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readyourimgaines · 3 years

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The Little Things

Summary: Derek knew fully well that moving in with Spencer was going to bring around some changes. Dr. Spencer Reid was different and Derek loved him for it. There were little quirks that the doctor showed at work and some Derek was still learning. So there must be some at home.

And a special thanks, of course, to @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese for helping me compile this list!

1. Alphabetizing Movies by Title

“Pretty Boy?” Derek was crouched down in front of their TV looking for their movie while Spencer did the dishes. The latter hadn’t seen Happy Gilmore and Derek couldn’t let that stand.

“Yeah?” Spencer called from the kitchen.

“I can’t find it?”

“What?” Spencer stepped away from the sink and went to the living room. Water dripped from his fingertips. “The movies are alphabetical. It’s between Hamlet and Ice Age.” He went to Derek’s side and gestured to the movie. “I was going to order them by director, but Hotch said most people don’t know directors very well. Which is a shame because J.J. Abrams destroyed Star Trek but Guy Riche-”

Derek pressed a kiss to Spencer’s lips with a fond smile. Spencer blinked.

“Sorry,” the doctor blushed.

Derek just chuckled. “You know you’re adorable, right, Pretty Boy?”

“You may have mentioned it a time or two,” Spencer laughed.

“You can tell me all about directors later,” Derek promised. “I know a bit about the mainstream guys, but not a whole lot.”

“All you really need to know is that J.J. Abrams kills anything he touches and Peter Jackson doesn’t get as much attention as he should.”

*****

2. Morning Rituals

One thing that Derek very quickly learned about Spencer was that he

had a specifically timed morning ritual when not on a case. And that if it was broken or disturbed, the whole rest of the day would go down hill like a train on greased tracks.

He woke up at 6:17, was in the shower by 6:25, eating breakfast by 7:00, his bed made by 7:30, and shoes on his feet by 7:32. The last half hour before they left at 8:00 was free game.

The first morning in their new place was the roughest. Spencer went

about his usual morning, but Derek didn’t usually wake up until 7:45 because he took less time to get ready and ate in the car. So when Spencer finished breakfast and went back to their room to make the bed but Derek was still asleep… He paced for the next fifteen minutes and his head nearly went through the ceiling when Derek’s alarm went off.

Spencer almost had a panic attack as he fumbled his way through making their bed and cramming his feet into his shoes. Needless to say, the extra half hour was spent- in vain- trying to calm the doctor down. None of the rest of the day lined up properly and Spencer was on edge and fidgety. Hotch even had to gently remind him to focus a few more times than the usual redirection of infodumps.

That was the first and only time Derek didn’t follow Spencer’s morning routine. He found the same day that Spencer had a much simpler night ritual: Snack (sometimes) at 10:10, teeth brushed by 10:25, in bed by 10:35, reading until (supposed to be) 11:18, and then lights out. This routine was much more flexible and relaxed.

Derek found waking up and going to bed at the same time every day made the former much easier. He also found that Spencer reading to him most nights- no matter the book or topic- was very relaxing. And of course there were nights when Derek read to Spencer.

*****

3. Sugary Coffee

Derek took a sip of coffee from his travel cup and whistled. “Think I got yours, Pretty Boy. There’s enough sugar in this to hype up a six year old’s birthday party.”

Spencer braced himself and took a sip of the coffee in his own cup. He was pleasantly relieved when the bitterly sharp taste expected never came. “I-I put sugar in both of them. I wasn’t thinking,” he said sheepishly.

Derek shrugged. “You know what they say: I’ll try anything once.” He chuckled. “I’ll just brush my teeth for an extra three minutes.”

Spencer scoffed as he got into the passenger seat of Derek’s car. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll like it. You don’t get the caffeine drop when the eight hour half-life is over.”

“Is that why you put so much sugar in coffee?” Derek raised an eyebrow, thinking he already knew the answer.

“And coffee tastes like battery acid. I’d rather drink vinegar than black coffee.” Spencer shuddered.

Derek chuckled but didn’t say anything else as he pulled onto the street.

*****

4. Cuddly Sleeper

Even though Spencer wasn’t huge on PDA like Derek was, he sure was a cuddly guy. The second the door closed, he was a six foot koala. That included in bed- but usually not until after he was asleep.

Some nights, Spencer would fall asleep reading. So Derek would take his book, close it, gently remove Spencer’s glasses, and turn out the lamp. Nine times out of ten, Spencer was curled up against his side before Derek was asleep himself.

At first, Derek found himself wondering why Spencer wasn’t nestled against him before sleep took him. But after a while, it sunk in that the doctor unwound by reading.

The look on Spencer’s face when he curled into Derek’s side always sent the older man over the moon. The absolute peace on the doctor’s face. One night, Derek almost woke Spencer up laughing. Derek rolled over to out the lamp and Spencer had gripped Derek’s arm tighter and whined in his sleep. Derek then had to assure his boyfriend- in soft whispers as to not actually wake him up- that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Spencer never thought to question why his book and glasses were gone when he woke up.

*****

5. Leaves Books Everywhere

Anyone who had a 30 second conversation with Spencer- anyone who glanced at Spencer- could tell the man read more than he did anything else.

Derek picked up the doctor’s satchel once and was moderately surprised the slim man hadn’t dislocated his shoulder with how heavy the bag was. But Spencer didn’t only keep books in his bag. No. They were all over the place.

Their bedroom, the craft room where Derek made floor plans for his renovations, the kitchen, the dining room, the living room. Even both bathrooms and the basement.

When the two first moved in together, Derek debated building an extension onto the living room for a library. He still debated it from time to time (just in case). But as time wore on, Derek grew to appreciate the countless (if seemingly random) books around the house.

Spencer would read when Derek was working on floorplans, so Derek would read when Spencer worked on an academic paper or consult.

“What’re you reading?” Spencer asked one night, finally looking up from his notebook. He was writing an essay on how handwriting analysis could help catch a serial killer and/or rapist.

“I don’t even know,” Derek chortled. “Uh..” he looked at the cover, “it’s Introduction to Law by Joanne Banker and Yvonne Ekern.”

“Oh! Hotch loaned that to me yesterday,” Spencer noted. “I should get that back to him soon.”

Derek just shook his head. “You know, Pretty Boy, I didn’t read this much in college.”

Spencer smiled. “See? Maybe there’s a good side to not spending thousands of dollars on building a library,” he teased.

6. The Nightlight

In the bedroom, in the outlet closest to the door was a nightlight. But not just any night light. This nightlight made the move in the front pocket of Spencer’s satchel.

“So what’s the story behind this platypus, Pretty Boy?” Derek had to ask one night as Spencer turned it on. “Because you’ve had this since before we were dating.”

“My uh- my mom’s went on a sort of field trip with her hospital a couple years ago. It was on one of her good days. She saw this in the aquarium’s gift shop and bought it for me.”

“That’s pretty cute,” Derek encouraged. He knew Spencer didn’t open up about his mom often so Derek tried to learn everything he could about the woman during the rare occurrences.

“We named him,” Spencer laughed. “Alfred Nicholas Brian Reid.” He giggled. “I just… He helps.”

*****

+1. Bleeding/Infected Hangnails

Spencer usually had something to stim or fidget with. A strip of paper, a pen or pencil to twirl, a shirt with a loose thread, something. On the off chance that he didn’t, the doctor somehow decided that his fingers were good enough. If Spencer didn’t have a hangnail, he’d start one.

This was the one and only thing about Doctor Spencer Reid that Derek Morgan hated. He could see the minute flinch when Spencer held a utensil wrong and it pressed on the swollen skin. He heard the soft hiss when Spencer got tomato or orange juice in the broken skin.

What Derek hated even more than that was when the hangnail would get infected. The skin around the nail or turn a greenish-yellow and harden. Which, in turn, gave Spencer another thing to pick at.

“Pretty Boy, you gotta stop,” Derek sighed. He’d gone into a convenience store to get them something other than coffee- but tastier than water- to drink. While inside, he bought a box of Band-Aids and a tube of anti-bacterial cream.

Spencer snapped out of his daze. “What?”

“Picking at your nails.” To prove his point, Derek took Spencer’s hand in his to show him, as well as to stop his current picking. “I know you’re worried about the case, Baby, but we’ll catch the son of a bitch and put his ass behind bars like we always do. You gotta stop destroying your hands.”

“I didn’t realize I was,” he admitted.

“I know,” Derek said softly. He applied the cream and a Band-Aid to each finger that needed it (five in total between both hands). “We just gotta get you a couple of those fidget cubes Garcia has.”

Tag List: @mayonnaiseismycomfortfood

#read your imagines #combefere's journal #criminal minds imagine #moreid imagine #spencer reid imagine #derek morgan imagine #5+1 things #6+1 things #moreid #moreid fluff

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turnabout4what · 4 years

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You used to be diagnosed with ADHD, but then got diagnosed with autism, right? Aside from needing a lot of time to recharge after social stuff, can I ask what kinds of things tipped you off as to the difference? My psychiatrist is looking at an ASD diagnosis for me after years of being labeled ADHD... and I don’t really know what to think. If this is too personal feel free to ignore it!

I’m still diagnosed with ADD, but I’m strongly suspected of having autism. I haven’t been able to pursue a diagnosis because of COVID, but I’ve been in therapy for both. Before I answer your question, I’m going to go over the overlap between ASD and ADD, because you can work on these things regardless of the diagnosis. It’s very stressful to not have a clear idea of what you’re “supposed” to be experiencing!

1. RSD, or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Do you feel physical pain whenever a stranger on the internet implies you’re a bad person? You may have this common symptom of ASD and ADD.

2. Difficulties with executive functioning. Lots of people have trouble motivating themselves to do things, but ADD and ASD make it even harder!

3. Emotional regulation. You may become angry or anxious very easily, and you may be oversensitive. This often comes with impulsivity, especially in ADD.

4. Hyperfocusing. Do you ever start cleaning your room and then find yourself unable to stop? This frequently is accompanied by forgetting to eat. Generally, this happens with things that you enjoy doing, but when I’m stressed, it often involves cleaning.

5. Being prone to addiction. This can be drugs, or it can be video games or any number of things that give you a boost of dopamine. Additionally, you may get short-term obsessions. Watching a TV show may be incredibly stressful unless you can binge the entire thing in one weekend.

6. Not being able to make and keep friends in elementary school. I was great at making friends, but I could never keep them. Combined with RSD, this was devastating.

7. A lack of focus on work and school. Notably, if you also have anxiety, you may still be able to pull off good grades by using your anxiety to rein in your focus. I was once told by a psychiatrist who sat down with me for only ten minutes that kids with executive dysfunction couldn’t have a 4.0 GPA and that he didn’t believe I had trouble focusing. Two appointments later, he apologized and officially diagosed me with ADD. There’s a reason I don’t totally trust his diagnosis. I do find it interesting and relieving that your psychiatrist is looking at an ASD diagnosis; a lot of psychiatrists don’t consider that a possibility if you weren’t diagnosed in early childhood.

8. Forgetting deadlines, leaving things you needed at home, and generally being an organizational disaster by neurotypical standards. My third grade teacher gave me the “tornado award” in front of the entire class to publicly shame me for how messy my desk was.

Now, to answer your question, here are the things that stood out as being indicators of me having ASD:

1. ASD runs in my family. My dad didn’t speak until the age of 6, and my younger brother was diagnosed as autistic when he was about two years old.

2. I have a sensory disorder that frequently interferes with my everyday life. I’m the type who can’t be inside of a candle store for more than 10 minutes because the smells are too overwhelming. At homecoming and prom, I could be found as far away from the speakers as possible, wishing the evening would end and we could all go home. Interestingly, my issue isn’t with volume, but with how unfamiliar a sound is—I went to a TOP concert with intense earplugs in. For the opening band, I got so sick that I went to the bathroom and curled up in a ball with my hands over my ears. But when TOP started playing, I was able to take my earplugs out and I felt perfectly fine. Notably, I know every lyric to every TOP song on Spotify, and I’d never heard the opening band before.

3. People who are AFAB and high intelligence frequently don’t show the standard signs of ASD due to how we’re socialized as infants. If you’ve ever stood in a mirror and practiced making facial expressions and hand gestures, it’s a sign you intellectually learned how to act neurotypical. Most people pick up on that intuitively.

4. I only recently discovered that when someone asks, “How are you?” you’re supposed to ask them that question back. I always hated when people asked me that, since I was expected to say that I was doing well, so I never returned it. I didn’t realize that was rude. I still occasionally find things that are considered basic communication that I never realized.

5. My dad was physically abused as a child whenever he showed symptoms of ASD, and unfortunately that meant my younger brother and I were verbally abused any time we stimmed, talked about our special interests, or reacted strongly to sensory stimuli. Because of this, I didn’t indulge my childhood special interest until I was well into college: insects. As soon as I started taking classes about insects, I occasionally scared classmates and even professors! I’m normally a soft and smiley person, but when I’m hyperfocused on something that really interests me, I fall into a certain state that my friends have described as “intense.”

6. Stimulant ADD medications like Adderall and Vyvanse did not work for me. They made me more anxious and didn’t improve my focus well. You know what did work? Wellbutrin. My doctor actually just upped my Wellbutrin dose and I feel incredible

This was extremely long, but hopefully helpful! Note that all of the problems I’ve had with my ASD or ADD came from surrounding myself with people who never tried to understand me. Now I have friends who plan events with my sensory sensitivities in mind, who point out my mistakes without making me feel rejected, and who are excited to see me even when I’m 15 minutes late… again. Neither diagnosis means there’s something wrong with you. It just means people have to put in a little extra work to understand you, and I promise you’ll find people who know you’re worth that extra work.

Best wishes, anon!

#long post #add #asd

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valkerymillenia · 4 years

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Hi, I asked about jason’s memory in my last ask in cbds. Thanks for answering. It made me wonder would jason gets flashes about his time with dick and the twins?I really admire your patience in writing your story. This is why i’ll fail as a writer, because i have absolutely no patience. I mean I would probably rush my story and that would make it turn bad.

Ok, so, no. At first Jason has no memory between his death and the Pit. Eventually though some things start to trigger pieces of memories that he doesn't really understand, his full memory takes quite a while to return and by then he's dug himself into too deep a hole.

Also, you sound EXACTLY like me when I started writing.

So I'mma ramble now. Feel free to ignore the boring story time beneath the cut but I promise it has a point, it's just bound to be long because I don't know what brevity is and when I'm sleep deprived I talk to much.

Before I started writing I always wanted to put stories down into words but I never ever considered writing books, I used to make elaborate fantasy worlds, characters and lives in my head that dragged on for weeks on end, slowly becoming more and more complex, it was pure escapism, but I never thought about writing those stories down precisely because I though "I'll never have the patience to develop this, I'll just rush it or quit halfway".

Then when I was in 10th grade there was a writing contest in my school and two of my cousins were teachers there and writers themselves and encouraged me to enter (there were 3 categories actually- teachers, 7th to 9th grade and 10th to 12th grade). I figured, why not?

The story had to be handwritten under a pseudonym with a 5 page limit (no word limit because it was handwritten, you just had to use standard test paper for 5 pages, and yes, this was normal because not everyone had access to a computer to type their work), it was fiction under the theme "stories of our people" and the judges were a panel of teachers and one famous writer (he had a very popular YA adventure series and some great mythology based novels, unfortunately he passed away a few years later).

Now, bear in mind 2 things. This was a school surrounded by forest in the hills of a small rural city but it was the biggest rural city around and all the other towns and villages sent their kids to high school there, the second thing to remember is that high school is mandatory education in my country so dropping out isn't really an option. Therefore we had hundreds of kids in the high school grades (somewhere between 600 and 800 kids, I think, there's less nowadays because the next town over grew immensely and has its own high school now).

You'd think kids wouldn't be interested in a writing competition but the author that was coming to judge was very popular at the time and, well, it was a high school in the middle of the woods in a small countryside town. Things were boring, ok? We didn't have a mall or a movie theater or anything, so when something popped up to break the boredom (or someone even remotely famous showed up) everyone jumped at it.

So a lot of people participated and me? I was just dragging my feet because "I didn't have the patience", I waited until the last two days before the deadline and poured out a story last minute with a shitty penname based on my mythology obsession (Valkery Thot, you can laugh about it nowadays but Thot was the Egyptian good of scribes and I was NERD).

The story was about two kids that never liked each other growing up even though they lived close to each other, they end up crossing paths on the same adventure to a local inaccessible waterfall we have here in the mountain, they were looking for treasure based on stories and maps from each of their grandfathers and find a cave together where they discover etchings left by said grandfathers and, long story short, the treasure was friendship.

(Sappy as hell, I know, but I was thinking the whole YA adventure mindframe, ok? Plus, it wasn't my preferred writing language, which is English, and I was 15 and literally improvised the whole thing last minute, didn't even draft anything, I just wrote it directly and barely proofread for typos.)

So I entered the contest last minute with no real hopes, it was just an experiment but it proceed to be way more entertaining than I though, without the pressure of actually wanting to win it was easier than I thought.

Award day came and we all gathered in this fancy huge auditorium we had, it was the fanciest part of the whole school but it still couldn't fit everyone in there, then again most students that came just wanted an excuse not to go to class that morning. Anyway...

One of my cousins won in the teacher category and I was all proud. I watched the 3 winners of the 7th to 9th grade category being awarded and started getting distracted (because unless I was drawing or stimming I had the attention span of a goldfish). Then the 10th to 12th grade category came and I was so distracted that they had to call me twice before I realized I'd won second place!

First place went to 12th grade boy that wrote a story called "The Message", very purple prose and perfect grammar, lovely story, but I digress.

Anyway, the famous author was the one to give me my prize and told me my story was very vivid, there were some typos but he was impressed by the creativity and the amount of action I packed into 5 pages while still giving it a satisfying ending. I barely grasped what the heck he was saying at the time because I still had this certainty that I bullshitted the whole thing last minute and couldn't even remember half of what I wrote but I asked him if he thought I "could be real writer someday" and he just said I already was a "real writer" because all it took to be a real writer was putting it it words, that and actually enjoying the world I made up.

It stuck with me. I didn't realize right away that that was my dream, that I wanted to be a novelist, I still wanted to be an artist and was stuck under all those expectations to choose a proper college path and career (I thought I could do law, AH! what was I thinking?!) but it really stuck with me and shortly after I started getting really deep into a side of fandom that I hadn't experienced before (because I never had much access to internet before that) and started to want to put my stories into words even if I never finished them, I still didn't think I had the patience or the originally.

A few years later I realized that when it comes to something I'm passionate about I do indeed have the patience, by age 12 I had already been writing long comprehensive character bios, story details, transcribed quotes, meta theories, summaries and collecting tons of info of all my favorite fandoms and not to share, just for fun (and probably OCD) this went on for years before I even found out that the internet had whole websites and encyclopedias for such things (not like today though but yeah), and it had never occurred to me the patience that that in itself required.

My first fics were atrocious! Mostly because I made A LOT of typos due to not being used to writing in English full time but my thoughts came more naturally in English and I didn't enjoy writing fiction in Portuguese anyway (poetry though? Absolutely), I also used extremely exaggerated plot points, be it drama, angst or romance. But people liked the stories for the content and not the accurate spelling so I kept at it. I never used to finish my fics back then, not due to lack of patience but mostly because I put too much pressure on myself to make a story perfect and would stop having fun.

When I started writing purely for fun and passion (and realized that not every story needed to be a novel length epic) that's when I started churning out my best (and ironically longest) stories and getting better and better.

I won't lie, having readers encouraging me was key, it's half of the fuel I need to keep going, outside interest is an incredible motivator, but mostly I just realized that the key to good writing is:

Less pressure + more passion = all the patience you need

This doesn't just apply to original work though, it's also about fanfic.

Holy crap, that was a lot of words just to sum everything up on that one bold sentence... See, I could never have written this much when I was in high school, that's also a matter of practicing until letting your thoughts out into writing becomes second nature but that's a whole other story.

Anyway... Thanks for the lovely message. It's the story of thing that means the world to me ❤️

(and PS- no, I haven't won any other contests since that one but I have published articles on magazines, no published novels yet though because I don't think my original ideas are ever good enough to follow through).

#CBDS fic #rach rambles #writing woes #writing contest story

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dork-empress · 5 years

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Modern Technology AU

Part of my ‘Another 100 Dragon Prince Aus’

Read on Ao3

We've done 100 aus, and now its time for 100 more! All surrounding the plots and characters of The Dragon Prince!

Claudia brings Soren to the Emergency room after a dragon attack

Season 2 Spoilers

“Help!” Claudia called throughout the Emergency Room, “Please, he was attacked by a dragon!”

Nurses and orderlies rushed over to where the guards were helping to hold up Soren. Soren himself was more just blinking, confused, not able to feel a thing, even pain. They got him onto a gurney and rolled him through giant double doors. Claudia meant to follow but a nurse held her back, “I’m sorry, miss, we can’t allow you back there.”

Claudia frowned, “Do you know who I am?!”

“It doesn’t matter,” the nurse said, non-plussed, “If you want us to do our best work, you need to stay here and out of the way. We’ll do the best we can for your…”

“Brother,” Claudia said, gripping her arms awkwardly, “He’s my brother.”

There wasn’t a lot to do in a hospital lobby. She started with wandering through the gift shop for a bit. Wow, these cheap junk things were so over-priced. But whatever, she was rich. She bought a large stuffed bear, and wrote on the card Sor-Bear. Soren would love it, squish it tight to his chest. Once he could feel his arms, of course.

So, that took about 15 minutes. There was no way the doctors were even close to done, so she didn’t bother asking.

Instead she wandered over to the vending machines. They had those stupid jelly snacks Ezran was so fond of, but the outside was too dry for Claudia. Then there was the bagged popcorn Callum liked, which Claudia found too salty. For the healthier options, they had several packaged nuts that her father would encourage her to take, but she didn’t feel like pleasing her father just now. And of course there were the candies she and Soren always liked. They always mixed the sweet and the sour together, which everyone else found gross, but they didn’t care because it was something just for them.

She didn’t feel like candies right now, sour or sweet. She didn’t really have much appetite at all.

That took all of 5 minutes.

She collapsed on a lobby chair, letting her leg bounce in all its glory, even flapped her hands a bit. She got a few looks, but no one dared stop her. None of her stim toys were really doing much for her, some of them had even broken on their journey. She’d need to get new ones.

She took out her phone, and just stared at the screen for several minutes. She should call her dad. That’s what people did when family had accidents right?

But then she’d have to tell him what happened. How she had the chance to snatch the dragon baby, but instead decided to help Soren, just as he had told her not to. But, that had just been a hypothetical, right? He didn’t really mean it…

She hit the call button mostly by accident. It barely rung before she heard “You have reached the voicemail of High Mage Viren, please leave your name and number at the tone, and I’ll be sure to return your message.”

Claudia hung up, unable to say it outloud. Dammit, her father must have had his phone off. He’d been busy all this week with running the kingdom and everything. She supposed that was busy. But still, she could use some help right now.

She fell asleep playing stupid games on her phone, switching from one to the other, plugged directly into the outlet. A nurse woke her up. “Ms. Claudia, Soren is out of surgery.”

“Surgery?” Claudia muttered.

“We needed to put him in immediate spinal surgery to try and save the cord,” The nurse said, carefully guiding her up.

“And did you?”

The nurse was quiet for far too long, answering her question silently. “We did everything we could.” Claudia sobbed, “We still need to wait until he’s recovered to look at more options. But with wheelchairs and modern technology, he can still lead a long and happy life.”

“But he’s a crown guard,” Claudia said, remembering little Soren, the best at all the sports. He was never good at school like she was, no matter how she tutored him, but it never mattered. She was the brains, he was the brawn. She couldn’t be both. “It’s all he wanted…”

“We can bring a counselor to talk to you, talk to you both.” The nurse said, “We can also have someone tell him, if you prefer.”

“No,” Claudia said, “No, I’ll tell him.”

She went into Soren’s hospital room to destroy his life.

#the dragon prince #tdp #tdp fic #tdp fanfic #tdp season 2 #tdp spoilers #tdp claudia #tdp soren #another 100 dragon prince aus #laura writes

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danalorrainestudies · 6 years

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27.11.18

It’s been 15 days. I can’t believe everything that’s happened in just two weeks, I feel completely emotionally and physically drained... Long post ahead.

On the 12th of November, I had my baseline scans for a partial IVF cycle to freeze my eggs and preserve my fertility. I had 8-10 follicles between both ovaries. I shouldn’t have been surprised given how low my AMH is, but I was a little disappointed. My doctor seemed alright with those numbers but decided to increase the dose of my FSH medication. I left the clinic with two giant bags of medicine. I was to take 300iu Gonal F and 75iu Luveris daily.

Gonal F was fine. It was a pen, so very simple to use and not horribly painful. Luveris though... Oh, Luveris was a different story. It came in a powder that had to be mixed and prepared before use. It hurt. Every single day. I never got used to it. Technique was not the issue as my mother and stepfather administered them, and they are a nurse and paramedic respectively. It was a slightly larger needle I guess? I don’t know, it stung and continued to hurt after the injection. I hated every minute of that stupid needle. After 5 days, I started to take my antagonist injection, which like the Gonal F was not wildly painful. So then my life became 3 needles every morning until further notice. I wasn’t happy about the situation, but I was relatively OK until I had my second scan.

The sonographer seemed confused. I don’t really blame her. How many 21-year-olds must she see with an IUD undergoing IVF treatment? She asked me to write down some measurements as she told them to me. I wrote down 5 measurements between 18mm and 14mm, and another one that was significantly smaller and probably negligible. She then said she couldn’t see any follicles on my right ovary. Again, nothing has gone well for me thus far so I don’t know why I was surprised, but my heart just sank. I had a nice, big cyst on my right ovary. A cyst and only 5 growing follicles in my left ovary. Great. I hated having to wait to hear from the clinic. The clinic was over 3 hours away so I had my scans and bloods done locally and sent immediately to them. I spent the day wondering if my medication would be increased again. My doctor was happy but wanted to do the tests again in 2 days. Results were much the same, I had no magical extra follicle. I still had the 5, but they grew substantially. They told me when I could finally stop taking my daily injections and when the take my trigger infection. I officially stimmed for 12 days, 32 injections. By then, I had lots of little puncture marks and two very small bruises, and my little sharps container was starting to look like this;

I thought the trigger needle could not possibly be worse than Luveris. The needle looked similar in size to the Orgalutrion, so I figured it’d be fine. Hahahahaha, nope. The initial injection was OK, but then came the pain. My mother said afterwards the fluid seemed to be thicker and it was harder to push out. It was very unpleasant, but the trigger meant the end of the injections at home so at least it was finally over.

The next morning, I was told to use my second urine of the day and take an ovulation test. I got an extremely strong positive. Me being myself, I took another one as well which was also positive. Given my luck, I was surprised and relieved to be seeing a nice, static smiley face.

I was ready for day surgery admission at 6am for an egg retrieval at 7.15am. That little happy face had put me in a good mood. I’d gotten a good ovulation result and I was hopeful with my gigantic, almost-30mm-follicle I would get more than 1 egg from it. I was pretty anxious waiting outside the theatre, but this time I knew I would come out feeling a lot better than I did last time, where I had a laparoscopy and endometriosis excised. They told me that they would leave a little sticker or write on my hand the number of eggs they retrieved, and then I was put to sleep.

When I woke up in recovery, I pretty much instantly started blindly looking at my hands for a number. I finally found it on the palm of my left hand, and...

Once again, I felt my heart sink. I’d told myself I had 5 follicles and I would be happy if they got 5 eggs, but that was a lie. I’m not OK with this outcome. I’m so damn young, I don’t understand how I produced such a poor number of eggs... I could only think of my stepmother who was older, had slightly worse AMH than I did and was on less medication who had a whopping 12 eggs retrieved. Apparently that was unexpected and it was an amazing result. I am genuinely glad for her, because getting such a low number like this was absolutely garbage. I’m angry at myself. I feel like I’ve completed wasted my parents' finances on this cycle, I was only going to get one shot and I stuffed it. I know 5 retrieved eggs is arguably OK and it only takes 1. I know this. But I’m still not happy about it. Maybe I’m struggling so much with this because I feel like I’m barely an adult myself. I wanted to get out of recovery and go straight home. I felt fine afterwards. I’ve got minor cramping, but it’s got nothing on endometriosis cramps. I wasn’t sick and I haven’t bled at all. When I got home, they rang to tell me of the 5 eggs they retrieved, 1 was not mature so they have successfully frozen 4. They then told me congratulations. That just made me sad and angry. I know for many women, this would be fantastic. But I’m 21. How is only 4 mature eggs from someone my age worthy of congratulations? This doesn’t feel like a backup plan at all. This feels like a reality check for how difficult it is going to be for me to conceive a child.

My egg retrieval was yesterday, so I guess all of this is still really fresh. I’m devastated. I don’t feel good after this. I’m exhausted. I didn’t get the results I was hoping for. It feels like there’s nothing more to do at this point. I won’t even know if those 4 eggs are any good until I go to use them. I don’t feel like I can even count on my young age to be in my favour regarding their quality, my age hasn’t helped me with this so far... I want answers, but at the same time I don’t know if I can handle more heartbreak right now. I think I feel a little better getting it all out in this post though, so that’s something I guess.

#personal #endometriosis #diminished ovarian reserve #young and infertile #IVF #fertility preservation #cw needles #tw needles #infertility #egg retrieval #poor responder #AMH #:(

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singingpeople · 7 years

Text

Paying the price

Chapter 23

*not edited*

@beautifulramblingbrains @pathybo @tigpooh67 @jojuarez26 @bookwarm85 @carefultheyspit @deepfrz @lets-play-truth-or-dare @scorpio2009 @iammarylastar @feminamortem

I knew the day had come when Dante carefully approached me after we were done running around the compound and told me it would be better to stay in the dorms for tonight.

Starting to smirk, I only gave him a wink since Avery choose that exact moment to pull me away for dinner and a little relaxing time after.

We stayed in the pit for an hour, all of us nursing one beer, the anticipation for tonight running so high that everyone knew what was coming. Even when ignoring all the comments being thrown our way.

Pretending to throw my bottle away when the three of us turned to leave, I purposely bumped into Rob, telling him to not get drunk and at least two hours of sleep. Ignoring his questions, I let Ivy pull me away towards our dorms.

After their teasing about how this was the first time I actually slept in my bed, not just coming to change in the early morning was done, we went to sleep at 10 pm just to be woken up at 2 by Dante banging a pipe against one of the beds, telling us we had 5 minutes to meet him in the pit. Smart as we were, we had already dressed in thermal underwear, only having to grab our combat clothes and our jackets, slipping in our boots before being ready to go.

The four of us, including a very grumpy Owen, were the first ones to arrive and I was pleasantly surprised to see that instead of the transfers instructor, who despised basically everyone, Harper stood tall at Theo´s and Ben´s side, flanked by the twins and Krissy, her best friend and Christina´s daughter.

Seeing them standing side by side, I couldn’t contain the smirk that threatened to split my face in two. This was going to be one hell of a night.

Harper and Krissy wore matching fishtail braids, only adding a more military air to their uniforms, not one hair out of place. Catching my grin, Harper wiggled her eyebrows at me but schooled her face carefully when the rest of the initiates arrived almost simultaneously followed by a loud holler of the drunk dauntless all around us.

Satisfied that everyone was here, the fourteen dauntless born as well as the ten transfers, Theo stepped forwards standing tall as ever.

"Listen up!" He called, his voice full of authority. "We are going to participate in a dauntless tradition as old as this faction." His announcement was interrupted by hollering and things banging from all over the pit. Raising his hand, Theo demanded them to shut up. "But since the factionless are still unsettled the security measures are heightened immensely. We´ll be on the old pier as every year, but for the duration of our war games, you´ll be forbidden to leave a certain area that is patrolled by our forces who made sure that this will go over without a hitch.

So, if I catch anyone of you beyond that certain area your ass is mine, understood?”

His answer was a series of yelled ‘Yes, Sir´s’ and Theo nodded, seemingly satisfied by our reply since he gestured for Ben to open the bag. Stepping forward, Ben pulled out a small gun and a packet I knew contained ammo, holding them up for us to see.

“We´re going to play capture the flag like every year. But this time, there will be a little twist.”

Cocking his head, he smirked. “We´ll explain everything in the train which will arrive in exactly four minutes at the rails. Everyone who´s not making it will pray for mercy once we´re done with you. Grab a gun and hurry the fuck up!”

Hollering the last part, he started jogging away followed by all of the members accompanying him, guns already hanging by their sides. Shooting Dante who smirked slightly a dirty look, I threw myself into the middle scramble.

We all made it onto the train, barely.

Panting like crazy, most of the transfers and a few of us were doubled over, hands stemmed on their knees, trying to catch their breath. My own chest was heaving heavily as I pushed through the initiates to get where my family was, sending them all glares.

"Listen up!" Harper called, the crowd quieting down slowly. "You all got a gun and a set of ammo.”

“Looks more like a toy.” One of the transfer said, inspecting the plastic gun with distaste. Knowing exactly what Andy was going to do, concluding from his expression, I loaded one of the darts into the weapon and pulled the trigger the same time as he did.

The transfer fell to the floor, clutching his abdomen while Andy´s leg gave out, sending him too, to the floor. With one knee on the floor and the other in front of him, he send me a glare, aiming in my direction. But before he could pull the trigger and start a personal war, Theo swatted the barrel away, bend down and pulled the stim dart out of Andy´s ass cheek, sending me a reprimanding look as he held it in the air.

"Thanks, Lexi." He commented dryly, walking over to the transfer to pull that dart out, too. "The neuro stim darts simulate the pain of a real bullet wound but only last a few seconds up to mere minutes, depending on where the target is hit. So far so good.” Theo nodded at Harper who stepped up with another bag, handing out devices to every one of the initiates.

"Those are trackers, lights, and sensors at once, they even have speakers so you´ll be able to communicate." She spoke up, pushing button making the device light up white. "You will place this and your jacket and be synced with whoever is your team captain." Looking up at Theo he gestured for him to go on and he pulled out something that looked like a tablet, typing something in. Harper's light flashed red. "See. That way your captain will see wherever you are at any time but beware: If this falls into the hand of the enemy you´re pretty much screwed." Her lips curled into a smirk and I knew it got even better. "Your sensors are also able to detect if you got hit and through the electric impulse also know which part of your body. Since you´ll synchronize all your darts before we start there will be also a ranking consisting of a hit-to-fire ratio, how often you got shot and if those would have disabled or killed you. All of this was specially developed for this year's initiation from yours truly." Gesturing towards herself and the smirking twins, Harper stepped back and let Theo take over again.

“Believe me, you don´t want to be last in this ranking.” Giving us a meaningful look, he clasped his hands in front of him, his expression turning excited. “Since we´re done with the formalities, Ben and I are captains, Dante with him while Harper´s with me, let´s choose.”

Gesturing for him to start, Ben stayed back taking everyone around him in. Smirking, Theo let his gaze flit through the compartment before he stopped at me. “Lexi.”

Walking towards him, he ruffled through my hair, pulling me into his chest while Ben groaned. “Marc.”

Freeing myself from his grasp, I came to stand beside Harper who slung one arm around my waist as Theo called Owen over. The choosing went on and to my delight did Cat and up on Ben´s team, just like Riley, while Ivy and Rob joined us.

Soon the initiates were all chosen, leaving the few members.

“Tonight we´ll see who´s victorious. The Coulter or Eaton clan.” Harper murmured into my ear and as I looked up confused by her statement, I saw that both of the twins had joined Ben, while Krissy came over to us. Turning towards our team, Harper stemmed her hands on her hips, her face turning stony as she addressed them. “Like you see, this is a family feud and if we lose you not only has to answer to your ranks but also to my father.”

Several faces turned white at her threat but Harper was unfazed, as she walked by me towards the door. “That should get them going.” She whispered before speaking up again. “We get off here, get ready to jump!”

Pulling open the door, she was the first one to disappear into the night and I let the transfers scramble after her, only turning around before getting out to look at Dante who was already watching me with a regretful smile. I replied with a promising smirk, throwing myself off the train, rolling up when I hit the floor, unable to just come to a stand.

“Okay, guys. Over here!” Waving his arm in the air, Theo ordered us to come closer, tablet in hand. “It looks like we´re ready to go, everyone´s synced. From the moment, the others are also done, we´ll have fifteen minutes before it officially starts. So, let´s discuss where we hide the flag!”

“What´s the strategically best place to hide it?” The erudite who knocked me over on the roof after the choosing ceremony asked, his eyes taking in the abandoned fair around us.

“We won´t help you transfer. This is an exercise for you all so don´t expect our help. We´re just here to make sure you don´t kill yourself out of stupidity.” Harper replied coldly, seizing him up. He shrunk back, her expression obviously intimidating to him and I snorted.

Pushing through the people, I came to a halt beside Rob who was standing on the sidelines, only watching. Turning away from the others, I murmured beside his shoulder. "The Ferris wheel."

“What?” He asked, startled by my appearance.

Rolling my eyes, I nodded towards my siblings. “The Ferris wheel is the best place to hide it. Speak up.”

Giving me a doubtful look, he hesitated but when I raised one eyebrow he scurried forward, interrupting whoever was speaking, drawing all the attention to himself. “We should hide it on top of the Ferris wheel. Technically we don´t even have to hide it, no one will be able to get up there, especially if we have a sniper targeting everyone who gets too close.”

Theo and Harper both stopped to stare at him, stunned that someone so ordinary as Rob would come up with a typical dauntless strategy. I could see that they took him in a second time, reevaluating their opinion of him. A light blush appeared on Rob's cheek when everyone turned towards him, only getting stronger when one of the transfer girls snorted at his idea.

“Yeah, Rob? And who the hell I supposed to get up there? None of us are stupid enough to even try…”

She trailed off as I slowly stepped forward, narrowed eyes never leaving hers as I grabbed the flag and demonstratively pulled it out of Theo´s outstretched hand, daring her to question my abilities. She was smart enough to keep her mouth shut.

Catching my brother´s gaze, I waited for his affirmative nod before gesturing for Rob to follow me when I simply walked away, determined to get the neon colored cloth of fabric onto the top of the Ferris wheel.

I was already several feet away from the group when he came running, falling into step with me, breathing heavy. “Damn, you showed it to Scar!” He laughed, shaking his head unbelievingly. “She´s from candor, her honesty can be scary sometimes.”

“The only ‘scary’ thing about candor´s is that they´re too stupid to keep their mouth shut.” I rolled my eyes, fastening my steps when Theo let us know through the sensor that our fifteen minutes had begun.

“I guess.” Rob replied off-handedly, an excited skip in his steps. “But it doesn’t make it less cool.”

Snorting, I refrained from answering, instead taking in the Ferris wheel in front of us. It used to be white but the years took their toll on the metal, several of the bars not safe to climb on. The first half was easy, a ladder would bring me to the center of the wheel but the rest I´d have to brachiate from bar to bar with nothing beneath me. I guess that´s what dauntless is really about, taking risks.

“You´re crazy.” Rob breathed, pulling me from my thoughts. I made a questioning sound, too lost to realize what he was talking about until I followed his wide-eyed gaze, looking up to the top from where we were standing at the bottom.

“That´s a possibility.”

“So…” He started to speak just as I went to step forward and begin my climb. “I realized that I´m the only one you´re talking to. I must be pretty special.”

Furrowing my brow, I looked at him incredulously, starting to laugh loudly at his smug grin. “No, you´re not. Get over yourself." Shaking my head in an overly exasperated manner, I couldn't help but grin when his face fell a little.

“Oh…”

“Yeah. There are a few others but if it makes you feel better, you´re the first from our initiation class.” Shrugging his shoulders, he pouted.

“Maybe a little.”

Chuckling, I playfully shoved him out of my way. “Now stop holding me up, I have a game to win.” Jogging over to the ladder, I paused when a thought hit me. “Hey, Rob?” Looking up, he threw me a questioning gaze. “Can you climb?”

His confused face was slowly overtaken by a knowing grin as he hurried over, ready to listen to my plan.

Like predicted, the first half of the climb was easy, even for Rob who admitted to only have ever scaled his house back in abnegation. That´s why I left him there, with the instruction to just make his way to the cab to our right. Halfway away from the ground he´d be in the perfect position to take out our opponents without getting hit himself or giving away his location.

Knowing I´d need to be fully concentrated I waited and watched him until he was safely in the cabin before going on, starting to pull myself up the bars. Having practiced so much in the city it was fairly easy especially since I was wearing my gloves, I only lost my footing once when I felt a bar crack beneath my grip, threatening to give way. I had avoided falling by swinging around, grabbing another one to my right.

After the scare, I took a short moment to catch my breath before going on, reaching the top only seconds before the red pyro at the other end of the fair signaled that the game had started. Balancing myself on the cab, I tied the neon-yellow flag to the metal bar and it immediately started flattering in the wind, glowing brightly for everyone to see.

Slowly making my way down again without trying to kill myself, I had just reached solid ground again and contemplated what to do shaking out my strained fingers when the sensor started to buzz, signaling that someone was trying to contact me, it was silent since every noise could have given my position away. Pushing the button, I was greeted by my brother´s heavy breathing.

“Lexi!” It cracked slightly and I could hear people running in the background. “If you´re done get on the roof of the building, we need you to cover for us! We´re surrounded on the west side of the pier! Hurry!”

Not losing a second, I sprinted across the open square without seeing any of the others, gun held securely in hand, ready to shoot.

Reaching the building, I pressed myself against it, looking around the corner. Squinting my eyes, I was able to make out the silhouette of two people creeping through the shadows towards the Ferris wheel. Waiting until they were in plain sight, I aimed and pulled the trigger bringing the one on the right to fall just as another dart came flying from the cabin I knew Rob was in, hitting the second one.

Concluding from the high-pitched scream, he had just hit Cat and I mentally congratulated him and me, for teaching him.

Still smirking, I stretched my fingers before jumping up to get a hold of the facade, slowly pulling myself up the building, relying mostly on the strength of my upper body. Judging from the height, it must have been around eight stories high, my breathing labored, arms burning from the exertion when I finally pulled myself over the ledge, careful of the steep of the roof.

I took a moment to level my breaths before getting up, unstrapping the gun and running over the roof ducked, trying to lay low.

Reaching the other side, I laid down, slowly robbing towards the edge of the roof near where I heard shouts coming from earlier. And there the majority of my team was the only cover a huge cement block on either side, my cousin's team slowly advancing. Counting at least eight of them, I slowly inched the barrel of my gun over the ledge, taking aim just as the devices vibrated again. Knowing it must be my brother asking where I was, I ignored it, grabbing one of the pyros he had handed me earlier. Scratching it along the stone of the roof, it caught fire and I threw it down, the red fire illuminating everything around it. Taking a deep breath I fired, took aim and fired again, not bothering to look if I had hit my target. The shouts of pain told me enough.

I rapid succession, I managed to hit the three on the right that blocked the way towards their flag, one managed to duck behind a tipped over car, the ones on the left following his lead, taking cover. My brother and the three with him were able to break through without getting hurt and I laid still, waiting for another opponent to come into range when suddenly a barrel was pressed against the back of my head.

Freezing, I cursed myself for not having them heard coming near me and let my gun fall, raising my hands. I knew that it most likely was a gun loaded with stim darts but in that moment it could have also been a real one, sending shivers down my spine.

Getting up slowly, the barrel moved with me, always staying pressed against my skull. One shot with a stun gun would knock me out cold, a real one would kill me.

Upright, I didn’t have time to move before a strong arm slung itself around my waist, pulling me back into a broad chest. “I just knew that I would find you up here, little monkey.”

Letting out a shaky but relieved breath, I let my head fall against his shoulder for a moment, closing my eyes. His chest was warm against my back, familiar, as he placed a palm on my stomach, burying his face in my hair.

The relief fast vanished and I turned around, punching Dante´s shoulder hard.

“You ass!”

Rubbing the place that would surely bruise, he winced but suddenly started laughing after he looked up, only fueling my irritation. “Oh, I´m sorry. Did I scare you?” He asked, a little twinkle in his eyes he rubbed the stubble on his skin, the gun now hanging from his shoulder.

Narrowing my eyes at him, I crossed my arms. “Fuck off.”

Shaking his head, Dante continued chuckling lightly as he pulled me back to him. Not wanting to give in so easily, I stayed rigid but when he nudged my head to the side, placing open mouthed kisses on my neck, I started squirming, winding my arms around him. He pulled back slightly to press a kiss to my lips and I pouted at him. “I meant it, you´re an ass.”

Looking down at me softly, Dante shook his head, pressing a kiss to my temple. “I´m really sorry but the opportunity was too good to pass up." Rolling my eyes, my lips curled up slightly and I bit down on them, not wanting to give him the satisfaction to forgive him that easily. But he lightly shook me, still laughing when his expression suddenly turned more intense, his hand wandering towards my jaw, angling my head up towards him. "I really missed you the past few days. I´ll be so happy when the first stage is finally over." He breathed against my lips, not quite touching them. "I´ll have to my own for a whole weekend."

“Oh, really?” Pressing myself against him, my voice turned hoarser. “And what are you planning to do with me?”

Looking deep into his eyes, Dante only let out a low groan, pulling me against him with all his strength, capturing my lips in a searing kiss almost prying my mouth open with his tongue. Meeting his passion with the same fervor, I pulled him closer with one hand around his neck, the other slowly wandering over his abdomen, dipping into the waistband of his pants.

Rubbing over the front, I felt him harden against my hand and I pressed myself against him, letting my other hand trail over his arm until I reached his hand.

Stepping out of his embrace so sudden stunned Dante and he stared at me with a confused expression, his eyes widening the moment he saw what I held in hand.

“Payback´s a bitch, love.”

Pulling the trigger, I shot him three times with his own gun only feeling slightly bad when he crumbled on the ground, groaning loudly frantically trying to pull the darts off his abdomen. Throwing the gun further down the roof to get a head start, I firmly grabbed my own and took off, running towards the towers on the end of the roof facing the moor.

Not slowing down, I jumped from one ledge onto the smaller roof, the glow of the green flag greeted me, taunting me to come and get it.

I knew that there were stairs leading up, most likely guarded by several players but the dirty white ornaments on the outside, cut outs, were perfect for climbing up on.

Casting another glance towards the door, making sure that this time no one would be able to sneak up on me, I grabbed the lower part of the circular cutout above my head and pulled me up, placing my feet on the ledge that framed the ornaments. Internalizing my way up, like usual, I started climbing, the texture making it so much easier than climbing the Ferris wheel or even onto the roof of this building. At the end, there´d be an upwards curve but it should be manageable.

But halfway through, about 20 feet above the roof, the doors were slammed open, a series of shouts and whizzing darts appearing beneath me announced the arrival of both teams.

I knew they couldn’t see me yet from where they fought but they were coming closer and I started pulling myself up faster, not wanting to be hit by a stray dart.

I thought that no one would be stupid enough to shoot me while I was climbing a tower but I was wrong.

The only indication of the pain to come was a silent whooshing noise before I was hit several times, the pain spreading quickly through my backside excruciating, pivoting up and down my spine.

Arching my back in reflex, I let go of the wall not even feeling myself topple backward until I was falling with no way of catching myself before hitting the concrete ground 20 feet beneath me. Closing my eyes, I pulled my knees up to my chest and covered my head with my arms, not knowing what was worse – the sensation of free falling or the pain spreading through my back.

But I knew, landing on the ground it would get so much worse.

The fall only took a second but for me it felt like forever as I clenched my teeth, waiting for an impact that never came. Instead of being met by concrete, a soft pair of arms encircled me, the force of my fall sending us both to the ground, him groaning in pain while I whimpered, the darts pressing painfully into my already bruised skin.

“Fuck, Lexi! Are you alright?!” Dante asked, frantically searching for injuries that weren’t there. Gripping his vest until my knuckles turned white, I buried my face in his chest, eye´s clenched shut.

“Take them out!” I whimpered, the darts even further inside my skin through the impact. Turning me slightly with a hand on my waist, Dante quickly pulled four parts from my skin, one directly over my spine, which explained the light numbness in my legs, making me wince with every single one. Immediately, his hand crept beneath my shirt, rubbing the irritated places in soothing circles.

Running his other hand through my hair, he positioned my lying frame on his lap, bending down to look at me. “Are you alright?”

“ ´m fine…” Murmuring into his vest, I breathed in deeply, my eyes still closed. The sharp pain was slowly fading, the gentle ministrations of his fingers slowly massaging the feeling back into my body.

A pair of feet came running over and someone fell on their knees beside me, cradling my head in hands, brushing the hair away from my face with shaky fingers. “Lexi, are you hurt?”

Looking up into the scared blue eyes of my sister, I shook my head grabbing her wrists in one of my hands. Getting the message, she slowly helped me up, catching me when I stumbled, my legs still shaky. Leaning against her, I felt her press a kiss to my hair, pulling me closer as she turned to Dante. “Are you sure she didn’t hurt herself? She can hardly stand!”

“Don´t worry.” He assured her, smiling tightly. “One of the darts hit her directly over the spine, not to mention that she almost died. It´s normal that she´s a bit shaky.”

I weakly rolled my eyes at his exaggeration. The fall wouldn’t have killed me, only given me a few broken bones and a nasty concussion, most likely. Trying to hide my wince, I straightened up, indicating that I was alright on my own and Harper slowly let go, cautiously watching me taking a step, her face hardening when I stumbled.

“I´m going to kill the bastard that shot you!” Harper seethed, her eyes narrowed into slits. But then her gaze fell onto Dante and it softened as she threw himself at him, slinging her arms around his neck. I watched as he caught her with wide eyes, only starting to smile when she mumbled something I couldn’t decipher.

A strange feeling rose in my chest as I watched him squeeze her tightly before letting go, a soft smile on his face as he looked from her to me.

Turning my gaze to the ground, it was hard to swallow as I angled away from them. Only a snort made me look back up into Harper´s incredulous face as she raised one eyebrow at me. "Seriously, Lex? Jealous of your own sister?"

Opening my mouth, I closed it again, staring at her wide-eyed. Harper only started laughing, shoved Dante´s shoulder and came over, ruffling my hair.

"How sweet! You thought I didn't know… We all do." She exclaimed laughing, before scrunching her face up shrugging her shoulders. "Well except mom, who´s too busy dealing with the Amity bitch and maybe dad, but you never know with him."

“I hope it stays that way.” Dante mumbled, his face contorted into a distasteful expression as he turned towards me. "I can imagine more pleasant things than being beaten up by your father and brother at the same time."

“Well,” Harper´s smile grew mischievous as she hooked her arm around his. “her sister is already on your side.”

“Yeah, just because you´re banging my best friend, H.”

My jaw was hanging open by the time Harper pushed him away, the faint red color of her cheeks detectable in the glow of the moon. Harper and blushing in the same sentence was something I had believed impossible but here she was, turning red as a tomato just because a guy was mentioned.

“I´m not just banging him!” She exclaimed, pointing a finger at him before suddenly turning shy. “Jeff´s special…”

“Yeah, a former amity that can down three beers in less than two minutes – special.” Raising one eyebrow, Dante sassed at her.

“Be careful my friend.” Fixing him with her stare, Harper crossed her arms. “We wouldn’t want dad to find out you´re doing his little girl, now would we?”

“As if you´d ever risk letting him find out you´re being defiled by an amity. I´m sure he´s more concerned about his princess than his little misfit.” This time it wasn’t Dante who answered and Harper froze, incredulously staring at me while I just smirked.

“You… you´re…” She stuttered, blinking rapidly. But a second later she already had me in her arms, squishing my tender back in a bear hug. “Oh, Lexi!” Harper exclaimed, almost choking me with her hair in my mouth.

"Harper… air…!" Letting go of me, she grabbed my face pulling it towards hers, pressing another kiss to my forehead before embracing me again. I felt awkward and tense, not used to so much affection coming from my oh-so-serious sister but Harper didn't care, not letting go.

“I love you, L.” She whispered against my ear and all uncomfortableness faded away as I melted into her arms, slinging mine around her.

“I love you, too, H.” Her only answer to my admission was a slight squeeze of her arms.

A loud cheering from right above us made us jump apart and all three of us whipped our heads towards the noise. There behind the railing of the tower stood Ivy victoriously thrusting the green flag into the night sky before being lifted off her feet by Theo, who placed her on his shoulders, joining in on their screams of triumph.

“What. The. Fuck.” Squinting her eyes, Harper watched our brother with a freaked-out expression. I felt her dilemma, seeing our ever-serious brother acting like a drunk adolescent. Snickering quietly, I slung my arm around Harper´s neck and pulled her closer, Dante watching our interaction with an amused expression.

"That my dear sister is the porn king celebrating the defeat of his worst enemy: Our cousin. Let the Coulter clan forever rule over the Eaton´s!”

Turning her head, Harper stared at me wide-eyed for a second before we both burst into laughter. He would never live it down.

Ivy and Theo had been the two of our team fighting through the whole tower, bringing us the victory while Robb had managed to defend our flag all on his own. It turned out that he was the only one that hadn’t been hit by a single dart while I, myself, was hit by four at once. Even his hit rate was good, one hit in every two tries and that from quite some height – I was proud. Theo only read out the more important statistics, claiming that he´d declare the rankings from tonight tomorrow afternoon at training, giving us the morning off.

With that he dismissed the group, most initiates being led away towards the train by Ben who said his goodbyes, since we stayed back for another dauntless tradition, having volunteered since the older siblings always took their younger ones and he´d already done it with Jon and Andy at their initiation.

The train that they took to leave also brought a few others who wanted to join us, just as the guards who had been patrolling the perimeter arrived. They did a great job making sure the factionless stayed away but I noticed how two of them approached Theo, speaking in hushed voices with him.

Giving them orders, they scurried away and he watched them with a serious expression before looking over at us, forcing a smile.

“You did great, L.”

“Yeah, except that she almost fell off the tower and died.” Harper replied sarcastically, making Theo´s eyes widen.

“Are you okay?” He asked, scanning me from head to toe. Giving him a thumbs-up, I ignored Harpers disapproving glance. I liked starting to talk to people individually, too many elated dauntless at once was a hazard in itself.

“So, who was it?” Snatching his tablet away, Harper pushed away on the touchscreen, her face turning stony when she found what she was searching for. Shoving it back into Theo´s chest, her gaze wandered over the people around us. “Great, thanks.”

Letting go of my arm, she sauntered away forcedly purposeless until she was a few feet away from us where she started fiddling with her gun, whirling it around like a stick. Theo, Dante and I watched her curiously, knowing there was no way to stop the force that was Harper Coulter.

Inspecting the barrel of her gun, it suddenly went off – shooting a stim dart right into Marc´s crotch.

Howling loudly, he fell to his knees clutching what I knew to be his manhood while everyone stopped and stared. Clasping my mouth, I tried to stifle the loud laugh that was bubbling from my throat and I wasn’t the only one.

Especially when Harper bend down to look at him, her face contorted in mock-horror. “Oh, no!” She cried, her hands flying to her cheeks. “What an accident! I should have looked where I was aiming my gun at, right?!”

Her tone dropped, turning into something frightening as she positioned her face right above his ear, whispering something with such a sickly sweet expression that I knew it must have been a death threat. “Understood?”

When he nodded, still writhing in pain Harper smiled brightly, clapping her hands as she came floating over to where we were standing, watching her bewildered while everyone around us started laughing at him. "Let´s get going, people! We´re almost there!"

And she was right, the Hancock Building rising up into the sky front of us in all its glory, the lights already turned on by some dauntless who had started the generator. Grabbing my hand, Harper pulled me through the lobby towards the elevators, pushing the button that opened the doors. We were the first ones inside, followed by Theo, Dante, Krissy, Ivy and a lot more, so much I was worried for a second the elevator couldn’t hold us all.

But like it has been for over a hundred years, it carried us up to the 99th floor where the dauntless poured out if it like a flood, the first one climbing the ladder and opening the hatch that would lead us onto the roof. Others had the harnesses, reaching them to the ones who were already on the roof.

We patiently waited for our turn, which wasn’t long since they all respected Theo too much to let him wait for an extended period of time and we climbed up the ladder, finding ourselves on top of the building that overlooked the whole city. The wind was blowing harshly through my open hair as we waited for the guys to secure everything and send the first ones down to catch the others. Leaning against Harper, I watched how Theo took out his tablet, once again going through the data of tonight’s game when he suddenly halted his scrolling, his face scrunching up in confusion.

“Dante?” He asked tentatively, reading again through whatever he was seeing on the screen while Dante looked at him inquiring, shooting Harper and me a cautious look as Theo opened his mouth again. “Why does it say here that you shot yourself?”

It was silent for a second, before –

“Why don´t you ask your sister?” Dante grumbled, turning to me with an accusing expression. Feeling all their eyes rest on me, I gave him an apologetic smile just as the guy on the rope called someone else to the rope. Shrugging my shoulders, I gave Dante my sweetest smile before sprinting away not longer able to contain my loud laughter.

"Don´t you dare!" He called, taking long steps after me but I had already bypassed Owen who just wanted to go on the zip line and let the guy in front heave me into a harness. Pulling the straps tighter, he winked at me, pulling me back and send me flying. The last thing I heard as the city extended beneath me was Dante calling my name and Harper´s loud laugh.

With a small smile on my face, I closed my eyes, stretching out my arms. This time, I wasn’t falling, this was flying.

I´m really sorry for the long wait but it took me a while to figure out how I wanted this to go since I´ve read so many capture the flag scenes that I didn’t want to make it boring. I hope you like the sibling time!

The next update for undoing will be soon, too! I have most of the chapter finished :)

Today (okay so yesterday since it´s 4 am :D) six months ago was the day I posted the first chapter of Faction before Blood, my first story…

Facts: FbB has 154 pages and 82.000 words

Paying the price has with this chapter 221 word pages and 114.400 words

FbB-Eric is 51 pages and 25.600 words long

Meaning that I wrote 426 pages and 222.000 words in total for this series which is… just crazy :D

I also looked up the meaning of some of the names and found that they are really fitting:

Amy – (dearly) beloved

Eric – honorable leader

Theodore – divine gift (that´s really sweet)

Benjamin – son of my right hand (somehow ironic)

Alexis – helper/ defender

Sam – sun child/ bright child (that´s just sad)

I think that´s enough of it… But I still want to thank every single one of you who liked/followed and/or commented on my fic, it means so much to me! All you´re encouragement helped me so much, not just because I´ve developed my writing skills immensely because you always manage to make me smile, so thank you!

Anna xx

#Eric #eric divergent #Eric Coulter #daugther #Dauntless #war games #Capture The Flag #divergent #sibling time #factionless #navy pier

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cometladyicarus-blog · 7 years

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Goodnight, Darth Vader, Don’t Let The Wampas Bite Chapter 7

Ch. 0

Ch.1

Ch. 2

Ch. 3

Ch. 4

Ch. 5

Ch. 6

Ch. 7

Ch. 8

The droids he had planted around the junkyard worlds had done their jobs as he followed one’s tracking beacon to a Mid Rim planet. He tapped into its listening systems as he tracked it down on the planet.

“She’s supposed to be arriving any second now.”

“Will she really be here, or another decoy?”

“She said to use the safeword. Now hush!”

There was a noise like a door opening and closing. “Snips.”

No.

“Skyguy. It’s you, for real?”

“I’m here, for real.”

She sounded so similar to when the Council stripped her of her title. When he failed her. He probed into the Force until he found the frayed thread to follow. His speeder would draw attention in the area he was heading for, however. He would have to wai-

Beep.

“Threepio.” He answered his holocom.

The droid lifted his arms in delight. “Thank the Maker, Master! The children are getting out of control! Captain Rex stopped by to deliver a report you told him to deliver personally, and the twins have detained him for far longer than is acceptable! He is telling them gruesome stories that are not suitable for children of their age, and I-”

“Good, tell Rex to stay. I am bringing someone for a long visit.”

“Oh! How many parties will be here then?”

He had to quickly count. “Five organics total, two droids total.”

“May I ask who is to be coming?”

“Tell Rex that Commander Snips will be coming with me. He’s been re-stationed to the residence because of that.”

“Very good, then, Master. But I must insist that you speak with him about those stories about the War he keeps telling.”

He hung up on the droid. He had another part of his past to pick up before she also caused him trouble. He drove into the outpost town and parked in the middle of the town.

“Uh, why the code word Snips and Skyguy, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“They … sounded good.”

“Boss!”

“He’s here then.” She sounded annoyed and tired. As if she’d been on the run for years, without knowing he had her name removed from the Order 66 list.

He stepped out of the vehicle and stood by the door, facing where the Force told him she was with his arms crossed.

She exited the junkshop. She had grown up from being a mere snip of a kid. She wore armored plates on her upper arms and over her boots. Her clothes were designed solely for combat and flexibility. She still carried her lightsabers on her hips, like in the War. She had been wearing a cloak, apparently from the fabric on the ground behind her.

“You! You killed my Master.” She charged at him.

No, not exactly. He sidestepped her. She vaulted over the speeder and turned to face him. He could feel her rage, feel how close she was to falling. He sidestepped her next attempt to run him over.

She spun around him again and used the Force to arm herself with the lightsabers he remembered her wielding. “Fight me, you coward! Or do you not like the idea of using a bunch of clone troopers to distract me while you land the killing blow?”

He had to take several steps around to avoid her strikes, and worse, he had to use the Force to help him move quickly enough. Silently cursing Kenobi to a life in a sandpit for the nth time since Mustafar, he spoke. “Commander Ahsoka Tano of the Grand Army of the Republic. Padawan to General Anakin Skywalker until the Jedi falsely accused you of treason to cover up their own traitors’ actions. You have failed to pay attention, General Skywalker saved the Emperor and revealed the Jedi’s treasonous plans.”

“Lies!”

Sidestep again. He was going to have to do something eventually, she had mobility and youth to use against him, and he was weakened by his unwillingness to harm her and the faltering focus he needed to maintain swift movement. “It was the Jedi who turned on your former Master.”

“Lies!”

He moved his speeder to bat her aside with a heavy heart. She screeched at him as he approached and saw her broken leg. With the Force, he picked her up and set her into the passenger’s side.

“Nothing to see here, you will move along.” He spoke to the crowd and took his own seat.

“I hate you.”

Useful for turning her to the Dark Side. The Sith may have only a Rule of Two, but their ways weren’t quite right. Not if he wanted to keep both of his children and see them both grow up. “Hate is not the way of a Jedi.”

She snorted. “I’m not a Jedi.”

He sent out a command to the local garrison to sweep the outpost town of other would-be rebels. He could turn her, finish her training, convince her to his plan to have the rebels overtake the Emperor….

“You’re a monster.” Small hurdle.

“Yes I am.”

She stopped talking then until he drove the speeder into the starship hanger.

“Where are you taking me?”

“To see Skywalkers and Rex.”

She turned to face him. “What? You said my master was dead.”

“I said the Jedi turned on your master. I did not say he was dead.” Technically.

A silence as he commanded the shuttle to open up for his speeder to drive up enough that she could hobble her way in. Her glare was amusing.

“The shuttle has been modified from the standard Imperial models. It is not so easily sabotaged as you expect it to be.”

“It’s not designed for lightsabers-” He forgot about those until he used the Force to take them. “You will board willingly or I will drag you by the Force.”

“Coward.”

He’d forgotten how spirited she was, even as she did hobble onto the shuttle as he told her to. With that spiritedness in mind he used the Force to retract the ramp and close off the walkway before she could escape.

It wasn’t a lie to say his shuttle was more unique. It was designed to keep twin Force users from interfering with the vital operations of the craft. And he was, for once, glad he developed the habit of sealing off the cockpit before leaving considering there was the secondary entrance/exit in the cockpit.

His former Padawan was annoyed and in pain, when he locked in the flightpath for the shuttle and unsealed the cockpit. He stood and reached for an upper compartment for the medical kit that wasn’t filled with bandages.

“Let me see your leg.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your leg is broken. It needs a splint. Rex would be annoyed with me if you arrived with an untreated broken leg. The Skywalkers would be as well.”

“Wait, Skywalkers, as in, more than one Skywalker?”

“Yes.”

Ahsoka sighed and let him bind up her leg with the splint. “Have any stims? I’m starting to crash and the leg hurts like hell.”

“No stims. Take three of these, however.” He handed her a small bottle of children’s painkillers.

“These are for kids.”

“I said take three. Not one.”

She glared at him and did so.

“Where are you taking me?”

He stuck with his answer. “To the Skywalkers and Rex.”

“Where are they?”

“At the residence.”

She reached behind her and threw a toy at him. One of Leia’s, if he recalled correctly.

She called it back with the Force and gave him a look. “Is this a toy I just threw? Do you drag children onto your ship and take them to places?”

“Yes.” He looked at it before picking it up with the Force. “It’s Leia’s stuffed nerf for the farmer set Organa gave her.”

“Master! Thank the Maker you’ve returned- oh! Commander Tano! I wasn’t expecting you when Lord Vader called to say I should prepare for company! Captain Rex! Did you see who Lord Vader brought?”

“Woah! She’s Dad’s former student?” Luke tried to push 3PO out of the way as Ahsoka hobbled with her crutches inside the residence.

Captain Rex had aged from the Wars as well, but his surprise at seeing her again was genuine. “Uh, my lord? Does she know anything of important value?”

“Not yet, she will be staying here, however. You’re to be her guard until I can clear up this latest mess.”

“Right, sir. The kids wanted a story before bed last night when I got here.”

“I’m not surprised.”

Ahsoka was dragged around the residence by the golden protocol droid as he shouted for R2-D2 to finish his maintenance to see the guest.

“So, you and Dad go back, like, way back to the War and stuff like Dad and Uncle Rex do?”

Ahsoka stopped her eating to look at the blonde child.

“Luke! Aunt Ahsoka’s eating, and it’s rude to talk with your mouth full.”

“I don’t remember learning that lesson on Kamino.”

He did not eat with the quartet, but he sat with them and listened.

“You two are the Skywalkers Vader kept referring to?”

Leia shoved her brother before he opened his mouth he had just stuffed with food. “Yeah. I’m Leia Skywalker. He’s Luke Skywalker.”

“Where’s Anakin Skywalker?”

Luke had swallowed his food. “Dad’s-”

“Deceased, Commander. The General died protecting the Empire from the Jedi traitors.”

“You lied, Sith.”

“That is the official story, Snips. You’re still young and impulsive.” She froze.

“Oh, didn’t realize the plan was to tell her the truth. Explains why I’m here on a UFN stationing. Sorry, commander.” She was still frozen, and Rex waved his hand over her eyes to no response.

“Tch. I was going to says Dad is right here. Dad wouldn’t have let Aunt Ahsoka come over if she couldn’t be trusted, duh.”

“Except the Moffs.” Leia, always making sure she had the winning last word.

“Yeah. Moffs can’t be trusted. But Dad doesn’t have Moffs over for dinner.” Luke grinned. “Remember when Dad almost skewered Moff Tarkin for showing up last year?”

Vader turned to face his son. “You were up past your bedtime that time. What were you and Leia doing to be up so late?” He didn’t actually use the Force to look into his son’s mind, just looked at him.

“Leia said she heard somebody so I went out to see, I think.”

He waved off the excuse. “What story did Rex tell you about last night?”

“He told about how he and Uncle Cody caught the traitor on Crystophsis while you and General Kenobi were fighting Ventress.”

“Not long after that battle, was when your Aunt became my student. Ahsoka, Rex, I have some reports I need to finish, if you would help Threepio and Artoo with the twins for a few minutes, please?”

#Goodnight Darth Vader Don't Let The Wampas Bite #Chapter 7 #Star Wars Fanfic #Dad Vader

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