#dick grayson being a cop makes me cackle | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nari-writes · 6 months

Note

What's a fic you want to write but are scared of?

Oh man. Aw man. I presume you mean something like "dang this is gonna be massive and I don't want to dive into it" but.

But.

This is a perfect excuse to segue into: I don't want to write this fic because I'll stick my foot in it. 'Cause of the relationship focus (PLATONIC!) that would just. The two factions of people who would see it would Both be angry/annoyed. Reading comprehension in this decade is horrendous. And I don't want to get death threats from people who won't read my explanation/won't get that I'm doing this for comedic purposes and ALSO as someone who ships a tiny-ass rarepair I do not want to engage in the....adjacent queerbait of "this is possibly an inherently romantic concept but I am playing it ENTIRELY straight"???

And then ALSO I don't ship them so I also don't want to fall into the trap of my OWN DANG SELF where I LOVE writing romantic drama and will potentially-possibly actually-accidentally turn it romantic simply because I love writing pining so much. It could be fun! I can see why their dynamic would be SO PAINFUL (and fun) to ship but I don't, but I know writing this WOULD MAKE ME want pinning involved. Because I love writing Romance. I'm a goddamn romance/fluff/plot author. It'd be there. A spectre. Haunting me. Cackling in a little :3c fashion. I know myself. I know myself. I will fail. I'm weak and the internal pressure of writing this would lead SO well to pining and then I'd probably get attached because I can justify so much so easily and when I write people stuck in romance-esque situations I make it Work for what I Like and I DON'T want to do that because I DON'T want to con myself into shipping this.

"what the fuck are you talking about Nari," you ask, "and why the hell are you adding so many disclaimers before you even go into the fic idea???"

So Dick Grayson gets married to the Red Hood.

(this is platonic) (BEAR WITH ME) (THIS IS PLATONIC)

1 x Bludhaven Cop finds out that he's gonna get called upon to testify against the Red Hood and due to some absolutely WILD Shenanigans that will never make more than a singular mention in the fic, the Bludhaven court currently is running around with Diana's lasso of truth and/or some other artifact that makes it LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE to lie on the stand. You WILL tell the truth. It is great for weeding out false confessions. The crooked cops and judges are incensed and trying to get rid of this thing ASAP but Dick has spent months trying to keep it safe and Still Working and he- he can't get rid of it.

And if Dick Grayson, Bludhaven Cop, current third witness in a case revolving around the Red Hood, gets on that stand...Oh Fuck He Knows So Many Red Hood Secrets. He 👏 knows 👏 so 👏 many 👏 secrets 👏

So Dick Grayson, Bludhaven Cop, sleep-deprived and panicking, goes: FUCK.

Well I can't be forced to testify against my spouse.

Jason howls when he hears what Dick has decided. He is absoLUTELY going along with this, this is the dumbest shit his brother has gotten himself into, how the FUCK is he gonna explain it to his co-workers. Jason is DELIGHTED at how stupid Dick is being. This man's a moron.

"oh I need to work within the confines of the law" YOU ARE A VIGILANTE, DICK, says Jason, cackling. Steal the damn thing!

BUT IT'S BEEN SO HELPFUL FOR THE COMMUNITY AND DECREASED FALSE ARRESTS, says Dick, so, so sleepy and so so emotional as a result. I CAN'T TAKE AWAY THEIR HOPE, JAY.

They do not have a ceremony. Jason grabs one of his lieutenants to act as signatory/witness and they go to the one branch of city hall that's in Crime Alley because Dick needs it done now and the case is in a week. There are three leaks in the ceiling. They are taking advantage of Jason's reputation to a) skip the line and waiting period and b) convince the magistrate to accept Jason's so incredibly fake ID:

(Chew. Chew. Pop.

Dick kinda wishes there was a polite way to say 'hey can you spit your gum out before it makes my brain explode from how not-seriously you're taking this super serious matter?' but he has a feeling something will get lost in translation, and the look on the registar's face is already deadpan and unimpressed.

Chew.

"And that's your legal name?" she asks, and the gum pops. Jason tilts his helmet, and Dick can imagine his grin; can hear it when Jason says,

"Definitely a legal one."

"You file your taxes under the name 'Red Hood'?" she inquires, her drawl filled with such a level of derision that Dick knows why she's chewing gum, now. It's to highlight how much she doesn't give a shit. Why is every resident of Crime Alley like this?

Her name tag says her name is Monica - Monica, like this is a normal day with a normal person! - and there are four people behind him with cellphones. There's a security guard behind them with a cellphone. He's not even calling the cops, he's definitely just recording them. Dick wants to vibrate out of his skin.

"Yep," says Jason, popping the p obnoxiously. "I'm an LLC, baby."

"Look, Monica," Dick says, shoving the bystanders out of his mind and giving her his most charming grin. "When secret identities come into play, getting married is a bit difficult. Dick Grayson is definitely dating the Red Hood-," holy shit he finally managed it without sinking into the depths of his 'how the fuck did we end up here???' self-spiral! "-which means if I want to marry him I have to marry the Red Hood. If I suddenly show up with some new, random husband that doesn't have this shiny primary-coloured helmet, isn't it going to be a bit weird?" And here's the part he can actually say with sincerity, even if, in this context, it'll mean something different- "I love him. I want to get married. But I need to protect him. Please?"

Monica looks at him. She looks at Jason. She pops her bubblegum, and then reaches for her stamp.

"Congratulations," she says, and slides the wedding certificate under the glass. "Enjoy domestic bliss.")

(We #loveMonica. She cares just barely about the legalities of marrying a crime boss and is Not Paid Enough to Deal With Anything Else).

Anyway, other things that occur that @midnightluck and I talked about, everyone say <3 <3 to Lucky for having the funniest goddamn words. Wildly out of order/messy/random humour things that occur (under readmore because this post is INSANELY long):

Precinct is Not Surprised by Officer Grayson revealing he has a partner, due to conversations like this:

(phone rings) "Grayson here. Wha--oh, hi. What? No, I didn't touch your book, you know I don't read your books. No, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with Chaucer, I just don't have the time-- can we. Can we not. Look, I don't know, maybe it's on the nightstand where you left it after that concussion last week? No, not the one with the grenade drawer, though we do need to talk about that, how do you go through so many so fast? No, I know that, that's why the spare room is your armory, I don't have a problem with that--yes, I know, but that doesn't mean-- ugh. You know what. No, I'm at work. This can wait. Uh huh. Uh huh. No, I want Thai. Thai. You owe me satay for this and you know it. What? Yes, we're still on the Robinson case; whatcha got for me? Uh huh. Uh huh. Really, them? Oh, I know that address, isn't that that warehouse where Timmy--yeah, haha, right? Oh, right? For sure. Let's get that picture printed; he'll hate it. Uh huh. Okay, gotta go, some of us have a day job--no one pays you to be a zombie, okay? Okay, see you at home. Bye."

Reasons why people think it is the Red Hood:

police officer Dick is doing a thing at work and suddenly! The Red Hood appears at his raid/bust/whatever! And he's all "drop the weapons or I'll get another duffle bag" and Dick goes, "Everyone chill a sec," pulls out his phone and is like, "Hey, Red Hood, are you in Blud right now?"

"No? You know I've got that thing at the harbour tonight. Why would I be in Blud?"

"Well, I've got a Red Hood and that's definitely your jacket and hood he's wearing, like, a couple iterations ago but it's yours. You piss off any magic users lately? Trip into any time slips? Dimensional mirrors?"

"No? Shit, when's he from, can you tell?"

"It's that jacket with the high collar, with the stain on the sleeve, you know the one? The red piping?"

"Huh. I haven't worn that one since two summers ago, so careful, he might be riding green?"

"Lemme check. One sec--hey! Mr Hood! How do you feel about Tim?"

"…Tim who?"

"…That's not me."

"That's not you. It's not a time dimensional thing, is it, mr Hood. You're just a copycat."

"I bet he found an old safe house, he stole my shit--Hey, asshole! Wait, am I on speaker? Put me on speaker. Hey, copycat! I want my stuff back! And I'm coming to get it!"

and later when the precinct has gotten sort-of-used to Dick Grayson "being married" to a vigilante:

Grayson and partner walk out the station doors and Red Hood descends upon them, gun out, gets right up in Dick's face and says "I swear to god Dickolas if you leave your wet towel on the ground one more time I will start washing it with peppers and make you regret everything."

2. The Precinct All So Fully Aware of Dick Grayson's secrets yeah man they all know it! Dick Grayson is....dating the Red Hood!

"Grayson? Yeah, he's dating the Red Hood, they're basically married--"

"W h a t, we are not--how--what--"

"oh shit, my bad man, y'all broke up? Sorry to hear it. Anyway, Grayson is the Red Hood's ex--"

"I'M NOT."

"-you're still together?"

"We were never together!"

(precinct decides to set up Officer Grayson and the Red Hood because OBVIOUSLY they've got a bond.png)

"you can encourage him away from crime, grayson!!!"

"I can't encourage him to do shit," dick grumbles, "i cant even get him to have a shower if he doesn't feel like it." (dick ignoring the times he has actively bullied jason into taking care of himself)

Every single not-dirty cop is just: no no of COURSE Grayson won't admit it. That's not fair! He loves being a cop. It must be so hard to balance justice with love.

3. married behaviour: Dick Grayson is Never Beating the Allegations

the Red Hood waltzing into the Blud police station all "here to see Grayson please--that way? (The guns are out but then he asks for Grayson and everyone's like oh shit yeah we wanna see this first hand) "Thanks. Dickiebird! Honey bun! Your forgot your lunch at home, puddin' pie!"

"…what."

"now, now, all these nice folks here have told me we're together, so we must be, mustn't we?"

"No?"

"Oh? You don't want your delicious lunch I handmade for you out of love?"

"…I…didn't say that…"

("Don't you love me?" Jason asks, and every single warning sign yells: this is a trap!! Dick contemplates burying his face in his hands.

"At work?" he says instead, wishing he could transplant his pain so Jason would stop finding such joy in his embarrassment.

"Oh, so you aren't bummed you forget your wonderful home cooked lunch at home? You're happy for me to turn around and take your lunchbox back home with me?"

Roll back- his what?

Jason smacks a bento box on his desk, the clear lid showing off tiny red sausages cut into mini replicas of Jason's helmet and tiny guns, and Dick chokes. Jason's face, he can imagine, is gleeful; his tone certainly gives it away. "And after I put in so much effort…"

"No, no, I love you," Dick says, lunging for the box and mentally discarding the stale coffee and sandwich made with slightly-off meat that he'd been planning to get from the cafeteria.)

Gives him the lunch, goes to kiss him on the head but with the helmet he just straight up bonks him painfully, waltzes out again. "See you later for dinner, sweetheart!"

"Sooo, Grayson…"

"can we arrest him? Why aren't we arresting him? He's super wanted, let's arrest him."

"Please, like we'd get involved in your domestic affairs"

Dick torn between Homemade food and god jay why are you doing this. Do you exist only to make him suffer. Why are you the most evil sibling.

The fake is the biggest one, the kickstart, because how would officer Grayson know that wasn't hood unless he knew the red hood well? - but then it's bits and pieces, that Dick doesn't even do consciously, and then Jay finding out and the Lunch Situation Dick gets called in by his captain and he's like no sir I swear sir it's not, I'm not-

I'm doing an undercover op

His captain, not buying that shit for a minute: uh-huh

Barbara: "okay but Deathstroke was bad enough, now you're going after the Red Hood? You've got a dangerous type, boy wonder"

"babs why are you doing this to me"

"don't pretend you don't know >:/"

babs hanging in the bludhaven office during Dick's lunchbreak and ABSOLUTELY supports more rumours. She's Dick's best friend!!! Of course SHE'D know about Dick's ~paramour~.

Dick is going to hide under his desk and Never Ever Come Out Again

His captain realising red hood is less violent when Grayson's on the scene and finally awkwardly is like "look….if it's because the Precinct isn't a safe space for you…"

"IF I REALLY WAS DATING A CRIMINAL IT SHOULDNT BE A SAFE SPACE."

so his co workers start working around it but then Dick gets into a situation where he'd Have to testify and he's like. Shit. and he goes NOPE SORRY CAN'T DO IT, CAN'T TESTIFY AGAINST MY SPOUSE WHO IS. THE RED HOOD. :) MY SPOUSE THE RED HOOD. (is dying)

Moment of quiet then "wait who won the pot? Was it Johnson? Mick, you owe me $20 personally--"

Jason is going to be insufferable.

But also yes, Dick getting wildly congratulated for "finally managing to put a ring on it" or some shit and he's like/ Don't put your head in your hands don't put your head in your hands, don't --

"So how'd you two meet?"

1: "he stole my dad's tires so we kidnapped him" (true)

2: "he attempted to kill my little brother and also my dad" (true)

3: "he saved me from a mugging?" (Embarrassing lie)

and you KNOW he has to say 3 tho, the other two may have come up earlier about Jason and he canNOT let anyone connect them

The bullpen dissolving into yelling as everyone tries to sort out bets. Dick being asked who/how popped the question.

4. Dick Grayson and "I was trying to infiltrate the dirty cops of the precinct but goddamnit being Red Hood's fiance has revealed there are so many of them- and now they're throwing me a stag party. great.

Dick trying to salvage any of his dignity: Red Hood proposed. He was very romantic about it. Read me Shakespeare. Threatened to maim my enemies. Very sweet

"awww.. it's really great that he's so enamored with you Grayson, you deserve it :))"

"and you stopped him at only maiming!!! Dude, nice!!"

"yep. That was his (grits teeth) proposal gift. No more killing."

Jason, busting into their apartment later: DID YOU TELL PEOPLE YOU WERE ENGAGED TO THE RED HOOD?

Except Jason busts in on a contingent of tipsy and delighted cops. Who are like oh!!! Grayson friend!! Celebrate with us!

Jason forcibly cuddled and celebrated with, trying to yell at dick in code: "YOU'RE MARRYING THE RED HOOD? ARE YOU CRAZY? WHAT ABOUT HIS REPUTATION."

Dick: "I CAN'T TESTIFY AGAINST HIM JAY. HE'S IMPORTANT TO ME."

Cop: "Wait you didn't tell your brother you were gonna have a wedding?!?"

"It was- it was a city hall thing! It's hard to be discreet- Hood didn't want witnesses-"

"Not gonna want witnesses for what happens next either," jason mumbles.

5. Tim Does Not Need to be Blackmailed into Humiliating Dick:

"Here to see Grayson please. That way? Thank you." (deep breath) "D--Dick?"

"Tim? Timmy, oh no, why are you crying, what's wrong, Tim, what--"

"How could you?"

"Little bird no, what did I do, Timmybird talk to me--"

"You're dating a supervillain? What if you get hurt??? Dick, this isn't like you!"

"...how much is he paying you."

"How could you think that of me!"

"Oh. What's he blackmailing you with?"

"I JUST WANT YOU TO BE CAREFUL," Tim howls, scrubbing his eyes and using his stupid babyface to great effect and Dick's gonna kill both of them

Dick finally get him to "calm down" and as they hug and say bye, Tim whispers, "if you think this isn't the funniest shit I've participated in all year you're out of your mind. Blackmail isn't required."

Dick, uncomfortably aware that Tim will help Jason stir the pot in cackling delight if he thinks something's funny, is not comforted by the fact that they're bonding. He is immediatly right, because he later finds pictures of himself drooling on Jason's shoulder, but they've been edited so Jason has on the hood. Several guys in the precinct think it's very sweet

("Aww I just thought Dick would like some family photos for his desk, y'know, officer John? Let him know we support him🥺")

6. Post-wedding wedding gift from the precinct:

"We had a whiparound for you, Grayson; here."

"…Uh. What."

"Well since you're with the Red Hood--"

"UH!?"

"--right, since you're totally not with the Red Hood and have no contact with vigilantes ever and James totally didn't see anyone crawl through your window the other night bleeding, we got you a good first aid kit. So you can learn and be a more supportive boyf--I mean. Just in case. First aid kits are a good staple of any mixed household :)"

Dick later delivering it: "Guys at the precinct got us a wedding present. It's a first aid kit."

"Oh? Cool, we're out of Oxy anyway, good timing--"

"it doesn't have Oxytocin in it, Jay, that's a controlled substance, they're cops!"

"Well then what use is it!"

"Its usefulness isn't the point! Anyway, they themed it."

"WAIT THEY DID WHAT" (immediately delighted and digging through the kit)

Someone has individually drawn tiny red hood helmets on the bandaids

A note like "eyo dick, washable red pen works rlly well if u wanna write notes to your beau on these too"

Jason cackles and puts a bandaid on his perfectly fine helmet because he's so charmed

Dick goes into work one day with a black eye, a small cut on his forehead, and a Red Hood bandaid over it. Jason has written a tiny message on the bandaid like "healing kisses applied".

One of the secretaries who works DV cases very worriedly and subtly approaches him but Dick just immediately says, "No I got mugged, he saved me"

"damn. You get mugged a lot in front of him huh-"

"Well I have that kinda face, I guess"

"good thing you've got someone to save you!"

"…Yes. It's a good thing I get saved. Yes indeed. Love it."

(gasp) "Is this a flirting thing???"

7. Dick Grayson Has a Type, don't you know?

Red Hood manages a short appearance with just the domino, not the hood, and he's dyed his hair temporarily red

(this backfires: Dick shamelessly takes the opportunity to glomp on and brag about his super smart so strong really amazing (little bro)

"he can bench me!! It's so cool! And he's so supportive when he does I feel so safe in his arms :)))"

"you're a loser and I'm gonna hurt you."

"and my enemies~")

8. FAMILY DINNER, BABY

Bruce: so. I heard something interesting the other day. The bludhaven Precinct got to celebrate an engagement

Dick: no

Bruce: congratulations, Dick

Jason, also lowkey dying bc he figured bruce would know but was also kinda not expecting him to bring it up in front of the WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY

Bruce: I'm sure you've put plenty of thought into your....choice.

Dick: I'm going to self combust and then you won't have a son OR a dining room table. Is that what you want? Is that what you want, Bruce?

Bruce: I just wish you'd invited more family than just. Jason.

Dick: you're dead to me

Jason, mumbling: hey tbf I had to be there

Bruce: "I want you to know I support you, no matter what. Just because Red Hood is--"

Jason: "what, a vigilante? A zombie? A mass murderer? What am I, Bruce?"

Bruce: "--male, I don't see you any differently. You're my son, no matter who you love."

Bruce: I just wish- well, no, it was your choice. But I hope you know a private wedding won't get you out of wedding gifts.

Jason/Dick: nO

Bruce: I took the liberty of having them delivered already :)) And if you would- Just a small ceremony, in the backyard--it would mean a lot to Alfred, and to me--

Jason: OLD MAN WHAT DID YOU DO

Dick: there better be a return policy---

and because it's fucking Bruce he's absolutely using the excuse to get them So Much Fancy Bitch Shit

(And a dog 🐕)

Bruce: a home for a family :))) if you'd like. I know the Red Hood cares deeply for children. --and you know how I feel about your place in Blud, Dick, it's no place to start a family.

Dick: "Please don't tell me you bought us an apartment."

Bruce: "Don't be silly, boys. I bought the whole building. it'll give hood plenty of space to store his things away from the kids!"

Jason: what kids.

Bruce: well, I always presumed, from red hood's behaviour, he'd quite like a few children. Even just to foster.

Alfred coming out stone faced, "congratulations on your nuptials, master Dick. Felicitations."

Dick: "Not you too."

Alfred: Miss Gordon informed me.

Alfred, sounding disappointed as fuck: I'm glad I was informed by someone.

Jason: Bruce I'm absolutely gonna bury you

Bruce: may I meet my grandchildren first?

Bruce: Anyway that was Dick's present. Please give this to Mr Grayson-Hood--oh, did you not hyphenate? I assumed you would, apologies. It's full tuition to Blud U for however long he wants. Do give him my best wishes too.

And then Bruce just. So soft. "And please make sure he knows he's always welcome, if he'd like to join us for family dinners. No matter his profession or choices."

I feel like this line would be Way Too Much for Jason and he'd storm off tho 🥺 and Dick would have to go get him to Chill out.

"it's just Bruce. You know what he's like."

"Overbearing and insufferable?" Jason sneers, hands curled around his elbows, and being "married" has been awkward but at least it's finally started to mend the physical distance Jason's been keeping. Dick knows, when he slings his arm around Jason's shoulders and pulls him in close, that Jason isn't going to go stiff and angry.

"Hey. I have an idea on how to make you feel better," he says with a tease, and Jason grunts. "Okay, no, little wing hear me out. How are we gonna get divorced?"

#dick Grayson #jason todd #red hood #nightwing #batfam #batfam fic #fic ideas i probably won't write #ask aussie #aussie's anons #dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #batdad #they have the emotional intelligence of a set of teaspoons <3 #anyway. 🤫 whaaaat me sending this ask to me own self so I have an excuse to talk about this au? you'll never know!#dick grayson & jason todd #nari is writing

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intercoursefluids · 3 years

Text

The Impromptu Sleepover Part 2 (Final)

One day. All she asked for was one normal day. Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? A single completely average day is not too much to ask for.

Unless of course, you are Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Then it’s impossible.

People around Marinette start crying as Scarecrow walks into the room, mothers hiding their children behind them as everyone holds onto each other, scared of what’s to come.

Marinette shudders at the pure animosity radiating from the man-turned monster.

Adrien, ever the faithful friend, mistakes the slight shake as fear and shifts so he covers her from the villain’s view.

Everything is quiet before Scarecrow starts on his evil monolog (not that anyone cares).

Tuning him out Marinette looks around, trying to come up with a plan to get everyone out before a shrill scream and crying fill the air causing her to snap back around.

Some of Scarecrow’s goons are holding a woman back as a small boy is dragged up to the monster himself.

Grabbing the boys are he holds the trembling child painfully tight before reaching behind him and pulling out a canister.

Seeing as how Marinette planned this whole trip she made sure to know all about the local heroes and villains.

And the knowledge of what that bastard was going to do to that poor kid squashed any sense of self-preservation Marinette had.

Rushing forward she manages to make it past the few armed men standing between her and Scarecrow and rips the kid away from him just to get blasted in the face by the fear-toxin.

Ringing fills her ears as she collapses to the ground, voices shouting from the corners of her mind.

All of them shouting how they failed her, she should have done better. That she never should have been chosen.

One voice rings out crystal clear amongst all of the other roaring voices.

You said you would save me, M’lady. I should have known better than to trust someone like you. After all, you aren’t even worth the Ladybug miraculous. I have to say, I’m disappointed in you Bugaboo.

Her head jerks up at her partner’s voice, tears streaming from her eyes as she comes face to face with someone she never wanted to see again.

Chat Blanc.

Voices surround her as explosions sound in the distance. Her parents, her friends, everyone. All screaming at how she failed them, how she should have stopped when she had the chance.

Children’s cries fill the air around her, only these are different. They don’t echo from within her head, instead, they come from around her, slowly grounding her. Reminding her that this is just some monster’s trick.

The fear is still there, prominent as ever, but now her focus is on getting everyone out. She hasn’t failed yet.

Slowly uncurling from the ball she had formed she looks around. Forcing herself to see past the bloodied faces of people she failed to save.

All around her everyone is still the same, the hostages in the same places, same as the gunmen (even if they look smug at her suffering).

The only one missing is Scarecrow himself, and turning ever so slowly to face Chat Blanc her fears are confirmed.

In Scarecrows place stands her beloved kitty.

Pure unadulterated rage fills her as he dares wear her kitten’s face.

Lunging at Chat Blanc she hears the startled screams as she attacks him before the rushing in her ears takes over, leaving her deaf to the sound of shattering glass as the heroes arrive on the scene.

Having the advantage of surprise on her side she manages to pin him fairly easily tying his arms behind his back with her visitors’ pass before spinning around to help take down the rest.

An arm wraps around her, trapping her arms to her side as she struggles, a hand coming up to cover her eyes as she tries to getaway.

Quiet shushing and words of reassurance reach her ears causing her struggling to slow.

“W-who are you?”

Marinette winces at the tremor in her voice as she takes stalk of her surroundings.

Her head is tucked under their chin as their surprisingly strong arms hold her in place, one hand still firmly over her eyes.

“My name is Damian. I’m trying to help keep you calm until they can get you the anti-serum.”

She chuckles even as she shakes in his hold.

“It’s not normally a good idea to grab a girl from behind if you want her to calm down.”

He tenses slightly.

“Right, I didn’t think that through. Most people see what they are most afraid of so I thought if I took that away it would help you calm down.”

Marinette doesn’t reply for a while, opting to try and match his breathing instead of replying. All the while subconsciously leaning more against him.

“It’s working I’ll admit, you just went about it horribly. Can we sit down? I feel like my legs are about to give out.”

She feels him loosen his hold and fumble with something behind her before the hand over her eyes is replaced with a piece of cloth. He takes her hand leading her over to a wall before sitting and pulling her with him, tucking her into his side and draping something over her shoulders as her shaking picks up again.

“I’m sorry, can you tell me about yourself? It’ll help me keep my mind off of the panic.”

She feels him nod shifting again so she's leaning more against his chest.

“I have 3 older brothers. Richard, but everyone calls him Dick, Jason, and Tim. I lived with my mother until I was 10 so I’ve only known them for 6 years. They are all adopted but I don’t think anyone even remembers that half the time.”

Marinette can’t help the soft smile that takes over her face as she wraps her arm around him (why is he so warm???).

“You sound like you love them.”

He scoffs.

“Not in a million years, they’re annoying. Grayson is overly dramatic and a hopeless romantic, Todd is a trigger-happy hothead, and Drake is an insomniac, workaholic with a caffeine addiction.”

Marinette can’t help but giggle, her overwhelming fear slowly receding enough for her to think.

“They may be ‘annoying’ but they’re your family, I can tell you care about them.”

Damian makes an offended noise even as he wraps his arm around her rubbing her arm up and down.

“The only person in our family that I actually like is Alfred, he’s our grandfather and the only reason any of us are still alive, but, I guess they aren’t as bad as they used to be. Not that I'll ever admit that to them. Their egos are big enough as is.”

Marinette is about to respond when another voice cuts her off, causing her to cling to Damian as her heart rate picks back up frantically.

“Too late, I brought the anti-serum for your frie- Hey is she okay?”

Damian pulls her into his lap, rubbing her back even as he scolds the other person.

“She’s still being affected by the fear-gas dipshit! I just got her to calm down again, give me that!”

One of his arms leaves her body as he reaches away from her, he starts whispering to her again as something pricks her upper right arm.

It only takes a minute for the anti-toxin to work, causing Marinette to sag in relief against Damian as he keeps his arms around her.

“Seriously Todd! You should have known better than to startle someone like that!”

Marinette takes deep breaths of air, slightly surprised by the smell of Damian’s cologne before realizing she has her arms wrapped around his neck and her face buried in his shoulder.

“Yeah, you’re right. My bad demon-spawn.”

Damian scoffs adjusting Marinette in his arms so he can sit up instead of leaning against the wall.

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to, nitwit!”

Marinette sits up slightly kissing Damian’s cheek as she takes the makeshift blindfold off before returning to her earlier position.

“Thank you, Damian. You didn’t have to help me, much less stay with me and calm me down. You’re really sweet, you know that?”

His arms tense around her before cackling fills the air.

“Demon-spawn? Sweet?! I don’t know who you’re calling sweet but it’s most definitely not my little brother.”

Damian groans as ‘Todd’ keeps laughing, instead directing his attention to Marinette.

“Do you think you’re okay to walk? The cops will probably want to take a statement.”

She nods and they slowly rise, Damian, supporting her the whole time. Once she is finally standing up straight she turns to look at the boy who helped before coming face to face with the greenest eyes she’s ever seen.

Her breath catches in her throat as she meets his electric emerald eyes for the first time since they met.

They stand there, in complete silence before a camera flash breaks through their quiet bubble.

Turning towards Todd, Marinette studies his features.

Pale skin, blue eyes, and black hair with a tuffet of white at the front.

“What do you think you are doing,Jason?”

Todd now dubbed ‘Jason’ grins stepping away from his brother.

“Ooh, the first name. You only use that when you’re pissed. And I’m sending this to the group chat, no one will believe me if I say that you were civil with another human being!”

Damian glares.

“You have ten seconds to run, Todd.”

Jason wastes no time running away as quickly as humanly possible.

Damian goes to follow him but stops when Marinette grabs his arm.

“Help me over to the officers? I’m still a little shaky.”

His sharp glare softens as he leads her over to give her statement.

10 minutes later, they are both sitting on a bench waiting for the police to finish getting statements from the rest of the hostages and for the armored truck that will transport Scarecrow to arrive.

“One time when I was 11, Todd and Drake decided it would be a good idea to kidnap my turkey Jerry and hide him away after buying a raw turkey and cooking it for dinner. They said they found it wandering around outside and decided it would be a good idea to cook it.”

Damian shakes his head in fond exasperation.

“That is the closest I had ever come to crying in front of my brothers. I ended up running and telling Grayson what they did and he got so mad. They ended up fessing up that it was just a prank and they didn’t mean to actually make me upset. They ended up going out and buying a bunch of junk food and pizza before we had one big movie night together.”

“We all ended up falling asleep in the living room all piled on top of each other. Father was so surprised when he came home and he didn’t even send us to bed. He got changed and joined us in the living room. We all ended up sleeping in a giant pile on the floor that night while Alfred took the couch.”

Marinette smiles up at Damian, he had been telling her about himself ever since she had asked him to and she honestly enjoyed it.

“They sound wonderful Damian. Hey, when do you think they are going to-.”

“Mari!”

Marinette is cut off by one of her favorite blondes as he latches onto her body.

“When you rushed forward I tried to follow you and ended up getting hit with the gas and had a panic attack, and then when they gave me the serum I couldn’t find you and had another panic attack, and they couldn’t calm me down for a while and then they had to take my statement but I still couldn’t find you and I’ve been freaking out the whole time. What the hell were you thinking? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!”

By the time Adrien finally stops rambling his head is in Marinette’s lap and his arms are wrapped around her waist.

“I’m sorry for worrying you, but you shouldn’t have even followed me, that was dangerous and stupid and your dad would destroy me if anything happened to you.”

Adrien snorts.

“If you don’t want me to follow you then don’t take off running.”

Marinette groans, not acknowledging the fact that she is still leaning against Damian.

“Adrien, you are far too ride or die for your own good.”

Adrien sighs, leaning back to look at his best friend.

“Yeah well, Chloe is probably gonna kill us both if we don’t get back to the hotel soon. She heard what happened and has been blowing up my phone since I came to. Ms. Bustier won’t let her leave though.”

“We are so dead. She’s going to actually kill me this time. Damian? Would you like an invite to my funeral? You’ll need a tux.”

Before Damian can even try to respond Adrien cuts him off.

“Oh! There's another person here… Who saw me acting dramatic…. Oh no.”

Adrien's pale face contrasts brightly with Marinette’s, which is bright red from restraining her laughter.

“Okay, okay this is fine. It’s fine. We have two options here, A: We kill you so you can’t spill our secrets or B: You become our friend and are kept under surveillance.”

Damian raises an eyebrow at him not even bothering to acknowledge how dramatic he is still being.

“No.”

Marinette finally breaks, cackling like a witch she rips a piece of paper from her ever present sketchbook and writes her number down.

“Here, this is my number in case you want to stay in contact. Come on Adrien, Chloe is going to kill us.”

She grabs Adriens arm and starts to run, ignoring his protests of ‘He knows too much to be left alive!’ in favor of trying to make it back to the hotel with her other favorite blonde.

She didn’t see the soft smile Damian sent her way as he puts her number in his phone…

But Jason did, and soon will ever other wayne if the video he sent to the family group chat had anything to say about it.

#daminette #I don't now how to tag #marinette x batfam

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thewriterwithnoplan · 4 years

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Dirty and Useless (Part 12)

Summary: Jason Todd had always said there were only two types of cop; Dirty and Useless. So when Y/N comes along with a spunky partner and a laughable code name it’s safe to say they don’t exactly see eye to eye. But if they’ve got anything in common it’s their secrets. Both are hiding behind masks whether they know it or not. Will the Robin get the Nightingale to come out of the shadows? Pairing: Titans!Jason Todd x Reader Word Count: 1543 Warnings: None.

Bruce Wayne was a man of many things. He was a billionaire playboy, a caped crusader, and a proud business owner. Over the years he had donned several masks, each one more intricate and fragile as the last. One thing he had never imagined being – a father. Or rather an absentee, poor excuse of a father.

He’d given it his all, taught his daughter every skill he knew. But somehow, he had still missed the important stuff, the little achievements that had nothing to do with beating a villain into a gutter in crime alley. He’d missed milestones and holidays, graduations and birthdays. But most of all he’d missed the warning signs.

Looking back at it, there had been plenty of signs that Y/N was not happy with her gold-encrusted canary cage. Her protectiveness toward the Sparrow had been the biggest warning. But by then – too busy with his new protégé Dick Grayson – Bruce was far too arrogant to see it. And then all at once, she was gone – in court on one day, out of Gotham the next.

What Bruce Wayne had never been prepared for, was the possibility that maybe the problem hadn’t been Y/N. He’d tried to replace her time and time again. First with Dick Grayson, who he’d molded into the perfect Robin. But even then, Bruce had missed the cries for help and Dick had left too.

But this time, with Jason Todd – whose only wish was to be close to the great Batman – there was no possible way that Bruce could screw this up. Or so the man had thought. Somehow, he’d managed to push even the ever-so-violently-brash Jason away.

“And how was your day Jason?” Bruce asked over dinner – despite the fact that Jason had made a point to ignore the man all afternoon.

“It was fine.” He sighed, with a deject shrug. “Y/N took me out after lunch, so it wasn’t exactly the worst.”

Y/N gave him a teasing pout, “You make it sound like seeing me isn’t the highlight of your day.”

Jason’s answering expression was something of an amused smirk, with a playful eye roll thrown in the mix. For whatever reason Jason’s grumpy mood was directed only at the big bad Batman. Y/N gave an exasperated sigh as she tutted into a spoonful of her dinner.

“Oops, sorry Jay,” She snarked, “I didn’t mean to get in the way of your whole teenage angst thing. How long does it take you to make your hair look like you could careless in a perfect sorta way?”

Bruce had no idea what his daughter was going on about but his newest protégé obviously did. The boy had to wait several minutes for his shoulders to stop shaking in silent laughter before he answered;

“It was your bike helmets, the style just seemed to suit me.”

Y/N cracked a smile, “Sure does, Boy Blunder.”

“Oh, like you’re not the clumsiest girl I’ve ever met,” He grumbled, running a hand through his hair unconsciously. “You tripped over like three times, at the park today.”

“Wait, you two went to the park?” Bruce interrupted.

“Well yeah,” Y/N shrugged, “Jason told you, I took him out of school after lunch so we could get ice cream.”

Jason scoffed loudly, eyebrows raised, “When you say it like that it sounds like you didn’t roll up on your motorcycle and threaten Gregory.”

“That was his name?”

“You what?” Bruce demanded. “What were you thinking? What if the press finds out?”

“Say they’re lying? I don’t know what you’re worried about, I’m the lost daughter of Gotham they’re not going to do anything.”

Bruce opened his mouth to continue ranting, likely about how she was being irresponsible and painting a bad picture for the Wayne name. She’d heard the same lecture a million times before, Jason probably had too. So, when her phone started ringing merrily, both were a little more than relieved.

Holding a silencing finger up – rather rudely, but what did she care – she held the phone to her ear for a moment. After grumbling a few affirmatives and answering a few no doubt strange questions, Y/N hung up and turned to Jason.

“I’m going to see a friend after dinner,” She gave a wicked grin. “Care to join me?”

***

Jason Todd was glad he wasn’t a villain. He’d rather fight Joker a hundred times over than spend more than a handful of minutes in Arkham Asylum. It was fucking creepy as shit. With damp corridors, low ceilings and rows of flickering lights it was straight out of an old horror story.

But Y/N seemed right at home as she strode beside him, navigating the halls like she knew the place inside and out. It was not reassuring. She strut between the barred doors, paying little attention to the cackling lunatics within. For whatever reason Jason had assumed that they were going to meet a level headed companion. Perhaps one of her colleagues from the bureau or a down to earth socialite that she’d befriended.

Instead, they were being escorted through a fucking prison. It seemed that the woman wasn’t done scarring him just yet. At first, he’d chuckled at the idea; how could she beat making a seasoned Gotham thug piss himself with only her eerie singing? The answer was simple – by dragging him through the prison of Gotham’s most wanted, most of whom were likewise pissing themselves at the mere sight of her.

“We just passed Bane,” Jason gawked, “He fucking bowed.”

“I’ve been at this a hell of a lot longer than you,” She shrugged as if it were that simple. “I figure that being nice to the villains gets you further in life, but some of them – Bane for example – think that’s weakness. So, I had to show him that my kindness is a blessing. One that he should be begging for.”

Jason reminded himself why he wanted her on his side. She was a different breed of vigilante, one that people thought twice about crossing. He doubted that the GCPD ever gave her trouble like they did to him and Bruce. Perhaps she had scared the shit out of them too, or maybe they left her be because all she did was sing her song and everyone fell to their knees.

Not for the first time he wondered what it had been like when she’d first started out. She must have done something to command so much respect. Somewhere along the lines, she must have been forced to prove herself. He wondered if she’d ever killed anyone in pursuit of the power, she now so carelessly wielded. It wasn’t exactly unlikely.

“So, who are we visiting?”

“Harvey Dent.” It fell silent for a moment, as Jason waited for her to explain. But the silence seemed to only stretch on further, as they made their way through the Asylum.

“Two-face?”He exhaled heavily, “Why the fuck are we visiting a half-retired, back alley villain? He’s got no stake in the upcoming war, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t know shit about it.”

“Harvey knows something about everything,” Y/N assured as she straightened out her blazer. “He’ll have plenty of information about your precious little clown fight.”

“You sound like you know him.”

“In the old days - before the whole acid to the side of his face thing – he worked with my father. Putting the criminals, we caught behind bars.” She tugged at her sleeves, hating the fact that she’d been forced to wear the stiff outfit to convince the guards they were on ‘official-business’. “Dad tried to rehabilitate him a few times but I… Look I’m not proud of it, but I set him up to take outa few low-level criminals.”

“You set him up to take people out?” Jason couldn’t hold in his snickers if he tried. “You, little Miss. Perfect Daughter of Gotham? I don’t believe you for a second.”

“That’s funny, bird brain.” Y/N pulled at the shoulder of his own suit, making sure it sat properly. “Anyway, when I was trying to get the court to let me leave Gotham, Harvey helped me. He’s an A-list Gotham asshole but he keeps quiet enough that he can discreetly provide information.”

“I could’ve gotten us the same info.” Jason rolled his eyes, “What’s the point of all this when we could punch it out of the Joker himself.”

They paused in front of a door, “Well that’s not exactly discrete is it? The point of calling me in, was to minimize damages, wasn’t it? If we can get the right information, we could defuse all this before it even starts. So, think of this as your second lesson.”

“Yeah, so lesson one; fight with the Robin symbol.” He scoffed, “Let me guess, lesson two; try talking first? Bruce would be so proud.”

Y/N sighed heavily. She dug a key out of her pocket, wondering how any of the criminals in Arkham, managed to stay there for long at all as she unlocked the door in front of them. A familiar half-melted face greeted her from the metallic table he’d been handcuffed to. Two-face’s signature coin, rolling between his fingers.

“Lesson two is shut up and do as I do.”

A/N: With the second season of Titans finally on Netflix, this story is going to be updated far more frequently so I’d like to ask; After the Joker v Harley fight is cleared up, would you like to see some things from Season 2?

And further on in the story, there might be some discussion around who the reader's mother is. So if you have any thoughts or recommendations on who Y/N’s mother should be, feel free to comment them!

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