#fucking unbelievable if you ask me

[dylanconrique]

why is my mom not understanding why i'm sad about spending my birthday alone for the forth year in a row??????

#*carly catalogs #it's not till april but my mom was all excited showing me pics of the party bus she rented out for her 60th a couple weeks #i've spent every one of my birthdays for the past 3yrs just sitting alone in my bed like i do everyday #bc my 2 closest friends cut me off completely while i was manic and going some very serious and blatantly obvious mental health stuff #said i turned into a crazy person (which i will admit i did a lil bit) #..... but to completely cut ties with me bc of that when you also have mental health problems? #fucking unbelievable if you ask me #especially when i was there for you during your stupid insignificant drama with your on again off again hs boyfriend #sorry my mom opened a can of worms in me and ughhh #just tired of her sharing all these fucking vacations and parties she's going to lately #sleepovers with her girlfriends... a trip to mexico... renting a party bus for her birthday... going on an alaskan cruise in the summer???? #like..... #that's the life i want rn and it feels like she's just shoving it in my face #*sighs* idk man i feel like i'm stuck in quicksand or something #tbd

[yellowocaballero]

so! saw you mentioned jjk, so if you wanna talk about it, whats your thoughts been on it so far?

Was waiting to answer this until I finished S2, which I just did.

It's incredible. It's an amazing work of art. Some of the best fighting animation I've ever seen in an anime, some of the best fight scenes period, non-stop gripping and thrilling and incredibly exciting. Gorgeous, cool as fuck, a lot of fun. Binged it and was extremely unwilling to do anything other than watch it. Real 'wander out of my room, rant to my roommates about how good it is, ignore their confused looks and wander back in my room to continue binging' energy.

Beyond that, my thoughts are a bit complex and difficult to put into words. It's great at a lot of things besides action - it has great characters, humor, world-building, everything. I would like to see more of the other things it's good at, and I think that would elevate the fight scenes a lot. I won't go into a tangent about what makes "a good action movie", but basically in good action work the action scenes need to have a lot of weight. S2 was basically 15 episodes of the climax of an incredible action movie, and a lot of the fight scenes would have been stronger if there was greater buildup or a more coherent escalation (Mahito loses every fight, which makes it hard to take his very lengthy subsequent fights seriously)(Gojo himself is a mystifying choice)(My only coherent thought for two episodes straight was 'Mahito just fucking die already'). My personal belief about arcs in serialized works is that they should work as full stories in isolation and have a coherent beginning, middle, climax, and end; one that still slots into the greater narrative of the serialized work and meaningfully develops the characters, world, and overarching plotline. S2 was, again, 15 episodes of climactic fight scene. But the climactic fight scenes were so fucking good.

It's a lot of things that I normally like in theory and are extremely bored of in practice. JJK really lived up to the theory of "what if a shonen action anime was only action and it was so so so so so good". If you do want an example of mangakas who do work that's 95% action that's skimpy on characters/plot/etc but still feel like an extremely complete experience, I recommend Nightow's Blood Blockade Battlefront.

Lots of criticism on a show I fucking loved, but you are talking to someone for whom "they punched so good and then the explosions were so pretty and I pumped the air and was satiated by the violence" is a 5/5 glowing four thumbs up review. The characters themselves were so endearing and fascinating and charismatic, which is an understated but important aspect of an action work. They don't have to be deep or complex, but you do have to get me invested in them and make them fun to watch. It also has incredible and well-utilized women, which esp in male oriented work I do genuinely consider a barometer of quality - not 'badass women automatically makes something good', but 'a creator who can write every character well is good at creating characters and if you can't create all your characters well or feel uncomfortable with portraying half the population then you aren't good at creating characters'.

Geto/Gojo will never be KakaObi and you are all lying to yourselves.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #yet again nobody out there does it like naruto. #(it being the most unbelievably unhealthy toxic codependent yaoi) #the fic game for jjk is pretty weak which makes me sad. #horniness level very directly correlated to how weak something is. #if you have good recs let me know #my asks #jjk could do a fucking TOURNAMENT ARC and id watch it and enjoy every minute #that's how good it is. a tournament arc. #anime is constantly out here like 'hey do you want me to be something that you love the most.' #'do you want me to do it so so bad.' #yall are all nuts though you care about the weirdest things #I want to watch Sukuna punch so so so so so many things #I want to watch Sukuna make so many explosions #I want to watch 20 episodes of Sukuna just destroying people places and things #what are YOU caring about here. x reader for WHAT.

[becca-e-barnes]

Becca what about DBF!Bucky fucking the reader until she squirts? I feel like he would be so cocky about it and would 100% try to get her to squirt again

🍑 anon

You're not wrong here, he would be so cocky and I nearly think he'd be condescending about it? In a very sexy way though 😩

I can't stop thinking of this with Bucky railing you while you're bent over the kitchen counter. The edge of the marble is digging in a little with how delightfully he has you pinned down. "Mhm, you feel like a dream." He grunts, marvelling in the glistening slick that coats his length as he drags himself slowly out of you before slamming back in again.

Your little yelp almost makes it sound like you had no idea he was going to fuck back into you so hard and it makes him chuckle quietly to himself.

"You take me like such a good girl, you know that? Happy to bend over anywhere for me and take every inch of this dick like it's all fucking yours." He can hardly control himself, his thrusts getting a little faster and it's just mind-blowing.

"Such a good girl for you, daddy. O-oh fuck, please, that's so good." You can't help but go a little stupid. His thrusts are punishing, hitting deep and hard at a pace that makes your legs a little weak but God, it's incredible feeling so much pleasure all at once.

His thrusts are landing a little too nicely though. It's a lot and there's no fucking break from it, not that you even really want one. You can feel the flutters in your tummy, gentle ripples of pleasure getting more and more intense with each thrust until you're babbling nonsense, almost ready to cry because it feels so damn good.

It doesn't take long for your head to fall onto your forearms and you feel all that build-up come to an earth shattering climax. It's a peak quite like nothing you've ever experienced before and you feel your body gushing in response, a stream of hot arousal pouring down the inside of your thighs.

Bucky's groan is fucking beautiful, clearly he didn't expect your body to react like that. "Oh god, good girls don't squirt like that, honey." His voice is so low it sends shivers down your spine.

"It really feels too fucking good for your silly little brain to handle, doesn't it? Dumb little thing squirting on daddy's cock. Go on baby, let me see you do that again. One more and then I want to feel that against my tongue."

#asks answered <3 #🍑 anon #becca writes spice #dbf!bucky #I am not made to be the bigger person #if the universe intended for me to be the bigger person I'd have been taller than 5'5 #and the level of toxic that is unleashed in me tonight #is unbelievable #like she REALLY sent me a whole big message thinking she was right #and then I replied #being the bigger person #and explaining things #and she'd already blocked me #on WhatsApp and facebook #like babe clearly I've been away too long and you've forgot how petty I am #watch me hand write my reply and send it to your house via fucking carrier pigeon if I have to #you need to be corrected and good god #I will take so much pleasure from doing that #at your age too #that's just embarrassing for you

[exhaustedwerewolf]

when the dnd session was so insane you’re like “damn I want to rewatch that bit” but you can’t because it was not an incredible fantasy film but just you playing make believe with your friends

#INSANE SCENES THIS EVENING #dialogue echoing in my head includes: ‘resurrection isn’t my strong suit’ // ‘then make it your strong suit’ #‘oh darling! don’t scare me like that. come here. let’s go home.’ // ‘what the fuck have you done?’ #‘(laughs) oh yes. I’m sure if all those people had just had a sword and a shield that things would have turned out differently. I’m being #lenient but my patience is running out. so spare me the insult of your sword. cunt.’ #‘ten million is a big number. it should feel different to one body in a cage or one hanging from the rafters but somehow it… it feels the #same.’ #genuinely stopped typing to do a despair event horizon stare into nothingness #our dm can cry on command lads and he was weaponising that today :’) #so many unbelievably fucked up things happened I cannot believe it and I am having a conspiracy theory board moment trying to make sense of #it #DnD #so many other moments I have written down but can’t remember verbatim but also WHY DIDN’T THEY ASK ME… IF I WANTED TO LEAVE #@CASUALAGRESOR IF YOU ARE READING THIS HOW DARE YOU I AM SO SAD

[front-facing-pokemon]

#this one's like a fucking mystery. who's that pokémon?? what pokémon is this?? you can't fucking tell unless you open the cut or read below #where i tag what pokémon it is. i think i'm gonna put this one's tags above the actual name of the pokémon just to throw y'all for a loop #because this one? i don't even KNOW what counts as front-facing. i'm ASSUMING it's the top one?? but the prey eyes are just #unbelievable so i included that one under the cut. i don't even know if i can consider that “prey eyes” at this point. what is this thing?? #what's the thing protruding?? a mouth?? it doesn't lend itself to making it look any more like a moon! it just— it just protrudes!! #i really just don't understand. what or why this pokémon is or exists. what type is it? pure psychic? #nnnNNAURP rock/psychic. can't believe i forgot about the rock typing considering the way that guy with the solrock in swsh #raid battles used it. whatever i think i've successfully revealed what pokémon this is by now #lunatone #and yes‚ i know now that zangoose walks on all fours in pmd. THANK YOU!!! FOR TELLING ME. EVERYONE ON TUMBLR #i got it when the first person told me. i looked them up. i saw them. with my eyes. i feel like i've talked about pmd enough in these tags #and in asks that i've answered that you all should know how much of a pmd fan i am by now but i guess it's GOOD TO CONFIRM #perhaps no one really does read these tags. unless they have an opportunity to correct me. lasered in on that #i'm not like mad i'm just like WOW everyone told me. that is SO many people telling me after the first one did and i know SO hard #anyway. i'm gonna go remove these tags from the dusclops post. pphhhheew

[unexpectedbrickattack]

.

#chattin #nothing bad or spicy i just feel like peep peeping rn #📢🐀! #but there is talk of panic attacks and Bad Stims up ahead (not related to me dw) -> #i was thinking of autistic peppino bc i am planning out the vigilante comic in my head #and like the quick premise is that vigilante comes into the pizzeria and shoots a blank into the ceiling to get everyone to shut up #and quiet down so he can go ask for (demand really) to see peppino bc this fuckerhas a bounty FOR A REASON and hes here to find out why #bc u know; cowboy yeehaw shenanigans #only its like 5am and no one is there jdkdndjdndk he just saw the lights one and went BANGBANG #anyway peppino is in the back cowering bc someone came into his fucking shop and started shooting UNPROMPTED #and hes so fucking scared and unwilling to move and when he sees someone actually come through the back door he starts having a legitimate- #-panic attack and he starts doing the stimmy hands thing over his ducked head #and vigilante is like whoa whoa WHOA WHOA HOL UP WHATS HAPPENIN #like i dont think peppino has ‘happy stims’ he has ‘extremely self soothing’ stims #that include flapping but only if hes so unbelievably stressed that he cant think #or he has more violent ones like pulling at his hair and biting his hands #that on top of like a genuine panic attack where he cant breathe and he thinks his heart is stopping is 😵‍💫 #vigilante is like christ almighty what the fucks got you so damned spooked?? like he doesnt even think of the blank he shot #he assumed someone came in before him or something #and hes like oh shit wait thats mE I DID THAT I SCARED HIM #i am still planning it out but yes. autistic peppino is on my mind 😊 #in a more positive light hes very earnest; and good at his job bc cooking in an interest of his #and his responses in social situations are bizarre enough sometimes to wrap back around to endearing #also its an excuse to draw peppino looking very confused but happy and gustavo somewhere in the shot going- #‘the bad bitch i pulled in by being autistic’ #swag #ALSO THE TAG IS BACK so i guess i can doodle again heehee

[boxwinebaddie]

me: there was a bug in my hands it was so heinous i was crying please comfort me pls i was so afraid im so brave

riley: wHAT TYPE OF BUG WAS IT

#nina speaks #25 to life #MAN #RILEY IM SORRY UR NOT ON RN I DONT THINK #BUT THAT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY #LIKE BITCH I WANTED TO GET CODDLED #I WANTED NINA U ARE SO STRONG BRAVE N WONDROUS I CANT BELIEVE THAT CHILD PLACED A BUG IN UR PALM #UNBELIEVABLE #and riley said justice for that bug #i bet it was so cute #what kind of bug was it #MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN #this is what being married is like also i want a divorce #just kidding baby please it was green #it was a beetle thang it was very pretty #BUT SHE FRIGHTENED THE SHIT OUT OF ME #LIKE GIRL IF YOU DONT GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE #sorry my hot girl cider is hitting if u want to ask me a funny q #now is ur time to shine baby be weird

[spacemancharisma]

#***​WITHOUT WARNING. OBVIOUSLY. #y’all I am in an INSANE situation rn #will not say any more bc of privacy reasons #but holy shit. this is unbelievable. #personal #X #if you’re someone i actually know feel free to dm me to ask about this because HOLY FUCK YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE

[r0achezz]

smelly ass bitch scrolling my posts, hope you take a SHOWER. SOON!!!!! STINKY!!!!!!!

GET OUT OF MY INBOX I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

#ALSO FUCK YOU I ALREADY TOOK A SHOWER 😎 #ALL MY HARD WORK AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME? #UNBELIEVABLE #r0achezz asks #Heyyy there strangerrr

[skitskatdacat63]

Quick question, how old is Seb in the boy king au when they get married, I'm asking because I was rereading the fic & directors cut from September and you said he’s so obsessed with calling Seb little. Is Seb shorter than Nando or is Nando trying to feel a bit taller when actually he is a itty-bitty war criminal kitty? If Seb is shorter but still has time to grow how badly will Nando take it

Hello! This one is much easier to answer than your other one(You're really making me think deeply, thank you 🥺), so I think I can answer this pretty quickly(hopefully)

So you've probably noticed that I don't mention actual years too much which is just bcs the timeline is so vast and I've not decided on a lot 😭. But they basically have the same age gap as modern day, so I'd say they were born in 1681 and 1687 respectively(which matches up well enough with the real world history.) Irl, the war that I'm canon divergencing away from takes place 1701-1714, so stuff regarding when their coronation and marriage happens is somewhere in there. So I'd say Nando becomes king in like, 1705 and then they marry somewhere between then and 1710(when seb ideally becomes emperor??)

So to answer your actual question. Seb is def taller than Nando by the time they get married. But in that ficlet, Fernando is obsessed with calling Seb small because he wants to make himself feel bigger!! It's less about actual height and more about power dynamics. He's belittling him by literally calling him little! And it's also about Nando being older than him. Seb became a king as a boy(hence boy king), whereas Fernando became a king as an adult so he calls him little because he still sees him as that little boy king who is too young to have that amnt of power.

They first met pretty young, not knowing what their future would be like, and didn't really see each other for a while. And so until they meet again, when the marriage plans start happening, their perceptions are: Nando thinks of Seb as some little boy king, and Seb has a childish crush. So it's very odd for Nando to suddenly now meet this kid, all grown up, and he's now taller and even more powerful. So I think Nando still associates Seb with that image in his mind, thus calling him little all the time.

Conclusion: Fernando IS shorter, and he wears heels and calls Seb little all the time as a way to cope

#ahhhh you will never get a short answer from me... #i kinda see nando as being like Napoleon in this way #hes aware of his height and aware that hes shorter #and hes not ashamed of it in the broader context #i.e. he doesnt feel the need to pretend to be taller w people like jense or mark #^ bcs hes already at a higher level of power than them so he feels comfortable and satisfied #but SEB he feels more insecure with bcs seb obviously has more power #so he is seeking every possible way to belittle him and puff himself up! #so wearing heels. wearing elaborate clothes. calling seb little and nicknames etc etc #little as in small as in inferior ;;;; #also to answer your question: yes he is unbelievably irritated when he realizes seb grew up to be taller than him #he cant even win in height </3 #thank you always for the interesting asks!!! #i get so fucking excited when i see youve sent me an ask bcs its very fun prompts!!! #and i loveeeeee to world build more and elaborate on stuff ive not really talked abt on here yet!! #so please. send as many as you want all the time :) #catie.asks. #catie.rambling.txt #*also...me when i skew away from saying actual ages LMAO #i domt like to set things in stone like ages and years bcs WHAT IF ITS INNACURATE OR SMRH #boy king au

[jinglejanglemornings]

google search how do i stop missing her so much i can't breathe

#she's literally not all that. i am 100% out of her league. #i cannot stress how much this girl does not deserve to have me pining over her and missing her and crying about her months after the fact #my standards are SO low and she did not fucking meet bare fucking minimum #and yet i'm still like. she could call me and ask me to take her back and i'd do it in a heartbeat #anyway lol i had a dream about my ex girlfriend ibn which we were back together (and also both working at an aquarium?? idk) #and now i'm like. ugh. #also imagine asking out a kind loving girl who is head over heels in love with you and would do anything for you #treating her awfully and breaking her heart AND NOT EVEN GIVING BACK THE FUCKING BOOKS YOU BORROWED! #i'm just saying lol. i wish someone felt about me the way i feel about her #and i wish she wasn't so unbelievably fucking immature #and i wish i had better taste in women #and i wish i didn't still think about her alll the time #okay i'm done i swear i'm so done #talking to strangers on foreign phones

[imminent-danger-came]

Your lmk parallels post makes me so unwell there so many angst I can take dude

Though I am hoping for healing arcs in the specials I feel like we're leading up to that but that's just me

LOL I'M SO SORRY.

WE'LL GET OUR HEALING ARCS EVENTUALLY. JUST NOT YET (PROBABLY). This is the hurt comfort long con you feel me.

If it makes you feel better I make myself really unwell with my own posts

#i SWEAR i want Wuking and MK to work it out #Like I said someone can hurt you and cause hurt and you can still love them #It's complicated TM #WUKONG AND MK WILL BE FINE BY THE END. THEY'LL GET THERE #MK'S JUST GOTTA LET IT OUT FIRST #Like SWK is willing to do better and has. He is not who I'm worried about here I'll be real #He just makes mistakes sometimes. and those mistakes affect MK and it's fun for me to talk about #Realizing the Samadhi fire ''Don't you realize you're hurting the people who care about you the most?'' and the #''Or hurt the people I care about—the ones i have left'' parallel in 4x08 made me SO unwell #Like so unbelievably mentally unwell #the entire end of 4x08 was already a 3x10 parallel and then you had MK repeat what Mei said to Wukong? #Like fuck me jesus christ #it's so bad here #the writers are literally so mean #asks #lmk #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #imp tag

[dandyshucks]

okay its going under a readmore bc its messy and a lot, i'll try to keep it succinct though. CW for some discussion of the ongoing g.enocide and things around that topic

so one of the friends is someone I've really respected and admired because they're a very intelligent well-spoken and kind-hearted individual. i've really been impressed with how they think about things and with their ability to write really fantastic essays (that they often share with this friend group because they're in school and enjoy sharing their work with us because a lot of us are interested in the things they write about). about a year ago, this person went through the process of converting to j.udaism and we were all very excited (and continue to be happy) for them. they've been really happy with the process and the community they've found and it's been really good for them.

however! this person has since stated they are a z.ionist! and they've said that it just means that j.ewish people should live in i.srael, it doesn't mean they support the i.df or what is happening in p.alestine currently. but I'm just... baffled at how they can think that non-p.alestinians occupying the country could EVER be done peacefully. it has ALWAYS been colonization. it was never going to be done in a peaceful manner.

do j.ewish people deserve a safe place to exist? absolutely! but I do not think, ESPECIALLY now, that that safe place can ever be located in p.alestine. I'm not the most educated or well-read individual, I've done a bit of reading over the past few months but my memory is shoddy and I consistently forget almost everything I've read, but as far as I can tell, this has been a non-peaceful occupation (...can occupation ever really be done peacefully in reality? i doubt it.) from the very beginning. p.alestinians were being kicked out of their houses from the start.

and to add onto the messiness of this all, I am the only i.ndigenous person in the entire group. I am the only one coming at this from an i.ndigenous perspective. and because of my perspective, I am ALWAYS going to be on the side of the population that first lived and existed in a place. i am always on the side of l.and back, i am always on the side of the first peoples. anything less would be essentially agreeing with colonization.

so it is just incredibly uncomfortable to be the only i.ndigenous person in this group while the rest of the group has discussed and expressed sympathy with this person for holding self-professed z.ionist beliefs (I do not believe this person has done the right reading to fully understand what they are saying, which is so strange because they are usually so good about educating themself). and I feel like if I try to say anything to argue or simply question this person, I'm going to rock the boat too much and make Everyone uncomfortable and the entire thing will blow up and fall apart around me. so my options seem to be either: a) say something, b) say nothing and stay in the group, or c) say nothing and quietly leave the group. none of which feel like good options!

and it sucks so much because there are people I genuinely do like in this group, and I've liked this one person and respected them since I met them, but they're really .... showing themself to be an unsafe person at the end of the day. I keep feeling like maybe I'm not seeing something or maybe I'm missing something, but I've looked at this from multiple angles and while I do absolutely see where they're coming from and even sympathise with some of it, I disagree with them on a fundamental level.

(also it seems really fucked up for them to be newly converted to j.udaism and endorsing what is essentially colonization and lowkey ignoring the fact that PEOPLE ARE BEING GENOCIDED RIGHT NOW so maybe we should not be discussing "but where are all the j.ewish ppl going to live :(" until the bullets and bombs stop at the very least(????????), while I've been indigenous and dealing with the consequences of attempted (and still ongoing!) genocide and colonization my entire life)

#its all so unbelievably fucked up and uncomfortable #and I think that the other ppl in the group do not like... see the flaw in what this individual is saying #because they are !!! not !!! i.ndigenous !!!! they are all completely white !!!! #i'm just. head in my heads clawing my hands down my face. so ... i dont have a word for this actually #its like. fear mixed with anger mixed with hurt mixed with confusion and shock and horror that these ppl are being this way #also not all of them have engaged in the convos so i dont know everyones opinions on the situation #it just. i dont know. i dont know! its so fucked up #dandy.cmd #vent // #ask to tag #i won't be discussing this sort of thing regularly here btw fdjskl this is a one-off probably #i just needed to get it off my chest and put it somewhere because i don't know what to do #and i can't talk about it on my other account bc i have some of the ppl following me there #and here i only have one person following me and if u see this hi You are okay !!! u are not part of this fdsjkl and u can dm me #but i do not think u have done anything wrong and im not lumping u in with these people #i can explain things more to u if u want though because man alive its all so tangled and messed up #but u and a couple others are not people who are making me uncomfortable bc i trust you and havent seen those two others engage #so i'm just kind of sitting here like. hm. idk what to do. and i dont want to bring it up w you randomly fdshgjkl

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years #not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion #so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all #but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all. #it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid) #and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable. #but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him #i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted #and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried......... #the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms #i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still #and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :))))) #insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case #i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!) #but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man. #it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/ #why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly??? #while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING??? #if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now #but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃 #shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience #and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over #he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday #and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now. #i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again.. #i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh #(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh) #at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*

[allmyandroids]

OH FUCK

OH FUCK OH GOD

OH FUCKING GOD I JUST FINISHED THE TWO ANSLO GARRICK EPISODES AND IT WAS A TRUE, A TRUE FUCKING EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER RIDE

And now that I watched it, I am so full but also empty with emotions it is making me crazy.

I fucking cried so damn much. I am not ok-

#as Red said in the end that he needs to go away for some time I fuvking cried even more #and also Lizz asking Red if he is her father and Red saying 'no' I DONT FUCKING BELIEVE HIM #I go by the theory that Red is her actual dad still #but damn that two parter fucked me up good #i cried so fucking much in the scenes where Red and Donald were in that box and Raymond helped with Donald's leg and burning the wound #that made me so emotional because I ship them so much #Resslington for the win!!!! #the scenes made me burst out screaming guys fr #but also that Anslo guy punching Red made me FUCKING FURIOUS OK!?!??! #loved that Raymond killed him himself in the end thats what he fucking deserved #GET FUCKING OWNED AND KILLED ANSLO FUCKING GARRICK #I HOPE YOU DROWN IN DOGSHIT IN HELL #it was realy hot how Raymind killed Anslo Garrick with that needle tho Red is sooo fucking unbelievable strong👀👀👀👀🧎‍♂️❤️‍🔥 #I love Red sm he is my everything #my fucking hot cocky daddy #ok onward ti the next episode! #i hope we get to know whats up with Raymond! #blacklist #raymond reddington #the blacklist

[widevibratobitch]

aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.

#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol #anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly #but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size #acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years #and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating #(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive #when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time) #and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die. #and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well #and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom #and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao #like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is #anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus. #but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333 #god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by #but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr #anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help. #but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation. #i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.