#hey man. if yall didnt want me to leave then you shouldnt have fucked me over. what did you think would happen

[raineandsky]

#116

As of yesterday, the worst pain the prince had experienced was when he accidentally nicked his finger with his father’s sword three years ago.

Today, that has been replaced with the red-hot agony of a bear trap snapping shut on his leg.

It wasn’t meant to go like this. Get to the city borders and disappear into the wilderness—that was the plan. It’d seemed such a good plan too, from the comfort of his bedroom. Easy.

Yet here he is, thrown to the floor by merciless, metal teeth. It’s more blood than he’s ever seen in his life. He’s starting to feel faint, though whether that’s the sight of his own mangled leg or the pain jolting through him at the slightest move is unclear.

Darkness is throwing a blanket over the sky. Forcing the trap open has proven fruitless, dragging himself back to the road impossible. Every fibre of him, down to his very soul, is crying to rest, to ease the pain, to just have stayed in his ivory tower prison like he always had.

Something yellow—a light!—ripples through the trees. The prince thinks, for a rather depressing moment, that heaven might be approaching, and the warden has arrived to drag him into death. It would explain why he can’t feel his hands.

“Huh,” says the warden, “that ain’t an animal.”

The light is blinding now, the person behind it haloed invisibly in its spray. The prince can see them turn, kind of, to a figure next to them.

“Well, no.” A gruff laugh. “That’s very much a human person.”

The light lowers slightly, enough to get a glimpse at the people hiding in its shadow. Oh—not the warden. A common woman, in fact, her and an equally common man, staring down at him with varying amounts of surprise and annoyance.

“Hm,” the woman says again, thoughtful. “Looks expensive. D’ya think we’d get much for him?”

The prince’s stomach does some acrobatic somersault that almost makes him throw up. He tries to move, crawl away, anything, but the trap sinks its teeth into his flesh even more, like it's trying to stop him escaping. A cry falls from his mouth, some incoherent mix of terror and agony.

One of them says something, but he can’t hear it. He can’t hear anything; blood rushes in his ears—it’s a miracle he has any left to do such—his breathing hard and laced with irrepressible noises of his own suffering. 

Another laugh as the man steps forward and back into hearing range. “We should probably make sure he ain’t from one of those places that’ll lob our heads off for the crime of looking at ‘im first.”

“He looks like one of ‘em, don’t he?” The woman steps too close. The prince scrambles without thinking, and gets the treat of the teeth gnawing harder into his leg. “Let’s get ‘im home, at least. Get the trap, Skat, and I’ll get the bag ready for it.”

“Skat?” The name rolls off his tongue so easily. Both of the commoners stare at him like they’re startled he can speak at all. “You– you were in the royal guard. I recognise your name.”

The man’s stare has turned to a hard glare in an instant. “Where’d you get that from?”

The prince attempts a smile, but the burning pain ripping through him makes it difficult. “You were one of the top knights in your guild. I– I came down, sometimes, to watch you practise. My father adored you. I adored you.”

“You’re the boy prince?” It comes out almost immediately. A connection made. A recognition. The prince could laugh with relief if he weren’t already crying. He nods quickly. “Wh–What’re you doing out here?”

The woman snorts behind him. “Sounds like a fat sack of cash,” she mumbles.

The man ignores her. “Don’t answer that; it doesn’t matter. Let’s get you inside and cleaned up, huh?”

“Are you serious?” The woman scoffs as the man sets his gaze on the bear trap. “We’ve stumbled across our biggest catch yet, and we’re just throwing it away? We could be absolutely minted off him and you want me to just send him on his merry way?”

“Well, Gvette,” the man says flatly, “do you really think anyone’s gonna wanna buy something that looks like it’s been dragged through ten inches of mud?”

That gives her enough pause for Skat to don a smug grin and shoot a quick wink to the prince. “Open the trap, will ya?” he adds.

It isn’t gentle. The woman—Gvette, the prince assumes—rips the trap open and lets its barbed teeth tear through any part of his skin they haven’t already. Skat holds him, almost vice-like, as he squirms and cries against Gvette's heartless freeing of his leg. He can’t help but bury his face into the man’s shoulder when Gvette first wrenches it apart.

Skat grabs his hands to try and help up to his feet. The prince shivers at nothing. “Am—” His voice catches when he puts a little too much weight on his leg. “Am I dead?”

“Well, I ain’t one for talkin’ to spirits,” Skat says brightly, “so I’d assume not.”

“I can’t feel my hands.”

There’s a pause that’s a little too thick. “You’re cold, kiddo. You’ve been lying in an inch of wet mud.”

Gvette takes the prince’s arm, rather reluctantly, as Skat pulls a blanket from his bag. He swings it open and onto the prince’s shoulders in one easy move. “A’ight,” he says as he ushers Gvette away to retake his spot at this side. “Let’s get you warmed up and into some new clothes, maybe.”

So we can get you home hangs unsaid in the air. That, or so we can see how much people are willing to pay for you.

Neither of those are an option.

They might want his leg healed before they try anything. That would give him time, and it’d certainly give him a means of escape.

The prince clings to the old knight, with no other choice, and prays that the man’s warmth to him is true.

#creative writing #writblr #writers on tumblr #writing #writing community #fantasy writing #fantasci writing #whump #hurt/comfort #is it comfort if youre not sure its genuine? it is now #lmao so i handed in my notice and now both my bosses are really pissy and short with me #hey man. if yall didnt want me to leave then you shouldnt have fucked me over. what did you think would happen

[dyketubbo]

i want to start this post by saying this is all /rp and that if i sound condescending, its probably intentional because im a lil fed up. still tried to be polite but if it fell through, uh, eh. its minecraft roleplay, im not truly heated, and if i thought of myself as being better than anyone for my opinions on blocks attacking each other i think id really have to reconsider my life and how i got here. anyways,

could you imagine if ppl just like actually started blaming things that are unable to control how others feel abt them for like. the way others feel abt them. like thats messily worded but w how people talk about lmanburg its like.. have yall never had something you would fight for? i would absolutely fight for my friends, fight for my family, hell id fight for my fuckin cat, my sketchbook, whatever, because thats mine and others arent allowed to just threaten what i care about for fun

but.. if i start to fight for something, because i care about it and someone else puts it in danger, its not the thing in dangers fault that im fighting for it? the person causing the danger shouldnt be doing that in the first place!! maybe i shouldnt ""have"" to sacrifice my time or wellbeing or whatever for things i care about but i *want* to, because i want to fight for what i care about

so why is it that once l'manburg is something to fight about that its?? somehow a piece of land/an abstract concepts fault that people were willing to fight for it?? it was their thing! l'manburgians had a right to secede, you can argue that it was based in xenophobia and manipulation and that wilbur was never good all along (gross reading, but you can take that up with the avid wilbur enthusiasts, this post isnt abt him) all you want but in the end it started out as a joke. the drug bits were jokes, the people who joined did so willingly, wilbur was barely fuckin present for a lot of his own countrys development, tommy and dreams relationship was friendly (with creepy vibes as dream got more and more stalkerish towards tommy), despite all the claims of No Americans they didnt Do Shit when americans were on their land and it was clear that the americans vs british debate was cc jokes that the characters didnt truly take seriously, the walls were iirc just. to make a good thumbnail or some shit (aka aesthetic), it really was just. a friend group with rules with the friends being little shits sometimes and dream really fucking hated that ig but in the end the l'manburgians really did not have any Special Attitude that made them any different than the average person on that server, they just happened to take a house-wide piece of land and said "hey we want this and its kinda weird for you to say the whole world is yours anyways so we want this to be like. ours. please? please"

but. l'manburg is.. not something you can just Blame. its not a real country with a real system set in place, it was some shit fuckin buildins in some walls and if the characters wanted to fight for it more power to them!! people get so mad (debate wise, not in terms of actually being upset) at the idea that the characters sacrificed things and themselves for their country but theyre. making a choice to fight for what they believe is right. and hell, for a good ass portion they just try to talk through it, thinking war is something you can fight with words when the other side just wants to secretly rig it all with tnt.

blame the people who continued to put l'manburgians in danger, blame dream for being obsessed with some teenager and placing way more symbolic power in the damn discs than tommy ever did, blame the dream team for rigging l'manburg with tnt and blowing it all up, blame dteam and eret for the fcr (which is the real start of wilburs downwards spiral. he was not always unstable, because thats not how human beings work. theres a difference between dream always having a similar motif of "this is fun" and wilbur actively showing clear differences in how he acts with each time he logs on), blame the people who constantly tried (and succeeded) to rip l'manburg from its citizens over and over until eventually all there was of the country is a big fuck off crater with a glass covering

but theres no damn point in blaming the country itself. its a bunch of fuckin land. even if you take what it symbolizes (which, for every character that was apart of it, it symbolized family and love and safety and care and trust and it was other people that tarnished that, because symbols dont chunk error themselves) its just. a symbol. its something the characters are attached to, and man, its almost as if the series has been fucking screaming at the viewers that viewing attachments as the problem is the wrong thing to do. should characters "have" to sacrifice themselves for l'manburg? no! and they *don't* have to! its shown repeatedly that they can just fuckin leave if they want to, no one will stop them!

they *choose* to fight and sacrifice and *care* and blaming what they care about for being something thats cared about is just wrong. especially in a situation where the discussion is literal death???? in which most cases were very clearly "person a kills person b" (or in wilburs case, assisted suicide for his last life), aka meaning that.. the murderer is at fault for murder. thats basic cause and effect, it should not be a debate topic to say "if you murder someone intentionally because you want them to stop caring about something you are at fault for murdering them".

like damn, next you mfs are gonna tell me that tommys a bad person because tubbo was willing to let dream kill him for tommy to be free (at least, tubbo saw it that way), and that dream isnt at fault for threatening tubbos life because tommy shouldnt have been so attached to those discs (of which are only important because dream had been using them as a way to have power over tommy and over the narrative), and that tommys bad for daring to care about things, for daring to care about *people* too, because if youre willing to sacrifice for something then its automatically bad.

....

oh.

wait.

thats exactly how people think. no fucking wonder then. you know, with a villain as obvious as dream, youd think maybe the audience would have learned that "attachments bad and fighting for what/who you care about bad because if you didnt care so much you wouldnt get hurt by the people who have been actively trying to hurt you and what/who you care about" is *not* the moral you should be going with when debating whether or not someone is at fault for killing someone when they had every option to Not Do So. watch the mars conflict again and maybe youll understand that the problem isnt attachments, its the people who want to use them against you.

#dsmp #long post #l'manburg #suicide ment #death ment #idk what else to tag this. ask to tag ig #idk i just think its wack to blame a concept when the people are Right There #in control of their actions.. wow.. something to marvel at truly #manberg and nlm are not talked about here bc this is specifically pre-election lmanburg im talking about #as each era of lmanburg has its own vibes and shit and early lmanburg has the vibes of a school lunch table ur friend group always sits at #mask mews

[love-killed-the-superstar]

Pinch Hitter

Written for @codesecretsanta 2020!!

Hey, @nemesisadraste!! It’s me, your secret santa!! I heard you wanted a slice of samodd so I was ofc 100000% down to clown. Hope you enjoy!!!! It’s a little group chat heavy and I apologise, but there’s some actual prose around the halfway point haha

Can also be read here on AO3!: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323549

ngl I would actually recommend reading it on ao3 because of formatting hahaha but anyway enjoy!!

Pinch Hitter

DIRECT MESSAGE: Odd Della Robbia

(11:43PM) Odd Della Robbia: SAMMMMMM

(11:45PM) Sam Suarez: yyyyea?

(11:45PM) Odd Della Robbia: XANA ATTACK. NUCLEAR SHIT. COVER FOR US PLSSSS SHOULDNT BE TOO LONG 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀

(11:46PM) Sam Suarez: sure thing sure thing go save the world n shit 👍👍

(11:46PM) Sam Suarez: was only going to stay up late rewatching good omens anyway

(11:47PM) Odd Della Robbia: hero. incredible woman. love of my life

(11:47PM) Odd Della Robbia: and say hi to you know who for meeeee 😻

(11:48PM) Sam Suarez: crowley is a fictional character odd, he cant hear you

(11:48PM) Odd Della Robbia: but he's so sexy and strong 😻😻😻

(11:48PM) Odd Della Robbia: not as sexy and strong as you, ofc ofc

(11:49PM) Sam Suarez: jesus odd go save the world already and leave me alone

(11:49PM) Odd Della Robbia: SO COLDDDD 🙀🙀🙀

(11:49PM) Odd Della Robbia: still love you tho

(11:49PM) Sam Suarez: still love you too ok NOW GO

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Jeremie Belpois

(1:24AM) Jeremie Belpois: Samantha?

(1:27AM) Sam Suarez: sup belpois

(1:27AM) Jeremie Belpois: Motion sensor went off. Pretty sure Jim is out and about. Try to buy us some time?

(1:28AM) Sam Suarez: shit alright. i'll see what i can do. b-team already know???

(1:29AM) Jeremie Belpois: They do. The four of you work something out, please? Thanks.

(1:30AM) Sam Suarez: ofc. hey btw hows odd doing??? ok???

(1:30AM) Jeremie Belpois: 80 life points and going strong, Sam.

(1:30AM) Sam Suarez: sweet 👍👍

…

GROUP CHAT: Lyoko B-Team REPRESENT

(1:31AM) Sam Suarez: what's our plan then home slices!!!!!!! 💪😤

(1:32AM) William Dunbar: Still don't know why I'm considered a b teamer but okay 😒

(1:32AM) Sam Suarez: don’t fucking complain william at least you get to be in the main group chat, 🙄🙄

(1:32AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: ^^^^^^

(1:33AM) Laura Gauthier: Try getting added, then removed, and still being on the waitlist to rejoin

(1:33AM) Sam Suarez: ouch lol

(1:33AM) Laura Gauthier: ANYWAY, we need a plan of action. Jim’s doing the rounds. Any thoughts?

(1:33AM) William Dunbar: I’ll go stuff Jeremie’s duvet 🙋♂️ Laura you go to Aelita’s, Sam come up with some sort of distraction 👉

(1:33AM) Sam Suarez: hold on WHY DO I GET STUCK WITH THE HARD JOB?? 😠😠

(1:34AM) William Dunbar: to prove yourself, young one. how else do you plan on getting into the lyoko warriors group chat?? 🤷♂️

(1:34AM) Sam Suarez: SHIT U RIGHT… 👀

(1:34AM) Sam Suarez: its my chance… to shine

(1:34AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: Why does everyone forget im fucking here?? Give me something to do????? 🙋😤🤦♀️

(1:35AM) William Dunbar: nobody forgot you sissi, shit 🙄 take odd and ulrichs room, if u think u can wrangle kiwi 🥝

(1:35AM) Sam Suarez: i would like it on the record that i did in fact forget about sissi 🙋🙋

(1:35AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: FUCK NO. THAT DOG DOES NOT RESPECT ME 😤😤😤😤😤

(1:35AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: Also RUDE..

(1:35AM) Sam Suarez: priorities babe or the fucking world ends. your call tho!!!!!! ✌️🤪

(1:36AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: ………………. F I N E 🤦♀️

…

GROUP CHAT: Lyoko B-Team REPRESENT

(1:59AM) William Dunbar: @Sam Suarez What did you tell Jim?????? He’s 100% doing head counts now you dumb fuck 🤦♂️

(1:59AM) Sam Suarez: don’t take that tone with me dickbar, he’s looking for a sick GIRL. if you stuffed the fucking duvets properly we won’t have a problem, he’ll only be peeking into rooms anyway 😠😠

(2:00AM) Laura Gauthier: And what do you suppose happens when he finds NOBODY and comes to the conclusion that you lied to him? You have to think these things through, Sam, Jeremie’s not planning on doing any return trips if he can help it.

(2:00AM) Sam Suarez: yall are jerks, YOU put me up to the task of cooking up an excuse, don’t complain that it was shit!!!! geez!!!!

(2:00AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: God you’re all useless. I can fake-cry, I took a drama workshop over summer. I’ll take the hit but you OWE ME. 😤

(2:01AM) Sam Suarez: there are no favours in this sissi, we took an oath. we are heroes of justice now and you don’t get compensation for saving the world, its superhero 101

(2:01AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: Shut up Sam, you’re buying me dinner tomorrow. Take me somewhere nice 💅🙆😘

(2:01AM) Sam Suarez: but i don’t date girls who only save the world to reap the benefits, this simply won’t work out 😔😔

(2:01AM) William Dunbar: Take your flirting to private message, I don't want to be implicated in this sordid affair if Odd finds out

(2:01AM) Sam Suarez: ahahahahahahaahahahaha we got a funny man over here

(2:02AM) William Dunbar: Lololol

(2:02AM) Laura Gauthier: SHUT UP ALL OF YOU.

(2:02AM) Laura Gauthier: I can hear Jim coming, play it cool

(2:02AM) William Dunbar: Hahahaaha good luck 😂😂

(2:07AM) William Dunbar: You all alive……………..? 👀

(2:07AM) Sam Suarez: we sure are, listen to this

(2:07AM) Sam Suarez: sissi fake cried, told Jim she was having the worst cramps of her life and started listing off the side effects of the birth control she’s on. It was the greatest thing ive ever heard and im absolutely buying her dinner tomorrow, and yes it will be candle-lit 🍽️🍷💍

(2:07AM) William Dunbar: Holy shit. 👀 My deepest respect. 🙏 I will put in a good word with Master Belpois Himself, she deserves a seat at the grown ups table for this 🤷♂��

(2:07AM) Sam Suarez: no doubt no doubt

(2:08AM) Laura Gauthier: That was a close one. Sissi’s methods are unorthodox but hey, it worked. Next time find an excuse that doesn’t create more work for us, all right, Sam?

(2:08AM) Sam Suarez: shit you’re ungrateful as fuck. Damn . 🙄🙄

(2:08AM) Laura Gauthier: I’M JUST SAYING

(2:08AM) William Dunbar: Come on, lets not fight, I’m too tired for this shit 😴

(2:09AM) Sam Suarez: so go to bed, dumbass

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Odd Della Robbia

(2:59AM) Odd Della Robbia: guess who just got DEVIRTUALISED!!!! 😹😹🔫🔫

(3:02AM) Sam Suarez: oh no, poor baby, you were doing so well

(3:03AM) Odd Della Robbia: right????? fucking megatanks, im telling you, they suck so much 😿

(3:03AM) Sam Suarez: well, if you’re out of points now, come by my room and we can play animal crossing together

(3:04AM) Odd Della Robbia: would that i could, sam, would that i could

(3:04AM) Odd Della Robbia: but theres a fucking building contractor lurking somewhere in the factory, xana-possessed, trying to take me the fuck OUT 🙀🙀🙀

(3:04AM) Sam Suarez: just tell him you’re not interested????? Its what i told sissi earlier

(3:05AM) Odd Della Robbia: ahahahahahahahaha

(3:05AM) Odd Della Robbia: first of all, WOW WE GOT A FUNNYMAN OVER HERE

(3:05AM) Sam Suarez: lololol

(3:05AM) Odd Della Robbia: second of all, i demand to hear that story as soon as i get back. Nobody turns sissi down and gets away with it 👀

(3:06AM) Sam Suarez: well, i cant help it

(3:06AM) Sam Suarez: my heart… belongs to another… a mr odd della robbia… im in the throes… of love… 💓💓

(3:06AM) Odd Della Robbia: OH!!! SAM!!!!!!! 😻😻😻💓💓💓

(3:06AM) Odd Della Robbia: luv u. So much

(3:06AM) Sam Suarez: same same lololol

(3:07AM) Odd Della Robbia: when i get back we ca

(3:07AM) Sam Suarez: ????

(3:07AM) Sam Suarez: odd????

(3:07AM) Sam Suarez: come in, funny man????

message failed

(3:08AM) Sam Suarez: odd if you die i will be so mad

message failed

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Ulrich Stern

(3:10AM) Ulrich Stern: Hey Sam, it’s Ulrich

(3:10AM) Ulrich Stern: Einstein has another favour to ask

(3:11AM) Sam Suarez: first of all you dont have to tell me its you, the app TELLS me whos messaging me, this isnt a text

(3:11AM) Sam Suarez: second, tell me my boyfriend isn’t getting fucking murdered by a building contractor 😠😠

(3:11AM) Ulrich Stern: Huh???

(3:11AM) Ulrich Stern: Oh yeah. He’s holding his own but there’s not much time. You need to go keep watch outside Jeremie’s door while Laura transfers some files. If we get busted and she can’t complete the file transfer… well. The world does actually depend on it, so. Yeah

(3:11AM) Sam Suarez: isnt william the better option anyway?? Isnt he only like 3 doors down from you 🙄

(3:12AM) Ulrich Stern: He’s not answering. Probably asleep already, he’s a dumbass. Please, you’re our only option, Sissi isn’t answering either

(3:12AM) Sam Suarez: oh theres a GREAT story behind that but i’ll let her tell it tomorrow

(3:13AM) Sam Suarez: and fine, but seriously is odd okay?? If this dude is more than 5’5 he’ll have a problem taking him down, you know how scrawny he is

(3:13AM) Ulrich Stern: He’s tougher than you think, Sam. Trust me on that one.

(3:14AM) Ulrich Stern: (Also I am about to go save him from getting his ass beat)

(3:14AM) Sam Suarez: all right all right

(3:15AM) Sam Suarez: but hey stern, when this has all blown over, we’re having a serious talk about promoting me to the big leagues

(3:16AM) Ulrich Stern: ...Big leagues?

(3:16AM) Sam Suarez: im talking main group chat, my guy. MAIN. GROUP CHAT. 👏👏

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Odd Della Robbia

(3:30AM) Odd Della Robbia: im coming mi amore… i beat up a fully grown man with my bare fists… pushed him down some stairs… it was amazing 😼💯

(3:31AM) Sam Suarez: please say you didnt break any bones, belpois isnt planning on reversing time right???

(3:31AM) Sam Suarez: like even if was going to kill u he was only possessed by xana

(3:32AM) Odd Della Robbia: heh i broke nothing!! Im a hero of justice after all 💪😼

(3:32AM) Odd Della Robbia: ulrich may have given him some bruises tho 😹

(3:32AM) Sam Suarez: ehh i’ll take that over this guy waking up with fucked up limbs and shit

(3:32AM) Odd Della Robbia: no doubt no doubt

(3:33AM) Odd Della Robbia: …

(3:33AM) Odd Della Robbia: anyway, night sam 💞

(3:33AM) Sam Suarez: oh, ok 🙄

(3:33AM) Sam Suarez: night, stupid. love you ❤️

…

Despite his parting message, Odd shows up anyway.

He slinks into her dorm room as it draws to 4:00AM, half-heartedly kicking off his shoes at the door and closing it with a softness that’s surprising given how exhausted he looks; almost as though it is second nature at this point to keep quiet, avoid drawing more attention. Her boyfriend is a professional, after all, when it comes to saving the world on the down-low.

Samantha watches Odd from her desk, where she is sat up browsing Twitter and waiting for the inevitable ‘we need you to do something else before the night is through’ messages from Jeremie. She’s been listening to the same Jay Som song on loop for over an hour now, and it leaks quietly from her laptop speakers, a strange extra layer of ambiance to the puzzle that is the hour before birdsong begins. A Baymax-patterned blanket is thrown around her shoulders for warmth, and there’s an empty can of energy drink within arms reach.

“Wrong room,” she says in a low voice, expecting him to jump anyway; he doesn’t. Instead he squints at her in the dim light, leaning back against the door with a weary sigh. “Didn’t think you were coming.”

“Wasn’t, but… here I am.”

He doesn’t really elaborate further than that.

“Ulrich know you came this way?”

“He stayed behind to talk things over with Jeremie. The overbike got fucked up in Lyoko and they’re gonna upgrade it or something. Jer-bear needed to know the specifics about his experience driving it so they can do some fine-tuning, I think. Y’know, so he doesn’t drift too far and plunge into the digital sea. Shit can get real bad, real fast.”

“I’ll bet. So, you triumphed over evil tonight?” she guesses, shutting her laptop lid and rising to her feet. Her blanket trails behind her as she does. “XANA can’t attempt to destroy the world for another 24 hours?”

“You know it,” he says, yawning. “And now, it’s bedtime.”

Thank fuck they don’t have classes tomorrow. She’ll happily lie in til noon with Odd, catching up on these lost hours.

Sam steps over her skateboard and some laundry she kicked aside earlier, a little embarrassed that her floor is so messy, but she knows Odd is too tired to even comprehend the state of her room right now. As it is, he’s swaying a little while standing, stifling a yawn against his hand - it’s only a matter of time til he crashes.

“All right, guess you’re here to stay. Hop in.”

“Did you know? You’re a goddess. An angel. A truly spectacular woman among women,” he mumbles.

“Flattery won’t give me back the hours of sleep I lost sending Jim on that wild goose chase earlier,” Sam muses, wiggling under her covers, still bundled up in the blanket like a crepe. She doesn’t know the full story, nor does she imagine she’ll get it until tomorrow when the group meet up for lunch - something about XANA threatening to blow up a reactor on some nearby building site, creating some devastating damage to the local area - but at this point she’s too tired to listen and Odd is too tired to explain.

Odd flops down on the bed beside her.

“Thank you for helping us out,” he sighs, too tired to even look at her. His limbs are all floppy. If she nudged him off the edge of the bed now, he’d probably just fold up like a pair of pants and stay there til morning. “What did you do, exactly?”

“Told him I heard someone crying in the bathroom and thought maybe someone was unwell,” she says with a shrug. “Jim checked the girls bathroom and did room checks, which gave me, William and Laura some time to sneak into your respective rooms and act as extra head counts. Just being under the covers was enough, I don’t think he was doing anything more than cursory peeking into rooms with a tiny flashlight. Wasn’t the most innovative red herring to give him, but it did the trick.”

“If it keeps them off our backs, the creativity isn’t worth factoring in,” Odd murmurs, tugging off his jeans and chucking them at the wall opposite. The impact scuffs the wall slightly, but Sam doesn’t care. Delmas doesn’t give them shit about damages to the room unless it makes the room completely uninhabitable anyway, which is why there’s a literal hole in her wall through to the room next door that she’s had to artfully cover with a Front Bottoms poster.

“Anyway, Sissi distracted him. I’ll let her tell the story herself, it was fucking hilarious. Then Ulrich messaged to say he needed me to keep watch while Laura sent over some files from the computer in Jeremie’s room to the supercomputer, which - I mean, in this day and age, why the fuck doesn’t he keep everything on the cloud anyway? So I was stuck doing that, because apparently, William had already fallen asleep again, the fucking lug. Can you believe that? You’d think, being your Lyoko pinch hitter and all, he’d be better at staying awake.”

“Oh, I can believe it,” Odd drawls, tugging off his shirt and balling it up, sending it to land atop his crumpled jeans with a flourish. He rubs his eyes and peers around. “Got that old shirt for me to sleep in?”

Rolling her eyes fondly, Sam reluctantly peels back the bedsheets once more and pads over to her wardrobe, pulling it open and sifting through until she finds what she’s looking for; an old Hootie & The Blowfish T-shirt, handed down to her by one of her older brothers. It always hangs right off of her, so on Odd’s scrawny frame, it’s basically an Ebenezer Scrooge nightgown.

“Here.” She tosses it over to him and he wriggles into it happily. “You might as well keep it, these days you wear it more than me.”

“If I walked around in a band shirt that hangs off me like a smock I’d never hear the end of it from Ulrich,” he says with a laugh, flopping back against the covers and sighing deeply. “He makes fun of my little chicken legs enough as it is.”

“Well, I love your little chicken legs, so he can keep his opinions to himself.”

She slides into bed beside him and he’s cold to touch; the freezing factory, coupled with walking back in the chilly night air, must have really done a number on him. He snuggles against her happily, mumbling, “Can I warm my feet on you?”

“Will you respect my wishes if I say no?” she retorts. He grins as she sends him a knowing look, before placing his feet, two tiny, stinky blocks of ice, against her shins. They both pull the covers up over their noses, staring at the ceiling in dazed silence for a few moments, before she adds, “He won’t miss you when you get back?”

“Not likely, I don’t fucking spoon him to sleep, Sam,” he snorts. “He’ll be too tired to care where the fuck I’ve snuck off to, and he can handle anything Kiwi throws his way, so it’s fine. I’m sure he’s capable of connecting the dots.”

“Fine, shithead, I’ll drop it.”

She continues to stare up at the ceiling, but she can feel his keen gaze on her, and rolls over to face him. He watches her carefully.

“Are you mad at me?”

“What? No.”

“Even though it’s nearly four in the morning and you spent the whole night covering for us?”

“It’s what happens when you agree to saving the world, isn’t it?” she points out. Sam’s eyes adjust to the darkness, and she notices for the first time that there’s the beginnings of bruises around his neck. She reaches up to trace them with her fingers, and he instinctively wriggles away. Her breath catches in her throat. “…XANA did this to you?”

“Actually, it was a building contractor,” he corrects. “He started to choke me, but then Ulrich got him in a headlock and next thing you know… we pushed him down some stairs.”

“It must have been scary,” she mutters. At that, his face melts into a smile, and he prods at her face.

“You’re so serious! Sam, trust me, this happens all the time. I’m indestructible, so it’s fine.”

“How else am I supposed to react, huh? My boyfriend comes home with strangulation marks on his neck and you want me to be all cavalier about it…”

“Because I’m used to it.” Odd pauses. “Well, not strangulation in particular, but getting hurt on the job is kinda everyday stuff.”

Sam scowls. “You're not supposed to pretend like this is normal, Odd.”

“What, you want me to cry and be vulnerable on you?”

“No.”

“You do.”

“Okay, fine, I do! What about it?!” She fixes him with a stern look. “You have to be careful! What’s the point in me staying awake and making distractions and shit if you’re just going to fucking die at the end of it, huh?”

“I’m not going to die.” He cups her face in his hands and fixes her with his own stern look. “Look. I know you haven’t been doing this long, but this happens, okay? Not always, but it does. I mean, you remember the kind of fights you used to pick with me when I would come over with these bruises without telling you why.”

She thinks back to the months leading up to him finally telling her the truth. How scared and hurt she felt, seeing him with these cuts and scrapes, bruises, occasionally even a sprain. She’d gone through all the possibilities in her head - bullying, hate crimes, mugging even. Still, he refused to budge, until one day he just… stopped pretending it was all some big coincidence.

“It was scarier not knowing,” she decides. “At least this way I know what you’re up against, but… I don’t know.”

He leans forward and kisses her on the nose. “I promise you I’m fine. But look, part of being a Lyoko pinch hitter is knowing things get hairy sometimes. I’m gonna get hurt from time to time but if I don’t, the whole world explodes. Or, okay, maybe not literally , most of the time, but I’m like, a drop in the bucket.”

“Well, you’re a drop in the bucket who matters to me,” she reinforces. Staring into his eyes, she can feel her body relax slightly. “Look, I’ll drop it. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Good. Now, can we please sleep? I am so tired, I’m starting to forget who I am. You’re about to encounter Grinch Odd, and he’s no fun whatsoever.”

“Oh, is he the one who said my face looked like a beet that one time?” she wonders, raising her eyebrows at him. He groans and pushes her away, covering his face with his hands.

“How many times do I have to tell you XANA fucked with my speech?” he grumbles. “Completely scrambled my words. I was going for beautiful.”

“Sure, sure. When in doubt, blame it on XANA?”

“I mean it! I would never call you a beet! A potato, maybe…”

She shoves him and he both winces and laughs. “Oof, that guy did a number on me.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll beat him up for you then.”

“You’re going to beat up XANA?”

“Sure, how hard could it be? I’ll just like, reach into the supercomputer with my full fist-”

They both burst out laughing and fall back against the pillows.

Once it trickles out, she blinks sleepily at the ceiling.

“I never really thought about how long you guys have been going without us, though.”

Odd quirks an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Us. The B-Team, the Pinch Hitters. The Lyoko Warriors’ freaking PR Team! Without someone pulling the strings you must have run into all sorts of trouble, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Odd laughs. “We used to have the authorities trying to invade the factory. Almost got expelled by Delmas. I almost got sent to a psych ward before, that was fun.”

“Jesus, Odd. Why did it take you so long to introduce other people to the fray?”

He shrugs. “No clue, really. One day we just kinda realised… sometimes it’s better to have people around. No man is an island. That can apply to groups too, I guess.”

“And why would you trust me?” Sam presses on, arms folded over her chest. “Sure, I’m your girlfriend, but I’ve hurt you before. I mean really fucked you over. That whole thing with William…”

“You had no way of knowing,” he says firmly. “It was stupid and immature, sure, but how could you have known?”

She shrugs. “I’ve just been thinking about it, I guess.”

They both lapse into silence, but beneath the covers, Odd reaches for her hand.

“I trust you because I trust you,” he says eventually. “And because if we need some big Lyoko Warriors PR Team, I’d want you at the helm. Who else is going to keep William from swaggering off the side of the planet? He can be kinda self-absorbed.”

“Sissi,” Sam deadpans.

“And who else is going to keep Sissi from turning every XANA distraction into a fucking performative art piece?”

“...Okay, fair.”

“By the way, you still taking her out to dinner tomorrow?”

“Apparently. You should tag along as my date.”

He laughs. “No way, I’m no third wheel.”

Sam leans forward and kisses him gently, before muttering, “By the way, I told Ulrich to get me in the main group chat. Think he’ll do it?”

“Absolutely not,” Odd says cheerfully, kissing her back. “But nice try. Here’s to next time.”

…

GROUP CHAT: Into The Lyokoverse

(9:48AM) Jeremie Belpois added Sam Suarez to Into The Lyokoverse.

(9:48AM) Jeremie Belpois: @Everyone Look who decided to show up!

(9:52AM) Yumi Ishiyama: Oh Hi Sam

(9:59AM) Aelita Schaeffer: hey, look who made it to the big leagues!!

(10:10AM) Odd Della Robbia: SAMMMMMMMMM !!!!!!!!!!

(10:12AM) Sam Suarez: !!!!!!!!

#codesecretsanta #code secret santa #code secret santa 2020 #code lyoko #code lyoko evolution #samodd #writing

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 92

[Date: 17/03, 07:42 PM GMT - 17/03, 09:29 PM GMT]

jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, come on, cant you see this isnt doing anything to help?

just take the damn ointment”

Little-K1ng: “he... what?”

Marcus: “I back read a little bit”

Marcus: “Just not here”

fetch: “fine. you want me to be honest huh. go on look at the fucking doc. just another place where my problems turned into everyone else's.”

Little-K1ng: fetch.... you really, really need to stop lying to me. im doing my best here, im trying so hard to let things slide in the name of giving you what you need. but you are far from making it easy on me”

fetch: “we're gonna forget all this happened in 3 days time anyway. it doesn't fucking matter what i tell you or what i dont.”

Little-K1ng: “you get angry when you're stressed, you stop responding, you stop listening to reason

but-.. wait, whats going to happen in 3 days?”

Maxwell: “....prince told us that faer family is coming back in 3 days”

fetch: “the beginning of spring.”

Maxwell: “spring officially begins then”

jayyyyyyyy: “we'll get you guys back, if you somehow go back in the first place”

Little-K1ng: “so.... so i get warning, this time,

thats.... almost too cruel”

fetch: “whatever. i honestly can't be asked to care at this point.”

Marcus: “You’d really say that to Mona of all people?”

Little-K1ng: “i..... i wouldnt ask that of you”

Marcus: “...three days huh”

Little-K1ng: “i would simply fucking EXPECT IT FROM YOU. HOW THE FUCK. AM I MEANT TO FEEL. WHEN I CANT STOP GRIEVING SOMEONE. WHOS RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF ME, FETCH?”

donti (e): “... mona u alright...?”

Marcus: “Is that really a question you’re asking right now?”

donti (e): “ah.. sorry.”

jayyyyyyyy: “honestly at this point im willing to chuck a bucket of weedkiller at fetch's head”

Marcus: “Jeight.”

donti (e): “hey hey lets not get hastyy”

Little-K1ng: “i... [huff] i .... [sniff] i just.. i shouldnt have yelled i....”

Marcus: “This isn’t helping”

fetch: “i... you're expecting too much from me. i mean. you expect me to care at this point? when death is coming to our door and all we can do is throw on a little sprinkler? when all we can do is sit in a huddle and wait until these vines in our skulls fully bloom?”

donti (e): “... we discussed possible solutions to the buds if you.. want to change subject.. or not”

jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, the thing about this is that we have a fighting chance

we lose that chance if you stop fighting”

Little-K1ng: “im expecting you to fucking try, fetch. im expecting you to understand that we're all going through this, and every time you lie to me, to us, you cost us more time we could have spent trying to fix it”

fetch: “how would it help, by piling on more and more to the shitheap we have already? you're not supposed to worry about me. ive always been able to handle myself.”

Maxwell: “please ⌇⏁⍜⌿arguing....why are we arguing.....”

Marcus: “..”

Void: “...”

Little-K1ng: “wh... what did you just...?”

Maxwell: “....what....”

fetch: “...”

Maxwell: “why are...”

Marcus: “Max..”

Maxwell: “why are you staring at me what”

Marcus: “Can you say what you just said again”

Little-K1ng: “that sounded like...”

donti (e): “max...”

Little-K1ng: “say that again, max”

Marcus: “Please”

jayyyyyyyy: “actually maybe dont”

Marcus: “Max say it again”

jayyyyyyyy: “that. i think fighting is causing the process to speed up”

Maxwell: “please stop arguing....why are we arguing.....?”

Little-K1ng: “i... thats not what i heard”

donti (e): “... lets stop arguing”

Marcus: “That’s..that’s what I thought you said

You just

Didn’t say it like that”

Maxwell: “but i did”

fetch: “...yall still think I need to be priority right now?”

Maxwell: “thats what i said”

jayyyyyyyy: “you, uh, said "stop" in enderspeak”

Maxwell: “what no i didnt”

Marcus: “Fetch. This is going to be you so kindly shut the fuck up about not being a priority”

Little-K1ng: “fetch, you fail to recognize that you're always my priority, even if you're kind of an ass”

Marcus: “Max it’s okay

I told you it would be okay”

Little-K1ng: “max, hug?”

Maxwell: “why....why are you all acting so weird?”

Little-K1ng: “its alright, max”

jayyyyyyyy: “we're all just stressed mate”

Maxwell: “are yall okay?”

donti (e): “weere fine its fine..”

Maxwell: “its?

look im not a child you can tell me whats going on”

Marcus: “We told you”

fetch: “you spoke in ender.”

Marcus: “You denied it”

donti (e): “you spoke ender.”

Maxwell: “you....youre kidding right?”

jayyyyyyyy: “nope”

Maxwell: “ha funny joke”

jayyyyyyyy: “we're not joking”

fetch: “for once im not lying.”

Marcus: “You told us to tell you.

We told you.”

Little-K1ng: “here, come in for a hug, wont you?”

Maxwell: “no no no no no”

Little-K1ng: “ive got you, max”

Maxwell: “i couldnt have no”

jayyyyyyyy: “hold on, hes panicking”

Little-K1ng: “its the stress, max

its alright, im here”

jayyyyyyyy: “mona, give him a little space”

Maxwell: “no no no stay please”

jayyyyyyyy: “i never said for anyone to leave

are you okay with being given hugs, or would you rather not?”

Maxwell: “im okay with it”

LLyr: “they’ve kind of established max likes the contact at this point i think”

jayyyyyyyy: “yeah, but you can never be too careful”

LLyr: “fair enough”

Little-K1ng: “i appreciate the concern for max, jayx8″

fetch: “I. i would offer a hug but I'm not feeling up to it. i think I'm just gonna go for a walk.”

jayyyyyyyy: “its

Little-K1ng: “fetch...”

jayyyyyyyy: “​hm”

Maxwell: “i dont wanna go back no no please no”

Little-K1ng: “i would rather you not go out where the court roams

you got in one good bite, let it be enough”

fetch: “i'll stick nearby.

i just need to get out of the house.”

Little-K1ng: “stay where you can see the road, alright? text me if you need a pickup”

jayyyyyyyy: “stay near the neighborhood. go to the mineshaft if you need to”

fetch: “yeah. got it. later.”

Maxwell: “I'm scared”

donti (e): “...”

Little-K1ng: “oh, max...”

Maxwell: “oh no oh god oh merde”

donti (e): “sh shsshshh max its fine.

calm down its alright.”

Little-K1ng: “tell you what, we can destress with some hot cocoa? with the tiny colorful marshmallows you like?”

Marcus: “I can go make it

I don’t think max wants to be alone right now”

jayyyyyyyy: “maybe watch some movies? ones that uh, dont have kidnapping in them, too. moana would be good?”

Little-K1ng: “i dont actually.. own any movies

i dont watch them”

donti (e): “youtube videos ?”

Little-K1ng: “that works”

[They watch a video of an otter for a while, and discuss the events from earlier this day. Max thinks that the wreathe mayn’t be as bad as everyone thinks it’ll be, as it will have calendula marigolds which are good for helping to heal.]

Little-K1ng: “....ah.. they are, but maybe..... nah, nevermind.... ill let you enjoy the thought”

Maxwell: “they may be fully metal but still...maybe then can help the family....”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “.........”

Maxwell: “what?”

Marcus: “..yeah max, that’s a nice thought”

Maxwell: “i thought so too!”

Little-K1ng: “i cant believe.... im staring down the barrel of either losing all 3 of you... or going with you and not remembering any of this... that hurts, and it hasnt even happened yet”

Marcus: “Well

I don’t know if this will comfort you or not

But you might not entirely forget this”

Little-K1ng: “true! this is honestly the happiest thing to happen to me in an incredibly long time, there is a chance itll stick”

Marcus: “Baron and Prince remember their childhoods a little bit”

Maxwell: “stick...sticky...ha honey is sticky but not good

tastes yucky”

Marcus: “...I remembered Elizabeth and I learning codes

....max?”

Maxwell: “hm?

something wrong?”

Marcus: “What was that about honey just now?”

Maxwell: “oh!

well mona said stick

and stick is one letter off from sticky!

and hony is really sticky

but i dont like honey”

Marcus: “...got it

Maxwell: “bleh”

Marcus: “Okay yeah that

That makes sense”

Maxwell: “yeah!”

Little-K1ng: “i wish i hadnt snapped at fetch like that... maybe when he comes back i can give him a proper apology”

Maxwell: “hm perhaps that would be good

family should get along”

[this message was deleted shortly afterwards]

Marcus: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i...?”

Maxwell: “what?”

Marcus: “M..ax?”

Little-K1ng: “max?”

Maxwell: “god damn it did i speak fucking ender again or some shit???”

Marcus: “N..no”

Little-K1ng: “n..no.....”

Maxwell: “the fuck happened then? yall look freaked out”

Marcus: “Um”

Little-K1ng: “nevermind! :)!!”

Maxwell: “hm.....if youre sure...”

Marcus: “I must be tired, it’s fine Max! :)”

Maxwell: “youve been sleeping a lot man you sure?”

Marcus: “Yeah, gotta be tired to sleep a lot right”

Maxwell: “I guess”

Little-K1ng: “are you guys...... hungry?”

[The conversation switches to the topic of making brownies and other baked goods. There was also small talk about methods of removing the growing wreathe buds that had been suggested earlier in the day. Mona suggests cutting one of the buds off, if Max could handle it. Jack and Marcus argue over their priorities: their concern for Max and their family respectively. After snipping off a small part of the buds, the following conversation ensures:]

Marcus: “...he’s not bleeding”

donti (e): “can you guys take a look at what mona cut off?”

emuhlee: “well, that part is good?”

Maxwell: “theres some time of fucking liquid ow”

Marcus: “It looks like that...cellulose that comes out of dandelions”

Little-K1ng: “Hhhhhhhhh”

Marcus: “Mona?

donti (e): “is max alright??”

Marcus: “Uh..in pain?”

dreaming: “uh get a towel?”

Marcus: “It’s not a lot”

Maxwell: “that really hurt jesus fucking christ”

Marcus: “Have you never picked a dandelion?

It’s like that”

Little-K1ng: “That's kinda. Gross”

Jack the Observer: “it's not blood though, right?”

Maxwell: “my headache is much worse....”

Little-K1ng: “No not blood”

Marcus: “It’s..

Huh”

donti (e): “blood substitute?”

Marcus: “It stopped”

Jack the Observer: “huh.”

Marcus: “......”

donti (e): “hey what happened to the bud”

Marcus: “Mona

Mona look”

Marcus: “Mona there’s two more”

Maxwell: “God damn it is this fucking Hercules or some shit”

Jack the Observer: “pft”

donti (e): “well.

we can at least look at the bud that was cut off.”

Marcus: “It’s just sitting there”

[The conclusion from this experiment was that the buds have nerve endings, which is why it hurt Maxwell and worsened his headache when it was cut, even after being numbed with ice prior to cutting. People ask about Fetch’s whereabouts. This was his last known update to the document:]

[With this information, people begin to speculate that Fetch might not be back for a while…]

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #by:fetch #if the crown fits

[curly-boii]

Obey Me! saying things my friends have said

Asmodeus: "Hit it quit it. Now you got 10 babies"

Mammon: "That looks like a d to me, but dont quote me on that, I didnt read the question."

Asmodeus: "Hotellllll transsssgender"

Mammon: "Yeah its $13,000. Its premium"

Satan: "What the hell is casserole in french?"

Lucifer talking about Asmodeus: "Sometimes I see a gay person and I think 'maybe we shouldnt have rights'"

Belphegor: "Hey babie... grill"

Satan: "Holy chat! It's a chat!"

Asmodeus: "Jade and tori from Victorious were gay. You can't tell me "take a hint" was in any way heterosexual"

Lucifer: "What in the holy shit?"

MC: "*Gasps* I'm in pain when I eat pain"

Leviathan: "bones are wet."

Mammon: "my bones are broken."

MC: "it's because your bones aren't wet, mammon"

MC: "I'm dank. I'm moist"

Satan: "NO"

Belphegor: "This game makes me une suicidal"

Asmodeus: "Omg theres GOOSE POOP in my BED"

Beelzebub: "It got on her shoe"

Lucifer: "it got IN my shoe"

Beelzebub: "oh it got IN your shoe?"

Belphegor: "Did she just say 'what do tears look like?' Cause I could show her"

Solomon: "Do you know how much of the population has herpes?"

Mammon: "I didnt know there were so many fish in the ocean"

Barbatos: "Do you ever just go to make a sandwich and you accidentally make a shelf?"

Mammon: "I'm not dumb I'm just a disaster"

Satan to Lucifer: "You know what Lucy, you're a chicken shit"

Barbatos: "I used to be in the circus"

Leviathan: "I have layers. I'm like an onion"

Solomon: "You were born to be judged by others. It says it in the bible probably"

Asmodeus: "This gives me PSTD"

MC: "Stairs dont make that noise??"

The Brothers to MC: "You're a delicious little morsel"

Beelzebub: "...egg coffee"

Satan: "I am the ass^2. But I’m not always an ass"

Asmodeus: "DILF of the day. John F. Kennedy"

Asmodeus: "But booooyyyyy, does his penis get in the way"

Luke: "MC, I dropped my potato down the garbage disposal. My whole potato."

Simeon to Luke: "Do you realize how much God laughs at you?"

Asmodeus: "Yep. That's my girl. Rahab the hooker"

Satan: "I will cut your vagina off"

Belphegor: "Sometimes I wish my pulse was like MC... flat"

Asmodeus: "I want to get laid... to house of cards"

Solomon: "Aw now I'm jewish"

Asmodeus: "Shhh I'm blowing"

Beelzebub: "DIBLETS"

Belphegor: "I have a date with my bed and I'm not leaving"

MC: "I dont even care man. They're just boobs. Fuck it"

Leviathan: "You're beautiful the way you are. But wouldnt it be funny if you had big tits"

Lucifer trying to be 'hip': "iCarly, more like iCrawly... on the flo"

Beelzebub: "You're so deficient... in height"

Beelzebub: "Yall ever take your hands for granted?"

Mammon: "Reptiles breathe?"

Luke: "What do gays drive?? Bicycles??"

Asmodeus: "I look cute in flowers"

Satan: "The bostonese dont say their T's"

The Brothers: "We're white trash with a little bit of money"

Belphegor: "Spork of foon"

Mammon: "You did got gooten"

Mammon: "He's a fatty-fatty 11×19"

Mammon: "I thought for exactly 9/8 of a second. Wait. That's not right."

Asmodeus: "Sorry I'm taking so long, I wasnt going to put on makeup but then I saw my face."

Beelzebub: "I kinda need Mexican food in my life tonight"

Simeon: "Wait meth and cocaine aren't the same thing?"

Mammon: "whattup my names Mammon, I'm 16, and I never fuckin learned how to count"

Asmodeus: "Well if you have a uterus why dont you put me inside of it"

Satan: "Has anyone seen a ziploc bag with an odd thing in it?"

Leviathan: "I think this is the stuff we get from the dispensary. I mean distillery. Oh no"

Simeon: "Thats not dog poop thats kid poop"

Diavolo: "I have yet to discover my penis"

Solomon: "I don't know what the opposite of cumming is but I almost did that"

Leviathan: "I WAS ALMOST JUICELESS"

Asmodeus: "We're getting off topic here. Paddles"

Mammon: "I'm not against masculine girls. But i also kind of am"

Satan: "He deserved to be shoe-d"

Beelzebub: "Shresus. Jesuk."

Leviathan: "You watch videos of people with magic period circles inside them doing the sex?"

Diavolo: "I'm not being serious. I am in fact being un-serious"

Asmodeus/MC: "Put those legs away. Its cold time"

Lucifer: "I'm trying to find pictures of children"

Asmodeus: "Find someone better looking and someone who provides very good sexual intercourse"

Mammon: merpoo

MC: I think its Mr. Poo

Mammon: oh.

Any of the brothers about mammon: "Hes a person i guess, I mean he's fine"

Asmodeus: "Do I have magical moving dick powers?"

Mammon: "How many months are in a year? 12? 4? Am I right?... Am I wrong?"

Luke: "I have a hole in my butt. And not the one God gave me"

Solomon: Its not like you're getting married tomorrow

Asmodeus: you right im getting married the day after that

Asmodeus: "Penises are superstitious... *continues to sing 'superstitious' adding 'penis' everywhere*"

Asmo/mammon: "Penis on the wall"

Belphegor: "Is that like a thing? Like can people see ghosts? Because I feel like I have a sixth sense thing going on. I would like to get rid of it though"

Mammon: "Satan, what color is red?"

I hope yall got a good laugh :)

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #incorrect quotes #shall we date #obey me barbatos #obey me luke #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me diavolo

[caandlelit]

Tbh I always loved you dabihawks AUs and was wondering if you could do more some time? (*Whisper chanting* Pjo au pjo au pjo au)

..how did u know i liked pjo ??? thats supposed to be a secret

but alright jshsj ok yeah like i havnt been thinking about it for ages

edit: i lost this so so so many fuckin times,,, but here goes. im so sorry its this late anon ive had a fucking shitty few months rip i hope to god you see this

dabi would be a legacy of apollo and vulcan, the roman version of hephaestus, on one side, and khione on the other

and endeavor, his dad, who thinks hes so great cause hes a legacy of apollo and vulcun, married rei, daughter of khione,,so that his legacies have fire and ice

dabi has this weird fuckin blue fire

apollo kids dont have fire but because of his vulcan he has fire, and its even stronger bc of apollo, therefore blue

he and fuyumi are twins

she has ice

genes fucked up and gave him fire despite their bodies being built for wach others quirks

and he can withstand cold temperatures

and constantly wishes he had ice instead so he wouldnt keep destroying his body trying to adjust to his powers especially cause his father made him use them at an early age

shouto is ice and fire, and natsuo is the healer, hes strong, plus a few seer abilities

this also fits in with my hc that natsu is a docter!! so like

thanks vulcan

but mostly apollo, for being so over achieving. your efforts are appreciated

nothing compared to hermes tho i dare u to google what hes the god of

hawks is a fuckinsksjlsksk

a fuckin

ok

ur not ready

half harpy half hermes kid

everyone asks 'duuude why did ur dad fuck a harpy what was he oN'

'uhh, obviously for the wings it'd eventually give me- i dont fUCKIN know man, can yall stop asking'

so hawks has red wings and likes chicken nuggets and considers his dad a huge asshole

'met the guy once, and once was enough'

he was born out of a drunken one night stand (fuck you hermes) and his mom, a harpy who doesnt really care, leaves him soon after she gets bored

hes soon found and picked up by rumi and ruyuuku, half blood duo extraordinare and they eventually find their way to camp

and hes way better at camp, grows up from a hobo chicken to a ray of sunshine

he learns to be good with people and he brushes off any bullying with jokes about himself and gains respect for being such a chill guy

so social skills and diplomacy!!

plus hes good at memorizing things, thanks to the harpy genes

also pretty loud, thanks to the harpy genes

plus, he has wINGS

so,,, wings + hermes kid + all these characteristics = a messenger for the two camps basically sent by the gods

hes the middleman between the two camps as soon as hes old enough to get taxis and can fly well enough travel across longer distances

they meet cause hawks had to go deliver some message to the praetor of the roman camp

and hes stopped by the river where percy met frank and hazel in the books

idk the name its been a while fuck off

by a demigod guard on duty

hes about to fly across

when someone yells

"hey mESSENGER PIDGEON! OVER HERE!"

what the fuck

hawks looks around, flapping his wings in confusion

"yEAH YOU, YA SEE ANYONE ELSE WITH WINGS HERE? DUMBASS"

okay, woW, now hawks is confused out of his mind and pink with annoyance, what the fuck

"dOWN HERE BIRDBRAIN, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING IN THE FUCKIN' SKY FOR"

oh oops right why would there be someone in the air

hawks looks down sheepishly

theres a roman guard, looking to be about his age, 16 or so, completely ignoring his job and apparently tossing pebbles at the river a few feet away, from the piles hawks can vaguely see scattered around him

he sees him cup his hands around his mouth and shout

"HURRY THE FUCK UP"

okay okay calm your tits

hawks flies down to the guy and lands and hes v confused ok

but the guard guy is way more interesting up close than he was from the sky

hes not wearing his helmet, taller than hawks, his hair a messy jet black, his eyes bright blue and his smile lazy but really cute

and sue him or whatever okay but,,

hawks is a sucker for blue eyes

and then hes being teased

"what were you lookin around for?"

hawks' feathers puff up in indignation and he kicks him in the shin

'shut up asshole, i came down didnt i. what do u want'

the guy laughs

"i just wanted to see your wings, your feathers are fuckin dope"

hawks is kind of endeared at this point, is this guy for real

he offers hawks a pebble and goes

"u wanna try?"

hawks stares

then he shrugs internally, cause why the fuck not, hes here all week why not make a friend while hes at it

he takes the pebble and their fingers brush and its all so cliche

hawks tosses the pebble and then hes being laughed at and taught how to throw pebbles

and they hang out getting to know each other for a solid few hours until someone comes to see why the fuck the messenger guy isnt here yet

aka shigaraki

who drags himself down to the river to see dabi fucking around with the pidgeon guy and he sighs

drags a waving, beaming hawks to the camp while dabi grins wide and waves back

then theyre talking all the time and hawks is making up excuses to fly over at least once a month and dabi is using all the drachma endeavor has to call hawks,

"its for a good cause"

and endeavor hates it because hes a greek hating dick

he thinks the camps shouldnt interact

when dabi discovers this hes fuckin delighted

"fuckin lit, a new way to piss him off!!"

*dabi voice* ive been thinking about that exchange program, maybe i should make the switch!

*constipated endeavor noises*

endeavor is old enough to be respected by a small few, and old enough for most people to wonder why the fuck he isnt dead yet

they eventually go on their first quest together

alone

no one wants to go with them because no one is willing to thirdwheel

shigarakis actual answer was "are you kidding me id rather die"

#dabihawks #dabi #hawks #hotwings #hawks bnha #hawks mha #shigaraki tomura #hc #hcs #dabi bnha #dabi is touya #touya #dabi is a todoroki #touya todoroki #todofam #i highly reccomend pjo to anyone who hasnt read it its fuckin great

[littlebabycrybtch]

ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

#vent/ // #might delete later /// #ok to rb but. i swear to god if this pops off and ppl whine...... literally L I T ER A LL Y come take care of my kids #NO BETTER YET BC ITS ACTUALLY FEASIBLE!! FOR EVERY COMPLAINT. 5 DOLLARS IN MY PAYPAL #SO I CAN AFFORD DAYCARE. LITERALLY IF OYU CLAIM ANY STUPID SHIT BC I ADMIT ITS HARD TO CARE FOR SMALL KIDS #U HAVE NO EXCUSE TO NOT PUT THAT FAKE BITCHY JUDGY CONCERN INTO ACTUAL RESULTS. THANKX #anyways on a real note again this is a vent moreso than a disc horse post thats meant to be shared around so #its not perfect its just. my feelings over the past couple years dealing w this man #really fuckin tired of it i really spent so many years 100% on the side of 'i have critical understanding i get to judge' #no i didnt. no you dont. its not comprehensible till you're pushed to your own limit with childcare. i hate being that btich #cuz nobody wants to hear it. but its the truth swallow it #long post //

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Lost and Grounded

Picking up your phone you saw it was Happy. "Hey Baby whats up"? You asked as you took a bite from you sandwich "I lost Kobi". You spat out you food. "What the fuck are you talking about Happy". Panicked and scared you grabbed your keys. "We were playng hind n seek while I worked". "He's seven he cant be to far". Happy said calmly. "I'm coming now, you find my son Happy Lowman". You rushed out the door straight to your car. On the way you looked left and right making sure you didnt see him walking. Your heart was about to jump out of your heart. Just the thought of not seeing him made you cry. Pulling up you saw all the guys looking around. "Y/N I'm sorry". "You can say it after you find him, I cant believe you lost my son". Tears strimming down your face. "He's my son too and he can take care of himself if needed".  You rolled your eyes Every nook and cranny was searched. Still no Kobi. You felt sick on your stomach. "I dont know where else to look Y/N". Happy threw up his arms. "Did you check all the room, bathrooms, cars, undertables, under the bar, chairs, couch or the closets"? You rambled out. "Everything but the cars". Happy ran off. All the guys and you looked frantically in all the cars. In a bright red truck was Kobi sleeping in the bed. "Y/N hes right here". Happy yelled. "Oh Thank God". You ran over. Looking inside Kobi woke up looking around."Whats wrong"? Rubbing the sleep out his eyes. "Shit boy we've been looking for you for hours, didnt you hear us". Happy picked him up "Sorry Daddy". "Kobi I'm so glad your safe". You cried out. "Dont cry Mommy, I'm okay". "I know, I was just worried". "You scared us so much". "Kobi you cant be doing that". Happy said getting angry "Its not his fault, you should have been watching him than working". "I gotta make money for yall". "You could have waited until I picked him up". "Yeah so I can hear your mouth when I get home for being late". The two of you went back and forth with whys and what if's. Everyone looking on. "Do you think we should leave and get popcorn or just walk away slowly". Juice asked quitly "I think we should take Kobi and go inside before something happens that he doesnt need to see". Chibs picked up Kobi and ran inside with the guys "Happy your so irresponsible when it comes to him". "You think hes just one of the guys". "Hes not". "He needs to man up, your making him into a pussy". "At least I love on him and show him affection'. "I love that kid more than anything and if your saying that I dont". Happy balled his fist. "Do it then, if its going to make you a man". "I wished...". "What Happy what"? "Nothing". Happy walked back inside the garage You walked to your car. You were so pissed at Happy. Tears staining your cheeks. You looked Happys way. He was wiping a tear away. I really hurt him. Not wanting to bother him, you knew you had to fix this. "Hap, I'm sorry for everything I said". "I didnt mean it". Crying out. "No I'm the one that should be sorry, I should have watched him better". "I'm a shit parent". He said hugging you. "No you're not, you were just busy it happens". "I shouldnt have gotten so mad at you". "You had the right to be mad, I lost our son". "You didnt loose him he was just not listening". "Wait a mintue, he should be getting yelled at for doing this" You sniffled "I did yell at him but you got on to me". "I'm sorry about that". "I'm sorry about that last thing I said to you, I didnt mean it and I'm sorry for balling my fist". "What were you going to say". "You wished what"? You wiped your nose. "That I never gotten you pregnant and that I never married you". He said sadly "Oh" You were speechless. "I didnt mean it, you and Kobi are the best things that ever happen to me and I wouldnt change a damn thing". "I love the both of you so much that I hate that we fight". "Hap we are going to fight and I know I can be unreasonable". "We just have to work it out like we are doing now". "I know you love him and I'm sorry that I said you didnt".   "Can you forgive me"? You asked "Can you forgive me"? "Yes". "Me too". He kissed you deeply. "Lets go see this son of ours". You walked in the club house hand in hand. All eyes on yall. "Yall good"? Chibs asked "Yeah we're great never better". Happy looked down at you. "Thats good". "I'm sorry Mommy and Daddy, I shouldnt have fell asleep and..." "What was the other thing I was suppose to say". Kobi asked Juice and Chibs "Not listening and getting in a car you didnt know". They both said Happy and you busted out laughing. "You are grounded for four days and no games with Uncle Juice for two weeks". You said "AHH Mom come on, thats crazy". Kobi pouted "Whats crazy is that you had Chibs and Juice say sorry for you, you couldnt even say it yourself". Happy shook his head. "Please Dad Please Mom I'm sorry". "Thats more like it". You laughed. "Okay Two days grounded and two weeks with no gaming". "I'd rather be grounded for life than two weeks with out no gaming". You looked at Happy and he nodded."Okay grounded for life. "Yes". Kobi jumped up and down. "Hey Juice,two weeks no gaming with Kobi for helping him suck up". Happy said "What the heck Daddy, NOOOOOO". Kobi yelled "AH come on man, Y/N"/ Juice huffed. Happy, Chibs and you laughed at Kobi and Juice sulking and whining. It was great being back with Happy and everything being back to normal. Kobi never stopped listening to Happy and you from that day on. He knew everything. Not a good thing for a seven year old with a big mouth.

#happy lowman #happy lowman imagine #sons of anarchy #happys-crazy-queen22