#i guess i dunno. this is like actively annoying me.

[brw]

having gone into the tonyjan tags, i can safely say i still don't know what's at all interesting or fun about this ship but i can say my opinion on tony stark fans has not changed. what the fuck is doom/tony/jan and how do I kill everyone involved.

#brieuc.txt #tony stark negativity #i guess i dunno. this is like actively annoying me.

[inversionimpulse]

actually come to think of it, it's funny how rarely I see Touhou characters portrayed as Ainu, even in fanworks that are specifically trying to be diverse.

I guess that's probably because most [Touhou fanworks deliberately aiming for diversity] that I see are from the Anglosphere, and therefore focus on minorities relevant to the Anglosphere. That's understandable, especially for people who are those minorities - efforts at diversity are almost always laudable - but it's still sort of like if you were writing about America, aiming for diversity, and forgetting that Native Americans exist.

#it's also really weird that Anglophone touhou fans ignoring Japanese indigenous people annoys me more than Japanese touhou fans doing that! #that doesn't seem right! #I guess it feels like active cultural imperialism to focus on diversity-according-to-the-Anglosphere in a Japanese setting #instead of on EG Ainu or Ryuukyuu or Korean people #and due to... I dunno borked priorities?... that offends more than normal background-radiation racism

[writing-with-gremworm]

A Bothersome Herbivore

I'm not sure when it happened, this tiny herbivore started clinging to me. It's hard to get a break since they follow me everywhere. When I nap, they nap beside me. When I eat, they follow along. Though, the latter is better than the time they slept so soundly I was able to leave them for a few days. When I went back to my normal napping spot they were sitting like a dejected mouse. They had teary little eyes, and their complexation was terrible.

I learned later that they slept through lunch, so they ended up just not eating the first day, and they refused to move during the weekend when I hadn't retuned yet. The worst part about it is they were so happy when I came back. They were like a stupid dog, so happy to cling to me again.

I let them be for a while. It wasn't really my problem, and they didn't actually bother me most of the time. They were surprisingly quiet.

"Why exactly do you follow around like a lost dog?"

"I dunno. I just like you. So, I stay with you, because you're safe."

It was weird. I shouldn't be safe for them. I'm just a lousy second prince with nothing in my future but disappointment. I am, and will always be, second best in the eyes of anyone else, so why is it that this creature clings to me? I still don't understand it.

The thing that irks me the most is that I started to worry about them. I woke up from a nap as usual, expecting them to be beside me. They weren't there. The little mouse had scurried off somewhere and that made me uneasy.

"This is bullshit."

I must have done so subconsciously, but I ended up looking around the places I usually went, expecting to find them there. I only found them when I returned to the greenhouse. They were sitting, waiting for me to come back.

"Leona!" They sounded so happy, their eyes lighting up as if the best person in the world was standing right in front of them.

"Ah." I had so many questions, but none of them mattered. 'Why did you wait? Where did you go? Are you okay?' They were here, so why did it matter?

We returned to routine. But one thing did change. I started leaning on them. I don't know if they noticed, they never mentioned it to me. This change ... felt necessary.

In time it felt stranger to be separate from them than to be near them. In a way, I guess I must have found them comforting too. So, it felt strange when one day, they started crying.

"What's with the tears?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

"I don't know. I just- I." They sobbed quietly, sniffling and rubbing their eyes. They tried so hard to calm down, only to sob more. It hurt, hearing them quiet their sobs. I felt like I saw a bit of myself in them. Maybe that's why I spoke up.

"Don't force it, just sob okay?" It was a useless comment. They would probably cry for a while anyways. They did stop trying to choke back their sobs, though they kept sobbing quietly, as if they forgot how to cry loudly.

"I'm scared. I don't know if I want to go home or stay here. I feel unwanted either way. I don't know if anyone would miss me if I left, of if anyone in my world even realizes I'm gone. I'm terrified because it doesn't matter which world I choose. I'll be alone again in either world."

A beat.

Right, they needed to go home eventually. They weren't from this world. I forgot that somehow. Unlike Yuu, who was social, this one wasn't particularly close to anyone. Except maybe ... me.

"Oh? Aren't I right here? Do you think I'll forget you because you vanish for a little?"

"I-I ... I thought you were annoyed by me."

"Then why would I let you cling to me? I could have actively ignored you."

"But you ... you left me alone and I ..."

"So? People can change their minds. I'm not running from you anymore, so don't go running from me, okay?"

"Heh, hehehehe."

"Why are you laughing?"

"Sorry I just- I didn't expect you to say something like that. It's so sweet."

"Don't get used to it."

"Hehe, I know. I'm just ... Thank you."

"... It's fine."

Things were nice after that. We returned to routine.

Or, as close to routine as possible. I found myself gazing at them for longer than I intended. If they were still asleep when I was up, I would pick them up. If they were hungry, we'd eat early, or I'd get Ruggie to buy us snacks.

'Fuck.' I had fallen for them. It was confusing. They weren't particularly pretty, or smart, or even useful. Even so, I found them undeniably breathtaking. I couldn't look away from them.

It was juvenile, but I couldn't help but touch their hand. Just to feel their skin against mine. I wanted to kiss their forehead, to hold them in my arms, to claim them.

I'm no idiot. I know I'm handsome, I know my position, though lesser than my brother's, is coveted. I understand that being a member of royalty limits my options for love. Despite everything, I wanted them to stay with me. If nothing else, I just wanted to continue our days like this. The litte moments of warmth, their laughter, their joy. I wanted to bask in it.

When did my world stop being gray?

No, not my world. Just them.

It's still hard to justify waking up, to find a reason to move forward every day. But even still, I want to be selfish and be beside them. I wonder if this is what it means to feel safe with someone.

"I'm going to graduate this year. You've still got a few years left."

"... Yeah ..." They smile sadly.

"Come to me. When you finish. Find me, and I'll have a napping spot ready to share." It was a stupid promise. They might be blocked from my side. They might not even be able to understand me outside of school property.

But I think their smile was worth it.

--

"You've been sulking in that window every day, brother." A grating voice says, a smirk decorating the words.

"So what?" I glare, irritated by the interruption. I come to this window whenever I think about them. It seems like a spot they'd like. Or maybe they just liked me. Maybe after all this time they forgot me. It would be better that way. For them to forget me, they can live a different life, instead of being tied to the second prince.

"I was just worried. How can I not worry a little when you're my brother?"

"Piss off."

"Ah, I see you don't want company. Should I send your visitor away?" My ears twitch. It's rare I receive visitors. It's even rarer my 'perfect' brother bothers to tell me about them.

"A visitor? Haiz. I have enough sense not to turn visitors away." I shift, hopping down from the window ledge.

My heart is beating faster than I would like. It seems like my chest is going to burst at this rate. It will be disappointing if it's not them, so I shouldn't keep my hopes up.

"Leona?" A familiar voice chimes as I enter the room. They smile warmly at me and walk over, looking at me somewhat reluctantly.

"I'm surprised you actually came here." I hold out my hand. They take it carefully and I pull them into a hug, "Welcome home." I add with a whisper.

They tear up, hugging me tightly.

"Yeah, I'm home." They mutter. They feel warm in my arms. They feel like the keystone of an arch, holding me together despite being so small.

'So, I still love you.' I think to myself, closing my eyes and forcing myself not to do too much. I want to give them soft kisses, I want to whisk them to my room and cuddle with them. I want to tell them how much I love them. But the words don't leave my throat. I can't love them, not as a royal.

"Well, isn't this a nice reunion." That ruined it.

"And you're still here because? This is my guest. I thought you'd leave." I hiss, glaring at my brother.

"There's no need to be hostile. I'm just surprised you have someone close to you."

"Oh? Thanks, I didn't realize I needed to tell you these things."

"I'm not chastising you, I'm glad. Really. Ah, I should probably introduce myself to your lover."

"Lover?"

"Lover?"

"Are you two not? Ah, I'm sorry for misunderstanding." He doesn't sound even slightly apologetic.

"I-It's fine."

"... This is my brother. That's it, don't worry about getting close to him."

"Oh- okay." They smile sadly.

"Well this does complicate things a little. I had just convinced the elders to let you have your lover join you here. But if they're not your lover, then I'll have to clear that up."

"That won't be necessary. It'll be more convenient if everyone assumes we're lovers anyways." 'Though I'm not particularly fond of receiving help from you, I won't turn it away when it benefits me.'

"S-So then- Do I- have to pretend to be your lover?" They seem surprised, their face flushed a bit. It's cute. It makes me want to lick their cheeks and nibble on their ear.

"No, just act like before. Us spending so much time together will get the point across."

"Oh! Okay." They nod, seeming perhaps a little disappointed.

"Last time we spoke, I promised to have a napping spot pick out for us. I think I found one. Though, you'll have to sit on my lap if you want to lean on me." The window ledge wasn't wide enough to sit side by side unless you laid against the window.

'This spot is chosen partially out of my selfishness. If nothing else, then I can hold you tightly. Not that you need to know my reasoning.'

"That's okay. If you're okay with it, I mean. I've always kind of wanted to hug you when napping." They admit wanting to cuddle closer.

'I wonder.'

I pick them up, cupping their rear as they cling to me. They seem a bit surprised.

"W-We could just walk there-"

"We are walking there. What? Did you never wonder how I carried you before?"

"I never thought about it- This is embarrassing. I could just walk with you."

"Hm, no. You clung to me this long, cling to me more, won't you?"

"Leona." They whine.

I can't help but chuckle a little. This was warm. It felt nicer than just remembering them.

"Hey, do you love me?"

"What? I mean- yes. You're the closest person I have."

"I mean, romantically, sexually. How, do you love me?"

"T-This is very sudden- and I don't know how to answer- aah."

"That's fine. We've got plenty of time." I sit down, letting them situate themselves on my lap as we sit by the window. I wrap my arms around their waist, and rest on my chin on their shoulder.

"You're more affectionate than I remember."

"Well, I have to make up for the missed nap time cuddles somehow, right?"

"What? Hah, hahaha. Sure, let's go with that. Leona. I missed you."

"Yeah ... me too."

"I never thought you'd admit it ... so ... the question."

"Do you love me?"

"Yeah, that one ... was it, because you love me?"

"Yeah."

"W-wait really? Um! How so?"

"Hm, I'll tell you after you tell me. I did ask first."

"Hahaha, okay, that's fair." They lean into me, resting against my chest, relaxing in my arms. We sit there for a while, just enjoying each other's company. It doesn't really matter how they answer. We'll stay beside each other anyways. I can tell that much. They wouldn't have found me if they didn't intend to stay.

"Hey ... Leona ..."

"Yeah?"

They turn their head and move so their mouth is close to my ear before whispering their answer. Perhaps embarrassed, or worried that telling me loudly would hurt me. Regardless, the action was cute.

"I'm not sure. I've never felt anything like this before. I've never had the chance. So, I may not get it right the first time. I don't know what type of love this is."

"Okay, then let's figure it out together." I've waited this long, waiting a little longer should be fine. Besides, I'm with them now, so that is enough.

#twisted wonderland #character pov #leona kingscholar #twst leona #leona twst #fluff #warm and cozy #self indulgent #gn reader #reader insert #I let him have like two swears. It's fine. #Have soft Leona #he deserves some softness. #he's just a silly guy #a bean #Anyways #i hope you enjoy #Sorry for not posting

[katyawriteswhump]

the power of love, part 12 (steddie, steve whump, stobin fic)

Alternate ending S4: Steve has a habit of surviving near death experiences then getting sick for no reason. And Eddie and those fatal bat bites? After an impossible feat of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Steve, he’s mysteriously fixed. So, Eddie’s back to being banished, this time with Steve and Robin in tow. Eddie’s healing, but Steve isn’t… and life gets even more confusing, when Eddie develops feelings for Steve, which aren’t entirely unrequited.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 13

(also on AO3 here and as part of my steve whump fic series)

Eddie POV

To Eddie, there’s something way too police-like about the way Hopper escorts Steve to the Humvee. He even raises a hand to check Steve doesn’t knock his head, while climbing in the rear seat. Eleven gets in the far side of Steve, and Robin piles in on the near side. 

Robin shoots Eddie such a mean look and slams the armoured door. Left standing in the mud, Eddie gets it—subtle as a monster punch in his gut. Stay away from Steve.

“Let’s move.” Hopper motions urgently, and Eddie trudges over and gets in.

“You sure you want me riding shotgun? What with me being… Oh, I dunno, verified spawn of Satan?” 

Hopper drops his voice to a barely audible rumble: “Whatever game you two were playing last night, I don’t wanna know.” He doesn’t sound chummy. Not actively hostile either. “I promised your uncle I’d look out for you, if I could.”

Eddie inhales sharply: “You’ve seen him? He’s okay?”

“He salvaged your six-string after the quake. He wanted me to tell you.”

Eddie snorted; cannot deny it’d played on his mind. God, Wayne knows him too damn well.

Hopper fiddles with the switches on the spartan dashboard. “Not gonna say he’s okay, because nobody in Hawkins is. Our best hope is that the military pull out when they can’t find Eleven. We still have allies, acquaintances of Owens, though their numbers are thinning fast.”

“That who we’re running to?”

Hopper has some kind of plan, which he explains as he grinds into gear. They’re heading for a remote road, where these remaining ‘allies’ have arranged further transport. “Luckily,” says Hopper, “you guys were pretty much on route.”

“We can’t stay away long,” says Eleven. “I have to go back. I can beat One, with help from friends, and…”

Eddie peeps over his shoulder, sees her staring hopefully at Steve. Who is staring glassily ahead.

“Steve?” prompts Robin. “Anything you feel like sharing.”

“Will you gimme a break? Look, I got an idea about what’s behind all this. I don’t know how much sense it’s gonna make, so…”

Nothing could’ve prepared Eddie for what Steve discloses next. “I know how nuts this must sound,” Steve says. Eddie, like the others, is temporarily stunned speechless. “That I should be… That I should’ve drowned in that lake, when I was a kid.”

“The only thing nuts,” says Robin, who’s literally cuddling him from the side, “is that you didn’t tell us this sooner.”

Steve squirms. “Honestly? It only came together in my head in the past day or so. It was like a really annoying jigsaw puzzle, and jigsaws are basically my least favorite thing ever.”

“We need to figure this out,” says Hopper. “There was no gate open to the Upside Down in 1978. Doesn’t mean Steve’s powers, if that’s what you got, aren’t linked to the Upside Down, or the experiments at Hawkins Lab. If they are, doesn’t mean they’re all bad news. Look at El.”

“I guess.” The Humvee rocks and rolls over a particularly cavernous pothole, and Steve flinches hard. “In my dreams and shit, I see this trippy… I don’t know how to describe them. They’re like a ghost or something; also, not quite a ghost. Whatever, I got this hunch they’re behind it.”

“Could be some kind of water spirit,” says Robin. “Or even a goddess. Oooh, so the Romans worshipped this water goddess, Minerva, and the ancient Celts had Sulis—"

“Be serious,” says Steve.

“I am serious. In Native American religions, water can represent a link between life and death. I wish I knew more.”

“Not sure I wanna know any of this.” Steve peeps down at El, who’s not quit staring at him. “If this is your crazy-pants frenemy after all, now would be a really good time to tell me.”

She shakes her head. “No. If I sense anything, it’s good… soft… like Mama should’ve been.”

“Oh,” says Steve. “Can you, like, see them too?”

“No.”

“Son-of-a-bitch!” bellows Hopper. The Humvee’s wheels churn uselessly in the sludgy ground. “Everyone out, apart from you.” He points at Steve. “You okay to take the wheel?”

Steve revs for about ten seconds. Eleven uses her powers to unstick the armoured vehicle, and nobody needs to shove. Trouble is, they get stuck again about ten minutes later. And again, five minutes after that. Soon after they next get going, there’s a loud metallic clunk. The Humvee chokes, splutters, and dies completely.

They all tumble out yet again, apart from Steve, who stays put, and nobody argues. Hopper props up the hood. “Munson, you any good with cars?” 

“Uh, hello?” says Robin. “My moms jumpstarts her Chevette every single day.”

That distracts Steve’s guard-dog. Eddie suffers a moment of agonising indecision then pops his head in the rear seat.

“How you doing?” Eddie knows it’s a stupid question. 

Steve shoots him a withering look, fluffs his messy hair. Eddie slides in beside then totally freezes up. He feels horrible about Steve’s arm in the sling, and as for the rest of it… 

HE DIED! On the other hand, I died too.

Yeah, how exactly does Eddie Munson fit into this beyond-freaky legend? He hardly gives a shit— he’s not the one seeing ‘ghosts’ and, worse, starting to resemble a ghost.

“Eddie,” whispers Steve. “I might need to get away.”

“Get away?” mouths Eddie. “What do you mean? From Hopper?”

Steve’s silence is answer enough.

“Granted, the dude’s packing heat,” says Eddie. And driving a freakin’ tank. "He’s not holding you hostage.”

“I know that. God, I’m so confused.” Steve’s stopped being grouchy or fighty. Which is pretty un-Steve, and scary in itself. He curls a hand over his eyes. “I feel like I’m being… I dunno, pulled in the wrong direction.”

A power chord of fear twangs across Eddie’s every fibre. “You want us to go back to Hawkins?” 

“Us?” Steve emerges from behind his fingers. “No. Hop’s right. You’d be arrested and I’d be… Ugh, I’m so goddamn sick of this. I want this all to be over, so we can… you know, fool around together.”

He reaches out, hooks a strand of Eddie’s now-totally-mad hair behind his ear, and sorta smiles. For a single damn fine moment, that smile sparks in his eyes; Eddie loses himself there, and their world is perfect.

Then Steve’s fingers drift away. Eddie wants to catch them, kiss them, promise he’ll do anything Steve needs. He’ll take down the whole damn US army, slay Vecna in a blaze of glory, even if he dies AGAIN trying, and yet… 

… Holy shit, he’s terrified of Steve! Scared that, if he touches him, he’s gonna crumble into dust, or…

“Earth to Eddie?” Steve waves in front of Eddie’s nose. “Have I added invisibility to my list of useless powers?”

“No. It’s just… I want this over too, so we can do, uh, yeeeaah, stuff.” Wow. Call yourself a lyricist, Munson? He’s rescued by a roar from the Hummer’s engine. That sleepwalker’s glaze returns to Steve’s eyes, and it feels way too much like another door swinging closed in Eddie’s face.

Although the dinged motor is fixed, the mud continues to be literally a pain in the butt. Nobody enjoys the bruisingly rough ride on the rock-hard, upholstery-free seats. 

“At this rate, we’re gonna have to ditch this piece of garbage and walk,” says Hopper.

“Jesus Christ, just ditch me already,” mutters Steve, who’s turned a disturbing shade of gray-green. Hopper doesn’t argue, which makes Eddie think he isn’t taking all that Steve says seriously. Which makes Eddie feel kinda sick, too.

What should they do? He wishes he could talk to Steve alone again, this time be less of a tongue-tied dipshit. That said, how can Steve go back to Hawkins? Right now, he can’t hardly walk.

They’re halfway across a patch of open land when they get stuck yet again. Eleven’s nearly as washed out as Steve, her nose bleeding. Hopper suggests they get the Humvee moving the traditional way.

“Shame about all that rain,” says Robin, as she, Hopper and Eddie pile out to push.

“Is that a dig?” snaps Steve, from the driver’s seat.

“Wasn’t supposed to be. Sorry. Sorry.”

They’ve barely put their backs into it, when Hopper squints into the air and curses louder than ever. A distant juddering noise reaches Eddie’s hearing.

“Oh my God,” cries Robin. “Is that—”

“Sikorsky search-and-rescue Hawks,” shouts Hopper. Yup, Eddie counts a battle-wave of ten or more. “Into the trees. Go, go, go!”

“What about our tank?” Eddie jumps on instinct to help Steve, who’s clambering out, seeming kinda dazed. Robin blocks Eddie’s path. It’s all a moot point, because Hopper’s already got to Steve.

“If they see it,” says Hopper, hustling Steve ahead of him, “chances are they’ll take a potshot.”

“I can crash them,” gasps Eleven. “Done it before.”

“Not a great idea, kiddo,” says Hopper. “They’ll know for sure it’s us, and throw everything they got into this part of the country. We’ll never make our meet.”

Eddie is scratched from head to foot by outdoor crap, before Hopper says, wheezing hard, “This’ll do.” They all get down in a bunker-like dip. Steve kneels beside Eddie, Hopper behind them. Robin shuffles around to crouch beside Steve.

“Do you hear that?” murmurs Steve to Eddie.

“Uh, yeah,” replies Eddie. “Evil empire TIE fighters, straight outta the Death Star.”

“Not them. A river or something. Loud. Like a waterfall.”

“Could be a giant bear taking a slash?” says Eddie, because life is currently so unfunny, he really might as well. And no, he can’t hear any water. Only the crescendoing approach of that airborne death squad.

“Bears have gotten so far down my ‘worry about’ list,” says Robin, “that that’s scary itself.” She picks a cobweb out of Steve’s hair. Steve, meanwhile, closes his eyes. He starts to tremble. “Uh, Steve,” says Robin, “what are you—”

“What d’you think I’m doing?” Bitchy Steve has returned, which Eddie chooses to find reassuring. “They’ll see the Hummer for sure. If I can actually do what you say I did—”

“It makes you sick,” hisses Eddie.

Robin bristles. “Since when did you care?”

“Will you both zip it?” says Steve.

Robin rubs his back. Eddie considers squeezing his knee, then decides against it. Hopper stops scrutinising the skies, brow furrowing: “What’s he doing?”

“Nothing!” Robin’s overwrought smile is stupidly guilty.

“Stevie?” prompts Eddie. “Is there anything we—”

“No, no. I remember this insane crackling. If I can get that going… Gnnng!”

“Anger helps,” whispers Eleven, from the far side of Robin. “What makes you angry?”

“A ton of shit! I can’t… Jesus, it feels like my head’s gonna explode.”

There’s a blinding flash, and a deafening thunderclap. Steve crumples forward, and Hopper grabs him by the scruff of his sweater before he hits the dirt. Eddie shrinks back, his own heart beating like it’s gonna bust outta his chest.

Steve’s now basically hyperventilating. “Ssssh, you did great.” Hopper gently braces an arm around him. “You gotta calm down. Breathe slower, nice and steady, huh?”

Eddie glances up at a bank of wispy grey clouds that hadn’t been there before. A few tense moments pass, the air palpably crackling with an electric tension. Then the noise from the choppers begins to fade.

“They’re turning around,” says Hopper. “Hawks can’t fly with lightning around.”

Robin’s shoulders sink with a relief Eddie shares. Steve, however, groans miserably. Hopper is still keeping Steve upright and asks, “You gonna puke?”

Steve scrunches his face and nods. 

“Stop goggling and get lost,” says Hopper to the others. Nobody disobeys. They’ve not gone a dozen yards, before Robin trips and falls on her face. As Eddie stoops to help her, she springs back up without aid. Far more shockingly, she throws her arms around Eddie’s neck:

“Oh my God, oh my God, I know the powers are awesome but he’s sick and I’m so scared he’s dying. What do we do? How can we help him? WHAT DO WE DO?”

All Eddie can do is press his cheek to her hair, and answer with an honesty that jack-knifes through his guts. “I don’t know, Robin. I haven’t a goddamn clue.”

Part 13

...

PS--In case anybody's worried... while there is plenty of trauma ahead, I only do happy endings ;)

tags: @estrellami-1 @kal-ology @finntheehumaneater (thank you, thank you, thank you!) If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know :) Reblogs, comments and likes also very much appreciated :) Thank you for reading so far :)

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 13

#steddie #steve harrington #steddie fic #steve x eddie #steve harrington whump #steddie fanfic #stranger things fanfic #steve harrington x eddie munson #eddie munson #stobin friendship #platonic stobin #stobin fic #stobin

[lord-squiggletits]

For the Salty Asks (forgive us for the avalanche, if it's too many you can pick your top three): 2, 9, 10, 11, 13 (Optimus), 20, 25 (IDW1), 26

uhhh honestly I feel a bit like a hermit who's out of the loop on what's popular/unpopular so some of these might be completely off the mark but here we go

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

Mmmm I think most of my brotp's aren't shipped as OTPs to start with, so I dunno if I have any that fit this question.

Guess the closest example for me would be OPli/ta. I don't actively platonically ship them but I think platonic is way more interesting than romantic. I don't like the fandom's interpretation of romantic O/Plita at all + I feel like as one of the original "token woman" Autobots, I'd like to see Elita unshackled from Optimus as a love interest, esp because any official interpretation of them is probably gonna be written extremely heteronormatively/token romance between an action hero and The Girl. And the fanon version of them that's Strong Independent Girlboss Elita with whipped simp husbnad Optimus is just as boring and gross.

I just don't like the vibes and would rather them have some sort of friendly or regular relationship together.

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

IDW1 Slide, who I've gone into detail about my hatred of in several posts, but the TLDR is that she comes off as some kind of mouthpiece character? Not a mouthpiece as in for the author's beliefs, but it literally feels like she only exists to shit on Optimus and call him a piece of shit. Her dialogue is so cheesily written ("literally fascism" is an actual thing she says) and her bitching/lack of cultural comprehension about Cybertronian history is so prevalent, that for a long time during my IDW1 reading I was genuinely confused as to whether she was supposed to be some sort of parody/strawman/mockery of someone IRL (her character comes off almost EXACTLY like an anti-SJW stereotype of a screeching harpy calling everyone she dislikes a fascist, and it's only Barber's very obviously left-leaning writing in other parts of the story that told me that definitely wasn't the intent). So then I was wondering "okay is she gonna like, randomly become evil and turn against the good guys because she's just that petty? I mean she spends all of her time bitching about how Optimus/the Autobots/Cybertronians in general are the worst ever and she also hates humans too so I mean maybe? Half of this story already doesn't make sense so I can see it happening."

Thankfully that didn't happen, but like. Slide is so goddamn annoying and ignorant and gets way too much page time dedicated to her angry monologuing (in Unicron aka the finale of IDW1 there's literally a whole half page panel of her bitching about how Optimus is an evil tyrant while Trypticon is dying behind her and it comes off as a poorly timed, bad taste joke). The narrative treats her like she's some important individual whose feelings are important and valid, but she's fucking annoying. Any sympathy she was meant to garner is canceled out by badly written dialogue and the fact that she's a Literal Nobody of a character who seemingly only exists to bash the decades old, beloved legacy characters. For the sake of, idk, talking about how fucked up Cybertronians are that they just shrug and move on when people die? Bc apparently it's some sort of sin to be numb after 4 million years of war (and war that's literally still ongoing while Slide is bitching) and just soldier on trying to get through it? God forbid that a military hierarchy fighting to keep neo-Decepticons and various other alien threats from colonizing Earth be run like a military in which orders have to be followed, people die, but you still have to keep fighting anyways? Idefk man I just hate Slide so much she's basically the embodiment of all of the bad aspects of Barber's writing personified.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Mutineers arc in MTMTE/LL. I feel like (whether due to early cancellation and/or JRO wasting time on too many side plots to give it its full depth), I dislike how the mutineers were basically boiled down to pure evil morons who are the most disgusting, despicable evil ever and the only reason the mutiny had Good Guys (TM) in it was because they were horribly misled and not because, you know, the mutiny was 100% a valid thing to have happened as retaliation against Rodimus and Megatron's captaincy.

Like, I'm not opposed to the idea of Getaway and his cronies being assholes (I personally thought Getaway was a GREAT slow-burn, puppet master villain/anti-hero), I just dislike how the quality of their writing degraded from MTMTE to LL. Felt like they (Getaway in particular) got passed the Idiot Ball and then the actual reasons behind the mutiny were never addressed, it was kind of just "oh Getaway died horribly so we're all friends now and we forgive each other and Rodimus/Megatron will just go back to being captains now."

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

You mean besides IDW Optimus because anyone who's been on my blog for like 5 seconds knows he's my biggest problematic fave skldfjskd

Uhhh I guess in the spirit of the previous question, Getaway. I feel like the fandom's hatred for him is overblown mainly bc it's a combination of Tailgate/Cyga/te fans going "HE GOT IN THE WAY OF C/YGA/TE AND ALMOST KILLED THAT PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL" and Rodimus or Megatron stans going "Getaway hates my fave?? But my fave is a good captain and deserves the world HE'S EVIL MY FAVORITE IS BEYOND CRITICISM OR REPROACH GETAWAY IS THE EMBODIMENT OF EVIL."

Like to me it seems as if the hate for Getaway isn't normal dislike or even people hating him because he's a well written villain. It feels weirdly like ppl really take Getaway's actions personally and hate him with the kind of passion you normally see reserved for actual real life horrible people. Or they like, see Getaway as an obstacle to [favorite character]'s happiness and not as an individual who, before the quality of his writing tanked, was actually an interesting character who maybe even had good points? It just feels like people mainly hate Getaway because he's the antagonist to more popular characters/ships and so they project their defense of their faves into virulently hating him.

13. Unpopular opinion about (Optimus)?

Honestly 90% or more of the fan content I see for Optimus is really boring/uncompelling to me, or really just comes off as out of character. It's either Optimus being reduced to an accessory to be shipped with someone (usually turned into some sort of moe cutesy uke type) or him being turned into.... idk some permutation of "feral irresponsible gremlin" or "One Of The Good Ones (TM)" or "anxiety-ridden damsel who needs to be rescued by his lover" or, in some circles, "character I project my issues with authority onto and try to frame as evil for things that aren't even evil."

Idk how to specifically describe it, it's just... a vibe? Most of the Optimus content I see doesn't actually feel like him at all. It feels like it's Optimus/Orion in name only, who got so separated from canon and distorted by fanon/flanderization/shipping/porn stereotypes that he now only vaguely resembles the character he's supposed to be.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Ahahaha I don't really go into the realm of pure ships honestly, plus this is the war criminal fandom where pretty much every character has killed people or committed crimes or is just generally scarred by war so uhhh

Idk I think Thundercracker/Melissa is a pretty hinged ship? They get along and cope surprisingly well with all the shit that happens. There's no angst or betrayals or misunderstandings or enemies, they're just very respectfully together. Sdfklsajfksd

25. How would you end (IDW1)/Would you change the ending of (IDW1)?

Honestly, I'm pretty satisfied with the ending of IDW1 on both sides of the story. On Barber's side I would've preferred if every single planet including Cybertron didn't get fucking eaten leaving them all stuck on Earth together, and I would've also kept Trypticon alive while... minimizing Slide's role, to say the least. I don't have a problem with Optimus' ending bc I actually think that Optimus' arc in Unicron is like, one of the few 1000% good things Barber wrote for him it's just. It's pure Optimus in his best form.

On JRO's side I would've cut out the last panel with the alternate Lost Light and left it ambiguous as to whether the quantum jump successfully copied the ship or not. I dislike the vibes of the canon ending that implied that everyone moving on with their lives (almost universally to new and exciting and happier places) was the "sad" ending and going on a permanent road trip is the "true, happy" ending. In the author's notes I think JRO said that he wanted to give the readers an ending that would allow them to imagine their faves continuing to go on adventures, but I think compromising a good ending to a story to appease fans is fucking stupid + fandom has never needed permission or approval from the author to write alternate, happy endings. So why ruin a poignant, melancholy ending about how endings come with new beginnings and sadness/nostalgia can be mixed with hope and happiness by going "sike lol they're all living happily ever after on their space cruise."

Also I wouldn't have randomly killed off Ratchet for no reason because like. What was that even supposed to accomplish. I'm no stranger to writing major character deaths but like. He just fucking died of disease off-screen and that was that??? Why, like what was the narrative/symbolic purpose of that besides just making the ending more sad? Maybe to emphasize how going back to Cybertron was the "bad ending" and the quantum Lost Light is the "good ending" since on the LL Ratchet is still alive? But see the paragraph above for why I don't like that.

26. Most shippable character?

The most shippable character to me is whichever character I think is the sexiest, because if I think they're sexy it makes me want to ship them with everyone. "Guards, fuck that man for me" etc etc. Lmao

#squiggle answers #long post #i put / through ship names not bc i hate them but bc #i want to try and keep them from showing up in the maintags for the ship

[prettyboykatsuki]

☆ tags ; nagi x gn!reader, fluff | ☆ wc ; 632

"Nagi."

You can feel your boyfriends breathing quiet down as you call out to him. It's a tell-tale sign he can hear you. For one reason or another though, he's actively ignoring you - likely because he doesn't want to be pestered. He likes his sleep and he especially likes not talking.

You have your 3-times rule in which you'll only call for him three times. If he really doesn't want to answer, he'll keep pretending but you normally get him on the second because he's weak to you and your various whims.

But this is your third Nagi, and he remains still as stone. Unfortunately for him, your question is really bothering you. Sure it's not urgent, but you wanna know now instead of later. You rub your feet together like a cricket under your sheets, then give a great big sigh.

"Seishiro."

This catches his attention because he breathes deep, then rolls over to look at you. The light is dim but you can make out his face. White hair half-mussed on pillows, while he rests his head under his arms. He doesn't look annoyed, just fussy. You give him a smile.

"Hm?"

He's handsome, you think. You always think that. Nagi is strange in many ways but he's got good looks. And he's tall, which is impressive - a good 6'3. Enough to make you feel funny when you think too hard about it. You glance at him, eyes lidded from sleep.

You're not sure what it is. You've never been super insecure dating Nagi. All the attention he gets is a nuisance but he's so focused on you. He doesn't give you many reasons to overthink in the first place.

Maybe you're just curious. Or maybe you just need some validation and you're having a hard time. Either way, it takes you a minute to conjure up the courage to ask.

"...Do you...like me?"

The sincerity of your voice seems to confuse him.

"We're dating." He replies, nonplussed. You make a face.

"No I know but...I don't know," You bite the inside of your cheek. You feel stupid for wanting to cry. It's unusual "But do you... like me? Like as a person?"

"Yeah."

He says it so easily you want to believe him. You do believe him, deep down. But it's still gnawing at you, just a little. You can feel your insecurity bleeding into your little gestures.

"Really? Like really, really? Sometimes... I dunno. Guess I worry we're too different."

You don't know what you're expecting from Nagi on behalf of your insecurities. You don't even really know what you want him to say since emotional support isn't his strong suit. Maybe you're hoping for a hug.

"I don't really care. And I don't waste time on stuff I hate." He says honestly, then pauses as if he's trying to think of anything else to say. You feel a large arm drape over you before dragging you close - making you yelp.

He looks down at you for a while like that, studying your face in the lowlights. His eyes are deep and brown like earth, and you feel like if you look too long you'll get lost.

"I don't really get excited about a lot. But I want to be with you. I think for someone like me, that's probably more than enough."

You feel your hear thump at the assurance of his word. Despite his placid way of speaking, the weight of it is so heavy in your hands. But it's not burdensome. Grounding is a better word. You bury your face into his chest and he squeezes you tight, chin on top of your head.

"Thanks, Nagi."

"You should call me Seishiro again."

You laugh, pressing a kiss to his jawline - only to look up and see him flushed pink.

"Thanks, Seishiro."

#nagi x reader #bluelock x reader #nagi fluff #bluelock fluff #just reread special episode nagi and become unwell #also sorry im so so dead right now i dont have a lot of ask energy because of moving

[aihoshiino]

I dunno if its just me but it stands out to me that even though ai describes herself as someone whose never loved or been loved she seems to put a lot more emphasis in trying find someone to love rather than finding someone that loves her for being her

ai, please you deserve love too :((

(message from future claire from the end of this ask: to no one's surprised, this turned into an Ai essay... I ended up straying onto the topic of Ai's ideal lover, who that could even be and what 'salvation' and a long term positive arc would look like for Ai)

Nope, you're entirely correct!! It sticks out so bad to me that what Ai is actively looking for is not a person who will love her, but a person she can sincerely give her love to. It makes me want to eat wet cement!!!!

It's interesting to think that as Ai of B-Komachi, she probably hears people say they love her all the time. Viewpoint B even specifically identifies B-Komachi as a gachikoi group in the original Japanese text, meaning they are built from the ground up to exploit the types of fans who develop serious romantic fixations for their oshi, and with Ai being as popular as she is, it's almost a guarantee she has a whole army of these types of fans - and uh, we know for a very unfortunate fact just how sincerely and deeply obsessed with her a lot of these men are.

But ultimately, none of those people actually love the real Ai. As she herself puts it in Viewpoint B again, 'Ai of B-Komachi' is her idealized self - an ideal for both the fans and for Ai herself. She's a perfect, pure, invincible girl who loves everybody with no limits and no restraint. From Ai's perspective, performing 'Ai of B-Komachi' is an act of love outwards to the fans but because she's not the real Ai, none of that reciprocal love is actually for her.

The sad part, though, is that... Ai of B-Komachi isn't really that different from Ai herself! She's polished and airbrushed and lack any of Ai's human flaws but her strength, her warmth, her charisma, her playful sense of humor and her deep, deep kindness and her efforts to love everyone no matter what... those all come from the 'real' Ai and we see them authentically expressed through her again and again and again. But of course, Ai can't see that.

The reason Ai doesn't look for someone to love her, imo, is because she simply doesn't believe it's possible. She hates herself too much to imagine that anybody could ever love her as she is, so she compromises by slicing herself up into as many pieces as possible and letting everybody else reassemble her into an Ai they might be capable of loving. Even when she's directly asked who her ideal lover would be in 45510, her initial response is just sooooooo depressing.

"I guess I'd like to be with someone who doesn't lose their cool with me when I mess things up, ‘cause that happens a lot! Someone who gets all worked up over every little thing would probably get tired of me pretty quick. It’d be unfair for them, so I'd rather be with someone who's not like that."

Like... really think about what she's saying here. The narrator even specifically notes that Ai is as unfiltered as she gets during this stream and the best she can come up with is "Idk, someone who won't get annoyed with me even though I'm annoying as fuck". She herself even says a few lines later that even if someone told her to their face that they loved her, she simply wouldn't be able to believe it. To quote the 45510 narrator...

People evaluate others based on their own understanding of the world. Someone who lacks an understanding of love might struggle to believe it when others express their affection, just as a habitual cheater is more inclined to suspect their partner of being unfaithful. It’s one of those things you grow into understanding as an adult.

Babygirl I'm going to turn into a California fucking raisin!!!! Please!!!!!

45510 does conclude this train of thought with something interesting, though - with Ai's truest feelings that even the 45510 narrator can't dismiss or write off as a lie.

"I don't want anyone to hate me. But it's not like I don't want to talk about myself, even though it might sound a bit contradictory. I want people to know. I want them to know about the dirty parts, my rough edges, and all the rest, and I want them to say that it’s okay. That they accept me."

This is, ultimately, why Ai doesn't bother finding someone to love her as she is. Someone loving the real Ai would need to see the things she talks about here and not reject her. They would need to see the parts of Ai that she calls dirty, irresponsible, underhanded and impure and tell her that they accept her as she is, warts and all.

And she can't believe anyone would. Why would she, when she's faced rejection and abuse all her life, been failed again and again and again by every single person who had the responsibility to care for and protect her? The ultimate cruelty of Ai's life is, ironically, also its greatest joy: that the two people in the world who should have absolutely, unconditionally loved and accepted her as she was - her children - turned out to be people who, even years after her death, continue to only see Ai of B-Komachi.

I've talked about this elsewhere off Tumblr just in terms of writing Ai long term in fanfic and RP and what have you, but all this stuff is why I think the ideal long-term positive arc for Ai could never be one about Ai enacting change in herself - becoming self sufficient, learning to love herself on her own, etc. It would ultimately be a betrayal of what Ai's arc is trying to convey.

Ai is the way that she is because from the moment she was born, she was continually let down and failed by everyone else in her life who was in a position to love her. Nobody saved her from her mother's abuse, nobody helped her heal from it and nobody protected her from exploitation. This failure of care was so consistent that Ai ultimately concluded that she was the problem - that she had to make up for whatever about her was so reprehensible and lacking by being harmless and agreeable and useful and slicing herself to pieces so she could serve herself up in the most consumable way.

This is why I'm actually really glad that OnK has never gone the route of challenging Ai's assertion that she's dirty and impure - because the core of that idea is that Ai lacks worth because of that. Disproving her conclusion that she is 'dirty, impure, hopeless, etc' does not actually challenge this central idea that Ai only has worth so long as she is perfect and pure. Her salvation could only ever come from someone seeing her most wretched, dirty, ugly and miserable self - having someone strip her to bone and marrow, put their hand in her guts and cradle her heart and accepting her as she is, wholeheartedly, unconditionally and without compromise.

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #ai hoshino

[ipsen]

Noro and Tatara for the latest character ask please?

a necrophilia ship ask, huh... i'll try my best! LOL

norotara:

when I started shipping it if I did: literally never heard of this ship until you brought it up. very interesting, if a bit difficult to do so

my thoughts: well, it's another black and white aesthetic-type ship, and features the two quietest aogiri members. They're both very efficient in their own ways, and i like the image of tatara helping noro feed since the latter is... out of commission. tatara learning to care for a walking corpse because everyone he loves is already dead... there's something there.

What makes me happy about them: Well that's pretty easy. clears throat

ETO'S DAD IS ACTUALLY PRETTY RAD HE'S ALL I WANT, AND I'M OBSESSED JUST A TAD ETO CAN'T YOU SEE? YOUR DAD'S JUST THE GUY FOR ME I KNOW IT MIGHT BE BAD BUT I'M IN LOVE WITH ETO'S DAD

What makes me sad about them: they can't kiss with all the masks and rotting skin :(

things done in fanfic that annoys me: what fanfics

things I look for in fanfic: WHAT FANFICS

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: houji and shiono, i guess? i don't know.

My happily ever after for them: A quiet life, much like their demeanors, and surrounded by those who care about them, even if it doesn't amount to much.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: tatara is the big spoon.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: relaxing in silence. there's a comfort to being understood without speaking.

----

:P here's the character versions

noro

How I feel about this character: Eto's dad, and an underexplored individual. I write him like he holds a few anti-imperialistic views that Eto would eventually inherit, since a journal from a dead woman isn't enough in my eyes. Also was extremely intelligent and only really lacked a proper education.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Uh...

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Him and Eto! I think they're neat together :]

My unpopular opinion about this character: Uh...... he's not very scary....?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wanted his backstory with Eto explored. I need to know his parallels to Ryouko Fueguchi right now.

my OTP: him and shiono :] (half joking)

my cross over ship: none

a headcanon fact: when eto was at the orphanage, he pretended to be a stuffed mannequin in the corner of the broom closet. also, when he was noroi, he made a mean hamburger steak.

----

tatara

How I feel about this character: very cool! he should get his own spinoff series because he's almost a main character in like, a shounen or something i dunno LOL

All the people I ship romantically with this character: scratches head i mean kousuke houji is right there. why not. i intimately get it. i wonder why. also putting in a vote for one-sided etora. i want him prostrating himself before her, only for her to do nothing about it. i want that man like a doused, wounded dog.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: him and ayato :] little brother stand-in.

My unpopular opinion about this character: i guess... i like that he was killed by t-owl? giving him his wish of dying at houji's hand while allowing him to "get away" with all the things he did to get there would be kinda messed up.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I want to know about his relationships with arima and eto. who were they to him, and how did he fit into aogiri's power structure?

my OTP: sure i'll say houtata

my cross over ship: idk

a headcanon fact: he got his mouth sewn shut by eto, but she grew bored and never really finished the job. take that as you will.

----

thanks for the ask! LOL

#tg #tokyo ghoul #ask #tatara #noro

[ethereal-kloud]

what if: someone (teen, well adjusted, probably) reincarnates as hibari kyōya?

think of a reincarnated male (probably) from modern world, no magic or anything other than technology, probably no major religious beliefs in life-after-death or anything of the sort.

and then imagine that same teen suddenly waking up as a baby, where wanting to walk off by himself is perfectly fine and okay. where sometimes some new relative of his has the ability to make him drowsy, or can heal his scrapes with some strange glow, or the fact that his great uncle is somehow some a literate baby looking thing, but is also somehow older than his grandma.

and the kidnappings, probably, because hey, it’s eye of the storm fon’s baby relative that he’s obviously fond of, right? they could totally get something out of him!

(wrong and nobody ever tried again. probably partly because of what fon did in response, and partly because how was this actual toddler active.

if this happened in canon, i imagine kyōya’s mind would be still fuzzy enough to not have that awareness of the danger he’s in and the will to spark dying will flames. but this one??? with self preservation and the knowledge of dying once sends him straight to activation.)

maybe tsuna or takeshi or maybe even shōichi??? reminding oc!kyōya of somebody he used to know.

ummm when i wrote this i think i had a scene where fon found out (my reasoning was that he saw that kyōya looked like him, old in a too young body) and asked about it and i think it was meant to give oc a little more closure (though i also wrote that he had resolved himself to live as kyōya when he was four??? dunno how accurate that is.)

i,,, actually have a lot more snippets and semi-incorrect-quotes and headcanons than i thought. i guess i’ll include them here, they’re not as bad as i thought they were.

———

kyōya has fon wrapped around his fingers, not that he knows it

Kyōya is all instinct, would go in guns (tonfa) blazing. However, oc is more cautious, and can plan how to talk and scheme his way out of a situation. He also like controlled violence, and so Mukuro’s battle goes a bit differently

kyōya has all but adopted all the street cats. and birds. all of them. including a falcon he is particularly fond of. nobody knows how in the world he tamed that, but he did.

kyōya has connections

kyōya also has minor mist flames

kyōya probably uses his old identity as a disguise, if he had to, simply because who he used to be does not exist.

———

(later part of the conversation because the beginning makes me cringe)

Fon nods, briefly and sadly, but with a weight lifted off of his shoulders. Probably slightly happy that his nephew was never replaced, he’s just always been a bit off and knowing. He probably also thinks it makes Kyōya feel better by talking about it. He’s kind like that.

“Remember to call if you need anything, Kyōya,” he reminds, face back into that calm state. “I will always have time for you.”

He jumps off, but Kyōya is— that reassurance means more to him than he would ever know. Because he knows he’s busy, with the Triads sending him on diplomatic missions because he’s unaffiliated with any particular branch, and that he’s completely fine with the workload, but sometimes just drops on his bed in Kyōya’s room that he had added a year ago. He knows, and to offer at least words and an open ear for his problems of annoying loud children and the fact that the adults just won’t learn, means the world to Kyōya.

(But if his great-uncle ever wants to break free and they won’t let him… He just has to say the word.

Kyōya doesn’t just keep the peace in Namimori, after all, and Irie promised him any favor, as long as he didn’t have to get physically envolved.

Kyōya is a Cloud, and his Physical Territory is Namimori. However, who said a Cloud only had one? Who decided that all Clouds only kept one thing, weren’t greedy for another and weren’t possessive enough to pull it off?)

———

“Uncle.”

“Yes, Kyōya—?”

“A not-baby with a yellow pacifier is in Namimori. He is shooting a first year middle schooler named Sawada Tsunayoshi with bullets that cause him to shout something about his “Dying Will” in his boxers.”

Fon paused. “…I see. So, Reborn is in Namimori. Ah— I heard a rumor that he was going to Japan to train the next Vongola Decimo. Perhaps that’s why?” he suggested. “That Herbivore? Please, the way he’s doing it is just going to make him terrified and reject it even more. He might even become more like his mother as a defense mechanism.”

———

"Hibari, is that a falcon." Despite the format, Kyōya knows it wasn't really a question. "Yes. You have eyes, don't you?" he dismisses. Honestly, his falcon isn't that much of a shock, is it? He knows for a fact he flies around Namimori regularly, and there are no hunters in his town that would dare shoot down any of the birds.

———

reborn: is looking looking for kyōya

kyōya: in the park

reborn: ah, there he—

reborn:

kyōya:

reborn:

kyōya, sighing: what do you want, hitman?

reborn: why are you covered in cats

kyōya: it's winter

reborn, exasperated: nevermind! i'll come back later

#terrible horrible ideas #khr au #hibari kyoya #ik this has been done with tsuna #but think about the hibari clan/whatever fam kyōya has dynamics #like sure kyōya is like that probably partly bc of cloud instincts #and it was probably treated as normal #but imagine the confusion of a reincarnated teen #who just wants to leave the house and hates being crowded #and their parents just *encouraging* it #imagine the self control oc!kyoya would have #*imagine how that would change canon* #anyway i actually did try and write something for this #but i lose motivation really quickly so #this had been in my drafts for *months* i just wanted it out

[artbyblastweave]

So there’s this thing in superhero stories where (due to the anthropic principle) all the superheroes have useful and combat-viable powers. Otherwise the story would be boring. A lot of post-modern cape things try to justify this high level of uniform competence and power by advancing the practical (but really boring!) idea that there’s a wider bell-curve of superhuman power within the setting, where the principle cast is near the top, and that the vast majority of superpowered people just have incredibly weak, dumb or even self-destructive powers. BNHA, X-Men, Wild Cards, and The Boys all play with this to a degree. It is often framed as a “realistic” take on powers, although what’s actually happening is that it just maps to the familiar real-world idea of talent being on a curve. Superpowers work any goddamn way the writer wants them to.

Now, sometimes it works with the narrative. For X-Men, the idea that the vast majority of mutants are essentially people with weird skin conditions or chronic medical conditions or whatever, carries an enormous amount of water for the “oppressed minority” metaphor. And in The Boys, the fact that a ton of people who take watered-down compound V wind up with “powers” like an exploding head or eye beams that melt the users own eyes is thematically on point, because the whole goddamn series is about how corporations will throw countless people into a meat grinder in order to get a handful of shining idols they can market to hell and gone.

 But a lot of the time, the “useless power” trope and the “lol so random” power tropes are just kind of annoying for me. Like, if you’re infected with an alien virus that gives people superpowers, and you get the superpower to change the color of wallpaper, fuck you! Whatever gave you powers has a coherent understanding of the concepts of “color” and “wallpaper” and “change,” a better power was absolutely conceptually possible here! It feels, I dunno, contrarian, almost!

And now, as with so many of these posts, we come to something I love about Worm. Worm doesn’t do this! There are no useless powers. Every single Power is in some way viable in a fight! If a power doesn’t seem particularly useful, one of four things is going on. Either the power is explicitly broken (Oliver) the cape hasn’t figured out the intended expression of their power (Parian, Jack, Kid Win, Bakuda via Word of God ), the cape is sitting on an utterly terrifying intended expression of their power (Regent, Parian, Panacea, Crucible, Egg) or the power itself is more of a resource thrown into the mix to start a fight (Dinah, many many Tinkers and Thinkers.)

A super common trope with “Useless Powers” is the use finding some off-the-wall niche application, which lets the character with the useless power “cheat” and hit above their station by being really clever, thus Showing Them All. Which feels a little contrived when the “random” power is so specifically useless only by authorial fiat. Not a problem with Worm! In the handful of situations where the characters do  find that niche application, their ability to do so was baked into the setting’s cosmology, and their previous failure to do so reflects on their character and their mindset and is, like, actively additive (thinking of Kid Win here in particular.) Feels a lot less like the author is shadowboxing, I guess?

Edit: I miscited the Bakuda bit. Ignore that

#worm #wildbow #parahumans #the boys #X-men #wild cards #thoughts #meta #worm meta

[craycraybluejay]

I.. am not sure this silly challenge is worth it anymore. It was fun at first seeing my followers respond so much but I get more hate than anything else now. I'm in a shitty emotional state as is because of it and no one appreciates me as a person.. just content, or a fun chat, or just losers leading me on that they want to be friends or fuckbuddies irl. like if you want to use me at least have the balls to go through with it. i'm tired and without my primary coping skill I've again realized that not only do people suck but that people are specifically bad to me and bad for me. i dunno. i guess i'm just asking is there any more point to it does anyone actually care if i do it or not. is it worth even 1% of the energy? i keep getting headaches and i cant fucking stand anyone around me at all. things that i opt to look the other way about become all glaring like flashing lights in my face. people who are, when i'm properly caring for myself, usually just annoying and disappointing are actively enraging and depressing. it's so easy to forget just how much of good and okay you carry on your own back that is pure conditioned falsehood. just to believe it always "wasn't really that bad" and that since that okay is the norm it is based in some semblance of reality. it was never okay, i am just very good at making do. so yeah idk if anyone actually wants me to continue, i can but idk

#vent post #nnn #no nut november #coping skills #hypersexuality #delete later

[bimboficationblues]

"but have certain qualified tankish and socdem positions" what positions do you have in mind?

maybe positions was too strong a word. I dunno, you could ask me about specific things and I'd probably have an opinion. I think I was trying to gesture at...okay, I have my theory of metapolitics: values -> goals -> strategies -> tactics. if I'm being maximally charitable then I think I share some overlapping values with ML(M) and socdem types, and at least some of our goals are going to be similar, though not all. on the level of strategies and tactics, I'm a bit more agnostic, which makes me more willing to hear these other camps out. just by nature of that initial overlap, though, I think there's going to be clusters where I find myself in agreement with one or the other or both and maybe don't take the maximally leftcom stance.

there are plenty of reforms I endorse (both on their own short-term merits, and out of the hope or analytical suspicion that they will be long-term unsustainable for capital, opening up new potentialities), and those seem in the short-term like they are comparatively more realizable than certain ML(M) or anarchist strategies and tactics. full employment, UBI, reforms around the criminal justice and immigration systems, some variation of a "Green New Deal," stuff like that. that's the socdem-ish bit.

the tankish bit is, well, more romantic and big-picture - I've never been an ML, but I retain a broad sympathy towards the position that the various ML parties were in even if many of them ended up doing a bunch of shit that I consider both counterproductive and detestable. those revolutions make for a useful historical dataset, would be one way to look at it, and I feel an instinct to push back when people just default to moral arguments (sometimes masquerading as analytical arguments). regardless of how things ultimately shook out (badly), it's hard for me to not be impressed at the scope of what was achieved in places like Russia and Cuba and Algeria and China. (though, you can say 'well, impressiveness doesn't make it good socialism, and all but Cuba eventually wound up voting or couping their way into capitalism and/or nationalism eventually, so who cares,' and I'm sympathetic to that, but we should still be looking at how and why these attempts at a new social form failed rather than just writing the whole project off as the product of malevolence.) and like, in terms of my theoretical grounding, I am more of a heterodox Marxist than I am a heterodox anarchist (though I consider myself both), which means that I share similar conceptual frameworks to ML(M)s even if I think they have a tendency to reproduce "worldview Marxism."

so like, I don’t feel compelled to be maximally leftcom at all times because being a constant hardliner killjoy feels like a form of magical thinking towards trying to get people to agree with you, or an affirmation of identity, rather than a politics. I think that the political realist thesis of politics as a kind of “war” is true, and committing to that principle means that we have to be level-headed about what the possibilities open to us are. sometimes war means spending time on annoying territorial skirmishes just to prevent the other guy from gaining ground, or building fortifications while you figure out the next move. I'm comfortable with ambiguity, is I guess what I'm saying.

our broad experiences of political disempowerment can lead us to approach politics like it’s a game of SimCity where if we can just perfectly deduce the proper inputs, history will spit out the right outputs. broad swathes of writing and activity from the three “'major' 'left-wing'” tendencies fall into this trap. I just don’t think that’s how politics works! it glosses over the way that social and political forces are unpredictable and volatile and hard to "control." wishful thinking is not enough, deferring into fantasies about idealized futures is not enough.

world revolution is not in sight, the unique convergence of circumstances that made the wave of 20th century Leninist revolutions possible does not seem like it's about to happen. nor does it seem like the insurrectionary uproars of the past few decades sustained momentum or laid the groundwork for communization. this leaves me in a difficult place because most of the paths “forward” (as far as like, less immediate cruelty, more access to basic needs, etc.) look pretty reformist, but I think the critiques of reformism as an end in itself are entirely sound, AND that reformism still has to deal with volatility and unpredictability despite its best efforts. liberalism’s key point in its favor as a sustainable system, that its absence of substantive content lets it absorb enemies and competitors into itself, is also its central weakness. we can see it straining right now, and we have seen it break under that strain previously - and I'm skeptical that that tension can hold forever without breaking again.

as such, I think whatever comes next as far as political and economic forms is probably going to be a surprise - which doesn’t mean “give up” on trying to affect our environment, abandoning any framework and becoming "anti-political" in the nihilist anarchist sense. I would rather we find a good surprise than a bad one, like splintered local fascisms! but it does mean we have to be attentive to which way the wind is blowing, and recognize that it's possible the answers will come from people younger and brighter than us.

[peligrosapop]

I can’t sleep and have a headache, I’m in pain and sober ( weed would help 2/3 at the least)for some stupid reason. So, I’ll rant.

I went skating (as in skateboard) yesterday

did my first ever 50-50 trick (skate trick) at 40

but also pulled a muscle in my upper thigh and I’m limping a bit and it hurts. (Hi, It’s me, Pedri without free accessible healthcare)

A girl flirted/hit on me and I can’t thinking about it bc, maybe I liked the attention? and she’s cute? I get plenty of attention at home though, dunno wtf is going on.

I forgot to call my mom on her bday but I called her today and we talked like an hour and it was nice. I like my mom a lot. I don’t want her to die, ever. My dad’s death anniversary was last week and I just realized yesterday. None of us surviving family members said anything either, guess we rather forget.

The call with mom also made me realize I barely call anyone anymore, ever. Last time my older sister called I didn’t pick up and have ghosted her since. I told my mom I’m being anti social atm. I need to call my pregnant younger sister. I guess I’m the asshole.

I text with a lot of people that I don’t know IRL and have neglected a lot of my IRL friends. I even have neglected online friends I like a lot. I still chat people a bit too much, I’m afraid.

I think my current obsession with Barça on tumblr and tumblr in general helps me focus on something else but myself when I’m stuck creatively or emotionally.

I need to finish writing 4 songs that I started and are almost done. One about staring at your crush, one about dreaming of people that have passed away, one about Messi (in the most non-obvious way) and one about leaving everything behind to move somewhere else to remake your life. It is annoying to feel like I can’t when I’m perfectly able to. They are 80-90% done.

Right now I’m in between jobs doing some gigs and the break in routine and extra time to do fun stuff things has been , instead of being liberating, weird.

My fav girl friend has been really busy lately and I fucking hate it. I feel needy. And I hate it.

My boyfriend is amazing, thank god he’s there. My bff. I am a mess rn. He was trolling me a week ago saying “I read this list of symptoms of depressed people and you checked out most of them” and I laughed at him and he was like 😅. I’m not depressed. It’s okay. I have depressive tendencies from anxiety but that’s it. I’m a hedonist most of the time, anyway. 🤣 Very few fucks given but active existencial dread.

My health/body has been changing since I hit 40 and it’s pissing me off. Also I kinda stop caring care of myself for a second but getting back on track. Also need to start saving money for all the “hey you hit 40 so you may have this” health test, like cancer screenings and shit. But hey, better old than dead.

and….I need a hug. And to write poems but they won’t come out. I don’t need anyone to do anything. I just need to get it out of my system.

I wish you were here and not so far away, you know this. I punched my pillow today like I told you I wanted to. I wish it was easier.

We had a friend as a house guest for a week and he just left today without telling us, even though he was supposed to be here 2 more weeks and now he said he is with a dude we don’t talk to anymore. lol wtf is wrong with people?! can’t they be normal?!!!! You can say you wanna go see a friend, why just disappear and tell us a one like text when we asked where the fuck you are. He may come back? I dunno ahahahah. Maybe its our bad for having a bunch of moody musicians as friends.

Also, like my bf jokes all the time….when I die, be happy for me because I won’t have to pay any more bills.

Maybe this was too real but IDGAF. The end.

#mental health rant #buenas noches

[samobservessonic]

Our story (once again from the Kitching & Elson dream team) might be called “Girl Trouble”, but it looks like everyone’s in trouble here, as the people of Emerald Hill Zone are still suffering raids to be used as animal batteries. Which hasn’t escaped the notice of Bob Beaky and rabbit guy 135, even if that might not be either of their true identities

Okay, so the good news is - Amy’s here! The bad news is, remember on the cover post when I said that she doesn’t appear much in this story? Well, this panel is literally her only appearance. It’s a bit of a shame, but we’re going to be getting a lot more Amy soon, so I’m not going to complain too much. Also, in her initial appearance, they’ve given Amy the unrequited crush angle that matches more closely with her game counterpart at the time, but this won’t last

With Amy being kidnapped, our heroes throw off their disguises. We’ve already seen in previous issues that Sonic uses the Bob Beaky disguise to get around, but what’s important here is that we’re seeing Johnny Lightfoot properly appear as a Freedom Fighter for the first time! I find it funny how his “disguise” is just to look like any of the other rabbits and he puts clothes on to reveal that he’s Johnny Lightfoot. I guess that’s a small way to retcon Johnny not dressing like this in his earlier appearances. Like with Porker Lewis, Johnny has been given an outfit similar to that of the unused AoStH concept art design. With a battlestick to go along with it. The battlestick endures - I always remember it being his weapon while reading the comic as a kid. And while Johnny admittedly isn’t the most interesting of the team to me (maybe that’ll change on this read-through?) I am glad to see a key member of the Freedom Fighters joining the ranks

We get a few pages of action, with Sonic saving this kid from getting a spike to the face, before ruining the moment with a bit of sexism. So far, things that we’ve seen annoy StC Sonic are: 

Tails

Any harm coming to the Emerald Hill folk 

Religion

Women

A while ago it was established that Robotnik has a base in the Special Zone and now we’re getting to see him there with problems of his own. Namely, his image

As we abruptly learn that turning himself into a giant egg is amongst Robotnik’s powers, we’re also introduced to another StC main stay: Grimer A little history about Grimer’s appearance here, for those who don’t know. In the initial draft for this issue, it was actually SatAM’s Snively who was going to appear in this issue, as Kitching believed he was required to use the character. When Kitching learned that this was not the case, he replaced Snively with Grimer, who remained in the role of Robotnik’s assistant for the majority of the comic’s run. It seems the yahoo message where Kitching stated this isn't around any more, but it is mentioned on the wikia here and I believe it's generally known that Grimer replaced Snively? Anyway, there’s no fancy introduction to the character, he’s just here and implied to have been working for Robotnik for a while. We’ve seen mobians work for Robotnik before, so this isn’t too surprising

I like the robot secretary design here as well. Dunno if she’s a character or if we’ll see her again though

Back with Sonic, and the boys’ club is all here - Sonic, Tails, Porker, Johnny and the Kintobor computer. We’ve seen all of these characters appear with Sonic in some combination before now, but this is the first time they’ve been all together. Once Amy joins them (then later Tekno and sometimes Shortfuse), we’ll have the core members of the Freedom Fighters

It’s short-lived this time, however, as Sonic opts to only take Johnny with him to rescue Amy. I do love the visuals of Sonic needing to race around the star posts to activate them and get to the Special Zone, it makes the whole thing feel just a little bit more of an event - like not just anyone could wander into the Special Zone and they’ve saved this star post for when they need to do it

We get a few pages of the duo travelling through the Special Zone, before they burst into Robotnik’s base and immediately get caught. Robotnik isn’t quite ready to greet them yet, but he’ll be with them very soon. I assume most of you already know what StC Robotnik looks like, but just in case, I won’t spoil the surprise for the next issue And yeah, this issue was a big one! Even with it being only part one, so much has been established: We’ve got Amy’s first appearance, Grimer’s first appearance, Johnny’s redesign, the tease of Robotnik’s redesign and StC’s Freedom Fighters as we know them finally becoming a real team. It’s a lot and I’m only looking forward to that momentum being kept coming into the next issue

#sam observes sonic #sonic the comic #stc issue 21 #sonic the hedgehog #amy rose #johnny lightfoot #porker lewis #dr. kintobor #miles tails prower #dr. robotnik #grimer

[reallydumbdannyphantomaus]

Switch

Spectra sucks. Dunno what else to tell you. (ao3) (masterpost)

Part 3: Chapter 1

“So,” Danny said as they approached Casper High, “today's the first day with the shrink?”

Kwan groaned, then clutched at his side as his rib ached. He’d been cleared to return to school, but was supposed to limit his activity. No gym, or stairs, and Danny was carrying his backpack for now. It was more annoying than regular school. “Don't remind me,” he said. “Let's talk about your creepy half-ghost uncle again instead.”

“Low blow, dude. Also, definitely not my uncle.”

“That's right, he's your future stepdad!”

Danny shoved lightly at him, careful to avoid his bad side. “How did you manage to go even lower?”

“It's a talent,” he said. “Besides, there is at least some good news from the whole Vlad-thing.”

“Oh yeah? What?”

“You probably aren't going to destabilize and dissolve any time soon!”

“Well, gee, thanks for reminding me of that possibility.”

“Always happy to help.”

They lapsed into silence as they crested the hill. Kwan's appointment was scheduled for immediately after school; his detentions with Lancer had been postponed on account of both the other teacher's continued hospital stay and Tyson dying. Thus, Principal Ishiyama had said he could use that time instead for his therapy.

Ugh. Therapy.

“So how long are you gonna see her for?”

“Who?”

“The shrink.”

“Right,” Kwan said. “I convinced my mom to let me have just a thirty minute appointment to start.”

“Cool,” Danny said. “I'll be waiting? At the big oak?”

Something warm bloomed in Kwan's chest. Dash would never have waited for him, even if he'd asked. Danny always waited, after detention and now with this stupid counseling. Maybe it was because they were both each other's only friends, but still. It was... nice. “Yeah,” he said, voice breaking in a way that he could only hope Danny hadn't noticed. “I'll find you after.”

Walking into first period gym with a doctor’s note, Kwan still couldn’t help but smile.

-----

“You're in a good mood,” Valerie said at their lab table, measuring out the baking soda.

Kwan startled, twinging his still-healing rib, then looked around to see who she was talking to.

“I'm talking to you, dumbass.”

“Since when?”

“I can always stop.”

Kwan raised an eyebrow. “Then why start at all?”

“Well, with... recent events—I don't know.” Valerie stared at her hands and dropped her voice. “Paulina lost it on Dash. For crying at Tyson's thing.”

“Yeah,” Kwan said with a wince. “I kinda figured.”

“Yeah, me too. But then, I started thinking... what the fuck kind of relationship do we have where that was expected?” Valerie sniffed. “She wouldn't even let me talk, y'know? I had a lot to say.”

“Val...” Kwan reached for her hand.

She jerked it back. “I'm not saying you're right or anything. Just—you knew him. And her. And you're not dating her. So.”

“So I was your best option to complain to?”

“I guess. I'm not gonna abandon her. Them.” The like you did was blessedly unspoken. “But, I don't know. Maybe—maybe I don't really blame you anymore.”

“Okay,” Kwan said. “But you can't talk to me if you want to stay her friend. You know that, right?”

“Obviously.” Valerie rolled her eyes. “But we're lab partners. We have to talk sometimes. For class.”

Kwan hid a grin. “Of course.”

“Of course.”

Valerie finished measuring out the materials and passed them to Kwan. “So,” she said, “what’s got you in a good mood?”

“Nothing!” Kwan squeaked. He could feel the heat rising to his face.

“Oh?” Valerie leaned toward him, a teasing smile dancing around her lips. “Did you finally boink Fenton?”

“Boink?”

“So you did.”

“No!” Kwan waved his hands around desperately. “We’re just friends.”

Valerie gave him a calculating stare. “Hm,” she said. “Too bad.”

“You want us to—”

“Me? I don’t care. You, however, clearly do.”

Somehow, his face got even hotter. “I don’t!”

“Kwan,” Valerie said, “you are somehow even more obvious about this than you were about your crush on Dash, and I watched you give him a massage once just because he mentioned his shoulders were a little stiff.”

“What—I didn’t—”

“Kwan. Kwan, look at me.” Valerie leaned down and made sure that she was looking Kwan in the eyes. “Did you… not know you had a crush on Dash?”

“I—” Kwan stopped himself and thought back to the way his eyes had always sought out Dash first and foremost whenever he entered a room. The way he reached for Dash’s hands and his arms whenever he could get away with it. The beating of his heart when Dash smiled.

“Fuck,” he said. “I liked Dash?”

Valerie bent over with laughter. “Congratulations!” she said, gasping for breath. “You’re officially the last to know. Well, aside from Dash.”

Kwan buried his head in his hands. “Oh my god. I had a crush on Dash.”

He felt an awkward patting on his back. “Yeah. You sure did.”

“And… you think I have one on Danny?”

“Dude. You should see your face when you look at him. Or think about him. It’s disgusting.” She fished out her phone and turned on the front facing camera, shoving it in his face. “You’re literally making it right now, look.”

The Kwan on the camera mostly looked confused at having a camera shoved in his face.

“Okay, so you look constipated now,” Valerie said. “Whatever. Just trust me. You looked soft as hell like two seconds ago.”

Kwan thought about it. He thought about long nights, staying up and trying to finish homework except they kept getting distracted by trying to one-up each other’s jokes. He thought about how Danny watched football with him even though he didn’t understand it, how he tried to play Doomed even though he sucked because it made Danny happy. He thought about Danny, saving his life from the ectopus, from the Lunch Lady, from the shapeshifting gorilla ghost.

He thought about Danny smiling. He thought about Danny laughing. He thought about the warmth in his chest whenever he saw Danny.

Well. Shit.

“There it is again!” Valerie pulled back out her phone just as Kwan buried his face back in his hands. “Dammit, are you conspiring against me getting a picture of your smitten face?”

“Valerie,” Kwan said through his hands, “I’ve got a crush on Danny.”

“Once again,” Valerie said, “congrats on being the last to know.”

“As glad as I am to see you two talking again,” Ms. Okorafor said, startling Kwan and Valerie, who had both missed her approach, “I do need you to do the lab today.”

“Right,” Kwan said.

“Yeah, sure,” Valerie said.

Like a spell had been broken, they went back to doing their lab in silence. Still, Kwan caught Valerie’s eye from across the table and she smiled, just a little.

It felt like progress.

-----

Kwan hadn’t expected to wait to see Dr. Spectra, but the student before him had still been inside when he arrived in her office. So he was stuck in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs right outside, with an odd little man with gray hair and green eyes staring him down.

Kwan shifted in his seat, then groaned as his rib ached again. Right. Keep his torso steady.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the door opened and out stepped… Dash.

Dash spotted Kwan, then turned his nose up. Dash wasn’t having doubts like Valerie, then.

Still, with Dash pointedly ignoring him, Kwan had the opportunity to study his face. He’d had most of the day to come to terms with his old crush on Dash, but now he wanted to see if those feelings were still there or not. He didn’t think they were, but he hadn’t known about them to begin with, so his judgment was clearly not the best.

But instead of renewed feelings, he found tear tracks on Dash’s cheek.

Right. Of course. Dash was here to talk about Tyson. That made sense, because the two were still friends. Unlike Kwan and Tyson, who hadn’t spoken in over a month.

Kwan bit back a sigh of frustration. Why had Mom insisted he be here, instead of letting someone else who actually needed it take this time slot? He didn’t really understand why she was so insistent that something had to be wrong.

Whatever. He was here, and he’d promised, so he’d do it. He just didn’t have to be happy about it, was all.

He stood up as Dash walked out, waved on by the odd secretary. He knocked on the door twice and a voice called out, “Come in, please!”

The room itself looked like any other office. He’d half-expected to see one of those long couches designed for lying down like he’d seen in movies, but this was a public school. They would never be able to afford that. Instead, there were two more of those uncomfortable plastic chairs right in front of Dr. Spectra’s desk, which was scrupulously clean. The walls were covered in generic motivational posters. The one right behind Dr. Spectra’s head had a picture of a young oak tree with BELEAF IN YOURSELF written on the bottom.

And, of course, Dr. Spectra herself sat at the desk in a high-backed office chair. Her hair was bright red and her eyes the same shade of green as her assistant. Maybe they were related somehow?

“Hi there,” Dr. Spectra said, gesturing for Kwan to sit down. “You’re Kwan, right?”

Kwan dropped in the chair in front of her desk, barely restraining from rolling his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s my name.”

“Lovely to meet you, honey.” Dr. Spectra looked at him from over her glasses. “Now, why are you here today?”

“Because my mom thinks I have problems.”

“Do you?”

Kwan shrugged. “Doesn’t everyone? Mine aren’t any worse than anyone else’s though, so I don’t get the point of this.”

Dr. Spectra hummed. “Well, therapy doesn’t have to be just about feeling better. It can be about being better, too.”

“What do you—”

“I mean, I’ve heard from your classmates who’ve come to see me that you recently lost all your friends? Had a fight with them?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Including the poor student that passed recently?”

Kwan flinched. “I guess you could say that.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Dr. Spectra cooed. “I don’t mean anything by it. Just mentioning it because I thought you might have some… regrets.”

Regrets? Sure, he had plenty. Mostly about being a dick since the start of middle school. But he didn’t regret dumping his old friends. They deserved it, and he needed to be better.

“My friends sucked,” he said after a long moment. “I wanted to be better. They were the ones who chose not to change. That’s on them, not me.”

“Of course, of course,” Dr. Spectra said. “You’re on a journey of self-discovery! Very commendable.” Her smile stretched across her teeth.

Kwan bit his lip to keep from sighing. So far, this grief counselor wasn’t impressing him much.

“I just thought that maybe,” she said, “you felt like you could have done something to stop this tragedy from happening.”

Kwan stiffened. “Why—what makes you say that?”

“Oh, it’s very common. Survivor’s guilt. I thought you might feel like since you stopped being friends with poor Tyson, you weren’t there with him the day he died. Maybe you could’ve saved him if you were.”

“Why would I think that?!” Kwan’s fingers dug into his arms. If possible, Dr. Spectra’s smile stretched even wider.

“Oh dear, of course it isn’t true. I just thought it would be a reasonable response to a horrible situation. That’s all.”

Could Kwan have done more? He was at the mall that day, after all. He had advance warning. He’d gone along with his mom, and let her take Danny away, instead of letting Danny help. He hadn’t just not saved Tyson, he’d helped prevent the only person who could have saved Tyson. Mom hadn’t seen for herself how useless the Fentons were, but Kwan had. Kwan knew that Danny was their best chance, and Kwan had packed him away in the car anyway.

Acid burbled from his stomach into his throat. He lurched forward and vomited into the trash can at the side of Dr. Spectra’s desk. His rib burned.

A hand rubbed at his back. “That’s it, dear,” Dr. Spectra said. “You’re okay.”

Kwan coughed and spat out the remnants of bile. The taste was almost bad enough to make him barf again, so he poured some water in his mouth and swished it around before spitting it into the trash along with his vomit.

“Oh,” Dr. Spectra said. “I wish you hadn't—I mean, I feel bad for the janitor who has to clean that up.” She laughed and waved her hand as though waving that idea off. “Of course, not your fault, dearie.”

Mom was so stressed now, because he'd brought this whole thing upon them. Him, not Danny. He'd dared Danny to go into the portal and all of this had happened. Danny kept getting hurt. Mom was about to collapse under the pressure of keeping them both safe. Even now, he was making Danny wait on him while he worked on his own problems.

How selfish could he be?

No, no, he'd done nice things for Danny, too. Comforted him. Helped keep his secret. Destroyed his only other friendships.

Fuck.

“Am I—am I ruining people's lives?”

“Of course not, sweetie. What on earth makes you think that?”

“I just—I was a jerk before, and I'm trying to be better, but maybe I'm not as good as I think I am. Maybe I'm only being better because it gets me what I want.”

He did have a crush on Danny, after all. Being nice to Danny was a way to get him to like Kwan more. This whole time, he'd probably been trying to get Danny's attention. He was taking up his time because he craved it, just like he'd craved whatever Dash had been willing to give him. If he really wanted what was best for Danny, he'd try to fix his actual friendships, with Manson and Foley, not hoard him all to himself.

Dr. Spectra hummed. “Well, I suppose that's possible, but it's nothing we can't fix!”

“Really?” If this was all his fault... well, of course it was. How stupid of him to think that just dumping his friends was enough to make up for anything. Instead, here he was focusing on his own happiness and making everything worse.

“Of course. I'm here to help.”

“You said, at the beginning...”

“Yes?”

“You said this didn't have to be about feeling better.” Maybe he didn't deserve to feel better. Not yet. He thought he'd gotten better, but here he was making everything worse for everyone around him. “You said it could be about being better.”

“Of course!” Dr. Spectra's smile stretched impossibly wider. “Is that something you'd like? A self-improvement focus?”

“I—yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.” He couldn't be a problem for his mom or for Danny anymore. He needed to start being a solution. If Dr. Spectra could help...

“Excellent!” She tied off the garbage bag, but Kwan could still smell the sour stench of his vomit. “Let's get started, then, shall we?”

#dp switch #danny phantom #kwantent #spectra time baby #bug posts #she's just so fucking mean wtf #my fic #my writing

[hazbinsinners]

;; the ramblings of an insecure mun under the cut

;; i love this community, and i love being here, and i love writing with all of you; you guys are so fucking creative and talented.

i just can't help feeling super out of place. i know i've only been here for about a month now so i don't have the time to form the bonds that you guys have but i just . . . i dunno. i can't help but feel like an outcast or like people don't like me or find me annoying. i don't get many interactions, especially from new mutuals, and that's totally fine i'm not trying to force anyone. i guess i'm just feeling kinda like a smear on the community.

i'm always worried my interpretations are "wrong" ( as if there is such a thing ) or that i'm not as good as everyone else. or sometimes i feel like i interact with people i really wanna write with and i ruin things or i embarrass myself or i fuck up because i'm really bad at social interactions cause of my autism/mental health stuff and guh. i just really wanna make friends and write super cool threads with people and talk about this thing that i've loved for like four years now. idk i just feel like i don't belong here and it's really getting to me the past few days :( i'm sure the unposted anon hate i've gotten quite a few times now on literally 2/3 of my blogs isn't helping but. lmao

i guess take this as sort of an inbox/plotting call too if you even read this? lol i just would really love to interact with more people. if i'm following you, that for sure means i'd love to interact, i'm just super shy and obviously insecure lol

sorry to anyone who read this i know it's kind of a mess. i'm just kinda getting stuff out there and hoping that i'm wrong and that there are people who want to write with me still. i'm not fishing for compliments or anything either, i'm not posting this for like pity or sympathy i'm just. trying to gauge if anyone still has interest in my blogs outside of like the two people i talk to on a regular basis. i know i haven't been super active lately ( mostly because of these feelings ) but i miss you guys so much.

sincerely nico lol

#;; neg - delete #;; ooc #;; gives a shaky thumbs up #;; this isn't about drama by the way #;; in case anyone was wondering before they opened the cut