#i cannot put the game down and its so fucking simple as a concept

[crest-of-gautier]

guys i don't remember the last time i got this invested into a game

#lizz.txt #so fashion dreamer came out today!!! #and i was already anticipating this game because i played the CRAP out of style savvy in 2014 i think #guys guys guys i am having so much fun yoinking so many peoples clothes into my closet (i have 500 ish) #there are some limitations to the game that i am Not Fond Of (body type clothing lock UE UE UE) #but like at least guys exist bc i remember in trendsetters you could BARELY do shit with the guys clothing ASKLDHSH #HOWEVER!!!!!! #this game is incredibly chill and feeds my need for dressing up characters in cute clothes #and also getting full reign over color palettes of clothes in this game makes me so s powerful #i have been liveblogging this to my friends on discord over the past five hours #i cannot put the game down and its so fucking simple as a concept #if u got into the style savvy games because of the store management aspect moreso than dress-up sim- #this might not be for you (this is like.. a whole different entity) #i need to figure out which kinds of clothes my blorbos would wear oh my god im having way too much fun with this #i might make some posts abt it here just for my own reference but uh #i need sleepies!! god!! i fucking obsessed!!!!! #what da fuck is eggstra werk i only know fashion dreamer <3

[olichat-reads]

🎉🎃

Go on, tell us about hanta <333

✿.⋆Self Ship Ask Game~♡

ares babu i love you SO much for giving me an excuse to rant about my husband.

🎃 - What Halloween costumes would you and your f/o wear? Do you match?

iiiiiii cannot care less personally haha. so imma leave it to hanta and something tells me we WILL. FUCKING. MATCH. AND BE THE CUTEST/HOTEST COUPLE THERE. all him not me lmao.

"i thought we're going as serial killers?"

"we are <3"

"why do i look fucking gorgeous then??"

"thats the point >:0"

"no but-"

"THATS THE POINT. SHUSH AND LOOK PRETTY."

🎉 - How would your f/o plan your Birthday? Do they set up a party or take you out on a casual date to your favorite place?

this got long so 💕

now LISTEN. one look at hanta and you KNOW he can enjoy a good party. plus i get to drool over my latin king on the dancefloor fUCK YEAH-

HOWEVER. if it were for ME i feel he'll go out of his way to cater to my introvert gremliness AND my sentimental on my birthday of all days 🥺.

he'll find those cute hidden dating spots to spend the day.

pottery painting cafe- he'd make me the ugliest kitty mug on god's earth and i'll loVE IT FOREVER and no one else is allowed to use it ESPECIALLY FOR MY MORNING COFFEE or i'm going to commit homicide as early as 6.00 am in the fucking day :) we'll make a family of frogs for the living room too hehe

an open rooftop coffee house with a pretty view and picturesque aesthetic and i can also blow bubbles down the building! with those coffees with the CHEESIEST most RIDICULOUS descriptions because it makes me laugh. (idk how well known this concept is but it REALLY is so fucking funny a latte would say somthing like 'like the bitter end of a love story with sweet memories that linger behind' LMAO ITS SO STUPID I LOVE IT)

i love letters and lil memo's- whatever physical cards no matter how shabby- its just so personal ya know? i think hanta'll probably take that into account when it comes to my present. just a bright green sticky note with a simple but genuine lil message that i get to keep forever with whatever sweet gift that i get to love on with all my heart- necklace, plushie, blanket, hoodies- anything that he'd be sure to put as much sentimental value into to make me cry

gah i love him

#asks *:･ﾟ✧ #ask game #this took me a hot minute to respond to because LIFE but i LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THE PROMPTS THANKS SOOOO MUCH MUAH MUAH #self ship #oli x sero

[demonicintegrity]

Since Welcome Home just had a speedrun record for viral bullshit, lemme key y'all in on what today's creatives think about.

For context, I'm in art school. Everyone around me including myself all have some sort of personal project(s) we wanna publish one day/are working on currently. And those specific projects are meant to make money so it means reaching a wider set of people.

I have several professors touch on what our online portfolio and presence needs, and it's led into class discussions on balancing putting ourselves/our work out there and keeping privacy. On top of learning how to deal with predatory editors and safe pitching practices, my peers are strongly voicing their distaste for any sort of proximity with any fandom they could accomplish because of rampant parasocial behaviors.

I got a roommate who wants to write a graphic novel and part of it is a sorta commentary on tiktok stardom in particular. They explained some of it to us and we all agreed the only way it would ever work is if it never went viral and prayed tiktok never got its hands on it.

Back in my wannabe youtuber days I took a good study at youtubers and realize the best fanbases were on the smaller side and that were encouraged into a specific way of engaging. (Like coming together specifically to do analysis or specifically to discuss smth, etc.) By nature of what people were attracted to what content.

I got book ideas I simply will not go through with if I'm in a peak/going viral because I know people will not handle them well. They will be shelved for another time. I also need to clean out and update my half-abandoned youtube before I start buckling down on my artistic endeavors because I know how the internet is. Never mind the fact that I'm willingly kneecapping myself by refusing to interact with instagram and pulling away from using twitter professionally. I value my tumblr circle so fucking much because it's so not insane and more on the wavelength with my bullshit. And I'm holding onto this more than any How To Market With Social Media advice.

Said roommate who's super passionate about their graphic novel idea exploring fame and what not (which I really can't wait to see happen one day) took inspiration from whatever the fuck tiktok did with Penelope Scott that one time. They explained she had the perfect amount of space away from her presence and an amazing social media balance that couldn't have been better and yet still got drag through the mud. My understanding is that watching that happened made my roommate go "what if" and want to explore some more concepts regarding fame and parasocial relationships.

I'm lucky. I have had minor "popularity" in certain circles on Tumblr (apparently) and yet have never got too dragged into discourse. Especially considering I've been here since I was twelve. The worst I've gotten is from the sociopolitical side of things, some of y'all probably remember how terfs were up my ass that one time.

My point being: Artists who are aware and in the industry and these spheres right now are hyperaware of what their presence can do. Hyperaware that their social media doesn't get to be the luxury of just a fun thing but an extension of their work life. That combined with how even traditionally published authors are more expected to be their own marketing these days, we are much more aware and even prepared than the averaged hobbyist.

And that's partly why all art is such a miserable hobby right now.

Never mind gaming algorithms and playing the luck game to even get seen, never mind the cultural idea that art is just something to be consumed and tossed out like it's a disposable napkin, but the average person is not prepared to handle what happens when lots of people start interacting with you specifically for your work. The masses simply cannot get their act together, especially in a post-covid world.

And the solutions aren't simple. Largely because the only way this is going to get better is if the people consuming learn how to behave. And you and I both can assume how likely that's going to be. Truly, I think meaningful change starts with media literacy. Just learning how to critically think about a piece. But I don't even think that's being taught in public schools, let alone to the focus it needs to have.

If we want the masses to stop harassing people unfortunately we gotta hope they have the reading comprehension to understand what's being put out there. That way they don't come out of left field with a wild accusation.

I remember being in 8th grade reading The Taming of The Shrew and the teacher have exactly zero acknowledgement on the blatant abuse that was taking place. The most we got from the class or her was "dang they didn't like women back then. Wild how she changed after being with this guy for only a short bit. anyways." and move on.

(I remember ranting to my mom borderline horrified how no one else was acknowledging the blatant abuse and horror. And how I just knew some boy my age was gonna sit in that class and read it and not see what was wrong cuz it wasn't explained. No one wanted to put effort understanding Ye Olde Speech. My mom was sorta proud of me in that moment. Said she would've never thought about those sorta things and thought I'd make a good teacher.)

I watched a Ted Ed last quarter in my philosophy class about an after school program teaching porn literacy and sex ed. The person speaking was pleasantly surprised at what was coming from the students once they were interested and encouraged. She (and our class) were horrified realizing porn was the only sex ed most teens were getting.

But my point here being: Teens were not engaging critically, not knowing how to properly get something out of media without being explicitly taught and walked through how to do that. Even though they were actively trying to learn something and intake information, they don't know how. I know my English classes were mostly just "we read this now write a paper about this from the text. Cite your sources and explain yourselves." But even I didn't know what explain yourselves meant and I did great in English.

And now attention spans seem to be on the fritz and the mob mentality is more rabid than ever.

I love making art so much. But trying to put anything out there is gonna suck because now I have to pull out ten different formulas of how do I get a big enough audience to sustain me but also curate and attract people who wont approach this/me in bad faith. All while knowing my social media will immediately become an extension of my work life instead of the stuff I do for funsies.

#Fandom #It sucks because I can see the web but I can't help every aspect of it alone.

[caribouv]

Been malding over how bad console-based 3d rpgs for like two decades now, how they're ruining video games. This Harry Potter game is as good as any reason for me to vent, lash out, and write it all up.

To get the obvious out of the way: JK Rowling is a violent transphobe. She targets trans women knowing her followers will ping off her and harass them. Buying this new game puts money in her pocket which she sees as support for this violence. Buying this games supports violence against transwoman. Also, learn to fucking pirate bay if you really want to play it. And yet, for all the reasons below, trust me you don’t. 

Console-based 3d rpgs are shit. They are shit because a console controller is shit. A console controller takes your 10 fingers and cuts 6 of them off. This leaves you with 4. This creates a huge load of problems. I love n64. I grew up on n64. And yet, when console tried to push 3d rpgs they were shit. All the problems with modern based 3d rpgs can be traced back to the horrendous 3d rpgs of the n64. All the problems outlined below existed then and they do now.

4 fingers is not not enough to control a character in 3d. You need both thumbs to move and look around. This leaves you with nothing to hit abilities with. So you have to flick your right thumb back and fourth, back and fourth. It's clunky and slow and not fluid.

Consoles tried to get around this by introducing things such as sticky combat or sticky cover. This dumbed the fuck out of games because they're not freeform anymore. You stick to something, can't look around, control gets limited, and now it's clunky as hell. Take someone like Counter Strike or Quake and compare it to Gears of War. One is fluid and smooth while the other is almost turn based with how clunky and you're a dumbass glue boy that sticks to everything.  

Proof: look at every speed run world record for any Dark Souls game. They are all set by mouse/keyboard peripheries. Look at any FPS tournament: the esports players are using mouse/keyboard. Hell, whenever I see a console loser in DBD or Sea Thieves I cackle like a swamp hag on meth because it means easy meat.

The other problem with only having 4 fingers is that all systems get dumbed down. You want crafting? Cool, it's going to get dumbed down because of how hard it is to navigate menus, find objects, combine ingredients, add enchantments, etc. You cannot have complicated systems with only four fingers. Skill webs or skill trees? Sorry you get a one-dimensional skill line. Play Divinity Sin 2 on PC v. console to see what I mean. Console based 3d rpgs will make the game and system for ease on a console, then port to PC later, which means everything will be dumbed down and simple.

The abilities are also limited with only 4 fingers. ABXY is it. Maybe hold a bumper or trigger as a modifier. Compare to a 110 keyboard with CTRL+SHIFT+Alt modifiers, rebinding keybinds, etc. You begin to see how a console will dumb everything down to fit into the narrow ABXY concept v. it's master-race 110 God.

To further elaborate this point, console players are getting pissed and seeing how even console games are getting dumbed down by mobile games. Take the 4 fingers of consoles with its limitations in systems, and dumb them down even more to cater to mobile gamers.

So then because the above means console based 3d rpgs are shit, they focus instead on graphics. Beef the ever loving shit out of graphics to make a catchy 2 minute gameplay video or sample at whatever gamescon. Hide all relevant gameplay video or sincere analysis of systems. It's just a Marvel movie now with no depth or substance. And then ignorant consumer whore masses will buy because they are too stupid to realize other.

Graphics are, quite frankly, the bane of all video games. An entire budget goes into this while story and systems are left out. This makes games incredibly bad. To illustrate: what's one's favorite game and why? Chances are it's an "older" game with outdated graphics and it's a favotie game because of gameplay/story content, not because of visuals.

Do not get me wrong: graphics serve a purpose. There's a spectrum to what we will enjoy and what we will not. It should serve a utility to the game to enhance the systems or story, not the other way around. This is why games like Ultima Online, Warcraft3, WOW, Pokemon, FF7, and Minecraft are widley considered the greatest games ever made. The graphics are stylzed and last into perpetuity as they serve to give something generally nice to look at within the incredibly content based gameplay and systems. Games like COD or whatever the top selling shit on PS5 is right now will be forgotten in five-month like whatever dumb number of apple brick is on the shelf right now.

Consoles do one thing right: and that's basically every game ever made for the SNES or GBA. 2d games. PC cannot generally not compete with 2d games. Side-scrollers, 2d isometic, 2d fighting, etc. I think the one exception would be racing games. Because of the simplicity of driving, it's the one 3d game that consoles do very, very well. Consoles need to stay in their fucking lane.

So given this, and looking at the new Harry Potter game, this shit isn't even worth pirating. It's a typical console-based 3d rpg and it is going to be fucking trash. You can tell because it's so incredibly hard to find actual gameplay footage of anything. All the videos they allowed to be released are just prepacked eye candy nonsense. AKA shit ass Marvel movie trailers.

I was actually able to find 1 (one, just one) gameplay video and everything I said above is so spot on. It's built for console with PC as afterthought which means everything is shit. Basic crafting system (if you can even call it that) with no depth. Sticky combat that is clunky as hell. Clunky movement that's almost like moving an oil tanker around instead of a person. Terrible 3d controls. No customization of interface or interaction with the map. One dimensional dialogue with no choices. One way to solve everything. Basic combat damage computations. No skill line or character customization. Narrow ass story (which is the story of a working class uprising told form the perspective of a bootlicking cop / bourgeoisie) where you walk in a straight line and that's it. Oh but I guess the graphics are so good!

So yah, this shit isn't even worth pirating. Fuck console based 3d rpgs.

#vidyagames

[angelicguy]

do you know whats fucking nuts about game journalists. and game journalism. its all about everything surrounding the games. like the people who make them or the history of companies or whatever. which is all really really cool. but you never ever get just straight game analyzation from them you know. other than reviews which are fucking hated by everyone. because the news cycle doesnt click with giving a writer enough time to get a game. and often if a writer is just straight... bad at games (which is incredibly fucking common) you get horrible reviews.

look at deathloop. horrible game apparently. but every critic absolutely loved it. because it was linear and simple, had a cool artstyle and was just "pick up shit and shoot" with a very very shallow twist. not complicated at all. and metroid dread (which is apparently really good) also got rave media because it was straightforward. but most importantly it was 7 hours long. people could beat it and get the ideas within that timespan. but most games arent actually like this, at least not REALLY good games. look at tekken 7- pc gamer gave it a 74 or something because of the lackluster singleplayer. are you fucking kidding me? but i almost dont blame them because how the hell do you get these concepts on paper in such a short timespan. well you dont. so video game coverage becomes "someone recreated squid game in animal crossing check it out" and not "heres WHY this game is a failure" or "heres WHY this game works." which, if youre like me and have spent a shitton of your life playing video games, is bar none the absolute most intriguing content that people can put out in games journalism! but they just dont and i really really do not know why!

so what 99 percent of people love about games (which is, ya know, the playing of video games) is completely shoved to the wayside. and you can absolutely feel it. people make 8 hour videos breaking down oblivion that say absolutely nothing beyond talking about the quests and shit in a very surface level manner. and it gets 8 million views. theyre getting so CLOSE to saying "hey, heres why this game is cool." analyzing gameplay loops and shit is so fucking fun. and its fun to listen to people break shit down. and its fun to see how devs try (and fail) to get into a players heads and guide them down a path to fun. so why is it that no one does it except for youtubers who often CANNOT DO IT WELL AT ALL fuckin a

[honkster]

Why the Dream SMP’s way of storytelling is IMPOSSIBLE to recreate in any other medium.

This has been in the back of my mind for the longest time. I think I finally got it.

People have talked about this before, and they’ve put forward some good points, and good for them – most of them are correct. It’s the way the ccs interact with each other, it’s how plot is mixed in with banter, that’s all good! I wanna put more out there.

So you know how you open a book to read, you start a new show, you sit down to watch a movie – that’s all produced by some sort of company, someone who made it specifically for you to enjoy. You expect a certain dramatic flair to it, certain cinematic choices, certain ways of writing, certain camera angles, certain reactions to things. That’s just ingrained expectations of things now.

The DSMP? Doesn’t have that.

The low expectations work very much in its favor. It’s a Minecraft role-playing server with a bunch of famous youtubers/streamers, who are all good friends and have great dynamics with each other. So when you expect “just another Minecraft video” but in stream form, or you watch the videos because there are certain people in them, you don’t expect to be dropped into extreme lore and sensitive topics, realistic situations proposed in game form, a combination of serious stuff and just fun times with friends goofing around – and you’re pleasantly surprised.

We, the fandom, are used to it a bit more now. How excellently they manage to make a serious story in such a “ridiculous” medium, how much it affects us all and gets our creative juices flowing. But even the ccs can’t predict some of the things that happen. And that’s fun.

The whole election ending the way it has? That was on us. And it made some of the most angsty content there has been in the DSMP. People still theorize about the arc and make connections to now – that’s pog!

Fundy being adopted by Eret – that sparked the whole “Fundy just wants a dad – let’s get him some love” thing that made FundyWasTaken and other Fundy+someone ships happen. I see a different person paired with Fundy every week, and somehow, I agree with all of them. I really got into Fundy because of that stream where Eret “slept through the adoption” and Fundy confronted his real dad and spent time with his granddad. That little stream gave us more insight into Fundy’s whole character (Nevermind Fundy showing off his acting skills – you go you funky little fox), but also justifies some of his actions now. DryWaters? Wanting to kill Technoblade? Fucked up reasons, but we still love him.

Phil being broken out of house arrest ahead of time – still made a great stream and Phil agreeing with Techno’s want for revenge – that made us all very happy. The SBI!!! The AE! And that’s also a thing!

That even if we do know or have predicted what’s going to happen, begged it out of the ccs basically, it is still incredibly fun to watch. Where some books/shows/movies fall short and reveal too much and end up being “too predictable”, they’re not fun anymore. I read this somewhere before, that sometimes holding back EVERYTHING from the reader, and relying on shock value to make a good story is just bad. Whereas if you progress the story naturally and let the reader make some predictions of their own and then they end up being right – that’s a lot of serotonin right there. It’s the re-readability that makes it slightly better the second time.

The DSMP takes this concept and fucking yeets with it. Letting fans engage in the story, letting them theorize and then be right, even acknowledging the fanart that was made, just engaging with the community that their roleplay created – that makes it so much more fun. I bet that even if the whole script was revealed to the fandom we would still watch every plot stream. Even if we knew vaguely what happens in the stream, we would tune in and enjoy every second of it. Because the ccs are just that good, we love them that much, we love this plot that much.

Oh and the unpredictability helps too. Tommy in exile was the vague concept of a lot of the streams – it’s taken that and ran with it in a lot of different directions. All quite enjoyable.

Having said all of that… The fact that this type of telling a story is impossible to recreate in any other medium is… kinda saddening? It is incredibly unique, and I’d say has things that not a lot of the people that produce mainstream media would even consider. “Just friends hanging out” – how would that make the script progress? “Engagement with the fandom, even considering their wishes for the characters” – but we’re telling a story here!

The only thing I can think of that would come close to the vibe, would be just a bunch of writer friends coming together, thinking up a universe and general plot, and then each deciding to write a few of their own characters in that universe. When one author focuses on their main characters, the side ones can feel left in the dust, or not fleshed out. The DSMP is just “every character can write their own story”, which takes a lot of the strain from the “main writers”. But the general thing of “just friends hanging out” would be taken away from it. We’re being serious here, why would we change the tone so quick?

With all of that in mind… I kinda wanna make some predictions? And I don’t know if they’re correct, but it’s fun to theorize. See?

1. L’manburg will die.

And not just because Techno has 54 withers. The country is cursed – it definitely is. There is little sentimental value that can be felt for a few flimsy stilts built on top of a crater. It might go out in a blaze of glory, with the withers (Is history repeating itself an interesting enough plot point to recycle a whole arc?), but it might just be forgotten. Yeah there have been some angsty headcanons about how “no one cares about L’manburg anymore, save for two people” and it just gets abandoned, but how about it just becoming irrelevant?

This all comes back to Dream, it always does! His want, need for the server to be “one happy family again”, it just means one thing. He wants the server to return to the peaceful anarchy that it was before L’manburg. No rulers, no factions, no nothing.

That’s never going to happen.

Try as he might, Dream cannot affect that change that L’manburg did to the server. The introduction of a faction, one that can exist without the interference of a higher power – why do you think so many factions have sprouted up since? And it’s not even serious factions a lot of the time, it’s just a few friends deciding to build their bases on a plot of land that they claim is a nation now. L’manburg has changed the mindset of these people, now an alliance with somebody is a political move. An alliance doesn’t exist if it doesn’t have a faction, and that faction can remain neutral for only so long.

Basically, L’manburg introduced the factions mod into the server.

And the fact that every faction now has enough relevance to hold weight in a war also means that every nation on the server is doomed to follow the downfall of L’manburg. Eventually, they will get into a fight they can’t win, go up against the wrong people, anger someone they shouldn’t have. All factions will either be destroyed, or lose relevance, until their creators, residents and such just… move on.

(And really you can go into meta and talk about real governments and compare them, but it’s far more simple than that. The server isn’t built for peace, it isn’t meant to be a relaxing place where you can just vibe, it may have been made for a few friends to play Minecraft together, but it has turned into An Author’s Curse. The curse that follows any kind of story being told – the fact that peace is boring. People watched the first streams of the DSMP because they liked the ccs, and that’s valid. But how many more people tuned in to watch the war streams because there was PLOT and there was CHAOS and there WASN’T CALM PEACE ANYMORE – that’s the curse of every writer. That you can write about someone just living their life drama-free, you can make interesting peace with characters or circumstances, but it’s always leading to one inevitable conclusion – war, drama, because people read that. And at this point, it’s just a predictable outcome. No matter how much you say that you are retired, that you’re done with violence (Technoblade), something will happen that will prove to you that you believed in people too much. No matter how “neutral” you may be in the matter, no matter how much you claim that you have no allegiance (Philza), you will be forced to pick one, because out of all the bad things, you pick the least worst one, the most appealing to you, the one that can benefit your want of revenge.

And I can go on, but this is far too deep for one simple reason – The Author’s Curse is so prevalent here because THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO STAKES. It’s a video game – you die? You respawn. Something gets destroyed? You can just rebuild. Sure, you’ll want to kill the person who did wrong to you, but whatever they did wrong can just be replaced, remade, recreated. So why not have wars? Why not cause massive amounts of destruction “for the plot”?

It’s literally a playground. How all authors have their little playground with their characters that they meticulously plan out, the DSMP is that playground for all of these people.

And it’s fun! Sure! I like it! I’m just really skeptical whenever someone in character says that they “just want peace”, “are retired”, “swear off violence”, “are building just a little city for themselves”. Because you can do that, nothing wrong. But eventually, no matter how much you distance yourself from all of the chaos happening, all of the wars, you will return.

Because it is just much more fun.

It’s the curse. A cursed cycle.

And everyone is in it.)

2. The prison.

I don’t have anything on the prison because I don’t have anything on the book. Yeah I’ve done a whole post where I overanalyze what it could be, but it doesn’t make it any clearer. Whatever it is, it’s made out to be a huge plot point, something that can only be revealed when the prison is finished.

Cursed. The prison’s reason for being constructed is the book, but the book is only relevant when the prison is finished. We can only wait, and theorize, as we do.

(My only theory is that the book is information about another op on the server. Or at least something related to op or creative mode. Dream only fears one thing on this server, and that’s Technoblade, so if his one fear is the most skilled player on the server, what else could give him existential fear?)

3. The SBI.

Again, I don’t have anything! Yeah the reunion seems to be going smoothly, one member at a time, but there is already conflict in their beliefs among each other. And all that’s happened is a vague “maybe one day we’ll strike”.

Is history repeating itself an interesting enough plot point to recycle a whole arc?

Is L’manburg’s destruction AGAIN really necessary to hammer home the idea that no one likes that place anymore?

I don’t know. Whatever happens, no one’s in the right. No one’s in the wrong either. They’re all not good people and that’s that on that.

4. The Clingy Duo.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

That’s all.

(Okay seriously? All of these arcs are connected. You know what happens when everything seems to be connected to one another?

A giant, dramatic final showdown between the two opposing sides.

Cause it’s just Chaos vs L’manburg. Those are the sides. People that want L’manburg to exist and people that want it gone. There are no other sides, there isn’t someone who’s like “Well maybe it can exist if we do this and this” cause no one wants to put in anymore effort into this cursed country. The only people were the clingy duo and now they’re separated and everyone is just leaving and Tommy is on the Chaos side like at this point he doesn’t care about L’manburg he just cares about Tubbo but he has to convince Tubbo to leave L’manburg but will Tubbo be convinced but will Tommy even consider leaving L’manburg and breaking free from its curse AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Goddamit.)

5. The Egg?

Dunno shit about it. Like the prison – it seems important, but we’re just not being given enough information. Is it a coincidence that the moment Dream commissioned the prison the Egg popped up? Or are the two directly related?

I don’t know. But as long as someone is finding ways to fight the Egg, that’s fantastic. Bad juju indeed.

6. Oh the Butcher Army want to kill Dream!

Hah.

Okay I’ve seen people make the case that the Army is just a bunch of people with trauma repeating the cycle of ab*se that they went through and yes.

Just yes.

And the fact that no one is actually looking at it that way and no one is there to like.. help them or even help them understand that what they are doing is just irrational, even though their reason for doing it and the result they hope to achieve is YES and the only thing that a lot of the people of the server who want peace should try to go for as well, they cannot stand up to Dream on their own. They just can’t, they will get punted into exile. They need allies, and they need powerful ones, people that have also been wronged by Dream and want him gone.

But the cycle continues, and no one knows where it ends.

(Okay but from a writing perspective? Getting rid of Dream is the end goal. It is the be all end all of all conflict, well… most of it, at least most that’s related to the supposed “good side”, or “the side that’s been most victimized”. But from the same perspective, that side is just… no longer. It has proven that is just as bad, if not worse than the final boss. I have to agree that Techno has to pay for his crimes, even though I like him a lot, but Techno did in fact cause insane damage. Yeah L’manburg rebuilt, yeah Wilbur probably caused more – still he isn’t completely free.

But that’s a discussion on morality more than laws.

L’manburg is doomed to die. Dream is doomed to be fought, and probably won against (simply because he has won far too many times already, you know how everyone seems to hate OP characters…). But the Butcher Army is doomed to fail against Dream. So how does that work?

Welp.

Is history repeating itself and interesting enough plot point to recycle a whole arc?

The answer is no.

I’ve repeated that question three times now, and the answer to it is no. No it is not. L’manburg can be destroyed again, and it can be rebuilt again, but the sentimentality that people feel for it will not remain. The cycle of history ends somewhere, and it’s not too far a fetch that it ends here.

So what happens when Technoblade, Philza and Tommy roll up to L’manburg with withers and a destruction wish, only to be met with a bunch of traumatized children with axes and a death wish?

Well, I’ll spare the details, but from a purely writing standpoint…

The two sides team up.

Think about it – The Butcher Army doesn’t care about Technoblade anymore. They’ve seen that Dream is the one pulling the strings, they know that even if they do care about trying to eliminate Technoblade again, they have to get rid of his strongest ally – Dream. But through their anger, they’ve lost their fear. You should fear Dream, he’s a fuckin op. Techno is correct in not wanting to go against him.

But after Tommy? After seeing the Butcher Army at their lowest, screeching about Dream being the villain?

Will Techno finally go past his thinking of “government is evil, always government is source of problem” and realize that Dream has the most evil government in mind for his rule?

I’m still kinda sad that Techno isn’t making the conclusions he should about Dream. But he’s starting to – and really, the SBI-Butcher Army team up is the most logical thing that could happen.

Watch me be completely wrong or miss something and I’ve got ALL of it wrong. I would love that.)

(Also it’s very funny to me that Dream is literally simping for Techno while he’s just here like “Listen bud I would stab you on sight if you didn’t have creative mode”. Dream KNOWS that Techno can and will kill him given the opportunity. Techno knows that that opportunity may never arise.

It’s a weird type of stalemate, to be sure. But goddamn is it interesting.)

Anyway... if you read through all of this... I could bake you a cookie? Thank you! I like to ramble.

#dream smp #gooood its just a block game #ITS JUST A BLOCK GAME #...dammit #anyway #debate me #on everything please

[theteej]

on white performative anxiety on election night

Ok, here we go. I had decided that I would not watch the election results unfold last night because quite frankly--it was clear that it would be a close race, and just like with sports games it takes a particular type of narcissistic imagining to think that constant watching will change the impact of an event simply because you watch it.  Also, this isn't a sports game--it's people's lives.  So I ordered a pizza and worked through three unread X-Men collections (decent, by the way--especially the new take on Marauders).

By 8pm I was getting frequent texts, and despite putting my phone in another room, i heard the buzzing enough to get me off the couch. I logged onto social media to see a flood of white Democrats having a complete meltdown as if the election had been called.  And that same existential dread/despair cataclysmically reverberating across social media in New Zealand, South Africa, and Australia.  I was so confused.  What the actual fuck were people upset about?  He hadn't conceded. Most states hadn't been called.  The responses felt so much like being in high school or college where I'd studied for exams and felt reasonably prepared but then got overwhelmed in the psychic energy of performed anxiety/fear/studying that everyone did around finals.  Hell, in pre-covid times I had to limit my time on campus as a professor in the last week because the palpable miasma of fear/anxiety/performative freaking out was too much for me, even though I WAS JUST GRADING THE FINALS. Honestly, I was baffled.  Why were people like this?  They knew that Wisconsin and Michigan and Pennsylvania were not going to count their early voting polls first, and the in person would screw Republican.  WHY WERE THEY FREAKING OUT?

And then it slowly dawned on me.  They really had believed their own lies.  They thought there was going to be a magical, massive blue wave of repudiation of President Trump, after the xenophobia, the racism, the wanton cruelty, the vicious fascism.  They needed to believe that this moment would redeem them, this electoral moment would fix them.  And they were mourning, almost disproportionately, this sense of utter collapse.  They were treating the reality of the closeness of the election as somehow equivalent to the idea of a Trump re-election victory.  What the actual hell.

I started to see a lot of "I can't believe it's even this close" statuses.  I put down my pizza in annoyance and kept reading.  There were so many variations on the time-honoured "this is not who we are" canard so many people tell themselves about America. People were mourning, in real time, the lie they'd told themselves.  There was a fundamental believe that Trumpism, the vile populism and toxic mix of racism and other oppressive elements, was an "aberration" that could be corrected.  There was a willing disbelief that this was not part of the very core of this country, that 'America' as a concept is a bad place--one made entirely possible through enslavement and genocide and one that was absolutely fixable through a simple electoral action.  And it's wild, because that's never been the case.  Not now, not ever.  I remember in 2008, being overwhelmed by white people wanting to celebrate Obama with me, but I was also keenly aware of racism and the fact that my own state had just voted to take away same-sex marriage.  Dr. Jim Barrett, a professor in my graduate program at Illinois, stopped me, a new, black graduate student who he didn't know, and said, "isn't the election great?" and i said, "I'm from California, and I'm more worried also about how easily people can dismiss queer rights."  He paused for a second, and then said, "but we did it this time with Obama!"  Here was a full-grown man with a PhD in American history casually telling a black graduate student (WHOSE NAME HE DID NOT EVEN KNOW) how great it was to be able to absolve oneself of responsibility via an electoral process, and to imagine an America without self-criticism, just redemption.

And that's what was at the heart of this baffling pre-capitulation, one that exceeded even the easy stereotype of the always-losing Democrats.  BIDEN HADN'T EVEN LOST. He had (and as of now still) leads in electoral votes! But everyone was moaning, gnashing teeth, and grieving.  But what they were really grieving was their own innocence.  Their naïve assumption that they could be the heroes in a story, in a history of violence that was expressly built for them, even if they wanted to deny it.  Trumpism sells a fantasy of white revanchism, of recovery, and even those whites who imagine otherwise can't exorcise it via a ballot because the entire system of it is at its core, still violent and racist.  Y'all seriously wanted a parade, a movement repudiating this.  What America do you live in?  Did we not go through the same black summer?  Of course we didn't.  You saw this summer as a moment of profound alliance building and a recapturing of a mythical value of inclusion.  We saw it with surprise--oh white people either just realized that black lives are cheap, or they were sufficiently bothered/bored enough to perform about it.

So much of this is a navel-gazing performance of anxiety.  2016 was traumatizing for people who didn't want to think Trumpism was America, but it IS.  And it's done in your name.  

This morning, I saw even more of this.  A friend and colleague wrote a lengthy status about her anxiety about it all and hope that 'good' would prevail, and bemoaned the lack of a real wave of change.  A friend, family member, or colleague of theirs immediately commented with pro-Trump sloganeering.  And she did nothing.  She kept commenting.  This broke me for a second.  How could she not see what a joke all of this was? What she was?  Here she was bemoaning a lack of some sort of prelapsarian goodness, trying to make some sort of "we'll get through this message," and she couldn't even see what she was doing.  There was no acknowledgment, no censuring, no pushback, no RESPONSE to the Trump sloganeering, because she could not fathom the idea that this was connected to HER.  The disappointment she felt, that so many people expressed on social media? It was performative, it was a mourning one's inability to distance oneself from genocidal, suicidal logics of all of this populist turpitude.  She couldn't even denounce the very Trumpism on her own fucking wall, in response to her comment.  Of course there was no blue wave, of course there was no rebuking.  Why should there be?  There are no consequences.  Just white folk hoping civility will save them, with the same baffling surety as King Canute commanding the waves to cease lapping at the feet of his throne.  The whole event felt like a farce--people attempting to distance themselves from a violence done in their name by refusing to even pushback against he very violence that endangers millions of people, incarcerates children, kills with impunity.

I feel, once again, like I'm the one person who felt confident for an exam during finals week.  Everyone's freaking the fuck out, performing, demonstrating a goodness, trying to foolishly imagine the country as good.  I think back to March, when black voters in South Carolina made very clear what was going to happen.  White people were not coming to save them.  Electoral legerdemain was not going to happen, there was no last minute deus ex machina.  There was the brutal calculus that many people don't see the fascism as bad, and remain so insulated that they don't care if the brute returns, so much as the lesser peoples are put in their place.  Those black voters saw that their best chance was the utter uninspiring, safe, and milquetoast flavour of whiteness, Joe Biden.  And they were right.  We can push that one, perhaps.  Make changes.  But this was always going to be a bitter slog, and at most, a close thing.  America is a bad place. We cannot redeem it through performance, through simply voting.  We don't exorcise our structural violence with selfies and dashes of ink on sealed papers.

Now that we know this, we can actually push back against the attempted voter fraud that IS happening right now, and then hope that this mediocre blue man wins.  And then maybe y'all can join us in doing the hard, daily work that also involves critically acknowledging our own complicity, investment, and inclusion in a violent, illegitimate space.  We have to live in these contradictions, to push and transform it, and remember that there are no cheat codes here.  Just grinding work, and no cookies or congratulation.

Be fucking better, y'all.

[rigelmejo]

march - just some thoughts

i have read more this month than any other month? and its not slowing down its only 3/12 so i have 2/3 of a month to go and i’ve read 26 chapters. even if these chapters are ‘short’ at 10 pages, if i wanna count by ‘20 page’ chunks i’ve still read 13 chunks so far. and i’ve still got more time in the month left. most other months i’ve managed to read ‘a lot’ i read 10-20 chapters. so i’m doing really good.

grammar is a weird thing? in reading i feel like its quite easy now to understand. when listening or watching - same. and yet if asked ‘why do i say/type X’ or ‘why is it written/spoken like X’ i have absolutely no explanation in my head. i could not explain the grammar if prompted. this puts me in a weird place and i feel like i SHOULD go over a grammar guide again just so i can WORD what i’m intuitively understanding.

this is a bit bizarre to me because within the first 6 months of study i DID read through an entire grammar guide just to get an idea of what i was about to look at, and it hardly made sense once actually reading/watching/listening. i understood the guide fine, but actually Seeing chinese i was still confused. i would reference AllSetLearning’s Chinese Wiki on some basic points, then after 6 months i just stopped. now its been what 1.5 years and - reading is so easy, listening is so easy, grammar wise. none of the grammar confuses me. but i no longer ‘explicitly’ have any idea what the fuck the grammar is. i used to. i studied it explicitly before trying to read/listen. and yet now that i can read/listen, i have no idea how to explain the grammar. i can listen to a podcast and i don’t think about what the grammar is i just get it. i read and just know what i’m looking at. its like english - i cannot fucking explain it. Which makes speaking/writing a bit hard. Because when i try to check if i’m right i have no fucking clue HOW anymore - i just say/write what comes to mind and HOPE it makes sense. i have no way to conciously check for errors except ‘does this feel right’? And that’s not good enough for me lol. So I definitely do need to eventually read a grammar guide for explicit explanations again.

Technically I think “English and Chinese Grammar Side By Side” grammar book would be an excellent one to use. Because i read the first 50 pages of it and it compared it to english (so it explained english too), and it was very easy to understand and started basic then got more involved. 

I’m probably gonna use my very old Chinese Grammar Self Taught by Thimm book instead. Just because I really like that book. Then I guess use another after (probably Basic Chinese Sentence Patterns since its modern and perfect for ‘catch your own mistakes’ study and much shorter than Eng+Chinese Grammar side by side). 

Anyway I’m in a very weird place right now lol. I know i’m understanding grammar that is stuff I never even studied initially in the grammar guide, but unable to explain what it is, and a lot of stuff i did explicitly study in a grammar guide i completely forgot the explanation for. My reading and listening is GREAT, because all my effort only has to go into learning new words lately! its relaxing! Its the only part i need to do! But my writing/speaking i am very concerned about because being able to check myself for mistakes is something i’d like the ability to do.

how grammar is presented really makes a difference in how well i get it. there is some serious benefit to ‘show simple first then build up what you know’ that text books tend to prefer. versus like grammar reference books that may start with some in depth stuff.

i tried to read a japanese grammar guide the other day and 1 it was great but 2 it covered some ADVANCED stuff i never learned in genki 1+2, and so it was Explicit grammar description of stuff i had literally years ago been immersing in japanese and Still not conciously known about. So i felt. Overwhelmed lol. I felt so confused. I feel like I might switch to Tae Kim’s grammar guide primarily just because its structured with basics covered first. and i feel like until the basics are again glued into my brain, seeing even more advanced stuff just confused me so much i had no idea how to remember it. which is funny because? my usual strategy with grammar guides is to just read it and let what sticks stick and what is confusing be moved on from, in the hope i will later see it again and understand it better. so like based on what i usually do i should’ve just been able to read through it (and i’m gonna try anyway lol). but truly japanese grammar just... my mind does not like wrapping around it and remembering it. (chinese grammar is so much easier for me... so much easier....;-; )

i have been tempted to just Restart Nukemarine’s LLJ (Lets Learn Japanese) memrise decks, because I KNOW they worked for me last time really really well. And they include Tae Kim grammar lessons. And I know if i did it then maybe i’d get back to where i was years ago pretty fast.

I tried Earthlingo app. Its a cool idea, I don’t think its worth it though unless you planned to get Rosetta Stone (since Earthlingo is FREE). Earthlingo features 1000 words per language, taught to you by exploring video game worlds as an alien. Its a cool concept, but since all words seem to be nouns then you aren’t even learning the most common verbs/adjectives. And 1000 words is not a lot. And you could learn 1000 quite fast if using srs flashcards like Memrise or Anki (think weeks if you push yourself, and a month or two months if going at a regular pace). Earthlingo you have to slowly explore the worlds so that eats time, you have to choose to test yourself (so you don’t review nearly as often as flashcard apps), and one test includes walking around the world clicking the object which you’re given the word for (takes time to find the right object). All this means a word that might take maybe 15 minutes to study over a few weeks, might instead take much longer to study and learn. I don’t use duolingo because it generally covers so few words (usually 2000-4000 i think which is good for a beginner resource but you have to do the WHOLE course to get to all those words and i take so long on duolingo that could take YEARS for me versus a month on a flashcard app or clozemaster). Duolingo I also don’t use because it very slowly paces learning material (it takes me months/years to get through 1000 words on duolingo - just personally i go so slow on it, i think faster people would find a use for it). Likewise Lingodeer takes me AGES to get through (and i think covers 2000 words nowadays? I’m shocked Duolingo has more words for the japanese course tbh). However, Lingodeer is by far the best ‘app’ for Japanese grammar lessons in app practice form. Even if basically all the apps feel pretty slow to me in how fast they give you new info. Earthlingo is cool that its free, and for learners 12 and under i think it would be super useful as a way to engage them and keep them studying (since what child likes flashcards? whereas as a child i would’ve loved this). But as an adult Earthlingo is sooooo slow on how fast you can learn words, and it does not even offer very many words (1000 is a nice bare minimum but without verbs/adjectives it can only be a supplementary learning tool for beginners at best).

Link about Lingodeer having 2000 words in a course. (Since its SO hard to lookup how much vocabulary lingodeer includes :c )

Nukemarine’s LLJ memrise decks (which I’m considering going through again but ToT agh flashcardssssss.... they sure do work though agh)

http://www.chinese-grammar.com/beginner/ - this is the site I read a chinese grammar guide on at like Month 3. I am rereading it now maybe it will help me remember wtf grammar explicitly is. ToT (A tip, read Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced sections). Last time I visited the site you just clicked a section, then saw each fully explained grammar point and clicked ‘next’ it was nice. Now its laid out a little less ideal for me, but its still got all the same nice info! (Also honestly if you are a beginner I really DO like this grammar guide... it introduces basic info first, gradually gets more complex, and i could follow its logic knowing like 200 hanzi and 100 words ToT. its very easy to understand even if it takes a while to apply that info).

im probably gonna read hanshe more today. i’m at the point where either i know enough vocab, or the writers style has just ‘clicked’ idk. but now i just am not getting bogged down by unknown words and am just. speeding through enjoying the plot. Also rip me this novel has 155 chapters and im only on chapter 30.

watching japanese lets plays is really fun! i feel like im 3 years old cause i just see nouns i can learn pretty easy in context cause i know the game well, and hear some vaguely familiar verbs, but its fun! also it helps i know kingdom hearts 2 like by heart so. a lot of it makes me instantly cheerful and nostalgic. roxas’s voice is so cute in the japanese version.

oh i almost forgot: I found a book recently for chinese that for it’s like 10 page grammar guide summary at the beginning ALONE i think is more than worth the 4 dollars it costs to get. It has a ton of compound words and its a reference book in mandarin and cantonese (it has pronunciation for both, all characters are in traditional). I got it initally because it as a bunch of compound words and I’d like to get better at knowing a lot of common ones. But the intro to the book has a page explaining sentence structures in chinese, then examples. Its so straightforward and to the point. I love it. The book is “Understanding Chinese: A Guide to the Usage of Chinese Characters” by Rita Mei-Wah Choy. (There is also a companion book for individual hanzi, which is nice but this book specifically I’m finding more useful).

what i really like about Listening-Reading method, and reading, as study activities: no matter how I do them it is only improvement. I have a tendency to ‘redo’ material i don’t feel i fully mastered, or refuse to move on. So when i have duolingo, flashcards (sometimes i can move on if i ignore reviews/make myself do new stuff), books, grammar guides, self guided classes - i have a tendency to redo the material. over and over. and not progress and challenge myself. whereas with reading - every time i look up a word its useful because its new or something i clearly Need to review (not something i’ve actually learned and can move past reviewing). so whether i reread material or read new stuff, as long as i run into things i find somewhat challenging (feel the desire to word look up), i know i am running into new material i can learn. Same with listening-reading method: whether i finish a book or just skip to random books, any new chapter i do will give me new words to learn/remember (until i’ve reached a point of perfect listening comprehension which is a WAYS away). There’s no way for me to mess it up. I can give up a book im bored with, i don’t have to stick to one resource to the end. 

someone tell me why professionally made chinese audio books almost NEVER line up to the chapters???? whyyyyy ;-;

Even More Notes lol:

So I read so much in Pleco, which auto pronounces, I have COMPLETELY forgot. 得 地 - for these two, when they’re attached after a description like 淡淡 慢慢 高兴 etc, when are they pronounced di versus de???? i’m pretty sure  得 is pronounced de when its an adjective like ‘-ly’. but for  地, i don’t remember if when part of a describer if its pronounced di or de????

#rant #march progress #march #everyone using ore in kh2 is hilarious a lil to me tho #u are all bishies u are all tiny kids WHy u acting so tough lol

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #401

“my love is just waiting to turn your tears to roses”

Do you typically do your makeup the same each time? Or do you like to change it up often? IF I wear makeup, it's essentially always the same. Who is the last person you were in a room with just the two of you? What were you doing? Yesterday with Mom. We were trying to find the best deal on Eco Earth, a substrate we're getting for Venus. What was the last really good book you read, and what was it about? If we're talking REALLY good book, then The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. In short summary, it's a dystopian future novel where women are now basically just objects used only for repopulation, even having their names stripped from them. They follow very strict rules as society has returned to horrible misogyny. As a woman, the "oh my god, this is possible" aspect of it is terrifying, and it causes such a sense of disgust and urge to ensure women rights always continue to be fought for. Do you feel safe in your country? For the most part, I'd say. I guess. There are places I'd feel safer, though. How many meals do you eat a day? Three. Have you ever performed a solo dance in front of a crowd? No, but I was supposed to my senior year in high school; the seniors at my dance studio were always welcome to do a solo in celebration. Mine was a modern dance to "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson, wanting to tell a story about depression and how being medicated could feel, but I eventually decided like halfway through learning the choreography that I was just too nervous to do a solo. Have you ever sung a solo? No. When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? Coke. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Do you own a designer purse? Definitely not. I'm not wasting that much money on something like that. What’s the weirdest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself? Apparently, Jason and I had a baby in high school even though I was obviously never pregnant. To my knowledge, it was started by his ex. Who is now a good friend of mine lmaooo. Life is funny. What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon growing up? Pokemon, of course. Would you ever have an affair? Nope. Would you ever have a one night stand? Nope. Where you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? No. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Legalize it, but treat it similarly to alcohol in that driving under the influence is illegal and punishable, and I believe you should be of a certain age. How about abortion? I am pro-choice. I was pro-life most of my own life, but now I am very firm about a mother being able to choose if she wants to endure a pregnancy or not. Like, that is a MASSIVE life event that almost inevitably changes - and sometimes traumatizes - people. I do believe a fetus is its own body and not part of the mother's, but rather in the mother's, but the belief that a woman decides what she wants in her body is her choice, too. I'm not very fond of people treating abortion as a simple, regular form of birth control, like it's nothing but an "lol whoops," but I still believe it is ultimately her decision, and she should always be free of judgment for doing what is best for her. Do you wear skirts or dresses more often? Neither. I wouldn't dare wear a skirt more so, though. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? There should always be an expected minimum, imo, unless the person was truly, sincerely, genuinely fucking awful. Waiters do not have an easy job, fight me about it, and they're just trying to survive while putting on a happy, jovial face, all the while dealing with hungry people who can be such assholes. I believe the actual tip should relate to actual service, but again, give them something. Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? One, absolutely. The other would take a shitload of consideration and proper communication on his part. Do you have a preferred coffee brand? No, because I don't like coffee. Do you usually befriend your coworkers, or do you prefer to keep work separate from your personal life? IF I had a job, I'd like to build a friendship with those I have to engage with almost every day. What is something you frequently forget? Dates, ages, names, what I was about to do five seconds before I forgot... Pretty much everything. My memory is frightfully poor. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? In my bed. Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? Both; my parents split when I was somewhere around 17, though, but I'd say there wasn't much more "raising" to do at that age. Have you ever stolen anything? If so, why? No. Have you ever plagiarized someone else's work? Hell no. What's your most-used mode of transportation? My mom's car. Have you ever taught someone else a useful skill? Not to my recollection. Does seeing everyone else's 'perfect lives' posted on social media ever bring you down or affect how you feel about yourself? It actually does, honestly. Not ALWAYS, but if I'm being honest, it does most of the time. I've contemplated deleting Facebook for that reason, but with is also comes things that make me happy, and I think I'd feel even more isolated without it. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? This is SO impossible for me to answer. I loooove Hostess and Little Debbie treats. I want to say honeybuns, but I also love those chocolate cupcakes with the white swirls on top, as well as Twinkies. Very few exist that I don't like. Do you/your family buy loafs from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? We just buy bagged bread. What’s the best news you’ve gotten lately? My APAP mask is definitively WORKING!!!!! :') Mom got an app that connects to the machine via Bluetooth that monitors the effectiveness of the mask, evaluating many factors of your sleep, and it's detecting a definite decrease in disruptive behaviors or something like that. It is so, SO encouraging to know that. ^And, the worst? Hm. Oh, probably some news on something serious a good friend is going through, but I don't feel it's my right to disclose what. It's just a very worrying and potentially dangerous issue that I wish I could help her with. Would you rather receive (or give) flowers, chocolates or jewelry? I'd appreciate any, but my fat ass is drawn to the chocolate, ha ha. What *I* would give would vary depending on what the person liked. How do you feel about coconut? Smells lovely, but is otherwise gross. ^ Ever cracked one open? No, but omg I've always wanted to, haha. What’s the best thing about being your gender? I guess the fact it's more "normal" and "accepted" to show our emotions. Fuck that generalization, though. I don't give a shit what your gender is, you experiencing emotions is NORMAL and welcomed to be expressed. ^ And the worst thing? The ability to be raped and impregnated by it. Do you do your part to save the earth? I don't do nearly enough. :/ We recycle, but that's about it. Well, none of us DARE to litter either, but I still don't feel like it's as much as the earth deserves from its denizens. Who do you think should have their portrait on a bill? I don't know or care. Why did you last feel exhausted? Yesterday was my niece's birthday, and I spent essentially ALL day playing with her and her brother. I have a very limited battery when it comes to kids, and I was running on empty for hours. My anxiety was SO high and I really needed a break from them, but they're too young to really understand that Aunt Britt can only socially run for so long before I'm completely burnt out, and TRUST ME, I was there for sure. I didn't want them to think they did something wrong, you know? I just had to keep going. I slept like a baby last night though for sure, haha. Have you ever used emotional blackmail to get your own way? Wow, no. Has anybody ever used emotional blackmail on you? No. Who did you last worry about and why? Sara for health reasons. Are you currently looking for a new place to live? Not actively, but Mom and I definitely want to move. We feel very out-of-place here in the suburbs. Which would you prefer as a view; mountains or the sea? Mountains. Do you have a mouse for your laptop? (Assuming you have a laptop) Yes. I canNOT play games with a trackpad. Do you apologize a lot? Extremely excessively. When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Do you mean like, for the wedding? In that case, probably the venue. Being a photography buff, I want a place I think is really pretty to have pictures taken. What’s something you complain about frequently? My legs hurting, my weight, and being hot. Do you have anything planned for the summer? Nope, and that's fine with me. I'd rather stay inside away from the heat. Who usually makes dinner in your household? My ma. Do you have a blog? Just on Tumblr. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? My mother does because of gerd, and at least when my father still lived with us, he snored super loud, too. Do you want to fix anything with anyone? Yeah, a few people. What shows do you watch? Right now, only Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Whenever The Edge of Sleep comes out, I will 110% be watching that, too, because Mark is a key actor in it. :') Plus the concept seems super cool. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I don't know. Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? Me mum. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone specific? No, given it has like... one lyric, haha. Do you own any TV show soundtracks? No. Last thing you did that made you feel like an adult? I mean I guess sign myself in at the doctor's. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? Oh my god, there's a candid one I got of Mom laughing when she was posing as my subject for a photography assignment, and I cherish it with ALL my heart. I want to share it with essentially the whole world, but yeah, I'm not gonna put my mom's picture here. As for my dad, I like this one I took of us at Red Lobster for his birthday a year or two back. Last TV show series you finished? Fullmetal Alchemist with Sara. Favorite flavor of cream cheese? Regular. What US state would you like to visit? Alaska. Last meal you made yourself? I put a chicken pesto thing in the microwave earlier for dinner.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''whispers in the dark'' by skillet

[flightofaqrow]

🌟

Send 🌟 for lines of your writing that I enjoy a lot!

There’s probably a billion more that I could toss in here, but I’m pulling stuff that immediately jump to mind from my favorite threads, and what I can peep doing an archive skim. I’ll probably miss ones I really adored at the time IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO PICK WITH YOU OKAY.

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Speaks lots about his character that he would drink it dry over mixed. A concoction often mixed with water for its taste. Something you sip, not drown yourself in.

And Qrow drowns.

He drowns himself in everything that he consumes. From the busted pack of cheap Parliaments in his pants pocket to the oxygen that he breathes. Knows no such thing as self-control. The one variable in his life that he seeks to restrain forever flowing freely from his fingertips. Feels the glass slip from his grasp and its only luck that he catches it before it clatters onto the counter.

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Wracked with guilt, Qrow pushes himself away from the counter onto shaky feet to look the other properly. Ozpin only taller by a few inches. He wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, wet with booze and now tears that fell unprompted. The death of many weighing heavily on his conscious.

“I’m so… stupid,” Qrow breathed out finally, breaking the uncomfortable silence that fell between them.

“Everyone said not to, and I did.” A bitter laugh and Qrow’s face is all but happy. Twisted up in sadness and sorrow as he looked the other with pleading eyes.

“I gave you everything,” He breathed out, voice barely audible, “And you couldn’t give me the truth.”

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PLAY ALONG for now, mister.

Nothing more needed to be said as a warm body cozies up against his side, Qrow only mere seconds away from downing his third shot of Scotch. Sets the glass back down and he knows a trap when he sees one. Knows when a game is being played, having been one who played such games when he was younger, before Beacon.

A ploy harder to keep with age.

And age shows well on Qrow. It’s the weapon secured on the small of his black and the title he’s earned for himself that makes playing hard. He’s not as cute or coy about it anymore. Too well seasoned and trained for cheap party tricks. Secures information in more adult manner now.

A smirk graces plush lips as she leaned in, the smell of cheap perfume tickling his senses. Hooks an arm around her waist and pulls her forward and around, so she was trapped between him and the counter of the bar itself.

“Say no more, doll.”

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He’s hunched over the edge of a crate in the middle of a fucking alleyway in Mantle during a patrol. Clover the unfortunate sap stuck to tend to the huntsman in his current nauseated state of being. Withdrawal symptoms hitting him at the worse possible time and all he wants is for it to end.

A moment of peace in his life devoid of pain and suffering. He wants to breathe and be at ease. No fear of his semblance and what harm it could bring. No fear of being hurt and left behind to die. Could count the times he’s been left behind by the tribe to waste away. Liquor his saving grace from his misery.

Numbed the hurt and gave him something better to feel in return.

This, this was not better. This was miserable and god awful. This needed to end right now and all Qrow wants to do right now is to bitch and gripe about it. Shoves the hand reaching out to smooth his hair back away as he hurled once more.

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There’s a clench of his stomach in response. Empty. The idea of eating is unappealing to the Branwen however. The body wants, but Qrow does not feel the urge to feed it. Craving for liquor and basic necessities all merged into one, he can’t quite tell the difference anymore.

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HE’S QUICK. He has to be. Doesn’t have muscles oozing off of him like every other huntsman he knows. No where like anyone else in the tribe.  Qrow is all speed and skill. A natural talent honed in on to make up for the everything that follows him. He over compensates for being a bad luck charm. The movement is fluid. A  smooth transition, from running up on the Grimm, the fall of his footsteps quiet and controlled, to the extension of Harbinger. Qrow pirouettes from first position to second and swings down into third. Harbinger’s blade slicing clean through with each transition as he comes into place in front of Clover. Stops mere inches from slicing the other in half with his scythe. Cool metal starring dangerously into the face of the other.

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[ THIS IS A PLACEHOLDER FOR ONE I CAN’T FIND. THERE WAS AN AWESOME METAPHOR/TURN OF PHRASE WITH CLOVER AND CARDS AND I THINK A BLACKJACK REFERENCE AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CANNOT FIND IT!!! I liked it so much I read it out loud to my husband oh my god I’m so mad I don’t remember when it was... ]

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I won’t copy/post nsfw stuff, it might even be weird to mention it but uuhhhhhh THIS WHOLE ANSWER

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It’s like kissing ink on paper, bitter with a touch of something else underneath. Meant to stain and leave an impression. 

[ oddly enough the first half of the imagery with these lines kind of had a disconnect for me, because while I appreciated the hell out of the reference I couldn’t see why black coffee would need to be shaken OR stirred, so I wasn’t exactly sure what was being communicated. THE INK METAPHOR HIT ME HARD THO. especially with the concept of it being a layered thing. ]

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[JUST INSERT THE ENTIRE F’ING THREAD WITH STAT’S RAVEN OKAY. BUT UGH I GUESS I’LL PICK SOME]

Free them all from the burden of carving out their hearts and stabbing it into the trees of the woods where it can be maimed and torn apart by the very same creatures they hunt.

They’ve fought many times before and now should be no different to rekindle their love for one another. What she did hurts, but nothing hurts more than having a part of him forcibly torn away. To see her suffering further than he can feel from afar.

They’ve wounded each other enough as it is. Not a part of them scratch free. Their blades permanently carved into one another. Said things neither one of them truly meant and felt nothing, but each other’s pain in return. Tears shed from both twins, strong and overwhelmed with the emotional force combined by both parties.

Reaches out the only way he knows how, by baring himself whole. Put his emotions on display in it’s rawest form. Knows nothing else, but how to be honest. Tells her with little words that he still feels everything that she feels, if not more that she ever could. “I’m here, Raven.”

A hive abandoned by it’s own Queen is destined to die. Wither away blindly completing tasks with no end-goal.

He tightens his grip around her hand, rings pressing into the other’s skin. Only then is he mindful of how tight it exactly gotten. Something akin to fear in his hold. Like if he doesn’t take this, take all of it, she’ll slip away from him again and he’ll be here. Standing alone in the rain with an empty hand reminiscent of warmth he craves. Warmth that could only be fulfilled by her.

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[ I should actually do some of OURS huh... lmao]

No, Qrow offers himself up on a silver platter. Highlights his best features and puts it on display with the intention of captivating anyone who inched too close.

His next drink is lined up and Qrow circles the rim with his index finger. Feels the welcoming warmth of intoxication slowly begun to consume him. Combs through his hair with a level of familiarity and comfort he’s grown far too accustomed with. Beckons him to coo in delight at the sensation.

This conversation is far too convoluted to keep his interest. There is both nothing and everything going on at the same time and Qrow has little interest in thinking. If he was looking for a chat, he would have reported back to Ozpin hours ago. He would have followed through with his meeting with James, but he has done none and neither of these things.

He smiled as Briar laced their hand together, swinging their arms back and forth as they walked the streets of Mantle post-drinking spurge. Wherever it is their feet leads them is wherever they will go for the night. It doesn’t matter as long as she’s by his side.

Sweet is the first word to come to mind at such a brazen promise being bestowed upon him. Briar is sweet. How could she not be? Gentle in nature with consideration tucked under her belt. A dosage of sugar and spice he never knew he needed in his life. She is fun and a blast in the wake of his somber lifestyle.

Makes a request for rum and ginger ale, something sweet to satisfy his tongue. Far too odd for him to simply order whiskey on the rocks in a club. A drink meant for isolation, not mingling.

He pulls back and Qrow brushed at her shoulder with his hands to get rid of everything that left him. Disgusting as it is. Small smile on his lips as nervous laughter follows next. Doesn’t know what to do with himself as he stood there awkwardly, drenched to the bone in Briar’s apartment. “Hey,” he tried, “I’m back.” What else can he say after all that? The moment gone and Qrow more than ready to move on like it never happened.

It’s Briar! Qrow LOVES Briar. Qrow loves Briar except for when Briar is being the most Briar she can be and this, long pointed finger in his face as vermilion eyes narrowed at the sight of painted nails mere inches away from his nose as he drank is the least version of Briar he liked. Briar with a point.

The people outside the tribe far too fragile about their precious masculinity and feminity. Whereas Qrow could not care about these gender norms they aspire to. He sees a pretty outfit. He wants to wear it. It’s as simple as that.

OKAY ITS BEEN HOURS I NEED TO STOP AND MOVE ON BUT I COULD CONTINUE FOR MORE HOURS. I WANTED TO PUT SOME SIENNA ON HERE TOO BUT THIS IS SO LONG ALREADY SEND FROM THAT BLOG IF U WANT IT I GUESS. OKAY. ILU BEST BITCHHH

#infortunii #* behind closed doors = ooc * #* hey i got a tip for ya = meme response * #warning this is long af #my love for risa's writing knows no bounds

[bmaxwell]

Best Games I Don’t Want to Play

I play many games. I prefer to think of myself as a connoisseur, not just another pasty white neckbeard who has gained 50lb in the past year. But when I’m not working, or parenting, or doing other adult-type things, I’m usually playing a game of some sort. 

                                            Me playing Bloodborne

My job allows me to listen to podcasts while working, so between gaming podcasts and my Twitter feed, I end up hearing about approximately all of the games. And I’ve played enough diamonds in the rough and been delighted by enough things outside my comfort zone to cast a pretty wide net. 

Once in awhile, I find a game that I deeply want to connect with, but cannot. Like a defective moth to a digital flame, I keep coming back every year or two to try, try again. I’ll scroll through my library and think “Damn, Iconoclasts seems so cool! Why didn’t I get into that one? I need to try it again.” and repeat. It’s The Alan Wake Sbarro Experience.*

                                              Me playing Bloodborne

I spend a lot of time gaming. I spend a lot of time thinking. I think about thinking and I think about gaming. I like trying to find patterns, or to understand why certain games, or songs, or movies resonate with me while others fall flat. And so, dear reader, if you woke up today hoping against all odds you’d have the chance to read about some random gamer dude’s disappointing games on his blog - WELL...today is your lucky day! 

In no particular order:

Outer Wilds

Why it’s great:

Outer Wilds is about the majesty of space, exploration, and accepting that dying is a natural part of the cycle. At least I think it is. I really like the look of it, and I really like the idea of it. It has a low-tech charm; you start off on a planet where people are playing banjos and roasting marshmallows, and everyone seems laid back. The launch pad is made of rickety wood. Your ship might be, too. There’s a major mystery at hand that needs solving, and you’re just the being to do it.

Why I can’t get into it:

I’m not entirely sure. But I think it has something to do with how directionless and open the game is. Apart from some basic “Here’s how to control stuff” on your home planet, the rest is up to you. You can fly anywhere and check out anything. The universe somehow feels huge and scary and vast but not overwhelming. I have a problem with this kind of freedom. I once heard Patrick Klepek say that there are two kinds of kids: the kind who takes a block of Legos, tosses the instructions out, and has a blast making whatever, and the kid that HAS to have those directions. I’m the latter.

The Return of the Obra Dinn

Why it’s great:

It’s not often I play something that feels wholly unique. That’s Obra Dinn. It’s a weird Where’s Waldo whodunnit logic and deduction puzzle. You’re an insurance claims adjuster, tasked with finding out what happened to everyone aboard an abandoned ship. You do this by way of hearing audio clips and walking around memories frozen like dioramas. Sound design, visuals, concept, execution - Obra Dinn is just a success in every way.

Why I can’t get into it:

Logic and deduction puzzles feel like work, no matter how much I wish they didn’t. There are so many details to weigh against each other, I find the game exhausting and not fun to play. Playing it always made me feel tired and stupid.

Hyper Light Drifter

Why it’s great:

The main developer behind Hyper Light Drifter has congenital heart disease, and uses art to deal with his condition. He made this game where the protagonist suffers from a terminal disease. It’s a project made by someone with a passion for the subject matter. Diablo and A Link to the Past were among his inspirations. It has cool pixel art. The title is tits as fuck.

Why I can’t get into it:

I fired the game up and its opening cut scene worked for me. And I just do not know what happened. The movement and combat feels crisp, and yet I just can’t get into it. The world has no dialogue and has lots of puzzles to sort out. Maybe that’s it? There’s no real direction. Is that it?

                                      Me playing Hyper Light Drifter

Control

Why it’s great:

Before I talk about Control, I have to talk about Alan Wake from the same developer. Actually, just nevermind. Fuck Alan Wake.

Control’s writing, visuals, and worldbuilding are top notch. The game has a good central mystery, intriguing and well-written characters, and it’s often genuinely funny. It stars a redhead. 

Alan Wake was such a neat premise for a video game - a Stephen King-like story of a novelist who heads to a remote location to combat his writer’s block, only to have mysterious, supernatural shit happen to him. A cool, atmospheric mystery - great! I DON’T NEED OR WANT TO FIGHT RANDOM HITCHHIKER MONSTER MANS CONSTANTLY. I CAN ENJOY YOUR STORY I WON’T GET BORED WITHOUT ZOMBIES AND GUNS I PROMISE YOU

Why I can’t get into it:

I hate the combat. 3rd person cover shooting is not my jam. I figured once they added the option to turn the difficulty down I’d be all about it, but no. The map may be the worst I’ve encountered, it’s multilayered slightly varying shades of grey all spaghetti’d on top of one another. There’s supposed to be a door here...I guess it must be up or down a level? The checkpointing system sucks. Combine these two complaints with too many random battles, and this game is a real slog for me to try to get through, despite its good qualities.

Baba is You

Why it’s great:

See Obra Dinn. It’s a brilliant, unique puzzle game that is a bad fit for my brain. Visually, it’s dead simple. Each stage consists of a sheep named Baba, with some crude walls, water, rocks, grass, etc and a flag. There are also words on the screen that you can push around to make phrases which govern the game rules. So, if it says “Flag is Win” then you win the stage by getting Baba to the flag. Or you could push the word Baba into the space where Flag was and spell “Baba is Win.” Instant win. And so on.

Why I can’t get into it:

That “and so on” contains multitudes. Baba is hard. Bryan is dumb. Bryan is hard. Baba is Bryan. Baba is dumb. Hard is dumb.  I can’t do this.

Disgaea (just all of them)

Why its great:

It’s a long-running strategy RPG series, and I love those. Right? It’s anime and, if I don’t always love it, at least it’s not a deal-breaker. Right?

Why I can’t get into it: Wrong, apparently. First up, the anime is the kind of loud, shrill, in-your-face anime that put me off the stuff for most of my life. The gameplay is...a lot. It’s deep, and that’s a good thing. Right? I feel like if I hunker down and put real work into learning all of the game’s systems I’d probably love it! Maybe!

Hitman 2016

Why it’s great:

The game gives you a ton of creative freedom in how you go about carrying out your hits. You’re changing outfits to get access to different parts of the area, and using whichever makeshift weapons you can to get the job done. A can of pasta sauce is just as deadly as a pistol, and a lot more fun. The ridiculousness of the game’s clockwork world ends up being a positive because of how serious and straight-laced your protagonist is. 

Why I can’t get into it:

It’s the Lego problem again. Too much freedom, not enough direction. Every time something goes wrong, my lizard brain says YOU’RE SO BAD AT THIS WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID YOU CAN’T DO THIS AT ALL FOOL and my rational brain quietly says Uh, it’s just a game, bud. No one cares. No one’s scoring you on this. Just learn from your mistakes and have fun. Which is apparently not a convincing argument.

*The name of my new ska band

[ahagia-sophia]

Story Time

Vlog? Episode 1: A Man of Constant Sorrow

 Hey guys, I’m Jacob. I’ve always wanted to do a sort of blog type thing. But, I could never figure out what I wanted to make it about, you know? I like history, mostly. But then again so does literally every white guy on the planet. [rambling] Not to say that my love of history is basic, or that anyone’s passions and interests are basic its just- Never mind, that’s not what we’re here for.

I had considered doing a history sort of thing, but I decided against it for various reasons. Sadly, I didn’t have any other passions that might be interesting to other people. At least, that’s what I thought. Until the other day when my friend was going on about how I was a central point in a lot of the stories he was telling his new girlfriend. Specifically, I was what he described as, ‘the unluckiest man on earth.’

And you know what? People love real stories. Stories of people having terrible no-good very bad times adventures. And buddy, I’ve gone on a few adventures. So, I figured I’d tell a story or two. Mostly because I really love telling stories, but also because I crave attention love entertaining people.

I have a few eye-catching stories, like; Getting Cornered In a Carpet Shop, Getting Robbed by a Rapist(?), Civil War Reenacting, The Rape Accusation, Accidentally Becoming A Harem Anime Protagonist, Being a Terrible Person, and others. But I thought I’d start with something relatively tame.

Jacob Utterly Fails and Gets Congratulated Publicly For It.

Okay so this one takes place in a small-town high school in 2015. Which should already set off some alarm bells for people who were in small-town high schools in 2015. It was senior year and I was the Battalion S-5 for our school’s Army JROTC branch. The S-5 was basically the media officer, and the place where you threw useless seniors who had stuck with the program for four years and hadn’t done anything that could get them thrown out. Which was me. I was seniors.

I was the pale skinny white kid in high school who had charisma, but was too angsty to use it, you know? I didn’t have any real self-confidence; I would flinch if someone threw a ball toward me while playing Sport. I listened to metal and Irish folk music. I spent all my time playing video games with my friends and actively pretending that the future didn’t exist.

                                   Here I am, in all my glory

Not much has changed.

Anyway, these qualities did not lend themselves to what was essentially a military recruitment program. What I did have going for me was an intense need to please authority figures and a slightly above average mind.

To fully demonstrate my inadequacy, allow me to take you back in time to the distant year of 2011 and lay out how I could not master walking.

This is not a joke.

One of the key components of JROTC is walking in straight lines in various directions and formations. This practice was called Drill. Drill cover such intense concepts as, ‘turn while standing still’ and, ‘turn while moving.’ These advanced maneuvers were, however, based on one simple principle. Walking. Specifically, the advanced form of walking referred to by professionals as, ‘walking without stepping on other people’s feet.’ Or, more concisely, ‘walking in step.’

I was utterly unable to do this. Just completely, totally, categorically unable to do this. Even with such helpful aids as a person walking next to me actively telling me which foot should be hitting the ground. I just could not do it. I would walk in step for a few paces and then immediately fall out of step and have to perform what is called a ‘change step’ which I interpreted at the time as kicking yourself in the back of the heel in order to skip and land back on the correct step. In hindsight I was probably supposed to just drag the heel of my foot. There’s an allegory in there somewhere.

So, I couldn’t master walking. This has been established. This has been abundantly established. And it had been established at the time too. Everyone knew that my drill scores were terrible. Everyone knew that I was very unable to walk. However, I aced the academic side of things, and managed to get my shit together enough to pass the Walking Final with a solid B+, which in retrospect was absolutely a pity grade from the students who were grading the final. My legacy of mediocrity was secured, and I advanced on to the next year.

I was given the coveted position of Assistant Squad Leader and the enviable rank of Cadet Sergeant. What this meant was that everyone acknowledged my lack of ability on the drill pad and also the fact that this wasn’t the real military and they couldn’t drum me out for gross incompetence. Very quickly, however, everyone came to realize that despite having absolutely no actual responsibilities, I was failing terribly in my task of ‘Be the guy at the front of the line while we walk.’ For all of the above-mentioned reasons.

This began my career as what soldierly-types would call ‘regimental bitch.’ I worked exclusively inside. I wrote memos for the Officers (read: upperclassmen), I did numbers for fundraisers, I made lists of names and T-shirt sizes, and generally fucked about in my new walking free paradise. For an entire school year, I was behind the scenes, only going outside for Inspection on Thursday’s.

This, of course, meant the everyone had forgotten that I no ability with the ordered walking. And what little ability I might have possessed had absolutely gone to rust as I spent the year (or two, my memory is hazy) hiding from the sun. (This was in Louisiana, so hiding from the sun was not as shameful as it could have been.) Logically, therefore, the higher up types decided that on one of the last drill days of the year good old Jacob should take the reins and march the assembled company (Class, about 30 people) in a straight line, a turn, and then another straight line.

Sub Story: How I Caused a 30-Person Pile Up, Literally

Pretty much what the title says, really. I was given command of the company. I said ‘Forward, March!’ and everyone started to walk forward. A result which I was completely unprepared for. They started walking, you know, at the pace the people walking in, like, a bit of a hurry would walk. Which was entirely too fast for me.

They walked far too fast. So fast that by the time they had reached the point where I was supposed to tell them to turn, I had completely lost the plot. And the front rank, in one of those moments of blind obedience that you can never recreate when you need blind obedience, walked directly into a brick wall. And then the rank behind them, and the rank behind them, and the rank behind them.

It was a slow-motion pile of human idiocy with me as its conductor. In that moment I could almost hear the the universe stand proudly from her director’s chair and loudly call, ‘Scene!’

I was never given command again.

Sub Story: A Principal’s Principles

Alright, its 2015 or so at this point. I’ve skulked my way up to Cadet Captain and a position of theoretical importance. It’s Veterans Day. I have to do exactly two things. Read a script and put people’s names on chairs. I’ve got this. There’s no possible way I could fuck this up, right?

Did you know that there are two different spellings for the word Principal? I sure didn’t. I was given a very sudden and unforgettable lesson when First Sergeant (one of the two JROTC instructors) burst into the office with my sins printed on paper and asked me if I had passed 3rd Grade spelling. (Which I had, but only because I cheated.) Picture a 6-foot-tall, well-muscled, angry veteran yelling at a pale white kid who flinched when stuff fell off the table. It is not a lesson that will ever leave my mind.

Thankfully, my spelling error was corrected before anyone important could see it. Crisis averted. Now I just had to deliver a speech about a table set for a soldier or something. I was literate, it didn’t have to be fantastic. There’s no way I could fuck this up, right? Well, two things. I had rehearsed this speech, but I had only rehearsed this speech alone with the script. Not with anyone who knew how the speech was supposed to sound. So, they dim the lights, the spotlight falls on the table in the center of the gym, and I read my speech. I gave a damn good speech. It was rousing, it was passionate, and I’m pretty sure I got genuine applause at the end of it.

However.

I stepped down from the podium, awash in the afterglow of a Genuine Success, when First Sergeant pulled me aside and in a very forced whisper informed me that this was supposed to be a somber speech given in mourning for those who would never come home.

Fuck.

It is a common theme in my life that if I do something really well, I have invariably done it wrong. This is a phenomenon that I first noticed in second grade when I proudly presented my beautiful handwriting (I normally have terrible handwriting) to the teacher only to be informed that I had spelled the word wrong.

Now whenever my handwriting looks particularly good, I double check all my spelling.

               It was around this time that it was unilaterally decided (without my consent) that Jacob would never be put in charge of anything ever again. Which was something that was honestly a long time coming. But still hurt when I was informed.

               It hurt my pride so much that I fought it. I fought it hard. I demanded, in no uncertain terms, that I should be in charge of the Very Big and Important Slideshow at the banquet that we hold at the end of the year.

Jacob Utterly Fails and Gets Congratulated Publicly For It.

This was no normal end of the year banquet. These were not your average cold beans and dry chicken. Oh no. I cannot fail during such a mundane affair. This was the year that Colonel, a much beloved man who had held the program together through sheer competence and wisdom, was retiring. This was his last banquet. This was his send off, the blow out, the thank you for all of his years of service and sage advice.

This meant that graduates of the program were coming in from across the country to send off their beloved father figure. And, on top of that, this banquet hadn’t really deviated from its standard form in the past few years. So absolutely everyone knew how this was going to go.

Food, Slideshow, Speeches, Send-off.

This is how the banquet had gone since like 2004. Perhaps earlier, I don’t really know.

I was, as a result of my own arguing and everyone else’s poor judgement, solely in charge of The Slideshow. You know, 1/4 of the entire evening was entirely at my mercy.

Two weeks before the big event I put together my slideshow. I spend hours on the stupid thing. I comb the picture archives from each of the ‘Companies’ and make sure that absolutely everyone appears in the slideshow at least once. Then I go through all the old photo albums and scan in a bunch of pictures of Young Colonel and stuff. To really just nail it, you know?

If you can see where this is going, kudos, because I somehow missed all the signs.

One week before the event I submit my flash drive to First Sergeant to make sure that everything checks out. He gives me some corrections and sends it back. I make the corrections and save it all on the flash drive.

I save it all on the flash drive and only on the flash drive.

Yeah.

The flash drive, as is the way of things, dies. Can’t access the files. Can’t open the power-point, can’t do anything. I spend a solid day trying to unfuck this situation before I admit defeat and tell everyone what’s happened. At this point we’re two or so days out from the banquet and there simply isn’t enough time to make a new one. The slideshow is cut from the evening, and literally every single senior wants to hang me by my guts. Which was fair.

We come to the night of the event, it goes pretty smoothly. I think that maybe I can just slide by and no one will ask questions about the mysteriously absent slideshow.

Boy was I wrong.

In front of all the graduating seniors a few of the returning cadets (probably in their mid/late 20s) publicly praise me for having the clout and balls to cut the slideshow out of the formula. As they had never liked it and thought it was a massive drag on the evening.

I’m pretty sure I’m still living under some of the curses that the other seniors hurled at me over that.

That’s it. That’s the story.

No one chewed me out, no one came to afterward to tell me what a useless idiot I was. No one said anything.

Which was probably the worst part. My general incompetence had become such a common feature in the JROTC program that everyone who actually knew what happened was just. Totally unsurprised.

#JROTC #High School #Blog #Vlog script #maybe

[satan-chillin]

Fair Game

(Chapter 2/2)

Summary: Sam and Dean encountered a completely different version of themselves. An AU of Episode S15E13 "Destiny's Child".

Pairings: Destiel & Samwena/Samwitch

Rating: T

Also available in Ao3

(Tagging @bcozwhythefuknot. Got delayed as promised. Sorry about that. 😛)

"Oh, shit. Dean!"

 Deanno stood and Sam followed where Dean lay prone. Deanno was the first to shake him awake, making Dean groan on the floor painfully. 

 "What happened?" Cas—local Cas—hovered over Dean. 

 Dean was awake but not opening his eyes yet. "Fucking cat," he muttered. 

 "Excuse me," said the other Cas, who Sam would call Castiel to avoid confusion. "May I?" he asked Cas directly, crouching at Dean's side with uncertainty. 

 "Yes," Cas said, moving over to Sam's side to give space for Castiel. 

 Castiel's palm was above Dean's forehead, bathing him with his grace. It didn't even last a minute before Dean blinked his eyes open to four faces. 

 Dean grunted and zeroed in on the two Castiel he was seeing. "I think I have a concussion."

 Deanno chuckled. "No, buddy. You're seeing my husband. C'mon, stand up."

 Sam and Deanno hauled Dean on his feet. Cas was behind him just in case. Dean shook his head, straightening. 

 He was okay. 

 "How are you?" Cas asked. 

 "Fine. Thanks, Cas."

 "It's not me. It's the… other me."

 Castiel took it as the chance to introduce himself properly. "I am Castiel Novak. I assume you're the Dean Winchester of this world." He turned to Cas. "And you are the version of me in here." He glanced at Sam with a frown. "I don't think you're familiar to me." 

 Castiel formally extended a hand over to Sam, which the latter shook awkwardly. "Sam Winchester. I'm Dean's younger brother."

 Castiel turned to Deanno questioningly. "You don't have a brother."

 "Eh. He's my brother from another world." Deanno flashed a grin. 

 From the other side of the room was Rowena's incredulous exclamation of "Impossible!" at Jack who was staring at her in wonder. 

 "Angels and Nephilims cannot coexist with humans. That's the natural order of the world," she stated to Jack who was staring at her in wonder. 

 "The fact that you can cross over another world shouldn't be either, and yet here you are," Jack pointed out, unfazed. His eyes darted past her. "Four of you."

 Rowena rounded over to them. "You're saying those two are not twins?" She gestured at Dean and Deanno. 

 "No, ma'am," Deanno said wryly. "Got here by accident as well." He attempted a cordial smile. "Are we good now? You and your panther won't attack us again, are you?"

 "That depends," she replied challengingly, eyeing Castiel in warning. He responded by sending her his own warning scowl. 

 "Can you please put away your cat?" Dean piped up irritatedly and warily at the still snarling black panther.

 Rowena seemed to be taking satisfaction at the way he slightly squirmed (Dean would complain that he wasn't) but decided to comply. "Merlin, stand down," she commanded. 

 The huge black mass of a panther glowed purple until it morphed into a sphere that turned smaller and out came a small black cat instead with sleek fur, its bell tinkling as its small padded feet made way to her. 

 Beside her, Sammy was just as astonished at the transformation, stupefied as she carried the cat in her arms. "Is that Merlin? As in our Merlin Merlin?"

 "Aye, dear," Rowena said, her patient smile jarring with her earlier ruthlessness. "Merlin is my familiar for years now."

 "You're a sorceress?" Sammy asked with the same astounded tone. 

 "Witch, actually."

 "Wow," he murmured, almost breathless. "My girlfriend is a witch."

 Sam cleared his throat when it was clear that Dean's about to go off with his mounting annoyance. "I think we should all sit down and get some facts straight?"

 Everyone agreed, and in Rowena's and Dean's case, begrudgingly. Castiel graciously offered to clean up the place with a snap of his fingers. Cas couldn't deny that he missed having the same amount of grace as before. 

 Seated across Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack were Sammy, Rowena, Deanno, and Castiel. It was like the setup of an odd family dinner. Jesus, there should be a joke there somewhere. 

 At the unsettling silence that dawned over them and the suspicious eyes that were thrown among each other, Sam knew it was up to him to take the initiative. 

 “Okay,” he said. “So, uh, to our newcomers, welcome to this world I guess?” 

 There was a purr from the cat as if responding to Sam. 

 “Sam, don’t make it sound like an AA for interlopers,” grumbled Dean. “I need a drink.”

 Sam pulled him back down on his seat when he made a move to stand. “Sit down, Dean. We all have to be here.”

 Dean rolled his eyes but sat down. Rowena rolled her eyes in return, unimpressed. 

 “Right, so, as I said, this is my husband,” Deanno started, patting Castiel’s chest affectionately. “Castiel Novak. Babe, that is the other me, the other you, the other me’s brother, the other me and the other you’s kid, Jack.” He nodded at Sammy and Rowena. “That’s Sammy there, a Sam Winchester who doesn’t have a brother as well. We woke up here together. And, uh, you met his Lady.”

 “We did,” Castiel said stiffly, eyes not leaving Rowena. “She hurt you.”

 “Eh. Let bygones be bygones. Besides, it was just an honest mistake. Even Sam and I thought we were kidnapped. We’re not, of course,” Deanno supplied with all the intention of diffusing the tension that hung overhead like an oppressive cloud. “Truce?”

 “Yeah, she hurt me,” complained Dean. 

 “Dean, quit being a baby, you’ve had worse,” Sam remarked flatly. “Also, not helping.”

 Sammy had the decency to look away. “Um, yes, err, Rowena, you got it all wrong. They’ve been nothing but hospitable with us so far,” he told her gently. “Actually, how did you find us? Did you touch the rift?” 

 Rowena looked like she had something to say to Castiel. “No,” she said instead. “Not the same one. It closed once it got you. I have to recreate another rift, and, curiously, one of the ingredients is an archangel grace,” she squinted her eyes at Castiel when she spoke, “Creatures which I was told were already extinct.”

 “And it didn’t occur to you that maybe it’s not the case in another world?” Sam asked carefully. “Does your world have the Multiverse Theory?”

 “That’s fair,” she conceded. “And, no, we don’t have one, though the book I got from the old coven I was a part of contained a theory of other worlds. It was a theory until I got here myself after two months of searching for a way to recreate the portal.”

 “Wait—two months?”

 It was Rowena’s turn to be confused at Sammy. “You’ve been gone for two months, dear.”

 “Two? We’ve just been here for two hours!” Deanno said. 

 “Back in our world,” Castiel said, “You’re missing for two weeks, Dean.”

 “Oh.” Deanno frowned at himself. “Does that mean like I stopped aging or something?”

 “Of course,” said Jack, an ‘aha’ moment that wasn’t overt. “All worlds have their own concept of time. The same way the Empty, Heaven, and Hell exist with their own time-flow.”

 “The time and space continuum is different for each universe,” Cas confirmed. “It’s one of the influences as to why circumstances varied for each world.” 

 The way Cas mentioned Heaven, Hell, and this ‘Empty’ made Castiel realize something. “This world… Heaven is heavily involved among humans?”  

 “Before, in the grand scheme of things,” Cas answered, a thin line forming on his mouth. “Heaven has been weak recently.” 

 A flicker of understanding crossed Castiel’s features, observing Cas briefly before glancing at Jack. Castiel looked like he wanted to ask but held himself back from asking. “Heaven isn’t one to meddle with the affairs of humans,” he told them. “It has been a while since I was with my grace, but once I got an idea as to where Dean might possibly be, as confusing this has been so far, I did not waste my time arranging a way to cross the dimensional barrier.” 

 “Assuming it wasn’t the residents of this world who opened the first rift,” Rowena interrupted. “I think the better question is who did.”

 “There’s no need,” Dean said. “We know who it is.”

 Sam didn’t want to keep them hanging in suspense, uttering a single word: “God.”

 *** 

Sammy ran his fingers through his hair. Who would have thought that Sam and Dean were only scratching the surface of the kind of lives they have here? They made it seem that being hunters of this world was as simple as that. 

 It wasn’t. Not at all. 

 “I don’t like this, Samuel,” Rowena told him once they were alone.

 He and Rowena and Deanno and Castiel were given their own rooms to turn in for the night. Like after what Sam and Dean said they expected their guests to just sleep it off and think all of these a wild dream. He wondered if Deanno was faring better than him. 

 “We should get back home,” she urged. “I can replicate the same spell I used to get here. We can go back without their help.” 

 Sammy smiled. “I know you can,” he said confidently, thumbing her cheeks. He missed her. “Aren’t you tired, though? I don’t know how much of fiction is true, but, uh, I thought magic can be tiring.”

 Rowena stared up at him fondly before letting out a fond sigh. “Aye, it is,” she admitted. “And honestly, it has been a while since I last performed this level of magic.” She allowed Sammy to pull her in an embrace. “But I’d rather get exhausted now. I can rest once we’re safely back in our world. We can’t stay here, Sam. Not when God himself is after their asses.”

 “I understand,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “But just one night, okay? First thing tomorrow, we can go. I’m worried about you too.” 

 “Fine,” she grumbled against his chest. “We go at the crack of dawn.” 

 “Promise.” Sammy parted from her before pulling her with him to sit on the side of the bed. “Before anything else, I want us to talk first.”

 Rowena looked thoughtful, and for a moment there, Sammy thought he saw a hint of anxiety. She sat beside him, not letting go of his hand. 

 “Why didn’t you tell me?” Sammy asked, direct to the point. “It’s a rather big deal to keep a secret, don’t you think?”

 “Would you believe me if I told you?” 

 “I would have been convinced once you showed me magic.” 

 She scoffed, but her eyes were lit with mischief. “And I thought I already showed you my magic in the bedroom.”

 Sammy huffed out a laugh, his cheeks red. “You know what I mean.”

 “Then what guarantee did I have that you wouldn’t run from the display of the unnatural?” 

 “Are you seriously asking me this question?” Sammy asked. “Because you knew I wouldn’t have.”

 He wasn’t even sure why he was asking in the first place. He could guess that the reason was something deeper like a sworn witch oath or something that forbade witches from revealing the truth about themselves and sharing the existence of actual magic to someone ordinary.

 “I have another question—you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I’m curious; how old are you?”

 Rowena flinched. “I don’t think you’d like the answer to that, Samuel.”

 “Why not?”

 She bit her lip. “You don’t want to think you’re dating an ancient relic.”

 His eyebrows rose. “That old?” he clarified. 

 Okay, so give or take a hundred years. Rowena had been with plenty of people throughout her years then. He wondered about them, and he thought about what kind of people they were. Were they like him? Could be. Maybe some were with magic like her. And, oh, could some of them be famous? It was possible that she could have dated someone who was a celebrity or a public figure back then. 

 Sammy couldn’t help that ugly pang that he wanted very much to shake off of him. Not only was she this high-class woman that he knew of, but she was also a special kind of human. And here she was, with plain ‘ol Sam Winchester who didn’t have the confidence to present herself. He must have paled in comparison to all those people she had in her colorful years. 

 “Sam?” Rowena called him, a worried frown on her face. “Are you alright?”

 “Um, can I ask you one last thing?”

 “Of course. Anything.”

 Sammy knew he wouldn’t be at peace as long as he let the question linger in his mind. “Why me?”

 She appeared to be composing herself for the right words. “I first noticed you because of the aptitude for magic that I sensed in you,” she answered. “I was looking for a purpose as a witch back then, and I thought having an apprentice was a good way to start. Obviously, it didn’t pan out that way, and I guess it was too late to get away from you.” 

 Oh. Sammy tried to keep away the disappointment from his face. In hindsight, he was expecting that answer. 

 It wasn’t even what he was that she noticed first; it was what he could have been. Maybe she did pity him for being the most invested in their relationship and felt guilty to break it off once she realized that he wouldn’t be this magical person she wanted him to be.

 Sammy could only imagine her disappointment. 

 Inside his pocket, the small velvet box burned against his thigh as if saying: I told you so.

  ***

 "You should sleep, Dean," Castiel told Deanno. "Tonight's events are understandably exhausting."

 "Aside from Rowena's cat, not really." Deanno shrugged. "I'm better, much better now that you're here." He smiled warmly. "And I won't sleep unless you join me."

 Castiel's eyes flickered over to the bed. "Would you like me to?"

 "What? Do I want to lie down with my husband at the end of the day? Seriously."

 "Dean, you know now what I am," Castiel said, his feet firmly planted on the floor. "I am an angel."

 Deanno grinned. "You are an angel."

 "I am literally an angel of the Lord, Dean."

 He smiled patiently. "And in case you miss it, I couldn't care less about what you are, babe."

 "You should. I kept it a secret to you, after all, and you married me without knowing," Castiel reasoned. "Doesn't it bother you that I am wearing a person?"

 Deanno raised an eyebrow, not put off one but curious. "Alright, that last one I don't know. How does that work?"

 Castiel explained the need for a strong vessel and told his husband of Jimmy Novak, the name of the vessel he was using. Jimmy's soul was already in Heaven by the time Castiel took over, with Jimmy's permission, of course. 

 "I was the guardian angel assigned to both of you," Castiel said quietly. "Jimmy was a devout man riddled with a terminal disease. His life wasn't long, but he didn't love it any less. He said that he found a friend in me." He tilted his head in remembrance. "And I in him."

 Castiel told Deanno that despite the fact that he was charged to watch over two people, he had been inclined to remain by Jimmy's side more, partly for his fragile health compared to the healthy and active Dean, and mostly for Jimmy's heightened sensitivity to the supernatural that very few possessed, less so was the capability to hear an angel's voice. 

 At the age of twenty-five, on Jimmy Novak's last breath before passing away peacefully in his sleep one clear morning, he said Yes to Castiel, and from then on an angel wore the face of Jimmy. 

 Jimmy was an orphan with no family to speak of, and the closest to friends that he had were the doctors and the nurses. For someone who had very little, he had been happy and wanted Castiel to understand and experience the world from the perspective of a human. 

 It wasn't forbidden, though it wasn't encouraged either to use a vessel to walk alongside humans and for a guardian to interact with their charge. But it was exactly what happened to Castiel when he mingled with Deanno's peers and becoming acquainted with him, then becoming friends, then a close friend, then a best friend… a confidant. 

 Then eventually his partner. 

 "If there was one thing I had the honor to experience for myself without Jimmy's stories, it was loving another person."

 Deanno hummed, lacing their fingers together. "Sounds to me, that you're more human now than an angel. In the end, it doesn't matter to me. You're my Cas and I love you. It's as simple as that."

 Staring at their entwined hands, Castiel supposed that he was worried for nothing. 

  ***  

When Sam finally admitted to himself that he couldn’t sleep, he stood and went to the library.

Upon his arrival though, someone was already there. 

 It was Rowena—well, the alternate Rowena. 

 She looked exactly like their Rowena, from the mannerism and the sarcasm, including the way she was reading the book and the mandatory glass of scotch on the table. The huge difference, maybe, was her willingness to change out of her black dress in favor of the shirt and pants left by some of the female Apocalypse World hunters. It was quite surprising to find her with a messy bun and plain clothes, something which he knew their Rowena wouldn’t be caught wearing. 

 She looked up from the book with an expectant look on her face that fell when she realized it wasn’t her Sam that came. 

 “Hey,” Sam said in a manner of greeting. “Can’t sleep too?”

 Rowena refrained from answering, gesturing instead on the book. “You don’t mind, do you?”

 “No. Feel free to,” Sam said. “Do you mind the company?”

 “No.” She wasn’t looking at Sam when she answered. “I don’t mind.”

 The silence within the span of ten minutes seemed rather awkward that Sam couldn't put a finger on why. It wasn't the same with Sammy or Deanno or the other Cas. 

 Surreptitiously, he peered at her behind the book he randomly grabbed to occupy himself.

 He probably should've hung around the kitchen instead, Sam thought. 

 Maybe it was the fact that he just saw Sammy and her smooching the hell out of each other like they were in some kind of a romantic movie. Like Sam literally saw himself kissing Rowena. It was… weird, for the lack of a better word. 

 It wasn't that Sam found it impossible—alright, a bit, maybe. But now that he thought back on how Sammy described her and with the way he was smitten to her that he wanted to marry her, somehow… somehow Sam could understand where Sammy was coming from. 

 Sam wondered how their Rowena was doing right now in Hell. It had been a while, and Sam suddenly had an inexplicable urge to talk to her, or see her, at least. 

 "What?" the other Rowena suddenly snapped. 

 "Wha—"

 "Why are you staring if you're not going to speak?"

 "Um, oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to—sorry."

 Rowena rolled her eyes and sighed. She glanced down in her opened book. It occurred to Sam that she wasn't really reading and was merely scowling at it, practically boring holes on the paper. 

 Sam cleared his throat. "Hey." He stood, making his way closer to her. "Are you okay?"

 It was the wrong question to ask, Sam realized once he sat down across her. 

 Her face was splotched with red, eyes on the verge of tears. It was too late to hide them from Sam, and she sent him a murderous glare instead as if daring Sam to point it out. 

 Sam wisely did not. 

 "Do you," Sam started carefully, "Do you want to talk about it?"

 She leveled him with a flat stare that only made her look resigned. "Why do you care?"

 "I know you," Sam said. "Other you, I guess. We know a Rowena too, actually."

 Sam noticed that it piqued her interest. She sniffed. "Oh?"

 "Mmhm. She was a witch too. The most powerful one Dean and I know of."

 "Was?" she asked a little sharply. "She died," she said, not asking. 

 "Yeah," Sam answered somberly. "She asked me to kill her in order to sacrifice herself to save the world." He huffed out a humorless laugh. "And now she's the Queen of Hell."

 Rowena was taken aback as if she was uncertain what to question first. She was better than that, however, and decided to settle with a look of utter interest. “Can’t say I don’t see myself being a queen, but Queen of Hell...” 

 She angled her head that hid her red-rimmed eyes, straightening on her seat—both of which were simple gestures that made her appear regal in her own way. She wasn’t far off her mark, Sam mused.

 “If it suits her, then it’s no question that it will suit you as well,” Sam offered kindly. “She likes it.”

 “No doubt,” she said wistfully. “If we’re roughly similar in our principles and share a couple of perspectives, then that means she’s running to the first convenient thing.” 

 “What do you mean?”

 “Are two together?”

 Sam was surprised at the non-sequitur. “Not that way you’re implying, no. I’d like to think we’re good friends, though.”

 Rowena’s mouth curled into a small smile. “To each their own world,” she whispered. “You know that she likes power, aye. I confess I was like that too. Before. Until I realize later in my long life that it’s the least I wanted.” Her lips twitched. “To her, it might be you, or not. It could be whoever, but it all boils down to a single… person.”

 “It’s Sammy to you,” Sam stated. 

 “Thank you for stating the obvious.” She snorted. Sam grinned and caught her staring for a second. Her eyes fell on the glass of scotch, not seeing. “It won’t be the same when we go back.”

 Sam took the hint, feeling a surge of sympathy for her. “I’m sorry.”

 “For?”

 “I don’t want to presume how he reacted to your, uh, secret,” Sam said. He did remember though that Sammy had been fascinated at her reveal earlier. Something must have changed once he and his Rowena sat down to talk about it in more detail. “Still, I’m sorry that he has to find it this way.”

 “And here I am who thought that he was like a child who found out that Santa was real when he learned the truth about me.” She swirled her glass thoughtfully. “But there’s a line there somewhere that he’s afraid to cross. You should have seen his face when I told him I’m old as dirt.”

 Sam would have laughed if not for the thin, unhappy line that her lips morphed into. It clicked to Sam like an epiphany. 

 “Wait. Is that what you’re worried about?”

 “Just because you have my Samuel’s face doesn’t mean that you get a free pass for mocking me,” she warned. 

 “What? No. I’m not mocking you,” Sam defended. “I’m trying to think about what could have gone wrong. You two were fine earlier!”

 “And it’s your business because?”

 Sam raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not saying it is, and sorry if I’m prying a bit here, but I think there might have been some miscommunication there.” Rowena was gradually becoming incensed, that was for sure. “Look, all I’m saying is that he clearly loves you too much to give a shit how old you are.”

 She scoffed. “And you know this how?”

 Sam could have easily told her that Sammy has a freaking engagement ring in his pocket as they speak, but he didn’t want to be a dick and ruin the surprise. “He told me.”

 Rowena appeared resolutely wanting to argue with that but couldn’t, not when Sam was clearly telling the truth. She fell silent. 

 “Just talk to him again?” Sam tried once more. “I don’t want to step on some boundaries, and you know him more than I do, but if Sammy and I share a few outlooks in general, then talking about that specifically is a good way to start clearing things up.”

 Rowena didn’t answer and remained studying Sam’s face, but somewhere in Sam’s mind, he knew his point reached her across. 

 It would belatedly occur to Sam that he just played the role of a relationship counselor twice in that evening. You never really knew. 

***

 They prepared for the following morning without much fanfare. 

 Sammy spied Rowena quietly as she was preparing the bowl they would need. Thank goodness the ingredients were readily available, and Jack was willing to part with his grace as an alternative to the archangel grace. 

 He ambled over to her with Merlin dogging (ironically) his steps. He couldn't sleep last night despite Merlin's comfortable weight nestled on his side (to think that Merlin could grow five times his size). And when he was close enough to see her face clearly, it seemed that she hadn't slept either. 

 "Hey," he said. 

 "Samuel," she acknowledged without looking at him. 

 "I didn't sleep last night," he told her. 

 Rowena paused, considering. "Me too," she admitted. 

 "I don't know how without you there," said Sammy. 

 She turned to him, her face softening. "You giant baby," she said, partly teasing, partly touched. 

 "Yeah. Well, you got me used to it." He took her hand, covering it with his bigger ones. "You know I love you, right?"

 "I know." She bit her lip without removing herself from his hold. "Look, Sam. I understand. If you don't want to be involved with me after this, I get it—"

 "I'm sorry—what?"

 "You—" Rowena hesitated, mildly surprised at his reaction. "Aren't you planning to break up with me?"

 "What? No!" Sammy exclaimed, face thunderous. "What gave you that idea?"

 "You certainly don't take kindly at my age, and as I said, I understand. It does feel like I catfished you. "

 "Why in the world should I care about your age?" Sammy asked. "That's not even my point here. And it's not like you look bad for someone as old as a century or so!" 

 "Well, if you put it that way…"

 "And really? Shouldn't be the other way around? In all your years, you don't even think, I don't know, that you're far from my league? I'm nothing compared to the people you've been with."

 "Samuel, are you hearing yourself? What utter shite have you been thinking?!" Sammy shut his mouth at that. "It didn't even occur to you that maybe the reason I'm with you right now and is ready to say 'yes' to your proposal is because I think that you're worth a hundred times more than all of them? Because you are, you moose!"

 "I… I am?" Sammy asked feebly. "Wait. You knew!"

 "You're not exactly being subtle recently," she told him with a sigh. "But my point is I want and I will say 'yes' to you because it's you, not anyone else." 

 "Oh," Sammy could only say, beet red. "This is like a reverse proposal or something. Um, I will still ask you formally later, of course. Back in our world."

 "I look forward to it." She reached out to pinch his cheek endearingly. Sammy pulled her wrist to kiss it. "And I love you too."

 They would be alright. 

***  

Within an hour, two rifts were opened simultaneously in the war room of the bunker. 

 Despite the short amount of time, surprisingly, an amicable exchange of farewells went around, with some begrudgingly and with unmasked relief (Dean) and an overall eagerness to go home (Rowena). 

 They were yet to cross the threshold, however, when a new presence appeared all of a sudden and saying:

 "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

 It was Billie who addressed the interlopers in time and was met with an instant hostility. 

 "And pray tell why we shouldn't?" Rowena demanded. 

 "Because your world," Billie nodded at Deanno and Castiel as well, "And theirs are already gone. Do you want to risk going back to ruins with no way to return here?"

 "What do you mean their worlds are gone?" Cas asked. 

 "I told you, didn't I? God has been a very busy boy, destroying the other worlds out there and wants this one to be left alone," Billie reminded him placidly. 

 Dean cursed at the background. 

 "Besides, do you honestly think that the four of you got in this world without a reason?" Billie spoke in that same placid tone. "We have a plan, and you'll be helpful in the next part of it."

 Sammy, Rowena, Deanno, and Castiel exchanged looks among themselves. 

 Did they even have a choice?

#samwena #samwitch #samwena fanfic #samwitch fanfic #Sam Winchester #rowena macleod #sam x rowena #spn #spn fanfic #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #Destiel #Destiel fanfic #dean winchester #dean x castiel #castiel #Jack Kline

[writing-radionoises]

the beginning of the end

ship: kamukoma, naegiri, naegami

genre: concept

prompt: disregarding dr3, izuru reaches out to naegi via walkie talkie to fix things after realizing he can’t find them himself. this leads to izuru leading naegi around the world to capture toe remnants and bring them into the neo world program.

notes: i hate dr3.

"What if you don't come back?" Komaeda asks, his fingers digging into his bandaged palms, "What if you die out there and I never see you again? What if I die while you're gone? What, what if…"

He is stuttering, shaking. His pastel green eyes cast downwards.

"Izuru,I don't want you to go… I don't wanna be alone," Nagito murmured, there are now tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"... I know," Izuru answers, reaching out to cup his lover's face in his hands, "I don't want to leave you, either, little clover. But it's for your safety, the Future Foundation is tracking me down, I don't want you to get hurt. It won't be for long, and you won't be alone. I've arranged a diversion to throw them off my track, and allow me to fix things, okay?"

Komaeda leans in, capturing Izuru in a hug and holding him tightly. It's uncomfortable, as he's considerably taller than Izuru, but it's okay.

"There is a little girl named Monaca Towa who has organized the diversion. She is under Enoshima's brainwashing, but not like us. She doesn't believe this scheme is a diversion," Izuru continued, "But it will work as one. You're going to work with her and a few other children while I'm gone, okay? I won't be far, and I'll be back soon."

The two fell silent so Izuru began to gently rock the other, attempting to comfort him.

"... You thought about this a lot," Komaeda hummed.

"I've been your caretaker for a good three years, I knew the transition would be hard. I'd like to return to my lover still alive," answered the dark one, followed by a slight chuckle.

Komaeda smiled in return, letting go of Izuru and instead pressing a kiss against his lips.

"I trust you, Izuru. Please be safe, and home soon?"

"I'll do my best."

They eventually parted, leaving Izuru to grab his bag, and leave Komaeda with a kiss.

Komaeda would not see him again for another year.

--

Makoto Naegi stood on the edge of the border between the mainland and Towa City. The bridge had been broken, the only way across was to fly, but he had no clearance to do so.

It was okay, Togami had the case handled, he'd answer the distress call.

Togami was clever, Makoto knew that much. His boyfriend was no fool, he can fuck his way into a situation and fuck his way out.

But still, he can't help but worry. Especially after the killing game.

Makoto sat down in the back of a Future Foundation van, watching the city from a distance peacefully. It's a shame what's happened to it, Naegi remembers fondly of seeing commercials and documentaries of this island for many years, seeing how beautiful it was.

And now, it's a pile of trash. Disgusting and destroyed.

Barely a shred of hope left.

The bushes beside Naegi rustle, putting him on his nerves edge as he gripped his hacking gun, shakily pointing it at the bush.

A Monokuma emerged in all its glory. Black and white, small. Just as he remembered.

"Thrills, chills, kills!"

"Phuhuhu!"

"Iiiiiit's punishment time!"

"What are you, scared, Naegi?"

The voice morphed from the familiar voice of Monokuma to hers.

"Go on, shoot. You know you want to."

"Kill it! You want to! You want to shoot it, rip it's guts out!"

"You hate me, don't you?"

"Do you? Huh? Huh? Huh? Hu-"

"SHUT UP!" Makoto cried, impulsively pulling the trigger on the gun as the Monokuma toppled to the ground, and Makoto dropped it.

He took in a few shaky breaths, a hand on his chest as he tried to settle down.

Those flashbacks have gotten better since the killing game, but they still are horrible. At least Makoto can go places without another person now.

He picked up the hacking gun and inches closer to the Monokuma, gently kicking the body with his foot before confirming it was dead.

He will not come back like the Monokuma Naegi knew.

He then noticed a walkie talkie the Monokuma had been carrying, along with a note attached to it. Cautiously, Naegi picked it up.

Channel 11. State your name.

I'm here to help.

-You'll know soon

The note was cryptic, but the handwriting was beautiful. Perfect cursive, a lot better than both Naegi's and any of his friends.

Whatever his note was, the phrase "I'm here to help" put Naegi at ease. He wasn't sure what exactly was going to happen, but it was worth a shot to try.

He tunes the walkie talkie to the channel instructed, then pressing the talk button.

"... Uh, Makoto Naegi?"

"Perfect, you were who I was looking for," responded the voice from the other side.

"H, huh?" Makoto questioned, raising a brow as he took the walkie talkie back into the van, closing and locking the back doors of our behind him, "W, who are you?"

"I am Izuru Kamukura," answered the voice, "I was seeking you out to end this whole mess of despair. Frankly, I'm rather bored with it, and I know you and your friends have a plan for the Remnants."

"How?"

"The Ultimate Hacker is among my talents."

Naegi fell silent, trying to figure out what to say before pressing the talk button once again.

"Why do you want in on this?"

It took Izuru a moment to respond, as if trying to think of why exactly he did want this. Makoto was certain he knew, the Ultimate Hope wouldn't just jump into something spontaneously, right?

"... My friends, the Remnants. They are hurt, misguided," he started, "There's a particular one I care about very much, and this apocalypse has only made his situation worse. I… Don't want anymore pain."

"Oh, I think I understand that…" Naegi answered, "H, how are we supposed to do this?"

"The Future Foundation wants to capture and kill the Remnants, but you want to provide them with a form of therapy to undo the brainwashing, correct?"

"... Yeah, yeah that's right."

"To capture my friends is not something that's possible, but to reason and persuade them is. They are unhinged, but not unreasonable. I know that without someone on the inside, the Future Foundation would die and fail to do this, so I'm here to help with that. I can communicate where to go, and how to get to the route of the problem for each of them. We will only be skipping one Remnant," Izuru explained, calmly and clearly. Naegi is pretty sure this is scripted.

"Why only one?" Makoto questioned.

"He is close to me, and not as affected by the brainwashing as the others. I can just bring him with me, spare the trouble," Izuru said.

"Ooh, okay," Naegi responded, glancing out the window of his truck, "If I were to cooperate with this… Where would we be going first?"

"The closest here would be Pekoyama and Kuzuryu, they are North of Towa in a large city. They rule the streets there. The furthest we'd go is into the Novoselic Kingdom, where Nevermind, Souda, and Tanaka reside."

Makoto set down the walkie talkie, thinking for a moment of the pros and cons. It'd be nice to radio Kyouko or Byakuya now, figure out what to do. But they have their own problems, they can't baby Makoto.

Hesitantly, he picked up the walkie talkie again.

"How do I know you're not tricking me?"

It seemed like a simple question, but it brought Izuru to silence. He had hit a soft spot.

"... Naegi, I am begging you, please believe me. I cannot live like this, scratch that, Komaeda cannot live like this anymore, I could care less about myself. If I could do this on my own, I would, but I really need your help. The Remnants need your help,we are all hurt, damaged, and broken by her, you know it's not easy to break from. Please, help me save them," the other begged across the line, the emotion made his voice waiver, and while Naegi was bad with emotions, he could tell that Izuru was honest with him.

"Okay," Naegi replied, "Where do we start?"

#danganronpa #danganronpa nagito #danganronpa fanfiction #Nagito Komaeda #komaeda nagito #sdr2 nagito #izuru x nagito #kamukura izuru #izuru kamukura #komaeda x izuru #danganronpa izuru #makoto naegi #naegi makoto #danganronpa naegi #dr1 naegi

[grimelords]

Hello I finished my July playlist a week ago but when I went to post it tumblr was down, and then I just plumb forgot! Anyway, here it is - properly sequenced this time for a very special listening experience that seamlessly delivers you from disco heaven to black metal hell and everything in between. Also I’m thinking of making these playlists a tinyletter that people can subscribe to that comes out on an actual schedule, rather than me posting them at a random time weeks after they’re finished. Is that something you’d be interested in? Who knows. Check back next month! Anyway, here goes:

listen here

Stay Away From Me - The Sylvers: You know when you’re listening to a song and the sample is super hot but the rest is just ok, so you think to yourself well why don’t I just listen to the original instead? That’s what happened to me with Final Form by Sampa The Great. That song is good but it’s also kind of not doing enough to convince me not to just listen to this super hit by The Sylvers instead. A fun thing with this song is to try to count how many instruments you can hear because it is surprisingly densely arranged for some reason. There’s a xylophone back there going off if you listen.

Sizzlin’ Hot - Paradise: The same thing happened with this song and Sizzlin’ by Daphni. I think they were going for an Armand Van Helden style distillation of the pure essence of the song, sampling the hookiest part and speeding it up and thickening up all the percussion and all that, which can work amazingly but for me it just made me want to hear the original and so I have been all month. What’s so good about being alive now is that in most cases it’s just as easy to access music from 2019 as it is to access music from 1981 where an original copy is apparently going for $1000 on discogs. Every day I thank god for inventing mp3s and putting them on the ark.

Manaos (Canzone) - Fabio Frizzi and Crossbow: I forget how I came across this, I was going through random Fabio Frizzi soundtracks for some reason. I just love the concept of a disco song about escaping from vicious assailants. Funkily singing ‘God help us, if they catch us we all are gonna die.’ as spears fly past you.

Holding On - Julio Bashmore: I think this is one of my favourite pieces of sampling ever. The way the vocals in the background are cut they don’t even sound like vocals. They just a strange contextless textural sound that works so well before eventually revealing itself as vocals in the run before the drop. It’s just so good.

Weight Watchers - Parallel Dance Ensemble: First of all I love this disgusting bass sound. It sounds like two different indistinct bass lines playing at the same time and they both drowned. I’m also mounting a change.org petition to bring back this kind of extremely naff Tone Loc flow, it rocks.

Dance - ESG: I found this incredible band while I was looking for the rapper ESG and I’m so glad I did. Their song UFO is one of those songs that’s been sampled so many times you think of it as more of a sound effect than a song, like it comes preloaded on a drum machine everyone has or something, but it’s also a good template for ESG’s sound. Every ESG song I’ve heard so far goes like this: a straightforward beat that doesn’t change for the whole song, a functional bassline that doesn’t change for the whole song, and good old fashioned simple lyrics about dancing and having a good time that sound more like schoolyard clapping games than anything. It doesn’t sound like much but over the course of an album it adds up to this incredible sort of hypnotic post-punk funk that I cannot get enough of. It sounds like kids who have 1 idea making a whole album out of it because that’s exactly what it is and it’s great!

Crave You - Flight Facilities: I love how elementally simple this song is. The vocals are hypnotising enough so everything else just quietly supports it. The only part that stands out is the thick bass synth halfway through which makes the short sax solo at the and all the sweeter, a tiny little cherry on top.

You - Delta 5: Get a load of this band bio: “Initially inspired by the success of local heroes The Mekons and Gang Of Four, Leeds, England’s Delta 5 later emerged as one of the key figures of the feminist new wave. Formed in 1979 by vocalist/guitarist Julz Sale, fretless bassist Ros Allen and bassist Bethan Peters.” Just going to gloss over them having TWO bass players before they even have a drummer?? Absolutely amazing. I love this song because it’s such a specific, targeted fury. Imagine being the loser at your girlfriend’s gig when she launched into this one for the first time. ‘who’s got homebrew with lots of sediment?’ oh fuck that’s me ‘who took me to the Windham for a big night out?’ oh fuck that’s me ‘I found out about you’ oh FUCK

Siren - Gong Gong Gong: I love the way the bass works in this, just looping and layering different variations of this noisy, stationary riff on top of itself - steadfastly staying in the exact same place the whole song and growing in power the whole time as it sits in its stubbornness.

Changes - Antonio Williams and Kerry McCoy: This came up on my Discover Weekly and I completely fell in love with it, then I realised it’s Antwan and Kerry McCoy from Deafheaven which is extremely intriguing collaboration and fell in love even more. The vocals are so good. The pure broken-hearted anguish, and the super blunt delivery that progresses to straight up yelling by the end of it combined with the Radio Dept type instrumentation is just so powerful. This feels like it’s a song that could really be a life-changing piece of catharsis for everyone in a 5k radius done live.

Fuck A War - Geto Boys: Absolutely in love with the conceit of this song: rapping a whole song down the line to the army drafter. The incredible part being of course that Bushwick Bill would be able to dodge any draft easily, being as he was both a dwarf and blind in one eye.

God Make Me Funky - The Headhunters: I found a lot of great songs going through the samples list for We Can’t Be Stopped by Geto Boys and this is one of them. I have so much love for any song that takes its time like this: nearly two minutes to set the scene and somehow taking deadly seriously the very funny lyrical idea of desperately praying to god to PLEASE make you funky.  The way this song escalates is also amazing, moving from a hot groove that sits in place to a full-on saxophone meltdown that feels like god placing his finger on your forehead and saying ‘so you want to be funky, do you?’ in a scary voice.

Use Me - Bill Withers: Fortunately and unfortunately, because of how this song was in Anchorman and because I’ve seen Anchorman one million times I can’t listen to it without hearing the noise Ron Burgundy makes when he sees Veronica in the first few seconds. Anyway, this song is so horny. The part where he has to explain to his bro how good this shit is? Doing all kinds of weird dom shit like ‘getting him in a crowd of high class people and then acting real rude to him?’ Weird. And the escalation into the claps at BABY! is amazing, he’s just going off powered by horniness and god bless him for it.

America! I’m For The Birds - Nicolas Jaar: Unbelievably, the deluxe edition of Sirens is possibly superior to the original. It’s a whole new tracklist, new songs interspersed throughout rather than the usual ‘three new songs at the end’ and it really gives it a whole new feel. This song is my favourite of the new ones and it’s a song I had in my head for a solid week. A perfect song to sing to yourself because the lyrics are so indistinct that you just end up mumbling pleasantly exactly like he is.

Cable Guy - Tierra Whack: I’m finally catching up on Tierra Whack and everyone’s right: she rocks. The sheer restraint in these songs is amazing, they just get in and out with only the good parts and no bullshit. It reminds me a lot of To The Innocent by Thingy which is one of my favourite albums for the same reason - the economy of the songwriting just serves to amplify the feeling of it. They both have this total irreverence in the lyricism where the songs are kind of about nothing but they’re so short and heartfelt that you dig for the feeling underneath it.

No Drug Like Me - Carly Rae Jepsen: I’ve previously written that what I love the most about the Carly Rae Jepsen is how horny it is and I’d like to double down on that sentiment here. I love how slow this song is, it’s the perfect tempo between danceable and ‘fucking’.

Con Calma (Remix) - Daddy Yankee, Katy Perry and Snow: I’ve been on a european holiday for most of this month and I would like to report that across Spain, Portugal, Czech Republic, France and Germany this is the absolute song of the summer. It is completely inescapable and personally I can’t get enough. Informer is one of the greatest and strangest one hit wonders of all time (it’s also canada’s highest selling reggae song of all time and Snow is thusly named because he’s white) and I’m psyched to hear it reworked by Daddy Yankee like this. Katy Perry being on the crossover attempt remix isn’t a good sign for her new album but she kills it so maybe that’s all that matters.

Chase The Devil - Max Romeo and The Upsetters: Here’s the other half of my short lived dub phase from the end of last month. This is a good example also of how completely beguiling lyrics can still be so effective. I have no idea what he means by putting on an iron shirt but it rhymes and he’s saying it with conviction so I’m nodding!

Glass - Bat For Lashes: The new Bat For Lashes songs have got me revisiting Two Suns which is an all time great five star album and this is my favourite song from it. Maybe the most powerful opening track of all time, it does as much worldbuilding as most fantasy novels do in 1000 pages. In fact almost every line in this is a viable fantasy novel title. A Thousand Crystal Towers. The Hand Of The Watchmen. A Knight In Crystal Armour. A Cape Of Rainbow. The way she sings ‘to be made of glass’ is.. incredible. I love Natasha Khan and I cannot wait to see what she does next.

Unsquare Dance - Paddy Milner: In searching spotify for other interpretations of Unsquare Dance after getting obsessed with it last month I came across this absolutely bonkers version. It’s maniacal, it feels like you would be physically and mentally drained by the end playing it because I am just listening to it. Need a little lie down.

Gimme Some Skin, My Friend - The Andrews Sisters: My girlfriend has turned me onto The Andrews Sisters lesser known hits recently and this is the best one: a song from when high fives were a novelty that those wacky blacks over in Harlem town were inventing. Extremely odd but an undeniable banger. The thing about The Andrews Sisters is one of them was an absolute force of nature as a performer and the other two were complete wet blankets and it’s kind of funny they were together as a group for their whole career because anyone with eyes can see where the real star is. The way she sings ‘baby’ at 1:25, and that whole run really, is absolutely amazing and so much better than this extremely dumb song deserves.

Kids On The Run - The Tallest Man On Earth: The piano sound alone in this is just so beautiful. This song could be about anything at all and it would still make me cry, and luckily for me: it basically is!

King Of Spain - The Tallest Man On Earth: Good song I had in my head the whole time I was in Spain. It’s incredible that his voice is so good. It feels like if it was even the tiniest bit different, slightly rougher or tinnier he would be completely hilariously unlistenable but instead he’s amazing. Plus the fact that he leans into it with the purposefully lo-fi trebly production is just so confident you can’t help but love it.

Romeo And Juliet - The Indigo Girls: A great cover I wasn’t aware of before that I heard in this great documentary Wildwood I was watching https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOWxnh012J0. The way she absolutely flies off the handle and nearly tears the song down around her near the last chorus is pure power and I love people who can do that in an acoustic song without it feeling overblown, just getting totally swept up in it and taking everyone along with you.

On The Bus Mall - The Decemberists: Definitely the number one song about gay teenage prostitutes who love each other and are optimistic against the odds.  

White Fire - Angel Olsen: This song feels like a piece of dark magic. It feels like a 4am moment of clarity, speaking everything true in a five minute monotone and then instantly falling back to sleep with only a dim memory in the morning.  

Glass Eyes -JW Ridley: JW Ridley is a genius and I cannot wait to see what he does with an album. Every song he puts out seems to be better than his last. The central melody in this is just beautiful, and the whole thing has so much space in it it feels so much longer than 3 minutes. It’s like a song you can live in.

Nullarbor - Floodlights: I love how rough this song is, and driving across australia because you’ve got nothing else going on and want to rattle your own cage is a Huge mood.

Made Too Pretty (Audiotree Live Version) - As Cities Burn: I’m so glad As Cities Burn are back, because it means they get to do good shit like this Audiotree session where they absolutely killed it.

Dirty Hearts - Dallas Crane: I think I’ve put this on a playlist before for exactly the same reason: it’s a song I wake up with in my head fairly often for some reason and it’s a very fun slice of pub rock that doesn’t overstay it’s welcome.

Ruin This Smile - The Number 12 Looks Like You: Did you know The Number 12 Looks Like You have reformed after 10 years away and haven’t missed a step at all?? I’m salivating. This song is as good as anything they’ve put out before, and feels like it fits somewhere between Mongrel and Worse Than Alone which is fantastic news for me who always loved those a lot more than their earlier more explicitly grindcore stuff.

Nutrient Painting - Yellow Eyes: A special thanks to my friend and yours Powerburial for linking this song on his twitter. There’s something about the guitars in this song, in almost every riff, where it sounds like they’re playing backwards somehow. Like the structure of the melodies is backwards. It doesn’t make sense but that’s what it sounds like to me and it’s very disconcerting.

Jejune Stars - Bright Eyes: I think this an underrated Conor Oberst era, when he became a sort of buddhist for a while and wasn’t sad anymore but just observed earth from outer space instead. I also love the instrumentation of this song, Bright Eyes and blast beats a match made in heaven. Also the strange sample about pom’granite at the end is one of my favourite things ever. A very strange album to retire the Bright Eyes name on but a very good one too.

At The Bar - Dirty Three: When I was overseas I was thinking about cultural music, and Australia’s place in the world and things like that. I ended up thinking about Dirty Three who I think along with The Drones make the most distinctly Australian sounding music to me. Just the vastness they manage to conjure from such straightforward barebones instrumentation is incredible.

listen here

#Playlists

[spaceiplier]

SPACEIPLIER: Homestuck

((THIS IS A JOKE. IT’S JUST A JOKE. IT'S NOT CANON. HAPPY HOMESTUCK DAY.))

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 28th of June, 3516, is this young man's birthday. Though it was twenty-five years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be?

ENTER NAME.

SALLY MCSAGGYTITS

TRY AGAIN, SMARTASS

TRY AGAIN.

MARK FISCHBACH

✔

EXAMINE ROOM

Your name is MARK. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR PILOT. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.

What will you do?

Mark: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer.

Your ARMS are in your SPACE CHEST, pooplord!

Remove CAKE from SPACE CHEST.

Out of sympathy for Mark's perceived lack of arms, you pick up the CAKE for him and put it on his BED.

Mark: Quickly retrieve arms from SPACE CHEST.

You retrieve your FAKE ARMS from the chest. You use these for HILARIOUS ANTICS.

You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX. You have no idea what that actually means though.

There are other items in the chest.

Mark: Examine contents of chest.

In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED SPACEFARER or a CUNNING PRANKSTER.

You are neither of these things.

Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) FAKE ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) PAIR OF TRICK HANDCUFFS, ONE (1) STUNT BLASTER, ONE (1) PILOT’S HELMET, ONE (1) PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL (~) SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, and ONE (1) COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF SPACE FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and ONE (1) COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S "WISE GUY", BY MIKE CAVENEY.

Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. For now, you decide to just take the SMOKE PELLETS.

Mark: Captchalogue the smoke pellets.

You stow the SMOKE PELLETS on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.

You still aren't totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least.

You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining.

Mark: Equip fake arms.

You aren't totally sure if "EQUIP" is a verb copasetic with the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell, but you give it a try anyway.

Unfortunately, you cannot access the FAKE ARMS! Their card is underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the SMOKE PELLETS. You will have to use the pellets first in order to access the arms. But this is probably unadvisable, since you'd just make your room lousy with smoke!

Your SYLLADEX'S FETCH MODUS is currently dictated by the logic of a STACK DATA STRUCTURE. You were never all that great with data structures and you find the concept puzzling and mildly irritating.

But with any hope, perhaps you will advance new, more practical FETCH MODI for your SYLLADEX with a little more experience.

Mark: Examine Space Sleuth Poster.

Is it even possible to get any more hard boiled than that? You really doubt it. This poster was one of your wisest purchases.

There is a nice spot on the wall next to it. You've been meaning to hang another poster there soon.

Mark: Read note on drawer.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU”

This note is rich with the aromas of MOTHERLY HERBS AND SPICES.

Beside the note is a ROLLED UP POSTER.

Mark: Take poster.

Another BIRTHDAY ARTIFACT. You wonder what is printed on the poster.

You'll need some way to hang it on your wall.

Mark: Acquire hammer and nails. They will come in handy.

You first place the HAMMER into your SYLLADEX.

But now all of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS are full. You wonder what will happen if you try to take the NAILS

You guess it doesn't hurt to try.

Mark: Take nails.

You captchalogue FOUR (4) NAILS into the top card, and push all the ARTIFACTS down a card.

The FAKE ARMS are pushed entirely out of the deck!!!

Oh well. They're probably completely useless anyway. But you probably don't want to do that again, unless you want to drop the SMOKE PELLETS and suffer the consequences.

In any case, you now feel like you have gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff. The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful.

Mark: Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk.

This is the dumbest idea you've had in weeks!!!

STUPID STUPID STUPID.

And yet the polished surface of your desk...

It beckons.

Mark: Combine the nails and hammer.

You MERGE the top two cards.

The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together.

Mark: Use hammer/nails on poster.

You use the HAMMER and NAILS card IN CONJUNCTION with the card beneath it.

Mark: Nail poster to wall.

You use the HAMMER, NAILS, and POSTER on the blank space on the wall.

It's glorious. Exactly what you wanted. Your mom really came through this time.

Mark: Examine Con Space poster.

PUT THE KHARAPIN BACK IN THE BOX.

I SAID, PUT THE KHARAPIN BACK IN THE BOX.

WHY COULDN'T YOU PUT THE KHARAPIN BACK IN THE BOX?

Mark: Examine Deep Impact poster.

Morgan Saorman's genteel, homespun mannerisms were perfect qualities for a president residing over a crisis.

STARS RISE. PLANETS FALL. HOPE SURVIVES.

WOW.

Films about impending apocalypse fascinate you. Plus, a Velm president??? Now you've seen everything!

Mark: Examine calendar.

You've marked your birthday, the 28th of June. Another day you marked was supposed to be the arrival date for the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH.

It's been three days already. It's starting to become a sore subject with you.

Mark: Eat cake.

You are sick to death of cake!!! You've been eating it all day. And you have no intention of clogging your SYLLADEX with it either. The CAKE stays put for now.

You hear a notice from your COMM. Someone is messaging you.

Mark: Examine incoming message.

You pick up your COMMUNICATOR. This is where you spend most of your time. You decorated your screen with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself. You are really proud of it.

Your COMMUNICATOR is also littered with various PROGRAMMING PROJECT FILES. You are so bad at programming sometimes you wonder why you even bother with it.

Your PESTERCHUM application is flashing. Someone is trying to get in touch with you.

Mark: Open Pesterchum.

Only one of your CHUMS is logged in. He's sent you a message.

Mark: Open message.

-- turntechLizardhead [TL] began pestering ectoPilot [EP] at 16:13 --

TL: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EP: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny. TL: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking scarlix day up in here EP: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage? TL: but TL: the seal on the bottle is unbroken TL: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory EP: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? EP: try using your brain numbnuts. TL: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like TL: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous EP: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice. TL: ok i can accept that TL: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters TL: also fred savage has a really punchable face TL: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it TL: did you get the beta yet EP: no. EP: did you? TL: man i got two copies already TL: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring TL: did you see how it got slammed in game bro???? EP: game bro is a joke and we both know it. TL: yeah TL: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now EP: alright. Mark: Look out window.You see the view of your yard on VENTOS BETA from your window. Hanging from the tree is your TIRE SWING. In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL. And there beside your driveway is the mailbox.

#not official story #markiplier #homestuck #happy homestuck day you nerds #this is just a joke #a goof #a jape #please don't take it serioiusly