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gintokily · 5 years

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i’m with you. → matt murdock.

matt murdock x reader

warning(s): mentions of blood, mature language

word count: 2100+

author’s note: so i started writing this around a year and a half ago and just finished it today, it ends kind of weirdly, but feel free to leave constructive criticism!

You ran your fingers over the silk, navy blue sheets of your bed. You hadn't always used silk sheets, in fact, you thought they were rather fancy. Definitely too fancy for you, and your run-down apartment in the middle of Hell's Kitchen but you knew he disliked the feel of cotton sheets.

"Cotton sheets feel like sandpaper against my skin," he had told you one morning as you both lay in his bed, your head resting upon his chest, listening to his heartbeat, "That's why I always suggest we come over here."

You laughed slightly, placing a small kiss against the soft skin of his chest before responding, "So if I were to get silk sheets, you'd actually come over?" you questioned, fingers tracing a light pattern over his skin.

You remembered that day vividly, how you had cooked both of you pancakes with strawberries and extra whipped cream, it was like you could still taste the sweet fruit. You remembered how you had helped him tie his tie before giving him a sweet kiss, sending him off to work at the firm with Foggy and Karen. You remembered him promising he'd meet you for dinner at your favorite diner before he kissed your forehead and left for work.

That night you walked both in and out of the diner, the idea that he had bailed had crossed your mind once or twice, but he was Matthew, you knew Matthew, you knew he wouldn't show unless something important came up. Opening your purse you pulled out your phone, dialing his number, you weren't surprised it went straight to voicemail. You wished him a good night before hanging up and heading back to your apartment.

You didn't hear from him until three days later. You had been sitting comfortably on your couch, cozied up with a book your mother had bought you for your birthday a month prior when your phone rang. The loud noise had startled you slightly, causing you to flinch. Sighing, you placed the bookmark on the page before grabbing your phone, surprised when you saw his name on the screen.

You slid your finger across the screen, placing the phone up to your ear, "Glad to know you're still alive," you spoke, sarcasm evident in your tone.

You heard Matthew sigh through the phone, "Y/N, I'm so sorry about the other night," he started, you placed the book on the glass coffee table in front of you, "I- Foggy, Karen and I, we had a very important case."

You rubbed the bridge of your nose with your thumb and forefinger, "I understand, Matt," you sighed, "Especially since you guys are basically fishing for customers, I just wish you didn't wait three days to get back to me," You explained, hoping he'd understand.

You didn't remember much of the conversation after that, you remembered how you talked for a little while longer about something, maybe his case before he asked you to meet him at the docks at 8:30 that night. You remembered smiling, accepting the invitation before hanging up the phone.

You arrived at the docks fifteen minutes early. The air had a slight chill to it and you pulled your jacket tightly against your body as you sat on the hood of your car, waiting for Matthew to show.

You remembered waiting almost three hours for him to show, each hour your hope dwindling ever so slightly. by the time the clock struck eleven fifteen, you were in your car, tears pooling in your eyes as you drove back to your apartment, feeling embarrassed at the fact you thought he would show up. Embarrassed that you had waited nearly three hours, only for him to stand you up, again.

Now you lay in your bed, hands clutching onto your pillow as you stared at the white wall of your bedroom. You debated on whether or not you should call Foggy, tell him what had happened but the two of you had only spoken on a few occasions, you hardly knew him. You then thought about calling Karen, knowing if anyone would understand boy drama it would be her, but decided against it. Matthew was most likely with them anyway.

Your hands gripped her pillow tighter when you heard a knock on her front door. You hardly ever had visitors, much less at 1:30 in the morning on a Sunday.

"Y/N, please open up," Matthew spoke from the other side of the door.

You froze upon hearing his voice. Why was he here? You thought to herself, throwing the covers off of yourself, placing her feet on the cold hardwood flooring of your apartment, shivering slightly.

You walked towards the door placing your hand on the wood, "I know you're there Y/N, please," he spoke again, this time more urgently.

You unlocked both locks before opening the door, not expecting the sight in front of you at all.

He stood in the doorway, lacerations up and down his torso, blood seeping through his black dry-fit, a black mask in his hand, "What the fuck happened?" You questioned, ushering him inside before shutting the door quickly.

He stumbled onto the couch, groaning in pain as he collided with the cushions, "Do you have a first aid kit?" he gulped, "Please tell me you do because I'm screwed if you don't," he chuckled, flinching at the movement.

"Of course I have a first aid kit," you replied, rushing to the kitchen, grabbing the kit from underneath the sink before returning to his side.

Now that you were beside him you noticed how serious the lacerations were, "I'm going to need to take your shirt off," you stated, grabbing the hem of the dry-fit and slowly moving it upward. He flinched and groaned as the fabric rubbed against the cuts on his chest, "Sorry," you mumbled, throwing the shirt to the corner of the room, your hands already stained with blood.

You grabbed a handful of gauze from the plastic container, holding it just underneath his clavicle, "T-There's a lot of blood matt," You stuttered, observing the wounds as you held pressure against his chest.

"Don't worry, it's not all mine," he whispered, his hands gripping onto the couch cushion beneath him.

You stared at him, "That doesn't make me feel better, at all," you said, placing tape around the gauze on his chest before moving to the next wound on his side, this one a stab wound. "Holy shit Matthew." You removed your fingers from his skin, hands now placed on your forehead. You felt the stickiness of the blood now on your forehead as you took deep breaths, tears now pooling in your eyes.

You gulped audibly before speaking, watching as Matthew's eyes struggled to remain open, "W-We have to get you to a hospital, Matt," you paused, grabbing another layer of gauze and holding it over the wound as a pool of blood formed, "I have no medical training! you could die!"

He placed his clammy hand on top of yours, shaking as he did so, "No," he swallowed thickly before continuing, "No hospitals, I trust you."

Your hands shook as you pushed at the wound harder, a pool of blood forming in your hands, dripping onto the wood floor beneath you, "I don't think that's a good idea, Matt," you spoke, your voice thick with anxiety as you switched the soiled gauze in your hand with a fresh one.

He breathed in heavily, wincing slightly as he did so, "Y/N, I-I'm sorry about toni-"

"No," you interrupted, taping the gauze tightly to his side, "You don't have to apologize, not after this."

You moved to the kitchen, placing your hands on the ceramic sink, you knew it would be stained but you didn't care, not now. Your eyes filled with tears once more, this time flowing down your cheeks. How had this happened? What did he do for someone to do this to him?

"Y/N," he called from the couch, gripping his side as he sat up against the pillows. He sounded much better than before, but you knew he still needed rest, "Please, come here."

You sighed heavily, washing as much of the blood from your hands as you could before you made your way over to him.

You sat in the chair opposite him, knees pulled up to your chest. You couldn't be near him right now, all you wanted to do was curl up in bed and close your eyes, only to wake up in the morning and for this all to be a horrible nightmare, but no matter how hard you pinched the skin of your forearm, you wouldn't wake up.

"Talk to me, tell me what's on your mind," he said softly, hand still gripping his side.

You laughed humorlessly, "What is there to talk about, Matt?" you questioned, you knew you were being harsh, but you couldn't hold it in anymore, "You tell me to meet you at the docks, where I wait for three hours, only to have you show up at my door nearly four hours later, half dead!" you spoke coldly, hands grasping onto your legs for dear life, nails digging into the soft skin of your thighs.

"I'm sorry," he said, shifting his body. You could tell he was uncomfortable both physically and emotionally.

You stayed silent for a while, eyes roaming his body, worrying that if he moved the slightest bit, he would start bleeding again, "Just get some sleep, Matt. You definitely need it."

"Y/N, wait!" he called as you stood up from the chair, beginning to make your way back to your room.

You stopped, not turning around to face him, "What?" you whispered, voice shaking.

You could hear him shifting to stand up, "Let me explain this, you deserve to know why I didn't show up tonight."

You turned around, cheeks tear-stained, "Matt, you need your rest," you sighed, moving back to help him back down onto the couch.

You gripped his hand with yours, placing your free hand on his back, noticing how warm the skin was, how his muscles seemed to release tension at your delicate touch, "Please, Y/N," he begged, his grip on your hand tightening slightly.

"Alright," you spoke gently, this time sitting on the glass coffee table in front of him, not letting go of his hand.

He cleared his throat, closing his eyes as he leaned his head back on the soft couch cushions, "I think I should start off by saying, that if you want to break things off with me, I'd totally understand," he chuckled softly.

You raised your eyebrows, the thought of breaking things off had definitely crossed your mind, and after this stunt, you had debated whether or not you even wanted to be associated with him, but despite everything you still cared for him, and he still deserved to be heard, " I want to hear what you have to say, Matt, then I'll decide," you stated, "it's only fair."

His lips curved upwards slightly, squeezing your hand before continuing, "When I was blinded, it was like my senses were heightened," he started, "I could hear things regular people couldn't hear, sense things normal people couldn't sense," he paused head turning towards the window, "Like right now, I can hear how your heart is pounding, can sense how nervous you are, and when you were patching me up, I could sense your fear."

Your eyes widened as he spoke, "I-I mean I knew people who lose a sense kind of gain new ones, but I didn't think it would be like that," you said, removing your hand from his.

He nodded, "When I got older, I met a man, Stick was his name, he taught me things that I didn't even think were possible, I trained with him, and when I grew older, I decided to put my skills to good use."

You ran your fingers through your hair as he continued to speak, finally putting two and two together, he was the vigilante. The man in the mask who had been fighting the thieves and murderers of Hell's Kitchen, the one who had saved Karen.

"You're the masked vigilante, the one they call Daredevil," You swallowed thickly, hands gripping the edge of the table, the glass cutting into your skin.

He took a deep breath, nodding, "Yeah, I am."

"S-So that's why you've been missing our dates? Because you've been too busy saving the people of Hell's Kitchen?" You questioned, more for yourself than him, "This is crazy, does Karen know, Foggy?"

"Yeah they know," He replied, wincing as he moved to grab your hand again.

"They've known this entire time?"

"Yes," he gripped your hand tightly, almost desperately, "Y/N, I wanted to tell you sooner, but I had to keep you safe," he paused, placing his free hand against your cheek, stroking your face with his thumb, "There are bad people after me, people who will stop t nothing to figure out who I am and use my weaknesses against me."

You took a shaky breath, leaning your forehead against his, eyes closed, "I'm with you, Matt, no matter what."

He smiled sadly, feeling your tears fall against his hand, "I know, " he whispered, placing a soft kiss against your lips, "And I'm with you."

#matt murdock #foggy nelson #daredevil #karen page #frank castle #matt murdock x reader #daredevil x reader #marvel #marvel x reader #charlie cox #angst #mcu #jon bernthal

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