#i fucking told him he meant a lot to me

[mccoys-killer-queen]

Seeing Kix's last ever live show Part 2- the show

So yes, I drove 3 hours to Columbia, MD just to get my heart brutally torn to pieces and left in the rain. By the time Kix actually came on the alcohol i chugged started to hit (it took like an HOUR) and it made me wanna scream at all the photographers to go fuck themselves

TL;DR- it was underwhelming?

they opened with Atomic Bombs- which was bittersweet I guess but I love it when they open with Hot Wire the most

seeing Ronnie made me so happy

since my seat was literally as far to stage left as you could go, the concrete steps were right next to me, as was a rail, and i could stand on the concrete and hold onto the rail and go nuts

that is until a security person told me to stop fgeoirngerngfdnd

in the moment i had fun but as soon as the moment was over it was back to heartache

Steve never opened up his shirt which was disappointing

when they did Midnite Dynamite there were BIG COLUMNS OF FIRE ??? SHOOTING OUT FROM THE HUGE HIGH UP PLATFORM THEY HAD ?? I was at least 30-40 feet away from it and i could FEEL THE HEAT

same thing goes for huge spark fountains (except for the heat part)

they did three medleys of obscure songs (but I'm gonna be honest I didn't recognize most of them)

the first medley, they did Body Talk and as soon as they started playing it, Steve stuck his finger down his throat like he was trying to make himself puke from hearing it rtgnnsadiofifearf

every medley was basically Steve judging the songs on whether he likes them or not it was funny

seeing the girl money glasses for the last time ugh concerts will never be the same if they're not kix

Steve always leads up to Scarlet Fever with "this song is about dirty diseases" or something like that, and he said something about "you gotta wear a condom to not get those diseases but condoms are no fun right they're just not fun"

the Itch and the crowd singalong and Steve always picking on people never ever fails to crack me up

when they played For Shame, Steve walked into the crowd and walked around and shook people's hands and gave hugs and stuff and the second he started singing while doing this i fucking lost it and tears were running down my face it was so bittersweet it was like he was trying to thank every individual person

idk why I always forget about Cold Shower when it's like the sluttiest of all slut songs

Ronnie did the guitar solo leading up to Cold Blood and I'm sorry Ronnie but I'm used to Bob and I like Bob's solo better but seeing Ronnie finally in the place where he was supposed to be this whole time was bittersweet

big balloons falling from the ceiling

confetti cannons and one not going off until the next song

Steve doing more jumping than normal during Blow My Fuse

i wish Steve did the full feature length Yeah Yeah Yeah monologue

^^that was their last song

i always forget how much steve says "aiight"

when their set was done, Steve introduced some people in their crew and management

when everyone walked offstage, and really only steve was left, he imitated Porky Pig and went "t-tha-th-that's all, folks!" and left the stage.

imo the setlist could've been a lot better bc a lot of their hard-hitters were cut (like Hot Wire, Same Jane, Kix Are For Kids, Sex, etc) but i guess the medleys were more important. The show also felt really short? It was under 2 hours and imo the whole thing felt really underwhelming, like I was expecting a huge extra long super exciting show but this was like... below average? Like yeah there were more stage effects and two guest members and three medleys but- it just didn't make it feel any more special than a normal Kix show, yknow? It almost felt like they were in a hurry to finish (the set feeling quick made it feel like this, not their actual performance. In fact- this entire rushed retirement seemed like they were in a hurry to retire...).

I don't know if it's because I wasn't at the barrier like I always am for Kix or the fact I had my heartbreak on pause or what, but to me it just felt really underwhelming? I went back to my hotel afterwards feeling similar to how i felt in my hotel after the last night of M3; dumped.

I'm still in shock that it's all over, and that it ended this way- with absolute silence and a soul-crushing shame. I can't ever forget the fun I've had with Kix over the past year, though. I just wish to god it had ended differently.

EDIT: I was trying to kill Mark with my mind last night. Tried to shoot lasers from my eyes. When he walked offstage he walked in my direction and I glared at him as hard as I could. I knew he couldn't see me, let alone recognize me, but he was looking in my direction.

EDIT #2: after steve walked through the crowd and went back on the stage, he said "that was fun. i hope none of yall have herpes *wipes hand on his shirt* I got that when it first came out!!"

#concert log #concerts #kix #i told that motherfucker mark i would always be there for them and that i'd always be in their debt too #i fucking told that fucker i was grateful for him #i fucking told him he meant a lot to me #god i feel like a fucking fool #i don't know how i'm ever gonna have the balls to ask people for passes now #i feel like my creative soul has been contaminated and my heart's literally gone missing #i feel this massive hole in my chest where my heart should be and it hurts so fucking bad #like for fuck's sake mark look what you've done to me #i need my heart back

[yea-baiyi]

the key to understanding hua cheng’s appearance and how he occupies space is that he’s a transmasc goth who’s committed to red and silver as his aesthetic. ok. the layered hair the outfits the boots the chains. he doesn’t shave off his eyebrows and redraw them only because he is a shapeshifter and so his eyebrows grow the way he wants.

#tgcf #hua cheng #my visions n delusions #my hyperfixation demon #anyway footnotes: #the red is because it’s the colour of the eye he was rejected for. the name his mother gave him. the token of his saviour. #and also because they told him he was unlucky well fuck you. fuck you the colour of luck will always remind you of me now #the silver is interesting bc i read about the miao ppl which apparently hua chengs mother was meant to be member of #and only women wear those extensive silver jewellery particularly the neck cuffs #men wear smal pieces but the cultural practice is in women wearing them #so. trans hua cheng is so real so canon #but also he’s literally just a goth ok my entire vision board for him is just #glam rock and goth icons #i had a whole thing detailing his aesthetic in much longer detail but you’ll have to wait for if i ever finish this thing #tbh i might not end up posting a long headcanon piece because i’m really writing this in bits and pieces #turns out a lot of my headcanons are just extensive textual analysis that i internalised? and now i’m writing details turns out it’s a meta

[mokutone]

wooooooow naruto thanked him :) maybe naruto doesn't hate him. maybe.

maybe theyre even.

😳 friends

#my art #naruto #sai #sai yamanaka #naruto uzumaki #hbd sai #this is abt shippuden ep 197 or 198 #this moment means a lot to me as a fan of sai bc its kind of the first time that naruto extends sai an olive branch or like. #even implies he likes having sai around #and it happens right after sai stopped the cloud nin from beating naruto 2 death 4 real #and then got really frustrated at naruto for continuing 2 protect sasuke despite how much sasuke was hurting naruto and sakura #and naruto told sai to shut up LMFAO #but like immediately after that despite sai insisting that sakura would be better at managing the wounds naruto has sai do it #and thanks him #and maybe naruto was just thinking about how mad sakura would get or something else #but u can tell it really meant a lot to sai...and the episodes after this he gets a little obsessed w/ making sure naruto is okay #u can tell the whole time hes thinking ''sasuke is a Fucking idiot. if naruto and sakura cared abt me half as much as they care about him-' #''-i would never betray them. i would never hurt them like that.'' hes like so jealous of sasuke #to be fair to sasuke. sai would have no way to comprehend the loss of the uchiha clan massacre or itachis torments but like #ough. these episodes r great for sai fans. hes trying his best and he Does Not Know What Hes Doing #this isnt intended as shippy (very little of my stuff is. as always) but just sai being Intense abt his first real friendship #i think he's obsessed with naruto because naruto is so...up front. he doesn't often give fake smiles #and when he does hes not doing it to be polite but to avoid hurting other people. i think sai is drawn to him like a moth to a flame

[maddy-ferguson]

Is it just me or do some Bylers reach way too hard to defend Mike for things he was objectively wrong for? Like the rink o mania thing is a perfect example, Will was not being bitchy (onscreen) at all to Mike until the argument where Mike was the one who started it by blaming Will for not telling him about El’s problems. Mike was being a huge asshole there, which even he noticed and said Will didn’t deserve the way Mike treated him. He then apologized and Will accepted it because Will knows that Mike was genuinely remorseful and that he wanted to be best friends again. I hate to say this bc 99% of the time it is deeper than it looks but for this I just don’t get how you can watch and think Will was actually in the wrong.

i do enjoy a good reach and i get not wanting one character to be 100% in the right and one character to be 100% in the wrong in an argument and i don't even think mike was 100% in the wrong at rink o mania but when you back up a bit...what did will do wrong exactly lol.

do we agree with mike that he was a douche for...not telling him that el was being bullied? nonsensical. he didn't even know she was lying to him before the airport.

was he wrong for barely talking and basically sabotaging the whole day? a day el said was supposed to be about the two of them, making will third wheel and feel like shit just like in the beginning of season 3 and for months before that? right...because that makes sense.

was will in the wrong for not calling mike and for making it sound like it was his fault they didn't keep in touch? this one i can get behind but he would have let that go (the painting being a welcome gift doesn't scream resentful) had mike not made it clear that he wasn't interested in anything he had to say by...rejecting his hug, agreeing to the whole day being about him and el, ignoring him save for the vomit green joke, And not calling for months. if the first three hadn't occurred maybe will wouldn't have felt the need to defend himself when mike started a fight because he didn't tell him his gf was being bullied like he's their couples counselor or something

it's like you said mike literally starts the fight and then deflects (twice) and Then he apologizes...idk!

long-winded answer but how exactly was will being a dick lol. i know he apologizes for being mean to him and for pushing him away in the van scene but when exactly on march 22, 1986 was will mean to mike. i can see the pushing him away because he didn't call but he said he deserved the fight and admitted to being a jerk to el (literally HOW. when) and wouldn't let lucas apologize to him in season 3 so i'm not taking his self-deprecating martyr word for it SORRY

it's especially funny when you remember that mike trying to call will is a THEORY

#i know mike is self-deprecating too. this isn't about him💖 #i know even byler being endgame is a theory but #and i GET IT like even if it turns out mike DIDN'T call he's not the devil or anything and i knoww why he acts like he does but when you #look at it from will's pov his behavior makes no fucking sense if he cares about him even a little. like why would he reject that hug lol #you could say him rejecting the hug was because he felt like they weren't friends anymore because will didn't call him and like sure but #then how is will not allowed to feel like they're not friends when mike doesn't call AND rejects his hug AND makes him third wheel all day #you can even say it was because he was like oh will gay can't make it obvious that i'm in love with him but that's just beyond the #realm of possibility to will. do you know what i mean? of course he's gonna think he doesn't care about him and doesn't even wanna hug him #hello after six months of not seeing him because he in fact didn't want to hug him. rejected the hug and made will feel like he was the #only one who wanted to be friends just like before #and really can you blame will for not calling when even without taking the fact that he's in love with mike into consideration the last #time he tried to show this friendship meant a lot to him he got shut down like crazy and was told that he was acting like a kid #i would've wanted mike to make a little bit of an effort too after that tf #and i know why he didn't call if he did in fact not call i know all that will isn't a tumblr byler he knows none of that not calling + not #hugging + agreeing to you not being important to the day + making you third wheel = not caring about you is not a crazy leap #if you wanna do the will isn't a perfect angel who is always 100% in the right thing (which i respect btw) i don't really see how #rink o mania helps your case I'M SORRY #you just will never convince me that it was 50/50 #ask

[donnatroyyyy]

Batman has/had some kind of miscommunication going on with every single one of his kids. The bat family is just one big miscommunication trope after the other.

#him and Dick have miscommunication about how they see each other. Bruce sees Dick as a son and Dick sees Bruce as a father #but they didn’t think the other saw them that way so they never told each other. that’s what led to their fights in Dick’s later teenage #years and dick quitting and becoming nightwing. he thought Bruce only saw him as a ward/robin so he thought that as long as he couldn’t be #robin Bruce wouldn’t want him #and if didn’t help when Bruce stopped talking to him when he left. though to Bruce it was because he thought Dick didn’t want to talk to him #and also Dick really needs to tell Bruce like ‘hey you put me on a higher pedestal then you put even yourself which is saying something and #and I don’t like that cuz that’s too much pressure for me. and also since you did it everyone else does it and has done it since I was Robin #and it’s literally just a matter of time before I break from the pressure cuz I’m not fucking Superman and I can’t take it’ #and Jason with the whole UTRH thing. you know all Bruce had to say was that he had tried killing the joker over Jason multiple times and #maybe just explain to Jason WHY he doesn’t kill. a simple ‘you’re better than me because if I killed one person I’d kill everyone’ #or it could even just be a simple ‘I do love you Jason youre the kid that I felt most comfortable loving’ #and also maybe a ‘I don’t think anything changed after my death and that makes my death meaningless which I think goes against your no kill #rule because I hat is the rule of not a reminder taht death means something. and by that logic my death already went against the rule so why #can’t you do it again for the man that murdered me.’ and Bruce needs to make a presentation: ‘all the ways Jason’s death meant something’ #and Tim just needs a simple ‘I don’t see you as work I see you as family.’ maybe even a ‘you don’t have to be the grown up in this relati #anymore I’m sorry you were one to begin with. you should’ve always been the child’ #now his miscommunication with Damian goes much deeper but I’m one hundred percent sure if they sit down and air out all of their feelings it #would help a lot but I have a feeling that won’t happen #a ‘I have trouble understanding you because both your trauma and compassion run deeper than mine and I also never had to grow up to be a #weapon’ from Bruce and a ‘I don’t understand your optimism and moral stubbornness and easness why is it so easy to be good for u?’ #his miscommunication with Cass stems from two things a simple ‘why are you so afraid to show how deeply you love?’ from Cass maybe a #‘I’m jealous of you because you’re better than me not only in fighting but morally and emotionally’ from Bruce should fix it #and Steph— look I’m not even going to TRY to get into that that goes SO much deeer and wider than any one else’s miscommunication #but maybe a ‘you reminded me of Jason at a time where that wasn’t a good thing’ from Bruce should start things up #for Duke a ‘I can never truly understand what you’re going/have gone through and for that I’m sorry’ from Bruce should suffice #maybe also Bruce telling him that just because he sees Duke as a son doesn’t mean he’s trying any less to get Duke his parents back #oh and babs just needs to go up to him and say ‘I don’t like that what happened to me happened for your story and not mine and I don’t like #that you don’t let me make it into my story’ and then Bruce can follow up and say ‘I see so much of myself in you and it makes me worry and #also I can never look at you without feeling guilty cuz you’re right what happened to you happened for MY story so I’m at fault’ #then the two can go back to being too much like each other and sitting at their respective computers

[meat-huge-pain-endless]

peeling my skin off and tearing my hair out and screaming and crying and vomiting and walking into traffic and

#i’ve had a rough one today #i am alone and unwanted and my ex boyfriend (who is one of my best friends still) is sleeping with one of my friends #i’m not jealous of either of them it’s just that that friend was the first person i ever talked to abt my ex who had never met or been told #abt him prior #and that meant a lot to me #so i felt a little betrayed at first #he told me it’s like a casual short term thing but it still stings #i’m also just jealous of the attention? #i just want to be wanted #i want someone to want me enough to actually do something about it #i’m so drained and depressed and sick to my stomach rn #ugh whatever i can’t do this anymore #shut up michael #my ex also bailed on plans we had tn that were HIS IDEA to fuck her. so i’m feeling rlly loved and valued and appreciated :)))) #he apologized and like he’s going thru smth rn and he was very transparent abt that with me #AND YET #THESE HORRIBLE FEELINGS PERSIST #ok i’m actually done now

[thethingything]

local man discovers he's gotten into the habit of using DBT techniques without actually being taught them because at some point he realised that the things we get the urge to do when we have strong emotions often aren't healthy and that he doesn't like how he feels afterwards so he started noticing when that was happening and going "fuck that shit" and doing the opposite instead

#personal #thoughts #Lucy post #talking to 🍬 about various stuff we do because of our social anxiety and what are probably undiagnosed BPD symptoms #and we realised he's gotten himself into the habit of paying attention to how his emotions affect his judgement #and trying to take a step back when he's experiencing an emotion that he knows gives us the urge to do stuff that's not healthy for us #and he said he felt bad about having those emotions and urges to do unhealthy stuff #at which point I was like ''okay but you're choosing not to act on that and to take a step back and do something healthier instead #which is what actually matters here and is also something that takes a hell of a lot of self-awareness and self-control'' #this is shit they teach you in therapy that's difficult specifically because you're going against your brain's instincts for a situation #and we were never taught how to do it so you've just fucking taught yourself to do it instead #without actually knowing it's a specific technique that has a name #I was aware of it but had never actually looked at the instructions properly because when I stumbled across it #it was at a point where being told to go against what my emotions made me want to do felt invalidating and upsetting #I've literally just pieced together that ''oh right that's what that is and how it's supposed to work #and how it's meant to feel when you do it right'' #anyway all this is to say that I keep being impressed with the amount of progress 🍬's made on learning healthy coping mechanisms #including things I could never seem to get the hang of when I was fronting more and handling more stuff #and I'm really proud of him and 🦋 and everyone else who's been handling stuff within the system and keeping things running #but also nobody in here seems to realise how much progress they've made with anything until someone else points it out #I just realised I should tag this as #happy posting #because I'm talking about stuff that's going well and where we've actually made a lot of progress

[townofcrosshollow]

I've learned from my mistakes and grown from them. I've lent an ear to criticism, internalized it, evaluated it, put in the work required to do better. I'm on my way to a future where I don't have to worry about these problems anymore, because they've been dealt with and I have the tools to deal with them again. I'm learning to be kinder to myself, and that being kinder to myself involves admitting my flaws and working to improve them.

I truly believe that the best feeling in the world is knowing you've put in the work to get better ❤️❤️❤️

#i'm reflecting on the last time i went though a trauma like this #and how much the work i've been doing for months has prepared me to handle it better #i had a friend who abandoned me as a teenager to be closer friends with the person who assaulted me. knowing what had happened #he was the last person to abandon me. and that stung deeper than this. far deeper #but even though his judgement lapsed he still loved me. and he realized how he had hurt me. #and when he apologized i accepted it #and when i saw him at work a couple months back and i nervously said hi. and he didn't recognize me because of the testosterone #and i told him my name. full of trepidation #he gave me the most genuine smile i've ever seen. a smile that was full of so much love for someone who had become a stranger #and he told me i looked great. and i wanted to ask if the person with him was his partner and ask if he knew how much he meant to me #and i didn't. because he was at the grocery store with his partner and that would be inappropriate #but i think about it a lot. and i think about the effort he made for me. #i know what preceded it. i know the person who had hurt me hurt someone else. and i know that he might never have apologized otherwise. #but it still took him work. i know that. it was still difficult for him to admit to himself that he had treated me poorly. #and it's that work that means something. it's that willingness to change for someone that means something #he had to admit to himself that he had done something frankly... really fucked up #leaving someone to be friends with their abuser. after seeing the aftermath of what that assault and abuse had done to them #like that is. really fucked up #and i was in no way obligated to accept that apology of course. nothing could outweigh that action #but god i know how it feels and i knew then. the guilt i felt knowing that person had gone on to assault more people after me #and that maybe if i had said something then none of it would have happened #and i know that isn't true. because i did say something. and it accomplished nothing #but that guilt was something i had to use to heal. and he did the same. and i'm proud of him for being able to move forward #you just have to move forward and know that you might not always have done your best but you're doing your best now #maybe i'll tell him that next time i see him come in at work. pull him aside and say 'i'm still so proud of you for the way you grew' #'that apology meant the world to me then and means the world to me now' #'you've written an ending full of light into a chapter of my life with nothing but darkness and i'll never forget that' #but y'know. that would be inappropriate haha. he's grocery shopping

[smolsammichowo]

Holy shit Im rewatching some of Neville & Stardust's WWE matches and I remember how much the whole super hero vs super villian stuff with the comic book art and even having the guy who played Green arrow make a cameo for a match made me go crazy with art at one point on a very old account on here. My art was garbage back then sure but if it wasnt for that art back then I wouldnt be me now

I do sketches of pro wrestling stuff here and there but never have time much to fully draw stuff like I did in the past anymore but rewatching that stuff now makes me really want to again.

#pro wrestling #wwe #aew #tagging aew since technically both of them are or were in there #I MEAN CODY DID HELP MAKE AEW AND HE WAS STARDUST AND NOW NEVILLE IS NOW BASTARDPAC IN AEW #sucks he's FUCKING INJURED I MISS MY BOY #bastardpac #cody rhodes #stardust wwe #also the art on facebook i posted that neville saw more than likely was from a social media manager that saw it and said those kind things #But even still they told me to keep up the amazing work at that time and it meant the fucking world and I FUCKING DID #Man that gravity forgot / The Bastard more like Man that I will always call my fuckin hero #still funny as fuck now that I have to call him BastardPac or AEWPac and not just Pac as there are two Pacs I talk about a lot now

[perenlop]

Playing through Explorers of the Spirit and catching up to where I was... and I'm sorry I mean no disrespect, but it really comes across like the modder never got over their beef with chatot from 10 years ago and is using the opportunity in the game to vent about how much he sucks and why the guild is bad actually

#i mean. yeah hero is meant to be an asshole and all and they get consequences for their behavior and its all meant to be uncomfortable #but im told the chatot stuff doesnt really improve. and like. im sorry he would not fucking say all that #free my man he did do things but not all that #idk i feel like people miss the point of chatot's character? hes a ball of anxiety that manifests as anger and deflection #and he tries to cover it up with pride and it only works like 5% of the time. also hes not the one behind the money rule #hes like. a higher up thats stretched super thin and is managing a lot at once and he has a shitty bedroom sldfldsf #hes under a lot of stress and it pushes him to do terrible things #but like i said earlier- its not terrible to watch because hes not seen as awesome and perfect for this #the apprentices still respect him but they make barbed comments at him and even wigglytuff is like ''ew hes lame'' during the expedition #he has consequences for his behavior! they know hes an ass and they lean into it. and thats better than nothing to me #idk. hes a complex and flawed guy. i find him compelling. i get why people may not like him tho #but its definitely weird to be like. ''oh hes a horrible man he lies by omission to manipulate you into joining the guild- #-and hes super lazy and he pawns off his work onto you and hes ruined careers and hes PROUD of it and he giggles over it-!'' #you did not get the point of his character. by ''pawning off work'' you mean delegating tasks which every apprentice does #also not to victim blame or anything ig but like. damn its not his fault hero joined the guild on a whim sdlkfjsdf #idk. it comes across as really hollow to me like the author just wanted to stick it to chatot after all these years #and it makes the whole thing as like an epilogue au thing to the canon story feel less authentic to me #idk its just a mod but i feel like this is just a common thing ppl push on chatot. he sucks but not like that #echoed voice

[humanlyimprobable]

#my polls #please share this for a bigger sample size! #anyways my dad is desperately trying to talk me out of blue trim #because it wont match the rest of the house #but I want blue trim because my childhood bedroom was painted completely blue #and my dad is selling my childhood home to buy this new place #he completely painted over the blue in my old room and made me paint over the little blue that was left (aka the trim) #I want blue trim so I can both carry over a piece of the home that has meant the most to me in my life so far #whilst also avoiding white because it makes me depressed and feels too sterile and boring. #(fuck boring coloured houses I will avoid boring house colours any time I am able to they make me feel so sick) #I told him white makes me feel depressed and his response was “ hm maybe you can overcome that” #anyways I'm feeling spiteful and tired of his bullshit so if you've read all this please pick blue it would mean a lot

[littleragondin]

.

#i just had to read with my own eyes #'What makes me hesitate to call it rape though is the fact that Xing Si never tells him no' #like i'm not even going to go into the importance of enthusiastic consent and why not saying no just isnt enough #but dude was absolutely smashed drunk could barely stand on his feet #clearly couldn't process what was happening (he literally asks Yong Jie to confirm it's him!) #in what world could he make a decision on anything? #and then to go on and say he is stupid because #'I just can't believe he doesn't know what the younger one is doing' #like????? #it's his dì! his family! of course he trusts him and doesn't think he's getting him drunk on purpose?? #like even if you wanted to say that accepting drinks meant you were both aware and down to fuck w/ the buyer #(which is already bullshit) #it's his stepbrother! I'm sorry I don't think not immediately going 'oh yeah he's trying to get in my bed' is being an idiot! #like yeah sure disagree with the narrative choices of how Xing Si blames himself and how he is forgiving Yong Jie #and that it's obvious they will end together #but frankly? I think so far that with what we're shown and told of Xing Si and his relationship to himself and Yong Jie #a lot of his reactions and choices are not that illogical (tho again i wish they were different) #and they certainly do not make him pathetic or responsible for what happened to him LORD #anyway it's not a very good series and i'm not sure it deserves me getting my hackles raised like that #but Xing Si is actually such a sweet character who goes through SHIT #and I hate to see it painted as him being pathetic or responsible of what he's been victim of #like get a grip ppl #(not gonna tag it bc it's from > 1year old comments and i don't want to attract any attention or anything) #(but i needed to vent so here we go)

[myownprivatcidaho]

ok ive held off on saying this for months now but he smiles at me like this

#especially that last frame when i was telling him i liked him. god i KNEW it was gonna Haunt me and god fucking dammit it DOES #i try not to think ab it and then at the WORST times of the day the image just comes to my mind #quite rudely and inconveniently i might add #like for a good couple MONTHS after i told him i was able to like. block out the imagery #everytime i remembered that convo id focus on the sidewalk or the wall behind him but not HIM #cause i knew it would HURT. and then. im not even sure how or when but its like something Broke #and i cant unsee it whenever i remeber The Conversation i cant forget it i cant refocus. its THERE #and god. i just dont know what to do man #nd idk how to describe the feeling. i feel so warm. and held #kinda drugged. #and like he doesnt make a POINT of it a lot of it is stuff i Catch him doing #god. #it drives me NUTS cause im over here like What Does It Mean Whag Does It All Mean #and the one time i gather the courage to try and actually Discuss this with him hes like no <3 :3 #DO YALL SEE MY MOTHERFUCKING DILEMMA. #that one crush situation lol #anyways. all that to say back in the fall inwas saying he looks at me like im made of gold and it feels like i have wings i MEANT it ...

[eversncenewyork]

just when i thought i couldn’t have a more interesting sexcapade than london boy

#like not to brag but i feel like the wild child impervious yet kind woman i’ve always meant to be #i’m starting to feel more confident in my sexuality and ability #it’s so fun #so anyway #i was chatting to this guy (J name womp womp) from tinder all day #he was rly nice and v cute and 30 #and he happened to be at a party in my area so i told him he could come by to smoke n talk but i wasn’t guaranteeing a hook up #so he came over and was rly weird and quiet and tired and i was like ??? do u want to leave #anyway we had a frank conversation where i was like ‘ur puzzling me’ and he was like ‘ur giving me mixed signals’ #and then it was rly late and he lives really far away so i said he could stay over #and he was gonna sleep on the couch and i was like don’t be silly sleep in the bed with me #we don’t have to do anything just sleep #cut to: fucking til 6 am #he has the biggest d*ck i’ve encountered and knows how to wield it #and then we laid in bed and smoked and slept and fucked all day and he just left and it’s 10 pm the next day #and besties he lives in a condo on the beach and u bet ur butt i’m going over #he’s so hot too just a lil short but idc so am i #and he killed a centipede for me and fixed my fridge and reprogrammed my remote #and we genuinely laughed a lot #it was rly fun

[mrmallard]

I thought last night about my propensity to spoil media for myself if I don't think I'll ever get around to experiencing it, or sometimes I won't be invested in something as I'm experiencing it or I wasn't particularly interested in the thing to begin with so I'll just read spoilers and get it over and done with. And how my former best friend totally hated it.

Like get this, one time he told me that if he knew that I knew the ending to a movie - not because I'd already seen it, but because I'd read about it beforehand (even if it was years ago) - it made him enjoy it less. At one point he just point-blank asked me what I got out of doing that instead of just watching the movie or playing the game or whatever.

The answer to that is two-fold. First of all, I was a massive fucking hipster and I would seek out weird underrated movies that appealed to my sensibilities instead of Hollywood schlock in the vein of what I grew up watching, because I had the ability to go beneath the surface like that and hunt out niche things that I enjoyed.

Hollywood schlock definitely has its place, he sat me through the Fast and the Furious and Mission Impossible series and I liked both of them well enough, but I would still rather dedicate my time to interesting movies on SBS or what have you. Something I haven't seen before, but which appeals to my sensibilities. On the normie side, I found Booksmart. On the considerably less normie side, I found Castaways on the Moon.

Secondly, I was poor.

I didn't have the latest game consoles - in regards to games, I just legit didn't have a way to experience the new releases for years. My family very rarely bought new DVDs. For years, we had dial-up internet.

I made up for that lack of external media by reading websites and shit. I spent years on TV Tropes, for better or worse. I spent lots of time on IMDB and TV.com and stuff. I hunted interesting media down, even before I could experience it, and anything that had any passing relevance to my interest at the time but which didn't really enchant me got spoiled. I didn't spoil Castaways on the Moon for myself. I did spoil Taken 3, because I never particularly cared enough to watch Taken 3.

But how do you communicate that with someone who tells you that when he knows you read about the ending of a movie, even if it was years ago, he enjoys the movie less? Someone who can't fathom why you would "do that to yourself" instead of watching the movie?

I never cared about the movie. It's nice that I get to watch it now, I'm not complaining in this instance, but I got what I needed and that doesn't cheapen the experience of getting to see it all play out now. I didn't think I would ever get to see it, and with my hipster tastes I didn't really care. Now I'm here, and it's fine. It's not ruining my day. Why would it ruin his?

This is less of a sad emotional reminiscence and more of a case where my former best friend was just kind of acrimonious to who I was, and as much as I thought he was being a tool at the time, it only looks pettier and shittier as time goes on. Fuck that guy.

#messyposting #something similar happened when I ordered mcdonalds to his house - we hung out a lot so I'd get dinner delivered to his place #and one day I ordered too many nuggets and i ordered the rest to him. there were like fifteen nuggets #i gave him fifteen free nuggets #and he got assblasted at me because I didn't order any sauce #i told him I don't get sauce with nuggets. he said thst the sauce is free so I should still get it even if I'm not gonna eat it #i told him I don't eat nuggets with sauce. he told me that I should still get it in case any one else wants some. #i bought those nuggets for me. a person who doesn't eat nuggets with sauce. i was fully planning to eat every last one of them myself #and I offered them to him (autocorrected as ordered earlier). which I was not planning to do. because I had already had too much to eat #and he full on RAISED HIS VOICE AT ME and called me INCONSIDERATE for not considering that anyone else would want sauce #WHEN I WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO WAS GOING TO BE EATING THE NUGGETS IN THE FIRST PLACE #I gave him free food and he CALLED ME INCONSIDERATE for NOT GETTING SAUCE FOR HIM #WHEN THE NUGGETS WERE *NEVER MEANT FOR HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE* #and he insulted me for not eating nuggets with sauce. and called me selfish. for giving him fifteen nuggets. because there was no sauce #seriously fuck this guy. if he wasn't my closest friend for eight years that probably would have been a friendship ender #i was not a perfect friend by any measure but he was such a sack of shit sometimes. and I only realised how deeply it ran after the falloit #specifically looking over our entire friendship and realising he'd been kicking me while I was down for years #long post

[litt1e-prince]

shut up i have thoughts on my boyfriend i must share. n e way! he kissed me the other day and i was kicking my legs and he called me cute thats all thank you.

#i was also jumping to stim while he made breakfast and i made his tea #and he copied me to mock me and i was like WELL. OKAY NVM THEN FUCK YOU #and he went ‘someones excited’ #and then i fucked up his tea. i left the tea bag in too long and it looked like coffee and his housemates were talking about it and he #pointed to me and was like ‘yeah the teabag was left in too long.’ #I DIDNT KNOOOW! IM STUPID #n e way. i told him his pancakes sucked and then we watched a movie together holding hands #theres lots of inbetween bits there but im not including them because i cant b asked #i was venting in the team room about my horrible shift yesterday and i fell very dramaticslly to the ground (dropped if u will) and he #started laughing and my other friend bursted into laughter and went ‘i love the drama kid performance’ #my shift yesterday was so bad - i was working in 3 different areas! i was only suppose to be #i was meant to be on retail but i worked gsp retail AND costa #and when i went to get a drink (i needed it from carrying that building) my manager yelled at me #so i snapped - and then i was put on retail AND I HAD NOTHING. there was no cheese no wine no hotdogs no sweet popcorn no cash #no bitches no fun no time no life no will to live #i kept snapping at my mangers until i yelled ‘can i just have an extra hand on retial please?!’ #and then when the queue went down i ran into the team room - my bf followed #and then i was like ‘wheres monse???? go get monse???’ and she so he gets her and i rant to both of them #and then i give con a kiss on the forehead and then i give monse one too so that she doesnt feel left out #and then i asked him to buy me food and he did and he brought me 2 snacks also