#dementia tw

[dreamidoodles]

pile of angst n misc.

twit. 03.02.22. + twit. 03.03.22. + twit. 03.18.22.

#dreamidoodles #sora #riku #soriku #character 'death' tw #angst #vanitas #xehanort #dementia tw

[ultfan]

sigh. was watching a let’s player go through komaeda’s FTEs and they said he was using his diagnosis as an excuse for his actions. “oh, i’m dying and insane so everything i do is justified” like — agH stfu!!! i’ll never claim komaeda’s actions to be good, and yeah i joke about his “insane”ness a lot, but at the end of the day you genuinely can’t hold him accountable. he is not in control of his facilities — FTD specifically targets your personality/behaviors — he is not in a right state of mind and is completely unaware he is in the wrong. he CANNOT COMPREHEND that. he’s just genuinely unable to!!! i’ll never claim he isn’t a bad person, or that he isn’t an antagonist, but at the end of the day he is someone who needs not help necessarily, but to be taken care of/looked after. he doesn’t belong in a prison, he belongs in a mental facility. where he can have trained professionals who can keep watch over him and actually work with him and keep him in check. — in any canon related verse he’ll never actually get that, esp given the state of the world, but it’s true that’s what he needs more than anything else.

and people really do tend to overlook just how much bvFTD truly fits komaeda as a diagnosis. especially in ways that aren’t touched upon by the vaaaaast majority of people. a while back i read a research paper about hyper-religiousity in patients with FTD; which could very easily be applied to the way he views hope. first clinging to it as a coping mechanism and that being exaggerated through the deterioration to become a blind faith that he is obsessed over which leads every action he takes.

anyway i just think it’s ridiculous to call a disease like FTD an “excuse.” there are people who use their mental illness as excuses for their actions to justify themselves, yes. but this isn’t a mental illness — it’s a degenerative brain disease. it’s an entirely different category. this isn’t a case of an illness making it difficult to control his actions and act reasonably, it’s a case of a disease making it IMPOSSIBLE to control his actions and act reasonably. it just really upsets me to see people brush that off because that is one of the main things that makes komaeda actually sympathetic.

#dementia tw #ftd tw #can you guys tell i have a special interest in mental illnesses/diseases and things that effect human behaviors #no? #damn. #— i could pop off about toko too but this blog ain’t about her #komaeda also fascinates me bc typically when i see any form of dementia in media it is like… the point of the character #it’s some tragedy— they become their illness— and the story is about people dealing with it #but komaeda… you may never even find out he has ftd #he’s just a fascinating character on his own #his story isn’t defined by his ftd but it is the thing behind so many of his behaviors #idk if i’m making sense it’s 4am but #god #i’m so passionate about this #♡₊˚ 🍀・₊✧ » ooc : post ─ 𝘏𝘖𝘓𝘋𝘌𝘙 𝘖𝘍 𝘒𝘖𝘔𝘈𝘌𝘋𝘈 𝘏𝘖𝘛 𝘛𝘈𝘒𝘌𝘚. ❞

[gay-poet-gabriel]

EatEoT tw

me when the:

#not outsiders #eateot #dementia tw #music #i cant listen to this album without getting panic attacks lol

[brokendreamscreation]

//ooc rambling. Tw dementia mention

//Another long shift today, I won’t be home until late tonight. From now until late Saturday/Sunday mun may be busier and more afk. I’m scheduled for some long shifts today and Saturday, tomorrow is my all day volunteering. However I’m also helping care for a family member the next several who has a form of dementia. Idk how it’s gonna go, it’s already a rough start. So please bear with me 🙏 I haven’t forgotten my threads, many of them are trimmed and in drafts for me to reply. Along with rp prompts I’ve got in my inbox I haven’t answered yet.

#ooc: alakazam #(Rp has been a heavy escape for me and I’m sure I’ll be needing it bad this weekend) #(my family member has had it for many years now but right now it’s going to be a challenge) #(that stage of taking car keys away and such) #(mun will be okay. it hasn’t really sunk in yet with things cause autism brain is hyperfocused with needing to get to work) #(just um. bear with me please. especially if the angst vibe hits for my muse and writing crave) #(or uh go afk suddenly) #dementia tw #angst tw #delete later

[afiananvandot]

#everywhere at the end of time #eateot #the caretaker #caretaker #friday night funkin #fnf #fnf mod #dementia #dementia tw #shitposting #shitpost #wikipedia

[jeweledstone]

Milwaukee Protocol Day 3 G1 drawing thing is done! I took a bit of creative liberty with this one, but hopefully it turned out good! :)

Day 1A

Day 1B

Day 1 Back

Day 2C

Day 2D

Day 2 Back

Day 3 E1-E2

Day 3 E3-E4

Day 3 F1

Day 3 F2

Day 3 F2 (Sedation)

Day 3 G1 (you are here!)

Day 4 H1

Day 4 I1

Day 4 J1

Day 4 K1SA

Day 4 K1SB

Day 4 Recovery

Click here to learn more about the Rabies virus and how to prevent it: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/rabies

Click here to donate to the Fisher Center for Alzheimer’s Research Foundation and learn more about Alzheimer’s and dementia:

#everywhere at the end of time #eateot #the caretaker #milwaukee protocol #the patients #gijinka #humanized #my art #dementia tw #rabies tw #body horror #ask to tag

[rxtroskull]

//Okay, i’m going to be completely and openly honest about where the hell I have been for the past few months and why I haven’t been posting very frequently on tumblr.

I urge you to scroll away if you do not want to read, this is just me explaining my situation and why I have been inactive

Sorry for not explaining anything sooner but, my personal business is my personal business, and I choose whether or not to disclose it. I ask for no sympathy or condolences, but for patience and understanding for as so why I have been sporadic.

Trigger warning for mentions of death, dementia, and mentions of car accidents

My uncle and my nana both consecutively died in 2023 when I had started the fall semester. My nana having died in october, and my uncle having died in december, the day before christmas eve.

I was an absolute wreck when my Nana had passed away and when I found out I literally couldn’t function normally for weeks. On top of my Nana’s funeral I was also swamped with my fall semester’s finals. All but three of my teachers were not very understanding about me missing homework assignments due to my grief, I couldn’t even focus on mourning my Nana Agan because I had several things due and I couldn’t be caught slacking.

When winter break rolled around I thought I would be able to catch a break and work on writing to distract myself more (I was already trying to distract myself by talking to my discord friends and writing through there) but on december 23rd, my mother recieved news that my uncle, who had very recently gotten into a hit and run accident and got diagnosed with late stage dementia, died. In the time leading up to his death me and my family were being run ragged trying to take care of him. I had to learn to lock my doors at night due to the fact he would randomly barge in thinking me and my brother’s rooms were the bathroom or his room, and even before winter break and my big move-out in august, I’ve had to be wary in case my uncle decided to wake up in the middle of the night and refuse to go back to bed. My cousin (his son) had finally gotten him to a nursing home after my family had been driven absolutely insane, and not even a couple days after he was admitted, he died.

I couldn’t even cry at his funeral, that’s how spent I was after everything. I still tried to remain positive, tried to remain active, but everything kind of just fell by the wayside and I only remained active on the discords I frequented.

And now i’m here, in the last semester of my freshman year, acrambling to finish my spring finals with 29k in student loan debt with only a few things posted to my other blogs to prove that I’m not dead. It’s been a rough several months, but things are starting to get better. I’m trying to heal and get better so I can work on the things I love, so hopefully at least by May or June i’ll be able to come back here without many issues.

Thank you for sticking around, I love you guys, and I’ll be okay, I promise.

Be safe everyone.

#||we interrupt this program-|| (ooc) #serious post #dementia #dementia tw #tw dementia mention #death #death tw #tw death mention #death mention tw

[loyalhorror]

oh yeah i did watch my papa slowly deteriorate from dementia and die, didn't i

i always forget about that. what a blip on the trauma radar.

#rat.exe #i always wonder why i dont remember much of 2018-2019 and its like ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh right. #dementia tw #though tbh i feel like i say that about every year KLSNFKJSDN #it's not really that any year was worse than the others... nor did all of them Suck All The Time #it's just that there were bad things happening a lot skdjfnkfjg #(and even just like. uni stress in 2016-2018 sucked absolute BALLS)

[stellstells]

Update, Still on Hiatus: CW grief over a lost loved one

So some of you know that my grandmother was in the hospital, well yesterday morning she passed away. I was able to say my goodbyes and tell her that I loved her, even though the only response was her eyes opening slightly at the mention of names. I choose to believe she heard me and felt me rub her shoulder as I sat beside her hospital bed.

Her death has been a thing on my mind for nearly half my life now, especially after she began falling somewhat often a few years back. And even more in the last year with the decline of my grandfather on my dad's side. Thankfully she seemed to have had a great day with visitors and staff during her first day in the hospital, the nurse kept telling us how many people enjoyed her presence. Her nurse even tried to hide her own tears when she came in after her heart monitor stopped recording a pulse.

I was given her wedding ring as she apparently wanted me to have it, ever since I was a kid, because I loved to play with it and just hold it. As I held it in my hand as we left it felt so massive heavy even though it is so tiny the nurse struggled to get it past her large knuckles and it doesn't even fit my pinkie finger. I don't think she'd actually taken it off in over a decade. I think it'd been on since the last time I asked her to hold it, she couldn't get it off of her finger and apologized to me a out it.

I'm not really sure how to end this post. Just, thank you all for your support in this mess filled time in my life, I will never forget it. We'll see how much I'm on here in the coming weeks, expect either massive sporadic posting or dead silence, both are likely. In fact I'll post something @fereldensheroes accidentally or on purpose gave me as a distraction in a few.

#ooc #death tw #grief tw #dementia tw #venting tw

[vanderlylecrybcby]

i still owe money...

name: deryn christine adler

nickname: dare, little bird

pronouns/gender: she/her, cis woman

sexuality: bisexual (preference for women)

birthday: august 2

zodiac sign: leo ☉ | aquarius ☽ | gemini➶  

residence: south hills

employment: bartender at tric/ part-time cashier at nash's

mbti: ENTJ

enneagram: type 8w7

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

... to they money i owe

TL;DR:

trigger warnings: death, parental death, dementia, infidelity, alcoholism

deryn adler is the only child of two high school sweethearts. her dad was a middle school principal, and her mom ran this little apothecary shop in downtown, which is where deryn spent every second of every day she was allowed to.

when deryn was about ten years old, her mom started to act strange – erratic and forgetful, and occasionally more cruel than anyone who had ever known her thought she was capable of being. no one thought too much of it until she accidentally burned down the apothecary shop and couldn't explain what had happened. they took her to the doctor to find out that at the age of 32, she had early onset dementia. deterioration was pretty fast after that. by the time she died six years later, she had stopped remembering the strangers in her house.

toward the end, deryn's dad started to see someone else. it was, for all intents and purposes, an affair. to deryn, it was the final sign that he gave up on her mom. she still hasn't worked her way to forgiveness for that final betrayal.

she started acting out, and her dad assumed she would grow out of it. she didn't. she's spent the better part of two decades years making her best run at running her own life into the ground.

deryn is currently in the phase of regretting wasting a lot of time being angry at everyone and no one at all. she's coming around to the idea of digging herself out of the hole she turned her life into for the better part of two decades.

she drinks more than she wants to and always more than she intended. she started to humor the idea that she might have a problem sometime in the last year, but she's done nothing about it.

very much a ‘just go with it’ kind of person, even if ‘just going with it’ kind of makes her the architect of her own destruction? big fan of blaming the universe for her problems, even if it’s almost always a three-step trace back to ‘the consequences of her own actions.’

she's a loyal friend, though she doesn't always go about it in the right way. deryn has a strong propensity for making things worse when she tries to help. she burns far more bridges than she builds.

i never thought about love...

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

my life for a ride or die friendship 

equally so for someone who she used to be friends with but they had a fallout

drinking buddies

former friends (would really love someone who got sick of her generally high level of bullshit)

former coworkers (she has worked? kind of everywhere and was equally terrible at them all)

exes/flings

an almost something that felt serious and one/both of them freaked and now it’s super weird

... when i thought about home

ESTABLISHED CONNECTIONS:

tbd

VIBES:

pinterest | playlist

#wnc.intro #deryn | intro #alcohol tw #alcoholism tw #infidelity tw #death tw #dementia tw #parental death tw

[ultfan]

#dementia tw #ftd tw #i’ve been doing too much research NOT to pop off. uhh just reply to this post if you wanna vote for more than one #if you say all i will knife you tho smh #i wanna get all of these one day i just need to start somewhere

[positivelybeastly]

Do you ever wake up from a nightmare and look around horrified at the fact that you have to continue your life as if you didn't just live through a week of the apocalypse in 1 night watching everyone around you die and feel every sliver of safety you didn't even know you had slip away along with humanity?

". . . That's quite the hypothetical question. One might even call it pointed, or leading, rather than hypothetical. But, no. No, I haven't ever had that particular 'nightmare,' I'm rather pleased to report."

"It's funny you should say that. I. Once, rather foolishly, took a hit of what's euphemistically described as liquid memory. A curated trip through a person's neurological engrams, time shifted so as to be digestible to the mind in a matter of minutes - months, years, decades, however long you want them to experience.

Horribly efficient. And I . . . was stupid enough to take the liquid memories of a man from a world gone mad. Stupid. Very, very, very stupid decision.

But, yes. Yes, I know what that feels like."

"I - well. There have been times where I've activated the time cube, and switched it to passive perception mode. No active bridging of timelines, just a quick look. Curiosity. And - some of the things I've seen were . . ."

"Enough to make it so I didn't want to ever sleep again. Does that answer your question?"

#Anonymous #verse: earth's mightiest! #verse: getting by #blood tw #suicide t w #horror tw #insanity tw #body horror tw #decapitation tw #dementia tw #cannibalism tw #murder tw #Adding some of the more fucked up parts of Ghost Boxes here. #Since I know you enjoy some horror. #And feline Hank is talking about Endangered Species and seeing Dark Beast do some severely fucked up shit.

[aresenics]

     ☼    ☾      (      angelina    jolie  ,  fifty    -    five    ,  she    /    they  ,  demiwoman  ,  markov  2      )    -    have  you  seen  OKSANA  MARKOV  ?    we’ve  heard  through  the  grapevine  that  they’re  COGENT  but  also  RECALCITRANT.  when  you  think  of  them  ,  you  think  of  a  teardrop  falling  from  the  eyes  of   graveyard  angels    ;    unsure  if  tis  the  rain  or  if  they've  come  alive,  branches  creaking  and  scratching  against  palace  windows,  and  watching  a  lone  coyote  pass  by  on  the  road.

DOWAGER  DUCHESS  OF  MOSCOW  (  RUSSIA  )  .

mentions  cw:  witchcraft ,  domestic  violence  ,  child  abuse  ,  death  ,  dementia  .

*̲    ⋅   𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔  :

FULL  NAME:  oksana  dimitria  markov  .

NICKNAME(S):  oksa   .

AGE:  fifty  -  five  .

GENDER  IDENTITY:  demiwoman  .

PRONOUNS:  she  /  her  &  they  /  them   .

ORIENTATION:  demi  -  bisexual  &  biromantic  —  strong  preference  for  women  .

LANGUAGE(S)  SPOKEN:  russian  (  primary  )  ,  english  (  secondary  )   .

ACCENT:  russian  ,  giving  v  much  yelena  belova  .  she’s  gotten  a  lot  better  at  not  slurring  her  words  but  it’s  still  extremely  present  .

PARALLEL(S):  maleficent  (  maleficent  )  ,   natasha  romanoff  (  marvel  )  ,   michonne   (  the  walking  dead  )  ,  polly  shelby  (  peaky  blinders  )  ,  sae  -  byok   (  squid  game  )  ,   &  fox  (  wanted  ) .

*̲    ⋅   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅    𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒄𝒌   :

BIRTH  PARENTS:   status   —   deceased  ,  fyodor  &   dimitria   pacheco  .

SIBLINGS:  none  (  can  be  changed ,  idk  ) .

DISTANT  RELATIVES:  unknown  ,  if  any  (  tba  )  .  

HUSBAND:  status   —   deceased  .  duke  ivan  markov  .

CHILDREN:  status  —  alive  ,  three  children  :  duke  nikolai,  lord  aleksei  &  lord  viktor  .

*̲    ⋅   𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒔𝒆  :

FACE  CLAIM:  angelina  jolie  .

HAIR  COLOUR:  impossibly  straight  with  smooth  bangs  ,  onyx  .

EYE  COLOUR:  a  striking  blue  accentuated  by  the  dark  of  her  hair  .

BODY  MODIFICATIONS:   a  deep  scar  across  her  throat  ,   swirls  of  red  ink  around  her  fingertips  &  along  her  shoulder  blades  .

REFINERY:  usually  seen  with  her  locks  tucked  up  into  an  ushkana,  a  fur  shawl  with  black  dressage  underneath  &  the  click  of  leather  heeled  boots  seen  here  .

*̲    ⋅   𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓    𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒆  :

the  joan  of  arc  :    a  heroine  chosen  by  fate.  she  hears  a  higher  power  one  day,  out  of  the  blue,  calling  on  her.  she  never  doubts  this  voice  or  her  own  sanity,  she  leads  many  to  victory,  often  against  odds  and  did  not  fear  death  in  battle.  one  day,  she  might  be  the  death  of  her.

*̲    ⋅   𝒕𝒉𝒆   𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒕   𝒐𝒇    𝒊𝒕   :

oksana  was  born  to  fyodor  and  dimitria  pacheco,  a  soldier  for  the  royal  guard  and  a  woman  who’s  strength  rivaled  a  thousand  men.  her  mother,  bathed  in  moonlight  and  black  curls  hidden  from  view  by  the  pull  of  her  cloak,  would  often  taken  oksana  into  the  woods,  showing  her  the  “truth”  of  what  a  “higher  power”  could  gift  you.  fyodor  was  always  very  against  this,  but  loved  his  wife  with  a  passion  that  dismissed  the  idea  of  her  committing  any  wrongdoing.  elixirs  of  love,  brittle  rabbit  bones  in  a  bottle,  and  spellbound  books  were  the  catalyst  of  oksana’s  childhood. 

however,  it  became  apparent  that  she  was  not  inept  in  communicating  with  her  mothers  spirits. rather,  took  after  her  father.  gone  were  the  gauntlets  of  oozing  green  concoctions,  replaced  by  the  clasp  of  a  tiny  poison  tipped  blade.  by  day  and  by  night,  she’d  sneak  off  into  the  village  where  the  older  children  would  fight,  rolling  around  in  the  mud  and  scraping  knees  against  the  rough  cobblestone.  she’d  grin  and  pile  on,  quieting  the  murmur  of  brutely  boys  who   should’ve  overpowered  her  greatly  but  were  quickly  flipped  onto  their  backs  in  disbelief.  her  father  quickly  caught  on  to  her  whereabouts,  seeing  the  skills  she  possessed  and  set  her  up  to  become  the  family  keeper.  you  will  need  to  take  my  place  when  i’m  gone . . . .  for  her.

from  then  on,  oksana  was  trained  in  a  variety  of  fighting  forms.  from  judo  to  fencing,  archery  and  javelin  throwing.  adoring  her  mother  most  of  all,  her  dauntlessness  carried  weight  in  her  punches.  the  force  of  her  throws.  her  father  would  soon  pass  as  she  entered  in  her  twenties  and  left  her  to  step  into  his  shoes. despite  the  moments  dimitria  looked  at  her  with  forlorn  eyes  . . .  confused,  all  a  blur.  suddenly  forgetting  who  her  daughter  was.  did  she  really  have  one  ?  where  was  she  ?  who  was  she  ?  unsure  of  everything  one  moment  and  reaching  out  for  oksana’s  the  next,  memory  flooding  back  like  a  broken  damn.  oksana  knew  her  time  was  nearing,  and  had  to  settle  on  a  path.

and  so  it  occurred.  dimitria  pacheco,   bathed  in  admiration  and  clutched  in  oksana’s  arms  as  she  ventured  to  the  other  side,  was  buried  in  her  home  village.  oksana  moved  from  her  childhood  home,  and  would  soon  climb  up  ranks  to  become  a  royal  soldier,  skilled  in  grappling  against  the  biggest  of  men  with  ambidextrous  prowess;  slaying  many  and  loving  very  few.   by  the  time  she  hit  her  thirties,  she  had  become  a  personal  guard  to  the  duchess  of  years  past,  and  that  is  where  she  met  ivan;  a  match  of  cursed  breaths  and  firm  hands.  it  should've  been  a  marker,  a  telling  sign  of  what  was  to  come.

ivan  was  never  faithful,  solely  using  her  to  give  him  a  heir  or  two,  then  a  third,  scurrying  off  into  the  night  with  a  woman  who  could  not  produce  any.  time  and  time  again  he'd  tell  her  if  it  weren't  for  that  'simple  inconvenience'  she  would  never  see  to  becoming  duchess.  each  of  her  children  . . .  cubs  born  to  a  burly  bear  of  a  woman,  clawing  at  their  father  and  giving  as  good  as  she  got.  trying  her  best  to  inflict  the  damage  threatened  upon  her  children.  she's  suffered  many  injuries,  but  the  most  significant  has  left  her  voice  coarse  &  choked;  a  scar  living  across  her  throat  from  one  of  the  late  duke’s  unsheathed  daggers.  

she  loathes  the  idea  of  being  touched  by  any  man  and  only  allows  it  from  her  own  sons.  she  is  not  as  guarded  toward  feminine  presenting  individuals  and  is  actually  far  more  comfortable  in  their  presence.  most  who  know  of  the  markov's  are  aware  of  her  preference  and  keep  a  respectable  distance  from  her.  she  hates  with  every  fiber  of  her  being  . . .  that  she  still  thinks  about  her  late  husband.  she  does  not  grieve  him  so  much  as  she  grieves  the  idea  of  what  could've  been  and  what  will  never  become.   

she  is  the  very  makings  of  a  conjurer  in  witchcraft,  creating  herbs  that  take  days  worth  of  focus  &  believes  that  there  are  higher  powers  out  there  that  aid  in  her  healing  and  help  her  understand  why  such  such  a  life  was  allowed.  oksana  is  mostly  seen  within  the  confines  of  her  home  or  in  the  dark  of  night,  taking  solace  in  quiet  despite  what  has  happened  and  what  might  become  of  her  country.  she's  very  precise  in  her  verbiage,  a  would  -  be  advisor  to  her  children  &  lords  alike,  keeping  pawns  &  shadowing  any  rooks.  a  scorned  woman  ?  no.  a  phoenix  risen  from  the  ashes. 

*̲    ⋅   𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅   𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔   :

to  be  announced  .  <3

#francehq.intro #domestic violence tw #death tw #dementia tw #she's coming .

[jeweledstone]

TALK ABOUT IT

TALK ABOUT IT

TALK ABOUT IT

TALK ABOUT IT

(New animation meme coming soon! :) )

#animation #animations #animation meme #flipaclip #the caretaker #everywhere at the end of time #eateot #nowhere at the millennium of space #natmos #gijinka #my art #cw eyestrain #flashing gif #dementia tw #repetition tw #ask to tag

[flamingbluepanda]

Galladrabbles: silk 2

@galladrabbles and everyone else: sorry

~~

Ian Gallagher is one of Maya's favorite residents.

Even in the late stages of his disease, hes polite, never combative.

"Like silk," Ian says one day, during lunch.. Maya frowns at him, lowering the fork she was holding up to his mouth.

"His hair," Ian elaborates. "Everyone thought it was greasy, but it was silky. Even when we were young."

Internally, Maya curses. When Ian starts talking about him, he always breaks everyone's hearts when he inevitably remembers or-

Tears well up, and Ian squeezes her wrist. "Have you seen Mickey? Where is he?"

Dead, she doesn't- won't- tell him.

#dementia tw #trigger warning #dementia #gallavich #ian gallagher #galladrabbles #ali writes shit

[acheinside]

an insult in the guise of a compliment. the tinkling of ice cubes in a glass of scotch. an engraved fountain pen. patronising laughter. tennis whites. an heirloom signet ring. love letters between war poets. airs and graces. a smile for every occasion. the works of j.c leyendecker. ruthlessly plucking out every grey hair you find. sparkling conversation. twisting someone’s words. playing the face card. dressing to the nines. a vintage sports car. a girl on your arm and a man in your bed.

statistics.

full name:  the right honourable alexander heathecote-browne, sixth viscount esher nickname(s):  alec, quill name meaning:  defender of men age:  forty-three date of birth:  august 10th star sign:  leo place of birth:  near newington, united kingdom current location: london, united kingdom gender:  cis-man pronouns:  he/him sexual orientation:  gay, but in that old hollywood way where he might just be a really prolific womanizer religion:  church of england (nominally) occupation:  owner of the daily mail family:  charles heathecote-browne, fifth viscount esher (father, deceased) evelyn heathecote-browne (mother, née fortescue) annabel white (former nanny, maternal figure) education level:  graduated from oxford university with first class honours living arrangements:  primarily resides in a townhouse in chelsea financial status:  wealthy spoken languages:  english, french, latin

biography. (gambling addiction tw, suicide tw)

Alexander Heathecote-Browne was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, the world just waiting for him to come along and take a bite out of it.

His birth was little more than the fulfilment of a contract between his parents, the spousal agreement to get on with the process of producing an heir so they could go right back to ignoring each other. They ignored Alec too, but he learned quickly not to mind - he had Nanny, after all, and he loved her better than his mother and father combined.

As is the case with so many members of the British peerage, the majority of Alec’s youth was spent at boarding school; a gauntlet of cruelty designed to make or break you. For Alec, it was the former - he was a gregarious, outgoing young man, free with his smiles and too clever by half. Every move he made was calculated to ensure his own survival, and to that end he became something of a bully - the devastating kind that always seemed to see right to the root of your insecurities.

It was imperative that Alec installed himself near the top of the social food chain early on (though never actually at the top, where he was in danger of becoming a target), so that when the less palatable aspects of his own character became clear, he had a coterie of friends built around him already.

For a young man of the Greek persuasion, boarding school was at once a playground and a prison. It’s funny how many straight boys are willing to be leant an experienced hand, or even to share your bed, as long as you were willing to keep it secret. To pretend it didn’t matter. Alec became used to laughing off such trysts as youthful indiscretions, a way to pass time in the absence of any girls, and learnt to ignore how hollowed out it made him feel.

It was always a given that Alec would go to Oxford University, as all the men in his family had, though he likely would have made the cut even without his prolific ancestry. He was a good student, kept the right company, had all the right hobbies and new exactly how to conduct himself - it should’ve been easy. It was easy, right up until the end of his third year.

Rumours had been circling about Alec’s father, Viscount Esher, for a number of years by the time Alec was due to finish his degree. The gossip was easy to ignore at first - insipid slander from people too small for the Heathecote-Brownes to even see - but it wasn’t long until the talk gained real credibility, and credibility became outright fact. Viscount Esher was a gambling addict, and he proved it by pissing away the entire family fortune before finally putting a gun in his mouth.

At the grand age of 21, Alexander Heathecote-Browne became the sixth Viscount Esher, inheriting nothing but an empty title and crippling debt. It was a small mercy that he’d already sat his exams, but even his first class degree from one of the most prestigious universities in the world felt meaningless when his family’s business was being smeared across page six.

It was up to him to fix it - god knows his mother wouldn’t be able to pull herself away from the bar cart long enough to do the job. Alec pored over the scope of his father’s debts, chasing a paper trail that ultimately led him to the Red Rose Casino, in London.

It was here that Alec met the individual who would one day call themselves the Crimson Monarch. He was smitten right away - how could he not be? The Liddell heir was an intoxicating presence, clear-eyed and sharp-tongued, charming and dangerous. Devastating, really.

But Alec wasn’t there for Viktor Liddell. He came to see the reigning Crimson Monarch, to discuss settling the sum tied to his family name. Alec had a way of getting into places that ought to have been inaccessible, a force of personality that his father sorely lacked (a force that might have saved him, had Alec only known). He asked for a year to pay what was owed - a gamble most befitting the casino that housed their meeting - and by some grace of god, he was granted it.

So Alec fought. He clawed his way back into society using whatever means necessary, relying on his wits and charms to protect him, as they always had. His fallen prince act worked like magic on the grand dames of the London scene, their hearts easily won by a sob story, some flattery, and a handsome face. Before long he had enough capital to invest, and with those investments came the money he needed to pay back the casino. He was on top again (but still not right at the top).

All the while, Alec cultivated his relationship with the eldest of the Liddell children, whom he came to sincerely call ‘friend’. But it wasn’t just friendship, not for him. Alec was devoted to Viktor, infatuated with him, he just couldn’t help himself.

It all came to a head on the night of Alec’s 25th birthday - a few too many drinks were had, they were alone, and it was easy to let the lines blur. Viktor was clear that it shouldn’t have happened, but it did, and then it just… kept happening. And it could keep happening as long as Alec could keep it secret - which he did, of course. He was old hand at this by now, a man more hollow than flesh.

The dalliances (for that was all they were) lasted a while, becoming less and less frequent as time wore on. They were never any less friends for it, though. Alec was excellent at keeping things light, and would continue to do so in spite of the intensity of his own feelings, because it was better than the alternative: losing Viktor altogether.

When the old Crimson Monarch died, Alec resolved to be there for his friend in whatever capacity they needed, endeavouring to support them through their transition into leadership (not that they needed it - Viktor’s always been steady as a rock).

By this time, Alec was more than comfortable in terms of finances, and he set his sights on a new prize: acquiring the Daily Mail; the very newspaper that had so callously spread the news of his family misfortune all those years ago. However, even with the significant wealth he’d accumulated over the previous fifteen years, it still wouldn’t be enough to purchase the paper in its entirety. So Alec approached his dearest friend, the new Crimson Monarch, and asked for help paving the way.

It’s been three years since Alec acquired the Daily Mail, and under his supervision, the paper has become little more than a tool for obfuscation in favour of the Jabberwocks. If an unsavoury story crosses Alec’s desk, he sees it quickly and unceremoniously removed - after all, what’s the point in having power if you can’t use it to help the person you love?

other things. (dementia tw)

There’s nothing in the world that scares Alec more than growing old. It isn’t just his vanity, which is so easily offended, but the threat to his very personhood - he watched his mother lose so much of herself to dementia with age, and fears the same fate for himself. The disease isn’t hereditary, he knows, but that does little to soothe his nerves.

No matter how he flatters and coerces, never agree to play billiards with Alec if you encounter him at the Red Rose. He takes no prisoners, and will have you paying for his drinks for the rest of the evening.

His biological mother aside, Alec’s relationships with the women in his life are arguably the most important to him. There’s Nanny, of course, who he remains in contact with and takes out to lunch on her birthday every year, but he’s frequently enchanted by the wits and beauty of his female peers, and boasts a great many friends among them.

Unsurprisingly, Alec is a complete clothes horse, and has an impeccable sense of personal style. That being said, he is one of those annoying people that looks good in everything, so the fact that he dresses well is almost irrelevant.

Alec was three years above Prince William at Eton, and thought he was a complete drip. It’s deeply petty, but he takes a smug satisfaction in the fact that the future king went bald.

#alec: about #lf.intro #diversity win! this gay man is a terrible human being! #gambling addiction tw #suicide tw #dementia tw