#i actually have way more luci merch coming than I really want

[earl-grey-love]

Some of my merch has been shipped and now I'm waiting to see if Mephis or Luci get here first. Like a competition.

#very silly #but i hope its mephis #unfortunately for me there's like no barbs merch within the UK so he's gonna take like a month to get here #smh always making me wait 🙄 #but he's the one Im most excited for but Mephis is second #AAAAAA #i actually have way more luci merch coming than I really want #but thats cus I also bought someone's collection second hand and they were clearly a Luci fan #i do love luci but not quite that much #sunny speaks #ship: newspaper club #friends: luci

[cloveroctobers]

• TALIA NASCIMENTO•

IG info/bio: @/callmetalia333 | 524k followers | Journalist | TALIA. but u may have formerly known me as user: brdf0rdsvasquiff—rip!!!1! so don’t even think about it 😌

(23) 25 going on (26) years of age

I’ve read a canon that her name is just Talia and not short for anything & I agree with that + she’s always quick to correct someone if they get it wrong too

Her hometown is Watford, England

but she was originally born in Maidenhead in the backseat of a car during a severe rainstorm

Nonetheless watford taught her all she needed to know when it came to music

She found her first love when she heard the sound of music soundtrack for the v first time as a young girl but is often nervous to admit that?

her father is Brazilian and is a firefighter

her mother is Bulgarian and works as a secretary in a elementary school

her mother is more traditional than her father when it comes to their cultures

I originally felt like she gave only child vibes but I can deff see her giving off big sis energy since she did mention she has a younger brother

V protective over her little brother

there’s a three year age difference

her parents have separated multiple times before which caused a riff in the family dynamic

The constant coming and going from her dad became quite irritating

And Talia was the most vocal by wanting them to figure it out and NOT get a divorce

Which led to talia’s commitment issues when it came to relationships herself

was born with blue eyes yet they shifted to brown once she grew

“Tom-boy” growing up & still is

netball was her sport and man was it something to see her play?! She was quick on her feet and can definitely shoot far-range with ease

Always down for contact sports too

She lost count how many bruises and scrapes she would come home with much to her mother’s horror but she would always brush it off—it was never that big of a deal to her

yet she takes time in healing her scars with homemade treatments or purchases from beauty stores when she wants to show her legs off

she didn’t get into “girly” wear until recently, she never thought too much of her body or when she started to get curves...she always hid that behind big tee’s, fitted jeans, and kicks—that’s what she was used to

she’s got broad shoulders and toned arms

had thick bushy brows that almost formed a uni brow growing up

her mother used to have her hair always plaited since she is very superstitious, believing that “the devil lives in the woman’s hair”

yet talia’s hair texture was much different than her mother’s, maybe due to the fact that her mother always had her hair up and out of the way? Talia’s hair is much bigger, heavier, and naturally curly

+ her mother used to say some harsh things in Bulgarian about her hair — that says a lot when you’re taught to hate your hair trust!!!

when she got a little older and able to manage her own hair + afford it, She learned how to love it herself and that’s all that mattered. Her hair became v important to her, it was her source of comfort

that’s the only thing she’s high maintenance about tbh

she spends a lot of money on her hair but devacurl can still piss off

diffusing is one of her fav things to do to her hair—besides washing it, and deep conditioning, after a night of letting her hair air-dry

loves rose jam

has a embroidery machine, along with a collection of her work but only one piece is showcased in her flat. She didn’t want her place to look completely like her bába’s (Bulgarian: grandmother)

her closet is filled with many Havaianas, they’re all piled up in a wicker basket and ready to tumble over on her top shelf... if she moves one of the ceramic pots her mother left in her flat for luck, that whole shelf might come crashing down

Swears drinking guaraná the next morning cures any hangover you may have

commonly sleeps in big t-shirts and panties or not or booty shorts depending on her time of the month—it’s freeing to her

Has torn her achilles due to whatever contact sport she decided to join in on during a beach vacation with her mates

has a touch of arthritis in her shoulder

this is where her love for massages came from due to injuries she’s faced

+ It’s always a good sign when you can make someone else feel better ya know?

She’s been told she’s great with her hands ;) it all takes practice

bi mami *cringe* but she likes what she likes, and feels what she feels

she kinda has a type but doesn’t want to admit that

her mother doesn’t understand this but her father easily accepted her preference/orientation

her little brother was the first she came out to, “alright!...you still suck”

always wants to fix situations WHEN it comes to HER friends but is oblivious when it’s come to her own issues whether its in relationships/friendships +

was called out by one of her friends who she often argues/butts heads with from time to time “you’re always sticking your nose in people’s business but can’t solve your own shit!”

maybe it’s the journalist in her? she’s not afraid to ask questions or look at things from a outside perspective

her group of friends are all from different ethnic backgrounds to Indian to Ethiopian

has been in and out of relationships...maybe had one stable relationship? Outside of mc but that relationship failed after a year and she feels it has something to do with her parents and how she watched their relationship unfold but won’t openly admit that

Doesn’t like to argue in relationships and often is a little undermining with how she responses to her partner’s feelings...she’s trying to be better at being understanding and listening, her mother is like this with her father

Aquarius girl + Scorpio moon + Taurus rising

loves the water + watching water sports rather than playing them since she almost drowned once by letting her confidence get the best of her

used to be a directioner and isn’t ashamed to admit that!

take me home album stan 100% bitch there’s no point in arguing!!! Buh bye!!!

She is ashamed however to admit that she used to write for them, mostly ziam fics with a touch of Harry thrown in the mix as well...take that how u will

has a few merch pieces as well, they’re mostly loungewear + that powdery perfume they dropped. YES she still has it, no she won’t sell it to u

still supports them on the low since you know, she’s a music journalist and reviewing songs is what she makes a living for so why the hell not? They will always hold a special place in her heart. She grew with those boys

she’s not in denial like Hannah that they’re get back together

If someone wants her to film a reaction vid to zayn’s new album or release a written review? She WILL. Her top 3? 1. When loves around ft Syd 2. Outside 3. Unfuckwitable

If someone wants to hear her thoughts on Harry’s mv’s + breaking down his lyrics, she’ll tell you what you NEED to know whether U agree or not she don’t give a damn lol

Can throw hands and stomp a bitch out if she needs too. Has gotten kicked out of clubs/bars for defending her friends mainly not because someone chatted shit to her, that’s whatever but once you cross her friends? It’s on

Allegra got lucky 🦶🏼☕️ and Lucy

remained super close with jake and tim as expected...Rohan’s cool too ofc! but she’s not here for their rapping shit sorry. She’ll hit them both with a quick side eye and snarl if they start or if jake wants to recite some poetry. She’s outta here

Talia hardly had issues making friends easily with the boys it was always harder with the girls :/

they hang out all the time!

she actually became close with sammi as well, which was nice to have another girl friend around even tho they weren’t together in the house long like the others. She’s spontaneous, cute, resourceful, and kind so talia had no issue reaching out to her first to see what she was about outside of the show

don’t even ask her about what she thinks of the new seasons, she’s not here to chat shit and have her words twisted like she’s watched many of the cast deal with. If you want to talk about the over kill use of pop as the soundtrack for each season, then yeah she’ll talk to you about that

doesn’t use social media much, she finds it funny how whenever she does pop back in people are begging her to post SOMETHING so that they know that she’s alive

Pretty private

she also can’t grasp why they want her to do the bussit challenge? Lmao like hey don’t get her wrong, some of them were pretty great but she’s barely got a bum to bounce and little booties matter ofc!!! but she can’t see herself doing it unless she’s drunk off her arse!!!

maybe mc can convince her...for the fans duh!!! “Give the ppl what they want! Talia! It’s not like you won’t be around music!” “I’ll think about it...nah.”

she’s been busier since the show, able to tour more and WRITE which is what she loves to do

Her secret pleasure is watching those nurse shows and firefighting shows in her free time and those singing shows you already know that’s a given

Wanted to be some form of a nurse growing up but knew she could help people in another way

*inserts* “music Is The best Medicine” overused but true quote here!!

I feel like she’s a r&b lover

listens to those hour long rain sounds on YouTube to help herself fall asleep

she‘s not the best cook but she’s a foodie and she’s down to try new food always

occasionally her and Tim are jake’s Guinea pigs when he’s whipping something up for his menu 

and hates eating the same things all the time unless it’s breakfast! There’s not too much more you can do with that

that’s also her specialty, making breakfast for u in bed

Morning afters with her are intimate but humorous. She’ll poke fun if you’re both looking crazy, always joking and in the best mood whether things got physical or not she’s just happy to have you here 🥲

I think her love language is quality time

if you’re playing her route and Lucy is the ex, and you’ve decided to fully commit to each other I deff see Lucy still trying to pull some shit outside of the show just because she feels like she can but once Talia see’s that it’s really starting to get to you despite how much you try to brush it off or snap at Lucy or even Talia!!! Talia is on Lucy’s ass in seconds! She doesn’t need a ex to ruin her possible future , “you’re not gonna fuck up this good thing I’ve got just cause you’re flimsy at relationships babe, so go be a cunt somewhere else or you’ll be sorry. I promise.”

anthem: Snow Tha Product — Shut up

#litg #litg talia #litg jake #litg Tim #litg Rohan #litg mc #litg oc #litg Hannah #litg3 #litg2 #litg moodboard #litg headcanon #litg headcanons #she’s my fav along with sammi and this is my first time getting to know sammi since I’m in talias route #I’m going to try and reduce these to not making them as lengthy lol #this has also sat in my draft for about a week now #litg sammi #litg Allegra #litg Lucy

[mysticalphantussy]

Obey Me: College AU pt. 1

In this universe they are half demons. They are still influenced by their sins but they don’t have demon forms per se. the boys that canonically have wings are faster than normal humans and boys with tails are more dexterous and good with their hands. Does that make sense? Probably not. They are still brothers, and I’ll still call it the HoL even though this is set in the human world and it’s just a normal house(small mansion?). Lucy, Satan, and Beel use magic so that nobody thinks too much about their names. The HoL is in California since it’s hot there. I honestly didn’t put much thought into the back story I just wanted to create this AU.

Also can someone PLEASE tell me how to add the keep reading thing so I can do these in one post.

Lucifer

School: Harvard

Major: business administration

Dorm: the fancy ones the honors students get to stay in.

Roommate: none. He doesn’t want any distractions while he studies.

Extra: has 8am classes by choice. Mans is a sadist. As uppity as he is he enjoys the coffee on the dining hall but he’ll kill you if you mention it. He’s on the deans list because his pride won’t allow anything less. He’s got friends but they aren’t that close.

Job after graduation: he’ll start his own company. He’s a hard person to work for no doubt(very demanding) but he does take care of his employees. Pride in his powerful company, pride in his faithful employees.

If you date Lucy you have to force him to take breaks. When he comes home from work you make him relax for an hour before he’s allowed to touch the work he brought home. He always asks to eat dinner in his office but you’re not having it. Dinner is eaten at the table... Phone down, Lucy 😠

Mammon:

School: community college (his grades weren’t that good)

Major: mathematics and finance

Dorm: lives at home

Roommates: spoilers lol: Levi, Bubzie and Belphie.

Extras: he’s a math tutor, he charges too much but it’s because he’s really good at math and you’re guaranteed to pass. Don’t let him into your place unless you want things to go missing while you’re in the bathroom. Most people take a gap year right after high school but he waited until he was 21 so he could get drunk at the club. He gets his shit together eventually and transfers to a 4yr university. He gets an associates in finance from cc and finishes his bachelors in math.

Job after graduation: working as Lucy’s accountant but we know how that turned out. After Lucy let him go, Mammon didn’t know what to do for a while. He loves kids so he decided to get a teaching certification to teach math in elementary and middle school. He really loves his students and vice versa. He gets letters from them at the end of the year saying how he made math fun and that they love him. His control over his greed has improved since becoming a teacher. His brothers think he’s scum but he won’t steal from kids. Their trust in him as their teacher means the world to him. although, if there’re teachers he doesn’t get along with he’ll move their mug in the teacher’s lounge.

If you date Mammon you’ll have to listen to him gush about how smart his students are. You’ll find a box letters from his students talking about how much they love him and how he made math fun and cry. He’s a big softie.

Levi:

School: online classes!

Major: art(animation or graphic design)

Dorm: lives at home

Extras: he struggles with staying focused on his school work at home and honestly his grades are suffering a bit. He buckles down and brings them up, Lucy threatened to give away every piece of merch in his room if he didn’t. He make his own cosplay and shows off on devilgram he gets offers to make costumes for local theaters, fellow cosplayers and drag queens. He wears a mask to hide his face but as he gets more confident he gets rid of the disguise.

Job after graduation: deviltuber and costume designer. His envy hasn’t gotten much better since there are always new deviltubers coming out that he thinks are way better than him but he learns that people can still enjoy his content and support him while doing the same for someone else. He becomes less shut in the more popular he gets. He has an editor that he talks to and they meet up sometimes. He has an assistant for his costume designing and when he hit 1mil subscribers he did a giveaway for a custom outfit, he flew the winner out, took them out for boba and designed them an outfit. He really appreciated them so he stopped gaming so he could focus on their outfit. He even took a selfie with them. He has it on his wall in his gaming studio along with fan art he’s received.

If you date Levi be prepared to become his model, design and production assistant. He’ll probably ask you to appear in his videos(in disguise if you want or just your voice)

Satan:

School: Columbia

Major: anthropology and English

Dorm: one of the fanciest on campus because he’s got an honor student and on the deans list

Roommates: no. His wrath is fairly controlled but he prefers the quiet. That’s why he went to an out of state school.

Extras: He got into every Ivy League college like Lucy but he refused to go to the same one as Lucy. People don’t think he’s human for double majoring. Neither subject is easy. It’s amazing that he manages to get a good nights sleep with all that coursework he’s got. He doubled majored because he genuinely couldn’t choose and he wanted something to one-up Lucy. While he doesn’t enjoy 8am classes, he does like finishing earlier in the day so he can grab a tea from a cafe near campus, read and relax before going back to his dorm or library to study. Senior year is when his schedule chilled out a bit so he becomes a TA for the English department. He’s tougher than the actual professor when it comes to papers. Some students appreciate it some... not so much. But even they will admit, their writing has improved greatly. He’s not as cookie cutter as people think. He has skipped a class or two before but he used his magic to make the professor mark him present.

Job after graduation: writer. He gives guest lectures at Columbia from time to time and when someone criticized his work he stuns his old lead teacher by not getting angry but he does ignore it lol he’s still got work to do.

If y’all date: he has an editor but he comes fo you for your opinion. You help him come up with titles because “the ones I came up with aren’t very good” even though you don’t think yours are any better.

#obey me #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me college au #this is my first attempt #at writing an au #I need to think about the background info more #part two coming soon?? #no promises

[the-queer-look]

Couple Theory

Name: Lucy Age: 24 Location: Glebe Occupation: Bush Regenerator Sexual Orientation: Lesbian Gender: Female

Name: Aisling Age: 21 Location: Glebe Occupation: Customer Service Sexual Orientation: Queer Gender: Female

Lucy – I feel like I’m still figuring out how I’m comfortable presenting because I didn’t come out till I was twenty, which was quite a time after I realised I was gay at sixteen. When I moved to Sydney I really wanted to show people that I was queer, and with much of my influence being from the internet, I wore a lot of the stereotypical lesbian clothing I saw on there – mostly sporty sorts of clothing – but as I’ve gone through, whenever I find something that I don’t hate myself in I wear it over and over again until something new comes along. Recently I’ve been vibing with the look of boots, singlet tops, and making my tattoos very visible. I make myself look somewhat unapproachable with my resting face being a frown, and my outfits being if not aggressive, then non-welcoming, but if people do actually come up to me I really want people to like me, so it all falls away.

Aisling – My daily presentation is just the easy T-shirts and jeans, lots of bouldering merch, maybe a button up if I’m being a little fancy, just a classic chapstick lesbian.

Lucy – Where did your inspo for that come from?

Aisling – What? Jeans and a shirt? Does that need inspiration? I guess I tuck my shirt in to make sure its queer? I have a lot of Vans, and a milk crate full of socks I guess. I used to save up money when I was in high school to put towards my first pair of Vans and I was so excited. I think I have twenty pairs now? Lots of converse, runners, and climbing shoes as well. Colourful socks and shoes are my thing I guess.

Lucy – I remember I was sixteen when I realised I liked girls, but I don’t know what triggered it. I think it was something on TV? I think it was an NCIS episode and they had a really awful portrayal of lesbians, who were identified as gay because at the end of the episode they held hands, and that triggered some kind of twinge in my chest that I’d never felt before.

Ailing – That was your gay bone

Lucy – My gay bone?

K – Yeah, your sternum is your gay bone

Ailing – I’ve torn that twice from being too gay

K – you need to remember to stretch before going out and being gay all night.

Lucy – It was a really weird feeling, I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I went and found out about the episode, and it was of course one of those “oh no homosexuals are evil” sorts of plots. I think that negative portrayal contributed to my negative feelings about being gay, and being so scared to come out. I don’t know where else that would have come from because my parents never expressed any opinion about homosexuality. Those feelings were confirmed when I had my first crush on a girl in my school. I was nauseous more than anything when I realised it, and I just ignored that feeling for years which isn’t healthy. What helped me overcome it though, as I’m sure helped a lot of people from small towns with not much queer representation was the internet, and YouTubers, The Legend of Korra, and Tumblr. (The ending of Legend of Korra) was ust so beautiful, and so revolutionary as well. I remember seeing the ship of Korra and Asami come up on my tumblr, but it was years before the end fo the show, when it actually happened. I remember watching it on a family holiday trip and had to leave the dining table and I was shaking and crying because it was such a huge, beautiful moment that was probably one of the most significant moments of accepting myself. Looking back I definitely associate that final image of them holding hands before going to the spirit world together with my final stage of accepting who I am.

Moving to Sydney was my time to finally come out and explore. I came out to one of my Canadian exchange friends who was here, and they took me to Birdcage (lesbian nightclub in Sydney) where I met some of my friends. My first time in a queer club was like being surrounded by a family who I felt like I knew even though I hadn’t met any of them. That was also the year that the marriage equality vote was passed, So I took that opportunity to find out what my parents thought about homosexuality by asking them what they were voting for. They both said they were voting yes, which made me feel comfortable enough to come out to them the next week.

I’m still learning what are the most appropriate ways to describe myself and my relationship with myself, and how to present myself to the world. The more I learn, the more I will change the way I present myself, and there is a lot more of myself to explore.

Aisling – I think I was around thirteen or fourteen when I saw the show “faking it” - a show about a girl in high school figuring out her sexuality – and I just noticed that I was relating to every situation that the character was going through, and suddenly realised I was questioning my sexuality. I mentioned it to one of my friends that I used to walk to school with, and she would just keep egging me on with “come on just say it, just say you’re gay its fine”. I came out to her as bi at one stage, but I didn’t like that term, I didn’t like the term lesbian either, and still don’t, I prefer to think of myself as queer, or just gay.

When I actually came out two or so years later, I remember telling my close friend group that I was bi… and then later that week just said “nah I’m gay actually”. It was about 7:30pm, on a Wednesday night, after basketball, in the shower talking to myself saying “im gonna do this, im gonna do this”. Just me and my dad home, I psyched myself up for ages and then walked in and out of the kitchen about five times before going “Dad, I have something to tell you” sweating bullets “Dad, I’m gay la di da.”

Lucy – La di da?

Aisling – yes, Father, it’s la di da for me I’m afraid

Lucy – please put my sexuality down as la di da

Aisling – The first thing he said to me was “yeah I always thought you had a bigger obsession with the female tennis players than the men.” and yeah damn he had me there. I hate that I remember the day and everything… like the first of September 2016?

I moved out from my mum to my dad’s mostly because my mum’s partner at the time was very homophobic, and any dinner conversation would turn to him deriding gay marriage, or coming out with some racist shit. Eventually I decided “this bothers me too much, I’m going to have to say something” and it was… really upsetting when he didn’t agree. So of course I came out to my dad first and made him tell mum, which was then an interesting conversation…

“Your father tells me you’ve told him you’re gay?”

“yep, that’s it”

She contacted my school supervisor that night and told all of my teachers to look out for any homophobic acts towards me, letting them know that I was gay and to look out for me.

Lucy – I feel like together we tick a lot of stereotypes

Aisling – We really do

Lucy – We moved in together really quickly

Aisling – We own a cat together

Lucy – Theres that Subaru…

Aisling – I also had a lot of influence from those same queer YouTubers, and seeing their coming out videos and how free they felt afterwards made me really want to share it.

Immediately after I came out everyone at school was very supportive, like they already knew and assumed I was gay because I was just that sporty chick, so being gay just sorta went with it?

Lucy – I think I looked for validation from my parents. When I came out to mum there was no huge deal made about it, butI think validation from them comes in small snippets. Every time mum sends me something, like recently she arranged her coloured chopping boards into a rainbow and sent me a picture with “these are for you!” it’s very small, but its very significant. When I had a really big hickey on my neck, my dad said

“oh who gave you that on your neck? Does he sleep in a coffin?”

“it was a she actually”

“oh does she sleep in a coffin then?”

he just wanted to channel it into a dad joke, but it was a weird way to come out to him actually.

Aisling – To me the term Queer means “everyone included” even just an ally of the community, or a parent of an LGBT person doing your best to make them feel safe and welcome, you’re welcome in the community you know? By properly supporting something, you become a part of it.

Lucy – For me it’s very similar with those lines of community and family. It can be a label, but I feel that its evolving more into a term that indicates embracing all people. I use it sometimes to refer to a collective group of… well queer people. I refer to my close friends as my queer family.

Aisling – It feels better to use than assuming someone’s sexuality or gender without knowing the specifics.

Lucy – Individually I wouldn’t refer to any of my friends as queer. I know one friend refers to himself specifically as a bisexual, man, rather than a queer person. So I definitely like its a more family, community term, rather than a specific label, though It can still be used as one.

Aisling – I like the term because when I first came out I identified as bi, then gay, then bi, then gay, than they? And it feels more appropriate to use for myself because I’m still working it out, and it can cover a lot. For example I don’t think of myself as completely feminine, but I also don’t like the term non-binary to refer to myself, but the idea of “They” still, rather than just being she/her, I like the idea of she/they. And referring to myself as queer feels more of an accurate description.

Lucy – Ever since moving to Sydney and coming out and going to that first club night I’ve always thrown myself into as many queer events as I possibly could. I want to be able to contribute more to the community rather than just be involved in it, a lot of my friends are very engaged in the queer community, and I feel like I don’t have that level of involvement. I love that I’m never scared or intimidated to go to queer events, by myself or with my friends. Whilst I feel very connected to the queer community, I wish I could be more involved. I’m scared that since my friend group is all finishing university and looking to the future, that I’ll lose that sense of connection as everyone moves away, even though I’m sure we’ll all stay in touch.

Aisling – I feel little to no involvement in the queer community at the moment because I’m focusing so hard on my training. I’m involved with Queer Climbers Sydney though, and am looking to get more involved in the future, as soon as I have the time to do stuff.

Lucy – Challenges facing the queer community here isn Sydney… I feel like we need to create a wider variety of safer spaces in more areas. There’re certain areas of Sydney where queer people I know just don’t feel as comfortable. And the ones we do have are always pubs and clubs. Not to detract from queer nightlife; but having so much of queer culture based around adult only areas reinforces the idea that being gay, or trans, or whatever is an adult thing, and makes it easier for people to excuse restricting education about it to kids, which can be so harmful growing up and not having the education to understand yourself.

Aisling – I feel like theres more acceptance towards gay, lesbian, and bi people. But there’s less of an acceptance of trans people, like they can understand being gay, but they cant seem to understand what a trans person even is, much less how to approach them. Probably need more education about it in schools. More comprehensive sex ed instead of just how to put a condom on a fucking banana.

full gallery on facebook

follow us on instagram @thequeerlook

please contact us if you would like to be involved

#lgbt #lgbtqiaplus #thequeerlook #the queer look #fashion #photography #couple #cute #girls #portrait #interview #identity #culture #cat

[futuresking]

something to share with you * ooc.

I tend to avoid posting OOCly,  but these past months for many and myself blatantly in the dip of slowness even more in focus / writing in my TOA family, has been noticeable. So much I have been nervous to reach out in our nothing but sweet comm. I admittedly am not used to groups, but I actually joined because of @arcstral​ who besides our muses being freakishly similar and kin no less, is one of my closest friends and surely one of yours I hope! Nothing brings me more joy than my friends being happy and surrounded by others who love them. i may not talk much in the chat, but i admire you all very much. i certainly encourage friendship and once you have me, my loyalty is absolute.

( naga, i hope i’m not.....spamming but. i’m doing replies but this is important and i thought maybe you guys would like this post! since it has GOODIES and who doesn’t love that? )

So my birthday came, and thank you all for the wishes I cherished them all! And the holidays as well came and I survived! I’m a tough girl but boy I was tested for a few months. Soji ....well, we all know Soji. She’ll probably be flustered by this but some gifts she got me besides me monching and cronching on the chocolate she sent me? Are Fire Emblem merch. She went above and beyond and next year I’m going to have to go hard or go home.

I wanted to post and share with you my joy at seeing my favorite King / Exalt in all her glory which really has helped my...struggles the past two and a half months. Thankfully I am truly coming back here with renewed strength! Pictures under the cut. I hope it’s alright to post one lil OOC thing. I just want to share my joy with you all, who have been nothing but sweet and supportive and patient with me being an insane, realistic Lucina Simp.

My presents under the cut. If you love Lucina, I’m sure you’ll enjoy these, I hope!

third card actually has dimitri and edelgard with it too so i’m very pleased to have some fe3.h leaders with it! especially in a way dimitri because that’s lucina’s house leader! as you can see she is being regal af as usual and also just...pretty...

basically i was pampered rotten in a really rough time by one of my closest friends. thanks to soji and this really...safe community? i’m still here and working hard to get things done so i can catch up for everything current in my backlog and go on new adventures! lucina is incredibly important to me. i hope this doesn’t...embarrass her but i want everyone to know the kind of person soji is but i’m pretty sure you guys know that. thank you for being so kind to one of my friends. it means so much to me as i am very protective of people who BECOME my friends. which...you should probably BE my friend! i’d give you my disco in a heartbeat or my ims if you ever need me. and also thank you for being so patient . my fire’s back, and while it’s been painful on my end, and i know you have your equally if not more hard struggles!  i wanted to just share in the happiness i was given without even asking for it or necessarily deserving!

thank you all for being a wonderful group. i promise to always do right even when i become a snail, and give you the most of lucina as possible. realistic, flawed, majestic and kingly and glorious goofy luci. she is her papa’s daughter after all. (whomst i stan)

special gratitude to my precious friend and my lil fam here. i will cherish these forever as much as i stare at my favorite king / exalt / female hero.

also thanks guys in general. it’s easy to be cruel. much harder to be kind! and you are the latter. i have nothing but kind memories so far with you all. i hope to make many, many more. now i’m gonna work hard okay? xoxo lily.

#𝙊𝙊𝘾 ✴ —— and you; who no longer knows a moment’s rest. #me: w-who does this i'm so flustered #i'll put this down if it flusters our friend btw!

[r0sybee]

[sees "CEO of Loving Mammon" and fuckin SPRINTS to ur inbox] hey what if MC actually did set up some kind of Mammon fanclub, even if MC is the only member? I'm cracking up just imagining Mammon seeing them in a shirt that says "president of the Mammon fanclub"

Loving Mammon Fanclub Headcanons

You totally start a club bc of how much you love Mammon and you want him to know

You are literally the only member

But hey at least you got a sick shirt

You designed the shirt yourself, on the back is says STAFF in bold and under that is a giant picture of Mammon, on the front is says CEO on the top left with the same picture just smaller

You have 49 more copies of the shirt in your room (cause the CEO one is for you, duh)

It doesn't matter how you got 50 of the same shirt, don't worry about it

So, the best business plan to get rid of the 49 shirts in your room is to sell them, Mammon would be so proud of your idea

Small problem, if you left the house of Lamentation by yourself, you'd probably get eaten, so where's the best place to set up shot, well the main entry way of the house of course!

As soon as someone comes in the front door they'll see you, and your 49 shirts you have for sale

You have one of those cheep fold out table and chair, this is basically a lemonade stand

"All money goes to paying Mammon's debt"

The first one to come across your Lemonade Loving Mammon stand was Asmo, and he had a thing to say, "MC nobody is going to buy those shirts for two reasons, 1. What are you a camp counselor? 2. I'm pretty sure you're the only person that likes Mammon." "I don't like him, I LOVE him." Fake sob, fake sob, fake sob

But you really do love Mammon

Levi comes around just to announce his post to you, "LMFAO Mammon's partner is a real SIMP!!1!!!1!11!1!1!1!1!!!!11!1!1!1!1 They are not gonna sell any MERCH #imnotbuying #campcounselor"

"Is Asmo talking about me?"

Levi just leaves without responding

Lucifer comes by and you try to convince him to make your Mammon loving club an actual RAD club, "How many members do you have MC?" "Two" "Me and you, Luci" "I'm not joining your club, have a nice day" "Noooooo fake sob fake sob" "Did you actually just say fake sob?"

Everyone is talking about you being "as stupid as Mammon" but that's just bringing more customers baby!!!!

Satan is the next to bring you a visit, "MC are you mentally okay? Do you need to go to the doctors? I thought you were smarter than this" "I am 100% okay, I'm kinda sad tho" "...why?" "Nobody is buying my merch." "Don't worry, somebody will... But not me."

Can you get a FAKE SOB in chat bros

Beel comes by, oh sweet Beel, kind Beel, "Beel please just take a t-shirt, I will give you anything I just need a sale" "Can you make me cookies?" "Yes I will make them from scratch! Here take this shirt"

Beel burries that shirt in his closet, never to be seen again

Belphie really do be napping tho and doesn't come to the Lemonade Loving Mammon Stand (also I haven't freed Belphie yet so idrk know him so ya boi isn't gonna write him)

And your favorite brother, the one and only, #2 in your pamphlet but #1 in your heart, THE GREAT MAMMON!!!!!!!! "What's all this?" He was totally blushing "Its a whole story, first it was because I love you SO much, so I started a club, and made a t-shirt design, but after I ordered 50 shirts, I realized I'm the only one in the club, the only reasonable thing to do was to sell the extra money" He just kinda stood there processing everything you just, "First off, I love ya too, and fyi you're so hot when you make money schemes. How many sales did you make?" "None... :(" "How dare anyone not buy anything from MY human" "Well, more Mammon shirts for me!!!!!"

Mammon took one of the shirts for himself and paid you in kisses, but the rest of the shirts are yours

On family movie night both of you wear your matching shirts and everyone calls you two gross, "What are you? An old person couple?"

#headcanon #i love mammon #obey me mammon #mammon x reader #mammon x mc #swd mammon #I had way too much fun with this #my work

[fandomfourever]

In Defense of Alvin Murphy

I’ve been having thoughts ever since watching Z Nation. Twice. And I had to get this all off my chest. But, I’m just gonna put this under a read more because this will probably be super long.

So, as I said above, this is mostly just something I needed to post about so I can finally think about something else, lol. Most of what I’m writing is based on canon, while some sections (which I’ll try to make obvious) are educated guesses based on what we do know, and what makes sense (to me anyway). I’m going to try and keep it in some kind of order, but it might get a bit ramble-y.

While it obviously isn’t everyone, there are a lot of people who just really hate Murphy. And while everyone’s entitled to their opinions, sometimes I feel it’s a little unjustified. Not only that, he gets a lot of hate in the show from various characters. Now, I’m not going to claim Murphy is a saint who can do no wrong—he’s done plenty wrong. But this post is basically about putting things in perspective. If this interests you, please continue reading. Otherwise, move on I guess?

Sometimes it feels as though people seem to forget that Murphy has some major PTSD. Many of the characters do, but here’s the thing: those characters are often treated with sympathy, where Murphy is not. Example: Murphy panics in the elevator when they’re looking for McCandles, and Warren smacks him and tells him to stop (paraphrasing), but when Warren has a panic attack in the box in the labyrinth, Sarge helps her out and people are sympathetic. Not that they shouldn’t, but it’s a stark difference between similar moments.

Let’s not forget that Murphy was in prison for Postal Fraud. Not murder. Not rape. Not terrorism. Not drugs. Postal Fraud. And he was sentenced to 3 years, when the maximum can be up to 20 years with a $250,000 fine, unless it involves a “presidentially declared major disaster or emergency” which can land you 30 years and $1 million dollar fine. AKA, whatever Murphy did, it was really minor. (You can find info and the quote if you google Postal Fraud)

In the flashback we see of him in season 2, Murphy sees his first zombie; a dude shanked by another dude. Chronologically, Murphy is then given the vaccine during Black Summer. When we see Murphy in the pilot, he’s got a full beard, meaning some time has passed between seeing his first Z and being vaccinated.

Here’s where a bit of educated guessing comes in: we don’t see what happens to him between those two times. It would make sense to me that, if there’s been a zombie outbreak and food/water is going to run out, prisoners would be kept in their cells indefinitely (or almost so). Which would then give a pretty good explanation to Murphy’s claustrophobia. Whether he was in the cell alone or not, that’s a tiny space, and can you imagine the kind of terror that would come with that? Probably hearing other prisoners turn? All it would take is one guard getting bitten by mistake and the whole place would descend into chaos.

Back to what we know for sure. At some point after seeing his first zombie, he is then forcibly taken to the prison lab to be experimented on. Murphy, strapped to a table, has to watch two other prisoners die after being injected—one of which seized so hard he broke his own neck. Then he’s injected, and left behind, where he’s mauled by zombies and is awake and experiences them tearing into his body.

Then, to add insult to injury, Murphy is led around for a year by Hammond—you know, one of the people who abandoned him to be bitten—to try and bring him to California where he will be, once again, experimented on. We see how Hammond treats people, especially Murphy. He yanks and shoves him around, and we see he even treats people he views as human kind of like crap; Murphy is just a “package” to him. In fact, Murphy is called “the package” by just about everyone.

(remember that Hammond hauled Murphy from the truck and demanded he show Warren and Garnette the bites. Against his will.)

So, Murphy’s been traumatized, experimented on, and treated as less than human by the military, and then he’s taken in by people who also view him as less than human. Is it really any wonder he acts like an asshole? I doubt any normal person would be nice and friendly after all that.

The first person that actually tries to ask about what happened is Doc, but Murphy has no reason to trust him and lies about having volunteered to do it (I doubt Doc believes it, but he doesn’t ask further about it either). So yes, Murphy could have told Delta X-ray Delta exactly what happened, and maybe that would have gotten him the sympathy he deserved. However, they all know he was bitten eight times, so you’d think that alone would be enough to be treated with some kindness. But nah, they all are happy to push him around and tell him to shut up and again continue referring to him as “the package”.

It only gets worse as Murphy starts to turn blue. Not only does Murphy have to deal with the fact he’s being dragged across America to be experimented on by Dr. Mercy again, he then has to deal with the fact he’s, literally, falling apart.

Yes, Murphy takes water from that family and lets the husband inside. Yes, that was an awful thing to do. But, Murphy’s natural inclination is not to be a murderer (if they actually died). So I was thinking about the situation from Murphy’s perspective. The mother and daughter were hiding out in a building waiting for the husband to return. When he took the water, neither fought back, which can get you killed in the apocalypse. Even if he hadn’t taken the water, how long would they have lasted? Especially if they waited there for the husband to come back and he never did? They likely would have starved or died of dehydration. As Murphy leaves, he stops, thinks, then lets the zombiefied husband inside. I think it’s entirely possible that, from his prospective, he was helping in a way. The mother and daughter wouldn’t die wondering what happened to him, and could be viewed as a twisted sort of mercy. Again, not a good thing to do, and I’m not excusing him. But it’s a point to ponder.

Next I wanted to talk about Cassandra. Well, when Murphy bit her. Like with 10K, we never actually see the bite happen. What we see is Murphy going past everyone who’s devastated by Cassandra dying, and then entering the room and looking at her. Now, up to that point, Murphy had only bitten/infected four people, and controlled three of them sort of. The first person he bit, that guy at the Fu-Bar, died and didn’t turn. Now, based on the fact that even Murphy seemed surprised by Cassandra’s return, and her strange behavior, my guess is that he bit her to keep her from becoming a Z. He knew she meant a lot to the others, and despite his outward behavior, I think it’s safe to say Murphy does care about them at this point. So it would make sense to me that he would assume seeing her turn into a zombie would be heartbreaking to everyone else, and therefore bit her to prevent that, not knowing she would become a Blend and come after him.

In the final episode of season 1, Murphy sees what became of Patient Zero. He sees a man melted to a table, still alive, and begging for death, and knows he could become him. Then he learns Dr. Kurian isn’t who he says he is and could be wanting to kill or torture him (like the other experiments in the lab). (An aside: Dr. Merch worked in that lab, meaning she had a hand in those experiments.)

So again, I don’t find it unreasonable that Murphy, triggered by his trauma and impending kidnapping, fled. Flight or Fight, and we know Murphy prefers not to fight. So he ran. Someone in that kind of head-space is not going to be thinking of other people, and it would be unreasonable to expect that.

Then the beginning of season 2 is marked by people hunting Murphy down. People who are completely willing to break his legs to get the bounty. Again, he was being treated as less than human. The only bright spot in his life was Lucy, who he felt like he had to give up because he believed the group would hurt her. Considering the way they talked about him and her, and the fact they’re totally okay with allowing a baby to be experimented on, he wasn’t wrong to be worried.

Then we get the lovely episode The Collector. You know, the episode where Murphy was electrocuted multiple times. If you take a look at ScriptTorture like I have—specifically their electrical torture tag—you’ll see just how bad even one shock can be, let alone however many he got there. Being shocked with electricity can cause: heart attacks, muscle spasms enough to break bones, someone biting their own tongue off by mistake, death from falling because of muscle failure, burns, and bruising. While we know Murphy didn’t experience those (luckily) it’s still torture, and still incredibly painful for him. And let’s not forget he got shocked with a cattle prod back in the first episode of the season, and that he later gets repeatedly shocked in that episode with the Zuggalos.

The end of the episode leaves us with Murphy asking Warren to promise him she won’t let him be alone when they get to the CDC. And she does. Until a few episodes later, anyway. During the flashback episode, we get a scene where Murphy tells Warren he’s scared and that if she was his friend,  she wouldn’t leave him alone at the CDC. What’s Warren’s response to this? “I’m not your friend” and “There are some things we have to do alone, even if it hurts.” Like, wow, nice, so glad you don’t care you’re breaking Murphy down further.

And then to find out Dr. Merch and the others on the sub weren’t even going to save humanity, just the rich people on Zona? To know he’d been subjected to all that shit for nothing? Yeah, Murphy had every right to be upset and to try and take matters into his own hands. A persona can only take so much before they snap, after all.

You know what’s ridiculous? That Warren & Co (minus 10k) were totally fine with Hector/Escorpion hanging out with them despite, you know, torturing Vasquez, killing multiple people even before the apocalypse, trying to kill 10k (the ep where he was with Sketchy and Skeezy), being part of a Cartel… But Murphy being snarky and occasionally an asshole is just so much worse, I guess.

Now I want to address Murphy biting 10k. Like with Cassandra, we don’t see what happens, just the before and after. But let’s think back on some things. Murphy bit Cassandra because she was dying. Murphy did NOT bite 10k when the Collector ordered him to because there was another way out. Murphy did NOT inject Warren & Co when they were with The Zeros, when he had the opportunity and even motive to. So then we have 10k on the sub, shot in the stomach. We last see 10k (pre-bite) stumbling off the table in the sub. Despite being bandaged, he didn’t look like he was doing too well. When we see 10k later, he has no memory of the bite happening. Murphy can do a lot, but we’ve never seen him erase someone’s memories. Now, looking at Murphy’s past actions, and what we see going on with 10k, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that, perhaps, 10k fainted or was knocked out. Falling to the floor or against a wall could have very easily re-opened his stitches, causing him to bleed again. Now if Murphy saw this, he could have easily thought that 10k was dying and bitten him.

All that isn’t to say Murphy wasn’t in the wrong for trying to control 10k, because he was, but I find it hard, if not impossible, to believe it was a lie when Will said that Murphy cared about him and didn’t want to hurt him.

Honestly, season 3 feels kind of like a mess when it comes to vilifying Murphy and trying to make it seem like Warren is in the right. I’m honestly glad when Murphy calls out her hypocrisy, because Warren keeps saying freedom is important, and free will is important. But apparently when the people go to Murphy of their own free will to get his cure, that doesn’t count. Warren was totally okay with slaughtering a bunch of people (with the help of the Red Hand who are also a bunch of murderers), because they felt safe with Murphy. And why wouldn’t they? He made them immune to Zs, got them fresh water, functioning electricity, and food.

Which brings me to another point I want to make. People love to call Murphy a narcissist. While he does act arrogantly, he’s not a narcissist. To be classified as a narcissist, a person must exhibit 5 or more of the following symptoms:

A grandiose sense of self-importance

Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

Belief that one is special and can only be understood by or associate with special people or institutions

A need for excessive admiration

A sense of entitlement (to special treatment)

Exploitation of others

A lack of empathy

Envy of others or the belief that one is the object of envy

Arrogant, haughty behavior or attitudes

A grandiose sense of self-importance: Nope. Murphy frequently said he didn’t want to be The Savior, that he wanted to be normal and die like everyone else. When he does refer to himself as The Savior, it’s highly sarcastic or to stay alive.

Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, etc.: Again, no. The closest he gets is saying he could have been an action news anchor if he’d applied himself.

Only associating with special people and institutions: No. Murphy associates with everyone. Does he get a little close to this with Zona in season 4? Yeah, but since it isn’t exclusive it doesn’t count as this.

A need for excessive admiration: Nah. You can see him get visibly uncomfortable when his Blends act overly obsessed with him. And guess what? Murphy gives them all credit for getting the power working. Not once does he claim that all the good things they have is because of him and him alone.

A sense of entitlement: Sometimes. But I’d say considering the shit he’s been through, it’s not unreasonable.

Exploitation of others: Yeah, he does do this.

Lack of empathy: Whoo boy, you’d have to have not been watching the show to think this. Murphy, despite his outward behavior, gets attached to people so fast. It only took one card game with Doc for Murphy to call him his friend, and to feel devastated when he thought Doc had been blown up. He has full empathy for Zs, and just because they’re dead doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. Especially when we know from both Murphy and Lucy that they do still feel things. Murphy and Lucy’s storyline as a whole disproves this one.

Envy of others/Thinking one is envied: No, we don’t see any evidence of this.

Arrogant and haughty behavior: Yeah, he does this too.

So, 2 out of 9 symptoms. Murphy’s not a narcissist. Case closed on that one.

Now, back to my main points. So we have Murphy creating a beautiful room for Lucy, intending to find her and bring her back to raise her properly. Warren tells Doc and Addy to get to Lucy first, so she can be the new cure. Because it’s totally fine to experiment on babies. And yeah, we know now that Sun Mei would have likely only taken a little bit of blood, but we didn’t then, and neither did Warren & Co. And even still, it’s experimenting on a baby. Truly, Warren was the hero of season 3 and Murphy was pure evil.

Luckily in seasons 4 and 5, Murphy is treated a lot better. Well, mostly the end of season 4 and season 5 in general. The way things are framed, it seems like Murphy doesn’t care about anyone not on Zona, but it’s crucial to remember that 1) He was told everyone was dead and 2) it’s been 2 years for him. And then when he’s reunited with Lucy she snubs him and hangs around with Warren, who acts all pleased about it. It’s not like Murphy loved Lucy more than anyone, even himself, and had tried so hard to get her back, thought she was dead, and just wants a chance to be a dad. And, because Murphy hasn’t suffered enough, Warren’s sense of self-importance about her mission to “stop” Black Rainbow got Lucy killed. Just saying, if they’d just gone to Newmerica, Lucy might have lived.

Also, how can your heart not break even a little when, at the camp, Doc gives Murphy a hug and Murphy says “At least there’s one person who’s happy to see me”? Like?

The last time we get Murphy being treated super unfairly is by Addy in season 5. Like, yes, Addy traveled with Lucy and cared about her, but Murphy was her father and might have been able to raise her if Doc and Addy hadn’t gone to kidnap her first. But she just has to get in a dig at Murphy not being around for Lucy. Like he totally would have had he not been abducted by Zona.

As long as this post is, I hope those that read it can see my point. Murphy is not perfect, but the way he’s treated is vastly out of proportion to what he’s done. He definitely deserves more sympathy than he’s given. If we’re ever given a season 6, I hope he’s treated a lot better.

If people would like to talk about this, whether you agree or not, please do. But also please be nice about it. I’m all for respectful discussions.

#z nation #alvin murphy #my thoughts #my opinions #I feel a lot better now that I've gotten this all written down #lol #this isn't to say any of the other characters' traumas aren't important #but that murphy's seem to be looked over a lot #at least from what I've seen

[manabingu]

Metrocon 2019!

Hey yall sorry I haven't been as active, I was busy literally every single day of Metrocon and I finally got a breather. Anyway I wanna just summerize what I can remember because I don't wanna completely forget these wonderful memories. I wanna look back at em over and over again 💕

THURSDAY:

Thursday was the 5 year anniversary of my Gundam Wing cosplay group! I got to hang out with my Metrowing buds and we did a nice photoshoot with the pilots and we had so much fun! I miss them dearly cuz they live out of state but the time I had with them is one I always cherish.

I pretty much spent the whole day with them and I decided that Thurs/Fri would be autograph day for us. By golly the VAs were all so super sweet. All of them loved the candy and the pictures I made for them and as I predicted I got really emotional and kinda cried in front of Luci Christian cuz she is one reason I wanted to VA. Her range is insanely versatile! I legit would call her the Meryl Streep of anime & she was SO kind to me ;///;! When I started crying she said "Don't ever apologize for being real. You're a very sweet person, & I believe in you, there is always room for everyone in this industry ❤️"

And man I just felt so happy at that. She makes me feel confident and I wanna keep trying my best. Same with Josh, Alexis, David & Kara! They were all super encouraging and OmG like ok I think I astral projected when Josh did Armin's or Yuri's voice when he was signing stuff. I teared up QwQ I love his energy and dedication!

I think one of my fave moments during the autographs was when I made the "I'm gonna Bertell you what I Bertold him" joke and David and Josh absolutely lost it xD! They were like OMG WE NEED THAT AS A TSHIRT FOR DAVID XD! Like "You just got BERTOLD" and then they proceeded to make jokes about how he roasted Armin in many ways xD it was hilarious 😂! But oof.

I spent most of the Thursday browsing the Dealer Room and this is was one of the first times I was able to find new Takanori Nishikawa CDs so I bought some that I don't have TTwTT I was so happy! We ended the day by doing a run through of our performances for Anime Idol with Trowa. And it went really well🎶Also, at the cosplay booth, the staff liked my sis' Clear Card Sakura so much they asked her to enter the cosplay hallway contest and I'm so proud of her cuz this her first cosplay ever ^u^- she looks so cute! And many people wanted her pic all weekend :D

FRIDAY:

As usual this is Anime Idol day and I was super busy prepping. I was a bit more confident now that I finally had performed in front of a test audience. But as usual I am always still nervous no matter how much I prepe. Luckily for me in the morning I was getting last minute autographs and as I was getting Darker Than Black signed by Luci, I commented on Anime Idol and she said break a leg! I had given her an Ochaco mug as a gift which made her SUPER happy 😊! I felt much more confident after that and I went to the Main Events hall happily soon after.

Anime Idol was really fun this year! There was some nervousness from the contestants but we all just got together and made some fun friendships! I'm so proud not only of Mama Trowa but also of the other contestants I mentored or was able to help feel less nervous. The winners did deserve it! It was a very good act! And as for myself, I advertised a bit and got some new people from the toku community to come watch the show! I even saw a Kamen Rider Geiz cosplayer who came to the show it was AWESOME! My bffs who were only there for Friday also came & a few Golden*Star members too I was just so happy and thankful! They really made my day! My bffs were dressed in Ghibli heroines and OMG they were lovely & we did a small Tik Tol together ^_^ it was fun!

After the show my new Golden*Star member came up to me and I legit almost cried cuz they were SUPER adorable and kind and they had prepared a Cecil Ajima merch box for me saying thanks for allowing them to join and that they look up to me as a mentor and friend and I'm so happy I had waterproof eyeliner that day cuz oh boy that hit me in the feels 😭! I love! I got them back tho, for initiation I got down on one knee and gave em a flower bouquet,haichews & a golden star balloon as a way to welcome them to the Utapri cosplay group! So now we have a lovely new Tokiya 😊 yay!

SATURDAY:

Ok so despite loosing one prop, Saturday was really fun! I finally debuted Poppy Pipopapo and I basically used the entire day to find video game character cosplayers and we got to dance with them! I was shooting a music video for People Game for Kamen Rider Ex-Aid Abridged ^u^! Everyone whom I asked to dance with me was excited for it and it was a blast! I loved being able to spread so much fun and positivity as Poppy :) it was a dream cosplay come true! I can't wait to pit the vid together ^^🌸💕🎼🎵🎶! Later at night, I ran into my new friend who is gonna be Tokiya (they were dressed as Eiichi & their bud was Kira from HE★VENS!) we spent a good 2 hrs taling about all our future plans with Golden*Star and their other friend was so impressed with how friendly our Utapri group was that they wanted to join ;w; it was actually really sweet💕

SUNDAY:

Was THE BIG DAY AT LAST. The very first time my Utapri cosplay group Golden*Star Cosplay would finally have our first meeting/photoshoot together as ST☆RISH & QUARTET NIGHT! And it went flawless like a dream! Guys, omg I hit a milliom dollar jackpot. I love this group so much 😭! Everyone was on time, we all worked together so well, the photoshoot went perfectly! And we livestreamed it! After the photos, we sang Reiji a Happy Birthday 🎁 cuz it was his character bday the day before & I bought cupcakes and fried chicken for everyone xD! Cuz that's what Shining Live said happened fffff. In the most complimentary way, I feel like this cast is so on point, we are all pretty much our characters xD! I thought managing an 11 member group would be too hard at first but we have all grown so close over this year & we all have so much love and respect for one another, we all just felt so natural hanging out, as of we had done this for years ;U; ! It was lovely!

We tried stalling saying goodbye cuz we didn't wanna leave ;///; but we had to. We are still planning to watch Maji Love Kingdom as a group when SentaiFilmworks gives the green light for theatrical releases. But for now we will work hard to make HolMat even better! I love them all and can't wait to keep working together to make more wonderful memories! See yall next con!

#Metrocon 2019 #metrocon #Mana's lief #GoldenStar Cosplay #metrowing 2019

[joyofcrime-elinorhigh]

Top 10 Obscure Christmas Specials II:

 Guys! Guys! I'll get to the review proper in a second, but remember last year when I talked about A Cranberry Christmas? I said that it was lost media. WELL IT'S BEEN FOUND! HALLELUJAH! [link]

 Hell-ho ho ho everybody! My name is JoyofCrimeArt, and it's that time of year again! Christmas time is upon us, and there is no escaping it! The radio is playing the same ten Christmas songs on loop (nine if they've already banned Baby, It's Cold Outside.) The feeling of kindness and generosity shared between you and your fellow man. And best of all, their finally airing all those weird ass Christmas and holiday specials.  I love Christmas specials! Even the not very good one's usually have SOMETHING good about them! Whether it be some kind of festive ambiance, a good message, or just being very easy to make fun of. Sure, everybody knows about the classics Christmas specials. Frosty the Snowman, The Grinch, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, ect. But that's only the tip of the iceberg. But with Christmas being such a massive holiday, There are THOUSANDS of other Christmas and holiday specials out there that mostly go unnoticed every year! And while most of these specials go unnoticed for a reason, some are actually worth a watch, and act as hidden gems. And that'd why I'm here. To count down five more of these weird, bizarre, and unknown Christmas specials, that way you can check them out before the holidays are over. This is 5 Obscure Christmas Specials You Should Watch Part II.  Now, I've done this before last year. (Link here if you haven't seen it. Top 5 Obscure Christmas Specials You Should Watch:) As such I'm going to be following the same rules as I did last time. I'll be ranking these specials not by quality, but by how much you should watch them! Because sometimes a bad or cheesy Christmas special can provide more entertainment value than a really good one. But don't take the number ranking to seriously. This is mostly just a showcase of bizarre specials that you might not have heard of, and the actually number rankings aren't really the focus here. But with all that said, let's get this started with... Number 5: Neo Yokio: Pink Christmas (2018) (Oh, the Cringe!)  Just like to remind all of you that this is still running while Daredevil is canceled. Anyway, Jaden Smith is back! Just in case six episodes just wasn't synergy for you, now there is a Christmas special. Neo Yokio's Pink Christmas. This sixty-six minute long movie continues the story of Kaz Kaan, Neo Yokio's second most eligible bachelor and top demon hunter. The special opens with him having a cold around the holidays as his robot butler, Charles, tells him an original Christmas tale to make him feel better.  Said tale follows Kaz as he has to prepare for the Neo Yokio top bachelor secret Santa contest. He finds out that he has to find a gift for his arch rival, Arcangelo. Being uninteresting in giving his rival a present, he hires a shopkeeper named Herbert Sims to handle the secret Santa contest for him. And while this is all going on he also has to deal with his Aunt Angelique visiting Neo Yokio for the holidays. But when both demonic forces and Arcangelo have plans to ruin Christmas, it's up to Kaz to set things right.  If you've seen season one of this show, this special is more of the same. However, It is a bit more refined in it's doing so for the most part. I feel like there is more INTENTIONAL comedy overall compared to the first season. And I do like how this special manages to balance both the demon hunter and the bachelor aspect of Kaz's character. As oppose to the first season, where it felt like the show forgot half way through that it was suppose to be about demon hunting. We even get some more backstory and world building on the history of Neo Yokio and the Great Demon War, which is definitely a welcome addition. And Arcangelo, much like in season one, continues to be one of the highlights. He's like a cross between Phantom Blood's Dio Brando and Jake Paul. I love him. So I like how this special has him in a more major role.  I also like some of the themes presented in the "message" of the special. How corporations around the holidays essentially try to monetize anti-materialism for there own benefit. "Sure, we'll air specials like the Grinch and Charlie Brown. Specials that are meant teach you that Christmas isn't about consumerism. Just as long as you sit through all the ads we place in the middle. It's a legit and kinda smart message that I haven't really seen tackled before. But like Neo Yokio season one I don't really know where the show stands on this topic. Is it pro or against capitalism? Maybe it's trying to show that there's no right or wrong answer, but it ends up feeling more confused than anything else.  However, what does annoy me about this special is *Spoiler Warning?* the whole thing is, presumably, not cannon. I know that from the beginning we know that it's all a story told by the butler. But I was expecting some kind of twist where everything we heard would have actually happened somehow. Like Kaz would say "Wait, didn't that all happen last week Charles?" or something. Like a joke. Cause you know, this show is supposedly a comedy. But no, it's all just a story. So all the lore and world building that was actually somewhat interesting serves absolutely no point! *Spoiler Warning Over* I can't believe I let Jaden Smith trick me yet again.  In conclusion, what you see is what you get here. If you want to see a Jaden Smith anime Christmas special, than Neo Yokio Pink Christmas is the special for you. Check it out for the clout.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLVazo8J9uE

You know what, I change my mind. Screw "There About to Warp!" this is my new favorite Toonami promo. Number 4: Crunchyroll's Christmas Special (2015) and Crunchyroll's Holiday Special (2017) (Oh, the Cringe!)  Now this is as bizarre and obscure as it comes. Just in case Neo Yokio wasn't enough for you to get your fill of vaguely anime themed Christmas nonsense, we have not one but TWO different Holiday specials brought to you from the lovely people of Crunchyroll. For a company as big and professional as Crunchyroll, you would think that any kind of special that they would make would have to be at least somewhat well produced, safe, and marketable, right? But that's not what this is at all.  What we basically got here is two half hour long "variety show" style specials that were released on both Crunchyroll and Youtube. Both specials are pretty much the same in terms of content. There both just a smorgasbord of random sketches, out of context anime clips, straight up ads for their own service and merch. All themed around the holidays and anime. This special has a real [adult swim] vibe to it, relying on a lot of surreal humor and anti-comedy. In fact, it might of even out [adult swim]'d [adult swim] in it's sheer bizarreness. It's honestly pretty hard to describe without just telling you to see the special for yourself.  Both specials are hosted by some guy named Mike Toole. I don't know who this guy is, but he's one of the best things about these special. He's just portrayed as this bumbling goof who's just unfazed by everything but really loves Christmas and anime. He has some really good comedic timing and his dry but cheerful delivery is a consistently funny thought both specials.  The specials aren't perfect however. Not all of the skits land and some of them go on for WAY to long. But that's kinda what happens with any sketch show. You gotta take the good with the bad. But do you know what you should do if you want REAL otherworldly experience? Watch the Neo Yokio Christmas special, but pause it at random intervals and watch this special. Treating the sketches like the bumpers you would get in between the ads of a TV show. It's a horrible idea that I'm not willing to try, but I feel doing so could lead somebody to either madness or true enlightenment. And I want someone else to be the guinea pig for that.  If you're a fan of both anime and weird surrealist humor then I would actually recommend checking these specials out. There both up online for free, so what do you have to lose?

Number 3: The OTHER Charlie Brown Christmas Specials (1992, 2002, and 2003)  So everybody knows about a Charlie Brown Christmas. It's like, one of the most famous Christmas special of all time. Charlie Browns sad. They hold a play. Snoopy kisses Lucy on the mouth without her consent #MeToo. Linus gives a speech about Jesus to an empty auditorium cause adults don't exist in this world. Everybody sings. THE END. Timeless classic, we all know it. But many are not aware of the OTHER Peanuts holiday specials.  There are three. 1992's It's Christmas Time Again, Charlie Brown. 2002's Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales. And 2003's I Want a Dog For Christmas Charlie Brown. Like all the Peanuts specials made after Charles Schulz's death, these are all just a collection of random Peanuts comics that were animated. As oppose to the original Charlie Brown Christmas special that had an original story written by Schulz's himself. All three of these specials are just little vignettes based around the Peanuts gang celebrating Christmas.  While none of these specials are as ambitious or as heartfelt as the original special we all know and love, I don't think that their trying to be. While the first Charlie Brown Christmas special tries to tell an important message about the true meaning of Christmas, these other specials are pretty much just jokes without much plot or sentiment. But, given that they are just adaptation of Charles Schulz's writing, you know that there going to be funny. I always forget how much of a little shit Sally is, and these specials remind me. However,  sometimes the transitioning between scenes can be a bit wonky. They clearly just copied the strips, without putting much thought in how it would work when put together in a sequence.  While It's Christmas Time Again, Charlie Brown and Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales are pretty similar. But I Want a Dog For Christmas Charlie Brown takes a bit more of a different approach. It focuses mostly on Linus's little brother Rerun, and has much more of an overall plot. (Though a lot of it is still just mini vignettes.) However, while I do admire the risk, I'd say it's the weakest of the three. Rerun just isn't that interesting of a character compared to the rest of the Peanuts gang. And that one has an hour long run time, which causing the special to drag a bit. But there still are some fun highlights.  If you are a fan of the Peanuts comic strips or specials, I would highly recommend these specials. They're light fluff, but They're good light fluff. They might not give you that warm Christmas feeling, but they will make you laugh. And sometimes that's all you need. 

Number 2: Olive the Other Reindeer (1999)  1999's Olive the Other Reindeer use to be a holiday tradition for Cartoon Network every year right long side such other TIMELESS and BELOVED holiday classics as Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer and Legend of Frosty the Snowman. But now, it's seem like it's kinda fallen into obscurity. Which sucks, cause this special is actually really good. The special follows Olive, voiced by Drew Barrymore before her magnum opus Freddy Got Fingered. Olive is a dog who isn't very good at doing traditional "dog" stuff. She's so un-dog like that she actually begins to believe that she might in fact not be a dog at all, but a reindeer. And when one of Santa's reindeer's get's injured right before Christmas, Olive believes it's up to her to trek to the North Pole and save Christmas by flying Santa's sleigh. Despite the fact that she isn't a reindeer and can't actually fly.  This is just a nice special, and a lot of that comes from Olive herself. Olive is a precious cinnamon bun who I WILL PROTECC! She's just such a kind and lovable lead, and Drew Barrymore's voice talent really helps extenuate this. But it's not just Olive, there are several other fun supporting characters too. Like Martini, a con artist penguin who accompanies Olive on her journey. There's also a evil postman (played by Dan Castellaneta) who acts as the specials main antagonist. His goal is to ruin Christmas because he hates all the extra work he has to do around the holidays. It's an interesting motivation for a villain, but they kind of ruin it in the last act by adding in a cliche "was always on the naughty list" element to his backstory. But regardless he's a fun villain. Between this and Robot Devil from Futurama Dan Castellaneta really knows how to ham it up as a villain who sings. What, you thought he wouldn't have a villain song? How naive of you.    While the special is based on a children's book the adaptation was headed by Matt Groening, which I never realized as a kid. Though that does explain why Dan Castellaneta is here. The special is a departure from his usual style, with art based more on the book instead of his usual Simpson style. The special is done in CGI surprisingly, despite the characters looking entirely flat. I don't really get the point of this. Why go through the effort of trying to use CG to make something look 2D, when you could just animate it in 2D to begin with. But whatever the reason, I do appreciate the pop up book look this special provides.  The special also carries a bit of that more adult humor, without going to far. Kind of like Murray Saves Christmas, a special that I talked about last year and also featured a lot of recurring staff members from Futurama. However, the world of this is special is weird. Santa is a known person who does radio interviews, but I guess that makes sense if we are assuming a world where Santa really exist. But then there are other oddities, like how Martini mentions how he use to work at the zoo until he got fired. But we also see Monkey's trying to escape the zoo. If being in the zoo is there job, why are they escaping? Aren't they there willingly? And why does Olive have an owner, but also a pet flea? Is this show set in the same universe as The Moxy Show? These are all questions that need to be answered.  The special is cheesey and some parts are just there to fill up time. But overall it's still a really nice special featuring some likable characters and some really funny jokes. While no means perfect, I still recommend you give it a watch if you can. 

Ahhh, nothing says Christmas like Santa, Pope John Paul II, Ultraman, and Quasimodo. Number 1: Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas (1999) And to end this countdown, let's end on a Christmas special that just screams wholesome. Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas. Probably the best direct to video product Disney has ever made. (Not that doing so is very hard.) This special is pretty simple. It's three different Christmas specials stitched together to equal an hour long movie, each staring a different Disney character. We got Huey, Dewey and Louie wishing on a shooting star hoping for it to be Christmas everyday. We have Goofy trying to prove to Max that Santa is real in what I guess is a prequel toGoof Troop? And then we have Mickey and Minnie reenacting the Gift of the Magi. All these segments are linked together by a narrator voiced by Kelsey Grammer. His voice is so warm and cozy in this special, and really helps add to the mood. Sure, none of these stories are that original, but that's fine because there well executed. There's just such an earnest sensitivity to this special that it's hard not to not feel all Christmas-y while watching it. The animation, while nothing that fantastic, is good for direct to video. And it manages to do both cartoon-y slapstick and warmer more emotion moments pretty well.  The special isn't perfect. Some of the segments can feel a bit longer than they need to be despite the fact that the films so short. They're written like TV episodes but most run close to thirty minutes instead of twenty two. Also the last segment, with Mickey and Minnie, while not bad, is probably my least favorite. So it kinda ends on it's weakest note, though I get why they ended with it. Mickey just isn't my favorite of the Disney cast. I personally prefer the cartoon-y antics of Donald or the kindhearted nature of Goofy more in this special.  Goofy is also a precious cinnamon bun who I will protecc. And I ship him with Olive.  There was a sequel, Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas, released in 2004. I haven't seen it in a while, but I remember it not being very good. It's goes for five shorter stories instead of three more focused ones, and I remember there being less of a warm Christmas-y essence to it. It was more jokes and less sentiment. Also, they replace the beautiful 2D animation for CGI. In 2004. With a direct to video budget. I can commend the ambition, but that probably wasn't the best movie. But if you want a nice wholesome Christmas special that the whole family can enjoy, than Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas an underrated pick I highly recommend you check out this holiday season.

 And so there we have it. five (or technically eight now that I think about it) obscure Christmas specials that I highly suggest that you look into this holiday season. But again, there are WAY more underrated specials that just these out there. So I may have to revisit this idea again at some point in the future and do a part three. What would you all think of that? And what weird, obscure, underrated Christmas specials do you guys watch every year? I'd love to hear all about em in the comments down bellow! I'm always looking for new specials to watch! Please fav, follow, and comment if you liked the review. And I hope you have a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah (Even though that ended a week ago) Happy Ramadan (Even though that ended in June) Or whatever holiday you celebrate. Life Day? Regardless, Happy Holidays to you all! May your days be merry and bright!  Now if you excuse me, I have to go work on 2018 year in review. Have a great day, and see you then! (I do not own any of the images or videos in this review. All credit goes to there original owners.)

https://www.deviantart.com/joyofcrimeart/journal/Top-5-Obscure-Christmas-Specials-II-776656208 DA Link

#Christmas #Cartoon Review #Olive the Other Reindeer #Crunchyroll #Mike Toole

[eucliffesting]

anti gr*via

I’ve been meaning to get this off of my chest for a while:

Gr*via doesn’t rlly have much chemistry. like yeah I know they have their big emotional shippy moments and overtime Gray did accept her into his life and that they’re ‘canon’ now but that’s only because she kinda forced herself into his life?? her stalking him and him rejecting her romantic/sexual advances has been a running gag throughout the majority of the series, and I don’t think that should be counted as ship moments or “Gray is just being tsundere!!1!1” because it made Gray uncomfortable most of the time?? the only reason they live together is because she forced herself into his house and refused to leave. she even tried to sleep with him, which he rejected. she fucking knows Gray isn’t interested in her so she acquired a love potion to make him like her (which backfired) but seriously no means no?? does she not understand that?? also that scene where she takes a shower and her whole room is covered in Gray merch and she uses a sponge with his face on to wash her boobs and vagina…. that’s so creepy and gross. if it was a man doing it with a woman people would not be okay with it. I like Juvia but Gr*via just kinda,, ruins her character. like Lucy was the first friend she made and the first girl to accept her, yet she was willing to hurt Lucy because she was a ‘love rival’ in terms of gray even though Juvia and Gray weren’t even dating and she doesn’t fucking own him??? that seems unrealistic seeing as Juvia’s been alone all her life and had depression, surely she’d want to keep her friends close rather than make enemies of them? there are certain moments where her “love for Gray” makes her stronger in fights, but then again it’s also very inconvenient to have an s class mage who will only take a fight seriously if her crush is involved.

also I feel like when it comes to Gr*via, the shippers mainly focus on Juvia and her feelings more than Gray’s. for example, whenever Gray doesn’t return her feelings everyones like “Gray omg stop being an asshole you need to give Juvia an answer!!!”. even Erza said this to him, which disappointed me since she’s my favourite and she knows Gray really well. why would she put pressure on him like that? Gray doesn’t owe her ANYTHING. not a single thing. whenever she got hurt or chose to sacrifice herself, that’s all on her. gray never asked her to do that or forced her to do that. stop making gray apologise for things he shouldn’t have to. just because she likes him he isn’t obligated to automatically return those feelings??? if it was a girl rejecting a boy several times people would be defending her, but because it’s the other way round it’s okay and counts as valid shipping moments?? I 100% understand him caring for her as a fellow guild mate, but it kinda feels like gray only likes her romantically because he feels guilty for the stuff they’ve been through (like when he points out her scar. and the “I’ll take your feelings more seriously from now on” he only felt obligated to do that bc he felt guilty for her ‘death’). I’d prefer Gr*via to be platonic tbh. if Juvia just had a casual crush on Gray where she never stalked him or acted possessive then I would probably quite like the ship too

personality wise, I honestly think there’s not much chemistry there. tbh gray had better romantic chemistry with Lucy, Erza and even Natsu and Lyon. like with Lucy they’re basically salt buddies and have sarcastic banter with each other on missions, they naturally get along well and he cares about her a lot. with Erza, they both have a mutual respect for each other and admire each other’s strength and greatly trust each other, and they have history together from when Erza first joined the guild and Gray kinda had a crush on her. he even said she was pretty during the galuna island arc and was flustered when she asked about it. he even has better chemistry with Natsu than with Juvia. like yeah they argue and fight a lot but that’s based from a mutual respect of each other’s strength, which is why they consider the other person to be a worthy rival. and past all that, they are good friends!!!! they’ve been there for each other multiple times (e.g. Natsu stopping Gray from using iced shell) and do have fun together and hang out and they have a mutual trust in each other!!! with Lyon, they both learned magic from the same master and recognised each other’s strengths, which therefore led to them being rivals. however they do have great chemistry and fight extremely well together. they’re able to strategise and work in sync when it’s required. in missions and during arcs we do get Gr*via moments where gray saves her and stuff but their daily casual interactions are kinda bland and their personalities don’t mix as well as they do with other characters. they don’t have inside jokes or common interests or a budding rivalry or a mature understanding of each other. Juvia has better natural chemistry with Lucy and Cana than with Gray tbh. people love to say that the gruvia union raids proves that they’re ‘soulmates’ and have a ‘deep connection’. but y'all are forgetting, who did Juvia perform a union raid with first??? Lucy Heartfilia!!! this was when they hardly knew each other yet they were able to use high level magic like that which requires a strong bond. if that doesn’t scream soulmates and deep connections then idk what does.

also gray would risk his life for ANY of his guild mates, yet it conveniently has to be juvia most of the time. mashima kept ship pandering for popularity so like 90% of Juvia’s character revolves around Gray (which is unfair to both him and her) and he just HAD to associate juvia within all of Gray’s close relationships. for example, Gray mourning his father’s death is a major gruvia moment, and the Gray/Juvia/Lyon love triangle became a thing, and Juvia just had to pick up his stripping habit that he got from ur. it actually really bothers me that she picked up this habit because it’s Gray and Lyon’s thing from their master, it’s been their thing since they were kids. Juvia also having it just makes it lose its meaning.

also the ending feels kinda ooc because Gray has rejected her romantic advances the entire time yet all of a sudden he’s blushing over Juvia and says that she’s his? not even a “yeah I like you back”, he just says that she is his, which sounds kinda possessive and non gray-like. also why are Gr*via fans ignoring the fact that Gray went on a 100 year quest the next day without Juvia, who he is apparently dating now lmao relationship goals right there.

another thing I hate is that I’ve seen lots of people say that “Gr*via taught me to never give up when it comes to love!!” uhhhhh fuck no miss me with that bullshit. if someone’s not into you and rejects you time after time LEAVE THEM ALONE. it’s not cute or romantic to stalk and obsess over someone who’s not interested!!! if the roles were reversed and Juvia was a guy and Gray was a girl, more people would have an issue with it. yes I understand that currently the ship isn’t as bad as it was but the foundation of their relationship is terrible lol.

it would’ve made more sense for Juvia to get over her obsession with Gray and move on. notice how most of the time she fantasies about Gray, he’s usually ooc? that’s because she’s in love with the IDEA of him and his appearance, and doesn’t take the time to actually get to know him as a person. Sherry and Lyon are good examples of what Juvia should’ve done. Sherry had a huge crush on Lyon. she realised Lyon wasn’t interested. what did she do? she respected his feelings, moved on and now she has a hot husband who genuinely loves her. Lyon was in love with Juvia. he realised she was in love with Gray instead. what did he do? he respected her feelings and stopped pursuing her. tbh I prefer Lyvia since Lyon was actually interested in her yet didn’t stalk or harass her like she did to Gray. also I love Lyon and I felt rlly bad for him.

I’m not trying to say that all Gr*via shippers are shitty people, everyone’s entitled to their own opinions. I used to really like Gr*via at one point until I realised I just liked it because everyone else did. I just don’t think it should’ve been canon it’s just not a great relationship.

#juvia lockser #gray fullbuster #anti gruvia

[some-sacred-place]

What I never said...

Nine months ago, I was in D.C. with my husband and we were getting ready to see one of our new favorite musicians, Jen Cloher. We grabbed a beer at dinner and headed to the venue's happy hour where we had four drinks each. I would like to preface what happened next by saying that we have a really high tolerance and it takes more than that to get drunk let alone shitfaced to the point of blacking out. Anyways, we talked to the bartender a little bit about the movie that was playing on the t.v. (Lucy) and talked to the guy running the merch table. I went to the bathroom. The next thing I remember was being escorted out of the venue and almost falling down an entire flight of stairs. I couldn't find my husband. I asked them where he was and they didn't know. I didn't have my phone. I remember asking somebody to borrow their phone but they couldn't understand what I was saying. I stumbled up and down the street. Eventually, a stranger caught up to me and said that they'd seen me walking from the bar he was sitting in. He said he would help me find him. He was wearing a nice black pea coat. I can't remember his name. I remember sitting at the bar he brought me into and him saying I didn't look messed up. I don't remember the ride back to where he lived. I don't remember leaving my shoes by the couch. I don't remember all of my clothes coming off or how I got into his bed. All I remember was him saying "We shouldn't do this, you're married."

I woke up naked in a room I didn't recognize next to somebody I didn't know. I asked where my clothes were and he told me. He asked me if I remembered anything and I didn't say anything. He said I must have been drugged or something. I didn't ask if he had done anything to me because I didn't want to know and sometimes I regret that. I immediately borrowed his phone because I didn't know where mine was and called my husband, only to find out that he had ended up in the hospital because somebody had found him with his clothes torn to shreds and one shoe missing. I told him that I was safe and I had met somebody who had let me stay at their place. The stranger called me an uber and gave me a passion fruit la croix because he said that I'd mentioned I liked them the night before. I don't remember this. There was a hickey on my neck. He waited with me outside and the can was extremely cold on top of how windy it was. I didn't drink any of it. I shook his hand, then felt embarrassed. I got into the car and rode off.

I told a handful of people that we were drugged. I changed the story so that the guy that took me in was a gay lawyer and nobody would ask questions. I never told anybody what really happened. Not even my husband. Since then, I've been horrifically anxious and depressed. I see older men who look like the stranger or even are dressed like him and I get the wind knocked out of me. I don't trust men anymore and I cringe if somebody I don't know touches me. I watch every drink I get make it's way from the bar to my table. I don't turn my back. I tell people to avoid the venue and that even if they aren't alone the worst could happen. We had to pay thousands in medical bills because of the emergency room visit my husband had, so that was an added burden and reminder of what happened. I can't listen to that musician anymore without wanting to die. I don't go a day without thinking about it and wanting to die. My husband mentions when the topic comes up that at least I didn't end up in the hospital. I don't have the heart to tell him what actually happened to me. I don't even have the heart to admit to myself what actually happened.

[brio-burton-blog]

Get To Know Me Tag

So I attempted to make a YouTube video doing this but it turns out that, as I predicted, I am much more confident behind the camera. I don’t tend to enjoy showing my face all that much. I thought that a pretty cool alternative was to write instead. So here we go I guess. 

1. What is your middle name? 

I happen to be a deprived child as I do not have a middle name. But I do get what seems to be a pretty complicated first name but I’m not sure that that’s much of a luxury. It makes things difficult in Starbuck’s haha. 

2. What is your favourite colour? 

My favourite colour is like a dark emerald/forest green. If I have fellow nerds reading this, then you will probably understand me when I say the best way for me to describe the colour is to call it ‘Slytherin green’. (FYI, I’m not a Slytherin, I just love that sort of dark green.) 

3. Who was your first best friend? 

Her name was Rachel. We went to the same childminder and when we were very very young we used to argue a lot. We grew out of that stage and we were best friends for many years. Unfortunately, I’m not in contact with her anymore.

4. How tall are you?

I literally just went to measure myself for this question. I’m exactly 5′4″. To be honest, I’m pretty proud of that as my family are all either short or average height, so to fall under average is a privilege with my genetics. 

5. Cats or dogs? 

Cats. 100%. Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. They are pretty energetic though and cats are pretty chill and therefore much more on my wavelength. Not as much as tortoises are though. Those guys are awesome. 

6. Funniest moment throughout school? 

Okay so I presume this excludes College which is a shame because I’ve got some really awesome moments from College. So if we are talking high school and primary school, I’m kind of at a loss. I didn’t have a particularly happy childhood, but that’s a whole other story. If I had to pick, I’d probably go with my maths lessons. I was in set 1 so people assumed that our classes were boring and hard work, but actually, in year 9, we had the most awesome teacher. We’d basically spend the entire lesson gossiping and the teacher would tell us some funny stories about herself. The one I remember best was about her irrational fear of rice. (I don’t even know aha.) Also, when I got diagnosed with severe depression, she was super supportive. Turns out that she struggled with it herself, so she completely understood. What a legend, I hope she’s doing well. 

7. How many countries have you visited? 

Okay so I’ll have to count. I live in England and I’ve visited Wales, Ireland, France, Spain, Ibiza, Minorca, Majorca, Lanzarote, Fuerteventura, Zante, Crete, Italy, Germany, Japan and Switzerland. I think that’s it, although I have visited some of these places multiple times. So I think that’s 15 altogether. 

8. Are you in/have you been to College? 

Well I’m using the English definition of College which is generally further education for 16-18 y/olds. But this can differ depending on your educational background. So I’m starting College in September. I’ve just finished school which is an odd and kind of sad thing. But I’m doing a course in TV and Film production which is very exciting! 

9. What was your favourite/worst subject in high school?

This is a fun question. My favourite(s) were always Physics, Maths, Art, Music and Drama. I hated the acting part of drama but coming up with ideas for productions was always super fun and interesting for me. My worst subject(s) were always English and P.E. Thank the lord above that I don’t have to do those subjects anymore. I love writing and I love reading but I hate being told what to write/read. And I think if someone ever asks me to analyse text again I’ll run away to the north pole and live as an eskimo. We won’t even get on to the subject of P.E. I don’t want that pain to be brought to the surface. 

10. What is your favourite drink? 

Coffee. Yes! I love it more than I love myself. Soy lattes. Honestly so amazing. But I do like the odd smoothie, tea, and sparkling water. 

11. What is your favourite animal? 

Essentially all of them. But if I had to pick I’d probably go with Pigs. But I do love Cows, Goats, Degus, Bearded Dragons, Tortoises, and Cats. Ooh also Gorillas. I really want to hug a Gorilla. Probably one of my life goals. I clearly have high expectations of my life. 

12. What is your favourite perfume? 

I do love the Strawberry scented one from The Body Shop. And Si by Giorgio Armani smells lovely and reminds me of my mum which is nice. Also Eccentric from Victoria Secret smells heavenly. 

13. Tea or Coffee? 

Coffee would be my first choice most of the time but tea never fails to cheer me up when I’m down. So I want to say both. But I think I’d find it harder to live without coffee than tea. 

14. What would you name your children? 

I haven’t really thought about it. I’d maybe say Alistar, Belle, Luna, or Tom? I’m sure I’ll find more names that I like though in the future. 

15. What sports do you/have you played? 

I’m not a massive fan of sports to be honest but I enjoy swimming, diving, biking and badminton occasionally. I went through a very sporty stage where I was in the Basketball, Football, Netball and Badminton team. Ah the days when I had energy and was productive. How far ago they feel. I also LOVE dancing but I mainly do it when I’m home alone as I’m possibly the least coordinated person on Earth. I can’t even run without it looking like I’m on some form of recreational drug. 

16. What is your favourite book? 

Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig. Matt is a brilliant writer and a lovely guy. I met him a few weeks back. It was a privilege. There are very few people that I feel comfortable around from the get go, but he was one of them. In this book he talks about mental heath. It’s incredibly moving and always makes me feel incredibly lucky to be alive, even though I don’t always feel that way. If you don’t know him, check his work out, follow him on twitter etc etc. (@matthaig1) He also writes novels and I’m currently reading his latest, ‘How to Stop Time’ It’s shaping up to be extraordinary. (Have I sold him enough yet?)      

17. Who are some of your favourite YouTubers? 

I have many, many, many of those. I shall reel off a list. Amy Ordman, The Bakeey, Chris Klemens, Alexis G. Zall, Rose Ellen Dix, TheRoxetera, WiseHufflepuff, Hannah Witton, emmablackery, BriaAndChrissy, Cammie Scott, LukeIsNotSexy, UnsolicitedProject, JaackMaate, Ash Hardell, Banana Warrior Princess, James Aspey, nowthisisliving, The Vegan Activist, doddleoddle, Stef Sanjati, TheRealAlexBertie, MissFenderr, MilesChronicles, Ally Hills, Kristina Schiano, Vegan Geezer, Evan Edinger, Tessa Netting, Rob Chapman, Mayin Bialik, MyHarto, Lucy Moon, Savannah Brown, Jake Edwards and Alien in a Box. 

Note: I am also subscribed to various BuzzFeed channels, various band accounts, Watch Mojo, TheEllenShow, The Graham Norton Show, Pottermore and other YouTubers that I’m not a fan of as such, their channels and topics just interest me. 

18. What is your favourite movie? 

Ahh. How am I supposed to choose?! I am such a movie nerd. Okay. My top 5 are Girl Interrupted, Fight Club, Sweeny Todd (the one with Johnny Depp), Pitch Perfect 2 and the live action Beauty and The Beast. (I would feel mean picking one and not all of the Harry Potter Movies.) I’m going to have to choose the live action Beauty and The Beast simply because it’s fun, uplifting and so beautifully made. (Also the soundtrack is heaven.)   

19. Are you single or taken? 

Single. 

20. What’s your idea of an ideal first date? 

Maybe coffee and a posh night out in London. Like a jazz bar and maybe a theatre performance. Honestly, I doubt that would ever happen, but I suppose a girl can dream. If I get to choose who the date is with could I opt for Anna Kendrick? Kind regards. 

21. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 

Excluding my primary school boyfriend, 4. There was someone I met in hospital, someone I met at school, someone I met online through a mutual friend, someone that lives round the corner from me. 

22. Favourite memory from childhood? 

Erm... I’m sure there’s something... Well I do always miss being young and innocent and waking up early and walking to school with my parents. The birds would tweet and the sun would shine and I’d have lovely chats with the teachers and my childminder. And my dad would pick me up and we’d bike home and I would watch 64 Zoo Lane and eat Ice Cream. Ah the good old days. Ooh and Christmases and trips to Cornwall. Not gonna lie I still enjoy all of this stuff. I guess childhood wasn’t too bad. Well, for the first 7 years at least.

23. Do you speak any other languages and how well? 

I don’t. I can do the odd phrase in Spanish, Italian, Greek, French, German and Japanese at a push. I won and award for my French around 5 years back. But I’ve slept a lot since then so I don’t remember all that much. Also I had a terrible French teacher a few years back who put me off the subject for life. Let’s just say she wasn’t my biggest fan. 

24. Do you have any siblings? 

I have a step sister. But that’s all. She’s pretty amazing though so. Also she’s currently living in Japan which means I get cool stuff because it turns out that Japan are way ahead the UK in creating top notch backpacks. 

25. How would you describe your fashion sense? 

Band merch/Harry Potter tees, jeans and hoodies, pretty much. I also own the odd flannel. Doc Martens, Converse and Vans are the footwear of choice. Beanies are pretty cool too. For colder days denim jackets and ‘leather’ jackets are my jam. So basically the casual lesbian look is my style. Way to fit the stereotype, Bri. 

26. What is your favourite restaurant? 

Okay, I have three. YoSushi, Handmade Burger Company and Bella Italia. All three have amazing vegan options. Also they all hold really happy memories for me. 

27. What are some of your favourite TV shows? 

Ooh, I like quite a few. My number one would have to be The Big Bang Theory. I also love Sherlock, Orange is The New Black, Miranda, 13 Reasons Why and Stranger Things. 

28. PC or Mac? 

Mac all the way. I have nothing against PC but I recently invested in a mac and it is my life. I find it easier to use and I much prefer the layout. 

29. What phone do you have? 

I have an Iphone 6S in rose gold. (With a really cute cat case, just saying.) 

30. What is one of your bad habits? 

Biting my nails. I’ve done it for my whole life and I can’t, nor do I have any intention to stop. 

That’s all for today, thanks so much for reading! I’m definitely going to try and post much more often from now on. 

Lots of love, Briony.