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tufzy-baybey · 11 months

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could i have some caregiver hanzo, lifeweaver and/or ramattra headcanons with/for an adult regressor please? (*^‿^*) your hcs so far have been so cool and give me so much comfort ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

EEK OMG OFC OFC :3

I'm so sorry I didn't post this as quickly as possible i currently have a bunch of finals lol ٩(๑꒦ິȏ꒦ິ๑)۶

FIRST UP HANZOOOO!!!1!

You do have to explain to him how your coping mechanisms work, he asks a few questions then and there, and listening very well, even if he stays quiet for a bit.

After a few questions he seems to understand really well, like once you explain it to him once he's already got it!

As someone with a lot a trauma he understands your struggle (╥﹏╥)

He really wants to help you, like he doesnt want your mental health no where near his, so when he found out you don't really have a caregiver he practically just assigned himself to the job lol

What I mean by this is that he happened to be around when you were age regressing, and literally just went with it as a caregiver.

As time went on you both accepted you roles, with the occasional question just to make sure no ones uncomfortable :3

First time he wasn't perfect, obvi!

He just made sure he was in the room with you, making sure you were happy while in little space.

You definitely tried to interact with him a few times, but since he didn't really know what to do he would give you quick responses and a pat on the head, while he read himself a book, he was scared of doing something wrong, but he simply made sure he was near you <3

After a while he gets a lot more comfortable with being your caregiver, so don't worry!

Definitely gives you two blue dragon plushies?!?! You take them everywhere in case you need comfort and it just melts his heart like???

He loves babying you so much.

Baby voice baby voice BABY VOICE

In a way, this has also become a coping mechanism for him, caring for someone when before he did the opposite </3

Both of you need each other at the end of the day, romantic, platonically, or whatever! You both heal a little by each day. ♡

Life Weaver ain't no wife leaverrrrr

I don't really know much about life Weaver other than he's gay and pretty chill lol

When you tell him your coping mechanism, you don't have to explain to him, he already knows, doesn't say how he knew though.

When you told him you currently had not caregiver, he asked if you'd like for him to take on the role.

You two talked about it a little more, a lot more communication! :3

Be prepared for a bunch of lotus/flower themed gifts! (Mostly baby stuff though)

DEFF GIVES YOU THIS PLUSHIE

All for cuddling with you if you ask!

You both communicate a lot to make sure none of you guys are uncomfortable or want anything specific :3

Definitely puts on winx club depending on how far down you agere (you cannot tell me he didn't watch that show! He so pretended to be a fairy!)

Tinkerbell franchise too!

Lots of baby snacks for you!

Mostly fruit cut out by a flower or heart shaped cookie cutter (≡^∇^≡)

He loves spoiling you and playing games with you so much it makes him so happy to see you be so comfortable around him <3

Some tickle monster attacks! But does not tickle you for more than like 20 seconds, doesn't want you overstimming, or possibly because some people don't like too much tickling :3

Forehead kisses!

Doesn't matter what your relationship is outside of your coping mechanism, you two are real close, he'll just pop out into your house and just hang out, same goes with the other way around!

Totally plays dolls (BARBIE AND WINX DOLLS, some are monster high too!)

(Sorry there isn't a lot of content for lifeweaver :'3)

I swear I could do a better job at decorating Ram's banner but j couldn't find anything good on picsart ಥ_ಥ

I decided to cut this in two parts, since Ram has a lot of past trauma with humans, so one part is specifically for an omnic reader. (But some human reader headcanons do apply to the omnic ones!)

Omnic specific

You two have known each other since the omnic crisis, but you two were never that close.

The whole crisis did bring everyone together though, there were times where groups of Omnics would simply relax, cuddle (at least imitating the act if cuddling) and repair each other, it became a way of bonding, in a way.

After the omnic crisis however, you, Ramattra, Zenyatta, and a few other omnics became a lot more closer.

After one day of just hanging out with Zenyatta and Ramattra, you confess about your coping mechanism.

Zenyatta feels so enlightened now that you found a way to cope and to heal from your suffering.

Ramattra however, feels a little sad, he is happy to see you healing, but he can't help but feel you wouldn't have to heal if you weren't broken up into pieces during the omnic crisis o(ㄒoㄒ)

You were never really a child, but age regressing helps you feel safer, took you to an Imaginary place and time with no omnic crisis, no trauma, no baggage..

Ramattra didn't know you currently didn't have a caretaker, but didn't investigate on that part.

(Kinda like hanzo) he legit just started to take care of you during little space!

He's a lot more physically affectionate, hugging you and cradling you around.

EXTRA ARMS = MORE CUDDLES!!! (≡^∇^≡)

Human version!

(Again some of these can apply to omnic readers, that's why I just wrote more of a backstory back there!)

You and Ram both met by Zenyatta, you were one of his students.

Ramattra obviously didn't like you at first, just like Genji he very much did not trust you at all!

He learned about your age regressing through Zenyatta (with permission ofc!)

He's still skeptical around you, but no longer sees you as a physical threat (never really saw you as one anyways) but he's a lot less rude and suspicious around you.

The more Ram learned about you the more pity he felt for your experiences.

He accidentally walked in on you in your little space (whether it was uncontrollably age regressing or planned) he was a little taken aback, because he didn't exactly plan on what he'd do if he was with you during your little space.

You were like a nervous child, hiding and peeking out of your hiding place when you saw him, you knew your relationship wasn't the best exactly. :;(∩´﹏`∩);:

He saw this as you being vulnerable, which you were to him; he didn't want to do anything that would change your perspective of him negatively or change your relationship negatively, he was just starting to like you too! Ó╭╮Ò

After a but of silence, you thought he was just gonna walk away. But he just sat down, cross legged.

Once he sat down you crawled out of your hiding space, still a little nervous.

Surprisingly he started the conversation, asking why you are alone, especially in little space, you sat cross legged too in front of him, and quietly explained you don't have anyone to really take care of you, but you still manage.

After a few seconds of processing, he finally speaks up, "Then...I shall..supervise you until then." He said, a little hesitation in his voice, he didn't want to sign up to something he wasn't experienced in, but he also didnt want you alone vulnerable, his mind would spiral into all the different (and some not-so-logical) ways you could get hurt during little space, if it weren't for you lighting up hearing his proposal. He found that kinda wholesome and cute in a way, not that he would voice it out loud though.

Even though he didn't exactly say he was your caretaker, in a way it was since you never really got a replacement for him, not that you needed to though <3

He's a bit more on the quiet side on the few first days, when ever you would accidentally touch him he couldn't help but flinch, he'd apologize under his own imitation of a breath, but he definitely wasn't at fault, he's a very traumatized omnic ಥ_ಥ

Slowly but surely he does get comfortable with you, he won't flinch with you touch him and he's more talkative towards to in a more natural way.

He'll never tell you this but he finds taking care of a someone smaller and vulnerable makes him feel at peace somehow, like it makes him feel better for all those omnics he couldnt help..

You'd have to ask him to carry you and cuddle first, otherwise he won't initiate anything, at this point he's no longer scared or suspicious of you, he's just scared to accidentally hurt you in a way where he won't be allowed to take care of you anymore :(

He's a little stiff and awkward when cuddling or cradling you, you would have to reassure him a few times you'd be okay!

He needs LOTS of communication or body language to understand what makes you most comfortable and safe.

On his free time he'd definitely carve and paint some wooden toys for you, but if someone walks in on him he'd simply say it's a carving of something else, if it's you however he won't bother hiding it (unless it's a surprise, but poor guy he's so obvious when hiding something you already know when he's doing it)

He loves to examine your face, either just cupping it and staring at you, or gently pinching your cheeks, tracing your eyebrows and booping your nose!

He's very attentive, if something is slightly off with your body language or your tone, he will definitely ask if there's something wrong or worse, if there's a human making you feel negatively.

Don't get me wrong he really likes you at this point, but that doesn't mean he likes other humans! (•ˋ _ ˊ•)

Not used to name calling, maybe just call him Ram, Rammy or any other nickname instead of parental nicknames :3

In a way, healing yourself also heals Ramattra in a way, so it's a win-win situation.

He is still very much traumatized, and he definitely feels uncomfortable when he's in a vulnerable situation with you, it's nothing against you, things like that just take a lottttt of time (〃∀〃)ゞ

Also lots of star gazing or meditating in the woods (he'd be meditating and you'd probably be in his lap playing with your wooden toys)

Sometimes small animals come to examine what you two are doing, they either get scared by your sudden movement or get scared, Ramattra doesn't mind either way, as long as you aren't getting into any trouble like getting into poison ivy lol. ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙

In the end of the day, you two are good friends, after a bit of time you will most likely get closer, into what you two become is up to you :3

This took a while to get out and I'm sorry for that lol! Anyways I love you and keep age regress safely <333

#ow2 agere #agere #ow2 #ow2 hanzo #ow2 lifeweaver #ow2 Ramattra #overwatch

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heavenlyhoundoom · 9 months

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Knd x AWISC au part 5(warning: Transphobia).

(While Monty, Carter, and Linda have different classes than Benedict, the one time the four are together in school(besides lunch) is drama club. It's one of the few clubs that both predators and prey animals can attend alongside Music club, Art club, Book club, and Best friends international.)

Mr.Eucalus (Koala): Gather around, Students.

(The students gathered around, ready for the day's agenda.)

Mr.Eucalus: We have four new members. Say hello to Cindy Viper(Viper, obviously), Zack Thorax(dragonfly), Sadie Scarlet(Parrot), and Timothy Woodchuck(groundhog).

(The four introduce themselves to the club members.)

MS.Barkson(Borzoi): This year's upcoming play will be the reenactment of the final days of the Pred-Prey war, the first war where women fought alongside men.

MS.Barkson: Now before we do anything else, what role do each of the new members want.

Timothy: Actors team, all eyes must be on me!

Cindy: I'd like to be on Actors team too, I always loved playing pretend.

Sadie: I want to be a part of the sound team, please.

Zack: And I would like to join the props, sets, and scenery part of the Stage team.

MS.Barkson: Alright, then the first day's agenda will be introducing the new members to each of the respective crew they joined.

(Sadie was introduced to Bob(lynx), Logan(tortise), and Ella(rabbit), Zack was introduced to Carter, Tyson (golden eagle), and Winifred(spider), Cindy was introduced to the actresses, Autumn(red panda), Zoe(cheetah), Stacy(swan), Muriel(black bear), Ramona(hornet), and Linda, and Timothy was introduced to the actors, Monty, Aaron(komodo dragon), Greg(chicken), William(white tiger), Henry (Skunk), and Benedict.)

Timothy: Mr.Eucalus, there isn't an equal amount of boys and girls.

Benedict:(agitated) What are you insinuating?

Mr.Eucalus: Now, Benedi-

Timothy: I'm saying that there's clearly a boy amongst the real actresses. (Points to Linda.)

Linda: How could you!?

(Linda starts to cry in Benedict's arms after hearing Timothy's transphobic comment.)

Benedict: You know, you got a lot of nerve to say something like that!

Timothy: Why can't you handle the truth?

Benedict: It is not the truth and you know it!

MS.Barkson: Alright, break it up, you two.

Mr.Eucalus: Timothy, you need to at least pretend to be tolerant of everyone if you want to stay in the club.

Timothy: Don't have to, my dad's rich and can bride the school to keep me in drama club.

(Timothy shows everyone a thick wad of cash, showing that they couldn't do shit, annoying everyone.)

Benedict in thought: (And I thought I hated Kenneth the most, at least he isn't aware that he's being an asshole. I hope he gets devoured after pissing off the wrong predator!)

The end of part 5

(If you support Timothy, then unfollow me, because I hate transphobes and queerphobes in general.)

#codename knd #monty uno #benedict uno #ocs #a wolf in sheep's clothing #furry #alternate universe #queerphobia

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mjm5655 · 3 months

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name : yamai yutaka position ( s ) : leader of yamai syndicate, former member of tabata family. race : human gender : male sexuality : bisexual relationship status : single ; verse dependent. nationality : japanese/american ( obtained ). age : 51 ( ages in real time ) birthday : 1973/01/31 birthplace : tokyo, japan. height : 6'0" ( 184cm ) weight : 74kg ( 163lbs )

family : tba.

yamai was known to be a reckless young yakuza when he was part of the tojo clan, his recklessness is what resulted him in running to hawaii. when in hawaii, he forms his own group, the yamai syndicate of men that were associated with him, & eventually, any japanese citizen in hawaii who were seeking a safe haven, he is able to obtain them american citizenships.

he is cold, but caring in a way, & has a sense of honour, he doesn't have any satisfaction fighting someone when they are down. he is seen as a real yakuza by ichiban who he ends up bonding with as much as he finds that annoying. ichiban gets him to unleash a side of himself that isn't usually shown.

yamai was an ordinary member of the tabata family in his early years of a yakuza. him, & his comrades were mostly in charge of making money which saw its way to his patriarch's wife, tabata yui. she would spend it all within a wild night of shopping, all the luxuries that a woman could wish for. whilst anyone else would see their hard work took for granted, yamai loved to see her like this, it resulted in him falling in love with yui, even if she was his patriarch's wife, he wanted to have her. he grew close enough with yui for yui to reveal that she was already having an affair with the tabata family captain, & that she required her husband taken care of.

against all things telling him not to, yamai carried out the request, & murdered his boss in hopes that he & yui would have a chance together, instead, yui turns on him, ripping her clothes, & pretending that yamai had came onto her to her husband's men. yamai had no other choice at that point to run from both the family he sworn to, & the japanese law enforcement. the experience left him cold, & suffering for thirty long years in the aftermath.

he eventually landed in hawaii, with a couple of men that stayed by his side, that knew the truth of what went down. he formed the yamai syndicate, managed to obtain an american citizenship, & made night street his turf ; converting an old movie theatre into his office, as well as a cabaret club where mainly older veteran hostesses would do business. the people of night street grew loyal to yamai, they became extremely protective over him, regardless if they knew why he was hiding away in hawaii, they cared for him as much as he cared for them.

in a way, yamai considers this atonement for what he did, that in this island away from it all, he'll start over, & do things right. he's no longer as reckless he was when he was a young yakuza, he also doesn't like to consider the syndicate a yakuza, but rather its own thing.

as the years go by, yamai finds his syndicate has grown largely in size, but in no way rivalling the other gangs of hawaii. when he notices the other gangs all seem to be after a woman known as akane, yamai figures if he can get her, it'll give his group a leg up, but not really knowing the reasoning of it.

eventually, a man that has been so saddled by debt from his group, agrees to join him, this is tomizawa, & little did yamai know that recruiting tomizawa would have him meeting with ichiban, & the dragon of dojima ... the dragon of dojima being an old face that yamai had saw before, & had heard all the legends of. even when in hawaii, news of the dragon came to him, he had grew kind of obsessed with the man, wanting to challenge him to a fight.

as time goes on, yamai eventually lets tomizawa go free, not really caring what he does anymore, he knows he isn't going to get his errand boy back, not after ichiban has given him other options in life. instead, he sets his sights on kiryu, wanting to have a fight with him, but when he eventually captures kiryu, with the doctor by his side, he can't bring himself to fight a sick man, instead he cares for him until ichiban & his gang come to retrieve him. he also eventually learns from ichiban the reason why the other gangs of hawaii are searching for akane, & agrees to call off the search as he wants to take no part in the killing of an innocent child. he is however reluctant to help out, & tells ichiban to leave his turf.

the other gangs caught wind of this, & start harassing the yamai syndicate, after some time, when their goals align with each other, yamai agrees to help ichiban, in a way again, making his past wrongs right. he helps them get akane, & lani to japanese shores, but as they reach there, date is waiting, & recognises yamai, & calls for his arrest.

yamai makes to run, which would only cause his sentence to be longer in the end, but he runs to the hospital which yui is kept in, fully intending to take revenge, he looks at her, in her death bed, & can't bring himself to do it when he notices how ill she is. when ichiban & the others find him, he doesn't put up any fight, he agrees to hand himself in, & do his time.

whilst he is in jail, his sentence is shortened as ichiban tells the law enforcement what happened, what he was told by yamai himself, & yamai is given another trial, & confirms as much. his sentence which was originally twenty years became only six years.

#﴾ YAMAI ⸨ BIO ⸩

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not-scared-of-microwaves · 3 months

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Ok I know no one asked and most people have probably moved on (maybe?) but it still comes up in the kpop fan club discord server for my school so I'm bitter. Vent under the cut.

Can we stop pretending Namjoon is a horrible person who needs to be canceled??? and, worse, that I'm racist for still liking him??? All he did was share a Frank Ocean song. Do I think he should have? probably not, it wasn't the most culturally sensitive thing he's ever done, but he has a history of respecting people and learning from his mistakes. Do I think Frank Ocean himself is islamophobic? Fuck if I know, that's not my place to say. Bad Religion was, from what i've read, about his experience with religion as a a bisexual man. As someone who has some level of religious trauma myself, I can say being uncomfortable with the way religion treats certain groups of people is not the same as being against a certain religion. I hate the way Christianity as a whole treats gay people. I hate the way Christianity has made me feel. I do not hate Christianity or Christians. Writing about the way religion has made me feel does not mean I hate Christianity or Christians. Listening to music about the way religion made them feel does not mean I hate Christianity or Christians. (I am using Christianity as an example because its what my trauma is related to).

No, I don't know if Frank Ocean is islamophobic. If he is, then fuck him, but that's honestly irrelevent here. I cannot bring myself to believe that Namjoon is islamophobic because he shared a Frank Ocean song. Even if Frank Ocean is, that doesn't make Namjoon--Girls Just Want To Have Fun is incredibly misogynistic, but I'm not gonna judge someone for listening to it. Hell, I'll jam out to it myself, and tbh I can't name a single girl who won't.

yeah, Namjoon probably shouldn't have shared the song. But in the grand scale of things, it is SUCH A MINOR ISSUE. He isn't fucking G-Dragon, or Zico, with their blatant racism. He isn't fucking Seungri (who, by the way, is out of prison, not that anyone's talking about that), or Hyuna, who's dating JUNG JOON YOUNG (Seungri and Jung Joon Young were the two people behind the biggest part of the Burning Sun scandal, for those of you who don't recognize the names off the top of your head). Strictly talking about islamophobia, there's the whole damn israel palestine situation. There are so many other things to be angry about, and we've settled on this one.

ADDITION because I thought of more while I was doing homework: I'm not saying you have to like Namjoon, or support him. You don't. I'm saying please stop speaking like he's the worst person imaginable and that people who like him are too. It's ridiculous. If you want someone to do that to, look at any of the names above. If you're looking for someone to boycott, boycott something that's ACTIVELY HARMING PEOPLE (like Starbucks or MacDonalds harming Palestine), not a kpop idol who did something stupid and insensitive (and it WAS. I fully admit that.). It just seems to me like a waste of energy and time when there's so much else to be angry at.

#namjoon #bts #rm #frank ocean #islamophobia

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sirthisisa-wendys · 2 years

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Introductions: Keizo Arashi x Fem!Reader

synopsis: a fleeting moment with the woman of his dreams leads to a sexy reunion.

wc: 1.6k

tw: smut

masterlist

song recommendation:

Imposing.

Terrifying.

Unyielding.

Keizo knows the meaning of those words. He knows what it's like to see a figure that encompasses all of those words strolling up to someone in the middle of a party.

He knows what he looks like; he knows the rules he's breaking by walking through the haze of cigarettes and marijuana and approaching you. Like a panther looking for its prey.

"Some rules have to be broken," Keizo's older brother scoffed at him earlier that evening, raising a brow and putting his cigar out in the ashtray. "You gonna keep following rules, even though you're part of the Black Dragons now?"

Right.

It's easy to remind other men of his position, of his fame, of his lack of losses. And it's actually easy to manipulate some women into thinking he's larger than life with his massive hands and broad chest and larger family name. Half-drunk gang members and their pretty significant others hang around the two-story house with little else to go on other than the Black Dragons are hosting a party and they're bored.

But Keizo's not bored.

No, he's entertaining himself with the thought of your legs wrapped around his waist, your fingers trapezing through his cornrows, your lips mingling with his...

But you don't even know her name, his mind chastises, halting him in his steps. Keizo swallows hard. It's not like there isn't endless charm and good looks on his side.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror across the room, eyeing his face with mild scrutiny. He looked fine. Fine. 'Fine' like everything looked okay, not 'fine' like what the girls call him when he passes by them, their lips parting or pursing together in desire. Keizo thinks he looks fine. But when he turns back to look at the couch where you'd been sitting and laughing with someone he didn't know (yet), you've disappeared.

Again.

The imposing man thinks about beginning a small search for your face among the crowd, but as he makes his way through the menagerie, Keizo wonders where the obsession began.

Perhaps it was the way you waltzed into his consciousness at the club five nights ago, your sexy crop-top and too-tight skinny jeans blending in perfectly with any other person in the crowd. Or maybe it was the way you held him close and giggled as he spit game into your ear, his instincts on overdrive as your halter-top-covered chest pressed against his in the strobe-lit room.

Keizo wanted you then, and even though you'd disappeared without a trace the previous night, he wouldn't let you get away a second time.

Before you can sneak into the kitchen (where the booze is), Keizo stealthily plants himself by the punch bowl, pretending to pour himself a cup as you approach. As you reach for a red cup, your fingers wrap around the plastic slowly, and for a second, the motion makes the head in Keizo's pants awaken from his nap.

"Hey, stranger," you purr, and he looks up from his cup to see your mouth curl into a sultry smile. "Long time no see." Keizo instantly feels a grin tugging at his lips, and for a second, he loses himself in the way you look at him.

"Hey..." You fill your cup with hard lemonade before leaning against the counter in your frayed black shorts and flannel shirt, raising your brow at him. "Uh--"

"Yo, Keizo," Takeomi calls out, stumbling across the living room toward him with a silly look on his face. "Do we have those cards? I promised Shin a round of poker before I--" He hiccups, belching loudly. "Before I got laid." Keizo stiffens but reaches into the drawer beside him to pull out a deck of cards. "Thanks, buddy." As Takeomi ambles off, Keizo looks back over to you, the tips of his ears reddening.

"Keizo..." The way you say his name has his thoughts rolling around in his mind like saltwater taffy. "That's a nice name."

"My nickname is Benkei," he interjects, but quickly silences himself. Where did all of his cool go? Did he just lose all of his game in one fell swoop or...

"So what should I call you then? Keizo or Benkei?" When you look up through your lashes, Keizo suddenly feels his mind regain some control.

"You can call me whatever you'd like." You laugh at the cheesy comment, pushing off the edge of the counter and walking over to him.

"Is that so?"

"What should I call you?" Keizo wonders, getting closer to you and reaching his hand out to hold you close against him.

"You can call me y/n," you whisper, biting your bottom lip. "Or whatever you'd like, really..."

What starts as simple, tender kisses as the party proceeds on around the two of you culminates in you racing up the stairs of the house, your socked feet hitting the carpet with an urgency Keizo can only mimic in his hurried movements.

When he tosses open the door to his room, the sight of the men kissing on his bed immediately has him growling "get out". The two scamper back out, no doubt unnerved by the sight of him, and you chuckle, pulling off your flannel in the semi-darkness.

"They could have stayed," you joke, but Keizo doesn't reply as he strips out of his black t-shirt.

"Come here." Hands pull your face closer to him, and wet kisses pepper his lips generously. The need in his stomach triples as your hands dance around his abs and muscles, exploring whatever skin is available to you to touch. And it's odd, he thinks, because he is terribly unaccustomed to this type of touching.

"Fighting is no different than fucking," Wakasa had told him once. "You make all of these grunting noises, you sweat, you get your adrenaline fix... Hell, you can even bust a nut if you're not careful."

But Keizo would have to disagree.

As soon as he has you on the bed, he knows it's not a matter of winning or losing; it's just a matter of making the best of the time he's offered. Lips travel up your thigh, kissing the smooth flesh and sucking where necessary - marking you as taken with fresh, red and pink hickies that are surely not going anywhere anytime soon.

Your little gasps bring Keizo the most pleasure, especially when he sucks too hard and causes your fingers to curl into his cornrows, nails digging into his scalp.

"Keizo," you whimper, and his eyes close, a chill working its way down his spine as he relishes the sound of his name once more. Shorts, panties, everything comes off of your hips, and fingers part your waiting, slick-covered folds with ease. Without any conversation, Keizo presses his mouth to your cunt and begins to lap eagerly at your slit, humming and moaning along with you.

The hand on his head begins to lovingly stroke his hair and for a second, he feels the raw intimacy in the motion. It drives him to lick deeper, suck at your clit, and nip at your inner thighs as he comes up for air. His hand snakes into his trousers, stroking the awakened part of him that is begging to be touched. But he knows patience will get him further than rushing will, so he continues to let his tongue dance around your cunt, your slick smearing over his chin and lips.

"K-Kei... Kei, please..."

"Tell me what you want, baby," he breathes, eyes flicking up to meet yours.

"Want to suck your dick..."

"Patience," he replies softly, kissing your clit. "You've been so good for me..." You whimper in displeasure, but of course, Keizo's just as eager as you are to feel a sense of satisfaction. "Here, switch with me."

The movement is a little sloppy in the beginning, but when your fingers clutch around his length and guide it toward your waiting mouth, Keizo finds that he's absolutely powerless. What in the hell was Waka talking about? This isn't even close to fighting.

Hisses and soft pants render Keizo no good, but you don't seem to mind as he laces a hand in your hair. You bob up and down with measured strokes, your wet mouth sucking at his tip harshly before sliding back down to his shaft, then your tongue darting out to swipe at the leaking pre-cum again.

"Can't take it," you mutter before hovering over him and sinking into his cockhead. He jolts at the sensation, mouth popping open as you begin to slide around his throbbing cock.

"Good God," he mutters, eyes closing as you ride him to heaven, very nearly snatching his soul from his body with the feeling of your silken walls clenching around his dick. "Take it easy on me, y/n..."

You laugh softly, but the sound is interrupted by a sharp moan as you sink all the way down to the base of his cock, your hips swirling around and around and around... His hands grab your hips as he leans you forward, driving his cock deeper into your cunt. Your nipples rub against his chest as he rocks against you, kissing your mouth occasionally and grunting in pleasure. The slapping sounds are drowned out by the sound of the music downstairs, but you can still hear him in your ear, whispering filthy words to you.

"I'm going to fucking cum..." Keizo grunts, fingers shaking as he grips your hips tightly. "Pussy's so damn wet..."

"Ah!" You cry out as you feel your orgasm crest, quivering in his hands. "I'm cumming, I'm cumming..."

"That's what you're supposed to do, baby..." Keizo murmurs, squeezing his eyes shut. "Cum on my dick." Keizo's core tightens as he feels himself giving in to the sensations, and he begins to cum, shooting his warm seed inside of your clenching pussy.

"Now that we've been properly introduced," you sigh, leaning on his tatted chest and smirking. "Maybe we should go for coffee or something."

"Stay the night and we can," Keizo smiles, running a hand over your back.

"Bet."

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im-just-trying-to-get-bi · 3 years

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Charming: Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. And throughout the land, everyone was happy... until the sun went down and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss... of the handsome Prince Charming. It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the Dragon's keep. For he was the bravest, and most handsome... in all the land. And it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her-- [gasps] Big Bad Wolf: What? Charming: Princess... Fiona? Big Bad Wolf: No! Charming: Oh, thank heavens. Where is she? Big Bad Wolf: She's on her honeymoon. Charming: Honeymoon? With whom? So she said what's the problem, baby? What's the problem? I don't know Well, maybe I'm in love Think about it every time I think 'bout it Can't stop thinking 'bout it How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it, 'cause I can't ignore it If it's love, love Makes me wanna turn around and face me But I don't know nothing 'bout love Oh, come on, come on - Turn a little faster Come on, come on The world will follow after Come on, come on Everybody's after love So I said I'm a snowball running Running down into this spring that's coming all this love Melting under blue skies belting out sunlight Shimmering love Well, baby, I surrender To the strawberry ice cream Never ever end of all this love Well, I didn't mean to do it But there's no escaping your love These lines of lightning mean we're never alone Never alone, no, no Come on, come on Jump a little higher Come on, come on If you feel a little lighter Come on, come on We were once upon a time in love Hyah! We're accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love Accidentally in love I'm in love I'm in love It's so good to be home. Just you and me and... - Two can be as bad as one... - Donkey? Shrek! Fiona! Aren't you two a sight for sore eyes! Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine. And look at you, Mrs. Shrek. How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed? Donkey, what are you doing here? Taking care of your love nest for you. Oh, you mean like... sorting the mail and watering the plants? - Yeah, and feeding the fish! - I don't have any fish. You do now. I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona. That Shrek is a rascally devil. Get your... Look at the time. I guess you'd better be going. Don't you want to tell me about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi? Actually, Donkey? Shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon? Oh, yeah, that. I don't know. She's been all moody and stuff lately. I thought I'd move in with you. You know we're always happy to see you, Donkey. But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time, you know, to be together. Just with each other. Alone. Say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing. I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you. - Donkey. - Yes, roomie? You're bothering me. Oh, OK. All right, cool. I guess... Me and Pinocchio was going to catch a tournament, anyway, so... Maybe I'll see y'all Sunday for a barbecue or something. He'll be fine. Now, where were we? Oh. I think I remember. - Donkey! I know, I know! Alone! I'm going! I'm going. What do you want me to tell these other guys? Enough, Reggie. "Dearest Princess Fiona. You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing... upon you and

your...uh... Prince Charming. Love, the King and Queen of Far, Far Away. aka Mom and Dad." Mom and Dad? - Prince Charming? - Royal ball?! Can I come? - We're not going. - What?! I mean, don't you think they might be a bit... shocked to see you like this? Well, they might be a bit surprised. But they're my parents, Shrek. They love me. And don't worry. They'll love you, too. Yeah, right. Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club. Stop it. They're not like that. How do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band? Oh, come on! You could at least give them a chance. To do what? Sharpen their pitchforks? No! They just want to give you their blessing. Oh, great. Now I need their blessing? If you want to be a part of this family, yes! Who says I want to be part of this family? You did! When you married me! Well, there's some fine print for you! So that's it? You won't come? Trust me. It's a bad idea. We are not going! And that's final! Come on! We don't want to hit traffic! Don't worry! We'll take care of everything. - Hey, wait for me. Oof! Hit it! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Head 'em up, move 'em on! Head 'em up! Rawhide! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Move 'em on! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Rawhide! Ride 'em up! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Move 'em on! Rawhide! Knock 'em out! Pound 'em dead! Make 'em tea! Buy 'em drinks! Meet their mamas! Milk 'em hard! Rawhide! Yee-haw! - Are we there yet? - No. - Are we there yet? - Not yet. - OK, are we there yet? - No. - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet?! - We are not! - Are we there yet?! - Yes! - Really?! - No!! - Are we there yet? - That's not funny. That's really immature. - This is why nobody likes ogres. - Your loss! - I'm gonna just stop talking. - Finally! This is taking forever, Shrek. There's no in-flight movie or nothing! The Kingdom of Far, Far Away, Donkey. That's where we're going. Far, far... away! All right, all right, I get it. I'm just so darn bored. Well, find a way to entertain yourself. For five minutes... Could you not be yourself... for five minutes?! Are we there yet?! - Yes! - Oh, finally! Wow! It's going to be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on. Hey, good-looking! We'll be back to pick you up later! Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me We are definitely not in the swamp anymore. Halt! Well, I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it Hey, everyone, look. Talk about, talk about movin'... Hey, ladies! Nice day for a parade, huh? You working that hat. Swimming pools! Movie stars! Announcing the long-awaited return of the beautiful Princess Fiona and her new husband. Well, this is it. - This is it. - This is it. This is it. Uh... why don't you guys go ahead? I'll park the car. So... you still think this was a good idea? Of course! Look. Mom and Dad look happy to see us. - Who on earth are they? - I think that's our little girl. That's not little! That's a really big problem. Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell? Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look... Happy now? We came. We saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches. - They're my parents. - Hello? They locked you in a tower. That was for my own... Good! Here's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home. Harold, we have to be... Quick! While they're not looking we can make a run for it. Shrek, stop it! Everything's gonna be... A disaster! There is no way... - You can do this. - I really... - Really... - don't... want... to... be... Here! Mom... Dad... I'd like you to meet my husband... Shrek. Well, um... It's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from. - Excuse me. Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona? That's good. I guess not. What do you mean, not on the list? Don't tell me you don't know who I am. What do you mean, not on the list? Don't tell me you don't know who I am. What's happening, everybody? Thanks for waiting. - I had the hardest time finding this place. - No! No! Bad donkey! Bad! Down! No, Dad! It's all

right. It's all right. He's with us. - He helped rescue me from the dragon. - That's me: the noble steed. Waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed? Oh, boy. - Um, Shrek? - Yeah? Oh, sorry! Great soup, Mrs Q. Mmm! No, no. Darling. Oh! So, Fiona, tell us about where you live. Well... Shrek owns his own land. - Don't you, honey? - Oh, yes! It's in an enchanted forest abundant in squirrels and cute little duckies and... What?! I know you ain't talking about the swamp. An ogre from a swamp. Oh! How original. I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children. It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it? - indeed. I just started eating. - Harold! - What's that supposed to mean? - Dad. It's great. OK? - For his type. Yes. - My type?! I got to go to the bathroom. - Dinner is served! - Never mind. I can hold it. Bon appetite! Oh, Mexican food! My favorite. Let's not sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody, dig in. Don't mind if I do, Lillian. I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be... Ogres. Yes! Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold? Oh, no! No! Of course, not! That is, assuming you don't eat your own young! Dad! No, we usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower! - Shrek, please! - I only did that because I love her. Aye, day care or dragon-guarded castle. You wouldn't understand. You're not her father. It's so nice to have the family together for dinner. - Harold! - Shrek! - Fiona! - Fiona! - Mom! - Harold... Donkey! Your fallen tears have called to me So, here comes my sweet remedy I know what every princess needs For her to live life happily... Oh, my dear. Oh, look at you. You're all grown up. - Who are you? - Oh, sweet pea! I'm your fairy godmother. - I have a fairy godmother? - Shush, shush. Now, don't worry. I'm here to make it all better. With just a... Wave of my magic wand Your troubles will soon be gone With a flick of the wrist and just a flash You'll land a prince with a ton of cash A high-priced dress made by mice no less Some crystal glass pumps And no more stress Your worries will vanish, your soul will cleanse Confide in your very own furniture friends We'll help you set a new fashion trend - I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great - The kind of girl a prince would date! They'll write your name on the bathroom wall... For a happy ever after, give Fiona a call! A sporty carriage to ride in style, Sexy man boy chauffeur, Kyle Banish your blemishes, tooth decay, Cellulite thighs will fade away And oh, what the hey! Have a bichon fris!' Nip and tuck, here and there to land that prince with the perfect hair Lipstick liners, shadows blush To get that prince with the sexy tush Lucky day, hunk buffet You and your prince take a roll in the hay You can spoon on the moon With the prince to the tune Don't be drab, you'll be fab Your prince will have rock-hard abs Cheese souffle, Valentine's Day Have some chicken fricassee! Nip and tuck, here and there To land that prince with the perfect hair Stop! Look... Thank you very much, Fairy Godmother, but I really don't need all this. - Fine. Be that way. - We didn't like you, anyway. - Fiona? Fiona? Oh! You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo. Oh, uh... Fairy Godmother, furniture... I'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek. Your husband?! What? What did you say? When did this happen? Shrek is the one who rescued me. - But that can't be right. - Oh, great. More relatives! She's just trying to help. Good! She can help us pack. Get your coat, dear. We're leaving. - What?! - I don't want to leave. When did you decide this? - Shortly after arriving. - Look, I'm sorry... No. That's all right. I need to go, anyway. But remember, dear. If you should ever need me... happiness... is just a teardrop away. Thanks, but we've got all the happiness we need. Happy, happy, happy... So I see. Let's go, Kyle. - Very nice, Shrek. - What? I told you coming here was a bad idea. You could've at least tried to get along with my father. I don't think I was going to get Daddy's blessing, even if I did want it. Do you

think it might be nice if somebody asked me what I wanted? Sure. Do you want me to pack for you? You're unbelievable! You're behaving like a... - Go on! Say it! - Like an ogre! Here's a news flash for you! Whether your parents like it or not... I am an ogre! And guess what, Princess? That's not about to change. I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that. That's real smooth, Shrek. I'm an ogre! I knew this would happen. You should. You started it. I can hardly believe that, Lillian. He's the ogre. Not me. I think, Harold, you're taking this a little too personally. This is Fiona's choice. But she was supposed to choose the prince we picked for her. I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to this... thing? Fiona does. And she'll never forgive you if you don't. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold. Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable. Don't you remember when we were young? We used to walk down by the lily pond and... - they were in bloom... - Our first kiss. It's not the same! I don't think you realize that our daughter has married a monster! Oh, stop being such a drama king. Fine! Pretend there's nothing wrong! La, di, da, di, da! Isn't it all wonderful! I'd like to know how it could get any worse! - Hello, Harold. - What happened? - Nothing, dear! Just the old crusade wound playing up a bit! I'll just stretch it out here for a while. You better get in. We need to talk. Actually, Fairy Godmother, off to bed. Already taken my pills, and they tend to make me a bit drowsy. So, how about... we make this a quick visit. What? Oh, hello. Ha-ha-ha! So, what's new? You remember my son, Prince Charming?! ls that you? My gosh! It's been years. When did you get back? Oh, about five minutes ago, actually. After I endured blistering winds, scorching desert... I climbed to the highest room in the tallest tower... Mommy can handle this. He endures blistering winds and scorching desert! He climbs to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower... And what does he find? Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess... is already married. It wasn't my fault. He didn't get there in time. Stop the car! Harold. You force me to do something. I really don't want to do. Where are we? Hi. Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy! May I take your order? My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy. Uh... Okay. Two Renaissance Wraps, no mayo... chili rings... - I'll have the Medieval Meal. - One Medieval Meal, and, Harold... - Curly fries? - No, thank you. - Sourdough soft taco, then? - No, really, I'm fine. Your order, Fairy Godmother. This comes with the Medieval Meal. There you are, dear. We made a deal, Harold. And I assume you don't want me to go back on my part. Indeed not. So, Fiona and Charming will be together. - Yes. - Believe me, Harold. It's what's best. Not only for your daughter... But for your Kingdom. What am I supposed to do about it? Use your imagination. Oh... Come on in, Your Majesty. I like my town With a little drop of poison Nobody knows... Excuse me. Do I know you? No, you must be mistaking me for someone else. Uh... excuse me. I'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister. Ah! There you are. Right. You see, I need to have someone taken care of. - Who's the guy? - Well, he's not a guy, per se. Um... He's an ogre. Hey, buddy, let me clue you in. There's only one fellow who can handle a job like that, and, frankly... he don't like to be disturbed. he don't like to be disturbed. Where could I find him? Hello? Who dares enter my room? Sorry! I hope I'm not interrupting, but I'm told you're the one to talk to about an ogre problem? You are told correct. But for this, I charge a great deal of money. Would... this be enough? You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty. Just tell me where I can find this ogre. Everyone says I'm getting down too low Everyone says you've just gotta let it go You just gotta let it go I need some sleep Time to put the old horse down I'm in too deep And the wheels keep spinning round Everyone says you've just gotta let it go Everyone says you've just gotta let it go Dear

Knight, I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Dear Diary... Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset. Dad says I'm going away for a while. Must be like some finishing school. Mom says that when I'm old enough, my Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family, and we'll all live happily ever after. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. No. No. I was just reading a, uh... a scary book. I was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behavior earlier. - Okay... - I don't know what came over me. Do you suppose we could pretend it never happened and start over... - Look, Your Majesty, I just... - Please. Call me. Dad. Dad. We both acted like ogres. Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other? Excellent idea! I was actually hoping you might join me for a morning hunt. A little father-son time? I know it would mean the world to Fiona. Shall we say, Face it, Donkey! We're lost. We can't be lost. We followed the King's instructions exactly. Head to the darkest part of the woods...Past the sinister trees with scary-looking branches.- The bush shaped like Shirley Bassey! - We passed that three times already! You were the one who said not to stop for directions. Oh, great. My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad and I end up lost in the woods with you! Don't get huffy! I'm only trying to help. I know! I know. - I'm sorry, all right? - Hey, don't worry about it. I just really need to make things work with this guy. Yeah, sure. Now let's go bond with Daddy. Well, well, well, Donkey. I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring? What? I ain't purring. Sure. What's next? A hug? Hey, Shrek. Donkeys don't purr. What do you think I am, some kind of a... Ha-ha! Fear me, if you dare! Look! A little cat. - Look out, Shrek! He got a piece! - It's a cat, Donkey. Come here, little kitty, kitty. Come on, little kitty. Come here. Oh! Come here, little kitty. - Whoa! - Hold on, Shrek! I'm coming! - Come on! Get it off! Get it off! Oh, God. Oh... No! - Look out, Shrek! Hold still! - Get it off! Shrek! Hold still! - Did I miss? - No. You got them. Now, ye ogre, pray for mercy from... Puss... In Boots! I'll kill that cat! Ah-ha-ha! Hairball. - Oh! That is nasty! What should we do with him? Take the sword and neuter him. Give him the Bob Barker treatment. Oh, no! Por favor! Please! I implore you! It was nothing personal, Senor. I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The King offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers... Whoa, whoa, whoa! Fiona's father paid you to do this? The rich King? Si. Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing. Don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you. Gee, thanks. Maybe Fiona would've been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming. That's what the King said. Oh, uh... sorry. I thought that question was directed at me. Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her. Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just... I just wish I could make her happy. Hold the phone... Happiness.A tear drop away.Donkey! Think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you! Man, where do I begin? First there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans. Then this fool had a party and he have the guests trying to pin the tail on me. Then they got drunk and start beating me with a stick, going Pinata!! What is a pinata, anyway?! No, Donkey! I need you to cry! Don't go projecting on me. I know you're feeling bad, but you got to... Aaaahhh! You little, hairy, litter-licking sack of... What? Is it on? Is it on? This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client. But if you come by the office, we'll be glad to make you an appointment. Have a happy ever after. Oh... Are you up for a little quest, Donkey? That's more like it! Shrek and Donkey, on

another whirlwind adventure! Ain't no stoppin' us now! Whoo! We're on the move! - Stop, Ogre! I have misjudged you. - Join the club. We've got jackets. On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine. The position of annoying talking animal has already been taken. Let's go, Shrek. Shrek? - Shrek! - Aw, come on, Donkey. Look at him... In his wee little boots. You know, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly. - Let's keep him! - Say what?! Ahh! Listen. He's purring! - Oh, so now it's cute. - Come on, Donkey. Lighten up. Lighten up?! I should lighten up? Look who's telling who to lighten up! Lighten up?! I should lighten up? Look who's telling who to lighten up! Shrek! Shrek? They're both festive, aren't they? What do you think, Harold? Um... Yes, yes. Fine. Fine. Try to at least pretend you're interested in your daughter's wedding ball. Honestly, Lillian, I don't think it matters. How do we know there will even be a ball? Mom. Dad. - Oh, hello, dear. - What's that, Cedric? Right! Coming. Mom, have you seen Shrek? I haven't. You should ask your father. Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning. - Can I help you, Your Majesty? - Ah, yes! Um... Mmm! Exquisite. What do you call this dish? That would be the dog's breakfast, Your Majesty. Ah, yes. Very good, then. Carry on, Cedric. - Dad? Dad, have you seen Shrek? - No, I haven't, dear. I'm sure he just went off to look for a nice... mud hole to cool down in. You know, after your little spat last night. Oh. You heard that, huh? The whole kingdom heard you. I mean, after all, it is in his nature to be... well, a bit of a brute. Him? You know, you didn't exactly roll out the Welcome Wagon. Well, what did you expect? Look at what he's done to you. Shrek loves me for who I am. I would think you'd be happy for me. Darling, I'm just thinking about what's best for you. Maybe you should do the same. No, really? Shh... Oh... Oh, no. That's the old Keebler's place. Let's back away slowly. That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage. She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom. Then why don't we pop in there for a spell? Ha-ha! Spell! He makes me laugh. Hi. I'm here to see the... The Fairy Godmother. I'm sorry. She is not in. Jerome! Coffee and a Monte Cristo. Now! Yes, Fairy Godmother. Right away. Look, she's not seeing any clients today. OK? That's OK, buddy. We're from the union. The union? We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign. Oh! Oh, right. Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed? Uh... a little. We don't even have dental. They don't even have dental. Okay, we'll just have a look around. Oh. By the way. I think it'd be better if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here. - Know what I'm saying? Huh? - Huh? Huh? Huh? - Stop it. - Of course. Go right in. A drop of desire. Naughty! A pinch of passion. And just a hint of... lust... Excuse me. Sorry to barge in like this... What in Grimm's name are you doing here? Well, it seems that Fiona's not exactly happy. Oh-ho-ho! And there's some question as to why that is? Well, let's explore that, shall we? Ah. P, P, P... Princess. Cinderella. Here we are. Lived happily ever after.Oh... No ogres! Let's see. Snow White. A handsome prince. Oh, no ogres. Sleeping Beauty. Oh, no ogres! Hansel and Gretel? No! Thumbelina? No. The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... No, no, no, no, no! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after. All right, look, lady! Don't you point... those dirty green sausages at me! Your Monte Cristo and coffee. Oh! Sorry. Ah... that's okay. We were just leaving. Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Godmother. Just... go. Come on, guys. TGlF, eh, buddy? Working hard or hardly working, eh, Mac? Get your fine Corinthian footwear and your cat cheeks out of my face! Man, that stinks! You don't exactly smell like a basket of roses. - Well, one of these has got to help. - I was just concocting this very plan! Already our minds are becoming one. Whoa, whoa. If we need an expert on

licking ourselves, we'll give you a call. Shrek, this is a bad idea. Look. Make yourself useful and go keep watch. Puss, do you think you could get to those on top? No problema, boss. In one of my nine lives, I was the great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela. Ha-ha-ha-ha! Shrek, are you off your nut? Donkey, keep watch. Keep watch? Yeah, I'll keep watch. I'll watch that wicked witch come and whammy a world of hurt up your backside. I'll laugh, too. I'll be giggling to myself. - What do you see? - Toad Stool Softener? I'm sure a nice BM is the perfect solution for marital problems. - Elfa Seltzer? - Uh-uh. - Hex Lax? - No! Try handsome.Sorry. No handsome. Hey! How about Happily Ever After? Well, what does it do? It says Beauty Divine. In some cultures, donkeys are revered as the wisest of creatures. Especially us talking ones. Donkey! That'll have to do. We've got company. Can we get on with this? Hurry! Nice catch, Donkey! Finally! A good use for your mouth. Come on! You spurn my natural emotions You make me feel like dirt and I'm hurt And if I start a commotion I run the risk of losing you and that's worse Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone, ever fallen in love With someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with Fallen in love with Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with I don't care whose fault it is. Just get this place cleaned up! And somebody bring me something deep fried and smothered in chocolate! - Mother! - Charming. Sweetheart. This isn't a good time, pumpkin. Mama's working. Whoa, what happened here? - The ogre, that's what! - What? Where is he, Mom? I shall rend his head from his shoulders! I will smite him where he stands! He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me! Oh, put it away, Junior! You're still going to be king. We'll just have to come up with something smarter. Pardon. Um... Everything is accounted for, Fairy Godmother, except for one potion. What? Oh... I do believe we can make this work to our advantage. Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength. For you and your true love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort and beauty divine.- You both will be fine? - I guess it means it'll affect Fiona, too. Hey, man, this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over. Drop that jug o' voodoo and let's get out of here. It says, Beauty Divine. How bad can it be? See, you're allergic to that stuff. You'll have a reaction. And if you think that I'll be smearing Vapor Rub over your chest, think again! Boss, just in case there is something wrong with the potion... allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honor to lay my life on the line for you. Oh, no, no. I don't think so. If there'll be any animal testing, I'll do it. That's the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle. How do you feel? I don't feel any different. I look any different? You still look like an ass to me. Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys. - Well, here's to us, Fiona. - Shrek? - You drink that, there's no going back. - I know. - No more wallowing in the mud? - I know. - No more itchy butt crack? - I know! - But you love being an ogre! - I know! I know. Shrek, no! Wait! Got to be... I think you grabbed the Farty Ever After potion. Maybe it's a dud. Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be. Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be. Uh-oh. What did I tell you? I feel something coming on. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die! Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy. I'm melting! I'm melting! It's just the rain, Donkey. Oh. Don't worry. Things seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. It'll be better in the morning. You'll see... The sun'll come out... Tomorrow Bet your bottom... Bet my bottom? I'm coming, Elizabeth! Donkey? Are you all right? - Hey, boss. Let's shave him. - D-Donkey?

There you are! We missed you at dinner. What is it, darling? Dad... I've been thinking about what you said. And I'm going to set things right. Ah! Excellent! That's my girl. It was a mistake to bring Shrek here. I'm going to go out and find him. And then we'll go back to the swamp where we belong. Fiona, please! Let's not be rash, darling. You can't go anywhere right now. Fiona! Look, I told you he was here. Look at him! Quiet. Look at him. Good morning, sleepyhead. Good morning! We love your kitty! Oh... My head... - Here, I fetched a pail of water. Thanks. Uhh! Aahh! Oh... A cute, button nose? Thick, wavy locks? Taut, round buttocks?! I'm... I'm... - Gorgeous! - I'll say. I'm Jill. What's your name? - Um... Shrek. - Shrek? Wow. Are you from Europe? - You're tense. - I want to rub his shoulders. - I got it covered. - I don't have anything to rub. Get in line. Get in line. - Have you seen my donkey? - Who are you calling donkey? - Donkey? You're a... - A stallion, baby! I can whinny. I can count. Look at me, Shrek! I'm trotting! That's some quality potion. What's in that stuff? Oh, don't take the potion, Mr. Boss, it's very bad.Pah! Warning: Side effects may include burning, itching, oozing, weeping. Not intended for heart patients or those with... nervous disorders.I'm trotting, I'm trotting in place! Yeah! What? Senor? To make the effects of this potion permanent, the drinker must obtain his true love's kiss by midnight.Midnight? Why is it always midnight? - Pick me! I'll be your true love! - I'll be your true love. I'll be true... enough. Look, ladies, I already have a true love. Oh... And take it from me, Boss. You are going to have one satisfied Princess. And let's face it. You are a lot easier on the eyes. Inside you're the same old mean, salty... - Easy. - ...cantankerous, foul, angry ogre you always been. And you're still the same annoying donkey. - Yeah. Well... Look out, Princess. Here comes the new me. First things first. - We need to get you out of those clothes. - Ready? - Ready! - Driver, stop! Oh, God! Help me, please! My racing days are over! I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever play the violin again? You poor creature! ls there anything I can do for you? Well, I guess there is one thing. Take off the powdered wig and step away from your drawers. - Not bad. - Not bad at all. Father? ls everything all right, Father? Thank you, gentlemen! Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can't find you or if I forget. Oh, yeah Turn and face the strange Ch-Ch-Changes Don't wanna be a richer one Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Turn and face the strange Ch-Ch-Changes Just gonna have to be a different man Time may change me But I can't trace time Halt! Tell Princess Fiona her husband, Sir Shrek, is here to see her. Still don't know what I was looking for And my time was running wild, a million dead-end streets Every time I thought I'd got it made It seemed the taste was not so sweet - Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Turn and face the strange - Shrek? - Ch-Ch-Changes Don't wanna be a richer one Time may change me But I can't trace time Fiona? Hello, handsome. Shrek! - Princess! - Donkey? Wow! That potion worked on you, too? What potion? Shrek and I took some magic potion. And well... Now, we're sexy! Shrek? For you, baby... I could be. - Yeah, you wish. - Donkey, where is Shrek? He went inside looking for you. Shrek? Fiona! Fiona! You want to dance, pretty boy? Are you going so soon? Don't you want to see your wife? Fiona? Shrek? Aye, Fiona. It is me. What happened to your voice? The potion changed a lot of things, Fiona. But not the way I feel about you. Fiona? - Charming? - Do you think so? Dad. I was so hoping you'd approve. - Um... Who are you? - Mom, it's me, Shrek. I know you never get a second chance at a first impression, but, well, what do you think? Fiona! Fiona! Fiona! - Fiona! - Fiona, Fiona! Ho-ho-ho! Oh, shoot! I don't think they can hear us, pigeon. Don't you think you've already messed her life up enough? I just wanted her to be happy. And now she can be. Oh, sweetheart. She's finally found the prince of her dreams.

But look at me. Look what I've done for her. It's time you stop living in a fairy tale, Shrek. She's a princess, and you're an ogre. That's something no amount of potion will ever change. But... I love her. If you really love her... you'll let her go. Shrek? Senor. What's going on? Where are you going? You wouldn't have had anything to do with this, would you, Harold? People just ain't no good I think that's well understood There you go, boys. Just leave the bottle, Doris. Hey. Why the long face? It was all just a stupid mistake. I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place. I hate Mondays. I can't believe you'd walk away from the best thing that happened to you. What choice do I have? She loves that pretty boy, Prince Charming. Come on. ls he really that good-looking? Are you kidding? He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels. - Oh. He sounds dreamy. - You know... shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better. Look, guys. It's for the best. Mom and Dad approve, and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of. Everybody wins. Except for you. I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona. Aye. And that's why I have to let her go. Excuse me, is she here? She's, uh... in the back. Oh, hello again. Fairy Godmother. Charming. You'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold. Well, I'm afraid Fiona isn't really... warming up to Prince Charming. - FYI, not my fault. - No, of course it's not, dear. I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend I'm that dreadful ogre? No, no, it's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay? - What? - You can't force someone to fall in love! I beg to differ. I do it all the time! Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming. - Umm... no. - What did you say? I can't. I won't do it. Oh, yes, you will. lf you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after. And I can take it away just as easily. ls that what you want? ls it? - No. - Good boy. Now, we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. He's all high in the front. He can never get to the back. You need someone to do the back. Oh. Thank you, Mother. Mother? Um... Mary! A talking horse! The ogre! Stop them! Thieves! Bandits! Stop them! The abs are fab and it's gluteus to the maximus here at tonight's Far, Far Away Royal Ball blowout! The coaches are lined up as the cream of the crop pours out of them like Miss Muffet's curds and whey. Everyone who's anyone has turned out to honor Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek. And, oh my, the outfits look gorgeous! Look! Hansel and Gretel! What the heck are the crumbs for? And right behind them, Tom Thumb and Thumbelina! - Oh, aren't they adorable! Here comes Sleeping Beauty! Tired old thing. Who's this? Who's this? Who is this? Oh. It's the one, it's the only... It's the Fairy Godmother! Hello, Far, Far Away! Can I get a whoop whoop? May all your endings be happy and... Well, you know the rest! We'll be right back with the Royal Far, Far Away Ball after these messages. I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears. Flip over to Wheel Of Torture! I'm not flipping anywhere, sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona. Whizzes on you guys. Hey, mice, pass me a buffalo wing! No, to your left. Your left! - Tonight on Knights... - Now here's a good show! We got a white bronco heading east into the forest. Requesting backup. It's time to teach these madcap mammals their devil may care attitudes just won't fly. Why you grabbing me? Police brutality! I have to talk to Princess Fiona! - We warned you! - Ow! Ow! Did someone let the cat out of the bag? You capitalist pig dogs! - Catnip! - That's not mine. Find Princess Fiona! I'm a donkey! Tell her Shrek... I'm her husband, Shrek! Quick! Rewind it! I'm her husband, Shrek! Ow! Darling? Ah. I thought I might find you here. How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball? I'm not going. The whole Kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage. There's just one problem. That's not my husband. I

mean, look at him. Yes, he is a bit different, but people change for the ones they love. You'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother. Change? He's completely lost his mind! Why not come down to the ball and give him another chance? You might find you like this new Shrek. But it's the old one I fell in love with, Dad. I'd give anything to have him back. Darling. That's mine. Decaf. Otherwise I'm up all night. Thanks. I got to get out of here! I got to get out of here! You can't lock us up like this! Let me go! What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent. Nobody said I have the right to remain silent! You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity. I must hold on before l, too, go totally mad. Shrek? Donkey? Too late. Gingy! Pinocchio! Get us out of here! Oh... Fire in ze hole! Look out below! Quick! Tell a lie! - What should I say? - Anything, but quick! Say something crazy like I'm wearing ladies' underwear!I am wearing ladies' underwear. - Are you? - I most certainly am not! It looks like you most certainly am are! - I am not! - What kind? - It's a thong! - Oww! They're briefs! - Are not. - Are too! - Are not! - Are too! Here we go. Hang tight. Wait, wait, wait! Ow! Ow! Hey, hey, hey! Ow! - Excuse me? - What? Puss! Pardon me, would you mind letting me go? - Sorry, boss. - Quit messing around! We've got to stop that kiss! I thought you was going to let her go. I was, but I can't let them do this to Fiona. Boom! That's what I like to hear. Look who's coming around! It's impossible! We'll never get in. The castle's guarded. There's a moat and everything! Folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick. - What? - Do you still know the Muffin Man? Well, sure! He's down on Drury Lane. Why? Because we're gonna need flour. Lots and lots of flour. Gingy! Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We've got a big order to fill! It's alive! Run, run, run, as fast you can! Go, baby, go! There it is, Mongo! To the castle! No, you great stupid pastry! Come on! Mongo! Down here! Look at the pony! That's right! Follow the pretty pony! Pretty pony wants to play at the castle! Pretty pony. Ladies and gentlemen. Presenting Princess Fiona and her new husband, Prince Shrek. Shrek, what are you doing? I'm just playing the part, Fiona. ls that glitter on your lips? Mm. Cherry flavored. Want to taste? - Ugh! What is with you? - But, Muffin Cake... C Minor, put it in C Minor. Ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to dedicate this song to... Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek. Fiona, my Princess. Will you honor me with a dance? Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Dance! Where's the streetwise Hercules To fight the rising odds? Since when do you dance? Fiona, my dearest,if there's one thing I know, it's that love is full of surprises. Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need Hit it! I need a hero All right, big fella! Let's crash this party! Man the catapults! Aim! Fire! - Brace yourselves! - Ooh! Purty! Not the gumdrop button! Incoming! Ha-ha! All right! Somewhere after midnight In my wildest fantasy Go, Mongo! Go! Man the cauldrons! After you, Mongo. - That's it! Heave-ho! - Watch out! Shrek! More heat, less foam! Up where the mountains Meet the heavens above Out where the lightning Splits the sea I could swear there is someone Somewhere watching me Heave! Ho! No...! Come on! Look out! - Be good. He needs me! Let me go! Donkey! Puss! Go! Go! Your lady needs you! Go! Today, I repay my debt. Aww... On guard! He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh From the fight - I need a hero - Stop! - Hey, you! Back away from my wife. - Shrek? You couldn't just go back to your swamp and leave well enough alone. - Now! - Pigs und blanket! Pinocchio! Get the wand! I see London! I see France! Whah! I'm a real boy! Ah! Ah! Aaahhh! Catch! Donkey! Oh! I'm a real boy. Aah! Oh! - Ha! - Ah. That's mine! Pray for mercy, from Puss... And Donkey! She's taken the potion! Kiss her now! No! - Hi-ya! - Fiona. - Shrek. Harold! You

were supposed to give her the potion! Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea. - Mommy! - Mommy? I told you. Ogres don't live happily ever after. Woo! Ha! Oh, Dad! - ls he...? - Yup. He croaked. Harold? Dad? I'd hoped you'd never see me like this. - And he gave you a hard time! - Donkey! No, no, he's right. I'm sorry. To both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona. But I can see now... she already has it. Shrek, Fiona... Will you accept an old frog's apologies... and my blessing? Harold? I'm sorry, Lillian. I just wish I could be the man you deserve. You're more that man today than you ever were... warts and all. Boss! The Happily Ever After Potion! Midnight! Fiona. ls this what you want? To be this way forever? - What? - Because if you kiss me now... we can stay like this. You'd do that? - For me? - Yes. I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after... with the ogre I married. Whatever happens, I must not cry! You cannot make me cry! Whoa! No. No, no. Aaah! Ow. Oh, no. Hey. You still look like a noble steed to me. Now, where were we? Oh! I remember. Hey! Isn't we supposed to be having a fiesta?! Uno, dos, quatro, hit it! Puss and Donkey, y'all... She's into superstitions Black cats and voodoo dolls - Sing it, Puss! - I feel a premonition That girl's gonna make me fall Here we go! She's into new sensations New kicks in the candlelight She's got a new addiction For every day and night She'll make you take your clothes off And go dancing in the rain She'll make you live her crazy life But she'll take away your pain Like a bullet to your brain Upside inside out Living la vida loca Hey gorgeous! Living la vida loca Her lips are devil red And her skin's the color of mocha She will wear you out - Living la vida loca - She livin' it loca! Living la vida loca - Say it one more time now! - Living the vida loca Hey, Donkey, that's Spanish! She'll push and pull you down Living la vida loca She will wear you out Living la vida loca Living la vida loca She'll push and pull you down Living the vida loca Her lips are devil red And her skin's the color of mocha She will wear you out Living la vida loca Living la vida loca Living la vida loca Living la vida loca All by myself All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself anymore... Amigo, we are off to the Kit-Kat Club. Come on, join us. Thanks, compadre. I'm... I'm not in the mood. We will cheer you up! Find you a nice burro! Hey, baby! Hey, that's my girl! Yeah! All right! Baby, where you been? - I'm sorry, too. I should've stayed. But Shrek had this thing he had to do. What? Say it one more time. What you talking about? Are you serious? - Papa! Look at our little mutant babies! I got to get a job. I got to get a job.

Omg

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