#elle's fanfic meta
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I am on my knees begging for commentary on tbiohc chapter 21, I would love the part where Rilla gives Arum the flowers or where he bites her hand but honestly any section from the chapter at all would be amazing, please share thoughts!!
aslfjsjfaskfj yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah chapter 21 which caused me to write like 3k words in a single day and made me cry at least twice. :D
im gonna do the bite section but before i say anything else i will mention As Per Your Comment (💖💖💖), Rilla bringing two flowers was, indeed, VERY deliberate. On my part, at least. Rilla doesn't think in metaphors quite as much as me... and damien and arum. MOVING ON.
["Can I- would you let me just-"]
Poor Rilla doesn't have a good vocabulary for what she wants, here. There's a BIG gap between this and what she actually wants to say when she posits her Point Four, but... she wants SOME sort of physical contact with him before she makes her case about... well, informed consent, basically. She wants a connection before she tells him that she understands, and she wants to help him ANYWAY. But she doesn't have the right words to explain that desire, so... she just Reaches Out.
[She trails off, and Arum watches her, his violet eyes vivid and wide and still startled. She leaves her hand hanging in the air between them, just- waiting, and after a few breaths Arum looks towards her palm, swallows, and-]
Arum... I don't know if he fully understands what she's asking for either? But also, i hope this has come through, but in the last few chapters, Damien and Arum have gotten fairly comfortable with some casual touch. touching an elbow, poking each other, brushing shoulders. Since Arum can't talk, touch is just... easier, sometimes, when it comes to getting attention or (as shown earlier in this scene) telling someone to BACK OFF before other guards come in the room.
But that is extremely different from an active, specific request for physical contact from someone else. Even someone who Arum has a burgeoning friendship with via letter. and also. she's not just taking what she wants in the situation either. She's offering him a choice, too. Saying please.
[His face twitches, some strange pain crossing it, and then his jaw clenches for a moment before he- he jerks his face towards her, opening his mouth and nipping at the heel of Rilla's thumb before he shoves his cheek into her palm, his eyes squeezing shut and an expression of pained embarrassment on his face.]
i will say again, As Per Your Comment, you are SO right. Arum is extremely, extremely A Cat. This bit...... it just kinda came to me? i was literally staring off into space and imagining BEING ARUM in that moment, imagining what I would want to do, how I would respond, and... the sort of... despair of admitting how badly he wants what she's offering, and the little bit of defiance to at least pretend that he's going to use his teeth on her before he allows something soft.
And the thing is. He could have drawn blood. He did not want to. There's a little bit of the... like... urge to consume what you can't bear to lose? wrapped up in the gesture? But mostly he just needs to pretend like he even wants to resist them. just a nibble.
[Damien tenses, but- Rilla doesn't respond with pain, her hand looks- fine, and she makes a small concerned noise, moving closer and curling her fingers against Arum's jaw, lifting her other hand to cup his face on the other side.]
Damien doesn't think Arum would hurt him OR Rilla, at this point, but. like. the dude did just lunge and bite his fiance's hand. I'd probably also flinch, regardless. Rilla, for her part, is. having a moment. because she was not EXPECTING him to respond quite so... emotionally? Emphatically? he shoved his face into her hand, so of course she lets her other hand join the first. Of course she cups his face like That.
["Oh," she says, more shaky than Damien is used to hearing her. Arum growls, still carefully low, and he cracks his vivid eyes open to glare at her after a moment.]
I don't want to say that Rilla forgot how bad Arum had it, but... they've been acting like penpals with a secret code for a few weeks now, and... i mean... it's ARUM. he complains, obviously, but... he downplays his own emotional reaction. He describes it dry, if he describes the actual torment at all. Right in front of her, breaking over a simple touch, it breaks her heart, too. And Arum is, of course, embarrassed. Because what's more embarrassing than this? Than falling into her hands, just because she offered?
[Do not ask why I did that, he writes without looking a the page, his handwriting only barely more shaky than normal.]
Universe forbid he expresses himself. Also, i don't think he could in ANY way articulate why the fuck that just happened. He doesn't have the benefit of my perspective as the author, lmao. He'll maybe work out what the fuck is up with himself later.
for now, though, he just... gets to feel her hands on his scales. Deliberate, and calm, and gentle.
so. yeah.
argh.
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honestly after having seen x1 i’m thinking about the difference between jude’s altruistic-to-a-fault kindness and ludger’s altruistic-to-a-fault kindness (not helped by the general issues in determining ludger’s characterisations)
i guess the most i can conclude with is that while ludger is friendly but he’s not as universally kind to the same degree jude is, nor is he as inclined to make the effort either. ludger is clearly capable of being kind to people just because, but he has specific people he’ll go to extreme lengths for, and not in a noble way where he’s extremely determined to do what’s right or good like jude or milla, but where he actively chooses that person’s safety to the detriment of other people he also cares for.
x1 had the consistent theme of people having a purpose, and while i’d say it’s a stretch for x2 to be in any way continuous with that, muzet has a voice line in x2 when she defeats ludger in the bad ending where she says “i know how you feel”, referencing her actions in x1 where her purpose in life (protecting the schism and serving maxwell) being threatened leaves her aimless and desperate to find orders.
in both the game and the manga, ludger expresses that he cares more about the personal connection he has to julius and elle than he does about saving the world. the manga makes it an explicit statement in dialogue, but the game makes it explicit in actions, by having ludger choose to save elle or julius instead of the world. (although he only gets to go through with it in the bad ending.)
ludger, pre-canon, has friends, if only the two, but despite that his focus is exclusively on julius, and it doesn’t seem like he either had plans to leave, nor that he was especially concerned with doing so? it’s mostly coincidence, but he does only bond with other people once julius is inaccessible to him. victor, too, raises elle in near-complete isolation of the world, and ludger explicitly gives up his friendships with everyone else for julius’s sake in the bad ending.
my point being that he’s perfectly fine eschewing other friendships for julius or elle, and, especially contrasting milla and jude, who both set aside their happiness together in order to follow their individual paths, he isn’t as invested in doing things for good’s sake as he is for doing things for the sake of those he loves.
so i would like to propose that ludger’s purpose in life is to care for and protect the person he loves the most, it is what makes him happiest, and just like muzet he can take it horribly if he’s threatened with failing that goal.
although.
there is a more heartwarming aspect in the elle ending and the manga. where ludger is actively offering up his own life to save elle, or so that julius and elle can both live without him. so i’d argue that, from a personal level, the elle ending and the bad ending are ludger’s happiest endings, for being able to fulfil his own goals, as opposed to the ludger ending, where he fails to protect them both and only has the solace of fulfilling victor’s wish instead by bringing elle into the prime dimension.
#is this meta? eh. i don't like calling my ramblings meta.#meta sounds like i know what i'm talking about haha#i feel like i'm just writing fanfic while taking notes from canon#v#x2#julius and elle both have a lot of faith in ludger and victor's respective kindness and love for them#but honestly... i wonder that neither of them realise just how /selfish/ ludger and victor are about them#very fortunately for julius. it's a mutual selfishness. because elle is not okay with it. not with victor's plan nor with ludger's#but julius is fine with it. and for that the bad ending feels rather happy despite everything
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I was reading through this thread on statistics and mlm slash reblogged by @darktwistedgenderplural, and reflecting on it a bit, as one does. I’ve been active in fandom spaces since the turn of the millennium, and I’ve seen similar versions of this argument on tumblr and livejournal and in other sites for over two decades now. I do think it brings up some reasonable statistical points. At the same time I think that sometimes we think of fandom as a space immune to the influences of patriarchy, when in fact it still at times influences us and nudges us toward which characters we prioritize. I find that I have to do a lot of questioning of my own biases as I explore my various fandoms. Other people’s experiences may vary—maybe your experience is different than mine—and I can really only speak to my own. Maybe what I have to say here resonates with a few of you, though.
Anyway, let me shift to talking with a more positive lens. The more I considered the ideas in that original series of posts, and the more I thought about people agonizing that fic about female characters is harder to achieve than fic about male characters, the more it made me grateful for Young Royals and how well-written its female characters are. Two out of its five main characters are teenage girls, and Sara can even be called the show’s B Plot Protagonist. (Thank you again @heliza24 for sharing your meta about that with us! I think about it at least once every three days.) And Sara and Felice are both what I would call authentic and textured characters, who’ve got really interesting backstories and desires and flaws at play, the same way you get that for dynamic male characters. There’s so much for fanfic writers to work when it comes to the two of them! And I’ve enjoyed writing them both in my time in this fandom, and I’m proud of what I’ve managed to achieve so far in my writing.
Since the post addresses shipping as something fandom loves to do, I also think there’s lots of potential ways to ship the girls on Young Royals—whether that’s shipping Sara and Felice with one another or with other people, or whether that’s shipping the other girls in with other people various femmeslash ships and het ships. I admit I haven’t written Felice/Sara yet, but I’ve written Felice/Maddie and Felice/Rosh and Sara/August. And of course, in the moments when Heart and Homeland allows, I’ve explored the Manor House Girls friendship pentagon, and all the complex interpersonal interactions therein. I’ve seen other great ideas thrown around by other people, too, like the folks who’ve come up with Linda/Kristina backstory in the 1980s and so on.
I hope that as YR develops as a fandom and as we collectively write more fics, we’ll see the number of fics about female characters continue to grow alongside the number of fics about male characters. And also, once again, I think it’s so awesome that Lisa Ambjörn invests so heavily in the female characters on her show. She’s just about my age and my fandom generation, and I know there’s interview notes about her writing m/m slashfic for that wizard fandom back in the early 2000s. Her writing takes what’s awesome about fanfic but also mixes it with what’s great about professionally published fiction, and she did not neglect her female characters in the process. It’d be easy enough for her to just focus on cute boys and ignore the girls, but she doesn’t. And I just thought it was fair to give myself space to gush about that a bit, when a few of the comments in the post I was talking about alluded to writers who aren’t doing the best with the women in their stories.
…
Outside of Young Royals side note: even if I’m not writing fic for these other shows yet, I’m additionally grateful that TV right now has a whole crowd of female characters I can get excited about. There’s the girls of Heartstopper including my beloved Elle Argent, there’s Claudia in Interview with the Vampire, there’s Rose and Essie in When the Angels Left the Old Country (ok that’s a book not TV but I still love it), there’s Helen and Noelene on The Newsreader, there’s Kleo and Lidia Poët in the shows named after them, there’s Maribel and Fanny and Clara and Nines in 45 RPM (although god, nowhere near enough people have seen 45 RPM, and I wish there were more people out there who’d seen it!) That’s just off the top of my head. As more women have been included in writers rooms and have gotten to be showrunners for things—still not nearly enough, but an increasing number—I do think representation for female characters has gotten much, much better overall.
I also realize that… well. Over time, with hindsight, I’ve been able to appreciate female characters from old fandoms that I didn’t before. Like Relena in Gundam Wing, who I in my teen years used to bash relentlessly. Or Éponine in Les Misérables, who I used to roll my eyes at for being in tragic unrequited love, or something. But now I can see the roles they play in their larger narratives, and the nuances of who they are. So I think there’s also a lot of good representation that’s always been there, even if I haven’t always seen it.
I’m hoping that the trend of more and better female characters continues, and I’m hoping that the fandom statistics shift to reflect that with time. Are there any female characters on anyone else’s mind, while we’re chatting about this? Who are your favorites right now?
#sara eriksson#felice ehrencrona#i have a lot of feelings about girl characters okay#and i think felice and sara meet the criteria for what people want in female characters as outlined by that other post#so i wanted to revel in that a little bit as my weekend begins
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about me
Hi! Call me Ell or Autumn (she/her). I'm a writer by hobby and profession. This blog is mostly Dragon Age and Baldur's Gate 3, but also a little bit of The Witcher Netflix, Shadow & Bone, Mass Effect, writing, and just generally media I enjoy. Probably going to include more Sleep Token in the future. Sometimes science. Rarely, my own meta and fanfic writing.
Ao3
My DA Meta Posts
My Writing
My OCs
I'm an adult and I write adult things, so follow at your own discretion. I don't knowingly follow back or privately chat with minors - nothing personal!
I try to curate a positive space here as much as possible for my mental health. I don't tend to post anti stuff, and I utilize the block function pretty readily.
I'm inconsistent at best with tagging, though I do make an effort to tag for common triggers. The only one you might see regularly is a cw for blood (in fanart, not real blood). If you need something tagged, you are free to ask, but I can't guarantee I'll never forget to include it.
I'm always happy to chat about any of our shared interests, be tagged in things, or get asks about my writing, characters, or media. But I'm not here to argue, and I don't engage with negativity.
My Canon Dragon Age Worldstates for fic purposes:
(List not exhaustive - major highlights only.)
"Happily Ever After":
DAO: female warrior Cousland x King Alistair, ruled together, dark ritual with Morrigan, killed Loghain
DA2: male warrior Hawke x Anders, templar Carver, sided with mages
DAI: undecided!
"Elfy":
DAO: Male rogue Mahariel x Zevran, King Alistair rules alone, killed Loghain, dark ritual with Morrigan.
DA2: Male mage Hawke x Fenris, spared Anders, circle mage Bethany survived, sided with mages
DAI: female mage Lavellan x Iron Bull (though my hc is Solas is an almost-maybe ex), allied with mages and Grey Wardens, Divine Leliana (softened)
Favorite DA Characters: (aka the ones you'll see most of my rbs about)
Zevran, Alistair, Fenris, The Iron Bull, Krem, Morrigan
Favorite pairings:
Zevran/Warden, Cousland/Alistair, Hawke/Anders/Fenris, Hawke/Fenris, Hawke/Anders, Bull/Dorian, Bull/Inquisitor
Not an exhaustive list by any means.
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Welcome to Je T'Emily Garbajistan!
Hello new followers! I assume you have found me because Criminal Minds is about to come back and you are desperately scouring this hellsite for any femslash content you can get your hands on. Fear not! You have come to the right place.
I write a LOT of femslash fanfic (w00t4ewan on AO3) and I created @queerminal-minds . I've been keeping a detailed record of Jemily posts for over 10 years on this blog (and now Temily and Jara posts too).
All of those delicious posts still exist if you know how to find them. I’ll do the hard work for you and just put all my links in this post under the cut.
Enjoy! And long live our queer ships!! If you have questions or can't find the exact post you're looking for [Hit Me Up] and I should be able to help!
(These links probably won't work on mobile bc tumblr is nothing if not reliably shitty! To use this list on mobile, just go to my blog and search the tags)
JEMILY POSTS & TAGS:
Jemily Beginner's Guide || Jemily Canon Timeline Ref
Head Canons - Emily || Head Canons - JJ || Head Canons - Jemily || Head Canons - Emily as a Mom
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ALL Jemily Content on my Blog
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ALL Temily Content on my Blog
OTHER QUEER TAGS:
Tebecca (Tara/Rebecca) Posts
Jara (JJ/Tara) Posts [Jara Beginner's Guide]
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FANFIC MASTER POSTS:
My Drabbles (Tumblr)
My Jemily Fics || Jemily Fic Recs (2023) || Jemily Fic Recs (2022) || Even More Jemily Recs (2024)
My Temily Fics || Temily Fic Recs (2022)
My Jara Fics (JJ/Tara)
My Tebecca Fics (Tara/Rebecca)
Smut Fic Recs
CM Other Femslash Fic Recs (2022) || Femslash Recs (2023)
Other Fic Recs
GENERAL CM TAGS:
|| ASKS || CAST || COMMENTARY || CRACK || EDITS || FANART || FANFIC (New Tag)||
|| FIC (Old Tag) || GIFS || HEAD CANONS || META || REFS ||
|| SHIT POSTS || VIDS ||
|| ALEX || ELLE || EMILY || JJ || PENELOPE || TARA ||
|| DEREK || HOTCH || LUKE || MATT || SPENCER || ROSSI ||
#criminal minds#master post#cm reference#blackbird-brewster#emily prentiss#tara lewis#jennifer jareau#jemily#temily#cm meta#je t'emily#welcome post#Pinned post#about me 2k24
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fandom asks - 2, 5
2 - what fandoms were apart of that you aren’t any longer?
i’ve gone in and out of the lunar chronicles/renegades/marissa meyer fandom several times, but right now i’m out. i’ll still reblog fanart from my mutuals though:) i also used to be apart of the red queen fandom. basically, a lot of YA books!
5 - what is your favorite overused trope?
i would say corruption arc (it’s almost all i read and write) but it’s comparatively not a lot. so then: enemies to lovers, whump, soulmate aus. also enemies to lovers but specifically when it’s an arranged marriage to appease tensions between two warring nations. sometimes the source material requires it being a royalty au to do this, but either way!!! top fucking tier
fandom ask game thingy:P
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(about the whole fic writer asks, except those answered now) the story specific ones have to be about 'but if you really hold me tight' - I love all your cxg fics and it's the longest one :D) it's just I'm thinking of getting back to writing and since you're of my favorites authors out there now i'd love to get some insight. kudos for being cool about it!
Hello! Okay first of all thank you so much, that is a ridiculously big compliment and my face hurts. And yes yes yes you should definitely write if you feel like writing - just go for it! If you have any specific questions or you want a pep talk or whatever, message any time :)
Okay I’m gonna put these under a Read More because wall of text.
2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?Right now only Crazy Ex Girlfriend. I wrote for Criminal Minds under a different name then had a gap of several years. I’m pretty far removed from CM now but I can safely say writing for CXG has been a nicer experience community wise (partly a smaller fandom thing and I suspect partly a demographic thing), and there’s more established character stuff to work with because all the character development isn’t like… Crammed in the five minutes they have to work with either side of the crime solving.
3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.I don’t really do either, but reader inserts are kind of a squick of mine honestly, so I’m gonna say OCs. I’ve only written OC kids though.
4) What is your favourite genre to write for?I am not entirely sure what this means… Fic genre? Original media genre? I have only ever written romance or friendship stuff for TV shows, an odd balance of fluff and angst?
5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?Mmm let the sun inside has a special place in my heart because it was the thing that got me back into writing after a really long gap and turned out pretty much how I wanted it to. Writing it was just a very intense ‘I am writing again and my brain is on fire’ experience for me.
7) When is your preferred time to write?I would love to have a less dysfunctional answer to this, but probably between 1 and 4am unfortunately? That can’t be a thing on work nights because I get up at 6.30. If I can get myself on a roll early afternoon in a coffee shop though, that’s a better feeling. Just… Less common than ‘the rest of the world around me is asleep and my brain just woke up’.
8) Where do you take your inspiration from?Oh everywhere. The media I write fic about. The stories I read. My life, my friends. The world.
9) In but if you really hold me tight, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?Oh god I really don’t know. This story is really hard for me to have perspective on because of the ridiculously time pressured way I wrote and published it. I’m probably proudest of chapter 12, where they discuss the ‘do we want a baby’ question properly, because that just… Is an important conversation that you don’t really see in media? I’m not sure it’s the best writing in the story, but I’m glad I didn’t chicken out of it. I also enjoyed writing Rebecca meeting Plimpton Senior in chapter 19, because that feels like an opportunity the show missed and I will never see enough versions of it in fic honestly. (Do you have a favourite?)
10) In but if you really hold me tight, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?That one was pretty much always going to end where it did – just because of the format, it was always going to end in a fluffy happy place around midnight on the 1st of January 2021. The last chapter was going to be longer originally, with more characters getting a moment, but it was just getting kind of unfocused – Rebecca POV can handle tone shifts pretty well I think because of the way her brain is wired, but at some point it all just got a bit messy so I pared it back. I think I’m pleased with how it turned out, but the chaos of writing it is still fresh enough that it’s hard to tell!
11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?Nah, but I’ve fixed typos (thank you @what-the-elle-n!)
13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?I find Valencia and Paula pretty difficult. I love them, but I struggle.
14) How did you come up with the title - You can ask about multiple stories.(Since it says multiple and since I only have 3 currently…) Everything I’ve published for CXG so far has had song lyric titles – mostly because I am not good at poetic turns of phrase, and I like lyricists who are. (I’m also not a particularly romantic person, and I like lyricists who are!)
let the sun inside is from Ribcage by elbow. The full line is ‘I wanted to explode – to pull my ribs apart and let the sun inside’, which feels to me like that feeling of having bottled everything up for so long that you just can’t feel anything anymore until you kind of break down and come out the other side? And Rebecca = sunshine, so. That is basically the premise of the story, so that was a stroke of luck.
the landing light is from K2 by elbow (I swear I listen to other music, they just have words that really lend themselves to fanfic titles lol). I have a whole meta thing written to publish alongside the last chapter about why this song for this story, but basically the line is ‘Dickhead’s done a runner and he’s wondering if anyone cares – is the landing light on?’ which is just someone far from home feeling a bit stupid and homesick and wondering if there’s anybody waiting at home for him. And of course Nathaniel comes home to a totally miserable situation and there Rebecca is.
but if you really hold me tight… It had to be a lyric from a Christmas song, preferably one Frank Sinatra sang at some point, because that was the playlist I started listening to in mid-October while outlining this madness. So it’s from Let It Snow, obviously, although that exact line is not in that version, ssshhhhhh (he sings ‘but if you’ll only hold me tight’). I chose it because R&N being a team and getting through stuff together in a mostly-fluff-but-not-entirely way was kind of what I was aiming for, and it just felt like it fit.
15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?I kind of have an OC coming up in a story I’m writing now, and I just… Knew who named them, and tried to choose a name those people would choose. I don’t really do OCs much in fic, but in not-fic (it’s been a while!) I try to go for a name that (1) means something, and importantly (2) I can imagine their parents having named them.
16) How did you come up with the idea for but if you really hold me tight?So a writer I used to read a lot from the Criminal Minds fandom did a Christmas fic a couple of years in a row – one short, mostly fluffy chapter for each day from the 1st-25th of December. So that was the plan. Except as soon as I started outlining it, I knew I couldn’t write an entire month fluffy and problem-free for these two (for anyone, but especially these two), so short and fluffy didn’t stick!
17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.“I’ve gotten better at a lot of things since you’ve been away, but my self-deception skills have taken a real hit.”
18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?Yeah, I abandoned a few Criminal Minds fics. I still feel bad about them actually – I get comments on them occasionally. (On the offchance anyone reading this is someone who feels nervous about commenting on old stories – these delight me in ways you cannot imagine.) I ran out of steam in a lot of ways – I started them without any real idea where I was going and wrote myself into a corner, mostly, but also I was starting to really struggle to write unprompted. I am not the most mentally well person, and I just got my brain into this spirally tangle where I thought nobody wanted to read anything they hadn’t asked for, so I filled a lot of prompts but couldn’t convince myself to write anything else. It feels really weird to think about that now, which I guess is a good sign…
19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?I toy with following the emotional arc of S4 but following let the sun inside sometimes – that was the plan, when I originally finished it and was panicking that I would never get another idea. Also, but if you really hold me tight created a world of warm domesticity for R&N that I felt really sad leaving behind, so I would probably like to write in the timeline again. And the landing light might get a oneshot sequel, depending on whether I end it the way I think I’m going to or the way I was originally planning to…
20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?No, not in this fandom. I’ve only written two endings though! I’ve ended on some real cheeseball final lines in the past though.
21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?@heartbash, who can do plot and slow-burn in a way my impatient ass will never be capable of. @justwanted2dance who deserves a million flame emojis and writes BDSM stuff in a way that makes my anxious brain comfy enough to enjoy it (literally nobody else has achieved this). @pictureofsoph1sticatedgrace who writes the loveliest fluff and is a badass individual. @notbang and @anthropologicalhands and @catty-words and @akisazame and @romansuzume who write beautifully and can do those poetic turns of phrase I am not good at. I’ve got to be forgetting someone but wowww there is so much talent and creativity in this lil room. So many people to be inspired by.
22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?God yes, but not in this fandom. It’s fine, 19 or 20 year old me, you were learning.
23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?Silence. Or like white noise or the Hufflepuff Common Room 10 hour ASMR video on youtube or something lol. Anything with words just ruins me – my attention span is laughable.
25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?Ha yes actually, but I’m really not entirely sure why. Sometimes my brain is just a really weird place to be.
26) Which part of but if you really hold me tight was the hardest to write?It depends how you measure hardest, I guess. Several of the smut scenes just said ‘[insert sex]’ for the longest time, sometimes with descriptions? So like ‘[insert feelingsy sex]’ or whatever lol. In terms of getting voices right (like to the point of still being unsure whether it’s any good), this gurl group chapter.
27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?It really depends. Usually I know roughly where I’m going and how I’m getting there and that’s good enough for me, but my NaNo fic got an outline because of the format and timescale. And I’m planning a thing with an actual plot arc (gasp!) so that’s getting an outline, in the hope of making it look vaguely romance novel shaped. Basically it depends on the length of the thing for me, and how plotty it is.
28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?Writing advice: if you’re struggling to move past a particular point, the thing you need to change is probably a few lines back. It’s rarely the last line that painted you into the corner. If you think something needs to come out, paste it into an outtakes document – you might want to put it somewhere else later, or salvage lines from it or whatever, and it’s just easier to let go if you’re not actually hitting delete.
Posting advice: remember fandom is community – everyone is here because they love the thing you love. They’re gonna be excited there’s a new story to read, and they’re rooting for you! (Write the thing!)
29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?Nahh I mean, it’s a smaallll fandom.
30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?Again, smaaalll. (Also I try not to publicly eye roll at things other people love even if they are my things – there’s nothing quite like loving a song just for the band to be like ‘ugh I fucking hate that song’, so I always try to keep that in mind.)
31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)You did not send me a rec! Feel free to send me one now! In fact, open call, everyone send me fic recs, even if I’ve definitely read them.
32) Are any of your characters based on real people?Mm no I don’t do OCs.
33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?I mean, I enjoyed hearing that someone read my story in the corner at a party lol, especially because it was a chapter I was pretty pleased with and nervous about. Also any time anybody says something I wrote is a headcanon or ‘this should have happened in the show’ is a glittery feeling. When somebody notices a little clue or detail that isn’t obvious, it makes me ridiculously happy. Humans reading my thing then saying something about it is still crazy, so, yeah.
34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?Story time: my old fandom has this one character who has a lot of pretty hardcore stans. I mostly dislike the word stan but like… Yeah. So anyway, I got an email saying I had a new comment on my ficlet collection (keeping in mind I was in my ��very unhealthy relationship with feedback’ stage at this point), and clicked on it all happy, and all it said was ‘I didn’t read this because another comment said it doesn’t contain enough *stanned character* and you really should warn people upfront that he isn’t gonna be in it, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time on it’. Which was just… A bizarre comment. Like, commenting to say you didn’t read the thing is weird in itself, but also you list the characters who are in the thing, not all the ones who aren’t?? Anyway, I then went on my tumblr and I had several anon messages that were just straight up hate along the same lines and… Yeah. The Criminal Minds fandom was a strange place. On a related note, have I told you today that I love you, CXG people? I love you.
35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?I am basically always up with talking stuff through with people.
36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?This is actually difficult to do right now. There’s a baby?
37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?I mean, I made myself laugh a couple of times in my festive fic, but I’m more of a ‘this one line is funny’ writer than a ‘this story is funny’ writer. I’m too angsty!
38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.This question is faaar too terrifying. I’ve actually never collabed with anyone, I’d love to though.
39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?Third. I think because I’ve only written for TV shows, no matter how closely you’re following one character, if you’re seeing them on a screen, you’re in third person. So it’s just an extra struggle to make that jump to another POV for me. I have written my not-fanfic mostly in first though, and I’ve read some lovely fic in first and second. I’m just not good at it.
40) Do people know you write fanfiction?One person.
41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?Hmmmm who is minor, really? I find AJ difficult but fun.
43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?I don’t write anything plotty enough for this to be a thing!
44) What is the last line you wrote?“Mm, because you know how irresistible your weird old timey voices are.”
45) What spurs you on during the writing process?I want people to read the thing, honestly. It’s a ‘reach out my lonely haaand’ moment with a little less melodrama. I want it to be out in the world doing what it’s meant to do. I also want it to be finished so I can read it – I get a very particular kind of happy feeling from reading a good sentence I wrote.
46) I really loved but if you really hold me tight. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?Lol it felt really weird to type that in there when you didn’t actually say it directly, but you said all so here we are! I’m just gonna take that compliment even though I wrote it… When I started coming to the end of writing that story, I started to feel really sad about leaving behind the warm domestic feel of it, so if I ever feel more domestic fluff coming on, probably it’ll be set after that.
47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?You did not insert a made up title! Although insert a made up title has potential for Rebecca hounding everyone she knows to help her title a song she wrote.
48) What’s your favourite trope to write?Is ‘let’s have an actual conversation about this’ a trope because that’s my brand so far! I haven’t written anything particularly tropey, I don’t think, although the pull of ‘omg there was only one bed’ is strong right now!
49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?Yes! It was a Criminal Minds fic, Hotch/Prentiss, canon compliant (ish) missing scenes kind of deal. I can’t remember the first CXG fic I read, which is ridiculous because it was a lot more recent. I started writing CXG fic before I started looking for it, because I hadn’t been inspired to write in so long that I didn’t want to scare myself away. I read some before publishing, but I can’t remember where I started.
50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?I can only dream of being mentally stable enough to have a consistent answer to this lol. Angst comes more naturally to me, but writing angsty characters into happy situations is one of the ways I make sense of the world, so… Fluff, maybe, as long as I can keep the characters screwed up, because they just… Are. And like, same.
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#3 for the meta self ship meme; whichever F/O you'd most like to talk about!
3. describe the first time you watched/played/read your f/o’s source content.
I’m going for a twofer, since one experience kind of leads into the other!
I was pretty delighted with Gravity Falls from the beginning; I’d managed to go in unspoiled for most of the major plot developments, including Ford’s identity. I probably enjoyed this eccentric, morally ambiguous, physically scrappy yet intellectually nerdy, new character in his first couple of episodes - I don’t remember my first impressions in detail - but I was completely undone by the revelation of his history with Bill Cipher and his determination to keep his former “muse” from causing any more harm. I still get chills every time he shouts, “You have no dominion in our world!” and his sassiness and vulnerability during his captivity in Bill’s penthouse will always make me squeak with joy. I just barely managed to wait until I finished watching the show before I waded into the fandom, and the fandom became my home. I’m not sure when I crossed the line from “I enjoy reading/writing/thinking about Ford” to “I would enjoy making out with him,” but I’m pretty sure that it was well before you, Elle, started watching.
And then Nelja, a Gravity Falls fanfic writer with whom I’d bonded over a mutual fascination with Mind Stuff in general and Bill/Ford mindfuckery in particular, started talking about her more recent fandom obsession, a horror podcast called The Magnus Archives. She promised that it had Mind Stuff aplenty. I promised to listen to an episode or two, mostly to make her happy. I knew from Tumblr that there was a meta-narrative, but while I waited for that to kick in, the standalone stories were nicely spooky, and the narrator reminded me favorably of Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, albeit more (apparently) skeptical about the paranormal. He wasn’t always easy to like, but even in the first season, I remember sitting up and taking notice whenever he showed signs of being gentle or protective toward his assistants. This was before I discovered all the other ways in which he was Very Much My Type, Thank You, and obviously before this show took over my life in all the best ways (and hopefully none of the worse ones), but to this day, I stand firm in my belief that Protective Archivist Is Best Archivist.
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This month we’re showcasing an author in the fandom who has written popular works such as Your touch is contagious and forces on the heart. Mel is on ao3 as melbopo and tumblr as @mel-iorn, and we’d like to thank her once again for taking part in the OML author showcase!
1. When did you start writing fics? Tell us a little of your journey as a fic writer.
Ho Boy! I started writing fics in middle school but I didn’t know I was writing fanfics to be honest. I am pretty sure I started with writing Jonas Brothers fanfics (that were self insert sometimes?) when I was like 12 or 13 years old. Then I sort of left the world of writing fics after about a year and entered the world of online role playing (wizarding world of Harry Potter and some original mythical worlds) for a couple of years because it had that creative writing that I love. Then I stopped writing characters or rping for many years (a combination of poor self esteem, mental health issues, and not feeling connected anymore to fandom spaces). Then in college I was finally in a safe environment that let me examine myself, my interests, and I embraced this nerdy side of myself. So I re-discovered fanfiction. And as I was reexamining all these aspects of me, including my sexuality, I began to notice a big gap in femslash fanfiction and that is ultimately what brought me back to writing. I wanted to write stories for people like me, passionate about characters they already related to and with a desire to see these characters in relatable (if maybe unrealistic) scenarios. In a world where there are so few out LGBT+ characters in books and media, creating content that depicts us as we are: beautiful, important, valid, and worth writing about is really, truly healing. I started writing fanfiction again at the same time I was finally learning to accept my sexual orientation and the process has been really helpful for me to fully embrace being queer.
2. What fic of yours are you most proud of and why?
I think the fics that I am most proud of are my two opening fics for my Handful of Days of Magnus Bane because I’m really proud of my characterization of Magnus (which still isn’t perfect), who is one of my favorite characters but someone I struggle to write in a way I think he deserves. I also love my two universes of forces on the heart (Malec and Mizzy) and never say never (Jimon) because I love alternate universes and exploring how the characters would react in them.
3. Who is your favorite character to write and why? Which character do you find the most challenging to write?
My favorite character to write is Simon to be honest because it feels the most genuine for me. I’ve always felt really connected to Simon so I feel like I write him in character the best. He also has this nervous ramble habit that I love to use to touch upon important topics.
I think Canon Magnus specifically is difficult for me to write because there are so many nuances to him that I tend to feel like I’m always just a little bit off which really annoys me because he is also one of my favorite characters for that very reason. I do reference a lot of meta posts on tumblr for writing Magnus which definitely helps but I think I just need to practice with more introspection fics.
4. What is the hardest part about being a fic author? The easiest?
For me, the hardest part about being a fic author is not just actually writing the words on the page but asking for feedback. I know I’m not an amazing writer but I struggle to ask people to beta/edit my fics in a way that gives me constructive criticism back so that I can improve and be a better writer. On one hand I really crave that sort of helpful editing/soundboarding but on the other hand, I’m hesitant to ask people to take time out of their day to read something they might not like as well as be truly honest with me (aka not just be nice and fluffy even though I do appreciate support!).
The easiest part of being a fic author for me has to be coming up with alternate universe fic - if you look in my collection, it’s 90% of what I write. I am always getting ideas of different scenarios or words to place characters. I also find making graphics for my fics relatively easy and something I like to do (even though if I do a graphic before I finish the fic, I’ll never finish the fic…).
5. What inspires you? Where do you find your muse?
Honestly, this is a little corny but I’m inspired by my life and my friends (in real life and online) most often. Writing is an important outlet for me because creativity is really important to me and my mental well being. I write to share stories I have inside of me and share lessons that I have learned (or I am still in the process of learning). Knowing that I have friends that support me and encourage me to write (regardless of if they read what I write or not), really pushes me as well. Also knowing that other people are connecting with and enjoying my stories with their ao3 comments or tumblr tags can also re-energize my muse.
6. Do you write original content as well as fic?
I actually just had my first inspiration for an original story (a folklore piece) this year which is really exciting for me! I’m probably going to adapt it to a Shadowhunters Maia x Izzy fic instead but it was exciting to have that bit of original character inspiration! For original content, I do write poetry occasionally actually!
7. Do you have a favorite fic from another author?
I have to be honest, I am so so behind in fics that I want to read (it’s embarrassing and sad!) but some of my favorite writers I have queued up to read include works from these tumblrs: francy @hufflebee’s mine and charl @lightwoodlesbians and elle’s @magnusragnor Days of Dark !
8. What’s something you’re looking forward to in the upcoming season of Shadowhunters?
LORENZO!!! I love Javi already and can’t wait to see what kind of difficulty he is going to make for Magnus as well as seeing more Luke and Maia interactions now that Alisha is a main character! I’m scared for my love Simon and hope he’s okay.
9. Can you give us a sneak peek to what you’re writing next? Or at least any hints to what’s to come?
Currently I’m working on my first chaptered Shadowhunters fic! I’m honestly really excited about it because it touches upon coming out stories, found families, sexuality exploration, and the Lightwood siblings’ bond. I mostly wrote it for myself and to push myself to attempt Nano but it’s be a really rewarding process. It’s called a rainbow colored corner of the world so keep a look out for that (if it sounds interesting to you!) - I’m using the tag rainbow colored corner on tumblr if anyone wants to stay up to date! Down the line I already have some more fics planned/outlined that include: Shadowhunters 99, farm folklore, and high school reunions!
10. Do you have advice for anyone who might be interested in writing fan fiction?
I’d say if you have a story you want to share that isn’t harmful, then absolutely go for it! You only get better at writing by actually writing. And if you want to share a story that makes you question if it is harmful or offensive in anyway, maybe ask yourself why you want to share this specific story and really examine that answer.
11. Does writing energize or exhaust you? Why?
Honestly, writing does a bit of both. When I’m writing a scene I’m really excited about or I think touches about some really important topics, I feel so energized and that feels carries over when I finish it. But if I’m writing a scene that I don’t really have planned out but I know some important plot points should be included, then I feel drained as I try to drag it out and just force something out. I am really bad at just writing to write because I am bad at going back to edit my work. So part of why writing can be exhausting for me is that I obsess too much over making sure I am saying exactly what I want to say instead of writing down the bare minimum and knowing I will go back and make it better. I think it ties in with my issue with asking for feedback/a beta because I feel like I have to catch these errors or wordings while I’m writing since I don’t like rereading my own work.
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White Collar Ending Discussion/Meta
@quiescentcastiel finished watching White Collar on Netflix and wanted to discuss their *feelings* about the ending. To chat about these feelings, I needed to go re-watch the Season 5 finale and all of Season 6 (poor me – all that time spent staring at/listening to Matt Bomer)
WARNING: if you haven’t watched the series finale, or Season 6, or the show at all, the following conversation would give away so very much (the series is built on cons and surprise twists after all). SO - if you read on below the cut, on your own head be it.
After finishing White Collar/watching the series finale, @quiescentcastiel shared these thoughts/concerns:
I didn’t have very high hopes for the finale so that last episode was better than I’d expected, but I still couldn’t imagine Neal leaving it all behind, y'know?
It seemed like a huge part of his narrative had been about finding a home and a family, and whether a con was always criminal or if he could change. So I was nervous for the finale because after that psychiatrist ep Neal went all ‘I’m gonna steal things because they’re there and I can and that’s just who I am’ and it just made me wonder if they were going to take back all his character development. (although, in the end, that plot point didn’t seem to go anywhere other than having that 2mil hanging over his head?)
Absolutely the entire series has focused on the balance between the issues of belonging and self-identity for Neal – wrapped up in the issue of his freedom. Does he stay a con-man, belonging to that ‘family’ of people – such as Kate and Mozzie – or does he change? Does he go straight and truly become a part of Peter and Elle’s world/life? And if he goes straight, who is he? What will he do? And really, he feels that he only has the *choice* of going straight if the anklet is off. Prying it off forces him to continue the con and the run…and Neal is so very tired of running.
In fact, as the series winds down, several people essentially ask him “once you are free of the FBI, what then?” Matt keeps insisting that he’s ‘out’ – he’s ‘done’ – no longer wanting the conman life. He says this to Mozzie in the season 5 finale, citing the threat of prison (mostly because Peter will always be looking for him – a fact Peter emphasizes). When his deal falls through, he allows Mozzie to set up an exit strategy – betrayed, he wants an out from an FBI ‘home’ that continues to break its promises. We never know if he will act on Mozzie’s plans, because he is kidnapped and entangled in yet another mess…because of who he is, because of his illegal skills. Essentially, we are shown through this (and the season 6 storyline) that Neal can never go straight as Neal – he is too valuable, to other criminals and/or the FBI. Neal – always a dozen steps ahead, realizes this and begins to plan.
As evidence of this we see in S601, tellingly entitled Borrowed Time, Rebecca, now doomed to life in prison, says to him (bold italic text = my emphasis):
Rebecca: People like us, we live on borrowed time. We either end up behind bars or dead.
Neal: There’s always another way.
Rebecca: No. There isn’t. It catches up to you eventually. This is as close as we can get to a happy ending, I think. Being able to do some good before the end.
After which she attempts escape condemning herself to death by Federal Marshal. At the end of this episode, Neal and Mozzie have this conversation:
Mozzie: She made a choice. For her, it was better to risk almost certain death than go back to jail. Some birds can’t be caged. I doubt I’d be that brave if the time came.
Neal: Was that bravery? There’s always another way. I’ve lived my life on the idea.
Mozzie: That’s what we tell ourselves. The greatest lies a conman tells are to himself. But if we are being honest, she’s right. We’re on borrowed time. Our sins catch up to us all eventually.
Neal: Maybe not. I offered Peter a deal. The Pink Panthers for my freedom.
Mozzie: While you were kidnapped, I walked in your shoes. I sat in the FBI, felt the camaraderie. It’s compelling. It’s also an illusion.We are who we are, as are they. They promised you freedom before, what makes you think this time they’ll deliver?
Neal: Who says that’s all I’m after?
Then, in S6.03 Uncontrolled Variables, there is a conversation with Keller that I think is the key to understanding how/why Neal ended things the way he did:
Keller: Collateral damage is a con man’s by-product, Caffrey. See, guys like us, we hurt people around us.
Neal: I’m not a guy like you.
Keller: You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart. So what? You got it all figured out, huh? We take down the Panthers, we get our freedom. Then what? Live happily ever after? - Yeah.
Neal: Something like that.
Keller: Something like that? Yeah, you’re living in a fairy tale, Caffrey. No matter what happens, me and you, we’re hunted men. We take down Woodford and his crew, it’s never over. Even in prison, they’ll come looking for us. And their reach, my friend, it is far and it is wide. And the Panthers, Neal, they don’t stop looking for rats until they’re dead. Until then, guess who they go after. People closest to you. And they’d make it hurt, Caffrey. They’d make it hurt so bad that you’d wish that they’d found you. So, you enjoy this freedom you’re working so hard to get. 'Cause when you’re footloose and fancy-free, those people that you love so much, are on death row.
So we put these ideas together with the good-hearted Neal we know:
we live on borrowed time. We either end up behind bars or dead.
There’s always another way.
…as close as we can get to a happy ending…being able to do some good before the end.
…when you’re footloose and fancy-free, those people that you love so much, are on death row.
Look at his face in that last jpg. I believe that Neal realized right then that he didn’t get either ‘family’ option - because he was too valuable an “asset” alive. He HAD to die in order to a) keep those he cared about (including Peter’s unborn child) alive/safe and b) actually be free to make choices and find himself. He had to leave *everyone* behind in order to have any of what he wanted. He found his “other way” – not prison, not death – but he had to let go of all those he loved in order to do it. And Neal, our “just wanting to belong” Neal, was willing to make that sacrifice – to “do some good” in the end.
Which is all very touching and heartwarming, but oh so very sad for everyone involved, really - including US. Which is why I recommend to those unsatisfied by White Collar’s ending - to those wanting closure - read these two wonderful fanfics over on fanfic.net by jeanie2914
Apres Moi: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11386478/1/Apr%C3%A8s-moi
And then read Bonjour Encore (ONLY after you’ve read Apres Moi): https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11604349/1/Bonjour-Encore
After reading these, both @quiescentcastiel and I felt oh, so much better. The power of fanfiction in action.
#there's always another way#Neal caffrey and captain kirk#white collar meta#white collar#white collar season 6#white collar series finale#mat bomer#neal caffrey#peter burke#mozzie#rebecca & neal#keller#white collar fanfic recommendations
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please please please share your thoughts about this new beast chapter I am begging 🙏
IM BAD AT DOING DIRECTIONLESS DISCUSSION ABOUT MY OWN FIC FOR SOME REASON which is why im in love with commentaries BUT I CAN TRY.
man this chapter was a long time coming, actually. Arum was always going to kill the janus beast while he was stuck down here. I knew that before almost anything. what's maybe more unusual is that i had not even REMOTELY pre-written the scene before like... last week. Sometimes (often) a high-intensity scene from a late chapter in a fic will Possess me, usually in dialogue form, and i'll write out a TON of stuff from a chapter that won't see the light of day for months if not years. There's a HUGE chunk of late-game hb3 that fits that model, and that was a big part of how i found my way to the end of Scattered, too.
There ARE parts of captive!arum from later in the 'verse that i have written, too! just... not this scene? I always had the IDEA, though i waffled for a long time on whether it would be actual magic or if Arum would sacrifice a chance to end his own suffering to destroy the Janus Beast instead, like, get his hands on a knife or something. anime-style-magic-overload wound up feeling... better. Or- worse for Arum, probably, but- y'know. More Dramatic. And Fun. ;3c
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rules: answer 30 questions and then tag 20 blogs you would like to know better.
tagged by @azuresquirrel
1. nickname: Nev on here. People will occasionally call me “Cait” or “Caitie” in real life but it’s against my will. My dad has too many nicknames for me to list
2. gender: woman
3. star sign: leo
4. height: 5′6
5. time: 11:37 PM
6. birthday: August 12
7. favourite band(s): ummmm...Florence + The Machine, I think
8. favourite solo artist(s): Vienna Teng, Janelle Monae
9. song stuck in my head: The Pokemon Theme song
10. last movie I watched: what wassss it actually, I thnk it was Akira. Yep, finally managed to watch that.
11. last show I watched: Haven’t been watching much of anything in the last few days so i’m trying to remem- Natsume’s Book of Friends
12. when did I create my blog: I have no idea since I deleted an early chunk of it during an anxiety attack, but sometime in 2010...okay, looking at the wayback machine, I wager it was July 2010, bc the wayback machine goes to october, and on the page there I posted my tumblr crushes “from June to October” and then it notes the date of post beginning being July 1? so yeah probs July 2010
13. what do I post: reblogs of fandoms I’m in (mainly anime) and liveblogging shows I like, with general meta, fic, sj stuff and stuff about my life and writing occasionally sprinkled in. Sailor Moon’s really been the only fandom constantly prominent since the beginning, my focus tends to change depending on where I am in life. Right now however, I think my blog is mainly Ace Attorney, Sailor Moon and Natsume’s Book of Friends (with FMA popping in occasionally)
14. last thing I googled: “wayback machine” for the when did I create my blog section of this post. For a less cheating answer, it was “make images 300 dpi” and “is openclipart free to use in books” both for the purposes of publishing my grandfather’s poetry book, as I’ve been working on that nonstop.
15. do you have other blogs: yeah, mostly defunct. There are three fma roleplay blogs (I was only roleplaying with myself). mecha-otaku (if Winry had a tumblr), catsofamestris (Al blogs about cats, based off an omake,the most popular one and still updated occasionally), pain-alchemist (Ed’s self-insert fic, also based off an omake).
Then I have “nevssporking” where I reposted a very old sporking I did of the HP fanfic “Dumbledores’ Army and the Year of Darkness” when I was 18- the journalfen that originally posted it had gone down, and since I worked hard on it back in the day, I wanted it to be available.
Then there’s “magicalgirltwirl” which is just where I reposted a Princess Tutu amv that got taken down in youtube- didn’t want to risk my main blog being shut down if copyright infringement police came.
Finally, there’s the most ancient of them all- socialjusticeanimemacros. Yeah, I was very young.
16. do you get asks: yes and I am terrible at answering them.
17. why did you choose your url: my blog had moved on from being focused on superhero comics for many a year, so I decided to choose a name that reflected who I currently was and likely always would. It’s a Sailor Moon reference obvs and i like how it can be read two ways. I am a lady all about love and justice. But then it can also be read as being about my love for women and wlw- ladylove and justice.
18: following: 91. I try to keep it below 100, as I can’t even read all of my dash as it is.
19. followers: 8,118
20. favourite colour: dark green
21. average hours of sleep: 6-8
22. lucky number: 8. It’s always seemed like such a solid and dependable number.
23. instruments: None. I played piano for like a year when I was kid.
24. what am I wearing: tacky Marvel Comics dress
25. how many blankets do I sleep with: depends on the time of year- 1 right now.
26. dream job: Being able to comfortably support myself as a novelist.
27. dream trip: France or England probably
28. favourite food: pizza, soft pretzels, cheesy biscuits, all sweets
30. favourite song now: Been jammin’ to “Wow and Flutter” by April Smith and the Great Picture Show lately, I’ll go with that- also “Fighting Furies” by Charmaine
not tagging 20 blogs but i will doooo
@diloolie, @captain-jaybird @ihopealiensbelieveinme @lilbit4point0 @glompcat @elle-lavender THAT’S ENOUGH obvs don’t answer if you don’t want
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In light of the drama of the past week, could you list some of the best things about the fandom and some of the people and have them pass it along so that we can all be a happy family again?
Here are fifty people that I love and one thing i love about them in alphabetical order OBVIOUSLY THIS IS NOT EVERYONE I LOVE but I didn’t want to do more than fifty XD I’m sorry this took a week i just needed time to sit down and take a breather lol
SO MOVING ONTO SOME GREAT THINGS ABOUT THIS FANDOM: i love how resilient we are and how much we support each other, and there are so many great artists and thinkers in this fandom and so many people who inspire others and it’s just like… BEAUTIFUL??? Like I have no words
@3tinkgemini is so sweet and writes AWESOME ADVENTUROUS SMUT.
@accidental-rambler is super smart and nice and writes amazing fic and like SO INSPIRING??? i get so many ideas from her existence like RACECAR DRIVER MODEL AU HAS TAKEN OVER THE BACK OF MY THOUGHTS AND WON’T LEAVE
@arustykiss just like the most supportive amazing nice person??? MY WIFE MY LOVE STILL WAITING ON THE SEQUEL TO THE HAREM FIC IT’S BEEN 84 YEARSSSS also literally one of the reasons i kept writing in the beginning. ALSO MORE WTICH BLOWJOBS????
@katejgecko THE FLAILSSS?? LIKe the warm fuzzies are so REALL
@candycolamorgan the best starbucks writing partner to ever live basically
@captndevil SO NICE AND LOVELY and like THE WRITING like your smut is perfection and your characterization is On POinTTT like how
@cbk1000 I have learned way too much history through osmosis and also THE SASS and the appropriate smackdowns i appreciate jenn so much
@chica-cherry-lola *DIES FROM ELABORATE BEAUTIFUL INSPIRING HEADCANONS* THE BEST ENABLER EVER RIGHT HEREEEE also like the weasley brother obsession I HAVE FOUND MY HARRY POTTER SHIPPING SOULMATE TBH
@cupcakemolotov the best giver of real talk on this side of the planet. also v impressive unimpressed faces
@delightfullysunny such a good listener??? and like so nice and sweet and HER REVIEWS NEVER FAIL TO LEAVE ME INSPIRED AND WANTING TO WRITE like !!!!
@dreamsarefleeting WROTE ME ONE OF MY FAV BIRTHDAY FICS OF ALL TIME like I have reread it over and over and OVER and is also just a genuinely amazing person I WILL TREASURE THE MEMORIES OF DIM SUM FOREVER
@fanfantasticworld HOW dAREEE someone make such beautiful covers??? Like I AM IN AWE CONSTANTLY
@garglyswoof AMAZING WRITER LIKE I WILL TREASURE THE PAINTING FIC FOR ALL MY YEARS and also like one of the best betas i’ve ever had???
@goldcaught Master enabler, idea pitcher, and general ball of sunshine HOW ARE YOU A PERSON
@gooddame THE KLAROLINE FANFIC FAIRY who just like POPS IN with beautiful fic STILL WAITING ON MORE POKER AU I NEED IT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND
@hellsbellschime SHE HAS THE SECOND AND THIRD BEST CATS IN THE WORLD (though we disagree on order of ranking) and also just champion human in general
@honestgrins HER FICS GIVE ME LIFE like her AUAH is perfection and it gives me SO MANY FEELINGS SO MANYYYY the THEATER AU M OR GANNN I AM STILL DECEASED IN AFTERSHOCKS
@howeverlongs general gifset queen I AM ENVIOUS OF HER SORCERY
@hummingbirds-and-champagne Wrote literally my favorite KC fic of all time, writes BEAUTIFUL HARRY POTTER AUs, IS JUST GENERALLY AMAZING. I might still take you up on that roommate offer Elle like OUR ONLY SOLACE IN THIS TIME IS CANADA
@hurricanesandheartbreak how dare anyone be this nice and like also HER SASS IS JUST GENERALLY DAY BRIGHTENING
@itsnotacrimetoloveyou LLUIZAAA MY QUEEN OF FEARLESS SMUTTY ADVENTURES I cannot stress ENOUGH how much I love your fics and you’re just so sweet and like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you so much
@jinxedwood BaTtLEE LinESSSS!!!
@joey-prue beautiful gifsets and so supportive ??? like LITERALLY ONE OF THE SWEETEST PEOPLe
@justanotherfiveminutes A blessing to the world TBH like I AM STILL WRITING BECAUSE OF YOU SOPHIE AND IM NOT SORRY
@kirythestitchwitch HILARIOUS HUMAN and like her REVIEWS i am like genuine trash for them and look forward to them and whenever i get them in my box I SMILE LIKE AN IDIOT LIKE !!
@klarolinedrabbles A blessing to this fandom and fabulous writer and hilarious clapbacks and honestly just like the greatest ever?? ALSO WHERE IS THE WEREWOLF FIC *SLAMS TABLE* GIVE IT TO ME
@klarolineforevermine Literally reading her tags on OTHER PEOPLES THINGS just like make me want to write IMMEDIATELY and she gives excellent prompts and is just like the nicest???? ever?????????
@klarolinekolvina so so so so SO sweet and nice and supportive and ALWAYS has a kind word to say. ALSO THE HOCKEY FIC like ! i adored it!!!
@lalainajanes literally one of the funniest people i know. AMAZING writer. excellent life advice. Shares my dislike for The Kyles of the world
@lilbreck A++++ FANDOM MOM and FEARLESS SHIPPER OF RARE PAIRS and like supportive and sweet but STILL WILL SMACK YOU DOWN IF YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE love her so much
@littlebirdofthenorth My organizing buddy!! WEREWOLF FICCC Commiserates about the gift exchanges with my whining ass XD
@lynyrdwrites CROSSOVER QUEEN and light of my fusion life (unless she’s writing angst then BYE but i say that with love and affection AND ALSO SOMEHOW I’M NOW WRITING PAIN SO I GUESS??? IT WORKED????)
@maevelin SOME OF THE BEST METAS and great cover maker and HER WRITING IS AMAZINGGGG like no one does klaus like her tbh
@makemeamilkshake FELLOW JEREMY/TYLER TRASH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WE MUST WORK TOGETHER TO BRING MORE OF IT INTO THE WORLD YOU HAVE EXCELLENT TASTE
@megansarah11 My little!!!!!! I JUST WANT TO SMUSH HER CUTIE PIE NICENESSS IN A HUG WHENEVER WE TALK
@misssophiachase IF YOU WANT FIC TO CHEER YOU UP HERE IT IS!!! the fluff is AMAZING and it always gives me warm fuzzies and just MAKES MY DAY BRIGHTER
@mon-amour-eternel FELLOW LOVER OF ORIGINAL!KC HOW DID WE NOT MEET EARLIER like my NEW FAV tbh I’m such trash and I have DEVOURED everything she has written
@seriouslyinlove GIFSET MAGICIAN??????? I HAVE NO OTHER WORDS BECAUSE I’M TOO BUSY BEING IN AWE
@paigemarie007 she’s so nice and her asks brighten my day and never fail to make me happy!! also gives great prompts!!
@princess-of-the-worlds SUCH CREATIVE IDEAS AND ENDLESS KINDNESS HOW DOES ONE DO IT and like, such a good writer??? LIKE YOU ARE TINY HOW DO YOU DO IT
@purestheartslove HER AESTHETICS GIVE ME SUCH JOY like I remember looking at the one she made for travelers and like nearly bursting into tears I WAS SO OVERWHELMED WITH EMOTION
@she-walked-away FUNNY SWEET HUMAN WHO WRITES AMAZING SMUT AND THE MOST ADORABLE FLUFFY AUAH HER CAROLINE IS ON POINT AND I DEVOUR EVERYTHING SHE WRITES BECAUSE IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL also kaitlyn MORE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET i gave you extra credit its’ the least you can do right??? right!
@that-wandering-belle So sweet and shy and like I have SO MANY FEELINGS i miss Anything Can Happen with all of my heart and soul and love the Arrangement and LOOK WAHT SHE WROTE ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY IT’S SO CUTE AND PRETTY AND DELICIOUSLY SMUTTY
@these-dreams-go-on KLAROLINE AND KALIJAH SOULMATE!! We share a love for Katherine Pierce that CAN NEVER BE RIVALED! I CRY AT NIGHT BECAUSE OF THE ANGST AND THEN MY HEART SOARS WHEN IT IS RESOLVED HER STORIES WRECK ME
@supremeuppityone Has scandalously saucy smut ;) Every time i have tlaked to her she’s just been so nice and welcoming and supportive BUY HER BOOK
@wanderlust-in-nyc the sass is real with this one!! I love all her one shots and her beautiful interpretations of KC! She has such a unique writing style that really captures emotion and i love it SO MUCHHH
@xxafterthestormxx one of my FAVORITE AUAH writers and just a fabulous friend!!! ALSO I SWEAR I WILL GET THAT OLIMIONE FIC DONE AT SOME POINT BUT I’M JUST GLAD SOMEONE IS IN THE TRASH BIN WITH ME
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i'm late to the party but for the fic writer ask: 7, 12, 14, 17 and 19 (maybe the last one for penumbra fics specifically :D)
idk if it counts as late if you're the ONLY one who shows up to the party and by party i mean askmeme lmaoo
7. Share the first line of your five most recently published fics. ooooooo okay this should be interesting. first lines of the FULL fics bc if i try to figure out chapters i'll go insane. Also whoah i need more dynamic opening lines, i think:
The Beast In On His Chain: [The screeching halt of an injury is complete anathema to Sir Damien; it drives him nearly to madness every single time.]
Lulling: [Rilla always just happens to have Damien stop by when she has an appointment involving a baby, whether it's for the kid, or just a newer parent who she knows is likely to bring the baby along for their own appointment.]
Empty: [Lord Arum wakes to an empty bed and thinks-]
By The Arm To The Altar: ["He... won't be attending the dinner, either."]
this pile of leaves (is where we'll stay): [Arum is, slowly, growing somewhat more used to... relaxing.]
12. What fandom do you want to write for more often? oh i misread this at first as "what fandom DO you write for most often" and i was going to laugh and laugh. I really do wish i could kick any of my Megamind fics into gear! besides that i have... a few naddpod ideas that make me wish i had the brainspace for them asap. god. naddpod brainrot.
14. What two fandoms would you write a crossover for? uhhhhhhh. hmmmm..... i don't think about crossovers often I guess? uhh. something something smash second citadel together with the harp in the hallows somehow.
17. What trope is your favorite to write? hurt/comfort? If we're getting wide and general? falling asleep together for specifics
19. What headcanon do you always include in your stories? ah man it's hard to even differentiate that from just the weird mental landscape i've created for myself. Probably the oldest and most consistent is that Arum doesn't eat meat, despite his threats to the contrary.
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would you be up for a bit of commentary on chap 25 of beast? Maybe something from Arum’s section? hi I am very normal about this fic couldn’t you tell
i am ALWAYS up for commentary, even if it sometimes takes me a few days to find time to get to it. unforch i can't just write fanfic full time, alas. BUT YES. the new (it WAS new when i STARTED writing this commentary!!! BUT) chapter 25 :3c I did the whole fcking section, oops.
[Perhaps it is only natural, the associations Arum's humans have begun to take on in his mind.]
it's amazing the weird ways that Arum's captivity has scrambled his usual characterization for me. He still has SO much pride but he also KNOWS that it's kinda bullshit, and he also feels like such an enormous, world-ending fuckup that the pride seems ridiculous. hence:
he's a lot more easily able to admit to himself his own affections, thought processes, feelings in general. They just seem like part of the unsatisfactory whole of who he is.
[That first: the idea of Amaryllis and Sir Damien as Arum's humans.]
................ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
[Possession, he supposes, does not come into it, as such. He is not in a state to possess anything at all. A scrap of charcoal and a hidden drawing that has been unfolded and refolded so many times that it has begun to fray at the edges- that amounts for about as much as he can boast to possess.]
a lot of the way i think about a character calling another character theirs or stuff like that has been intensely reframed by the way it's described in Dal's fics, which... and i'm not going to describe this well, i don't think, but it's sort of... possession in reverse? like... you call a place Your home, not because it's land that you own, but because it is a place that You belong to. Arum is a shriveled houseplant. They are HIS humans because they're the ones who watered him, cared for him, treated him like something that was still alive. They're His because they're the only ones who matter, so far as he's concerned. They may as well be the only humans that exist, really.
So, ACTUAL possession- that's not really part of it. He's not trying to claim them, not really.
[Nevertheless.
Amaryllis and Sir Damien are his. If only to differentiate them from the entire rest of their species. If only in that they are the only extant creatures save his Keep that Arum would rather have at his side than not, even in his shame, and failure, and despair. Perhaps the more so even in such.]
he wants them around. He's not really in a position to think of himself outside of his current situation, so he can't say how he'd feel about them if he were free, but... but...
He's also aligning them with the Keep in his head, which maybe isn't a surprise at this point.
[But-
Associations. Yes.]
AND HE GETS DISTRACTED BY HIS OWN THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM.
[He still smells honeysuckle on Sir Damien, now and again. Arum knows, now, that it grows at the edge of Amaryllis' garden, in the clearing beside her hut. She's drawn it for him in a few of her letters, sketches that carry the delicate golden weight of the flowers even in their simple black lines.]
physical reality, nature, communication. the association of honeysuckle=damien is obvious, of course, but it carries more than itself. yellow, sweetness, sunshine, hazy air, buzzing insects. Rilla reveals windows through which he can actually see something besides his own horrible surroundings. Damien is the details, Rilla is the whole wide picture.
[He wishes she had drawn Sir Damien there, calm amongst the flora, pollen and sunlight seeping into his skin, the curls of his hair. Arum can't quite imagine it properly in his own head. Damien would be out of his armor, for one. Arum has never seen him like that. He can't bring himself to try to picture some facsimile of the true shape of Damien's shoulders, without the chitin, or the trim of his waist.]
an extremely, extremely physical, visceral, sensual image that doesn't actually exist. and so terribly simple, too. Arum appreciates beauty, generally, in canon and in all my verses, and here... he's been so deprived for so long, an idea THAT pretty is fairly well overwhelming.
[He does not think, truly, that he'll ever witness such a sight, but... he would prefer not to sully the chance with some false imagining, anyway.]
Still fatalistic, alas. He can't FORCE himself to believe that he'll escape, let alone that he'll escape and survive and damien will also survive AND he'll ever have a reason to see him sans armor. But also, he clearly wants that. All of it. He actually SAYS so! Says he WISHES just for the image!!! which is so much more than most versions of Arum would have done openly, even to himself.
[He has seen Amaryllis so much more rarely, but their correspondence-
Her anger mirrors his own. Her incandescent fury, rage against the injustice, the unfairness. She is clever, perhaps more clever than any other creature he has known. Certainly more clever than any other human he has yet met.]
unequivocal. y'know? Rilla is straight up brilliant, and THIS arum isn't so smug that he resists admitting that. and the anger- Rilla likes when things make sense. in MH, she sounds SO angry when she tells Arum that something isn't fair. Arum's situation rn? REALLY isn't fucking fair, and she's just as angry as Arum is about it, and SHE'S not the one in a cage. Rilla sees something wrong and wants so so so SO badly to FIX it. She fixes things, it's what she does. Not being able to fix THIS quickly and efficiently is distressing as hell for her, and it bleeds through.
[He thinks-
He can't help but think-]
this is a cut-off-and-rephrase because he doesn't WANT to think about this, in his current position.
[Would he enjoy their words, their company, their companionship- would he feel about the pair of them the way he does, if he knew them before? If he knew them, somehow, outside of this wretched captivity?]
He doesn't want to consider this question, really, because he's afraid that the answer could be no. (Obviously, considering me, the answer would always only ever be yes. but Arum doesn't know that) He doesn't want to think about the possibility of despising them outside of this because he wants this to be real, wants the idea of Rilla and Damien and their connection to him to be possible out in the REAL world. He doesn't want this to be pity alone, he doesn't want this to be charity. Because it's more than that for HIM.
[Would Sir Damien seem so much like sunlight and honey and candleflame against his scales? So much like comfort, lyrical lullaby voice and careful cradling palms against his scales?]
And here, finally, are the actual ASSOCIATIONS that Arum was thinking about and indicating in the FIRST FUCKING SENTENCE of this section. Warmth, natural light, song, touch, tenderness.
[Would he meet Amaryllis mind to mind and want with such unspeakable hunger to cultivate the soil side by side with her, some shared garden, some shared growth?]
some shared garden, some shared growth.........
[(Had he not failed so catastrophically, so long ago, he would have finished his weapon. Had he not failed, he would have been the architect of the destruction of every human in the Wilds.)]
Oh, for a shift in perspective, for the context of the real living beings belonging to some abstract "enemy." I love my meow meow dearly, but i certainly never forget the intended warcrimes.
[(He has regretted his incomplete work so deeply, in his captivity.)]
And why WOULDN'T he???? Here, chained, trapped, tortured, starved, alone???? why would he NOT regret failing to kill ALL of these humans? If he succeeded, he wouldn't be HERE.
[(Harder... harder to regret that, now. Amaryllis and Sir Damien, two dead among thousands, never known to him, more blood among the ocean of this terrible war, and Arum-)]
Oh for a shift in perspective. There's a face (or two) on the populace he didn't care about killing, before. Which is maybe ironic, because it's the same shift that Damien had to go through from the other side.
[They both feel so painfully real, here among the sad grey monotonous nothing.]
Back to the moment, back to the feelings. Back to something softer.
[Damien's consistency and warmth, growing among the cracks, bringing his own sunlight; Amaryllis more distant, more free, some passerine creature flitting in and out from the bars that cage him, the both of them messengers of earth and sky and storm, the only proof that the outside world exists.]
Flora and fauna. And maybe, in other circumstances, it would make more sense for Rilla to embody plant life and Damien who i frequently associate with rabbits in particular to be the fauna, but here... Damien is a consistent presence, closer to the constant companionship of his Keep, and Rilla is the songbird, bringing vitality with the words she shares. they ARE the "earth and sky and storm," they ARE the outside world. Between the two of them, sun and moon, earth and sky, hand and hand. it's only natural-
[It should be no surprise at all, he tells himself. The warmth. The fluttering feeling. The pleasure he feels reading Amaryllis' words. The comfort of Damien's touch.]
he shouldn't be surprised, he tells himself. Which, of course, implies that he IS surprised, on some level. And, despite his position, and despite being SOMEWHAT more willing to be honest with himself, there's still a level of abstraction here. Mostly, of course, because he's in such a rotten place physically-emotionally-mentally. And also because he kind of doesn't really know what's going on with himself, either. Why would he?
[It shouldn't be any surprise for Lord Arum, feeling something for his humans. Whatever it is that that something might be.]
And also... it doesn't matter WHAT the feeling is, specifically. It doesn't. Arum knows that he DOES feel something for them. And that's enough. That's more than should be possible.
ANYWAY. THIS IS SO LONG. HOPE IT'S ENJOYABLEEEEE
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I would love to hear a fic commentary about the most recent sage damien chapter, especially those first few bits of the conversation between Rilla and Damien if you’re up for it! It’s such a mysterious fic, I am so completely normal about it all the time :)
[ask me for commentaries about bits and pieces of my ficssss]
i've decided not to be normal about it i've decided to be SO INSANE ABOUT IT instead :3
[When the song finishes, she pauses, and then Damien feels her hands move again. "Oh," she says, surprised. "Oh no. It's alright, hey-"]
I don't know EXACTLY what Rilla was expecting, but a very pretty young man humming the lullaby her parents used to sing her, and then crying when she sang it back, was DEFINITELY not on the list
[The hand over his chest raises, palm curving to cup his cheek, her thumb skating over his skin and brushing the tears away as she tsks gently at the back of her throat. Damien can see her, now, slowly resolving, and the familiarity is so strong that he can almost place it. He swallows, and then he tries to arrange his tongue properly in his mouth.]
Their whole first physical meeting was a bit of a tightrope walk, for me. Damien's confusion coming back to himself paired with Rilla... literally never having seen Damien's body despite having some conversations with him- that was always going to be a bit odd. The fact that Damien was also relearning how his body works, like, LITERALLY coming back to understanding how eyes and ears, sight and sound, work while in a physical body that ISN'T being held in magical stasis- well, the fact that it takes the poor kid a minute or two to recognize Rilla really isn't that surprising, i don't think.
also also Rilla physically comforting him is so.... heck. Alas Damien is a little hypersensitive at the moment, considering all the (waves hand).
["Gentle spirit," Damien breathes, surprised by the shimmering lightness of his words carried on air again, the fluting of his own voice.]
kid has only heard words that sounded at least a LITTLE bit like they were coming through water for years now, and that goes double for his own voice
["Oh, spirit, has my Saint sent you to lift me from my slumber at the riverbed?"]
and literally EVERY part of his existence has been Saint-touched since he got tossed in his River. He really doesn't know how to contextualize his life outside of that, at least not yet. Also like... why the heck else would someone grab him?? there's no one left to care about him as a person. his mom and aaron are dead, and his father left him to drown.
[The woman blinks. Her lips part, and her mouth hangs open in a little o of surprise as she stares at him for a long moment.
"That…" she pauses, exhales, and shakes her head. "Can't- I know that voice, I- you can't be."]
Rilla is quick! Rilla is sharp! But also, Rilla likes things to MAKE SENSE. the fact that this stranger has a voice that sounds REMARKABLY similar to the weird possibly-ghost force that she hasn't been able to contact in months..... SEEMS like an insane coincidence, or otherwise wishful thinking. That's much more likely, isn't it? She resists the connection first. Also, honestly, part of why she dove in was because she was thinking about Damien, about how he wouldn't let someone drown, and about how he's been nowhere to be found for months.... and...... she didn't want to let someone drown in Damien's river. Not if she could help it.
[The familiarity settles, resolves. So strange, for her to touch him. To remain still as she does. He finds his tongue again. It is becoming easier, as all things do with repetition.]
and Rilla recognizing him helps Damien figure out how he recognizes HER! feedback loops 💖 he's also weirded out by physical contact that doesn't immediately rubber-band him back to his body. Because he's IN his body.
["What is it that you think I cannot be?" he asks, his inflection bouncing in a way that he cannot entirely control.]
there's a level here of playfulness, and a level of earnestness. Damien not knowing what he IS has turned into a running theme, so seeking an answer about what he shouldn't be is... a little bit related. also i'm obsessed with the musicality of Damien's voice tho i have not listened to the actual podcast in a long while now and i like highlighting that. matthew zahnzinger <3
["Once you called me ghost, I think. Surely, Rilla, this is less strange than that, is it not?"]
A little hint, a little glimmer of playful!Damien!!! He's still in there, he's still himself.... and also, typical, he's MUCH more willing to accept magic and weirdness than Rilla. Even more so than his canon counterpart, for obvious reasons lmaoooo
[She chokes on a breath, a laugh that almost sounds panicked, and her hand squeezes his. "Damien? I- saints, I haven't seen you in months, I thought you'd disappeared completely-"]
Playing with time while Damien was in his River was fun, for me. The first time Rilla "saw" ghost!Damien was probably more than a full year ago at this point. His position was... similar to dreaming? he existed in varying degrees of consciousness, whilst soggy. He expended a TON of energy the last time he saw her, pushing himself into a more "present" state, and he's been unknowingly recovering from that for the intervening months. Poor Rilla was worried. Thought she'd never see him again.
But. Well. it's not like he could drown, is it? :3c
#elle's fanfic meta#sage damien#asks#screamingatstars#thank youuuuuuuuuu!!!! <3<3<3<3<3#sorry this took ages lmaoo
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