#edgar evernever

[wolfofansbach]

BEING A LIST OF THE THIRTEEN GREATEST RIVERDALE LINES, ON THE OCCASION OF THAT SHOW'S TERMINATION

As our much loved/hated show comes to an end, I feel compelled to record, for posterity, the greatest thirteen pieces of dialogue to spring from the pens of RAS and his henchmen. It was, of course, originally a top ten list, but I simply could not exclude a few of these treasures. Without further ado: 

13. 

“I dropped out in the 4th grade, to sell drugs, to support my nana.” 

“That means you haven't known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.” 

Spoken by: an inmate of Leopold and Loeb Juvenile Detention Center, and Archie Andrews. 

In: 3 x 2 

Yeah, okay, this one had to be on the list. It’s funny, I’ll admit. It’s a great example of the overwrought semi-sincere melodrama that helped make this show so special. It’s low on the list largely because The Normies got their hands on it, so every time I hear someone make a reference I get all “do not cite the deep magic to me, witch.” 

12. 

“No! No! What are we supposed to do now? I’m horny as heck!”

Spoken by: Archie Andrews 

In: 7 x 16

Season 7 is undeniably dreadful, and yet there are diamonds in the rough. The occasion is the failure of a projector, just as Archie and Reggie prepare to watch a pornographic film. The utter desperation with which KJ Apa delivers this line is exquisite. One is made to feel they are witnessing a genuine tragedy. 

11. 

“Tonight, they’re making an exception and debuting a cover of the song my parents claim they were listening to the night Jason and I were conceived.” 

Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom. 

In: 1 x 1 

Really a fantastic line. A wonderful encapsulation of the casual absurdity of Cheryl’s character, and a foretaste of the lunacy we would plumb in later episodes and seasons. 

10. 

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in and I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.” 

Spoken by: Jughead Jones

In: 1 x 10

A genuine classic. “High school football” before “high school football.” One is never entirely sure just how sincere the line is meant to be, both on a meta-level and in-universe. A perfect illumination of Jughead’s pretentiousness. It is made all the better by the occasional cuts to Lili Reinhard’s agonized face. 

9. 

“At the last dance, multiple students were murdered.” 

Spoken by: Principal Holden Honey. 

In: 4 x 2

Delivered as an explanation to Toni and Cheryl, as to why there would be no school dance this year. Principal Honey is in fact supremely rational in the cancellation of this dance. This being Riverdale, he is of course treated as an unreasonable tyrant. 

8. 

“Bro, I know all the secrets of this universe.” 

Spoken by: Archie Andrews (evil version)

In: 6 x 5 

Spoken as evil Archie reveals his evil plan to keep the parallel universes apart. KJ Apa’s delivery once again makes this line. He is comically sinister. Strangely, he sells it. 

7. 

“A Vughead kiss, right now, in the present might be precisely what it takes to save a future Bughead from imploding.” 

Spoken by: Jughead Jones. 

In: 2 x 14

One of those lines that both makes me laugh and makes me genuinely angry. This was a fairly early season, and this may have actually been the first line to get me asking, ‘did they genuinely write and deliver that?’ Extra points for use of the atrocious ‘Vughead’ portmanteau ship name rather than ‘Jeronica.’ 

6. 

“I’m the ultimate wild card. I am the daughter of The Black Hood. The nightmare from next door. I’m training with the FBI and I’m coming for you, you psycho bitch.” 

Spoken by: Betty Cooper

In: 4 x 14 

Just delicious. Another one of those lines that leaves you somewhat unsure whether or not the writers understood how genuinely hysterical it was. “The Nightmare from Next Door” sounds like an announcer hyping up a wrestler. Spoken with a raw sincerity by Lili Reinhart. Also points for the heavy homoeroticism between Betty and Donna. 

5. 

“For I am Cheryl Blossom, Queen of the Bees.” 

Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom.

In: 5 x 16. 

This one really doesn’t require any elaboration. 

4. 

“Elijah ascended…and I will, too.” 

Spoken by: Edgar Evernever.

In: 4 x 5. 

Admittedly, this one is only spectacular with context. But in context—the context being that Chad Michael Murray delivers this line while dressed like Evel Knievel and standing in a cartoon rocket right out of a Warner Bros cartoon—it becomes utterly magnificent. 

3. 

“It’s not queer baiting, it’s saving the world.” 

Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 

In: 6 x 22. 

It’s actually hard for me to decide whether this one is funnier with or without context. Without context it’s wonderful, but it possibly becomes even funnier when you know that the context is that Veronica needs to kiss Cheryl to transfer superpowers into her body so she can turn into a Scarlet Witch knock-off and stop a magic comet summoned by Sephiroth an English wizard who is also the Devil. 

2. 

“If there’s no wedding reception, it means the Gargoyle King has won.” 

Spoken by: Kevin Keller. 

In: 3 x 12.

One of my personal favorites. This is a perfect line because like #3, it requires no real elaboration. There is absolutely no context in which it isn’t hysterical. 

1 .

“Word of my exploits serving Nick his comeuppance has seeped into the demimonde of mobsters and molls my father used to associate with, so the five families are sending their youngest and brightest, their ‘princes,’ as it were to, well, come court the rare Mafia Princess who can belly up to the bar with the big boys.

Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 

In: 2 x 20. 

This is, in my opinion, the all-timer. Every word is perfect. The rapid-fire alliteration. The use of the word ‘demimonde.’ The entirely unnecessary addition of ‘as it were.’ This is borderline Dr. Seuss. The fact that Camila Mendes delivered it without cracking a smile should have won her an Emmy. No. An Oscar. This line is Riverdale. 

#riverdale #veronica lodge #jughead jones #betty cooper #archie andrews #kevin keller #cheryl blossom #edgar evernever

[liege-of-the-bees]

Screw everything else, what I really want is the return of Edgar Evernever, homophobic PTA Dad edition

#riverdale #riverdale s7 #riverdale season 7 #edgar evernever

[apomaro-mellow]

edgar evernever has matthew mcconhaughey energy

#personal #apo watches #riverdale #i cant explain it but that's the vibe #yes i had to google mm's name #i was never gonna spell it right on my own #edgar evernever #i promise yall im writing

[peachestoon2016]

WAIT SO YOU’RE TELLING ME TRISTAN DUGRAY AND EDGAR EVERNEVER WERE PLAYED BY THE SAME ACTOR

#gilmore girls. #tristan dugray #edgar evernever

[wearelondonhq]

(maisie)! welcome to london, EDGAR EVERNEVER! did anyone ever tell you that you look just like RYAN GOSLING? well, no matter, we hear that you are 38 and working as a LEADER OF THE FARM. we also hear that you currently HAVE your memories from RIVERDALE and have a tendency to be CONNIVING as well as HOT-TEMPERED. 

(maisie!) welcome to london, EDWARD “EDDIE” BROCK! did anyone ever tell you that you look just like TOM HARDY? well, no matter, we hear that you are 41 and working as a JOURNALIST. we also hear that you currently HAVE your memories from MARVEL and have a tendency to be DEDICATED as well as STUBBORN. 

— WELCOME TO LONDON, edgar evernever & eddie brock! you look very familiar, do we know you from somewhere? anyways, take your time settling in because whether you want to or not, it looks like you’re going to be living here for awhile! // welcome maisie, please be sure to follow our checklist here!

#submission #marvel rp #multifandom rp #riverdale rp #riverdale rpg #archie comics rp #mumu rp #fandom rpg #city rpg #town rpg #venom rp #eddie brock #edgar evernever #wal: accepted

[fourlynchclover]

at any given moment i am thinking about edgar evernever and his rocket

#ngl edgar evernever is a sick name #riverdale #the farm #edgar evernever

[frauleinfunf]

Rewriting the Evernevers bc God were they wasted potential

Me actually talking about Riverdale Season 3 in the year of our Lord 2022 bc I'm petty and also egotistical enough to think I could do a better job (actually that's not egotistical a two year old hamster could do a better job)

Edgar grew up in a Quiverfull-like Evangelical cult

He married super young and his wife got pregnant super fast like most people in those cults

His wife died from trying to self induce an abortion bc before she got pregnant she was planning to run away and like many women in those cults she would've rather died than be trapped for the rest of her life

Instead of confronting the ideas he was raised with, Edgar became too extremist for his extremist cult and started his own

Sometime later, Evelyn's mother joins the cult as a pregnant teenager who was just kicked out and abandoned by her boyfriend

As Evelyn grows, Edgar thinks she starts to bear a striking resemblance to his late wife and starts grooming her

When her mother finds out and tries to leave with Evelyn, Edgar poisons her and tells Evelyn she died of an illness

He formally adopts Evelyn

He starts to poison her food, not enough to kill her but enough to make her a sickly child and convince her she has the same kidney disease as her mother, bc she starts asking questions and he needs her as dependent on him as possible.

I probably would've had the narrative treat her as a snobby and judgemental when she first appears, as she would've been raised to treat people who are "of the world" like that

Slowly there would be hints at how abusive Edgar is, with the Heathers episode really starting to explore it with Kindergarten Boyfriend and Betty starting to realize that Evelyn is a deeply manipulated abuse victim (I esp imagine a scene where Evelyn is being dodgy about how she broke her arm, and Betty is suspicious and interrogates her until Evelyn shamefully admits she disobeyed her father by keeping a teen magazine Josie gave her. She then hides in the bathroom, wonders why she keeps disappointing Edgar, and that's where Kindergarten Boyfriend comes in)

Also Josie I feel like is the only one of the teens with any emotional intelligence whatsoever (as well as intelligence in general) and is the first to realize how fucked up Evelyn's situation is and actively tries to reach out to her. This makes her storyline parallel Veronica better, thus giving her meaningful screentime in the Heathers episode and also like actual impact on the story

Evelyn slowly comes out of her shell after the Heathers episode, becoming friendlier with the Riverdale High student body, and eventually develops a crush on Chuck (bc you know what he deserved a storyline where he wasn't the bad guy or the scapegoat)

One night they kiss, and Edgar finds out

Edgar tells Evelyn that she has sullied herself kissing a boy, and one who is worldly at that, but he'll marry her out of the kindness of his heart to save her purity by entering a Godly marriage.

I would've had Alice being a mole revealed way earlier (like idk she tells Betty before doing all that shit like donating her college fund to the cult or sending her to the Sisters) and she's the one who tells Betty about this

There would've been this big dramatic climax with Betty stopping the wedding and all that, and at some point they find out about Edgar poisoning Evelyn and her mother (like idk how but it's Riverdale I don't have to be scientific or believable)

Evelyn turns on Edgar after finding all this out (obvs I would have her starting to internally doubt what Edgar has told her her whole life as she starts interacting with kids her age, and this would be the moment when it all came crashing down)

In the aftermath I'd have the Keller-McCoys take her in bc they're the best parents on this show and tbh the only ones I'd trust with a deeply traumatized child (I'd trust Fred too but that poor guy already has to house every other wayward child in his two bedroom house he deserves a break)

#riverdale #mid20sdale #evelyn evernever #edgar evernever #child abuse tw #csa tw #religious abuse tw #now that i think about it one of the reasons i love hunter owl house's storyline so much is bc it's what i literally wanted for evelyn #there's really way more to explore with abused child of a cult leader instead of she was just his evil wife all along #that's one of the reasons riverdale ran out of storys they were so invested in their heroes (read: betty) being right all the time #that they bent the stories to conform to that and sacrificed so many interesting avenues to explore

[srijellyfishtempura]

WHY IS THE VILLAINS NAME FUCKING "EVERNEVER" THATS SUCH A FUCKING COMICAL NAME

#afternath #riverdale #its so fucking funny #i cant take him seriously when his name is EDGAR EVERNEVER

[sillysymbol]

to be completley honest i have zero idea what riverdale is. the last time i properly thought about it was a few days ago when i heard it ended and i was shocked because i thought it ended in like 2016. all i know is like umm. ok so i may not have actually absorbed anything. ok theres jughead. i think. and hes like weird. i think. hes a weirdo you know. ummmmm maybe some sort of murder happening???? pretty sure there was lesbianism... but maybe not??? in my heart there is. i KNOW there was um. archie was there. is he gay for jughead? was he gay for someone else????

ok ummm so now i have to admit that most of what i know about this show is like. guessing based on a family guy episode. i used to watch a lot of family guy begrudgingly and there was one episode where they like parodied teen dramas for part of it and i think a bit of riverdale was in there??? ugh im canceling this whole ask. im intrigued and faccinated by this riverdale stuff that you post but much like a grampa old enough to have fought in the war i dont quite understand. in my beautiful mind they all get adopted by a ghost or something. maybe start some sort of pyramid scheme. but i willst never understand...

no i cant watch it i have so many important things to do. i draw old guys. that takes up so much damn time.

there is So Much More

#THERE IS LESBIANS AND GAYS!!!!!!!!!!! ITS TRUE!!!!!! #Idontfeel like explaining everything. i miss the gargoyle king and edgar evernever #hey guys remember when jughead carved out a woman's tattoo? yeah #and then that happened to him #I can't. stress enough how much this show is based off of archie comics bc it does NOT look like that #symb replies #do your own research. or just watch the show! who care!

[maddy-ferguson]

One tree hill?

Favourite character: brooke but haley was my favorite character the first time i watched the show and i still love her a lor. also nathan.

Funniest character: he's not the funniest character but i wanna give a shout out to my friend chris keller because i think he's very funny...

Best-looking character: brooke

3 favourite ships: naley brulian and peyton and jake maybe but i also like leyton when i don't hate them

Least favourite character: lucas i'm a lucas hater and i mean that

Least favourite ship: brucas i'm a brucas hater and i mean that

Reason why I watch it: it's fun. very dramatic. love a good car crash

Why I started watching it: two of my friends kept having conversations about it and i wanted to be included

#i also have a problem with cmm himself i fear his voice annoys the hell out of me #it's not really his voice it's more...the way he pronounces things. and he's in oth in gilmore girls in dawson's creek the man is edgar #evernever himself i can never escape him #ask

[turnallthemirrors]

I'm at the organ harvesting cult, I'm at the rocket ship suicide, I'm at the combination organ harvesting cult and rocket ship suicide

#tw suicide mention #edgar evernever you will always be famous #sydposting

[inutaffy]

#betty's listening to some tapes with her mom and edgar evernever aka cult leader supreme and she said #'it's just the two of us in the house now and the truth is...i'm afraid of betty. sometimes the way she looks at me...i think she's going t #hurt me. i think she Wants to hurt me. she's her fathers daughter. she has the same darkness in her that i saw in him.' #and then betty throws off the headphones with red teary eyes. WHO TF WOULD SAY THAT . ABOUT THEIR KID #BETTY'S DAD WAS A SERIAL KILLER A SERIAL KILLER THAT HURT PEOPLE SHE KNEW PEOPLE WE FRIENDS KNEW AND LOVED #HES A TERRIBLE PERSON. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT #betty has don't nothing but try to help you . and you aren't fucking listening.

[good-things-do-happen-dean]

oh you got gay kevin to join your cult? congrats on brainwashing the most brainwashable person in the world

#sorry edgar evernever you’re not special

[igcttabe]

❝ no need to thank me. it was my pleasure. all of your hospital bills have been paid for in total. ❞

MATT WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO REPAY EDGAR FOR WHAT HE HAD DONE FOR HIM AND HIS FAMILY. “john told me what you did… you were one of the first people i was planning on seeing when i made it out of here. i wanted to THANK YOU in person.” matt would never be able to repay what he had done, he would always be in debt to him, he couldn’t have been more grateful, he could feel the tears sting his eyes. “even with working for the hospital, my insurance BARELY covers anything. i landed myself in this position too many times.” he would have found a way to make it work, he would have worked every hour under the sun to get those bills paid but with the state he was in and the people he was SUPPORTING. he would have had to work himself to the bone just to clear even the top of what he owed the hospital, never mind bills and the cost of living on it’s own. “I DO NEED TO THANK YOU.” because... well, matt didn’t know why he’d done it, his mind was too full from worrying about everything else to even think it was odd that he’d done that. “if there’s ever anything i can do for you or your family? please just let me know.” @bcssbitchs​​

#matt ; convo #matt ; edgar #tw: hospital mention #tw: debt mention #tw: mental health #tw: injury mention #i can forgive edgar evernever for almost anything but not messing with poor matt :(

[wearelondonhq]

hello !!! can i please drop namor ( marvel ), arthur harrow ( marvel ), cal hockley ( titanic ), june moone ( dc comics)? thanks!

(maisie) welcome to london, EDGAR EVERNEVER! did anyone ever tell you that you look just like RYAN GOSLING? well, no matter, we hear that you are 48 and working as a LEADER OF THE FARM. we also hear that you currently HAVE your memories from RIVERDALE and have a tendency to be REMARKABLE as well as OBSESSIVE. 

— WELCOME TO LONDON, edgar evernever! you look very familiar, do we know you from somewhere? anyways, take your time settling in because whether you want to or not, it looks like you’re going to be living here for awhile! // welcome maisie, please be sure to follow our checklist here. welcome to the group!

* please note that namor ( marvel ), arthur harrow ( marvel ), cal hockley ( titanic ), june moone ( dc comics) are now reopened for applications!

#submission #multifandom rp #town rp #city rp #au rpg #mumu rp #riverdale rp #oc rp #au rp #edgar evernever

[bettycooper]

It’s the epic highs and lows of high school football, serial killer genes, Serpent/Gargoyle/Rat King, creating a cult for organ harvesting, palladium mines, the Room of Wigs, disarming a bomb using a bobby pin, my speciality is ice, Julian (Doll’s Version), serial killer making fun of another serial killer for being a bad serial killer, product placement, Bingo, town-wide seizures, Shein Scarlett Witch, singing so much bad singing, the great trench warfare of 2020, the Holy Grail, is it football/wrestling/basketball or music, iconic beanie and ponytail, snake facts, alien maple syrup mothman, Edgar Knievel Evernever, where in the world is Toffee Cooper?, floating babies, The Bear, Queen of the Bees, Serpent/Warrior/Gargoyle/Prom Queen, a kid is dead Archie!, Stonewall Four, Reggie’s mullet, being in the mood for chaos, Red/Dark Circle, inventing red, 7 years past but still 2020, tickle porn, Jason’s corpse just hanging out giving fashion advice, and I’m weird, I’m a weirdo for me.

#riverdale #the one the only #riverdale finale