#how that many people simply dont drink coffee to survive?????

[simpsiren]

to have and have not.

lee taeyong x reader

“losing me is better than losing you.” - losing you, wonho

main masterlist

description. being close friends with the leader of one of the biggest korean gangs in the underworld wasnt already tough, a big situation falls into your laps that only makes your bond with him even stronger, and maybe perhaps having love to bloom in the process.

genre. mafia au, fwb to lovers au,

warnings. none except for a lot of shooting cudndn

word count. 6,733

a/n. here's a taeyong x reader ff i came up with. its not much but i still hope youll enjoy it :D

lee taeyong. most people, or rather regular people would have a shiver sent down their spine if they heard this name, even if they didnt know how the man looked like. taeyong was, and still currently is very well known in the underworld, but above it as well. he's a well known gang leader amongst all the other gangs that work under one man, mr david chong. basically the mafia boss trumping above all gangs. the police have never been able to catch him, no matter how hard they tried. the policemen would either get shot and killed one by one due to his great ability of using a mere pistol, or would just be killed by taeyong's gang members before taeyong would even appear in their sight. all in all, lee taeyong was a scary man in many ways. not to you though. you found him interesting.

when you were caught hostage by one of the gangs along with one other women you didnt know, and you have the great lee taeyong to get you out of there and have you work under him for debt in a way, you did owe him a lot when a bullet was mere seconds awayfrom going through your brain. you found out that the women who know work under taeyong as well is named val. now, you didnt have much work to do honestly, you would be lounging around in the arcade basement most of the time. you were only told to do small tasks that wasnt that horrifying in any way.

"im dying of boredom!" you whined as you sat up from the very comfortable velvrt couch and faced yuta, who was off duty for tonight. "doesnt boss have anything he needs me to do? i wonder why he even took me in" you folded your arms and rolled your eyes as you let your body slouch and sink into couch. "no one is doing anything right now M. the boss is trying to plan something big from what i hear." yuta shrugged as he took a sip of his vodka. all the members in the gang call you either mal or m, it was a shortened version of your long second name malvisko and you liked being called mal. "yeah well fuck that. im gonna go sleep." you stood up from the couch and waved a small goodbye to yuta before exiting the arcade basement to head to your bedroom, or not.

you tip toed across the halls, making sure no one sees the fact that youre slowly making your way to the boss's office. you arrived at the door without being seem by anyone and right before you were about to open the door, you see jaehyun, taeyong’s right hand man. you looked up to meet his gaze. “you’re here to see mr lee?” you nodded slowly, intimidated by how cold he looks, but no one can beat the gaze of taeyong. “he’s currently feeling stress. try to calm him down a little.” he pats your shoulder before walking past you and disappearing into the hallway. the only person who knows your true relationship with taeyong was jaehyun, and you consider him to be a friend more than a colleague.

you stepped into the room and closed the door behind you. you see taeyong behind his desk with his laptop. he wore his wearing casual attire, which was a hoodie and sweatpants, along with his glasses. you see papers scattered across the table. you slowly walked up to stand beside taeyong. “hey, tae. how’s work going for you?” you placed your hand underneath taeyong’s chin and kisses his cheek lightly. taeyong sighed and took off his glasses and rubbed his temples. “almost all gangs are now working under bishop. what’s worse is that he’s working for that idiot david chong.”

you placed both your hands on his shoulders and massaged them gently as you bit your lip, not entirely sure of what to say. “that sounds pressurising.” you whispered. taeyong scoffed in response. “im going to take revenge on them for killing my brother. he wasnt even involved in this shitshow. ill figure something out.”

you knew about taeyong’s past. you knew that he has worked under mr david chong since he was little but decided rebel, leaving to start his own gang. but now, mr david chong wants him back and will do anything to do so. taeyong is a “precious specimen” as what mr david chong kept calling him. a man who was extremely smart and living in a monstrous world, he did everything he could to survive. it only made his instincts so much stronger. taeyong was like a wild beast in a wild forest, not many were able beat him. you felt honourable for the fact that taeyong lets you know his past. the other members know about it as well, but not as much as you did.

“rest tonight, tae. i want you to sleep.” you leaned forward from behind and whispered into his ear, gently planting light kisses down his neck. taeyong sighed once more and pulled your hand from your shoulder and turned his chair to face you. taeyong pulls you to sit on his lap. “now’s not the time to be doing stuff like that. im sure you know that well.” taeyong glares at you with his piercingly dangerous eyes. you giggled softly, resting your hands on his chest. "i was just advising you to rest, nothing more." you winked teasingly. taeyong scoffed in response and made you stand up. he walked past you and towards the bed, falling onto it almost instantly. you followed suit and sat beside him at the edge of the bed. "youre right. i have a ton of things to do tomorrow." taeyong covers his eyes with his forearm. "im having jaehyun guard you while im away too. its getting dangerous with a whole army of high ranked psychos coming for me. theyll definitely go for those i most treasure before capturing me."

you took a deep breath. "be careful alright? come back to me safe." taeyong chuckled, shaking his head as he sat up straight, going close to you and pecking your lips. "cant exactly do that without having either a bullet in me or a broken rib, but ill come back alive." taeyong wraps his arm around you and pulls you in for a quick kiss before pulling away. "now go. i dont want my men suspecting anything." you nodded and stood up and walked to the door. before you walked through the door, you went back to taeyong to give one last kiss before leaving him for the night.

you were walking down the dimly lit when you suddenly bumped into someone. you looked up to notice it was jeno. one of the younger guys in the gang. "what were you doing boss's office?" jeno asked innocently. you licked your lips nervously, trying to quickly think up an answer. "its fine. i know what you are to him." jeno folded his arms as he smirked widely in a teasing manner. you quickly looked around, making sure you and him were alone. "no one is to hear that you know. im just his friend.. with benefits." you whispered to jeno. jeno giggled. "sure mal. anything you say." he mocked you. "shut it. if taeyong knows that you know he'll probably threaten you to keeo quiet. its good enough that im already warning you." you rolled your eyes and before you were about to make a turn towards another hallway, you look at jeno's way and pressed your index finger to your lip.

you headed to your room and slept as perusual. lucky for you, nothing happened to you that night. taeyong is always scaring you by saying that anyone can kidnap you in the middle of the night, at any time. but god knows taeyong would never let that happen. when you wake up in your large bedroom in your large bed, you looked towards the coffee table to see jaehyun sitting on the comfortable chair, drinking coffee and using his phone. you signalled jaehyun by coughing, making him look your way immediately. "good morning, miss." you sat up from your bed and yawned, turning your head to the full body mirror beside your bed and seeing how terrible you looked. you slipped out of your soft white mattress and grabbed the silk robe, wearing it on before walking over to the coffee table.

“i told you. you didn’t have to call me miss. im your colleague for shit.” you said as you took a seat across jaehyun. he placed the cup of coffee he had in his hand on the table. “sorry, mal. im just used to calling you miss since you have a strong relationship with taeyong.” jaehyun doesn’t look up at you as he quickly glanced his eyes over the words on the newspaper. “jeez im telling you. we’re just friends with benefit. nothing more.” you huffed and folded your arms, slouching into the seat. “by the way, apparently jeno knows about me and taeyong. just keep an eye on him.” you grabbed the cup of tea that was on the table and took a sip. “the gang will be in an uproar if word gets around” you whispered, staring down at your drink. “i will.” jaehyun simply said.

you carried on with your day. most of the gang members are out today. probably because of the big plan that taeyong is doing. he probably also has some gang members to follow him. jaehyun would be with taeyong most of the time but he needed to take care of you since taeyong trusts him with you the most. you could understand. they had a long history together.

“can we please go grocery shopping and cook homemade food? im tired of buying take out.” you whined as you stabbed the fork into the friend chicken that you ordered from kfc. jaehyun took a sip of coca cola and hummed. “im not sure if its safe mal. taeyong wouldn’t want you to be wondering around in public.” you pursed your lips. “but i have you to protect me.” you pouted at jaehyun. he raised his eyebrow in disgust and sighed. “ill call taeyong and ask him.” you shouted a loud yay which made jaehyun flinch back, using his finger to cover his ear as he rolled his eyes and took out his phone to call taeyong. you were trying to hear his conversation with taeyong at the other end of the line by placing your ear close to jaehyun’s phone. you smiled as jaehyun ended the call. “alright. get ready to go. ill wait outside the room.”

you nodded happily as closed the door when jaehyun walked out, skipping your way towards your wardrobe and picking out a simple outfit to go to the supermarket. you made sure you hair looked neat and grabbed your purse and walked out to meet jaehyun. jaehyun leads you out of the hideout and gestured you to get into the car. taeyong normally rode this car but for some reason he chose to take another one to run his errands. you waited as jaehyun gets into the driver’s seat and starts driving to the nearest supermarket.

you two arrived at the supermarket. you realised that it wasnt at all crowded since it was practically 3am in the morning. you only see a few high school students around buying a snack and headed out in a flash. jaehyun helped with pushing the trolley while you picked out ingredients to make jjajangmyeon. you figured that it would be best to make a big batch so that the rest could be saved as leftovers for the other members when they come back in the morning for breakfast. jaehyun kindly offered to pay and the both of you headed out of the supermarket, with jaehyun carrying the groceries.

“thanks for taking me out. its nice to take in some fresh air instead of being couped up in the hideout." you turned towards jaehyun to give him a bright smile but later noticed that jaehyun was looking around suspiciously, his eyes scanning around his surroundings as if the scanner in his mind has detected danger somewhere near you two. you kept quiet for moment, getting scared and you slowly got close to jaehyun. "get down!" jaehyun screamed at you, dropping the groceries and he wrapped his arm around you and drags you to hide behind the car when suddenly a bullet was fired to your direction. you froze, tilting your head up to see jaehyun quickly pulling out his gun from his back pocket, arms streched out to the ground, ready to shoot any second. "its a fucking sniper." jaehyun whispered to you as he looked up towards the buuildings oposite the car, trying to find which building the sniper was stationed at. you didnt know what to do, you were afraid, scared, many feelings were flowing through you. all you could do was look down at the ground, and trust jaehyun with whatever he was doing.

"we're going to get in the car and im going to drive us out of here before the sniper can take another hit, got it? just get into the car as quick as possible and duck down. make sure that he wont be able to see you through the window." you nodded as you quickly processed jaehyun's instructions. "on my signal." jaehyun had his eyes glued on the tall buildings, it was late at night so you could barely see anything, you could never imagine how jaehyun was even able to spot the sniper.

"now!" you immdiately opened the door and got inside the car, closing the door and ducking your body down so as to not be see through the winodw. jaehyun hopped into the driver's seat in a flash and started up the car. you were panting nervously as you felt the car moving at high speed. you heard another bullet being shot at the back of the car. you whinced as you tilted your head up to see jaehyun with his phone beside him, his phone being placed on speaker mode as he called taeyong. "something happened. a sniper tried to shot mal. im heading back to the hideout now." jaehyun said. you heard taeyong shouting a loud 'fuck' before hanging up the call. jaehyun kept silent as he drove you back to the hideout in full speed. in less than 10 minutes, the car was put to a stop. you hugged your purse and you started slowly sitting back up. you looked at jaehyun, who's head and eyes were scanning the area again. jaehyun got out the car and walked to your door, opening it and signaled you to get out, you continues hugging you purse to your chest tightly as you quickly ran towards the hideout and got inside, with jaehyun following you behind.

you took deep breaths and watched jaehyun you looked extremely wary yet calm and collected. you were almost killed and jaehyun looked chill, although you doubt he felt like it. "taeyong's coming. wait for him in the main area." you folowed his instructions and took a seat in the couch of the main area, which basically consisted of a single couch and a very large table. the main area is where everyone would gather if they needed to plan something together, like breaking into a house and sorting out the escape routes etc. you werent part of those meetings but you were always there at the doorframe to see what taeyong and the others were talking about.

you took out your phone, not seeing any messages. you sighed and shoved your phone bac into your purse. it didnt take long for taeyong to come rushing through the door and placing himself on the couch, sitting down beside you and hugging you tightly. you nervously placed your arms around him, seeing the other members aloqly coming into the room. you let out a soft 'uh' into taeyong's ear, signalling taeyong to pull away from you since there were many eyes on you, wierded out that taeyong is being way too touchy with a gang member.

taeyong immediately noticed you hint and pulled away, coughing as he walked toward the huge table and slammed bot his arms down. "bishop is coming, in no time, theyll find out about our hideout and attack." the gang members begin to gather around the table. jaehyun however was standing with his arms folded behind the couch. "splint into groups and disperse. we cant be gathering in big groups like this. leaders take charge." you see the leaders of the sub groups, which were taeil, winwin and johnny nodding their heads to their boss. "those under me. stay low. dont do anything reckless. although it applies to everyone so." taeyong shrugged and sighed, rubbing his temples. "okay thats all. everyone head out tomorrow morning. im calling the leaders in the future to give further orders."

everyone said their goodbyes and exited the room one by one. jaehyu was the last one to stand at the door and before heading out, he gave a look to taeyong, which taeyong responded with a nod and walked out, closing the door behind hi and leaving you and taeyong alone in the main area. taeyong turned towards you and took a seat beside you, looking at you up and down. "im so glad youre safe." taeyog brings his hand uo to cup your cheek and frowned slightly and hugged him tight, digging your face into his chest. taeyong held you close and strokes your hair slowly and placed a kiss on the top of your head. "im not gonna let you go out without me or jaehyun anyore. i cnt imagine what woud happen if you went out alone." taeyong whispered as he pulled away, looking at your face before pulling you into a deep kiss. he pulled himself away from you. "you must be shock from that. im letting you sleep in my room."

you nodded slowly and stood up, following taeyong out of the main area and to his bedroom, which is basically his office. he lets you go inside first and closed the door behind him. he immediately unbottoned his white button up shirt, taking it off and throwing it at the edge of the bed and took a seat on the bed. "why are you so dressed up? you only went to the supermarket." taeyong commented as his eyes scanned you up and down, your outfit looking too bold for going somewhere simple in the middle of the night. "its not often i get to go out of this place. i just wanted to look good." yoy stripped your clothes off till you were in your bra and underwear. you placed your clothes where taeyong's shirt was and picked up his shirt to put it on. "you look nice in my shirt."

you giggled you walked over to the bed and layed down beside taeyong. taeyong cuddled you close, your leg over his and you burry your head deep into his neck. "im going to keep you safe from now on." teyong said, planting kisses on your shoulder. "thats not what a 'friend' says you know." taeyong lets out a 'tsk' before closing his eyes. "sleep," taeyong muttered. you smiled softly and kissed his cheek one last time before falling asleep. to be honest, you didnt know what was yor relationship with taeyong. for now, you only wanted to think of taeyong as your friend with benefit. besides, how can a gang keader even have time to fall in love. you were only there to comfort him, seeing his soft side. you felt that his actions says more than what your relationship with him is, but you chose to not let you imagination wonder too far. you liked taeyong, but you never wanted to interfere with his work by having a relationship with him, thinking that you would be a burden.

the next morning you woke up to see taeyong who just got out of the shower. you yawned and sat up straight, waiting taeyong who’s abs were out in the open, immediately diverting your eyes to it. “you’ve seen it plenty of times but you’re always staring at it like its your first time.” taeyong said calmly. you blinked your eyes and gaze your eyes up at taeyong who was drying his hair with a small towel. you blushed and stood up from the bed. “i cant help it.” you shrugged and begin to unbutton taeyong’s shirt which you slept in and slipped into your own clothes. before you walked out to head to your own room, taeyong pulls you to him by the waist in a swiftly motion and planted a kiss on your lips. “shower and get ready by 9 at the main area. im having a meeting which you need to be there for.” you smiled soft and interlocked your hands with his before letting go and heading out to your room.

you quickly showered and changed your outfit into a more comfortable one, merely only wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. you shoved your phone into your back pocket and and shoved your hands into the sides of your hoodie and walked your way over to the main room.

when you arrived, you see the members that are grouped to be under taeyong standing around. you noticed that taeyong has yet to arrive. you see jeno hanging around the corner with jaemin. you headed over to them, since they’re the only ones you would consider close to. “mal! how was last night? did you have fun?” jeno asked, tilting his head and grinning widely with the smile of a cheshire cat. you furrowed your eyebrows and slapped his should, making him flinch back as he let out a hiss. jaemin looked at the both of you, confused. “what happened last night?” jaemin questioned you. you shook your head with a smile. “oh its nothing. i just played cod with mark last night.” you glared at jeno who still had his smile on. you rolled your eyes and folded your arms. just how does he know everything? you thought to yourself.

you heard the door open, revealing taeyong in a ravishingly beautiful slick black suit. you clicked your tongue in amusement as you eyed him. what’s the occasion for him to be dressing this good? “great everyone’s here. let’s walk through what’s going to happen tonight.” tonight? what is taeyong going to do? is this what he worked long hours for? you listened attentively as taeyong talked about the plan to the members. you were in awe. you weren’t mentioned in the whole plan at all. why did you have to be here? “this needs to be pulled off properly if we’re going to beat that shit. got it? mal, i just need you to stay with me.” taeyong said as he turned his head to the back to face you. you widened your eyes and nodded quickly. “we head out at 12am sharp.” with that, taeyong walked out of the room, leaving everyone to do their own things.

jaemin chuckled. “this is going to be fun.” jaemin said in a sing-song tone. “the fuck is so good about killing a bunch of people jaemin?” you took your phone out to check the time, realising that they had the meeting for four hours and its already 1 in the afternoon. “its the chaos that excites me.” jaemin winked at you, laughing sinisterly and shoved his hands in his trousers and walked out with his shoulders laid back. “he’s only being sadistic. its fine.” you looked at him with a weirded out face. he snorts and jerked your arm with his elbow. “chill m. he’s just joking with you.” members slowly started going out of the main area. you decided to hang out at the arcade area.

the whole day went by quick since you were on your phone the entire time and once it was beginning to get close to 12am. the place started to get hectic with everyone preparing their guns and maing sure they have everything ready before moving out. you however, were just waiting in the main area. you figured that everyone would gather there first so you decided to get your lazy ass out of the arcade room and to the main area.

one by one, members started coming in. you see everyone, including jeno and jaemin with a pistol in hand. you have handled those before but your aiming really sucked. no one in the gang can compare to taeyong's gun skills though. his precision is so good he can shoot someone right in the center of their forehead from such long distances. he liked using old fashioned guns that were different from what the others had since he was more comfortable with it.

by 12am sharp as promised, everyone has gathered in the main area.taeyong gave one last look to all the members and everyone nodded their heads and exited the room swiftly, leaving you, taeyong and jaehyun.

"jaehyun's going to drive us to the mansion. after that, im not letting you out of my sight. got it?" you hummed in response as the three of you proceeded as planned, getting in the car immediately after getting out of the hideout and headed to david chong's mansion.

when you arrived, the car was right in front of the entrance of the mansion. you look through the window andnoticed how extravagant it looked. it looked rich, like it costed millions of dollars, but that is what to be expected from a mafia boss who has money rolling in every second. taeyong asked you to stay put in the car while jaehyun and taeyong got out of the car to talk to the two security guards that were standing at two sides of the entrance and heavily armed with multiple guns strapped on their black vests. taeyong and jaehyun were being checked by the two security guards to avoid having any guns being pointed at david chong, well that made sense.

not long after, jaehyun opened the door of the car and taeyong stood in front of you before grabbing you by the arm and getting you out. you were being pulled to the entrance. the security guards immediately scanning you up and down. "the fuck you looking at my girlfriend for? she's unarmed dont worry." taeyong hissed at them, making them click their tongues and allowing you and teyong to enter, along with jaehyun following behind. did taeyong called you his girlfriend? well that was unexpected.

upon entry, you see a huge grand room which two large sets of stairs on either side, leading and connected together to the second floor, to which a old men stepped out of the shadows of the dimly lit room. "lee taeyong. been awhile since ive seen you in the mansion." taeyong only kept silent, his seemingly cold blooded gaze on david chong. right now, taeyong looked extremely intimidating. although you werent scared by him the first time you met him, this was different. it felt as thoug even his gaze can kill soeone out of fear.

"come back home, taeyong. ill take you under my wing again, and youll live the finest life ever." david chong said. you observed him closely. you thought he looked like those males that become more ugly the more they age. "like hell i would." taeyong said. suddenly, david chong's eyes turned to you. you widened your eyes in fear, but tried to look calm and collected. "who is this beautiful and precious young lady?" he tilted his head and the smiled widly. you were disgusted by the old man was eyeing you right now. taeyong puts a hand on your shoulder. "you remember her right? the girl that your snipers tried to get." the old man started to climb down the stairs. taeyong watching his every step. david chong eventually ended up standing in front of you.

"looking up close, she's more pretty than i thought. could be of use to me." the old man come up close to you, way too close. he placed his thumb on your chin, tilting your head up and he examined your face. your eyes went to taeyong, who instantly pulled you away from him, making you stand behind him. "dont fucking touch her." the old man responded with a loud chuckle. "protective as always. i really did raise you up well." david chong kept his eyes on you. you could tell that taeyong would have ripped his neck open by now, but he kept calm regardless of the overflowing rage at how close david was getting to you.

"how about this? lets arrange a deal." david said, folding his arms in front of him as he stood a foot away from taeyong, who only stared at him fiercely. "i have the girl, and you get your freedom." you widened your eyes, gaze immediately switching from david to taeyong, constantly going back and forth. you felt jaehyun's presense from behind coming closer. "so i dont need your ugly ass and your men tailing my every move if i let her be one your your billions of prostitutes." taeyong raised and eyebrow and laughed histerically, making him look the only crazy one in the room. his eyes grew dark soon after. "try that and you wont see the light of day. though i think today is the last time you ever will." taeyong's eyes glanced to the side where it was dark and in a split second, a gun slided on the floor from the darkness and was in taeyong's arm. immediately, all the members got out from lurking in the darkness, guns all pointed towards david. however, david's men, including bishop's group, appeared on the second floor.

you looked around you in shock, overwhelmed by how much has happened in the blink of an eye. you moved back slightly, feeling jaehyun's hand on your back which made you feel a little safe. you see taeyong pointing his gun towards david's head, to which david responded with a low chuckle. "what, you want to kill me? i have many gangs under me. i could get you devoured in a second." you hear jaehyun letting out a huff as a gun was tossed to him as well. "im not that dumb please."

taeyong wraped his arm around david's neck and turned around to face biship's gang at the second floor. "move and he dies." taeyong shouted, tightening his grip on david's neck. you could tell that bishop's gang members were irritated and taken aback by what taeyong did. taeyong gestured his head towards winwin, who the signalled his gang to go up to the second floor.

"drop your guns." winwin said to the group of men. they were about to put their guns on the floor when a bullet was fired at winwin's shoulder, who immediately whinced in pain. the whole room became a chaos as bishop's gang started to attack. you froze in fear. taeyong shot david in the leg and turned around to look at you. without realising, you see jaehyun on the floor with bishop's members surrounding him. one of the men grabbed you and placed your hands behind your back, tightening his grip. you stared at taeyong with widened eyes, too scared to do anything. you tried to get away from the man's grasp, but clrly you werent strong enough to go against him. you see someone coming up from behind taeyong. "taeyong behind you!" it was too late. taeyong was knocked down unconscious. "taeyong!" you cried out, trying you best to get to taeyong, but you couldnt. you cried as you saw taeyong's body fell to the ground. you realised jaehyun was unconscious as well. it didnt take long for them to knock you out soon after realising the situation you were in.

your eyes fluttered open. you tried to move but realised you were tied up with your hands behind your back and your legs tied together as well. you looked around, trying to process where you were at. it looked like a basement of some sort. the walls looked old and moldt and there was nothing else around you other than taeyong and jaehyun. you started wondering where your other members were at. you wiggled your way towards taeyong who's body was still and wasnt that far away from you. you tried to wake him up by bumping your head on his chest. it didnt take him long to wake up. "mal. fuck they caught us." taeyong muttered under breath as he woke jaehyun up by kicking jaehyun's leg. jaehyun looked around. you saw jaehyun's ear twitch suddenly. he leaned towards the door. "they're coming." jaehyun said. the room fell silent as the door flew open, revealing david alone, walking in. "look at you. i thought you were stronger than this taeyong." david bent down to meet taeyong's eye level. taeyong turned his head away.

"so whats it going to be? the girl, or you?" david walked over to you and grabbed you by the collar and lifted you up, his head getting close to your neck and he took in your scent. you bite your lip and tilted your head away, struggling to kick him away. "smells like money to me." david chuckled. taeyong and jaehyun both hissed at him like snakes. david acted scared, letting out a "woah." sarcastically. "you got one hour to decide. also.." bishop suddenly appeared at the entrance of the door and walked over to taeyong. "pleasure seeing you again." bishop said to taeyong. "to think you would be dumb enough to team up with david. go to hell." taeyong argued. "i thinnk youre the one going to hell, when i torture you to death." bihsop instantly pulls out a night and placed it at taeyong's neck. jaehyun tried to kick it away but to no avail. "im having him torture you while you decide. have fun." with that, david dropped you back to the ground, and left the room. you heard him lock it, just great.

"now, what are we going to do with you three?" bishop romved the knife from taeyong's neck and circled around the three of you. "all we wanted to do was take david's money and bring him to the police for fuck sake." taeyong said as he rolled his eyes. "you shouldnt let me know your plan, idiot." bishop commented when he stopped behind you, pulling your hair, making you whince. "tell me, you ever had sex before?" your raised an eyebrow and kept your mouth shut. "not going to reply i see." out of nowhere, bishop connected his lips with yours and tried kissing you, but you didnt let him, still struggling to get out of his grasp. "get away from her!" taeyong shouted as jaehyun kicked bishop in the stomach with his legs. you fell down and coughed in disgust. bishop laughed, standing up and squat down infront of you. you spit in his face and stared him in the eyes. "fiesty. i see why david could have fun with her." bishop whispered. the only thing you could think about was how furious taeyong looked, his eyes burning in anger.

"well, i didnt come here to torture taeyong so, ill be on my way now." bishop suddenly carried you bridal style. you screamed taeyong and jaehyun's names as you were being carried way from them and out of the room. taeyong looked into your eyes, nodding his head as to signal that you will be fine, and that he'll find a way to get to you. you could only trust him when the door closed, removing taeyong and jaehyun out of your sight.

you didnt know where you being being carried to. you tried to stay calm, but your breathing was completely unstable. bishop noticed how you were acting. "calm down, im only keeping you for myself, i only worked with david to get my hands on you." bishop opened a door and entered the room. it was a bedroom, a good looking one at that, fitting the theme of the whole mansion. "what are you going to do with me?" you asked him, your voice cracking. bishop throws you on the bed and gets on top of you, you shivered as his hand touched your cheek, admirj g your face. "you'll find out soon, love." with that, bishop gets off the bed and walked out the room and locked you in. you looked around, trying to find any possible way to escape. there wasnt a window to escape through and you were unable to come uo with any ideas. you cried as you hugged yourself on the bed, you didnt know what to do. you were away from taeyong. who knows what could happen to you. you cried and cried till your eyes became dry and extemely red.

bishop hasnt come back for awhile now. you closed your eyes and tried to control your breathing, taking in deep breathes to try and calm yourself down, though it was very difficult. you didnt realise you were crying too much to the point where you fell asleep.

you woke up. you werent in the room this time. you looked around, you looked to be in a car. you turned to the front to see jaehyun and taeyong in the front seats, with taeyong driving. "great youre awake. we're heading home, not the hideout though." taeyong said with a monotoned voice. how did you get out? did you fell unconscious or something? you were in bishop's room the last time you were awake. you fell asleep again, too tired to think or even bother to ask yourself questions.

soon, you felt arms carrying you out the car. you fluttered your eyes open to meet taeyong's. he placed a soft kiss at the top fo your head. taeyong carried you to a rundown looking house. the wood on the walls were filled with mold, but it appeared to still be a suitabe place for a hideout. you were placed on a bed and taeyong sat down beside you. he hugged you tightly, and you hugged him back, fully embracing his presence. he plants soft kisses on your neck. you pulled yourself closer to him. "is everyone safe?" you asked with eyes of concern.taeying pulled away from you and smiled softly. "everyone is fine, a few wounded but the doctors are handling that." taeyong pulled you in your a kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck, while his was placed securedly on your waist. taeyong pulled away and sighed. "im sorry i couldnt protect you." taeyong whispered as he grabbed your hands and places them both on your lap, rubbing your skin lightly with his thumb. you layed a kiss on the side of his lips. "its fine, i was scared, but i knew you would come for me." you smiled softly, trying not to break down again in front of taeyong to make him feel worse.

"i love you." taeyong said. you widened your eyes. "you do?" taeyong hummed and nodded his head in response. you placed your forehead against his. "so we arent friends with benefits?" you asked him again. taeyong gave you wierded out look. "since when were we friends with benefits. i thought you knew that i liked you." you chuckled softly. "you should know youre the kind of person that cant express his feelings well." you commented. taeyong only frowned, to which to kissed it away. "ill keep you safe from now on, no matter what. losing me is better than losing you." taeyong hugged you once again.

after that crazy experience you had, you learned a few things. one, that taeyong was now yours. you didnt have to hide your feelings for him, and the members were apparently happy for you two. well, taeyong would propably rage if anyone opposed it anyways. and two, that you were able to trust taeyong full heartedly. with his strength, you know that he would do anything to keep you safe.

#nct #nct 127 #nct 2020 #nct taeyong #taeyong x reader #nct scenarios #nct imagine #nct x reader #nct ff #nct au #lee taeyong #taeyong #taeyong ff #nct taeyong x reader #lee taeyong x reader

[guiltburied]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖

▌real name: Norton Campbell

▌single or taken: Single by default

▌abilities or powers: it would fit more as a `skill` rather than a power, but Norton carries very strong magnets that due to their positive/negative polarities, they can attract or repulse targets

▌eye color: dark brown, sometimes it may appear as black from affar

▌hair color: Black.

▌family members: deceased father (unknown name) / regarding other family members i`m still debating over it but currently he only had a father in the past

▌pets: None. (let´s not count the in game´s pets)

▌something they don’t like: There are many things that Norton dislikes, one of them are dark and enclosed environments, product of having worked in a mine for a long time and because of an incident that occured in one said mines has left a pretty heavy impact on him. Another thing Norton is not fond of is attachments. After the mine incident, he is scared of people getting close to him out of the posibility of accidentally hurting them, so although he is a friendly person, he will always try to keep everyone at arms lenght or indirectly pushing them away with an irritating facade or by acting in determinate ways such as acting arrogantly or being a little bastard.

▌hobbies/activities: Although many may not know it because he keeps this activity to himself, he likes researching and reading about different metals and natural gems. Another thing he likes is of course, counting money and administrating money.

▌ever hurt anyone before: Yes.

▌ever killed anyone before: yes, many.

▌worst habits: Norton is very manipulative, or at least, used to be very manipulative in the past as he used to wear different masks in order to get what he wanted, using people´s trust by acting certain ways to achieve his own goals. This eventually lead to a tragedy whom has marked him deeply. Although he is not as manipulative as he was back then, he still keeps his masks in order to push people away in order to avoid hurting any more people. Another bad habit of Norton is that he is definitely a greedy person, specially when it comes down to money which will never be enough (this is tied to his past (headcanon) as someone who grew in a poor environment and his wish for survival against all odds.). On another note, Norton is a pretty proud person that can even reach the point of arrogance, yet sometimes this trait is fakely intensified in order to appear less approachable to others.

▌role models: (headcanon) He will always remember his father as a role model to him, specially because of how goal driven and hard working he was, how he worked so hard in order to be able to provide everything Norton needed when he was a child and how hard he worked just so Norton could get to have a normal childhood and hopefully push him away from the work in the mine.

▌sexual orientation: moronsexual--- jk jk, anyone who is willing to love him

▌thoughts on marriage/kids: Marriage/having kids is something Norton hasn´t thought of as he was simply too busy in the mine to even think of getting committed to someone. On the other hand, he wouldn´t want to get attached to someone out of fear of accidentally hurting them (as mentioned before), so a lot of his “romantic” encounters are casual things that vanish away as soon as he focuses his mind on something else. Regarding kids, if he ever got to marry someone and his partner wanted kids, he would probably need some time to come to terms with that since he would have a lot of fear of not being able to provide everything his kids would need in order to be happy. He doesn´t want his childhood to repeat again.

▌fears: Norton has a big fear of hurting others accidentally. He can hurt others on purpose, but it will be with a goal, to protect them, or because he seems it would benefit them more if they dont get close to him. Although he is not scared of the dark, he does fear very enclosed environments where oxygen is very limited, he will start sweating and get intensely nervous.

▌style preferences: Norton´s style is pretty casual, usually he tends to wear the clothes he used to wear when he was working in the past. Shirts, suspenders, gloves, boots, scarves, the typical miner outfit tbh. A little stylish thing he likes to collect are scarves, but only he knows about that.

▌someone they love: (headcanon) He loved his father, he loves him even though he has long passed away, he will always rememeber him fondly.

▌approach to friendships: WELL--- As someone who tends to wear masks and can be quite manipulative, he used to take this to his advantage in order to get closer to others quickly. Yet as of currently, he remains as a chill and friendly guy. He is the type of person that will know a lot about you but when you stop to think about him, you probably will know very little of him.

▌thoughts on pie: He likes pies! it´s been a long time since he haven´t eaten one though--

▌favorite drink: dark coffee. As of alcoholic drinks, he likes the heavy stuff that makes ur throat burn jksdnkfkjsd like vodka

▌favorite place to spend time at: Being outside taking fresh air or on his room (probably alone)

▌swim in the lake or in the ocean: lake! he would love going camping and getting to swim on a lake.

▌their type: Hardworkers or people who have dreams/goals, or anything that pushes them forward, he really respects those type of people. On the other side, he is kind of a moronsexual so he likes silly people, he finds them adorable.

▌camping or indoors: definitely outdoors! he is the kind of guy that would be your best pick if you needed to go out camping! (headcanon) he knows a lot of little tricks and stuff that would help a lot when camping, plus, stargazing at night--- he would truly love that.

Tagged by: no one! stole it from may @abendrotbrav​

Tagging: ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DO THIS! really its a lot of fun!! and if you see it and wanna do it, make sure to tag me because i love reading these!!

#;headcanons #headcanons #since idv charas tend to have vague pasts these have a lot of headcanons tbh #this was a lot of fun to do! #i also enjoyed reading your reply a lot may uwuwuwuw #i will say it here and i love sophia by e #i love norton too #i rambled so much jsdfkjnf #my other bois are coming next >:) #also i apologize for any mistakes i dont have grammarly rip

[swiss-cheeze]

Up || Daniel Webber x reader

Bold = lyrics

Italic = memories

Song - Up from Sing Street

Warnings: talk of physical abuse.

———

It's two o'clock on the edge of the morning

She's running magical circles around my head

I hitch a ride on a dream she's driving

“Stop going so fast love!” Daniel said with a laugh as his hair whipped into his face, the roof of the convertible had gone down ages ago but the pair where on a very clear free way with the speed at 100 and no cars in sight.

“Oh come on Daniel! Let loose!” you yelled to the boy over the wind sloshing across your ears and your hair whipping everywhere above you.

“Not when we’re about to DIE” Daniel said jokingly with a laugh as he gripped the car door, you hit the actors chest and gave him a stern ‘come on pussy’ look, Daniel simply rolled his eyes at you before leaning over to the radio and turned up Kickstart My Heart and pumped his hands into the air with the bass. You yelped and whooped and sang as loud and as high as you could.

She turns to kiss me, I crash back into bed

Daniel awoke with a start, his hair stuck to his sweaty forehead and his sheets stuck to his chest as the rest of him was drenched in sweat, his breathing was heavy and the room was thick and musty; this was not ideal.

Across the street on a grayed out Monday

I see the girl with the eyes I can't describe

And suddenly it's a perfect Sunday

And everything is more real than life

Daniel stood from his bed and rubbed his face as he started getting ready for the day, you had invited him out for breakfast, but what Daniel did not know; you decided to bring your boyfriend, he would've been fine with it had it not have been the boyfriend that frequently abuses you. Daniel had been your best friend since the pair of you where three years old but when high school came around the corner and hormones became an apparent thing in both of your lives, Daniel had a never ending crush on you. Everything about you he loved and he fell in love with you with every moment that passed that he was with you; the funny cat videos you send him, the way you tie your hair back when you’re thinking and making things, the way you have a certain way of doing everything in the morning and your afternoon routine. The poor boy hated seeing you with so many guys that meant nothing to you, and you meant nothing to them. Daniel could always tell if the guy you were dating had a side chick or just wasn't interesting and even though he constantly told you you never listened, and then within the next month Daniel would find you in tears and blabbering ‘sorrys’ from not believing him, of course the actor would bring you in and comfort you with tea and a place to sleep for the night.

I think I'm back in the dream

I think I'm back on the ceiling

It's such a beautiful feeling

Walking down the street Daniel could hear the bustling of the street next to him, the clicking of the soles of his shoes on the pavement, the screaming child just behind him that wasn't allowed a lollipop; even with his headphones in and at a reasonable volume. Everything seemed so loud but so far away, Daniel wanted to tell you how much he loved you, how much he wanted to hug and hold you, kiss you and make you feel safe and okay and happy; but of course you already had someone before he could ask you.

Going up

“(Y/n)?” Daniel asked as he opened his front door and squinted out to his porch, “doll what the hell are you doing?” the tired man asked as he quickly let you in and sat you down on his couch before making his way to the kitchen and boiling the kettle, he knew what you were doing here, he knew something happened between you and your boyfriend, you normally wouldn't be here if it weren't for that. Daniel came back within five minutes with a two cups of tea and placed them both on the coffee table before retreating again to bring out the family biscuit pack and sat down next to you; the blonde didn't speak for a moment as he let you drink your tea and have a bite of an oval cookie.

“H-he slapped me” you whispered softly against the bite you took off your biscuit. Your voice was shaky and quiet as you let the words sink in, not only into Dan beside you; but to yourself as well, you never believed it would happen, you never thought you did anything bad or something your boyfriend didn't like.

“He...he hit you” Daniel confirmed looking at you with wide eyes. You simply nodded as you kept nibbling at your biscuit, “why?”

“An argument broke out, Damian was asking what i had made for dinner and I told him I hadn't made it yet, then he started to get s-so a-angry….” you mumbled, the end of your sentence trailed off as the fresh memories came back and the red mark on your cheek burnt, “a-and he got so….out of control. I-I couldnt s-stop him” you whimpered softly, tears sprouted in your eyes again and dripped down your cheek and into your tea as you took a generous mouthful.

“(N/n)....” Daniel said in a ‘what-do-i-even-say’ tone.

“J-just don-don't worry” you muttered softly as you dipped your biscuit into your warm tea and bit into the soft mush before it dropped, as you ate you looked to Daniel and took a second glance as he sipped his own tea. Dan looked to you mid bite.

“What?” he asked, a watery smile crept its way onto your face as you looked down.

“You’re only in your underwear” you said softly, Dan looked down with a small ‘what?’.

“Oh. Shit.” he said as he looked at his black jocks , “shit i'm sorry (Y/n)” the actor said as he put down his tea and rubbed his eyes. This made you laugh softly as you finished your tea and biscuit.

She lights me up

She breaks me up

She lifts me up

“Its okay” you said with a laugh as you put down your drink, “we’ve been friends for years, ive seen you naked before” you said with a giggle.

“Oh don't bring up that memory” Daniel said as he buried his head in his hands, “that was so embarrassing” the boy mumbled. When the two of you were in your teens you would go past each others houses and let yourselves in as nobody was really ever home, but today just so happen to be the week Daniel had broken his leg and with no one else home to help him shower; you had to be the one to make the commitment. Even though it was for an actual reason it was still something you liked to joke about every now and then; you had to help undress Daniel and shower him all while keeping your eyes up and off of his junk.

“It really wasn't” you said with a chuckle, “it was for a good reason” you said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, I know, but still. I've grown you know!” Daniel said quickly, before he could register the words his face went red as you burst out into a fit of giggles.

“Oh really?” you asked, “down there?” you pointed to his junk, “or up here?” you patted the blonde head which granted you a fun loving death glare from Daniel as he pushed your hand away from his head.

“You know what I mean” Daniel said with a blush.

“I really dont you know” you said with a laugh.

“UP HERE YOU DORK!” Daniel said with a loud voice and a laugh, this caused you to laugh too as you both shook your head.

You find a mystery bound in perfection

You've got to read, but you don't want to reach the end

As Daniel reached the cafe he pulled the headphones from his ears and stuffed them in his pocket with his phone. He could see you from the window already, Damian had a protective arm wrapped around your shoulders as you searched the cafe for Daniel; you almost looked frantic, you wanted to get away from Damien, which is probably the reason you have squished yourself against the window to get as far away from the man as you physically could. Of course that hasn't worked as you got pulled back into Damiens side.

Cause what if everything beautiful's fiction

And this reality's just pretend?

As Daniel walked into the cafe and the door let off a bell sounding out someone was here, a bright smile lit up your face like christmas night as Daniel finally reached the booth. By now you had FORCED Damian from the booth so you could hug your best friend.

“Hey Dan” you said into his neck softly as you squeezed the actor, him returning with the same force.

“Missed you” Daniel said softly into your hair as he nuzzled into your neck; but this moment was short lived as a rather loud and obnoxious cough interrupted you two. You separated from Daniel quickly and smiled before motioning for Daniel to sit down as you went back to your previous seat and Damien was quick to move in next to you; efficiently trapping you.

“So Dan” Damien said with a tight and annoyed smile, “what’ve you been up to recently that has made you stay away from us for so long?” the man asked. Daniel had to fit the urge to roll his eyes at the fakely covered sarcasm.

“Uh, i've been filming down in uh, SA actually. Adelaide; for the new movie with the other Daniel” Dan said with a chuckle. You leant forward in your seat and placed your arms on the table as a sign for Daniel to keep talking; that you were listening with the giant smile on your face. Daniel coughed and chuckled softly as he looked to you with a grin, “it’s called Escape from Pretoria, it's about these two men who break out from a South african prison with help from other people and it's just about their journey of survival really and how they got by; it's based on a book from one of the real escapees, Time Jenkin, Radcliffe is the one who got that role and i got the other guy” Daniel said with such happiness; he loved talking about his job but he loved it when you listen to his stories and things he does with the job. You get as excited as Daniel himself does, it's a nice thing to know.

And then I'm back in the dream

I'm looking up at the ceiling

It's such a beautiful feeling

As time passed and stories got told, Damien had excused himself from the table to go to the bathroom and as soon as he was out of sight Daniel got on topic.

“Has he hurt you recently?” the actor asked as he bent over the table slightly and leant in closer so no one else could hear. You looked to Dan with a scared face before doing the same and leaning in.

“Y-yeah he has” you said softly, “im so sorry” you say as you wipe your eyes from the tears that threatened to fall, “he takes my phone and locks the house and puts my keys somewhere i can't find them” you whimper out softly. Dan quickly gets up from the table and walks around to sit next to you, as he sat his arm wrapped around your shoulders and slowly brought you into his chest for a hug; you wrapped your arms around Dans shoulders and tried to stifle your crying.

“It’s okay babe” Dan said, he didn't even try to stop the nickname falling from his mouth as it felt so nice to say and sounded like the right time to say it.

“N-no it's not!” you whimper softly, “I don't want to be with Damien anymore. I hate him, h-he's so rude! And arrogant. He doesn't like any of the things I do, we disagree on everything all the way down to what to watch on TV!” you exclaimed, your voice wasn't loud enough state for everyone else to hear but Daniel knew what you were doing. Daniel nodded in an understanding of where you were coming from and thought for a moment.

Going up

“Then leave him” Daniel said, “we’ll leave right now,” he exclaimed with wide arms, “we-we pick up your stuff from your house and we head back to mine. You can bunk with me until we find a better place for you to live without him there” Dan said, you giggled softly at his awkwardness but nodded quickly.

“Please, I want to get away from him” you said with a sniffle. Dan nodded as well and clapped.

“Right! Come on, let's get away from here” Dan said as he started to drink the rest of his drink and took the last bite from his food as you started to bring money out from your purse, “what are you doing?” Daniel asked with a concerned look, “you aren't paying,” he said.

“What? No. im giving a tip” you said with a light chuckle as the waitress came over, she asked if the two of you were finished and you both nodded before telling her your ‘friend’ was in the toilet and was going to pay for the food anyway. You handed the woman a fair tip before dashing out of the cafe with the giggles and making quick work of getting to Daniels car before Damien came back.

She lights me up

She breaks me up

She lifts me up

After a quick rush to your ‘previous’ house (as Daniel had now dubbed it) to grab your things the two of you left a little note for Damien, basically saying you where going to change your phone number, that you had run off with someone and your things and that you never wanted to see him again. With To Young to Fall in Love blasting on the radio and the car going down the street at reasonable speed you got to Daniels house in record time; with enough daylight to still make a whole new room just for you in his house (seeing as it was a two bedroom). Daniel helped you set out your room as you wanted before the pair of you flopped onto the living room couch in a fit of giggles with some cool jazz playing in the background.

“I didn't actually think you’d agree with me,” Daniel said, “about moving in with me”

“Of course i would. Anything to get away from that prick” you said with a sigh and a roll of your eyes. You hated Damien since you first met him but he had somehow conditioned you into thinking you loved him and he loved you back, “I actually found out last week he's been cheating on me since before me and him got together” you paused, “I guess that’d make me the cheatee?” you questioned before shrugging, “I don't know what happened with the other girl. Maybe he’ll go back with her” you said with a sigh.

“Don't think about it hun” Daniel said as he sat up alongside you, he nudged your shoulder softly with a blush as he bit his lip, “you know there's always someone out there for you” Daniel said, biting the bullet. You shrugged.

“Maybe there isn't” you mumbled, before looking to the lounge room carpet and picking at the fraying ends.

Up to the stars she shows me

Daniel took a second look at you before scoffing slightly, “‘maybe there isn't’?” Daniel repeated.

“Well, yeah. Maybe i'm just meant to be alone!” you exaggerated.

“Why the hell would you say something like that?” Daniel said with a slight edge to his voice, “(Y/n) you're so beautiful, you're so talented. You send me cat videos almost every day at the same time, you tie your hair up and out of your face” Daniel scoffed as he fell back onto the cough with a huff, “hell, every night before you go to bed you turn the TV off, you got to the kitchen to make sure the kettle is off before you walk up the stairs, TWO AT A TIME, and put on long fluffy socks for the night if its cold before cuddling into the blanket in the fetal position” Daniel said; his face had turned red and was almost in tears.

Dame Street, George's Street, miles below me

Up where the world won't let us down

(Na, na, na, na)

“Daniel…” you muttered softly as you sat next to the actor on the couch as he wiped his eyes.

“(Y/n) im in love with you, and i have been my entire life. Ever since you first came to me from your first boyfriend breaking up with you, with tears streaming down your face and ice cream around your mouth you always looked so beautiful to me. The day we had our highschool formal and you were in that beautiful dress? That was the moment i knew i had fallen for you, i had been discarding my feelings and putting them off thinking it was just stupid teenage hormones; but seeing you walk down those stairs and into the lounge room where i was waiting with your parents and that stupid boyfriend of yous-”

“Braydon” you cut in with a watery smile.

“Yeah! Him. I always hated him” Daniel muttered absently, “ever since then ive been in love with you, and i've fallen more and more in love with you with every day that has passed. I find new things about you almost every day” Daniel said before taking a breath and letting out a small chuckle as he sniffled and wiped his eyes.

Going up

(It's two o'clock on the edge of the morning)

“Daniel…” you said softly, “why didn't you tell me sooner?” you asked as you scooted closer to the actor.

“I didn't want to ruin what we had” Daniel muttered softly as you wrapped your arms around him.

She lights me up

(She's running magical circles around my head)

“I wouldn't have minded you know” you said softly as you turned Daniels head to look at you. You sighed softly at the tears that streamed down his face and wiped away the tracks they had left and cupped Dans cheeks; rubbing your thumb over his cheekbone before letting your gaze drop to his lips.

She breaks me up

(I hitch a ride on a dream she's driving)

“Are you saying i could have asked you out this entire time?” Daniel asked with a chuckle, you nodded with a grin that spread to your eyes.

“I've been in love with you since you first broke your leg” you said before pausing, “wait”

“So you love me for my junk is that it?” Daniel asked with a laugh.

“What no! Of course not you dork!” you said as you pushed Daniel, the boy laughed wholeheartedly as he let himself fall onto his side on the couch before twisting himself onto his back as you came up and placed your knees either side of his hips; neither of you thought of it being sexual, nor did you even want it to be sexual.

“Why then?” Daniel asked, “hmm?”

“Because you trusted me enough to help you in some of your most desperate times without anyone else being there” you said thoughtfully. Daniel leant up on his elbows with a soft smile, “and ive fallen more and more in love with you with each day that passes” you said softly.

She lifts me up

Daniel chuckled softly before you leant in and connected your lips with his; a passionate, searing kiss mixed with every emotion of love, want, distance and everything in between. Your arms wrapped around Daniels shoulders and tangled into his hair as his came around your waist and his hands connected with the skin of your back; you shirt had ridden up from straddling Daniel, but neither of you cared enough to stop.

#daniel webber #colson baker #motley crue #teenage kicks #11.22.63 #daniel webber x reader #vince neil x reader

[book-of-ryker]

When the Navy found out I smoked marijuana, I was at a firing range. I had an M-4 and an M-9, one being an automatic rifle, the other a pistol.

They disarmed me immediately, and I remember knowing why they did.

In the twenty seconds it took me to walk over to the disarming barrel, my thoughts were, “Pull the pistol out, put the barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger” for as many times I could mentally repeat before I lost the opportunity. I called my dad while a Chief was on his way to pick me up.

After the phone call, I deleted all of my Facebook messages at the recommendation of my father.

All of my text messages. too. My dad swore the Chief wasn’t my friend, and would screw me over at his first chance and not to tell him anything, at all.

The deleted threads of conversations with people who either didn’t exist anymore, or we had stopped talking.

I must have chain smoked about fifteen cigarettes in the hour and a half it took for this Chief to arrive.

All the while, I had been wishing that I had the courage to just pull that fucking trigger.

That anxiety was unbearable.

I went to a DRB, which is where I stand in front of a bunch of senior enlisted military.

At first, I came in with my shoulders back , military discipline and all. At the end, I was escorted out by a compassionate Master Chief, and I was bawling.

I have wanted to kill myself for as far back as I can remember. I smoked weed because all of my pain in life is unbearable and my mind never shuts the fuck up.

I don’t understand reality the way everyone seems to and it’s isolating, like being in the dimension next door.

"Most everyone who doesn’t know me resents me. Most everyone who knows me tolerates me," I tell myself.

I sat outside and cried, blubbering to these senior enlisted folks.

As a Second Class Petty Officer with all of the skills that I had possessed. I was in the United States Navy for five long years, and nine excruciating months and two awkward days.

I had been to mental health multiple times in my  Naval career. The first psychiatrist that I ever spoke to was at NATTC Pensacola.

It’s not even six months of me getting out of the Navy now...

My present life finds me in this bed at some house in South Carolina, Like a muscle, those words stream across my mind like a teleprompter, “You should have died on that day. You should have fucking killed yourself.”

And for myself, I finally gave myself the courage to tell myself, “No.” "I love you for just who you are. I love the way you think, I love the way you handle thing[s] (most of the time ^.^), I love what you do. You have a very solid and strong mind, you think things through very thoroughly, and you have a very good outward perspective. I don't know if that helps, but that's the best I can come up with while working." Let me tell you what I think happened before I tell you why I think we should reconnect. I'm 26 years old and the one and only thing in my life that I regret, to this day, is what I once said simply to hurt you. I was an awful boyfriend for you. Not all of the time, obviously. But my only regret comes from when I said out of annoyance and irresponsibility, 'I guess you're going to have to celebrate Thanksgiving without your boyfriend or your mom.." You eyes glazed over me. You slumped over. And you sobbed. I walked towards you and hugged you because that sort of rage-to-regret is exactly the kind of Bipolar Disorder that I am used to. It's been my entire life, Nicole. It's all I have ever known. Albeit, the worst of it all is over and I'm just waiting for all of my hopes and dreams to bloom into the flowers I have been cultivating. The night we went to Twin Peaks was the night you said goodbye, even though you never did. You and I both are aware that we would come across each other someday, I think. I don't have any proof for that delusion/hope, but hey, I don't know everything which means I have unfettered access to being totally wrong and totally right, until one of us is deceased. I do remember being in absolute bliss that night we met up and you were drunk with me in the Whataburger drive through and that's about all I have for that. Mike and I moved out of the house because we wouldn't be able to renew the lease before I had to get my new job in the Navy. I moved into an apartment on the second floor and I got a dog named Itachi. I did loads of LSD that I'd gotten and I had a REALLY FUCKING AWFUL TRIP with Hailey Campbell (also tripping) and Rian Nobles (not tripping). I went to my grandmother's funeral in New York with my Dad and Alex. I found out that my photographic memory is real because I reminded my Uncle about the fit my brother went into at the LAST funeral we gathered. Which was Renee's. I lived with Lauren Teston for a long time after that. I started smoking weed because, Nicole, I didn't know what to do.. Everyone has always left me, and I only NOW understand why: me. But I didnt see it like that. It didn't feel like that.. It didn't feel like I had an emotional problem. I didn't know. But in retrospect, Nicole, my emotions felt like a chainsaw to my insides. Our breakup was the healthiest breakup for me, and it was also the worst. (2020 readers, it got way worse) I didn't leave for California until right before October 10, 2016. I was trained to be an Engine Mechanic by the Seabees and I learned a fuck ton about cars. I did more PT than anywhere else in my military career. Every Friday was a 4:30 A.M., seven mile run with the whole school. Really, it was a fourteen mile run, but it makes me sound less of a douche if I say seven, maybe. I came home on leave for Christmas and I smoked even more weed. I came back to California to finish my school. Byy the way, there were two onomatopoeia's in a barracks room together: Petty Officer Quackenbush and Petty officer Miao (this or 'mao' is also the Chinese word for cat") I left Port Hueneme after meeting Johnny Depp in L.A. I drove, for the third time, across the country. I was at Gulfport, Mississippi for a few months, learning combat procedures with the Seabees. I pissed hot in Gulfport. I wrote a poem that I'll attach later about what that was like. I went to some military proceedings, reduced in rank,  lost a lot of money, had to go to two different hospitals for one month. I first went to Garden Park Hospital for a suicide watch that I had been placed under after the military proceedings had broken me down to where I couldn't take it anymore. I bawled my eyes out to men I'd never met because I could no longer believe that people didn't care about me. I was suicidal given the circumstances, but I was suicidal before I ever got caught smoking. The only reason I smoked was because I didn't want to be suicidal. A 51 year old woman tells me at this place that she, "Would be surprised if I never heard of you again. I stayed at Emerald Coast Behavioral Health (This is when I called you in 2017) and I learned an entirely different way of living. I was told that I have Bipolar Disorder I, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, Osteochrondroma in the left knee. I was told a handful of tools to help myself become a better person. I then went to restriction, which is where a person is constantly monitoring me while I do nothing but work and survive. I did that for forty five days which dragged forever. I left. I stayed with my dad and I had a good first month out of the Navy. I was happy. I was excited and nervous and terrified. I smoked SO much more weed. I drank SO much more booze. And cigarettes. I was helping my dad build a deck in the backyard. My car was repossessed about one and one half months after getting out. I had nothing. I started working under the table as a contractor for a few months, but my mom and I got into a fight and I was kicked out of the house for the second and last time of my life. I moved in and slept on a friends floor. He had a bum knee from a recent surgery and so I quasi-morphed into his at-home nurse. Started doing dabs and malt liquor with friends. Eating popcorn for food, drawing outside for five hours, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. I did this for a month until my depression (booze) had become evil. I tried hanging myself on a dog line and I had to leave their house.. I stayed with my dude Sam for a few days and then moved in with my brother for a day. I feel nothing for him anymore, and so I really dont want to elaborate about this because he will always be a peace of shit. I went to a music festival that got shutdown by a hurricane. I got to do LSD/blow/weed for free because I was working security and I have worked with the team before. Hell, the guy in charge personally handed me $275 because of how badass of a watchstander I am. I then migrated to Asheville, North Carolina where my eyes were opened to the world we live in. And how great a thing love is, Nicole Renee Gable. But after this, I really had nowhere to go. That is until I remembered that I knew a guy from when I was in Japan.. We only ever really interacted in the smokepits. After he found out I had been sleeping on the floor of my friends house, he told me that if I was ever in South Carolina that he had a guest bedroom waiting for me. I lived with him and his wife and their son while I got a job as a forklift driver at BMW. I got another car (since been repossessed, not as debilitating for me now). I moved out and lived with a dude that I thought was a friend. He ended up being a real twat of a motherfucker. Before I knew he was a real dullard, I left BMW about two weeks of me living with him. It was too military.A HUGE millitary-industrial complex. He fucked me over so that I had nowhere to go and I didnt have a job. He left. I had the apartment by myself. It was a blur of events past that. Between the weed, the booze and the mental health issues, I am grateful to be writing this. This guy's stripper girlfriend (Her name is Sam and she's nice as well as bananas) came to find me in a fucked up mess of my own doing at the apartment. After I came to, she and I decided that I needed to check myself into a mental health center. With no insurance. I had only a few boxes of stuff (I drove down to Florida at one point to get my shit). After I was in for a week (I know what I'm about and the solutions I need), I got a job working as a cook in a strip club. The BEST job I ever had because I actually made some good money. (30 girls dancing in one night with $5 tips to me is a lot of moolah) However, I didnt make enough money to stay. I only made enough money to leave. I bought two edibles and had a nice relaxing eight hour drive to a friend's house in Pennsacola We had a personal falling out/disagreement. I worked as a line cook at Slimz at the Al Fresco in Pensacola. I saved up money to come out to California. I'm with one of my few best friends, Tymothy. Upon my arrival here, my car was repossessed (I bought in South Carolina, which is fucking crazy that they found me). My life is coming together though, Nicole. I am generally happy in my day to day lifestyle. I'm hoping to be officially retired from working for the rest of my life within this next year. It turns out that there was A HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE scandal in the Navy and I'm going to use my genius mind to collect the disability that I deserve. Monthly, that payment could land anywhere between $800-2900.. For the rest of my life. I have an amazing home loan that I will get to use once the ball has begun rolling. Nicole, I really dont think I love you as much as I should have and that bothers me. Not in a negative way, at all. It makes me feel like I need to write this email to you. Like I owe you more for what you gave me, Nicole Gable. You might not see it, Nicole. The only reason I ever went along with the mental health is so that we could have a healthy relationship together. Whatever that even fucking means as far as the definition goes. Hell, for all I know, you could be seriously dead or worse. You could be dating somebody.. 😝 I havent dated anyone quite seriously. I've been on a couple of dates here and there, but I just didn't/don't care. I hope that all of these women find someone that loves them as much as I know I can love you someday, if you could ever trust me... If you're with someone, I seriously hope they love you as much as space-time can hold matter and energy and light and dark matter. The greatest lesson I have learned since we spoke last is that we will live our lives from the shades of fear and the radiations of love. I love and accept myself now. I love myself exactly how you once loved me. I don't know where on this rock you are, but if you'd like to never have to work again, please reach out to me. I would be honored, if you would ever be willing. It's still going to be a few months, so you can think about this for awhile..? If you ever wanted to live in California with me someday, I mean. Hell, we could be roomates. You could wear chastity belts and Amish outfits all year round . I don't know anything.. I hope that this email finds you well. I hope it has given you smiles. I hope you have a blessed day. [Update]  It is now the year 2020.  I am.  The world is the world. Hell is hell.  We’re all stuck on a rock in the middle of nowhere.  If there’s someone reading this, be aware: you do not exist. This is my spaceship.

[myfanstories]

They just dont know you

Bucky Barnes x reader

Dad!Tony Stark x reader

A/N: I’m on a roll tonight man!! Based on the song ‘They just dont know you’ by Little Mix! Feel free to request anything xxxx

***************

Daddy doesn't think that you'll be good enough for me

Mama says be careful 'cause he'll break your heart in three

They don't walk in my shoes

They ain't being kissed by you

The frontdoor sounded louder than ever as I silently tried to close it “Damnit” I cursed quietly as the door creaked. When it finally closed I tiptoed my way to the kitchen for a bottle of water before going to bed. But when I turned on the light in the kitchen I was taken by surprise when I saw my dad standing there, just sipping milk through a straw “Where have you been” he said, trying not to sound worried “Out” I answered quickly, avoiding his glance “Out?” He repeated and I nodded “Yeah, with Steve” I said, walking around the kitchen isle to the fridge “Funny” my dad laughed and I looked at him “Because Steve just called, asking me if I knew where Bucky was” my heart dropped as I felt my heart beating faster “Thats strange, haven’t seen him either. Goodnight dad” I quickly grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and practically ran out of the kitchen “He’ll hurt you” I stopped walking and turned around to face my dad “What?” “Look, Y/N. I love you but...” “But what dad?” He sighed and rubbed his eyes before looking at me “He’s not good enough for you” “Why would you say that” I crossed my arms “Because it’s true Y/N. He’s bad news, I talked to Pepper about it... she agrees, says he’ll break your heart in three” I scoffed, turning around and ignoring my father’s calls and leaving the house once again.

Tell me, tell me you won't break my heart

You won't tear my world apart

That you'll be there when I need

'Cause I wanna tell them

They just don't know you

Knocking three times I waited for an answer. I heard footsteps coming from inside the apartment and sighed in relief when he finally opened the door for me. Before Bucky could say anything I fell into his arms as he let out an ‘oomph’ sound from the sudden impact from my body to his. He waited for a second before putting his arms around me as well, pulling me inside the appartement. “Is Steve home?” I asked, still holding him close to me “No” I pulled back from the hug and looked at him “good” he pushed my hair out of my face and kept his hands on my cheeks “Wanna talk about it?” I stared at him for a second before letting out a deep breath “Tell me you wont break my heart” he looked taken back and shook his head “Y/N... I could never” I simply nodded and let my head fall on his chest again. “I love you” he said, kissing my head and I smiled “I love you too”

It's funny 'cause at times it feels like us against the world

They treat you like a criminal but I'll still be your girl

I'd ride or die with you

Walk the line if you asked me to

The sun was shining on both of our faces as we enjoyed our cup of coffee in the cafe right outside of Bucky’s building. Today was the hottest day of the year so far and God I was melting. I looked over at Bucky who wore a white t-shirt, his metal arm exposed. “Wanna order lunch now?” I asked and he nodded. I looked for a menu and saw one on the table next to us “Excuse me, can I have the menu please” I kindly asked the woman next to me, she turned her head to look at me and her glance fell on Bucky’s arm. I could see the sudden fear in her eyes as she shakingly handed me the menu. I opened it and started scanning the menu “Oh babe they have steak t-“ I suddenly heard a chair move and looked up to see Bucky leave “Babe?” I questioned and quickly stood up, following him “Bucky!” I yelled after him but he just kept walking. As I caught up to him I grabbed his arm and turned him around “Hey, what’s wrong?” “3 years. It took the world 3 years to accept me.. or so I thought they did” I looked at him in confusion before it clicked. The woman in the cafe. He must have noticed how she looked at his metal arm “You know maybe Tony’s right. I’m not good enough for you” he said and I shook my head, placing my hands on his chest “Baby, look at me. I’m your girl. I’ll always be your girl. I dont give a damn about what people think of us. I love you, nothing can change that” he looked at me and smiled, a little taken back by my sudden speech “Your my girl” he smiled and I nodded “I’m your girl”

You don't know about our love

You choose what you see

'Cause if you felt the way we love

You'd just let it be

It was one of my dad’s fancy parties and everyone was there. And by everyone I mean... everyone. It seemed as if this time he had invited the whole city of New York to the party and to be honest, I wasn’t totally comfortable with this many people in my home. I looked down to all the people in my living room and couldn’t help but smile as I spotted Bucky and Steve laughing at something that Sam had said.

“You’re really not gonna follow my advice are you” I turned around to see my dad “When do you ever follow mine?” I shot back and he chuckled “Touché” he handed me a glass of expensive champagne and I gladly accepted it, taking a sip “Did you atleast think about what I said?” “Dad, have you ever taken a minute of your day to even talk to him? I dont believe you have ever said more than 2 words to him. You don’t know him. You dont know what he’s like, how he treats me, how he loves me. You dont know our love, because you’re not giving it a chance.” My dad looked at to where Bucky was standing and sighed “Alright, I’ll try. But if he hurts you I swear I-“ I cut him off as I hugged him “Thank you dad”

You don't know about the times

When it's just him and me

'Cause if you felt the way we love

You'd just let it be

Walking across the busy room I focused on Bucky and made my way towards him. He saw me coming and a big smile appeared on his face “Hey my love” he put his free hand around my shoulder and kissed my cheek before taking a sip from his beer. “You doing okay?” I asked him and he nodded “Little too busy for me but I’m good now that you’re here” I smiled at his comment and gently rubbed his cheek “My dad said he’d try” the statement obviously surprised him as he choked on his drink “what?” He asked and I laughed, wiping away the spilled beer from his lips “I talked to him, he’s gonna try to atleast say ‘hi’ to you” he put down his beer and grabbed my shoulders “Do you think he’ll finally bless me to ask you to marry me” I laughed and grabbed his cheeks “Let’s first survive our first dinner as a family” “Family... that had a nice ring to it” I gently kissed his lips and smiled “Well get used to it, because that’s what we are”.

Tony was watching from a far as his daughter gently kissed the man of her dreams. His heart ached at the sight. His daughter didn’t need him anymore like she used to. She didn’t need him to protect her anymore. No, that was all Bucky’s job now. He knew a father’s love could never die, but somehow he felt as if she wasn’t daddy’s little girl anymore. Tony stared at Bucky who gave his daughter the most loving look a man could give and that’s when he knew. Thats when he knew he would try, because damn... Bucky loved Y/N with all his heart.

#bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #tony stark #tony stark x reader #the avengers x reader #avengers imagine #marvel imagines

[sarahburness]

30 Easy Ways to Save Money You Probably Aren’t Doing Yet

Let’s keep this one simple and clean – just a bunch of relatively easy ways to save money. As you incorporate more and more of these tips into your life, the savings add up and it wouldn’t surprise me if you could save thousands over the course of a year.

It will take a little work on your part but those thousands of dollars in savings are what helped us get out of debt earlier and kept us out of debt for several years . Hopefully, it’ll help us pay off our recent auto loan soon as well.

Cook at home often

If both the husband and wife work, this is likely to be very difficult. Start out with the habit of cooking at home once a week and slowly increase the frequency until you find a balance between saving money and getting stressed out.

Make your own coffee

Everyone seems to have heard of the latte factor. Even though the author may have overestimated the savings from skipping a latte at Starbucks, don’t underestimate the ding it puts in your pocket in the long run. You don’t have to entirely ban drinking coffee, but skip it as often as possible- unless you make it at home.

Brown bag lunch at least a few days a week

Lunch times are great opportunities to network and make connections that could improve your career growth. So, unless there is a common eating area for brown baggers, you may choose to limit brown bagging lunch to three days each week.

Find a balance between saving some money and making the connection. In my case, I take my lunch with me 2 to 3 times a week and eat out the rest of the time.

Make a list before going shopping

They call it impulse buying for a reason.

Humans simply have a very tough time resisting the temptation to purchase extras while shopping. Without a list, you will likely buy items that you simply do not need. Even worse is when your forget to purchase the actual item you came to the store for in the first place.

If you plan on cooking at home, pre-plan a rough menu and make a list before you go grocery shopping. Getting all that you need in one trip can help avoid another unnecessary trip and temptation.

Go grocery shopping while you are in a hurry

Maybe you need to go out in a couple of hours or your favorite show is going to be on TV after a couple of hours. Try to squeeze in the grocery trip in that intermediate time.

Armed with your grocery list, you should be in-and-out very quickly with little time for meandering and getting tempted to buy things you don’t need.

Watch out for expiration dates on perishable goods

This one seems intuitive when you read it, but I am surprised at how many people do not pay attention to expiry dates. No point getting a gallon of milk if it is going to turn sour with a couple of days. Same goes for meat, eggs, yogurt, spreads, frozen items, and deli/bakery items.

Some people say you can use a few items a few days after expiry but I personally value my health more than money. I would rather avoid buying such items in the first place. 

Buy in bulk whenever possible

When it comes to non-perishable items, buy in bulk whenever you find something on sale. The items I usually stock up on are, cereals, tinned goods, rice, beans, pasta, coke, toothpaste, body wash, shampoo, toilet paper, etc.

For such items, shopping at warehouse stores like Costco and Sam’s Club can save you quite a bit of money- that is if you stick strictly to your shopping list when you shop.

Buy generic products whenever possible

Does it really matter whether your cereal is made by Kellogg’s or is the store brand? Does it matter if your milk is Oak Farms or the store brand?

For a few things (like soda in particular), I prefer brand name products. For others, I do not mind generic store brands if they can save me money. Find what works for you and switch to generic brands for at least a part of your grocery list. 

Use grocery store bags to line trash cans

This may not work if you use a massive trash can but we use a small sized one for which the grocery bags are a perfect fit. This not only helps us save some money, but reduces our environmental foot print. It avoids the kitchen from stinking from a huge overflowing trash can, too.

Consolidate and pay off debt as soon as possible

If you carry any debt, focus on consolidating it to a lower interest and paying it off as soon as possible. Money paid in interest is money thrown away! Why spend your hard-earned cash to make the financial institutions rich?

See Also: Staying Out Of Debt: 3 Money Habits You Should Be Doing

Pay your bills on time and avoid late fees

Get organized about your regular bills. If possible, automate the payments. Most utilities and other recurring bills can be set to be charged to a credit card or deducted from a checking account these days.

Also, many banks offer free bill pay programs. There really is no excuse for forgetting to pay a bill on time and forking out the late fees.

Say, by chance you do forget a bill, if you are a first time offender, call the company and request politely to waive the late fees. More likely than not, they will oblige.

Be aware of your bank balance and avoid over draft fees

If you use your checking account often or have some bills that are paid automatically from your checking account, be aware of the balance and avoid overdraft fees. 

Avoid ATM fees

Be aware of the ATM withdrawal fees charged by your bank. While some banks waive fees for all ATM transactions on any ATM machine, most don’t.

So, be sure to use only those ATM machines where your bank will not charge the fees or withdraw directly at your bank. 

Avoid credit cards with annual fee

Credit cards with their cash back bonuses and reward points are a great way to save some money. Just make sure that the card does not charge you any annual fees. There is no dearth of cards that offer fee-free reward plans, so there really is no reason to pay the annual fees. 

Disconnect land line if possible

Unless you have small kids in the house or older people to take care of, it is more than likely that you will be able to survive with only your mobile phones.

We have survived without any problems for over 4 years now without a land line. Our Internet comes via cable. 

Instead of buying books, borrow books from the library

Whenever possible, borrow your books instead of buying them. The card to your public library is free and the libraries are generally well stocked.

In my city, the chain of public libraries is connected and the available books can be checked online. If there is some book that I cannot find in my local branch, I can make a request online for it to be brought in from one of the other branches to mine which is very convenient. 

If you have to buy books, check if you can buy it used

Used books do not quite give the same feeling as leafing through the crisp pages of a brand new book. However, considering that you can get used books for almost as much as half the price of a new book, it is a small price to pay.

My favorite place to buy used books is a local chain called “Half Price Book Store”. Check if you have something similar in your city. For text books, look online on bulletin boards, and mailing lists and price compare on websites like addall.com. 

Price check before buying anything expensive

For other items that are expensive, do a price check before buying the item. If you can wait for a while, you can track the prices and grab a great deal when it comes along.

Frequently available online coupons make it even more easy to save some money. This is especially true while purchasing any electronics. 

Avoid impulse buying

Make it a habit to avoid impulse buying. Many of the things you want to buy do not seem all that necessary, if you only you wait for a day or two. Also, waiting means you will be able to check prices and make an informed decision to buy it at the best possible price. 

Bottle your own water

Drinking water is good for your health. I always make it a habit to keep some at my desk at all times. Bottled water is the most convenient since it can provide protection against accidental spills. That said, buy bottled water only once in a while and then reuse that bottle to fill your own water. If you are not happy with tap water, invest in a Brita Filter – in the long run it can save a lot of money. 

Avoid the vending machines

Almost everything that is dispensed via vending machines has a huge markup (and is rarely healthy). However, if you suffer from snack attacks at work, consider creating a secret stash of snacks.

If you like drinking soda and have a fridge at the workplace, save a refrigerator pack in the fridge with a post-it with your name on it. If you have a long commute, consider a stash for the car as well and avoid a quick drive-thru visit. 

Keep your car as long as possible

When possible, try to keep your car as long as possible. Find the balance between the money spent on repairs versus the monthly installment on another vehicle. Choose to run your old car as long as the repair costs are low. 

Do regular scheduled maintenance on your vehicles

Do not skimp on or forget to do regular oil changes. Remember to check the air in your tires often. Use the grade of fuel that the owner’s manual recommends. These small acts can significantly lengthen the life of your car, giving you years of use. 

Avoid buying a new car

When you eventually buy a car, see if you can make do with a pre-owned vehicle. A new car depreciates significantly the moment you drive it out the dealership.

Is the new car small really worth thousands of dollars?

Pre-owned cars that are only a few years old with low mileage are the best bargains. Regardless of the purchase, learn to negotiate with car dealers. 

Ride your bike or carpool whenever possible

In many of the cities in the US, it is hard to get by without a car. That said, just because you have a car does not mean you have to use it every day. Whenever possible, ride your bike or share a ride with a colleague or spouse and save both on gas and reduce the environmental footprint. 

If you watch a lot of DVDs, get an online DVD store membership

Membership to online movie stores like Netflix or Blockbuster Online can save you a lot of money compared to buying DVDs or renting it from a local store. You need to wait once you order the movie, but if you watch a lot of movies at home, then you can easily get into the habit of ordering ahead of time so you always have something at home.

If you are patient and your library has the resources, check to see if they have a movie section. You won’t get anything very new, but they are free. 

If you like watching movies at the theater, go before 6:00 pm

This is one of our soft spots when it comes to spending. We really like watching movies in the theater with the big screen and the great sound effects. But instead of paying $10 a pop for the ticket, we usually go before 6:00 pm when the tickets are a little less expensive.

Also, for movies that we don’t absolutely want to watch right away, we just wait until it screens on the discount theater where the tickets are $2 a pop. We avoid the temptation to buy snacks by usually going for a theater some time soon after our lunch. Sometimes, we sneak in our own snacks.

Regulate your electric use

When not in use, unplug electric appliances. Apparently, unplugging the TV instead of just switching it off can save a lot of electricity!

When not in a room, switch off the lights and the fan. Use a programmable thermostat to control your A/C and heater usage. If that’s too much, at least know what each appliance uses and unplug a few of them. 

Plan vacations ahead of time

Vacations are a necessary part of saving our sanity in the busy lives that we lead. But vacations are also a huge drain on the family finances.

You can cut the cost of a vacation significantly by planning and booking ahead of time. Bookmark travel sites for finding inexpensive airfare and hotel. Book at least two weeks in advance. 

See Also: How to Make The Most of Your Vacation

Finally, keep distance from lavish, high-roller friends

If you have lavish friends who buy a new car every other year (or worse still, lease it), have large screen TVs and every other conceivable electronics gadget, eat out at fancy restaurants every other night and just live way beyond their means, keep the distance.

They may be nice people and mean you no harm, but hanging out with such people can often lead to a lot of unnecessary desires and discontent. What’s more important – your friends or your peace of mind?

Whoa, that article ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated. Hopefully, I haven’t put you to sleep! Despite the length though, it barely scratches the surface when it comes to ways to save money. Make it a sub-conscious habit to save money in things that you do every day, even if it is a few dollars. All that money saved can add up significantly and you can save it or spend it on things that really matter!

NOTE: I am not saying that you should follow *all* these tips. Trying to be too frugal can make both you and the people around you very miserable. So, pick out a few tips at a time that will work for you and make them a habit, before deciding if you can incorporate more money saving habits in your daily routine. Written by Sam Baker of GradMoneyMatters.com – a site dedicated to providing students a choice of money making ideas so they can say no to debt.

The post 30 Easy Ways to Save Money You Probably Aren’t Doing Yet appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

from Dumb Little Man https://www.dumblittleman.com/30-easy-ways-to-save-money-and-no-you/

[alexlaguitel]

Let’s Talk About Expat Depression

I recently read Dominica Drazal’s article in Les Lolos and it got me thinking about the frequent ups and downs we expats experience. I instantly wanted to reply to her and say how much I love my expat life, how lucky I feel to have an amazing hometown like Paris as well as an exotic life in Hong Kong with my husband and kids. And then, just as quickly, I didn’t want to reply anymore because after all, life sucks, doesn’t it?

We don’t talk enough about expat depression and that is a huge shame because it’s something most expats go through. Being aware of it, knowing others go or have gone through it can be so helpful. Living abroad is an amazing experience, but it can have its bad days or months. Some may say years. The worst part about being sad abroad is you feel totally isolated and misunderstood in your new country. You can’t talk to people you regularly see because you dont want to be labeled, “The Depressed One.” And you can’t complain to friends back home because you live the perfect life abroad: beautiful weather, exotic travels and a full-time nanny. How can you be depressed? How dare you be down?! Some settle in quickly, meet and make friends in a heart beat, and can go home whenever they want or need. For the rest of us, it takes more time—and hopping on the next plane home isn’t always possible.

I love living in Asia, especially Hong Kong, where I’ve been dying to get back to for years. I love my friends here who make me laugh around coffee as much as wine and with whom I bonded instantly. I love that my children are experiencing life in a country that is much more open to different cultures and tastes, instead of staying in France all their lives. But I still have my bad days… weeks.

There are so many articles selling expat life: What a wonderful, fulfilling experience it is; how you should embrace your host country’s culture to truly appreciate it. Not enough prepare you for balancing a foot in one place while the other’s back home. No one teaches you how to cope with the constant anxiety of something happening to loved ones 10,000 miles away. You’re certainly not prepared for sadness sneaking up on you, triggered by a Facetime with your best friend showing off her latest Monoprix purchase. Or simply the absence of the daily phone call. That one hurts, too. Going out and meeting new people is part of the cure for just-landed-expat-depression. Your mind may say it’s easier to stay in bed or on the couch, but don’t listen. It’s going to be really hard the first weeks. You need to be a rock for your kids because they left their lives and friends behind, too. The working adult usually adjusts more quickly. The one at home (usually the woman, but not always) suffers more from the consequences of expat depression, including issues with alcohol. In expat communities where your social life becomes more active and important (because you don’t have old friends and family to take up your time), it’s common to turn to drinking as a way to cope with negative feelings. Unfortunately, it can lead to a longer-term problem. I’ve known a few people who developed an alcohol addiction while being expats and have been in denial about it for as long as they were abroad. So after 2 expatriations, many tears and lots of ups and downs, I (and my expat friends) have some advice:

Life goes on, love stays true. If your friends back home are really your friends, your relationships will survive the distance. But check in regularly so you stay connected. Skype, FaceTime, WhatsApp, etc… there’s no excuse not to keep in touch. Take it one day at a time. On bad days, just try to focus on one positive thing. Write it down, stick it on your fridge. On really bad days, cook something comforting and read a favorite book. Take a bath. Call your best friend. Whatever soothes your soul. Have a goal in mind. I fight my bad days with goals and activities. My 2017 goal is to lose weight and be a knockout this summer. Seriously, me, the Frenchwoman who bragged about my gym intolerance actually goes to the gym, does pilates, hikes and counts the minutes spent on the elliptical machine! It’s embarrassing, I know. Depression is hard but you can beat it. Beat the shit out of it! With help from your new besties, love from your home bestie and, of course, wine. (But not every night.) If nothing seems to help and you’re suffering, please do not be afraid to seek a therapist. There are many who specifically deal with expat issues. Ask someone in your online expat group, Google it or speak to your general practitioner for a referral.

Article first published in Les Lolos Paris

#expatlife #depression #meditation

[somedaypast-thesunset]

this morning i watched him simply turn to his mother, "oh yeah did i tell you about the bin" - a source of financial frustrations for him. and that brief moment, that opportunity and ability to turn to someone and say hey, heres this thing at a drop of a hat. i really yearn for that. most if not all of my current connecrions eith people are totally false. theres no substance or genuine care. theres just this surface level like you dont want to see a dog withiut water but youre not going to adopt the dog. lately ive felt extremely isolated - i dont know if its even worth talking about. i dot know if talking about it will solve it or make it easier. i guess i think abiut this one tidbit of advice his mother got, its about creating and living in a new normal. what was once normal for you is over and you have to create a new normal for you. so my new normal is spending a lot of time alone. even if i worked, perhaps itd bother me less because id be distracted and tired and that in itself is sad. no matter what there is an extreme looming sadness. why the fuck does any of this matter, why do i care - why should i go on? whats the purpose of going on? what do i have besides the belief thst "everything is out there for me" as if i magixally decided to hibernste and ignore what opportunities i had available. i am a god damn termite to people. im just like.. this thing that hovers around and sucks your resources but you feel bad for it so you let it go. lately ive noticed the air of desperstion i carry. i want to be around people. i want to care and be cared for. i want to be active in someones life and have someone message me and ask me whats up on a regular basis and just.. you kbow, care. but the more i want it the more people have turned away. i offer everything for it laid out in front of me - my house, my food, what little money i have, the opportunities i manage to come up with - i just keep offering it all out so i can have it in return. or maybe just a portion of it. i believe im worthy of love. i dont live in such a state of depression; i have a variety of interests, i hold good conversations about politics and life and philosophy, i am creatively ralented and my domestic skills are top notch as are my hosting skills. i am worthy of love. but i am not receiving it. i am inherently shielded from love. like its sketchy and gross. like im a diseased animal. maybe they want to love me but they cant because im a person who cant be loved. i want to go out and do things with people but i am not invited. i dont even think its a personal thing, i think they coukd even think i wont have the means or care to be involved. sometimes i dont. but im never asked out for a coffee or a drink. my friendships come by happenstance, as they always have, and thoee hwppenstance friendships have never lasted. why am i never asked oto do interesting or fun things? not even free things? im isolated and im constantly constantly constantly reaching out for something. just wow, thank you for talking to me. like i have to beg people to hang out, double, triple check they didnt forget and once im there they busy themselves with anything but a direct connection to me. i watched this right to die documentary. it was focused towards mental and unseen health issues and the argument was made that perhaos in sone of these cases, if they expended as much energy tryi to help them live as they did helping them die, the might actully not want to die. but i think society ca be like that. they would rather help you die, little by little, piece by piece, than expend the energy to help you live. i realized i am very different from others thiugh. people tend to accept a very small amount of "help" as sonething large and amazing that they did. they donated, had a coffee eith a friend whos been down for months, did a birthday psrty gig cheap etc. but i would literally accept them into my house right now and bathe them and feed them and give them my clothes and make them a bed and listen to them cry for hours endlessly. this is without question. all they have to do is ask. maybe not even ask - ill offer if i think theyy could use it. because it hurts me not to. i feel really anxiously guilty and it will be invasive to my life knowing i didnt give everything i couldve to a person i thiught needed help that i had grown a bond eith. THATS how ive been walked on for a long time. i alloeed it, maybe asked for it, because i believe in helping. i know how bad life is. i live in the trenches of it. i dont want to see another person suffer the same way. i think id gut myself and give a kidney to someone i loved. life is too hard and i feel too much. once you know what true loneliness is, it really changes you as a person. it changes and shifts your perspective and at times i feel like i want to be the most genrrous person, thst im moved by suffering but at other times i am bitter. absolutrly bitter towards the world around me. why is there suffering and why is it sonlarge you cant do anythint abiut it. why could i say every person i know is "crazy" - no one is crazy . everyone truly is exactly the way they needed o be to survive this long. they developed their own coping skills and theyre more than likelt a total inconvinience to everyone else. which makes it "crazy" i was called neurotic. im not crazy, im neurotic. why am i bothered. why. why do i care. i dont care. thats the problem. i "care" because my environment forced me not to care to a point that everything is utterly futile. i cannot find a purpose to care. i dont care about having things. i dont. i barely care about eating. i barely care about affording smokes. these are things i "want" at rhe very least and nothing pushes me for it. nothing gets me up and solving these problems. nothing makes me feel like any of this is important eniugh to have and experience and be. why? in the end , theres nothing. i cannot get over the pure nothingness ahead of me. thats reqllt driving my anxiety. to me, i see nothing. i dont see myself with this job or career i want to be apart of, actively socializing and existing, i dont see myself living in an apartment or basement or shack or trailer, i dont see a family, no children, no reliability, no stability. is it my environment. is it the people i know. is it my city. is it the country. how do i solve this. what can i do to create purpose? i went out, i joined clubs, i put on shows, i picked up hobbies, i met new people, worked new gigs, experienced new romances but to what purpose. what do i do now. how do i enjot life? i admired his ability to enjoy life as is. like he takes joy in small things and everything is meaningful and worth value. he created purpose in his work and drive. he still does. i want that. at the very least. start small, right? i want to find wonder and joy in my world. i want to feel what he feels; going hiking, bike riding, buileing things, playing games, friendships - theres just like accomplishment in it. i try to implement this, regularly. i really try. a d being poor makes it easy because you learn to appreciate things alot more. i am so grateful for the ability to have what i have. and i create these scenarios and try to appreciate its novelty, i guess. like painting in an artists studio in a gallery. it should be an experience, something creative and inspiring. but no matter how hard i try to shine the experience, its nothing more than a gsthering space for fuck ups. i hate it. i hate it but how do i change it and what do i want. what do i want so i know the path to take for it. i willingly try new things with ease becahse i hope itll be the thing. something will click and this will be it but im 27 yrs old and ive had many experiences thst led to nothing. always nothing. and i grasp. i like cats. maybe ill work in a pet store. but thats crazy, a pet store is mearly retail and retail is nothing more than stocking shelves and talking to people. othing to do with cats. do i go to school? do i dedicate my being for the welfare of cats? is it that important to my life? do i cook? professionally? what about baking? a greenhouse? floral designer? "just get -a- job". fine. fine. fine. get -a- job, but then what? i can eat but i have no desire to. i can buy nice things, go places - have no desire to. fantastic, im not a burden to anyone - the real goal. but i have nothing. and its so hard, so fucking hard to comprehend nothing when you know something. i never imagined the reality of nothing on such a level. ever. i knew it would come, but the heavy reality of it is something i never couldve known. so no one understands having a tangible "something" and feeling nothing. what is a nice house. what is a nice car. what is luxury and why does it matter and why dont i feel the same way about it? its nice, its easy, its beautiful- i see it. but why doesnt it make me feel the same way it does him and my exs and my friends. why dont i care? i think.. 5 hours ahead of me, really. i try to think a day or so ahead but i never go through with anything i think ill do a day from now. who knows what will happen. who knows if i get an opportunity for honest interacrion, who knows if i earn money - but i know in five hours ill still be here. ill probably want weed. ill probably want food. maybe ill be tired and sleep early or nap until someone bothers to acknowledge me. maybe they wont, but thatll be for me in five hours to deal with and itll start over again. working paycheck to paycheck is nothing like living hour to hour. i am in the absolute worst position of my life, bar none. i have never been so bad off, so depressed, so hopeless for such a long period of time. i am totally lost. always. j

[baby-look-what-youve-done-t-blog]

Advice On Selecting Indispensable Aspects For Mortgage Broker Melbourne

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An Inside Analysis Of Deciding Upon Factors In Mortgage Broker Melbourne

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