Tumgik
#i have not drawn much in the past like... year
03jyh23 · 2 days
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— shooting stars!  || park seonghwa
loosely inspired by the drama shitting stars!
Most people aren’t interested in the truth. They just casually gossip to entertain themselves. No one takes responsibility for the caused pain.
idol!seonghwa x prmanager!reader
genre: angst, fluff, smut
trigger warnings: vanilla sex, honestly there's not much just kissing, touching, and... lovemaking. really soft smut. it's embarrassing, jealousy, argument, emotional distress, career-related stress, and difficult decisions
words: 8.2 k
reminder: what you're about to read is purely fiction, so let's keep it separate from reality.
!minors do not interact!
— hi there! this is my longest story so far! i've been working on it like crazy for the past few days and here we finally are. so the smut... it's not really a smut but still? i tried oh god, i feel so embarrassed but yeah i just decided to go for it. it's again requested work but i actually changed some of it to fit into my idea... anyway thank you so much for requesting!
love, monika. ♡
if you enjoyed this post, i'd be so grateful for a little love – a like or comment would truly make my day!
The office in Mapo-gu, Seoul, felt stiflingly hot, despite having already downed three cups of iced coffee. With the air conditioning out of order and repairs not scheduled until two days later, you found yourself drowning in a sea of work. Who would have imagined that working at a medium-sized entertainment agency would entail such an overwhelming workload? You should have felt grateful for landing this job, considering the effort you had put into securing it, but at times, it felt overwhelmingly demanding. Being the head of the PR department at KQ Entertainment was certainly something to boast about, especially after ATEEZ's success. You joined the company a few years back when you were the sole member of the PR team. If you claimed you believed in the company's success from the beginning, you'd be lying. When you first entered, fear outweighed optimism regarding the future. Indeed, it was no small feat for eight teenage boys to shoulder the weight of an entire company, but ATEEZ rose to the challenge with unwavering determination and passion. Now, with two active bands under KQ's wings, you find yourself constantly occupied.  
Managing the members of ATEEZ was undoubtedly a challenging task, and surprisingly, it wasn't due to any misbehavior on their part. Despite their young age and the temptations that come with fame, the ATEEZ members remained remarkably grounded and focused on their careers. You truly admired that. But when a band from such a small company starts gaining momentum, rumors are bound to circulate. Your main priority was to prevent those rumors from leaking. Which wasn't easy, as people can be cruel when they're envious. But still, to this day ATEEZ has not been involved in any major scandals, which made you proud.  
In a small company like KQ, everybody knows each other. Initially, stepping into that environment, you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous around the members of ATEEZ. Their presence seemed to exude a magnetic energy that was both captivating and intimidating. As you interacted with them more and more, you realized that their aura was indeed something special. Each member brought their own unique charm and personality to the table. You and the members of ATEEZ grew slightly closer than others, due to your similar ages, but it was Seonghwa who stood out to you the most. His effortless humor, kindness, and genuine care for others made him a favorite. Right from the start, you felt drawn to him. However, you maintained a professional demeanor, knowing all too well the potential consequences of getting too close, especially considering his status as an idol. But at some point, company dinners and parties became regular occasions, where you celebrated each of ATEEZ’s success together. And as the alcohol in your system increased, your professionalism decreased. Your bond with Seonghwa deepened, you found yourself drawn to him more than ever before. Whether it was sharing drinks, engaging in playful games, or simply relishing heartfelt conversations over company dinner, you cherished every moment spent in his company. With each passing interaction, your admiration for him grew, and before you knew it, you were falling head over heels for him. Despite the looming fear of crossing a line you couldn't return from; you couldn't resist him. What started as a professional relationship evolved into something much deeper and more profound. The shy touches and lingering glances exchanged between you spoke volumes, conveying emotions that words alone couldn't express. In the midst of loud music and bustling crowds, you found yourselves leaning closer to each other, seeking solace in the warmth of each other's presence. His hand naturally gravitated to your waist whenever you stood side by side, a silent yet undeniable declaration of the connection you shared. 
The day had been long and exhausting, and you were just about ready to call it quits when the sudden intrusion of your boss jolted you from your thoughts. Startled, you looked up to see him standing in the doorway, a look of excitement and urgency written across his face. 
"Y/N! Have you heard?" he exclaimed; his voice filled with anticipation. You blinked in surprise, your exhaustion momentarily forgotten as you leaned forward in your chair.  
"Heard what?" you asked, curiosity piqued. Your boss couldn't contain his grin as he delivered the news.  
"ATEEZ just sold out an entire US Tour!" The words hung in the air, sinking in slowly as you processed their significance. And then, without warning, a surge of elation washed over you, and before you knew it, you were on your feet, a joyful scream escaping your lips. 
"What?" you exclaimed, unable to contain your excitement. Without a second thought, you rushed forward, enveloping your boss in a tight hug, overcome with happiness at the incredible news. It was a moment of pure exhilaration, a testament to the hard work and dedication of everyone involved in ATEEZ's journey. The exhaustion of the day melted away, replaced by an overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment. The excitement in your boss's voice was contagious as he patted your back, a wide grin spreading across his face.  
"We are celebrating tonight!" he declared with enthusiasm, his words echoing through the office. A surge of anticipation raced through you at the prospect of celebrating ATEEZ's incredible achievement.  
"Absolutely!" you replied eagerly, already picturing the party ahead. With a playful wink, your boss continued,  
"So go back to your place, doll up, and I'll see you here at 7 sharp!" You nodded enthusiastically, a smile stretching from ear to ear.  
"You got it!" You exclaimed, already mentally planning your outfit for the evening. As you made your way out of the office, the excitement of the impending celebration filled you with renewed energy. With a spring in your step and a heart full of anticipation, you packed up your belongings and bid farewell to the office for the day. The thought of celebrating ATEEZ's success and the prospect of finally seeing Seonghwa filled you with an infectious excitement that bubbled within you. As you made your way through the bustling streets, the anticipation only grew stronger. The familiar sights and sounds of the city seemed to fade into the background, overshadowed by the promise of the evening ahead. Tonight was a night for celebration, a chance to toast to ATEEZ's success and revel in the joy of being surrounded by friends and colleagues. But above all else, it was a night to be reunited with Seonghwa, and you couldn't wait to see where the evening would take you. With a smile on your face and excitement in your heart, you pushed open the door to your apartment.  
After a quick shower to freshen up and wash away the cares of the day, you set about styling your hair and applying my makeup with meticulous care. With the luxury of extra time on your hands, you paid attention to every detail to ensure that you looked and felt your best for the evening ahead. After finishing your make-up, you reached out for your phone resting on the nightstand, your heart skipping a beat as you saw Seonghwa's name flashing on the screen. A surge of excitement coursed through you as you answered the call, eager to hear his voice after what felt like an eternity apart. 
"Hello?" You said, your voice tinged with anticipation as you brought the phone to your ear, butterflies dancing in your stomach. 
"Hey, it's me," Seonghwa's voice came through the line, warm and familiar, sending a rush of warmth through you. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you replied,  
"Hi, Seonghwa. I was just thinking about you." There was a pause on the other end of the line, followed by a soft chuckle.  
"Funny, I was just thinking about you too," he said, his voice filled with warmth and affection. "I will see you tonight, right?"  
"Absolutely, I wouldn't miss it for anything," you replied without hesitation, "We definitely need to celebrate!" 
"Honestly, the only thing that matters is that I will finally see you," Seonghwa's voice came through the phone, filled with warmth and affection. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you replied,  
"Same here, Seonghwa. I've missed you." And as you exchanged a few more words of affection and excitement, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the opportunity to be reunited once more. With a renewed sense of anticipation and joy, you ended the call, a sense of warmth and happiness lingering in your heart. Tonight was going to be a night to remember, and you couldn't wait to see Seonghwa's smiling face once more. 
Choosing the perfect outfit for the evening was challenging. On one hand, you wanted to look your best – to make a memorable impression on Seonghwa after being apart for so long due to his overseas schedule. But on the other hand, you didn't want to appear overdressed or out of place at the party. After rummaging through your wardrobe for what felt like an eternity, you finally settled on something. Opting for a timeless and sophisticated look, you selected a classic black shirt for the evening's celebration. Deciding to add a touch of allure to the ensemble, you opted to leave the top few buttons of the shirt undone, revealing a hint of skin. It was a small gesture, but it added just the right amount of intrigue to the outfit. Paired with a simple black skirt that hit just in the middle of your tights, the combination was effortlessly sexy. The monochromatic palette created a sleek and cohesive look that was eye-catching. With a few carefully chosen accessories – a delicate, gold necklace, a pair of understated earrings, and a sleek clutch – you completed the outfit. As you admired your reflection in the mirror, a sense of excitement washed over you. Tonight was going to be a night to remember. 
You entered the company building, the air was filled with electric energy, a tangible sense of excitement pulsating through the air. Everywhere you looked, you could see signs of preparation – colorful balloons swaying gently in the breeze, banners hanging from the walls, and a festive atmosphere that filled the space with warmth and joy. A smile spread across your lips as you took in the sight before you, feeling a surge of excitement building within you. It was clear that everyone had gone to great lengths to ensure that tonight's celebration would be a night to remember, a fitting tribute to ATEEZ's incredible achievement. With each step you took, the anticipation continued to build, fueled by the excitement of finally being reunited with Seonghwa and the rest of the ATEEZ members. After exchanging greetings with everyone and soaking in the festive atmosphere, you found yourself nestled in a cozy corner of the room, a drink in hand. As you scanned the bustling room, your heart skipped a beat with each familiar face that passed by, hoping to catch sight of Seonghwa among the crowd, but he was nowhere to be found.  
"Y/N!" As you heard your name called from across the room, you turned your head in the direction of the sound. Through the sea of people, you spotted a familiar face. 
"San!" You greeted him enthusiastically as he approached, a genuine smile spreading across your face at the sight of him. San was always such a warm and friendly presence, and you were genuinely glad that he had come over to you. "Congratulations!" you exclaimed as San pulled you in a warm hug. With a smile, you pulled back from the hug, meeting his gaze with genuine happiness in your eyes. "I'm so happy for you, San," you said sincerely, knowing that his success was well-deserved.  
"It's truly incredible," San replied, a smile tugging at his lips as he raised his glass to clink it against yours. The sound of glass meeting glass echoed through the room, a toast to success. "It's moments like these that make all the hard work worth it," San said, you nodded with agreement. "Here's to many more successes and celebrations to come." with a smile, you took another sip of your drink, savoring the moment and feeling grateful for the opportunity to share it with a friend like San. 
''Y/N! You look amazing!' You didn't notice when Hongjoong approached you, 
"Thank you!" You replied, feeling a rush of warmth at his words. Before you could react, Hongjoong took your hand and spun you around gently, causing laughter to bubble up from within you. His eyes scanned you appreciatively, and you felt a blush rise to your cheeks under his gaze. It was a simple gesture, but it filled you with a sense of happiness.  
"Am I interrupting something?" As the question hung in the air, you turned your gaze away from Hongjoong and met Seonghwa's eyes, feeling a rush of emotions wash over you. His presence seemed to fill the room, drawing you in with an intensity that was both exhilarating and unnerving. For a moment, time seemed to stand still as you locked eyes, a silent exchange passing between you both. In that moment, it felt as though the rest of the world faded away, leaving only the two of you standing there, caught in a moment. 
"No, not at all," you replied, as you tore your gaze away from Seonghwa's, turning back to face San and Hongjoong. "We were just catching up." your mind remained fixed on Seonghwa, unable to shake the feeling of his presence lingering in the air.  
"I was just telling her how amazing she looks tonight," As Hongjoong's words filled the air, a warm smile spread across your face at his kind gesture. It was a small reassurance amid the tension that lingered between Seonghwa and you, 
"Thank you, Hongjoong," you replied with genuine gratitude, meeting his gaze briefly before turning back to face Seonghwa once more. His eyes bore into yours, and you couldn't help but wonder what thoughts lay behind Seonghwa's gaze. 
''We will leave you two alone and say hi to the rest of the team.'' San spoke, as he took Hongjoong by his arm, and pulled him behind. 
"Of course," you replied, nodding in understanding as San and Hongjoong made their way towards the rest of the team. They disappeared into the crowd, leaving you alone. For a moment, neither of you spoke, the silence between you filled with unspoken words and unresolved tension. 
“I don’t like the way they look at you” Seonghwa's words hung in the air, breaking the silence with a weight that you couldn't ignore. His voice was soft, tinged with a hint of concern that sent a shiver down your spine. You couldn't help but feel a mix of surprise and curiosity at his sudden confession.  
"What do you mean?" you asked. There was a depth to his words that hinted at something more, and you found yourself holding your breath, waiting for him to elaborate. Seonghwa sighed, his expression troubled as he struggled to find the right words.  
"I mean... I just don't like the way they look at you," he confessed, his voice strained with emotion. His admission caught you off guard, and you were at a loss for how to respond. "It drives me crazy." As he downed his drink in one swift motion, you could see the tension in his shoulders easing slightly.  
"Seonghwa, are you... jealous?" you asked tentatively, your heart pounding in your chest. His eyes widened at your question, and for a moment, he was speechless. 
"Jealous?" Seonghwa repeated, seemingly taken aback by your question. He looked at you, his eyes searching yours as if he was trying to find the answer himself. After a moment of silence, he let out a soft chuckle, his gaze dropping to his hands. "Maybe I am," he finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. The intensity of his confession made your heart flutter, and a blush crept up your cheeks. You watched as he ran a hand through his hair, a sign of his nervousness that you had come to recognize. 
"I just... I care about you, you know?" He looked up at you, his eyes filled with an emotion that you hadn't seen before. It was a look of protectiveness, of possessiveness, but also of vulnerability. And in that moment, you realized that perhaps Seonghwa's feelings ran deeper than you had initially thought. Your moment was abruptly interrupted by someone calling his name from across the room. Your heart sank slightly, realizing that you wouldn't have the opportunity to delve deeper into the conversation. Seonghwa glanced at you apologetically, his expression filled with regret. 
"I'll be right back," he promised, his voice tinged with disappointment. You nodded in understanding, offering him a reassuring smile despite the lingering questions in your mind.  
"Take your time," you replied, watching as he made his way through the crowd, his figure disappearing into the throng of people. Left alone with your thoughts, you couldn't help but wonder about the true meaning behind Seonghwa's words. His confession had stirred up a whirlwind of emotions within you, and you longed for the chance to delve deeper into it. But for now, all you could do was wait, hoping for the opportunity to continue your conversation when the time was right.  
As the night wore on, you found yourself swept up in a whirlwind of conversations and celebrations, the opportunity to continue the conversation with Seonghwa slipping further and further away with each passing moment. Seonghwa seemed to be caught up in the festivities as well, pulled in different directions by the demands of the evening. Despite your best efforts to find a moment alone with him, the bustling atmosphere of the party made it difficult to carve out the time for a private conversation. Seonghwa was constantly surrounded by friends and colleagues, and you found yourself pulled in different directions as well, engaging in lively discussions and catching up with the rest of the team.  
The atmosphere in the company was quiet, with only the faint echoes of the recent party lingering in the air. As the party slowly wound down and the last of the guests trickled out of the door, you found yourself alone in the room, left to clean up the aftermath. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps approached, and you turned to find Seonghwa lingering in the doorway.  
"Can I help you clean up?" he asked, his voice gentle and earnest. You nodded, appreciating his offer of help and the chance to speak with him once again. 
"Of course, thank you, Seonghwa." You replied, welcoming his company. Together, you started to pick up the scattered cups and plates, the silence between you comfortable yet filled with anticipation. Seonghwa worked diligently, making quick work of the mess. You watched him out of the corner of your eye, admiring his focus. When he finished, he looked up and met your gaze, a small smile playing on his lips. 
"It's much easier with two people," he commented, breaking the silence. You agreed and thanked him again for his help. The room was now clean, but neither of you made a move to leave. Seonghwa finally broke the silence.  
"About what I said earlier," he began, hesitating slightly. You nodded, indicating that you were listening. He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before he continued. "I meant what I said. I care about you... more than I probably should." His words echoed in the empty room; the atmosphere suddenly heavy. You looked at him, surprised by his confession but also relieved. His feelings mirrored your own, and you found yourself smiling at him. 
"I care about you too, Seonghwa," you replied, his face lit up at your words, and for the first time that evening, you felt a sense of peace wash over you. 
"Can I kiss you?" His words sent a thrill of anticipation coursing through you, and without hesitation, you reached out to gently cup his face in your hands. 
"Yes," you whispered, Seonghwa’s eyes twinkled with happiness at your answer. You could feel your heart pound against your chest in anticipation. Seonghwa’s touch was gentle yet commanding as he pulled you closer by your waist, drawing you into his embrace with a magnetic force that was impossible to resist. As his touch sent shivers cascading down your spine, your body reacted instinctively, responding to the electrifying sensation with an intensity that took your breath away. Every nerve seemed to ignite with a fiery spark as his fingertips grazed your skin, leaving a trail of tingling sensation. Seonghwa's lips were warm and soft against yours, each gentle brush sending sparks of electricity dancing across your skin. The moment his lips met yours, everything around melted away. All you could feel was him; his lips on yours, his heartbeat echoing your own. The kiss was soft, tender, filled with all the emotions that had been building up between you. With each press of Seonghwa’s lips against yours, you felt yourself melting into his touch, losing yourself in the intoxicating sensation of his embrace. Your heart pounded furiously in your chest, a steady rhythm echoing the urgency of the desire that coursed through you. With each caress, your senses were heightened, attuned to every nuance of his touch. It was as if a spark had been ignited within you, setting your entire being ablaze with a fierce longing that threatened to consume you whole.  
"Seonghwa, we shouldn't," you whispered breathlessly against his lips as you pulled away, a pang of hesitation gnawing at your heart.  
"Why not?" He murmured, his breath hitching as he stared at you with a look of surprise and confusion. His words resonated within you, forcing you to confront the fear that had been lingering at the back of your mind. You swallowed hard, your mind wrestling with the feelings that had been building up inside you. 
"You're an idol, Seonghwa, and I... I work for your PR team," you started, your voice barely a whisper. You watched as the confusion in his eyes shifted to understanding, his grip on your waist loosening slightly. "The rules... the... the consequences," you stuttered, your heart pounding as you tried to put your fears into words. "We could get caught... I could lose my job... and it could ruin your career." For a moment, Seonghwa was silent, absorbing your words. You could see the struggle in his eyes, the battle between his feelings and the harsh reality of the world you both lived in. But then, he pulled you closer, his eyes never leaving yours. 
"I understand," he said softly, his voice barely audible over the pounding in your chest. "But I can't help how I feel about you. We'll figure this out... together." You tried to say something, to voice the concerns still swirling in your mind, but Seonghwa shook his head and placed a finger on your lips.  
"Shhh... I've waited too long for this," he murmured, and before you could respond, he leaned in once again, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss that left no room for argument. His touch was electrifying, his lips hungry and insistent against yours, and you found yourself returning his fervor with equal intensity. There was no gentleness, no tender caresses. Instead, your kiss was raw and unbridled, fueled by a primal hunger that threatened to consume you both. With each brush of your lips, the barriers that had once held you back crumbled, giving way to an overwhelming surge of desire. In the heat of the moment, there was no room for hesitation or doubt. All that mattered was the fiery connection that blazed between you, igniting a flame that burned brighter with each passing second. And as you lost yourselves in the intoxicating rush of passion, you knew that there was no turning back. As the world around you melted away, you found the courage to voice the words that had been on the tip of your tongue.  
"Let's go to my place," you breathed out, your heart pounding in your chest as you waited for his response. Seonghwa looked at you, a slight surprise in his eyes. Then a slow smile spread across his face, transforming his features into a look of pure happiness.  
"I'd love to," he replied, his voice husky. You reached out, gently grasping Seonghwa's wrist and pulling him to follow you. His eyes widened slightly in surprise, but there was a glimmer of excitement mirrored in their depths. With a sense of urgency, you swiftly took your purse. Every movement was propelled by a heady mix of anticipation and desire, your heart pounding in rhythm with the rapid pace of your thoughts. As you made your way to the back door, Seonghwa paused for a moment, reaching for his jacket, glasses, and a mask before stepping outside. You were struck by his thoughtfulness and attention to detail. In that simple gesture, you saw a glimpse of the considerate and caring person he was beneath the surface. With a soft smile, you followed, grabbing your own jacket and slipping on a mask before joining Seonghwa outside. The cool night air greeted you as you stepped onto the pavement, wrapping you in its embrace. Feeling the warmth of Seonghwa's hand intertwining with yours sent a jolt of electricity. With your fingers intertwined, you set off together, following the familiar way that would lead you to your apartment. You couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude as you made your way through the quiet streets, it was a relief to know that your apartment was only a short distance away from the company. 
As soon as the door to your apartment closed behind you, Seonghwa pulled you hard into his chest, your bodies pressing on each other. His kisses became more urgent, his grip on you tighter as if he was afraid you would disappear. His lips found yours in a passionate kiss that left you breathless, his taste intoxicating, leaving you wanting more. In this moment, there was no room for remorse or second thoughts, only the overpowering need for each other. You were lost in him, in the overwhelming sensation of his touch, his taste, his scent. As the intensity of your shared passion escalated, Seonghwa moved to unbutton your shirt, his fingers trembling slightly with anticipation. 
"Wait," you murmured, pulling back just enough to meet his gaze. His eyes were dark and filled with desire, but he stopped at your words, his hands coming to rest on your waist as he waited for you to continue. "I... I just want to make sure we're both on the same page," you said softly, voice trembling slightly with the weight of the moment. "I care about you, Seonghwa, more than I can put into words. But I want it to mean something, for both of us." As you spoke, you searched his expression for any sign of hesitation or doubt, but all you found was a profound sense of understanding and respect. In that moment, you were sure that Seonghwa shared your desire for something deeper, something more meaningful than just physical intimacy. His lips curved into a tender smile, and he reached up to gently cup your cheek in his hand.  
"I understand," he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. "I want this to mean something too, Y/N. More than anything. I’m not leaving you." With those words, the last of your doubts melted away, leaving only a sense of trust and connection between you. His touch, careful and loving, trailed down your body, taking the time to appreciate every inch of you. Seonghwa’s fingers traced over your skin, leaving a trail of warmth and desire in their wake. He took his time, his hands exploring you as if he was memorizing every curve, every line of your body. Your hands found their way to his hair, tugging gently at the soft strands. He let out a soft groan, his hot breath fanning against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. His lips found yours again, stealing your breath away with the intensity of the kiss. His hands moved to the buttons of your shirt, unbuttoning it and tossing it aside. His gaze was full of admiration and desire as he looked at you, his eyes taking in your form.  
"You're beautiful, Y/N," he murmured against your lips, his voice low and filled with emotion. You blushed, a smile spreading across your lips at his words. Seonghwa leaned in, pressing kisses along your neck, collarbones, down to your chest. His hands finally moved to unclasp your bra, letting it fall to the floor. His touch was electrifying, each kiss sending waves of pleasure through your body. Seonghwa was patient, taking his time to make you feel loved, and cherished. He moved lower, his lips trailing down your stomach, making you gasp with anticipation. You arched into his touch, your fingers tangling in his hair, guiding him closer to where you needed him. "So impatient," Seonghwa commented as he moved back up, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer. Craving the feel of his skin against yours, your hands moved to his shirt, unbuttoning it and pushing it off his shoulders. You took a moment to admire him, your gaze trailing over his muscular chest, and the defined abs. Seonghwa was beautiful, every inch of him perfect. You reached out, your fingers tracing over his skin, feeling the warmth radiating from him. Seonghwa’s hands roamed your body, the touch igniting a fire within you. He moved lower once again, his lips trailing down your stomach, making you gasp with anticipation. His hands moved to your skirt, unzipping it and sliding it down your legs. Seonghwa’s lips found the skin on your thighs, his hands gently creasing them, each touch sending waves of desire coursing through you. His lips moved up your tight, his lips finding all your sensitive spots, making you arch your back and gasp out his name. You felt his breath dangerously close to your panties, which by now were soaked completely with your arousal.  
"Seonghwa," you moaned, your voice thick with longing as you arched your back, surrendering to the intoxicating sensations that washed over you. "Not here," you murmured, your voice trembling as looked down on him with a mixture of desire and urgency. "Bedroom... Let's go to the bedroom." Seonghwa, with a deep and magnetic gaze that held you captive, guided you gently towards the bedroom. He led you to the edge of the bed, his hands never leaving your body. Carefully, with an affectionate touch, he laid you down on the soft sheets. Seonghwa's gaze was intense but tender, as if he was committing every detail of you to memory. The look in his eyes held a fervor that was both thrilling and comforting. The last piece of your clothing was slowly discarded, your lace panties landing softly on the floor. His hands, now free to explore, traced a path of heat down your bare body, each touch igniting a spark of anticipation. He kissed you deeply, a promise of more to come, before his eyes met yours once more. Seonghwa's gaze was full of adoration and hunger, a testament to the intimate connection that was about to deepen. Slowly, Seonghwa began to undress himself, his movements unhurried and deliberate. As the last piece of his clothing dropped to the floor, he positioned himself atop you, his bare skin against yours sending tremors of desire coursing through your veins. His eyes continued to hold your gaze, their depths reflecting the shared anticipation of the intimate moment that was about to unfold. 
"Is this alright?" Seonghwa whispered against your lips. 
"Yes," you murmured, your voice barely more than a whisper, "Yes, Seonghwa... I'm yours." Your affirmation seemed to ignite something within him. A slow, intoxicating smile spread across his face, his dark eyes twinkling with a mixture of love, desire, and a hint of possessiveness that sent shivers down your spine. His gaze never wavered from yours, maintaining eye contact as he leaned down, his lips meeting yours in a searing, passionate kiss. One of his hands, tender and firm, cradled your face, his thumb gently brushing against your cheeks. With the other one he steadied himself between your legs, and you finally felt him entering you slowly and gently, his movements measured and full of care. The feeling was intoxicating, overwhelming in its intensity but filled with a tenderness that only Seonghwa could provide. As Seonghwa moved, you felt a surge of pleasure that left you gasping, your fingers trailing over his back, your nails gently digging into his skin. His name fell from your lips in a breathless whisper, the syllables intertwining with the soft moans and gasps that filled the room. Each thrust heightened the pleasure, building up tension that had you moaning his name louder. He responded to your every sound, his movements shifting and adapting to your responses. It was as if he was attuned to every part of you, each touch designed to elicit the maximum pleasure. 
"Seonghwa," you moaned, as he continued to move, his rhythm steady and deliberate. He looked down at you, his gaze filled with love and desire, his expression mirroring the pleasure coursing through you. "I’m close" you whimpered as the pleasure started to overwhelm you. 
"I know, baby," he responded, his voice low and soothing. His eyes never left yours, holding your gaze as the room around you both seemed to fade. Each of his movements were measured, calculated to draw the maximum response from you. He knew exactly what you needed, when you needed it, and he wasn't afraid to take his time in delivering it. Seonghwa was completely in tune with your body, knowing just how to touch you, how to move, to bring you to the edge. A gasp escaped your lips as his rhythm increased, the intensity building as he moved. His name was a whispered prayer on your lips, the only word you could manage as you clung to him. The world around you narrowed to the feeling of him, the sight of him, the sound of him, the scent of him. 
"Let go baby," he murmured against your ear, his voice a soothing balm, grounding you in the moment. With a few more deep movements, he guided you both to the peak of your shared pleasure. The feeling was indescribable, a release of tension that left you both panting and gasping for breath. And through it all, Seonghwa was there with you, his gaze never leaving yours, his love and desire for you clear in his eyes. As the waves of pleasure subsided, Seonghwa collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms. He held you close, his heart beating in time with yours as you both lay there in silence, the echoes of your shared climax still reverberating through your bodies. Seonghwa’s fingers traced idle patterns on your skin, a soothing gesture that eased the lingering tremors racking your body. His lips pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, the tenderness of the gesture making your heart flutter. 
"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper. His concern was palpable, his eyes searching yours for any sign of discomfort. You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips.  
"More than okay," you assured him, reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair from his sweaty forehead. His answering smile was warm and genuine, a sight that never failed to make your heart skip a beat. 
"Good," he murmured, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. His breathing slowly became more regular, his body relaxing as he basked in the afterglow. You laid there, tangled in each other's arms, your heartbeats syncing in the quiet. There was no need for words now, the silence between you was comfortable and familiar. As you drifted off to sleep, his arms tightened around you.  
You were suddenly awakened by the sound of Seonghwa's voice, harsh and irritated, a stark contrast to the gentle tone you had grown accustomed to. His distressed voice pierced the calm tranquility of the early morning as he was on the phone, pacing around the room with furrowed brows, clearly in frustration. As you sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you noticed your phone blinking on the bedside table. Forty-three missed calls. A wave of chilly dread filled you as you unlocked your phone to see the flood of messages and notifications. The first one you clicked on made your heart drop. Pictures of you and Seonghwa, walking to your apartment, your hands intertwined, were plastered all over various media outlets. The headlines screamed about Seonghwa's secret relationship, a shocking revelation that seemed to have hit the fandom like a lightning bolt. The comments section was a whirlpool of emotions - shock, betrayal, and surprisingly, support. As you scrolled through the articles, you could barely register the words. This was your worst nightmare coming to life, the very reason you hesitated to start a relationship with Seonghwa in the first place. Seonghwa finished his call and turned to you, his face unnaturally pale.  
"It's all over the news," he said, his voice barely a whisper. The room felt suffocating as a heavy silence descended upon it, both of you too stunned to utter a word. The reality of the situation was sinking in, unfolding a terrifying scenario that you both had dreaded. Your mind was racing, scrambling to make sense of the situation. All your worst fears were coming to life - the fear of getting caught, of losing your job, and of potentially damaging Seonghwa's career. This was the adverse consequence of your secret relationship, the one you had feared and tried to prevent from the very beginning. Yet, amidst the turmoil, you couldn't help but feel a pang of regret. Your anger flared as you dialed your boss's number, your hands shaking as you held the phone to your ear. He picked up on the second ring, his voice tense, 
"You need to do your job and stop this information from spreading," he demanded, his tone cold and unyielding. You felt your heart clench at his words, a bitter laugh escaping your lips as you fired back,  
"How am I supposed to do that when I'm the one involved?" The line crackled with tension as you braced yourself for your boss's response, knowing that your conversation was about to take a heated turn. 
"You're involved!?" His voice was sharp, laced with disbelief and a hint of anger. "How could you let this happen, Y/N? Do you have any idea what kind of mess you've gotten yourself into?" His words hit you like a slap in the face, and you felt a surge of anger rising within you.  
"I didn't 'let' anything happen," you shot back, your own voice rising with frustration. "This isn't something I planned or wanted. And as for the mess, believe me, I'm well aware of it." There was a tense pause on the other end of the line, the silence filled with unspoken accusations and bitter recriminations. You could practically feel your boss's disappointment radiating through the phone, a heavy weight pressing down on you with each passing second. 
"We need to contain this," he said finally, his tone clipped and businesslike. "Handle the damage control on our end, write a press release. Stay out of the public eye, keep your head down, and for god's sake, don't make things worse." You clenched your jaw, struggling to keep your emotions in check as you listened to his instructions.  
"And what about Seonghwa?" you demanded, unable to suppress the edge of desperation in your voice. There was another pause, longer this time, as your boss considered his response.  
"Seonghwa knew what he was getting into when he chose this life," he said finally, his voice oddly cold and unsympathetic. "He's a public figure, and he needs to accept the consequences of his actions. Just like you do." The words hung between you, a bitter reminder of the harsh reality you were both facing. As you hung up the phone, a sense of resignation settled over you, knowing that no matter how much you wanted to protect Seonghwa, there were forces at play far beyond your control. Seonghwa, who had been a silent witness to your conversation, finally broke his silence. His sobs filled the room, each one stabbing you like a knife to the heart. You turned to him, your eyes filled with regret and sorrow.  
"I was supposed to be the one protecting you," you said, your voice choked with tears. You could see the pain in his eyes, reflecting your own as you confessed, "This was a mistake. I'm going to get fired, Seonghwa. There's no future for us." His face crumpled at your words, a look of utter devastation replacing his earlier confusion. 
"No, Y/N, please..." he pleaded, his voice cracking with emotion. "I can't lose you." he retorted, his voice filled with a mixture of anger and despair. His words hit you like a punch to the gut. As the silence settled in the room, you felt a lump forming in your throat. The harsh reality of the situation was too overwhelming to comprehend. The words that had been exchanged between you two still echoed in your ears, haunting you. The room, once filled with love and warmth, now felt cold and distant. The air was heavy with unspoken words and suppressed emotions. Seonghwa, his eyes red and swollen from crying, looked at you. His usual cheerful demeanor was now replaced with a look of sadness and despair. He seemed like a completely different person. Seeing him like this broke your heart even more, the reality of the situation dawning on you. 
"I... I need some time," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He got up from the bed, picked up his clothes from the floor and walked towards the bathroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You sat there, numb and silent, as you processed everything that had happened. You felt a sense of guilt wash over you, realizing that your actions had led to this mess. Picking up your phone, you answered the incoming call from one of the reporters.  
"This is a delicate matter, and we are currently fact-checking all the information," you replied, maintaining a professional tone. "We will be releasing an official press statement soon regarding the matter. Thank you for your understanding." 
For the next several minutes, you found yourself answering a seemingly endless stream of phone calls, bombarded with the same questions over and over again. "Who is this girl?" "Is it really Seonghwa?" "Is it official?" With each call, your heart ached a little more, the reality of the situation sinking in. You were the reason behind this mess, and with each question, the weight of your actions became increasingly clear. Seonghwa finally emerged from the bathroom, he was fully dressed, his hair neatly combed back, and his face, although still showing signs of distress, was more composed. He settled down next to you, the distance between you heavy with unspoken tension. You could feel his gaze burning into you, his eyes searching for answers in the depths of your own. But as he heard you denying what happened during countless phone calls, a flicker of hurt flashed across his features, overshadowing the mask of composure he had worn moments before. 
"Y/N," he began, his voice tinged with a mixture of frustration and disappointment. "Why are you doing this? We can't keep pretending like nothing happened." His words cut through the silence like a knife, leaving you speechless in their wake. You could feel the weight of his gaze bearing down on you, demanding honesty in the face of your denial. But as you met his eyes, you saw the pain reflected in their depths, and a pang of guilt surged through you. You had hurt him deeply with your words, and now, as you continued to deny the truth, you were only adding to his anguish. Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision as you turned away, unable to meet Seonghwa’s gaze any longer. In that moment, you felt more alone than ever, trapped in a web of lies and deceit from which there seemed to be no escape.  
Once the calls ended, with a heavy heart, you began to draft a press release denying the rumors. As you typed, your mind raced with thoughts of how to properly word your denial, how to ensure that it would put an end to the rampant speculation. Seonghwa, who had been observing silently, finally spoke up, his tone filled with discontent. "Why are you denying it?" he asked, his eyes filled with a mixture of confusion and frustration. 
"Seonghwa, we have to," you tried explaining,  
"No, we don't," he retorted, his voice steady and determined. "We don't have to lie. We don't have to hide." 
"Seonghwa, we can't just admit to this. The backlash... it could ruin your career," you argued, your voice tinged with desperation. 
"And what? We lie? We hide?" Seonghwa countered, his voice filled with frustration.  
"We need to think about the consequences. The fans, the company... it's not just us we have to consider." you countered, trying to maintain your composure. 
"I don't care about that," he said, his voice softening. "I care about you. I care about us. I don't want to lie about that." 
"But this isn't just about us. There are other people involved. Our actions have consequences." you responded, your voice breaking slightly. 
"I know that" he said, his tone resolute. "But isn't our relationship worth fighting for?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. As the weight of your situation bore down, you felt the sting of desperation clawing at your heart, driving you to speak words you knew would hurt Seonghwa deeply. 
"What relationship are you even talking about, Seonghwa? We hadn't even had a 'what-are-we' talk, and everything is ruined," you spat out, your voice laced with bitterness and regret. "We kissed less than 24 hours ago, and now we're all over the news." The words spilled out of you like poison, each one laced with the bitter taste of reality. You could see the pain flicker across Seonghwa's face, his eyes clouding with hurt and confusion. But you couldn't stop yourself, couldn't hold back the flood of emotions threatening to consume you. "We need to protect you," you continued, your voice trembling with emotion. "There's no 'us' in this, Seonghwa. It's just you, and your career, and the future you've worked so hard for. I won't let you throw it all away for me." Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision as you turned away, unable to bear the weight of Seonghwa's gaze any longer. In that moment, you knew that you had hurt him deeply, but you couldn't bring yourself to regret those words. For better or worse, they were the truth, the raw, unfiltered truth that lay at the heart of your impossible situation. 
"You don't get to decide that" Seonghwa replied, his voice steady despite the turmoil beneath his calm exterior. "You don't get to decide what I throw away or keep. It's my life, my career, my future. And you... you're a part of that, whether you like it or not." His words hung heavy in the air, an undeniable truth that weighed down on your heart. "We're in this together, and I'm not letting you walk away just because you're scared. So, let's face this together. Let's fight for 'us', for our future. Because, in my eyes, there's no 'me' without 'us'." You stared at him, your heart pounding. His words echoed in your mind, raw and powerful. The intensity in his gaze was almost too much to bear. Could you really fight for this? For him? Suddenly, the weight of your decision seemed more significant, more daunting. 
"I... I don't know, Seonghwa," you stuttered, your voice barely a whisper. "I don't know if I can do this. If I can put you at risk like that." 
But Seonghwa just shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "That's not for you to decide," he countered gently. "I'm ready to face whatever comes our way. And I want you by my side. So, will you fight with me?" 
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tragedynoir · 2 days
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— special delivery: YEARBOOK
happy 1 year anniversary to tragedynoir! as thanks, this template will be available to ALL past & future supporters. past supporters can reach out to me if you'd like to access this template!
a yearbook-inspired multimuse google doc template with three variants: dark, light and mobile-friendly. the dark variant includes pre-drawn doodles that can be completely customized in google drawings, but feel free to add your own stickers and doodles!
what is special delivery?
special delivery is occasional bonus supporter-only content as my way of thanking those who generously support me and help me continue putting out free content! they are not posted on any set or regular schedule.
how does it work?
the most recent special delivery will be accessible via a locked supporter-only ko-fi post to anyone who has supported me on ko-fi recently. for one-time supporters (store purchase or one-time donation), this post will be locked again after 30 days, so please download the content before this happens! for monthly patrons, this post will be accessible for as long as their patronage. when a new special delivery is uploaded, old special delivery content will be put behind a monthly patron-only ko-fi post. only monthly patrons will continue to have access to old special delivery content for as long as their patronage, no matter when they start their patronage.
how to access?
become a supporter by purchasing something from my store, making a one-time donation or becoming a monthly patron! you will be prompted to create a ko-fi account to access supporter-only content. the source link will lead you to the folder containing all special delivery posts to access and download! if you have any questions or clarifications, please reach out to me! thank you so much and I hope you enjoy them! ♡
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ladyshadowsblog · 2 days
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Needed comfort.
A drawn and written story with both rehab Asahi & Midnight Dreamer
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After a loud crash that Midnight heard from Asahi's room after he got back from a meeting. He ran to Asahi's room with the thought that the cultists were trying to take Asahi back, once he opened the door he noticed Asahi was there but not laying in bed asleep. Instead he was sitting on the floor knees to his chest; it seemed he hadn't noticed Midnight. He walked up to Asahi and sat down next to him, he then could hear soft cries only to be heard when close.
He sat there for what felt like minutes till he finally said something, Asahi jumped at the voice of Dreamer being right beside him quickly looking next to him in shock. It's very rare that Dreamer goes into that room of Asahi's, he had betrayed him so it was only right for Dreamer to hate him but yet he took Asahi under his wing.
All Asahi could do was tear up, unable to say a word before Dreamer hugged him "Let it all out Asahi, i know your hurting" Dreamer states as Asahi looked down at his knees vision now blurry from tears. He couldn't understand why Dreamer was so persistent that he would care for him and why he wanted to be around him.
So Asahi cried, he cried as if had lost everything. So many emotions, so many questions he couldn't ask in his current state, so many regrets that no apology would help the fate that Blooming Stars faced all those years ago. As Asahi cried, Dreamer moved his tail around him as a way to comfort him, to make him feel safe.
He hated seeing Asahi cry many years ago and he still does even years later. He started to tear up hearing the sobs his old friend was letting out, he wanted to mend a broken relationship that occurred from betrayal. Dreamer sat there hugging Asahi with his own thoughts, one flooding his mind the most was the fact he absolutely hated what those cultists did to Asahi he hated seeing him being destroyed mentally. He hates seeing him cry like he lost everything, like the day when left those flowers for the people of Blooming Stars; Dreamer visited his home land often it was a way of comfort, but he would see Asahi There sometimes leaving flowers for those who passed during the attack seeing Asahi cry and fall to his knees hurt him more then losing his people did that Horrible Day.
It had been almost two hours when Asahi finally calmed down and fell asleep leaning on Dreamer. Dreamer looked down at the sleeping Kitsuné and signed he moved to put him on the bed so he himself could get some much needed rest, but when he moved to get up he noticed Asahi flinch as if having a nightmare so he stayed and used his arms to drag himself & Asahi to lean on the nearby wall. Dreamer was exhausted from the thoughts and memories of the past so it wasn't long till he too fell asleep after but not before he wrapped part of his clock around Asahi as he drifted off to sleep.
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Bonus! Cloudy Sky's design jumpscare
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As Cloud started waking up he very quickly realized Dreamer wasn't in bed with him nor did he come to the bed last night.
He searched the home, looking for his husband who seemed to have just vanished with no warning. He remembered they were taking care of Asahi whilst he recovered and served his time for being part of the attacks and being a cultist as well, so he walked to Asahi's room and quietly opened the door knowing Asahi wasn't up this early in the morning neither was Dreamer hint why he was so alert.
When he opened the door he peaked inside the room and looked around before noticing both Asahi and Dreamer on the floor Dreamer leaning on a wall whilst Asahi lay peacefully sleeping on Dreamer both of them still sleeping peacefully. Cloud smiled, closing the door quietly behind him as he left to his bedroom to catch up on some important paper work whilst the two slept peacefully for the next 3 hours.
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I hope the long awaited Fluff was enjoyed, and you guys got a story out of it so you guys got some good wholesome foor
Dreamer & Cloud belong to me @ladyshadowsblog
Asahi Belongs to the @truelazymaker
Space Riders AU belongs to @onyxonline
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calinaannehart · 23 hours
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the parts we play
Buck isn’t a firefighter, he just plays one on TV, or at least that’s what he’s about to do. He’s offered the chance to shadow the 118 to learn what it’s like to be a firefighter. Eddie is fed up with these Hollywood types turning up and feigning interest in the job that he loves. Buck, however, is nothing like that and everyone can see the connection they have.
Eddie’s day is ruined.
“You can’t be serious, Cap?” He protests, looking at Bobby imploringly. “You do remember what happened the last time Hollywood sent an actor who wanted to play dress up?”
Six months after Eddie had said goodbye to her on the beach Felisa Valdez had waltzed into the firehouse, publicist hot on her heels with an announcement that she was to shadow the 118 in preparation for a future role. The call from the chief had come a few minutes after her arrival confirming her visit and instructing Bobby to allow her out on calls to observe what the job entails.
It was argued, given the 118 had attended no less than four emergency calls in which they had rescued her from one situation or another, that Felisa was already more than familiar with the workings of a fire crew. Her publicist, however, countered that she was a victim on each of the calls and therefore needed to be the one in uniform. Bobby had drawn the line at that, but Felisa was given a seat on the engine and she observed them while they worked, albeit a little too closely at times.
The publicist had taken a near-constant stream of photographs for the duration of Felisa’s three-day visit, photos of her with the crew, photos of her being shown pieces of equipment, manning a hose, sliding down the pole, donning a helmet. In every one her hair had been perfect, her outfit on the tighter side and a pose that was unrealistic to the job at hand, but were posted all over her social media, tagging each of them at the official LAFD account.
Still, they had all survived the three days with no injuries and their dignity somewhat intact.
That was until the movie came out.
It turned out to be a low-budget B-movie, so low in budget that it bypassed the theatres completely and was released directly to TV. Felisa had excitedly called Eddie with the channel info and the date and time it would be on which had ended up being during a 24-hour shift. They had settled in to watch at eleven o’clock in the evening and that should have been their clue.
Felisa’s movie turned out to be, essentially, a very badly written and directed (and acted) softcore porno set in a fire station. Bobby had flushed and made a hasty exit to his office just fifteen minutes in when the first sex scene started, muttering about damage control and calling the chief.
“I do, and I was promised that wouldn’t happen again,” Bobby tells him, his tone placating. “Brass themselves have gone over the script and they’ve talked with the production team. It’s a big multi-million dollar movie this time with some big names attached to it.”
“Like who?” Chimney mumbles around a mouthful of celery and peanut butter, dipping the stick back in for another scoop. Pulling out his phone Bobby thumbs open the screen and scans his eyes over the email he had received with all the information.
“Todd Fame, Kelli Edwards, and Evan Buckley.” 
“No way, Evan Buckley?” Excitement fills Chim’s face and he sets the jar of peanut butter down on the counter. “Man, he’s done some good stuff, Time Wars, Echoes of the Past, Midnight Mirage, oh, and that rom-com that came out last year, Tatiana loved it. Are we getting him? That would earn me some serious boyfriend points.”
A silence fills the space after Chimney’s ramble, half a dozen amused faces staring at him. “Boy crush much?” Hen asks sardonically, a wave of sniggers following her words. “Isn’t he the one gossip magazines are always publishing articles on? I’m sure I’ve seen one about him having slept with half of Hollywood and constantly getting in bar fights.”
Bobby quirks an eyebrow at her. “Since when do you read gossip magazines?”
“Karen’s always picking them up when she gets the groceries,” Hen explains. “But my point is that maybe Eddie’s right, I mean, do we really want another Felisa incident?”
“Come on, Hen, those magazines are trash, there’s probably not an inch of truth in them,” Chim says, prompting another eye roll from his partner. “All I’m saying is that we shouldn’t judge him before we meet him, he’s a really good actor, okay? I’m not ashamed to admit he’s made me cry more than a few times.” Chim admits freely.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll get plenty of opportunities to tell him that,” Bobby continues. “He’s coming by this afternoon to sign some personal injury waivers and then will join us for our next run of shifts.”
Chim all but dances on the spot as he whips out his phone. “I can’t believe I’m gonna meet Evan Buckley, I gotta call Tatiana, this is so gonna get me laid!”
“Eddie, I want you to be his liaison while he’s here,” Eddie’s attention snaps back to his captain.
“What? Why me?” Eddie protests. “Let Chim do it.” He points to the man talking animatedly on his phone.
“The last thing this guy needs is someone fawning all over him, you’ll treat him just like everybody else, and most importantly you’ll watch his back.”
“Watch his…Bobby, you’re not seriously going to let him out on calls with us, are you?” Eddie’s expression matches his flabbergasted words.
“I am, that’s why he’s coming in to sign the waivers. He needs hands-on experience, Eddie, and you’re the one I trust to keep him safe,” Bobby lays a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, leveling him with a look. 
“I just hate these Hollywood types turning up and feigning interest in the job that I love for a few days just to earn a billion-dollar paycheck,” Eddie grumbles. “They don’t care, Bobby, it’s just a game to them.”
“All you have to do is talk to him about the job, share some of your experience. It’s just for a few weeks and then he’ll be gone.”
Eddie sighs. “You promise?” He asks, sounding too reminiscent of a petulant child and Bobby just chuckles.
“I promise,” He squeezes Eddie’s shoulder before stepping away in the direction of the mezzanine, no doubt to start breakfast. “Hey, you never know, you might end up real close.”
read on ao3
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applepath · 3 months
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Some may call it fate, but I just bow my head and run It was nothing but a hand upon a gun Now in my dreams I come and sit with you and I ask you how you've been 'Cause I don't remember much as I did then
@threeclans
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notelectrictigerart · 9 months
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Seven years... thanks for the memories~
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drpeppertummy · 6 months
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do yall ever feel like tummy stuff takes up way too much of your mind. sometimes i feel like it borders on obsession for me. its the only thing i ever use my ocs for so it makes up the majority of my art & writing and i feel like i put more of my social energy into it than into other interactions sometimes (online at least)
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that-g3-artist · 1 year
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Merry Christmas! I’m back with my submission for @codesecretsanta! This year it’s for @veggiesforpresident, hope you like it! :)
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7-7-cherry · 9 months
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Ichiro day!!
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peachcitt · 1 year
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normally i never make resolutions because im of the opinion that you can change your life whenever you want and technically speaking any day of the year can be the start of a new year. that being said. my past year was kind of garbage.
so! i have decided to be more keen on new years resolutions, especially making ones that will hopefully make me feel better if something i can't control affects me negatively. i actually made a huge list of resolutions, more than i put here, that all kind of boil down to trying out ways to make my life more comfortable and fulfilling for myself and the people around me.
happy new year everybody i hope this year treats us all kindly :)
#new year's resolutions#new year's resolutions 2023#my art#peach stuff#also i know it's a scientific fact that if you write your goals down you're more likely to achieve them#have i ever written my goals down if i wasn't forced to before? no. and maybe that's why ive been so shit at reaching my goals<3#also about the goal that's about finding a hobby that uses my hands: ive realized recently that both of my main hobbies#(reading and writing) are both very brain-heavy things to do. like those are both two things that require a lot Being Inside My Head#and you know! maybe ive realized that it's Not Good to be in my head so much!#so i want to find a more tactile hobby that won't require so much brain time and can connect me more with the physical world#also i drew this all in ms paint with my new laptop and laptop pen and maybe i just don't understand ms paint enough#but this was kind of a bitch to draw. where is the layer function. why was my laptop screen still registering my skin when i was using pen#but still i like how it looks. especially the peach and my hair. the peach just because it looks cute and peach-like#and i think this is the first time ive drawn/colored my hair since i died it this past summer so it was fun to experiment with#how to make it accurate but still cohesive with the colors i already had down#my hair is actually variations on an auburn sort of shade since its faded from a really shitty (self-done) red dye job#but the pink here is fun :)#anyway. that's all
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cuteniaarts · 18 days
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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vargaslovinghours · 1 year
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They’re like inspiration cuckoos
#💟#Digital art#Art#Edgar#Scriabin#Does this count as a crossover? Not reallyyy??#Just consider them cameos lol it's not like they do anything#This always happens with Big Fixations I go to put them down and they just bounce right back in with new ideas and inspiration#I've only recorded 3 in the past 15ish years and Vargas is the latest - literally can't put them down if I tried - I /have/ tried lol#They're cuckoos! They push out other muses and get fed the ideas I have to literally intentionally redirect certain ideas to different ones#Surprised ZEX and DAX didn't make it into the Muse Box this time around lol - I think when I started this I was still in the Spamrot#And I'd been rereading the first chapter of Lost and Found so Duster#Gosh I need to get back to Mother 3 I just need to get enough items for the Mecha Drago fight - I know it's early on I just jfldsajfd#I lose focus when Duster's not on screen lol I miss him already#Birdo back there <3 Love her <3 <3 I'd drawn her fairly recently too ♪#And then the broccoli lol anyone here play Pajama Sam? My first was PJ Sam 3 and I love Florette and Luke and I /want/ them to be muses lol#Goal-building!#Not that it makes much of a difference when I just keep filling up page after page after /page/ with new Vargas ideas lol#I do love them ♥ But I wish my brain would chill a Bit lol#All this to say I'm going back on hiatus :) It was a good season! Requestober was rich with ideas and the fallout (positive) was really fun#But I am gonna at least try to fill my Muse Box with Something else emphasis on try lol#I'll be back as always for the next sketchdump :3 And if I get another inspiration burst haha#You know I can't stay away for long 💕
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krafterwrites · 4 months
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It would be pretty cool if the losing options on each poll got drawn by other official artists, like the ones who work on the comics. There's still incentive to vote, since the Sonic Channel art style is beautiful, but there's no longer the problem of losing out on interesting character pairings or obscure characters getting a shot at getting art
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galactichelium · 4 months
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Very unfortunate that I am a very slow drawer because I am also very impatient. Why must it take 1 million years for my drawings to manifest
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spaceratprodigy · 6 months
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was drawing faith and max smooching and I've decided I need to draw them kissing each other's scars for the millionth time
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skinnymeanfaggot · 7 months
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also
#im making huge huge changes in my life and i think the next logical step would be to cut off jamie. ive already been ghosting him but thats#just me avoiding the problem. i just like. it feels fucked to be like hey i told you i was ok with what you did but i Changed my mind#i just think like. i have next to no contact with him and i feel fucking fantastic. we talk like every couple months on the rare occurrence#he can text and then i answer in vague short sentences and ghost. and now that i finally have firm boundaries with him and havent engaged#with him sexually its like. i feel like basically all my ties are cut. and i feel like im ready to let go for the first time. like ive#always felt like i just wasnt ready but now i like i Am ready its just a matter of like. doing it. thats difficult. even though i know hell#accept it because hes matured. and like. idk. i think its fine like this#and idk i think its fine like this. being the absolute barest form of acquaintances. i cannot stress how little we interact and how little#affect he has on my life at this point outside of what happened in the past. like i am in a good place he is 99% cut off i just need to do#the last bit. but like also fuck. you know. its hard to kinda finish it off. and its also like ooh it would hurt his feelings but now i#fucking. dont care lol. after everything. with blue i realize every day just how much more respected i feel and less gross and shitty#even with being jamies friend which we never were because whenever i was single we were sexual. i just felt bad. i never wanted to fuck#either. and he would say he loved me and id be like hahaha yeahhhh and now that ive finally drawn that boundary and said he cant do that#anymore i feel so much lighter and i just feel so happy and safe with blue in a way ive never felt with jamie and its like. im almost there#i feel like i might be able to cut him off by the end of the year. and thats crazy to me. i just also have a lot of like shit to unpack#in general too also. with what he did. and i just have a lot. but i feel like im progressing
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