Eddie's April Fools joke would be him bringing Steve a baby that he's watching while he volunteers at the foster center (because kids aren't as judgemental as adults and he can actually do some good without getting nasty looks or whispers about satanism and murder behind his back).
He'd show up at Steve's door and hold out a wide eyed, rosy cheeked, somewhat confused baby like, "Steven, I know it's been a few months since our night of passion, but she's yours. I'm taking you for all you're worth!"
And it's such an obvious joke. Such an obvious prank. He'd just been taking this kid out for a walk and getting some fresh air.
But jokes on Eddie, because Steve wouldn't even think before lighting up, reaching out, and snatching the baby to his chest like oh aren't you so sweet, do you want to come inside? Yes you do!
Eddie tries to explain that it's a joke, but Steve just grabs his hand and squeezes it tight and the words die on his tongue.
"Bah phhhfp," said the baby, giving Eddie a look like, dude, you've got it bad.
Steve didn't drop his hand. His fingers were warm and strong against Eddie's. "Where'd you find her?"
"... foster?" Says Eddie. "I'm uh. I'm watching her?"
"And you brought her here?" Steve's eyes crinkled at the corners. His smile was sunshine.
Eddie opened his mouth. Closed it. Nodded. And then nearly fell backwards when Steve brought the hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.
"Glooof," said the baby, staring at Eddie. You're an idiot if you don't make a move right now.
Thankfully, he didn't have to. Not when Steve was giving him a tug over the threshold.
"C'mon. Let's get you both inside. I think she needs to be changed. You got a diaper bag hiding somewhere under all that leather?"
It was meant to be a joke. It doesn't land as one. Because somewhere in Steve's head, the paternal switch is cheering, lit up so brightly. Free baby? And the person he liked brought him the baby?
Well. Then there's only one real solution to the problem.
(For Eddie, that solution hits him just as quickly. Especially when the guy he's been in love with since the sixth grade is holding a baby to his chest, shirt speckled in spitup and drool, making coffee the next morning, smiling across the kitchen at Eddie so softly and sweetly. Well. He was done for long ago. Might as well fall all the way.)
Ten years later, Eddie and Steve are sitting on a park bench watching their daughter April try to sacrifice her stuffed bunny on top of the jungle gym.
"You do realize that she was supposed to be a joke, right?" He'd say to Steve, a little teary eyed and so unbelievably happy.
"Jokes on you," Steve would reply easily. "Because I kept you both."
Jokes on him indeed.
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Okay but the Justice League finds out their new baby hero teammate Phantom is the Ghost King by virtue of the Fright Night showing up while they're in the middle of a meeting, looking terrifying and such and scaring the shit out of everyone- even more so when Constantine starts freaking out over the fact that the sworn night of the King of the Infinite Realms is in the Watchtower what the fuck that's apocalyptically bad Pariah Dark is supposed to be locked the fuck up forever - but instead of trying to smite them all or yeet them into the nightmare dimension he just pulls out a space themed packed lunch??? And gives it to Phantom??
And the mildly eldritch giant murder ghost is talking about how "The Queen Mother commanded me to ensure you ate my Lord, she says you missed your morning meal."
And Phantom is just grumbling about over protective sisters and "there's a cafeteria i would have been fine" what the fuck is happening right now?
What do you mean "oops you forgot" Phantom I thought the ghost thing was just a theme!
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it takes a really long time to unlearn but there's no such thing as "cheating" or "half-assing" being a person. if you need to leave the cabinet doors open, leave them open. microwave your tea. sit down in the shower. buy the eggmaker. use your phone to calculate tip.
it's mostly fake posterity rules. who cares if you microwave your dinners. who cares if you use instant coffee. who cares if you stop watching the show that got boring. we all have a different set of skills and a different life and taking care of yourself is fucking hard.
at the end of your life there will be no final scoreboard. nobody is going to judge you because you brushed your teeth in the shower. there will be no final count of the number of times you had the same meal five nights in a row. there will be no fanfare or party because you won at being a person - and no one will be disappointed that you never understood the point of using paper towels to dry your hands off after washing them.
yeah, in this world, people will put up a fuss. i've noticed some of the biggest fusses are over what you'll put in/on your body. the fact that i will regularly eat deli meat straight out of the bag makes a lot of people genuinely concerned for me. but here's the thing: sometimes that's the only way i'm getting any protein. my doctor says i am doing fine. i'm sticking to my weird snacks and calling it deconstructed charcuterie.
they'll say they're horrified because you take a shortcut. that's fine. it's just that it looks like a shortcut to them because they're on a different life path. these kinds of things stand out to them as important. that's fine too. but for you? you've got other things that already make you pretty hard working. and these tiny things - well, they're just clutter on your journey.
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Hey guys random but I wanna share this spinach pasta recipe I improvised the other day bc it's really east and tasty and a nice way to eat my greens... I've eaten it for the last several meals lol
sauce recipe (1 serving)
fresh spinach several(3?) handfuls (blended with sauce)
oat milk ~1/3 c (or a diff unsweetened milk)
small pat of butter(flavor) + 3 spoonfuls olive oil
lots of black pepper + couple shakes garlic powder (or minced garlic)
tiny pat of miso/deonjang (if u dont have it, just add more cheese, or some salt to taste)
Lots of pecorino romano or parmesan cheese (or both)
+
more handfuls spinach to eat w pasta whole, opt (several/3 handfuls; keep in mind spinach shrinks a lot when cooked) (cooked in microwave, with sauce liquid)
more cheese, black pepper, parsley etc for serving
Note: need a blender to make the spinach sauce green. I used a small bullet blender. If you don't have a blender, just cook and eat the spinach pieces whole alongside the pasta instead of blending it w the sauce, like an alfredo cream sauce.
With whole spinach pieces:
>combine sauce ingred in tall, microwave safe bowl except spinach & cheese; microwave 30 sec to melt butter/miso and mix thoroughly
>add several handfuls of spinach to the sauce liquid; this is the whole spinach pieces.
>cover + microwave for 1 min /until the spinach leaves are completely wilted and tender but still green
if u dont have a blender you'd be done here (microwave longer to reduce, add more cheese/oil to make it thicker, etc)
>add 2-3 handfuls fresh spinach into bullet blender and pour in most of the sauce liquid; Blend until fully broken down into a creamy green sauce. (add a splash more milk if it's not blending)
>combine w rest of sauce in the bowl; add cheese and microwave 30+ sec more uncovered (*i add cheese at the end bc it's harder to blend with the spinach)
Without whole spinach pieces (just green sauce): combine all sauce ingred Including spinach into bullet blender; blend until fully combined; transfer to bowl & microwave 1 min + longer as needed to reduce (uncovered)
Pasta:
> boil pasta in salted water according to directions (go a min under and test if its cooked, for al dente pasta)
> drain + return to pot, add the sauce + stir
note: if doing this method u can also make the sauce in the same pot instead of using a microwave; after draining the pasta, leave it in strainer, and make the sauce in the same pot and simmer... turn up the heat to boil + reduce as desired, then add the pasta back in and stir until hot. (If i was making a bigger portion for multiple ppl i'd prob do this)
USING LEFTOVER COOKED PASTA (this is what i did, bc i had made a lot of pasta a few days ago, and had the leftovers stored in fridge):
> microwave pasta by itself in a bowl/plate for 1 min, covered
> add the hot sauce on top of hot pasta (microwave first if it's not hot enough)
(^i microwave sauce + pasta separately to ensure the pasta stays al dente btw... if u microwave sauce with pasta it gets soft)
(If making large batches ahead I'd store the pasta and sauce separately for the same reason... I'd prob do the same thing I did, make a large batch of pasta and then make the sauce right before eating... I just hate soft pasta tho so if u dont then dw abt it🫡 lol)
> Top w extra cheese, black pepper, parsley and serve/eat immediately!!
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