#everything i’ve ever learnt about giving birth to another human being has been against my will so now i am imparting that to u guys ur welc

[ofmermaidstories]

You don’t know where your son came from.

Ostensibly, he’s the best of you and Deku both—his big eyes are all Izuku’s, his grin (sharp and fleeting) is all yours. But your little boy burns with so much life, you don’t know where he gets it from, what fiery star he’s mined it from. Before he was born, before he even existed, a psychic had told you three things about him: that he had been here before, that he would be a leader, and that he would be your husband’s biggest heartache.

(“I don’t have a husband,” you’d told her, stoutly. You were twenty three and chronically single, at that stage; you never liked the people around you enough to let them close enough to change your mind.

She arched an eyebrow, but didn’t look up from the playing cards she was now flipping over, like she was reading the future in the red hearts, the black spades.

“Don’t sweat the details,” she’d said, unbothered, like she hadn’t just told you your future child and husband were hurtling towards some great pain you couldn’t save them from. “He’s on his way now. He needs you just as much as you need him, I think. And the boy. Eventually.”

“You just said they’re gonna hate each other,” you pointed out, annoyed, and the woman sighs. She hadn’t been your idea of a psychic at all—with her neatly kept, shining hair and the designer polo shirt she was wearing. The tennis-white shoes, the singular golden bangle.

“I said he’d be your husband’s biggest heartache,” she reminds you. “That could mean anything. Use your imagination. You’re going to need it, with the life you have in front of you.”

You hadn’t been very impressed, with that—the feeling mutual, apparently, since she ended the session shortly after. And though you laughed about it with your friends later on, you thought of it again when you met Deku—Izuku. Izuku, and the way he had taken your hand, promising you he was there, that you were safe—that you were safe with him.)

You almost didn’t have him—you almost didn’t want him, want children. What would you do with one? Dedicate the rest of your life to it? How could you ensure it’d be safe? You couldn’t—no one could, not even your superhero husband. Your superhero husband who had been the epicentre of the war that tore Japan apart, when you were both teens. Who had lost mentors and classmates alike to it. Who knew the cost of what he was asking of you.

(Izuku brings it up long before you’re engaged, in the dark when you’re flush against him, his salty skin.

“Have you ever—have you ever thought of—”

You frown against where you’d been pressing lazy, afterglow kisses to his collarbone, pulling away to continue frowning into the night, as he trailed gentle fingers down your spine.

“No.” You say. And then after a moment, when that doesn’t stop his tenderness, his careful touching, you admit, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want.”

The what do you want goes unsaid, but Izuku answers it anyway.

“I like kids,” he whispers like it’s a secret, like he doesn’t keep every card and drawing that comes his way, like he isn’t the biggest sucker walking the planet. “And I… I trust the world enough to have them.”

Your skin prickles. He’s been here before, the psychic had said. He’ll know what he’s doing. He’s going to lead people. And—

Her mouth had pinched, spidery hands stilling on the cards—clubs, spades, hearts—in front of her.

And what? You had asked.

And he’s going to be your husband’s biggest heartache.)

In the end, it’s Izuku’s understanding that convinces you to give him the baby you were promised, so many years ago.

“I want to be with you,” he’d said, his fingers twining in yours, tight. “It doesn’t matter what we do, or don’t do. It’s you I’m choosing.”

You knew how much he wanted kids. It was in the way his face would light up, when presented with the newborn of one of the Agency girls. His gentle hands, helping a child down from the ruins of a smouldering building. The way he believed in them being the future.

“I choose you, too.” You tell him in return, confident. “And—and… whatever—whoever—we bring into this world.”

(His brow had knitted, not understanding—leaving you standing there with your hands in his, eyebrows raised, waiting for him to get it.

When he does, his eyes widen—big and green. And hopeful, his face already tightening with the tears that came to him so easily—when he was happy, when he was angry. Whenever he was overwhelmed. “You want to—”

You lift his hand to your mouth, and kiss his scars. “Yeah,” you tell him. “I want to.”)

Your son’s entrance into this world is one of the worst things you’ve ever gone through—and one of the best.

Your labour lasts 30 hours; you don’t sleep at all during it. The baby comes out blue, too choked during his entrance to understand how important breathing is, his thin, bird-like shoulder almost dislocating, trying to pass through; you, in turn, almost die from the bleeding, caught only by a sharp-eyed doctor who saw the early warning signs, as the green lightning of Izuku’s Quirk crackled along his hands, helpless.

You will never do it again. To free your baby boy the doctors had to cut you, deeply, to your asshole; a episiotomy, widening the passage for him. Afterwards, much afterwards when you’re happy and drowsy and holding your tiny, perfect baby in your arms, the doctor that saved your life will tell you that incontinence was a common side-effort of the incision; that you wouldn’t be able to wear high heels again for a while, without putting tension on your stitches. That even trying to pee would be excruciating.

But it didn’t matter: you had everything in your hands, bundled up. Your angry-faced little son, ugly and alien, his tiny fists balled up against himself.

Izuku couldn’t stop his tears, wiping a trembling hand at his eyes every now and then, his lips against your hair, against the shoreline briny smell of your newborn’s head.

“We’re not doing this again,” he whispered. “I’m—this is enough. You’re enough.”

You rubbed your face against his shoulder, his tremors, and traced a delicate finger along the tiny pout of your son’s mouth.

“We’re enough,” you tell him.

In response, Izuku holds you tighter.

In retrospect, your son’s birth should’ve been the warning sign. He is so foreign. He has so much attitude, so much life. He is fearless and unruffled by his father’s fussing; from the moment he can look around him, alert, he wants to be apart of it all, reaching up to Izuku, reaching up to the friends that come and surround him, like immortal godparents. He toddles after them—at first in fat, clumsy infant steps, then more sure-footed, quick, picking up the frightening speed children came with. It makes Izuku worry, you know, especially in the early days, when the baby would throw angry screaming fits that dissolved into heartbreaking sobs, just because Izuku wouldn’t—couldn’t—take him to work with him.

“I think he’s going to be a Pro,” you tell your husband, playful. You’re teasing him—before your son was born, it was all Izuku wanted, a child that he could be there for, someone who he could fight together with. But now all your little boy had to do was drop to the floor too fast, bonk his head on the table leg at the wrong angle and Izuku would be there, brow furrowed, so worried that he couldn’t protect him from every hurt, no matter how big or how small. “He’s going to be just like his father, dashing off to save the world every day.”

“I don’t—” Izuku stops himself, almost guiltily, your baby boy sagging in his arms, asleep. “I just want him to be happy, to be safe.” Izuku whispered.

You smile, because you’ve heard this a thousand times before; your heart breaking every time. Izuku kept photos of everyone he lost—a small shrine of them, faces you never knew in person. Some older. Some far too young, too golden, too alive.

He’s going to be your husband’s biggest heartache.

“I know,” you say, soft. “I know you do.”

Izuku’s hand was big enough to span your baby’s head completely; cradling him, fingers soft in his downy curls. Protective. This was the only time your son would tolerate this touch, this hovering, and some part of you—the part that thinks of your psychic’s words—thinks the timer you two have with him is set much shorter than either of you realise.

Your answer to that is to simply not think about it.

It’s easy enough not to; taking care of a child and working at the same time wipes you out, gives you little time to work yourself up into the same morbid moods Izuku could frenzy himself into. You’re too concerned with making sure your stupid son doesn’t break his neck, stops tracking mud throughout the house, releases the cohort of tiny frogs he’s keeping under his bed, in one of his father’s shoeboxes. At three he’s already a menace, a whole other human of his own and you are reminded, daily, of what it means to give birth to someone—to bring another human being, whole and complete, into this world.

“Play Agencies with me!” you hear him shout from the backyard, one day. He’d turned four in the spring; it was now a lazy, balmy summer, and he was spending the golden days as wild as the beetles and bugs that flitted along the treeline.

You stick your head out the sliding door, frowning. “Talk nicer to your uncle Kiri, brat!” You call out.

In answer you hear Kirishima’s laughter; your son probably scowling, fearlessly, at your reprimand.

“Play Agencies PLEASE!” you hear him shout, even louder—for your benefit, obviously. Kiri must agree, however, and you can hear your boy marching around the yard, bellowing out, “Number! One! Heroes! Let’s roll out! Round and round and round we go!”

In comparison, it’s silent in the kitchen, and you sigh as Izuku steps back in from where he’d been watching them, on the patio.

“I’m sure I wasn’t that bad at his age,” you say, a joke—but you stop when you see your husband’s face, too soft. His eyes, too big—too shiny.

“You alright?” You ask, wondering if it had been a rougher week at work than you realised.

But Izuku shakes his head, shoulders jerking as your son’s song—his chant—continues on, from outside.

“It’s nothing,” he says. “He reminds me of… he… it’s nothing.”

You take his hand in yours, and too easily he pulls you to him. Your husband’s biggest heartache, the psychic had said. She did say you would need an imagination, with this life.

“I’m just—I’m just happy,” Izuku whispers, smiling through his tears.

It’s golden and bright and the cicadas are shrilling outside, the chorus underneath your child’s song, still being belted out, Kirishima catching on enough to join in. It’s a beautiful day—soon the others would arrive for lunch, the motley crew of heroes that had followed each other through school and warzones and the years, the sorrows that came with them, and the joys.

You breathe in the scent of Izuku’s shirt, his skin underneath it. “It’s okay,” you tell him, quietly. A secret between the two of you, in the small section of sunlight in your kitchen. “He’ll be here for a long while yet,” you promise him. This time is silent—but with the way your husband’s arms tighten around you, you think he heard it anyway.

#prompts and drabbles and other things #trigger warning for BABIES 👶🏼 !!!! #andy don’t look #NOT andy friendly #andy go away #actual trigger warning for birth tho bc god speed #tw: birth #everything i’ve ever learnt about giving birth to another human being has been against my will so now i am imparting that to u guys ur welc #there’s no point to this i just wanted to drabble okay goodbye im done

[samdeancass]

You Tell Them You’re Pregnant/ Their Reaction to Watching You Give Birth (Supernatural Preference)

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel

Warnings: None.

Requested: Yes, by Anonymous. Currently accepting requests for preferences.

..........................................................................................................

Dean

Telling Dean

You and Dean already have a child together and you weren’t planning on trying for another baby, so when you took the pregnancy test and it was positive, a surge of happiness rose through you. 

You had been planning the best way to tell Dean as you knew he would be over the moon, so you wanted to make it special. After talking to Sam and a few members of your family, you finally came up with the best idea.

Dean walked through the front door and kicked his boots off before catching your son in his arms as he ran towards his father. You walked over with a beaming smile on your face, one that matched your son’s. “What are we so happy about?”

“Read his shirt, babe.” Dean’s eyes travelled down to your son’s shirt and you could see his expression change from confusion to happiness in a matter of seconds as he read ‘I’m going to be a big brother’. “Are we - are we having another baby?” Tears fell down your cheeks as you nodded at him, a wide smile on your face. 

Dean kissed the top of your sons head before placing him down on the floor and making his way towards you. He carefully wrapped one arm around you, his other hand resting on the top of your stomach. “I never thought that it would be possible for me to have a family, but you have made that possible.” 

Deans Reaction

Dean was right by your side throughout the whole birthing process. As he knew what happens, thanks to having your son, Dean held your hand and whispered into your ear as you neared the end of your labour. As you let out your last push and fell back against the bed in exhaustion, Dean kissed the top of your head. “Well done, princess.” 

The doctor walked forward with a small bundle in his arms. “Congratulations, you have a baby girl.” Dean and you both looked at each other with watery eyes before you took the baby. “Hello, sweetheart, I’m your mom and this is your dad. We love you very, very much.” 

You kissed the top of your baby’s head before moving along the bed to let Dean get in. “This - this is what I’ve always wanted. A complete family. Thank you so much for coming into my life and giving me two beautiful children.” He kissed you softly on your cheek before taking your daughter from your arms to let you have some rest.

Sam

Telling Sam

You had known for a few days that you were pregnant, but you wanted to tell Sam in a creative and different way. 

Whilst you were out buying groceries your eyes passed over a pack of new-born diapers and an idea sprung to mind. You gathered the diapers into your cart and made your way to the till. 

When you arrived home and opened the door, you asked Sam if he would mind helping you unload the groceries. Of course Sam said yes, being the gentleman that he is, and walked over to get a bag. You handed him the bag with the diapers in, setting your plan in motion.

A warm smile creeped onto your face as Sam set the bag down on the kitchen table and began to unload the groceries. A wave of confusion washed over Sam’s face as he picked up the pack of diapers. “Err, Y/N. I think you may have bought these accidentally.” You shook your head and waited for Sam to realise.

“Wait, are you pregnant?!” You nodded your head. Sam dropped the diapers on the floor and rushed over to you, gathering you in his arms. “I can’t believe this is finally happening!” He brought you in for a passionate kiss before leaning down and placing a small kiss to your stomach. “I can’t wait to meet you, kiddo.”

Sam's Reaction

Leading up to your due date, Sam had been scouring through pregnancy books and online classes to help you through the birthing process.

When your waters broke, Sam sprung into action and gathered the pre-prepared hospital bag before helping you get to the car. He drove as fast as he could to the hospital before gathering you in his arms and taking you into the hospital. 

When you were giving birth, Sam used all of the techniques he had learnt and helped your through it the best he could. Sam kept your breathing normal the best he could and supported you when you gave birth. 

A large smile broke out onto his face when the doctor handed him your baby. “Hey little guy, welcome to the world. I’m going to be the best dad and look after you and your mom the best way I can.”

Cas

Telling Cas

You weren’t sure the best way to tell Cas about your pregnancy, given he’s an angel. You talked to Sam and Dean about your predicament and they said the best thing to do was to tell him outright, it’s the only way he’ll understand.

So when Cas got back from his daily walk, you took him aside into your bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. “Cas, there’s something I have to tell you. I don’t know how you’re going to react, but I’m hoping that you’ll be ok.”

Cas turned his head to the side, confused. “What’s the matter, Y/N? Are you ill or hurt?” You shook your head with a slight smile. “No, Cas. I’m pregnant.” 

His eyes widened in response, but he soon smiled after the news sunk in. “I-I didn’t know it was possible, for an angel and a human to pro-create.” You gathered Cas’s hands in yours. “Are you happy, Cas?” He turned to you, happiness evident in his eyes.

“I am the happiest being alive, my darling.”

Cas’s Reaction

As your baby is half-human, half-angel, you decided to have the baby in the bunker where there were no prying eyes. You and Cas were going into unchartered territory with birthing your child which is why he stayed by your side at all times, especially when you were giving birth.

You were lying on the floor with a soft blanket underneath you. You looked up at Cas, slight fear in your eyes. “Cassie, I’m scared. What if something happens?” He looked down at you, happiness in his eyes. “Everything is going to be ok.” He placed a warm kiss to the top of your head and felt warmth flow through you, his grace. 

When your baby was born, Cas gathered them in his arms and carefully passed them over to you. “I can’t believe this has happened, Cas. Our family is finally complete.” He lent down and placed a kiss to the tops of both of your heads. “You guys are the only family I will ever need.

Supernatural Tags:

@akshi8278 @stellastyless @deascheck

#supernatural preference #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean winchester preference #sam winchester x reader #sam x reader #sam winchester preference #castiel x reader #castiel preference

[fallingforunrealisticromance]

You matter - Aaron Hotchner x fem! reader

A/N: So a lot of you seemed to like my last one about hotch and trust me i have plenty more! I also have some for spencer and am currently writing a mini series for derek so if anyone’s interested in that let me know. Enjoy.                                Warnings: Mentions of a case, swearing                                                                Word count : 1,762                                                                                                  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat in the lobby of the hotel; my head held in my hands. This case had taken a toll on all of us. All we wanted to do was to get back to Quantico and get a goodnights rest in our own homes, in our own beds. But apparently mother nature had other plans. A storm had been brewing all night – thunder, lightning, rain – the whole lot. So, we’d been made to stay another night in the local hotel. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad hotel. If anything, it’s one of the nicer ones we’ve stayed in throughout the years, but the frustration from not being able to go home grew in all of us. I was so wrapped in my own thoughts I didn’t notice someone taking a seat next to me. 

“You okay?” Hotch’s voice made me jump. I placed my hand over my chest. 

“God you scared me.” I said chuckling. Hotch smiled at me. 

“Sorry, you just looked like you could use the company.” He replied. I sighed. 

“Yeah. I guess I could.” He studied my face for a moment. “

Are you okay?” He seemed hesitant in his words. Mine and Hotch’s friendship is quite a casual one. We occasionally see each other outside of work, I’ve even watched jack for him when Jess wasn’t able to. Hotch had confided in me with some of his deepest secrets. Nightmares, regrets, worry’s about not being a good father. But I listened. We’ve never discussed my thoughts, my feelings. And that’s okay. I don’t want to be a burden to him, or any of the team. So, whenever they had a problem, I would sit and listen. I’d comfort them, try my best to give them advice or simply let them get their feelings out. But when it came to myself, I push all those feelings down. Until my key hits the door. 

“Hey.” Hotch nudged my arm. I hadn’t realised I’d been gazing at the wall ahead of me, once again caught up in my own thoughts. 

“What’s going on? Talk to me.” He said softly. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

 “It’s just this case you know. I get that our job is to get inside the mind of these psychos, but I can never understand why people hurt kids.” I explained. 

“We can never truly understand why these people do what they do.” Hotch replied. 

“That’s not true. In most of our cases, I do understand. I’m able to see the reasons as to why they kill. I never agree with them before you think I’m insane.” Hotch chuckled stiffly at my words. 

“But when it comes to kids, I never understand it. There’s no logic, no sense to it. And this case especially. As if torturing them wasn’t enough, why then display the dead bodies for the family to see? I mean the families have been through enough, the child went through enough. I thought this guy would have some shred of humanity left not to fucking humiliate and scar them all afterwards.” I could feel the anger building up inside of me. There’s something I hadn’t told the team. And now it was about to come bursting out. 

“I know they have no emotions. I know they don’t think the right way. I know that biologically that there is something wrong with them. I know the facts. But it still bugs me. And the fact he was fucking laughing when we brought him in. That sick bastard.” I stood up and started pacing. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes as I ran my shaking hands through my hair trying to cling on to any sense of calm I had left. 

“I hate him.” I spat. All hope of remaining collected went out the window. Hotch stood up and came towards me. 

“Y/N, listen to me calm down.” He reached out to place his hands on my arms. 

“No. This isn’t fair. Abbey didn’t do anything” 

“Abbey? The last girl he killed?” Hotch asked but I ignored him. 

“She was seven. SEVEN HOTCH. All she wanted to do was go to school, live her life, play with her friends. Instead, she ends up being kidnapped, brutally torched and murdered then get’s her dismembered body presented on her front lawn like she was some kind of abstract art.” I was hysterical at this point. Crying, yelling – I couldn’t stop myself. 

“I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.” I pounded my fists against Hotch’s chest with every sentence, until I eventually wore myself out and collapsed into his arms sobbing. He held me, letting me get everything out. I could feel his hands gently rubbing my back, soothing me. We were now crouched down on the floor and at some point Hotch must have moved us to a corner somewhere as his back was resting against a wall. When I eventually stopped crying, I noticed I was half sprawled across his lap. I didn’t have the energy to stand so I just shifted myself, so I was comfortable and able to face him. He gently brushed the hair out of my face. I couldn’t meet his gaze. I was embarrassed to have lost it like that. 

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He replied, softly 

“Can I ask you a question?” I nodded at his words. 

“Why is this effecting you so much? I understand this case has been a brutal one but it’s not the first time we’ve dealt with this level of torture. It’s certainly not the first child killer we’ve dealt with. So, what’s changed?” He took my hands in his and begun to rub small circles around them, offering me a small sense of comfort. His tone was soft. I could tell he was asking from a place of genuine care for me. 

“I knew her.” I confessed. Hotch’s hand stilled on mine. “She was my niece.” Hotch looked slightly puzzled at my words. 

“But her parents, they’d never seen you before?” He asked. 

“Well, you know how they told you she was adopted when she was a child? And that her birth mother passed away a few months after they took abbey into their care? Her mum was my sister. Making abbey my niece.” I explained in a low tone. 

“H-how long have you known?” Hotch questioned. 

“I’ve known for a while. I knew before we took the case.” I replied. 

“You knew this entire time and you didn’t say anything? Not even when we found her?” Hotch sounded shocked. 

“I just couldn’t face it at the time. We needed to find the Unsub and I didn’t have time to let my feelings get in the way. They weren’t important.” I said looking at the ground. Hotch sighed . I felt him placed his finger under my chin and gently guide my eyes up to meet his. 

“Listen to me okay, your feelings matter. They will always matter. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you to have seen that yet continue to work the case and I’m deeply sorry for your loss. But please, never hide your feelings from us. From me. You’ve helped me on countless occasions, and I apologize if I haven’t made you feel like I could return the favour.” I shook my head. 

“No this isn’t you Hotch. I know I could’ve mentioned it to you. I just –“ I hesitated before  continuing. Hotch continued to stroke my hand softly. 

“I’ve spent so long having to just deal with my emotions alone. I’ve never really had anyone who cared enough to listen, so I’ve just learnt to keep it to myself. So now I have you, a-and the team, it’s just hard to open up you know?” I explained. Hotch gently reached up and placed his hand on my cheek. My eyes fluttered closed as I leant into his touch. I didn’t realise how much I craved his touch until now. 

“I understand. But I hope you do know that you can talk to me. About anything. Whenever you need me, just come, and find me. Yeah?” I nodded slightly at his words. I could feel tears beginning to slip from my eyes again. Hotch slowly wiped them away with his thumb. 

“Thank you. For everything.” I whispered. 

“You don’t need to thank me.” He replied in soft tone, smiling at me. “I love you too much to watch you suffer alone.” His voice was low, almost at a whisper. My eyes snapped up to meet his. 

“Y-you love me?” Hotch sighed at my words. 

“I’m not expecting you to feel the same, but you needed to know that you’re loved. By no one more than me.” He explained. I just starred at him trying to process what he’d just said. I’d had feelings for hotch ever since I met him, but I’d never been 100% sure until now. Slowly, I leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. It wasn’t long, but enough for him to know I reciprocated his feelings. As I pulled away, he looked at me slightly shocked at my actions. I looked at him nervously. Maybe he didn’t love me. Maybe he was just saying to make me feel better. Shit, what had I done? Before I could regret my choice any longer, Hotch leant forward to reconnect my lips with his but this time it was deeper – with a lot more passion. He cupped my face in his hands softly, as if he was scared to lose me. I shifted on his lap, so I was essentially straddling him. I felt him smile against my lips as he placed his hands just above my hips, holding me close to him. My fingers interwind in his black hair tugging slightly. Eventually we had to pull away for air. 

“Hotch I-“ 

“Aaron. Call me Aaron.” He said cutting me off by placing his finger to my lips. I smiled at him. The smile he returned to me in that moment was brighter and fuller of joy than anything I’d seen in the past. My cheeks flushed red as I suddenly became shy, so I leant forward and buried my head in the crook of his neck. This caused him to chuckle, sending warm vibrations throughout my chest. He wrapped his arms around me and held me flush against him. We stayed like that for a while, just enjoying our newfound love for one another.

#aaron hotchner #thomas gibson #criminal minds #bau #aaron hotch x reader #agent hotchner #hotch x y/n #hotch #derek morgan #spencer reid

[firewoodfigs]

(long post, but I’m gonna try and make journalling a thing in 2021 😆)

The first day of the new year was nice. :) I woke up to the sounds of rain crashing against my windowsills - a strangely chilly morning in this tropical country where it’s summer all year round. For a moment it felt like I was back in Canada again, all cloudy grey skies and whimsical rain - the perfect weather for introspection. 

I started my day with a pot of hot green tea, then settled down by my reading lamp to finish a book that I’ve been putting off for far too long - Steinbeck’s East of Eden. I only had about forty pages left, but somehow couldn’t bring myself to finish it. I hate when books end because it feels like that little world I’ve created and compartmentalised in my head has likewise ceased, but the good thing about books is that you can always re-read them and immerse yourself in the same fantasy. (Maybe even a different one, if the same words lend themselves to a different interpretation!) But it truly was an absolute masterpiece: such a stunning, intricate exploration of humanity that tugged at my heartstrings and led me into still waters of reflection. I know that I will definitely carry this tale in my heart for a long, long time to come. 

Afterwards, I had some instant ramen while watching The Queen’s Gambit. I’m not a big fan of watching shows usually because I often feel like they move too slowly or tend to miss details from the book, but this one is pretty exceptional. Like, the acting and the artistic direction are incredible - the constant juxtaposition between Beth’s traumatic past and her glorified present, and the exploration of the fallibility of genius were executed so brilliantly. Another thing that really stood out to me were the scenes where she’d hole herself in the toilet and rebuke herself aloud for weaknesses in her play and/or being weak, in general. I cannot begin to explain how many times I’ve done that to myself in law school for even the most trivial of infractions, the most minor of errors - Lord knows I’m my harshest critic. 

I promised to try, however, to be a little bit kinder to myself in 2021. My perfectionism tends to be a bar to goodness and growth because sometimes I get so afraid that my subconscious keeps demanding that my first draft has to be perfect. But it really doesn’t. That’s what editing is for. And writing, like any other talents and passions, requires nurturing and constant practice. I saw a quote yesterday about how we cannot just sit around and magically expect to be Faulkners overnight, and that is so true. I definitely need to find a sweet spot where I’m not berating myself to the point of giving up, but still demand growth so that I can keep bettering myself. 

In the evening I headed out to a friend’s for tacos, which were an absolute delight in itself. And then my bf and I got to walk his dog, who I am convinced is the most precious thing in the entire universe - maybe even more so than my bf himself (I kid... or maybe not) - and who is just such a gentle-natured darling. It began to drizzle, so she led us home and we spent the rest of the night playing Sherlock and Among Us with the rest. :) It was a very peaceful evening. For a moment I’d forgotten all about the fact that I start work next Monday and was simply content to bask in the Christmas lights, the heavy downpour and the anomalous chill that came along with it. Just... living in the present, enjoying the moment. 

Now that’s definitely something else on my to-do list for 2020 as well. So often the beauty of the present tends to be marred by my worries and anxieties of the future, but I always remind myself of this quote from Scripture: “Which one of you, by worrying, can add another day to his life?” And when I look back at my life and all the times I’ve worried and fretted and cried, feeling like there was no way for us to extricate ourselves from this rut, this perennial cycle of debt and other things that have plagued me from birth, I am also reminded of God’s grace and providence that has brought me through so, so much. It would’ve been impossible to have done all of this by myself; I frankly might not have had the will to continue living if not for those things. 

Talking about my lived experiences also ties in to the last part of my day - where I thought about how exclusive and inaccessible the poetry scene here feels. You would think otherwise, in a country of no more than 5-6 million folks, but no. I was ranting about this a little to my boyfriend: how it feels like a lot of the spaces within are reserved for the elites of society with silver spoons in their mouths and golden plates on their tables offering them anything they wanted while I was struggling to put food on the table at fourteen. Sometimes I also lament the fact that I didn’t have my parents to tell me bedtime stories, to encourage me to read and cultivate my vocabulary. Perhaps it’s jealousy, or inferiority, or a mix of both. 

But my boyfriend, ever wise and supportive, offered me a different perspective. He made a fair point about how I still fell in love with books and writing regardless, and how literature is oftentimes only a harbour that the privileged visit because the marginalised, the poor are too busy working for basic necessities to even think about such things. To the ordinary blue-collar layperson, poetry is just frankly a frivolous sentiment that won’t turn itself into gold. I agree with this wholeheartedly. It’s one of the reasons why I always felt like I didn’t have time to write, and one of the reasons why my first job was at a library (so I could read as much as I wanted! For free!). Then he said, “But see, no one wants to read about the rich waxing poetic about how lovely and grand their sunny little island is. But people will want to read about your perspective - your poems of the brokenhearted clinging on desperately to their inner child, your poems about the poor working to make ends’ meet, your poems about your tangible struggles - all of those will resonate with the masses, for sure.” And I was like, well, that’s fair. But I certainly don’t express myself as eloquently as these people do. Next to them I’m like an uncultured swine who can’t even tell the difference between all the different forks splayed on the table. 

His response was that people need to understand these things before appreciating them, and sometimes simplicity works best - a lesson that’s been drilled into us from the very inception of law school. And I was like, okay, fair, but deep down my heart was exploding with the sheer warmth of having someone so incredibly supportive of everything I do, even if it’s worthless in society’s eyes. I remember one night when I was telling him about how, as a twelve-year-old, I had a dream to one day study Literature at Yale. I would hole myself up in the library after school, feverishly flipping through books to expand my imaginations and horizons, my mental dictionary of words, dreaming about the day where I could escape all of this and dwell in nothing but imaginative worlds one day. Where reality failed me, I knew that I could always count on my imagination to transport me to somewhere safe and special, filled with joy and sorrow and tragedy and hope. 

I ended up studying law. Not a bad thing, because as stressful as it was I really did enjoy the things I’ve learnt - international and constitutional law, especially - and it has certainly given me new, mature perspectives on so many things; taught me to argue with reason and objectivity instead of just emotion and passion and has led me to meet so many wonderful (also trashy, but I’m out of this hellhole) people. I just don’t like the fact that 80-hour work weeks are the norm and that there’s always so much to... read. If you gave me a piece of fiction I could happily indulge in it for hours, but sometimes judgments can be so ridiculously mundane to read, especially if they’re just itemising every single case on illegality from the 19th century. Lord knows I need at least two cups of coffee for that. Black, to be specific. 

Anyway, I digress (as I always do lmao). My bf ended up researching all night until he stumbled across this Literature programme at Harvard - which frankly sounds amazing, but also unattainable. Which was what I said. And he was like, “Do I think it’s impossible? No. I think you have a very compelling life story, and you’re full of amazing stories within you to tell. And if you want to do it, I will support you wholeheartedly.” 

Again, as is usually the case, I had nothing left to offer apart from muted sobs under my blanket. It still sounds absurd to me - unthinkable, even - but I am just so, so grateful to have someone like him support me through everything. Literally everything. This is the man who has spent hours tutoring me in the subjects that I was hopeless in in first year, because I was too busy tutoring random folks in economics and geography and catching up on sleep (in class, no less), who has patiently helped me prepare for every single mooting competition and watched every single one of them, who has seen me cry and admonish myself for being a failure (only to spend hours trying to convince me otherwise), who has celebrated every single one of my victories and losses - you deserve a treat, anyway! Let’s go eat something nice and put it behind us, for now! This is the same man who has so much passion for what he does, who is so darn good at it without even realising that he is (I wept when he won a mooting competition this year because I was so proud of and happy for him), and who inspires confidence and compassion in me every day. 

I am grateful to share all our triumphs and tribulations together, and I look forward to starting a new chapter in life with you. :) 

#this was a very long shitpost but if u made it to the end kudos to u!!! HAHAHAHA #also a rainy morning again so I am in the mood to ramble oops :') #might have spiralled outta control hehe #sorry to any1 who follows me for fma content LMAO #haven't been posting much fma content but I promise there is smt coming this weekend #maybe a new update of memento amare... #me being all dramatic: IT IS FINISHED *presses enter key with a flourish*

[aurora-daily]

AURORA’s Q&A during Spotify Listening Party

Q: Hello Aurora. Is „In Bottles“ related to „In Boxes“ because in „In Bottles“ you are singing underneath her bed and when she is lying in bed maybe she is laying on her spine. Is that the story behind that phrase ? ❤ You are the Best and i Love you ❤

A: they are both about the same lady... that is really well spotted. It has a really strange meaning to it. she wants to be close to people in a very strange way... !

Q: Aurora what is your favourite song on the album?

A: it changes from day to day.. right now its Soulless Creatures. because of its meaning.

Q: Where do you record the álbum?

A: i did it in bergen last november with Magnus <3

Q: Can we expect Step 3, or it's the end of "A Different Kind" era?

A: this is definitely not the last step... but i cannot tell you yet when it will be released.. !

Q: when is the time of day/night you write music the most?

A: i definitely have the most ideas at night, or when im about to fall asleep, sometimes it can keep me awake for hours later than i should stay awake.. but its worth it.

Q: Will you travel to Vietnam???

A: YES

Q: Are you singing in Frozen 2?

A: i might be heard in the wind…

Q: your birth name represents just your music, the universe, peace ... have you thought how would you call yourself artistically if you had another birth name? Which one identifies you?

A: ive always felt that my name fits me so well, and i remember when i learnt what it meant when i was young that i took it like a little mission in life. to create a little light in the world, in one way we all should

Q: Aurora, I meet you the last month and I gave you a skirt, I just wanna say sorry cause it was too big, And I send you a message in your private (sorry)Facebook horse account, I need and advice

A: i love it!! im going to make it a bit smaller, haha !thank you so much!

Q: Do you make your own clothes?

A: yes i make them with my sister Viktoria who knows how to sew!!! i like to know where the clothes comes from, and with her i know the source of the clothes, which feels very good! i like to wear whatever feels good, so its good to have someone who can turn my dreams into real clothes!

Q: Tell us about your language in ADKOH single... what does it mean?

A: its my own language, and one day i will tell you. its based around its core which is human emotions. i want to make it easier for us to discuss our emotions with the world!

Q: Thank you for supporting us - LGBT. I must admit that it is very useful in Poland. We fight a homophobic government and you give us power

A: that moves my heart so much to hear. im sending you so much love. and that is just the beauty of love - it is so much bigger than us. anyone who dares raise a fist against it will always loose the fight. love will win <3 always.

Q: I have found that this album is best fully realized while being outside. I've been running and interpreptly dancing around my neighborhood everyday and it's transportive

A: i love this so much `3

Q: What was your favourite song to produce?📝🤔

A: i loved producing Soulless Creatures and Appletree. ADKOH was also a journey of its own kind. very lovey. Ive used samples from my life, and mixed them with the beauty of electronic music. A bit of both worlds, living in harmony.

Q: How long did it take to right this album? Where did you write?

A: ITs taken me two years to work on all the songs from both Step I and II. and producing Step II took a whole month, with no sleep and long days me and Magnus Skylstad made the whole thing with some help from a norwegian artist called Askjell (on Daydreamer and ADKOH) we cried so much. and laughed. so many emotions. very very beautiful.

Q: Why is 8 your favourite number?

A: i cannot really explain it. i just feel its right. i have a very strange relationship with numbers, i need them to be right. and 8 and 11 have always made me feel so good. their both the same when upside down and mirrored which i love. very reliable.

Q: Can we expect some songs in Norwegian?

A: yes...!

Q: We know in AMDGMAAF you had a sample of you hugging a tree, have you sampled anything unusual/interesting and put it in this album?👀

A: ive sampled all kinds of stuff, my breath, rain, steps, books, washing machines, crushing things, animals, chewing... etc. its so fun. i love working that way. On soulless creatures i have the sound of me tapping my own chest to my heart. <3

Q: "fear not, fear not when you go" that part gets me every time (and i have listened to this song like 100 times)

A: <3 <3 <3 !!!

Q: how do you keep up with all the questions? hahah

A: i dont!! hahaha

Q: do you write lyrics for other artists?

A: yes sometimes i do!!

Q: The symbols in adkoh are a new language right? But are they letters, more like a code, or it's literally a new language where symbols can be a entire word?

A: their all a part of my own language, one day i will show you all of it.

Q: I think your albums are literature, it is really interesting how there is a connection between all of them. From awakening to mothership, is there any plans of releasing a book some day?

A: i will x !!

Q: are there any more music videos coming?

A: Y to the E to the S

Q: I know some people in Tromso but theyre a bit strange. Is everyone from Tromso strange?

A: yes.

Q: Everyone is talking so quickly, I guess I'll shout into the void :p If you get a chance to read this Aurora, I know that you know how many lives you've touched so I'm not special for saying that you as a person, as well as your music, have saved my life. You're so good at making us all feel like your best friends, but I know what it's like to not be a very social person and it's scary. You're so brave and wonderfully peculiar in your heart. please stay true to yourself.

A: thank you so so much for these beautiful words x i promise i will. forever and ever.

Q: the choir goes SO GOOD with in bottles YOUR MIND

A: !!!!!!!!!

Q: Your numbers are 8 & 11? Very cute, in spirit these are good numbers, one means positivity and the other is financial abundance

A: i dont believe any human being could know the true spiritual meaning of them, they belong with the gods, or the trees. everything that we dont know x

Q: .I want to know about that percussion sound that's in a different kind of human...it sounds so different but really "authentic", I know that sounds weird

A: i am really into strange percussion. and im a percussionist myself so i tend to focus a lot on the rhythms. i had the beat for this song in my mind days before even writing it. and i wanted it to sound like something that doesnt exist from before. like ship. the mothership.

Q: What's your patronus?

A: a big wolf. <3

Q: I feel like an ant!

A: me too.

Q: Which song are you most excited to play live that you haven’t already?💃🏼🎶

A: appletree and daydreamer. so full of energy.

Q: Hei Aurora ^_^ En hilsen fra *nesten* nabokommunen din, Kvam! Jeg så deg for første gang på Bygdalarm i 2016. Jeg lytter til musikken din hver dag, den åpner dører, gir meg friske pust. Jeg ville egentlig bare si at jeg er så stolt over deg, selv om jeg aldri ordentlig har "møtt" og snakket med deg. Jeg føler du lager sanger som representerer en helt spesiell del av det å være menneske. Å ha et åpent sinn, se ting som andre ikke ser. Vokste selv opp midt i en skog, tekstene går rett til hjertet!

A: tusen tusen takk. dette var helt nydelig.

Q: Where did you get the inspiration to make "Apple Tree", not only the lyrics, but the sound of it since it's different from anything you've ever made.

A: i dont really like to put any walls around myself, so that day i felt like i wanted to do whatever made me feel nice. and i felt very playful! i have always liked to make different kind of music, like The seed and animal, it happened quiet and under the water etc. its nice to try lots of different expressions. thats what its all about.

Q: I just want to thank you. I've recently been diagnosed with ME, also known as chronic fatuige syndrome. Your songs fill me with strength and energy when I listen to them<3

A: that is so good to hear. I am so sorry youve gotten this extra thing to deal with in your life. im sending you lots of strength. and love.

Q: Do you believe in aliens? I do!!

A: of course!!!!

Q: Have you ever listened to a Black Metal band?

A: yes i love it so much. i love Gojira, Mastodon, Tool, System of A down and Perfect circle too. very nice.

Q: what do you think is the most important message behind your album? <3

A: I think all of them are. The fight for love, the fight for nature. the whole thing about our consuming, and the way we dont appreciate what we have. about having respect for eachother and mother earth. its about so many things that i care about. maybe the environmental focus is one of the most important message right now, and that we all can save the world together. In appletree its all about that. We. can. save. the. world.

Q: Is your language an alien language and are you actually an alien?

A: i am an alien yes, but i belong here on earth too. my language is al alien language that i have made x

Q: Just want to let you know that your music is well-loved in Asia even many of us don't speak English,your music is no boundaries,can we except your Asia tour soon ?

A: my dream is to go to asia. so yes. YES

Q: i don’t use spotify and i couldn’t get this stream to work so i deadass created an account and bought premium for this smh i love u aurorie

A: Oh My GOD!! really!_! that is amazing. thank you for doing all that to be here with us !

Q: Mothership is so important and special to me because last year my best friend committed suicide and it makes me feel like she's gone to a safer place ✨🌿💗

A: i am so sorry to hear. The Mothership will take those people, who felt like the world was a too dark place to be. Its a horrible thing when people think that is the only way out. Sending love to you and the family who lost a loved one. She is in a safe place now.

Q: Have you ever attended piano lessons, can you read notes, or rather you are self-taught

A: i dont know anything about music theory, im self taught!

Q: Aurora, I'm a painter. And I can not get my paintbrushes and paint something without listening to their songs. You inspire me a lot. That's the reason I can do everything I do. Thank you for that.

A: aaaaahhhhh. thank you so much for letting me inspire you. thank you. keep painting!

Q: aurora do you sometimes feel like talking to trees and plants? cause i do sometimes and they are beautiful creatures! they have a very caring and loving energy!!

A: i do too!!!

HEllo hELlo you lovely people. I am really trying my best to answer all of you. but its as difficult as building a castle of melted chocolate. Soon the chat will close, but before i go. i want to say thank you to all of you. you are such great people, and i am so happy to share this album with you. thank you for diving into it <3

thank you all for coming!!! will stay for 11 minutes more until the chat closes!!! JUST HAD TO SAY THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

Q: What is the emotionally hardest song for you to sing from your new album?

A: i think Dance on the moon. x

Q: I seen in a fanwiki page that you like minecraft, DO YOU PLAY MINECRAFT???

A: i love it so much. i always play on creative mode though!!

Q: Do you intend to write a book someday? We would love to read it!🥚

A: i will, and i think its so nice that you are all interested in me doing so!

Q: The beat from apple tree has any inspiration from olodum ? (A Brazilian type of beat )

A: YES! and hip hop too. i felt it deserved a very alive and bad-*** groove.

Q: Have you dealt with anxiety and/or depression?

A: Yes i have. its a long time ago since i was depressed, its so strange how ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************!!

Q: Are there any songs that almost didn’t make it to the album?👀🎶

A: actually daydreamer and dance on the moon just barely made it!!!

Q: what helped you get through the lows of your life?

A: making music. and giving myself time to heal. ive never felt guilty for being a bit out of ... tune with myself. being an emotional human being is hard, but at least you can always make yourself feel better by finding an outlet. or talking. or crying. just let yourself feel, dont escape from it. then suddently youll feel better one day.

Q: AURORA THE FATE OF THIS WORLD DEPENDS ON YOUR ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION!!!!!!! what is your favourite primate? is it the humble chimpanzee which would align with my favourite? or perhaps the solid orangutang. i am curious to see

A: haha this is so funny. i love the orangutang.

Q: You’ve talked sometimes about there are some things on the industry and big companies that you don’t like. How do you deal with it? How is your relationship with big production companies?

A: just remember to always follow my instinct. <3

and thank you for all the birthday wishes!!!!

Q: AURORA'S FANS ARE THE SWEETEST!! I LOVE YALL AND AURORA SO MUCH!! YOU MAKE THIS PLACE SUCH A SAFE PLACE TO SHARE, AND TO THE FANS TRYING TO PUT DANCE ON MOON ON NASA'S PLAYLIST, YALL ARE THE B ES T!!!!!!

A: I KNOW!!

Q: Aurora, Is Star wars still on you phone ring?

A: hahah yes!!

Q: Do you read the messages we write on instagram

A: yes <3

Q: Aurora your a inspiration and a safe place for a lot of LGBT+ that listen to your song, especially me, thanks for all the love you spread across the world

A: thank you so much! <3 sending you love. love love love love love

[credits for this recap!]

#aurora #aurora aksnes #interviews #spotify #in bottles #in boxes #soulless creatures #apple tree #step 2 #magnus #askjell #daydreamer #adkoh

[peanutsoulofavengers-blog]

Solar Sytem. (Peter Quill x Mother!Reader + Peter Quill and Reader’s daughter)

A/N: Well… I was in my bed yesterday and thinking about that one-shot that I’ve posted about Peter Quill’s girlfriend being pregnant and I couldn’t help but smiled when I thought about something really cute. So this is pure fluff with Dad!Peter and his daughter. I originally planned to write it yesterday before falling asleep, but I was so tired that I wouldn’t! But here it is.

Summary: You have caught Peter Quill, your boyfriend, explaining what the solar system to your tired daughter is, and talking about stuff with her. You didn’t say a word and listened him too.

Warning: None. Excepting that it can have English grammar errors. I apologize. Use Stevie Wonder’s song lyrics “Isn’t she lovely”.

 Request / Ask Something | Masterlist.

                                                   Isn’t she lovely?

 You walked to your daughter’s bed and contained yourself of walking more, when you saw Peter with her, lying down just next to her. You were standing here: hidden in the dark. The Ship has been upgraded since her birth and you couldn’t help but smile when you saw the arm of Star Lord surrounding your daughter little figure, making her close to her dad. You were both in the Solar system and just in front of the seven planets. Including your original one: Earth. The little one, blue, green and white by the clouds surrounding the cyan sky that every human loved dearly. But you didn’t mind. Your family was clearly more important than where you were from.

- And here… It’s Saturn.

- Wow… She haves a lot of rings…

- Yes. Hundreds of thousands of rings. When I was in school, I thought she has been married many times.

- My favourite one is Venus…

- Oh?

- Yes, mama told me that she was the prettiest planet of the solar system and that her name was from a goddess.

 You smiled. It was true. Yes, she couldn’t be at school, but it doesn’t mean that you and Peter weren’t able to teach her things. For nothing in this world, he would miss bragging about Earth, the Missouri and the music from the eighty. But you couldn’t blame him anyway, it was the only thing which kept him connected to his mother, and human kind. He caressed her hairs, gently, softly while she was in total admiration in front of such beautiful planets and stars. You were truly trusting Rocket in his way to drive the ship anyway, you weren’t scared at all. In plus that it was something that you knew since you were a child, nothing surprising for you.

 - Dad…?

- Yes, little star?

- Why don’t we go to Earth? That’s we are from. Me, mom and you…

 You heard Peter chuckled about the question, it was so innocent. She was so innocent and scared about asking it, he wasn’t going to be mad for something so little important. He kissed her head and just after, two or three kisses on her forehead. Making her close her eyes and getting sleepy by the tenderness of her father. Himself got sleepy minute after minute. He continued in his explains.

 - Earth is a dangerous place little star, more than any planets that we already visited with you trust me. It’s not aliens the problem but the humans themselves, they’re dangerous for you, as us. They’re easily scared of things superior to them and they usually reject it. Me and your mother don’t want anything bad happen to you, we couldn’t get over it. You are everything we have. I couldn’t let anyone possibly dangerous touching at least one hair of your little head or even hurting you physically. No one.

 She looked at her father, curious but she has contained herself to say something she shouldn’t say. After all, Peter was just worried about her health and it was already difficult to keep her safe from any kind of aliens, it was just suicidal to be on Earth. She approached herself against her father chest, only covered with a shirt and stayed here, placing her little hands on his pectorals, her head against it too. Star lord smiled and kissed her once more, hugging her tight, covering her with the blanket instead of him.

 - Why does humans have that big grey star by night and not us?

- It’s not a star baby… It’s the moon. She shows up when night comes. Night, it’s when humans must go to bed. For us, it’s always night. For them, Earth is in a constant rotation and the huge red, orange and yellow star is the sun. That’s what make humans living and telling them that they must work, eat, cleaned up…

- Then… They need assistance in everything?

 You have contained your chuckles. Compared to Peter who wasn’t ashamed of laughing. Not at all.

 - Somewhat yes. But not every time.

- And you dad… You needed assistance when you were on Earth?

- Yes. As you need to. Every human need assistance, but that’s how we learn things, and we don’t need assistance later because we learnt about how to do it. When humans have kids, they give what they have in the bottom of their hearts for raising them correctly and making them be good people later.

- And… You sure that I am a good person?

 Peter closed his eyes, smelling his scent.

 - Yes love… More than anyone on this ship.

- Even Auntie Mantis…?

- Oh well… Ask to her when you’ll be awake!

 You heard both of your loves yawning loudly. It was totally them. Yawing at each occasion they can, Peter loved being asleep as your daughter loved it too. And you could admit that you were also a lover of the sleep concept. You replaced a part of your hair behind one of your ears and closed your eyes too. You wanted to sleep with them, placing your head on Peter’s torso and falling asleep while you could hear his deep calm breaths. But you could bother them, and you didn’t want it.

 - And this one? She asked, pointing her little finger to Jupiter.

- She’s called, Jupiter. She’s one of the biggest planets of the solar system. If we placed Jupiter in front of Earth, we couldn’t even live on Earth because Jupiter’s weather is very unstable and dangerous. I’ve always found her scary.

- But being big doesn’t mean that you’re bad…

- No, it’s not little star. You right. But like I said: people usually get scared of what they can’t understand.

- Yea yea… She whispered before yawning slowly.

 Peter laughed quietly, kissing her forehead once more. He was so happy to be a dad and for nothing else, he would be giving up you both. You knew it. Your daughter tried to cover him a little bit with the blanket but her little hands weren’t big enough for being effective. He replaced the blanket at her initial place.

 - You can get a cold dad…

- And? I prefer having a cold than you…

- Dad?

- Yes, little star?

- Who is my grandma and my grandpa?

 You closed your eyes. Attempting to not see the sadness winning Peter’s eyes. But at your surprise, he took an enjoyed voice. Really. It was something strange, considering how much his mother and his adoptive father touched him from the bottom of his heart. You were even prepared to walk in and stop your daughter in this attempt to talk about family.

 - Your grandma… Her first name is Meredith-…

- Hey, it’s my middle name!

- Yes, it is love… She was the awesomest woman walking on Earth. The best mom that I could ever dreamed of. Unfortunately, your grandma was sick, and she lives now in a place where humans and us are unable to reach. That’s why you never see her. But I’m sure that she sees us, she’s watching on you every second of your life and she loves you as if she could talk to you. Maybe that someday, we’ll be with her. Who knows?

- Oh… I love her.

- And she loves you.

 You heard Peter’s voice broke words after words.

 - And your grandpa… He wasn’t my biological dad, he was man with blue skin, he adopted me when I was a kid. I loved him as he was my father and he’s surely with your grandma now. He was the leader of a group and was the strongest person I know so far. He saved me when I… You understood that he was hesitating to explain what death is. Well, if he hasn’t been here when I needed him, you wouldn’t be with me currently.

- Oh… What was his first name?

- Yondu.

 She took a surprised expression.

 - It’s weird.

- Yes, but it suited him so well. None of any first name would suited him better than his.

 When she saw that Peter was now crying, she felt so sad. Your daughter hugged him tightly, apologizing for asking these questions and making her dad being sad. Peter opened his eyes and smiled in front of the expression of guilty that his lovely little star took. He could swear that he heard her heart being broken by hearing her father’s sobbing.

 - Little star… For nothing in this world, I would be angry against you. You don’t have to be ashamed for just wishing to know the identities of such amazing people. But it’s time to sleep now, next time if it’s not your mommy, I’ll tell you another stories in space.

 She closed her eyes, obeying to what her father said, Peter closed his eyes once more before falling asleep even without feeling it. You approached slowly once they were in a deep sleep and took one more blanket for covering the body of you beloved man. You kissed his cheeks and the head of your progeniture before walking out the room, closing the door.

 Isn’t she lovely made of love.

#Peter Quill #Peter Quill Daugter #Peter Quill x Reader #Starlord x Reader #Starlord daughter #Star Lord Daughter #Star Lord x Reader #Marvel #MCU #Marvel films #Marvel Movies #Guardian of the Galaxy #Guardians of the Galaxy #Peter Quill x Daughter!Reader #Mantis #Gamora #Drax #Rocket #Groot

[theory-in-a-story-blog]

Reading through the lenses of Karen Horney

Karen Horney was the first women to present a paper on psychology at an international conference. She’s one of the most influential figures in the development of feminine psychology. There’s no personality textbook that does not talk about Karen Horney. So what shaped her personality? To answer that you need to have a brief context of her early life.

Karen Horney was born as Karen Danielson; she was the second child of her father’s second marriage. The first child was her older brother; she has observed that her father was always supportive of her brother’s endeavours more than her just because she was a girl. She saw this as an obstacle and decided to overcome it by being smart, as a compensation for her looks and gender. She’s one of the first women to enter a medical school in Germany. It is here, she learned about Psychoanalysis the buzz term of that time. She was guided and trained by Karl Abraham. She soon began to question Freud’s idea of Psychoanalysis. Certain concepts showed how andocentric the entire theory was. For example the concept of Penis envy; she believed that penis envy does not literally translate to envying the penis rather it is the envy that stems out of the importance the society and various cultures have associated with it.  She coined the term womb envy which explains a man’s need to succeed in everything and create a legacy for themselves stems from their inability to bear and conceive a child.

The affects of growing anti-Semitism and her differences with Freud persuaded her to move to U.S.A, where she expanded the horizons of feminine psychology and psychoanalysis. She has contributed extensively to the research in the respective fields. Her efforts were recognised by her colleagues and they have opened a clinic in her name to promote her efforts in the advancements of feminine psychology and a broader understanding of psychoanalytic approach.

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 Graduation day was tomorrow, three women sat in sparsely decorated room with cups of tea in their hands. Amara, Nira and Noor were reminiscing over the time spent in college, over the last two years when they had been completing their master’s degree.

These three women made a very peculiar trio. They were extremely different from each other and it was very unlikely that you would find such a group anywhere else. They were thought to be lucky to have been assigned the same room in the girls hostel of their college and had surprisingly taken a liking towards each other.

Noor was the most timid of them all; always feeling like she had to go an extra mile to keep her friends. She often felt homesick, but thanked her stars for finding friends like Nira and Amara, who made her, feel secure in the new city. She would time and again give up her space for Nira’s things as she had too much stuff. She felt slightly more insecure about Amara, but she kept those feelings to herself. Noor felt that Sociology had been a great choice for a master’s degree as she could get to help people. As a child she had been very attached to her mother and till date would do anything to make her mother happy.

Noor shows a Compliant personality. She strives for other’s affection and would do anything that may help her in achieving it, even if it caused her discomfort. She often tries to behave the way others want her to as evidenced by her relationship with Nira and her mother. She feels the need for attention to feel loved and secure in her own environment. She shows movement towards people and displays to neurotic needs- Affection and Approval, a dominant partner.

Whereas Noor was the dependent one, Nira was fiercely self-regulating. She had finished her master’s in Business Management and could not wait to start working and putting in her knowledge to use in the working world. She was convinced that she would climb the corporate ladder rapidly. While growing up she was an only child and one could say that she was used to getting her way. But Nira was not only known for her loud personality, but for her sharp mind and efficient working skills. She had won at several fests throughout college and was the perfect student by her professors. Once she found something she was good at, she did not stop until she achieved all there was to achieve in that field. She was extremely competitive and confident about her abilities.

Nira moves against people in order to alleviate basic anxiety. She has an Aggressive personality. She is driven to suppress others in order to come out on top. She often took on leadership roles for the feel f power in her hands. She got a thrill out of being praised and admired for her achievements and abilities.

  Amara was the combination of her roommates. She was quiet yet an independent person. At the start of the year, she used to feel extremely annoyed by her loud and talkative roommates but overtime learnt to live with them as she went and purchased noise cancelling earphones to listen to her music. It wasn’t that she didn’t like her roommates, she was thankful for them, but she felt that they did not understand the concept of ‘personal space’. She had done her masters in English Literature and felt that her work had quality and charm that the rest of her course mates failed to imbibe in their style of writing.  

Amara exhibits a Detached personality. She avoids forming intimate relationships, and enjoys her independence. She relied heavily on herself and felt that her achievements should be recognised and accepted as they were. She shows a movement away from people, and sees herself as a self-sufficient perfectionist and she refused to look beyond her comfort zone.

As their degree had come to an end, the inevitable topic of their future surfaced in their conversation. ‘What were we going to do now?’

“I really want to work and get to the top of my game and show the world what im really capable of”, Nira began.

“But what about marriage?” Noor questioned her.

“Huh, who needs men?” commented Amara.

Nira didn’t completely agree with Amara, she and her boyfriend had recently spoken about marriage and they would make a great functioning couple. “For me, personally, it’s on the table but definitely after a few years, I must get on my own two feet first”.

“Yeah even I would like to do that but my parents have already found a nice guy for me and when I spoke with him, he was extremely supportive of my working” Noor chimed in.

“Well girls, you have a fun time; I’ve nearly finished my book and I sure as hell don’t need a man to keep me happy in my life. I’m never going to get married, imagine sharing a bed every night, goodness! I need my space.” Amara really let them know what she felt.

Horney would analyse this scene with a lot of interest. Being an early feminist, she dismissed the orthodox psychoanalytical theories that supported men’s dominance over women. Even amongst these three women, we see a drive to establish and not be trapped in the patriarchal system. Some women choose motherhood and some, a career. But many manage to balance both simultaneously and successfully.

An awkward silence followed Amara’s comment. Uncharacteristically Amara spoke up, “Dude those boys in my class are so immature anyway. Imagine, even in 2017, I heard one of them whisper to the other about how the girls in class were too emotional to ever be able to write objectively.”

“Wow, you’ve got some misogynistic pigs in your class! They sound like they are jealous.” Nira said in shock.

Horney countered Freud’s concept of penis envy, where he said that women were jealous of men which caused to be inferior to men. She turned the tables on Freud. While agreeing that women did feel inferior to men, she classified that it was because of the cultural environment and the society they were raised in, where men were given more importance. There was no biological reasoning behind such feelings. To strengthen her argument, she went on to say that men were extremely envious of a woman’s ability to give birth to another human and called it ‘Womb Envy’.

Nira suddenly got on the bed and raised her cup of tea in the air, “Girls, I would like to toast to the both of you and also to this generation of women! We are stronger than we ever have been before and there is nothing that can between what we want to achieve in life and who we want to become. I really hope that we are able to become the women we deserve and have the ability to become. There will be obstacles, but we have the power in ourselves to overcome them!”

Most ‘normal’ people have so called ideal and perfect pictures of themselves, built on a flexible assessment of their abilities. But for neurotics, this self image is inflexible and unrealistic. They construct a ‘Tyranny of shoulds’ which is an attempt to realise this ideal self image, by going along with the ideals which they should embody. They often defend themselves by projecting these conflicts onto the outside world in a process called Externalisation.