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jj-babebank · 3 years

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Camp Willowdale / JJ Maybank AU / PART 8

Synopsis: Camp Willowdale is buzzing with new campers. It’s Caroline Windsor’s first year as a camp counsellor after attending the camp as a camper for ten years. Little does she know that this year Willowdale Lake is going to be a little different from what she is used to it being…

Warnings: future chapters may include curse words, mentions of drugs, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sexual activities, mentions of death.

Pairings: JJ Maybank x fem OC Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3 ; Part 4; Part 5 ; Part 6 ; Part 7

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 8 –

49 days of summer camp left

Caroline sat in her bed, hugging her knees against her chest. Her and JJ had the afternoon off and despite his attempts to lure her into hanging out, and her infatuation with the boy, she’d turned him down, wanting to spend a few hours alone with herself to compose her thoughts. It had been exactly two weeks since the night Madison disappeared. No one had bothered to mess with the campers since then, the bonfire area hadn’t been touched and no dead animals were found in anyone’s suitcase. To the rest of the camp, this seemed like victory; to Caroline – it seemed like the calm before the storm.

During their first day at Camp Willowdale, all of the counselors had been given a Willowdale-branded set of items they’d have to use during their stay. It came with the obvious STAFF t-shirts, sweaters and hats, but it also consisted of other things – such as the thermoses Caroline and JJ were still using to sneak whiskey into their daily routines, and notebooks in which they were advised to plan out their group’s daily schedules. Caroline however had been using her notebook for other purposes. She’d become so obsessed with Madison’s case, that every little thing that happened on camp grounds and seemed even a little out of the ordinary, immediately became a clue to her, which she’d hastily scribble down in her notebook. It had only been two weeks since the disappearance of Madison Hague and Caroline had already filled about a quarter of the pages of her hefty notebook with potential clues and leads. She kept rereading her notes, trying to think of something – anything – that they could do to help them solve the mystery, however nothing was coming to her. Ever since the dress incident, Caroline and her friends hadn’t found anything else that could relate to Madison, though Caroline was glad that none of them had given up on their mission.

Caroline was so deep in her own thoughts, she nearly jumped at the sound of a sudden knock on the door. She quickly closed her notebook and tucked it under her mattress and went to open the door, revealing a panting JJ leaning on the doorframe.

“Hey, C,” he breathed.

“JJ, what’re you doing here? I told you I -”

JJ cut her off by pushing past her and walking into her cabin, “Yeah, yeah, you wanna be alone, I know,” he sat on her bed, taking his snapback off, “but I was thinking… you’ve been so busy with the kids and with the whole Madison thing, and believe me – I really appreciate you for being like that, but -”

Caroline crossed her arms, “Where are you going with this?”

JJ sighed, “You’ve just totally forgotten how to have fun, C,” he said, “The primary reason that we all came here was to have fun and look at you – you barely eat, or sleep, or do anything other than your counselor duties and this whole Madison investigation thing…” JJ sighed again, looking at the hat in his lap and playing with its adjustable strap, “All I’m saying, C, is what if Madison really did go home and you’ve just wasted all this energy on nothing…Thing is,” JJ looked up into her eyes, “I miss you, the old you, and I know that that you’s still somewhere in there, it’s just this whole Madison thing blocking it.” he placed the hat back on his head and stood up, walking towards Caroline, “Hang out with me now,” he said, stopping directly in front of her and lifting her chin up so that she was facing him, “And I promise we’ll think about Madison later,”

Caroline couldn’t really process what was going on. JJ was touching her and standing in such an intimate distance from her, that she could basically feel his breath on her face. For a second she forgot all about Madison, and the dead owl, and the bonfire area. All she could think about was JJ Maybank, who had just told her that he misses her and wants to “hang out with her”. Caroline stood there, lost in thought. What if he was right? What if Madison really did go home and that dress never even belonged to her? What if it was Jenna Kinley’s all along and Sarah had just gotten the perfume wrong? What if JJ really did miss her because he liked her as more than a friend? No, no, that couldn’t be it. But what if –

“Um, Carrie?” JJ’s voice suddenly broke her out of her trans, “So d’you wanna do something together or -”

“Yes!” she said, a little too excitedly for her own taste, of course I’d like to hang out with you, JJ, she thought, “What do you want to do?”

JJ’s face immediately lit up at her words, “Well I was thinking perhaps a picnic?”

Caroline raised an eyebrow, “Don’t picnics require food? We don’t have access to anything unless it’s mealtime,”

“Yeah, but we do have whiskey,” JJ winked with a mischievous look on his face, walking towards the storage room of the girls’ cabin where they still had a few bottles of alcohol left.

Caroline rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless – this was going to finally be her first date with JJ Maybank. Well, sort of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The afternoon sun was low in the sky, casting a beautiful orange reflection onto the peaceful water of lake Willowdale. Caroline and JJ had taken a seat on the lakefront, drinking their whiskeys and admiring the sunset, reminiscing the days when they were kids again.

“D’you remember that one summer when Rafe Cameron got food poisoning and ended up barfing on stage at the Will-all-hail banquet?” JJ laughed at the memory.

Caroline frowned, thinking about it, “Beats having Rafe Cameron as your counselor by a mile,”

JJ turned to look at her, eyebrows raised, “Rafe was a counselor here?” his tone almost sounding amused.

Caroline nodded, “Oh yeah,” she smirked, “For the same reason as Sarah – too stuck up for his own good so their dad shipped him over here as a punishment,”

JJ snorted, “I mean that family is pretty far up their own ass,”

“They have a sister too,” said Caroline, “I haven’t seen her around here though, so we at least know that one of them must be doing something right,”

The pair laughed at the thought of their spoiled friend and her older brother.

“Man, I missed this place,” said JJ suddenly, leaning back on his elbows.

His tone sounded different as he looked at the horizon and Caroline could sense that something wasn’t right, “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask -”

“Parents got divorced,” JJ quickly explained, “And unfortunately for me, my dad got custody,” he sighed, “Somehow my mom was deemed ‘incapable’ of taking care of me because she couldn’t financially afford to. Load of bullshit, if you ask me,”

“But my mom -”

“Yeah, they still talk,” said JJ, knowing what Caroline was about to say, “I still see my mom every other weekend, you know, it’s not the end of the world,” he smiled at Caroline reassuringly, “It’s just living with my old man meant working for my cut at home, which also meant summer jobs back in Kildare,”

“So that’s where you’ve been all this time…” whispered Caroline, mostly to herself, however JJ heard her.

“Yeah,” he responded, “Now that I’m old enough to be a counselor here and actually get paid for coming to summer camp I thought why not? Besides, your mom did tip mine off that you’d be here too,” he winked at Caroline, making her blush.

“Yeah, about that,” she said apologetically, “My mom likes to yap a lot, I wouldn’t take most of what she says seriously,”

“Well you are here, aren’t you?” said JJ, his face slightly leaning in towards Caroline’s.

Holy shit, this was it. Caroline was about to kiss JJ Maybank after a decade of fawning over him. Shit, shit, shit, she hadn’t really kissed anyone since that idiot from her class planted one on her at prom. What if she was a bad kisser? What if she’d forgotten how to kiss? As JJ closed his eyes and leaned even closer, Caroline decided to push the doubtful thoughts to the side as she closed her eyes too, leaning in towards him too. Their faces were inches apart, hearts pounding in their chests and, just as their lips were finally about to meet –

“There you are!” Sarah’s loud voice came from the hill behind them, startling them and making them both jump and immediately pull apart and straighten up. John B stumbled after her.

Caroline coughed awkwardly, trying to cover up the shame and embarrassment she was currently feeling, “Sarah… what are you doing here?”

With a knowing smirk on her face, Sarah put both hands on her hips, “Nothing,” she sing-sang, obviously finding the whole situation hilarious, “I’m sure it can wait,” she winked down at Caroline, while John B was waving around frantically behind Sarah at JJ, mouthing the words “DID YOU BONE?!” quite obviously.

JJ groaned as he stood up, helping Caroline up as well, “We’re all yours now, Sarah, what’s up?”

“Well me and John B had the afternoon free as well, so we went out front to his van and you’ll never believe what was taped to the door,”

“Wait, why’d you go to his van in the first place?”

Sarah rolled her eyes, “That’s beside the point now, Carrie, look” she shoved a piece of paper in the girl’s hands.

As Caroline unfolded the paper, the group gathered around her to look at what was written on it - 41° 56’ 54.3732” N, 87° 39’ 19.2024” W.

“I have no idea what that means though,” confessed Sarah.

“Looks like coordinates to me,” said JJ.

“Hey, that’s what I said!” gasped John B, “But Sarah didn’t want to believe me,”

“Does anyone know how to read geographical coordinates?” JJ looked at his friends.

“Do I look like Google Maps to you?” asked Sarah.

“You’re right,” Caroline said as an idea sparked in her mind, “We can’t read coordinates, but I know someone who can,”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

“I’m just saying, Miss P,” JJ spoke confidently once the group was inside Pricilla’s office, “Now’s about the best time to host the traditional yearly treasure hunt,”

Pricilla squinted up at JJ through her pink glasses from where she was sat at her desk, “Keep talking, Maybank,”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit odd that it’s already been two weeks and none of these kids can read a compass yet?” continued JJ, earning a slow nod from the camp director, “Think about it, Miss P – Willowdale ain’t Willowdale without its treasure hunt,”

As JJ spoke, the rest of the group were silently praying behind him that his charismatic way with manipulating will work on Pricilla, giving them an excuse to ask her to decipher the mysterious coordinates they had gotten their hands onto. The old lady leaned back in her old leather chair and looked at JJ skeptically for a while, adding to the already built up tension.

“Give me a few days to map out the course and set up the coordinates,” she finally spoke, causing everyone in the group to silently cheer behind JJ. As they thanked her and turned to leave, she spoke up again, “Oh, and Maybank,” she called, everyone turning to look at her, “No funny business,”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Finally some normal camp activities. Thank you for reading so far, I would greatly appreciate you letting me know what you think about the story and the characters xxx

tags: @k-k0129 ; @hayleyy-l ; @marvellover04 ; @dumbasscorn ; @thrown-off-her-rhythm

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

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"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 7*

Chapter 6

Chapter 8

I swear you guys I never know where these are gonna go, and then a plot just starts coming out itself. It's...starting to get dark, I won't lie to you. But not like-- super dark, no assault or anything. Just be wary reading this chapter, kay? Especially if you have any addiction issues.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

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A few hours later Rafael’s alarm went off, causing you to groan and pull a pillow over your head.

“It’s Saturday,” You whined. “Why do you have an alarm set on a Saturday?!”

“Lo siento, amante,” He leaned over and turned it off, then pulled you closer into him as he nuzzled your neck. “I have to go in today,”

“On a Saturday?!” You repeated yourself.

“It’s what grown ups do, carino,” He chuckled, to which you promptly turned to face him.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” You frowned at him.

“Nothing, amor,” He assured you. “I was only joking,”

“...Were you, though?” You narrowed your eyes.

“You’re not a morning person, are you?” He was still chuckling with a sleepy grin.

“Not when I’m being insulted I’m not!” You now sat up, completely unamused by his flippant remarks.

“Y/N,” He sat up as well, putting a hand on your shoulder and stroking your hair with the other. “I really was joking. You know if we’re going to...spend time together, you should really get used to my snarky sense of humor,”

“Oh should I?” You crossed your arms.

“Yes,” He nodded, his smile never leaving his face.

“....And what exactly do you mean by ‘spending time together’?” You raised an eyebrow.

“...Well, I don’t know, do you really want to label...this, right this second?” He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, now finally reaching an annoyed point.

“...No,” You replied softly while you picked at a loose thread on the comforter.

“Okay, well--” He started to kiss you, but you put a hand over his mouth.

“Uh uh, Romeo,” You shook your head. “If we’re going to ‘spend time together’, you should know I don’t kiss before brushing,”

“Noted,” He chuckled once more as he kissed the top of your forehead. “If you need a label, I think we stick to ‘weird secret friends,’

“Well I don’t know if that applies anymore,” You sighed. “Considering we are no longer secret and I don’t think friends sleep with each other,”

“Well then we’re still weird, are we not?” He pointed out.

“Ha Ha,” You rolled your eyes. “So friend, what am I supposed to do while you’re at work?”

“....Talk to Sonny?” He asked as he got out of the bed.

“Oh, great idea!” You feigned excitement. “I’ll be sure to really twist the knife in his back this time,”

“You’re so dramatic,” He shook his head with a smile. “Just talk to him,”

“There’s no point Rafael,” You objected. “Unless I stop seeing you, he’ll never forgive me,”

“Well first of all, I seriously doubt that’s true,” He disagreed. “And second of all, he’s going to be hurt whether we continue...seeing each other, or not. The bottom line is he’s upset he’ll never be with me,”

“...Does everything just lead back to you, counselor?” You asked him while he began to get dressed.

“Basically,” He teased while pulling on his pants.

“Look, you can call me selfish or arrogant, or cold hearted all you want,” He told you. “But just because you stand there in your moral ivory tower doesn’t mean you don’t feel the same way. You just don’t want to act on them,” He disappeared into his bathroom to brush his teeth.

“I’m sorry, and why is that a bad thing?” You called from his bed, an insulted tone obvious in your voice.

“Because it’s your life, Y/N!” He exclaimed as he reemerged from the bathroom, giving you a serious look. “It’s not mine, it’s not Sonny’s. You don’t have any responsibility for anyone else’s happiness but your own,”

“Well hurting my cousin doesn’t make me happy!”

“And being with me doesn’t either?” He asked with his own hurt tone while he buttoned his dress shirt. Your long pause made him stop and look at you, your head was looking at the floor in shame. “Y/N?”

“....It makes me the happiest I’ve probably been in my entire life,” You admitted, making him grin like a Cheshire cat. He finished buttoning his shirt and then walked backed towards the bed, wrapping you in his arms.

“Back at you, killer,” He pressed his forehead against yours before kissing you long a deep, crawling onto the bed. You began kissing for maybe a minute, then suddenly it dawned on him he still needed to go to work.

“Well, this might be a problem,” He pulled back from you and walked back to his closet now speeding up his routine. He grabbed his tie and began tying it quickly.

“...What is?” You looked at him quizzically.

“You’re clearly a distraction, amante,” He gave you a mischievous grin.

“Well I’ve been called worse,” You shrugged.

“I’m sure you have,” He teased.

“Hey!” You tossed a pillow at him, he dodged it effortlessly.

“Alright killer, I promise I'll be right back,” He grabbed his suit jacket and started to walk out of the bedroom. You trailed behind him, still stark naked.

“You sure you wanna leave all….this?” You presented yourself with an evil smile.

“Oh you are...you are diabolical, woman,” He eyed you up and down, kicking himself for making this meeting today of all days.

“Mmmhmm…” You raised your long leg up until it was right next to your face, reminding him how flexible you were.

“No,” He bit his fist. “No no no, I must go,” He shook his head and bolted out the door. You stared at it, shocked by his immediate departure. How rude! You scoffed and turned to go back to the bedroom to get dressed, just as the door swung open and Rafael rushed in, grabbing your naked body in a heated kiss.

“Okay, now I seriously have to go,” He sighed while taking a mental picture of your perfectly toned body.

“Fine,” You pouted. “See if I’m here when you get back,”

“Oh you better be,” He warned with a cheeky smile, walking back out the door and leaving you alone once again.

You quickly realized you might not have a choice to avoid Sonny, seeing as all you had were your still damp clothes from the night before. You grabbed them and tossed them in Rafael’s dryer while you paced the apartment in the t-shirt and boxers from the night before.

What would you say? What could you say?

-------

Later that day

You pulled up in front of Sonny’s apartment building and exited your Uber, thanking the driver before she drove away. You sighed and walked up to the stoop, ringing his box. There was a long silence, before you heard a woman’s voice:

“Hello? Sonny’s apartment,”

Who the hell was that?

“Um, yeah hi,” You stammered, completely taken aback by the turn of events. “I-I’m here for Sonny? It’s Y/N, his cousin…”

“Aw shit,” You heard Sonny’s voice muffled, before the buzzing of the door to let you inside. You walked into the building and headed up the stairs towards his apartment. As you reached his floor, you saw a blonde woman bolting out of his door, zooming past you and down the stairs. You looked at her for a moment before turning to stare at Sonny who just stood in the doorway.

“....And who was that?” You asked him curiously.

“Nobody, just a friend,” He dismissed you.

“A friend?” You half laughed. “Must be quite the friend,”

“You’re one to talk, with your stupid sneaky friends BS,” He snarked.

“...Weird secret friends,” You clarified in a small voice.

“Really, Y/N?” He asked you, unamused.

“Okay I’m sorry, you’re right--”

“Did you need something?” He crossed his arms as he leaned on his doorway.

“I um...I wanted to talk…”

“Did you now?”

“....And I need my clothes,” You gestured to the ‘walk of shame’ outfit you were still wearing.

“Ohhhh I see I see,” He nodded with a sarcastic laugh. “You needed your stuff so you can continue the sleepover with the honorable ADA?”

“Sonny--”

“Whatever, Y/N. I don’t wanna hear it. Just-- hold on,” He waved his hands in front of you as he disappeared into his apartment, his door slamming in your face. Soon he reappeared with your bag in tow, shoving it in your hands.

“There ya go, enjoy your weekend,” He started to shut the door but you put your foot in it.

“Sonny I’m not leaving until you hear me out,”

“...Fine,” He sighed and opened the door wider, letting you enter. You walked past him and sat on his couch. He walked to the couch and grabbed two beers, handing one to you as he sat on his armchair next to you.

“I um--” You started to say something, but you really needed it right now. Unfortunately, Sonny quickly realized his mistake and took yours back.

"Sorry, I forgot Sunshine," He apologized and grabbed a soda bottle from the fridge this time, and handed it to you.

“So,” He twisted the cap off his beer and took several big gulps, dreading this conversation already. “Talk,”

“Oh,” You hadn’t expected that. You hadn’t even expected to get in the door, let alone having to make some kind of speech.

Sonny knew that look in your eyes, the same look you had when you had forgotten the words to your song in your middle school talent show.

“Seriously, Y/N?” He shook his head with another sarcastic laugh. “You didn’t have anything prepared to say?”

“Well!” You took another swig of your soda

“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” “You just show up here, chase off Amanda, and--”

“Amanda?” You quirked an eyebrow.

“Irrelevant, Sunshine,”

“Right…”

“And you don’t even have a defense ready for your boyfriend?” He finished his thought.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” You objected.

“Damn straight he’s not!” He agreed.

“....What is that supposed to mean?” You narrowed your eyes.

“Let me ask you something, Sunshine,” He put down his beer. “You slept together last night, right?”

“...Yeah,” You answered cautiously.

“And then this morning-- tell me, what did he do?”

“...Well he had to go into work," You pushed a strand of hair behind your ear nervously. You didn’t like where this was going.

"Uh huh" Sonny nodded with a smile.

“He DID” You insisted.

“Right, and did you guys even discuss what happens now?” He kept questioning you.

“Wha? We're not teenagers Sonny,” You rolled your eyes as you took bigger sips of your soda, wishing it was harder stuff. You didn’t like this at all.

“But you're not wondering? At All?”

“….We decided not to label it right now,” You answered softly, looking at the floor. You didn’t know why you were suddenly so nervous about that answer. Weren’t you the one who didn’t want to label it yet?

“Did you decide it or did he decide that?” Sonny read your mind, freaking you out even more.

“What are you doing?” You slammed the bottle on the table. You're upset I "stole" Rafael from you so now you're trying to get in my head?”

“No!” He protested. “But I know how he is, sunshine. I didn't want you involved with him solely because I...have a thing for him, he said the last uncomfortably. It's because I know how...frivolous he can be with relationships,”

“Oh my god,” You rolled your eyes with a laugh. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“I’m not fucking with you, sunshine!” He slammed his empty beer on the table angrily. “I’m serious,”

“Oh I’m sure you’re serious,” You nodded, still keeping your sarcastic tone.

“Look Sunshine,” He put a hand on your knee while lowering his voice to a softer, caring tone. “You can make excuses all you want. But I think you know me better than that. I wouldn’t tell you anything I didn’t explicitly believe,”

“...Yeah, I know,” You nodded in agreement, knowing he was right. He always looked out for your best interest, ever since you were a kid.

“So...will you at least think about what I’m saying?”

“What are you saying, Sonny?”

“I’m saying be careful, Sunshine,” He looked at you earnestly. “He can get bored very easy, and very fast,”

You thought to yourself that he couldn’t get tired of the ‘best sex of his life’ that quickly, but you’d never say that out loud to Sonny. Not unless you wanted him to have an aneurysm right in front of you. But then again, would you want him to want you around just for the sex, right?

“...I gotta go Son,” You glanced at your phone. “I promised him I’d be waiting for him when he gets home,”

“Seriously?” Sonny shook his head with yet another sarcastic laugh. “Damn Sunshine, you let him start working you fast,”

“Shut up,” You muttered uneasily as you got up from the couch and started to head out.

“Sunshine, one more thing,” He followed you to the door, you paused in the doorway to listen.

“Yes, Sonny?”

“...You know you always have a place here,” He gave you a big hug, you had missed this. You hugged him back tightly before pulling back and giving him a sincere smile.

“I know, Son,” You kissed him on the cheek and then began walking down the hall as he shut the door behind you.

He was just being his overprotective self….right?

---------

It was around eight that Rafael finally came back to the apartment. He found you stewing on the couch, half of his good vodka was gone.

“Uh….honey, I’m home?” He asked warily.

“Oh, are you?” You rolled your eyes, not bothering to get up,

“...What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” You scoffed. “What happened to “I’ll be right back?”

“...Stuff came up,” He mumbled.

“Seriously?” You half laughed. “Sonny was right,”

“Excuse me?” He took off his jacket and hung it up.

“I went to go get my stuff from Sonny’s,” You gestured to your own clothes you now had on. “And he told me to be careful with you,”

“Careful with me?” He laughed. “Like I’m breakable?”

“No!” You stood up. “Like you break other people,”

“Oh come on Y/N,” He rolled his eyes as he met you halfway in the living room. “Doesn’t that just sound like something he’d say to deter you from me?”

“He wasn’t saying it like that, Rafael,” You shook your head and crossed your arms. “He’s looking out for me, like he always has,”

“And what else did he say?” He eyed you suspiciously.

“He said…” You looked up at the ceiling. It was starting to swirl a bit, you rocked back and forth. Rafael noticed and quickly put both hands on your shoulders, knocking you from your daze.

“Y/N!” He cried as he led you back to the couch and sat you down. “Jesus, is this what you do when you’re upset?”

“...No,” You lied. You were in no shape and nowhere near close enough to him to start revealing dark secrets about yourself. You really should have thought that through. You had to recover from this, you didn’t want him to know.

“Are you sure about that?” He raised a questionable eyebrow, not believing you for a second.

“...This isn’t about me, this is about how you get bored of women-- and men, I assume,”

“What?” He blinked in confusion. “Is that what Carisi said?”

“Maybe,” You grabbed the glass of vodka and started to sip it, but Barba snatched it out of your hand.

“I think you’ve had enough of that,” He told you, his concern growing more by the second the more he looked at you.

“Great,” You muttered, focusing on the TV.

“Hey, Hey!” Rafael snapped at you. “We’re not done talking,”

“Alright, fine,” You turned off the TV. “You wanna talk? Tell me about the t-shirt,”

“...I’m not having this conversation with you when you’re like this,” He shook his head and stood up to go to his bedroom.

“You’re the one who said you wanted to talk, Rafael!” You threw your hands up. “So let’s talk about it-- or even better, let’s talk about the drawer full of girl’s clothes you have,”

“You went through my drawers?!” He snapped. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Are they mementos? Gifts? Trophies?” You stood up, wobbling towards him.

“Trophies?” He scoffed while putting his hands over his face in frustration. “God dammit Y/N...I…”

“You what?” You crossed your arms, steadying yourself.

“I can't deal with...this,” He gestured to you.

“With what?” You suddenly felt a wave of dread. You’d seen that look before. Many, many times. From many, many people.

“With THIS, with YOU,” He walked up to you and walked you back to the couch.

“You’re clearly more fucked up than I thought, and I-- I can’t be your emotional support fuck buddy,” He went on as he grabbed a pillow and blanket from a closet.

“Wow...wow,” You felt tears choking your throat. “So that’s what I am, a fuck buddy?”

“I don’t--- I don’t know,” He rubbed his face, sitting down on the couch next to you.

“Really? Because twelve hours ago you were sitting here and telling me that- that I meant something to you,” You started to cry.

“You do!” He put a hand to your face. “You...you do, I just…” He looked at your sorry state. “I don’t know what to do with you,” Rafael was kicking himself for getting you both in this mess; he wasn’t equipped to deal with someone so unstable. Maybe it was a one time thing, a fluke.

“Look just-- just sleep it off and we’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay?”

“I don’t…” You whimpered. “I don’t want to,”

“Well, we have to talk about it--”

“No,” You stopped him. “I don’t want to sleep it off in here, alone,” You gestured to the couch, the bed he clearly had made for you to sleep in.

“I…” He sighed, finally conceding and picking you up to carry you to his bed.

“Alright baby, alright,” He placed you on his bed and laid down next to you until you fell asleep, then he got up and went into the living room, kicking a pillow across the floor in rage and upset, falling against the wall with his head in between his knees.

What the fuck did he get himself into?

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba angst #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba fanfiction #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #sonny carisi #weird secret friends #angst #tw alcoholism

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enigma-im · 3 years

Text

Second Day of Christmas...

Trope: Teacher/Student (college) (Nsfw) Relationship: Saytr x Human Word Count: 5,426

I quickly grab my clothes from off the floor, putting them on as I shuffle out of the bedroom. Stopping at the door I look back at the naked satyr lounging tangled in his sheets. I can't help but pat myself on the back with the lay tonight. He is a rather sexy man, putting my past one night stands to shame with skills in the bedroom. Hell, I almost overslept from how exhausted he got me. I debate leaving my number as I walk into the living room. Before I can decide my phone chimes, notifying me of my ride outside.

"Shh, shh," I hush the phone, wincing at its volume. Hearing shuffling from the bedroom I quickly abscond out the front door.

Breakfast with Shelby is live with juicy details of our weekend. She talks about her weekend vacation with her boyfriend to her parent's beach resort. I can't help but scoff at her rich family. They spent most of the time there humping like bunnies on every surface. Minimal time was spent actually on the beach.

I share my weekend events, explaining a night spent man hunting and coming up short till the last minute. A handsome satyr bought me a drink, wooing me with his words before getting me back to his place. The night was honestly great, to a surprising degree. He listened and adapted eagerly to every moaned instruction, going above and beyond before reaching his own end.

"Shame you didn't get his number," she says, swiping through her phone.

"Eh, don't think he would have written. He is more of a once in a lifetime lay more than a potential relationship," I shrug, hiding my true disappointment.

"Who knows, maybe you'll see him again," she giggles at her phone, thoroughly distracted now.

"If that fates demand it," I mumble, finishing off my drink in a single swig.

Classes begin today, starting off the spring semester. My day begins with Calculus, Satan's greatest creation. Bless first-day intros that lack any actual work. Next is ITE, the easiest class for someone using computers since they could read and write. Then the first day of classes ends with English, the most weirdly complicated college course besides science.

I walk in and take the first seat closest to the door. Dropping my bag on my desk I begin checking my messages before class begins. I respect the amount of money I spent on these classes not to get distracted by my mobile device. Don't respect that class, but the copious amounts of money spent to sit here and do nothing till I can go home and reteach it all to myself.

The class fills up till it's at compacity, normal for the first day. The teacher walks in shortly after we were scheduled to start, dropping his case on to his desk.

"Hello, hello. Welcome to English 111, I am Mr. Farfick," the teacher begins the class. I set down my phone, shoving it into my bag as I give my sole attention to Mr. Farfick. Our eyes meet immediately as he is already staring, stiff as a bored and white as a sheet. I feel to be in a similar fashion as my blood runs cold and a nervous chuckle wishes to leave my throat.

Hello, Mr. Best-One-Night-Stand-Ever.

The hour and a half are spent in thick tension. Everyone else seems oblivious to the teacher and I's strife. Tobias- Mr. Farfick is fidgeting as he hands out papers, avoiding all contact with me as I do the same. I can't bring myself to look to the teacher who spent hours last week between my legs. Like, how would any expect to look at this man and not have your first thought be him giving you bedroom eyes while eating you out? That's just evil.

2 o'clock couldn't come fast enough, me being the first to bolt out the room. I race to my car, flustered all to hell as unwanted images of his o-face pops into my mind. It plays on repeat, evening morphing scenes to him at his desk doing the same. I can't drop it, I'm not 100% sure if I want to. I shake my head at the idea.

I have to change classes.

The next day I head to the offices to talk with a counselor about changing teachers. I sit in the waiting room longer than necessary till I'm called back. I jump, following the woman into her small box office.

'Hello, what can I help you with today," she asks, already clicking away on her computer.

"Uh, I was curious about other English 111 classes, the day isn't really working for me," I lie.

She nods," of course, let's see. We have a Tuesday and Thursday class at 11 am with Mr. Farfick, or Monday and Wednesday at 12:30 am with the same teacher."

I wince," no other teacher?"

She clicks away again, giving a sorrowful look," no, it appears he is the only available English teacher this semester. I can promise you that he has received nothing but praises from the previous student. He is a good teacher."

'also a good student', I think to myself.

"Alright, I trust you. I guess I'll have to keep it as is and figure it out myself. Thank you," I stand, heading out the office," have a good day."

"You too, bye," she smiles sweetly. I smile back, dropping it with a groan once out of sight. It seems I have no other options besides wasting a semester taking one class later. I have to deal with him.

Class the next day is equally tense as the one before. He ignores me altogether, not even looking to my side of the room as he speaks to the class. I can't blame him, even though it stings a bit. Right now I can't stare at him too long or saucy images pop into my head. Instead of paying attention, I come up with a plan of attack.

The obvious option is to talk to him, getting all out in the open. We were two consenting adults, there was nothing wrong with what we did. He wasn't my teacher and I wasn't his student, if anything it was the other way around. His pleased grin as he watches me cum on his fingers comes to mind. I shake my head from the thought.

2 o'clock comes around, startling me from my thoughts. I watch as the class heads out, leaving me to slowly pack as to stall. As the last student walks out I make my move. I stand before Tobias-Mr. Farfick-, startling him when he looks up.

"H-hello," he greets. It's kind of cute to see him so flustered.

"We should talk," I get straight to the point. He drops his shoulders, sighing as he looks around. He stands from his desk, grabbing his bag as he heads to the door.

"Let's talk in my office then," he leaves me to follow.

We walk up to the teacher's offices, stopping by one as he unlocks the door. He waves me inside, shutting it behind himself as he lounges against it. I look around his station, stalling a bit as I admire his knickknacks and pictures.

"Nice office," I say.

"Thanks," he answers. I glance over at the couch against the wall.

"You have a couch," I say casually," that's neat."

"Yea, I sometimes sleep here when I need it," he answers.

The silence is deafening as small talk falls flat. I sigh, knowing avoiding this won't do us any good.

"About, uh, last week. We don't need to let that affect our school relationship. I won't bring it up if you don't and we can just pretend it didn't happen," I offer.

He jumps from the door," right! I'm sorry I've been so skittish in class, this kind of thing has never happened before and I really didn't know what to do."

"yea, can't say that I've run into this issue before either," I joke with a dry laugh.

The silence comes back just as strong, suffocating me as I try to think of anything to say. I kick my shoe against his carpet, cleaning off a bit of dirt. With a huff, I look back at him.

"Well, I guess that's it. I'm going to head out now," I point to the door," yep." I skirt past him, grabbing the handle. As I tug it open he speaks.

"Why did you leave in the middle of the night," he asks. I freeze, confused. I shut the door as I turn back to him.

"What?"

"Before, you snuck out before morning and I was really wondering why. I don't do the one-night stand thing often but when I have they normally stay for breakfast," he explains. I'm caught off guard by his genuine displeasure of me leaving that night. In my experience men generally don't want me around the next morning.

"You wanted me to stay for breakfast," I ask dumbfounded.

"well yea," he says like it was obvious," you were really fun at the bar and I wanted to try to get your number if you were up for that."

"You wanted my number?"

"of course. I thought the night was fun, even great, and going out for dinner sometime was something I wanted to do with you," he shrugs," but you clearly weren't up for that as you snuck out in the middle of the night."

I stare at him even more confused," you wanted to get dinner sometime?"

"Can you stop repeating what I've said," he snaps," you know what, never mind. I was just curious and for the next week I kept thinking, 'did I do something wrong' 'was the sex not that good'? It hardly matters now so excuse me for taking up your time. Feel free to see yourself out." he stomps out of the way, his hooves clomping on the floor. I continue to look at him dumbfounded, utterly conflicted at his confession. No man has ever wanted me to stick around.

His dejected face plucks at my heart as my emotions guide me forward. Without truly thinking I grab his tie and tugs him close, pressing my lips to his in a determined kiss. He jumps, not reacting as I pull away.

"If I'd known you wanted me to stay for breakfast I would have stayed. I would have love to give you my number. I honestly don't know if I would have agreed to dinner but my answer may have leaned towards yes, and you were the best sex I ever had," I ramble on, answering all his questions in one go.

It takes a moment for him to catch up, I give him a second to catch up. I fiddle with his tie, becoming nervous as he stares at me dazed.

"The best sex you ever had," he huffs with a smile.

"By a long shot," I smile wide. He grabs me and tugs me against his body as he steals a kiss. The taunt string that sat between us snaps as he backs me against his desk. He lifts me easily onto the tabletop, fitting himself between my legs. I run my hands through his hair, petting at his horns before tugging him closer.

Our tongues mix as we fiddle with one another's pants. I reach into his easily, finding his hard cock and pulling it out. He unbuttons my pants, tugging them hard down my legs. As I jerk him off he splits away from my lips, a string of saliva connecting us. I lick it away, grinning like a fool at his dazed face. I palm him, pleased to be reacquainted once more. With a groan he splits my legs farther, shoving my underwear to the side to pet at my cunt.

"So wet," he hums," I need you."

I squeeze his cock as I whisper in his ear," then take me, Professor." he rewards me with another moan, his head dropping to my shoulder as he shoos my hand away from his cock. He tugs me to the end of the desk, wrapping my legs around him as he thrusts in.

He whines," Divine.' I couldn't agree more.

He doesn't draw this out any longer, grabbing my hips and pumping into me. We both grunt and groan, keeping quiet despite the thumps of his thighs hitting the desk are louder than us. I hold on to him, already feeling the throbbing in my clit. Everything about this adds to the appeal. Fucking in his office where anyone can walk in. Fucking my teacher shortly after class. Fucking the sexy Satyr from last week. All together brings me towards my climax faster than normal.

Tobias grunts, stuttering in his movement. He begins panting, lazily kissing my shoulder. His hand snakes around from my hip to where we meet, beginning to rub at my clit with practiced ease. It seems he hasn't forgotten. I choke on a cry, burying my face against his neck as I tug on his tie and fist his hair.

"Please, please," I ramble under my breath. My body feels like fire as my coming climax starts to wash over me. I jerk into his next few thrust, wanting to worship his magic fingers. I cum with a surprised yelp, biting into my fist as my legs tremble around his hips. He grunts, his face pinching in agony as he bucks wildly. A few wavy moans leave his lips as he tosses his head back. I feel him cum, pulsing as he fills me. I shudder at the feeling, my nails digging into his hair.

He comes back to himself first, dropping his head so his hair obscures his face. With a large breath, he looks at me between his bangs. He smiles, getting me to smile back.

"Never disappoint, Annika," he praises. I nearly giggle like a girl at that.

"Not so bad yourself," I tug on his tie, pulling him into a kiss. We bask in the afterglow, feeling high as we lazily kiss. It isn't till someone knocks on his door does the reality of our situation sink in.

Quickly, he pulls out, tucking himself away as I right my underwear. He straightens his tie, fixing his hair as I hop off the desk to pull on my pants. I feel his cum dribble out, shivering in mild disgust at the feeling. I walk over to my bag swinging it over my shoulder as Tobias- Mr. Farfick- answers the door.

"Hello," an older woman greets," Do you have a moment?" she glances at me then back to him.

"Uh, yea," he jumps to attention," we finished our conversation, let me just see Mrs. Annika out."

The older woman walks in, stepping near his desk, as he guides me to the door. I step out into the hall, turning to him when I notice him lingering. He grabs the door and doorframe, leaning towards me to whisper in my ear.

"See you in class next week," he purrs. A blush curls up against my neck as I give an unsteady, 'ok'. He chuckles, warm and deep, before shutting the door.

I stare at the closed door for a moment, everything truly setting in now that I'm alone. A shiver of excitement rumbles around my body as I rush down the hall. I make it out of the building and to my car where I sit in silence to think about everything.

"He creampied me in his office," I say surprised," my teacher creampied me." I grab the steering wheel to steady myself, groaning in discomfort. "what the hell is wrong with me," I shout," nobody actually does this! I don't do things like this, I'm a semi-good person who definitely doesn't sleep with their fucking teacher!"

I try to scold myself, I really do, but it was all too good to be truly mad about it. Tobias is just… he is fantastic. I know if given the chance to sleep with him again I would take it, with no hesitations. Still, it's my teacher. Sure he is my teacher for just the semester and I met him before then, but should it be an issue? Will he get fired if someone knew? This isn't high school rules anymore, it's not illegal, but he could get fired.

"fuck," I thunk my head on the steering wheel," he better know what he's doing because I sure as hell don't."

I finally drive home, still going over what happened. The weekend comes and goes as I get the minimal homework I have done. When Monday comes I'm almost giddy at the aspect of having English today. Who knew the only way to get me excited over school was to fuck my teacher?

Calculus almost gets my mood down, almost. ITE continues to be the easiest class in existence. Finally, English 111.

Mr. Farfick is here on time, sitting on his computer and not paying anyone a bit of mind. I sit in my previous spot by the door, trying my damndest not to stare at him. We didn't decide if we were going to ignore what happened, the two cases of it. Are we pretending it didn't happen? Will it happen again? I nearly moaned at the idea of it happening again.

"Hello, hello," he greets," I hope you all had a lovely weekend and managed to get the one assignment I gave you done." he looks out to the class, not avoiding me but not paying attention. Are we pretending it never happened? A few people groan out a droll yes as we all get out our assignment.

He walks the room, picking them up at the end of each row. As he passes mine he stops.

"Did you do your homework," he asks casually. I hand him the stack with a nod. He mumbles loud enough for me," Good girl," and walks on. I choke on my breath, gulping hard as I try not to smile like a fool.

Guess we aren't ignoring anything.

Class is filled with subtle glances and double meaning remarks. It's hard to not give him flirty looks and twirl my hair like some freshman. I try to keep it professional while playing along. Class ends and I stall putting my things away. As the last student leaves, I walk up to his desk.

"Afternoon, Annika," he smiles to himself as he works on his computer," do you need something?"

"Besides you," I shrug, resting my hip next to his desk," maybe."

He looks up with a pleased grin," you need me? Should I be so tempted?"

"Not yet, I have some questions," I say with a bit more seriousness. He sobers a bit, leaning forward on crossed arms.

"What can I help you with, Annika," he asks. His genuine want to help shines through as he focuses solely on me. It makes me stutter a little, my heartwarming up more to him.

"two things," I start," what's happening here, and will we get in trouble for it?" it's best to cut to the chase with this.

He smiles again," worried, Annika?"

"About my degree, yes," I answer honestly.

He drops his chin to his desk," you won't get in trouble, I might, but it's mostly surface-level disciplinary actions like time off and pay cut."

"Are you so willing to lose money because of a fling," I ask, a little angry at his lack of self-preservation.

"A fling," he cocks a brow," would I be too bold to want more than that?"

I recoil at him, not put off but surprised. "You want a relationship or something," I ask.

He nods," I told you I liked you, Annika, and I'd like to see where this goes. Of course, I'm not going to force you but if I want something I generally go for it. To let a few weeks decide if I should drop all feelings for you or not seems rather stupid. I won't be your teacher for long, and you won't be my student for long. So why stall just so we don't feel weird about it?"

I watch him, a bit lost in thought. I mean, he has a point. As long as I don't get in trouble and he doesn't care about getting in trouble then what's the issue? Still, it begs the question of 'am I interested in being in a relationship with him?'. I look at his eager face, seeing the dorky man that lies within. He is excited and I think I feel that too.

"ok," I shrug.

"Ok?"

"ok, as in yes or sure. Generally another word for affirmation," I explain as I reach into my bag, ripping a small piece of paper out.

He watches eagerly," I know what that means, but what are you affirming?"

I write my number on the paper, handing it to him," to going out. Now I have to leave, feel free to write."

I walk out with a cute little wave. He looks from me to the paper, smiling wide as he gets his phone out. I walk out of the building with a pep in my step.

He calls later that day, to my surprise. I answer the unsaved number knowing fully well who it is.

"Hello, hello," I mimic his class greetings.

"evening, Annika, hope I'm not calling at a bad time," his voice purrs through the speaker. I lounge back in my bed, pinching the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"Of course not, I was just doing some boring English homework," I tease.

"Boring? How rude of the teacher to give out such lame assignments then," he answers. I snort, shaking my head.

"It's fine, he's pretty cute so he can get away with keeping English boring," I joke.

"We will get back to the cute part, you don't like English?"

I grab the paper on the bed, looking it over," it's not my favorite, I tolerate it. Perhaps I just need proper motivation."

"What kind of motivation?"

I hum," not sure, some positive reinforcement wouldn't hurt."

"like perhaps an evening with your 'cute' professor," he asks, his voice low and sultry. I nibble on my lip, feeling giddy.

"Wouldn't hurt," I bite back a smile," I heard he is really good in bed."

"Is that right? I don't think he would mind giving up some of his free time to keep you motivated to pass," he says.

"you would know?"

"of course, I'm really close with him," he drops his game, speaking without the erotic purr," can we stop pretending I'm not him, I'm getting hard and I wanted to have an actual conversation with you."

I bark out a laugh," you're hard? I didn't even do anything."

He snorts," oh, you did plenty. I could barely sit in class today without thinking about bending you over my desk. See your cute little pussy soaked and spread for my enjoyment."

"that's so cruel, how am I to sit in class now knowing what your thinking. Every time you walk by I just wanna grab your horns and drag you to you're knees to get you to work on getting this 'little pussy' ready for your enjoyment," I tease back. I hear a faint groan from him as if he pulled the phone away.

"Stop, I wanted to be a gentleman and ask you how your day was," he scolds.

"well it's better now, only if you were here to deal with this throbbing between my legs it would be amazing," I grin as he groans again.

"Naughty, naughty," he tsks," tell me about your day and we can decide tomorrow how to deal with you in my office."

"Promise," I ask.

"Promise," he says firmly.

We actually manage to talk about something other than sex. I talk about my day, as does he, and go on about my degree. It's sweet how attentive he is throughout, adding feedback about class courses and teacher drama. The entire time we talk I can't wipe the smile off my face.

The next day in his office is…eventful.

"Fuck," he moans near my ear. He pounds into me against his bookshelf, the shelves hitting uncomfortably against my back. I can't bother to care as his finger rubs my clit and his cock pumps into me. Small wails leave my lips, leading him to cover my mouth with his own. Our cries of pleasure mix, his hips adding the beat to our music of the body.

"Please," I beg against his lips.

"I got you," he mumbles. I grapple at his shoulders, squeezing him closer with my legs and grinding into his thrusts. He grabs my hands from around him, pinning them on the shelf with our fingers clasped together. He kisses me, swallowing my groans as I fall apart.

"T-Tobias," I shutter.

"Annika," he echoes back, squeezing my hand as his face pinches. His cum floods me once again, painting my insides with his seed. We rest against each other, breathing heavily in the silent room. Tobias rocks his hips slowly, leaning down to press sweet kisses to my cheek and neck.

"So beautiful," he whispers," I could stay like this forever."

I smile lazily," yea, I could to-" I'm interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Mr. Farfick," a younger voice calls out. Their silhouette is partially seen through the frosted glass.

"Shit," Tobias- Mr. Farfick- curses. He pulls out, setting me down gently on my feet. I watch him fumble with his clothes, tucking himself away and rebuttoning his shirt. He is quite the sight as I slowly fix my clothes.

"Seem a bit flustered there," I tease.

He looks to me a bit panicked as he fixes his tie," well yea, there is a student at my door."

"Mr. Farfick," they call again.

"Just a moment," he answers back.

I button my shorts as a mischievous smile curls my lips," I thought you didn't mind getting caught."

"No, I said it's not a big deal if I get caught, but I rather not if I can help it," he corrects. I stand at the bookshelf with my shirt still undone and bra unhooked. With him all proper and straight he looks to me, his eyes drop to my breast before he looks back to me.

He squints as he walks over and begins to right my clothes," Don't be evil right now."

I tug his tie and brings him in for a kiss," who says I'm being evil."

He closes his eye in frustration, growling low in his throat," be a good girl and go sit down by the desk."

"Ok, Mr. Farfick," I purr, kissing his cheek before I sit back down. He huffs, walking over to the door. Before he opens it he throws me a warning look.

"Sorry, I was speaking with another student. What do you need," he asks the tall lad before him. I don't bother paying attention, looking around his room, and thinking back on moments ago.

I don't hear him shut the door or walk over till he grabs my hair and slowly guides my head back. He scowls down at me, pulling my hair a little tighter

"Something wrong," I ask casually.

"You, young lady, are in big trouble," he twists my chair and frames me with his arms. I grab his tie again, pulling him closer.

"what? Little old me," I mock innocence. He rolls his eyes, letting me tug him in for a kiss.

The semester is a lot more fun than I anticipated. We have fewer moments in his office after the last incident with the student. But we make up for it at his place on the weekends. English becomes a lot more fun when every good grade is rewarded with gratuitous sex.

At the final week of class, I lay in Tobias' bed, snuggled up in his arms after another study session. I pet my foot up his hairy legs, relishing in the softness of his fur. He opens his eyes, a lazy smile decorating his face.

"Hi," I whisper.

"Hello," he shuts his eyes back, pulling me closer.

"Finals are next week, imma be a bit too busy to come over," I say quietly, not wanting to break the peace of the room.

He hums, answering in his gravelly voice," you sure you don't want some help studying?"

"I actually need to study," I answer," we do a lot less studying when together."

He gropes at my ass," I don't know what you mean, I think we did a lot of studying tonight."

I snort," yea if I was taking anatomy." he chuckles, snuggling his face against my chest. I pet at his hair, pushing it off his forehead and around his horns.

"I wanna make a deal if I have to spend a week without you," he grumbles from between my breast.

"What kind of deal," I scratch the back of his head. He hums, rubbing his cheeks against my boob.

"Pass all your exams and I'll take you out to dinner as a reward. Nothing cheap, but a genuine date," he looks up at me as he speaks. We haven't gone out before, deciding against it for reasons. The fact that he wants to almost knocks the breath from me. A part of me always saw this as a fling, even though he hasn't validated that thought. We talk, often, but sex is a given anytime we're in the same room. It's nice to be properly taken out, shown off without the threat of consequences.

"And if I fail," I ask instead of answering. He cocks a brow, rising and crawling over me. I pet at his chest, smiling at where this was going. He leans down, kissing under my jaw.

He whispers," let's just say, I suggest you don't." I can't stop the girlish giggle that leaves my mouth, relishing in the love bites being littered across my neck.

The next week is rather torturous. I nearly call Tobias just to get an excuse to stop doing study packets. I hold strong, keeping distractions to a minimum. For some reason, I really wanna get the best grade I can, perhaps to have something to be proud of when I show Tobias. I fluster at the idea that I want to impress him.

Exams are torturous, especially in Calculus. The ITE exam was a joke, only one or two questions being confusing. English wasn't hard but trying to focus with Tobias just a few feet away was its own form of torture. When he walked around the room I nearly covered my answers in pure nervousness. The one time I catch his eyes, he gives a sweet motivating smile. I keep that with me as I turn in the test and walk out.

I don't see Tobias till grades are posted, wanting to give him whatever news I have the second I know. I skip to his house, feeling giddy as I knock on his door. I bounce on my toes, waiting for him to answer as I pinch my phone in my hand. The door opens and I nearly shove the phone in his face with my excitement.

"I passed them all," I cheer. He takes the phone from me, checking it over.

"Got a C in calculus," he tries to scold, a smile still tugging on the corners of his mouth.

I roll my eyes," C's get degrees, you try taking that class."

"You're right, I can't talk, I failed calculus in high school," he sets my phone on the table by the door and picks me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, hugging him as we walk inside.

"So dinner this weekend," I ask, bouncing in his hold.

"Well, since you were such a good girl. I guess," he jokes," but first, I've missed you." he carries me over to his bedroom, dropping me on the bed before crawling over me. I drag him down for a kiss, smiling like a fool the entire time.

"Proud of you," he says between kisses," you did very well."

"it's because I had a good teacher," I tease. He snorts, working on removing my clothes as I work on his.

I do hope the sex isn't different now that he isn't my teacher. He makes me swallow those words that night.

#12 days of christmas #12 tropes for christmas #teacher/student #exophilia #monster boyfriend #Enigma-IM #satyr boyfriend

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half-bakedboy · 3 years

Text

Where’s My Love? (read on ao3)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: Teen Summary: Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

Or a Season 4 Episode 4 coda where Eddie helps Buck get through the dinner with his parents without even knowing it.

With his parents back in town and his mind racing with thoughts of being forced to socialize with them after so many relatively peaceful years, Buck’s anxiety was the highest it had ever been. That was saying a lot considering he had survived an earthquake, a firetruck bombing and subsequent embolism, and even a fucking tsunami all within the last two years. It made him laugh - almost as much as it made him want to throw up - that a surprise visit from the people that raised him was triggering more of a trauma response than any of those other events.

He took a deep breath as he wandered the streets of L.A. and considered his options. He was set to have dinner one more time with Maddie, Chim, and his parents, and he honestly wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through and keep his mouth shut like he had promised his sister. She asked Buck to understand where they were coming from, to realize that they tried their hardest and that things could have been a lot worse, but Buck couldn��t imagine how that was fair.

It wasn’t fair that it was always his job to push aside their parenting failures because he was an adult and had turned out ‘just fine’ as Maddie had always put it. It wasn’t fair that their small jabs at Maddie tore open the scars Doug had left on her or that their obvious misguidances of Buck in every way caused shame and hurt to flood through every inch of his body when they spoke. It didn’t matter that Maddie was pregnant from a man that truly loved her and treated her right and had a job that she really kicked ass at. If that didn’t matter, then it certainly wouldn’t that Buck had worked harder to become a firefighter than he ever had in his life and that for once, he was truly happy when he looked toward the future.

No, none of that seemed to matter, because Evan and Maddie had to be on their best behavior and pretend that their parents did the best that they could given the circumstances, of which Buck wasn’t aware enough to fully understand. He would get through one more dinner for Maddie and Chimney’s sake and his parents would go back to wherever they decided to venture to next and Buck could repress all of the negative emotions that welled up inside of him once again.

Before he knew it, he was in front of Eddie’s door. He let out a small chuckle at the fact that even when he was lost in his own mind, his body found its way to Eddie. Buck relied on him so much more in the last few years, more than he ever expected to rely on anyone let alone the one person he had despised on sight. He figured it made sense for his subconscious to bring him there, though. Eddie was a father, first and foremost, and he had made that clear since joining the 118 that being a father was the most important thing to him even above his career. Buck knew how much being a firefighter meant to him, so he could only imagine the kind of love Eddie must have for Christopher to put anything above that.

He knocked on the door without a second thought and placed his hands in his pockets nervously as he waited for an answer. When he saw Christopher’s face as the door opened, his heart soared and he held out his arms for an inevitable hug. He loved how Christopher’s hugs were always full-bodied and suffocating because that was just how Buck needed them to be, especially then.

“Buck! Dad didn’t tell me you were coming over!” Christopher said excitedly and Buck was grateful that at least one of the duo was happy to see him. Even though he figured Eddie would be completely fine with the unexpected visit, his mind was too hazed with anxiety to accept that.

“That’s because he didn’t know, Bud. Where is he?” Buck asked, taking a few steps inside just as Eddie rounded the corner. Eddie’s face showed surprise and then immediate concern, and even once Buck smiled at him, the worry in his features seemed to only marginally lessen as he smiled back.

“Just in time to tuck Christopher into bed for the night!” Eddie yelled with a mock joy that did nothing to convince Christopher that bedtime was as exciting as Buck’s surprise arrival.

“But dad,” Christopher drawled out, “Buck just got here!” For a moment, Buck’s guilt must have been obvious, but Eddie scooped his son up in his arms with an easy explanation.

“And Buck can visit anytime he likes. That doesn’t mean you need to be awake for it. Go brush your teeth while I talk with him and we’ll both come say goodnight in a few minutes, okay?” Christopher sighed heavily as Eddie put him back on the ground, but peered around to Buck who nodded to confirm that he wasn’t going anywhere. If he had the opportunity to put his favorite kid to bed, he wouldn’t - and couldn’t when Christopher looked at him with such wide, pleading eyes - say no.

When Christopher was safely out of earshot, Eddie rested a hand on Buck’s shoulder and stated, “You barely ever come here without texting me first.” Buck huffed out a laugh.

“What? I’m not just allowed to come by ‘anytime I like’?” Buck quoted back at Eddie who looked very unimpressed having his words used against him. The ‘you know that’s not what I meant’ was clear in the way his eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed over his chest. “I just needed a friend. I needed-- well, I needed you,” Buck admitted simply, and fortunately, that appeared to be enough.

“I’ve got a few beers in the fridge leftover from the game on Sunday and I think some juice and Gatorade? Take your pick,” Eddie offered from where he continued finishing up the dirty dishes from dinner. Buck needed to keep his hands busy or his nerves would get the best of him so he stood next to Eddie, holding his hands out for the next rinsed off dish. Eddie apparently decided to take the help and handed Buck the cleaned saucepot without a word.

Their bodies were aligned perfectly with arms pressed together snugly and Bucks’ socked foot nudging against Eddie’s slippered one with each pivot toward the dishwasher. It was comfortable in every sense of the word and just what Buck needed for his mind to finally start to simmer down. For a few minutes, all he focused on was the warmth radiating from Eddie’s body and the repetitive motions of putting the dishes away the exact way he knew Eddie wanted them. He started the dishwasher and all of the stress associated with his parent’s disappointment was washed away from him as if he put himself in the rinse cycle.

“Buck! Dad!” Christopher called from what sounded like his bedroom. As they walked together, Eddie’s hand never left the middle of Buck’s back as if he somehow knew exactly what Buck had needed from the moment he arrived.

“Ouch,” Eddie began and they entered Christopher’s room, “pushed to second place when his Buck is around. Really stings, kid.” Christopher grinned at them unaffected, his smile brighter than anything Buck had ever seen, and he patted his dad on the cheek.

“I like when both of you put me to bed,” Christopher stated and Buck’s heart exploded once more. He couldn’t resist leaning down and wrapping his arms around the kid as tight as he could, pressing an overexaggerated kiss to his temple and rubbing his cheek on Christopher’s out of control hair. Christopher didn’t seem to worry about the affection and held Buck back just as tight, and when Buck pulled away, Christopher held Buck’s face in his hands and leaned up enough to kiss his forehead firmly.

“You’re a good kid, Chris. You know that?” Buck asked, brushing his curly hair back from his forehead only for it to spring forward anyway.

“Yeah, I know. You’re my best friend. You and my daddy,” Christopher said simply as if those words weren’t everything Buck had ever hoped to hear. He couldn’t imagine ever saying those words about his own father, let alone to his own father and something about Chris admitting them so freely had his breath catching in his throat. He was rendered speechless and Buck was grateful when Eddie leaned into their space and kissed Christopher’s other temple gently before pulling the sheets over his chest.

“Love you, Christopher. Thank you for being such a good boy today and every day,” Eddie said as he stood.

“Love you more and I love you, Buck,” Christopher said easily as his eyes closed - as if it was the last thing he needed to make sure his dad and Buck knew before he fell into sleep.

“I love you, too, Chris, so much,” Buck answered as Eddie pulled him from the bedroom.

He felt like he could cry. He wasn’t sure if the tears that welled in his eyes were from Christopher’s words or from the impending doom that would be his own family’s gathering or even from exhaustion brought on by literally every single thing in his life. All he knew was that Eddie pulled him down the hallway and into the living room and when he was drawn into his best friend’s warm embrace, the dam inside of him cracked more than he wanted it to.

“Buck, what’s going on, man? I haven’t seen you like this since--” Buck was glad Eddie didn’t finish. There’d been way too many times that he had broken down in front of Eddie since they had met and he didn’t need a reminder of how weak he was, especially when he was sure he would get one from his parents soon enough. “Talk to me. You came here for a reason so you have to let me in, okay?” Eddie’s voice was on the edge of panic as he urged Buck to sit on the couch.

“Is it hard to be a parent?” Buck asked hastily. Eddie seemed to consider his question for a moment, but Buck didn’t like the way it sounded and backtracked, “Wait, that’s not--”

“You mean, why was it so hard for your parents to be good parents?” Eddie responded and Buck’s jaw dropped. Before he could ask how Eddie knew what he meant, he shrugged and explained, “You’ve been off since Maddie told you your parents were going to visit and she gave me the heads up that there’s history there I might not know.”

“Dammit, Maddie,” Buck cursed under his breath. Eddie let out a small laugh and rested a hand on Buck’s thigh, the small touch immediately sending a sense of calmness through Buck he couldn’t try to solve.

“She cares about you. I care about you. So will you let me answer your first question?” Buck nodded and Eddie took a preparing breath. “Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m a veteran and a firefighter. But it’s also the easiest thing I’ve ever done because my life wouldn’t be the same without Christopher. It wouldn’t be nearly as exciting or worth living without him and I think you’d agree with me.”

“He’s the best kid I’ve ever met,” Buck said without thought because it was true. “He’s so easy to take care of and he listens more often than not and he’s got a sense of humor that won’t quit. He’s--”

“He’s a nine year old with Cerebral Palsy, a dead mother, and a single father that works 24-hour shifts on a weekly basis. He’s an incredible kid, don’t get me wrong, but he’s got more problems than you ever did.” Buck winced, but he couldn’t argue with that. Buck had it easy as a child and he shouldn’t be complaining just because his parents neglected his emotional needs a little.

“Yeah, I know I’m just overreacting--”

“Hey, no. Stop that,” Eddie said as Buck made to stand. Eddie pulled him back down and angled his head as if making sure Buck couldn’t look away from his eyes. “Buck, you’re not overreacting. Whatever you feel, whatever you went through as a kid, those emotions and-- and anger that you obviously feel toward your parents is extremely valid.” Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. He tried his hardest to do just that, but there were only so many times his parents could miss his football games or ignore his obvious attempts at scrounging for attention before the resentment for them rose into too much for any kid to handle.

But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

“My parents, they--” Buck choked on tears that he tried so hard to hold back. The only calmness around him came from Eddie’s hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and his other resting gently on Buck’s thigh. He didn’t have time to be embarrassed by the intimacy of the touches or to think too much about what they might have meant as he continued, “They never saw me. It was like I didn’t even exist to them. Like-- Like I was just some sort of accident they couldn’t rewind time to fix. I was so alone in the world besides Maddie, but even then, she found Doug and left me as soon as she could. It was like every person I met didn’t care if I disappeared and everyone else disappeared even though I cared.”

Eddie hummed in what sounded like understanding before asking, “Have your parents ever offered you an explanation?”

“Yeah, right,” Buck said sharply. He softened his tone when he realized Eddie’s hand had stopped moving on his back and glanced back up at his friend with a sad smile on his face. “It was always my fault. I was too reckless, too wild, too hard to handle, too exhausting . It made me easy to give up on.” Eddie opened his mouth as if to apologize or argue against Buck’s words but Buck shook his head and rested his hand on top of Eddie’s where his fingertips started to dig into his thigh.

“You don’t give up on your kids,” Eddie said simply. His eyebrows furrowed, his nose flared and he pressed his lips together so tightly, the skin around them started to pale. Buck could see the frustration rising in him and tried to smile to lighten the mood but it wasn’t enough. “No, you-- Kids are so hard to raise, but a parent has to be there for them before they decide to give up, and even then! I would never give up on Christopher and you have no idea many people have told me I have or even should .”

“Excuse me?” Buck interrupted, his own anger bubbling inside at the insinuation that Christopher wasn’t worth the entire world.

“That shouldn’t be surprising, Buck. Like I said, he’s got a disability that inhibits his quality of life - even if he or either of us doesn’t see it that way - and he’s gone through more trauma than any kid should ever have to handle at his age. It would make sense for me to send him off to a boarding school for kids with special needs or to live with his grandparents who are way more equipped to handle him than I am,” Eddie explained. Buck had a hard time processing what he was hearing because Eddie would never do that to Christopher, there was no way.

“Have you thought about that?” Buck asked, his eyes searching Eddie’s for the truth.

Eddie sighed and nodded. “Yeah, of course I have,” he admitted with shame resonating in his voice. “There are nights where I just want to-- I don’t know, lock myself in my room and forget that I have this responsibility or days where I just wish I could catch a freaking break.”

For the first time since Buck had known Eddie, he felt anger towards his best friend. He thought of Christopher; who told Buck he was his best friend, who reminded him that everything was going to be okay, and told him he was good, and couldn’t possibly imagine ever wanting that to disappear. He thought that if Christopher was his kid, he would have never considered those alternatives.

Then he looked back at the last few years he had known the family and realized there had been plenty of opportunities for Eddie to do even more than consider. He could have sent Christopher to one of the schools Carla had found during their search that required boarding or even let Christopher go home with his grandparents when they begged Eddie to move back to Texas. Eddie could have ‘made his life easier’ if that’s what he wanted, but he chose not to.

“So,” Buck began, gripping Eddie’s hand tight in his as if grasping onto comfort and hoping it never went away, “what did you do instead?”

“I loved him anyway. Through everything - the hard times, the fun times, the times where I wanted to pull my hair out or put him in timeout and never let him out - I just… love him anyway.”

_____________

The dinner was going about half as bad as Buck had figured it would be. He had to resist the urge to check the watch on his wrist every few minutes, knowing that if he stayed too late, he might not be able to find himself over at Eddie’s again when he needed it. He had texted Eddie as he paced outside his sister’s house and asked that Eddie message him at exactly eight on the dot so he could have an excuse to leave. He realized pretty quickly after the dinner had begun that he was going to need his best friend. First, it was the comment about his ‘dangerous’ career and then Buck was reminded of the number of hospital stays he endured without his parents sending so much as a card.

Then they brought out the box of memories of Maddie that they kept for her entire childhood only to be eerily silent when his was nowhere to be found. Chimney tried to ease the tension that hazed the room, but there was nothing that could be done. Buck stared down at his still full plate - he had lost his appetite almost immediately - to try and ignore the conversation around him but he couldn’t.

Not when it became increasingly clear that his parents had every opportunity to choose to love him and they just… didn’t.

It was one snipe at Maddie or Chim and then back to Buck after another and he couldn’t find it in himself to sit there a second longer keeping his mouth shut as he had been forced to the entirety of his young life. When his mother made yet another comment about Doug full well knowing how uncomfortable Maddie - and subsequently, Chim - were at the topic, Buck couldn’t stay calm anymore.

“You never gave up hope?” Buck asked, the venom on his tongue paralyzing everyone around the table. Maddie begged him to stop, the plea clear in her voice and her eyes because she just wanted the night to go smoothly, but Buck refused. “United front, remember?”

Buck barely registered the excuses that spilled from his parent’s mouths; that they never gave up hope for Maddie or that they didn’t know Doug was hurting her. Buck reminded them that while, in their twisted minds, they never gave up hope, they gave up on Maddie. They didn’t help her when she was being beaten to a pulp almost every single night or bother to prove they were there for her, for either of them. Buck was so focused on Maddie, he forgot that they had neglected him, too.

“Actually, you know what? Maybe it does track, because you barely knew what was going on with your own kids when we were under the same roof. Maybe you never gave up hope,” Buck took a deep breath to try and push back the shakiness in his voice so his words might stick, “but you sure as hell gave up on her. You gave up on both of us.”

Buck pushed out of his chair, ignoring the pained eyes of his parents and the sympathetic gazes from Chimney and Maddie. He knew he should just leave, get out of there before he said something he was really going to regret, but his therapist had warned him again continuing to avoid confrontation with the people he cared about so he carried on, holding his arms up and out as if they were shields and turned back toward his parents.

“Oh, and, uh, and you wanna know why I'm really in therapy? It is because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment. And you wanna talk about our jobs? You think my job is dangerous?” A ghost of a laugh settled somewhere in his chest. “I have walked through fire every single day of my life because of you!” Buck spat, his throat burning with emotion, his voice like gravel with anger and resentment. “ That is why I am in therapy. Because nothing I ever did was good enough!”

“We tried, but you always…” His dad began and there it was again; that blame that Buck held onto ever since he was a kid and that he carried with him into adulthood.

“You never made it easy on us!” His mom interrupted with tears falling down her cheeks. Because somehow, even after everything he had said, everything was still Buck’s fault. He was never going to get through to them that maybe - just maybe - they were what was wrong. “Either one of you.”

“We were supposed to? We were kids,” Maddie chimed in, her voice breaking with every word. Buck wanted to comfort her but when he glanced over, he realized Chimney had his arm wrapped around her, protecting her from the arguing and the emotion that fogged over them. He was momentarily grateful because for once, he didn’t have to worry about anyone besides himself. Something tugged inside of Buck because there was no one to protect him because the people who were supposed to do just that were looking up at him like they never wanted to see him again.

“Evan, I don't know what you expected us to do!” His mother cried and Eddie’s voice was so clear in his mind.

‘What did you do instead?’ ‘I loved him anyway.’

Buck relented. He was done with the fighting, finished with the way his heart constricted in his chest like the rope his parents tied around it when he was a child was about to slice it in two. He didn't want to feel alone anymore and he was reminded that he was far from it when his phone went off in his pocket. The small vibration that only he could feel resonated through his entire body and soul because with one glance at the clock, he knew the message would belong to Eddie. Even when he felt like he was all alone, Eddie reminded him that wasn’t the case and, without even knowing, pushed Buck into saying exactly what his parents needed to hear.

“Love me anyway.”

#buddie #buddie fic #911 on fox #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #coda fic #4x4 coda #love me anyway #has that line just been on repeat in anyone elses head???#no???#just me??#lak;sdjflkasjfl;as #my writing

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charlieliqueur · 4 years

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Mark X Camper!Reader (Unus Annus)

Camp Days - Part One

Summary/Warnings: Unus Annus spoilers? Takes place during Camp Unus Annus, includes some of Camp Unus Annus fan stuff like the camp cabins and etc, and some of my own variations. Reader is 18+ years old, and part of cabin Taser Fire, since it seems decreed that Mark is the head counselor for that cabin. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go to the Camp Unus Annus posts and you'll find the stuff pretty quick.

---

You didn't remember signing up for this camp. Probably because you didn't, you couldn't have. Oddly enough, you barely remember anything before waking up on a bus, a bag packed and other 'campers' waiting to arrive. This felt off, the bus ride, the look of it, how isolated and almost abandoned it felt. It had all the wrong feelings.

But you were still here. Almost immediately after stepping off the bus a blond man and brunette woman held out stacks of shirts. One stack white, one black. You carefully picked one, and the woman kindly said "Welcome campers! This isn't our official welcome, but we wanted to make sure you had a uniform for initiation! I'm one of the counselors here, my name is Amy! And this is Evan!" They both waved happily.

What were you doing at a summer camp again?

Why would you be here-

Suddenly you all were being ushered away to a grassy clearing with a bonfire pit. Near a roaring fire were two men, wearing semi-matching black and white clothes. One in white, one in black. They turned towards the group of several, beyond several, dozen campers of varying ages, looks, and personalities.

"Welcome to your first day of Camp Unus Annus! In just a few moments you'll be directed to your cabin!" Said the short haired one. The longer haired man said "Don't forget, Camp Unus Annus and officials are not responsible for any harm or death caused here."

"Death??" Asked a few, they also seemed to have no idea how they ended up here.

"Um, excuse me, but I don't remember signing up for this camp," said one girl.

"Me neither!"

"I don't remember too!"

"Uh, me either!"

They two men looked at one another and began laughing. It seemed almost fake. They looked back at the group of confused people. "Of course you didn't sign up, that's not how Camp works here. Now come on! And-" the man in the white shirt looked to the man in black and they said in unison looking over the group, "Don't forget the Buddy System!!"

---

You had been sorted to your cabin. You stood among a group of confused and concerned campers, as they tried to find buddies before your counselor arrived. You got paired up with a man named Gerald, mainly because he had no one else and seemed distant enough not to bother you too much. Though he seemed a little incompetent.

You all looked at the still-packed collection of supplies, when suddenly a rushing of footsteps and a loud voice boomed, "Heeeeey campeeers!!"

You all looked to see Mark. He adjusted his white shirt briefly before smiling and saying "I bet you're all thrilled to be here, and-- What's this? You don't have your tents up yet?? Well hurry! Nightfall is coming soon and the bears will be out, and the bats, and deer, and snakes-- Just, chop chop!"

The group looked among each other hesitantly. "B-Bears?" Asked a girl.

"Yeah!! And not just the animals. Bear Cabin is... well, we won't talk about them."

"Aren't you betraying the buddy system?" Asked a young man. He seemed rather upset. Probably didn't like being at a summer camp he didn't sign up for. Neither did you.

"Yeah, you've broken your own rule!" Added another boy, the first one's buddy.

"Do you wanna talk to me about rules or do you wanna listen and live??" Mark demanded strongly. Most of the younger teens immediately started opening the tent bags, pulling out the plastic structures and beginning to set them up. Gerald and yourself began setting up your tent as well. The older group members glared and hesitated, before joining in as well.

Soon tents were set up, and as Counselor Mark was inspecting them, a large portion of Taser Fire gathered around a fire pit. "What are we supposed to do?" Asked one boy, his name was Daniel. "What do you mean?" Asked Lizzy, a twenty-something girl.

"Like, the fuck are we supposed to do?? Just play along to this summer camp BS? Hasn't anyone realized we've been kidnapped??"

"Speak for yourselves," said Mickey, a thirteen year old boy. "My home fuckin' sucks, I'd rather be here getting covered in mosquito bites than have another drunk fight with my dad," he said openly. It seemed he felt safe here. What was this place doing to you all? Some now anxious, some now comfortable? And what were you feeling?

"Okay campers, it seems dusk has begun. Why don't we get a fire started for a little meal before night, eh?" Asked Mark, gesturing with an open smile. You all looked around at each other and sheepishly nodded. He gave off vibes. Vibes you weren't sure how to feel about.

"And tomorrow, we start the fun!" He assured, before gathering some wood from a pile and making a firepit. You yawned and looked around. "Hey, where's Gerald?" You asked, when suddenly the man stepped beside you, zipping his fly. "Sorry, just stepped away to-"

Suddenly Mark seized him by the collar of his shirt. "Remember... the buddy system. Nobody leaves the group without their buddy!! Understood??" This was directed at the whole group, who nervously agreed, fearing what their counselor would do if they disobeyed. You stumbled back a bit from the muscles man who practically held your buddy a foot off the ground. He lowered Gerald to the ground and stepped away, refocusing on his fire.

It started up in no time, and the campers gathered around it. You looked off into the distance and could see a few other distant lights. Fires or lanterns. There were five cabins in total.

Thicc Water, near the lake.

Breaking Wind, in a clearing.

Earth Girth, near a river.

The Bears, near a cave system.

Taser Fire, on a rocky area near the forest.

You were studying a map that had come with the supplies. Your fingers traced paths and memorized some bigger details. This place felt off, and you wanted to know where to go if you needed to run somewhere. Either away from something... or someone...

Your nervous eyes glanced up at Counselor Mark, a guitar in his hands while he strummed a tune and hummed a song no one knew. He gave off an ill aura. Ted Bundy mixed with Jigsaw and maybe a cult leader or two. Suddenly Counselor Mark saw you watching, and after your eyes met briefly, you looked back down at the map.

"So tell me all your names," he requested, and you looked up with only your eyes, to see his looking across everyone.

People answered, some more reluctant than others. What worried you most is how some who had been very upset being here were suddenly laughing and sharing past stories and tales. Once more that feeling hit you, a feeling it seemed only a few others realized. This place, these people, it was wrong. At least... at least Mark was...

---

You were lying awake in your tent, your buddy Gerald asleep beside you. He wasn't exceedingly friendly, or strong, or smart, but least he didn't snore. You were propped on your arm, a zippo lighter in your hands, lit to provide enough light to read the map. Then you noticed something in the corner. You brought the lighter closer, and it revealed words, full National Treasure style.

Near the logs whom fell, find the stories they tell. A land of old, of death and cold...

What... the... fuck? What was this about?

You suddenly heard footsteps. You clicked the lighter shut, stuffed the map under your bag, and pulled the covers of the sleeping bag over your head. You were nearly silent, but not suspiciously so. You heard them get close to the tent, and heard whispering, but you couldn't identify who.

"Such a shame..."

"Can't follow the rules, can't stay in camp..."

"It is day one, Annus, give them time."

"Life is not fair, nor is death. Time will march ever forward, my friend. Lessons must be learnt in the time they have. Momento Mori."

"Yes, that is true... which tent was it?"

"This way..."

You covered your mouth, hoping they couldn't hear your ragged and terrified breaths. You listened to the footsteps leave. It took you hours to fall asleep, and even then you were plagued by nightmares. Of two men, one in a white suit, one in black, they were familiar but you couldn't place them, their faces just out of sight.

---

"UNUS ANNUS! UNUS ANNUS! UNUS ANNUS!" A chant erupted through a speaker system you hadn't noticed existed, the sound of distorted male voices. You sprung upright, hearing someone rustle the tents and say "Time to get up campers!"

Counselor Mark.

You groaned, and suddenly went still, remembering last night. You waited for Gerald to step out so you could change. You left the tent as well, seeing a fire already started. A majority of the group was gathered round, laughing and joking and making food.

"Where's Jake?" Asked a voice, one that sounded pained and scared.

"Who?" Asked one girl.

"JAKE!" Said the boy, as if we should know. But you did, you actually remembered. Jake and this boy were the two who pointed out Mark breaking the rules. Mark simply laughed it off and said "Jake has been removed from Camp Unus Annus, should've followed the rules. Now, who wants bacon??"

"Me!!" Cheered some, holding out their plates. You stuck farther back, pulling your map from your pocket. You saw a circle appeared around a spot on the map. You couldn't leave alone. Buddy System. Didn't wanna end up like Jake...

"Hey Gerald?"

"Yeah?"

"We're going somewhere, come on."

"But what about-"

"You'll live. Besides, that bacon seems... off..."

"What do you-"

"Just shut up and follow."

"Okaaaay."

He followed you as the both of you headed towards the marking on the map. "Gonna let me know what this is about?" He asked, walking lazily, not even concerned on wild animals in the woods or poisonous plants and crazy counselors.

You yawned deeply, restless from last night's sleep. You didn't have a lot of time. Then you saw it. Stuck under a log that seemed like it had fallen decades ago, poking out, was a journal. "Help me move this," you demanded of you buddy, trying to force the log to roll.

"Y/n, you sure? It's all damp and rotted, there might be like slugs or-"

"Dammit Gerald push the log!!"

He whined again before pushing against it with you, and it rolled over enough for you to kick the journal free.

"All this way for a notebook? Pfft..."

"Yeah, a notebook. One you won't mention or you'll have more than just Mark to worry about," you warned darkly.

What was wrong with you? Would you normally say that? Yes, no? You couldn't remember. There had to be something about this place. A toxic material waste, brain fucking everyone.

Gerald hesitantly agreed to secrecy, then began his journey back, you following close behind.

"Hey, look, Taser Bitches!" Shouted an unfamiliar voice. You both looked around, before seeing a small group of kids, wearing matching bandanas. Thicc Water.

"Alright guys, pelt 'em!!!" Shouted someone, and they raised water balloons.

"What the fuc-??"

You urged Gerald to run and you both began sprinting, water balloons crashing and splatting all around you, the water seemed oddly thicc.

However you escaped with your lives, and luckily it seemed counselor Mark was gone. Good. You pulled the journal out in front of you and read the first entry.

I don't know what day it is. Not what they say. They think today is tomorrow and is also yesterday. I've been here weeks and they're saying day three. This place is wrong, so fucking wrong. But I can't leave. My buddy started the idea of cabins. He seems to be leaving me. I can't escape without help...

You entered your tent and exhaled shakily. You took a seat on the polyurethane floor. Was this from the beginning of the camp? It had to be a while ago, these cabins and all had been here for a long time, the signs and everything super old. Like, decades old. That's when what you read next horrified you.

Counselor Mark and Ethan are up to something. Kids keep going missing and it's only ones in their cabins. I have to get the fuck out of here...

How old are they? What the fuck was this?? Was this real, what did this even mean, that Counselor Mark and Ethan are-

Suddenly there was a rustling on the tent, like knocking, and a scary familiar voice asked "Hey y/n right?"

To be Continued...

A/N: Woo!! I hope to finish this story, or at least get a good few parts out. What's going on? Spoooooky. Anyways, things will obviously get more dramatic as it continues. Hope you enjoyed!

#markiplier #unus annus #crankgameplays #ethan nestor #mark fischbach #amy nelson #camp unus annus #markiplier x reader #annus x reader #unus #annus #fanfic #fanfiction #camp unus annus fic

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writer-k-pop · 4 years

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Five Petal Flower - Pt. 1

넌 절대 슛을 놓치지 않는다. You never miss a shot.

Description: [Set in old Korea, think Joseon era} After an attack makes (y/n) do something she never thought she’d have to do, she must be more careful of where she walks at night. But when her best friend, the 5th Prince Tae, gets tangled up in the aftermath of an attack, she has no choice to reveal secrets she wanted to keep secret. Warnings: Swearing, nothing too gory, Genre: Action, Angst, Romance Word Count: 2.8k

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"Pull it back." (y/n)'s archery instructor, Soon, says, "And release."

(y/n) releases the arrow from her grasp and matches the release motion of the bow. Her eyes follow the arrow through the air and as it sinks solidly into the red center of the target, a satisfied smile grows on her face.

"Bullseye!" The range hand yells the result.

"As expected." Soon crosses his arms across his chest with pride, "You didn't cause any trouble last night, did you?"

(y/n) lowers her bow and turns to her instructor. "What kind of trouble would I possibly get into?" She asks, innocently.

Soon sighs, "There was a report of an attempted attack on the fifth counselor's home last night. But the attackers were driven away and killed only a few houses away." (Y/n) opens her mouth to defend herself, but Soon interrupts her, "All were shot with arrows in identical spots to the hearts. Not one miss."

"And you think it was me." (y/n) deduces.

"No one in the entire palace is as good of a shot as you." Soon defends his opinion.

"I was nowhere near town yesterday or last night. It wasn't me." (Y/n) chuckles and prepares to fire another arrow. She watches as the arrow lands squarely next to the first.

"You shouldn't have been out that late." A deep voice travels up the platform stairs along with the footsteps of multiple people.

"I'm fine, aren't I?" Another voice, not as deep answers. "Soon, do- oh, Lady (y/n)!"

At her name, she quickly turns around to meet the gaze of 5th Prince, Kim Tae. Next to him is his servant who wears an expression mixed with worry and anger.

(y/n) lowers her head in greeting, "Prince Tae."

Tae accepts the greeting and continues towards Soon.

"Do you have a few minutes to talk?" Tae asks Soon in a lower voice.

(y/n) busies herself loading another arrow but keeps her ears tune into their conversation.

"What is it about, your Highness?" Soon inquires, not moving from his spot.

"The attack last night." Tae continues in a low voice, "Can you give me any insight on the arrows?"

(Y/n) raises her arms and lines the arrow up with her sighted target.

"I don't know much about the whole incident, but if you told me information on the arrows, I may be able to help you." Soon offers. "Did you see the arrows yourself?"

Breathing slowly, (y/n) tries her best to focus on the target, and not the conversation going on behind her.

Tae hesitates for a second before answering, "I did. They looked normal but just past the fletching and just before the notch, there was an engraving. A five petaled flower, drawn in a single line."

(y/n)'s hand opens at the mention of the engraved flower. The arrow flies haphazardly through the air and ends up missing the the target completely.

"Miss!" The range hand yells and (y/n)'s go wide at the situation.

(y/n) quickly lowers her bow and places it in its holder. "I must've shot too many arrows today. My hand must be tired." (y/n) nervously makes an excuse, "I'll be back tomorrow, Soon, after some rest." She half smiles and bows before running down the steps of the platform, her servant, Min, following her.

"I haven't heard anything about an engraved flower, but I will keep my ears open." Soon's voice fades as (y/n) runs farther from the archery range.

"Lady (y/n)!" Min yells after her, "Lady (y/n)! Slow down. Please, wait for me."

When (y/n) feels she is far enough, and when her lungs scream for air, she finally decides to stop. Leaning against a palace wall, she catches her breath while Min catches up.

"Why did you run away?" Min asks, reaching her side.

"It, it was embarrassing," (y/n) sputters out the excuse, "I missed a shot in front of Prince Tae. That's extremely embarrassing."

Min laughs, "You were embarrassed so you ran?"

(y/n) nods.

Min is silent so (y/n) looks up to make sure she's still standing next to her.

Suddenly, Min's eyes widen, "You have feelings for Prince Tae!"

(y/n)'s mouth drops open, "No, no, no." She denies, shaking her head.

"Yes!" Min claps her hands, "See, cause why would you be embarrassed for missing a shot in front of Soon? He's taught you everything and has seen you fail countless times. So it's not him that would make you embarrassed. The only other person who was there who hasn't already seen you fail was Prince Tae. And the only reason you would embarrassed in front of him is if you li-"

(y/n) quickly covers her mouth to keep her from saying the semi true sentence out loud. "That's not the case, so please don't spread it." She begs Min.

Min nods and (y/n) drops her hand from her mouth.

"But did you have to run?" Min wonders, "Couldn't you have like just quickly walked away? Or skipped? You just had to sprint away, didn't you?"

"Yes, yes I did." (y/n) answers with a smug smile, "Now that I've had my exercise, I think I need a nap." She heads off towards her residence.

"I would like to be alone for an hour, please Min." (y/n) orders Min as she reaches her bedroom door.

"Yes, Lady (y/n). I will come wake you in an hour." Min bows and turns away to tell the other residence servants.

"Me. Having feelings for Prince Tae?" (y/n) thinks to herself as she enters her bedroom.

She walks to the window and takes a peek to make sure that no one is near and no one is coming. With the coast clear to her satisfaction, (y/n) moves to kneel next to her bed. Pulling back the mattress, she opens the hidden compartment in the floor. The quiver full of arrows lays next to her engraved bow in the compartment. Her hand toys with one of the arrows, turning it until the sun shines on the engraved five petaled flower drawn in a single line.

The moments of last night play through her mind. All (y/n) wanted was some forest midnight target practice but they changed her plans. They being the five people crawling out of the shadows and over the walls of the fifth counselor's residence. The men fought the counselor's house-hands before giving up the fight. The debate in (y/n)'s head on whether or not to chase after them. The moon being her only source of light as she aims her bow and pulls back her arrow. Five arrows. Five kills. And then the panic that set in when Tae's voice echos through the stree-

"Lady (y/n), the 5th Prince Tae would like to see you." Min announces and (y/n) quickly closes the compartment door while fixing her mattress.

When (y/n) doesn't answer, Min adds quietly, "I know you said no visitors, but he insisted."

Straightening up her mattress, (y/n) stands to greet the Tae. "It's alright, Min. Let him in."

The door to her bedroom opens up and Tae rounds the corner in the same clothes he was in earlier.

(y/n) bows and Tae steps into the room, headed for her mattress. Her heart begins to pound as he sits himself right above the hidden compartment but settles once he shows no sign of disturbance. The door closes shut, leaving the two alone.

"I didn't expect to see you at the range today." Tae says, fixing his robes.

"You know my schedule, you knew I would be there." (y/n) refutes, sitting down in front of Tae.

Tae opens his mouth but quickly closes it. (y/n) smirks at Tae's better judgement.

"You missed a shot today." Tae recalls, "Are you okay?"

"I didn't know the 5th Prince would ask such a question." (y/n) nervously looks around the room, not wanting people to know they were disobeying orders from the King.

"Come on, (y/n)," Tae urges, "We're alone now. I came alone and I asked Min to leave us for a bit. Though she looked a little too happy when I asked her for privacy." He scrunches his face in thought.

"Tae," (y/n) reverts to the name she only uses when they are alone, "I'm fine. I just shot a lot today and didn't sleep well last night. My hand slipped is all."

Tae nods in belief. "You never miss a shot. Well, at least not anymore." Tae chuckles, remembering the days when they were first learning to shoot.

(y/n) smiles, sheepishly, and looks down at her hands. "We all have bad days, Tae." She looks up at her best friend. "So why were you suddenly inquiring about an incident from last night?"

Tae's smile drops and he nervously scratches the back of his neck. "Well, I, I was, uhm, curious... as to-"

"You snuck out again, didn't you?" (y/n) accuses, already knowing the answer, and Tae nods, "You aren't supposed to leave the palace, Tae. You know that."

Tae lowers his head in shame, "I know, but I just needed a break."

"And you chose the night to do it?" (Y/n) interrogates him as the vision of Tae running towards the five dead as she runs along the rooftops in the opposite direction.

"I can't just go missing during the day, (y/n)." Tae defends himself, "I have duties to do as the 5th Prince. I have places to be and people to see."

"Things happen in the night, Tae." (y/n) can't hide the worry that begins to creep into her voice, "What if, what if something happened to you last night?"

Tae quickly scrambles over to (y/n), noticing the worry in her demeanor immediately. "But nothing did happened. I'm fine. Look, I'm alright, not hurt." He spreads his arms showing (y/n) his unscathed self.

"But still Tae." (y/n) meets his innocent gaze, "You can't worry your staff like that, and me."

Tae wraps his arms around her and pulls her into his chest, "I'm sorry. Next time, I'll be more careful."

(y/n) pushes him away, "Next time? Tae-"

"I won't go out anymore. I promise." Tae promises, patting her back soothingly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turning onto her right side, (y/n) stares out the open window at the moon. Two days have passed since the incident and she hasn't slept a wink. Restless tossing and turning, wishing the visions would stop running through her head.

With a heavy sigh, she throws her blanket off of her. After changing into her black robes, she grabs her bow and quiver from the hidden compartment and quietly sneaks over the back wall of her residence, headed towards her private spot in the woods.

Walking in the shadows, she listens to the dirt crunch underneath her feet as the crickets sing to an unresponsive but always listening moon. The path leads her towards the fifth counselor's residence and she shakes her head to get rid of what she saw that night. Loud shouts from the residence cause her to cover the lower half of her face with a cloth mask and her body instinctively finds the nearest access to the nearest roof.

The shouts continue as she settles onto the rooftop, her grip on her bow tightening with every second.

"They're shouting, what's happening?" Tae's voice breaks through the surrounding silence.

(y/n) whips her head to find where he's coming from.

"Promise breaker." She mumbles when she spots him running towards the counselor's residence.

The shouts from the residence begin to draw near the front gates and (y/n) creeps forward on the roof, setting up to shoot the intruders as they exit though it may give away her and her location to the one person she doesn't want to give it up to: 5th Prince Tae.

30 seconds later, two men dressed in the same outfits as the other night, run through the front door, swords drawn, headed towards the forest.

Just before she can let the first arrow fly, Tae shouts at them.

"Hey! Stop right there!" Tae shouts, drawing the attention towards him.

Before (y/n) can process what her next steps should be, the two men charge at Tae. They easily overtake Tae, covering his mouth to muffle his screams then they begin to drag Tae towards the forest.

"Fuck." (y/n) curses under her breath as she pain-stakenly waits for a big enough distance to trail the assailants and Tae.

Once the distance is wide enough, she creeps along the rooftops for as long as she can before her only option is to follow at ground level. Her footsteps carry her with only the sound of the wind, her hands fidget anxiously in their grip of her bow and arrow.

"Let me go!" Tae's faint shouts lead her to her best friend and his assailants. "Do you know who I am?"

"Tae, don't tell them. It'll only be worse." (y/n) prays silently.

"Shut it." One of the assailants demands. "You're annoying." He adds, but this time, it's closer.

They've stopped moving so (y/n) hides behind a large tree and adjusts her grip, willing her hands to stop sweating. Taking deep breaths, she peers around the tree before moving a tree closer.

"What are we going to do with him?" A younger sounding assailant asks, agitated. "We were supposed to be in and out without any hiccups."

"I know." The other assailant sounds older but not by much. "God, plans never go according to schedule because of annoying pieces of night walking crap like him." The assailant takes his anger out on Tae and Tae lets out a groan.

Squeezing her eyes shut, (y/n) bites her lip, trying to push down her emotions to get Tae out of this situation. She can't let her best friend die. She has things to tell him. Things she's been hiding for too long.

"So what are we going to do?" The younger assailant asks again. "Do we kill him?"

With that suggestion, (y/n)'s eyes snap open. Sneaking around the trees, she gets as close as she can to the two assailants. The two stand facing each other with Tae kneeling in the middle, arms tied and head bowed.

Pulling back the first arrow, she waits, deciding which one to take out first.

"We were told to kill the fraudulent servant and his family." The older says with a steady voice, "We were told to get in and get out, no witnesses." He finishes and moves behind Tae, pulling a knife from his belt.

With blood boiling in fear and anger, (y/n) releases the first arrow and nails the younger assailant in the head. Before he hits the ground, the older assailant pulls Tae up and places the knife to his neck. The assailants eyes looking around frantically. while Tae is almost at the point of losing consciousness.

"Who's there?" The assailant shouts, "Show yourself or he dies."

Stepping out from the protection of the trees, arrow cocked and ready, (y/n) stares the assailant down with eyes as hard as steel.

"I would ask if you're a night walker like he is." The assailant nods at Tae, "But you're dressed like you don't want people to know who you are or where you're going."

(y/n) clenches her jaw to keep from having to use her voice, not yet ready to let this particular secret slip in front of Tae.

"Are you one of us?" He asks, "To make sure we did the job right this time? To make sure we left no one behind?"

(y/n) doesn't falter and keeps her bow and arrow aimed.

"I'll-I'll kill this one and the job is done. He's the last witness and then no one will know who we were and what we did." The assailant falters at the perceived answer (y/n) unknowingly gave him.

As the assailant moves the knife into a motion that would end Tae's life, a wicked smile of satisfaction spreads across his face.

"It's too small." The voice in (y/n)'s head whispers as she stares at the half of the forehead that is not covered by Tae's head. "The risk of hitting Tae is too big."

"But when have you ever missed your target?" Another voice counters. "When you kill him, you'll save Tae. And that's what's important now."

"The gap is still too small, no matter how great the reward." The first voice makes her grip tighten on the string, the grains digging into her fingers.

"It's Tae. The 5th Prince." The second voice practically begs, "Your best friend."

"He's my best friend." (y/n) repeats as she releases the arrow. The next few seconds draw out in slow motion. Every heart beat pushing the arrow further towards the assailant. She doesn't breathe, she doesn't blink. Only staring as the arrow pushes through the air, past Tae, and deep into the head of the assailant.

As the assailant falls, (y/n) lets her breath fall before rushing to help Tae who had fallen without support to stand.

Helping him to feet, she does a quick physical scans for any noticeable bleeding. Once she is satisfied that Tae is not terribly injured, she shoulders him and begins the trek back towards the village. His head bounces against her shoulder and soft groans escape his lips.

As they reach the now active village roads, Tae whispers, "Thank you."

#bts #bts imagine #bts v #bts v imagine #v imagine #bts taehyung #bts taehyung imagine #kim taehyung #taehyung #kim taehyung imagine #taehyung imagine

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gunfury · 4 years

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I’m going to put this here because it’s important. It’s my story and I don’t want it to be erased from the whole world.

This is an email that I have in my drafts to send to my school counselor. It is okay to share this. I’d be grateful if you’d share it. I want others in situations like mine to know they’re not alone, and once I’m in a secure place, they can talk to me. I’ll listen.

Alright so, to start off, please do NOT bring this stuff up with my parents unless I state otherwise. I haven’t had a very good relationship with my parents for at least 5 or 6 years, and right now it’s quickly becoming worse. My parents have taken discord off my phone, that app being my primary communication with my friends, and made me feel unsafe asking to call my friends or text them. I’ve tried many methods of dealing with my emotions, like drawing, writing, even recording my grievances on a cassette tape so I could get over it, forget my anger, and forgive people easier. Every single thing I’ve done so I can express my emotions in a healthy way and not hold a grudge against people, especially my parents, has been questioned and I’ve been forced to explain what it was about, even when I’m visibly panicking. Yesterday they found my vent tape which I had hidden because I thought it was blank and I wanted to keep at least one blank tape, as I was afraid my parents would throw all of my tapes away (because they explicitly stated to me that they were going to throw away all of my belongings if they moved me into my sister’s room). I don’t remember what I had said on the tape, and I didn’t want to hear because I didn’t want to remember, so my dad played the tape on full volume in front of my entire family while I covered my ears and panicked. After he finished playing it he told me that my computer was being taken away for an indefinite amount of time. Today I woke up at 8:45 and instead of going to take a shower first thing in the morning i came directly upstairs and started doing homework because I was afraid that if I took a shower and started my work around 9:30, he would scream at me over it. I was incorrect, and he explained to me that because I planned on taking a shower after doing my work meant that I apparently enjoyed being dirty and that meant I couldn’t go to school. Essentially, they have threatened to take me out of Highschool and homeschool me next year and that prospect terrifies me. If I don’t have highschool that means I’m completely isolated from my friends and anyone who can help me with mental health stuff. I won’t be able to handle another round of isolation. My parents get angry with me for lying but they do the same thing, or twist our words around to work for them. Even when I’m right, I’m wrong. I don’t know if this occurrence is recorded anywhere, but in fifth grade for about a week or so my parents would lock me inside my room at night time. My teacher called CPS and someone came to the house and talked to us, but nothing happened beyond that. After that had happened, my parents explained to me that the person had wanted to take me and my sister away from them because they thought I was locked in my room all day. They had lied to me, and any time I bring up the locked in my room situation, they lie and say that they unlocked the door immediately after I went to sleep. I know they are lying because when I fall asleep and if I woke up at 5 or 6 the door was still locked. My parents continuously and regularly get upset if I start to panic because I’m upset and shame me for crying when in trouble. When I was younger my shenanigans with getting on devices when I wasn’t supposed to was just because I felt like doing so. Now I do it because I’m terrified of my parents using those kinds of things against me, it’s why I keep everything secret. I’m just trying to have friends and be happy. I simply can’t do that with all the control and restrictions. I’ve explained my motives, and every single time I get, ‘if you behave, we can change the rules.’ And sometimes, I do. I try to change my behaviors but it is damaging to my mental health. Getting my devices out of loneliness and need for my friends is a habit I can’t kick. My parents regularly threatened sending me to therapy when I was greatly opposed to the idea, but now that I tell them ‘I think therapy could help’ they either say that they’ll look for a therapist and not do that or plain ignore me. Even when I try to do what they want, I get punished. One day, waiting for church, my dad said ‘you should change into nicer clothes.’ At first I refused to, then changed my mind, so I tried to go to my room to change and my dad blocked my way. So I tried to slip past and he pinned me against the refrigerator door. I kept trying to push him off and get past him at the same time, and the situation escalated. I don’t remember every single detail but I do know that I ended up immobilized, desperately trying to get up, and screaming for other people in the house to help me. When he finally let me get up I ran down to my room and while in there I noticed that my earring had partially ripped through my earlobe. That is one of two fights I can remember. There may have been a third but there’s only the vague memory of it happening. No details of what went on, not even the slightest clue as to why it happened, if it even did and I’m not just fabricating memories. Typing this out is giving me anxiety. I’m afraid I’ll be severely punished for telling you this, but I don’t know what else to do. On the weekend of my Great Aunt’s passing this year, me and my dad were going to go see 1917 with the history class. I had forgotten to take my phone out of my pocket before going downstairs and my dad said that because of that, we weren’t going to see the movie. I got extremely upset and cried, and I punched the door of my wardrobe one or two times, which my dad got upset at. He started pushing the items on top of the wardrobe on the floor, in my direction. I panicked and crouched down and covered my head. Had my mom not yelled at him to stop, my dad likely would have kept pushing things down from the wardrobe. I had to clean up the resulting mess. Any time he throws or destroys things of mine, I have to clean it up. There’s been many occurrences of my dad throwing my belongings into a pile in the center of my room then yelling at me to clean them up. There was an occurrence a little over a year ago that involved my dad screaming at me with all he had and hitting my door when I hid in my room. Around two or three months ago, I remembered that event and though I wasn’t in immediate danger, I couldn’t stop shaking for an hour. My dad has also dragged me through the hallway, threatened to call an ambulance so they would strap me down to a stretcher, and broken a door by opening it and continuing to do so when I couldn’t bring myself to move out from behind it. All on different occasions. Once i was so terrified I ran to a room with a phone and called my mom while she was at work and my dad tried to unplug the line so I couldn’t tell her what happened. I don’t know what to do. Any other method of trying to get over things I’m upset about is discovered by my parents and I get punished for it. So right now I’m risking the ultimate punishment. If they find this email, if they see the things I’ve told you, they will scream at me for being a liar at the very least. I don’t even want to think about what the worst could be.

#tw child abuse #child abuse #abuse #tw abuse #isolation #tw isolation #tw physical abuse #physical abuse #tw emotional abuse #emotional abuse #tw for ts #long post #ptsd #cpstd #trauma

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dface · 5 years

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5 times peter found new mentors + the 1 time he has his old one back

chapter two : bruce

One month after Tony's funeral, Peter is sent to the principal's office for punching Jeremy Luthern.

Peter had been having a pretty good day up until then. In English he had been picked to read for Romeo and hadn't stuttered over any words, and Flash was too preoccupied to bother him in Physics. Plus, Ned had just told him about the new Lego sets he bought over the weekend and promised to bring them over after school, which was exciting in itself.

All in all, Peter is happy. And then Jeremy, sitting at the table across from him in the cafeteria, opens his big fat mouth. Peter reacts before he can think, hitting Jeremy across the jaw. He half forgets about his powers and holding back– which is why the boy drops instantly, and the cafeteria erupts in screams.

Ned texts Peter while he sits in the principal's office.

Jeremy's okay, just got knocked out. No one's suspicious of anything .

If there's anything that Peter is grateful in this moment, it's Ned and his undying support. Ned, who had pulled Peter away from Jeremy and into the bathroom before he could do anything worse. Ned, who's heart had been racing just as fast as Peter's, hugging him by the sinks until the school officer came to collect them.

Peter shifts in his seat. He hasn't been to the principal's office since everything with Liz's dad. The chairs are the same, wooden and straight-backed and completely uncomfortable. He's been waiting for awhile– the office called May first, but she's working a double.

Peter hears Happy's footsteps ten seconds before he enters the office.

"Happy Hogan here for Peter Parker," he says, flashing his badge at the secretary. He doesn't meet Peter's eye when he walks past, just gestures for him to follow behind. They sit side by side and listen to Principal Morita retell the story– which, now that he hears it, sounds pretty bad. Peter stares down at his hands, shame making his skin hot. The bruises across his knuckles are already fading.

"I think," Morita says, towards the end of his lecture, "one day suspension is enough time to set you straight."

Peter looks up. Morita is staring at him, his eyebrows raised.

"Right?" he says, and Peter nods. When Morita dismisses them Peter practically runs past Happy, out of the building and into the car. He slides into the back seat and throws his bag down beside his feet. The force of it feels good, pokes at that receding flame that seems to always be on within his chest, ready for a fight.

He sees Happy walk around the front of the car. Peter prepares himself for an earful of yelling and threatening– feels his stomach coil and his body tense–

But Happy gets into the car and pulls back onto the street without a word. He drives for ten minutes in silence, not even turning the radio on. Peter's bruises ache.

"I thought you yelling would be bad, but I think this is worse," he says, when he can't stand the silence any longer.

Happy sighs.

"I'm not mad at you," he says.

"What?"

"I'm not mad. Hearing what that kid said makes me want to hit him too."

"So you get it," Peter says, to which Happy shakes his head.

"No. I want to hit him. I wouldn't actually hit him. There's a difference, and you know it."

The disappointment clear in his tone sparks something in Peter's chest, urges that fire forward. He leans forward, holding onto the back of the passenger seat.

"You're the one who always talks about me knowing how to fight–"

"That's for defending yourself , Peter. Not pouncing on some kid who's probably just saying stuff for attention. You're better than that."

I wanted you to be better.

Peter coughs, his throat suddenly tight like someone's got their hand around it. He sees Tony, his stern expression, his easy smirk. He'll never forget the way he had looked at Peter that day after the ferry, like he was relieved and guilty and angry all at the same time.

Then he remembers what Jeremy says and frowns, his hands clenching.

"He deserved it," he says.

"Maybe," Happy says, "but you don't."

Peter falls back into his seat at that and spends the next five minutes in silence. When he looks up again, he doesn't recognize any of the buildings.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm bringing you to talk to someone," Happy says.

"A therapist?" Peter squeaks, leaning forward in his seat again. "May said I don't have to see anyone if I don't want to–"

Happy rolls his eyes in the rearview mirror.

"No, kid. Just let me be mysterious."

Peter slumps back. His heart, which had picked up speed the moment Happy mentioned talking to someone, slows down only slightly. When he woke up in the hospital with Rhodey, May had mentioned the possibility of seeing a therapist.

"It might help, to talk about the trauma with someone who knows," she had said, but Peter refused. The idea of sitting in a blank room with a stranger and allowing himself to crumble makes his heart race faster than anything he has dealt with as Spiderman. Because in the therapist's office, he would have to be Peter. There'd be no hiding behind the mask.

Happy pulls up in front of a brownstone building. Peter looks through his window, palms suddenly damp with sweat.

"Are you sure you weren't lying earlier?" he says, and Happy scoffs.

"Just press the third buzzer. He'll let you up."

Peter leaves his bag in the car and walks up the large cement steps, feeling unnecessarily small as he stretches to press the third buzzer on the side of the building.

"Who is it?" says a voice that is vaguely familiar.

"Um… It's Peter. Parker?"

There is a beat of silence, and then a loud hum. Peter pulls the door open and walks up the three flights, until he reaches door 304, the same number as the buzzer he had pressed. He knocks and it opens almost immediately. Bruce Banner towers over him with a wide smile.

"Hey Peter, how are you today?" he says.

Peter has a hard time believing what he's seeing is real. Bruce is wearing a light grey sweater and black sweatpants, with fuzzy Hulk socks, and he waves a hand when Peter calls him Dr. Banner.

"You can just call me Bruce. Come on in." Bruce leads him into a spacious apartment, mostly empty save for a few extra-large items, like a fridge that could fit three people comfortably, and a couple of chairs Peter could use as beds.

"You would not believe how hard it is to find things in my size," Bruce jokes, and Peter manages a small laugh. He would've been more comfortable, if he knew why he was even there in the first place.

Bruce sits down on one of his chairs and gestures for Peter to do the same. Peter sinks down into it, his feet dangling off of the edge.

"So. Happy called me earlier, said he thought I could talk to you. Want to explain?" Bruce said.

Peter looks down to his feet, playing with the edge of his sweater.

"I punched a kid at school today," he says quietly.

"Can you tell me what the kid said to make you so angry?" Bruce asks, and Peter feels his temper flare once again. He knows this tactic, of getting him to open up. It sounds just like the conversation with his school counselor, trying to get him to admit that he's struggling.

He's about to refuse to answer when he looks up and registers the soft quality of Bruce's expression. He never thought he would see such compassion on the Hulk's face, but it's there. Bruce is leaning towards him, his hands out like he could catch Peter if he were to fall. The way Tony had reached for him when his legs gave out, holding him in his last moments.

Just like that, Peter's anger dissolves.

"He said Iron Man deserved to die," he says, and tears prick at the corners of his eyes. Like adrenaline leaving his body, he is suddenly and intensely drained of the fury that had been fueling him. When Jeremy first said those words, Peter had felt the heat of anger overtake him, like something had been injected into his veins. Now, all he can feel is how tired he is, drained from all the nights he's still not sleeping.

Bruce winces.

"I can imagine how much that would hurt to hear, especially from someone who didn't know him," he says, and Peter inhales sharply.

"That's exactly it," he says, voice wobbling. "No one even knew who he really was– all they knew was the face he put on for the cameras, so they think he's heartless and selfish, when really everything he did was all for someone else."

Bruce nods. For a moment Peter feels a flash of annoyance, that little voice whispering he doesn't know, he couldn't understand – but he shakes it off. Bruce knew Tony even better than he did, had known him years before Peter even met him. If anyone, he was one of the only people who can share his pain.

"Peter, some things are always going to hurt you, or make you angry," Bruce says, his voice tender. "Tony's death was something you still aren't ready to accept, and that's okay. I'm sure any of us would have gotten angry if we heard that kid say something against him. You can't change the way you feel, but you can change how you deal with it. Anger only causes more pain and hurt– not only to you, but to everyone who loves you."

Peter remembers the fear on the faces of his classmates after Jeremy fell down. He doesn't want to think about having to tell May why he's been suspended.

"I guess Happy knew you would know what to say," Peter says, shooting Bruce a small smile.

Bruce mirrors his grin, pushing his glasses up with one green finger.

"Peter, I have destroyed more government property than anyone in the world, all because I couldn't control my anger. I have hurt people, and I can't take anything back. I know you aren't exactly Hulk-level, but maintaining your composure is still important."

Bruce leans forward, patting Peter's knee.

"Anytime you feel that deep anger again, come over here after school. I have a little lab area upstairs– we can play with chemicals, make some explosions, right? Get a little bit of that energy out in a positive way. Okay?"

Bruce holds out his hand. Peter gives him a high five, laughing.

"Yeah, okay," he says.

Bruce shows him the lab quickly and gives him the code, "In case you need to come here when I'm not around." Peter thanks him as he leaves, even hugging him for half a second before scampering down the steps. Happy is still waiting at the corner, frowning at something on his phone. Sliding in, Peter sighs. The bruises on his knuckles are gone, as is that heat in his veins.

"All good, kid?" Happy asks, starting the car. Peter nods.

"Thanks, Happy," he says.

Happy grunts, but there's a slight smile on his lips when Peter catches his eye in the rearview mirror.

check out my Ao3 !!

#marvel #marvel fic #mcu #mcu fic #peter parker #irondad #bruce banner #happy hogan #peter and happy's relationship is quickly becoming a new fav of mine to write #peter parker fic #me coping with tony's death #my writing #writing #writing in the deep

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nervydamned · 4 years

Text

i don’t usually cry anymore. the medication and the crushing numbness that comes with 31 years of hard living and dead ends has created in me a cold grey stone, typically invulnerable to all but tragic movies and commercials that were obviously designed with surgical precision to ensure that at least a small portion of viewers will immediately log onto the website and purchase, like, boat insurance while crying so hard they can’t do the capcha on the first try. i used to be a dramatic cryer, responding to almost any intense emotion with deep and gusty sobs. then 2016 happened. i lost my father. my spiral into alcoholism intensified my incredible appetite for self destruction. the shame that ensued formed that grey stone like a grit of sand forms in an oyster-- slowly, slowly-- until the day i told my sister that i wasn’t sure i would ever laugh again.

so i sought treatment. fresh from admitting to my husband that i had 1) secretly relapsed and 2) repeatedly been unfaithful with some of the worst people, i put my phone number into a “need rehab?” webform. i received a call about three minutes later. scared out of my mind, i would have agreed to do basically anything to clear the dark menacing cloud of divorce. they said they had a pool! i wanted to go swimming! i wanted to be instantly forgiven for my transgressions, and rehab seemed the best way to me to demonstrate that by god, i was SERIOUS about this recovery thing! he said the only rehab i qualified for was in south bend, indiana. they would buy the ticket. could i leave tomorrow? i guess i could.

i showed up to a building that looked like a 90s middle school with a smoking porch. terrified out of my mind and drunk on the four pints of heineken i’d slammed at chili’s with a sympathetic bartender at 7am across from my boarding gate, and disoriented from the klonopin that i took almost subconsciously at any sign of emotional turmoil, i was a rag doll with button eyes. i entered, stripped, spread, and coughed. i vomited in the toilet while a girl with perfect cat-eye liner did her best to discreetly look away. i was there-- it was happening-- but WHAT was happening? all i knew was that rehab was like a shiny gold star on my behavior chart. if i did it, nobody could say i hadn’t.

rehab is the best place in the world for a vulnerable drunk. i mean it! you’ve never had more shoulders to cry on. i remember hysterically sobbing until my heaving shoulders locked up and the only sound i could make was tiny clicks from my frozen throat. i’ve never had my shoulders patted so authentically. it never occurred to me at the time that this display of raw, scream-it-to-the-heavens emotion was such a part of their daily lives as intake detox counselors that they probably could have done it in their sleep. but somehow they remained authentic.

the funniest part about the rehab was that it turned out to be run and staffed by die-hard scientologists! i guess we can get into that later.

rehab also brought out my “daddy please be proud of me” personality in full force. i joined the “peer counsel” which was essentially just in charge of taking nightly attendance and clapping for sobriety milestones. i befriended everybody, impressing them with my uniquely pretentious affectation of sarcastic intellectualism that only fools people less smart than i am. i was the queen of rehab! life was good! everyone there had forgiven me. the next step was me forgiving myself. the final step was my husband forgiving me. at the time, i still thought that was a completely realistic goal. all i can say to that, ineloquently enough, is: HAHAHAHAHAHA.

my husband came to visit me, once, on the sunday after easter. having practiced healthy communication and effective use of boundaries six hours a day for the last three weeks, i promised him that we could talk about anything he wanted in the two hours he spent with me on the grounds. he got there and shrugged his shoulders over and over again. determined to make his long drive worth the time, i enthusiastically dragged him around to meet all of my rehab friends, proudly introducing him as my husband to anyone who would listen. that day, i believed we had a chance. that night, i found out he spent half the drive home texting my phone, which was locked in a drawer in the rehab office, accusing me of ignoring him in favor of my friends and strongly implying that i was sleeping with at least one of them. this delusion continued for months after and may still fester in his brain. i just wanted him to meet the people who were helping shape my recovery. he could never see the point of that. he didn’t understand that to me, connection is such a fundamental part of who i am that i HAD to make friends there. all he saw was the potential for pain.

i nakedly vied for the approval of everyone around me to the point that my rehab friends petitioned for me to win “patient of the week” at my graduation. when i realized what they had done i was simultaneously flattered to my core and mortified. how obvious it must have been that i set this artificial award ceremony in motion?

my husband was late. he missed the whole thing. in the car ride home, i chain smoked cigarettes and listened to his music. i talked about finding my rehab friend jacob on facebook so that we could attend meetings together since he was the only one who lived close by, and he accused me of having an extramarital relationship with him. his evidence was that “i brought him up all the time!” jacob came out as gay six months after we graduated from the program. we never got a chance to be friends.

my whole family was waiting at my sister’s house to welcome me home; they were babysitting my son while my husband drove to pick me up. they were so proud! again, i felt raw and abashed. just more confirmation that everyone knew--everyone knew--everyone knew everything. my husband had made my infidelity no secret with his family, and of course i had told my mother and my sister.

being the family fuckup is like being naked under a microscope. like living your life in the invasive, creepy bodyscanner at the airport. well-wishes come with a tinge of pity; there is a frantic and all-too-apparent urge to avoid any conversation that might bring up my past transgressions. i’m used to it because i’ve been a drug addict since 2008. but coming back from rehab was the worst. there’s nothing like seeing what the future could be like-- bright, beautiful, beatific. the feeling of stepping out of a confessional booth and feeling the light on your face, reflected through the stained-glass window of the Virgin Mary and her son. but the comedown happens when you realize that the forgiveness you’ve given yourself stops with you. the crushing realization that your husband is either incapable of or unwilling to extend you the trust and forgiveness and freedom from shame that you’ve finally decided to give yourself makes you question everything.

i just don’t understand why he can’t admit that he doesn’t love me anymore. i’m glad i went to rehab. but now i know it wasn’t for him. i could give him anything in the world and i’d still be the adultress, the sly sociopath, the woman that enjoys torturing him with emotion and conflict. our relationship can’t ever work again and he won’t admit it because he’s scared to be alone. honestly, i’m starting to feel sorry for him. i know i could find some normie guy, one with an unkempt beard who makes that face-- you know that face! the nintendo switch face!-- in his twitter avi. he can quote every line from the office and he loves bar trivia, but makes sure to go to the bar and grab me a sparkling water before the beers arrive. he’s a bit boring, maybe not as smart as i am (or pretend to be), but he’s authentic, and he laughs at my jokes, and he always wants to know how my day went. he makes sure to find something thoughtful for christmas, and he sometimes goes out and gets my car detailed on the weekend because he knows how messy i am and how frantic it makes me when i have to face those messes. he has a group of friends who all like the same things he does and they hang out after work most tuesdays, but not when we have something to do at home.

but i know who i am and i know i am not fundamentally healed and i know i’d get bored and break his heart. and my husband would still be alone.

who even knows anymore? the status quo definitely has something going for it. i don’t have to apply for WIC or share a one bedroom apartment with my son or drive for Grubhub on the weekend to make sure i can afford peanut butter because that shit is expensive. we can sit, and sit, and then drift off to sleep and wake up in the same place that we were the day before. maybe i’m adapting to my husband’s sense that it’s better to just endure and stay quiet. i know that pattern because it’s how my family handled every bit of turmoil since i was a child. it’s never worked, but i guess it might someday!

this is my first blog post in 15 years. hopefully it won’t be my last.

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thechildoflightning · 5 years

Text

Ch2- Meteorological (September)

Title: Calendrical Consequences (Masterpost)

Fandom: Sander Sides

Pairings: Logicality, Eventual LAMP/CALM

~~~

Chapter Title: Meteorological (September) - Chapter Two

Summary: School starts back up and Virgil's doing alright, if having a bit more nightmares than usual. Add in a meeting with his counselor and Virgil starts to question what he's doing with his life.

Warnings: Nightmares, Kidnapping, References and Allusions to Past Abuse, Panic Attack, Chronic Pain, Prescribed and Safe Use of Medication

~~~

Meteorological (September) - Chapter Two

~~~

September 5, 2019

Virgil was six. His mom had brought him to the park to play with the other kids. But Virgil wasn’t really into playing with the other kids. They were loud and always organized games that made no sense to him. He played tag with them for a little bit, mostly to appease him mom, but quickly found it uninteresting and decided to leave them.

Instead he went over to the big tree with the roots that were bigger than his body in some places. He found a cool stick and poked it into the ground, frowning when it fell down. He tried again, but it just fell over once more. He was about to make a third attempt when a voice spoke up behind him.

“Hey kid, need some help?” a women offered, kneeling to his level.

“Momma told me not to talk to strangers,” he whispered.

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not a stranger, I’m Eliza’s Mom,” she explained. Her smile was warm and her simple blouse gave her a look of motherly affection.

“Eliza’s Mom?” he asked as he tilted his head to the side slightly.

“Yep, you played tag with her, remember?”

Virgil looked over at the group he was previously with. Frowning a bit at the kids who continued to chase after one another.

“Oh,” he frowned, “I thought her name was Abby.”

“Nope, but that's okay. The point is I’m not a stranger. Can I help you?” the strange woman asked him.

She leaned over a bit, inspecting what the young boy was doing. She raised her eyebrows a bit at the realization he was just repeatedly slabbing sticks in the ground. But really, he was six. Stabbing sticks in the ground was cool.

Virgil shrugged, “Sure. I can’t get the branch to stick up.”

“Let me help.”

She reached toward his hand to take the stick. In response, he held it out to her.

But instead of taking it, she grabbed his wrist and tugged him, clamping something over his mouth. He tried to scream, but his eyes got heavy and suddenly he was asleep.

“VIRGIL! VIRGIL! Stop her! That woman has my kid! Help! Help!”

Virgil woke up screaming.

“V, V, its Roman, you’re okay man.”

“What, what, Roman?” he whispered around choked breathing as he looked frantically around the room. His heart thudded in his chest loudly, droning at every other noise around him.

“Yeah man. You had a nightmare. Everything’s okay,” his roommate soothed.

Trixie was on him, putting pressure on him. He breathed deeply in reassurance. That was all over now. He was home and he was safe. He was okay. He was safe.

His heartbeat started to slow and the drowning buzz in his ears faded away. A tendril of shame clawed its way in instead.

“Right. Thanks. Sorry,” he muttered, face hot

“Not a problem,” Roman yawned. He was asleep in seconds.

Virgil just blinked at the ceiling and hoped that sleep would eventually take him soon.

Virgil woke up two more times that night. Luckily, neither seemed to wake Roman. In fact, when Virgil woke up in the morning for good, Roman was still snoozing away. Virgil could only guess he had gotten up to pray earlier and then fallen back asleep before his first class.

Virgil sighed and pushed off the covers before heading towards the kitchen. Patton was already at classes, but Logan should still be here.

He had started to heat up water for tea when Logan himself walked into the room. He was looking at something on his phone, flapping one of his hands absentmindedly and grinning wildly. He stopped immediately when he saw Virgil, shoving his hand into his pocket and clicking his phone off.

“What were you looking at?” Virgil asked.

“Oh,” Logan adjusted his glasses, “Just, a video of a fish. It's really quite unimportant. I just-”

“You don't have to justify your interests around us Logan. And we won't get mad when you stim.”

Logan nodded at the reminder.

“Would you,” Logan hesitated, “like to watch the video with me?”

“Sure,” Virgil replied.

Logan quickly joined Virgil and held the screen between the two before restarting the video. It was short, about twenty seconds, of a fish with long flowing colorful fins. As they watched it a few times, Logan took out his hand to flap it and even jumped. Virgil smiled at his excitement. It was nice seeing Logan become more comfortable stimming around them.

They watched it on repeat for maybe two minutes before Logan turned the phone off.

“What time is your first class?” he asked.

“I need to leave in about ten, fifteen minutes.”

The kettle started to hiss. Virgil walked over as he saw the steam rise.

The water was boiling. It would burn him if he touched it. But they knew that. They knew it would burn him. That was the point.

He clutched his arms right to himself and backed away breathing heavily. Trixie jumped up, pressing her paws against his chest. His gaze jerked to her and with a rush he snapped out of the flashback and returned to the present.

“Thanks girl,” he said, giving her a small treat from his pocket. Speaking of which, he needed to feed her. He would do that after his tea.

“Logan, do you want tea?” he asked.

“Yes please.”

Virgil filled two cups, dropping in Logan and his respective favorites. He then took out Trixie’s bowl and filled it up with her food, put some water in it, and placed it on the floor. She sat by it patiently, not moving until he gave her the command that allowed her to eat.

He sipped his tea slowly just as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He took out the offending device and read the reminder that told him to get ready for class. Right, time to get moving.

~~~

September 11, 2019

“Virgil, come in,” Michelle greeted, beckoning him into her office.

Virgil scowled, but followed, Trixie at his side.

Michelle held the door open as he entered, smiling at him in a way that was much too wide to be real. He took a seat in the small office and she started to close the door behind them.

He could feel the room closing in, trapped in the cellar.

Trixie whined and pawed at him, causing him to jerk back to the present. He patted her head.

“Thank you sweetie,” he told the pup.

The counselor took her own seat across from him and studied him carefully

“So, you chose your major,” she commented when it became obvious that Virgil wasn’t going to be the person to start the conversation.

Really, Virgil didn’t get why these meetings existed anyway. He understood that the school was trying to help each students “get settled” or whatever but did he really need this? He was passing his classes and on track to graduate. What more did they want?

“Yes I did. At the end of last year. Which you know.”

She shuffled some papers. For show, he suspected. Really, how much paperwork could this conversation involve? Plus, she wasn’t looking down at any of them.

“Well yes,” she admitted, “But I’m actually curious about what you want to do with your Creative Writing degree once you achieve it.”

Virgil froze.

“What?” he asked.

“Virgil,” she said, “What do you want for your future?”

Virgil walked glumly back to the apartment he shared with Logan, Roman, and Patton. With a groan, he shoved the door open.

He walked in, planning to flop onto the couch only to find Roman with a bowl of cheerios already sitting there.

Virgil just groaned again, causing Roman to look up.

“Hey,” Roman greeted, “long day?”

Virgil huffed in confirmation and joined him.

He sat on the floor, allowing Trixie to perform DPT. He needed the grounding method.

“You okay?” Roman asked as he watched his friend’s dog task.

Virgil shrugged miserably. Slowly, tears started to drip down his face in large drops.

“Woah, woah, woah, Surly Temple,” Roman said in panic, scrambling to join the older boy on the floor.

“Hey, uh, Virge? Can I touch you?”

Virgil just nodded and continued to silently cry. Roman wrapped his arms around Virgil and pulled him close, careful not to shift Trixie, allowing her to still perform her task. Roman had gotten a lot better about noticing things like that in the year they had known each other.

Virgil's tears eyes dried after a minute and he leaned heavily into Roman’s side.

Roman rubbed his back in comfort.

“Hey, what's up?” he asked, “What's going on?”

“I had a meeting with my counselor.”

“Yeah, I remember you saying that. But, isn't that supposed to be a good thing? She like, helps you and stuff?”

Virgil sniffled and swiped at his eyes.

“She asked me about my future.”

“Okay? Again Count Woe-lof, I'm gonna need a little more information. I'm not quite understanding.”

“I have no clue what I want for my future,” Virgil said with a huff, throwing his hands up.

Roman’s eyes narrowed slightly and Virgil could practically see his mind racing as he attempted to figure him out.

“Okay. Well that's okay?” Roman offered, “I mean yeah, you should probably start thinking about it, but you have time. No need to panic over it,” he attempted to comfort.

Virgil just gave him a look.

“I panic over everything,” Virgil said with a chuckle.

Roman shrugged and offered him some cheerios.

It was in this state that Logan and Patton found them in when they returned from their date. Roman excused himself to pray, Logan went off somewhere, and Patton joined Virgil on the floor.

“V, kiddo, are you okay?” Patton asked softly.

Virgil gave a small smile. Like always, Patton always knew when something was off. He may not always understand what or why, but he at least knew that something was wrong. It was a nice support to have.

“Yeah, I'm good. Roman and me talked, just got a lot on my mind,” he admitted.

Patton nodded, and after asking for permission, started to thread his fingers through Virgil’s hair. Virgil grinned softly at the action as his body relaxed.

“Hey, you and Logan got back early. Didn't go out for dinner?”

“Nah,” Patton said shrugging, “decided to just get back to the two of you. Lo’s not having a great day, and it's getting busier. And busier means louder.”

Virgil nodded in understanding. Then came to a realization.

“Shit, it's my night to cook,” he looked down at his dog, “Trixie-”

Patton waved his hand.

“Don't worry about it Virgil. I can cook.”

“You sure Pat? You cook a lot. And it's my night,” he protested

Patton just smiled, “Don’t worry, it's no problem. Plus you weren’t expecting me and Logan anyways.”

“I just don't want you putting to much on yourself like you used to.”

Patton gave him a wide smile and switched from petting his hair to quickly ruffling it. Virgil scowled and shoved the hand away.

“Thanks for looking out for me kiddo. Don't worry, I know now how to communicate my limits. It's really okay. I need something to do anyway.”

Virgil hesitated. It was still hard for him to accept help, but after years of practice it was getting slightly easier. Plus, his friends did seem so sincere. They seemed to genuinely want to help. So he relented.

“Okay. Thanks. Just let me know if you need help I guess.”

Patton just hummed and got to work.

Virgil shrugged and stayed with his dog.

Eventually, he directed Trixie up and left to his room that he shared with Roman.

He could fully admit that when the four of them had first started discussing rooming together he was inclined to refuse. His freshman year he had gotten a single dorm through his situation, and the idea of sharing an apartment off campus, much less sharing a room, scared him more than he cared to admit.

Plus, it meant sharing with Roman. And while the two were friends now, they weren't very close in the beginning. The two of them, unknowingly, were phenomenal at hitting each other in their most vulnerable spots.

But, the apartment was working out so far. Hopeful this whole “plan for the future” thing would too.

~~~

September 21, 2019

“Roman was a genius for bringing this,” Virgil commented as he continued to hit buttons on his controller, knocking Patton off the platform again.

“No,” Patton whined as his character fell, “Yeah it is pretty fun,” he replied, turning to glance quickly at Virgil, “I never really got into video games as a kid.”

They two of them were sitting on the couch, blankets wrapped around them, as the clock steadily ticked towards morning.

Virgil snorted, “I can tell.”

“Hey,” Patton said, letting out an offended gasp. He then proceed to walk his character off the platform. “Okay yeah, I suck at this.”

“We’ll choose a different platform next time,” Virgil promised, “One you can’t fall off of.”

“Oh good,” Patton muttered, eyes narrowed on the screen.

He pressed a button and his avatar jumped.

“Wait, if that’s jump, then what’s attack?”

“Well there’s multiple attacks,” Virgil started to explain once again.

“Wait, what!” Patton exclaimed, looking at his controller in a mixture of shock, horror, and awe.

Virgil snorted again, “Yes, I showed you them. Do you want me to show them to you again?”

“Huh. Uh, yes please,” Patton then proceeded to walk off the cliff again, ending the round.

“Okay, let me choose a new map and then I will,” Virgil said as they were returned to the home screen. Virgil fiddled around a bit, going through the multitude of maps. He flicked between three particular maps before finally settling on one.

He then held up his own controller, showing Patton the different buttons and going through each one and what they did. Patton listened intently staring back and forth between Virgil’s controller and his own.

“Hopefully this map will be better,” Virgil muttered as their characters spawned on the screen. The two played for a bit longer, Patton finally getting the hang of it, before Patton spoke up.

“So, why are you still up Virge?”

Virgil sighed, “Nightmares,” he admitted.

“Wanna talk about it?”

He shrugged and pressed a few buttons. His character on screen threw a bomb, creating an explosion that knocked Patton’s character back.

“Same as always,” he said, “Just a bit worse than usual.”

He tried to blink back the encroaching memories from his mind. Images of blood and bodies and being trapped and taken. Images of promises that he was cared for and safe and that they loved him even as they turned around and abused him the next moment.

He had to focus hard on pushing the memories to the back of his mind. Sometimes processing through it all was just too much. And if he didn’t have the strength to process it, it would just be overwhelming and damaging. Sometimes it really was better to just put a wall up and push it away. Sometimes that was the only thing he could do.

This was where the distraction of playing

“What about you?” Virgil asked, “Pain keeping you up?”

Patton nodded.

“I took my pain meds, but,” Patton shrugged.

Virgil studied him, noticing how his face was drawn tight under his cheerfulness and how he moved as little as possible. It had always been hard for Virgil to tell how Patton was feeling. Sometimes the physical symptoms gave him away, because they’re wasn’t much he could do about hiding them. But Patton could hide the pain. And he was good at it.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil offered, at a loss for anything else.

Patton shrugged.

“It’s kind of just what chronic pain is a lot of them time. Hurt’s a lot, just trying to distract myself.”

Virgil could get that, that attempt at distraction. It was also something he could go along with.

“By killing your character every two seconds?” he teased.

“I’m not trying to!” Patton protested. It probably would have been more effective is his character didn’t die right then.

“Sure,” Virgil said with a chuckle as they continued to play.

They would distract for now. Distract until they could deal with it. If they could even deal with. Because sometimes distracting was all you could really do.

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serpentlopez · 4 years

Text

Hell & Bliss

Who: Eliana & Charlie ( @serpentchar )

What: Eliana gets an unexpected visit from Charlie. Best friends love the fiercest and yell the loudest.

When: Nov 9, Mid-Afternoon ( after Ale, before Ryan ) backdated

Where: At Riverdale General Hospital, Eli’s room.

Notes: TW: child abuse, mention of drugs, overdose, sexual abuse, Aidan, rehab, life-saving measures, lots of stuff. Let me know if I missed.

Eliana

Eli looked down at the needle in her arm, following the puncture in the crook over her arm up to the bag that was held up beside the bed. She hadn't spent much time alone in the hospital either. Doctors and nurses, and even counselors kept coming in and all she wanted to do was tell them to leave her alone. She'd already asked Ale to close the blinds so aside from the dim light coming from the restroom, the room was in relative darkness.

But even that didn't change the pounding in her head, and the sinking feeling in her stomach. Ryan's words came back to her every time she closed her eyes, telling her that she would have died if Ale hadn't called 9-1-1. Worse, her chest burned from a shock she'd been given in the ambulance, none of which she remembered. He didn't say she almost died; he said she did die. Her heart stopped, Every time she replayed the words in her head, Eli felt sick to her stomach but she didn't have the energy to get sick. Everything felt heavy, like her body weighed three times what it normally did.

Tugging her blanket up close to her chin, Eli noticed the wash of lights from the hallway and sighed, her back facing the door. Assuming it was a doctor, or another counselor, Eli sighed, "Can we please do this another time? I just want to sleep for Christ's sake."

Charlie

Charlie felt like a horrible person; she had to be a horrible person to not know that Eliana's life had seemed to have been spiraling. When Ale told her that Eliana was in the hospital, Charlie had been a bundle of nerves, but when she had gotten to the hospital and learned that the woman had overdosed she felt her world crashing around her. Her best friend had nearly died from overdosing, and Charlie hadn't even known that the woman had been using the hardcore drugs. The two of them had been drifting apart the last few weeks, ever since Eli had helped her dispose of Aidan's body, and she had honestly just thought that it all had been too much for her. She had been contemplating barging into Eli's place randomly at some point now that Dare was starting to heal, and then she'd gotten a message from Ale.

Standing in front of the door that led to Eli's room, Charlie steeled herself for what she would see. She hated hospitals with a passion. Nothing good ever happened there. But being there for Eli was more important than her uneasiness of being in a hospital. She knew she should have knocked on the door to let Eli know she was coming, but Charlie hadn't really thought about that. All she cared about was being there for her best friend. Opening the door, she stepped inside and closed the door behind herself as Eli snapped at her about wanting to sleep.

"I love you girl, but I'm not going anywhere," she said with a shake of her head as she moved further into the room. Moving around the bed and sitting down in the chair on Eli's side of the bed, she looked over at her best friend with a worried expression. A few moments of silence passed before Charlie finally sighed, a few tears escaping her eyes as she fully took in Eli's appearance. "What the hell, L?" she asked, her voice teary.

Eliana

It had been a long, hard night. Though the hardest parts of it hadn't even belonged to her. They belonged to Ryan, and Ale. Eliana tried not to think about that too much. She'd spoken with both of them but seeing the look in Ale's eyes when they talked broke her. If she'd thought what happened with Derek ripped her to pieces, it was nothing compared to the realization that he'd watched her literally die in front of him. A shiver tore through her body, a cold that the blanket couldn't chase away. Planning on closing her eyes and resting anyway, Eli was caught off guard at the voice she heard, a voice she hadn't expected.

"Charlie?" Turning to look at him, she felt her stomach tighten into impossible knots. She was too cold to feel the heat of shame on her face but she knew well enough to know it was definitely there. "How did you--" As soon as she started to ask, she realized that she already knew. Ale. He was the only one who could have called her, told her. Eli watched as the woman took a seat but as soon as Charlie looked up at her, she averted her gaze. God, she didn't want to do this. She didn't like Charlie seeing her like this, especially when it felt like her brain was shattering into a million pieces. "Please don't cry," she frowned, rubbing her palms over her face. They were scratched up and she didn't remember how they got that way. "What--what did he tell you?"

Charlie

Even in the dimmed lighting of the room, Charlie could see the blush forming on Eli’s cheeks, and she felt a heavy sigh push its way past her lips before she could stop it. It was bad enough that she’d already lost the kids that week, then nearly fucking lost Darius again because he was an idiot and voluntarily subjected himself to Derek’s wrath, but now she’d almost lost Eli as well. Charlie’s life had been like a roller coaster lately, but that was no excuse. Eliana was her best friend, and the woman had clearly been suffering. Charlie should have noticed it.

As she rounded the bed to sit in the chair beside it, Charlie frowned a bit as she fully took in how Eli looked. She looked frail and thin, even for Eli - who had always had a smaller frame than her. The woman’s normally tanned skin was pallid, and her face had sunken in a little in some places. Charlie knew now why Eli had been avoiding her so adamantly; if Charlie had seen her like this, she would have known immediately that something was wrong. That she’d delved into the world of hard drugs. She’d seen enough people on the South Side who had let drugs and alcohol ruin their lives - her own father and step-mother (for lack of a better word) included - and she would have beat Eli’s ass just to get her off the drugs. Pulling the chair closer to the bed, Charlie sank into it with a quiet sigh as she watched Eli for a few moments and her mind wandered to other variants of what could have happened. What if she hadn’t gone to Ale’s? What if he hadn’t been home? What if the ambulance hadn’t gotten there on time? There were so many scenarios that could have ended in fatality for her best friend, and the idea of losing Eliana from her life made tears well up in her eyes. “I can’t help it,” she said softly, shaking her head and quickly wiping the tears from her eyes as she sat further back in the chair and pulled her legs up underneath her.

“You look...” Charlie’s words trailed off, but the sentiment was there. She looked like death freshly warmed over. It wasn’t like she could say much herself, to be fair. Charlie hadn’t been sleeping lately, especially not with the state taking the kids away from her in lieu of what had happened with Aidan (though they’d blamed it on Daniel), and she was sure she didn’t look much better. She was sure that she was a sight for sore eyes, but she didn’t look like death. The more she thought about it, the harder Charlie fought the urge to start crying again at the idea of what her life would be like without Eli in it. It wasn’t something she wanted to think about. The idea of losing Darius nearly destroyed her, but losing Eliana wouldn’t have been any easier.

“He didn’t tell me anything. Just that you were here. The nurse told me that you OD’d. With more than a little pushing, she told me they found cocaine in your system; it was laced with some dangerous fucking shit. What the fuck, El?!” she asked, her voice getting a little more hysterical as she spoke. “Look at me, dammit. What the hell were you thinking?! W-Were you trying to kill yourself? Because you damn near s-succeeded-“ Charlie’s voice cracked as she spoke, and she had to cut herself off before she started openly sobbing.

Eliana

Eliana hadn’t seen her own reflection ever since she woke up in the hospital, at least not until she met Charlie’s eyes and then it was obvious. It almost hurt to see, and it wasn’t until then that she turned away. Avoiding Charlie had been one of the hardest things that she’d ever done. Even when she was laying in bed, the drugs running wild through her veins, she was so tempted to answer the phone calls, answer the text messages. She’d avoided it every day, until the one that she actually told Charlie to back off when it was the last thing that she wanted.

Closing her eyes when the other woman snapped at her, Eli clenched her jaw shut. She didn’t want to cry. She felt like she’d been a mess of tears ever since she woke up and found out from Ale the basics of what happened the night before. It was too much, and hearing that Ale had witnessed all of it made her sick to her stomach. But hearing Charlie’s question made her cringe and she finally looked over, damn near breaking the moment she did. “No. Fuck, no. I… I wouldn’t do that. I wasn’t..”

The tears welled in her eyes and Eliana made an angry sigh as she pressed the heels of her hands against them. It had been far too long since Eli had cried this much. Her emotions were on overdrive and it suddenly sunk in that she really could have died. She knew what Ale said but part of her hadn’t wanted to believe it. Maybe a part of her denied it until she saw the raw emotion on Charlie’s face. “I didn’t mean to,” she said in a small voice. “I was just… having fun.”

Charlie

Charlie couldn't explain the amount of relief she felt flood through her when Eliana said that she hadn't been trying to kill herself, though it was quickly replaced with annoyance and a bit of anger at the idea that she'd taken cocaine laced with whatever the hell else it was laced with just to have fun; she might not have known the cocaine was laced with anyone, but snorting cocaine was bad enough. That shit fucked your life up. "For fun?" Charlie snapped, her brows furrowing together in a mixture of anger and disbelief. "You know how dangerous that shit is, Eliana," she added with a slight shake of her head. "You get hooked, you ruin your life, and then you end up fucking dead! Look at what shit like that has done to the people in our life! Daniel! Reagan! Half the fucking Ghoulies are doing their own product. It's not one of those things you can just fucking do once! You're smart enough to know that!" she snapped again before shaking her head. "You say you did it for fun? I call bullshit. You risked your friends, your livelihood, your life for a little bit of fun? that's not fun, that's avoidance," she said, practically gasping for breath as she stood beside the other woman's bed.

She hadn't even realized that she'd stood back up and her voice had grown in volume the more hysterical that she got.Realizing that she was practically yelling at the woman in the bed, a woman who had already gone through so much, Charlie felt the anger seep from her body, and she collapsed back into the chair with her head in her hands. She hadn't even realized that she was crying until she felt the tears splashing against her knees. "You are my best friend, Eli," she spoke with a shaky voice, unable to actually lift her head and look over at the black-haired woman in the bed. "I've already lost so much this week. Came damn close to losing everything important in my life. On two different fronts." She was quiet for a minute before finally lifting her head to look over at Eliana. "Just tell me what's going on, L...please."

Eliana

Eliana's head was pounding the louder Charlie's voice grew but she didn't stop her. She didn't ask her to lower the volume. She soaked in every painful throb and let the hurt punish her for what she'd done. When she'd woken up and saw Ale, she'd almost told him he looked like he'd seen a ghost - and that wasn't too far from the truth. It was single-minded but until Charlie came into the room and fell apart like she did, Eli had let herself believe that Ale was the only person effected by what she'd done. It wasn't true, no matter how much she might wish it was. The crying was soon replaced with tears and Eli didn't know which one she preferred. All she really knew was that the tears hurt a lot worse than the yelling. She could handle her own physical pain, but Charlie's emotional pain was another story. She didn't have the ability to take that from her.

"Charlie." She didn't want her to cry but knew telling her not to would be stupid and pointless. Her eyes narrowed at the next words. "Lost so much? What do you--" But her question was then cut off with a statement, a plea, and it shattered whatever was left of her heart to hear the desperation in Charlie's voice. She stared at her best friend, lost in the sadness filling her eyes, an endless ocean of hurt and loss. Eli thought how those eyes were almost closed forever. How Charlie had almost been lost to her not that long ago. Aidan almost killed her, could have killed her, tried to kill her and Eli wasn't able to save her. Sure she could clean up the mess but...

"You and Dare almost died," she squeaked out. "He almost killed you and the kids and I.. I wasn't able to stop it from happening. I've spent so long trying to be strong, Charlie, trying to get away from everything that happened to me at home and then in one minute, it was all gone because I couldn't do anything to change what happened to you two." Shaking her head, Eli did her best not to look away from Charlie no matter how much she wanted to. "And then I mouthed off to Derek and he hurt Dare. And he.. fucking choked me at that stupid party.. and it just kept happening, more things that I wasn't strong enough to handle, wasn't good enough to do. I couldn't... take it, okay? I hated feeling weak and.. and fucking useless so I tried it. I-I tried it and it took that away. I didn't feel useless or.. scared.. or anything. It was all gone, and I fucking liked how that felt, okay? So I kept doing it. And then I did it a lot after fucking Derek, which yeah, I mean that fucking literally. I just," she took a breath, feeling sick to her stomach, "I wanted to stop feeling it all."

Charlie

Charlie knew that Eli didn't know about DFS taking the kids from her; it was likely, depending on how long she'd been getting high, that she didn't even know Daniel had been arrested for everything Aidan had done. She had tried to tell Eliana that something had happened - there was a reason she'd been trying to get ahold of the woman for days, long before her own worrying had set in - but Eli had always brushed her off; sometimes she'd ignore her calls, others she'd just pick a fight knowing that Charlie would give up for the time out of frustration. When Eliana finally opened up to her and told her what had started everything,

Charlie found herself barely able to look Eli in the face. So it was her fault. If she had just taken care of the body herself, not involved Eli in any of this, just told the woman the same lie that she'd told everyone else, maybe things wouldn't have spiraled out of control so fast. Of course she still would have mouthed off to Derek, that was something the two of them had in common, but at least it wouldn't have been quite so bad. She hoped at least.Charlie's head snapped up, though, when Eli said that Derek had attacked her at the masquerade ball. She had gotten into a fight with Derek at the masquerade ball, and the only reason it hadn't turned physical was because Darius had pulled her away at the last second. Now she couldn't help but wonder if Derek had attacked Eliana as a means of revenge against her; it didn't really occur to her that she had no idea when Derek had choked her.

The idea that Eliana just didn't want to feel weak or useless or scared any more was a familiar concept, one that she herself had struggled with, but that didn't mean you just gave up so you could feel nothing. "You don't get to decide you just don't want to feel anymore, L," she said softly, shaking her head a bit and letting out a shaky sigh. "Feeling is how we know we're alive. Feeling is the only thing that separates us from people like Derek. Like Aidan. It's the only thing that lets us know we're alive, and I can't...you can't just give up. Please. I know it's selfish of me, but I...you can't just zone out of life," she said softly, getting out of her chair once more, but this time she shifted closer to the bed and carefully wrapped her arms around the woman's shoulders in a gentle embrace, carefully burying her face in the crook of the woman's neck.

"We all need you here, baby girl." Her words were murmured against Eli's neck, but definitely audible. She pulled back after a minute or two, pressing a kiss to the woman's forehead. She pulled her chair closer to the bed and reached for Eli's hand as she sat down once again. "Just promise me you're not going to go down that rabbit hole again," she said softly, squeezing her hand. "I don't care if you need someone to go to NA meetings or something with you. I'll do whatever I can to help you. I'm here. You don't have to shut me out because you're struggling. I'm here for you. Always."

Eliana

"Well I did," Eliana snapped, not having meant to. After the morning sitting here, remembering that she'd overdosed, there was a tiny itch in her head that told her things wouldn't hurt as much right now if she was high. She hadn't done anything with those feelings and kept telling herself they should shut up. They eventually did but when the guilt and shame hit, they liked to come back and remind her it was still there. Especially when she feared going through this detox, and the thought that she'd never be able to lose herself in the high again, that's when she wanted to be high for real.

"I wanted to disappear. You think you need me but you don't. I'm.." She motioned her hands at herself, "..this." Nothing. "I'm a fake. A fucking whore.. even Kitty knows it when she fucking threw the money at me. I.. I shouldn't even be a Serpent, C. I don't.. deserve it, I..." Her body tensed almost immediately when Charlie's arms went around her. She hadn't known what she expected, or why she didn't expect a hug, but she wasn't sure she could move. Until she did. Her arms moved up and gripped onto Charlie's arm and she held her as tightly as she could manage in her state. Her eyes closed when Charlie pulled back and she had to wipe at them again.

"I told Ale this morning," she breathed, "I said I'd go to this.. rehab place. Detox." Her lips pressed together. "And.. part of me doesn't want it at all. I.. just want to go home, get lose in that nothing again but.." Eli closed her eyes and thought about what Ale had said to her and before she talked herself out of it, she let the words come. "He.. had to push on my chest because my.." Fuck. It was too hard to say. No. She had to. This was Charlie. Her hand pressed over her chest and she said, "It... stopped." And she'd forced him in the position to deal with it. That hurt the most.

Charlie

Charlie didn't flinch when Eli snapped at her; it wasn't the first time that the two of them had fought, and she knew it wouldn't be the last. When Eli started talking about how she didn't deserve to be a Serpent. About how she was nothing but a whore or a fake. "You are none of those things, El," she said with a shake of her head. "You are literally one of the realest people that I know. If not the realest person I know," she said, pressing another kiss to the side of the woman's head. "And you're not a whore just because you enjoy sex. And you're not a whore because of everything that happened with that hypocrite of a man," she said, rolling her eyes a bit with a sigh.

"Fuck Kitty. She doesn't fucking know you like I do. You're a good person, and we did what we had to in order to help our friend. I wouldn't expect someone like her to understand. And you do deserve to be a Serpent," she said softly, hugging her a little tighter, though making sure she was still being gentle.Once she was sitting back in the chair, she shook her head a bit with a smile. "And, for the record, I do need you. You might think that I don't, but I do. There's..." Charlie's words trailed off. She wanted to spill about what was going on with the kids. With Darius being attacked again. But this wasn't about her or what was going on in her life. This was about Eli and everything she was going through.

She was quiet as Eli spoke about promising Ale she'd go to a rehab so that she could detox, nodding a bit in agreement with the idea that the other Serpent needed to get clean. Charlie felt her heart breaking a bit as she listened to Eliana explain that Alejandro had been forced to give her chest compressions because her heart had stopped. She knew that pain. She could remember exactly how terrified she had been when she was giving CPR to Darius. It hadn't been the exactly the same circumstances, but she knew how Alejandro must have felt in that moment. The terror of losing someone they cared about; possibly deeply, if anything she had spoken to Eliana about in their past conversations been a suggestion. "That's...that's exactly why you can't go getting lost in that feeling again. I need you, more than you could know, but so does Ale," she said softly, shaking her head a little. "How is he? Alejandro."

Eliana

"That's at least one good thing that came out of this. Peyton will have her money so she doesn't have to do anything stupid like go back to that man." Eliana was the last person who supported willingly going face to face with an abusive father. She'd had enough experience with her own and she'd willingly left home at sixteen with literally nothing to get away from him. Leaving back against the pillow, Eli slowly allowed her body to start relaxing. The tension in her was sending a weird ache through her and she didn't even want to fight with Charlie. She and Charlie wanted the same thing after all. It was just the fear of getting well that was telling the raven haired woman that she wanted, and needed, to run away and hopefully fade into nothing.

"I'm sorry," she choked, "for pushing you away. I.. was wrong." Putting her hands down on the mattress, Eli carefully and with a little difficulty moved herself over enough so there was room on the bed. Then, like she'd done plenty of times before, she patted the spot next to her. She needed to stop pushing people away and start pulling them close. At the mention of Ale, Eli felt the wave of guilt again. "He, uh.." Her hips pressed together and she knew that if she hadn't been there with him, if he hadn't reacted fast enough, she wouldn't have lived past last night. "I always knew he was strong but I don't think anyone knows just how much." She lowered her eyes, wanting to stave off the fresh wave of tears that wanted to swallow her. "I really hate that I put him through that.. living through it.." Then she turned her gaze to Charlie and said, "I don't know how to ever make up for that."

Charlie

Charlie nodded a little when Eliana said that at least one good thing had come out of all of this. At least now they could help Peyton keep her shop without having to send the woman back to her abusive father. Charlie would support whatever Peyton wanted to do as long as she was safe, but she couldn’t imagine why the woman would go back to the North Side and allow herself to suffer at the hands of an abusive father. Charlie didn’t know abusé to the same extent that Eli did, her father had never been half the menace that Eli’s father had been, but she knew what it was like to live with an abusive addict, and if she had managed to get out — well, she never would have gone back.

“Damn straight you were,” Charlie said with a small smile as she climbed up carefully onto the hospital bed to lie beside the raven haired woman. “But I forgive you. Always. I love you, Kitty Cat,” she said with a wink at the other woman. Sitting up on the bed a bit, she finally relaxed against the mattress and wrapped an arm around the shorter woman with a soft sigh and pulled her closer to her. It wasn’t often that she was the big spoon, but it helped that she was a few inches taller than Eli. Plus, Eli needed the comfort right now just as much as she did.

As the subject shifted to Alejandro, Charlie nodded a bit. She had to admit that she didn’t know Ale as well as Eli had come to know him recently, but he was a Serpent. He was family, and moreover he was more loyal to Dare than to Bruce, and that meant a lot to her. She could tell, though, even from their limited interactions that Ale was a lot like her — stronger than most people assumed him to be. Not only physically, but emotionally. She didn’t know it was to such a capacity, but she was happy that the man had been there. That he’d saved the life of her best friend. She genuinely didn’t know what she’d do without Eli; especially not now that Dare was trying to get her to talk about plans for what she would do if he died.

Charlie shrugged a bit when Eli voiced her thoughts about not knowing how she would ever repay these for helping to save her. “It’s simple, really,” she said, running her fingers through Eli’s locks lightly. “You just keep living. For him. For us. For everyone who needs you. But to pay him back? You keep going. You get clean. Don’t let yourself get back to this point. You’re not useless. You mean the world to many people, El. You just...you keep going. Fight through the pain. Don’t let it get the better of you. And when you feel like it’s going to...when you feel like you’re going to drown? You reach out. Find me. Find Ale. Find Dare. Find Pey. Reach out to those of us who love you wholeheartedly, and we will do everything we can to pull you through it. You’re never alone. You never will be. Ever. You’re stuck with us,” she said with a smile, pressing her lips to the top of Eli’s head in a loving kiss.

Eliana

Eliana hadn't realized how much she needed that forgiveness until Charlie said the words. Three little words that didn't seem like much but meant so much more to her than she'd ever be able to explain. Charlie gave that forgiveness so freely, no begging or pleading needed. No asking required. "I love you too, Harley," she said, grinning to herself as she curled into Charlie's arms. She needed that warmth and comfort. Being alone brought too many bad feelings. Somehow mentioning her staying alive felt hard, impossible. To think of never getting high again. Ever. That was.. intense to think about. She couldn't imagine feeling this way without any buffer ever. But she knew what she needed to do. She'd already signed papers to go into a rehab center. She was going to have to concentrate on that first.

"I really hope I can start to believe that," Eliana said about not being useless, meaning the world to people. "I'll.. do my best." At this point, it felt like the only thing she could really promise. She didn't want to fuck up again. If she came this close to dying already, she could only imagine how bad it would be if she did more. But she had to try, for Ale. For Charlie. Closing her eyes, Eli leaned into the woman's body and simply nodded. Being stuck with people who actually cared about her? That didn't sound bad at all.

#para #para: charlie #para: hell and bliss #elianaxcharlie

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prorevenge · 6 years

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Bully my sister? Enjoy the most miserable day of your life and a few months of therapy.

Some Information before we start: (long story, tl:dr at the end)

I was interning at a local wilderness camp as a counselor in training. It is run by a local group of conservationists who aim to teach younger kids (ages 5-11) about nature, wildlife, conservation, etc. As a counselor in training, I was basically a counselor except I wasn't paid. Each camp session lasted Monday-Friday. Each day has a specific purpose as follows: Monday was introductory day. Tuesday was activity day. Wednesday was hike day. Thursday was lake day. Friday was talent show and pick up day.

The whole ordeal started during my third week interning. During this particular week, my sister was attending the camp as a camper. At the time, she was 10 and I was 14. She got a great price at the camp ($150 for a full sleep-away camp from Monday-Friday) due to my internship and my mother's great relationship with the camp director (more on that later). During this same week, I also had the (dis)pleasure of meeting the most horrible child I have ever met. We will call him SLS, or stupid little shit.

My first taste of SLS's antics was no sooner than five minutes after arrival when he interrupted my sister's game of frisbee and flung the frisbee deep into the woods. I had to go fetch it, and I got more than a few scratches from digging through nasty little manzanita bushes to find it. My sister immediately approaches SLS after he threw the frisbee, and being the innocent person she is, tried to inform him what he did was mean. He spat in her face. This was the beginning of SLS's week from hell.

After getting a talk-down from a counselor, SLS was seemingly unfazed, except for the fact he made it his goal to ruin my sister's camp experience. During the course of the day, he spilled lasagna on her outfit during dinner, called her an array of insults ranging from "fat" to "stupid cow" to "poor little bitch". Finally, he violently tackled her to the ground during a game of ultimate frisbee. Make no mistake, SLS was 11 years old, around 100lbs and a head taller than my sister. It was so bad that my sister came crying to me at the end of the night and said she wanted to go home. While this was not an option (my mom had already left for a girls-trip in SF), I promised her I would make sure SLS would stop bullying her.

The next day, SLS continued to treat everyone like shit, and continued to single out my sister. Unfortunately, he was not in my assigned group, but he apparently tripped her twice, threw her fishing rod into the nearby fishing pond and splashed her in the creek. When he got back, he was incredibly smug. Apparently, the counselor in his group made no real effort to stop him, only rapping his knuckles each time then continuing to let him bully my sister. That night at dinner, I gave him his first taste of revenge by forcing him to talk with me during the campfire and causing him to miss out on s'mores and dessert. While it was small, I was still focused on formulating my master plan of ruining SLS's week. He also called me a cunt.

The next day was Wednesday, or hike day. I started preparations the night before by specifically requesting that he and my sister were separated AND requesting to be in his group. Now, as a counselor in training, it was my job to stock the packs with lunches the night before the hike. I put the sack lunches in every kid's pack, making sure one pack had an especially nasty tuna sandwich. I also "forgot" to add the fruit and cookie. I marked it by buckling all the buckles together,

On the morning of hike day, I gathered my group and distributed all the packs, making sure SLS got the one I had rigged. We marched into the woods, with me pointing out different kinds of trees and whatnot until eventually we stopped in a meadow to eat lunch. Of course, SLS threw a massive fit when he found out about his lunch. He suspected it was me due to our talk the previous night, but I claimed no wrong doing, and due to my good relationship with the camp and his previous wrongdoings, nothing was made of it.

Anyways, we arrived at the camp later that afternoon, and he started demanding me I take him to the dining room because he was starving (he didn't touch the sandwich). I calmly explained to him that I couldn't because I didn't have a key to get into the kitchen (I did). He started throwing a temper tantrum, loudly cussing in front of the rest of the group with kids as young as five years old. Bingo. Later that night I brought my case to the camp director, and with some gentle prodding, I convinced her he was unfit to spend time with the rest of the group tomorrow at the lake. Instead, he would sit out and wait - with me.

The next day was the fabled lake trip, and the reason most people signed up for the camp. We loaded up into a school bus and a few vans the next morning. Once again, I was on pack duty the night before, and I conveniently misplaced a few items in his pack, which was specially labeled this time. When we arrived at the lake, the entire group settled down on a nice spot on the beach. Due to a staff shortage, I was left alone with SLS. I started by choosing a terrible spot away from the main group in the heat of the sun. it was mid july at the time, and I think it was about 88 degrees. He had not brought a hat, and despite me offering, refused to use any sunblock. While the rest of the camp enjoyed the lake, he sat there with me, overheating in the sun for five straight hours. He didn't help himself by wolfing down his sandwich almost immediately. I had brought my phone (counselor privileges), but for him, he had nothing to do but play with the sand. By the end of the day, he was bright red like a cherry tomato, and fuming about the lake trip. In fact, it got so bad he started saying really dark stuff, like how he was gonna gut everyone at the camp. I managed to record this on my phone, and later that night I showed the recordings to the director. Obviously, she was horrified, and contacted his parents immediately. They said they could not make it until the next morning, which was perfect, as it meant he had to spend a night with me in my private bunk (he was deemed to be a hazard to other campers and thus removed from his bunk). That night I slept directly under him and stayed up until well past midnight making loud annoying noises. He was also in pain from his extreme sun burn. When he complained in the morning I claimed i talked in my sleep, and that was that.

Finally, the icing on the cake was him being publicly shamed when his parents arrived during breakfast, pulling him out in front of the entire camp. The director and I went to his parents and I explained all the terrible things he had done to my sister over the week. The parents seemed rational enough and explained to me he had a history of behavioral issues. I recommended therapy due to his comments about slaughtering the camp, and they said they would consider it. Later I was informed by the director, through my mother, that he was in fact sent to a weekly behavioral therapy class for a few months. The next two weeks on interning went without a hitch.

TL;DR Evil kid physically and emotionally bullies my sister, causes her misery. I return the favor by causing him ti be a hungry, sunburnt and tired wreck by the end of the week. He also goes to therapy.

(source) (story by k155l35)

#prorevenge #by k155l355 #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #revenge story

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chronopunk · 5 years

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Short Fiction - The Face Of God

"Have you ever really thought about the face of God, Captain?"

Doctor Merrill leaned forward in his chair, cradling the steaming cup in his hands, looking at it for a long moment. His eyes seemed to lose their focus briefly, as though he were gazing at something far away, before squeezing shut, only to flash back open, fixed on Captain Hernandez' own eyes. Merrill held the stare for what seemed like an eternity, then relaxed, his shoulders slumping as he let the soft cushions of the chair enfold him. The cup, still held tightly in both hands, drifted up to his lips as he sipped at the coffee twice before resting its warmth upon his lap.

"Can't say that I have," Hernandez said softly. She'd been woken from her sleep by Merrill insisting on speaking to her. Three days on her ship without a word, and now here they were, alone in the narrow space that served as the ship's common mess, drinking coffee — real coffee, brought on board by Merrill when he'd transferred off of Midday Splendor for his trip back to Central on Earth — while he, finally, decided to open up about... whatever it was he needed to talk about.

"Your family's Catholic," he asked. "Yes?"

Hernandez nodded. "Essentially. I suppose depending on who you ask, God's an old man, a young man, an infant, or something in between."

"What do you think?" Merrill's question was pointed, something hiding just underneath the words.

"I..." Hernandez paused. "Honestly, the Church never spoke to me. I think that's why I'm out here. I think maybe God's too big to live on one planet, and only have one form. Kind of Spacelane Cliche, I know but..."

Merrill shook his head. "No, no, you're fine. Don't cheapen your lack of rigidity. You're closer than you know."

Hernandez sipped from her cup, letting the dark, rich flavors swirl around in her mouth before swallowing. "Oh? How's that?"

Merrill glanced back over his shoulder, checking yet again to make sure they were alone in the room.

"I've seen them."

"'Them'?"

"The Engineers."

Hernandez' eyes widened, then narrowed. "Are you sure?"

Merrill sat the coffee down on the table, then withdrew his hands. They shook, not in fear or shame, but in excitement, as he pulled them back against his body. He held them, one inside the other, tightly against his belly, lips moving quietly in a practiced countdown. Hernandez knew the drill, she'd seen it prescribed enough times by ship's psychiatrists to help crewmen with anxiety, especially after their first EVA or deep-space recon. Prescribed it herself, before she'd secured a captaincy and left room for someone else to fill the counselor's office.

Merrill's eyes never opened as he spoke, not so quietly as to be unheard, but still softly enough that Hernandez had to lean in. His words weren't the practiced meter of someone reciting a speech, with inflection and emphasis meant to draw a response from the listener; rather, they carried the sound of a man watching it all happen again, the moment he closed his eyes. She'd seen this in trauma cases, heard that tone before a thousand times.

"We were on a mineral survey," he said. "I'd tell you where, but they made it very clear that I'm not allowed to do that. Not yet. Fifth planet of a nine world system. Seventeen AI's, four biologicals. Myself, Doctors Plenem and Havarsk, and Professor Utumi. Utumi and I were the only Humans on board. Plenem, the Dosili, had this irascible grump at all times. Hated being in cold sleep, but with the ship using a Sling-Drive instead of gates to get where we needed to go, what were we supposed to do? Stay awake for the trip and age out to retirement before we got there? Havarsk is a Galbriki and you know how they do on long, boring voyages. We woke him up last."

"We were four days in to the mission," Merrill sighed. "Doing well, honestly. Ahead of schedule. I was on the night shift with Utumi, going over core analysis when it happened."

"'It'?" Hernandez asked.

"The light. The brightest light I have ever seen. The instruments said nothing was there. Some of the most advanced sensor equipment in the entire fleet, and nothing. The AI's didn't pick it up. They saw nothing. But I saw it. Utumi saw it. Plenem and Havarsk rushed up to the bridge because even dead asleep, THEY saw it."

"It was like space was opening up on itself. The void was gone, and it was... just light. Light, pouring out of a hole in reality. Then it just stopped. It wasn't like a zipper closing or a wound sealing, it just... stopped. The four of us vetoed the AI's, and moved the ship immediately. The light had come from the fourth world. Middle of the habitable zone, but... dead, really. No magnetosphere, no real atmosphere to speak of."

Hernandez drained her coffee, pouring more in to her cup as Merrill paused, holding his own cup up for more. "Any other habitables in the system?"

Merrill shook his head. "No. That's why we were there. You don't mine populated systems. Not if you want to stay out of jail."

Hernandez nodded, quietly, signalling to Merrill to continue.

"There were thousands of them. All shapes and sizes. Nothing that the eye could really settle on, you know? We knew they were there, but they weren't... THERE. The AI's, the instruments, they all continued to say there was nothing happening. But there was. They were moving, all over the planet. Encircling it. I tried to count them, but I couldn't tell you how many there were if I tried. I say 'thousands,' but it could have been millions. It could have been ten. They slipped in and out of my peripheral vision, into the little blind spaces in our retinas that our brains edit out. I knew they were there, but... If you ask me to describe them, I'll give you a different answer every time. Not because I'm lying, but because I honestly remember them differently, every time I try."

"That sounds frustrating," Hernandez said. Merrill laughed.

"It's liberating. But do you want to know what they did?"

He didn't wait for her answer, draining his cup and setting it down on the table before leaning in to whisper range.

"They. Took. The. Planet. Apart," he hissed. "Just... opened it up like it was an orange. Somehow, without any of us realizing, all the little ones had vanished. Or maybe they became the big one. I don't know. But suddenly there was a... ship... a... machine... something. Huge. Bigger than anything I've ever seen. Bigger than the planet. The instruments registered THAT. Gravity well. Massive. Enough to crush us. But it didn't. It just... sat there. And it took the planet apart. Layer by layer, peeling it off in smooth, even segments. Pulled it apart all the way down to the cold, hard core."

"And then... then... holes. In space. Cometary material, or... ice from some far-off cloud, maybe. Trans-uranics from who knows where. Meteors and rocks the size of India. They all just came pouring out of the holes. Some of them smashed into the core. Others drifted, lazily, down to their new homes in the planet's layers, like... well, like chocolate chips or berries in the frosting you put between the layers of a cake. And the instruments got all of this. But they still didn't SEE the SHIP."

"What... what did you do?" Hernandez gasped. Her heart had lodged itself in her throat, and she'd unconsciously begun her own slow countdown, getting her racing pulse under control.

"We watched them. What else could we do? We watched them, and they... made a planet. Remade a planet. I'm not sure. We took shifts, resting when our brains would let us, or taking sleeper shots when they wouldn't. It took them four days. And then they just... put the planet back together. I watched as they sealed off the planet's core. It had been dead. Cold, grey. A lump of metal. Now it was spinning. Violent. Hot. Alive. As they wrapped the layers back around it, it burst its cage, spreading carefully up through the once-dead rock. I watched the rock melt into the magma and begin to course and flow like any proper world's lifeblood should. A myriad of thin, barely-there beams washed over the planet, and suddenly it had tectonic plates. And then we registered a burgeoning magnetosphere. By the end of it all, when the ship just... winked out... it had an atmosphere. Nothing we could call livable, but... there were signs. Traces of organic compounds in the clouds, on the ground. The rains had begun by the time Central called us to inform us that our governments would be sending ships to pick us all up. They put Utumi on a ship to Delta Pavonis, to make sure no one could intercept both the Humans."

"What happened to the AI's?" Hernandez asked. "Are they still out there?"

"Maybe," Merrill shrugged. "They only caught the last half of the miracle. That's not what the folks at Central are after, I suppose."

"That's a hell of a thing to see," Hernandez sighed.

"It is. It makes you understand why there are cults, out there, dedicated to these... legends. To the people who say they've seen them. And why so many of them are Doomsday-types, as well. If The Engineers can create habitable worlds... if they're the real reason why there are so many more livable worlds than any equation can predict... why couldn't they also be the reason for the dead worlds, out there? Why couldn't they give... and take... as they see fit?"

"What do you think, Doctor?"

Merrill gazed on Hernandez briefly, then shook his head. "I'm a scientist. I don't think any other scientist would expend so much effort creating, only to engage in some twisted, Malthusian concept of retributive balance. If you can do the things they can do, there's no reason to be a dick about it by killing a whole world just because you made a new one."

Hernandez chuckled. "Fair enough. So... why talk to me now? Three days of nothing, and then... Now?"

Merrill's eyes shifted, moving erratically around the room, seeming to settle in one corner briefly before shooting to a space just above and behind Hernandez.

"Because I was asked to do so."

Without knowing why, Hernandez glanced over her shoulder, but saw nothing.

"By whom?"

"It's here," Merrill whispered. "It's very small, but if you know where to look, you'll see it. It wants you to listen to what it has to say."

#amwriting #prose #prose fiction #science fiction #the engineers #short fiction #Artificial Intelligence #Aliens #can a brother get a reblog?

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warpaintstarlight · 6 years

Text

A long rant from someone with mental illnesses- please read

**Possible TW with bullying, gun control, mental health, suicide**:

Every time I hear that there has been another mass shooting, I get sick and for different reasons. Now, I pondered posting this on Facebook but I thought I would just shout into the void on here cause I feel like no one really reads my personal posts anyway.

I’m not trying to sound selfish, I’m not trying to make the attention about me; this is just how I have been feeling honestly ever since this happened.

When I was eleven, I was exposed to my first mass shooting when a elementary school near mine got shot up. Literally every. single. night. I did not sleep...for over two months. I thought that gunman was going to climb through my window and shot me in the head and kill the rest of my family. I ran to my parents room crying in fear so much that my mom had to sleep with me for a month because I was so terrified.

Fast forward a year, I begin to get bullied. It starts off with typical stuff, like excluding me from my former friends to online harassment to calling me names but then, it turned even worse. Physically tripping me, bumping into me, telling me to die. It hurt but I had hope for a new school the following year thinking I won’t be around these people. Boy was I wrong.

7th grade is hell for pretty much anyone, but mine was so bad I literally mentally blocked out so much of it cause I’ll spiral if I think too hard about it. I could write a sad emo novel about all the next level bullying shit I got. Being told to kill myself everyday, guys pretending to like me just to bully me later, a freakin teacher called me a lost cause. There were also issues at home so it was hell 24/7.

During all that bullying, not ONCE did I consider harming any of them because I BELIEVED what they were telling me.

‘YOU’RE UGLY,’ ‘YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF,’ ‘YOU’RE A LOST CAUSE.’

I was so depressed and anxious that they made me believe that about myself. I was such a lost soul admitting they were right; that I would be better off not being alive, not the other way around.

Of course, a few years later when I had healed I felt anger of course but my mind NEVER went to that place of harming anyone. It didn’t even logically enter the possibility!

I did theater and had auditioned at a theater company my sophomore year for a show Columbinus, which was about the Columbine school shooting in the 90s. I had started to become interested in psychology and was really drawn to this show and tragedy, especially with my own experiences with bullying.

I began to do more research about why kids who get bullied end up becoming school shooters and where it went wrong, cause if every kid that got bullied shot up a school there would be a lot more shootings. Me and some students who also got bullied even put together a play at my school based off our experiences of getting bullied and the stereotypes around mental health, which did great!

Every year on the Columbine anniversary I reread about the victims and stories and was heartbroken but it felt like the thing to do.

So, on the anniversary the day of my senior year, I was in the library researching at school (in hindsight, NOT the best idea...). An acquaintance approaches and I quickly click out of the tab about the shooting, smiling ready to talk to him. Looking back, I should have just explained why I was looking at it, but I honestly felt a little shame being interested in this and still somewhat do to this day. So we had our little chat then he was on his way.

The next day, I get called down to some vice principal’s office. I was confused, but not worried.

I sit down and hear that my acquaintance saw what I was looking at, freaked out and told his counselor about me looking up about Columbine.

I immediately felt embarrassed and started to explain my somber reasoning why for the anniversary and having a connection with the research. But before I could, the vice principal cut in saying, “Well I know you have been bullied pretty intensely and have a history of mental illness so...”

....

Never in my whole life, even when I got bullied, have felt less like a human being than in that moment.

I just sat there, mouth agape.

This vice principal and my acquaintance thought I could and WOULD shoot up my school. They lumped me in with psychopaths and psychotic teens who have such large egos that feel the need to have power over their peers. THEY THOUGHT I was like those teens.

I started to sob uncontrollably. But then I started to get angry (again, probably not the best decision trying to show I’m not some unhinged person).

So, why write all this?

Well every fucking time there is another shooting, specifically with someone considered an ‘outcast’ or ‘loner’ or ‘he’s been bullied’ makes me wanna fucking puke. I’m immediately thrown back into that office with the vice principal, judging me purely based off the fact that I’ve been bullied and deal with depression/anxiety/PTSD. Did they know I’ve had nightmares about guns and shootings ever since I was 12? No. Did they know I’ve tried to kill MYSELF multiple times due to SELF hatred instead of outward hate? No. Do they know we talked with victims of bullying and started a donation to victims of bullying for better programs? No. Do they know I still fucking think about this incident almost 8 fucking years later?!

No.

I’m done feeling the shame and judgement.

Stop stereotyping. Stop lumping us together.

Gun reform NOW.

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the-og-mkt · 6 years

Text

All you've gotta do is call; and I'll be there, yes I will. You've gotta friend.

Veronica glanced back at her mother, who was being spoken to quietly by one of the rehab Drs while being lead out of the lobby and further into the facility itself. How in the hell did we end up here Mom…? We were supposed to be the family that rose above the Neptune standard. Mothers that didn’t drink. Fathers that didn’t regret their decisions. Daughters that weren’t damaged and dead emotionally….is this really our life now..? Forcing herself to smile politely at the receptionist she headed towards the parking lot. She had been trying so hard to keep it together in front of her mom, trying not to seem weak or afraid for her. But underneath that was the hurt, anger and sense of utter betrayal that she felt so deep in her core, it almost outweighed any relief she had in finally finding her mother.

As she headed back towards the highway she could feel the pent up rage she’d been stifling starting to fester out. Why is it that ‘going to rehab’ is made to seem so glamorous, and yet actually it’s more like leading someone to their doom? The ultimate walk of fucking shame. I’m too weak, my family is too tired of dealing with me so they need to pay someone to fix it and make it all go away..!! If there was one thing Veronica understood, it was knowing what it was like when your family felt useless if it came to helping someone deal. When Lily had died, instead of trying to talk to her or figuring out a way to help her cope with her grief, her parents had sent her to a counselor in hopes that a stranger could better help her get through it all. That had been a joke and a half. The only thing she got from that whole ordeal was knowing what part of town to avoid being recognized when on a stake out or during field work in one of her disguises. Veronica looked at the clock; it was 6:45pm already, she hadn’t eaten (not that she had much of an appetite) and it would take about three and a half hours to get home. Looking for a distraction she flipped on the radio. ‘All My Life’ by the Foo Fighters came on and Veronica turned the volume up as loud as it would go. She pounded the button to retract the convertible top with her fist and barreled down the I-5 as fast as her Lebaron would go (which was only about 78), letting her mind blank out and allowing Dave Grohl’s hypnotizing voice carry her back towards the Hellmouth.

=========================

Two hours and forty five minutes later, her brain was fried. Her brain only allowed itself an hour of reprieve before it kicked back into high gear and she started to get worked up again. She had gone from distraught to elated to terrified and then the anger set in. Anger at her mother for not asking her father for help. Anger at Keith for not doing more to find her. Anger at FUCKING JAKE KANE for even putting themselves in this situation in the first place! Anger at Lily for being dead and leaving her to deal with this all on her own. Anger at Duncan for basically throwing her away without remorse, practically to the 09er wolves. And then she got to Logan. Logan…Logan who she loathed above all else. Who had made it his personal goal in life to crush her like a bug every chance he got. Logan, who always made sure he was in her face. Never relenting. Never backing off. Logan. Logan….But now…now…he never really was in her face anymore. Sure, he was always close by, sometimes it was like she literally felt him when he was near. Lately he hadn’t thrown insults her way, or goaded her in front of his friends. No, ever sense that day in the Journalism room when she saw him working on Lily’s memorial video. Something had passed between them that week. At first she wasn’t sure but when the memorial came and Logan’s video had included her homecoming tape – that SHE, VERONICA MARS was actually in a video made by LOGAN ECHOLLS of all people…! It was the look they shared that night, the first genuine smile she’d seen directed her way from him in over a year. And the emotions she’d felt from that one look stirred something inside her that she couldn’t explain if she tried. She had tried to suppress it, but it came creeping back up that Christmas during the poker game – before the night went to hell. And two weeks ago, when he showed up at her door that night so broken and alone – it came roaring back in full force and then some. When It turned out to be Trina in the Regent’s suite two nights ago, she found herself enraged with fury towards the vapid woman and was more than willing to let Logan break down in her arms that night. And maybe, just maybe had the immediate desire to kiss his tears away (not that she would EVER admit that!) And now…..now they were….frenemies? Forgotten friends? Enemies without the evil? She had been driving on autopilot at this point, and when she came to was shocked at where her car had stopped. There she sat, in her dingy Chrysler in the heart of the 09erdom, right in front of the Echolls mansion.

What . The. Actual. Fuck…?! Why am I here of all places? Why am I not in front of Wallace’s house..? Wallace my reliable BFF. My go to man. My only friend after so long….so long after…. The Fab Four. The only people who knew me. The real me. Lily. Duncan. Logan. Logan…. LOGAN! She shot up straight as a rod in her seat. Of course it would be Logan’s she’d ended up at. Just like she would a long time ago. When they used to be friends. It was always Logan she called when her mom came home drunk and got into it with her dad. Logan. Never Lily. Always Logan. Logan knew her, knew all about her Mom. Knew what it felt like to loose a mother to alcohol. Knew what it was like to feel like it was somehow your fault for their drinking. It was always Logan. She pulled up to the gate and entered the code,surprised her’s still worked after all this time. As she parked her car off to the side of the driveway, she pulled out her phone and hovered over his name. She suddenly felt beyond exhausted; it was like an anchor was weighing her down in her core and she was having trouble lifting her arm. Coming to the realization that he may not even pick up she reluctantly pushed send and waited for him to answer. She could tell he had picked up as the phone stopped ringing and she could hear the tv faintly in the background. She inhaled slowly, not wanting to make the first break the silence, and held her breath until she finally heard him speak.

“Hey….Veronica…” he sighed. He sounded so lonely and defeated. As she finally exhaled she was worried she’d made the wrong choice until he said “is everything alright? You’ve been siting down there in my driveway for the past five minutes. You’d probably be more comfortable here in the warm house than freeze in your convertible.”

That was all it took. One simple act of selfless kindness from the boy who’d truly broken her heart when he turned against her. This wasn’t that boy. This was Logan. Her Logan. The boy she missed fiercely and needed in her life so god damn much. She let out a loud wail of a sob and let the wall go. The flood gates opened and all of her emotion from the day came rushing out.

He was at her side in one minute flat. He didn’t even wait for her to acknowledge him. In an instant he had her unbuckled and scooped up into his arms heading towards the front door. She buried her head in his neck and clung to his shirt for dear life while she continued to sob as he carried her upstairs to his room. “My mom… I-I f-found her… d-drunk…Jake K-Kane…rehab…oh Logan!” Was all she was able to get out. All the while Logan was circling his room, turning off lights and the tv. He grabbed a blanket and tried to lay her down on his bed. When she wouldn’t let him go he shifted her onto his lap; he removed her shoes with one arm and then reached for the blanket, covering their legs as he laid down taking Veronica with him. “Is your Dad home?” He whispered into her hair. Still sobbing, she could only shake her head no. She felt him nod and then kiss her forehead, pulling her in tighter for a hug.

What felt like hours later, Veronica found herself curled up against Logan, their legs intertwined and her head on his chest. The tears had subsided and she was left with shuddered breath. Logan was rubbing tiny circles on the small of her back, his face turned into her hair, slowly inhaling what she assumed was her marshmallow smelling shampoo. He had only uttered soft nothings to her as she’d cried, never asking questions and expecting nothing in return. As she lay there feeling herself begin to drift to sleep, she felt him inhale deeply and sigh. “I’m so sorry Ronnie, for everything. You never deserved any of it…” he kissed the top of her head and squeezed her in a half hug. Veronica smiled, knowing that he meant it. What ‘any of it’ entailed exactly she wasn’t sure, but still she knew he meant it. She did the only thing she could do in response to that honesty, and turned her face up planting a soft, slow but chaste kiss on his lips. He immediately returned it by giving her back one exactly the same, before rolling onto his side and pulling her close- this time burying his face in her neck.

Veronica smiled as she snuggled in. As she felt herself teetering on the edge of sleep she had one final thought to the crazy, emotionally draining day.

Logan, my dear friend.

#lv au week #day 3 #logan and veronica #vm fanfic #veronica mars fanfic #enemies to friends to lovers #eventually #maybe tomorrow

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