#dont know if im madder at him for not knowing or myself for not saying out loud that i dont like it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lostmystyx · 3 years

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Pls enlighten me with ur kankri Hot Takes I don't know alot about the dancestors 🙏🙏🙏

buddy i know EVERYTHING about the dancestors. everything. and im wrong about nothing. i have read meenahbound at least ten times and that is an underestimate and not a joke. i have read every single fucking word kankris ever spoken, even the tiny shit, multiple fucking times, because my dedication to my craft is nothing if not thorough and torturous. ive read every goddamn character analysis there is on kankri, ive seen all the posts, ive read all the fics (not rlly i love myself), and i can tell you for a fact that everything everyone tells you about him is fuckint wrong. i started studying his character because i was mad abt how ooc ppl made him and i just got madder. i learned how to write him. i perfected it. and i havent done it in years because i hate him and his fans so fucking much. the world is not READY for my kankri takes. they do not DESERVE them.

but i love it when ppl ask me things, so for you, anon, i will take the time to divulge some of my secrets. first off, kankri is a bonafide grade a fucking asshole, hes ableist and sexist and abt every -ist under the sun, and he hides biting remarks under layers of political correctness and ranting so that by the time he insults you youre too zoned out to notice. that said, hes also not an outright asshole, hes not blunt with his meanness, hes not straight up about it, and people who just make him an uncaring dick are ALSO wrong. its an extremely thin line to walk and everyone is falling off like a toddler on a tightrope. he cares, deeply, but hes also fed up with everyone around him (and for good reason, because all of the other dancestors are ALSO massive assholes). he cares about being pc more than he cares about the actual issues hes "fighting for," he makes some good points, and he also makes a lot of bad ones. sometimes hes right, and sometimes hes just so caught up in what i believe boils down to a form of self-loathing via extreme policing of himself and others that he says and does the stupidest things known to man that make me want to cut my own dick off and staple it to my forehead so he can call me a whore and a transphobe.

second, hes capable of not ranting. like, he can carry a normal conversation where he talks a normal amount. it happens. inevitably someone will say something that gets him going, but you know. not every sentence has to be an essay.

third, oh my fucking god if one more person writes some fucking shit where hes "cured" of being celibate i am going to print out and laminate cards that say "youre an aphobe" to pass out to the masses. kankri isnt aroace, hes clearly in love with latula and just has self-imposed celibacy on himself possibly bc he thinks its gonna keep him from mucking up his quads, but even though hes not, and even if he was, the way people handle his celibacy is disgusting and offensive. if you dont want to write him celibate just dont make him celibate and pretend that never happened. otherwise it plays into the "ace ppl just havent found the right dick yet" thing, which iS RLLY OFFENSIVE. this is like. one of my number one kankri pet peeves. ill kill someone over this. the sexually repressed kankri hc i constantly see sucks and is objectively wrong anf im going to rip the head off of the next person i see doing it like a rabid fucking dog.

im going to make this my last note on this, bc i already have a headache just thinking about kankri, but the way ppl characterize his interpersonal relationships is bad. its bad. his relationship with latula is a mirror of karkats with terezi, nothing more, nothing less. his relationship with porrim is fucking bad and unhealthy. porrim babies and infantilizes him and regularly crosses his boundaries, and i t hink (?? dont quote me on this one its been a minute) the only time he rlly gets angry and blows up at someone is bc porrims does something he didnt consent to. at the same time, hes rlly rude to porrim and says loads of bigoted shit to her and treats her like shit. hes super ableist towards mituna, thinks hes an idiot, and treats him like shit. he doesnt really have a good relationship with anyone, because everyone hates him and he hates everyone and all of the dancestors are lions in a cage without enrichment, pacing back and forth and wondering how much longer they can stand each other before one of them snaps and kills the rest (oh wait! damara and meenah kind of did already! and kurloz is actively plotting a second death!)

anyway yeah. this is less of hot takes and more of a list of my pet peeves but yeah. i hate kankri, actually, i think hes the fucking worst, and i obsessively know everything about him out of spite.

disclaimer tho: i like all homestuck charas as charas like its cool its neat theyre cool n i hate kankri like you hate a villain but also i hate the fandoms idea of kankri and i hate kankri fans and if youre going to comment on this post defending ur hcs dont

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wannabeislandgirl · 3 years

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Tuesday Shenanigans

Let me tell you I am already over this week.

Today was tough, I had went to bed in a bad mood, and it took all I had to crawl out of bed this morning. You know those mornings when you wake up and that voice in your head is saying " don't even bother with today it had already defeated you" that is what I had going on. A long unplanned trip had me madder than a hornet. I sat in a parking lot waiting for a family member to get out of a Dr apt because apparently im the only one who can do anything for anyone. When i say i sat in this parking lot i mean for 2 hours.

I was defeated, I wasnt myself, I was taking everything out on those around me. As a mom sometimes I feel like I never get a break. And I dont mean a break from my kid. I mean just a break from the hustle and bustle of life. The constant running to activities, or cleaning, or planning what we are having for dinner. My husband works, so i dont expect him to do everything, but come on I know im not the only mom who has secretly sat in her car after dropping her kid off at a practice or game, and had themselves a good cry.

The thing is, I dont even have the time for that most days. Sometimes you have to take the time for self healing, but when you dont have the time where do you find it? How far can you push yourself until you finally have enough and just lose it completely. I would be lying if I said I havent ever thought of packing a bag and just taking off. But my family would be completely lost if i were to do that.

Yeah this is a ramble post. Not a feel sorry for me post. But when you have no one to talk to where else do you turn to just pour out your feelings, rants, whining.

Well this is all for now, im sure ill be back with another post eventually but now, Im pretty sure im burning dinner while my son tears apart the house because someone killed him on his game. lol

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

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Discord pt 99

[Date: 20/03, 06:01 AM GMT - 20/03, 07:15 AM GMT]

[CW for minor/background character death, transphobia mention]

[Read Fetch's recent asks for context]

Little-K1ng: “hey guys im home!! is fetch here yet?? how did everything go??

...haha are you guys even still awake :)”

Maxwell: “yeah

uh”

god/dreaming crying: “im awake”

Maxwell: “shit went down....again....”

Little-K1ng: “oh of course, hope it wasnt too bad

are you guys at least okay?”

Maxwell: “so...fetch isnt coming tonight...”

Little-K1ng: “...oh

uh!! well!!! just another day to make sure... make sure everythings right for him coming back”

Maxwell: “his headache got worse”

Little-K1ng: “oh no poor thing :(”

Maxwell: “and i think he got really bad sensory overload”

Little-K1ng: “oh no !!!!!

did you have him do his anxiety exercise?”

Maxwell: “so he hid in the bathroom when....knight starting talking through the blog to us”

Little-K1ng: “oh dear”

Maxwell: “he was upset that fetch kept "barking"

cause he was upset and in pain”

Little-K1ng: “huh... internal arguing? thats interesting

"upset and in pain" wonder how that happened knight”

Maxwell: “we all tried to help him but he just kept getting madder and madder until...

he got pissed at knight”

Little-K1ng: “did he yell at you?”

Maxwell: “and wanted to scare him somehow to get him to be quiet i guess”

Little-K1ng: “oh? thats weird”

Maxwell: “we thought maybe he'd say something but then someone knocked on the bathroom door apparentally”

Little-K1ng: “you're shaking, max, do you want a hug?”

Maxwell: “ah....maybe in a bit”

Little-K1ng: “im sure it was scary watching fetch get angry like that :(”

Maxwell: “he....he said the person opened the door and there wasnt anything on the blog from fetch or knight for a couple minutes”

Little-K1ng: “.....”

Maxwell: “till fetch answered an ask asking if they were alright....he said it was warm

he...said there was a lot of red”

Little-K1ng: “..........uh.... i...

....i ....... dont follow”

Maxwell: “lawerence is gone now”

Little-K1ng: “what.?

crown-”

Maxwell: “one of the gas station employees

it wasnt crown”

Little-K1ng: “it....

i....

you...

??? im”

Maxwell: “fetch....he...ripped his throat out (gore warning)”

Little-K1ng: “..............................................................................................i....................

i dont........

............i dont know..................... what to say.. to that”

Maxwell: “he didnt realize what he was doing”

Little-K1ng: “i dont think he did”

Maxwell: “when he did he panicked and started crying

its why he didnt come home

he...thought I was scared of him...”

Little-K1ng: “thats...

fuck”

Maxwell: “i wasnt...but he didnt believe me”

Little-K1ng: “of course he wouldnt, max

do you know where he is now?”

Maxwell: “knight was still there and he was being kind of condescending”

Little-K1ng: “i have to go get him whether he likes it or not, he must be terrified”

Maxwell: “i dont know...im assuming he left the gas station but I dont know where”

Little-K1ng: “fuckkkk”

Maxwell: “last i heard from him

i...called him my brother....and he said he wanted to come back but knight wouldnt let him”

Little-K1ng: “oh max....

....thats........ thats really sweet”

Maxwell: “.....i wasnt lying....”

Little-K1ng: “i dont think you were, max

i know he wants to come back. im gonna go get him first chance i see where he is

i wont hurt him, i wont force him, but knowing he wants to come home is the only confirmation i need

i just-..... fuck, dude........

he really.... fucking killed someone”

Maxwell: “yeah...I guess none of us really expected that to happen”

Little-K1ng: “just like that....”

Maxwell: “he hasnt been in the best state of mind though

I know I haven't....”

Little-K1ng: “not to cool motive still murder at him but, running around drenched in blood as a hybrid in this type of neighborhood isnt. exactly a good look. and not too many folks are gonna take "i was upset" as an answer”

Maxwell: “yeah...i wish i knew where he was...”

Little-K1ng: “i should- i should wake up marcus-... does marcus know?”

Maxwell: “no though im surprised marcus didnt wake up when i started crying

i...cried a lot when he said he was scared to come home”

Little-K1ng: “oh max..... that hug is still on the table?”

Maxwell: “yes please”

Little-K1ng: “uwu;;”

Maxwell: “thanks mona...”

Little-K1ng: “anytime

!! and i mean that”

Maxwell: “i know you do, ha

now how to we wake the shithead....”

Little-K1ng: “ah, cold water

maybe sit on him

dip his hand in warm water prank?”

Maxwell: “jump on his stomach”

Little-K1ng: “something light hearted

and sibling-like ;)))”

Maxwell: “we could slap em”

Little-K1ng: “forgive me if im in like, way too good a mood. just coping with shock i guess”

Maxwell: “nah its fair...”

Little-K1ng: “hard to believe its real, ill try to contact his blog again

damn, that ask i sent without actually checking mustve been uh, Not The Vibe”

Maxwell: “....im gonna hit marcus with a pillow”

Little-K1ng: “yes please”

Maxwell: “not really he answered it saying he was sorry

WAKE UP BITCH!”

Marcus: “ow”

Maxwell: “we need to talk”

Marcus: “dude

what the fuuuck”

Maxwell: “important talk time

wake up”

Marcus: “Is fetch here?”

Maxwell: “so, fetch aint coming home tonight...”

Marcus: “What’s going on?”

Little-K1ng: “hey marcus...

im.... home....”

Marcus: “.....hi

..whats going on?”

Maxwell: “he left the gas station after knight started trying to take control with as we know suffocates him and he got bad sensory overload and then he--”

Little-K1ng: “max, do you want to keep going?”

Marcus: “Why do I feel like I’m in trouble you both look....off”

Little-K1ng: “you dont have to”

Maxwell: “no no im good just one second please....”

Little-K1ng: “take a few breaths, its alright”

Marcus: “.........”

Little-K1ng: “ive got you, ill hold you dont worry”

Maxwell: “Okay....fetch...killed one of the employees...Lawrence”

Marcus: “.....he...

...”

Little-K1ng: “im so sorry marcus...”

Maxwell: “he wasnt himself...he was talking through his blog to us as himself but knight was too....”

Little-K1ng: “ill give you a bit to process... the shock hasnt actually worn off for me yet..”

Marcus: “....fetch

...w..hy?”

Maxwell: “he kept switching back and forth between the too and lawrence came into the bathroom when he was pissed and fetch wanted to get knight to shut up...

so he tried to scare knight....not realizing hed gone too far...”

Marcus: “........”

Maxwell: “when he snapped out of it he had no memory of what hed just done and he was panicking and...crying....”

Marcus: “...I don’t... I don’t like this

Please tell me this is a joke”

Maxwell: “he said he didnt wanna come back home because he thought I was scared of him...”

Marcus: “Please pleasepleasepleaseplease”

Little-K1ng: “im checking his blog right now...... and uh.....

yeah no.. its not a joke

its a fucking horrorshow”

Marcus: “no no nonononononononono”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, do you want a hug also? or do you not want touched”

Marcus: “stop please stop stopstop”

Little-K1ng: “its a lot to take in...”

Maxwell: “i tried to get him to come home....i called him my brother....”

Little-K1ng: “im having so much trouble convincing myself its real”

Maxwell: “but...knight wouldnt let him”

Marcus: “no it’s not it’s not it’s not it didn’t happen nonononono”

Little-K1ng: “i havent even. caught up to the part where im supposed to be upset or angry. i just. i just want him home and safe and warm where i can see him i just..”

Maxwell: “he had control over the two of them...but fetch got control bacck and left but I dont know where im sorry”

Marcus: “it didn’t no nonono”

Little-K1ng: “i-..im going to sit down next to you marcus, but dont worry, i wont invade your space im just worried i might faint”

Marcus: “nothing happened everything’s okayokayokay it’s okay it’s fine everything’s fine”

Little-K1ng: “thats alright marcus, its okay. denial is okay for a while”

Maxwell: “putain

mona look”

Little-K1ng: “it helps it set in better as a gentle present

yeah?”

Maxwell: “flowers....”

Marcus: “everythings fine it’s fine it’s fine finefinefine”

Little-K1ng: “o-oh...

oh marcus.....”

Marcus: “its fine

everything’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “marcus... loosen the grip on your hair, okay? you're gonna pull too hard

you might yank some of the flowers-”

Marcus: “no nononono

Maxwell: “Ah putain putain putain!”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, please-

please give me your hands, if you can, i dont want you to hurt yourself,”

Marcus: “everything’s fine everything’s going to be okay it’s fine it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “exactly”

Maxwell: “marcus please”

Little-K1ng: “shhh sh sh sh just stop pulling your hair, just calm down, deep breaths”

Marcus: “its..it’s okay it’s fine

nothing happened it’s fine”

Little-K1ng: “marcus-

its okay to say nothing happened but... you have to come to terms with it at some point. i just want to know you're okay”

Marcus: “im fineimfine”

Little-K1ng: “you're fine, marcus

you're fine, i promise”

Marcus: “im..fine

...im fine”

Maxwell: “you aint”

Marcus: “..I’m.....im fine

I’m fine :)”

Maxwell: “youre not”

Marcus: “I’m ⎎⟟⋏⟒”

Maxwell: “NO”

Marcus: “-!

w-what?”

Little-K1ng: “WHAT

what

okay

let me not

let me not yell

okay

hhhhhh

marcus?

nnnnnoooooOO okay okay”

Marcus: “....”

Little-K1ng: “vwoop vwoop dont do that”

marcus...?: “...”

Maxwell: “No....”

marcus...?: “..I..”

Maxwell: “please no....”

Little-K1ng: “marcus...?”

marcus...?: “.....

..yeah?”

Little-K1ng: “are you...... is that like... "you"?

are you sure you're still marcus? i wont be mad

you tend to just kind of.... accept it”

marcus...?: “I’m...

...hm”

Little-K1ng: “you can think about it if you want

ill call you by whoever you are”

marcus...?: “....”

Little-K1ng: “your flowers are blooming and i dont know if that....... blurred the lines? or if "you" have bloomed”

marcus...?: “...I don’t know

I hate not knowing”

Maxwell: “that's okay...i didnt know for the longest time...

not like my family tried to help....”

marcus...?: “...what are they?”

Maxwell: “the flowers...?”

Little-K1ng: “they're pretty... they suit you.. at a glance, i think they're hyacinths? and... rhododendrons? huh”

Maxwell: “theyre Purple hyacinths and rhododendrons”

Little-K1ng: “yeah

do you want a mirror?”

marcus...?: “...heh

Fitting

...that’d be nice”

Little-K1ng: “here you go”

marcus...?: “....oh

Pretty”

Little-K1ng: “yeah! purple and gold is a good look”

marcus...?: “Red too”

Little-K1ng: “im........... sorry about the other night. i realized while i was at work today what i had actually said

i didnt mean it”

marcus...?: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i didnt mean to make you feel like viscount was less you than you are”

marcus...?: “......

...I don’t...want to be sad anymore

...I forgive you Mona

......sorry about this whole mess”

Little-K1ng: “that..... i dont deserve that, but ill take it

dont be...”

Maxwell: “anyone else still having slight headaches?”

marcus...?: “It’s..kind of my fault that we’re here”

Maxwell: “its not man..”

marcus...?: “...it is

I was...

I wanted to stay”

Little-K1ng: “it wasnt your fault. i left the doors open, maxwell gave himself up, fetch uh. we'll skip that one”

marcus...?: “But I got scared when...page..took off his circlet”

Little-K1ng: “when we're all to blame theres enough to go around, dont hurt yourself carrying it all”

marcus...?: “I didn’t want to leave”

Maxwell: “you helped me get away and im thankful for that”

[Maxwell: “anyone else still having slight headaches?”]

Little-K1ng: “i mean always”

marcus...?: “but you were so unhappy

And...and crown said that if you ever wanted to leave, you could

He said that

But....

But he didn’t want to let page max leave”

Little-K1ng: “he said you could leave? he might be banking on no one wanting to, which is..... surprisingly childish”

Maxwell: “thats why im confused why not just let me go...”

Little-K1ng: “almost adorable, frankly”

Maxwell: “im just a kid

well

not really”

marcus...?: “........he”

Maxwell: “im not a kid but im young”

marcus...?: “None of us

....

Before Max and fetch...

None of us...wanted to leave

We all went...for reasons

......

...I don’t like being marcus”

Maxwell: “.....”

Little-K1ng: “...you dont have to be”

marcus...?: “......”

Little-K1ng: “you can be viscount and still stay here, i wont hurt you”

marcus...?: “..........”

Maxwell: “yeah”

marcus...?: “...what about...knight fetch”

Little-K1ng: “i... they need to figure out what actually makes them happy. for that, they're gonna need time to work that out if crown wants anything lasting. but either way, neither one is gonna hold it against you”

marcus...?: “......”

Maxwell: “yeah

i know i would prefer to stay as max because....

page reminds me of who I was before I was myself....who I truly was

when i was kid who didnt know anything”

Little-K1ng: “so... page makes you feel... helpless?

vulnerable?”

Maxwell: “yeah

hes who i was before

who i am to my family

accept my family sees me as a 'she' even if I've told them im not....”

Little-K1ng: “oh ew

have no fear max, you're you. no matter what they say

same goes to you”

Maxwell: “...i....

you know how im part rat?

but dont fully look like one?”

Little-K1ng: “yeah?

Maxwell: “like fetch kids loved the make fun of me for how i looked....my grandmother gave me a necklace when I was about 10 then helped hide those features....

made my ears more human like, pointy but easier to hide

and....got rid of the other stuff

im not supposed to wear it for more than 2 weeks but i've been wearing it ever since crown took me”

Little-K1ng: “oh no is that.... like.... unhealthy??

i dont usually have to do anything to h-.... well

yknow, like i wouldnt know”

Maxwell: “.....

i hadnt taken it off cause i got so used to wearing it

and uh....didnt know what you would do”

Little-K1ng: “....do you want to take it off?”

Maxwell: “kids used to pull on my ears and yell in em

honestly?”

Little-K1ng: “honestly”

Maxwell: “yeah....my ears have been hurting because in order to hide em it squishes em”

Little-K1ng: “do you........ want us to turn around first?”

marcus...?: “We don’t have to look if you don’t want us to”

Maxwell: “perhaps it takes a second to set in and it might be helpful if you do...”

Little-K1ng: “i can chat with marcus while it... wears off i guess?

wait, marcus uh? viscount?

whichever

uh”

marcus...?: “...I don’t know”

Little-K1ng: “ill wait for confirmation on that

but uh

are you...... feeling okay?

better, at least?

i can get you some water”

marcus...?: “...I’m..yeah

....I’m alright”

[The rest of the conversation is speculation about whether Mona truly is “the fourth” member, as well as what kind of personality her court version would have. There’s only one day left before Spring is supposed to arrive, and the court members return “home”, so there’s still a possibility that Fetch might return before then]

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #if the crown fits

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isas-identity · 5 years

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Lance Vs Shiro: Same ending??

Or what I like to call: Why you should be more mad about Lance’s ending than Shiro’s ending in the clusterfuck called “Voltron’s horrible writing”.

Shiro and Lance had very similar endings in the last episode of Voltron, to put it in simple words: They decided to live a quiet life after the war.

This is kinda long, so i will add everything under the cut, i just want to say sorry for any gammar mistakes beforehand.

How, Lance decided to live in a farm with his family and “Surround himself with The Things He Loves”. Meanwhile Shiro got last-minute married with a dude and “Found his happiness and left the War Efforts Behind”. There’s been a LOT of negative reactions from the fans though, because these endings seemed lazy, out of character, etc. But there’s always a big difference in the spectrum:

People who are upset over Shiro marrying a “nobody” who talked like 2 times, and after Shiro being so happy being the captain and leader of the ATLAS, was being pushed aside to live a quiet life, dont care about Lance’s ending.

People who are upset about Lance’s lackluster ending of working on a farm after being clear about his liking of adventure, giving him a clearly racist ending, and never forgetting or moving on from Allura, don’t mind Shiro’s.

Though they DO think the other’s ending wasnt executed nicely, they don’t think the ending itself is bad per se.

And i know it’s been almost a month since VLD finished, but i found myself wondering why is that i am madder about Lance’s ending tha Shiro’s. So let’s break it down point to point and compare them.

Execution:

When we get to the time-skip, before the explanations of what happenned in the rest of their lifes, we see:

Shiro working as an embassador between planets, still a captain of the ATLAS, traveling through the universe to try and unify planets alongside Hunk who uses his food to help leaders see eye-to-eye.

Lance talking to some kids, telling them about Allura’s sacrifice, and telling them he now works and lives helping out on a farm.

Wich, together with their end cards, gives us the conclutions that:

After their last fight with honerva, Shiro was still Captain of the ATLAS for a few years, he married and decided to retire. We do not know if he married BEFORE or AFTER retiring though. Also, we do not know if he kept working or not after his retirement, since it was only said that he left the “War efforts behind and found happiness”. You can see a lot of things happened during his life as he moved on though.

Even if we, as audience didn’t see it, Shiro spent a few years dating his husband before marrying him, and event though it was pulled out of nowhere as a band-aid, it didn’t felt rushed since it was something that happenned years down the line and out-of-camera. So we are left without any kind of opinion about his relationship with his husband. This also means he spent more time as a captain of the ATLAS than some people seem to believe.

After their last fight, Lance retired from being a paladin and started working on his family’s farm, who suddenly have a family farm,before the war was even completely gone. And then he...kept working on his farm and sometimes talked to little kids about Allura.... thats about it.

It is not said if he “found love” or “happiness” or did anything else than farm and plant junniberries.

Their struggles before retirement:

Now, In this one we need to take a minute to compare these two characters during the show.

There are two things people say when discussing about their endings: “He loved adventure, it was his dream to pilot!! why the heck would he retire!!!!” and the more understanding “Well, he went through a LOT during the war, maybe he had enough and wants to take it easy from now on!".

Let’s start with the “They want adventure!” point:

Starting off with Shiro, they say: “He left his fiance because he wanted to be in space that bad! he didnt care if he died!” But i think people misunderstand some things about Shiro in this regard, principally: he was fucking dying.

Shiro had an illness that would leave him unable to move his body before it killed him.

He wanted to prove himself, and go to space, before his body stopped working.

He wanted to leave his mark on history, before he was bound to be stuck on a wheelchair unable to even go to the bathroom, cook or dress himself, so he had something left behind.

So i think people are misplacing his “wanting adventure”, it was more of a cry to wanting to do something with his life before being a vegetable. He was scared of getting nothing done and live his life never doing anything that amounted to anything. Afterwards this problem was solved, wich is not to say he wasn’t happy being apointed being the new captain of the ATLAS and traveling the universe. He WAS. He is a responsible leader and he deserved that position, but he never gave up being a captain after the fight with honerva, again, he was the captain for a few years before retiring when he chose to.

Now, going to Lance’s side, now this kid DID love adventure, breaking the rules, attention, etc. During the series you could see:

Him sneaking out of the Garrison and breaking rules.

Getting inside of alien ships and proceeding to pilot them before the others could finish reacting to seeing an alien ship for the first time.

whooping and hollering while flying in battle.

Actually looking very happy to help others and not backing down at the oportunity to do so.

and that was... like, in the first 3 episodes.

Now to the “They went through a LOT, they want a quiet life now!

Ok, bear with me and let me just run a thing through you all first.

Shiro is in his late 20′s, probably already 30, an adult and was Captain of the ATLAS for a few years before retiring.

Lance is fucking 18, maybe 19, he’s still a fucking embryo, and probably still has a lot of things to figure out about himself, but still decided to run a farm the instant they defeated Honerva i guess.

Now, during the war Shiro:

Was taken against his will and made a slave in space, was made to fight in the arena for entertanment and fought monsters and probably other aliens, probably even had to kill during this time.

Lost his arm and was experimented upon.

Crashed into earth and lost his memories.

Became the leader of a rag-tag tem of teens in space that was the only hope for the universe.

Suffered of PTSD during all of this.

Almost died a lot of times.

Died.

Became a clone.

This clone proceeded to: Betray his friends, help and spy for Honerva, almost killed Keith, who’s the closest person to him at the time.

Lost his arm again.

Almost got killed by Keith too.

He got his consiousness trasspassed from the Black Lion into the body of his clone, wich, almost rejected him and made him die. Again.

Found out his ex-fiance died and earth was almost anihilated.

We never knew anything about his family, but im sure they died since they never appeared???

etc.

Now, with Lance:

He almost died once, and the fandom is pretty sure he died one time after that but since Allura’s powers are weird we are not even sure what the hell happened there.

He felt doubtful about his position on the team.

He missed his family a lot

The girl he liked didnt like him back...?

His girlfriend of a month and a half sacrificed herseld and died.

uhhh... yeah.

And, like, no. I dont mean to say Lance is a cry-baby because he didnt go through as many things as shiro, or the others. The problem with this, is that it makes no sense because fucking lance never had an arc. The writers never cared about giving him some usefulness, or something that made him shine through, and when he was left at the end, they had nothing for him to do. So they gave him a farm.

But like, even after all the bullshit shiro went through, he moved on with his life, he found happiness and love, was still the captain of the ATLAS for some time before retiring, etc.

But Lance, someone who was so cheerful and up to help other people, who didnt left anything bring him down, just... decided to work on a farm for the rest of his life. Not moving on or anything, wich... yeah, it’s weird.

Keith, who almost died in space 971283678 times, found out he was Fucking Galra, was left alone by his parents, found his mother, was stuck in a space whale’s back for 2 years, was stuck on a leadership position he didnt want?? after uniting the Galra and helping put an end to the war he made a Humanitary Relief Organization, to help people with low resources in the universe.

Pidge? She lost her brother and father, ran away from home, got stuck on a war at fucking 15, had to learn how to fight and pilor, since, you know, she wasnt even a pilot in the first place. Almost lost her father to Zarkon, and believed for some time her Brother was dead. Bue she founded a Space Defenders organization to fight for justice in fucking space, and kept inventing tech to keep helping the universe and fight for the weak.

Hunk? He was a coward, he didnt even wanted to sneak out the garrison, much less get stuck on a space war! He didn’t want to fight, he didn’t want to die. His family was even captured on earth, unlike Lance’s. But he learned to be brave, and fought for people’s freedom. He became a diplomat, and learned how to hone his cooking skills to bring people together, so he became a Culinary Embassador to keep the peace in the universe.

They all are doing something with their lifes to help heal the universe after the war. Even after all they went through together. Even shiro helped for a few years before retiring, exept Lance. Who’s a farmer for some reason.

And i’m not saying that fighting on a War isn’t traumatizing enough, I’m just saying that if someone deserves to find love, retire, and live in the fucking bahamas on eternal vacation for the rest of his life, is Shiro. poor guy needed a break a long time ago.

WICH brings me to the last point of this really long essay:

It’s Implications:

It is sad that the only reason we got a wedding with shiro was like a bandaid from the lash-back they had from Adam’s death and the constant Bury Your Gays trope. But let me tell you something: it wasn’t badly done. Yeah, I woul’ve liked to see more of Curtis to get to know him, or maybe see Shiro and Him having some kind of interaction before being slapped with a wedding a few years down the line, but that was it. The point of it (appart from rebuilding the bridge with the LGBT+ comunity) was to make it clear that Shiro found love and happiness in his life, wich im happy he did, and this does not contradict anything his character is about:

It makes it clear that it doesnt matter how dark things are right now, it will pass and you will be happy someday, you can still make your dreams come true, you have to fight for it.

It doesnt matter if you lost your arm, got a horrible scar across your face, got white hair, etc. You can find love, you can still lead a happy life.

Now with Lance is way more jarring. He has this “good boy” storyline with his girlfriend, wich sucks since he could’ve been made into an “anyone can be a hero, it doesnt matter if you’re not specially good at anything!” but alas they missed that mark. He really didn’t had any storyline for himself perse, he became The Boyfriend and stayed that way.

He went from “Ohh, I dont feel like i have a place in the team since everyone is awesome and has abilities and I dont” one season to “The girl I like doesn’t like me back!” on the next.

In the last season we got this “The girl I like is finally dating me!” to “oh no, the girl I loved died after dating me for a month”

Then proceeded to “Let me go work in a farm and plant her favorite flowers on it, while I never stop loving her and never move on and keep telling everyone about her sacrifice forever and ever! War who?? My girlfriend sacrificed herself for peace but let me just ignore the war exists still!”

Wich is... sad. They literally never gave anything to Lance to apport to the team or the universe apart from being there for Keith and Allura when they needed cheering up. And even if he himself says “oh im happy, i have a quiet life and that’s how i like it now!” when you think about his ending, you dont feel that way. He literally has nothing, exept his family and flowers.

So yeah, i dont mind Shiro’s ending. It was one of the last things wrong with the ending of the show, even if it was made for the wrong reasons. And i do believe, people should stop hating on it only because they wanted him to happy his little brother whom is almost 10 years younger than him

And yeah, I do think Lance’s ending was racist. I myself am latina, even have a grandfather who owns a farm. Would i go work in his farm for the rest of my life after losing someone i loved? Fuck no. I do not know shit about farms, or farming. He isnt even shown to be specially good with animals, no more than the rest of the gang. And sincerely, that he cut’s himself from the universe and his friends anddoesnt even do anything to help or reconstructing the universe only sounds like depression to me.

But alright then, to each their own in what they want to believe.

#lance #shiro #voltron season 8 #vld spoilers #klance #because i know the klance fandom feels this #I JUST HAD TO GET THIS OUT OF MY CHEST OK BYE

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Ali & Caleb

Ali: Do we know when Carly's funeral is going to be yet? Ali: I need to come back but I don't want to pester her parents...I sent a message but no response Caleb: I did too and got nothing either Caleb: I'm feeling they dont want us to be knowing Ali: Think so too Ali: Which is rich considering Ali: Trying to be understanding but where have they been Ali: I know I was away too but Caleb: you kept in touch Caleb: they haven't met their grandchild yet, have they? That's their vibe Caleb: imma leave them in peace but its not cool Ali: everything is so fucked Ali: how did this happen Caleb: never seen my mum madder Caleb: she's not praying for them saving 'em up for indie & drew Caleb: you gotta make sure you handle your own goodbye Ali: Can't blame her Ali: thank God she and Meena were there or they could both be gone Ali: What the hell is going to happen now Ali: Yeah, I'll have to, I don't think we're getting in to the real funeral but, it won't be her anyway Ali: they don't know her Caleb: I wish I had been, caught my mum crying hard later & that was before all this Caleb: she's down to take her in but I dunno if he'll allow it Caleb: Carly's parents could take her still its mad here rn Ali: I owe her big time, I didn't know what else to do, she wouldn't go to Hospital so I can't be sorry I did it but I am sorry for the fucking trauma of it all Ali: In a way, that might be better for her, but then...they've not done a good job with Carly, have they? Would they let history repeat itself Ali: but Drew, fuck Caleb: it's all good, like nah, but as far as my mum goes Caleb: you did the right thing Caleb: I dunno man they might be feeling like they're getting a second chance with her but will it be? Caleb: you heard from him? Caleb: im blocked Ali: Thanks, I'm doubting everything I did and said now Ali: but I really tried Ali: I truly don't know what's for the best but it will have to be worked out Ali: Poor baby Ali: No, not since this whole...mess Ali: I think he genuinely feels guilt for this one Caleb: You handled shit better than I could. Better than most I think Caleb: Estou orgulhoso de ti, querida. Caleb: yeah my heart's breaking to look at her Caleb: He won't let me help him & truth be that I don't even know where to start Caleb: No idea what he wants, you know Caleb: could be what the kid needs but as easy could not be Ali: You're too nice for your own good Ali: He probably feels like he doesn't deserve it, and rightly so frankly but not going to spite Indie just to prove a point Ali: She's so innocent Ali: Oh God Ali: I'd do it myself but the social would never sign off on that Ali: who am I, like Ali: She's got family Caleb: I ain't feeling it. I'm raging Caleb: I get that I don't get to speak on it, and he's hurting so I'm not going there but I dunno how he could let her go like that Caleb: With the bab there Caleb: Shit's beyond fucked Caleb: We could try. You were Carly's family Caleb: She'd want you looking out for indie Ali: I don't know Ali: It was hard to know how to help her Ali: but he didn't even try Ali: well, from what we can see from our outside perspective Ali: she seemed to think he did but Ali: I don't fucking know Ali: It really is, thank God Indie won't remember any of this Ali: Drew will have to, and that's his punishment Ali: I asked Mum, its pretty much a no go, if she got put in the system, if none of them claimed her, then maybe, but not whilst I'm at Uni and away and I already have too many kids to deal with by standards Ali: especially for a single parent, they wouldn't favour me over a nice, older well-off couple with everything to give Caleb: She wanted to bounce so says my mum, he shoulda let her do what she needed to do, she had to be in shock having her way it went Caleb: gotta keep your babies safe they're defenseless Caleb: anything could've happened them playing at family how they did Caleb: Filho da mãe! Caleb: Okay but hear me out...what if we went at this together? Caleb: You still got your ring, you're still my missus, legal or nah Caleb: se você me tiver eu estou disposto Ali: She did, she had, she told me where she was Ali: I just think its too easy to think over all this now Ali: its plausible he was trying to keep her safe by bringing her back, its not out there Ali: arguably was safer who knows where she would've ended up Ali: its happened regardless of all the what-ifs and woulda coulda shoulda Ali: better focusing on what we can all do now, Drew included Ali: See, too nice Ali: Of course I do Ali: I still don't think it'll happen but of course we can try Ali: if it comes to that Caleb: True Caleb: He was outta his depth, feeling like he could get Carly to turn it all around, let his kid have the ma he never Caleb: It's sad man Caleb: Good Caleb: We can't worry on that yet but I've been stressing over you out there on your own Caleb: Can I hit you with another idea? Ali: Yeah, exactly Ali: Very fucking sad Ali: Oh, I'm fine, like, not right now but, you know Ali: Go for it Caleb: Try not to get vexed at me for sneaking but it's been a while Caleb: I've been hitting up job offers round you and they've said yeah to some part time things Caleb: I wanna come out, help with the kids more than ever now Caleb: What you think? Ali: You're serious? Ali: I think its the best news I've had in a long while Ali: Well done you! Caleb: what happened got me thinking Caleb: and its the only thing that makes sense Caleb: us all together, you feel me? Caleb: It won't be easy but neither is this rn Ali: I've been feeling the same Ali: but I was too scared to put it out there Ali: Family should be all that matters Ali: the rest is just bullshit to deal with Ali: the kids are going to be so excited when are you coming Caleb: my bad for leaving you hanging this long but I didn't wanna mess you around, not only with the job, you know Caleb: but my heart's sure Caleb: I dunno what I'd do if shit happened to you, cos you're my baby mama yeah, but cos you're you too Caleb: I still feel the same, not trying to change it these days Caleb: Gotta help Gus get my cuz ready to do my thing but won't take no time Ali: Not at all, it had to be right Ali: It would be all the more painful and wrong if you came and we couldn't make it work Ali: I love you Caleb: I love you too Caleb: You've been all on my mind since I last saw you and thats how I want it Ali: Wait Ali: before you commit fully I have something to tell you Ali: might change your mind, I don't know so you need to know now before Caleb: You can tell me Caleb: I'm listening Ali: [Sends bump pic] Ali: About 5/6 months Ali: Your Bday, Christmas, remember? Ali: I didn't say because Ali: Last time Ali: I've not told anyone else though, no one Caleb: Shit man! You been dealing on your own Caleb: That's so rough, Ali Caleb: You should've said, hit up your fam if not me Caleb: I get not wanting to say it but I gotta ask, was there anyone else on the scene? Caleb: I know what I think but I need to hear it Ali: It was worst for you but Ali: it wasn't exactly easy to tell them Ali: I know they were all disappointed or disgusted or whatever else valid feelings but it wasn't fun Ali: No, no one else Caleb: We gotta tell them Caleb: Mine too Caleb: What's the story? What's the doctor said? Are you both good? Ali: Yeah, my blood pressure's a bit high but to be expected, I told him I ain't got no time to chill Ali: are you happy? Ali: do you think anyone will be? or have i had one too many to soon to get the congrats now Caleb: I'm gonna make time for you to chill Caleb: Swear down Caleb: Eu nunca estive mais feliz Caleb: And they'll be happy for us too. Trust Ali: That would be nice Ali: don't think I've stopped since I came here Ali: If they aren't, they aren't Ali: Its coming, like Caleb: I'll rush through what I gotta do here, be with you sooner Caleb: More I can do to take care of the bubs the more you can have that you time Caleb: I'm not slipping on you or this baby, you're gonna be all good Caleb: Gus'll throw us a party, he misses you like I do Ali: You don't need to do that, tho no shade to your cuz but some talent you just can't teach Ali: #natural Ali: I miss him too, I miss everyone Ali: Oh shit Ali: Has anyone told Ro? Did she even know Carly was pregnant Ali: We've not spoken much, I've tried to give her space, let her live her Uni dreams Ali: Fuck Caleb: You don't need to hype me but I'll allow it Caleb: yeah no lie I'm a bit scared about heading over gotta be done for my culinary arts tho like, keep the restaurant game fresh for my fam Caleb: Oh damn! Meena maybe? I dunno Caleb: She swerves me & everything happened fast Ali: You're gonna love it Ali: I've found so many amazing places already, I can't wait to show you Ali: Even Junie's trying new things Ali: I'll have to ask her, God I hope so Ali: If not, oddly maybe it'll be best coming from me? Seems wrong but Ali: she knows I was friends with Carly Caleb: That's my boy 💪💚 Caleb: I'm excited too, trust Caleb: yeah we all felt the love Caleb: Hope she didn't hear it from the wrong peeps but it'll be what it is Ali: I dread to think how fast the rumour mill be spinning Ali: Wankers Caleb: Least she got that distance Caleb: You're the furthest and closest Caleb: I hate that it's gotta be this way for you Ali: I'm just glad I got to know her Ali: I was lucky enough, none of them were so Ali: say what they like, they did when she was alive, like Caleb: I should've known her better Caleb: I knew what Drew was doing Ali: We all did Ali: what could we have done? stop him? stop her? Ali: they both made choices, even if they were poor ones, or made not in their best state and mind Caleb: True Caleb: I let him make a lot of bad choices, shit went on too long Caleb: It's not on me to pull him back anymore I got focus elsewhere Ali: You can't blame yourself for him Ali: its his to shoulder Ali: yeah, a lot of bad shit happened to him but, he's made a lot of it happen since Ali: not his excuse of a Ma Ali: she's not been around for a long time Ali: Meena still manages to be good and do the right thing, y'know? Caleb: Exactly Caleb: He's grown now and he needs to act it more than he's been Caleb: There are two kids in this Caleb: Behaving like her isn't what he wants but we can't do the changing for him Caleb: It wasn't on Carly to help me out with that either Ali: Right, though, clearly he won't acknowledge Edie unless I'm dead Ali: Fucked up thing to say but more fucked up that its real Ali: I know Ali: but she loved him, she wanted to Ali: he shoulda treated her so much better, she gave him everything she had and for what? Caleb: over my dead body would he mess that kids head and life up if you weren't here Caleb: it's not right Caleb: I don't feel I know him nowadays Ali: I know Ali: you're a better Dad to her than he could ever be Ali: just the truth Ali: I know Ali: its a shame but you and your fam have done all you can for him Ali: can only wait and see what he does now Caleb: I'd adopt her but I'm hoping against hope he'll wanna be her dad Caleb: But if not now when like? Caleb: Now he's got to take care of Indie alone that's the excuse he needs Caleb: shit man Caleb: he doesn't deserve either of those girls Ali: She'll know Ali: we don't need a piece of paper to make it official Ali: she feels the 💚 Ali: No matter what happens, we have to look after Indie too, okay? Ali: Make sure she's good Ali: Promise Caleb: I promise you Caleb: nothing's gonna happen to any of these kids on my watch Caleb: she'll feel the love too, all we've got Caleb: 5 babies or 15, gonna keep my word Ali: Same Ali: we're not doing a bad job, are we? Ali: I don't want to prove everyone right Caleb: We've been slipping but it'll be all good when we're together again Caleb: Better with you than without Caleb: And we've always done the bubs right no matter what Ali: Yeah Ali: You're right Ali: haters got me trippin' Ali: don't tell Caleb: I'll pick you up on the quiet Caleb: when you going to the doctors again? I'll time my trip so I can be with Ali: its not 'til next month Ali: so that should actually work out reasonably well? Caleb: Fated Ali: if not its only a checkup so its chill Ali: but we can aim for it Caleb: Sooner the better for me Caleb: Don't tell the kids I wanna show up and see them lose their shit like on the vids Ali: That will be too cute for words Caleb: forreal Caleb: Imma try and get Junie on the songs cos I got my girls to help me Caleb: he's already a chatterbox we halfway to it Ali: they've learnt this Malay nursery rhyme Ali: its sick, they're so good at it Ali: I'll let them show you when you come Caleb: they can teach me Caleb: gimme a leg up Ali: Yeah, and Mandarin Ali: like, you'd get along fine with English but its so much more fun and just respectful to try Ali: I want them to learn as much as they can whilst we're here Ali: and wherever else we end up Caleb: I feel that Caleb: I got an app on my phone but with everything that's been going down I haven't tried Caleb: Sampled some fusion cooking tho which'll be sick now I've got more peeps to get stuck into eating it Caleb: Getting a belly here Ali: 😍 Ali: oh I've missed you Caleb: won't have to for much longer 💚 Caleb: i'll be counting down them training days honest Ali: speaking of Ali: gotta run Ali: got class in an hour and best believe i need all this time to get those kids out the door Caleb: oh I be knowing Caleb: go get your genius on Ali: talk soon ✌ Ali: love you Caleb: te amo 💚💙💜

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uhleeshaa · 7 years

Quote

Im willing to get up Im willing to stand tall And i will get all that i need Even if again i fall Theres a war inside Demons vs angels Its viscous and beautiful Intertwined hearts are tangled They fight for my soul And its whichever i feed But as equal as i give I still taste the apple seed I met someone i cant escape Even though he is so far He interrupts my mind and thoughts In the dark he is my star. Though i dont know him well I feel him very strong Hes another kind, another kind A kind not felt in so long. I need to redirect- this writing is for me If god wants it to happen Then i will think about "we". So first ill start and say the worst I dont wanna be addicted To fantastys drugs and outbursts. I cant help myself I say it everyday.... But theres a big white light shining And its pointing me in the right way. What can i say? Im scared as fuck Ive done it before and had no luck I got sober and i put down the pills and pipe But now the demons got bigger They want to take my life They whisper in my ear softly I listen to their commands And then i hit my knees And pray for God to help me stand. I dont wanna land.. I wanna stay high In wonderland But alice is getting madder Madder than alicia can stand

Uhleesha

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beatmyaudio · 4 years

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Been Around The World Song Lyrics – Puff Daddy Featuring The Notorious Big And Mase

Been Around The World Song Lyrics

Been Around The World Song Lyrics From Popular Hollywood Artist Puff Daddy Featuring The Notorious Big And Mase from Album.

This song is sung by singer ” Puff Daddy Featuring The Notorious Big And Mase ” in Year 1998.

Lyrics of Been Around The World :

intro mase yo yo this mase youknowhatimsayin you got niggaz that dont like me for whatever reason you got niggaz that dont wanna see me rich you got niggaz thats mad cause im always with they bitch then you got niggaz that just dont like me you know the those phd niggaz but you know i pop a lot of shit but i back it up though see its a difference a lot of niggaz pop shit but a lot of niggaz dont make hits but its like this whole bad boy shit we come to bring it to yall niggaz me bi puff lox whoever black rob if you wanna dance we dance verse one mase now trick what lace who that aint what mase do got a lot of girls thatd love to replace you tell you to your face boo not behind your back niggaz talk shit we never mind that funny never find that puff a dime stack write hot shit and make a nigga say rewind that niggaz know we go against the harlem jigalo getcha hoe lick her low make the bitch hit the do i represent honies with money fly guys with gems drive with the tints that be thirtyfive percent hoes hope i lay so i look both ways cop says ok my tint smoke gray no way nigga leave without handin me my shit got plans to get my land and my 6 niggaz outta penll understand this shit pop champagne like i won a championship uhh uhh chorus sung by notorious big spoken words by puff been around the world and i i i and we been playa hated say what i dont know when and i dont know why why they want us faded ahehe i dont know why they hate us yeah is it our ladies uhhuh or i drive mercedes uhh uhh baybee baybee verse two puff daddy i was in one bedroom dreamin of a million yeah now im in beach houses cream to the ceiling thats right i was a gentleman livin in tenements now im swimmin in all the women that be tens hoo went from bad boys to the crushed linen men now my dividends be the new benjamins uhhuh hoes of all complexions i like cinnamon mase you got some hoes well nigga send em in cmon what you waitin for let the freak show begin how they came in a truck mase nah puff thats a benz mercedes cmere baby you dont like the way its hot and hazy never shady you must be crazy its ridiculous how you put your lips on this dont kiss right there girlfriend im ticklish heheh and i be switchin fees with a wrist full of gs nigga please im the macaroni with the cheese chorus verse three puff daddy mase now puff rule the world even though im young i make it my biz to see that all ladies come yeah get em all strung from the tip of my tongue lick em places niggaz wouldnt dare put they faces cmon before i die hope i remake a flow by in the brand new treasure on a old try never my throat dry even when the smoke lie eat the mami chochi and drive a lowride we never ride far packed five in a car save money for the drinks im about to buy the bar yeah and everywhere i drive im a star little kids all on the corner scream thats my car it was days couldnt be fly now im in a ti come in clubs with bi now a nigga vi uhhuh rock tons of gold nuff money i fold roll the way you wanna roll break a hundred out the toll chorus w slight modifications line 1 puff cmon yeah yeah uhhuh line 2 puff we been playa hated line 3 puff why line 4 puff why they want us hated line 5 puff why they hate us line 6 puff is it our ladies line 7 puff say what line 8 puff yeah baybee baybee chorus w puff talking while big sings you know sometimes i gotta ask myself whys there so much jealousy in the world dont look at mine get yours music fades radio show from bigs album continued ok after these messages well be back with the mad rapper and his brother the mad producer after this applause ok just sit back relax and enjoy yourself well get you through this take a sip of water deep breath thatll do it and welcome back as you can see you got the check though im trevor jones and im sitting in ive been conversing with the mad rapper did you get the check though and hes still pretty mad but this time he brought someone else with him and quite frankly yeah yeah hes even madder you god damn right mr producer yo youknowhatimsayin why are you so mad yo iiiiiii ima ima keep it real simple for you yeah ttttttell them niggaz why you mad son tell them niggaz why you mad son ok gentlemen please one at a time tell em why you mad son word up tell em why you mad son youknowhatimsayin iiiiiii iiiiiii be i be i been i been i been here for the culture youknowhatimsayin i dont i dont i dont i dont i dont be recognizin all that new jack shit yo we dont play we dont play that shit youknowhatimsayin please mr producer explain yourself mr rapper please calm down that nigga be on some bullshit youknowhatimsayin we aint we dont do that shit word yeah he aint no real producer neither and then come to find out youknowhatimsayin my brother hipped me to it the nigga tryin to rap now oh yeah thats the shit that got me mad please mr rapper once again thats the shit that got me mad thats the shit youknowhatimsayin its a family oriented show youknowhatimsayin thats the shit that feds me up gentlemen please word up youknowhatimsayin disregard the foul language im watchin this nigga video youknowhatimsayin they got mermaids swimmin in they living rooms and shit like that youknowhatimsayin this nigga dancin in the rain with kids climbin up mountains and shit youknowhatimsayin im im im watchin this nigga video im gonna have to ask you to refrain from the language the car goin two hundred miles an hour where the fuck is he goin please mr rapper please refrain from the foul language the nigga climbin out the fuckin car one more time let me see you try that shit on a train youknowhatimsayin try that shit on a fuckin train what kind of shit youknowhatimsayin got a thousand niggaz write for him let me write for you son my shit is jumpin i got john blaze shit

Been Around The World Song Lyrics

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vitos-ordination-song · 4 years

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i know im not the only one who was fucked up by her bc another one of my friends was hurt by her too but not as bad bc they werent as close. i just think she’s someone who isnt gonna change. like i saw she graduated from college, she’s trying to be a vet which makes sense, and her cover photo on facebook is her w her parents. her parents were messed up and part of the problem i think.

the thing that messed w my head was she would do really hurtful things and then act like i was crazy for being hurt by them. and i felt dumb looking back for how invested i’d been in the relationship. we had good times. a lot of good times. like that’s another thing, we really were close. i loved her. we were friends for a long time.

then things started to change. we got really close and she told me we were best friends and then she stopped talking to me. like. i remember we shared a table, me her and another friend in math class, and she would talk to him but act like i wasnt there. i never got an explaination for this either. it started to upset me and make me feel crazy but then my birthday came around. she was like are we still going to the aquarium? i remember having this surge of hopefulness and joy like, she hasnt abandoned me! and i just let it go. of course we were going to the aquarium. and she acted so nice the entire night.

then i went off to work at a camp for the summer and had no signal so we werent texting. i sent her messages on facebook but she didnt answer. i shrugged it off. maybe she wasnt checking her messages.

then fall came. and it was like on again off again with her. one day we were friends, the next she was distant and dismissive. and ppl were like, maybe she’s just going through a hard time, but the thing that fucked with me was she didnt treat anyone else like that.

she’d always bailed on me last second and it started to annoy me more. and she’d do these weird things were it was like she was trying to tell me she cared about other people more. one day she publically denied being my best friend despite having told me we were best friends.

at the retreat senior year, idk, i ended up confronting her in the bathroom and she said she was suicidal and that was why she was acting that way. i felt bad. i asked her why she didnt talk to me about it and she said she had a therapist. i guess i felt like this was affecting our relationship so if she was gonna treat me that way i should know and be able to help her, but i also felt guilty about it.

so the next few months was me battling feeling bad about the way she treated me and instead trying to build her up. i wanted her to know i thought she was beautiful and valuable. i made sure she had lots of friends and encouragement. my school was p fucked and she’d been bullied by people in our grade. the year before she made cupcakes for everyone and people refused to get up and go try them. i got extremely mad at them and went around the school to round up other people so she wouldnt be alone. i did a lot of that kind of thing. it was like i was trying to give her self-esteem and a friend group.

all that seemed to happen was that she became unstable, going between high and low self-esteem. when she felt good about herself she treated me like a playtoy she could throw away or fiddle with depending on her mood. when she felt bad about herself she couldnt really be a friend and just was miserable and needed support.

i just thought if i could love her enough it would be okay. i realized looking back how stupid i had been. i was a dramatic teenager so after we stopped being friends i deleted all the emails i ever sent her and realized how much more i had talked to her and reached out than the other way around. and presents were another thing. in junior year i made her a book. special made with all her favorite things. and she like bought me a kids book or something like that, one that had nothing to do with my interests.

her birthday senior year rolled around. i was in charge of planning her party. i bought a bucket and filled it with her favorite things, it cost me over 100 dollars which was a lot of money for high school me. then she cancelled the morning of and made me tell everyone.

i was absolutely devastated. i cried the entire day. i went out with one of the friends who was gonna go to the party but i didnt feel good at all. we went to kareoke and i cried singing the songs, no matter their mood.

the next day i went to see her with the present. i may as well give it to her since i spent the money. on the way there i started to feel guilty. what if something bad had happened? what if she wasnt okay? how selfish was i?

then i got there and she welcomed me in. smiling, nice. no feelings beyond surface level.

she’d lied to me. she told me her parents made her cancel but it wasnt true. she’d had a sleepover with someone else. she just said she was suicidal again but she wouldnt actually let me in at all. so i had to put up with any way she treated me because she was struggling. it didnt matter what i felt or what i was going through.

i started to split while we were there and she could tell.

i texted her later and said i wasnt going to talk to her at school and play nice until we actually sat down and dealt with things. she didnt answer me for three days and so i didnt talk to her at school. she started to freak out that i was doing that. i also told some people i was mad at her and what she had done. that resulted in her telling the staff of the school i was bullying her and i had to go to the office. i didnt get in trouble but it just made me madder. it was especially fucked up because she was suddenly friends with the people who HAD bullied her. she wanted approval not from me, a socially isolated loser, but from the cool kids who’d been mean to her.

i kept trying to talk things out with her. and then she accused me of being in love with her. even though i’d never told her she knew i was a lesbian. it was crushing. and she kept denying she’d done anything to hurt me.

i just wouldnt talk to her and pretend we were still friends if we werent going to deal with things. i avoided her. then we graduated and went on the senior trip. right at the end of it she came up to me and apologized. i fell to pieces. i sobbed and kept saying i was sorry over and over. she said she knew she’d hurt me. i thought we would be friends again.

then when we were going home she just shut me down again. instead of talking to me she had other friends to talk to. i wanted to reestablish our relationship but nope.

she didnt talk to me the entire summer. i was pretty much ready to move on. but once she started college all of a sudden she wanted to be friends again. the way i saw it was once she was separated from all her other support she went back to the idiot loser who would do anything for her. she only really talked to me when she was in emotional crisis and she didnt listen to anything i said, she just spiraled.

when i stopped answering her she got obsessive and kept texting and calling me over and over and over. i decided to block her number but first i reached out to her parents to check if she was okay. they said she was fine and expressed surprise she was talking to me because she’d told them how terrible i was. and that was the end of it.

if i could talk to her now, i guess i’d say like. on the one hand i dont hold it against her because she was a teenager and ive treated people shitty myself. but i think it would do me good to be able to confront her and just say how much she hurt me and ask me why she did it, if i ever really meant anything to her. we were friends for all of high school, right until that last semester. thats a long time, at least for a young person. i was really dedicated to her. i loved her. i wanted to help her. i wanted to stay her friend. i dont understand why i wasnt good enough for her and what i did wrong. did she even think of me as a person? why did she do that to me? why did she act like my friend in the first place?

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celestialallstars · 5 years

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Episode #16: “Well, this is the end folks.” - Stephen

I WANT TO QUIT

I AM GOING TO QUIT

MICHAEL DESERVED BETTER HE WAS MY FUCKING F2 AND BEST FRIEND IN THIS GAME AND IM SO FUCKINF MAD I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN THIS FUCK THIS CASST SO MUCH I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING

#FuckChris

FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST

EITHER IM QUITTING OR IM WINNING OUT OF SPITE WATCH THIS SPACE

Feel like pure shit just want Michael back

Bryce messaging me like “hey bowling ball” SHUT UR FUCKING FACE BRYCE DO NOT START TRYING TO TALK TO ME RN I AM MAD AT YOU

I MADE FINAL FIVE AND I HAVE AN IDOL I LEARNED MY MISTAKES IM MAKING FINAL FOUR I BEAT MY PLACEMENT WOOO I makin sure history dont be repeating doe

Alrighty, I am hoping that one of Chloe or Zach leaves this round. I dont know how the idol is going to go but I think Chloe's the safest bet for us as I still feel Zach could have it. Still, I can't risk a Loris situation so I would prefer it if Stephen won immunity. I do feel bad for him and I just hope he still trusts me even if I lost a little last night. Right now I think if Crystal Clear is the F4 then it could do a lot of good if anyone but Bryce wins it but I hope Stephen is wanting to go to the end still now

So, THAT happened. Chris lied and sided with Bryce and Zach instead of splitting like we planned! Greeaaaaaat.

He says it happened shortly before tribal, but when he told me his reason, he said it was because of Michael attempting to make an F3 deal, which is something that happened the day before.

I did have an interesting chat with Zach where he said me and him are essentially seen as Chris and Bryce's +1's and our chances of winning sitting next to them might be pretty low based on that perception. Obviously I want Bryce out before Chris, but I need to start realistically thinking of cutting Chris at some point. He did go behind my back here and staying blindly loyal despite that just seems foolish. He said he'd use the idol on me this round which is great and all, but if Bryce wins immunity... well... what are my options? Honestly the best case scenario is me or Chris winning immunity just so we can be sure about playing the idol on the one who loses and voting Bryce out.

I hope that bad scenario doesn't have to play out, but let's just say at this point I think Zach and Chloe are my best possible F3. Which is interesting considering I just tried to get Zach out!

It does kinda suck to hear Michael say what he said. I get he was upset but like I dunno. It didnt help but at the same time I don't feel too bad knowing that he made an f3 without me in it. My hope was that it makes the others think more on NOT bringing me to the end so I want to use it to my advantage as much as I can to still win it all if its possible

This vote has been so messy it's ridiculous. I know Chris has the idol and is likely playing it on himself, so I'm trying to get Zach and Chloe to throw their vote on him so me and Chris can decide who goes. I was considering actually voting him out for a bit but I don't think that's feasible without their being an imminent reason for him to use the idol on someone else.

So I told Chloe and Zach the plan, and I told Bryce the plan was Chloe and used idol-fear as my fake reason. Hopefully it's a strong enough justification for him to buy it and just vote for her, but he's immune so he personally has nothing to fear tonight. It's been a hard day and I hope everything pans out as I expect and I'm not on the bad end of all the plans LOL.

im in f4 wooh but no chance at winning i think im gonna be blindsided by zach tonight so thats fun if chris goes im legit over but idk how to fix that i ened to make sure chris votes stephen with me but idt he will

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Chloe: How does michael leaving impact the game?

Michael leaving the game probably means it’s a bit more open for people to make moves and shake things up even more which is TERRIFYING. In my eyes Michael had a lot of control over people that was going unnoticed.

go to an optometrist queen

im trying to do stuff but who knows oh well LOL SDGMLKDSGKDSGKDMSKGDSK i want chris out but he probs has idol all i know is unless theres an idol nullifier i be makin f4 tho

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Chloe is voted out 2-2-1. She becomes the eighth member of our jury.

Watch Chloe’s exit interview take place below:

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Welp! I've survived probably my closest call all game. I wish I could make it to the end while being targeted a bit less but I can settle for this. Anyway, selecting Chloe to be my target ended up being the correct decision, since she was the only person other than me who could be targeted. I'm so close to the end again, and the people still in don't see me as much of a winner threat. I hope they're wrong sksksksksksks

I think winning this immunity challenge and being the reason Bryce goes home could boost my odds quite a bit, but I need to be ready for the possibility of not winning the immunity challenge as well. Still, I have F2 deals with Chris and Zach, so that's another reason to avoid wanting to choose between them here. No reason to make anyone madder than they need to be.

I guess a lot is riding on the last comp and I enjoy it because it does show how it isn't clear cut as far as what will happen next.

ok so results in 2.5 hours and i know im not winning its so sad but its just sth that i have to face. i tried my hardest at endurance but fell alseep. before and after.. i have no brain. counting? literally my least fave thing on orgs the actual anxiety it gives me is unreal. winterbells???? anyways. the puzzle prob the only thign i can do alright at and i just know zach beat me at it too. and like just like my og season i feel like if i dont win i go home.at least there i dont think maynor would have voted me but here i dont have a maynor and i will get 3-1'd even tho i dont think its the right move like ugh this is so sad i rly just wanted to show i deserved my win and my spot on all stars and i cant even win final immunity its so embarrassing why do i even play orgs this will be my last mark my WORDS going out on one of my fave orgs ever will be cute anyway yay wooh haha im so random...

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im so sad like im depressed this sucks im gonna get 3-1'd for WHAT why wont zach take me what could i have done differently except be better at immunity like ive had no agency since f9 rhys blindside and its like that has been annoying but it was always with the end goal being yes i may not have gotten to play how i wanted to but at least ill make ftc how cute. but i dont even get to do that and its like ppl just say i was a shield well i have feelings and i dont like being used as a shield why am i so melodramatic its literally an online game but im just tired of being used and thrown away and so what if ive listened to liability 10 times since i woke up this morning that has nothing to do with me feeling like im a toy that ppl grow bored of.

Its been one heck of a rollercoaster but I have a little faith for this last tribal. I was sad to have lost the final challenge but I feel it can perhaps help my overall game if Im able to make it to the final three. With that in mind, its time to enact my final plan. While I have openly acknowledged Bryce's threat level to people I sorta was in need of certain things falling into place- Zach winning was the first part even if it would have been nice for Stephen/myself. Now is the part I pretty much spell it out for him that taking Bryce not only equals less jury votes but also could take votes that Zach would have since Bryce is viewed as the stronger of the duo. I basically have to make Zach be fully on board to get out his biggest threat to winning.

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As for Bryce, it was nice to play with him but I do hope he is serious about voting Stephen because it then guarantees that not only am I safe but that I can get him out. Alas Justice4Mitch has never died but if I can pull it off after basically convincing Bryce I was not against him while also just painting Zach as a necessary meat shield then I have a chance! I dunno how it would go down with the jury but thats moot until I see "18th person voted out and the final member of the jury...@Bryce"

So I made a bit of a mistake last night. Zach won immunity and I assumed it was pretty clear Bryce was gonna go 3-1 no strings attached, and I told him my reasons for voting him. Bryce isn't giving up though. He came up with a plan with Chris to get Zach to put his vote on Chris, and then the 2 of them vote me out. It's not the craziest idea I've ever heard which is why I think I made a mistake telling Bryce the truth.

Knowing this, I went to Zach and told him everything about this plan. Hopefully it makes Zach too gun-shy to consider voting for Chris and, since I don't think he wants me out that only leaves Bryce as an option. I wish I was immune and had nothing to worry about but here we are! If Bryce can dig himself out of this he'll have a really good shot to win though. And Chris/Zach have to be aware of that.

youtube

im livid im depressed and my hair is such a mess.

this is likely my penultimate confessional [that is lengthy] so here we go.

i won immunity. im so happy. I MADE FINAL TRIBAL!! even if i lose, i still made it here, in an allstar season - which is just phenomenal. top 3 out of 21... WOO! and i beat my placement and improved my game (in my subjective opinion) and so i feel like i got what i wanted out of this game. i didn't even need the immunity tbh but.. it's just a relief to have it because it secures my game and allows me a bit more control than the average person at F4.

when it comes to the vote, i think the frontrunners are chris + bryce. i think neither are a cut-and-dry win, but i think they are the two people that the jury is currently praising to a degree. it's also known that those two are on the chopping block for this round, and i believe i'm in a swing vote position (stephen/chris voting bryce, bryce voting chris - i can tie it or send bryce home).

this is where it becomes tricky. i love all these people, especially bryce. he's my best friend and we've been through this game hand in hand. i would love to see him win, and i would prefer him as a victor over stephen/chris (no offence to them, just as personal taste obviously). but, i think he's an obstacle for me come FTC. the jury has perceived me to be his goat (or just a follower of his), and while that's not true (both bryce and i have played briefly separate games and have taken some control at varying points), perception matters a lot. like, it's not reality - but it is critical to who wins this game. so i think i need to do my utmost best to reverse that perception.

my main strategy throughout merge (and i mentioned this in early confessionals) was to highlight bryce as a bigger threat [giving him another challenge win, hyping him up to people, etc.] so that in our inevitably perceived duo, he would be the bigger fish to fry. while at times this failed (ie f8 when I was the target of the split vote), i fixed it by ensuring jared's elimination because he was the person keeping bryce alive and that was awareness!! woo!! but overall, with the whole "shield strategy", it becomes redundant imo if you take that shield to FTC. bryce, as someone who's been consistently targeted (him and i both tbh), if he gets to the end, that becomes so impressive. even if he hasn't made many moves or whatever, it's that underdog-like story that likely ensures him the gold in my eyes. i would love to see him win!! he's the best candidate (on a personal level) to be sandra diaz-twine (though he's being so fat to me right now, as i am to him though). but i feel like my prominent strategy only ever comes into fruition if i eliminate him, and that's where i'm leaning (and he knows that).

while chris could win (or even stephen, i won't exclude him), it's all a risk. if they do, then good game!! but i think ive played to a great standard and have proven myself, and i've shown divergence from bryce and others and while some moves failed, i attempted to be flexible and that in and of itself speaks a lot! woo!! this is a deserving final four imo (higher than average for most final ours). this allstar season has been hectic, every vote being so diverse, so regardless of the final outcome, it's an achievement that us four made it here.

i could be majorly misinterpreting this game as a whole, but who cares. chris and stephen are both great speakers, so it'll be a tossup in that regard, but i just have to do what's best. maybe i vote out chris though. i'm torn, and it's not because of what anyone has said, it's just an internalized conflict that's like... do i vote out my best friend but i think it's smarter or do i vote out another threat and just hope the jury can recognize that i had a stronger game than perceived.

i think i know the answer though. and i hope that when he (BRYCE LKSDGLKSD i love him im on call with him ill link a pic below) goes to jury he can be my cheerleader... bc i lav him. if not i understand. but I HOPE he doesn't hate me remotely seriously because i value our friendship immensely... but i didn't come here to play for second. will i get second (or third)? sure. it's possible. but at least i didn't *play* for it, if that makes sense.

link to bryce on cam suffocating himself with a pillow in response to me potentially voting him out: https://imgur.com/BgFRtsK

that's all. MAYBE I DONT WRITE ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL AND LONG AND MY FINGERS ARE CRAMPING. but that's it. love yawls. mwah.

IM SO DEPRESSED IM GETTING 3-1 HOW DO I HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL GAME WHY AM I THE WORST PERSON TO EVER PLAY THE GAME WHATS THE POINT OF PLAY 77 DAYS IF I CANT BE A TWO TIME WINNER I RUIN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I PUSH THROUGH MY EPISODES OF SADNESS TO TRY TO WIN AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BC IM AN UNLIKABLE AND NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO ME IN THE END LIKE THATS SO CRAZY ITS INSANE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613389489154293780/634539770583973888/unknown.png

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i thought most betrayed was jared to me but turns out its zach to me

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Bryce is voted out 3-1. He becomes the ninth and final member of our jury.

Watch Bryce’s exit interview take place below:

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Ahhh I cant believe I made it to FTC. Its pretty surreal to have actually made it after everything's that happened! I am so nervous about FTC because I know a lot of people may not be thrilled to see me and I have to do a lot lf convincing...but this is where I have to try to give everything my all and hope it will work out!

Well, this is the end folks.

My final confessional of All-Stars. Will it be my final Celestial confessional? Who knows. All I know at this point is that my speech is ready and I'm speculating as to what questions I will be asked and what my answers will be. Finally being at the end of an ORG is so surreal but winning this thing after all the nonsense would be so sweet.

Making it to the end with Chris is great too, even if I kinda wish he was just on the jury supporting me. This is our second time playing an ORG together but the first time we played we both went pre-merge, so this really is a big deal for us.

I'm proud of the game I've played though, and I want to make sure that comes across tonight. Even if I ultimately end up losing I won't let myself be called a goat or "just playing for FTC". I came here to win from the very beginning and by the end of the night everyone is going to know that.

I am so nervous for this FTC that I don't think I'll do that good, BUT I'm gonna put on my acting abilities and pretend I am confident and own everything I can! It's do or die and I'm not ready to be six feet under yet!

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So I'm very happy with myself when its all said and done! This was such a journey for me in that whether I win or lose I feel satisfied with myself because I had highs and lows and learned things- wishing my fellow finalists the best of luck and huge thank you to the hosts for allowing this to even exist here :)

________________________________________________________________

Zach wins in an 8-1-0 vote!

#episode #shinebright

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honey-nut-gloomios · 5 years

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im gonna rant for a sec

im only doing it here instead of my spam acc on ig because all my friends are following that and i have like two friends following this so like whatever you know they prolly arent gonna see it anyways and if they do please dont talk about it with me or anyone else i just need to rant this is my fuckin problem i can deal with it on my own okay

but i fucked up i fucked up so hard and i dont know what to do i was so stressed over my homework last night that my anger came out and every tiny thing stressed me out... i fucking chucked my earbuds across the room because my playlist was playing songs i didnt wanna listen too and then i cried because the silence was even worse. this isnt a rare thing— my anger gets out of control fairly often when i get extremely stressed or frustrated. just last week i chucked my phone onto the floor so hard it bounced up and hit the wall and bounced off and fell down the stairs. so. i know i have a problem. im trying to work on it. its hard. it sucks. but you wanna know what i fucking did?

my fucking boyfriend, logan, texted me after i ranted for a quick second in a groupchat were both in, just as a way to scream into the void because no one responds to rants in groupchats. i did that on purpose. he told me i shouldnt rant there because what else is he here for. and i, being fucking beyond pissed off and stressed was acting like a bitch. because everything was pissing me off. including logan. so i text him and i say smth along the lines of “i cant spend any more time texting because i need to get my homework done, shh”. i know it was rude but it wasnt intended to be rude i guess but it turned out rude as hell. and he pulled out a “sorry for wanting to help ig” which he does all the fuckiNG TIME AND IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH BECAUSE ITS SO GUILT TRIPPY AND MANIPULATIVE AND GROSS and so i said that and i said that is not the fucking time to pull that line out!!!! in a really mean text and i immediately said “sorry that was mean” and he got all butthurt about the first text i sent which wasnt that rude considering he knows what im like when i get like that!! but basically we ended up yelling at each other and i was a douchebag and being an asshole and he just kept saying “gn” over and over because he was just trying to get rid of me and now i dont blame him but in the moment it was making me madder and madder to the point of me starting to punch myself in the legs and punch my phone because thats just how i am when i get that mad and frustrated. i was already crying from the stress of my homework and this was all making it worse and i kept telling him he should just fucking leave me because im awful and he was like no why would i leave i love you im never leaving and i fucking opened my mouth and said if you wont leave then i will and i fucking blocked him a few minutes later... i hate myself so much. i fucking ruined everything and that was my one chance... the one fucking time where anyone would be crazy enough to love me and i think i blew it. but weirdly enough a small part of me is relieved. we had been fighting a lot in the past month or two. and im honestly sick of it. but at the same time i miss him and dont wanna let go why did i do that im so fucking dumb!!! i dont know it its over or not and i dont know if i want it to be over or not why am i like this why did i let myself do shit when i was that emotional ???

im sorry i just really dont know whats wrong with me and im struggling so im really sorry for the rant if you made it this far i love you and youre probably one of my irl friends but its okay im okay i dont need like pity or anything im fine just dont ask me about this okay thanks

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hereforcalzona · 6 years

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My Version of Living Under a Rock

You know that feeling when you know you have a lot of friends (in my case just few of them) but you cant really go to them when you keep feeling not okay. Why? Because for me I just dont want to drag them down my lonely state.

Lets get to some of mine one by one and how I think I know why I should not want to bother them with my loneliness right now.

1. Distant Friend

I had a friend from a band I used to play with whom I used to talk to about everything. About my life, (unwanted) family responsibilities, life choices, sexuality and everything in between, faith and relationship with my parents. And now that I know that this person is now set and happy and maybe even fulfilled out there overseas. We seldom or even do not talk to each other anymore since this person got "the visa" she always wanted.

2. Same Wavelength Friend

This one friend is the best among the others even my long term girlfriend. She sees me like deep into my eyes. She always knows the things to say at the right moment. She clears up my head minutes into a conversation. I love this girl. However I dont think I should talk to her either until I sort myself out. She can be prone to being dragged into darkness in an instant. I dont want to do that to her because shes amazing. And she has suicidal tendencies

3. Girlfriend

I have been seeing this girl since forever. We used to talk about life and how shitty our lives are. But keep laughing on the worlds craziness. Then make love all night long while having pillowtalks in between. I love her. But I also dont want to talk her about how I am not ok right now. How I have been not ok in months. Because she has her own personal issues and family issues that is on going. She even broke down infront of me and my family just talking about all those issues.

4. Office colleagues

Well of course theyre last ones who I thought of. They barely know me. I dont know why I included them on this list. Maybe because I was thinking about talking to them. And just realise its not a good idea while I compose this blog post.

5. Older sister

Shes my bestest friend in the world. But she doesnt understand that I have a condition. I am always lonely. Shes born a happy kid. So she easily finds a way to turn her sadness around. Thats why I think I should not talk to her about my loneliness either. Shes already taken over all financial burdens we have. I dont want to add further weight on her shoulders.

You all may have noticed I havent mentioned any male friend in this post. Thats because I dont have any. Not even a male relative. I kind of hate men. I havent found one that is ok. And who could really make me open up to him. I wish i have that one friend who I can talk to when Im like this.

Guess Tumblr is that kind of friend.

I always tend to write here when I cant find anyone to talk to. And it kind og helps. It takes my mind off getting even sadder or madder that I am like this. Always sad. Always angry. Always want to be isolated. Always in the dark. Always alone. Even in my own thoughts.

Dont even know what to pray for anymore. Maybe I should just start praying for everyone else and hope someone I know prays for me too.

I just wonder...what would it be like if I was free. Free to do the things I want to do. Free from financial worries and responsibilities. Free from the chaos of corporate life. Free from human criticisms. Free from any metrics. Free from the noise of the city. Free from fastpacing society. Free from electronics. Just free.

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survivor-themyscira-blog · 6 years

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OKAY SO, I just realized that I might not have sent in a confessional pre-tribal. I actually wrote part of this confessional ahead of time, didn’t submit it, and just now noticed it sitting in a word document. So this is what I wrote.

…

WELP. Tonight’s about to be a hell of a lot messier than it was yesterday. I thought that it’d just be a clean 10-1 vote with Ian dipping out, but I guess it’s going to be something more chaotic. I don’t know exactly how much fault I am to blame for that, but right now I’m just trying to harness the chaos and figure out who’s doing what.

I can see myself, Ian, or Kai being the targets tonight. I think that a lot of people are trying to reassure me that I’m safe, and it’s worked a bit because I’m not as on-edge as I was before. I mean, I’m still anxious as hell but it’s a different kind of anxiety. Now I have to figure out what I’m gonna do about this idol thing I’ve got.

According to a few people, everyone assumes I’ve got some sort of advantage as it is just because I came back and didn’t have a power out in the open for everyone to see. I figured there’d be some sort of suspicion around me not blatantly being immune for my first tribal council as a returner, so the quicker I can toss this thing out in the open, the better.

Jack, Logan, and I believe Rhone (I could be wrong on that one) have all pretty much said that Ian is receiving their votes tonight. And it sounds like a great plan and all, but there’s a lot of suspicion on whether these people want to actually go ahead and tell me what’s going on or not. I think that Kai is their best bet at getting rid of someone on the bottom, and they aren’t sure if I’ve caught onto that or not.

Emily and I were talking and she listed four names that had come up. Me, Ian, Kai, and Nicholas. I hadn’t heard Kai (but had my suspicions) and certainly didn’t expect Nicholas to come up either. I’ve been really concentrated on grouping everyone into two factions: Jordan Pines’ Alliance (the majority), and The Minority. Publicly, everyone can view me as being in the middle. Certainly, the majority doesn’t need another number as the minority is so small that it doesn’t make much sense to bring me into the fold on any votes.

…

I cut it where I left off so there isn’t any issues with it being like, false. Anyways, at the time, my plan was to definitely idol Kai because I was thinking that there was a chance I was being fooled, or that there was a plan to split the votes. I figured that Toph was going to vote for Nicholas just on a whim, as Emily said that Toph was the one to bring up multiple names, including Nicholas’.

Let the record show that this entire time, I’m telling Kai and Ian that this idol in my possession is only eligible for this first merge vote with me included. I’m a bad liar and kept over-selling the point so it’s possible everyone saw through my bullshit, but NOW I’m telling Ian and only Ian that the idol was not a one-time thing because like, there’s no point in lying. I cannot tell Jack the truth because he’s only going to get madder at me.

God… This vote was really fucking crazy. Let’s get caught up to speed. I had NO clue that Rhone was going to go home tonight, and I certainly would’ve been way interested in voting off Rhone over Nicholas as it would’ve saved me a little bit of time and energy. I made a group chat with Ian and Kai and like, tried really hard to solidify an alliance but these bitches totally just screwed me and didn’t say a DAMN THING about this vote.

Ian gave me the “well its better if less people knew” argument. And like okay, cool, I’m fine that we got rid of a threat BUT I even said “lets just do Rhone maybe!” because I felt as though Rhone was a bigger threat. I was the person telling them who to vote for. It’s not like I was running around trying to blow up their plans or anything, I was feeding them my personal agenda. But they shot it down and said nah, Nicholas is a bigger threat.

It saves them a lot of face, though. I’ll give them that. There are a lot of people who are gonna take more heat for this entire fiasco than either of them ever will. I wish I had just stuck to my guns and went for Ian, but like… clearly that was all for nothing because NOBODY followed through. I think I’ve put myself in a really hair situation now because not only am I down an idol, but TONS of people are capital Pissed at me for playing it on Ian when THEY WANTED IAN GONE. I tried to fuck them all over, doesn’t matter that Rhone went home or not.

Another thing is that this really opens up a lot about Toph’s game. I’m actually really impressed that he was able to pull this stunt off because of his double vote advantage. From what I understand, this helped people believe that voting out Rhone was totally within reach. Yet… none of those people came to me to talk about that deal. I think that I’m the person taking the biggest fall for the vote because my plans utterly failed.

Idk man. I’m worried about jury votes now, too. I definitely burned those on the bottom not named Ian or Kai, but I think Ian and Kai are resting pretty on the top?? With Madeline and Toph?! Fuck.

I did what I could today to apologize and make amends with the nuHippos from when I was voted out. I don’t know if they’re going to stick around much longer but I think that the apologies were received well. I’m still watching out for Toph because he seems like such a shady little shit, but clearly Ian and Kai are in cahoots with him enough to blindside half the tribe.

I don’t know for certain if playing my idol was a good move or not. It was just messy. It was kind of an unnecessary risk by telling Ian and Kai in the first place, but I knew I needed to deposit some trust in them so they could at least return some interest. It was all for nothing as they didn’t tell me about the whole Rhone blindside, so I’m kinda hurt by that… but I tell myself that I cannot be a baby about it right now. I simply can’t get upset that they did that to me when I did it to them long ago. Maybe this is my karma. I can feel completely unsteady for one more vote before I finally find a path in this game.

Also, Jack spilled some major tea on this five person alliance he is in. I figure its Jack, Logan, Emily, Nicholas, and possibly Rhone with Lily as an affiliate? I’m not sure though, he didn’t specify names. Just Emily and Nicholas plotting to get me out at the final ten, go figure. I guess I was supposed to vote for Ian to prove my trust to them, even though literally Logan doesn’t trust me, Nicholas is a douche to me, and Lily thought I was gonna vote her out. Awesome. Jack is like, genuinely upset at me for not sticking to my word and working with them. I’m going to have to do some SERIOUS damage control with all of these people and figure out wtf I’m gonna do next. Maybe by me voting for Nicholas, I proved trust to those I thought were in the minority – a newly banded Majority in the wake of the Fall of Pines. So maybe I found my footing again, who tf knows.

I think at this point, my game is officially demolished. I’m staying positive and looking at this like a house of cards. Though the cards are lying on the floor around me, I can start over again and I’m on an even playing field with everybody now. I’ve got a reward challenge and an immunity challenge to act as a buffer before we have to go back to a messy ass tribal.. I hope I can win one or both of them to get my hands on some sort of immunity, be it an idol or a necklace. I DO NOT want to get tenth place, I’m going for gold this time around y’all. If my messy ass can beat Jordan fucking Pines, what can’t I do?

I CANNOT BELIEVE WE DID IT AGAIN. ANOTHER IDOL PLAY ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL BLINDSIDE LMAO

[11/9/17, 12:15:30 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: what makes u think I’m gonna get idoled out!!!

[11/9/17, 12:15:37 AM] Emily: OMG

[11/9/17, 12:16:13 AM] Emily: I didn’t know who to put I didn’t think you’d be likely to get a majority of votes for things should an idol be played like that might be the only way

[11/9/17, 12:16:16 AM] Emily: I don’t know

[11/9/17, 12:16:23 AM] Emily: I read into touchy subjects too much

[11/9/17, 12:16:29 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: Hehe

[11/9/17, 12:16:44 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: Can’t get idoled out if ur the one w the idol tho

[11/9/17, 12:16:48 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: :)

[11/9/17, 12:17:11 AM] Emily: I also said you for date for my personal BUT I TAKE IT BACK

[11/9/17, 12:17:13 AM] Emily: IF UR MEAN

[11/9/17, 12:17:16 AM] Emily: oh wait what

[11/9/17, 12:17:20 AM] Emily: LQOABJANAJA LOGAN WHAT

[11/9/17, 12:17:22 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: HEHEHEHE

[11/9/17, 12:17:26 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: I found it the other day!

[11/9/17, 12:17:36 AM] Emily: LOGAN

[11/9/17, 12:17:38 AM] Emily: ANKWNWKWNWKWNWJ

[11/9/17, 12:17:40 AM] Emily: IM SCREECHING

[11/9/17, 12:17:41 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: I KNOW

[11/9/17, 12:17:48 AM] Emily: WHERE WAS SHE

[11/9/17, 12:17:58 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: BEHIND THE STATUE OF ATHENA

[11/9/17, 12:18:09 AM] Emily: WOW

[11/9/17, 12:18:15 AM] Emily: I’m so shook

[11/9/17, 12:18:40 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: i was shooK

[11/9/17, 12:19:20 AM] Emily: NAKANKA

[11/9/17, 12:19:24 AM] Emily: I AM TOO

[11/9/17, 12:19:34 AM] Emily: so like who knows about it???

[11/9/17, 12:19:42 AM] Emily: not like I’m going to tell I won’t

[11/9/17, 12:19:54 AM] Emily: is that even a good question to ask

[11/9/17, 12:19:55 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: Only u so far

[11/9/17, 12:19:58 AM] Emily: omg

[11/9/17, 12:20:02 AM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: i don’t want it getting out

[11/9/17, 12:20:09 AM] Emily: I won’t I promise

[11/9/17, 12:20:14 AM] Emily: my lips are sealed

SO LOGAN JUST FKSDJFKA TOLD ME JFDSKLJAL HE HAS FKDSAS AN IDOL AND I AM LITERALLY GONNA SHIT MYSELF JDLJFALS THIS IS SO COOL BUT IDK WHAT TO DO WITH THIS INFO BECAUSE LIKE U KNOW IM VERY MUCH LOYAL TO DUDES, DAMES, AND A DEUTCH BUT ALSO LIKE LOGAN HAS THIS IDOL AND IM....... WHEW I DONT WANT TO TELL DDD BUT I THINK I MIGHT BECAUSE THEY'RE WANTING TO GO AFTER LOGAN AND FJSDKJFALS WHILE MADELINE IAN AND JACK ARE OFF ON THIS REWARD (IM FINE WITH MADELINE TAKING JACK IT'S GOOD THAT SHE DOESN'T REVEAL HOW CLOSE WE ARE) I CANT EVEN TALK IN DDD AND KAI IS ASLEEP FUCKING BRITS WHATEVER JFKDSFLAJFSALD HOSTS IM SCREAM IM SCREAM I AM A SCREAM

https://youtu.be/t5G5JomnL9A

Whew. I've been severely lacking in the confessional department.

SO. I found a fake idol after being left out of yet another vote. Which is great. Emily and Kai think it's real, Jack knows it's fake.

Kai and I had a blowup and now?? We're working together.

I think it's gonna be 6-4 Nicholas Jaiden but I just don't know

Rip

So I do like that Madeline has taken to calling me Golden Boy, that's one thing I always wanted to be called in a survivor game. I don't like that everyone is now pointing out the fact I have been immune for three rounds... Hold up guys, I didn't win the first two immunities. I played Kai's idol the first time to take out Jordan because well EMILY WAS THE LEAK. The second round the idol played on me didn't really matter, Rhone would have still gone home. I swear these people don't pay attention at all. Jack was like, "It feels good surviving a tribal while not being immune" HOMIE, I would have survived the Rhone vote because my allies were/are better than your allies.

#whatidoisnotuptoyou #athena11 #episodes

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