hold me close, don't let me go...
Summary: Nell has a sleep-paralysis episode, thankfully, you notice quickly and wait it out with her.
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"Nellie?" came the hushed whisper of her wife.
Nell's wide, panicked eyes flickering your way as the mattress dips beside her and shifts as you begin to prop yourself up to face her. "Hey, baby, hey," you lull her to focus on you. "Breathe for me, alright."
She sniffles, unmoving, bottom lip quivering and frustrated tears blooming along her eyelids, the first tear finally fell as you both made eye contact. How burdensome she felt when you found her this way...
"You're alright," your voice was hoarse, sleep-ridden, honestly if she weren't so caught up in the terrifying moment, she'd call it hot. But, she tried to focus on the way your arm snakes around her shoulder and you shift over to pull her into you.
Nell releases a short sob that's muffled through her lips that still wouldn't unclamp, having been shut tight since had awoken paralyzed. She's thankful as her eyes are averted from the open bedroom doorway, the darkness casting a shadow that seemed to similar to a person standing there...waiting...
She was much too sure that it wasn't the bent-neck lady, the woman that had haunted her all her life. Which made seeing the person in the doorway even worse. Something else to be terrified of...
For now, she was grateful you had thought to pull her close, the connection of your warm skin against her cheek, Nell's tears smeared against your collarbone. The tight embrace and stroke of her hair, the hushed reminder, "you're ok, just breathe, alright? I've gotchu," locking your leg to hers. "I gotchu, honey."
Nell closed her eyes against you, her breathing evening out as you kiss the top of her head, tenderly.
It was another minute of this before she could move her fingers, another before her toes and then finally, the hushed. "I'm sorry..." that came from her lips.
"Never be," you reply, stroking her cheek as your wife sucks in a breath, swallowing the salt of her tears. "Never ever be sorry for this."
Nell's eyes find their way up to you, her body moving freely, finally. Her arms squeezing back, wrapped tight around your waist, fingers digging into your skin, desperate for the sensation of her own muscles stretching and flexing to feel you, to hold you.
"Hear me?" you cradle the side of Nell's face.
Nell nods, silently, leaning close to feel you breathe against her. She lays her head on your shoulder, burying herself in the crook of your neck.
Usually, after an episode, they'd get out of bed, turn on the lights, brew some tea, wait till sunrise. But, this time, she needed to just breathe, and feel.
"I love you..."
"I love you."
You kiss your wife on her forehead first, then her eyelids as they close to feel her, then her cheek, to her lips. "I love you..." you repeat. "I won't let anything happen to you, ok?"
And Nell knew that was a promise as she found it easier to relax for the night with you holding her so close.
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Hi!! So, I’ve kept thinking about The Haunting of Hill House and Dungeons & Dragons, so…here’s a little moodboard post for my thoughts about what class and alignment they’d be if they were thrown into the world of D&D. :)
1. Steve Crain - Warlock Bard
Alignment: Neutral Good
2. Shirley Crain - Ranger
Alignment: Lawful Good
3. Theodora “Theo” Crain - Sorceress Rogue
Alignment: Neutral Good or Chaotic Good
4. Luke Crain - Barbarian
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
5. Eleanor “Nell” Crain - Cleric
Alignment: Lawful Good
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Now that mike flanagan is on tumblr and the HoHH fandom is creeping back out.....I'm gonna rec my own fic.
Inspired by THIS post but written years ago:
And All My Ghosts Come Back to Me
Evening. And all the Crain children gather to assess the damage. To see if they can fix this.
AND bonus children's poem bc what does the line "And all the world was play" mean?
“If Steven stands stalwart, and Shirley stays fair, I'm sure they'll persuade the ghosts back to their lairs. If Theo can show to them just how we feel, Then maybe they'll listen to all our appeals.
“If Nellie befriends them, and offers them space, Perhaps we'll agree we can all share the place. At which point will I, having learned to be brave, Will greet all the ghosts with a big friendly wave.
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It's been almost five years since The Haunting of Hill House came out on Netflix. And it has irrevocably changed my life.
The depiction of grief. Addiction. Depression. Loss. Identity. Family relationships. Family dynamics. Healing your inner child. Having to deal with your inner child. The fact that in some ways you never really grow up, you're that exact same person inside that is dealing with all these increasingly complex and difficult things, trying hard to not let the child in you react because you know it shouldn't.
Thinking about Theo taking her gloves off. Nell going to therapy, putting in work, and still having her demons chase her around all the way to the end. Shirley's entire life and career being based around wanting to help people in their darkest moments the way someone helped her (though isn't that what they all do, too? Especially Theo). Luke as the youngest, being left behind or not believed and eventually having to find ways to self-soothe, which as an adult are not as health-friendly as other options out there. But it's what he had to do to cope. And Steve... everyone knows a Steve.
I know people have commented before about the five Crain siblings and the five stages of grief. But they also each experience those themselves, and in some ways the five of them simply display how much grief and living can do to a person. Juxtaposing the entire modern part of the series with them as children reminded me how much the things I do now can also be drawn back to little Me. The decisions I make, what scares me, who I reach out to. What haunts me? I may not have a big scary terrifying Death House in my past, but I mean... we've all got our version of a big scary terrifying Death House.
The tragedy of Hill House, the complicated love that's shown, the connections and relationships we have with our families, the world, ourselves. I cannot, will not, should not, would not forget it.
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I think the worst part of Nellie's plotline is that Arthur's death really was just a tragic accident.
His death was really just a random horrible event that happened to occur at the same time that her childhood trauma resurfaced, but because she doesn't have the context to know that the Bent Neck Lady isn't a malicious entity trying to harm her, she honestly believes that Arthur's death was caused by her—and by extension is in some way her fault.
And then all of her siblings just abandoned her because of her very realistic response to her grief. Even her sisters the fucking funeral home director and trained psychologist completely ignore the fact that she's obviously in crisis because her grieving process isn't kind or pretty.
All while the truth of the matter is that Nellie, present or future, had nothing to do with Arthur's death. It was just a terrible event that happened because life is cruel and she's stuck unable to properly process what happened because she doesn't know until it's too late.
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