#exitential crisis

[from-and-for-nerds]

Do you ever think about Dustin Crop? All his existence, everything he has done and will do in life is completly meaningless. All he's here for is to say that Rich had barely touched a drop. And he'll live his life normally, worring about whatever without knowing that nothing matters now 'cause his life purpose it's completed.

Sometimes I think about him, what if all my liife is meaningless too? Maybe I'm only here to say something to someone or do an irrelevant action I've alredy done. Does that mean I dont have to worry about my life anymore? Or maybe it's the opposite? Should I worry that all I'm putting effort in its worth nothing?

#exitential crisis #dustin crop #Be more chill #rich set a fire

[itscooltoskate]

I hate people btw.

#nothing new #but they hate me #I'm literally just trying to vibe/exist #why is it that people are being mean to me and somehow I am the villain of the story #and why does that keep happening #having an exitential crisis because of today #not being nice anymore #all I get from it is emotional damage #welcome to my villain era 😤 #I'm jk I just don't have this hatred towards random innocent strangers in me #but I got a raging headache from today so that's fun 🙃

[hansluvs]

been burnt out recently, my emotions fluctuate and shit and idk how to regulate them!!!! also i'm back to thinking what if my friends secretly hate me and are only tolerating me bc they feel sorry for me. which is bad!!!! i shouldn't think of them like that.

#pouring out my heart to a stranger #my head is an actual whirlwind of thoughts and shit and every second brings a new exitential crisis #i had a class today but instead of going im just spectating our group chat #didnt want to deal with speaking to anyone today #im still learning how to forgive myself for doing this #how to let myself just attend to what i need #even if it jeopardises my being a student #my class ranking is desperately important to me but so is my sanity

[the-cookies-of-darkness]

Null: the awareness affect- most people who become aware can't handle it! the mind tries to make it logical and it crumbles! and they kill themselves! the brain just DOSE that! it doesn't matter the will! the believe, SOME PEOPLE PHYSICALLY CAN'T KNOW IT! if ultra or his brothers or ANYONE besides you or whoever else learns it? THEY WILL DIE... so how about you DON'T flaunt that info about? *Null's expression was DEAD serious!*

"That doesn't exactly work that way in our world..." Red Velvet says. "4th wall breaks are shrugged off as humor. At least we don't break too deep."

#and you get through the exitential crisis by just being like 'So what? At least it means somebody cares about me enough to not kill me off' #cookie run #other people's ocs #jax #red velvet cookie

[no-brain-just-akutagawa]

Dazai's birthday party

[ID: An edited scene from "Barbie" (2023). Various bsd character of the dance floor. Dazai looks to the side and says "Do you guys ever think about dying?". Kunikida (who Dazai is looking at from the side) sighs and lowers his head. Atsushi looks as though he's going through an exitential crisis. Behind Dazai Yosano is looking down seriously. In the background there's Tanizaki staring into space, and Chuuya obserwing the scene from behind a lampost. Above the characters there's a mysterious character wearing dark pants and a coat whose legs are the only visible part. End ID]

#there's so much going on here #bsd #bsd memes #bsd original #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs memes #posts with ids #bsd dazai #bsd kunikida #bsd atsushi #bsd yosano #bsd chuuya #bsd tanizaki #happy birthday dazai!! #I know I'm late for my standards but I'm here #there's a lot to unpack here jshdhgdh I chose all of panels for a reason #of course the mysterious character is akutagawa who wasn't invited to the party and is observing it from the above #I made this memes while listening to rumour has it by adele and this song is so good?? #but yeah I really like how this meme turned out

[tmntaucompetition]

When I read the theme first time around I was like "ah, the 20s, of couse, roaring 20s, Gatsby-esque, Flappers, cigarettes on long holders, fancy patterns and whatever don't sue me I know little about the roaring 20s" And then it hit me that you probably meant this different because going down from the current 20s makes much more sense and then I had an exitential crisis over that realization that we are just... rahhh we are in the new 20s aren't we oh my god.

NO I MEANT THE 1920s DW FLAPPERS AND ALL MAN WERE GONG 20’s TO 30’s AND SO FORTH

#anon asked #mod shadow says

[daz4i]

i tried to set you up with the nikolai au and failed miserably

AKSJDFKJGKHGHG thank you for wingmaning me 🤝 this is a great outcome tbh we can have an exitential crisis.... together <3

[mcrmadness]

Having again one one those art doubt nights. Or actually it's about fanfiction this time. It's pretty common for me to have these nights once in a while where I just have an exitential crisis over my fanfics.

Right now it's just that basic: why the fuck do I even keep writing? Like, I don't get it why do I write. Nor why do I keep coming up with stuff to write so often. It's just... not that much fun. Overused "tropes" and generally speaking, there is nothing wrong in that, BUT personally I am just so fed up with my tropes. They are boring, they are cliché, they just don't feel like anything anymore.

And again: why do I keep writing? Angst I understand. It's like self-therapy. Fluff I don't understand anymore. It's the one that has gotten boring to me. There's nothing to see. I would be writing to others if I didn't hate the fact I'm behind that text. I would be writing to others also if people read my texts. But there is something wrong with me, something that is actually not wrong with me, but something that causes people to avoid my fanfics because we're not on the same wavelength.

I probably won't do it, but I'm again considering giving up on writing fanfiction altogether. There's just no point in that. I wish I could write something else than fanfiction, but I can only write angst or fluff, and I'm romance-repulsed unless it's about my OTP, and nothing else interests me enough that I could write about it. I've been trying to come up with ideas but everything is already used and I'm afraid I'd be accused of plagiarism over something I have never even heard of before, just because how difficult it is to come up with something original and actually unique anymore.

Well, I won't get answers to my questions today for sure so I guess I might as well go to sleep. Just gonna say that writing to yourself is fun until you start to bore yourself with your own texts. And writing to others is fun if people just would read. So, yeah, I don't know. Maybe I will have another "I grew out of fanfiction" phase, maybe I'll come back to it again, maybe I'll never touch fanfics again. Who knows. All I know is that I don't enjoy the writing process as much as I enjoy the process of creating other types of arts, such as drawing or videos. With these I don't really even care anymore whether people look at/watch them or not. Those are for me and the whole process from start to finish is fun. Fanfics are just. A way to help myself to fall asleep because I need to be thinking about something and I have nothing else to think about than my OTPs. But maybe I'll need to keep those as before-falling-asleep scenarios and forget about the writing them down part.

I don't know. I also don't like the idea of letting go of my fanfics. It's not good for my mental health. But right now I just don't see any point in collecting tons of short scenarios about my OTP into my files if those texts are never gonna see a daylight anyway.

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts

[theprofoundlyinsaneblog]

That's the trouble with living things. Don't last very long. Kittens one day, old cats the next. And then just memories. And the memories fade and blend and smudge together.

The ocean at the end of the lane

#people #things #temporary #nothing is permanent #depressed #anxiety #exitential crisis #neil gaiman #ocean at the end of the lane #quotes #favourite #little things #falacy #facade #kitten #old cats #memories #fade #smudge away #lost #darkness

[lautheduckie]

Mock exams/ egcse exams are coming so im wont be mentally stable available online or anything.

I AM making a art raffle for 100+ followers so stay tune! Anyways hope yall have a good time see in the next life.

#Lau talks #ask #art raffle on the way! #im going in and out of exitential crisis what is this early puberty #my art

[insomniblaque]

I’ve been thinking about romantic love for a little while now. Well, mostly romantic, but in general I’ve been contemplating my relationship with men and where love fits in those relationships. I’ll be honest, romantic love hasn’t manifested itself in the way I’ve seen other people experience it. I’ve never been in a mutual relationship with someone I’d call a partner, I haven’t been intimate with a person long enough for that part of a relationship to materialize, and I’ve been thinking a lot about why that is, and the role I’ve had in perpetuating that experience. When I was first trying to learn what love was supposed to look like, around middle school I’d say, I wanted to blame myself and relatively superficial factors based on some of my most intimate insecurities — how I felt about my body, my skin, my hair as the reasons why boys didn’t come flocking to me. I blamed things that are uniquely tied to what I looked like. The way I saw love being expressed to other girls — girls who were taller, lighter, skinnier, with less acne molded my expectation of what men wanted and fueled the insecurities I had because they seemed to be everything I wasn’t. While these thoughts existed and played a role in how closed off I was to the idea of professing my intense like for men, they didn’t stay for long, mainly because of the relationships I had with men at that time. My father always made it a point to affirm my worth. My father loved my smile, my gap, my violet gums, my cheeks and voice and never forgot to remind me of how special and beautiful  I am. He would jest about when I would bring a boy home often because “there was no way they weren’t asking to approach me” because I look the way I do. My friendships with mostly boys around that time also offset some of that insecurity because I had friends who not only valued me as a person but appreciated me for things I didn’t necessarily notice in myself like my wit, sense of humor, ability to listen and call them out on their shit.

Over the years, I’ve gone through different phases of trying to redefine my insecurities for myself but ultimately so that I wouldn’t let these self limiting beliefs stand in the way of the potential relationships I could develop. It started with my face. The ugly duckling years of middle school prompted my first interests in learning about makeup so that I could distract people from what I didn’t want them to see.  It evolved into a genuine appreciation of the art and eventually a form of therapy for me. I loved beautifying myself for me -- a stray compliment (though I didn’t know how to accept them) also contributed to the boost in dopamine but ultimately, it was the agency of being able to do something only I knew how to do at the time that added to my confidence. Next was my hair, I think I was the most insecure about that for the longest time. My sister always had thicker, longer hair than me and my worth — especially in a deeply Caribbean household felt tied to how manageable and beautiful I could be and hair was the first indicator of that. When relaxed, my hair was thin, uneven, and barely scraped my shoulders. In high school, after having skipped a couple of relaxer sessions before the first day of my sophomore year, I chopped it all off with kitchen scissors. I remember wanting to see if I could feel beautiful without hair and that would be the “social experiment”. Learning to love the hair that grew out of my head at any stage and detaching the value of my beauty from it was not what I thought I was doing that day at 15, but looking back my confidence grew over time from this dissociation. I was just a year and a half early from the boom of natural hair journeys and big chops of that era (yes, if you haven’t noticed I am ahead of my time in a lot of ways lmao) where other women and girls were also expanding their definitions of self-love via their hair and that also made me feel more confident that I can be all of myself around anyone. Hair no longer was a contributing insecurity for me. Recently, I did another dramatic chop, rooted more in an existential crisis, but it also kind of reminded me of the first — how I could still see myself as beautiful without relying on the factors that are called conventionally beautiful. Last, was my body. I had been prone to unhealthy habits rooted in my poor body image for as long as I could remember like restricting meals, unsustainable diets, even at one point abusing drugs (long story) to try to shave off of a few pounds or to try to find the semblance of abs under all my stomach fat. This insecurity was the hardest to shake. Looking at old pictures of myself these days baffles me because when I was trying my hardest to lose weight, I was probably at my skinniest. I didn’t begin redefining my body image until I got to college and needed to find a way to curb the freshman 15. A friend introduced to weightlifting our freshman year and all I can remember is how powerful it made me feel. The simple movements of a squat or a deadlift wasn’t what brought the thrill, it was the amount of weight I could hold in my hands for an extended period of time, the mass I could move that made me feel like if I could do that then I could do anything. Fitness in the form of weightlifting where I was tracking progress with what I could do and not how I looked like really helped me redefine the boundaries of my body. I still struggle with body image every now and again since I’m still very far from a set of well defined abs and too many things jiggle without my permission most times and I think it will always be a work in progress for someone like me who’s intrinsically a perfectionist but the frame shift I have experienced since has empowered me in ways that I never thought would belong to me.

Now back to men. I think it was around this time last year that I started taking a critical look at why I was the way I was where men are concerned. It was at the height of my dad’s battle with cancer and I was ini school failing and riddled with guilt about it. The first real idea of what a relationship would look like for me also came up in my thoughts. A guy , the topic of many stories and a couple of playlists, who I had a lot of respect for but for all intents and purposes didn’t reciprocate that respect in the ways I felt I needed kept coming into my mind at that time. We had a relatively complicated history spanning almost ten years now and it was the kind of connection that I didn’t want to bring with me as powerful as it was. The back and forth took me back to a place where my insecurities were the root of my worth and validation and that was no longer my truth. Some part of me really wanted to believe that we were the kind of people who would always find our way to each other and I held a lot of love for him. But given the place I was an in at the time, I felt like I was on the road to losing some of the most important men in my life and I wanted to do as much that was in my power to curb that by questioning the love l held for all the men in my life. So I sent some letters and one of them was to him. Disclaimer, I was really embarrassed by the letter and even more embarrassed that I sent it to his school email so he had no choice but to read it. But in this letter, I thanked him. I thanked him for seeing me— all of me when I felt like nobody did but also told him that I needed to cut the ties that attached my sense of self to how he saw me and felt about me considering he was one of the first people to admit to seeing me in a romantic context. We were becoming adults, diverging paths and still something in me was holding out for him and I knew I needed to work on letting that go. It took me a week to write that letter and another week and some liquid courage to send it to him. I wrote a couple of other letters, mailed some, kept others. Overall in this exercise, I realized the lack of emotional vulnerability I have always struggled with, the coldness as a defense mechanism that I was comfortable using and the sense of security I felt from the validation of my father and my best male friends all fueled the way I shot myself in the foot when it came to letting new men into my life. Fast forward, my father has passed, this man is back in my life in the context of a healthy friendship and I am working on the final frontier of emotional vulnerability so that whatever the next romantic experience that comes my way, I won’t run from it. I made this with all the men I’ve loved in mind, my daddy, my best friend, the first person I said I love you to and meant it, a person who I’ve recently resigned myself to just get to know as opposed to making advances on and every situation I have yet to encounter where the male half of our species is involved. This is to all the men I’ve loved before, will always love, and hopefully will learn to love. Enjoy it.

#playlist melissak music purgepost exitential crisis

[maagicmiss]

Tag game !!! Cuz we still in 2006 !!!! (Jk I love u Tonya)

Rules : tag 9 people and answers some questions ! (Idk 9 people tho all my friend went away lmaoo)

Top 3 ship ? Jeankasa babee !!! That shit is beautiful and cute and soft and there can be some good angst too !!! What a pleasure lol. Hawksdeavor still got a place in my heart even if I kind of left the bnha fandom ? I just like that relationship dynamic, it’s all fun and game (and bIG angst material too). Third place is,,,,, either Reikasa or Mikannie. But like ? I don’t really ship it ship it, it’s mostly because I find the dynamic interesting And I’d loved to see it in a canon setting ?? (But Jeankasa still win over my heart and mind !!)

Chapstick or lipstick ? Both. I have really dried out lips so I’m usually wearing chap and then I add just a bit of red lipstick on it so it’s colored. If it’s a party or anything I just go full red lipstick lmao

Last song I listened to ? Uuuhhhhhhhg, no idea ? I usually listen to music when I’m drawing so I don’t really know which one is the last. I think it would be Work by Apashe !

Last movie I watched ? It was a URSS movie called Le vol des cigognes in French ! Really good considering it’s from 1957 (I think)

Last book I read ? Omfg idk ??? Ohhh bruh I used to read so many books when I was younger and now I can’t even remember if I have even read a book in three months •_• What a fucking decline

I tag @kat-o-combs or whichever blog you use now :’) and @reversedthoughts (even if u don’t always do them tho)

#tag meme #tag game #the book question gave me a exitential crisis omfg

[that-one-chaotic-npc]

Been thinking about God's alot lately

#shit post #this was brought on by a fan fic #and an exitential crisi #there all whores

[justlaurensthings]

Isn’t it crazy how people existed before you knew them like you could’ve passed them as a child

#this is such a wild concept to me #like it genuinley amazes me #i think im having an exitential crisis

[viciouslove]

how. do. people. date?

#scratch that I'm okay with the actual date part but TEXTING?? #regularily?? wtf how do people do this #how do they (fake) interest in another persons life? #I just...don't care #I will probably always stay single maybe I should concentrate on f+ or something #maybe relationships are just not for me? #exitential crisis incoming #anna's tinder adventures

[fearnotthedemons]

My sexuality fluctuates between ?????????? and no

#exitential crisis pt. 2 #personal