#i didnt understand why you would lie if you cant accept being a liar | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sketching-shark · 1 year

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Man, zhu bajie n tang sanzang had to b up there w swk about their mischaracterization n hated in lmk fandom

I have never seen so much mishandling as i seen with those three characters 😭😭(like bro i get that the most noticeable arc that ppl retain is the white bone spirit arc bc of OSP BUT THEY DIDNT STUCK TO THAT CHARACTERISTICS IN THE LATER ARCS LIKE CMON NOW—bajie couldn’t even lie about the dragon piss medicine in a later arc, what makes yall think he’s always a fantastic liar. Theres some benefit to his lying but they also backfire. BAJIE DO END UP LIKING EVERYONE LIKE HE REFER TO SWK AS ELDER BROTHER!<- no man could ever live up to the wonder of zhu wuneng. He just sweet n he does get a fantastic arc in the novel!

Tang sanzang does have some(albeit rare moments where hes nice but his asshoole moments sometimes intertwined) where hes like “yea my disciples r greats but theyre mad ugly.” Or that he gets better at having more trust in his disciples besides zhu wuneng. Even if its followed by hella traumatizing moments that no human person would remain sane like that. <hes just barely holding on by his faith, his mission and his disciples. Not his horse bc he cant hold on to save his life but that character arc where he DIDNT FELL OFF THOO!>

Monkie Kid spoilers below

Hmmm I know about the Sun Wukong & Tang Sanzang dunking but is that happening with Zhu Bajie too? Have to say I find that a little surprising given that (if memory serves correctly) Monkie Kid did say Zhu Bajie's main fault (well besides the whole being a man-eating yaoguai thing) was being stubborn, but then lego Patriarch Subodhi said he became one of the hardest workers of the pilgrimage. I guess I was under the impression that people were more light on their criticisms and thoughts about Zhu Bajie, but maybe that's just because he doesn't seem to be a point of great interest in the lego show fandom lol.

Kind of funny story anon but I've been vicariously growing in awareness on how much Zhu Bajie is loved in China through @antidotefortheawkward's posts about the pigman. And yeah, I can see that being in large part because Xiyouji in its totality does give a very different impression of who these characters are and where they end up than a cartoony summary can provide. As a number of people on this site have noted for example, the White Bone Demon Arc can be understood in a much more complex light than "Tang Sanzang & Zhu Bajie hurt poor monkey for nothing" when placed in the context of it being more near the beginning of the journey when the pilgrims were still grating against each other a lot & it happening very soon after the whole debacle with the Ginseng fruit tree. Here after all you can see how the monk has a recent history of getting into serious trouble from the monkey lying and being quick to destruction, so he would be primed to not believe SWK, not to mention he does hesitate to use the headband against SWK more than many give him credit for here. And YEAH given all the things they go through together I am more willing to accept a Sun Wukong and Zhu Bajie enemies to friends arc than that put on many another character.

Also LMAOOOOO Tang Sanzang DOES seem to have quite a few lines where he tries to comfort terrified individuals by telling them that the pilgrims are good people even with their rancid looks (ugly pilgrim rights <3). And oh dang anon you are so right about how even if Tang Sanzang is much more of a static character in comparison to SWK it's kind of a shame more attention isn't given to the series of horrifying events he goes through and what effect that would have on him so that he gets a little more depth than "weepy monk who's mean to the Monkey King & falls off his dragon horse" in the popular western imagination. But then again I can understand why the monk's trauma is largely downplayed in western cartoony retellings, given that said lighthearted cartoony retellings probably wouldn't be the best medium to even touch on stuff like human butchery, death threats, sexual assault, and the consequences thereof.

#anon answered #monkey critical #journey to the west #sa mention

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purgemarchlockdown · 4 months

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For the ask game, I checked the second-most-tagged character in your archive... Kazui? 8, 11, 12, 13.

I didnt realize he was second-most tagged! He's my qpr's fav so Im not really surprised....

8. what is your theory for their crime? if there is general consensus on it in the fandom, do you have any other, not-so-widely-accepted thoughts on it?

I think I Generally have similar thoughts on him as the rest of his crime as the rest of the fandom does (it was suicide not murder) Uh...honestly I worry my answers for these arent too interesting since I dont Tend to think too much about the crime itself ha...I do think that its possible that Kazui did Much Worse than we are willing to believe or accept. A friend of mine watched Cat and Immediately caught onto how creepy it feels which I agree with honestly since that was my other thought when I was watching it.

I feel like people get a bit defensive when the idea of Kazui being Worse gets brought up but admittedly a lot of times when people bring it up they go "I cant believe people are so Stupid" which is just mean.

I'm personally more fond of the interpretations where Kazui is some flavor of Queer and the shitty he did was lying to his wife. Since that Is a Really Shit thing to do already and I think it's more interesting thematically and story wise. Plus it makes his normalcy and repression parallels with Amane more fun I think.

However I don't think that means that possibility for Kazui being Worse should be Dismissed outright. Just because Kazui is regretful and self-hating and genuinely kind and understanding does not eliminate that possibility and what not.

It also doesn't mean he Can't be Queer....so like....I dunno. I'm just trying to say that I don't Mind him being a worse person than we would like to believe.

11. what are your favorite points about their story and the narrative surrounding them?

(I DID NOT REALIZE TILL AFTER I WROTE ALL OF THIS THAT I ANSWERED THIS BEFORE WHOOPS! YOU CAN READ IT ALONGSIDE THIS I TALK ABOUT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT THINGS)

GIVE! ME! THOSE! FEELINGS! OF! REPRESSION!!!!!!!!!!!! He is so fucking repressed and is trying so damn hard to be normal and the Ideal Husband and it gets to me. It's something I find so interesting about Kazui. He's a big liar but that's because he's repressed as all hell. He believes he was Born Wrong somehow. Born different.

It's another reason why I really like Queer Kazui interpretations. I think those feelings of having to "be a man" and live up to "manly ideals" and being the Most Normalest Normal Man Ever works really well with that depiction of him.

Kazui is trying to fit the societal standard of normal and is really jaded about it as a result. The idea of Ideal Het Love is just something he's selling to people. The concept of being the Ideal Man is an ad. That one interrogation where he says marriage is good for your social status. He's trying to keep up with society's standards in a world that feels hostile to someone like Him.

Sure he could Try to be himself, but that means inviting so much hate and pain and even possibly risking his life. Leaving the comfortable world of normalcy means Being In Danger.

And he's repressed his feelings for his entire life. It's second nature to him.

How can he pull apart who he is from the lies? Is there even a difference? Is he doomed to lie forever and ever? He certainly doesn't know. There's a sense of stagnation and stillness in a way. A sense of being stuck in place Forever.

All he knows for certain is that Something is Wrong With Him. And that Something is what Killed Hinako. The dream he has is something that is unachievable, as it should be.

(Sorry but these are Really Appropriate WKTD scenes)

12 has already been answered here!

13. any ideas on what would they and their MV be like if they got a different verdict in T1?

Well ignoring the obvious "oh shit if Kazui was guilty Mahiru might of straight up fucking died, same with Amane actually since Presumably Kazui and Mikoto stopping Kotoko is what prevented her from being attacked" I think Kazui might just be kinda resigned to it, he's really like that i think. Kazui is someone Incredibly Resigned to Bad Situations, he doesn't really make much effort to fix them because he doesn't think they Can be fixed. And if he Tried it would just get worse.

He tried to bare his heart to Es but I guess that just didn't work out...I dunno if he would be more honest or not in his MV though...since Kazui seems to have noticed now that he's inno that even his Lies get into the machine. Im really not sure.

#asks #ask game #cw suicide

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honestlyandrogynousnightmare · 3 years

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magic reveal

So ive been thinking about the magic reveal we did get and also the different magic reveals we COULD have gotten so i thought id project all my thoughts into another massive tumblr rant:

personally, i dont think the magic reveal was bad at all. yes, i wouldve done it slightly differently, i think it was done way too late in the show and left little time to explore how that reveal affected merlin and arthurs relationship, and obviously we never actually ended up seeing if magic was legalised and all. but i dont hate the magic reveal we got. the key part i really love is that it was done on Merlins own terms, he could have just lied, but instead he finally told Arthur the truth and i think that there were many reasons for that decision being made.

firstly, Merlin definitely felt guilty and blamed himself for Arthur being stabbed, he must have at least partly blamed himself because everything he did directly led to Mordred turning into a little shit. Part of him might have just felt as if he owes Arthur that explanation yknow. secondly, i feel like by that point he was tired of lying in general, he needed to get that secret off his chest. those two things combined with the fact that Arthur was dying may have pushed him to telling the truth, because deep down he did know that it was probably the last chance to tell Arthur the truth.

i liked how they presented Arthurs reaction too, the clear message there was that Athur was angry at the lying, thats the part he saw as betrayal, not the magic itself. he didnt want to believe that Merlin was a liar, when he always saw him as the one person that was entirely honest with him. hell, he still trusted him enough to send him back to Camelot and Gwen so he knew Merlin wasnt evil. If the writers actually did a good job at developing Arthurs character, i feel like itd be more obvious that Arthurs stance on magic was different from his fathers, but yknow bbc and their shoddy writing. I love that moment of acceptance as well, when he tells Merlin that he doesnt want him to change. He doesnt even now about all the things Merlin sacrificed and lost in order to protect Arthur and Camelot but he still accepts him. I think that when he first fund out it was all like “holy crap i dont even know him” but after spending a few hours with Merlin he realises that its still the exact same person he knew the week before.

anddddd as much as i like the way they did that magic reveal, the ending of the show left me with no closure and a lot of tears. my ideal magic reveal wouldve happened earlier, either at the start of season 5 or near the end of season 4. It would give us a chance to see them talk it out, and god we know that there would be arguing, and if arthur wasnt dying he would probbaly be shouting but the key part here is that arthur wouldnt hurt merlin. i think he culd consider sending him away if his father was still king just to protect him but we all know merlin would reply with “no <3″. but since i cant see the reveal happening when uther is king, i will be ignoring that scenario. and again, theres many ways this could play out.

the one way that ive always found interesting was arthur figuring it out on his own, because he may be an idiot, but hes not stupid. *if you like this sort of thing read “so close and im halfway to it on ao3, its a merthur fic and the magic reveal in that one makes me cry so much and the fic is so well written* I feel like at one point, he would just put the pieces together, and it would all make so much sense to him? Merlins random disappearances and scars would make sense, the luck he had when it came to fights, Merlins weird reactions when someone mentioned magic, how on earth merlin of all people managed to survive every battle and fight arthur was in when some of his best knights didnt.

then theres the very cliche “merlin using magic mid battle to save everyone” reveal. because its mid battle, i really cant picture them talking it out there lol, i picture a lot of ignoring but also if other people saw him using magic, we all know the first thing arthur would do is give the knights a good old “if you kill him i will kill you and then myself”, it wouldnt be until later that they would actually talk.

and then like the canon magic reveal, theres Merlin doing it on his own terms. i personally really like thhis one because it gives him so much more control over the situation and over his words. *another fic rec here if you like this sorta thing, its called “to the world that let you by” and its really beautiful and made me cry at 1am so there you go, and as you guessed it, its another merthur*. i love this reveal because it gives merlin a chance to explain, and arthur a chance to listen and try to understand.

now there are loads of different sub categories that could go into those, like Arthur finding merlin creating butterflies out of thin air lol, but i wont go into those. whatever reveal would happen, i feel like “the talk” after would usually end up in a similar way. Arthurs reaction would be similar to what we got in the canon reveal, because the actual magic isnt what would hurt most. it would be the lies. Arthur has been lied to and betrayed by so many people you cant really expect him not to react badly to being lied to. the magic sure would confuse him and put him in a difficult position, because you have to keep in mind that his entire life he has been told that magic is pure evil, and to him, merlin is the polar opposite of that. i think it would just make him question everything, like does he even know this man? has he won any of his battles or has it always been merlin? why is he in camelot? why would a sorcerer be serving him? but he wouldnt hurt him. he wouldnt even consider that imo, sure, he will demand an explanation, but he wouldnt actually thin about hurting him.

and merlin would understand why hes angry about the lying, that much is obvious. and he would be reluctant to tell arthur about the things that were happening behind his back all those years, but he would be honest. and go that conversation would be hard for both of them, i cant really imagine them having it without a lot of crying, shouting and even more wine tbh. arthur isnt good at listening which is why this would be so hard for him too, but merlin has to be honest, completely honest with arthur for the first time in his life and thatd be difficult.

and i think merlin would handle arthurs reactions well, even if arthur decided to lose his temper lol. but i can still imagine him being a bit bitter if arthur judged his choices and stuff when it came to poisoning morgana and freeing the dragon, asking what on earth HE would do in that situation. where the only choices he sees are bad ones, and he has to pick the one thats least evil.

arthur would probably be most pissed off at the thing about his mother tbh, because merlin outright lied there, usually its just deflecting but he made that deliberate choice to lie. but i really do think he would understand all of this, while not every choice merlin did was good, he did it with good intention.

and then arthur would remove the ban on magic and they would kiss and get married amd live happily ever aft-

thanks bbc.

anyway if you want any more magic reveal fics (or links to the ones i mentioned, ao3 can be bloody annoying sometimes) feel free to comment or message me or anything, i have a couple more in my bookmarks.

thanks for reading this rant, scuse the bad grammar, id love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this and magic reveals in general so feel free to comment! have a great day<3

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sanchoyo · 3 years

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danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #dp thoughts

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of-faunsandyellowflowers · 4 years

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Personal post...again

Tw: rape, eating disorder

And I'm sorry this is long but I need to get this out.

I think the biggest thing that hurts me with my mother is the fact she disregards what I tell her as exaggeration, or that I do it for attention.

It goes back to my teen years.

Middle school was awful for me. Honestly, all school was. Growing up autistic but not knowing you're autistic is....hard. it's even harder when you've got a shit load of trauma and other issues to deal with to.

When my mom found out I cut myself, instead of trying to understand why I did it, she lectured me on how she coulsnt understand why I did that because shes never felt that way. Now, I'm not saying she couldnt be upset by it....but it wasnt somethibg I was proud of. And when she told me I must be doing it for attention, I knew I probably wasnt going to be able to tell her about the things that happen in my life that are hard kater on...even though I really needed someone. It's not like she wasnt EVER there, but the really really big things....it wasnt talked about. And when it wasnt talked about, it wasnt believed.

The time I told her I was raped, barely 15, and then a few years later finding out she didnt believe me. Her reasoning? Because right after we went to dinner i was 'happy'. And that the years after I was 'sexual' with guys. Because people who are raped are supposed to be sex repulsed and numb.

I was incredibly numb. However, I've learned how to mask. Much like I've learned how to mask my autism.

Instead of taking the time to ask my counselor what coping looks like for trauma, she assumed that it wasnt that bad and determined I just wanted it and that the guy never called me back. She assumed rhat since I said I didnt want dad to know, that I didnt want anyone to know....that it must not have happened because you 'tell' a parent these things.

She only figured out I wasnt lying after having a heart to heart with my aunt and my aunt chewing out my mother for not doing more.

Then got mad I never wanted to go to the cops.

I still, dont think I would have wanted to go to the cops.

The emo kid (me) vs the star mormon football player? In a very mormon town with mormon cops? Yeah. I dont think they would have believed me.

And look, I understand that it's hard for a parent to hear that, but the lack of support I received due to my mom always deflecting it to 'it cant possibly be that bad' on top of me not even knowing I was autistic so it was incredibly hard for me to express things.....I'd say that the person going through trauma, twice in the same 15th year...is worse. And the years to come with me battling my own turmoil, keeping things in, her butting into my life to 'help' in ways that didnt help. It was based on what she believed was correct, and not what I felt I wanted in order to express myself.

Years following I developed an eating disorder which caused me to binge large amounts of junk food, hate myself after, and starve myself. I still struggle with it, but now I just dont really eat.

Instead of asking WHY I did this to myself, I got shouted at, scolded and accused of stealing money, or using hers to get things.. Instead of understanding I had an eating disorder, it was determined by my own mother that I probably was just a liar and manipulator.

The money stealing is funny too, because I hid my tattoos from her for that very reason. By that I mean, the accusation that I stole money for it when I actually saved up to get them.

I deflected whenever someone would ask me about my eating habits and would say I wasnt doing that because 1. I was terribly ashamed of the fact I was binge eating. 2. The sheer mention reminded me of my trauma and the lack of support I had in that. 3. Because if I talked about it, I remembered why I did it, and that wasn't something I wanted to talk about at all

I became incredibly hypersexual after my trauma as well. The reasonings for this are complex, but the main two being that I didnt understand the context of how to get someone to like me, beyond sex. It was basically a way for me to control the situation I didnt have control of before. Much like...trying to redo losing my virginity by just saying yes. Becayse if you say yes, it cant possibly be rape right? On top of still not understanding social things as well.

Not all people who experience this form of trauma are sex repulsed.

And like my now therapist said, me being happy right after was a way my brain coped. When something like that happens, your brain tries the best it can to cope. And that's how I coped. By faking. Which I was already good at with my masking.

Then, I got mono. This turned into a chronic thing. I already had all this mental stuff to deal with. This turned into chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. My immune system is shit. I do not rest. No support on that. The years to follow have been me figuring out what the hell's wrong with me, and my mom being wishy washy on what's real and what's not because 'if you really had that then the first doctor we went to would know'...without realizing that for many people it takes years to get diagnosed with things.

To this day, it's the same.

My mom brought up my trauma yesterday. I told her that there was more than just 2, but I wasnt going to talk about it because I didnt feel comfortable. She reiterated that I couldnt be mad at her for not believing me at 15 because 'it was hard for me to hear that abd you were happy and very promiscuous after and manipulated my emotions a lot'.

I think I have every right to be upset when someone doesnt believe me at 15 that I was raped. I think I have every right to be upset at the sheer accusation that I would LIE about a traumatic experience....that my way of coping god forbid be different than your own standards.

Beyond that though, I'm just tired.

I'm so tired of the constant wishy washyness. The constant arguments we have because she wants to make everything about her, and while I love my mother, its incredibly invalidating to state that I'm chronically ill and to be told 'you're only 26, I'm 63, get over it', then the next day be understanding. Theres so much I could get into with all this but the AMOUNT is overwhelming.

Hell, for a solid month I didnt talk to her because she stated the reason I came out as non binary was for attention. And she sidnt get why I wouldnt talk to her.

Can you just pick a fucking side? I need you to just support me instead of throwing things like 'well I have a hard time believing you because you manipulated me as a teen' when I never did that.

Theres so much I could go into. I'm just tired. The constant wishy washy, the constant blame on me and then to turn it into 'oh then it's all my fault' when I never said that.

Just fucking accept that my life isnt going to be how you pictured it. And I'm sorry that im not an easy person to understand, but it just feels like you never tried. It was always let's do it my way, and when I finally sidnt want to do that, I get punished

Im tired. I just want it to end.

And no, I cannot move out. I have no where to go. I have no money. I cannot work as much as I'd need to get enough for my own place.

The best I can do is to try to cope with the constant invalidation. Cling onto the good times. My mom isnt a bad person, and I dont think she really UNDERSTANDS how much shit affects me. I just wish shed put aside her own emotions and face reality.

#personal #rape mention #eating disorder #autism

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bluescarletdiamond · 4 years

Text

Tharntype the Series: Ep 10 Review

I had a good day at work today so Tharntype BETTER NOT DISAPPOINT (they never do but still)

Section 1

Jesus I got scared even tho I saw that coming lmao

I saw that slick action Tharn 👀

“You’ve got to pamper me” ugh such a mood

I LOVE IT WHEN THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER WITH NO HESITATION

Kinda surprised Type didn’t hit or make a shit remark at Tharn lmao

Lhong ayyyyy I love him

He’s being a little sketch tho lmao

Look at how happy Type looks being able to talk about his relationship with Tharn haha

The music gave me a bad feeling

The music makes it seem like everything Lhong is saying is deceiving 🤨

WHY IS THIS SO INTENSE

YALL OMG I JUST THOUGHT: WHAT IF LHONG IS IN LOVE WITH THARN AND HE TRIES BREAKING UP THARNTYPE

Lhong is so cute and I love him but this music makes him seem like a villain

He really doesn’t know Type because Type is capable of a lot of things lmao

Section 2

Writing songs for Type maybe 👀👀👀

GUYS I FINALLY LEARNED THE OTHER STORYLINE OF TUM AND TAR BEVAUSE SOMEONE EXPLONED IT TO A VIDEO SO A HOE IS NO LONGER CONFUsed

Awwww his cute smile HES SO CUTE

Let him talk to you please bro

Lowkey they’d be cute 😉

WORD he really said that

BOI USE YOUR WORDS OR HE’LL LEAVE

oh that shit lowkey cute not gonna lie

Son that doesn’t help you lmao you have to tell him or he’ll never understand

He wants forgiveness duh

OH NEVERMIND HE WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER

GUYS IN CONFLICTED BECAUSE HES SO CUTE AND LIKE SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE TYPE DOES THARN A LITTLE DIRTY SO IDK BUT OBVIOUSLY THIS IS THARNTYPE THE SERIES SO THARNTYPE WILL BE ENDGAME SO SJJSHFBS

Type is so adorable in such weird ways lmao

Tharn is so cute WHY IS EVERYONE SO CUTE

We love an understanding developing Type

THE PIANO VERSION OF THE THEME SONG IS SO PERFECT FOR THIS MOMENT

Gosh dang it Tar JUST TEL HIM DAMMIT

Tharn really said “AND THATS ON PERIODT”

That shit was bogus as fuck Tar not gonna lie wtf

No pal i dont like liars

Bruh is my mans Tar getting depressed again :///

Section 3

Tum pal he’s probably not in there

Bruh mans is showering

OR MAHBE NOT WTF I HOPE HE WASNT TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF NOOOOO

He needs to get him a paper bag mans CANT BREATHE

Damn this got real sad real quick

“You’re the most important person to me” wow get you a mans

He got that food quickity quick

THAT SOUND EFFECT LOL

Unknown number??? Hmmmm

Lmao I love that

That’s such an interesting question lol

They’re so cute lol

Tharn’s messy hair gives me life

I love them sleeping together it’s so cute too

Omfg what is Type up to

HE’S GONNA SNOOP NOOOOO

did he like turn caller ID off or somewhere? Is that why that number came up as actual numbers when actually it was like Tar or something? Do y’all know what I’m trying to say ?

Ugh Lhong is so cute I hope he’s not a bad guy

Oh Tum tum tum...

Lhong’s facial expressions are everything

PH TEA

HE JUST SHOWED YOU THE RECEIPTS BITCH WHAT

Lhong lowkey does look like he likes Tharn

I hate people who act the way Tum is acting... like bitch just accept it and go damn

Jokes on you whore because it’s Tar that’s meeting up with Tharn

Did his phone actually ring or was it fake 🤔🤔

I knew my boy Type wouldn’t be waiting around :)))

section 4

I wonder if he’s meeting Tar

Oh they’re gonna talk? Hm....

Bitch where else is he supposed to sit? At the bar?

Straight up I like that! But don’t make him cry :(

If he doesn’t say why he broke up with him imma fight

Woah this shit is intense

Tum needs to FUK OFF

NO SJJSSSKSK BRO WHY COULDNT HE HAVE SEEN/HEARD WHEN THARN SAID HE DOESNT LOVE TAT ANYMORE INSTEAD OF SEEING THIS CUTE COMFORTING SHIT

But like what are they saying tho?

If I were type it just kind of looks like Tharn is comforting a friend tbh

Jeed being a queen

Brooooo if If Tharn doesn’t answer imma be sad

JK NEVERMIND HE WAS CALLING LHONG OOF LMAO

I hope he tells the reason some day

Damn bro that shut hurted

Does he look okay bro

He is a whole liar and a deciever oof

KWKAJDDB HE DIDNT HUST ASK THAT

Type really came for blood lol

OPE LMAO

this does not look food for you Tharn

Poor type

Why is everyone just chilling in different locations lmao these types of camera shots are always super intense but idk how I really feel about them

Tar still has them as his home screen on his computer woahwoahwoah

Type crying is something I never thought we would see

EVERYONE IS JUST CRYING OMFG IF YOU ALL WOULD JUST SIT DOWN, BE HONEST AND TALK IT OUT YOU ALL WOULDNT BE LIKE THIS

I knew it would end there smh

Or not oh ?

What.

OOF

Tharn is really being painted as a villain but mans is just trying to save his relationship

Fucking type always has to do too much lmao

NOW it ended lmao

#tharntype #tharntype the series #tharntype the series: ep 10 #tharntype the series: review #bluescarletdiamond reviews #ps: dark blue kiss review will out later tonight!!

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