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sns-tropes · 4 years

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sns fic: with you

chapter summary: Living together in konoha after the war forced them to face their demons. Living together isolated in the mountains might force them to face a little more. Like domesticity.

pairing: sasuke/naruto (ninja!verse) post-698, sequel one-shot to heart in your hands

rating: Mature, warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, words: 3k+

A/N: this is the epilogue!!! If you’d like to read the completed fic that prologues this, chapter by chapter you can read it here on ao3

- jeni

Shikamaru shouldn’t have ever referred to this mission as a vacation. It’s anything but a vacation. It’s freezing up here, for one thing. The snow covers the village square market in a thin sheet where footprints turn the walkway into slush. Sasuke hears the crunch of ice under his boots as he makes his way towards some much needed supplies. They need more firewood, a bag of rice, other heavy things that he really doesn’t want to carry up the mountain.

But this was the deal for today. It’s technically their day off. But the first half of the day was for recording. Naruto was up the mountain writing everything down that they had discovered the day before. It’s nothing exciting or worthy of writing. But they must write every detail down. That’s part of the mission. He can’t help but feel like he should start going over what Naruto writes. He’s not sure how capable he is in writing things clear and concise. He knows it won't affect his rank either way, but he might look stupid.

Sasuke sighs as he makes his way back, pack heavy and weighting on his shoulders. He’s been gone for a few hours now. He passes by one more booth. An old woman owns it who is always nice to him. In an odd kind of way though Like she knows things about him. She smiles at him and he slows to a stop. She seems to be the only one who isn’t alarmed by his rinnegan. But that could just be because of her lack of knowledge.

“Good afternoon, young man.”

He doesn’t say anything, just smirks as he scans over what she has today.

She leans over the counter. “A peculiar shipment came in today.”

“Peculiar?” He parrots.

She reaches down beneath the counter with a sly smile and comes back up with a small box in her hand. Sasuke doesn’t understand how she knows.

“Your clothes smell like smoke. Not from fire.”

Ah so that’s it. It's been a month. A month since they've gotten here. Three weeks since the last cigarette he smoked. He hasn’t been able to find any. He not sure what brand it is, but it will do. He’s surprised she even thought of him enough to stock up on them. He pulls out his wallet, but she holds up her hand to stop him. She hands him the box.

“This one’s on me.”

He smiles as he takes it, already thinking of a way to pay her back later. He doesn’t like to feel like he owes anyone.

Things have been strange since they arrived here. Not regarding the mission. The mission is rather boring. He doesn’t even know if he can really call this a mission.

They're not- They're not lovers. Sasuke doesn’t think they are. Then again, he’s never had one. He wouldn’t even really know what would classify as a ‘lover.’

But that’s the trouble he supposes. Because even though he’s never really been in love, he sure that’s what this is. He’s sure that’s what it’s been all along.

He places his pack down in the snow and sits down off to the side on a bench, ignoring the chill though his pants. He effortlessly lights his cigarette. The first drag is calming. Not that he wasn’t calm already. His thoughts really get to him lately. It makes him a little antsy. It’s really hard for him to go from being so sure of every action and decision to... second guessing everything.

They still have a long way to go. They’re not leaving for some time. Sasuke fears that every day he spends here with Naruto is just making him more dependent. He doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

They barely speak. They don’t really touch as much as they did before they left. They hardly kiss. Sasuke thinks that maybe that bothers him. He got used to Naruto’s hands on him. He got so used to it, and now it’s like his touch is barely there.

Sasuke had a nightmare last night. He’s just gotten back into the habit of sleeping properly now. He feels safe. He feels like no one will betray him, or hurt him. So, he lets himself sleep. But the fear is still there. The irrational fear that he’s still fighting for a twisted cause where his brother's corpse follows behind him mockingly around every corner. He dreams he’s covered in blood and can’t wash it away and when he looks in the water, he can’t see anything but Itachi. He wakes up screaming because – Because that’s never how he wanted to remember him. He’s tired of remembering him only paired with the stain of blood.

Naruto had shaken him awake and held him fast. He makes sure there's no space between them as he whispers comforts into this ear. When he was finally calm, the warmth had gone. There was too much space between them again.

Sasuke sighs deeply around the cigarette smoke.

When had he become like this?

He supposes he can’t expect Naruto to pick up on every emotion he’s experiencing. But it’s not in Sasuke’s nature to say how he’s feeling either. He feels worried. Worried like he was about asking Naruto to come with him. Worried that Naruto- maybe doesn’t want him like he thought he did.

Makes him wonder- is it because he was so fragile? It is because yelled, and cried? Is it because Naruto felt an obligation to hold him together in those times? Sasuke’s heart clenches painfully at the thought alone.

He shakes the thought. He’ll chalk it up to Naruto giving him space. That’s the only thing that makes sense. Maybe he’s just too needy for his own good.

He finishes his cigarette and picks up his heavy pack again, securing it over his shoulders and tightening the straps for the trek back up the mountain. He follows the path through town until he reaches the archway where the last presence of windchimes sing gently in the slight breeze. Just before he reaches the incline of the path, he hears something. A small, pathetic noise.

He swiftly turns his head, attention on the noise that seems to keep repeating. He walks towers it, dipping into a narrow stone alley. No one’s been here for a while, there are no footprints in the snow.

It’s only when he’s almost at the end of the alley that he realizes what the sound it.

He looks down in the soggy frozen box on the ground. Two green eyes look up at him, one half shut like it’s been hurt. IT shivers in a blanket that’s just as frozen as the box. Its fur is gray, darker in certain spots. A cat.

It doesn’t stop looking at him. Another meow. He stares back, crouches down to its level.

He tries hard to feel nothing at all. It lifts a shaky paw to get some leverage up on the side on the box to get close to Sasuke’s face. It’s a kitten. Not a baby, but not fully grown either.

He sighs in defeat as his orphan sympathy kicks in. He reaches down without any more hesitance and picks the kitten up. He tucks the cat into the folds of his coat and buttons it up so he won't slip out.

He treads back to the market with a scowl to buy some milk.

He doesn’t know what Naruto will say about the cat. Honestly, he’s almost sure Naruto would love the idea. He approaches the house slowly, a little tired from the trek.

Naruto doesn’t look up from his writing when he walks in. Sasuke is very quiet though, so he clears his throat.

Naruto turns around swiftly, pen in hand.

“Hey...” He smiles warmly. His smile twists a bit, eyes narrowing in on Sasuke’s chest where it’s oddly puffy and- moving?

Sasuke drops his pack and sits next to Naruto on the floor to undo his coat.

Naruto’s eyes seem to actually glitter for a moment.

“Found him.” Sasuke mumbles. “In town.”

“What’s his name?” Naruto asks wistfully as he reaches for the small cat.

Their eyes catch. “I don’t know,” He says quietly, their eyes stuck in some kind of intense stare of something unspoken. “Give him one.”

“Oh,” Naruto smirks. He doesn’t even think. “Ichiro.”

Sasuke blinks at him. He doesn’t let the spell break though. He finds it’s rarer as the time goes and he holds onto it fiercely. “Ichiro.”

“I think it’s fitting.” Naruto explains.

Sasuke- doesn't know what to say to that. So, he laughs, shaking his head.

He has Naruto warm some milk for Ichiro in a pot while Sasuke looks over his notes. He looks over to where they’ve left the small cat in a washbasin of warmwater. He smirks. He’s glad he took him.

A letter comes from Sakura. Sasuke doesn’t read it. It’s addresses to both of them. Naruto says everything is going well in Konoha, and Sasuke believes that because why wouldn't it be? He still can’t help but feel unaffected by the information either way.

Today is a nice day. The snow is still thick, but the sky is clear and the sun is setting in bright oranges and purples. Sasuke takes the opportunity and heads out onto the Engawa, cigarette already lit.

Ichiro has gotten a little bit bigger now. It’s only been a couple weeks but they’ve fed him well. He takes a drag as he eyes Their pet rounding the side of the house. He never really goes too far. The wolves howl at night, and he’s a smart cat. Sasuke feels like a proud father in a comical sort of way.

Night is creeping up over the horizon slowly. The final shreds of light are ebbing away as Ichiro treks off to find some defenseless bird to maim. Sasuke is on his third cigarette and he knows he should stop. It’s almost like he’s trying to catch up on the smoking. He thinks maybe it will somehow stop the shake in his hands. The shake that Naruto usually stops with the gentle touch of his hands settling over his own.

Not as of late. Sasuke swallows a lump in his throat. It still doesn’t go away. God, what is wrong with him?

He can hear Naruto stepping out onto the Engawa behind him. He expects a few things. A touch to his shoulder, an embrace from behind him, even a smack on the back of the head would suffice. Anything is better than this.

It’s not the place he knows it’s not. They love it out here. He can’t say the cold is his favorite thing about it. But the people don’t know them. There are no assumptions about them. Everything is fresh and new, like starting over. It makes him feel like maybe he doesn’t even deserve that. It’s too easy this way, too good.

He knows that Naruto likes that about the mountains as well. But there’s something that’s bothering Naruto. He can tell. He doesn’t seem unstable. He seems fine, really. But there’s something that’s causing him to be too distant. He’s too far away from Sasuke. Standing two feet away from him- It's just- It's too far. Sasuke doesn’t move. He doesn’t reach for him. The lump in his throat doesn’t go away. He closes his eyes as he takes a drag and tries not to look at him. He’s so tired of feeling weak.

Even though he’s admitted that he doesn’t mind being ‘weak’ with Naruto, It’s still new. Even after all these months, his old ways still come back to him every once in a while. That nagging thought pattern that tells him that to love is to be weak. To love Naruto is to be weak. He knows logically, and emotionally, that it’s not fair to think this way. So, because he cares about being better and staying better, he pushes the thought away. He replaces it with the memory of Naruto’s arm wrapped around him in the soft sheets as he cried into his shoulder over- well, over everything.

The tension is very thick as they stand there. The snow is falling gently, and the last sliver of light is lowering itself down behind the woodsy peaks. Sasuke wonders if Naruto can feel it. The tension. The struggle he’s feeling.

Naruto startles him out of his thoughts with his voice. But he doesn’t move. He’s wearing a dark Yukata, which is stupid for this kind of weather, with an extra layer thrown over it to fight the cold.

“You know, the last time I was in the snow- before we moved up here,” He starts somewhat evenly, “I was looking for you.”

Sasuke’s interest is slightly piqued as he turns his head to listen more intently.

“We all looked for you. When everyone decided that you should be executed- Well I-”

“You what?” He asks quickly. He remembers Kakashi telling him briefly about how Naruto vouched for him. About how he buried his knees in the ground to beg the Kage to spare Sasuke’s life. That he would take responsibility. That’s all Sasuke ever knew about it. At the time, it’s all he cared to know.

“I felt strange. I- I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I collapsed, unconscious in the snow.”

“Like before?” He questions carefully, “Like in back in Konoha?”

“Yes. Exactly like that. But- worse?”

Sasuke hums in response, the gears turning in his head, trying to figure out if there’s a point here. It was so long ago, it’s odd for Naruto to bring it up now. He remembers something. An unpleasant conversation with Sakura.

“He had a panic attack.”

“Yeah. He has those.”

“Since when?”

“Since you left.”

Something occurs to him then. Something that he should have realized sooner. He hands are still shaking. He wishes he could stop.

“Naruto,” He starts- doesn't quite finish yet. He drops the cigarette.

Naruto’s eyes lower to his hands and sees clearly how they shake. He takes them in his quickly as if he were late in doing so. Sasuke shudders under the touch as he grips back. Relief floods through him as he resists the urge to pull Naruto closer. He’ll let him set his own pace.

He takes a deep breath, feeling so far gone.

“What are you worried about?” Sasuke asks him. It’s a simple question. But a loaded one.

“I’m not worried you-.” Naruto stops. Laughs it off. “I’m not worried,”

“ Bullshit .” Sasuke accuses him. He should regret his word choice. But he can’t think twice about it right now. He can’t have things like this. He knows what bush Naruto was beating around, and Sasuke expects him to be more insightful. He expects him to have more confidence in him than that.

Naruto blinks. His hands drop. Sasuke wants them back. “Excuse me?”

“I’m not running off , Naruto.” He says sharply.

“I never said-”

“You didn’t have to.” He practically yells, voice wavering. He’s losing control again. He doesn’t trust himself to speak again. He’s afraid if he does, he’ll really lose any semblance of stability. If he ever had any to begin with.

“Sasuke...” Naruto’s voice softens as his eyes are intensely trained on Sasuke’s. He knows that Naruto can see the wetness of unshed tears. He feels so stupid. He doesn’t even know what they’re from. Sadness? Hurt? Rejection? Frustration?

Maybe all of the above. He feels like a ticking time bomb that only resets after it’s gone off.

“I don’t think that.” He says, but Sasuke doesn’t believe him.

“You do .” Sasuke says, trying to keep his tone even, barely managing.

“Well can you blame me?” Naruto Narrows his eyes accusingly. This is wrong. This is not what they’re supposed to say.

“ What !? Now that you don’t have to chase me, it’s not the same? Is that it?” He can’t stop the tears this time. The words were meant to sting just like Naruto’s stung with his. It has the adverse effect.

“Sauske, It’s not like that.” He says, voice soft again, reaching for Sasuke’s shoulder.

He pushes him back hard. Then again for good measure. He wants to put more distance between them. He can’t tell if he’s upset because Naruto’s words hurt him, or his words hurt Naruto.

“ Stop !” Naruto Scolds, reaching for him again.

“ Fuck you .” Sasuke sobs, pushing him again, right into the snow. Naruto grabs onto his shirt pulling him down with him. Sasuke fights him off on impact. Naruto tries to roll them over and pin him down. But Sasuke is too upset to listen, so he throws a punch, hitting him square in the jaw. He regains the upper hand too quickly for Sasuke to comprehend though the haze of his emotions.

“ Sasuke ,” Naruto yells, trying to pin his arms, “Will you- fucking stop .”

Sasuke doesn’t know what makes him say it. He never meant it. His words are as painful and cold as the snow and ice against his back.

“If you don’t want me anymore just- fucking say it !” He wretches out.

Everything stops. Naruto’s grip loosens on Sasuke’s wrist. He sits up, dragging sasuke with him. He takes hold of his hands again.

“Look at me.”

Sasuke doesn’t.

“ Look at me .” Naruto demands, squeezing his hands like a plead.

Sasuke’s wet eyes flicker up, guiltily looking at the redness of Naruto’s jaw where a bruise will surely form. Naruto breathes in as Sasuke breathes out.

He looks and he doesn’t know what Naruto could possibly say. He doesn’t know what will fix this. He doesn’t know how to apologize. He knows he’s picks lots of fights between them, but this- this feels different. Charged with something.

“How can you think that, hm?” His tone is gentle, like Sasuke is a child. He feels like one.

“I- You haven’t-” Sasuke can’t say it. He can’t say, ‘ you barely touch me,’ ‘you hardly look at me. ’

“I know.” Naruto confesses softly. “I didn’t want to scare you off.”

Sasuke blinks, completely dumbfounded and feeling like he’s been torn open. He didn’t expect this to be the reason. It seems too simple. He expected something far more complicated than this. He feels even more foolish now. He doesn’t want to admit it.

“I...” He blinks hard, trying to keep it all in still.

“Sasuke-” Naruto Bites his lip, looking down then back up at him fiercely. Why is this so hard? It shouldn’t be this hard after everything that’s happened. “I don’t expect anything from you. Whatever you want, is what I want.”

Sasuke releases a deep breath, letting go of his pride for just long enough to placate this horrible feeling in his heart.

“What if I want you to kiss me?” He asks, not completely steady.

“Then I’ll kiss you.” He admonishes.

He opens his mouth to speak again, but before a word can escape, Naruto’s lips are on his. He gives in right away, letting himself be consumed by it. He feels like it’s been too long. Even though he’s been right in front of him, it feels like he missed him.

Naruto pulls away and lifts them both up but to lift them out of the ice and snow. He takes them inside where it’s warmer a little wobbly on the way.

Sasuke pushes him down onto the mats where they sleep. Naruto pulls him down on top of him. Sasuke’s head rests there on his chest, and he can’t help but touch a hesitant hand to Naruto’s jaw where he left that ugly mark.

Ichiro walks up and perches right next to them, a blanket of quiet purrs filling the room.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles to Naruto.

A hand closes over his to lower it away. “I forgive you.”

“ Why ?” Sasuke half-laughs, like he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.

“Because I love you.” Naruto says very sincerely.

Sasuke freezes a bit, the phrase still a little foreign to him.

He doesn’t pull away. He holds on a little tighter.

#hiyh #sns #sasunaru #narusasu #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #naruto #jeni #heart in your hands #epilogue #oneshot #one shot #ficrec

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