#fuck the medical system so hard

[neuroticboyfriend]

finally tried hydrocodone for my back pain and THIS is the ~big scary opioids~ they've been talking about?! i know they're still ykno, serious medication but. i. feel. fine! i even took my other medication todayy!? i'd be angry but im honestly just. WHAT. i'm not in pain! yall coulda gave me this YEARS ago but you just didnt! i shouldnt have had to have figured this out all on my own especially with how it coulda easily gone sideways if i didnt have some awareness of what im doing?? fuckkk the war on drugs man. fuck it. shit.

edit: to be clear no i am not prescribed this i found some in the house it aint mine

#in terms of euphoria and anxiolysis this is equivalent to the barbiturate i got prescribed for migraines. which. #granted i drained the bottle in a few days but #STILL. #i feel like i deserve to choose between severe ending pain that makes me near housebound and stuck in this recliner all day #and potential addiction #like i feel like i should have that choice #especially since they're coming out with more treatments and safety measures for opioid addiction #ALSO especially because denying me adequate pain management is leading me to abuse other shit in ways that have nearly Killed Me #fuck the medical system so hard #fuck #julian rants #opioids tw #drugs tw

[corset]

Our mental health has been in such an interestingly terrible place for the last month or so. Genuinely kind of fascinating to watch from different internal angles....like watching the ocean ebb and flow and change temperament at random sometimes based on weather or the moon or something. Like this shit is just terrible

#I can't even describe it #Like it isn't even just the basic stuff I've dealt with my whole life right #I've had some of this for well over a decade now right I've been very unwell for a long time #I'm a system so that tells you a lot already #Speaking of which that's been extremely hard on us lately too. Rapid switching and blending and worsening dissociative episodes #It makes it extremely....hard. I don't know how to put this for people reading this who don't just intuitively know what I'm talking about #Let me try though #Stress worsens the symptoms right. And we've been under a Lot of stress. When you have a system who not only experiences different levels #of emotion but also different emotional responses to certain things and then also expresses symptoms of your multiple mental illnesses to #different degrees and then on top of that your sense of time/cognition becomes nonlinear because you're blurry as hell in and out all the #time it becomes markedly more difficult to try and balance out/manage your other shit. Like I cannot even describe #It's like trying to climb a slippery incline #I feel truly. Crazy. Like a complete unstable fragmented freak lately it is So bad. And I feel like I'm becoming Worse /As A Person/ too #Like I just feel like I'm becoming so jaded and fucked up mentally our internal state right now is frankly very bad. If you think I've been #negative and difficult on this blog lately hoo boy is my posting on here not even scratching the surface #We're trying to do some things about stuff we can fix/control in our external surroundings but like #[Edit: in addition I have never been properly medicated or gotten help for Any of this since I was 14-15 and they weren't even helping us #for the right things.]

[iftitah]

she's talking on a call with her parents about how it was her luck and gods will what got her into this college who's gonna tell her of course no one because you know 🤡🤡

#i can't believe things can get so unfair even in the education system when its literally about someone's career #roommate takes everything so casually she's just the worst person academically i encountered #and i don't have the authority to say who belongs to which place but it really hurt doesn't it #there are kids giving their everything working hard and all praying screaming to get climbed upon my someone #who spent their first year crying about missing home and not studying not even a minute under the name of not being able to adjust #then how did she suddenly adjust now how is she going on group studies now its all a joke to her #and thats why she failed this year yeah it was predictable #there were friends' friends i know who were put out and had to ask how much did she score #well ill tell you A FUCKING 347 in neet #CAN YOU BELIEVE IT #do you think she deserves to come in a medical stream? #and no she's not economically unwell for most i can say she's everything better than me #and god forbid i speak #im not against whatever thenpolitics run around i don't have enough knowledge i don't hate anyone #and im not taking anyone's right out of their platter as if i even have the right #but sometimes i see people like her and it makes me wanna cry #if they aren't at fault neither ae we.right? #but i hope she becomes someone better #does something i hope she turns out a good doctor or whatever she wants #please don't waste this seat

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Finally on my way to a neuro-opth appointment that I was meant to have back in SEPTEMBER (and even that was after a year of being ghosted by the hospital). Fingers crossed they decide to actually do something about my debilitating health conditions 🙃

#swear to fuck if i get that same asshole dr as last time I'll flip my lid #she spent the whole appointment hard pushing drastic weight loss for no reason #and never looked into the fact (which I TOLD HER) that EDS and IIH are common comorbidities #she told me it was either because im fat or because I'm trans ('hrt maybe caused your migraines but i dont know anything about hrt') #so hopefully today goes better than that #the system speaks #medical

[thethingything]

pro tip: quickly end your host's 45 minute long panic attack by co-fronting and shoving a bunch of wholegrain mustard in your mouth as a distraction

#personal #thoughts #Lucy post #food mention #emetophobia tw for the tags #yes he did type the last post and the tags on it in between hyperventilating so hard he almost threw up #and yes the mustard did work #multiple of the system's caretakers tried like... normal methods of trying to calm us down and that was not working #so instead I figured it was jarring sensory experience time #anyway yeah he is not kidding about sedation and general anaesthetic being something we very much can't handle #I think actually it's mostly him specifically but like he's stuck fronting all the time so if it's an issue for him then we're fucked #I think we've mentioned before that he's a medical trauma holder on top of everything else he has to deal with #and given all our medical issues this is absolute hell for him #so he's really not having a great time with this and since his reasons for it being distressing aren't the usual ones people give #it means it's really hard for anyone to offer any kind of reassurance without it feeling really dismissive and invalidating #which just makes it worse

[girlnikolai]

he makes me physically ill with his existence in the best way possible

#god i miss him so much it hurts #i want to hold onto him and never let go #being around him is painful sometimes only because i know im going to have to be without him again #i am in an episode #hashtag bee pee dee #my therapist is quitting i hope she feels bad bc mamacita is snapping #vvvvaaaannannnaayyayayay comr home. #starts bashing my head against the wall so hard i see spots. slash romantic #evwrythine ignore this #do u know that part in the beginners guide where its like i still love you you just make me feel cold inside. me about vanya and rowan pos #sorry i am full of love slash horrible neverendimg violence and misery #i need to be medicated #where are my fucking BOYS #vanya. rowan. serena. come home. #neon too i miiiiiiiiiisss you all. #i think the demons r winning #oh also that part in the beginners guide thats like. you cant talk yourself out of loneliness #yea. #i think im a bpd symptom holdeelr #im not oz i should clarify that but us when we r a system and function as one #'when i am around you i feel physically ill' my bb ouys. where are hthrhey. #im a little drunk if that is not obvious #killing anf murdering #ok goodnight ( it is 10 am )

[foreignobjecticus]

Never mind the colossal run around of people not doing their job and letting prescriptions run out---they've just quietly changed the law in QLD (Aus? Idk) so GPs can no longer prescribe ADHD meds. So that means?

$250+ session with the psych every fucking time you need a new prescription. That's fucking disgusting. Inaccessible. Not even to mention the physical demand for those who now refuse telehealth, and those who live outside areas with psychs.

What the fucking fucking fuck.

#I'm so fucking angry #that they can just CHANGE this too like what the FUCK #Jesus Christ it was STUPIDLY hard to get already #you're not cutting off the 'bad' people #you're just fucking destroying the lives of those who need these to fucking function #it's a fucking life saving drug don't fucking EVEN #Australia #adhd #medication #burn the whole system down what the fuck #text tag

[soft-serve-soymilk]

And for more rambles this evening: Why HAVEN’T I played Tokyo Mirage Sessions 🤔

#It’s literally like ‘What if persona?? And fire emblem?? together????’ (Except they executed the concept in the weirdest way possible) #But for real talk is it a Persona spinoff or an FE one. Really blurring the lines here imo #Sure we have the cameos but look at the battle system. It’s got the Atlus LanguageTM in it #Dia and Rakukaja and all the fun stuff :> #Yeahhhhhhhh the executives are dysfunctional tonight babes #Society if my brain operated normally and had energy after school instead of being fatigued as fuck 😔 #N/oragami’s hiyori was relatable man. I too will just collapse anywhere in pseudo-narcoleptic fits #So sleebytired and distracted all the time… god when I turn 18 I’m getting myself some medication. #I’m sick of playing on hard mode all the time 😭 (practically Tales’ Intense because of my parents) #If anyone feels like sending something motivational so the brain gets off it’s high horse I’d gladly appreciate it 💖 #just pav things #sometimes you need to vent idk.

[soldier-poet-king]

My doctor moved offices ALMOST AN HOUR AWAY AND is no longer taking phone appointments, so even tho all I need is a Rx refill for the drugs I've been on forever, I have to commute my sorry ass MILES away from home and work in the dark at night bc ofc I can't miss work for this bc I need to be paid and yeah I rlly should find a doctor closer to home but I like and trust my doctor (mostly) and at the very least she's good about my Horrible Brain Spiders and prescribes my Brain Drugs without issue and isn't one of those ppl who's like "oh ok have u considered that you should stop" BC I absolutely CANNOT go off my meds

But like. Fuck me.

#if its not one thing irs another #issues w my student loans this weekend causing a metldown #bc the govt fucked up and was like hey ur monthly payment is EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS and not y'know. the normal amount i set it to #and it wouldnt let me fix it #and the call lines are closed on the weekend #i maybe fixed it this morning #the lady said it would take a week to reflect in my account so we'll see #but NOW i have to find a doctor or fuckin just. die i guess. why do they make this so hard #i fuckin LOVED phone appointments #bc 99% of my medical trips are literally just like. hi hello i need more brain meds #I HATE THIS #this system was NOT designed for anxious ppl who are not good self advocates #i miss my uni town.it was small enough that you couldnt be over an hour away #and still in town #i was already frelein stressed. my tummy hurts im NOT brave about it #and im tired and near tears #i want to go HOME

[dread-knight]

Why do you have to write a story for other people to see it I feel like my brain is being stretched in twenty different directions with all the shit I want to make but low energy & not enough time & my own sense of shame makes it so that I’m not doing anything. Gahhh

#Remembered Petrichor and that little story I wanted to do with her…. Baby I have ignored you so hard I’m sorry I promise I still love you- #-ya dumb little freak #There’s also the Carsoro stuff and then the AU with that Sage I posted and I also wanna share dracula bs and like dread knight stuff and aa #Ahhh!! Do you get it!! Why do I have to work a job why can’t I draw little guys. I say knowing in my free time I just decompose watching- #Youtube videos about shit I don’t really care about and playing Isaac for the millionth time in a row #Idk if all rogue likes would be like that for me but Isaac is like. Bad. Edmund I think said he had adhd. That makes sense bc that game is- #-like. The perfect time waster for my brain with its broken ass reward system #My doctor was suprised I wasn’t being treated for my adhd maybe I should bite the bullet and try to see if being on smth for it would make- #-me feel less. Ehhhh #Or at least off antidepressants. Like Christ I feel like water with no ice a lot of the time that can’t be normal #Chatter #I’d say sorry for goign off on a rant but this is my blog I do what I want #I think a big problem is I’m lonely and want irl friends but like. How the fuck do you do that. I was not socialized enough as a puppy #Also I want to. Be open about being Toby but like Christ I’d be jumping in headfirst without even knowing where to begin #I haven’t researched like. Dick or shit about the medical side of it and even just socially transitioning like how the fuck would I explain #Idk. I don’t want to be like. Hated by my own family. I don’t think that would be the case but god. God. I have a fucking anxiety disorder

[the-acid-pear]

Btw only today I remembered the time a Baki character crawled thru and out a man's asshole.and his only explanation was I could do that because I'm very small (he's 160cm).

#luly talks #he's an incredible characters actually brace yourselves time to speak of one of.my fave baldies #but he's great. he is a system and for a manga that came out in the 90s it is handled rather fucking well #bc the guy who did that gaia isn't like. evil. in the fucking slightlest. #he's just a mercenary! he's a fighter and a soldier!! but hes a fair and nice man. #nomura the other one is ALSO a soldier but its very cute bc he's just a medic #and like. the way everyone is so fucking nice about this? #like his comrades are tots ok w that like they're scared of gaia bc WELL I MEAN. THEY KNOW WHAT HE CAN DO #but its ok bc he's a baki character of course you'd fear him KQGAJSHWNDG #anyway gaia is also a big time faggot HQYWHDHEHVD but again unsurprising he's a baki character #but he loooves fangirling over older stronger men its very cute he LOVES his master #and made him lose the pants. its epic. love motobe cock #another thing about gaia is the fact that he severely traumatized a man. literally insane shit he did to him #do i feel bad? yes. should i feel bad? no. because that man kicked igari's ass so hard he left the manga permanently #igari being My Beloved Wrestler with a Canoe Shaped Face based on that one japanese wrestler w the huge chin #antonio inoki i think? #anyway. that man he traumatized? he's doing yaoi with him now. #straight up yaoi. they're living together and they act like a fucking married couple #i have yet to read it but it's insane #also gaia is also friends with this very tall dude very tall as in 210cm i think? hes up to 240+ now he keeps expanding his bones #anyway and the guy he tortured was first being tortured by this giant who upon seeing him scream at the top of his lungs was like #lol that's hot you're so my type #well not verbatim but he did say something along those lines jack hanma LOVES russian guys its crazy #anyway after that he was like hot but im not gonna kill you and then gaia comes in and i remember someone mentioning in the comments of the #place i read the manga from how insane their heighr difference was and saying that Gaia could suck his cock while standing #which is absolutely fucking true. but i can't get over it. #anyway that was my infodumping of the day #as you might've noticed gaia is way more relevant that Nomura but that doesn't say a lot #bc gaia shows up w nomura in one arc at the very start of the book then appears again as gaia to traumatize this man #I HIT TAG LIMIT FUCK anyway he shows up in 2 major arcs only super little idk about the spinoff i have yet to read but he's a bit irrelevant

[hoothootmotherf-ckers]

It should not be this hard just to not be in pain.

#chronic pain #chronic migraine #chronic illness #im just #it’s almost midnight and I’m crying #it shouldn’t be this hard #it shouldn’t take fighting our country’s medical system #like I’d really rather not hurt at all if I had the choice #if I could flip a switch and be better forever I’d take that in a heartbeat #but it shouldn’t take fighting pharmacies to have a quality of life #I’m 24 now and I’ve been disabled since I was 17 #and for a while things were at least stable #but now it feels like I’m back at the start and nothing is better #I don’t know how to cope with this #I don’t know if I can cope with this #I don’t know what options I have left if this drug doesn’t work or I can’t get it #if there’s a tag limit still I’m probably getting there #but fuck I’m so tired

[wonderloste]

Medical stuff is progressively getting worse by the day pls consider this a small hiatus until this is worked out 😭😭😭 i have never had to fight harder in my LIFE than i have had to fight these fucking nurses i HATE medical workers

#THEY LITERALLY SAT OUTSIDE MY FIANCÉS DOOR SHIT TALKING HIM #saying he wasn’t trying hard enough to swallow his food/ drink BESTIES HIS THROAT IS BLOCKED I HATE YOU #my whole ass mother is having to take over for me bc she’s a nurse and come fight them bc I’m starting to mentally break down #not about to get personal on main but this is literally RELIVING my triggers / trauma from medical shit i can’t #we’re about to call a doctors office tomorrow and cry scream BEG for them to send someone out here bc they are #basically starving / depriving my fiancé and doing fuck all else #I’M SORRY FOR VENTING ON THE DASH I JUST #IDK WHERE ELSE TO SCREAM I’M NOT DOING OKAY YALL #AAAAAAAAAAAA #i hate America i fucking hate it #shit ass healthcare system #mobile tbd. #they’re going to charge us thousands of dollars to sit in a room where they actively made it worse I’m so angry #HOLDS FACE IN HANDS #UUUUUUUUUUUUUGH #medical mention —

[lampregistration3000]

god i love health insurance in this country

#would love it if it did literally anything #got to love the news that it won't cover anything at all for me in this surgery! #anyway i can still afford it and im still happy about it but like finances are so tight for me rn lmao. #its like. part of the reason ive been waiting so long for this is the pride and knowledge that i should not have to pay anything for #medical care under a just and correct system and having to set my standards aside and grovel for the fucking. necessary and life saving #stuff i need to not feel horrible and disgusting and ugly every day of my life is debasing and dehumanizing #to sum it u #i'm just really frustrated rn. #its so hard to like... go get help or do anything for myself in the first place ever because like. every single time i try to do anything i #get slapped with the harshest penalties known to mankind #you could argue that i could have tried to find a different doctor or whatever but i need my hand held through everything and i still think #that this one was the proper and correct choice based on that #anyway. i have the lump sum. i dunno if i should try to finance it to make myself not feel like i have no money or what. #maybe ill try to open comissions or something but idk if i even have time for that #like im still going to send them the request to reimburse me for my fucking medical bills anyway and i know theyre not going to because #fuck you. but still. id like a letter saying 'fuck you vintage go die and give me 10 grand' instead of just trusting some schmuck over the #phone about it. lmao. #im so tired. i need a break. #between this and work i think its killing me. #im hopeful my blood pressure isnt going to be too high for clearence lmao i am so fuckign worried about that because if it is then like. #nothing ive done at all to prepare for it has mattered at all #i need to be unemployed i am so tired of working for a living i just want to crawl in a hole and sleep for forever

[touchmycoat]

Mmmmmm thinking of your canon liufang and the mess of blood and sex and pain Qian Cao Peak must be considering the world Airplane built. MQG has probably had to cut LQG open to extract some sex parasite then fuck the poison out of him. And if you're going with medical kink in the porn AU, hmmm I keep thinking of MQF snapping on a glove and giving LQG a prostate exam... using his fist... I bet he has very nice surgeon's hands and LQG will appreciate them very much.

CUT LQG OPEN TO EXTRACT THE SEX PARASITE AND THEN FUCKING THE POISON OUT OF IUFHNNJJFNDFJNKNJNKJSFNJFNASKBJDLJKFASLKJGKJFDN KLSDJFKAJSLD KLFKLJDSFKNKNJFVMK,BM,MVB,V,,

#I'VE OFFICIALLY LOST MY WHOLE MIND #THROBBING HARD ERECTION ONLY #WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD OOOOOOH MY GOD #MQF HAVING A WAY TO PUT LQG IN PHYSICAL STASIS DURING THE SURGERY SO WHILE IT'S SUPER INVASIVE IT'S NOT ACTIVELY EXCRUCIATING #AND IT'S NOT IMMINENTLY DEADLY #BUT MQF STILL HAS LQG COMPLETELY GUTTED #ONE HAND BURIED IN LQG'S CHEST CAVITY PREVENTING THE PARASITE FROM BURROWING DEEPER #WHILE HE'S GOTTA GET SOME OF THAT CONVENIENT YANG ENERGY INTO LQG'S SYSTEM #IT'S THE MOST FUCKING INTIMATE THING EITHER OF THEM'S EVER DONE #lqg's too stubborn not to stay awake for the procedure ofc fnksjnfkksdf i'm slobbering again #holy FUCK me #liufang #let's do it okay let's go #dear GOD #anon #asks #tw medical kink

[natandacat]

So the office for disabled students cannot help and they told me to take it directly with the Dean 🙃 good thing that was my plan!

#i will not win so its hard to muster the strength and courage to do it #im gonna do it i just really hate this situation #covid #at least im able to register with the office with the documents i took a picture of from my diagnosis apptmt at the hospital #fuck my family doctor who wanted to make me pay 50$ for an unofficial form #also TAKE PICTURES OF MEDICAL DOCUMENTS #thank fuck i took that picture or i wouldnt have any proof or info regarding my diagnosis rn #and im pretty sure the hospital would have asked me to pay to get them too #fuck that system fr