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keikakudori · 2 years

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I'm not sure if you answered this before, but how do you think Aizen discovered the truth about the original sin and the soul king? Genuine Question. 🙋🏻‍♀️ xoxo

random asks | always accepting

out. hm ---- that's actually a really good question, anon-san. i haven't gotten any questions about it before and to be quite honest, i think that it ties into how aizen discovered his heritage. now, i've hinted at it and outright said it but aizen's heritage is blood royal. he is a direct son of rei-o and it's --- not something that he really cares about. having noble blood doesn't mean jack if you're bleeding it and noble blood or otherwise -- everyone bleeds red. you get to find that you don't care that much about having such an esteemed heritage either when you know that your supposed blue or purple blood doesn't count for much when you can bleed as easily as anyone else. but for aizen, with how i write him, he got to learn about his heritage and very probably this original sin via dreams. we see that dreams can affect shinigami (me gesturing loudly at toshiro and hyorinmaru) in terms of calling to them and arguably a lot of shinigami likely go through such things when they're learning the way their asauchi forms into their zanpakutou. with how individualized zanpakutou are, i think it boils down far more to that the commonality comes in how they develop. like -- i don't have a very clear grasp on how aizen discovered this and he has not told me much about it either, but i do know that dreams were involved. pernida shows that, despite having been separated from rei-o, it ( he??? ) still has memory of being part of the soul king or at least there's that very strong implication in there? whatever the case, we do see for a fact that the pieces of rei-o are, in a sense, tied to the original soul king - indirectly, but they still are. maybe because he was alive (dead?) for so long? like, kubo, please tell us more when the anime airs i am beG G IN G YOU FOR MORE INFORMATION HERE--- but of course, dreams are not confirmation and aizen? aizen is a curious and inquisitive person and with the advantage of his kanzen saimin, i don't think he had any issues of getting into the daireishokairo. that was where he discovered the research of the hogyoku and how to create an artificial key of the rei-o so i rather imagine that information such as learning the original sin would not have been unfeasible through the archives. i mean, we clearly know that aizen has learned about it thanks to CFYOW which means that aizen has read about it somewhere and i think that, though extensive information isn't presented about them, the daireishokairo archives contain all of the history of soul society. that's often how military archives work. you disseminate only the information that you want people to know. look at the catholic church -- that was how they controlled so much for so long as well, thanks to the fact that many people couldn't read. aizen's absolute bitterness and disgust with the hypocrisy of the seiteitei stems from this time. this bitterness and disillusionment over how indifferent the soul king was with the whole of soul society and with how the seireitei is run didn't happen overnight but they did take years to seep into him. so yeah -- getting to discover his own heritage ( and even he doesn't know if that was rei-o reaching out to him or if it was just something that happened or if he just was left to go through that in the years after he had finally become a proper shinigami; he is aware of how absolutely insane it sounds and as a result is so reticent to speak of it that he's sketched in only some details for gin, which says a lot of how much he's concerned about how it sounds ) was what led him to it. and, of course, it's what made him tell hisagi of what he should look for, after the blood war. there is massive hypocrisy within the seireitei and the central 46 truly needs to be reformed -- but i think that learning part of the original sin of the noble houses was what helped to inspire aizen into the moves he made. a system so broken and damaged should absolutely be cleaned and repaired. burn it all down and build on the ashes, i say.

#anonymous #meta tag;#headcanon tag;

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its-not-a-phase-mom-i-d8-demons · 3 years

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"Are you just using me for my body?" feat. Asmodeus

pairing: Asmodeus x Female!Reader

warnings: mentions of smut, distrust, mentions of cheating

A/N: this got REALLy emotional...

Being the Avatar of Lust and all, Asmodeus couldn't help but have desires outside his absolute adoration of you and you alone; other than himself that is.

He was so sweet all the time, never once forced you to do anything with him, and waited patiently until you knew you were ready.

You loved Asmodeus with your whole heart and had confidence that he wouldn't cheat on you.

Asmodeus was many things, but a liar was not one of them.

Until now, it had been especially hard to keep a steady relationship with his desires rampant and constantly filling up his mind. Ever since he started to get to know you and realize his feelings for you, he stopped sleeping around as much until it came to a complete halt.

He really wanted to be with you, he realized, and he'd give up anything if only it meant he could spend every minute you were here with him.

Here you were, completely in tune and comfortable with each other, but come comments from demons at school today had flooded you with doubt.

You hated yourself for mistrusting your best friend and boyfriend, especially after working so hard to get where you are.

That thought alone makes you burst into tears.

Asmo, who was snuggling happily against your chest, had noticed something off about you and decided against asking if you wanted to fuck. He simply pulled you into bed with him, shared a kiss with you, and planted his face on your pillowy chest, hands caressing your sides oh so gently.

You were so pretty...

What was he going to do with you?

He should see what was the matter.

Maybe it was a test coming up, or an unfinished homework assignment, possibly a teacher being rude to you again, but worrying causes wrinkles! With or without them you would continue to be divine, but still!

At that moment, he heard a choked sob slip past your lips.

Worried, he regrettably peeled himself off of you and saw that you were hiccupping into your hand, trying to stop yourself from crying and making a mess of yourself and Asmo's bed.

"Oh, sweetie..." Asmo murmured, pulling you into his lap, "You can go ahead and cry, don't hold it in like this!"

With his permission, you start crying like a baby into his shoulder.

He held your head, pressing kisses to your temple and rocking you gently from side to side.

"Oh, baby..." He whispers, patting your back, "You have to tell me when you're feeling bad... Don't bottle everything up."

You sob an 'I'm sorry', but Asmodeus wouldn't hear it.

"Don't you dare apologize for crying. I'm right here for you, always. Okay?"

That only made you cry harder.

'Worried' could describe Asmo when he first gathered you into his arms. 'Panicking' is how the demon was feeling when you refused to stop sobbing into his shoulder.

Something was seriously wrong and he needed to get to the bottom of it before it became difficult for you to breathe and you got even more panicked.

"Baby, hey, look at me sweetheart," He murmurs, lifting your head up to face him, "You've gotta stop crying, okay? Can you try and calm down for me? I know you can do it, just take deep breaths for me, kay?"

You wiped your eyes on your sleeves way too harshly for his liking, and he grasped your wrists and put them in your lap.

"Inhale with me, come on sweets, you can do it."

You try to inhale, but your lips trembles and you can't help but let out another sob or two, covering your face in your hand, muttering apologies and trembling.

Asmodeus tried again, pulling your hands down and holding his face in his hands, showing you how to take deep breaths and holding your gaze and refusing to let it go.

"Yes, good job!" He smiled rubbing your lower back when you began mimicking his example, "I knew you could do it, hey, don't stop yet honey, you're really wound up..."

You pull your eyes away from his with great effort as it was unbearable to stare into those earnest sunset eyes any longer.

You were repulsed at the thoughts clouding your mind.

How could you call yourself a good girlfriend? You were terrible really, doubting the man you called your boyfriend and lover the moment the shadow of jealousy turned into a rumor.

You apologized again, gripping his hand tightly.

"What did I say?" He says gently, patting your thigh, "No apologies for showing emotion. Got it?"

You nod mutely.

"Asmo?"

"Yes baby?"

"Are you... Are you just using me for my body?"

You felt him stiffen.

Tears flooded your eyes again, dripping into your lap before you could stop them.

Asmo opened his mouth, then shut it again.

Of... Of course, he wasn't... He didn't need anyone else, only you.

Why didn't you trust him?

All these months of bonding behind closed doors, Asmodeus fighting his sin so vehemently he forgot who 'Asmodeus' really was, and hours upon hours of just thinking about how beautiful you were and that you deserved better than him. He had just begun to believe that maybe, just maybe he was worthy of your limitless affection, but it was not so.

You... You never trusted him in the first place, did you?

"A-Asmo I know what you're thinking and I'm sorry-"

"No apologies." He whispered airily, eyes locked on a singular rose, one of many that had wound their way up the bedpost.

The response was empty of emotion, as was Asmodeus's face.

"Oh Asmo, you've always been so good to me. I know you'd never cheat on me after going through so much pain-"

"Who said it?"

"Wha-"

"WHO SAID IT?" Asmodeus had flashed into his demon form, angry tears spilling from his eyes as he stood in front of you, exuding rage, hatred, and most of all, despair.

Out of everything he was feeling at the moment, none of those potent emotions were aimed at you.

"YOU'RE TOO PERFECT TO COME UP WITH THAT IDEA ON YOUR OWN." He screeched, "YOU KNOW I'D NEVER BETRAY ANYONE I LOVE, WHAT DEMON IS SPREADING BULLSHIT ABOUT ME AND COSTING ME YOUR TRUST?"

You were terrified, staring up at the enraged demon, tears soaking your cheeks once again, "Asmo, please! Calm down! You're above them!"

Mascara tears lined his cheeks, and he was just about to shout something else at you, but the door to his room was suddenly blown off its hinges, giving way to six more demons with their horns out, Lucifer in the lead.

He looked absolutely livid, especially after seeing the state you were in.

Asmodeus had the nerve to shout at you? Under any circumstance?

Not in the least.

"Stop this at once, Asmodeus!" He growled, standing his ground in front of you, "Any reason you have to be angry at MC can be taken up to me! Control yourself!"

"Lucifer stop!" You plead, "Don't yell at him like that-"

"Quiet, MC." He hissed, "You need to get out of here. He's too high-strung at the moment. He needs to be alone."

The larger demon grabbed you by the arm and started pulling you out of the room, but you fought against him, punching and crying and yelling at him to let go.

Mammon tried to step in and explain that Lucifer was "jus' tryna keep ya safe!" but you weren't having it and slugged him in the nose.

He screeched as blood started pouring out of his face, Lucifer loosened his grip when he heard his brother in pain he hadn't caused and you managed to tug your limb away from him and rush to your boyfriend who had collapsed onto the floor, face in his hands and sobbing.

His wings and horns were gone, but you wouldn't have cared either way as you tackled him in a hug and refused to let go.

Asmodeus latched onto you as well, and the brothers knew there was nothing they could do about it.

Lucifer pulled Mammon away to fix his bloody and possibly broken nose, and the others stood at the ready outside the door in case something else went wrong.

For a long time, you and the Avatar of Lust simply lay in each other's arms and cried.

It felt good to comfort and be comforted.

After a few hours, both of you were dried up, holding hands and staring sadly at the ceiling.

Asmodeus spoke first.

"Do you... Do you really think I've been using you for your beautiful body all this time? I'm not accusing you of anything, I need to know."

His voice was hoarse and quiet; tentative almost.

"I never thought that, Asmodeus. I the human world, there were some bad guys I was with and I guess I was prepared to accept it if you were. You've changed vastly since I first met you and you're nothing like those swine up there." You whispered, squeezing his hand before turning to look at him, "It was a stressful week and then, on top of that, I heard some demons talking about you so I stopped to listen. They were saying such terrible things about you; how you cheat on me every chance you got, you're just using me as an exotic fleshlight, and shit like that. We... We haven't had sex in a while so I just wondered if you'd gotten tired of me. Then, when we were cuddling, I just couldn't push those thoughts out of my head and I couldn't stop myself from crying..."

Asmodeus nursed at his lower lip, scooting closer to you, suddenly cold.

"I could never grow tired of you, MC. You have and continue to inspire me to be better for you and myself. I actually..." He giggled sweetly, resting his forehead against your own, "I was gonna ask if you wanted to bang when you first came into my room. Sex really is the answer to everything, isn't it?"

You smile and shake your head, "Not now though, you need some dinner and some rest."

He pouts cutely, ticking your sides, but he knows you're right.

You snatch his hands away from you and kiss his knuckles, "I never meant to make you think of yourself any less, because you really are perfect, Asmo. No one has ever tried to make me happy like you do and willingly spent all of this time with me. You make me feel so loved... I don't know how to thank you. I just want you to know that I love you."

He's literally glowing at your words, wrapping you tightly in his arms and whispering, "I love you too MC. More than I could possibly say."

July 7th: TWO. MORE. DAYS!!! (for us VIP members)

could you imagine being loved that much?? holy FUCK. is my giant single pringle ass showing? is it too obvious I'm lonely?

the shit I write... it surprises ME sometimes

Countdown Masterlist

Main Masterlist

#obey me! shall we date?#obey me!#obey me swd #obey me shall we date #swd obey me #obey me imagines #obey me smut #obey me asmodeus x reader #obey me asmo x reader #asmodeus x reader #om! asmodeus #obey me! asmodeus #obey me! asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #asmodeus #asmodeus avatar of lust #obey me asmo x mc

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mwolf0epsilon · 2 years

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The Protector's Protectors

Summary: Rhythm couldn't leave well enough alone and calls in some backup, just to make sure Olly got the memo.

[Something still felt a little unresolved, so here's a missing post credits scene for Coruscanti Meat Shield. Just to wrap things up a bit more.]

[THIS STORY IS NOW ON AO3]

---

"Well, this is an absolute dump." Olly freezes, one foot just inches past the threshold of the little space he'd claimed for himself in the Guard's barracks. He'd just finished taking a quick icy shower, the damp towel he'd been using to fruitlessly dry his hair nearly slipping from his grasp.

Usually at this time of day there was no one around. Lunch rush was a terrible affair for the regular patrolling vode, and most turtles like himself and his boys were either rushing through their meals, or showering to get their one hour nap in before their next shift. If they were lucky they wouldn't have to be called in before they got some rest.

The two vode sitting on his mattress aren't brothers in red. The blue and the yellow were a stark contrast against the haphazardly decorated dark gray walls of their tiny cell-like room.

Considering yesterday's happenings, Olly shouldn't really be surprised to see Lichtenberg and Pretty Boy waiting for him here. Even so, he was going to take a pillow to Rhythm's face and smother him when he next had the chance...

"I think it's kind of charming. I mean..." Lich shoved PB ever so slightly, clearly disapproving of his previous comment. Out of the three of them, it was their 501st brother that had the most tact. "It's got... Decoration? How many brothers get to customize anything but their gear or a ship's nosejob?"

"I'd hardly call a bunch of greasy pinups, random trinkets and patchwork curtains decoration, but I guess the potted fern adds a touch of homeliness... I think." Pretty Boy was undeterred by their older brother's rebuttal, certainly lacking the charming graces of the 212th's general. He only saved his prettiest words for things that interested him specifically.

Why invest on empty praise over an obvious hellhole that Olly and the rest of the Corries had tried to make into their own space? Pragmatism ran in their lot.

"What are you doing here?" The towel is tossed into a basket full of filthy body-gloves. He doesn't envy whichever of the boys had laundry duty today.

"No hello?" PB pouted. With the way he'd tied his hair back today, the expression looked remarkably cute. Then again his ori'vod wasn't called Pretty Boy for nothing. "No admissions of missing your bestest ori'vode in the whole galaxy?"

"I have those?" Olly hummed. "I don't think I've ever met any..."

"Oof... You're killing us Triple O..." Lichtenberg grinned. "Straight for the throat. Ruthless."

"So proud." PB snorted. "Good to see you've gotten sassy Ol'ika. If you kept hiding behind that little shy smile of yours even now, we'd both be very worried."

"Not that there's anything wrong about being shy, lil brother." Lich reassured. "It's just... We worry you know?"

They did worry. Funnily enough, Rhythm also worried. Now there were three fussy and nosy worrywarts in Olly's life and he had to deal with that fact.

Still, he can't bring himself to be too mad. He's far too tired for any of that, and his two di'kutla batch-brothers were taking up his bunk. Luckily none of them had any reservations about sharing cramped living spaces.

"Kit off." He orders as he puts on the bottoms of his body-glove. "I want the middle, both of you are tiny and I'll just roll off the mattress otherwise..."

"Oh hell ye, haven't had a pile in a while!" PB smiled, beginning to remove his shell eagerly. "I'll tell you, being this perfect's exhausting... My reputation would be tarnished if I gave in with the lads back with the 212th..."

"Speak for yourself. The 501st has huge piles at least once a week... It's a lot of limbs to keep an eye out for, and some of those menaces kick in their sleep... I missed our tiny vodpile." Lich groaned as he began by unlatching his chest plate. He made a point to rub his ribs. "I swear Hardcase must be running and fighting Clankers in his sleep... Or at least taking droid-kicking classes from Commander Cody in Dreamland..."

"He doesn't really do that, does he?" Olly climbed into the mattress, pulling the blanket he'd claimed for himself during his week dumpster-diving with the vode. After a couple of washes it was as good as new. Natborns were so wasteful. "Kick-droids?"

"Kriffing hells, yeah he does..." PB reached over to help Lich with his vambrace. "Rumour has it that he and a couple of the lads dog-piled General Grievous himself..."

"Wack..." Lich returned the favour by pulling his vod'ika's gauntlets off.

"Agreed." Olly waited patiently for the two to remove all of their kit. Once they were properly de-shelled, he pulled them downwards so that they'd each rest comfortably snuggled up at his sides.

All settled, blanket over all three of them, the trio sighed peacefully and relished in the physical contact.

".... You know you can always count on us, right?" Lichtenberg murmured softly.

"Yeah..." Olly's eyelids began to droop.

"We may not be around as much, but you ain't getting rid of us Free'ika." Pretty Boy whispered before he snuggled closer, wrapping an arm loosely around Olly's midsection.

"I know... Just..." He closed his eyes. "Don't like being a burden..."

"You're not. Never have been." Lich reassured.

"Never will be. We love you Free'ika." PB added. "So do your kih'vode here. An' the ori'vode. We can tell..."

"You're in good hands." Lich's smile was pressed against his side. "So are they... We're proud of how much you've grown."

"Hm..." Yeah, he supposed he was in good hands. And as long as he was around, he'd repay his brothers in kind too. "Hm..."

Curse Rhythm and his need to poke around in Olly's business... But also bless his vod'ika for making damn sure he felt comforted after everything that happened in the last couple of days.

The protector too needs his protectors sometimes. And perhaps a nice dose of cuddling as well. For old-time's sake.

#Eps Writes #Fanfic #Star Wars #The Clone Wars #Clone OCs #riot trooper olly olly oxenfree #clone trooper lichtenberg #clone trooper pretty boy #good dose of platonic cuddling for the soul

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astro-rain · 4 years

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delicate; b.barnes

chapter three - “penny for your thoughts”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.5k

synopsis: reader runs into a familiar face at the lake near her quarters in wakanda and they get to know each other a bit (kinda meet cute)

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: not my photo

The sunrise in Wakanda was one of the most marvelous things (Y/N) had ever seen. It was truly divine. Magnificent shades of burnt orange and gold bled through the boundless canvas of clouds. The sun, rich and saturated, was the epicenter of these vivacious gradients. It was almost as though Odin himself was painting the sky.

Her windows, encompassing the space of an entire wall, opened her room effortlessly. They led directly to the outskirts of a small lake that perfectly reflected the sunrise. It almost felt like a vacation. Or a dream, whichever came first.

She had slept wonderfully, but woke up early all the same. The beginning of her morning consisted entirely of sitting right outside her room staring at the ascending sun. She supposed she could've stayed there all day as Shuri told her they wouldn't start working until tomorrow; something about settling in and adjusting. Although she thoroughly enjoyed her quiet, warm morning, wasting the whole day cramped up near and inside her room would be a very poor choice.

There's so much here, I might as well enjoy my mini vacation.

She slipped on her shoes, closed the glass door, and made her way to the very lake she was admiring so dearly. She sat at the edge of the lake, letting the smooth sound of the flowing water fill the air around her. It was so quiet, secluded. She was alone; it was lovely. Tranquile even. Being by herself brought a strange sort of comfort, like she was safe and-

"Hello."

She turned around, still sitting. "Oh. Hi Jame- I mean... Bucky."

He smiled, and gave a ghost of a laugh. "Thanks."

"Did you need something? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, it's good. I was just looking around. This place is beautiful."

"Tell me about it," she returned his smile. "I keep thinking like I'm on a vacation or something. It doesn't feel like I'm supposed to work tomorrow."

Bucky nodded his head in agreement. "If I was gonna be... fixed somewhere, I'm glad it's here."

"Yeah, no one's gonna bother us here. Except maybe Shuri when she shows you how much smarter she is than you."

"Kid's a genius," he chuckled. "I've only talked to her a bit and she's smarter than I'll ever be."

At this point he was still standing, his hands clasped politely in front of him. He was just standing next to (Y/N)’s sitting figure. It wasn't a problem until an awkward silence settled over them. She wasn't quite sure what to say.

She wasn't the best with people. She knew exactly how the brain worked and she knew how to analyze behavior, and when it came to her job she knew the right things to say at the right times. But her job has rules; if she's talking with someone, she's treating them. When doing so, there are specific sets of clinical terminology. There were guidelines to follow, scripts to recite. Talking to patients in a work setting was analytical and made sense. Talking to regular people was a bit difficult. There was so much grey area. Bucky was going to be a patient, but right then, in that moment, he was just another person.

"You can sit if you want," she offered, patting the spot next to her. "I feel weird, it seems like I'm making you stand."

He gingerly accepted such an offer. He sat next to her, but not too close. The respectful distance gave her comfort.

We both have our own space.

"Hey, can I say something?" he asked.

"Mhm."

"I just wanted to thank you, ya know, for coming all the way here. Steve told me about the whole situation - you and Sharon and everything. I'm just really grateful. You probably have a whole life of your own back home, but it means a lot that you came here to help out. I know it's not exactly easy."

Heartfelt. If she had to describe it in one word that's what it would be. It almost surprised her.

"Oh you don't have to thank me!" she sounded deflective. "It's my job. I'm just glad we have a chance to provide you with treatment after all the pain you've been through."

Was that too personal?

"I mean, after all this time, I think you're pretty deserving of a reprieve."

"Have you read my file?" he asked, a little quieter than before. He was staring intently at the lake in front of him.

(Y/N) rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah, I did."

"Sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"That you had to read it. I know it's a lot."

He sounded guilty, like somehow what happened to him was his fault.

"That's alright," she said almost too quickly. "I've gone through plenty of abuse and trauma cases. To be fair, none of them are quite like yours, but I'm not in completely foreign waters here."

"Oh, I don't doubt it. I've heard you're more than highly qualified. It's just a lot of bad stuff."

"I can handle bad stuff," she replied, reassuringly. To her, it sounded more factual than reassuring. Unbeknownst to her, it gave Bucky some sort of comfort. Like he was in good hands.

Another awkward silence settled over them. Her eyes remained on the body of water in front of her; she wasn't sure what to say. Casual conversation was not her forte, and Bucky seemed rather shy himself. She felt responsible for any conversation that should take place, but to be fair, he wasn't talking either.

It was then when she subtly aimed her gaze towards him, getting a thorough impression of his features. He was, in all honesty, quite handsome. Objectively speaking of course. He was sharp features and soft edges at once, if you could consider that possible. And the bluest blue eyes she'd ever seen were luminescent in the direct sunlight. She reminded herself not to stare, and tore her line of vision away from the man next to her.

In lieu of this, she closed her eyes, leaned back on the palms of her hands, and relished in the warmth of the Wakandan sun. This lasted a few moments before she once again realized that not a word had been passed between them. She wondered what he was thinking about.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she asked softly.

"Hm?"

"You look pensive."

"'M just thinkin'"

"Well, that much I could tell," she snickered.

He flashed a bashful smile. "I'm just tryin' to grasp the fact that I'm actually here. Y'know, safe. Ready to be helped. It's been a while. I keep having to remind myself that it's real."

Makes sense. He probably thinks that any minute, this seemingly secure safe haven is going to be ripped out from under him. Like it was all a rouze and he'll have to return to pain and anguish.

"It's definitely real...well, last time I checked anyway. But who knows? Maybe we're in an alternate reality and any moment we'll see a woman in a red dress," she joked, trying to lighten his mood and simultaneously referencing The Matrix.

It worked. He laughed; a soft gentle chuckle, but a laugh all the same.

"Woman in a red dress?" he asked through a grin.

"Oh, you probably haven't seen The Matrix, have you?"

His face scrunched up in endearing confusion. "No...?"

She adamantly ignored when the word adorable entered her mind when she saw his expression. "It's a movie, a classic really. You'll have to see it at some point or I'll feel like an idiot for referencing it."

"Oh God," he shook his head, "I haven't seen a movie in... ages."

"I think that's a crime in and of itself. They've gotten infintely better than they were in the forties, I can promise you that."

"I got a lot to catch up on, don't I?"

"Maybe a little. But don't worry about it. I'll make you a list!"

"Man, didn't think I'd have homework," he quipped, a meek attempt at a joke.

It made her smile. There's some personality! She showed some of her own in return.

"Man, I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who doesn't like movies of all things. One of the best things ever created by mankind!"

He laughed and threw his hands up in mock surrender. "I never said that! I don't know if I deserve such slander."

What a wonderful laugh.

"Watch every movie on my list and I'll clear your name," she beamed.

He feigned annoyance. "Fine. You drive a hard bargain, Ms. (Y/L/N)."

"That's Dr. (Y/L/N), actually."

Before he could question whether or not he made a mistake, she continued. "I'm totally messing with you. (Y/N) is more than just fine. Dr. (Y/L/N) sounds too much like someone's pretending that I'm my dad anyway."

"Okay then," he smiled, "(Y/N).”

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loveisneurotic · 3 years

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Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

#kaguya sama: love is war #analysis #long post #reactions

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charcoalstardust · 3 years

Text

local ex dark lord is pestered by reborn dark curse more at 11

this is clunky late night writing but oh well

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Ever since Malus had been freed from the dark curse's grasp, he hadn't been able to rest. At best he got a few glares and whispers as people recognized his face and voice. At worst? Someone would lash out and make him run off. Not like he could blame them. As the dark lord he had stolen people's faces—their souls, practically—and caused a bunch of misery. It only made sense that he'd be alone and fairly hated.

So he wasn't exactly a happy camper to have someone in his face excitedly insisting on helping him nor was he happy about what they responded with when he asked why they were insisting such.

"Well... Are you ready for a bombshell?" not exactly a good start to the explanation, but Malus still nodded. Whatever, not like it'd be big news—

"Remember the dark curse?"

Nevermind. This was going to be big news. "... How do you know about it? It's not out there still, is it!?" Maybe he was jumping to conclusions, he had heard that Mal and the others had defeated it... Hadn't they?

"I mean—" The stranger shifted his stance, "—yes and no? You're kinda looking at it right now, and I ain't really evil anymore."

Oh. "What... The fuck? YOU!?"

"Please don't get mad—"

"Don't get mad!?" Malus scoffed, "You literally tricked me into opening your box! You turned me into the dark lord! And you want me to not get mad!?"

"Okay... You can be kinda mad—but I got a second chance to do good!" the reborn stated, "And, damn it, I'm making up for what I did! Let me help you!"

Malus crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. He had lost his factory job, gotten stuck watching New Lumos, and when it didn't need someone to watch the outskirts, he ended up alone. So why couldn't the other just leave him alone!?

He glanced a little past the reborn, having noticed some odd energy behind, and, clear as day, the great sage was a little ways away. It looked like they had ran over here in a hurry.

"Cypher!"

Cypher—apparently the name of the dark curse—turned to look behind himself and mumbled something under his breath before speaking up. "Sivius, I can explain—"

"Cypher, you can't just disappear like that without warning me and Levi," Sivius interrupted, concern etched into their expression. They quickly noticed Malus, who was trying to inch away, and their concern turned into realization. "... I see."

"What?"

Cypher gave a sigh of relief. "Look... I'm sorry. I just figured if anyone could use help it'd be the first victim of this whole mess. I... Think I woke up his curse, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't still rapidly growing."

"Wh... What." Malus was having trouble processing what was going on. HIS curse? Rapidly growing? "What do you mean "my curse"? What did you do!?"

"Hey, I didn't know that'd happen!" Cypher put his hands up in defense. "It just kinda happens sometimes with curses! They always effect anything they come into contact with in some way. Dark just so happened to wake yours up..."

"D... Does Sivius—"

"Considering they're a great sage? They're really powerful. Either they weren't affected at all or it's just barely affected them."

"Of course..." Malus gave an exasperated response. He was tired. He wanted to sleep. Not like he could... He'd be sleeping outside. Again.

"You... Haven't happened to notice anything weird lately, though? Like things you couldn't do before? Effects you have on other people?"

"Everyone hates me so I don't think I'd notice if I affected people."

"... I don't hate you."

"Consider yourself the minority. Congratulations," Malus bluntly responded before stopping to think, "... Though... Now that I think about it..." He held a hand up, seemingly putting focus onto it. Out of nowhere appeared... An HP banana? It was weird looking... Oddly purple on the outside, and, when Malus opened it, the inside was blue.

"Hm..." Sivius was observing quietly. "The color isn't the only strange thing about this."

"Eh?"

"It's giving off a lot more energy than a regular HP banana."

"I gave these to Mal's team when they were climbing the Sky Scraper. They kinda jolted the first time they had one."

"Jolted?"

"Yeah! Like they'd been shocked or something." Malus thought back on it. He'd given Mirik an HP banana first. The calm and tired expression the warrior had at first became awake and wide-eyed in an instant the second he had eaten the banana. Then Mal had done phantom strike three times when he ate one. It was... Weird.

"Weren't you a factory worker that made HP bananas and other things?"

"Yeaah?"

"Curses are basically either parts of the soul or are the soul. Since yours is the latter, it knows your memories and can tap into the most common theme in your life."

Malus was quiet for a bit. The only common theme he could think of besides the factory work was his family and their farm in Peculia. The food grown here was... Strange... But did that mean the theme was nature? "I suppose it's fitting, but... What if I can only summon bananas? Sounds kinda lame."

"... Try a MP candy."

"Weird idea, but alright..." Malus did what he had done for the banana and jumped when a strange colored candy appeared. Purple wrapper. Blue candy. Same strong energy.

"Wow!" Cypher seemed amazed. "Well you've just scratched the surface of what you can do... May wanna be careful, though."

"... Why?"

"Curses can go a little wild if your emotions do. They're caused by all sorts of things. Usually anger, resentment, sorrow... The negatives."

"Ah. That's... Horrifying." Malus had a good idea on when his resentment could have started this. If he wasn't careful he could end up hurting someone...

"Such is the nature of curses," Sivius commented, "Once created they don't go away. The most you can do is learn to live with what's happened."

"Which is why I wanna help you! Having to cope with it on your own SUCKS! I could help you out! I promise!"

Malus silently weighed his options. He could deny the help and learn how to deal with the discovery of his curse on his own, risking some bad events... Or he could at least give Cypher a chance. There were no other curses he knew about besides the dark curse, anyway...

"It would be nice to be with people."

"Yeah!" Cypher perked up, then gave a hum as he got another glance at Malus' face. "... You look really pale."

"I haven't slept well or eaten properly in weeks. My body is mad about it."

"Maaaaybe step one in all of this is to get you some food and a bed." The reborn gave a nervous laugh before taking Malus' hand and leading him down the road.

"Hey!"

"No time to waste!"

Sivius chuckled as the duo wandered ahead with them following behind. This was certainly a good step towards redemption for both Cypher and Malus. The most Sivius was going to do was make sure neither got themselves into trouble or danger. The rest was up to both of them.

#fandom #ly's writing #ly's ocs #miitopia #au: miitopia #oc: cypher zivalius #oc: malus bellerose #oc: sivius monifiro

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twstinstardust · 3 years

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🍬Rules + Introduction🍬

Hello everyone! After much thought and restraining my impulse, I've decided to just go off and make a twst imagines blog. I hope you enjoy this blog and my writing, so with that, let's get on with the rules.

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Things to know:

• Let it be known that when I'm writing for any of the students from NRC or RSA, everything will be set in where they are actually attending college. So everyone is at least 18+. (My idiotic mind actually thought it was a college when getting into it—)

• There are certain characters I can't write for because of the fact they either don't show up to often or there's not enough info on them (mostly likely the latter).

• I do write for the NRC staff! Romantic or platonic is a okay!

• If a request makes me uncomfortable or such, I will delete it. Also, I don't really have an order on which requests I do.

• For now I'm only accepting headcanon or short scenario asks (like a small paragraph or so with I line of dialogue) since I want to get used to writing out the characters.

• Please be patient with me since I still do have school and responsibilities outside of this. Sometimes I may pump out content back to back, but other times I could just post every two or three days. I can't keep a consistent schedule :( but I want to do so one day. For now, this is just a place for me to have fun with writing.

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Okay, now for the rules:

• The character limit is 4-5 and you're free to request a whole dorm if you'd like (since Heartslabyul does have five members). I don't really mind.

• All requests with Cheka and Ortho will strictly be platonic!

• Please refrain from sending me a request twice if you think I haven't gotten it. I'd recommend just asking me since I always copy and paste requests onto my notes so I don't lose them.

Debating on allowing +18 asks, so this blog will remain SFW till then or I can just make a separate blog.

• Reader is always gender neutral, unless stated; you can ask for a female reader because that's what I'm more comfortable with.

• I'd like it if requests would be a little specific. Nothing too detailed. I just can't get any grasp on vague asks like "(character name) headcanons" or "This for (character name)". This also applies to letting me know if you'd like headcanons or a short scenario. Vague requests leave me to wonder and I just want to complete the request without mistakes because of assumptions.

• Feel free to ask questions! No question is a dumb question so go right on ahead if there's anything you're wondering about.

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#rules #twst #twisted wonderland #twst imagines #twisted wonderland imagines #twst x reader #twst writing #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x you #twst headcanons

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

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Shining Star | Part Two

[Axl Rose x OC]

Words: 3.1k

Warning(s): Explicit language, mentions of suicide

Tag list: @teller258316 @reigns420 @xpoisonousrosesx @oskea93 @blowinmeupwithherlove @redlipscrystalskies14 @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @sublimeprincesswasteland

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

"Pretty as a picture." I say to myself, swiping lipstick across my lips in the bathroom mirror before I click the tube shut and make sure my hair looks good.

My stomach churns at the thought of seeing Tommy...and Vince.

I haven't spoken a word to Vince since he got Tami pregnant a year and a half ago, and I haven't spoken to Tommy since he leapt out of my bedroom window after 3 minutes of awkward sex.

"Do you fuck all of your friends?" My mother's words come back to bite me in the ass as I groan out in frustration.

The only plus to any of this is that I'll get to hang out with Viv.

There. Viv. Just focus on Vivian.

I leave the bathroom and glance around to see if I see any familiar faces.

Nope.

I pull the skirt of my dress down a little and rub my lips together, people passing left and right, looking either too drunk to be bothered or too busy.

"Tansy?" I hear a confused voice and look straight ahead, seeing Vivian by the payphone.

"Hey!" I reply excitedly, rushing to her as fast as I can, being careful not to trip over my feet adorned in red heels.

Vivian Sixx—Kinston at that point—had a ballet scholarship to Juilliard, never missed a Sunday church service, and was one of those annoyingly gorgeous girls that genuinely thought they were ugly. She couldn't stand her red hair because she was teased in middle school and called "firecrotch," she hated her freckles and her height because she'd been compared to a giraffe--"tall as shit with brown spots"--and the fact her mom was a batshit crazy Jesus lunatic never helped matters…but that stuff was all in her head because after middle school, guys looked at her differently, Jesus-lover and all. She saw annoying traits, but most people saw legs a mile long, a unique hair color that stood out in the sea of bleach blonde, freckles that framed emerald green eyes, and a heart as kind and beautiful inside as she was on the outside.

She's always said I was the most gorgeous woman she'd ever met, but she is, to me, the most stunning.

She didn't have to try to get anybody's attention, she walked in a room and she had it--so much so that Matt Sorum called her "Fire Woman" after The Cult song because he claimed that's the first thing that came to mind when he first saw her walking back stage at his first gig with Guns N' Roses. "She could give me the fucking clap and I'd kiss her feet for it." He told me, his facial expression mimicking someone who'd been struck by lightening twice…

People always looked at her like that but she rarely noticed because she'd be too busy looking up at Nikki with utter hearts in her eyes, but we'll get into that later.

"What are you doing here?" She asks me curiously.

"Vince called me and wanted me to come." I explain and she raises her brows.

"Vince?" She asks and I nod. "The same Vince that cheated on you multiple times Freshman year? And your entire relationship?"

"It's been, what, four years?" I ask, in reference to how long it's been since he and I started dating. "Maybe he's grown up a little." I suggest and she just clears her throat, cueing the hollering of an angry girl.

"Fuck you! Piece of shit! Motherfucker!" She shouts, the sound of her hitting Vince gets louder and she stomps down the hall as he follows after her, continuously trying to get her attention by saying "babe" repeatedly.

"My pants! Babe!" He's fully in sight now as she stomps off...and he's fully naked.

"Fuck you!" She calls back to him, leaving him behind.

"I fucking love those pants." He whines, disappointed, cupping his dick.

"Your swimsuit parts are out." Vivian tells him, and he and I make contact over her shoulder, my nerves tensing up anxiously as he looks at me with a grin.

"Hey, Tans." He says to me, about to come closer but Vivian stops him.

"Go put some clothes on." She orders to him and he rolls his eyes, turning and walking away, his butt shining as he leaves. "You had sex with that." She reminds me and I frown slightly.

"Yeah, he hasn't changed a bit has he?" I ask her and she shakes her head a little.

"He's gotten worse." She states. "Alright, c'mon, let's go see Tommy." She takes my hand and leads me to where he is, my heart nearly beating out of my chest.

How awkward is this going to be?

We turn the corner and see him and two other guys standing in their street clothes, and when Tommy sees me, all my nerves dissipate because he completely makes me forget our awkward sex never even happened.

"Tansy fucking Reilen!" He exclaims excitedly as I walk to him to hug him.

He leans down to reach my 5'3" height and wraps his arms tightly around me.

"Hey, Tommy!" I reply, just as happy.

This is the first time he, Vivian, and I, will be hanging out together...Viv's been having to hangout with us separately because we've been avoiding each other for the most part. I guess we don't have to, anymore.

He releases me, immediately turning to the ball of teased, jet black hair.

"This is Nikki," he informs me, "the band's bassist."

Hazel eyes--nearly green--look down at me behind his hair, traveling down my face, to my chest, down my legs, and back up again, the tiniest, mischievous smirk on his lips, and I raise my brow a tiny bit…

Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Is exactly what Nikki was, and it was all he and I could get ourselves into for years to follow.

"And this is Tansy." Tommy tells Nikki, oblivious to how he's looking at me.

"Nice to meet you." I tell Nikki.

"Yeah." He replies.

"And Mick, our guitarist." Tommy says next, nodding to the shorter man who's also got jet black hair.

"Hi." I say to him.

He just gives a small smile and mumbles, "hey."

"He's a little quiet but when you get to know him he opens up." Tommy says to me, quietly as Vince reappears with clothes on. "We were about to head to the rainbow," he starts next, his eyes flickering to Viv. "If someone's willing to stay out late."

"Fine." Vivian doesn't argue, sighing out.

"Hallelujah. Thank fuckin' God." Vince pipes, sliding his arm around my shoulder, making me roll my eyes.

The entire time to the Rainbow, Vivian and Nikki are constantly back and forth, tearing each other new assholes and going for each other's throats. I don't know what beef they have with each other but it's brutal and borderline sex fueled.

Once we get to the bar and grill, I drag Viv to the bathroom with me so I can touch up my makeup.

"So…" I start, looking in the mirror, "...have you lost your virginity yet?"

"No." She says it as if she's slightly offended.

"Oh."

"Why?"

"It's just…" I start but quickly decide that it'll just piss her off, probably. "Nothing."

"Tansy." She sighs, irritated. "What is it?"

"Nothing. I just thought you and that Nikki guy have messed around." I shrug and she looks like she's seen a ghost.

"I—ew why would you think that? We haven't." She insists and I hold my hands up in surrender.

"I'm sorry, I just thought you had." I tell her.

"What makes you think we have?"

"There's a tension." The words are framed by a smirk and she widens her eyes.

"There is not a tension. There is so not a tension." She gets it out without laughing although I can tell she wants to. “We argue. All the time. He thinks I’m a self-righteous prude and I think he’s the spawn of Satan. If there’s a tension, it’s because we hate each other.”

"You don't have to like someone to have sex with them." I inform her, speaking from experience of the guys who've had sex with me without giving a damn, and me having sex with guys I didn't necessarily like just to make them happy. "I really like him for you, though. You get all riled up and firey when he's around."

"Oh, please." She rolls her eyes.

“I just met the guy and I can tell he has you acting different. You used to be so quiet and shy around people you don’t really know, now you’re jumping in to conversations just to piss him off and prove him wrong.”

“Because I don’t like him.” She shakes her head. “And he doesn’t like me. That’s where the tension comes from. See? It’s full-circle.”

"Hate-sex is always an option." I suggest.

"Do not even start." She scolds me, pointing her finger.

"What? It gets rid of all the aggression and ill feelings." I explain.

“So does their shows. Did you know they encourage people to get their feelings out during a show so they go home chilled out and not so uptight?” she tells me and I look at her, not even the slightest bit convinced. “And it works.”

“Yeah, until he gets off stage and then you get all hot and bothered.” I reply with a grin.

“I get hot because he’s Devil-Spawn and the heat from hell radiates off of him and I get bothered because he’s an arrogant idiot.”

“Or you like him and don’t know why you do so you displace your frustration and confusion on to him.” I shoot back. “I was honestly joking about the hate sex okay? I don’t want you to go jump in to bed with him if you don’t want to but you two were fighting like cats and dogs the whole time we were on our way here. I think you should try to let whatever kind of bravery he evokes in you come out in a way that’s not in the form of riled up anger or fiery hatred.” I recommend and she nods a little. “Now, c’mon because I have a slutty blonde waiting.”

That was the night Mötley Crüe was signed to Elektra records by rock-god signing Tom Zutat, who's responsible for record companies grasping ahold of a plethora of leather-patented hair metal douchebags that could make good music and snort their way through long enough power rails of coke that once they reach the end of white powder without flinching, China's on the other side. But you want to know a secret? It was all bullshit. Every person I've met in that rock scene, you know, the ones that despised the term "hair metal" yet teased their hair two feet above their heads and played heavy metal? Yeah, them. Every single one of them had this "I was made for this shit" attitude.

Some of them nearly put bullets through their head, OD'd, hung themselves, turned their cars on and locked themselves in their garage...even the ones that hadn't purposely tried to take themselves out either almost pushed it too far and died accidentally from too much booze or drugs or vehicle accidents, or did push it too far.

They weren't made for it.

Nobody's fucking made for millions of people wanting a piece of them every single night, management running them to their grave for more money, dealers keeping them numb, all their relationships just exploding in their faces, all of their "friends" wanting more and more and more.

They thought they were made for it because when someone gets a taste of what they decide the universe or God or whoever or whatever destined for them to become, they take it and run with it without reading the fine print.

They see the fame without the lack of privacy and hangers-on.

They see the fans without the people who hate their guts and make it known.

They see the money without the gold diggers.

They see the excess without the high risk that comes with taking advantage of having everything with the snap of their fingers.

They see the glutton without the punishment.

Until they're standing on the railing of the balcony of their Hollywood penthouse, their best friend trying to talk them down while the police are on their way.

And then of course when they do turn up dead by suicide, people talk their typical, "how awful, they killed themselves in their mansion, surrounded by their expensive furniture, wearing their expensive clothes, with millions—possibly billions—in their bank account, how sad for them, boohoo."

As someone who's been dirt broke, to the point of getting my water cut off and having to shower at a friend's house, but then growing up to have more money than I knew what to do with aside from blow it on drugs? Money doesn't buy happiness, jerkoffs. It can buy distractions to buffer pain and suffering, sure, but once the high wears off, or that new car loses its luster, or that new house starts to feel fucking empty, all while that wall full of awards and plaques and magazine posters cementing your fame and worth and stake in the industry you sold your soul for just reminds you that you don't even recognize who the hell you are anymore and nothing can change that...you get fucking depressed. Hate to say it. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, that even though you're poor as shit and are depressed as shit that even if you had money and fame you'd still be fucking sad. But I'd rather tell you the truth than sell you the fallacy that me and everybody else I was friends with bought, that landed every single one of us in situations where we felt we had no other way except to just off ourselves all while remembering when we were stupid enough to proudly say: "I was made for this."

People are made for this like Matthew Trippe replaced Nikki Sixx, which—if you want the truth—is complete bullshit.

“He said we could possibly score a five album deal, Viv, why aren’t you happy about this? I thought you wanted us to get signed?” Tommy asks Vivian as she slings her keys across the guys' shitty living room, pissed beyond measure.

“You just told me you were dropping out of school, Tommy! We are so close to graduating, can’t you just wait?!”

“No, I can’t! I can’t just wait because what I wanted is happening and I need to focus on the band right now more than ever!” He argues while motioning to Nikki and Vince, who, like me, are being smart and staying near the door incase we need to get out of sight once Vivian and Tommy kill each other.

“Your education should be your main focus, at least until you graduate! You are so close to being done, Tommy, why can’t you just—“

“Because I don’t give a fuck about school, Vivian! What I am passionate about doesn’t require a diploma, and I’m sorry if me dropping out makes you feel like I’m leaving you behind or whatever the fuck you feel, but I’m not sorry for wanting to focus on my main priority!”

“What I’m hearing is that I wasted hours of my time throughout school trying to tutor you and help you all for you to throw it away on the idea of being some hot-shot rockstar with girls and drugs and booze—”

“Oh, my God, you act like you would have had better things to do with that wasted time!” He sounds like he already knows he's gonna lose the argument while Vivian just rolls her jaw. “And it’s not a fucking idea, it’s fucking reality and you’re only mad because you have no control over it!”

“I’m mad because we talked about this and everything we agreed on, everything we promised each other, is absolute void to you now that it’s actually happening!”

“Shit changes, Viv, people change! What I considered important junior year is completely different than what I consider important now.” He calms down, sighing.

“We agreed we would both graduate high school and I could either put off college or drop out if I needed to...” she trails off, her voice shaking slightly with oncoming tears, making me feel bad for her. “That was our plan to avoid this from happening. To avoid you leaving me behind.” Now it's crystal clear why she's freaking out over them being offered a record deal. “You considered me important junior year when you came up with that plan. When you promised me you wouldn’t go on to bigger things without me and forget me. And now...” She takes a step back, while Tommy attempts to walk to her.

“Viv, I didn’t mean it like that.” He tries to tell her.

“No, you’re right.” she replies, her body shaking a little. “Shit changes.” I raise my brow because I've never heard her curse before. “People change.” She keeps on. “Glad this is happening now, though, so I don’t waste any more time on a completely different page than you, Tommy.” Her voice cracks a little and she grabs her keys quickly.

“Viv—“ Tommy tries to grab her arm as she heads to the door but she snatches away from him. “Fuck you.” she cracks, her voice barely coming out as tears spill over her lashes.

Nikki and Vince step aside to let her leave all while I contemplate following her, but if I know Vivian, I know she likes to think about things when she's upset, rather than just talk them out with someone. Which is the only time she likes to be alone.

She just slams the door on us, and Tommy.

Most definitely wouldn't be the last time she did that.

"Tommy, are you—"

"—I'm goin' home." He grumbles, grabbing his keys, and me and Nikki and Vince all look at each other.

"Tommy, you are home?" Nikki reminds him.

"I'm stayin' with my folks so I can vent to my sister because she's the only one who knows Viv good enough to know she's being fuckin' unreasonable." He states.

"I barely know her and I can tell you she's unreasonable." Nikki scoffs, earning a glare. "Sorry, man." He mumbles in return.

"Bye." Tommy says, closing the door behind him.

"Well...I'm gonna go find a chick to fuck." Vince says, stretching.

"You got one right here." Nikki chuckles looking at me and I raise my brows.

"Not since I knocked Tami up." Vince reads my mind and I nod.

"Exactly." I reply.

"Who?" Nikki asks.

"Nobody. Don't wait up." He tells us, opening the door and leaving, too, more than likely heading to the strip club down the street.

"So, like, how old are you?" Nikki asks.

"Why?"

He just gets a shit eating grin on his lips.

#shining star

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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 4 years

Text

A Perfect Mess

This fic is based off chapter thirteen of @matchacakesareforfoxes fic Domesticity: The Random Files

I love their fic and if you haven't already, please go read it and the chapter this fic was inspired by. It was a privilege to write your and I just hope I managed to do it justice @matchacakesareforfoxes

In this fic the reader makes a mess

__________

You had tried to do this before, but you hadn't tried to do so in this place. In speaking about this place, you meant in the warmth and familiarity of his kitchen; whose tiles, corners, and fascinating collection of mugs were almost known by name; of the items which hadn't been given a name, they still had a purpose but weren't as remembered or remarkable. You've cooked other things here, like lunches and dinners, and breakfast on rare occasions, but baking here had been avoided. It hadn't been because Zeta-7s kitchen was lacking. On the contrary, it was a delightful space and he had all manner of ingredients; you weren't in want of possibilities or lacking imagination, but you held a reluctance.

Talent, for a better word, was not what you had when it came to sweets. It wasn't an art like cooking, but a culinary science which you knew Zeta-7 had studied down to the smallest degree. Still, you were going to try. Oh, but trying was different than doing.

You leaned towards an upper shelf for the bottle of good vanilla and found you couldn't reach. If this hadn't been as much of a surprise as you wanted it to be, you would've accepted his assistance. You would've admired the outstretched arm which would've found no challenge in grabbing the amber bottle; filled with the essence which forever permeated a few of his favorite sweaters and at times was detected on his skin. Yet, those were sentiments which could flourish on another occasion, because you were going to do this on your own.

____________

Perhaps you should've prayed instead.

The song McArthur Park came to mind when you stepped on the eggshells which missed the trash can. When the baking soda spilled all over the counter you couldn't recall, and you realized you were dusted with flour as though you had applied it like an after shower perfume; you thought maybe you should've quit. Yet, despite losing the recipe you had pinned on Pinterest and the ungodly amount of sugar which had been used, the batter was mixed together and placed in the oven. Great, that was done but now there was the mess. Oh man, where to begin.

Glancing at yourself, you thought maybe you should change, but you'd have to swing by your house to do so. Decisions, decisions; it just felt like too much work. During the span of time when you had wondered as to what you should do, the scent of burning passed your nose. That part though was simple to figure out; the oven was on fire. Wait……the Oven was ON FIRE?!

“RICK!”

Wherever he had been in the house hadn't mattered, for not only did he rush in, but his three robot clones had as well. If you hadn't been so panicked, you might've wondered why they hadn't joined in past cuddle sessions. Zeta-7 wasted no time when he scooped you up in his arms while clones one and two extinguished the fire. "Are y-y-you okay?"

"I'm um… I'm fine, but I'm not sure about the oven."

Clone three removed the burned contents of what would've been cookies, and determined that nothing had been damaged, but it would take a while to clean. Seeing that his robots had it under control, Zeta-7 eased you down onto the couch not caring if you would leave a mess and inspected you until he was satisfied that you hadn't injured yourself. "Ricky, I told you I was fine."

"Y-you're right, I'm s-sorry."

"No," you sighed; disheartened but all the more so embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I can't believe this all happened. I should've asked where the fire extinguisher was first. That, or bought some baking skills at Bed Bath and Beyond. I'm pretty sure you can find it in the abyss of the Beyond section."

Now that death was not imminent, you were a jumbled mess and just babbled as though it would make things better or possibly make sense. Zeta-7 for his part studied you, and the more he did, the more you wished you could crawl under a rock. You deserved to be yelled at, scolded, or anything where you would be punished for daring to believe you could keep up with this man skills. And when he opened his mouth to speak, you thought you were in for it, but instead, he laughed; the kind which spoke of his relief; you hadn't quite expected that reaction. You were partly confused, partly annoyed that he hadn't been upset when he should've been, but your pouting only encouraged his amusement; his laughter filling the house with this happy noise.

When he was like this, you couldn't stand how much you loved him; how you were won over, and enamored by the radiance he exuded easily; all the lines around his eyes and mouth prominent but reassuring of his happiness. Soon enough, having watched Rick collapse over himself with mirth, inspired giggles of your own to bubble forth. It would be a few minutes when either of you was rational; at least enough to explain what had transpired a half-hour before.

You wanted to bake cookies and surprise Rick while he was working. That was it; just bake cookies then surprise Rick with said cookies; possibly earn a few brownie points; any points for that matter, but no, the Baking Gods were against such aspirations for you evidently. Rick for his part, placed his hands lightly on your shoulders and gave them a squeeze, leaning over enough so you both would be eye to eye. “I don't think any Gods had a hand in this, I think y-your power is just too great for baking cookies.”

You tried not to, but you couldn't help it and began another fit of laughter with Rick not far behind. "I don't think I have any powers worth mentioning, but they are weak against chocolate. As well as other things."

The laugh which had been ready to escape him seemed to die as he took a glance at your lips, then away as though whatever thought sprang up in his head wasn't worth elaborating further. You really wished he would've because then you could've elaborated on a thought of your own.

__________

When you two had found your composure, you set about cleaning up the kitchen together; hopefully, it would be easier now that you had gotten the taste of pyromania out of your system. “Rick, you don't have to stay here. I can clean it up on my own.”

Zeta-7 wouldn't hear of it and simply smiled. "It's okay. Besides, it's no fun cleaning up th-the dishes by yourself.”

You blew a raspberry at him, petulant. "Are you sure? Or is spontaneous combustion also a worry for you?"

"N-no not at all."

“You just don't want me to be in here by myself anymore, huh?” you teased; flashing him a wink.

Confusion; the silent inquisition which occurred when you danced in between the barrier of enigmatic and odd. The questions which he had never came up, for the confusion melted into something like a smirk as he flicked some suds on your nose with the dish sponge. With mock surprise, you grabbed a spoon from the soapy water and placed it under the faucet; effectively splashing him and also yourself. "That did not go as I planned it."

Rick shook his head at you, but instead of responding he dipped his hands in the water and splashed you with more soapy dishwater; you responding in like kind; splashing each other and getting water all over the floor and yourselves; completely soaked in a matter of minutes. You didn't want to know how much worse you must've looked. However, when you calmed a little from your hysterics, you realized he had stopped laughing; lost to his ruminations. You wondered if you had pushed him too far, or if he was upset about the wet floor, but what followed was not what you had expected.

He was staring at you past his drenched bangs, his electric blues immovable in their intensity; this in itself was not uncommon, but it gave him this otherworldly quality; as though they would glow in the dark if the lights went out. The front of his sweater clung to him; the outline of his lean muscles impossible to ignore. You felt warmth in your cheeks; warmer yet when the hand which had been holding a sponge earlier, came up to cup your cheek and an arm was slipped about your waist. "Rick, I'm a mess. You don't…you wouldn't want to..."

"Gosh, y-you're so beautiful." he interrupted.

"What? No," you retorted, trying to pull away from his grasp as though you didn't deserve it. "not like this. I'm a mess and the dishes still need to be washed. If anything, I'm a disaster."

Tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear, he softened. "Y-you're not a disaster."

"Yes, I am. I disrupted your work, almost burned down the house and dirtied your cute sweater."

"Gosh, it was only a-a happy accident."

"In what way?" you wondered.

"I-I got to see you. I don't know when I-I would've stepped out of the garage. Possibly whenever I finished working on my latest invention, but I should've been here instead. We could've baked together."

"I didn't want to bother you. You had your welding helmet on and all those processor chips. I wasn't sure if you were making a computer or a doomsday device, but you were busy. I know how important your work is to you."

"It is important but not as important as you. I'm sorry about that. I - an idea had struck me and I was dying t-t-to get started, but it seems I wouldn't have been able t-t-to get that far anyway since I didn't have all the parts required. This means I-I did have time."

"I didn't know. I just wanted to make you happy with a sweet surprise."

"Gee, I'm happy having you here. That alone is enough. I got t-t-to see a whole new side to you that I haven't seen before. I don't - I'm not talking about the way you're dressed, but unlike those other times we've cooked together, I feel as though I saw the real you. You don't - I know how you feel when it comes t-t-to baking and how frustrating you find it, but finding you there amongst that mess, wearing an apron that's a-a little too big for you and the flour on your cheeks, why it was…"

"A mess." you frowned.

"An adorable mess; a beautiful mess; a-a perfect mess."

"Dear, I don't think those words go together."

"I guess they don't, but I meant it when I said I was glad t-t-to see you're alright, and here all in one piece. That's all I could ask for. I thought an intruder had managed t-to get into the house, or that one of the security bots had malfunctioned, which was why I unleashed my robot clones, but seeing that it was simply a-a cooking accident was the best thing I could've seen because it meant that I-I hadn't lost you."

The hand which had cupped your cheek slipped itself into your hair and smoothed it down, gently, and with purpose. The seriousness which you had seen in his eyes earlier had returned, and the arm around your waist tightened. "Rick," you softened. "it'll take more than burned cookies to take me away from you."

"Really?" he brightened.

"Of course."

Looking at you, in that funny, darling way as he did from time to time, he pressed a kiss upon your temple and lingered there; finding comfort in the closeness. You rubbed his back, and told him it was okay; that you were okay and that he didn't need to worry. Though, in reality, you realized that you needed to be more diligent next time you decided to bake. However, knowing that he had your back if you put yourself in danger again was comforting in its own right.

And when it seemed that he had been comforted enough, he pulled away a little, only to return with an unknown confidence and captured your mouth in a soft kiss; his insistence winning you over, and made you forget what it was either of you was supposed to do; all there being was you, him, and the fading world. Entranced, you seemed to mold into him, and melted with every second that passed. If you hadn't needed to breathe, there wouldn't have been any force in this universe that could've made you two part. Yet, part you would, and when he pulled away, you wondered. "What about the dishes?"

Whether he was aware of it or it was done unconsciously Zeta-7 chased after your retreating mouth. With cheeks aflame, he answered before kissing you again. "The dishes can ugh - can wait."

Fin

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