#how fucking stupid is this on a scale of 1 to 10

[highoncatfood]

hellxander dump cuz. idek

this shits how i knew zilch was behind all that cuz whyd his chest get so big all of a sudden. my guy took off his binder to bed how responsible

#how fucking stupid is this on a scale of 1 to 10 #rain code #catfood art #hellxander #yomi hellsmile #zilch alexander #i wrote zilch* cuz i didnt know how to refer to him ummmm #master detective archives: rain code #mdarc #master detective archives

[dearest-lady-disdain]

my new policy of ignoring stupid questions is going to cause drama but also make me more peaceful

#it's paradoxical #i've just been asked how am i faring on a scale from 1-10 which is just. no. i Hate rating anything on numerical scales. fuck off #and not in the therapist kind of way in a conversational way. this is stupid im sorry

[nights-at-crystarium]

on authenticity

My mood in the recent months keeps going from bad to worse. Today I randomly fell into the rabbit hole of checking out other patreon artists, which always grounds me in reality and cheers me up, perhaps in a weird way. Essay incoming \o/

Authenticity is a blob of a word that sounds almost pretentious nowadays. It gets sneered at. You either sell your soul, or you don't earn with your art.

What's authentic, being true to yourself, will vary from person to person. It's like a sliding scale of suffering that you will tolerate in exchange for a coin, while convincing yourself that you have fun.

The harsh truth of modern world is that if your art pays for your living, you've already reached success, no matter how you may feel about the type of content you actually make for that money. Insert the meme furry nsfw art here. Or not furry. Or even sfw, but comms, lots of comms every month. Or merch. Anything that sells. Products first, art second.

Marrying passion and profession is virtually impossible, yet I'm doing it, only thanks to your support. I'm acutely aware that, even as I choose to be "real" and talk about an artist's money-making in a raw way, it's still patreon talk, and yes, I'll plug the link as well, so technically this entire post is an ad *fingerguns*

I just feel so privileged being able to create whatever the fuck I want, literally, I take no comms/requests/guidance on what and how should I draw/write, I post experimental, sometimes provocative stuff, and still make enough to survive. This sole fact should get me through the day, whatever other struggles I may be facing currently (I am. I don't wanna talk about it rn, instead I distract myself with this text), I should always remember the unique place in life I managed to carve for myself.

There are madmen (gender-neutral) who toss $10-20 at me every month. The majority "only" pledges $1, the notorious tier that gets treated as a tip jar with no rewards by many other creators. All of my rewards are the same at $1 and $20 (save for the one-time digital artbook download at $10, just to be perfectly clear), it's a conscious choice and a risk I continue taking because it's how I am. I used to split rewards between tiers in the past, before xiv, and it was a lot of busy work while it made me treat my art less as art and more as product. This pic goes into the cheap box, this pic goes into the expensive box. Every month. It's. Definitely not for every artist.

Logistic hell of splitting and delivering rewards, different posts with less comments per post, also my discord roles/channels would have to be split, nowadays it's just patron, whether you give me $1 or $20, there's no visual disparity, you're hanging out in the same cool kids' club, and collectively making happy noises on Fragments Fridays.

Could I be making more money if I got rid of the $1 tier? Yeah. But, mercifully, after 2 years I don't need to. I legit make enough currently, my only worry is to keep what I have. Patrons don't stay forever, 2-5 people would leave every month, about the same number would join (hence my patreon ads, I need to keep people reminded of it, even if it makes me feel guilty every damn time). I did Research (tm) in the past to find out that my "bleeding" numbers are below average, i.e. it's good, people generally tend to stick around.

I put a lot of emphasis on the $1 because I'm kinda proud of what I managed to accomplish while staying self-detrimentally humble. Literally doing an impossible thing in a world that keeps burning down. So yeah if you've been feeling bad for only giving me $1, what matters is that there's enough $1s to make a difference. Together you're creating a phenomenon, and you should be proud.

There are many stupid little principles, hills that I'll die on, that make up my authenticity. I chose to speak of it here and now in order to sorta sell myself, so it feels hypocritical x'D But if I don't shine a spotlight on this, who will. I'm old and jaded and increasingly terrified of how insincere the internet's becoming. Everything's fake, sugarcoated, polished for sale. My art's always been a scream of defiance against all that, now that I'm more or less established, I wanna scream louder. Thanks for hearing my screams. You can scream with me too if you want.

#personal #text post #nextlvl rambles

[bad268]

Hungover in Love (Frog Boys X Reader)

[Blank] in Love Pt 2

Fandom: RPF/Miscellaneus

Requested: On AO3 actually...

Warnings: Sex jokes in Droid's, uses Grizzy's name (Nelly)

Pronouns: First person (I/me)

W.C. approx. 300 each

Summary: The day after Part 1

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(All pictures from vids)

<-Part 1

Puffer

I knew it was going to be a bad day for Puffer as soon as the guys said we were going out and unfortunately for me, I live with him. This put me on honorary hangover duty.

I don’t know if I was supposed to just forget what Puffer said last night. I don’t want to, but he was too drunk to remember what he was saying. Then, the voice in my head says drunk words are sober thoughts.

I was broken out of my mind when I heard groaning coming from Puffer’s room. I went to the kitchen and grabbed him a glass of water as well as meds before making my way to his room and knocking lightly as I walked in.

“Hey, party animal,” I teased, giving him the water and meds. “On a scale of 1-10, how hungover are you?”

“If I say 10, would you think I’m exaggerating?” He complained, downing the water in one go with the meds.

“Maybe,” I rolled my eyes as I took the now empty glass from him. “Is there anything you need from me? Food, more water?”

“Did I say anything stupid last night?” He asked as his cheeks grew red with embarrassment. “I remember bits, but I wanna make sure I didn’t make you uncomfortable in any way last night.”

“No, you didn’t make me uncomfortable,” I reassured, taking a seat on the side of his bed as I brushed some of his hair away from his eyes. “You did profess your undying love for me though, so that was interesting.”

“Good interesting or bad?” He questioned as his eyes widened.

“Good,” I whispered back.

“Y’know, there is one thing you could do for me,” Puffer switched topics. I thought he was just going to sweep the conversation under the rug. “Can you cuddle with me?”

~~

Pezzy

Waking up on the couch was not something I expected when I opened my eyes. I moved to sit up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and I stretched my back. It did not take long for me to notice Pezzy already awake and cooking breakfast in the kitchen.

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” he laughed. I just grumbled back before laying back down on the couch, hoping to catch some more sleep. “Ah, no! We’re going for a bike ride today! Get up!”

“Oh, you were serious?” I questioned, looking up to see Pezzy standing in front of me with a plate of bacon and eggs. I took it slowly as I sat back up and Pezzy sat next to me, eating his own plate as a TV show played in the background. “I thought you were just saying that for the chat?”

“I mean, I’d love to take you on a ride,” He responded shyly. “Only if you want to!”

“Pezzy, I love bikes,” I started in a joking manner, “Once I ride it once, I’ll want to be your backpack all the time. Is that really something you wanna handle?”

“Hell yeah,” He joked back, leaning into my side more. “I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my backpack.”

“Then, I guess the next question is where do you want to go?” I asked, turning toward him as I set my finished plate off to the side.

“How about you take an aspirin for your hangover and in a couple of hours, we’ll go to this cool cafe I found a while ago?”

“That sounds perfect.”

~~

Droid

I was awoken by a multitude of messages. Do people not understand that my brain does not turn on until noon AT LEAST? Clearly not. 

I rolled over in my bed to check the notifications and it was all Droid. Just as I was about to check the messages, I got an incoming call from the man himself.

“Please tell me someone’s dying,” I groaned. “Ain’t no way you’re blowing up my fucking phone at 8 am for shits and giggles.”

“I am so sorry, I swear, I didn’t mean it.” He’s rambling. He is going on and on about how sorry he is, how he didn’t mean it, how he’s an asshole, and so on. “Please, you have to believe me.”

“What the fuck are you on about, Droid?” I asked in utter confusion. What did I miss? “Did something happen?”

“Last night on the stream, don’t you remember?” He questioned back.

“I said I’d top you,” I deadpanned. “And? Is that what this is about? I swear this could have waited until-”

“No,” he replied quietly but still effectively cutting me off. “I shouldn’t have taken it that far. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t take it far? Droid, where is this coming from?” I contested, but he remained silent. “Droid, if I didn’t feel comfortable talking about sex on stream, I wouldn’t have played into it. Did the fans say shit?”

“You’re normally very private on stream, and-”

“And we got drunk and had fun!” I cut him off. “I don’t regret it. And honestly, I’d still happily top you any day, Droid.”

“You’re joking,” he chuckled in disbelief.

“I’ll be there in 20, baby.”

~~

Grizzy

It was well into the morning/early afternoon at this point, and Grizzy had yet to come out of his room. Granted, I remember my first hangover, and I was no better. However, this wasn’t his first hangover. Probably his strongest but definitely not his first. 

I was going to make him breakfast and hang out with him today, but I felt like I was just vibing in his house alone. I had watched a movie, edited a video, made a cake, and even cleaned up a few things around his living room. Yet Grizzy still hadn’t come out.

A part of me thought he was hiding. He suffered a brutal loss at the game last night, and with the reward on the line, joking or not, he might have taken it too seriously. The other reason could be that he is so hungover, he can’t get out of bed. I decided I was going to bite the bullet and check on him before leaving if he didn’t answer. I grabbed a glass of water before heading up to his door.

“Grizzy,” I asked quietly as I knocked softly on his door. I didn’t receive a response, but I still pushed the door open to see if he was okay. “Are you awake?” I set the glass on his bedside table as I took a breath. “Sometimes, I wish you were less clueless when you are sober. I can only do so much, Nelly.”

“I was scared,” his voice whispered as he turned over to face where I was standing. I didn’t even check if he was awake or not before talking, but now, he knows how I feel. “You’re too good for me, and I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship.”

“Well, you know what? Friendship is overrated,” I joked as I moved to lay next to him in bed. “I much prefer a relationship with you, Grizzy. Even if you lost.”

“Did I really lose if I have a hot person in my bed right now?”

~~

Next Part ->

~~~~~

© BAD268 2023. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

#big puffer x reader #pezzy x reader #elastic droid x you #grizzy x reader #puffer x reader #elastic droid x reader #elastic droid #big puffer #pezzy #grizzy #bad268 #thing268 #ship268 #bad268 [blank] in love

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

Now that submissions are closed, we can talk stats. There were 881 valid, unique submissions for 474 characters! Woof, women have it rough out there!

The most submitted characters, with a relevant propaganda snippet included, are:

1. Sakura Haruno (Naruto): 28 [where do i even fucking begin]

2. Cordelia Chase (Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel): 21 [OH SO MANY THINGS]

3. Misa Amane (Death Note): 20 [The author of Death Note invented new forms of misogyny just to apply them to Misa.]

4. Kaede Akamatsu (Danganronpa V3): 15 [Oh, you thought we would have a female main character in one of our mainline games? With a cool defining talent, no less? That's stupid of you]

5. TIE: Kairi (Kingdom Hearts): 14 [I'm so mad. I think she deserves a gun.]

5. TIE: Stephanie Brown (DC Comics): 14 [She does eventually get retconned as surviving the event and hiding out in Africa (don't ask, it does not make more sense in context)]

The canons with the most submissions, with a relevant propaganda snippet included, are:

1. DC Comics: 61 [DC has SO MUCH sexism it's laughable]

2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel: 35 [Fuck Joss Whedon, man.]

3. Naruto: 33 [because Kishimoto hates women]

4. Warrior Cats: 26 [Warriors is one of the most misogynistic children's series I've ever seen]

5. Danganronpa: 25 [I honestly had to think about it just to decide which woman is treated the worst because this series hates them so much]

The canons with the most characters submitted, with a relevant propaganda snippet for a specific character included, are:

1. DC Comics: 21 [Free her from the huge tits back breaking pose.]

2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel: 12 [Anyways she was so hot and for what. 10/10 my lesbian awakening.]

3. Supernatural: 11 [Yeah, she got randomly killed off-screen for shock value and manpain, but she sent an email right before she died so at least her death wasn't in vain, right?]

4. TIE: Star Trek: 9 [She literally gets teleported out of her clothes in one episode.]

4. TIE: Yu-Gi-Oh!: 9 [One loss is particularly brutal as she falls from a large height directly onto her head and goes into a coma (again. yes this was the second time).]

5. TIE: Warrior Cats: 8 [I'm sure she'll get submitted again just ask any reasonable fan they'll tell you about her and her sister]

5. TIE: Attack on Titan: 8 [As a child soldier, she does commit some war crimes]

And here are some charts to show how some of these entries fucked the scale on my charts:

Look at Sakura, fucking up my chart with her numbers.

On a similar note...

Good god, DC, I know what you did, but add fucking up my charts to your list of crimes.

And now, enjoy some rankings of my favorite things:

My favorite universal sentiment quotes from propaganda are:

She lived she served cunt and then she got killed off super early so that the male characters could experience man pain and also because I guess she would have been too powerful if left alive. [Wen Qing (Mo Dao Zu Shi)]

That design. Dear god. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. [Mitzi (The Queen's Corgi)]

In the end she may have girlbossed too close to the sun, but I support her anger. [Ling Wen (Heaven Official's Blessing)]

the victim of “writer doesn’t understand women and also hates them” disease. [Naomi Misora (Death Note)]

She could 100% kill somebody but nobody ever effing lets her. Rip queen. [Kairi (Kingdom Hearts)]

My favorite raging at a writer quotes from propaganda are:

1. You took every single protagonist to weird lion heaven, Clive, but suddenly Susan isn't good enough. [Susan Pevensie (The Chronicles of Narnia)]

2. Being a woman written by Joss Whedon should automatically entitle her to financial compensation tbh. [River Tam (Firefly)]

3. A lot can be summed up in a couple words, namely, "Furman, why?" [Arcee (Transformers)]

4. Can you tell respect women juice ran in Tolstoy's veins. [Lise Bolkonskaya (War and Peace)]

5. TIE: (specifically a guy called Dan Didio, who we all hate) [Stephanie Brown (DC Comics)]

5. TIE: until Geoff motherfucking Johns comes into the picture [Pantha (DC Comics)]

My favorite quotes from propaganda that have nothing to do with misogyny, y'all are just funny:

I wish I could use bold here, because there's no such thing as uppercase numbers. [Arcee (Transformers)]

the most convoluted and lore dense piece of media this side of the afton criticality. [Jane Crocker (Homestuck)]

ended up starting a gang war by accident [Stephanie Brown (DC Comics)]

Ashfur, who later turns out to be a murderous incel [Squirrelflight (Warrior Cats)]

Hawkfrost is actively seeing Brambleclaw and his evil father in cat hell. [Squirrelflight (Warrior Cats)]

#not polls #stats

[holybatgirlz]

Had to do another response to bridgertonbabe’s spouses groupchat

(All credit goes to @bridgertonbabe)

—

🐝 The Children Group Chat 🐝

Eloise sent a picture.

Eloise: I think we should submit this to Merriam-Webster to put in the dictionary next to the word ‘heavenly’ because holy shit what happened last night was the closest I have ever had to a religious experience.

Eloise: And yes, I already created and bought matching sweatshirts with this image on it for everyone. They say ‘I survived the Pictionary Incident of ‘16’ on them.

Hyacinth: I swear to god if you two idiots scared Sophie off I’m going to finish what she started.

Anthony: Do I have to remind everyone that both Colin and myself were assaulted last night?? Or did you not see the photo Eloise just sent??

Violet: Do I need to remind you both that you purposefully dropped a keg on your brother’s hand?!?

Colin: Mini. It was a mini keg.

Colin: We’re not stupid enough to drop an actual keg on Benedict.

Violet: Well, you could have fooled me.

Violet: The doctor told me your poor brother broke two fingers and was a millimeter away from needing to have surgery on his hand. And in his dominant hand no less.

Violet: Do you have any idea how this is going to impact your brother? His painting? His upcoming gallery showing? He still has three paintings he needs to finish before next month and I have no idea how he’s going to complete them now that you two have gone and done this to him.

Colin: Yes, yes mother. We know. Benedict’s your precious little baby. Heaven forbid he do anything wrong. Like yelling at his girlfriend because she nearly made him lose Pictionary.

Colin: A girlfriend who, I would like the record to reflect, slapped me.

Anthony: Sophie also gave me a black eye. Kate has spent all of this morning laughing at me every time I walk into a room and she sees it so I think we’re even.

Violet sent a picture.

Violet sent a picture.

Violet: What did you not understand about almost needing surgery? You practically shattered his hand!! You nearly destroyed your brother’s art career!

Hyacinth: If Sophie stops talking to me because of the shit you two bozos pulled omg I’m going to end you both.

Colin: I’m surprised the coke can you nearly hit her with didn’t already do that.

Daphne: Hey. We may have a situation happening.

Francesca: What’s wrong?

Violet: Is everything alright?

Daphne: Simon’s panic pacing in our living room right now and I heard him say something about Sophie. I’m trying to figure out what happened. Give me a second.

Daphne: Hold on.

Daphne: SOPHIE’S PLANNING TO BREAK UP WITH BEN!!

Francesca: What??

Eloise: Say sike Daphne. Say sike right now.

Gregory: Seriously??

Colin: Oh shit. For real?

Francesca: How do you know?

Daphne: Simon and Kate are texting with her right now. I only figured it out because Simon’s stutter comes back when he’s stressed and mutters to himself to stay calm.

Daphne: But Sophie’s said she’s going to break up with Ben when he wakes up because she thinks we all hate her!!

Violet: I need to get back to the hospital right now.

Hyacinth: YOU IDIOTS!!!

Hyacinth: I’M GOING TO KILL YOU BOTH!!

Colin: Gregory. Since I know u r with her. Scale of 1-10 how pissed is Hy right now?

Gregory: Hy right now:

Gregory sent a photo

Gregory sent a photo

Colin: Ah. 100 then.

Gregory: Yeah

Colin: Well it was nice knowing everyone

Anthony: Why on earth would she think we hate her?? You were all cheering her on when she was assaulting us.

Eloise: By far the hottest thing I've ever seen. I think watching her throw that punch rewired my brain chemistry. Watered my crops. Cleared my skin. Ended my depression. And helped me finish my graduate applications. I’ve never felt so alive.

Eloise: Fuck Wollstonecraft. Fuck Steinem. Fuck Atwood. Their works do not even compare to the straight prose Sophie was shooting last night while she was yelling at you two.

Eloise: And if we lose her now because you two idiots made her think we despise her I am going to HELP HYACINTH BURY YOUR BODIES!!!

Francesca: Mum, how close are you?

Violet: 30 minutes out. John is driving as fast as he legally can to get me back there.

Violet: I knew I shouldn’t have left her there alone. I knew something was off. She was far too quiet to have been okay with all of this.

Daphne: Do you need us to come meet you there?

Violet: No. The last thing we need to do is overwhelm her.

Violet: This is all my fault. I should never have picked Pictionary. I shouldn’t have even allowed a Game Night to begin with!

Violet: I forgot that I have wolves for children. That you all were swapped with changelings as babies.

Hyacinth: Why didn’t anyone stay with Sophie???

Eloise: Because she’s a grown woman who knows how to handle herself. She seemed fine last night.

Francesca: She seemed pretty overwhelmed to me. I found her crying in the bathroom after Benedict yelled at her.

Violet: She was crying?!!!

Francesca: I think she was just taken by surprise and she told me Danbury had called her earlier about the lawsuit with her stepmother so I thought she was probably already stressed before she arrived at the house last night. I told her Benedict didn’t mean any of it. And after the beat down she gave Colin and Anthony I thought she would be okay.

Hyacinth: Mum you need to get there!!

Violet: Sweetheart, I’m trying to get there as fast as I can.

Hyacinth: Omg Mum hurry up 😩😩😩 My sanity is on the line here.

Gregory: Anthony and Colin’s asses are literally on the line right now. Hyacinth might actually commit to killing them.

Hyacinth: I swear to God I’m going to actually lose it if Sophie leaves. We finally were about to have a cool in-law in the family and now you IDIOTS RUINED IT!!!

Gregory: We were almost able to say we had a felon in the family 😖😖😖

Daphne: Gregory. Sophie nearly going to jail is not something to strive for.

Francesca: She also isn’t a felon. She would have had to have been convicted for that to be true.

Hyacinth: Firstly, she was falsely accused and this has been a known fact for weeks now. Keep up. Secondly, and according to the police report, Sophie almost outran the cops and got away. Like they chased her seven blocks before they caught her. Full sprint the entire time. And then she elbowed one of them while they were arresting her so they nearly hit her with an assaulting police officer charge because of it.

Hyacinth: Thirdly, Ben said Sophie completely decked her stepmother once it was revealed that Armabitch lied about her stealing from her (which honestly should have been a heads up for tweedle dumb and tweedle dumbest not to FUCK with her)

Hyacinth: And FOURTHLY, she literally got broken out of jail by Mum and Ben because yours truly was smart enough to make sure her location sharing was on.

Hyacinth: She’s a literal icon of icons 😍😍😍

Daphne: Hyacinth, you never answered this the last time we asked. But did you hack Sophie’s phone?

Hyacinth: No

Hyacinth: I just made sure she was sharing her location with me while I was putting my number in her phone. That’s all.

Violet: Alright I’m back at the hospital.

Hyacinth: Mum you need to find Sophie! You need to stop her!

Violet: Oh I plan to. Not going to allow all my hard work to go to waste. I’ll text you once I’ve spoken to her.

Eloise: Are you two idiots happy with yourselves now??

Eloise: Was this worth dropping a keg on Benedict??

Colin: Again

Colin: Mini keg.

Colin: And right now, since I am currently praying to every God in existence to make sure Sophie and Benedict don’t break up, the answer is no.

Anthony: If she was bold enough to hit me in the face, then she was a perfect fit for this family.

Anthony: Mum, if you don’t stop her, tell me. I’ll come out there and speak to her myself.

Hyacinth: Anything?

Daphne: Oh my god this wait is killing me.

Francesca: Mum any updates yet?

Benedict sent a picture

Benedict: I lived.

Daphne: Benedict! Where’s Sophie? Is she with you?

Hyacinth: DO NOT LET HER LEAVE US!!!

Benedict: She here ❤️

Benedict: she finance

Eloise: ????

Benedict: Soap finance

Daphne: Benedict what are you trying to say

Eloise: What the hell does this mean???

Benedict: Soap

Benedict: Finance

Benedict: SOAP MY FINANCE

Benedict: soap finance

Benedict: Duck

Francesca: Benedict are you still high??

Benedict: No. Typing 1 hand. Hard

Eloise: I think we should all take that as he’s still high.

Benedict: Soap Bucket my finance

Gregory: This is some fucking DaVinci code level shit.

Francesca: Are you talking about Sophie??

Benedict: Yes

Benedict: Finance

Benedict: She finance

Francesca: She’s fine?

Eloise: What about Sophie’s finances??

Violet: Fiancée. He means fiancée.

Violet: Sophie and Benedict are engaged!! Well, technically, engaged. Sophie told him he has to propose again once the drugs wear off but I got here just in time to see Benedict asking her to marry him after he woke up and hearing Sophie tell him yes. We’ve all been celebrating. It was quite lovely 🥰🥰

Benedict: Mum cryin rite now.

Eloise: No doubt ecstatic she no longer needs to worry about you dying alone.

Colin: Oh thank Christ.

Gregory:

Francesca: 🥳🥳 Congratulations Benedict

Daphne: Congratulations!!

Hyacinth: This is literally the best news I could receive 😭😭😭

Benedict: Thank you ☺️

Benedict: V happy rite now.

Eloise: V high 2

Benedict sent a photo

Benedict: High on life 😌😌😌 On love 😍☺️🥰

Eloise: Omg 🤢🤮

Eloise: Freak

Eloise: No one asked to see your kissing selfies.

Violet: Benedict. Sweetheart. Since I apparently have to text you this as well. Put the phone down and go back to sleep.

Benedict: NO

Benedict: Engaged!

Benedict: Every1 celebrate me b engaged

Anthony: Congratulations brother.

Benedict: Asshole. Hat u. U no celebrate.

Benedict: Hate other asshole 2. Were Colin?

Colin: Hey Benedict. How’s your hand?

Benedict: Duck u

Benedict: Fuck u

Benedict: Hate u both so much rite now.

Colin: Listen. Ben. I’m really sorry for almost crushing your hand.

Benedict: Hand no long matter. U hurt Soap. I kill u.

Colin: She slapped me!

Benedict: Deserved. U deserved. Drop keg on me n face Soap wrath.

Benedict: God she was so hot 4 that.

Eloise: So hot

Benedict: So hot. My gf is so hot.

Benedict: Finance! She finance now.

Anthony: Benedict. Please tell Sophie how sorry we are for last night and that we are all incredibly happy for her. For both of you.

Anthony: You can also tell her she has an impressive right hook.

Anthony: …

Anthony: Benedict?

Anthony: Benedict are you there?

Violet: He’s not going to answer. Sophie finally took his phone away. But I’ll tell her.

Daphne: Everyone say thank you to Kate and Simon. They spent almost an hour trying to talk Sophie out of leaving Benedict while we were all freaking out.

Francesca: Do they know?

Daphne: I told Simon

Anthony: Kate knows

Gregory: Kate and Simon right now probably

Eloise: Anthony. How much did you just drop on ‘thank you for saving my ass’ jewelry for Kate?

Anthony: Fuck off.

Francesca: I texted Kate. She’s checking the bank account.

Francesca: About 5k by the looks of it. And he’s taking her to Paris.

Anthony: I hate all of you.

#violet and footman John fully Tokyo drifting through London to get back to the hospital and stop Sophie #and yes Colin and Anthony regularly wear the sweatshirts #Benedict wears it once a week #my fics. #inspired by bridgertonbabe #little ficlet #bridgerton #benophie

[vexwerewolf]

on a scale of 1-10, how stupid would it be if i were to slap a flamethrower and a decksweeper onto a deaths head?

I actually made a Flamethrower Death's Head because of some art that @zhjake made for IGF.

-- SSC Death’s Head @ LL6 -- [ LICENSES ] SSC Death’s Head 2, HA Genghis 1, IPS-N Tortuga 3 [ CORE BONUSES ] Reinforced Frame, Improved Armament [ TALENTS ] Vanguard 3, Heavy Gunner 3, Skirmisher 3 [ STATS ] HULL:4 AGI:2 SYS:0 ENGI:2 STRUCTURE:4 HP:26 ARMOR:0 STRESS:4 HEATCAP:8 REPAIR:4 TECH ATK:0 LIMITED:+1 SPD:6 EVA:12 EDEF:8 SENSE:20 SAVE:13 [ WEAPONS ] FLEX MOUNT: Vulture DMR MAIN/AUX MOUNT: Deck-Sweeper Automatic Shotgun / Pistol HEAVY MOUNT: Krakatoa Thermobaric Flamethrower (Throughbolt Rounds) [ SYSTEMS ] Personalizations, Armament Redundancy, HyperDense Armor, Explosive Vents

I call this Firebug.

The Death's Head's Core Power sucks in general but it's absolutely worthless for this build so we won't ever use it. This build is entirely focused on getting in as close as possible and then being a giant fucking problem.

You want to use your excellent speed to get really close to the enemy, activate your HyperDense Armor and from then on, your average turn looks like this: Skirmish to fire your flamethrower into a group of enemies, and then Heavy Gunner to designate two targets that will become Impaired.

If either of them move, they either just help you line up the cone of your Flamethrower for you, move away from you (and thus outside the minimum range of your HyperDense Armor) or move towards you and potentially trigger your much more damaging Decksweeper Overwatch instead.

#lancer #lancer rpg #lancerrpg #lancer-rpg #death's head #mecha

[starglow-xx]

𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘺 ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

(𝘯.) 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘵

the nakajima atsushi collection of “the love of an older brother” series

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ synopsis: he’s had a terrible childhood, and is in no condition to take care of himself much less a newborn, but he’ll do everything it takes to make sure you’ll have the childhood he’s never had

having a baby sister pt. 2 !!

(platonic!) older brother! nakajima atsushi x baby sister! reader

characters: fukuzawa yukichi, edogawa ranpo, yosano akiko, kunikida doppo & dazai osamu | type of work: head canons | pt. 1 | pt. 2 |

a/n : oops i have no excuses

parental guardians time ✧˖*°࿐

atsushi was absolutely done with these people

why the heck did they think that bringing him (who’s obviously the guardian of a month old little girl) to a bombing hostage situation was a good idea

honestly

can’t a guy get a break?

we don’t talk abt it but he started to cry too

but then the bomb didn’t go off?? (ಠ_ಠ)

but then the bomb didn’t go off?? (ಠ_ಠ)

so he was just there on the ground in an awkward position going “h u h” in his head

note that he was still crying and so were you, but not as loud as a few moments ago

when he realized that the bomb wasn’t going to go off, he practically leaped off the bomb and snatched you from dazai’s arms shushing you shakily, trying to calm you and himself down

after you had done so, you cozied back up into your blanket like nothing ever happened

oh the life of a month old baby, how relaxing you must have it

it took a good minute or two to understand what the fuck was happening

the job that dazai-san recommended = job at armed detective agency

the test involved = the ada’s entrance exam

he passed the exam = job at armed detective agency

yeah no he felt like he was gonna pass out (ಠ_ಠ)

fast forwarding to happier times, let’s say that life at the agency was...eventful to say the very least, but luckily there are some very…competent adults to help atsushi out

fukuzawa yukichi ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

#1 cat grandpa

pls you’re now added onto his list of weaknesses

everyone knows it

ranpo’s not a happy camper

...

but he likes you too so you get a free pass ig

one of the best at getting you to settle down only second to atsushi

he’s very calm on the outside, but on the inside at times he’s freakin out a little bit

bc yes he has his crazy stupid lunatic children but a kid this young?

this smol?

yeah no it’s first time too give him a break

so yeah a little awkward at times but he means well and he’s getting the hang of it

atsushi trust scale a solid 12/10

definitely trustworthy to leave you in his care

bonus points bc he knows he won’t get a migraine

edogawa ranpo ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

...

questionable but he’s ranpo-san so he’s reliable to a degree

in life and death situations and supposed to be impossible cases that need solving? 

oh yeah def trusts

but ranpo-san with a...baby?

hm

atsushi is skeptical

but like i said, he likes you so the reliableness factor increases

but actually unbeknownst to atsushi and some other agency members, he does knows the dos and don’ts of what to do when taking care of a baby

he just likes the reactions he gets when doing something he isn’t supposed to

“ah (y/n)! my soon to be protege! lemme take you on a murder case with me!”

“RANPO-SAN SHE’S A BABY???”

“WAIT GET BACK HERE WITH HER STROLLER—”

and actually his favorite victim isn’t your older brother but kunikida

freaking him out is one of the highlights of his day tbh

now he really understands the kick dazai gets whenever he does it

one time he tried to give you a lollipop but kunikida who wasn’t even in the room burst out of the president’s office and started screaming abt danger and choking hazards

atsushi trust scale 7/10

not bad with all the obvious/technical stuff but he gives him heart attacks on purpose so yeah

bonus!

kunikida trust scale 2/10

bad but can’t be worse than dazai

yosano akiko ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

she scares atsushi but said scary lady is the closest thing to a maternal figure you’re gonna get

for atsushi, yosano has more of a scary big sister vibe but since you’re nearly two decades younger than him, he’s sure that when you get older you’ll probably see her like a mother

if you’re not with atsushi then you’re in her office

usually napping tbh

bc yk, you’re a baby so there isn’t much you can do at the moment

she talks to you while working and just doing other mundane tasks in her office

one time atsushi and tanizaki overheard and all tanizaki could do was pat atsushi on the back in sympathy

“...and this is a scalpel! it comes in handy for a lot of these operations, though i prefer other things like chainsaws and the like”

*cue giggles*

*cue atsushi fainting*

you don’t really have much hair yet but she’s been eyeing some cute butterfly clips to match the one in her hair for when you can wear them

atsushi trust scale 8/10

also pretty good at taking care of you but loses points trying to teach you about chainsaws

kunikida doppo ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

...

hmm

where to start

he’s competent but he’s awkward

will give yosano-sensei a run for her money as your maternal figure bc boy is the mother henning bad

“DAZAI! don’t you get another step closer!”

“but kunikida-kun! i need to get my headphones!”

“i can’t have you infecting her with your...you!”

“kunikida-kun she’s in atsushi-kun’s arms like 10 feet away!”

“and you’re about to be 10 feet too close!”

but like i said

he’s awkward

“here kunikida-kun! hold (n/n)-chan for a minute would you? yay! bye!”

“wAIT DAZAI YOU—...”

“...hm? what’s wrong kunikida-kun? you look awfully stiff there.”

“...”

“...kunikida-kun?~ gasp! are you...nervous? (¬‿¬ )“

“dazai if i could yell at you right now i would but for the sake of everything holy and otherwise, i can’t believe im saying this but get the baby out of my arms and take her right. now.”

BUT

he’s only awkward if it’s a surprise like the scenario i played out right now

usually though, he’s pretty composed

unless you’re crying

but that’s a different scenario that’ll we’ll get into next time

dreads when ranpo is in the vicinity bc AGH

yeah that’s the best i can describe it

knows he causes chaos on purpose but he can’t ignore it bc what if he’s being serious

atsushi trust scale 9/10

very good but can afford to be a little more relaxed

babies can smell fear

dazai osamu ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

i started laughing when i typed his name if that means anything

besides your brother, he’s your favorite and it absolutely kills kunikida

he cannot for the life of him comprehend how that happened

sobs about it every now and then

“how could we have let this happen?!?”

“ne ne kunikida-kun!~ sounds like you’re just jealoUSACK—”

has “staring contests” with you

by staring contests i mean he just stares at you in your car seat carrier thingy while you shake a rattle

he’s curious okay!

all babies do is eat, poop, cry, play, sleep repeat AND other people pamper you and cater you to your whim

basically his dream life!

also uses you to torture kunikida bc as i said

he’s your favorite (¬‿¬ )

“DAZAI GIVE ME BACK MY WALLET”

“ah ah ah kunikida-kun! you can’t get me if i’m holding (n/n)-chan! what if she gets hurt due to your violent tendencies?! GASP you’re gonna risk that?!”

but like there are times where he’s had enough of you, bc there are times he wants “me time” yk?

BECAUSE

just recently you’ve started crying when you get passed to someone who isn’t him or atsushi

“okay (n/n)-chan! time to go kunikida-kun so your favorite—”

“don’t push it dazai!”

“—can rest his arms!”

this is when he’d pass you on to the blonde and he and said blonde would walk away literally three steps in the opposite direction before freezing

because you’d start blubbering and fussing and without exchanging words kunikida would pass you back to dazai where you a) start to giggle b) settle down and go back to being quiet or c) fall back asleep

tbh tho, he’s kinda impressed

not even he can trigger that face of despair from kunikida

but he fears the day (if it ever comes) when you start crying when you’re given back to atsushi

atsushi trust scale a solid…

5/10

yeah it can go either way

bonus!

kunikida trust scale -2/10

has his reasons but also very petty

realistically, probably around 1-3 depending on the day

pt. 3 w/ the “kids” of the agency next time ⸜( ˙˘˙)⸝

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize, repost, or translate on here or any other sites!

tag list : @alfangel13 @linthebinbag @glitch-magic @soba-mija @classisass @moomoo-mochi @missrown @ghosts-and-animals @reginahillary @themonsterinyourcloset @shy-socially-awkward-intovert @eren-jaeger-seijuurou21 @a6r6o6k @summerxdepression @irethepotato​

join the tag list here !!

(if your user is striked through, i couldn’t tag you)

#bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd #female reader insert #sister reader #nakajima atsushi x reader #fukuzawa yukichi x reader #edogawa ranpo x reader #yosano akiko x reader #kunikida doppo x reader #dazai osamu x reader #platonic relationships #armed detective agency x reader #ada x reader #armed detective agency #ada #nakajima atsushi #fukuzawa yukichi #edogawa ranpo #yosano akiko #kunikida doppo #dazai osamu #star writes!!💫📝 #[📂🔎] bsd things #[💫📝] the love of an older brother #[📝🌟] serendipity

[skznccmlee]

OKAYYYYY I FINALLY HAVE THE TIME FOR START WRITING THIS-

As you guys could realize, TODAY WAS SOMETHING-

My ler's getting more of a menace with everyday that passes I might not make it through this year I would die of how flustered I am

ANYWAY-

Before starting: a little context😻

Today's my mom's bd, so my dad, brother and I took her to lunch

School normally ends at 1:40pm, but yesterday and today it ended 12:30pm bc of the project and stuff

Which is perfect cuz I got to go have lunch with my mom for her bd

On Fridays, me and Cloud stay til 4 bc of piano, but I knew I couldn't make it in time (piano starts at 2pm), but I was going to do my best to get there even if it was just 10 minutes

AND I ARRIVED

AT 3:15😻

AND IN THAT EXACT MOMENT THE TEACHER SAID BREAK TIME

So everyone got out of the classroom (except Cloud and I as always)

HERE IS WHEN IT ALL BEGINS

I was complaining about some stuff which was really stupid and I know it I just can't help it, AND I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER EXACTLY HOW OR IN WHICH MOMENT BUT NEXT THING I REMEMBER WAS ME BEING WRECKED LIKE REALLY BADLY???????

Today my sides got a lot of attention which is GREAT cuz I've been wanting to be tickled there since like... Yes, the past three weeks

IT WAS PERFECT AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO ASK FOR IT

The tickling was mainly on my torso, but ofc my neck too cuz we've learned she loves to tickle me there, and CHANGING between soft and a bit more like rough, I LOVE THAT SO MUCH I'VE UNLOCKED A NEW FORM OF TICKLING AND I WANNA KEEP IT

Now FOR THE TEASES-

She was like NORMALLY TALKING TO ME AS IF SHE WASN'T WRECKING ME?????

And I know I've said before that I don't like that, my opinion on it is still the same

BUUUT, she WAS acting as if she knew what she was doing, just that talking normally

So I'll take it

SHE ASKED ME IF I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN SHE JUST TALKED NORMALLY OR WHEN SHE TEASES ME

LIKE IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION????? (obviously the second option, I think we all knew it AND SHE DID AS WELL)

THEN IT WAS ALL LIKE TICKLE MONSTER STUFF THAT MY MIND DOESN'T REMEMBER CUZ I WASN'T REALLY THINKING AT THAT MOMENT YK

But I can tell you, it was flustering as hell

THEN

THE WIND

CLOSED

THE

FUCKING

DOOR

AND SHE WENT

"You know what that means? You're alone with the tickle monster~" AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TICKLE ME AGAIN

... How do I explain you guys HOW BAD THAT TEASE GETS ME?????????

It's officially scaling on my ranking of teases

Then it happened something that was so cute of her and I LOVE HER

She stopped

Rubbed my back

WHILE PRAISING????????

Then she just went "I'm sorry I'm not good with this aftercare thing" JSNMJXNWNFN😭😭😭

She just needs a little practice, but it felt so good regardless, I'm feeling so loved<33

THEN

It doesn't end here people

I TOLD YOU THIS WAS GOING TO BE LONG-

Then I just did what I do whenever I get flustered (try to distract myself)

SO I just started telling her something that happened to me in the restaurant

...

And guys

She

Started to tickle me

While talking

AND TOLD ME TO KEEP TALKING??????

I HAD TO TALK WHILE TICKLED IT IS SO INCREDIBLY FLUSTERING JUST LIKE EVERYTHING RELATED TO THIS TOPIC

Then the tickling stopped (sadly)

BUT NOT THIS RANT GUYS

Turns out I had texted my other amazing ler (obviously my baby @itzsana-kiddingmenow), AND I WAS ANSWERING HER

AND CLOUD TOOK MY PHONE AND TEXTED HER???????

AND THEN POSTED THAT POST YOU KNOW WHICH ONE-

Y'ALL I WAS D Y I N G, FOR REAL

AND IT DOESN'T END HERE-

I promise we're almost at the end-

When the class was over, we went upstairs to take the pianos to the lab (as always, yk)

And when we were in the stairs

SHE STARTED POKING ME LIKE A LOT-

Then we went downstairs and turns out my babe had answered so I had to chase Cloud cuz she had my phone AND I WANTED TO SEE TOO-

Then we saw it and yes

And then she had to go

AND before actually ending this, I wanna make this part an appreciation... Part of post for my ler cuz a bit after she posted that post and texted to Sana, we were about to start again the class and she turned to me and asked me "But did I overstepped? I should have better not do that?"

I can't explain how much I wanted to hug her for like forever and cry and tell her she's the best and she has never overstepped cuz she always makes sure I'm fine with what she's doing/did/will do, I love her so much she's definitely the best)

Cloud, when you see this, that you for all that, you're a great ler and friend I'm just not able to say it in person, Ilysm

NOW that was FINALLY all for Ahhie's Weekly Tickle Rant Of Fridays of today, I want y'all to look at the difference between today and the last week- Totally different

Thank you for reading all this if you did-

#tickle #lee #tickle community #tickle content #tickle thoughts #just a happy lee #just a lee talking #sfw tickle community #ahhie's weekly tickle rant of fridays

[cephalopod-celabrator]

Which major Greek gods I think you least want to get on the bad side of:

They will be rated on a scale of 1 to 10 based on how easily provoked they are, how effective they are at getting revenge, and how likely they are to take your loved ones as casualties. 0 means you're fine, 10 means that you are in fact fucked

Zeus: 8/10 Now Zeus is one of the most easily provoked, because in order for him to endanger your life all you need to do is be attractive or be near someone attractive. If he dislikes you he'll kill you and if he likes you his wife will kill you. Neither of them are known for being precise with their wrath, so you're family, especially any child had with Zeus, are going to be in for it too. The only reason he's not higher is because he might, might, protect you from Hera and he doesn't really have the attention span or precision to make sure that he finishes the job if he tries to kill you Poseidon: 8/10 The lord of the ocean is lest lustful than his lil bro, a low bar, but he's still pretty easy to provoke. He's also not very good at making sure the job gets done, but he is probably the most indiscriminate with his wrath. He'll endanger your friends, your family, everyone near you, and/or your city if he feels like it. Hades: 5/10 Now Hades is pretty hard to piss off, all things considered. Don't go out of your way to defy him, his wife, or the natural order of death and you'll be fine. The only reason he's not at like a 2 is because if you do cross him or his wife Persephone, you are so spectacularly fucked. He might not do anything to you in life but once you shuffle off that mortal coil oh boy. Enjoy being physically and psychologically tortured for literal eternity. Hestia: 0/10 Okay, you have to try like crazy hard to piss of Hestia. It takes monumental stupidity and even if you do, probably the worse she'll do is refuse to ever bless you again. But you should still be ashamed of yourself. Hera: 6.5/10 She has more self-control than her husband and if you're careful you can avoid breaking any of her rules, but if you catch his eye then I'm sorry. Your family will likely be in danger if you draw her ire, and you don't have great chances of survival but it's not impossible. Demeter: 5/10 As far as gods go she's one of the more laid back ones, except when it comes to her daughter. I mean, mess with her nymphs or what have you and your ass is dead, but you'd have to be pretty stupid to draw her attention. The only reason she's not lower is that she causes starvation and hypothermia through the winter she brings each year, but there's not much you can do about that. Athena: 6.5/10 It depends on the interpretation of her but she usually won't smite people unless they directly challenge her or whatnot, but she's still got a bit of a temper on her. And it should be self-explanatory as to why making an enemy of the goddess of strategy and war is not a good idea Hermes: 2/10 I honestly can't think of any myths about the wrath of Hermes, but he still seems like a guy who can be dangerous if you end up on the wrong side of him Ares: 5/10 You'd think the god of carnage and war would be higher, but you're main concern with him is if you end up on the battlefield with him or if you directly aggress against him or those close to him. Dionysus: 6/10 I'd say he falls about middle of the road when it comes to the touchiness of gods, but I really wouldn't recommend pissing off the god of madness. I was going to give him a lower score then remembered the herd of murderous maniac women who follow him, so. Aphrodite: 8/10 Aphrodite is probably the easiest god to piss off because she will take anything as an insult and might randomly decide that you need to die so your partner can get with someone else or something. She's sloppy about her work too, which both means that you have relatively good chances of escaping her wrath and that everyone around you is likely to get caught up in it Hephaestus: 2/10 I mean, he mostly targets his anger at other gods who have wronged him, but I could see a mortal ending up as collateral of some scheme of his. Mostly the dude wants to be left alone

Apollo: 10/10 Yeah, this dude has one of the highest bodycounts of any Olympian, both in terms of murders and hook-ups. And quite a few combinations of both. He's almost hornier than Zeus and less likely to discrimenate between men and women, but his lovers have a slightly higher survival rate. He's pretty easy to piss off and when you do get on his bad side, you're unlikely to find a proportionate response. He will unleash plague, disaster, and/or a rain of arrows on anyone who he doesn't like the vibe of. Artemis: 9.5/10 Now you could argue that Apollo and her should switch ratings, but I think the twins are probably the deadliest gods out there. Artemis is also quite easy to piss off and if you don't give the proper offerings or disrespect her, she will show you that the bow isn't decorative or maybe send wild animals to rip you apart. You'll be lucky if she stops at you though, because your kids or really anyone in the same country as you are a potential casualty. I would say out of all the gods, Artemis is the least likely to fail to kill someone she's decided needs to be six feet under. She doesn't miss. And if you hit on her, you've basically just signed your own death warrant.

#mythology #greek mythology #artemis #apollo #aphrodite #hades #zeus #poseidon #hera #demeter #hestia #hephaestus #ares #dionysus #hermes #athena

[radio-navlee]

Max cannons (CC)

I'm in a Lee Max mood... (First time posting HC)

Max (Lee)

I can not stress this enough but he is a HUGE giggler!

On the ticklish scale of 1-10 he's totally an 9.

curse a little too much when tickled.

He defiantly a "FUHUHUCK YOHOHOU AND YOUR MAHAHOHOM" kinda person

He will send death treats and will not hesitate

he squirmy too

If you don't hold him down he will flail like crazy

if you attack him from behind I can see him acting like he's getting kidnapped

He's a folder, poke him, he folds and backs away.

After getting wrecked he mostly sticks with the person who just did it. He follows them around like a dog

He honestly doesn’t mind it, but in certain situations he’s very panicked and embarrassed.

Nikki was the first to find out while Max had his arms up, a bug flew and landed on his jacket. Without knowing about the bug, Nikki began to try to scoop up the bug off into her hands. Max jumped and grabbed Nikki’s hands saying “what the fuck are you doing?” Nikki responded “there’s a bug on your jacket” Max looked down and then flicked it off. “Jeez Max, I only touched you, don’t freak out!” But then Nikki just thought about that, and he poked him in the side causing a help from Max.

his biggest spots are hips, knees, neck, and ears.

Max (Ler)

HE. IS. EVIL!

He never learned how to really tickle somebody until he learned from David.

He loves to tease.

"What this spot to much for you? What a joke!"

"Woowww your weak!"

He's not very strong but he will try to pin his Lee, (Try)

He like to sneak attack 100%

he pounces on his Lee like a tiger to try to get the upper hand

His favorite spot to go for first is the stomach

Main targets are Neil, Nikki, and sometimes David.

He wants to go for more people but he thinks it’s weird and sticks to what he knows

He likes to warn people before he attacks so he says simple phrases to warn them

“You know what’s funny Neil? You haven’t laughed in a while!”

“Jee Nikki, you know what funny? This!”

he won’t let up until he lee yells to stop, the others know this so the same rules apply with them.

Thinks tickle fights are stupid, in reality he thinks a multiple person tickle fight is stupid, he doesn’t mind the 1 v 1 tickle fights

That’s it!!!-Navy out!

#tickle #tickles #sfw tickling community #tickle fluff #tword community #campcamptickle #camp camp tickle #lee!max #ler!max

[ysabelmystic]

Top 10 things you got away with as a kid?

Thank you anon for giving me the opportunity to soapbox about the stupid and borderline psychopathic shit I did as a child. I don't know that this'll be a "Top" ten, but it will be the first ten things that come to mind.

Number 1: Attempted Murder (in self defense)

Some of y'all already know this story because it is in fact one of the most surreal things that's ever happened to me and it lives rent free in my head.

I spent my sophomore year of high school in Florida. My neighborhood didn't have blocks. We had ponds, and the houses were built around these ponds. The ponds were also full of alligators. This is important.

Every day after school, my friend and I would stand and talk at the bus stop before walking home to one of our houses. Because we both had overprotective parents, this and going to the park was about the only real freedom we had. So when a black car with a random guy sitting in it started parking across from the bus stop followed us if we started walking, we didn't tell anyone. Instead, we would just wait and talk until the guy got bored and bailed. This continued for about a month until one day, I had to make a to-scale model of St Basil's Cathedral for a school project. That thing was fuckin' heavy, so we were so focused on getting to my friend's place that we forgot that we were being stalked.

About ten minutes after we got to my friend's place, we were getting settled in, eating snacks and setting up the xbox, when his dogs went fucking ballistic. We looked out the window to see a strange man at the door and the black car parked in the driveway. He saw us and then walked around to the garage where we'd let ourselves in but hadn't locked it. So we ran to the garage and locked the side door just in time before they guy grabbed the knob and started trying to get in. When he couldn't, he went to the car entry and started beating at the metal door.

This would be the point when most people would call the police. But again, we had very overprotective parents. If we called the cops and they caught the guy, we'd never be let out of their sight again. If we called the cops and the guy got away, we'd get told off for being overdramatic and wasting the cops' time, and we'd still lose roaming privileges. Instead, over the course of about thirty seconds, we hatched a plan.

My friend’s dad kept his hunting gear in the garage. I knew how to use a bow and arrow at the time, and my friend knew how to swing a hatchet. We decided against using guns since neither of us felt like we could safely use them. Most people were at work, so it was unlikely that anyone would hear any screaming that was to ensue. The plan was to go outside and confront the man. If worst came to worst, we would simply yeet his body into the lake and let the gators take care of him.

We went back out the front door with our weapons and began loudly threatening the man. Not in a normal, “get off my property or I’ll shoot” way. We went into Joker Mode. We were 15, full of rage, severely sleep deprived, high on adrenaline, and in need of therapy. Plus, we thought that this would be the most effective way to scare him off. Luckily, it worked. We saw him rounding the corner of the house and chased him to his car. He sped off, and we never saw him again.

Number 2: Public Nuisance #1

Same year, same state, same friend. It was summer and we were bored as all get-out- bored enough to let my brother and his friend hang out with us. There was a Walgreens across the street from the neighborhood but it was kinda off on some side street so we were technically allowed to ride our bikes there. For whatever reason, on that day’s trip, we decided that this would be the day that we finally drank a Monster. And what the heck, what if we drank two Monsters. And when we got to the park with our bounty of caffeinated beverages, we thought, yknow, wouldn’t it be funny to see who could drink them the fastest. What could go wrong?

What went wrong was that you now had a small pack of children endowed with the energy of The Gods. And what else do you do with this energy but use the woods to play the most chaotic game of tag while playing LMFAO songs and occasionally scaring the shit out of unsuspecting trail walkers. Like yeah this was obnoxious and cringe, but none of us had ever had caffeine before and we now had consumed upwards of 400mg of the stuff. There were no brain cells. Only tachycardia and 2015 YouTube culture. We had become menaces.

This inevitably ended with all of us throwing up, and as the caffeine wore off, we decided to bike home. We started down the main path out of the woods, but at the clearing was a pair of cop cars and two officers walking into the woods. So we had to quickly hide in the bushes and sneak off-trail to the other side of the park. Why do I think they were for us? They were talking about a group of teenagers causing a “disturbance”. But we made it home without getting caught and played Minecraft for the rest of the day. We never did anything like that again, and every day I thank God that TikTok wasn’t a Thing yet.

Number 3: Public Nuisance #2

There were two things my middle school me despised about the girls’ locker room. 1) Everyone was constantly showing off their expensive bras and comparing cup sizes, and it rubbed me the wrong way (the “why” would be discovered later). 2) The perfume. Everyone makes fun of middle school boys and their Axe Body Spray, but the girls at this rich kid school had everything from Bath & Bodyworks to beauty boutique shit. It was beyond overwhelming. I was also deep in my “not like other girls” era and was full of unspecified rage. So, to cope, I started catching grasshoppers during PE. I wouldn’t just release them in the locker rooms. I would look for unlocked lockers or clothes that people had left out in the open, and hide the grasshoppers in their belongings. Just to inflict maximum chaos.

The PE teachers made a big show of looking for the prankster, but I was never caught.

Number 4: Destruction of Property #1

My fifth grade teacher, on God, is one of the shittiest people on this planet. He radiated Ted Bundy vibes. He was a total cunt. We all hated this bitch, and I was pretty much at war with him (he stole my books and destroyed one of my notebooks). This is the most monetary destruction that I caused in one go.

He had a water fountain on his desk, right behind his computer. For whatever reason, he had his computer cord wrapped around the fountain, so it wasn’t laying on the floor. It was basically a tripwire. Feeling silly, I tripped the wire. Fountain hit the floor and shattered. Papers went everywhere. The computer fell. My teacher had to dive into the puddle of water to save his laptop, but it must’ve still been damaged since he had to replace it a week later. And of course, he couldn’t do anything. I was very apologetic about it. It was an accident. I’d tripped. Everyone had seen me trip. It wasn’t the first time I’d tripped on something before. And it was only a matter of time before someone tripped on that cord anyways.

Number 5: Destruction of Property #2

The second worst teacher I’ve ever had was my 8th grade science teacher. He was also a total cunt, not for stealing my shit and destroying my work, but for making jokes about me cutting myself and encouraging the class to bully me. Yay! Just like my fifth grade teacher, he was a cunt with poor organization skills. He had a habit of not grading anyone’s papers until the end of the quarter. He would put each assignment in a stack and set the stack in an empty place on his desk. If he ran out of room, that stack would go on another stack, and so on and so forth. Basically, he had lots and lots of loose stacks of paper on his desk. I don’t remember why he was holding me after class, but I do remember that I was very displeased to be there. Instead of staying in my seat, I decided to take his chair. Y’know. To assert dominance. I fell back into the office chair and started spinning in it. I guess I must’ve hit it at just the right angle because something in the inner stand broke, and it sank to the lowest level. My arm hit a paper stack, which hit another paper stack, which hit another paper stack, and soon, there were papers all over the floor.

Dude didn’t even say anything. He turned red. Not wanting to stick around for the impending explosion, I just left lmao.

Number 6: Trespassing and Evasion

This is probably the most dramatic, disproportionate thing on this list. My first high school and middle school were connected, so overall, the campus was the size of a small college. It would take you at least 20 minutes to walk from one end to the other.

I was about to transfer schools, and to do this, I needed to deliver a folder of paperwork to the front office. Of course, my ADHD ass waited until the last possible day to deliver it. And I thought, “yeah I’ll just deliver this to the office during lunch”. The easiest way to do that was to go through the center doors of the main building and walk to the opposite side of the hall. 5 minute trip. Easy peasy.

Unfortunately, for some reason, someone decided to turn the student teachers into a security team. I got to the doors and was greeted with a very angry woman who was very much against the idea of me walking ten feet across the indoor hallway to the opposite side. I tried to explain my issue, but she wasn’t having it.

I didn’t want to deliver it after school since it meant I probably wouldn’t get a seat on the bus (seriously, it was packed enough that some people would have to sit on the floor, and to exit on the first couple stops, you had to climb out the window). I couldn’t very well walk around the outside of the building for two reasons. 1) This school ran like Mean Girls. The end of the building was popular kids territory, and God help you if you weren’t a popular kid in that area. I wasn’t just unpopular. I was poor. I was a wanted man. I had literal death threats over my head. And even if I made it past them, there was still a 50/50 chance of being caught by a rent-a-cop for being in the parking lot.

Luckily for me (and my friend who was with me for moral support), one of the upstairs side doors had a broken lock or something. It had caution tape all around it to deter people, but caution tape is easily surpassed and removable. Once inside, we just had to make it down the stairs and out to the office courtyard. Someone must’ve heard us though, because one of the student teachers started calling out, asking who’s there and all that jazz. He ran toward the main staircase. Other teachers showed up. We literally had to hide behind the decorative pillars while this became a fucking manhunt. It was like a scene out of a Nickelodeon program. When their backs were turned, we were able to sneak down another staircase and directly into the office. I delivered my papers, and all was well except we now had to make it back in while about 15 paranoid adults on a power trip were walking up and down the halls. Thankfully, my geography teacher’s room was nearby and he was chill so he let us stay in his classroom until lunch was over.

Number 7: Slander

In 4th grade, I framed a classmate as a “nose-picker” by saving water bottle label glue in my desk for 6 months and putting all the dirty goo-balls in his desk on desk cleanout day. All it took was one, “Ew! Look at Roger’s boogers!” and the rest is history.

He bullied my friend though, so he deserved it.

Number 8: Assault and Battery

In 9th grade, one of my classmates was excessively handsy and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Teachers wouldn’t do anything about him, so I took matters into my own hands, or rather, his hands. When he wasn’t paying attention, I slammed a pencil into his hand. It didn’t go all the way through, but it was standing on its own after I let go.

The crazy thing is that my teacher literally saw it and told the kid that he, “had it coming”, which is just another reason that that school was absolutely insane.

Number 9: Illegal Distillation

I once made wine in my backpack on accident. Old grapes met old crackers, and I ignored this until the bag they were in burst. I have no idea how no one stopped me.

Number 10: Theft and Framing (my mom’s contribution)

This is pretty benign, but my mom still brings it up.

My grandparents had a timeshare in Hawaii, and every now and then, they would allow us to go in their stead. One of 8-year-old me’s favorite things about this hotel was the birds, especially the geese. Because of the time difference between Hawaii and California, my brother and I also consistently woke up at 4 in the morning, so we had about 2 to 3 hours of “feed the birds” time before my parents woke up. Usually, we would use the rice Krispies, but we ran out. And the geese were still hungry. The wouldn’t eat the lucky charms, so that left my mom’s Very Expensive You-Can-Only-Buy-This-In-Hawaii-7-Dollars-in-2007-Money hemp and seed cereal. And birds like seeds, and in all fairness, I had no idea it was expensive, so logically we would give the birds this cereal. A whole box of this cereal.

So my mom wakes up to see her cereal lining the balcony and an empty box in the recycling bin. She went into Murder Mother Rage Mode, and like any self-preserving older sibling, I blamed my brother. I guess I was “old enough to know better”, so it worked. She brought it up every year or so as something terrible my brother did until a few years ago when I confessed to my crimes.

#ask #tw violence

[the-stray-storyteller]

💀💀FUCKING FREEDOM💀💀

Okie....so just got through my last exam and last day of school. I feel happy enough to celebrate. So as an apology for dropping off radar for like a month or more, and annoying you with my freedom from school posts.

And I love you all so much. Thankyou to all my mutuals for the support you all have shown me. I love you all. *hugs and kisses and compliments for you all*

So...let's play a game. Pay me a mythological/folklore creature and I will give something in return.

Also I don't have the brain capacity to make this look pretty atm.

SHOP OPEN TILL 1st APRIL ! (drop the payment in the ask box)

 👻 Baku: I will write you a poem if you send me this nightmare devourer.

🎻Gandharva: I will make you a moodboard if you send me this celestial musician.

👹 Leyak: I will suggest a song if you send me this demon. (pls don't you will probably not like my music taste.)

🐇 Wolpertinger: You can tell me to do something (nothing unreasonable) if you send me this nefarious cryptid.

🪬Domovai: I will describe your blog and how I see you in an extremely overdramatic and royal way if you send me this house spirit.

💧Mami Wata: I will doodle you a little creature (it will look really stupid but ye) if you send me this water spirit.

🧙🏻‍♀️Skinwalker: I will give you a code to break or a riddle to solve (maybe both combined) if you send me this shapeshifting witch.

🦊Kitsune: I will tell you a fun or messed up mythological fact (up to you) if you send me this spirit fox. Send me a scale from 1 to 10. 1 being something nice and 10 being the most fucked up shit you have ever heard.

🦭Selkie: I have 31 drafts and if you send me this shapeshifting seal along with a number between 1 to 31 I will post the respective draft tagging you in it.

#MY EXAMS ARE OVER #AND SO IS SCHOOL #SO YE #SEND ME STUFF #I AM FREE AND PROCRASTINATING WRITING STORIES #I WANNA DO SOMETHING FOR U GUYS #PWEASE #I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH

[twig-gy]

here's the stupid fucking murder-suicide wip enjoy. or don't

tw: murder suicide. obviously. if there's a gore scale and 1 is a trigger warning, 7 is "your eyes drip down your face", and 10 is 777, this is probably 6? if that makes any sense to you. or 7 ig idk

also solar eclipse li lon

also also i may or may not reuse part of this in an ao3 thing so if you see this on my ao3 don't get mad it's ok that's why i'm posting it here

That night, at the exact time of too late, Heart opens his door without permission and slips into Mind’s bed as if it’s his own.

Casually, Heart presses his lips to Mind’s neck. “(You want this, right?)”

Mind should say no, but that would be one of the worst lies Mind has ever told. 

“[Yes.]” Somehow he can keep the “please,” trapped in his mouth, but the word still sounds like a plea.

Heart doesn’t hesitate before he bites. That sentence sums up Heart as a whole - Mind would think, if he were capable of thinking much at all.

“[Why do you want this?]” Why do you want me? After everything I’ve done?

Heart just hums. His mouth is occupied.

When Heart lifts his head, Mind’s color on his lips, he responds. “(I’m a violent person.)”

“[That doesn’t mean you have to do this.]”

Heart drops his head back down to the junction of Mind’s neck and shoulder. “(What if I’m just hungry, if you want an explanation so much?)”

“[Why do you want me?]” Mind immediately regrets the question. It was genuine, so genuine it scalds.

Heart sighs. “(Listen, there are some emotions that can’t be explained, and some things you are never meant to know, and this is both.)”

“[Try for me.]”

“(There was never any option, with you. I could never have not loved you if I had tried. We will live together until we die together.)” Heart tilted Mind’s head forward. “(Kiss me?)”

Heart’s lips were just as soft on Mind’s as they were on Mind’s neck. Mind could taste nothing but his blood. It was appropriate, for Heart. Exactly as he would’ve imagined.

“(Do you love me?)”

“[It’s as you said. There was never any other option.]”

“(Do you want to die?)”

Mind hesitates. “[Of course not.]” He needs to be sure about this. One of them needs to want life, after all. 

Would his death be pretty? It would be, if Heart did it. Blood pouring down like rain from the sky, like something natural, something right. Heart’s love and its endpoint. All of a sudden, Mind’s mouth is dry. [All of a sudden. Has he never lied awake and wished to learn how to tie a rope? Has he never made chocolate milk for Heart expecting the other to summon his gun without even wiping away the remnant of it?]

“(That’s a shame.)”

Heart lies down and Mind encircles his arms around him.

“(‘Cause I want to. Wouldn’t it be great? Don’t you want to die with me? I can bite you open until you’re unrecognizable. Or you could take out your knife, plunge it into my heart. It’d be great.)” Heart’s words run together, manic. Unhealthy.

“[Do you think it’d be pretty?]” 

And Mind enables him. Because he itches for it. Now that Heart mentions it, it’s as if something Mind had never noticed was there has been opened. Mind never should’ve started imagining his death, never should’ve started wanting it more than anything he’s ever wanted before, never should’ve-

He can’t stop. Heart has whittled a hole in him. It isn’t big. Mind shouldn’t even notice it. But it’s there, and everything Mind is is spilling out. Mind widens the hole, anticipation rising in his gut. To lose himself. To die. To stick his hand in.

Has some wire been crossed in his brain? Why is Mind like this?

Heart hums agreement against him. “(Summon your knife. Please. Cut me open.)”

Ruin me, Juno. Please. Please. Please-

Mind summons his knife. Heart is already ruining him.

To widen the hole. 

“[Do you want me to tear through your hoodie, or-]”

Heart lifts his hoodie and throws it.

“(Are you actually going to. Kill me.)”

“[We’ll see. Unless you don’t want me to?]”

Heart pauses, perhaps really, actually considering the idea. 

“(It’s not like there’s much to live for here anyway.)”

Mind presses the tip of the knife to Heart’s chest, the skin tearing open easier than it should, avoiding ruminating on Heart’s sentence.

Heart relaxes under him. “(Do you think Soul will be mad?)”

Mind laughs. It strikes him this is going to be one of his last laughs. In spite of that, or maybe because of it, he smiles, purposefully. “[He might be glad. It’s finally an excuse to kill himself.]”

“(…God, we’re fucked up, aren’t we?)”

Mind sticks his hand into Heart’s wound, opening it further. Blood seeps into every one of his joints, he can tell by the way his hand isn’t quite following his whims, unable to open or close properly. 

Still, Mind flexes it. He is going to get into Heart’s ribcage. He will pry away each rib, until it’s just him and the culmination of all Heart is. And, well - 

Is Mind happy, really, about killing Heart? He should be.

[Mind wants to harmonize their tones-]

Mind is happy. Somewhat. He wants to cover his hands with Heart’s blood.

“[This is always how it was going to end up.]” 

Mind is the only one speaking. Even now, Heart is pathetic, unable to string a sentence together. 

There’s something to be made of how only now he appreciates how utterly useless Heart is at living. There is always something to be made of everything. Can’t Mind just irrationally enjoy his crime scene?

He doesn’t even have to consider Heart’s death, because he will be dying right after, so it isn’t important. It isn’t.

Mind drags his hand out, painstakingly. Heart’s wings twitch as if to curl in, to protect himself from the fate he brought on. 

Without reason, he tastes Heart’s blood. It’s iron and warm and real and more than he deserves.

They were always destined to die. This is one of the better ways to go.

Mind can be irrational, this once. 

Heart’s wings are soft. They stain so easily, like this was meant to be. Heart whimpers, his feathers shifting as if he’s trying to both run away and lean in closer. 

“[Do you like this, Juno?]”

“(I-)” Heart’s voice breaks, and he doesn’t restart. The syllable just hangs there, like vindication. 

Mind pulls Heart close. Blood seeps into his shirt. “[You know I love you, right?]”

Heart hums agreement, wiping at his eyes as if he could cry. “(I love you too.)”

All Mind can hear is Heart’s ragged breathing. Mind loves Heart.

This is all he could want.

Mind digs into Heart’s wound, still holding onto him. 

Heart shakes as Mind snaps away his ribs. Touching flesh that should never have been exposed.

Heart’s pulse thrums through his body. His breath quickens, like he’s having a panic attack.

Mind shushes him, running through his curls, bloodying them. Imagine if they were simply dyeing each other’s hair, right now.

Mind laughs because there isn’t anything else he can do.

For someone who can’t, Heart sounds awfully like he’s crying, like tears are running down his face and he just can’t stop himself, just can’t shut himself up, like it’s all too much for him.

As Mind invades more and more of his ribcage, he whines like he’s about to break down crying, like there’s nothing else he can do, like a dog.

It’s beautiful.

“[Are you sure?]”

Heart nods.

“[Say it.]”

“(Yes.)”

Mind finds Heart’s heart and cradles it in his hand, lifting it from Heart’s chest, gently. 

Something oddly like despair joins the thrill in his chest.

Mind doesn’t want to kill himself. He wants Heart to touch him in the same way he has touched Heart.

“[Juno. Summon your gun for me.]”

Heart does so, pressing it to Mind’s temple without needing to be told.

Heart tries to laugh, but it comes out without any mirth at all. “(On the count of three?)”

“[One, two-]”

Heart fires.

#:thumbsup: #twig.txt #brainrot.exe #mi pali e sitelen #mi pali e ni #jaship mention

[deep-space-lines]

Rating Mass Effect 1 Planets (A Tourist's Guide)

Are they boring? Yeah, kind of. Did I get tired of them really fast during my first playthrough? Yeah, kind of. After 860 hours in the game, am I now spending hours just driving around the boring planets in the Mako, absorbing the vibes, exploring the desolate wasteland, and taking nice screenshots? Perhaps.

Allow me to take you on an autism-fueled guided tour of the galaxy and recommend some wonderful travel destinations for the next time you want to take a relaxing vacation in the mountains. (Because it's always fucking mountains.)

___________

Tuntua: 10/10

I genuinely love Tuntua. This is the planet that I just drove around on for fun during my first playthrough. There's just something about driving over the salt flats and seeing the landscape around you sparkle that fills me with joy. I love the weird inexplicable pyramids. I love how snowy it looks, even if it isn't actually cold. I appreciate a good human-friendly temperature, as I'm sure most tourists will, but I kind of wish it was colder because I want to go ice skating here so, so bad. I can skate pretty fast but I am not good at turning or stopping, which is just what this landscape was made for, baby! I am going to set a new land speed record on these sparkly salt flats in this stupid wonderful brick of a tank.

___________

Asteroid X57: 8/10

I'm kind of torn on this one because I'm not a huge fan of how grey most of the place is, but on the other hand, yeah, that's a solid asteroid. You get what you pay for. Something about the atmosphere (or rather lack of), the looming planet in the background, the multitude of structures in relatively close proximity, make it feel more claustrophobic yet exposed than the other locations you can visit. The northernmost part of the map offers a truly breathtaking view of Terra Nova. Vacation-wise, I think you have two main options. You can lie in the dust and stare up at the sky and ponder your mortality and how small you are in the grand scheme of the universe for as long as your oxygen supply will allow, or you can explore a variety of abandoned structures if that's more your cup of tea. Why are they abandoned? Not relevant to your vacation! It's not trespassing if the owners are dead! ...I think.

___________

Rayingri: 7.5/10

While it seems pretty boring upon first inspection, I think it deserves a pretty high score anyway.

Some of the points are for fascinating rock formations. You've got these extremely steep, strangely pillar-like mountains, plateaus, and cliffs; the terrain is a lot more interesting than most other planets. Maybe not everyone's cup of tea for relaxation, especially considering the earthquakes and all, but I'd love to visit Rayingri with a geologist and just hear them talk about it. How old are these mountains? I wonder if they're really young and their formation was spurred by the tectonic disturbances caused by the looming planetoid that's about to crash into it? Look I dunno how this works, my degree is in astrophysics not geology.

But on the topic of the planetoid... The real draw here, I think, is impermanence. This planet will be obliterated by another planet within a few hundred years. A blink of an eye, on a galactic scale. You might not have the most fun here, but it's a cool place to visit just to say you have- especially if you're a krogan or asari and will live long enough to see it destroyed. There's something profound about that, I think, even if the planet itself is rather boring. Rayingri: experience impending doom today!

Also, my sister wants me to add that orange is a good color. So, bonus half point for good color.

___________

Antibaar: 10/10

I'm gonna be upfront: this place is snowy and cold as balls. If you don't like your vacation spot snowy and cold as balls, you should probably vacation elsewhere. However, I'm a huge fan of snowy wastelands (doing research in Antarctica is at the top of my bucket list), so if you are like me and have a rapturous enjoyment of snow and winter sports, you'll be pleased to learn that Antibaar is just warm enough to enjoy the great outdoors. Bring your sleds, your skis, your skates, we are HAVING A SNOWBALL FIGHT UNDER THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SKY IN THE GAME. Don't let the haters' talk of "low temperatures, high speed surface winds, and low visibility" stop you from having a jolly good time. High speed winds just means your sled will go faster.

___________

Casban: 3/10

I'm going to be real with you: unless your vacation goal is to isolate yourself like a monk and wreak havoc upon future generations of algae, any experience you can have on Casban, you can experience better on Earth, with the added bonus of vacationing on Earth not being illegal. Don't get me wrong, it's a stunning planet- it's just that I don't particularly enjoy sitting in the lush grass, watching a beautiful sunset, and thinking about how nice it would be if the air was breathable and I could have a picnic here. Not that I've ever done that, of course. That would be illegal.

However, if you're a rogue ecologist with no moral qualms about disturbing a delicate ecosystem, this would probably be a really cool place to hang out and do some illegal rogue ecologist research. I won't stop you, I'm not a cop.

___________

Maji: 4/10

Maji is, I think, mostly just a place to stop for a cool selfie. The sky is beautiful, but I mean, there's really only so long you can stare into the suns before you either get bored or sustain eye damage- and if you do want to look at the binary, you'll probably get a better view from space anyway. Given all this, I'd rate the planet a 3/10; however, I'm tacking on an extra point for excitement. Terminus pirates sometimes dump people here and make them fight to the death to be rescued, so if you enjoy blood sports, this may just be the perfect vacation spot for you.

___________

Solcrum: 10/10

If you want to feel like you're back in the early days of human space travel, when everything was new and alien and deadly, when we thought we were alone in the galaxy, when other planets were dreary and uninhabitable yet fascinating wastelands- Solcrum might be just the place for you. The roiling behemoth of a star looming over the horizon like some kind of eye and casting eerie blue light over a fragmented barren landscape... Solcrum is another good place to feel small. With the mass relays making travel across the galaxy near-instantaneous, it can be easy to forget that most of the Milk Way is vast, unexplored, empty, and impersonally hostile to life. Solcrum is a humbling reminder of that reality. You're going to want to bring your SPF 3000 sunscreen and a lot of cold water, because this moon sits at a balmy 351 °C. It isn't an easy vacation spot- but then, you're not vacationing to Solcrum because it's easy.

___________

Agebinium: 9/10

This was actually the last planet I visited, but it felt right to place it here, as the renegade to Solcrum's paragon. Blue giant, red giant. I love a planet with some mood lighting, and the mood here is a little bit evil in a sexy way. I'm into it. I'm putting it a point below Solcrum because Solcrum just has this memorable eerie dark vibe that Agebinium doesn't quite replicate, but in terms of atmosphere, it's up there. It's a bit colder, a bit flatter and easier to drive around, and kind of reminds me of a forlorn desert. An evil desert. In a good way. It's not really a place you go to do things as much as a place you go to be there, you know? Like the woods or something. I don't really go into the woods to do things, I go into the woods to be in the woods. Look, something about the vibe here just makes me want to be evil and sexy while doing it. I don't need to explain myself to you.

___________

Edolus: 1/10

Honestly, there's just not enough on Edolus to justify the risk of visiting. As you can see above, meteor impacts are disturbingly frequent, and I don't know if just another windy desert is worth the risk of being instantly snuffed from existence by a loose boulder. On the bright side, they might name the crater after you.

___________

Sharjila: 4/10

To start with the positives: Sharjila is one of a handful of explorable worlds with higher animal life, and the only visitable world we know of that supports silicon-based life! Sick! And I can guess what you're thinking; wow, silicon-based life sounds cool! Would love to see some someday! Unfortunately, the silicon animals are elusive, and I've never been able to glimpse them for myself. Even if you did come across wildlife, you probably won't be able to leave your vehicle for a closer look, as the high atmospheric pressure is deadly to everyone who isn't a volus.

The main drawback to this world, however: it's full of ammonia and sulfur. Assuming you can get your hands on the equipment necessary for a visit, your stuff is going to smell like total ass for weeks.

___________

Eletania: 9/10

Animal life, lush meadows, beautiful landscapes, a delicate ring system AND a moon, stunning skies- Eletania has it all. Which is unfortunate, because it wants to kill you so bad. It would be an easy 10/10 if the local microscopic critters would just chill the fuck out, but NO, I have to sit in my tank and gaze wistfully at the beautiful scenery and think about how much I want to frolic out there.

Look at that view. Don't you want to take a hike here? Don't you want to climb to the top of one of those mountains and have a romantic starlit picnic under the rings? Don't you want to just roll around in the grass for a bit? Imagine playing fetch with your dog here. It would be nice, right? Well you CAN'T, at least not for very long, because then you and your dog would both be DEAD. You gotta stay in your car and play safari while you watch the pyjaks roam around aimlessly in your place. Undignified. Why do THEY get to be free and I, the clearly superior ape, have to sit in the Mako like I'm in time-out?!-- Anyway, it's a nice planet.

___________

Mavigon: 7/10

"Let me guess, you like the-" YEAH I LIKE THE FROZEN WASTELAND PLANET!!! AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT MAKE YOUR OWN POST!

Some points taken off for having less general whimsy than Tuntua and Antibaar, and for the fact that the great outdoors cannot be enjoyed by virtue of the planet being negative 8 billion degrees. But like. I wanna look outside the window and see that howling storm while I sit nice and cozy by a fireplace, bundled up in a sweater and a blanket, drinking hot chamomile tea. Either that, or I want to sit in my tank and watch the snow and listen to melancholy music. NOT sad music by the way. It NEEDS to be melancholy. This is a planet that will give you seasonal depression.

My favorite part is just at the edge of the map though (see above screenshot), where the mountains disappear completely and give way to a flat plain that stretches out as far as the eye can see. Makes me wonder if the whole area is covered by an ice sheet and the mountains we see are just the very tips of a massive mountain range buried beneath kilometers of ammonia ice. Cool and spooky. I think if I had to pick a planet to die on, this one would be up there. Very atmospheric.

___________

Trebin: 0/10

I wish I had something nice to say about Trebin. I really don't. I don't have anything all that terrible to say about it either- which is kind of worse. This is a planet defined by what it lacks. Water. Life. Redeeming qualities. There are more dangerous places you can visit, but at least danger is its own kind of excitement. Trebin is just... eh.

You may be wondering why it is that I praise some planets for being empty and desolate, while condemning others. This is based purely off the vibes that I can objectively sense with my giant brain. I hope this answers your questions.

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Klensal: 8/10

I was going to give this one a 7/10 like Mavigon until I realized the entire map seems to be covered distinctly with glaciers, rather than snow. There's ripples where you can see the ice has been flowing, and valley glaciers flowing between the mountain peaks. I helped out with a little bit of glaciology research in undergrad and this tiny aspect of a planet sparked joy for me ok? The way the ice flows just feels so natural! Maybe it's on Antibaar too and I was too distracted by the beautiful sky to notice? But the other ice worlds I've seen so far are kinda just. White and snowy. But on Klensal the surface is tinted blue and looks almost iridescent. The whole landscape is awash with pastel blues and purples and greens as you drive, it looks more like blue glacial ice rather than a thin layer of snow over rocks. There's just a bunch of teeny tiny details that come together to make a subtly awesome planet.

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Presop: 1/10

So y'know how I mentioned Solcrum feeling like the early days of space travel? This is like that but without the glamor. The fact that you can actually see the stars and that it reminds me of Luna gives it a marginal point over Trebin, but there's just no tourist attractions here. If you're stopping at Presop, it's gonna be less for tourism and more like stopping at a gas station to use the bathroom on a long road trip.

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Amaranthine: 1/10

So... Amaranthine is not a particularly fun place to visit. However, my main gripe with this "tourist destination" is that it is advertised as purple. "Under the dim light of the red dwarf Fortuna, the surface of this world is lit in rich twilight blues and purples even at midday"- is what the brochure said. It was named after this supposed purple-ness. Amaranthine is supposed to be a purplish-red color, right?

Now look at my photo. I know that lighting can sometimes look different in photos vs real life, and you may be tricked into thinking the same thing I did, that surely it must look better in person. It does not. Allow me to personally assure you that this thing is blue and gray. Blue and gray are fine colors, but the important point here is that they are not reddish-purple. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed when I landed down here. Surely we could've saved a pretty name like that for a purpler planet? I'm actually trying to get in contact with the International Astronomical Union, see if I can propose a name change to something more appropriate. Cobalt? Indigo? Sapphire? Iris?

However, I'm going to give it a single point for a rather befuddling atmosphere. For some reason it reminds me of how alien planets in Star Trek TOS just looked like a bunch of fake rocks with an unnaturally colored sky in the background? Good planet to dissociate on.

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Xawin: 3/10

I feel like I'm betraying some personal principle by saying this, but... I'm getting a little tired of snowy wastelands. I forgot how many there are. How many planets. I have 10 more to go. I should've counted them before I started tbh. I'm running out of unique ways to get excited about the cold.

Xawin. It's cold and snowy. Not in an unrestrained winter fun way, but in a way that kills you. You want an average surface temperature of 140 Kelvin? We got it. You want ice storms? We got it. And that's about it. This world just makes me think about how Antarctic researchers supposedly get so bored that they just fuck all the time. If I were a mercenary hanging out on this rock, I'd probably do the same, and I'm asexual.

+10 points for snowiness. -7 points for being boring.

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Ontarom: 10/10

FINALLY A FUCKING PLANET I CAN HAVE A PICNIC ON!!!! We got everything we need. Breathable atmosphere. Livable temperature. Soft grass-equivalent. Docile space cows that you can pet, or that can provide a nice cow steak if you forgot to bring picnic food. Space beetles big enough to ride on, not that I condone or recommend it.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows- in fact it is very stormy almost all the time- but joke's on you, I'm a slut for a good thunderstorm. The terrain is shit. Getting up to the plateaus is quite a hike. It's hot as balls. But I can have a picnic. I wanna take my girlfriend on a date here so bad.

My only concern is that I seem to have lost all my credits?

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Chasca: 8/10

Chasca is basically Ontarom minus the beetles. 30C is a bit hot for my taste, but compared to the other planets we've seen so far, it's extremely comfortable for humans. There's some really cool pyramids for any archaeology enthusiasts!

The terrain is a bit rougher than Ontarom, perhaps a better hiking destination than a picnic one, which is great because I LOVE a good hike. There's these valleys that are basically just perfect paths through the landscape, and if you're lucky you might run into some space cows here. I wonder how aliens feel about the human habit of naming everything 'Space _'? I mean, space cows, space beetles, space hamsters... come on guys, we're better than this...

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Nodacrux: 4/10

This is just Chasca but it kills you. Chasca is right there. It's right next door. Just go to Chasca.

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Altahe: 8/10

YEAAAAA!! Look at this place. It feels like an evil wizard should live here. Or a dragon. Or a space vampire. This feels like the setting of a sci-fi horror movie. Every aspect of this planet LOOMS. Like what ARE those mountains? They look more like hydrothermal vents than mountains.

The fact that it's a double planet is incredibly cool. I did a bit of lazy digging (which is frustrating when most of the 'literature' on the subject seems to be one admittedly cool-sounding sci-fi book from 1982 (Rocheworld by Robert Forward) and a few reddit posts), and it seems like a system of two planets orbiting so close that they share an atmosphere without breaking apart falls under the umbrella of 'sort of kind of barely physically possible maybe?' Like theoretically it checks out, it sounds possible for there to be a window where the tidal forces are enough to rip the atmospheres away before the actual rocky parts fall apart, but how narrow is that window? Sadly I don't know, and I'm not quiiiite confident enough in my physics knowledge to do that kind of math, and it's going to bother me for the next 2 weeks to 12 years of my life.

So if either spooky landscapes or witnessing the laws of physics doing something really weird sounds like your kind of thing, this planet might be up your alley.

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Nepmos: 6/10

Is it safe? No. Is it beautiful? For the most part, not really. If you've ever looked at an active volcano and thought, 'wow, I wish I was there!', Nepmos might be the place for you. (The fact that I have thought that is why it scores as high as it does.)

The sky is absolutely stunning. Cool volcanic rock, you can see the flow of lava and some places where you can see the rock is only a thin layer with magma flowing just beneath the surface. Explore at your own risk; assuming you don't lose a limb to stepping in some rock soup, your friends will think you're either an idiot or a total badass.

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Binthu: 0/10

I'll just save myself the trouble and quote the travel brochure here: "Data about the world is surprisingly brief and generic, painting a picture of an unpleasant and uninteresting place." Sadly for this vomit-colored world, we are after pleasant and/or interesting.

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Nepheron: 9/10

I forgot this one existed, probably because I usually only come across it relatively late into a playthrough, which is a damn shame because it's really cool. The mountains sparkle. Bitch the mountains sparkle! And there's salt flats! It's like Tuntua but with cooler mountains and a complimentary color scheme, which I'm a big fan of. The only thing separating Nepheron and Tuntua by a point is personal preference, honestly- I like the brighter atmosphere of Tuntua- and the fact that it's a bit difficult to drive around, with much less opportunity to enjoy setting land speed records on salt flats. The travel brochures weren't kidding about geological beauty though. If I had a geologist with me to talk about the cool mountain ranges (and they are quite cool- most planets seem to have hills or disconnected mountains, but the landscape here is very much mountain ranges) I would probably have a really fun time here.

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Aaaand that's it ladies and gentlemen. This took me like? 4 days? Ish? I had to do Noveria, Feros, and some of the Cerberus side quests in order to unlock all the planets (except Chohe or Nonuel, the ones you get once you get a certain paragon/renegade score, I'm just too lazy), and speedrunning the main missions to get to the boring side quest planets was certainly a unique experience. Not one I'd recommend. I DIDN'T EVEN TALK TO GARRUS. It was weird. But fun! The apocalypse can wait. We were busy sightseeing, bitch!

#mass effect #this is so fucking stupid literally why did i do this #i had fun though! i think. yes. #posts that make me want to grab me by the collar look me in the eyes and ask “but... why” #officer the autism made me do it #straka's shitposts

[twiixr4kidz]

Helloo!! I was wondering if you could do TDI or Sally Face head cannons of before/while dating?

i'd love too!! this one will be TDI, but feel free to ask for SF ones so i can write those too >:)) here r some dating hcs for some of the characters i didn't do the last time!!

heather:

she may be a total bitch most of the time, but you're an exception

there's a soft side to heather that nobody but you gets to see

she's a whole different person around you

soft, gentle, and quiet heather?? WHAT??

sure, she still orders you around because that's who she is

you'd be pulling my leg if you said you didn't expect her to tell you to go get her something to drink or something to snack on, to do a particular favor for her that she doesn't want to do herself, and so on

but she's also a lot more understanding

steals your clothes but refuses to be caught dead in them because your "styles are too different" or something

she'll do what it takes to win, but she will NEVER throw you under the bus.

she loves modeling outfits for you, and insists you rate them on a scale of 1 to 10

1 means "incredible" and 10 means "spectacular" because her fashion is, to her, on point every time

insists on styling you, and painting your nails and messing around with makeup if you let her

insists you take her shopping and then carry bags full of clothes and shoes she spent thousands on, and you'll be damned if you didn't say yes

trent:

bro's love language is music

he writes songs for you, songs about you, songs about things that remind him of you

you become this core part of his music writing process, like you're his whole MUSE

he's also hella charming

the "shows up at your house and throws rocks at your window before serenading you with the most beautiful melody you've ever heard" type

he's also the "writes the most intimate, beautifully worded love letters to you whenever you cross his mind" type

he's sickeningly sweet and you're going to get used to it

he has such a way with words it's hard NOT to love

he also LOVES grand gestures and displays of love

if it's not your thing, he can respect that. but if you're cool with it? he goes ALL OUT.

paths with rose petals, renting whole movie theaters for date nights, FREE FOOD AT RESTAURANTS??

you aren't sure how he does it, but he does it all for you

and that alone is enough to make the butterflies in your tummy go haywire

courtney:

she's independent

she's a strong, powerful woman who loves to do things for herself, and she NEEDS you to respect that about her

because even though at the end of the day, she'll curl up next to you and sleep like a baby, she's kicking hella butt all day long

and you think she's a total badass for it

whether she's yelling at chris for being a jerk, or someone else for doing something they absolutely shouldn't have, you're cheering her on from the sidelines

and she does the same for you

your relationship is built on a strong mutual respect for each other

she's a sucker for calling you weird names to confuse everyone

the words "pookie wookie bear" sometimes leave her lips, and everyone is in pure shock because of how unexpected it was

PLEASE watch the sunrise with her

she wakes up early every morning just to watch the colors of the night melt into those of the day, and if you pose the idea of joining her, she will FREAK. OUT.

she'll never directly say it, but she is so touch starved please hug her

geoff:

bro's a party animal, a cowboy, AND a gentleman

he's both the "let's get drunk as fuck and do stupid shit" kinda guy, AND the "opening car doors and letting you walk across his jacket so your shoes don't get wet" kinda guy

you have worn his hat on NUMEROUS occasions

he loves taking you with him EVERYWHERE

to parties, to fancy restaurants, to rodeos?? literally wherever he wants to go, he's gonna let you come

he'll also proudly become your personal uber

if there's anywhere you wanna go, you can bet he'll drive you

he ALWAYS keeps an extra pair of pjs set aside for when you come over

it's a t-shirt of his and a pair of old pajama pants that don't fit him anymore

and for as much as he loves going out, he also loves staying in

he makes really good wings and even better nachos, and he always has a bunch of really yummy snacks and drinks so the two of you can chill on his couch with a bunch of blankets and binge-watch tv shows

he'll do this thing called a "tv show roulette" where he picks a show neither of you have seen and you pick a random episode (or vice versa) and try to guess what's happening

he's shown up at your house with a bouquet of roses almost every week since you got together tbh

leshawna:

ANOTHER GIRLBOSS???

leshawna absolutely does not mess around when it comes to love

she's doting but not in an overwhelming way

she's an absolute sweetheart and a total badass

she'll defend you when you need it, but also lets you fight your own battles

she LOVES taking you to her favorite spots so she can share her love for them with you

she knows the coolest facts about everything

like if she sees something that makes her remember a fact, she proudly blurts it out

she also tells you whenever she sees something that makes her think of you

she absolutely loves cuddles

PLEASE take her on late night drives

music blaring, windows down, nothing but the cool night air in your hair and the sweet smell of that night life

tyler:

bro fell HARD

he tripped over his own two feet and fell down the stairs onto his head for you

that being said, he can and will do whatever you want him to

even if you don't explicitly ask him to

if you mention you're craving a specific food or drink, he'll get it for you within an hour

he'll splurge his entire wallet on you

as long as you watch his favorite sports teams with him, ofc

he's hella sensitive and cries A LOT, but he doesn't want you to think of him as any less than a man for it

please please PLEASE reassure him because it gives him a lot of anxiety

he likes getting outside and playing games with you, even though he's super uncoordinated and gets hurt a lot

you're going to have to start carrying a first aid kit with you EVERYWHERE because this boy has fallen up escalators before

HOW

when you're out and you mention that you feel chilly, his jacket is on your shoulders faster than you can say "FUCK"

he may be a little dumb, but he tries his best and always makes sure you know how much he loves you

lindsay:

there is not a day that goes by where she doesn't remind you that you're the hottest person she's ever seen

if you mention being insecure, she won't really get it, but she will say something along the lines of "you don't have to worry about that, i only date hot people :)"

she's a total dumbass and you're going to have to pull her out of sticky situations

super clingy and she sticks to you like GLUE

she smells really good too

absolutely INSISTS you go shopping with her so she can show you all of these cute outfits, and maybe even pick something out for yourself

she doesn't care what kind of shopping it is, even if it's grocery shopping, SHE LOVES IT

sometimes jokes fly right over her head and you're going to have to explain to her what they mean and why they were funny, but it's honestly kind of cute how dense she can be

sure she's a dummy, but she's your dummy

and what she lacks in brains, she makes up for in everything else

she's gorgeous, sweet, caring, and a total dork

#total drama #total drama island #tdi #heather tdi #trent tdi #courtney tdi #geoff tdi #leshawna tdi #tyler tdi #lindsay tdi #tdi heather #tdi trent #tdi courtney #tdi geoff #tdi leshawna #tdi tyler #tdi lindsay #heather x reader #trent x reader #courtney x reader #geoff x reader #leshawna x reader #tyler x reader #lindsay x reader #tdi heather x reader #tdi trent x reader #tdi courtney x reader #tdi geoff x reader #tdi leshawna x reader #tdi tyler x reader