#destroya.txt

[drifting-bones]

i hate seeing reminders of them wherever i go. they left but i still have to see memes that i want to send them, i still want to show them things i think they would like, everything reminds me of them and no matter how hurt i feel i still love them and just want to be with them again. why did i have to fuck everything up?

#vent blog #vent post #bpd #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd mood #actually paranoid #ppd #abandonment issues #abandoned #depressing shit #depressive episode #major depressive disorder #sorry for being depressing #depressiv #tw depressing stuff #tw depressing thoughts #destroya.txt

[drifting-bones]

i just feel so bad, i feel like i ruined the friend group i was a part of, two of them won't speak to me and i know the other two are still in contact with them, but i feel like i've been thrown off to the side because people just can't stand being around me. i hate when mentally ill people decide you're too mentally ill for them.

#vent blog #vent post #bpd #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd mood #actually paranoid #ppd #major depressive disorder #depressive episode #abandonment #guilt #destroya.txt

[drifting-bones]

sometimes i wonder if i’ll ever come to terms with being disabled. i guess i’m still holding out hope that i can get better, at least for now. but it’s hard when you’re literally just standing there, holding a camera, and your hands are shaking and your head is swimming and you feel like if you don’t sit down right now you’re going to die. it’s really hard when i eat a regular meal and have weird coughing fits after that always bring me to the verge of throwing up. it’s so fucking hard when you’re just sitting down and you’re out of breath and you have a migraine from moving around just a little too much. and it’s so fucking frustrating because it wasn’t always like this. it’s only been a year since i’ve shown symptoms of dysautonomia and it’s been two since i got my worst case of covid. i’m so fucking sick of living like this. i want to go back.

#vent blog #vent post #disability vent #disability #me/cfs #long covid #dysautonomia #pots syndrome #chronic migraine #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #chronic disability #cane user #physically disabled #actually disabled #physical disability #destroya.txt

[drifting-bones]

i hate feeling like such a fuck up. my own mother will look me in the eyes and tell me she feels like she fucked up, not because i’m mentally ill and traumatized, but because she thinks i’m weird and regrets not being able to force me to be normal. i wish she just treated me like a person for once in my life, i hate being her fucking puppet, she’s such a self absorbed piece of shit

#vent post #vent blog #shitty parents #hate my mom #mentally fucked #controlling parents #do not touch this post if you believe in na/rc abuse #bpd #bpd thoughts #hate myself #hate my life #hate my body #hate my brain #hate everything #destroya.txt

[drifting-bones]

it might be better for me to just leave. it's obvious that they all hate me, they'll be better off without me. they have each other and since they always hang out with each other more than me anyway, nothing will change. i'll just be alone again.

#vent blog #bpd #vent post #bpd vent #actually bpd #actually borderline #bpd thoughts #bpd mood #actually paranoid #ppd #paranoid personality disorder #depressive episode #depressing shit #mentally fucked #mentally exhausted #actually mentally ill #mentally unstable #destroya.txt