came out breathier than she’d intended. “For how long?”
“Since that night when you needed me to come back. When you slept through dinner, and we watched that stupid movie.”
Her lips twitched. The baking detective. She’d seen more of those advertised but couldn’t watch them. They’d reminded her too much of that night.
It had meant something to her, too.
“I probably loved you earlier than that, but that was when it really set in. I looked at you asleep on the couch, and I just… I was in love with you.”
She turned in her chair to look at him and grasped the chair’s back. “Why couldn’t you tell me?”
He shook his head, looking pained. “You were too young. And I was afraid.”
“I wasn’t too young to know, Ben. And, really, what’s the difference between then and now?”
His expression turned grave. “You’re old enough to make your own decisions now.”
Rey narrowed her eyes at him until he fidgeted under her glare. “Wow. That’s so incredibly gracious of you. Thank you for letting me know I’m old enough to think for myself. I would never have figured it out without you.”
He sighed. “Rey…”
“There’s that tone again.”
He dropped his head back and groaned.
“Really,” she added, standing and cocking her hip in a way she’d picked up from Lusica. “Thank you so much for letting me know that I’m now a card-carrying adult, thrown into your illustrious ranks by the colossal challenge of continuing to breathe for eighteen years.”
He raised his eyes to the ceiling and crossed his arms over his chest. “Your vocabulary and your sarcasm have both improved this past year.” He ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the doorframe as if settling in for a long argument. “Okay, look. Eighteen isn’t some magical number where you’re suddenly good enough to be an adult.”
Rey raised an unimpressed brow at him. No duh.
“But it is the age that adults have agreed on where… you’re thrown into the deep end. Whether you’re ready or not. Whether you’re mature enough or not. Whether or not anyone’s prepared you. Everyone is going to expect you to be an adult from here on out, and it’s sink or swim. No lifeguard, no flotation devices, just you.” His eyes burned into her, adding weight to his words. “I don’t know if you’re more mature than you were a year ago. I don’t know what you’re ready for. That’s something you have to figure out for yourself, and it’s something you need to be sure about, because Rey… I’m ready. For any of it. All of it.” He straightened, pushing himself off the doorjamb, and seemed to draw closer even though he didn’t move in her direction or cross her threshold. His gaze on her made her breath catch. “I want you.”
Rey took a stumbling step back as her blood rushed to the surface of her skin, making her face and chest tingle with warmth. She knew he didn’t miss it, or what it meant, because his eyes narrowed and his expression turned hungry.
He still didn’t cross her threshold.
“Before you turn eighteen, the adults in your life are supposed to look out for you. Including overruling your decisions, because you’re still technically a kid. And yeah, you might think it’s bullshit, and you might have been plenty mature at seventeen, but that’s how our society works. For everyone.”
Rey crossed her arms. It was a stupid system. “I was emancipated,” she said, not wanting to let the point go without contesting it. “So I’ve actually been legally responsible for myself for months now.”
He tilted his head with a considering frown. “True,” he said slowly. “But we still had a moral obligation to look out for you.”
Rey frowned back at him, flinching internally at the prospect that Han and Leia saw her only as an obligation. “And that just goes away now?” What did that mean for her?
He shook his head. “It doesn’t go away, but it changes. We see you differently. I can’t speak for my parents, obviously, but I see you differently. And other people will treat you differently. We’ll be here as a safety net, but you’ll be walking the tightrope on your own. Nobody’s going to try and put training wheels on you anymore.”
Rey frowned at him, then snorted. “That’s a lot of metaphors, Ben.”
The undamaged corner of his mouth curled up, and he shrugged. “I wasn’t an English teacher for nothing.”
“You reeeally hated that job.”
“I can’t believe I ever voluntarily worked with teenagers,” he said, hands in his pockets. He grimaced. “I hate teenagers.”
Rey raised a defiant brow. “I was a teenager. Technically, I still am.”
He nodded, a stain of pink flaring across his cheeks. “That’s part of why I wasn’t honest with you back then. I’ve always thought of teenagers as too young and hormonal and stupid to be trusted.”
Rey stared at him, needing a moment to process his words because she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing, but he was still speaking.
“My teenage years were hell, and everyone I interacted with in high school was either afraid of me or a piece of shit who just wanted to mess with me. And teaching… I’m pretty sure that made it worse. All I saw were kids who proved me right and other kids who hid it well.”
“You… thought I was too young and dumb to be trusted?” she said, fresh anger uncoiling inside her and settling into her limbs.
He met her eye with the air of a man who knew his answer was not going to go over well. “You were a kid, Rey.”
She jerked back at that.
He scrambled to soften the blow. “That doesn’t mean I think y—” She strode forward, silencing him mid-word, and slammed her door in his face.
Shaking with fury, she sent the same text to Finn and then Lusica.
I’m going to kill him.
Lusica replied first. Need an extra shovel? I think I know where ours is.
Rey smiled, though she didn’t feel very amused by anything just then. No. Maybe. I don’t know.
Finn replied after she’d been chatting with Lusica for a few minutes.
What happened?
Rey started to cry, so angry she couldn’t keep it in anymore. I was apparently just a dumb kid last year.
Ellipses. They stopped and started twice, then Finn asked, He still alive?
For now.
That’s rough. Ellipses. You need anything?
Just a chance to vent. I think.
Rose is here. Can I get her in on this?
Yeah.
Rey flipped over to her chat with Lusica and replied to a question about whether Rey still wanted to jump his bones.
Not at the moment. As she wrote it, she wondered if that was a lie. She still felt a pull toward him, despite his being a jackass.
Yeah, don’t need to reward bad behavior. Ellipses appeared, and Rey waited, but a reply from Finn came through before Lusica finished whatever she was writing.
Rose says to kick his ass. I think she’s kidding, though.
LOL
Yeah, she’s kidding. She says she’s in favor of figuratively kicking his ass since you’ve already literally done so.
Rey switched over to Lusica.
But if you do harness your inner cowgirl and turn him into your own personal bucking bronco, no judgment. You deserve to get yours. You’ve earned it. On a new line, she’d added, Maybe you could punish him? Think he likes spanking? He doesn’t seem like the type, but maybe if it’s you…
Rey rolled her eyes and wrote, Luce.
LOL! I can feel your exasperation from here.
Rey switched back to Finn.
This is Rose, I took Finn’s phone. You stay strong, okay? Don’t let him push you around because he’s older and your soulmate. Your feelings matter, and he shouldn’t get away with treating you like shit. That’s not how soulmates work. Oh, and Paige says hi.
Rey read over Rose’s message several times, feeling conflicted. She didn’t feel like Ben was pushing her around. And he’d made her feel like shit, but he’d never actually treated her like shit. He’d kept things from her and he hadn’t treated her like an equal — hadn’t seen her as an equal, and that pissed her off — but he’d always been… kind. He’d kept his distance because he’d thought of her as a kid, and while she disagreed with that, and he’d been wrong in so many ways, he’d always tried to… to take care of her. He’d come to her when she’d been sick and had needed him, and he’d shown he cared in a myriad of ways. The school lunches, the ice cream, the way he’d shown up at the hospital and comforted her after the attack. Taking her flying on her birthday. Lifting her to and from her wheelchair. Sponsoring a club he didn’t care about to make her happy.
Good things. Good memories.
Rey looked back at Rose’s message and typed, Tell Paige hi back.
She set her phone down and sat for a long time, thinking about the way he’d been before her seventeenth birthday. When things had been good.
Rey checked on her laptop to find that the updates had finished. She downloaded her favorite browser and imported her passwords and bookmarks. She dug up a photo of her friends and set it as her background.
She fiddled with it for a long while, the old memories swirling around her like wraiths to remind her why she’d fallen in love with him in the first place.
Rey finally sighed and went back to the living room to face the inevitable.
Ben was alone, the hour late enough that Han and Leia would be in bed. He sat with his feet up and his phone out, and he looked at her warily when she approached, his eyes searching her expression for a clue to her mood.
Rey stopped beside him and hugged her elbows. “Do you want to watch something?”
He blinked, surprised, but only nodded. “Sure.”
Rey curled onto the opposite end of the couch, dragging a blanket over her legs, and accepted the remote from him. And if a little shiver ran through her when their fingers accidentally brushed… and if she saw the same shiver mirrored in him… neither of them said anything about it.
“Can I ask you something?” Ben said during a commercial break on the crime procedural show they were watching.
Rey muted the TV and looked over at him. “Okay.”
His brows furrowed. “Not that I’m complaining, but… why aren’t you more angry?”
Rey looked at him, then picked at her blanket as she chose her words. “You’ve earned a stay of execution. For tonight, at least.”
He blinked twice. “How did that happen?”
She was silent for a long while, just watching images flash across the silent screen. She didn’t unmute it even when their show started up again.
When she finally spoke, her voice was soft and measured. “I am not okay with everything you’ve told me today. You should have been honest with me from the start, and I am furious that you weren’t. But.” She took a breath and cast him a warning glance, though he didn’t look inclined to interrupt. “In spite of all of that, back then, you were decent to me.” Rey swallowed a lump in her throat. “There was a lot you left out. You hid things and you lied and you kept me purposely ignorant. I was so fucking insecure because of that, and you are not off the hook for it. But… you were also pretty okay.” She lifted the remote and pointed it at the TV. “Plus, I’m really tired of fighting for tonight. I just want to veg out.” Her hand trembled as she added, “With my soulmate.”
She unmuted the TV before he could reply and pulled the blanket up over her shoulders so she was covered from neck to toe. In her periphery, she saw him swallow and nod before he looked back at the TV.
But he kept sneaking glances at her.
Rey pretended not to notice.
NOTES:
Rey and Ben both hope the other will come around to their way of thinking, but that isn't something I require for reconciliation. Healthy fighting is more about understanding, less about winning.
If you're worried they won't end up together, know that I had to resist forcing them to make out pretty much every paragraph of this chapter. I am a Reylo, and a romantic, and my instincts are pulling hard toward fluff and smut.
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