#congrats to the bear fuckers out there

[asleepinawell]

me wearily opening twitter: please show me just one nice thing for once

twitter: baldur's gate 3 lets you fuck a bear

me: you know what? good enough

#congrats to the bear fuckers out there #it's a druid in bear form I guess so this is consensual bear fucking #an important distinction #mp #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #occurred to me that even this should be spoiler tagged #this is the only thing I've heard about this game so far I should add which just makes it funnier

[incarnateirony]

sittin here thinking about a certain person trying to earn back into the intel when they were apparently told i was right.

god

this would have been so avoidable if people were honest. Honest about what they know, say. Flipped like a switch and tried to flop the dialogue an opposite way with an opposite lie. A shortlist of the history from market testing, confessions, finales, both before and that there were omissions, pilot scripts and more--just to list the major, not things like accurate casting leaks--and who arrogantly argued only to be wrong: people with far better contacts than that person, people with far better contacts than 2p0, and they still completely missed it the whole way through.

"That all happened?" yeah sweetcheeks. while you and 2p0 run rumor mills or don't know how to trade dms with professionals to not be shut out, there's been an actual trail of actual leaks accurate vs clods arguing against them the whole way until they wipe out bc they can't figure out basic business, who knows what, or how to not sound like a desperate fan.

but people read what they want, not what's actually being said, and even more rarely do they care much less know how to look into what's actually being done.

i think 2p0 knows. to them this isn't about being honest or right, it's about maintaining their relevance while seeing the train headlight bearing down on them all in the tunnel. But those of us who care, and know, well. sorry buddy. like. lmao, you just look sad

if yall weren't so obsessed with attention seeking online, maybe you could get shit done and be confident too

hey pat

i guess you could call this

a battle for dean's soul ;)

anyway idk man i keep asking if you wanna put down another 5K again since you didn't learn last time but weirdly, it's like you don't want to declare a clear concept of where the show is going, or risk that 5K against my very clear statements throughout, which I would gladly re-state top to bottom to initiate the bet if you did the same.

but you know

you aint gonna

you just talk, bitch. all you ever were. even today you changed your fucking tune, you can't keep a solid note

jensen is not your plaything. and you about to learn that real quick

all these motherfuckin cowards running their mouths online but not willing to make that bet because they goddamn know they're just anti trolls hated by the entire crew, everything else is theater. fuckers are only salty bc they DONT know how to have a real impact. In media. in life. it's a deep seeded attention seeking there and it'll never fix 2p0 or kelios or any of them.

i repeat, you all got headshot to the cast 2017, everything since then has you been digging your own holes so it's impressive that you're still doubling down right now even when you hear the train horn and see the headlights

oh am i hurting your precious ego? Are your buddies starting to recognize you're a pissant coward ducking a bet, or figured out why yet? Or are they all so emotionally fragile they're leaning on your shattered glass castle

i'm sure if you scrap at a few more paid M&Gs and articles tho you'll suddenly figure it out right for once, bc that's worked so well for you in the past. this time it's different, right? That's what you tell yourselves to not delete your accounts at this point, right?

admit it, you're all not even here for the show, just for making highschool drama.

you've still refused to let yourself see what's happening and it's honestly embarassing at this point. you can heckle from your idiot M&G fancorner all you want onto the internet, but you know it

you

lolj (called out even by jensen recently that they were too stupid to get)

Kelios

Vinnie

anyone in your orbit including anyone stupid enough to onboard your auction list you burned 5k on that could be found or traced

congrats you're cursed marked troublemakers that sent jensen down the spite shipping hole even before the confession authentically broke him. hope your attention seeking was worth it.

is your only mission to instill disturbance here to make everyone as miserable as you are? Cuz if not. Bet or delete, bro. Put your money where your mouth is or shut the fuck up. permanently.

#Youtube #it's time for a new empire #go bury your demons #then tear down the ceiling #well #kid #what you gonna do now

[kariachi]

Quick shits&giggles Dragonfly ficlet.

~~

“Good news,” Argit chimed as they walked in the door in that tone that said it was less ‘good’ and more ‘entertaining’, “reddit is at war over whether or not you lot could kick Superman’s ass.” Yeah, definitely ‘entertaining’.

“I mean, maybe? It would depend.” They could take in a lot of kinetic energy, but they also didn’t know how much Kent could bring to bear. Could be an easy win as the older hero did minimal damage in comparison to the shit they could dish out, could be an uphill struggle.

“Congrats, you’re officially more nuanced than this lot.” Setting the grocery bags on the counter, they went over to flop down on the couch, moving Nara onto their lap as they checked out the ongoing chaos over Argit’s shoulder.

“Doesn’t look like we’re winning many votes,” Kevin said.

“Yeah, they’re seriously outnumbered, but damn if you guys’ fans aren’t a stubborn bunch. Things are getting mean too- some Gothamite tried to come in and claim both sides were biased and a Metropolis native, one of our lot, and some fucker from Savannah all told him to go back to worshiping his ‘flying bitch rat’.” 11 snickering in the back of their head, Kevin bit back a chuckle of his own.

“That’s Reddit, man. Fuckers there are feral.”

“I’ve seen hunting parties less out for blood,” Argit said. “Just need your permission before I throw fat on the fire.” Snorting, Kevin softly tugged one of his earrings.

“Sorry, Hedgehog,” he said, “no heckling redditors.”

“You sure, be less trouble to not get tracked than heckling Wayne.”

‘Less trouble is always good,’ Gula noted, 11’s agreement- at least half just to annoy his other half- radiating beneath it. Kevin gave them a mental pat and felt them warm between his cells.

‘Not when it’s encouraging fighting over stupid stuff. Then it’s just being trouble.’

‘Oh.’

“Give me that,” he said out loud, plucking Argit’s tablet from his hand with a sharp-toothed grin. “We did the shopping, it’s your turn to put shit away.” Rolling his eyes with a huff, Argit slowly stood up, like it was a struggle for the ages.

“You never let me have any fun.” Kevin settled back with a fond and comfortable purr and began scrolling.

“I make you jewelry, that should be enough.”

#fanfic #dragonfly

[partyinthemysterymachine]

once upon a time many moons ago (Sept 2019) i drew an James. it’s been actual months since i’ve been able to draw anything for myself. i’ve been needing to work on my ink lining for my apprenticeship, and i found that sketch in my sketchbook and i though to myself, “well maybe i’ll tinker with this and then line it to get back in the swing of things.”

well i sure did tinker with it, and i sure did line it.

yep. i sure did.

#my art #james sunderland #silent hill 2 #sh2 #rubs face with sandpaper #james go :\ and i go >:T #the higher the hair the closer to god that's what i say #i must've spent about 2 - 3 hours just getting that red sketch #and another 45 min - 1.5 hours-ish lining #kill me! :3c #It's A Road my dears but i'm taking it #pray for me y'all #i hope sometime soon i will Actually Draw Something #boy howdy didn't his mood change huh >:3c #congrats james love the character development #god y'know i love designing hair and my brain is huge #but i will never figure out how this fucker's hair works #crimes of passion i guess............. #and i have a Type so.............. #My Burden To Bear Is One Of Self-Love And Hate

[artsy-hobbitses]

And you think this gives you power over me?

Super early draft for Grimlock because this bear trap brick shithouse tromped right up to my Procreate and politely requested some space on it. Who was I to deny him? 8′3;;;; This is about them time he breaks away from Proteus, the only reason he let his ‘handlers’ rough him up was because he was buying Swoop (their usual target because small and skinny) time to figure out how to disable all their shock collars CONGRATS the shock collars are off the table now and handler giblets are on the menu CB Also shoutout to @elfdragon12 he heard you wanted to see the beefiest fucker on the Autobot side and he was gentlemanly enough to comply! Def inspired off your little video of Cendach. 

#Humanformers #Maccadam #Grimlock #Art

[theepisceswriter]

congrats on 300 🙈 may i request prompt #80 with reader & gojo?? thank u bae <3

300 MILESTONE EVENT.

Prompt #80:.“ … why does this card say ‘ happy 3rd birthday ‘? “

“Surprise!”

The sorcerer didn’t even allow you to make it all the way through the door of your shared apartments before he was assaulting you with confetti balls that sprinkled down into your hair, something you would chastise him for later, and the abrupting sound of cheap whistles infiltrating your ears. There was a jump to your movements when you first arrived, startled by the sudden bursts and light and noise coming from Gojo, but that startled emotion was soon replaced with a warmth that grew in your chest at the sight of your boyfriend’s fabric clad eyes, his lips curled up at the corners into a smirk that was only a couple of inches away from a full-fledged smile. ‘Happy, happy birthday to you my dear y/n!”

Decorations, presents, and store-bought cake sitting on the table aside, just Gojo’s presence in the living room came as a complete surprise. It had been a little over 2 weeks since you had last seen him in the flesh and bone. The duties of his job taking away from the quality time between you two once more and sending him away halfway across the country right around the time frame of your birthday. 

“I don’t think I’m going to make it in time back for your birthday, princess.” 

It’s not like you had anything planned out in advance for the two of you, wanting nothing more than to spend some alone time with the man you loved for once and maybe even a couple of the friends you had met through him if the opportunity arose. But still, his words made your heartache with an indescribable pain that could only be soothed with the presence of your lover, something you wouldn’t be able to have on a day you craved it the most. You should be used to it at this point, having dealt with the fast-paced life of Gojo Satoru for some years by now, but that didn’t mean each situation wasn’t as painful as the last. It was the reason why you went the whole day with a fake smile at work, accepting gifts and happy birthday wishes as you masqueraded your true feelings of disappointment and sadness.

But all that changed the moment you stepped foot into the living room to observe the poorly strung up decorations in your favorite color that adorned the walls, turning to Gojo with a toothy smile on your lips that stretched across your whole face as you ran to him and engulfed him in a bear hug the moment your shock had worn off and it settled in your mind that his indeed was not a dream but reality.

“You fucker how dare you put me through a whirlwind of emotions like that?” “How long did you have this planned out?” “Who else knew about this?” Your questions spilled out with each kiss you peppered his face with and all the sorcerer could do in return was accept each kiss with a chuckle, arms wrapping around your waist to lead you over to the table that had a display of gift bags on it. “I’ll answer all of those later but for right now…” He pushed your hips until you were right in front of the gift table facing all the bags on the table that each held a gift. “Open up your presents!”

“You are my greatest present.” You decided to sneak in cornily before reaching for the small purple gift bag that was closest to you. Inside the mostly hollow bag sat a birthday card and a medium-sized box that had the label of a jewelry company printed over it. Instinctively your hand reached for the birthday card thinking it was going to be one of those interactive ones that sang happy birthday to you or something with a lewd joke on the front, but instead, your eyes were met with the bold letters of ‘HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY’ with Paw Patrol characters occupying the front of the card for decoration purposes.

“What is this?....Why does this say happy 3rd birthday?” You muse with an amused chuckle, holding the card in his direction so he could see it clearly.

“Heh, who wants to be reminded of their true age on their birthday?” He shrugs lightly, grin still plastered on his lips from where he slants against the wall.

With the roll of your eyes, you quickly discard it to the side as you move on to the jewelry box next. Opening it up you were greeted with the sight of a silver chain that held a silver heart pendant with the initials ‘G.S’ carved into it in a cursive font. “It stops right at your heart.” Gojo spoke up, suddenly behind you as he moved your hair out of the way, a silent way of offering to put the necklace on for you. “So you’ll never have to be without me again.” 

#ty babes I love the two of you sm thanks for always supporting !! #gojo satoru x reader #jjk x reader #jujustu kaisen x reader #300 Milestone Event. #gojo satoru fluff

[bionerd2point0]

Congrats on your milestone! I would absolutely love Jason and daemon au (mostly I want to see what you would give him haha) if you don’t know anything about daemons (it might be too specific) then I would honestly love Jason with anything! Omega Jason maybe? Or reverse Robin Jason? Or anything 😊

Last, but certainly not least, Bear!! I freely admit that I knew nothing about daemons prior to this, but after looking them up on fanlore and reading some of the details, I'm really taken by the idea?! Like, it sounds kinda like a witch's familiar (but often without the magic) and I really wanted to try my hand at it, so here is my attempt. XD I hope you like it!

(CW: canon-typical violent, blood, and a wee bit o’ death)

-

The worst part about coming back was that part of Jason had been left behind. His earliest memories had featured Maya. A kitten, a puppy, a turtle, a little songbird, she'd cycled through practically the entire animal kingdom in his childhood, and hadn't settled into her final form before his death.

Not knowing what she might have been, that he'd have to live without her, hurt worse than knowing Bruce had replaced him. He'd learned quickly that the ache in his chest was there to stay, a constant reminder that he was trapped in this world without his very soul.

Talia had egged him on, tried to direct his anger and pain at Bruce, and it had worked--for a time. But the hurt was bigger than the anger, and he’d been quick to abandon Talia’s plan once he was in Gotham. No big, elaborate plot for vengeance and approval would bring back Maya. 

No, the best thing he could do was show that fucking clown exactly what it meant to hurt. 

That was why he was walking the halls of Arkham in a guard’s uniform. It’d been painfully easy to slip his name on the roster, even more so to get assigned to Joker’s wing. No one liked walking rounds with that godawful laughter in the background. 

Joker’s daemon was some kind of rabid ferret or something, locked up at a black site that didn’t matter, because not once in the fifteen years Joker’s been active had he gone searching for the poor thing. How anyone could survive the separation pain didn’t, well, have a soul. Clearly.

He keyed in the code to unlock the cell, pushing open the door when the buzzer sounded. 

Joker looked up from where he was chained to the wall, straight jacket firmly in place. That haunting fucking smile split his face. “Well, well, well. What’s this? Somebody pay to get me out already?”

Jason pulled out his gun, checking to make sure there was a round in the chamber. “No.” 

He raised the gun, carefully aimed, and fired. 

The shot was loud in the tiny room, but not as loud as Joker’s shout, which quickly turned to laughter.

“Wow oh wow! You’re sure not one to play around.” He hissed, panting through clenched teeth as blood drenched the front of his pants, femoral artery severed by the shot. “I gotta know, what’s your game here? Huh? Most people don’t jump the gun that fast.” He laughed at his own joke, but Jason ignored him.

Holstering his gun, he pulled out his favorite knife. “No game. You die, and everyone will be so occupied with wondering who killed you that they’ll forget to care that you died.”

Joker scowled at him, beginning to understand that Jason wasn’t here to play games. It was a bit too late, though. The blood loss already had the clown sagging back against the wall. “And what did I... do to you? What made me your personal vendetta?” He smiled, like Jason would ever dedicate his life to the fucker.

“You didn’t make sure I stayed dead.” He waited just long enough for confusion to flit across Joker’s face, then plunged the knife through his heart.

The world erupted around them, exploding in black shadows that howled in agony, sending Jason to his knees with his hands clamped over his ears. What in seven hells?!

The storm stopped as suddenly as it started, leaving Jason in an empty cell with a dead body. Or, well, maybe not as empty as he thought. 

He jumped to his feet, pulling out his gun as he registered the massive wolf standing next to him. It was a daemon, that much was certain, unless someone had managed to clone dire wolves back into existence. The real question was who it belonged to.

Taking a risk, he glanced out the door, but no one was approaching.

Hoping the daemon could be reasoned with, he straightened up to his full height, eyes level with the wolf’s. “Get on out of here, you don’t wanna stick around for this.”

The wolf’s eyes turned sad. “Oh, little one. I think I do.”

A warm feeling filled his chest, and--

He sucked in a breath. His heart wasn’t hurting.

The gun slipped from his fingers, tumbling to the floor a second before his knees gave out. “M-maya?” His voice broke, and whatever façade of control he had fell apart when the soothing wash of calm came from the daemon.

“Hush, sweet one. I am here.” She stepped forward, nosing at his face and licking away the tears streaming down his cheeks as he buried his hands in her fur. “We were kept apart, but no more. It’s alright,” she rumbled, letting him bury his face in her neck.

“I thought you were going to be a cat,” he choked out, not able to put the more important things into words.

Warm amusement flowed through him. “I might have been, in another life. But wolves are better suited for protecting their pups, aren’t they?”

Jason pulled back, so deliriously happy he didn’t know what to do with himself. “I’m not much of a pup any more.”

She chuffed, nipping at his ear. “You are my pup, and there’s nothing that can change that. Now come, I believe there are better places to spend our time.”

Snorting, he glanced over at Joker’s cooling body. “What? Don’t like the scenery?”

She leveled him a look that was so familiar it hurt. “I’d much prefer to see where you’re living. I’ve spent too long stuck with that leech.”

There was so much disdain in the word that Jason decided not to ask. He collected his gun and knife, giving it a cursory wipe on his pants, then twisted his fingers through her fur to led them through the facility and all the cameras he’d looped.

“I missed you,” he confessed, voice soft and quiet.

“I missed you too.” It sounded like a promise and a reassurance all at once. She’d missed him while they were separated, but she would never miss him again. Barely contained violence rested just under the surface, a promise to anyone who tried to keep them apart. 

Jason almost wanted to see someone try.

#jason todd #daemon au #daemons #bio writes #Promptathon #blood #a bit of violence #Joker dies

[yeeterparkersblog]

Last Days | PART 1

Pairing: 6 Underground! Four/Billy x reader

Word Count: 6.1 k 

Warnings: Stealing is bad, kids; Sugar baby/daddy jokes; Mentions of stripping 

Summary: To everyone else, he was a suave young man in a gang of thieves, someone they would rather not get tangled up with. To you, he was a cheeky bastard who wouldn’t get out of your hair and most of all, a rival thief. But one day, Billy decides to reach out to you, proposing that you work together.

A/N: Right. Hello. This is my first fic for the Ben/Borhap fandom. If it sucks I sincerely apologize from the bottom of my cavity. So this story is not taking place during the events of 6 Underground, its more of a prequel to the movie. So basically there might be some foreshadowing, but there are no direct relationships to the movie. Also this fic time jumps a lot, so I hope you guys can keep track of it.

This fic is dedicated to @benhardyisdaddy​ . Faith, you are amazing! No more than a week after 6 underground came out, Must Be A Dream was up and posted. Imagine the amount of dedication and hard work that you give. Congrats on 3k, you deserve all of it.

The Pasteque Necklace. An emerald necklace worth almost 3 million, unveiled at the National Museum 2 months ago, and soon to be yours.

You’ve already knocked out the three guards making their rounds in the museum. Easy enough. And now comes the fun part. You rounded the corner into the large hallway that would lead you to your treasure. You wasted no time at all. You quickly made your way to the showcase room, careful to shoot out any security cameras with a silenced gun.

After the necklace had first been revealed on TV, you went straight into planning mode. Now you knew there was an electric field around the pedestal. It took you time to assemble the proper apparatus that could deactivate the filed. It hadn’t been cheap either. You’ve spent so much time and resources on this heist, and after two months, your hard work could finally bear its fruit.

You jogged towards the pedestal and you were prepared to take out the gadgets, but then as your neared it, you quickly realized you didn’t need it at all. The electric field had already gone, the velvet box had already been opened, and the necklace!? Well! It had already been taken away.

In its place, stuck neatly onto the smooth velvet box, was a small sticky note. Your lips snarled with annoyance. You had a feeling you knew who’d done this.

You snatched the note from the box, ready to get this over with. And sure enough…

“i told you i’d beat you to it  -B” 

—

“You absolute wanker!” you fumed, snatching away the bottle of beer he had been drinking. You slid into the booth opposite him and downed the rest of his drink. “Have you pawned it off already, you cunt?!”

He threw his hands up innocently. “Hello to you too,” He straightened up in his seat and beamed at you. Christ, he was enjoying this a bit too much. “Fancy seeing you here, then.”

“Please!” I spat. “You know I work here!”

“Yeah, shouldn’t it be your shift right about now?”

“Well I took the day off. Thought I wouldn’t need the extra money.” You leaned in, giving him a wicked scowl. “But of course you know all that, don’t you?”

“You seem like you’re in a bad mood” He pointed out. “Let’s have a drink. My treat! I’ve recently come into quite a bit of money.” And the fucker winked cheekily at me.

You groan exasperatedly. You fell against the seat and ran your hands through your hair, defeated. You probably invested a thousand pounds or so into this heist, thinking you’d get millions in return. But nah, all you get to do is to beg your manager for extra shifts.

Your hands were covering your face, slightly muffling your words.

“Out of all the heists that you could have hijacked-”

“Hey you were the one who challenged me.”

True. You really should know better than to wager your most important heist. The smug blonde had more experience than you had, with his little pack of trapeze thieves.

“Yeah?” You shot up straight. “You had help. That little gang of yours.”

“Oh no I did it alone. Like last time.” You didn’t think his face could get more pompous. You wanted to wipe that shit-eating smile off his face. “So this is on you, yeah?”

Ugh. ‘Last time’. It was what had started this whole thing in the first place.

—

3 MONTHS AGO

It was your first big heist. After years of petty theft, pickpocketing and larceny, you wanted something more challenging. A lot more challenging.

Go big or go home, you went for The Blasé. A diamond ring from 15th century Germany. The Blasé will set you up quite nicely.

Standing at the very end of the large hallway, you could see it from here already.

The Blasé, its large gem glittering in its glass case. The moonlight hit it through the glass ceiling overhead, and the diamond seemed to beckon you in with its shine.

Now you weren’t daft. You knew there were additional security measures set in the glass case. If you were to smash the glass and just snatch the ring away, that wouldn’t do. That would just set off the weight sensor below, and blaring alarms that would alert the police of your presence immediately after. You’d rather do this a bit more discreetly.

You chuckled, remembering how proudly the museum director had bragged about having attained the ring. “The Blasé is in very safe hands. Our security will make sure of it. No lowly thief would get their hands on the jewel,” he had said to the interviewer. “Hundred percent guarantee.”

You scoffed. Bet you wish you didn’t boast about the weight sensors now huh, Mister big shot Director?

You took out a small glass cutter, but before you could make a move, someone cleared his throat behind you. You whipped around and pointed the glass cutter at the man. But instead of a burly security guard whose knock-out gas had worn off, you were met with a fit young blond, who was staring at you intensely with the greenest eyes you’ve ever seen.

You froze in place, not really knowing how to act. How would you?

Now he was definitely good-looking. If this were anywhere else, say a café, you’d make a move. But no, you were trying to steal a 2-million-pound ring here. And how would you know that someone would be stealing the same thing you wanted to steal?! And on the very same date and time too?! And on your first big heist. What were the fucking chances?

“How cute.” The blond chuckled, pointing at the mask around your eyes. He took your mask off faster than you could react. “You know you don’t need this if you’ve already turned off the security feed?”

“Hey give it back…” It came out more of a plead than a command. You mentally cringed at how you sounded. But what’s more was that the man was acting so casual, as if this was a friendly conversation and not a crime taking place.

The man squinted his eyes and took a closer look at you, and you couldn’t help but divert your gaze. His eyes suddenly glinted with recognition.

“Hey you’re that girl from that pub!” he laughed. “When I saw the knocked-out guards up front, I knew someone was in here. But I didn’t know it was the waitress from Ritter’s Bar.”

You rolled your eyes. A chat wasn’t what you came for. You turned your attention back to the case, getting ready to slice it with your glass cutter. However, the man put a hand out to block you.

“There’s no need for that, love. I have a more efficient way.” He gave you a sweet smile.

In one swift move, he had smashed the glass case to pieces. The case shattered with a deafening clash and fell to the ground in tiny fragments. He had grabbed the ring and sure enough, the alarms came blaring.

“Shit! What did you do?!” You scolded. “We gotta go NOW!”

“I couldn’t agree more!” He grabbed your wrist and dragged you to wall, pointing up at the tiny window high above it. What the hell was he trying to pull?

And to your surprise, he put the ring on and started to climb up the wall like fuckin’ Spiderman. He got to the window and broke out.

“You arsehole! What am I supposed to do?!” I screamed at him. The front gate has definitely gone to lockdown and you were hearing sirens in the background. He was your only way out. 

“I have a name, you know? It’s Billy.” He threw down a rope. “I didn’t quite catch yours?”

“Oh sod off!” You pulled yourself up the rope. “Give me back the ring!”

“Sorry no can do. If you’re gonna be like this, I’m going to have to let you go, literally.” He dared to wink at you. You were only halfway up the wall when the rope suddenly went loose. You grabbed yourself onto a ledge before you could fall back onto the ground. You looked up to the window to see him smiling at you.

“But if I ever change my mind about the ring, I’ll know where to find you.” And with that he ran away. All that stared back at you was the moon in the night sky.

Godammit.

You used the ledge to push yourself up to the window and got out. You looked around and saw that he did in fact give you back something. But of course it wasn’t the ring, it was your ‘cute’ mask.

“JESUS CHRIST, BILLY!” You groaned in frustration. You couldn’t do anything else after that, the cops had come at that second and you had to flee before your night could get any worse.

ONE MONTH AFTER THE RING HEIST

Ritter’s Bar. Not exactly the best job in the world. Not exactly in the best part of town either. No scratch that. Civilians would actively avoid this part of town. The only people here are your own. Like a twisted and tight-knit community of thieves.

“Let me guess, Meg.” You said to a regular sitting down at the bar. “Whiskey, neat.” She gave you a small smile and you poured out some liquor for her. Just as you were setting down the shot glass, a blur of blond passed by you.

Your eyes darted to the image. It was him! Billy! The man who stole your fucking ring!

You watched him as he headed for one of the booths at the very back. He turned back and gave you a little wave. A little smirk to indicate that he knew you were watching him. You involuntarily let out a low growl of anger.

“You can let go of my glass now.” You looked down to see that your hands had gripped tightly around Meg’s glass, knuckles white. You promptly apologized, giving her the drink. “But hey. Blondie, huh?”

“What?”

“You were looking at the blond.” She shrugged. “He’s easy on the eyes but I wouldn’t do anything about it. His trapeze friends are fucking feral. Don’t trust them one bit.”

‘I’m all ears.”

She told you a little bit more about Billy and his gang. You would listen to her, but you could feel Billy’s gaze prickling the side of your neck.

You knew he was here to talk to you. Every time you took a glance at him, he would be staring right back. But he wasn’t initiating the conversation. He was waiting for you to give in. You weren’t going to. But then your manager saw him there sitting for 30 minutes without ordering anything and he ushered you over there.

“Order something or get out.” You folded your arms. “Dipshit.”

Billy smiled at you. “I’ll order a beer if you sit down with me, love.”

“Get out.” You started to walk away but he held you back by your wrist.

“Okay alright.” He pursed his lips and gave you a twenty. “I’ll buy a beer. But I want to talk to you, alright? It’s about the ring.”

You glared daggers at him, trying to see if he was just playing if you. Maybe he’s finally come to his senses and has decided to give you ring.

“Fine.” You said. “Hold on.”

You came back with a warm bottle of beer and sat down, pocketing the change. It was the least he could do for you. You shoved the bottle towards him. “Well?”

He shot you a look before he started talking. “Look I’m very sorry to have left you behind like that. I’m glad you got out fine, yeah?”

“Good, thanks.” You mumbled. It was nice, but not quite what you wanted to hear. “So I’ll be taking the ring now.”

“W-What? No?!” Billy looked almost baffled. “I already pawned it off! Where do you think the money for this disgustingly warm beer came from? And the ring is rightfully mine, by the way.”

“Am I to believe you’re just here to apologize?”

“Um. Yeah?! I’m not giving you the bloody ring!”

You scoffed. “It should be mine. I was there first.”

“That’s exactly what a child AND a bad thief would say.”

“I’m not a bad thief.” You shot back. “YOU just happened to be there!”

“Oh so you admit I’m a better thief then?”

“Wha- NO!” You were fuming. Your face was probably as red as a tomato by now.

The chattering of the TV caught your attention. And there it was. The Pasteque. Just brought in from France, and unveiled at the National Museum right now. An idea popped into your head.

“I’ll prove it to you, then!” You shot up, slamming down on the table. “Two months from now, I’ll have stolen something worth even more than the stupid Blasé!”

“I’ll just beat you to it.” He said with an air of confidence.

“Oh please, you don’t even know what I’m stealing!”

You stormed off before Billy could get another word in. But little did you know, Billy had noticed you darting your eyes towards the TV, and connected the dots.

“I’ll see you in two months then.” He chuckled.

—

PRESENT DAY

“Wanker.” You muttered.

“I believe you’ve already said that.” Billy shrugged. “Now, care to admit who’s the better thief? We’ve got an obvious answer.”

“Yeah yeah. It’s you. I’d buy you a beer but you’ve possibly left me broke.” You looked up at him with tired eyes. You were slightly surprised when you were met with worried ones.

“Hey I’m really sorry. Honest.” He clasped one of your hands. You were startled but you didn’t pull away. Yet. “I can help you if you want. How much do you need?”

“Maybe this isn’t cut out for me.” You pulled away from his grasp. “A few things from the supermarket or wallets from pockets? Sure. Jewelry worth millions?” You gave Billy a shrug. “Perhaps not.”

You tried to take another sip from Billy’s bottle but then you remembered it was empty.

“There’s a strip club a few blocks away.” You continued. “Maybe I could get a job there when I don’t have shifts here. I’ve been told I have ‘nice tits’ by some of the customers. I’d bet some rich old white dudes wouldn’t mind throwing some money at them.”

Billy raised his brows, pausing a second before shaking his head frantically.

“As much as I would hate to disappoint rich old white dudes. I think I have a better solution.”

“Better than having strangers grope my arse?”

“(Y/N)… you could work with me.”

It took you a second. “I’m sorry?”

“Honest, (Y/N). I think we’ll work well together.”

You scoffed, waving your hands about. “I thought you had your theatre troupe.” He rolled his eyes. “And I thought I wAsN’t a GoOD EnOuGH ThiEF.”

“Right first of all, it’s not a theatre troupe. Second, I sometimes do work alone. Like the ring and necklace, as you should know.” Now you rolled your eyes. “Third. How about we do a test drive?”

You shot him a questioning look.

“We can try working together on one heist first. See how it works out. And if we pull it off and you think we’re good together,” He shrugged. “Maybe we can do it again.”

Your fingers fiddled nervously with the bottle. The offer did sound tempting. It’d be nice to have a partner in crime. And it would be nice if the things you wanted to steal didn’t get stolen first.

“Well how do I know I can trust you?” You glared at him.

“See I knew you would say that. That’s why I didn’t pawn off the entire necklace.”

…What?

He took out a small box from his pocket and slid it across the table to you. “Consider it a peace offering.”

You accepted the box warily and opened it. Oh…wow.

“These earrings are gorgeous.” You laughed. The earrings were a pair of studs, with beautiful little emeralds on them. “I’ll assume the emeralds are from the Pasteque?”

“The very same.” He gave you a contagious smiles. How cute. “It was the least I could do. You could even wear them to the test drive if you’d like. That is, if you agree to do it.”

You held the earrings up to eye level. “Why would I wear such bling to a heist? Wouldn’t want to draw attention.”

“This time it’s to blend in.” He explained. “There’s going to be a gala at a country club down south in a month. Snobby rich trophy wives will be waltzing around with millions around their necks.”

You held the earrings up to Billy’s eyes and you couldn’t help but notice they were the same brilliant green.

“I think they’ll notice if we steal it from right under their noses, Billy.”

“That’s not the entire idea. But, I won’t go into detail until you’ve agreed. And I understand you’ll need to time to think this through. If you agree, we’ll get right into it.” He stood up from his booth and brushed himself down. “I’ll be back tomorrow for your answer, yeah?”

He stuck out his hand. He looked at you expectantly, his own pair of emeralds looking back at you. You clasped his hand with both of yours, as he did moments ago and returned his smile.

“No need. I’m in.”

The corners of his lips hinted at a smile. “I’ll pick you up after your shift tomorrow.” He paused to give me a wink I knew so well. “Feel free to quit.”

—

THE NEXT DAY

“So what’s the plan?” You slammed the car door shut, fastening your seat belt. “Better have a 100 percent success rate if you had me quit my job.”

“There’s always a certain risk involved, (Y/N).” Billy put the car into the drive. “If we succeed, we’ll be living lavishly for quite a long time. If not, then I guess you’re left to fend for yourself then. I’m not doing charity work.”

Your head snapped towards him so quickly you swore you heard a crack. “You shithead!” You took a jab at his shoulder. “I don’t have a job anymore. And I can’t go back to Ritter’s.” You sunk down into your seat in embarrassment. “Certainly not after what I’d said. And I don’t have money now! Imagine unemployment.”

“Didn’t you mention that stripper job yesterday?” He chuckled as he swatted and dodged at your feeble attempts to jab him again. “But look on the bright side. The necklace we’re stealing is gonna be enough to free you of your troubles.”

“Easy for you to say. You have money from the Blasé ring to hold on to.” He gave you a sideway glance that you brushed off. “Wait. Necklace? As in singular?”

He nodded. “Just the one.” He paused to think. ‘Well, two necklaces. But we only get to keep the one.”

“A bit stingy, innit?”

“Hey trust me a bit here! Besides you said it yourself. They’re going to notice if we steal it from right under their noses.”

“I’m still not aware of the plan.”

“Patience, love. I said I’ll explain it at my place.”

“I wasn’t aware of that either.”

“Oh pipe down, we’re here!’

He pulled into a small driveway. You took a look at the house while you stepped out of the car. Not the prettiest house, but certainly better than your apartment. You still felt the need to insult him, though.

“You couldn’t get yourself a better crackhouse with all the money you got from the jewelry?” You sassed, crossing your arms.

“Christ! You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“You’re bloody right I’m not.”

“Oh just get in the house!”

—

“So basically the whole reason the gala is happening is because of one necklace.” Billy explained. On his laptop, he looked up the country club’s website, pulling up an article on said necklace. “One of the country club members recently got his hands on an artifact. Apparently the necklace used to belong to a Russian Czar. ‘S called The Ruza”

“I assume he wants to show it off to his snooty friends?”

“Like a little boy with a brand new toy train.”

With a little more digging and scrolling, Billy finally found a picture of the necklace.

“Oh I see why you’d gone for this one.” You pulled the laptop closer, squinting your eyes at the small picture. “It’s blurry. But I can definitely see the gold.”

“It’s probably blurry on purpose.” Billy said. “Rich fucks trying to get more hype for the reveal.”

“Right so I believe this is the necklace we’re keeping?” He nods. “What about the other one. What else are we stealing?”

“Oh any piece of jewelry, really. But it needs to be a piece whose absence will be noticed when it goes missing.” You look at him questioningly, trying to get him to elaborate. He catches your look and sighs.

“Fine. You’ve ever watched Ocean’s 8?”

You tried to fight back a grin by fiddling with your cup. You weren’t looking at him but you were sure he was slightly red. “Yeah, sure.”

“Oh don’t laugh. Helena Bonham Carter was brilliant in it.”

“Bloody brilliant.” You chuckled. “But I get understand the plan.”

“Recite it to me.”

“Get into the gala. Steal someone’s bling. There’s an evacuation. And when everyone’s out, you perform gymnastics and steal the Ruza.” You shrugged.

“Right. Let’s get to work.”

-

A/N: Okay so the next few scenes are like a montage. It is not taking place on the same day. It is taking place during the days leading up to the heist. So basically it’s happening over a month long period. I hope you understand what I just said lol. I’m not really good at explaining things? Oops

-

“What about the funding.” You asked. “I haven’t got any money. I’m pretty sure banks won’t lend us any either.”

“I’ll use the money I got from the Pasteque.”

“You’d really do that? That’s your money.”

“I’ll just consider it an investment.” He thought out loud. “For an even better necklace. And for your sake too.”

You smiled to yourself.

-

“We’ll have to dress the part, won’t we?” Billy asked. “Snobby gala and all.”

“Does that mean I get to take you shopping?” You smirked. “Probably get you some fancy shoes and all.”

“Oh I think I can choose for myself, thanks.” He’d interrupted before you could get anymore ideas. “And don’t you forget about the earrings.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

-

“Coffee break?” You asked, offering him a cup.

“Thanks.” He graciously accepted, sitting down next to you. “Hey can I ask. Why are you in so much debt?”

You sipped from your cup. “Went to uni so, student loans.”

“Ah, understandable.” He put down his cup. “But why were you working in a bar? You could have been working in something in your field.”

“I majored in accounting and graduated with good enough grades.” You said nonchalantly. “Really thought I’d get hired immediately. How naïve of me.” You scoffed.

“Doesn’t explain why you ended up being a bartender.”

“I was broke. Didn’t have any family to ask for money too.” You swirled the coffee in your cup. “Tried stealing food at a store but the owner had me fucking arrested. Then no firm wanted to hire me at all because of that little record.”

“I’m sorry.” He gave your shoulder a friendly tap. “Well sucks on them right? Now you get to be a millionaire.”

You let out a light-hearted laugh. “I’m not sad about it. I don’t regret at all, really. I’m glad I’m plotting a heist, and not working 9 to 5 for the rest of my life.”

“I’m glad too.”

-

“Hey what’s wrong?” You nudged his knee with your heel.

The two of you were on his couch with you taking up most of the space. You were laying down and had your legs sat on Billy’s lap who was sitting at the other end. Billy was staring at phone, troubled. Seconds ago, he had been fine before receiving a text.

“Oh get your feet out of my face!” He playfully swatted at them, putting on a smile.

You put away the floor plan you were observing and sat up next to him. “Don’t try to change the subject. What’s wrong?” He opened his mouth to object it but you interrupted him before he could. “I can see it on your face. It’s quite obvious.”

“Right.” He sighed and threw his phone into the couch. “Remember my ‘trapeze friends’?” You nodded. “Well they just completed a heist that I helped plan a few months back. And they said that I’m not getting my share because I didn’t actually do anything.”

He threw his hands up in a rage, standing abruptly from the couch. “Didn’t do anything?! I was the one who got the blueprints and shit! I came up with the heist too!” He massaged the bridge of his nose, trying to calm down.

“Why didn’t you go?” You asked. But you think you knew the answer.

“(Y/N), the two of us only had one month to plan this out. It demanded my full attention if we wanted it to succeed.”

“Oh, Billy.”

“But the other heist was done. The only thing left was the execution. They said they were fine without me. They said it’d be okay and I’d get a small share for helping out.” He crossed his arms, the veins in his head were prominent with anger. “Apparently not.”

“Billy I’m so sorry. If I had known about the other heist, I wouldn’t hav-”

“Hey it’s alright don’t apologize.” His face had softened up looking at you. “It’s not your fault. I just didn’t think they’d cut my share. Alright, look.”

He grabbed his phone. “I’m gonna talk to them. Make sure there’s no bad blood.” He headed for the kitchen to talk in private. “Don’t worry, alright?” You heard him call out.

His words had put you at ease for a while, but you couldn’t help but feel worried for him. The fact that his so called ‘team’ would cut him off so willingly was unnerving.

You grabbed the floor plan you had put down earlier and continued your study. Billy had already suffered a loss helping you, might as well make sure it’s worth it.

-

“I need money.” You nudged his shoulder.

“Who am I? Your sugar daddy?” He didn’t bother to peel his eyes from his phone. “If food’s what you want, I already bought lunch. It’s on the table right there.” He vaguely waved in the direction of the kitchen.

You rolled your eyes. Oh well, if he’s gonna be like this.

You propped yourself in front of him, pouting and giving him the biggest puppy eyes. “Yes, daddy. I need money for a new dress and shoes.” Oh dear Lord this was killing you on the inside. “So you can show me off at the gala. Please, daddy?” That caught his attention.

“W-What?” He finally looked up from his phone to you with widened eyes. “Are… are you? Is this actually happening?” To your amusement, his voice was choked up and he had gone red.

Your face did a 180 and you scoffed. “I need money, you horny cunt!” You doubled back with laughter and slapped him on his shoulder. “God! How long haven’t you been shagged?!” You gripped your stomach in pain from the laughter, ignoring his mumbled protests. He curled into a fetal position with his hands over his face. If it was possible, he was even redder.

“Let’s never talk about this.” He sighed. You watched as he shifted awkwardly into the couch, desperately trying to hide his front from you. Why would he- oh. OH!

“Bloody hell!” You stood up, your fit of laughter returning immediately. “Did I give you a bo-”

“I SAID DON’T TALK ABOUT IT!”

You couldn’t help but burst out laughing once more, dropping on the ground with hysterics. He pushed himself off the couch and marched himself to a room, coming back with a few wads of cash.

“Take it and go. I’ll even give you extra for your silence.” He shoved the money into your hands without looking at you. You giggled, despite your best efforts to hold it in. You settled for a cheeky grin when he shot you a dirty look. “Can you go already?”

“Right, fine.” You started to walk away. But, oh what the hell.

You couldn’t help but turn back with a smile, blowing a kiss in his direction.

“Thank you, da-.”

“OH, PISS OFF!”

-

Tomorrow would be the heist you had been preparing for. Everything was already prepared and gone over a billion times. You could recite every detail of the plan word-by-word without an error. And since everything was ready, Billy had given you the day off. A possible ‘last day’, he had said.

“The day before a heist, I’d do something I’ve always wanted to do but never did.” You remembered him saying. “I’d have that ‘last day’, you know, in case something goes wrong, or I get caught by the pigs the next day.”

It was your first day to yourself in weeks, you could do anything! You could have slept in. You could have gone out. You could have had that ‘last day’ Billy was talking about.

But instead you were where you’d been for the last month. You didn’t know what brought you here. You had no legitimate reason to be here. You stared at Billy’s front door, unsure whether you should knock or not.

“Christ.” You mumbled to yourself. “What am I doing?”

Just as you were about to turn and leave, the doorknob twisted open and out stepped Billy. The car keys in his hands jingled when he hastily put on his coat, still not noticing you standing there.

Oh well, too late now. You cleared your throat.

“Heading somewhere, then?”

Billy jumped and whipped his head to you. “(Y/N)!” He proceeded to stutter, the words coming out of his mouth barely intelligible. He looked like a deer in headlights, caught off guard. “What are you doing here? We uh… had the day off.”

I gave him a look that mirrored his own- deer in headlights. “Well I just … I um.” You adjusted the strip of your bag uncomfortably. You could feel his piercing green eyes on you.

“I had questions about the plan?” You looked up to see him confused. Yeah, you weren’t convinced yourself, either. “But I can see that you’re going out so I’ll just… go?”

“Wait no.” He gripped you by your wrist. “I was actually going to see…”

He trailed off when you looked at him. He put his hands back into his pockets awkwardly, clearing his throat. “I was going to see a movie. Do you want to come?”

“Oh I don’t really fancy a movie right now.” You mumbled. “Sorry.”

“Oh okay.” He caught his bottom lip between his teeth. “How about coffee? You said you had questions about the plan?”

“Oh I um. I just thought of the answer, so.” You cringed inwardly, unable to bring yourself to look at him. You never really had questions in the first place. “I’ll just go. Wouldn’t want to disrupt your ‘last day’, right?”

You had only made it to the sidewalk when he called out your name. You left out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“How about a ride back to your place then?”

You spun around and were met with a small smile. Billy fiddled with his car keys, expecting your answer.

“Alright.” You smiled back.

—

HEIST DAY (yay!)

You stared at yourself in the mirror, smoothing down any wrinkle in your dress, or any stray strand of hair.          

The bright emerald dress was simple yet it had a dash of elegance to it. It had no lace or complicated designs. The silk dress hugged your torso and cascaded down smoothly. The plunging neckline and the slit along the dress brought a teasing element to it, leaving just a right amount to the imagination.

Your hair was tied up, showing off your neck and of course…

“How could I ever forget you?” You picked up the velvet box, admiring the emerald studs Billy gave you. To tell the truth, the only reason you chose this dress was because of the earrings. They matched perfectly.

You smirked as you put them on. It didn’t hurt that the dress matched Billy’s eyes too.

Just when you were finishing up on your makeup, there was a knock at your door. Right on time. As you made your way, you impulsively smoothed down your dress.

God, why were you such an anxious mess? This wasn’t senior year prom.

You shook off the oncoming jitters and opened the door.

“Hey.”

“HI!”

Your response came out a bit more enthusiastically than you had hope. But to good reason. You discreetly checked him out, head to toe. Impeccably dashing and smart, he pulled off that white tux effortlessly. His hair slightly slicked back and a lazy smile present on his face. You suppressed the butterflies that were fluttering about in your gut.

“You look g-”

“Ready to go, then?” He cut you off, pointing at his watch.

Your face fell. Why do you care what he thinks? You roll your eyes, grabbing your coat before stepping out and locking the door behind you. You don’t care. You don’t care. You don’t ca-

“You look beautiful, (Y/N).”

There it was.

A grin involuntarily made its place on your lips. “Thank you.” You hid your face, saying it nonchalantly as if it wasn’t bothering you for the past minute.

You suddenly hear him laugh. “Is that what you wanted to hear?” Your grin dropped. “Is that why you’re all moody? That I didn’t compliment you?”

You shoved him back, the blush on your face now of embarrassment. “Dickhead.” You muttered, walking hurriedly towards the elevator before he could make another comment.

“No hey (Y/N)-”

“Shh!” You pressed on the down button of the elevator, impatient. You hear him make his way towards you.

“(Y/N), I’m-”

“SHH!” You hushed him louder. You frantically pushed the down button. Come on come on come on.

Ding!

Christ, finally. You step into the elevator, now repeatedly pushing on the ‘close’ button while maintaining direct eye contact with him.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” You hear him mutter. He runs towards you, just barely making it in before the doors close. You lean against the banister and glared at him with crossed arms.

“Watch your mouth next time.”

“Sorry.” He mumbled out, scratching the back of his neck. He made his way beside you, leaning on the banister as well. You chose to stare at your shoes. The two of you stood in silence, only the occasional ding of the elevator cutting in.

It was times like this you wish you had rented a room on the lower levels.

“(Y/N).” You hesitantly turn your head to him, but he points at the elevator doors instead, a silent instruction to look at them.

You see both of your own reflections staring back. He had his head against the wall, but he was without a doubt, looking at your mirrored image.

“See all that?” He pointed at your reflection. “I’d be a fool to not notice how good those earrings look on you.”

You sputter out a laugh, finally filling out the awkward atmosphere. You manage to muster a grin and look into his eyes. “Thanks, my sugar daddy got them for me.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “He has nice taste.” You reply with a hearty laugh. “Suppose he paid for those too.” He gestured at your dress and shoes.

“I’d say it’s money well spent.” You mockingly give him a twirl, showing off the dress. “So generous of him.”

“He’s a lucky man.” A playful smile poked at his lips.

And the two of you shared a laugh, glad to diffuse the tension, even if it was just for a while.

But it was short-lived.

The elevator doors finally opened with a final ding! And it rang like a bell to bring you back down to earth. To remind you there was a necklace made out of £5,000,000 waiting for you.

The two of you regained your composure, stepping out of the elevator. Your heads turn towards the sleek BMW that Billy rented just fort the occasion.

Beside you, Billy takes out the car keys. “Well let’s get to it then.”

A/N: I hope that didn’t suck, for any of ya’ll who made it to the end. Also would anyone read a Bucky Barnes fic if I wrote one.

#ben hardy #6 underground #billy x reader #6u!four x reader #queen #6u!Billy x reader #ben!roger taylor #ben!roger x reader #Ben Jones #this is so bad I'm so sorry

[forbetterorworsefinalspace]

Soul Case

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: Final Space

Part: 7

Link-  🌌

_______________________________________________________

While recovering from her injuries, Sheryl's past comes back in a muddle mess. What really happened and what didn't? The world may never know.

_______________________________________________________

The outbacks of Australia were hot and dusty. The wind blew harshly, pelting Sheryl with dirt specks and sand. The sun over head was broiling and her mouth felt dry. As she walked she passed abandoned vehicles and garbage, almost tripping on an exposed fender.

She licked her lips dryly, trying to shield her eyes from the sun. She didn’t recall how she got here, dad likely dumped her again. Well that was no problem, she just needed to wait for the stars to come out and follow their directions until she could see the Mountain, then trek her way home.

It was just gonna be a while.

As she went Sheryl noted something in the distance, standing on four legs. Cautiously she went closer, finally seeing it for what it was.

A Blue Heeler.

Oh bugger all! She scowled. If there was one thing she hated, it was dogs, and if there was one dog she hated, it was Blue Heelers. Fuckin things!

Almost as if it could hear her thoughts, the dog ran for her, barking and snarling. Sheryl had no time to react as it closed the distance in the blink of an eye, before coming down on her. She yelled as the dog bowled into her, teeth snapping. She kicked, trying to fight back, but she couldn’t get enough power into her hits. Somehow it snapped it jaws onto her head, starting to drag her along the ground.

She screeched, hands scrambling for something to grab onto, when one closed around something sharp. It hurt, but she quickly slashed up at the dog wildly.

It almost seemed to sense the impending attack though, as it let her go and jumped back, growling harshly.

Panting the girl got to her feet, hair a mess and head bleeding. She and the dog had a slight standoff, both snarling at each other and bearing their teeth. It was clear the dog didn’t intent to leave, so Sheryl started to back away. Thankfully it seemed disinterested in following after her now, since she could defend herself.

A few feet away, Sheryl looked down at her hand, finding an old combat knife that she was holding by the blade.

She rectified that and kept going. ……..

It was so bloody hot.

It was sunset and the temperature wasn’t much better. Sheryl stumbled along, wiping sweat and blood from her brow.

Must be 40 degrees out here at least! Odd at this time of day.

As she walked Sheryl stumbled, tried, alone and hungry.

Pull yourself together. Your pathetic.

She tried to stand straighter at the thought.

Sunset turned to twilight, everything blanketed in darkness and the sky a melted orange. The abandoned relics of the past around her were painted in the warm colours. Sheryl stopped by an overturned battle truck, licking her lips dryly. As she leaned against the truck something scuttled over her hand, glancing to it she found a cockroach running around, antennas twitching.

She quickly smash it under her hand and rammed it in her mouth, chewing the crunchy creature apart before swallowing.

Ok, got food, now she just needed water.

Thankfully if there were roaches here then that meant water was close. She went looking, until she located a small muddy puddle with an old tank barrel sticking out of it. She dropped to all fours, drinking out of it like an animal, her hair dipping in around her face and turning brown.

God it was warm, why was it so warm?!

A distal howl sent a chill down Sheryl spine, she sat up to look at her surroundings wildly, before some creatures start to emerge from the wreckage around her.

Dingos.

Sheryl stood, pulling out her knife. She didn’t really stand a chance against these things, not when there were so many! She backed up as more and more Dingos slipped from the darkness. With very little options left Sheryl turned and began to run.

They were right behind her and Sheryl was so focused on getting away, that she didn't really pay attention to where she was going. She was glancing over her shoulder at a sharp set of teeth, when she rushed right over a steep embankment. The world was a tumbling mess of dry dirt, rocks, heat and darkness before she landed in a shallow puddle. Coughing Sheryl got to her hands and knees, shaking when she heard the wild dogs scrambling down the hill towards her.

Where was her knife?! Where was it!?

Her hands splash in the thick, cloudy water for her missing weapon, as it had tumbled out of her hands during the fall. Rocks started skittered down around her as the pack got closer, Sheryl still fruitlessly searching.

BARK! BARK!

Something came from the opposite direction, leaping over Sheryl, much to her shock. She spun around, watching as a new dog started to fight off the Dingos with ease. At first the wild dogs refused to back down, but when it became clear they weren’t going to win, they finally had to retreat.

Yelping and whining the Dingos ran off, tails between their legs.

The dog snorted, shaking his fur out with a snuff before starting to walk back to where he had come from. Sheryl stared after it in disbelief, getting to her hands and knees again when it crossed the puddle to the other side. There the chocolate lab stopped to stare back at her, waiting.

Sheryl shifted, not sure what to do,

Something shimmered below her and Sheryl looked down as her reflection in the mud puddle below her swirled into an ominous shape.

‘Sheryl Goodspeed.’ The figure had deer like horns and a skull face, two burning eyes pierced her soul. Somehow she knew this demons name.

“Oreskis?” She asked in a wheezing, scratchy voice.

‘You need to wake up Sheryl Goodspeed. Your dying.’

Yip! Yip!

Sheryl looked behind her in time to see a tiny Golden puppy bounding up behind her. It jumped on top of her, submerging her face in the mud puddle- -----

“GASP!!” Sheryl’s lungs were full of water and she struggled to find the strength to sit up. She coughed and hacked harshly, shaking away a pair of tiny hands when they tried to help her.

“Mom!” Gary shouted, sounding relieved. “Your awake!”

“A-ar-” Sheryl coughed some more, body wracking heavily. “Are you trying t-to- (COUGH!) Dr-o-own me?!”

She was soaked from her head to toes, her sleep shirt heavy and sticky, even her pants and feet were wet. How much fuckin’ water had that kid poured on her.

“I’m sorry!” Gary said quickly, wringing his hands. “B-but you been sleeping for two days almost and you started talking in your sleep, and your voice was all cracking and you sounded thirsty so I grab a cup and-”

“How long?!” Sheryl looked at him in shock, only to find Gary out of focus, despite being right beside her. In Fact the entire camper was fuzzy…

Wait, confused, vision impaired, soaked even where water wasn’t poured, and the heat from her dreams hadn’t dissipated upon waking. Sheryl swore and forced herself up, despite sleep calling to her like a siren. She yanked her pants down a bit to get access to her injury, pulling off the wrap to find it red and angry.

She grunted. “Well congrats Gary, the wound you gave me is infected…”

“What?!” He looked to her leg quickly. “W-what do we do then?! We can fix this right!?”

“Get my first aid kit from my bag, the big one.” She ordered briskly, pulling on the wound a bit to see it was closing at all. Burned like a mother fucker, but it seemed to be sealing shut.

“This one?!” Gary asked, running back with a large black case.

“Give.”Sheryl took it with a nod. It opened and she pulled out a few different boxes of medical supplies until she came to the bottom. She yanked out something that looked like an air jet gun nozzle, with an empty space at the back and a large needle in front.

She heard Gary whine at the sight of it, but she didn’t look at him. Instead she tried to find the right vile inside the case, she should have multiple of them… She couldn’t read the tiny print, her vision was blurry, and Gary didn’t know what to look for, thankfully though the viles also had brail imprinted into the glass. She ran her fingers over a few before finding the one she wanted.

Rocephin.

She jammed it into the end of the gun, which beeped when the seal to the vile opened properly. She tapped the bubbles out of it, then lined it up to the wound.

Sheryl paused, taking a very, very deep breath, then rammed it into her thigh as hard as she could.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Ahhh!” Gary screamed as well at the sight, before he dropped to the floor, almost fainting.

The gun injected the Rocephin into her once it was needle deep. Faster than the blink of an eye. Still made her vision white, especially around the injury. She pulled it back out, wheezing tightly and shuttering.

"FUCK! FUck! fuck! fuck."

Fuckin’ hell.

“T-there!” Sheryl coughed, blowing her hair out of her face. “All done.” She released the vile and tossed it into the case, then ejected the needle to be tossed in the garbage.

Gary clawed his way back to his knees with the help of the bed blankets. “Your better? Just like that?”

“What? No!” Sheryl glared at him and the boy withered. “Nothing works like that, you idiot. It takes time to recover from anything. Your mistakes never just ‘go’ away.”

“Oh…”

“God knows how much this will take me off track.” Sheryl grumbled. “I have shit to do, this is the last bloody- grah!”

“W-when will you be better?”

“I DON’T FUCKIN’ KNOW!” Sheryl snapped at him. She could see Gary’s blurry form flinch at her tone. She in turn pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to calm down. “Ok...Alright… I’ve done all I can for now. I just need more sleep… and to clean myself up.” She pulled at her sweat soaked shirt. “Go run me a bath if you want to be helpful-”

Gary was gone before she finished.

Sheryl harrumphed.

She wiped her face, thinking about her fever dream. It was a made up mess of things and she wasn’t sure what it meant… but Oreskis was in it and she wasn’t drunk this time… Did that mean he really was real?

She hoped so.

This had better be worth the trouble.

[retrauxpunk]

sv 6.03

i have just finished this episode. under the cut you will find my intensely spoiler-filled thoughts.

HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT

oh my GODDDD

i saw this episode was titled Hooli Smokes! which is hilarious and adorable but i was kind of like ‘ehh i don’t ... like i really don’t care about the fate of gavin/hooli’ so i didn’t really think about it but now i’ve just watched it and OH MY GOD IT’S A FANTASTIC TITLE

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS HOLY FUCKING CHRIST ON A CREAM-CHEESE CRACKER

I SWEAR TO GOD IT TOOK ME LIKE 45 MINUTES TO WATCH THIS EPISODE BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY MOMENTS I WANTED TO PAUSE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT EXACTLY WAS GOING ON (because i’m a stickler / occasionally slow hahaha) IT WAS SO INTENSE

oh my lord

i’m gonna

try to do this in chronological order. okay. okay. so.

i’m super glad that richard didn’t sell to maximo because, you know, he’s a vile human being on a massive scale and is responsible for massive human rights abuses and so on, i don’t need to justify this!!

speaking of which i’m a liiittle bit disappointed that (in descending order) dinesh, gilfoyle, and monica (mostly dinesh) weren’t that on board with richard’s decision not to sell..... ............but whatevs it makes sense, it’s a billion dollars lmao fair enough money corrupts etc etc

so at this point richard’s fucked and this is such an intense episode it felt like the intensity of the first couple seasons, like, s2 for example, when there was so much going on all the time and i LOVE IT

jared trying to turn himself into the cops for assaulting richard? wow i. um. yeah look i found that a little touching. ngl. i find it interesting that he ... idk, is he doing it to punish himself or because he thinks he’s a danger to richard? i’m not sure. either way it’s a bit weird. but totally in keeping with jared’s character at this point, i feel.

JIAN-YANG’S MYSTERIOUS ILLEGAL OPERATION LMAO

it always makes me pleased when they don’t bother translating the foreign languages and it also makes me pleased when i can perfectly understand the bit they didn’t translate ;) 

i mean you can probably guess what he said to all the other chinese people but in case you’re curious it’s this: “come out, come out. the police have left, get back to work. come out. everyone come out, quickly quickly quickly! motherfucker...”

I LOVED the scene of richard and gavin chatting on the bench! it was just fun! also i did recognise the part where you think gavin’s gonna accept richard’s offer but actually he just says ‘fuck no’ from the season trailer and that’s why i don’t fully enjoy trailers because THEY GIVE STUFF AWAY! thankfully the only thing left from the trailer that i can remember is, IIRC, not something that gives away anything particularly suspenseful. hurray.

love the kombucha comment lmao

that scene with dinesh and gilfoyle chatting about karma just seemed a bit unncessary and not that funny, like, not funny enough to keep in?? but then it became clear at least why they had the interaction with wajeed, bc he came back later...

the phone call with jared! ... JARED’S EMOJI LMAO they were so hilariously fucking awkward of course i love them

THE PHONE CALL where he tells richard that gavin swooped in and bought gwart’s company when he heard she had good tech... YOU GO JARED. i mean. yeah he’s being a dick in this. but considering the buddy fucker thing and richard still not actually fucking apologising lmao (i know he has a lot on his plate! but come the fuck on, he had the chance!!) i .. don’t feel that bad for richard. and it’s like, this is the umpteenth time that richard has accidentally (via carelessness) screwed something over and all the other times jared’s not said a single bad thing about him (even with hoolicon, he objected to what they were doing, there was no attack on richard personally) ... so it makes sense and is totally understandable that it all came out now.

honestly i felt a bit vindicated by jared telling richard off, i mean, he deserved it. he did know that gavin’s a monster. and him getting called buddy fucker after relentlessly calling jared that after he was told/asked not to ... yeah.

LOOK i’m still not condoning jared breaking down a door and shooting him with a bb gun! because holy shit that’s fucking nuts.

but the buddy fucker thing? yeah look i don’t feel too bad for richard here.

FINDING OUT THEY CAN BUY HOOLI HOLY FUCKING SHIT I FUCKING LOVED THIS STORYLINE SO FUCKING MUCH OH MY GOD

MONICA GESTURING WORDLESSLY OUT THE WINDOW AND THEN WE SEE JARED IN SUNGLASSES PURPOSELY MARCHING INTO PIED PIPER LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING B.A.M.F. HOLY SMOKES

hooli smokes teehee

ALKSDJFLKSDFJLKGD i LOVE that he came up with this ingenious way to save pied piper and speaking of which i know jared says it’s not for pied piper, it’s for gwart so she can be free again -- i wonder how much of that is true? i ........... look i don’t buy that he truly didn’t do it AT ALL for pied piper. i think jared tells himself and maybe truly believes he did it solely for gwart but i think really he did it at least PARTLY for pied piper and richard. right??? that’s what i think.

oh my god jared keeping the sunglasses on presumably bc he can’t bear to make eye contact with richard in case he breaks down?? emotionally breaking down into sads, or flying into a mad rage? both are sad as fuck. or is it just because he’s so mad he doesn’t want to look him directly in the eye? also ouch.

THE DECISION TO BUY HOOLI WHILE GAVIN’S DOING HIS TRIATHLON HAHAH MOTHERFUCKER I LOVE IT it’s dirty as hell but you know what? i don’t care because gavin’s a fucking asshole like, even just looking at how he tried to sue piped piper, just from that i would ... like... i wouldn’t judge richard for fucking him over. and that’s just ONE thing he’s done! there’s also when he tried to steal pied piper at the end of season 5, and the fact that he’s a verbally abusive asshole, etc. etc.

FUCK THE FUCKER

but yeah oh my it was so evil but because it was pied piper doing it to gavin ........ it was very enjoyable. deliciously so.

oh man i feel bad for wajeed getting fucked over by dinesh. i........... sure hope dinesh makes it up to him somehow. i don’t think canonically that’s gonna happen (definitely not on screen!) but my headcanon is that at some point down the line maybe, when pied piper is successful and healthy again, dinesh pays wajeed back all the money he fucked him out of and wajeed forgives him eventually ................ yeah

didn’t expect to care this much about wajeed!

of course gavin would fake the triathlon. of course.

E-SIGNATURES! PAPER CONTRACTS! that’s why the e-signature thing was mentioned in 6.02!! at least i hope that’s why, i hope they’re not gonna do a thing later on when someone disastrously accidentally signs something ... or at least i hope it doesn’t cause irresolvable-by-series-end consequences lmao

HAHAH OMG THE RACE!! I LOVED IT!!!!!

how technologically plausible is it that gilfoyle hacked into the watches? from my hilariously unqualified opinion ... i think it seems okay. more plausible than some of the other stuff this show’s had at least. so it’s nice seeing something that doesn’t require as much suspension of disbelief.

GOD IT WAS SO TENSE WHEN THE DUDE WAS READING THE CONTRACTS

god I LOVED monica’s line ‘you’re really gonna let a woman tell you what to do?’ GENIUS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING GENIUS SHE IS AMAZING YAAAAS and it was such a short scene with such an efficient laugh, no BS, etc. LOVED IT

WHEN HE WAS READING THE CONTRACTS. MOTHER FUCKER. I was sitting here literally with my hands clasped over my mouth because it was SO. TENSE.

gavin bursting in! oh nooo! 

but the time already elapsing!! YES!!

JARED ANNOUNCING IT AND SMILING FOR THE FIRST TIME ALL EPISODE HOLY SHIT

AND RICHARD SEEING HIM SMILING AND SMILING BACK!! given his speech at the end, i’m pretty confident in saying he was partly smiling for pied piper and PARTLY BECAUSE HE SAW JARED SMILING AND WAS PLEASED TO SHARE JUST A SCRAP OF CAMARADERIE WITH HIM AGAIN!!!!!!! FUCK!!!

AND THE WAY JARED QUICKLY UNSMILES!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!

i thought maybe what would happen is that gavin’s speech about being terrible would make the guy even more sure he’d sell to pied piper

then dinesh’s speech made me be like ...........uhhhhhh........

(omg fuck dinesh amirite!! what a clown!)

(A TRULY TERRIBLE MAN)

(AMAZING)

(tERRIBLE)

and when the guy said ‘i don’t want to be in business with any of you’ for a moment i just panicked and thought he wouldn’t sign?

BUT HE DID HURRAYYYYY

THEY BOUGHT HOOLI!

I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY !!!!!

i swear to god there was one moment in that after gavin and the guy had left, when everyone was happy, richard turned to jared and I SWEAR for a SINGLE SPLIT SECOND i LEGITIMATELY thought they would kiss!! because fuck these two have been played SO HARD as potential romantic counterparts!! fuCK THIS!!!!

and then the speech!

FINALLY!

RICHARD TRIES TO MAKE UP FOR BEING A DICK

APOLOGISES

YES

GOOD

and he didn’t say anything fucked up either! was nice about gwart, offered jared and gwart office space in pied piper (didn’t even try to get jared back! has accepted jared going to gwart!)

(btw i feel iffy about jared’s seemingly ironclad devotion to gwart. seems a bit BS to throw away years with richard to be with this person he doesn’t know. and to talk about loyalty. i don’t like it. seems to me like gwart is his REBOUND. SUCH. A. REBOUND. he’s using her as a substitute richard, using her as an excuse to keep stonewalling richard, as a distraction from his PAIN involving richard........... yeah that’s what it look slike to me)

IT WAS GOOD

HE SAID HE MISSED HIM

FUCK YEAH

FUCK FUCK FUCK

YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR IDIOTS LIKE RICHARD (and a lot of men probably due to society) TO SAY THAT HE MISSES SOMEONE? not that he deserves congrats for this, but GOD IT WAS SATISFYING. AND MADE ME MELT A BIT.

AND JARED’S SINGLE FUCKING TEAR AS HE LIES THROUGH HIS FUCKING TEETH AND SAYS HE DOESN’T CARE OH MY GOD SLAY ME

JUST RUN A FLUTE-SHAPED SWORD THROUGH MY FUCKING HEART OH MY GOD

THERE BETTER BE A GOOD PAYOFF FOR THEM I SWEAR OH MY GOD

I’M SO FUCKING HYPE THIS WAS SUCH A FANTASTIC EPISODE I LOVED IT

#sv s6 #sv s6 spoilers #spoilers #silicon valley spoilers #precipitation #my sv text posts #rain watches sv s6

[fictionerd]

A little fore-word since I’m throwing this out there, it’s a pretty big wall of text, and I need something to put before the “Keep Reading” Tag. As some of you may know I’ve been following and reblogging from @colonel-crapshot. He’s a friend of mine from off the site and after one of his more recent posts I suggested we work together to create a Fictionerd vs Challenger short based on a character he’s had going in our inner circle for a while now. He’s a lot better at writing action than me, so if you like the descriptions of the fight you can place that squarely at his feet. Go give his blog a look. I’m sure you’ll find something there to be amused by. Now, without further ado: What Fictionerd was doing while Monika and Robin recapped the last two shows.

In a reality bubble, somewhere amidst the dimensional cobweb of the multiverse. A man tumbles in, “Another unfair fate, successfully challenged. Now to go home for tea time,” he muses grabbing a hold of a phantom zip pull before “unzipping” a new tear, presumably to his ‘tea time’

”YOU!” a voice booms forth from the zipper.

”Me?” came reflexive sass before a hand lunged through and ripped him into a different dimensional bubble. Our stranger dusts himself off before encountering a particularly irate gentleman wearing a wing patterned jacket, the one you all may be familiar with as the Fictionerd.

”So you’re the one who keeps fucking with the continuity of my chronicles!” accusations flying with equal portions of spittle.

”And?” came a conditioned response. The stranger was almost callously used to such criticism, not that it was untrue mind.

“You really ought to keep your mitts off other people’s things. It’s a real headache trying to separate your sickening tangents from the actual world lines,” he said. Fangs almost noticeably elongating from his canines, his eyes pupils becoming vertically slanted alongside a scaly eyeshadow like development.

“No! I’m not gonna sit around whilst Fate shits down the throats of the undeserving!”

”And YOU’RE the fucker who gets to decide that?! Sometimes shit sucks for a reason. You have no right to change that on your own account. It’s THEIR world. THEY have that right, not YOU.”

Canines began receding back to normal human length and flatness alongside his other features. The man had made his point and clearly expected this rather basic looking human to yield to his desire and to an extent his logic.

”So you’d have me sit aside and not change what I can?! NOT DO MY BEST TO HELP THOSE WHO REQUIRE IT? DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING GO?!” A piano crashed neatly upon the strangers head, with the ideal sound of crashing percussion strings ringing out its first and yet final crescendo before being lost amidst the sound of breaking wood.

”I needn’t have to.” the Fictionerd said triumphantly, beginning his walk back to the podium upon which his book normally resides. A crack resounded through the tiny yet infinite dimensional space, the crack of a piano pedal meeting a remarkably human like skull.

”YOU THINK A SODDING LOONEY TOONS PIANO WOULD STOP ME?! I’M THE CHALLENGER OF FUCKING FATE! SO LET’S THROW DOWN WILE E. COYOTE!” shock was visible upon the Fictionerd’s face before a wry smile replaced it.

”Meep meep.” he said before running off. The dimension gained scenery as he scarpered, that of a house with many doors and winding corridors. Spiral stair cases and large lounges full of furniture. The Challenger charged down the first corridor, catching glimpses of the Fictionerd flipping through his book as things fell out. Marbles and jacks, using basic geometry the Challenger sought to barrel through the door in front of him and careen through the successive walls until he appeared alongside his prey. The door gave with the ease expected, only for find himself in a corridor that shouldn’t logically exist there.

”What’s the matter, ‘Challenger’? Not enjoying the game?”

”WHAT ARE YOU? SOME KIND OF POUND STORE VENTRILOQUIST PUPPET?! IT EXPLAINS THE OBJECT UP YOUR ASS!”

”No matter what you say it’s just empty words. You can never escape from my corridor of-” the Fictionerd’s sentence was cut off by the sound of destroyed drywall with a subtle undertone of dimensional tearing.

”What?!” he’d layered in all sorts of multi-dimensional protections to prevent even the most advanced dimension hoppers escape. This dimension was entirely set up to just keep problem children like this Challenger running around until they died or cried uncle. At that point he would undo the macro from the Akashic Record of Fiction and tidy up. The time he had to ponder how such a protection was undone was short though, for he found a hand nailed to his throat as they stood once again in the null void of the dimensional sub-space.

”Now, I just wanna go home and enjoy my bloody tea. So if you can agree to-” the Challenger suddenly felt the presence of scales beneath his hand and slightly less suddenly a scaled fist planting into his face.

Fictionerd took a quick gasp for breath whilst the Challenger stood with his head staring upwards.

”I guess that’s what I get for underestimating you. The amount of multiversal trouble you’ve caused in the Akashic Record should have been testament to your ability. So congrats, you’ve convinced me to unleash my true draconic strength. Shounen enough for you Mr. Challenger of Fate?”

The Challenger’s head snapped to attention and his eyes focused, blood dripping from a split lip and a wild smile on his face.

“Somebody finally grew some nuts, eh? BRING IT THE HELL ON!” and like that they were off. A swift right flew towards Fic’s face, he scaled the zone of impact before the Challenger’s body rocked back. The foot he was stepping forward with slung backwards as his left fist flew into Fic’s gut. The impact wasn’t clean however. In the stall between the initial lessened impact and the more precisely aimed follow through Fic’s wings flared from his jacket and swelled to a more appropriate size. They propelled him into the air to prevent the winding blow the Challenger aimed for. Not about to let the flow of battle be turned on him, the Challenger jumped in pursuit. Readying another right fist attack. Fictionerd assessed his opponent in the brief second before the Challenger reached striking distance. If he had the ability to fly he would have used it by now to drive another speedy blow in. Alternately this could be another ploy for some fancy aerial fistwork. Though if it were to be fancy fistwork, then Fic would answer in kind!

He threw a right hook, intending to meet the Challenger’s blow head on. The clash resounded throughout the space before both parties were thrown backwards from the point of impact. The Challenger landed squarely, kicking up a fair dust cloud and breaking what constituted this dimensions ground into craters beneath him. Fictionerd stared down with ever more Draconic eyes before looking at his scaled hand, the knuckles of which were in the process of regrowing the scales that had been blasted off by the traded blow. The Challenger’s knuckles were also scuffed from their contact, but no worse off than Fic’s own. The Fictionerd decided he’d use this moment to turn the battle around. Fic swooped in and grabbed the Challenger before raising him high into his pocket dimension’s “roof”. The scenery changed around him, and it shifted to a more urban landscape before he moved to pile drive the Challenger into the freshly realised tarmac.

While the two combatants struggled in the open air, a strange light-blue creature stepped out onto the roof a nearby building. Sitting in the middle of the roof in a reclining lawn chair with a sunbrella and a tropical-looking drink was a young lady with long orange hair wearing what appeared to be a school uniform.

“Nya nya’s nyanya nyaing nya nyanyanya nya?” asked the strange blue creature who resembled a Care Bear’s over-buff cousin.

“Translate, Robin, I can’t understand you.

“Woops! I said ‘So he’s really fighting that Challenger guy?” Robin repeated in English(?).

“Yeah, looks like he’s going for a-”

“PILE DRIVER! Monika! He’s going for a PILE DRIVER!” Robin shouted excitedly a bit of his normal ‘nya’ speech bleeding through.

“Yup, that’s what I was going to say,” Monika muttered under her breath returning to her drink and pulling a book of poetry out of one of her uniform’s pockets.

Back at the fight: Impact loomed but the Challenger seemed unfazed, this would have puzzled Fictionerd had it not been for a chunk of tarmac flung loose from Challenger punching the ground before his skull could impact it similarly. The chunk of Ass-phalt crashed against Fic’s rapidly scaling head. Protected as he was from a death by tarmac, it hit him before he’d fully grown the scales and as such rang his bells. Deftly using his new grounding and a loosening grip the Challenger planted his second hand on the ground, kicking the rest of his body free of Fic’s grip he rolled around on his shoulder tucking himself in before exploding back out at the 270 degree mark pushing himself up from the ground to deliver a devastating kick to Fic’s chin, sending him on an uncontrolled flight before crashing into a streetside tree. Keeping his momentum Challenger landed and began to charge Fic’s limp form in the tree. Challenger jumped to find it was but a ruse! Fictionerd had taken a huge branch from the tree and smashed Challenger with it like a home run!

”You know… this is getting ridiculous. You shouldn’t be this hard to contain!” Fictionerd shouted, his breath laboured.

”What’s the matter? Gettin’ tired on me?!” Challenger boasted, his own breathing not exactly in the smoothest of orders either.

“Fine. I’ll pull out all the stops. Prepare to face the might of my true draconic form!” You’d think there would be more ceremony and bone cracking involved in suddenly growing to be hundreds of feet long, fully decked out in grey scales and rocking wings that would make a similarly sized Albatross weep in shame. The Challenger stood for a moment, Fictionerd had the closest thing a Dragon could hope to call a smirk on his now significantly bigger face.

”Awestruck?”

”You know? When I woke up this morning, I didn’t really have this in mind. But now that I’m here… COME AT ME YOU GLORIFIED FUCKING DINOSAUR!” and come he did. “Bring it on you jumped-up plot cul-de-sac!” Came Fic’s telepathic reply as he swooped down and let forth a ferocious roar before being clocked in the snout by a well-placed fist.

“Bop. Naughty.” A second fist replaced the presence of the first sending Fic’s head, and the rest of him, flying backwards. Fictionerd used his wings to re-orient and lessen the chances of his own spine being added to the list of enemies he had to face currently. Draconic instincts would only spell doom against this one, he should have known that well enough from the fist fight prior. He took to the sky, it was time to utilise his Book’s power and the might of his Draconic magic to a greater extent. One he couldn’t hope to handle whilst maintaining even his hybrid form.

”Fictional Bombardment!” He called. A mocking snort could be heard from the ground before attacks from all varieties of ‘Fictional’ media tore through the veil of this space, indiscriminately. All pulled from the many fractured timelines of the ‘Franchises’ he had experienced through his book. All of it raining from the centre of the circle he had created with his body, he COULD create something like this in one of his lesser forms. But that carried severe risk of overloading the less magically dense bodies of his human or hybrid forms. The rain came. Magical firestorms of fantasy wizards shared space with the forward cannons of Sci-Fi battleships. Anime energy waves cascading alongside more conventional weapon-fire. If it was an attack in a work of fiction he made use of it.

Fictionerd had since stopped listening to the sounds from the ground, all it seemed to be was a cacophony of explosions, lasers, and screaming. Something whizzed past his view and into the circle. Tiny fool thought he could maybe cancel it out? Whilst not the Fictionerd’s ULTIMATE attack by any stretch, it was a fearsome one and deathly hard to cancel given the sheer multitude and variety of attacks that would need to be countered. Yet another errant item flew by, probably one of the latest random attacks to be let through the gate. Where were we? Ah yes, one would need something like an Anti-fortress noble phantasm to have any hope of stopping it.

Light gathered from all around and began coalescing upon a point. Fictionerd recognised this attack, it’d be funny if this rather evidently British man was done in by the sword of his One and True King Arthur.

“EX-” that did not sound like any of the incarnations of Fate’s Saber Fictionerd knew and then he realized the attack was coalescing from the ground, not the portal, ”CALIBUR!” Golden light ripped through the scenery and holy magic seared Fictionerd’s scales whilst simultaneously destroying the gate of Fictional Bombardment. A violent gust of wind could be felt and then a madman could be seen with a golden sword disintegrating in one hand, and a fractal weapon resembling a sword clutched in the other.

“FORM: CRUSHER!” the fractal of images held in the Challenger’s hand shifted into a huge array that looked like a hammer.

“HIKARI NI NARE!” he bellowed as he leapt smiting Fictionerd from the sky. This light did not sear like holy magic but seemed to fundamentally re-write the properties of what it touched into light energy. Luckily he didn’t touch it long enough for it to get to work on anything that wouldn’t grow back.

With the Challenger closing in with that weapon, maybe it was the time for ‘That’. Hell, had pride not blinded him, Fic might have resorted to THAT earlier. Red light began pouring out of the gaps in Fictionerd’s scales. Starting at his tail and progressing towards his head. Illuminating him in a red aura.

“Insincere as it may sound. I never meant to try and kill you! Only to stop your interference with my stories.” the light reached a fever pitch and began showing in his maw.

“That don’t look good.”

”AKASHIC SEAL!” a beam of red energy leapt forward and began snaking around the Challenger, his giant hammer like fractal construct receded immediately.

“I hope you will come to forgive me. Though that day may never come depending on how far the seal has to go to contain you.”

“A SEAL, EH?! I CHALLENGE IT!” he declared before the snaking threads of the ‘beam’ wove a sphere around him, trapping him inside and out of sight.

“Struggle all you wish.” It didn’t change the nature of the seal. It used the records of fiction to rummage inside the targets mind and find the prison most suited to them. A prison of comfort from which they would never WANT to escape. The most isolated cell at the heart of a dying star. The sex dungeon of a particularly unhygienic person of the preferred or not so preferred gender. Anything was possible inside the seal. That is, except for escape.

The sounds of slashing occurred, a never ending battle field? The sound of palms against wood and Objections? Interesting addition to the scenario, but one would expect nothing less to seal such a troublemaker. Fictionerd stopped avidly listening when he heard the words “Combat fucking” being used to describe one of the scenarios. Then silence reigned. It was probably better this way, trapped inside a Fictional reality he could at least live his life out… albeit in varying degrees of comfort. Rather than just starve to death in a maze hall.

Fictionerd assumed his human form once again, breathing a sigh of relief. He opened the book and it readily accepted the energy mass back into itself.

“I hope your Seal is at least comfortable. It pains me to think of the dread possibilities that might be necessary for your confinement.” he said with a sad and exhausted tone.

”Not as much as this will I bet.” Came a familiar voice from behind Fictionerd.

“Wha-” The only thing the Fictionerd caught a glimpse of was the image of a fractal Gauntlet before he was sent hurtling across the rapidly disappearing urban setting and into his podium. The strength seeped out of him. He didn’t have anything else up his sleeve.

”Go on then, end it.” he said with resignation

“I will.” the Challenger snatched the book from Fictionerd, and Fic tensed. Expecting to be run through with a blade. Not expecting a conk on the head from a hardback book with some new writing on it.

”Contents not the exclusive property of Fictionerd?” he read aloud.

”There, get that stuck in your scaly ass brain. Round 2 might get messier if you don’t.”

”But… what? How did you even get out of the seal?!”

”Fateless.” Challenger said as he brandished the Fractal blade. “I just kept cutting until I got out. Helped a bunch of people on the way, helped myself a little too.”

“But what about me?!”

”I’ll come by and say Hi if I’m in the neighbourhood.”

”Aren’t you angry?!”

”Oh cram it. The only angry I am with you is as angry as I would be with anyone for making me late for dinner. I’ll have to MICROWAVE it now. It’s not gonna be NEARLY as good!”

Fictionerd could only balk at how little this man seemed to care that he engaged in reality warping warfare and his main priority was his ever cooling dinner.

“Hold up,” said a resurfacing Monika as she stepped through what appeared to be the sliding door of a Japanese classroom. Robin followed close behind him.

“Guests? Or Round 2 already?” Challenger asked propping his fractal blade against his shoulder.

“First off, rude! Not everyone in this library is a greed-blinded dragon. Second time and space in your native world mean nothing here. We could spend the next week having a deep philosophical conversation and our scaley friend could still get you back before your food was done cooking.”

“Uhm, that’s technically not true. I mean I could, but it’s really difficult to work against timefl-”

“I don’t wanna hear it you big, scaley baby. You threw a tantrum and dragged this guy into your own personal world to fuck with him and possibly trap him for an eternity. The least you can do is send him home to a hot meal.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Fictionerd squeaked.

“As I was saying! Third, the story-miser here has a point about your actions. As I understand it you’ve just been jumping in and spinning off timelines as and when you wish.” Monika said.

“And what’s wrong with standing up for-” Challenger… challenged. Monika just stepped on his line.

“THAT’S some dangerous stuff, and just because you can apparently bend all of reality over your knee and give it a good thrashing doesn’t give you the right to do whatever you want. Sometimes hardship is necessary to learn. YOU aren’t the sole arbiter of what is and isn’t ‘Fair’.”

“You tell him, Monika!” Fictionerd said looking particularly pathetic.

“Robin, do what we discussed to our ‘host’.” Monika said sweetly. The buff blue bear thing grabbed Fictionerd from behind and started giving him the most colossal of noogies with one hammy fist.

“No matter what you say all I’m hearing is ‘I want to fucking GO!’, Lady. You’ve got fifteen words or less to convince me I’m doing something wrong.”

“Fictionerd saved me from an ‘unfair fate’.” She smirked. Challenger lifted a single eyebrow.

“Go on.”

“Dunno if you recognize me, but I’m a copy of a character from a visual novel. It was my fate to spend eternity deleted after some particularly selfish acts on my part. However, Fic decided that ending wasn’t something he wished to enforce on a character, so he brought a copy of me here to the metaverse,” Monika elaborated, “He’s no different from you that way. He’s just more conservative in his methods. Problem is he’s also a freaking Dragon and he sees the Akashic Record of Fiction as his ultimate and perfect Horde. So the messes he’s seen you cause paired with a dragon’s natural greed and jealousy made him act like a moron.”

Challenger folded his arms over his chest, “So what do you want me to do?”

“Work something out with Fic. By the time Robin is done with him he should be cooled off enough to express himself more civilly. In the meantime,” Monika held out a hand and squinted in concentration. The sliding door appeared once more and opened onto a scene familiar to Challenger. It was his kitchen and there was a hot plate of food and cup of tea waiting for him. The effort of bending time and space was obviously proving difficult for Monika, “Still not used to manipulating this reality. The background structure isn’t as simple as a video game’s. I trust you’ll be able to find your way back when you’re done?”

Her struggling expression and heartfelt plea was somewhat undercut by the image in the background of Robin giving Fictionerd a nuclear wedgie.

#Fictionerd #Colonel_Crapshot #Challenger #Original Work #Meta Monika #Robin the Stock Demon #Storyline #Major Event Post

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Hi! Congrats on your followers! May I have a ficlet please(a platonic relationship)? I'm super short, with long brown hair. I do circus arts and really enjoy being outgoing and performing. I like thunderstorms and hurricane season (I know it can be dangerous but there's a beauty to the power of nature) I love reading and writing(when I have the time)and even though I'm busy I always make time for family. Maybe with a Seb Stan character or someone from Marvel? Thanks so much and congrats again!

People wouldn’t expect Lance Tucker to be best friends with female that he hasn’t slept with yet. However, here you were in the flesh untainted by Lance “The Fucker” Tucker. You were the very slim few who weren’t touched by him. 

Lance saw you as a sister. You both grew up with gymnastics. However, he took his skills to the Olympics while you took yours to the circus. You didn’t like the idea of people exploiting your skill for the country’s gain. However, you happily used your skill for the joy and entertainment of others.

Whenever the circus was in town, Lance always made time to see you perform. It was always so amazing to see you perform such dangerous stunts that Lance never thought himself of doing. 

After a show, Lance came up to you with flowers, “Hey, Monkey.” That was his nickname for you ever since you were kids. 

You smiled wide at seeing your best friend, “Hey!” You launched at him and hugged him, “So glad you came!”

“Of course! I had to see how my amazing best friend was doing!”

“Hell yeah, I’m amazing.”

Lance chuckled, “So you wanna come over when you’re done? I can make you dinner?”

“Oh my god! Yes! I miss homecooked meals! Lemme just change and I’ll meet you back out here.”

“Sounds good!”

Twenty minutes later, you’re in the car with Lance and catching up with him. Your long hair that was in a bun during your performance, was now down and cascading down your back. 

“So...how’s Jack?”

It was always a touchy subject for him. Maggie was supposed to be a star, but Lance ruined that for her by getting her pregnant. He felt really bad, but he was grateful since he was blessed with a little boy named, Jack. 

Lance cleared his throat, “He’s good. He’s with his mom right now.”

You frowned, “Dang it! I wanted to see him!” You pulled out a teddy bear that donned a onesie similar to Strong Man’s, “I got him this.”

The last time the circus was in town, Lance had brought Jack and Jack loved the Strong Man. So you just had to get him a Strong Man teddy bear.

“Aaaww. That’s so cute. I’ll give it to him when I see him in a couple of days.”

“Bring him by before I leave. Okay?”

“Of course.” Lance wrapped an arm around your shoulder and gave you a hug, “You’re seriously the best friend ever, you know that?”

“Oh, I know. But it doesn’t hurt to hear it.”