#i just dont feel like i can give a good enough commentary on that that other non-usa ppl haven't already given 10x better than i ever could

[fipindustries]

bojack horse bad again

you know, i was thinking back to this show again, i watched three seasons of it and that was all that i could tomach and you know what? no.

i dont accept it

i dont care, it was a bad show, it was an objectively bad show and i dont accept that everyone else decided that it was good, i dont care, it was a bad show and im going to tell you why.

emotional terrorism

maybe im a simpleton but i am someone who cares quite a lot about catharsis in my stories. this show refused to grant that, adamantly and violently. im not saying i need a happy ending, i am more than capable of enjoying bittersweet or even tragic stories, but i need a sense of completeness, some satisfaction, some release, some sense that things matter or meant something. this show insisted on refusing to give that. all this show was interested in was get an emotional reaction out of you. it was the emotional equivalent of a jump scare. it was convinced that if it made you feel bad enough people would confuse that with beeing powerful and deep. you could get the same reaction by walking up to someone on the street and kicking them in the nuts. and it would take about as much subtlety or artistry.

2. writer led rather than animator led

you could tell this was one of those shows that were made on the writer's room, not by storyboarders or artists, by "comedians". by people with english degrees. so many scenes of characters just standing around and talking. so many "jokes" that were clearly meant to be funny as something you read on a piece of paper or on a tweet and chuckle as you read it but as animation it just gave limp, stagnant scenes. so much dialog that were references and quips and puns and fast witticisms of the type you come up in the shower when thinking of clever comebacks.

there were so many fucking scenes where everything would stop and a character would launch on some stupid profound monologue about life and philosophy and psychology and relationships. it was like the writers were trying on for size paragraphs of their future memoirs or self help books. so much dialog that was begging for an award for writing. so many "mic drop" moments that were designed to be quoted. i find that the best writing is not the one that you can just quote out of context as a cool pithy phrase. a lot of the best writing ive seen in my life is meaningless when devoid of context, is inextricable of the scene and indeed of the entire story surrounding it but in here i can almost see the seams where the writers look at the camera waiting to see if you are impressed

3. inconsistent tone

this show wanted to eat its cake and then still have it. there are stories that manage to deftly weave in and out of comedic moments into serious moments. everything everywhere all at once does an amazing job jumping from the stupidest, most childish jokes into the most profound commentary about human nature, sometimes doing both at the same time and it worked, one didint cheapen the other.

in here though, it wanted to both have a completly absurd world with the stupidest characters ever and then somehow make us care for it all as if the show hadnt shot itself in the foot. it wanted us to see caroline being in love with what is clearly three children in a trenchcoat and then take her seriously as an adult, to treat any forther relationship drama she has as if it werent completly farcical.

4. ugly animation

it continued the blight that is take over adult animation by doing that disgusting repugnant paper puppet rigged interpolated quasi flash animation that only gives you stiff poses and movements and incredibly boring shots of characters standing in 3/4 perspective in front of the camera. it dull and flat and clunky and ugly, and the character designs were ugly. the noses were ugly and the mouths were ugly and the hairs were ugly and the eyes were ugly. it was all ugly. the backgrounds were fucking ugly and the colors were ugly and it was an ugly show to look at. unbearably so. and even the obligatory "weird" stylized scenes put in to shake things off and try to pretend that it was visually interesting (for like one scene per season) were also fucking ugly.

5. it had not interesting point to make

all it could do was insist and belavor and extemporize about how this one guy sucks and also most people kind of suck but specifically this one guy really sucks and he is not going to get better, or maybe he will? eh maybe, but not really, because he sucks. and we are going to make you like him because we are the writers and we are going to make him relatable and charismatic and sympathetic but actually no he sucks, you fell for it! and what does it say about you that you almost kind of liked him eh????. season after season of him, and in case you almost found anything redeemable about him, we are going to make him even worse, painfully unsubtly so, we are going to make him look at the camera and say that he sucks, because that is the level of nuance we think you can handle, dear viewer. this is called "self aware writing" and its postmodern and meta, which means its clever.

i fucking hate this show and the more i think about it the angrier it makes me, and what makes me more angriest of all is that people like it. its popular. it won awards i think. its largely recognized as a good show and its not! it sucks and its bad and if you like it you are stupid.

#bojack horseman #i made myself really angry thinking about this show #not that i need a lot to get angry as of lately

[redysetdare]

Y'all listen just because you learned something in school doesn't mean everyone else did. idk how y'all got this idea in ur heads that we all learned the same shit when literal book bans are happening in schools across the united states and certain subjects are being banned from ever being talked about. (do not even get me started on the fact different countries have different curriculum too) Like you cannot say "You guys obviously just didn't pay attention in school and are stupid because we all learned this" like you are ignoring like 50 other options as to why people may not have learned this ranging from poorly funded school to disabled kid getting shoved into special ed classes which are often notorious for mistreating their disabled students. I'm begging you all to understand the nuance of why certain skills and abilities aren't as widely spread as you assume they should be.

#text #some of you are creeping a bit to close to ablism and it's getting real ucomfortable #'everyone learned media literacy in school' except in the schools where they just told you what to think. #except in the schools where they didn't want you to learn critical thinking so that they could push an agenda without you questioning it #except in schools where books or subjects that would require this skill got banned and thus it was never learned #unless the school was underfunded and couldn't afford the proper materials to teach it #unless your teacher was bad and didn't bother to properly teach you #unless your teacher and school was ablist and refused to teach you #unless your schooling was disrupted by a sudden pandemic that may of forced you into an environment that made it more difficult to learn #unless literally anything else besides 'you didn't listen and are thus stupid' because i can assure you we were listening #maybe instead of blaming a huge portion of the population of suddenly becoming stupid or not paying attention in class #maybe you could realize that this is a failure on the American school system as a whole #at some point you can't keep blaming the students for failing when it's this many students #at some point you gotta realize it's the system and blaming the individual does nothing #btw i didn't talk about other country curriculum because I'm not knowledgeable enough to know how good other school systems are #but i know more about american school systems and how much they suck and so many of these ppl complaining mean american schools anyways #but i am aware of other countries having wide variety of curriculum and how weird ppl get about that especially with usa centrism online #i just dont feel like i can give a good enough commentary on that that other non-usa ppl haven't already given 10x better than i ever could

[wisyhana]

These are some pages that I made as fanart for a fanfic i Really Love. It's something rare that I look back and actually kinda liking the result- 😂 I've been trying to improve my panels flow(?)/pacing And the Lettering- adding words in comics is pretty hard 🥺 if you had some insights, pls let me know ❤ or just give me what you think... Thank you so much!!

Hi! Thank you for waiting this long hahaha

First of all I love your Yugi, is so freaking adorable, big fan over here aaaaaa.

And okay we're gonna talk about comics. Oh boy. It's not a topic I dont like talking but it's something I get way too.... intense, even if I feel I don't have much to defend with. Anyway I'll try to not be so detailed and serious about it so I can bring a decent commentary!

Disclaimer that I have a lot of issues with the use of thought bubbles, but that's a me thing. Myself I try to avoid them so I can focus on a "show more, talk less" type of flow. So if I start talking about them it's because of that, not that you'r doing a bad thing or anything.

I like how you use the panels, by themselves and ignoring the dialogues, they work perfectly fine! I think my thing with the pacing is that I'd draw a 3-4 pages comics instead of 2 for this scene alone. It's a pain I know, but I think for this type of scenario adding a little more of time could help to appreciate some details, like Kaiba being notoriously angry, the moment he touches Yugi's forehead, etc. But this is also a very personal opinion because I'm a sucker for very sloooow interactions, so all this I'm saying is for the sake of a slower pacing. Sadly you gotta draw more or write less if you want to get that effect, also you can get in a situation where things end up vague and ugh, what a pain hjdfhjhds.

I have a serious problem with dialogue bubbles, I never know where to put them Dx. I always feel they're on the way or that they hinder the reading or that they look straight up ugly hahahaha. I think you use a good space for them! they're not in the way of the faces or important scenes, but I can see you needed to add arrows for the conversation to work. In my opinion the dialogue works perfectly without the arrows. We all know there are two people talking so having only the faces on the bubbles was enough to understand who was talking and what order follow.

Now, if you want to work on bubbles without using the faces to show who's talking and don't lose the order in the way, I could recommend something like this:

Sorry if it looks way too clumsy! But a thing we artist have to deal is how the order of the bubbles affects on the flow of the dialogue. Specially when we don't have a specific way to show how the person talks (for example japaneses have many ways to show character's expression so it's easier for them to identify it.) So we need to focus on the flow.

A wonderful person who talks TONS of this matter is the motherfucker Scott McCoud!

This is just an example of how dialogues can contribute to the time and spaces and how the order affects the reading. This is not the exact example for what I mean but Scott is a badass of the comic and the complexity of it.

Understanding Comics The invisible Art is a masterpiece, I blame him for making me doubt is I'm doing a good job or not.

Okay before I go way too into this, one last thing and this is personal opinion. I love white background but you gotta be very careful to not make it look like lazyness. You don't need to draw a full background but maybe adding some shading can help to make the illusion of space rather than having a blank space. Of course this is just my opinion.

Anyway, I really like how you work! my huge recommendation would be to simply take your time on it, I feel it shows a bit of impatience or nerviousness, but that's just my idea. So far you're going a good way on creating comics and I'd love to see more of them :3

Hope this helped you in some way! And as always don't forget to have fun drawing your beautiful bois!

this is me everytime I draw comic and find a inconsistency.

#ask #comic #scott mccloud

[flandrepudding]

doll collection post

Hi guyz!! so somebody asked me to post my doll collection a while back and I put it off because i'm trying to rearrange my setup but its taking much longer than expected due to irl stuff.

But I dont wanna wait anymore! Feel free to just scroll through the pictures, you don't have to read the commentary if you don't want to. In fact you don't have to scroll through any of this at all. I wrote a lot because I am severely neurodivergent. Having a genuine blogging moment rn.

I have been waiting forever for an excuse to post my collection!! I was so happy someone suggested I do so.

I don't have a lot of room for everybody! Everyone is scattered around my room, but I try my best to display them nicely...

My G1 collection is moderately sized, these dolls are expensive and difficult to find. There are so many more I want, like Dead Tired Lagoona or Sweet 1600 Draculaura to go with my Sweet 1600 Clawdeen...sigh. But it just keeps getting harder! I am actually content with stopping my G1 collecting hunt for now and instead focusing on G3... Many of these dolls are from my dear friends, especially Leo and Raven (hi guyz!). Without my friends, I would only have three of these dolls... I am so lucky to be so loved!!!

I don't have many bratz that are in good enough shape to be on display. I really grew up on bratz rather than monster high... but again...these dolls get expensive! Roxxi was always a favorite of mine and a crush! Growing up, I was the type of kid who almost exclusively wanted one brat though. Yasmin. Not Cloe, Jade, or Sasha. I was devoted to collecting Yasmin because she looked similar to me. In retrospect, I really wish I had gotten more of the other girls...I do have some...though their numbers pale in comparison to the Yasmin army.

The ball-jointed doll is my most expensive doll and my largest doll (she is fucking ginormous). Even when buying her at half the original price (great deal from a great friend) she was hardly affordable.

I bought her because I plan on customizing her to be Flandre Scarlet, my ultimate comfort character! I've always dreamed of having a doll of Flan. SO why not make one myself? I've had her for months but am still too scared to cut that beautiful hair off...I'm no good at cutting wigs/hair in general. I did install her red eyes myself which I've never done before as this is my first and probably last bjd! She is gorgeous but I would consider these dolls luxury items... VERY EXPENSIVE.

(idk why the exposure is so high on these, sorry!! >_<;)

I am so happy to have the coffin bean playset!! I think it was a really good idea to get it. but I am so sad because I have hardly any room for it! So It's sitting on my dresser in front of a giant mirror so please excuse the poor editing I did to obscure the reflection of me and my living space lol...

I gave my Twyla low pigtails, though they aren't very visible, and my Clawdeen braids! I think Clawdeen looks super cute this way tbh I tried curling her hair again and again and again but the curls always fell out (I dont have much experience)...but honestly... I think I like this look even better ^_^. You can see her ears so well this way.

This Clawdeen is basically my holy grail and it was gifted to me by Leo, Leo if you're reading this I hope you know you are basically Jesus.

not to get deep but the OMG doll next to her is special to me because it is one of the last gifts I got from my late Grandpa. He took me to target and when I said I liked the doll, no questions asked, he bought her for me. Didn't give me shit for liking dolls at my big age. He simply got her for me because she made me happy, and he wants me to be happy. Dolls can mean so much. Again, I am so lucky to be so loved!!! >:D

I have this gorgeous Draculaura just chilling next to my jewelry cuz I have nowhere else to put her and honestly she is gorgeous and should stand alone.

Here I have the pride Bratz next to my bed!!! They mean so much to me, as I said earlier I had a crush on Roxxi. To see she's a canon lesbian now is so incredible!! And Nevra, her girlfriend, is beautiful! They are so cute together... they are never leaving that box though. This was actually the first doll/set of dolls where I fully understood why people are content leaving dolls in their boxes. I love to play with my dolls so much... but I could never play with these two!! If anything happened to them I would lose my mind.

Now... you're probably thinking......where the hell is Lagoona?!?! Do you not have one despite loving her this much? Of course I have a Lagoona. I AM GROWING AN ARMY!!!!!!

I really, really love Lagoona...I want to get every Lagoona doll I possibly can. Isn't she so cute! I relate to her character in the cartoon a lot too... her life at home, her difficulties speaking up when she is sad or angry, her sporty personality, etc etc... She has quickly claimed her spot as biggest comfort character #2. I included many pictures because I simply cannot pick one, she is flawless. You might recognize the Lagoona on the left, I drew her in that exact pose recently!!

I have her army on my desk, giving me the strength I need to get through my work... like Homer Simpson with his pictures of baby Maggie at his work. I get endless inspiration and motivation from Lagoona!!!

And here is the Flandre shrine bonus... I adore her!! I also have finally ordered a fumo flan that should arrive in august around my birthday eeek!!!

Anyways that is my collection. It's been many years in the making, though it's almost doubled since monster high G3 released... Mattel truly has me by the balls right now. If you read any of this, thank you. I put a lot of time into making this post, and it was really fun. I feel like a real blogger right now.

I really really enjoy dolls and talking about them. So I will happily do so anytime I get the chance!!! Will probably do an update once I finally install some more shelves and move stuff around <3

#blair.txt #doll collection #doll collector #Blair.circus

[dreamsy990]

SPONTANEOUS MINI REVIEW BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT I HAVENT FUCKING TALKED ABOUT FRAGMENTARY PASSAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so. i actually really liked this one!

so uh. if you witnessed that incredibly long thread i made yelling about kh3 you will know that i. am not a fan of the look of modern kh. i think its kind of uninteresting compared to the delightfully cartoony style and just generally i dont like more realistic looks to games that already had a unique visual identity.

so im here to say that i think it works for 0.2! im a good way through kh3 and i dont think it works well there and ill get to that when i eventually review that game but. in 0.2 i think the new style fits the more dark tone very nicely, and the enviornments are absolutely gorgeous. like i came out of ddd thinking absolutely nothing could top symphony of sorcery in terms of world design and was proven wrong. the realm of darkness is my new favorite kh "world". for my mutuals who havent played kh, look at this!!! its absolutely gorgeous

and the environments are actually my favorite thing about this game. besides being beautiful, theyre also delightfully trippy and unsettling. theres a section where you have to climb up a seemingly never ending staircase, and every time you reach what you think is the top you hear aquas worst thoughts. a lot of the areas are twisted, destroyed versions of worlds seen in bbs. its very dark (fitting, for the realm of darkness) and honestly its a treat to just walk around admiring the view. the visual storytelling is as good as kh ever gets.

i briefly mentioned aquas thoughts a minute ago so ill bring them up again, her commentary adds a lot to the desolate atmosphere, and this game really feels like a character study. it shows her desperation, her worst thoughts, her hope despite everything, and its just genuinely good. i havent been able to say that about khs character writing since like. days. its GOOD.

i am. not a fan of bbs' writing. i think its got a good underlying concept with absolutely terrible execution, and it makes me wonder at times if the things i like about it were intentional or not. but this game takes the best written character of bbs and gives her more depth than they ever could before. i can say with confidence that aqua is one of the best characters in the series, and a lot of it is because of this game.

the tone here is very gloomy, but thats not really a complaint because the game is so short. the depressing atmosphere isnt too much to bear because youre barely in it for more than 2 hours. and i think that run time is EXACTLY long enough. it goes for exactly as long as it needs to tell the story and still give a moment to breathe.

as for gameplay. im not the biggest fan of the updated system. i like to think im open to change with kh's combat. i think the command deck has potential and the card system in com was fun and i actually liked days' panel system. but something about the way this new version of the system feels to play is just. unsatisfying. hits dont feel like they have any weight to me, and spells feel inconsequential despite being more grandiose than ever. its just not as good as it was before, and like its a sort of half assed replacement of reaction commands. the way they incorporated style changes into it was okay, but again its not as satisfying as it was in bbs. but maybe it was just satisfying in bbs because the rest of the combat there sucked

tldr, the things i care about in a game (writing and visuals) were fucking spectacular, but the gameplay definitely had room to improve. also if i ever have to fight a darkside again ill throw up and cry! 8/10, though im tempted to raise it to a 9 for the environments alone

#kingdom hearts #a fragmentary passage #kh 0.2 #doodles #aqua #seriously cannot understate how pretty this game is #its worth playing through for the world alone #kh review

[cheylouwho]

i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and i want to hear someone from SPHS’s thoughts.

i know you’ve noticed the “tiktok” fan base- the ones that only watch clips of the show and then say they’re fans. i read one of your posts talking about these types of fans and making blatantly incorrect headcanons. that’s something that bugs me, but another thing that bugs me is the fact i do not believe south park is tiktokable. i’ll use family guy as a comparison for my points.

first of all, compared to family guy, the humor is different, pretty much everything they explained in the cartoon wars two parter explains what i mean, m&t are not fans of interchangeable jokes and are able to give characters emotional progression throughout the episode. that’s one huge factor, i hope you get what i’m trying to imply with that. m&t are passionate about their story telling and it pays off in their episodes. i know not EVERY SINGLE joke follows this, but there are jokes made better by understanding the characters and the circumstance of the episode. the episodes work best in their entirety. (that was difficult to explain so i fear it can be misinterpreted easily)

the characters are another thing i want to mention. i watched the episode TSST with two friends awhile ago, one of which who had never seen an episode and didn’t understand cartmans character. she kept asking questions about him, or said how weird his hitler obsession was. the other friend hadn’t finished south park and said he hated cartmans character and it’s hes one of the bad pieces of the show. i believe even if you don’t like cartman as a personal preference thing, you should at least appreciate him as a character and his placement, it’s hard to understand him (despite us watching an episode that really dives into him, they still didn’t know much about him before). with family guy, one episode is enough to grasp the character, hell, even a single scene is i’d say, while m&t are very good at developing and fleshing out character personalities over time. it’s why they can pull off making sad episodes (like kenny dies and assburgers), heartwarming episodes (like tweek x craig and even bits of episodes like in raisins) all while still being a comedy show. they understand how to make the characters react in a way that can make you feel something while maintaining a good amount of jokes in the episode.

i dont know, theres more i could add but i’m just writing whatever comes to mind first so it might make no sense or it might be wrong. also, i’m by no means an old fan. i’ve rewatched the series quite a few times, watched commentaries, researched through wiki pages and am constantly trying to better my knowledge of the show, but i know i’m not quite there yet and could just be making a mistake GAHAH

No anon, I actually totally get this and agree 100%. SP as a show is not something that works well with out of context clips (and even then, the ones that do work are usually from very early in an episode before the plot fully gets established and stakes as drawn). Until pre s18 when they started soft continuity (and then s19-21s full continuity, after that is a whole other discussion entirely), the shows syndicated nature did make it easier to hop into any episode and watch it in its entirety and enjoy it without much prior knowledge of the show or it's characters. However, even then, you really needed to watch the *whole* episode to get the big picture of it's message.

And I get it, SP full length episodes are not as accessible as they once were. People these days don't know how or aren't willing to pirate things if they don't have the streaming service SP is hosted on, and beyond that, south park used to be free to watch on their website. Like, that's how I ended up catching up on the show when I finally decided to take it all in other than a handful of episodes and scenes I'd seen during my childhood back in 2013. It was all entirely available (save for Super Best Friends, 200 and 201, which I had to go track down on other websites) for free, with ads unless you used an ad blocker, right at your fingertips. And that's how M+T wanted SP to be consumed, because they explicitly noted that they didn't care about making money on streamed episodes, they cared about getting their show out there. (I will have to go find that interview, I know it's somewhere).

But still, regardless of that, you're right. SP is not something that you can consume short form as a brief tiktok video, and that's why I think we have newer fans with such big gaps in knowledge that seem like they would be easy to fill in. It's not that they're being willfully ignorant, they're just being fed a very piecemeal version of the show through social media, which is how we get people thinking Pip is a he//llpa//rk OC (augh!!! dont get me started) instead of realizing this dude was actually in the fucking show, or headcanons that are very easy to contradict with canon itself by watching like 3 episodes. That's not me knocking HCs btw, go wild and do whatever you want, but these people don't even know it's ooc, and that's a little troublesome. I've made some outlandish character decisions in the past but I at least KNEW they were not evidence based.

What that means for the fandom down the road I don't know, and its made a lot of discussion and analysis more shallow-- it's so hard outside of my SPHS friend group to find good breakdowns these days. I'm hoping maybe something will change, but who knows.

TLDR fuck tiktok and its watering down of media

#south park #analysis #fandom analysis #anon whoever you are can you message me???? i wanna follow you you sound cool

[bobbys-not-that-small]

LW&Co Series Commentary - Ep 8: "Not The Eternal"

Here's the rewatch commentary that no one asked for! Take a shot every time I say "erasure". Context: my 2nd time watching the show, but first time post reading the books

Part: one, two, three, four & five, six, seven, eight

The last part!! Hope these weren’t too completely out-of-context, but it’s just an excuse for you to rewatch the show ;)

They really used the hell out of the ghost lamps for cinematic shots huh? Also it's literally probably the same single prop for all of them, so where's its credits then?

They must be FREEZING, at night, dripping wet, Lucy's literally in a dress with no jacket

"This doesn't feel like winning" oof really giving those death-wish Lockwood TEG vibes

Also just want to point out here in the last installment Lockwood's funny rectangular tie

OH MY GOSH YEAH little Lockwood pre LW&Co and George but also post-Jess?? BOY NEEDS A HUG

Why is it always "I forgive you" and never "Grenadier Guard or Policeman?"

Joplin's glittery silver scarf looks a bit like a silver net - wonder if it offers any ghost protection?

Joplin: "I need you" - exactly what George just needs one of the others to say to him 😭

I love that it's implied that Kipps is really really good at tailing people without them noticing (I guess this is book canon too, Mr fence-painter extraordinaire)

The catafalque is sooooo creepy but also kind of cool

YESS KIPPS but also no wonder he's terrified, he's starting to lose his sight (oops, beat George to it!)

Lucy: "stop glowing so much! that was to the skull btw" Lockwood: " yeah no kidding, I got that one"

In the first shot where Kat and Bobby square up to fight Lockwood, you can't see Bobby's rapier so it looks like he's just brought his fists to a swordfight hahaha

He does look suitably smol in that bit though, I approve (anyway he's not THAT small after all)

HI NED

REMEMBER, JUST RECKLESS ENOUGH, OK? *cue me sobbing*

Winkman's so funny "wait guys before we fight them I need to take off my jacket so I can fight them in my tank top and be all cool”

YES BOBBY!!! <3

NO BOBBY!!!!

Kipps hun, ru crying?

YES KAT

Oh wait guys, pay attention, we're about to be ROBBED of the no glasses George looking moment

ALSO Joplin and George glasses-less fight erasure

ALIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Oof good evil lighting on Lou (Joplin)

The Lucy/George friendship is the best (see La Belle Dame from TEG)

Lockwood's responses are literally me every time the Golden Blade shows up. He's just a less iconic version of Sir Rupert Gale - where's the unbearable aftershave and gaudy tweed suit? *Lockwood voice* BoRiNg!

Lol Kipps in the bag

I don't like the artistic choice of the "looking into the bone glass" SFX, but I do think it's cool to have Lucy falling and hanging from the skull

George saves the day obviously

Kipps: "...guys.... nice wholesome moment... still in the bag here..."

Lucy: "this is not how you die" Lockwood: "how do you know?" Lucy: "because... we won't let you" IS THE HESISTATION BECAUSE SHE'S JUST SEEN THAT VISION OF FROZEN GHOST TOUCHED LOCKWOOD?!?!?! DONT HURT ME LIKE THAT

Kipps, my burnt out early 20s beloved <3

Stupid time to point this out but I kind of hate-love the little trouser stirrups of the Fittes uniforms

Barnes: "you guys are being suspiciously compliant but for once I'm going to ignore it"

Obviously the room! And Lockwood in orange socks (or are they pink? I guess I’ll never know)

K bye, hope you enjoyed!

#WE WERE ROBBED #how exactly would they open s2??? #lockwood and co #lockwood and co spoilers #bobby talks #lockwood and co rewatch

[midwestvalleygirl]

i have literally been inflicted with various eating disorders because i grew up as a fat child and these skinny people wanna act like i don’t understand how eating disorders work just because im fat. because i obviously havent “suffered” enough, or maybe i just wasn’t “good” enough at starving myself because i didn’t have anorexia for “long enough”, because i didn’t look like a typical anorexic person. and especially because i make eating disorders “too political” by pointing out that these people refuse to acknowledge that EDs stem from literal fatphobia and the fear of looking like me.

sorry if thats a hard pill for some of yall to swallow but eating disorders do stem from fatphobia and the only way to truly recover from them is to start viewing fat people as PEOPLE who deserve love and respect no matter their size, no matter if they eat too much or talk too much about food or if their fatness and fat rolls and jiggly bellies “disturbs” you. better yet, it’s learning to respect fat people even if you viscerally hate them. it’s learning to listen to them talk about their experiences and digesting what that means for you, a skinny person, and how you have taken part in systemic fatphobia.

i understand eating disorders are very mentally destructive — i understand that on a very intimate level as a fat woman — but do you not understand how destructive it is for someone like me, who has been fat since birth and all of my 23 years of living, to acquaint myself with people whose literal worse fear is looking like me? who polices how they themselves eat and make me feel shame for eating a “larger” portion size? who view fatness and even the word “fat” as a negative thing? why should i subject myself to a personal relationship that treats me as Other because of something as unchangable as my weight when i already get enough shit from society for the way i act, the way i dress, the way i eat. why would i subject myself to that further through “friends” who would rather starve themselves than have a bmi higher than 25? why would i have a friend who gets uncomfortable when i talk about the fatphobia i experience, all because i dont put padding around every word, because i dont reassure them that “you’re one of the good ones” and “dont worry, i know you dont hate fat people” and “i dont think all skinny people or people with EDs think this way, don’t worry, i love you”.

there is no other explanation for why my experience with eating disorders is not taken seriously besides cruel fatphobia. my commentary on eating disorders is too “political” and “mean” because i believe the only way to tackle them is by looking at the root of the problem, which is the hatred of fat bodies. because i believe one must confront societal and interpersonal fatphobia before recovery can truly take place. give me a break. don’t claim to love and support fat people if you deny my experience and frame me as someone who “just doesn’t understand” and “isn’t the best person to talk about eating disorders with”. sorry i call you out on your fatphobic bullshit and that it hurts your feelings. except i’m not sorry, at all, not even a little bit.

if you can deny me my hellish experience with eating disorders because i am fat and believe in fat liberation, i can and will deny you of your supposed “love and acceptance” of fat people. because you know deep in your heart that you are lying and don’t actually care.

[lesboygamzee]

ACT ONE - PART ONE

in reading homestuck again im going to try my best to analyse it to my fullest potential ; while i definitely like to enjoy homestuck Casually i think that doesnt necessarily mean i need to abandon fullblown analysis . i can acknowledge Hard Canon and The Implications in the same way i can acknowledge silly stuff + how im usually going to write characters . something something you have to know the rules to break them . thisll be half rambling half ( poor ) attempts at analysis and a bit of me going Hehe joke funny also i will use the characterses canon names and pronouns for simplicity + i feel its most suited . the exception is tavros because i have tried to not she/her tavros before and it was difficult and Painful i would never do that to her ... anyway .

[…] My intent was always to make the start date a very significant number in the story, recurring frequently. Consequently, I decided to make him thirteen years old, thus making the story about four thirteen-year-old kids. There are more references to this number than can be mentioned casually, some of which are serendipitous. Playing cards, which have a good deal of relevance later, are comprised of four suits of thirteen cards each, for instance.

(page 1 author commentary)

i wont point out every case of 413 occurring but i will point out cases i find particularly interesting or fun :o) the suit of cards thing isnt something i picked up on at first but thats interesting to know ! on page two john is incorrectly named ' zoosmell pooplord ' . zoosmell being a reference to an older comic ( series of comics ? ) of hussies . i read it to see if theres anything of value i can find in there ; even in the silliest and least plot driven media you can find some sort of significance to an authors later work . maybe an idea , a character archetype , or just the plot structure . zoosmells holds no value at all and is stupid though so

im not sure if i talk about it much but i do really like how each main characterses room is in homestuck . not only are they typically really good at getting across a characters basic interests but early on with the beta kids they really sold the whole ' webcomic pretending to be a game ( that is actually a game pretending to be a webcomic ) ' thing . the simplicity of it all , the items of interest scattered around in sometimes nonsensical places , even shit like how the walls are drawn just gives the impression of a guy who you can walk around and play as . and you can ! eventually .

Your name is JOHN. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. You also like to play GAMES sometimes. What will you do?

(page 4) time for analysing interests . while characterses interests definitely dont mean NOTHING in the greater scheme of things theyre probably not as important as most other shit . i find them fun to look into , though :o3

really terrible movies - i need to actually watch these , and i plan to ! im not much of a movie guy unfortunately . i dont think theyll be the end all be all of john analysis but i doubt theyll hold NO value . apparently theyre quite shit but i willing watch the big bang theory so i think ill be fine programming computers - john is the ' player character ' in a story that is currently quite programming-joke-heavy . the fact that hes kind of dogshit at it adds to this . guy doesnt know what hes doing yet and neither do you ! simple enough . paranormal lore - johns interest in ghosts is relatively significant but id consider it more ' iconic ' . the guy likes ghostbusters , his tshirt is a knockoff slimer , etc. i think all of the kids have one of these . it doesnt matter much in the greater scheme of things but i think its cool to see what interest a character is sort of built off of even if it gets overshadowed by other shit quickly ameteur magician - im a little lost on this one honestly . it can kind of go hand in hand with pranks i guess ? maybe theres something worth looking into with regards to characters and their relationship with magic . john seems to specifically focus on magic tricks which is opposed to roses interest in Real Fucking Magic . probably not though thats stupid

on page six is a rare appearence of the cursor . its a remnant from the homestuck beta where every panel was going to be a flash panel . it was ditched for good reason

its also one of the most blatant parts of the video game feel of early homestuck . thats a reader input interacting with a fictional world ! thats all there really is to say on it though i just thought it was neat

biggest plot twist in fucking history

You stow the SMOKE PELLETS on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.

(page 9)

i love sylladexes . johns is obviously based off a stack data structure . john rose and dave all have data structure inspsired moduses which i appreciate but i kind of like the silly ones that come into play later on too !!! like all of jades . unfortunate that they get dropped almost entirely eventually :o(

i should give characters that dont get one them . theyre pretty awesome i think

John: Examine Problem Sleuth Poster.

PROBLEM SLEUTH MENTION !!!!!!!!!!!

John: Read note on drawer. This note is rich with the aromas of FATHERLY AFTERSHAVES AND COLOGNES.

(page 12)

i made a seperate post awhile back on how dadbert is a sort of symbol of masculinity of fatherhood of manhood etc etc and more specifically how this interacts with reading jeggbert as transfem or otherwise Not A Dude . i still think that holds some decent value

In any case, you now feel like you have gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff. The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful. John: Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk.

(page 15)

snrk . anyway , since it reminded me : regarding analysis that strongly take timelines into consideration when i look at a lot of homestuck character analysis i see a lot of people try and make a point of ' oh the homestuck characters dont actually HAVE these specific character traits because in ANOTHER TIMELINE they did so and so ' and while i get that , timelines are interesting as a concept and its fun to think about , it doesnt exactly have a place in character analysis . homestuck is ultimately a story and the characters are less like people and moreso tools to tell that story . this is simple shit i am well aware i am not acting like what i am saying is revolutionary but it does lead to people losing the plot a little ( literally lol ) but like .. character a doing something instead of character b or character c sparing character d or whatever blah blah blah . did these all happen ? yeah sure probably . hell you can explore that in an au and ill probably go ' woah , cool ! ' because again its fun to think about . but it doesnt matter .. homestuck tells a story and while it focuses on multiple timelines . just because john took a shit on his desk in one timeline doesnt mean i need to be factoring in ' probably took a shit on his desk at least once ' to how i write him as a character . he would not fucking do that because he does not do that in homestuck . go and write your shit-on-desk-taker!john au but it has no place in canon analysis and you dont really need to think about it all that much

typheus is a wind god etc etc basic observation . i would really like to read more on the denizens and what gods theyre inspired by but the sources i find are really long and hard to parse .. ill have to look at other peopleses analysis if i want to understand anything i will be honest

on page 25 is the first pesterlog to appear in homestuck , between john and some loser nobody cares about . in a post i unfortunately dont have the link to , said loser is compared to a sort of tutorial character for early homestuck , similarly to johns status as the player character . obviously as homestuck goes on more characters become ' playable ' , as in you see the story through their perspective . but its a pretty neat observation for the early comic !

TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it TG: did you get the beta yet EB: no. EB: did you? TG: man i got two copies already [...] TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now EB: alright.

(page 26)

^ classic tutorial conversation . go do your objective !!! your first quest !!!!

[...] The red flippy-lever thing means you have new mail. And that means the beta might be here!

(page 28)

FACT CHECK : this is false === SHITTY ASCII 'BANNER' THAT OF WE ARE DONE HERE ===

anyway it is day two of me working on twenty eight fucking pages and it just hit midnight which means i am going to play miitopia . this is likely going to be one of the shorter posts but i hope i get less rambly as i go on so i can read more than an average of fourteen pages a day jesus fucking christ . Anyway

#homestuck #gamzreread

[skaruresonic]

I just wanted to share that I relate with you, a few years ago I posted that I really hated Sonic Forces, bad game bad story and everything, I then ended up getting someone who send me numerous messages on how wrong I was, I ignored them but they kept going, then they made fun of the way I drew Sonic and I suddenly a week later I got messages on my personal blog mocking me for my post regarding depression thoughts, thinking about suicide and missing my cat who passed away . That really hurt, not helping them was that they constantly told me I drew Sonic out of character, a hobby that helped me cope with my feelings, all this beause I didnt like Forces. I just disabled anon messages for six months. When this year I expressed mild dissapointed with Frontiers gameplay but that I still like the game, I got 4 messages on how wrong I was. I dont get this with the Pokémon fans. It just makes me think there is something fundamentally wrong with the Sonic fanbase.

Jesus. You shouldn't have received that kind of treatment for posting opinions online, and this is coming from someone who leans more towards neutrality on Forces.

It's also funny, not "ha ha" funny, but in an ironic way, as a contrast to our experiences, because once people caught onto the fact that a few of us didn't think the game was utter dogshit and it does have a few good points, they proceeded to double down on their cries of "Pontaff apologist." Apparently saying "No, Forces is not the equivalent of '06" is enough to get people on your ass, but it also seems disliking it garners you harassment.

Plus, they were all too happy to dismiss Frontiers criticism as "you just hate Flynn and are using this an excuse to bash him again and not give him a chance" because Flynn Haters must never have independent thoughts, their hatred of him is just a mindless reflex. They implied this, even though some of us stressed repeatedly that Flynn's involvement ranked pretty low on the reasons we just didn't like the game.

What does that tell you about how mercurial the environment is? At this point I can't imagine being a part of the in-group, how stressful it would be to keep biting my tongue, stifling my real thoughts, just because at any moment someone could arbitrarily decide they don't like my face that day and proceed to use my "shitty opinions" as an excuse to fling abuse at me. If one of my friends says "I don't like SA2, it's overrated and the story sucks," the most I get is annoyed for a while. Then I move on. It's not something I hold against them because ultimately their opinion doesn't have to affect mine.

Somehow, though, this fandom acts like you have to hold the Correct Opinions or else, which just makes you wonder at the insecurity underpinning everything. If they really believed what they believed, they wouldn't have to resort to these tactics. If we're "desperate," as they often say, they're insecure.

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I then ended up getting someone who send me numerous messages on how wrong I was, I ignored them but they kept going, then they made fun of the way I drew Sonic and I suddenly a week later I got messages on my personal blog mocking me for my post regarding depression thoughts, thinking about suicide and missing my cat who passed away .

I'm so sorry. Again, that should have never happened. That kind of behavior is reprehensible and unacceptable. There is no opinion you can express online which merits such treatment.

This? This is what harassment is. Idk what they're on about when they complain they've suffered "harassment" because one of us reblogged their post with commentary on The Reblogging Site. They are absolutely not the same thing, and you (general you) are insulting harassment victims when you do this.

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It just makes me think there is something fundamentally wrong with the Sonic fanbase.

There is. I can't exactly pinpoint one cause because it seems to be a melting pot of interrelated issues. It's like a pressure cooker of conformity borne of the desperation not to be seen as cringe by the mainstream - hence all the diatribes about "you guys are making the rest of us look bad," like, who are you performing fandom for? why are you performing fandom? - with anti-games bias stemming from that since the games aren't considered as "deep" as the comics. Unlike the book which improves them, the games are childish, and we wouldn't want to be seen as childish, taking something as inconsistent and puerile like Sonic games too seriously.

Then you add a dose of purity culture, the intense focus on parasocial relationships with ascended fans (I find IDW staff's conduct unprofessional and really skirting the line wrt its fandom), and outright abuse apologism (the stuff with Emi Jones is sickening), and the mixture becomes toxic.

#asks

[beatcroc]

tl;dr+disclaimer: this is NOT intended as some kind overarching review or analysis, just my thoughts on various things, and while i am absolutely enthralled by nge’s narrative tone/style/execution, i dont really give a shit about what the narrative is actually saying. This is not a writeup on its plot or themes, but rather the way they are presented and explored. [actually mostly a lot of obsessing over small details and side characters].  the end of evangelion movie is not included here and will have its own post.

secondary disclaimer: apparently nge has a fuckload of cultural context and stuff about How it exists as a commentary or subversion of stuff of its time or whatever. rest assured i know neither jack nor shit about any of it, and am just seeing how it functions as its own thing in a vaccuum.  alright here we go.

earlygame evangelion was absolutely nothing like i was anticipating, and as a person who Generally Does Not Enjoy Anime, i cannot stress enough how much this was to its benefit. first thing i noticed was a distinctive Lack of those ‘anime visual gag’ type of character expressions/reactions; refreshing just for my own petty disdain for them, but also notably important to its overall tone. eva’s tone is absolutely one of the best things it has going for it; i’ll get into specifics as i go, but even before i would get to seeing how it strengthens both individual plot beats and the narrative at large, it was by far my biggest draw to the earlygame.

i think i can best describe it as “contemplative”. there’s very little real dialogue in the sense of characters having 2-way conversations. there’s a lot of emphasis on weighted silences, a lot of minor exposition delivered through background noise/chatter like radio broadcasts, a lot of just... the world moving around and contrasting with the characters as they Exist. The ep where shinji runs away definitely has the biggest focus on this, but it’s noticeable as a unique tonal thing right out of the gate. I feel like anime often tends to explain things too directly, whether it be story or lore; or a character's feelings or intentions. here, you rarely get more than a simple zoom in on a character’s face to denote They Are having Thoughts About This. No internal monologue rambling walking you through their whole thought process, It’s left to just their expressions and reactions. evangelion’s execution of “show, don't tell” still holds up pretty well in 2022 imo. maybe not the best out there these days, but definitely still effective. I’m far from well-versed in media like this, but i’d still say eva’s fairly standout, and anything that manages to do that after nearly 30 years deserves some kudos

Very related to that, “Doing a lot with a little” i think is the best way to sum up all of eva’s strengths. The subtleties and things left unsaid, as it were. Aside from the obvious jab at their making do with a nonexistent budget, this sort of thing comes through in its somber and down-to-earth tone, its character writing, and most especially, its support cast.

Both in the handling of the characters themselves and their dynamics with the main cast, the nge side characters are really, really good; like, probably the actual best i have encountered in any media ever. Each of them in their own way provide perfect backings and contrasts to everything the main cast has going on, they’re laser-focused efficient to enhance the others’ characters and arcs and the overall narrative messages--and yet they never feel like plot devices and are still really solid and wholly enjoyable as their own individual Characters, all without overstepping their boundaries AS support cast in terms of both screentime and narrative presence/influence. suzuhara and akagi demonstrate this best from very different angles and from here out this thing is pretty much just gonna be a breakdown of thoughts by character, but i’m doing suzuhara first because his being much more narratively dynamic means he gets to shine in a plethora of ways, so most of the Cool Narrative/Tonal Shit i wanna say about nge can be said by talking about him.

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you’d think the character whose introduction is “beating up the kicked puppy protag because he’s pissed” would be pretty one-note and uninteresting; i still wouldn’t really call suzuhara deep, per se, but….well, again, they do a lot with a little.

usually for this role you’d get something like “i’m gonna bully shinji because he’s stupid and lame ”, and it’s not like this would be misplaced because like... shinji IS lame, other kids DON’T like him, but suzuhara’s motivation being his hospitalized sister instead of anything with shinji himself changes the entire dynamic here to a pretty profound degree. it’s still a really simple and understandable motivation, but it lets him say a ton more than you usually could with this kind of role. the overt message still just sits at “we’re gonna make shinji hate himself life a little more“, but instead of just, like, making him feel shitty because there’s Mean People who will beat him up even though he’s trying his best or whatever, the implied message is more along the lines of “you’re hurting people you can’t see, but they’re still people who mean something to somebody, and they can damn well see you.”, and it’s for sure noticeable this is the kind of stuff that’s weighing on him the next couple eps. It’s not that he’s afraid of some random bullies that could jump him at any time, it’s that he’s now acutely aware the consequences of him messing up are exponentially larger than he can see.

it also gives suzuhara much easier room for growth! He doesn’t need some huge distracting character-altering event, he just needs to see that this is all way bigger than him and that he was out of his lane and being a shithead. getting caught face to face with an angel is a pretty effective way to do that, i’d say! Being saved by shinji specifically and having to see his trauma firsthand is an especially great note coming out of that too, realizing that shinji is neither a cocky asshole nor some incompetent coward, but that he’s really just. Yknow. Trying. I also think it’s a really…. Idk, cute? detail that while the scene in the cockpit clearly Affects him, he doesn’t apologize or offer comfort right away and just spends the next few days kind of sulking/angsting about it instead. Just a fun little humanizing err for him i think. 

not a lot happens with him for awhile from there but i do really like him and his little nerd friend as just background pals for shinji. Comic relief isn’t usually a very…esteemed title in terms of narrative value, but in this case he’s earned it. Which isn’t something you’d usually say about comic relief characters! So good for him i guess.

The Fourth Child stuff coming into play is what really made me pog at this guy and his handling though. Just like. the framing of it. not telling the audience directly but showing that it’s someone all the other main characters already knew+the persistent scene cuts to him after someone brings up or asks who the fourth pilot is.

The character familiarity is cool mostly because of how small eva’s cast is overall. Like there are really not any random passerby citizens ever shown, let alone given dialogue, that they could have tossed in to use. Everybody who could be considered even remotely important/main cast is already occupied, and seeing that both asuka and katsuragi recognize him, it’s gotta be someone they would have met fairly recently–most likely someone we’d already seen on the show–and not some random guy from their backstories or something.  They had my curiosity but i wouldn’t have guessed it! At least not without the scene cuts lmao. They do this like 4 times it’s really funny. Oh yeah the 4th pilot? Yeah we won’t say who but heyyyyy check This guy out.

my favorite bit from this is seeing the change in his demeanor in these cuts before vs. after he gets the news; his usual cheeky self in the first couple versus his going out alone to stare forlornly off into the distance in the latter few. I am like such a huge fan of this ok. Once again, things left unsaid: there’s so much he could be thinking about here and refusing to have him say any of it in itself speaks volumes.

What’s in there? Regret? Apprehension? Resignation? You’d need a monologue half as long as this damn post to really get into all the different angles of him unpacking the idea that he could now be the one unwittingly dropping a building on someone's little sister + reflecting back all the fears that he’d left shinji with after that little beatdown, but simply Not Saying It leaves a much stronger impression of the sense that it’s just A Lot for him to be thinking about. very cool in other characters’ reactions to it too; suzuhara himself never explicitly verbally confirms his being a pilot, but everyone notices he’s acting different. Hell, they even used SHINJI to point it out, and he’s usually the guy who’s worst at noticing these things.

small side note but there’s also a delightful bit of last minute  rubbing salt in the wound with how bad his nerd friend wanted to pilot eva….seems like that kid is about the only other one who didn’t realize suzuhara is the 4th pilot too, which. lmao.

anyway then he gets in the eva and doesn’t really get to do anything. i don’t have any comments on that it’s the pretty obligatory “oop we gotta have our Angel Encounter for this ep”+”gotta find a newer and more powerful way to traumatize shinji” quota. There’s really good character moments here for some of the other cast which i’ll get to later but uhhh yeah suzahara just gets his shit fucked.

ok now full disclosure here i’m actually a huge bitch about character deaths like this, it is quite possibly my biggest pet peeve when characters go through something that is 100% presented as fatal or a killing blow, only to Not Actually Have Died At That Moment; either so they can give some kind of Emotional Speech:tm: and then die anyway, or by revealing they actually only got wounded or something bc of some kind bullshit plot armor. i thought eva might possibly be the kind of thing that’s brutal and/or disregarding-of-dramatic-narrative-flair enough to actually just leave it at him being dead there in the mech, but to an even bigger surprise i think this is maybe the only thing i’ve seen that’s played “they didn’t actually die in that horrific scene” to a way bigger impact.

The following hospital scene is already pretty interesting just with neither shinji nor suzahara knowing why the other was there; Shinji never learned who the fourth pilot is, and toji shows no animosity for the fact that shinji[’s eva] just beat the shit out of him so apparently he just wasn’t conscious for anything after his mech got taken over? and it’s just kind of like, spooky, to have what has every right to be an emotionally charged character reunion amount to nothing more than vague confusion between them. They don’t even get to talk to eachother! i don’t often see the thing of “audience knowledge vs. character knowledge” used like this; usually it’s the Characters who are sad or angry beause of some knowlege they lack, and You know that things are actually better than it appears to them; in this case you know things are way worse than they look and the characters are spared that burden. it’s weird and cool and potent but it’s not even my biggest takeaway from this. You know the thing that really fucks me up here?

we never see suzuhara again after this.

he isn’t given any sort of real farewell, he’s just gone. not dead, but gone. i’ve never seen that done before!!! it’s like....haunting to realize a guy who had been a minor but consistent constant is just not part of the picture any more, and it’s an especially odd feeling since you can’t really notice until it’s too late. now yeah, part of it was also that the plot had kinda moved beyond having time for side characters, but most of them do still make brief appearances, and we’re also specifically shown a brief scene in the schoolroom where all four pilot kids are conspicuously absent. their friends comment about how the main 3 are missing, and suzuhara is still never mentioned.

i genuinely feel more strongly about suzuhara’s narrative death than anything else in the show. i dont even care that it doesn’t mean anything this is my hill to die on. i love this dude and i love how every single beat with him makes me ape my shit.

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rei is the other end of Stuff Eva Is Really Good At. i mostly want to talk about her Big Reveal here but i do also want to give kudos for their committing so hard to the whole uncaring/ambivalent thing with her. feel like a lot of stuff that tries to do ‘emotionless’ characters chickens out and still gives them like one specific personality trait or thing they’ll react to or care about, probably for the sake of still making them relatable or enjoyable or something. granted, the context for this kind of character matters all the more when they’re Supposed to be empty, but even so this kind of thing is usually done to show there’s something Off about the character; rei’s being so aggressively, blatantly nothing and nonreactive about literally everything is just like. oh there is something OFF with you. Her and asuka’s exchange of “i bet you’d even kill yourself if they asked“ “i would, yeah“-said not out of devotion or depression, but pure disinterest, is probably about the strongest extreme you can take this idea to. 

The whole series she’s such a powder keg waiting to blow and they let you smell its smoke in the flashback with akagi’s mom where it seems to be revealed that she’s 1-possibly a clone, and 2-apparently got killed the same day as she was unveiled, which obviously feel like pretty significant revelations but then they move on from it with zero fanfare and i was like huh. Wait. no wait hold on go back. i had actually intended to go back and rewatch that scene just to i’d actually make sure i’d clocked it properly because it was just that was chilling* and disorienting to have left it sitting pretty much unacknowledged for several episodes, but then it comes to ep23 after her dying for real in the eva and she says “i think i’m already the third one” as a soft confirmation and you’re like OH SHIT I WAS RIGHT but then theyre still not done blowing up everything with the actual reveal and it all comes out in the following scenes and it’s just like oh this is all so much worse than i could have imagined. all that was my peak of being Affected By Evangelion. i kinda just sat there In A State for a solid 30 minutes afterwards, just, rotating the series as a whole in my mind. man.

the scene with 01′s awakening is done with a pretty similar structure to this, and even though i actually knew about the twist of eva units being Literally Humans before going into the show, that scene was....hoo. like the knowledge does not prepare you for the presentation. I credit this mostly to its tone as well; there’s something really awesome about how evangelion can pull huge fucked up twists like this, yet the raw shock value of the scene itself [which should not be understated!] never outweighs the gravity of the situation as a whole. Like the takeaway from 01’s awakening isn’t just “oh shit!!!! The government is making fucked up mechs full of blood!!!”, it’s “these measures may be extreme but they are a necessary price to pay for survival[though is it really worth it?]”. And also maaaaybe a little “mankind is hubristic as fuck and we Love to fuck around and find out.” but that’s kind of just the deal throughout the whole series

Coincidentally, it’s also rei’s brief first couple appearances that i think initially help establish that gravity.  very often when a character is badly injured it’s only really used to change how either they or another character engage with a situation; usually to remove them from it and/or spur another to action, which IS exactly what her role in e1 was for shinji. Thing is, unless the injury itself is a plot beat to be built upon, it just sort of gets swept under the rug at soonest convenience -so seeing her still really beat up a few episodes later, for pretty much no real purpose other than to say “yeah no that’s gonna take her a bit to recover from” was defintily a striking moment to me.

*spooky, haunting, chilling, i’ve used these words for these turns a good few times now. I know it’s a bit repetitive, but there really is something just so… hollow, so empty about these scenes; something that you know should be there and just isn’t and it feels weird. nge is damn good at anticipating where its emotional beats should be, and then intentionally leaving you with nothing when they come up. You wanted hype? You wanted catharsis? No get fucked. In most situations this would feel cheap or like some kind of buzzkill but with eva’s tone being how it is it’s just sort of… humbling? i know this is a bit of a pretentious read, but eva seems to make it a point to never go to hard into this being A Story, rather than Just Life; in the sense that life doesn’t always have the satisfying narrative conclusions you can expect in a story. They know enough not to Always do this because then the whole show would be actually lame and unrewarding, but the times they choose Not to deliver definitely have…a palatable contrast.

Also i know i made the jokey post about this already but LITERALLY why did they make rei go to school? There’s no?? Practical advantage to this???  I mean obviously from a narrative perspective it’s just to help sell the illusion that shes a normal human child but like. In-universe. Whose idea was this. Shes not even learning or getting Involved with anything she’s just staring out the window the whole time. She’s regularly absent and they’ve always gotta have people go check on/cover for her, not to mention that she doesn’t retain memories between bodies and they have to cover for her deaths too so like WHAT is the goal here!!!! Literally there are nothing but downsides to sending ur godspawn kid out into the public. Ok anyway. Moving on

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why DO people meme so hard on ‘get in the robot shinji’?? coming into this i really thought it was gonna take him half the damn series to get in the robot and that that was gonna be some kind of Climax, but it actually just happens in the first ep, and no one ever really has to ask or force him do it again after that? yeah he tries to quit half a dozen times, but all it really takes for him to come back around for another go in the eva is a fresh perspective. it’s more or less always his own choice.

i’ve heard a decent bit about shinji being an annoying or difficult-to-like character, and i... don’t get that at all? hes literally just a dude. A fucking babychild. coming into this i understood that he was young but i didn’t know he was Literally Fourteen, good lord dude. he’s definitely not a ‘good’ or standard type of personality for an anime protag but that’s literally the point? Like that is entirely central to what we are doing with this show. I’m not gonna say i’m a shinji Enjoyer; he’s mostly only my fave of the pilot kids by default, since asuka is,,,,,,, well. i’ll get to her in a moment, and rei you’re not Supposed to have an opinion on; but i am a shinji Defender. he has a couple of fun and strong character moments, and doesn’t really do anything egregiously awful or obnoxious so like. Literally leave him alone hes doing his best???

do people dislike him for that little tantrum he threw when he threatened to destory nerv hq? that one i can understand, but personally that was his strongest character moment for me. i’m pretty much always in favor of characters taking bold action for themselves, even if said action is outright a terrible/destructive choice. i think he shoulda done it. i would have supported him. the fact that he didn’t get to though is so.... oof. his most impactful moment for me for sure.  Like he absolutely was not bluffing, and the ONE time he really gets it in him to take charge of his own life and surroundings and he just gets such a harsh reminder that he’s still not the one in control.

this is kind of just the whole show with shinji. A friend pointed him out as being “trapped in the narrative” and wow god yeah. It’s just a cycle with him. he goes out in the eva and something fucked up happens to traumatize him and hes like oh my god why am i doing this and then while hes out trying to sort that out something nice happens to make him accept whatever fucked up thing he had to deal with so he gets back in the eva again and then something fucked up in a totally different way happens and rinse and repeat. it’s pretty good at escalating the different types of trauma each angel inflicts on him; if i really cared about plot or thematic analysis it might be fun to pick apart what exactly each does, BUT i dont. The two final ones dealing with having to hurt other humans is definitely cool though.

the one part i felt his characterization was Questionable was when he was going up against the jaws sphere, it is like. Super not his deal to ignore orders and leap into action? Really kind of a ‘he’s gotta do this because the plot needs him in this position’ moment but it was ultimately pretty minor so whatever

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So yeah asuka……Hm. Asuka. good lord. i’m not a fan of the whole ‘tsundere’ thing in the first place, but that alone wasn’t actually grating just bc it plays up against the much more stiff shinji and rei in really fun ways, and it’s also extremely funny just knowing she’s The Progenitor for that whole Type. her concept is fine and she very easily could have been a thoroughly Fun character but uhhhhhhhhhhh. uh oh. uh oh. oh no.

as the unfortunate vessel for most of nge’s Awful Bullshit i can’t say i was ever looking forward to having her onscreen. in the beginning she wasn’t even instigating it they just loved shoving her ass in shinji’s face for no reason or doing the classic wind blowing up her dress and shit like that. now to be clear i know this wasn’t the first instance of Fanservicey Anime Bullshit in eva, but it was much easier to tolerate before because.. well, one, katsuragi isn’t fucking fourteen, and 2 even when that shit happened with rei she didn’t have a Reaction to it. I think its really the reactions that make it insufferable for me. the kyaa! pervert! nonsense and the self-conscious anime girl yelling and the characters being visibly humiliated, also the halting whatever else was going on at the moment to do all this. this also did not happen with the katsuragi ass shots since she was still just having a normal fuckin conversation and carrying on the plot BUT i digress. asuka did start saying weird shit of her own accord later in but i still didn't hold it against Her Character so much as just "the writers are being weird". Yknow like it would just feel so forced and arbitrary every time she made some comment like that. For the longest time the only thing i blamed her character for is being fuckin sexist all the time. ‘shinji youre a man arent you’ he is 14 and traumatized as fuck leave him alone you are making things worse >:| 

In the end though, and i cannot believe i am saying this,  i do think all of that was at least conceptually justified. Not in execution, because all that came through there is their insistence on shoving naked 14-year-olds in your face, but conceptually the idea of asuka’s desperation to be seen as capable and mature manifesting as forced aggressive sexuality is honestly really solid. She wants to be seen as an Adult, so she jumps to the first idea she has for Things That Adults Do, which i guess is sex. This is kind of a fantastic notion for her character because 1, it’s shallow-showing she’s A Goddamn Child who has no actual understanding of what adulthood really means, and 2, it’s loud-a very visible and hard to ignore thing which bolsters her all the more to stick to it. While portraying this is obviously a super touchy subject, i can’t help but feel it wouldn’t have been. All that hard to so without it being,,, this bad. Don’t show it to the audience? Literally just don’t show the audience. I get they need to make the other characters uncomfortable to land the concept but like. Dont put asuka herself onscreen while it’s happening jfc. i still would have been HARD side-eyeing at it that way too but just. anything had to have been better than this bro.

ANYWAY. that nonsense out of the way, she did end up being kind of fascinating for her own. i have never seen a character so extremely, terminally, self-damning as asuka. i hear a lot about shinji being hopelessly miserable, and like, sure, but asuka has it so, SO much worse??????? shinji is miserable because he’s directionless; he doesn’t know what he wants or how to get it, but he knows a glimmer of hope when he sees it and never squanders it. were he ever given direction or a way to Find his path to happiness–or to at least a way to care about finding his path to happiness, i’m sure he’d be able to chase it pretty easily.

asuka does not have a path to happiness, or at least not for the time presented in the show. While it’s true if half her issue here is just “being 14”, her “i’d rather be dead than pitied” ideology isn’t something that will automatically solve itself with age. It stays mostly out of the way as long as she never fucks up but as soon as she DOES make any kind of big mistake it becomes pretty much her entire character. damaged pride is one thing, but usually the remedy for that is just other characters lifting her up if she can’t do it herself. here, this is not only not an option but also actively detrimental. It’s already incredibly self-destructive on its own, but i still wouldn’t quite call it “damning” yet just because like. If you’re ride or die committed to your personal philosophy, you’ll still die, but there’s probably some kind of underhanded gratification in it to chase it to its end. The thing is though that she’s not committed to it, and it’s honestly kind of hard to say to what extent she even believes in it at all.

this, i feel, is asuka’s defining moment, especially after her extensive agonizing in previous eps about having to be rescued by both shinji and rei. She can’t live with being helped because she wants to be independent, and yet she can’t live without help- with being alone-because she’s desperate to be seen and regarded as worthwhile.  

both of these are damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t situations! this kid is damned 4 ways ‘till thursday and the only way to get around it would be her undergoing some kind of minor ego death, and she is extremely not interested in letting this happen. shinji takes a blow and goes off to sulk for 3 days, has one positive interaction/experience, and gets a whole second wind. asuka takes a blow and falls into a pit of self-loathing [or really everything-loathing by the sound of it], aggressively refuses positive interactions, and tries to kill herself. It’s just like. Very telling i think that even though “everyone's depressed and miserable and dealing with shit Badly”  is a running theme in this show, asuka is the only one who attempts suicide.

If my interpretation of all this seems a little weird it’s because  “i’d rather be dead than pitied” is uhhhhhh unfortunately an ideology i’m very personally familiar with, and even though characters with that general idea aren’t too rare in media, i’ve never seen it BASICALLY stated verbatim, so. needless to say seeing asuka’s arc go the way it did did some things to me. whoops! anyway.

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i have to talk about katsuragi now ok. Ok. katsuragi is absolutely the hero of this show for me and it’s a little baffling she’s not like, A Recognizable Eva Character in laymen’s circles? Like coming into this I knew the pilot kid trio and a handful of the angels just from seeing stuff floating around the internet, and i could least recognize gendo from memes, but katsuragi? Entirely new territory here. what gives! She’s an incredible character and people should talk about her more because i am NOT about to be out here being the foremost katsuragi enjoyer in 2022. Come on

anyway man where do i even start. she’s everything. she’s got a cool car. she’s fiercely competent. she’s the man with the plan. she’s a domestic disaster. she notoriously cant cook for shit. she has a pet penguin [?!?]. she adopts two kids. shes a little bit crazy. She’s the butt of a lot of jokes. shes a rogue agent. she fucked her ex in an alley [??!?]. She has a drunken breakdown and needs help to get out of it. she hates her father. she has complicated feelings about her father. she’s on a vengeance quest. She accidentally gets attached to the kids in her care. she fucked her ex for government secrets. She’s sick of the expectations on her. she’s petty and emotional and weird, and most of all, she’s allowed to do all this without ever undermining her skill and authority, and the respect other characters have for her. im going to be real i don’t quite think all of her traits and flaws were intentionally written to be enjoyable but damn if i didn’t enjoy them anyway. Katsuragi has this real edge of emotional roughness to her that i feel like most female characters aren’t allowed to get into, and i really just??? Love her for it???? I thought i was gonna have a ton to say about her but honestly it all just comes back to “i really really really like how her flaws are written/handled alongside the rest of her character”.

I don’t have anything to like dissect about this line i just really like it. Eva had built up a pretty good bit of goodwill through its first 7 eps, and this really put a point on it. unfortunately it would then be ruined immediately in ep 8 BUT i did want to bring it up just because it was like. an ‘oh ok i can be justified for liking these characters’ type beat.

Also as far as the series ending goes i do have to be an apologist about her sorry. She literally has not done anything [more] wrong [than any of the other characters]!!  they wanna go through and list out all these characters’ insecurities and flaws and they go after katsuragi to slutshame her like  “Oh you're lonely so you use men to chase simple pleasures” and like. no?

First of all, every character’s breakdown was “you're lonely and/or afraid so that manifests as x”!!!! if she wants to fuck about it that’s her business! There is nothing inherently wrong with that! this COULD have still easily been a fatal flaw, like they could have presented it as a bunch of partners she’d had in a sort of use-and-abuse fashion and i’d have been like ok yeah this is an issue for you but they didn’t do that! the ONLY thing they talked about  was her less-than-stellar relationship--and subsequent messy breakup with kaiji**. Even if said breakup was largely her fault, she already acknowledged this and recognized the issues that led her to it! She has already apologized and openly admitted her fear to him, and that fear was explicitly why she ended the relationship! That is not intentionally “using” someone!!! you cannot call this a fatal flaw without more evidence. she had one messy relationship and she likes to fuck. That's a normal human flaw, try again. 

**this is actually a blessing in disguise, as it’s most of why i’m willing to look the other way when it comes to interpreting the more, uh, questionable aspects of her dynamic with shinji in nge. Like if the possible sexual implications there had been a Serious Deal for her character/portrayal i feel like it would have been brought up here, but since it wasn’t im happy to sweep it under the rug so it doesn’t ruin a character i otherwise really love. i do have a decent bit to say on this, but i’m saving it for the eoe post because it’s more relevant there and because, unlike eoe, my feelings towards nge are mostly positive so likewise i want to keep this post mostly positive. 

only thing she doesnt get a pass on is the alley sex like come on at least ONE of you has to have more class than that?!?!? It’s gotta be cold and dirty out there you are ON THE CONCRETE GROUND and there is VISIBLY A TRAIN GOING BY someone one is gonna see you!!! You’d have been better off fucking in a goddamn bathroom at that point

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akagi is the other unsung hero of this show, but in an in-universe way. this woman is holding this whole damn operation together. i don’t have much to say on her narratively, she’s got a very small presence, but as with suzuhara i think her lessened involvement really shows how eva lets simplified characters shine. I’m not gonna break down all of her appearances like i did for toji, but she has the same general “every time she’s onscreen they make excellent use of it” thing going on. she’s known the other NERV mainstays pretty far back and they’re really good at showing that familiarity through her dynamics with them. they just Know Things about eachother, and it’s played in a very natural and non-exposition-y way to inform stuff about the other characters’ pasts or motivations or how they’ve changed through the years or something like that. it’s good. she’s good. Always a delight to have you ma’am

Also im gonna say it. She should have been a lesbian. she has the vibes and it would have saved us all from... whatever that lategame nonsense with her and gendo was. c’mon girl LITERALLY anyone but gendo i know you have better taste than this. also x2 her dynamic with katsuragi is already great but i think it could have been even more interesting with some Subtext:tm: at play, even if unrequited. also x3 there is literally official art for this.

its literally right there. come ON

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also on side characters i never learned suzahara’s little nerd friend’s name but he’s really good too. his scene with shinji in e4 is wonderful and i think his being a dweeb does a good bit to enhance suzuhara’s character too, again just showing suzuhara isn’t an indiscriminate bully going after people who are ‘weird’ or lame or whatever since he clearly does not share this guy’s interest in military junk. also him cheerfully apologizing while suzuhara beats shinji up is just a great dynamic.

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I have to bring up penpen real quick just because no one ever told me theres a fucking penguin in this. hello? shinji just opens the door and theres a fucking penguin there and gets told thats his other roommate and we just have to accept that. I was looking at his wiki page and apparently 1. He lives in a spare freezer [very funny], and 2. katsuragi “took him with her from her previous job”  HELLO??? Did she steal a fucking penguin???? and what IS this thing’s level of sapience anyway. he eats out of a little doggy dish on the floor and doesn’t seem to have much capacity for communication, but knows how to use buttons and switches around the house, takes his own showers, and is apparently LITERATE???? lots of questions here but nonetheless i am very happy he exists. little guy :)

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kaji is.....*through gritted teeth*...........okay.......i guess. He does a lot of shit i want to kill him for but he also behaved himself at all the most crucial moments [providing gentle support when katsuragi was at her most vulnerable, and flatly ignoring all of asuka’s advances] so that makes him better than a lot of other characters. there’s a lot about him that easily could have gone way, way worse so ill take what i can fuckin get here. i don’t actually care about his narrative involvement at all sorry. i’m taking a petty point on this one. kind of glad he died just for getting to avoid the painfully obvious cliche of being the love interest katsuragi gets together with in the end, especially after treating her the way he does most of the time, and her still being really into him regardless for some reason. Would have felt like a really cheap and bullshit way to “justify” all of that. the most frustrating admission i have to make with this show is that "well, i'd rather it be between misato's tits, but failing that i'm choosing to die right here in my garden" is kind of unironically a fantastic line...he can have that one. That whole gardening scene was just really nice in general, and i do enjoy him as a sort of guide for shinji but other than that jesus christ dude.

i think he’s probably the most messy and plot device-y feeling character, though i recognize at least part of that is my general distaste for him so i have nothing else to say here.

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The little trio of field operations tech type guys…. Listen i know my fawning over literally every minor character is getting absurd at this point but like. I literally enjoy them. Ok. i think it’s really cool having a handful of just Actually Normal Guys along for the ride on this; seeing how The Horrors affect just the average joe kinda guy. For everyone else their own emotional torment is on pretty equal footing with all the impending physical threats, but these guys aren’t already super traumatized and have a much more surface-level relation to the horrors. Idk !i just think it’s neat seeing a different set of perspectives with them that lacks the tint of the Personal stakes/involvement the rest of the cast has with the whole situation; even if their reactions are pretty “generic” and could have been done with any random passerby in the city, i think it adds to it that it’s done with recurring guys, however minor. they are freshly Going Thru It but they persevere and i love them for this.

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gendo is notable just for how much he sucks. like it’s truly astonishing. i dont even mean in the abusive shitty father way. or, well, i do, because he IS also that, but even moreso he is just. so lame? he’s SO lame. all he does is sit there with his hands folded and say edgy ominous shit. some of that was definitely intentional and i think they also just couldn't afford more than one pose for the guy, but also....come on. Get a life loser.  even the peppermints guy somehow has more personality and intrigue than gendo and im pretty sure his only purpose is to sit in the bg to be intimidating and to mediate between nerv and seele.

anyway in ep18 he CLEANLY crosses the line from “obnoxiously distant and uncaring/nonreactive” to ”oh this guy is Actually evil”, in a... not really unexpected, but still very brutal way. given his interactions with rei it’s easy to think he’s still a somewhat benign dude overall and just hates shinji for being a failure son or whatever, BUT turns out actually shinji is the rule and rei is the exception instead of the other way ‘round. which, given what rei is... lol. lmao. [you of course don’t know that at this point though.] but no yeah this dude is just totally down to physically destroy some random kid by mentally destroying his own kid. oh and he also killed his wife. literally just astonishing how awful he is.

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oh yeah and kaworu exists. i guess. evidently people actually care about this guy? don’t get me wrong he’s a hell of a plot catalyst, but like as a character? Theres nothing there dude. he only exists for like 1.5 episodes and has zero agency, he’s just there to once again fill the quota of “new angel+traumatize shinji”. To be fair he is very good at this. But yeah i cannot give a shit about him, even as an angel. If i wanted to talk about individual angels i think i’d legit have more to say on that glowing one with psychic beams than the guy whose role is “suck up to shinji for an episode to make it extra painful when he inevitably has to die” i do think it’s insanely funny he shows up in so much of eva’s promo art though, what an absurd way to do a red herring.

--------------------------------------------- ok thats all the characters. umm a few other random misc notes

I moved this part out of the intro bc it’s a longer sidetrack but another thing that hooked me about the earlygame was actually the coverup explanation of the second impact as a meteor strike. It’s the first one you’re given, and a devastating natural disaster plays perfectly to the Somber tone eva thrives on. something unavoidable and unprovoked…. perhaps it is simply the bio nerd in me but the idea of earth and its life just trying to figure out how to exist again in the wake of something like that is awesome to me and did a ton to keep everything down to earth despite the giant robots and otherworldly horrors and whatnot. Definitely kind of a letdown to hear that’s just the cover-up explanation though, sort of turned it into your generic “humanity brought its own end” post-apocalypse thing, which may have been more novel at the time but it’s become pretty overdone these days. granted, eva’s a lot less overtly About said apocalypse than your typical modern post-apoc thing, and the… circumstances for this cataclysm are definitely a bit different, but still. “You couldn’t have stopped this, you can only repair after the fact” is an angle i’m vastly more interested in, and also one i don’t see as much.

coming out of that, 8-17 are definitely the low stretch for me. the introduction of kaji and asuka their Anime Bullshit™, and the tone turning to a more standard monster of the week mech battle thing definitely killed my engagement there. whether there was actually more dialogue or i had just gotten acclimated to the Usual lack conversation i can’t tell, but all the aforementioned stuff put a pretty big hit on my enjoyment regardless. it picked back up HARD with the fourth child stuff though, and the plot motion of the Really Fucked Up Shit from there was plenty enough to outweigh my other gripes.

As far as the ending goes… yeah it’s good. It’s lame as hell in execution but like conceptually it’s fine and i can’t really be too mad about anything seeing as they were evidently Out Of Money. They stuck the landing effectively enough; really about as well as they could have given such strict limitations, and i do actually think it’s extremely cool that they were able to frame “removing backgrounds and colors and clean lines” and “we literally can only get this part out as storyboards” as a legit storytelling thing. Still sad about the dozen hanging lore threads ofc but getting any followup on those means acknowledging the movie so i’ll gladly cut my losses

I think this might fall under ‘fakedeep’ and ‘not actually good’ but i do genuinely appreciate that while nge looooves to have intentionally confusing presentation, when they Want to say something  it’s never really inscrutable and/or buried in metaphor and symbolism. This isn’t a narrative critique or anything i’m just not very smart so i like that it’s still pretty straightforward.

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Obligatory section about the angel designs. Yeah they’re good too. Anyone knows me knows i am allllll the fuck about creature design, and even though these aren’t as in-depth as what i usually go for[mostly due to budget stuff no doubt, judging by what they did with ramiel in the rebuild] [again i havent seen rebuild but hot damn rebuild ramiel my beloved], i still really appreciate just how diverse most of them are. They don’t stick to any particular type of design logic, and it’s rare to see something actually embrace an “anything goes” ruleset as well as this does. Like you got ones that are sort of just fantasy animals, ones that are a funky combination or suggestion of earth animals, ones that are just arcane imposing shapes, ones that are kind of abstract interesting shapes, some that are humanoid, some that are just and then like…whatever the fuck was going on with that dna halo thing. The humanoid ones do feel a bit samey but also anyone who knows me knows thats pretty much always the opinion i have on human/oid designs fdjsdjkfd. They have pretty funky and diverse sets of shapes which is rad, but their attack methods are all… Pretty boring. Pretty much all of ‘em just attack with their hands in some way and i feel like theres a million other things they coulda done there but oh well. Bland attacks are consistent across a lot of them though, like half were just “extrude something through the guy”, though i don’t think i can really be too mean about it because elaborate fight sequences would Also require money lmao.

Anyway my fave is the spider, followed by the weird fuckin orange splatter comet thing and the eel type guy

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i just have to say this as a standalone point but why do people not meme on the part where an angel starts fucking shit up and they just drop the hallelujah chorus oh my GOD. we make fun of the elevator scene and rightfully so even though that wasn’t the only instance of a single frame lasting over a minute, but like. idk maybe they thought the hallelujah chorus souned cool and dramatic or something but it just made me lose my shit when it came on. asuka is going fucking through it and the most sanctimonious singsongy music is playing.

another really funny thing is how every time they do a scene with an eva unit they’re like “oh no! something is going wrong! cut the power! aaah it’s not responding we can’t stop it!! oh no this is unprecedented!”. yes this is very precedented actually it happens literally every time. i know theres no suspense in an easy mission and they’re trying to drive that controlling the evas is janky as hell but you gotta have SOME standard of success/normalcy to compare to sjkdskdfdsf

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on the rebuilds....yeah no i don’t intend on watching them [unless it’s as a group with friends or something] If i’ve communicated nothing else in all this, i’d hope i got across that i admire nge mostly for the incredible efficiency of its narrative. It’s tight, focused, makes the most of that it’s got, and doesn’t go anywhere it doesn’t need to. i wouldn’t have been able to see a purpose for the rebuilds to have a new character in the first place, and after hearing a bit about said character’s evident production hell, uhhhhh. Lmao. i’d already think it loses something by not having by not having such tight budget restraints-since those no doubt factored into the way its tone was played here, but if they’re also adding shit just to add shit i Really don’t care.

that’s it i dont have a cool conclusion to all this or anything. i just needed to get all the thoughts out so i didn’t go insane. thanks for reading!

#nge #neon genesis evangelion #evangelion #oh that i cared to tag individual characters. no #evaposting #also i know i talked abput this thing a lot but i hope i didnt like Hype It Up sjfdjsajdf #there probably isn't anything too deep or interesting in here i just had a lot to say.

[single-malt-scotch]

of course i have things to say about lim life and bdubs. you know its funny and great- of course i would love his pov. but i still feel satisfied by what i saw and i dont feel like i do. there is something very different about witnessing a player this way, something we really havent had at all. and of everyone its bdubs. the guy who is associated with time and the guy who acts out so well to the narrative in front of him. and we dont lose anything- bdubs is still bdubs.

after double life we see him team up with people he hadnt from LL-DL. something fresh. together they create a family themed around time and at the center of the map they make a clock tower. they watch every death that spawns for entertainment. regardless of his need to stay with the clockers he continuously shows attachment to TIES/etho (mostly etho). it may be in jest but the clockers point out numerous times that this behavior doesnt shock them, that of course hes like that with etho and of course its muddying his alliances. and lets not forget the grudges held by most members of TIES (eventually Skizz on the list for a bit due to killing him), a neat detail in this funny little situation.

and then for a good whole episode it does make a problem- in the sense it confuses him and everyone else as to where he lies. he later defends the hell out of etho even from the meta jokes of being washed up, later in game of putting himself in front of a group that wants to kill etho, again in offer his life that etho doesnt take. we dont get to hear his thought process, whatever commentary he may be giving about why he really wanted to be with etho again and why he struggled to make it happen. we see it through everyone else. cleo, who is amused at bdubs' very typical behavior but evermore trying to convince him to not go wot etho. etho, who gets glimpses at bdubs from afar and a few moments where they meet in private, having a connection only two close friends could have alone. the rest of TIES who takes him in in brief moments but never hearing more. overall in the end hes around and hes trying to do good, hes "trying his heart out", theres attempts being made but we can see them slip and falter from things outside of his control. the timing is never right.

but no im not done actually. his attempt to help isnt just tied to etho. bdubs has shown himself to be caring and kind, and putting himself out there in order to help others. i think thats where he fell apart- he wanted to keep it all good between clockers and TIES, despite the family dynamic putting in stone that it wasnt possible. as a whole he wanted to be in the middle and this extended to many other interactions. there wasnt a single person that bdubs was actively against this season (yes including skizz- their dynamic was on the same level after he first fight so it became mutual imo), no long building hate, and the clockers were welcoming to others too in their alliances but bdubs did still stand out as the clockers denied TIES and he held on to them. further in we get to the moments where bdubs then offers himself up. its like there was a realization on the game in episode 7, they were far enough in that he thought maybe he could help just before it got worse. he went up to jimmy who's known to die first (yet someone he hardly interacted with) and desperately and repeatedly asks to be killed and of course jimmy takes it, hes only a few minutes away. and then of course he tries again with etho, twice, including helping a fight and etho doesnt take it. you can hear bdubs in the background still laying out what etho could do.

as the season reaches its end let me wind back a bit to deaths in general. bdubs earliest death was certainly an interesting one, one fight he was so confident about and completely failed at, missing numerous hits. and this isnt a surprise to me. bdubs was actually pretty.... well he lacked a lot of kills this season. and not knowing his time for sure through the episodes made this all more interesting to watch, you know? he never seemed like he was really seeking it out. even in a stream before session 8 scar and grian both say they have no clue what bdubs' time is. im sure someone added this up but for everyone else and the average watcher, we see him fumbling or giving his time all while not thinking at all about what he had left just before the end. and then hes the first one to go out in episode 8. its not that it wasnt expected, but his time being in the dark for so much of the series leaves you not thinking about it. it didnt seem like he died that much, it didnt seem like his timer was that now- you wouldnt know for sure unless you saw his pov. most of all, we never really hear him asking for time? there arent any key moments with him saying he really needs to kill. hes fighting, hes helping, but theres barely a hint of desperation to hunt people down- he just stayed in the place he usually was, around the tower, hoping to lend a hand.

and death again. how does his series end? unexpected, completely unknowing to what would kill him. impulse had killed him once earlier and tried to a second time and the cute thing about it? they were laughing the whole time. this could be the moment where youd say impulse got the kill he wanted. and then we get to bdubs' perma death and its impulse again and he never saw it coming- out of the game first that session and left to spectate everyone until the next start to die. quietly until he gets in the chat.. not unlike LL, but not for nearly as long.

and of course, so much of his time is spent in around the clock tower. this led to all of the clocker's demise, with ow dangerous of a location it became, and its all the more in character for each of them to go out there. theres of course something poetic to take from that.

so what does bdubs give us this season? why does it still mean something despite his pov? well it can mean whatever you want it to mean, it can add up to whatever narrative you took from limited life. i dont know if we will know for sure why bdubs didnt upload outside of what he loosely stated on stream. but forever hes someone i look to for an act that has so much to take from it. intentional or not hes putting something in i never see from anyone else. there doesnt need to even be an artistic reason for his choice to not post but his choices always add up to something and i do think he goes out there knowing full well what he can do. he played a type only he can play, because its inherently just who he is and he will never stop being him and that is so great. ill never doubt his decision no matter if it was purposeful, or personal. bdubs is still bdubs and that is all that i wanted.

#limited life smp #limited life spoilers #trafficblr #bdoubleo100 #and guys please this IS a meta analysis on bdubs as a whole #this is about his ever evident and existing personality! #this is about every step we saw on the outside #and what it could mean #what it could be #and how i love him for whatever hes done and i never doubt his choices #if he didnt upload for personal reasons he deserves to do that #if he didnt upload for a specific narrative reason hes all the more allowed to #and looking at what he laid out for us in this circumstance #is something unique and not seen before

[spikeinthepunch]

okayyy i finished the new ending in Lisa the Joyful so yeah, heres another long Lisa post. this will more so have a short list of what i did and didnt like of the game since i know opinions are often mixed. but ill have a long focus talking about the new content compared to the rest of the game. and will later go on about characterization and writing in detail.

Also while you can find a no commentary video for the new ending, almost all uploads skip an earlier portion of it, so I uploaded it myself! with timestamps.

TW for uhh the same triggers- sexual, physical, verbal abuse mostly.

SO OKAY. Okay.

The brief on the main game....

What I did like:

I like the general story. I enjoyed the horror of watching more and more joy mutants arriving, even some of the warlords being joy mutants already, and normal characters like the uhh shelf vendor guy being a mutant. additionally things like wearing a mask mattering. i think it was important to too still have some weirdos bc thats one of the key things in displaying the cycle of these men's behavior. music always good too of course. i enjoy Buddy's internal conflict too and i dont mind here characterization-- its just the pacing. I actually liked the epilogues a bit more than what the endings actually told us lol... tbh they carry more weight in terms of giving us information about the past. But the ones that hit hardest are the ones where Lisa tells Buzzo to mutilate her so her father wont want her anyways. and the one with Brad's father forcing him to drink alcohol and go with him to lisa's room (to presumedly watch his father abuse lisa).

What i didn't like:

the "original" endings (not the new definitive one) were weak and i am sure most feel that way. I think actually the issue for me is the choice... cuz playing with joy? well i think the "stay with them" makes sense as she gets more fucked up and unstable (and assume addicted). the joyless route makes me feel like i should fittingly take the "leave them" ending bc she is mentally aware enough to know she still hates what happened to her and wants to leave them behind. the choices of them feel conflicting to the routes you might choose but you dont think about it bc there is no consequence to taking joy! the pacing of course is a big complaint. cuz see i dont think the story or writing is horrible i just think it needed to be longer in order to expand on all those things rushed through. the ideas would feel good if the pacing didnt speed through it. the Yado epilogue is fine too but i think just left more questions than answers than the endings themself so i would have rather done without it imo.

As stated i will go WAY more into the characters after I talk about this new stuff. I will talk heavily about what happens in it too so feel free to read this later if you dont watch it... but you really should look at the new Painful and Joyful content as they also kinda go together.

NEW CONTENT..... kind of new ending, it plays directly into it. Unlike Painful where it doesnt alter the actual ending content. and i will go over the normal endings a bit more in relation to this bc of how it affects pacing etc...

So On one hand I like what it added and on the other hand it wasnt great-- which all plays into the games already existing pacing issues. Which is a shame. i liked collecting the items, the meaning of the statues (n the dialog being the same as the Painful one), and the exploration leading up to the warlord fight. I chose not to fight the warlords because they were so damn strong and I like that there was recognition for not fighting back. Idk if i feel like there was a good reason for them to be there but I think it at least gives more meaning to the warlords since they didnt DO that much in the game other than to be killed. Most had barely anything to say.

For the bigger Secret at the grave for Lisa-- I liked this a lot too actually. Getting to hear from the guys their thoughts about Buddy that is from the assumed context theyre already dead here (w how Sticky's death is mentioned esp) is just kinda nice. The further content with Berny and Dusty, where Berny tells him to fight harder and to treat girls with aggression.... yeah that hits. The cycle of abuse really just continues huh. The rest of it is fine, I feel like it does give some better commentary on character's thoughts but it is quite short, and is left on a more metaphorical note with the flowering skull and whatnot.

Now is the part I see more conflict on AGAIN and I dont blame people for being conflicted about it. I didnt mind the way Buzzo talked about Brad in the original-- I dont think that writing was an actual excuse to Brad, I think it was just Buzzo trying to blame himself instead for everything (the new contents dialog with the sticky/rick/cheeks also had good to say on Brad's behavior and not excusing it but talking about the abuse of drugs in the context of that). I did feel that the conversation wasnt enough in the original though, to fully imply that he was talking like that or to give a better conversation on drug abuse. Buuut here we are w the extended new dialog with Buzzo. I did like how he started getting more depressed and angsty about Lisa! And the comment "she would have loved it here" is interesting bc i feel the implication is that she would have loved being in a world where all these men are now gone. but let me move onto the rest bc like, that matters the most here.

woof okay. So Buddy goes off when Buzzo says that which i get. However this conversation falters in the same way the whole game does. Buddy gets a LOT of talking time here. And she kind of keeps going in a way that really doesnt feel plausible you know? The new stuff added more connection between her and Lisa but its not enough to make us think she should be defending Lisa. I think there couldve been a neat exploration of all this comparing to Lisa but Joyful doesnt have that time. While I cant claim it, Buddy's rant kiiinda feels like a rant from behind the scenes with how less in character it feels. Buzzo is made far more pathetic and I don't disagree with this realization that he'd dissolve into a little pathetic man, again the game just doesnt have the time to make it work better.

and dont even get me started on Buddy's inconsistent opinion on Brad... this is like, annoying and I mentioned it in relation to the ending choices. After this new dialog rant Buddy sounds like she is forgiving Brad/coming to realize things about him that gives her more understanding. And i think that is fine BUT the issue is that right after talking to Buzzo the game returns as normal and when she sees mutant Brad approach, she reacts with genuine upset at seeing him and comments how she never wanted to see him again :/

I know at this point there is no way they could have "salvaged" Joyful for this release-- that would be too much and I dont think itd be right to get rid of the old endings entirely (Painful didnt, nor did the new content change anything about it). Its a shame- some of it was good. some of it i think they just shouldnt have done (the end buzzo fight) because it just conflicted more/kind of highlights the pacing problems. if anything i think leaving out that buzzo rant would have made the rest of that feel like it did help the pacing because it gave a pause between the ending of the game. anyways.

CHARACTERIZATIONNNN

righto. i think i covered pacing enough so i will try and leave that out of every comment i make here lol.

So like, I dont have a problem with Buddy's intentions in the game exactly. Her actions in many ways make sense... at least I would say that its fine she is very violent. That is literally the main thing Brad taught her whether or not you look at the start scene of Joyful, it reflects in how she would always be told how dangerous the world is too. The pace of course, makes this all happen so fast.

And of course the biggest hit that I think turns off many is how much talking there is. I certainly love hearing more from characters, Brad was quiet because he was brad, yet no one else needs to be quiet too so i think thats fine. But with Buddy's life it seems like she should have been quiet until her mental state and mindset shifted due to her treatment and justification of violence. even in Painful she seems relatively quiet and Joyful takes place right after pretty much.

In terms of others-- Rando is fine, like hes not that bad. We didn't know him all to well and what we know of Dusty i expected him to be a nice kid, esp w the whole adopted thing. But his back and forth with Buddy was more annoying w how short the game was (doing things, wanting to run to the other place and being stopped for a scene at the campfire by force. repeat.) I did like the whole deal with his friends and later his death too. Buzzo so i dont completely hate buzzo minus the fast jump in the new content. but he was pretty unhinged in Painful and to see it completely drop seemed wrong. i do think it make sense he probably felt loads of guilt for brad... but we just again, didnt get enough time with these characters.

Other characters? Well i mentioned it above but the warlords did NOT get much of any character. Which sucks bc if those parts alone had been extended (their area being longer or more full of interactions) i think it would have helped the game too. In terms of the other antagonist, Bolo, considering he was new for this game I think he was just fine. His role was small in a good way and honestly when he did appear it was for good moments that worked. The whole scene with him, Rando, and Buddy where Buddy tries to save Rando was probably my favorite part lol? Simply bc i think it worked well for all of their characters. For all of them I think it was my favorite moment of characterization-- Buddy's choices to drop or hold him both work for her i think. And yikes, disgusting moment with Bolo. And I will be real, I think Joyful needed that. The game was short so i wouldnt have wanted more but, Painful had it uncomfortable and gross moments and I think that is important to an extent of really pushing the importance of narrative and experiences of Buddy (and reflecting Lisa).

uhhhhh yeah i think thats most of what I can say. iirc i wasnt around for the old kickstarter but Joyful was a stretch goal right? and i heard Austin isnt exactly happy with it either? its really really a shame that it was a stretch goal that felt forced. I get why it was a tempting goal for people but.... it just sucks bc its clear that is why this game turned out the way it did. i wonder often if him not doing much else with the series is simply bc joyful had to be the "conclusion" and its not one hes exactly happy with either. tbh the series could have just been Painful and it would be fine. but if Joyful wasnt a DLC i imagine it would have been likely we'd see a full fledged sequel instead and it sucks it had to go that way. i definitely dont hate the creator for it but itsucks for everyone that even the additions in Definitive cant fix what happened already with that game.

#lisa the joyful #this ended up being 2k words LOL #lisa rpg #lisa the painful #lisa

[overplannedbutunnamednpc]

Things You Said When 1, 4, 18, 25 for Clover ☘️💛

and More........ because we're so fucking normal about them.

this IS just fanfiction so bekah gets to read about Them. but i also wanted to write about them. its called mutualism.

yall who are playing DONT READ!!! idk if theres spoilers i'm not bothering keeping explicit spoilers out of here (writing this before I write all of em). but if yall arent playing dia with us check it out. these guys are sooooooo . rachel knows. rebekah knows. if yall wanna know and youre NOT in their game. come hither....... welcome to my maze..... and then dm me about it. directors commentary etc

Clover

1. Things you said before you knew any better

Honeybee's hair is softer than Clover knew someone's hair could actually be.

It's not that it's actually feathers, because Clover has felt Honeybee's feathers, and they're soft, yeah, but they don't feel like hair or anything. Even the ones that tuft up around his ears don't feel like hair, so it's not just that Honeybee has hair that's all feather vane, or vane that’s all hair. His hair's just really fucking soft.

Clover knows this, because Clover has been playing with it for a half an hour, mostly marveling.

It's not the shampoo he uses. Clover's used that, stole it even though it's the good stuff all the way from Waterdeep and Honeybee complains about it whenever he notices that the bottles run out twice as fast as they used to. Well, it's technically Clover's shower, so Clover's calling them even.

His head’s lolled back to rest on their knee, and though they shouldn’t be letting him sit on the floor in case it aggravates his bum leg, they’ve said nothing yet. They’ll help him up when they’re ready to move. One day they’ll actually go to bed at a reasonable hour. The night is stretching long and dark and quiet before them, though, and its temptation is as real tonight as Honeybee’s loose-limbed relaxation, as it’s always been. So tonight might not be that night.

Gods above and so below, they need a deep-clean.

They just need to clean him out of the creases of their brain, where he stuck like - well, like honey, in the niches of its comb. Someone needs to take a good handful of steel wool and lye and pluck the troublesome organ from between their ears and cleanse them of Honeybee.

That, or Honeybee needs to stop - it was a couple of things. It was a list of things, little things, things Clover is better off forgetting just for now, things like the little crease by his eyes, the lopsidedness of his smile, the - the stupid tattoo that peeked out the back of all of his shirts, right at the perfect spot to place their hand on the back of his neck, and the way that when they do give into the temptation to handle him there, he actually relaxes into it, like he's been waiting for the callous on their thumb to swipe over the knob of his vertebrae at his nape, every time.

They don’t mind it, sometimes, the anticipation of it. They’re fairly assured it was anticipation, anyway, but the two of them have a lot to do together that, quite frankly, Clover would be distracted from if their choices were between “cold night of surveillance” and “warm night in bed with Honeybee”. There’s only so much delayed gratification one person can take, and they’ve delayed it long enough that they are fairly sure if they broke now it would not be a temporary issue of distraction.

So, they can wait.

At least tonight isn’t a cold night of surveillance, or they would both be being very derelict in duty indeed.

That reminds them.

"Honeybee?"

"Mm?" Maybe they were wrong about not getting to bed at a reasonable hour. Honeybee sounds as if he’d been dozing a little. Whoops. Maybe they’ll carry him to bed, make up for it.

"Will you come with me, to my mother’s?"

The question rouses Honeybee a bit, makes him move to twist and look at them properly. They let his hair go to allow the movement, then twine their fingers back into his hair in a loose fist, because he’s suddenly between their knees facing them and they need to control that situation quickly, before they either throw all their musings about anticipation to the wayside or get distracted from the question they are asking or both.

"Really?"

Clover nods. "She wants to meet you, and—" They pause, considering their words, thumb rubbing over the section of soft hair it’s found itself over. "You’re… a part of my life now. You should come."

Honeybee looks a little skeptical. "And… Luckey?"

The right question to ask. Clover shrugs, though. "I agree with you, about Ult’s people. Half of them must have left by now, and he hasn’t made any real moves in a bit. I don’t think there’s much for them to do right now. Especially with practically no one here anymore." Ultiss was a bit… smug, every time they saw him now, his eyes always lingering on them too long, but that doesn’t change the fact that he hasn’t been doing anything, and there’s only… four? five? of them left in town. "They might come back, but… I haven’t really seen anything that worries me, and you said you didn’t either, so… yes. Come with me. Let’s take a break."

Honeybee brightens, incrementally. This is another thing he does that sticks in Clover’s head. The way he brightens up like a cloud’s revealed the sun on a spring day. It’s too deep into winter for there to be any more flowers, but the ones Clover did put on him seemed to refuse to wilt for longer than they should, probably for exactly this reason. Waiting for the sun. Clover’s always waiting for it, and Honeybee never disappoints.

4. Things you said instead of “I love you”

This is actually a pretty shitty room.

Not the worst inn room Clover’s ever stayed in, but not top thirty, certainly. Probably not even top fifty. Definitely not nice enough to justify the amount of coin Clover had forked over for it.

Probably because I was tipsy. Or maybe it was that obvious how bad I wanted a single. That’s a bit embarrassing.

Well, not as much anymore. Honeybee saw through the single room thing, too. He didn’t seem to mind.

Honeybee.

Clover is playing it cool. At least as much as one can when still… sticky, because they and Honeybee had just.

Don’t freak out about that.

It was a good thing! They never thought otherwise. Months of buildup and they had, actually, made good on it. And it was good. Shit, it was good. Months of buildup were perhaps worth the late lone nights type of good.

It is new, though, for sure. Good-new, yeah, despite the shitty room and clumsy attempt to manufacture intimacy, regardless of the fact that it worked.

How many seconds is us recovering before it becomes us just not talking?

Not a question they know how to answer. Honeybee's face is tucked into the crook of their neck, and he's not, like, lying down, but this could definitely go to cuddling if they shifted a little bit and he went to his side. That's a good sign, hopefully.

Okay. Talk. You've caught your breath. He needs to know this wasn't just- and you need to know he's not just drunk.

They swallow. "That was."

Honeybee nods against their neck.

They chuckle, mostly just to get rid of the post-coital nervous energy. "Yeah."

Honeybee draws away. The curtains in the room aren't drawn, so there's only a little bit of light in the room, and Clover's darkvision softens him into shades of gray. His hair is bright white, reflective even with barely any light to do so with, and the honey of his skin has gone rich-dark gray, and whatever spark that lives in those eyes of his fixes down on Clover, who can't help the smile, because he is gorgeous. His neck's a little bruised - their fault, but they're not apologizing - and his breathing's still a little fast, and when they lick their lips, his eyes flick down to them.

We can kiss now.

The realization is a very welcome one. They actually sit up slightly for it, which would make Honeybee shift to move away and give them room if they didn't also grab the back of his hair and pull him down to kiss them again. Then again.

Because they haven't actually talked, they keep the number to only three before releasing him. He doesn't go far, though, and they incentivize as much by running a wondering hand up one of his thighs to a hip. He has such nice hip bones. And collar bones. And the bones in his wrist don't lose him any points, either. If they keep up the having-sex-with-each-other thing, they'll almost certainly find some other parts of his anatomy to have new appreciation for. In many ways, they already have, though that appreciation can't be called aesthetic at all quite yet.

Talk. Talk.

Unsure if they're ordering themselves or Honeybee, Clover complies anyway. "I hope you had expectations, because that far exceeded mine."

"Oh, yeah," Honeybee replies, then pauses. “That’s- you mean you had high expectations and I still exceeded them, right?”

Clover chuckles. “Yes. Great expectations, still surpassed.” They start rubbing their thumb over their favorite spot on Honeybee’s hip, where the tattoo is. “I…”

You should probably say it. This would be the time. You’ve been biting it back for how long? This is a good time.

It would be, that’s true. Honeybee’s breathing’s evened a little now that they’ve exchanged words, but he hasn’t moved from above them, and they can’t tell exactly where he’s looking without his eyes moving in response to stimuli they give him, so they lick their lips. His eyes flick down a bit. He was looking them in the eyes, then. Well, no longer.

Don’t get distracted. Tell him.

“I should-” Tell him. Tell him. I love you, just like that. “I wasn’t planning on this happening when I suggested the trip, so you know.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t- planning on anything when I suggested the dinner.”

“I’m glad you did.” Tell him.

“Me too.” Honeybee smiles. He’s beautiful like this. Which is why they should tell him.

The cuckoo clock down the hall starts squawking. Clover has no sense of what time it is, starts to count the chimes to figure out how long they've been wrapped up in Honeybee, how long they might still get to be.

One. Two. Three. Tell him.

It would be easier without darkvision, maybe. They can still see the details of him. Even better, now, because there's coming a glow through the room window. Red-orange looks good on Honeybee, lights up the gold of his skin. Thank you, whoever just lit that fire outside.

Six. Seven. Eight. Tell him, now. Now, Clover. Ten.

"I've- been thinking about that, though, for a while," Clover says, all in a rush.

Honeybee says, too, overlapping chatter, "I think I should-"

They both fall silent. Clover counts eleven, twelve and, when Honeybee makes a gesture to give them the floor, instead, they do not let themself wonder about what he thinks he should be doing, and instead plow ahead, forcing their nerves to steel rather than shake. "I just wanted to say, I-"

And then-

BOOM

somewhere in the distance. Clover sits up, immediately on the defensive. Their sword's always right by the bed, so they just need to find where Honeybee put their pants.

“What the fuck was that?”

18. Things you said that were a promise you intended to keep

Luckey, perhaps predictably, didn't actually have that much going on in it.

It was a small town - Clover could count the number of people that lived here in a slow afternoon if everyone was at home. They numbered around two hundred or so. Enough that, at least if they were looking at faces, Clover could name everyone in town.

That made it very strange to come across this.

They practically tripped over the man. It wasn't their fault. It was raining, and they were carrying wood and the man was small and on the ground, so it certainly wasn't all their fault. Their foot caught on his form, and Clover stumbled, one of the switches they were carrying clattering to the ground and making them flinch. "I'm sorry, I wasn't - oh. Are you okay?"

They switched immediately from apology to concern when they saw the state the man is in. His face was bloodied, and that was saying nothing of what might've been going on under the clothes he was wearing - they weren't really able to tell, medicine wasn't their strong suit. "I'm sorry, let me get a look at you. I'm Clover."

They set down the wood they were carrying and got to their knees to give him a cursory inspection. He had clearly been beaten up, which drew a frown across Clover's face.

The man seemed a little out of it, and blinked wide eyes at Clover. His jaw worked slowly. "S- Sehonivee-Haien. Charmed."

Bit of a mouthful, Clover thought. With his feathery ears, they had to wonder if he was an aasimar, too, with one of the names like their mom, long enough to gain someone importance. Not exactly a polite question, though, not while he was bleeding on the ground, so they just gave him a smile. "Charmed. Can you stand?"

Sehonivee-Haien's face twisted. "Jury's out."

"Alright. Here," Clover said, and pressed a hand to the side of his face. There was practically nothing divine still left in them, but they could still force whatever spark was still there into a bit of healing, which could be the difference between life and death, sometimes. Or, in this case, the difference between standing and walking, and getting tripped over in a sidestreet. "Okay, let's try it."

They stood, offering him a hand. He hesitated, but took it, and Clover hauled him up as gently as the verb "hauling" allowed. He ended up on his feet, anyway, though he was a little newborn deer about it. Clover took care of that with a steadying arm around his back, which, definitely hurt a broken rib or two from the way he hissed in pain.

“Sorry,” Clover said. “But it’ll hurt more if you fall.”

“Hurts pretty bad now,” he replied, with a grin shot through plenty with pain. They were pretty good at reading people, but really didn’t have to be, to see that much.

They gave him a smile right back. He deserved it. This was their town, and the fact that he had gotten beaten half to death on their watch? It spurred at something ugly in Clover's chest, something angry enough for them to show teeth. Even if that was accompanied by upturned lips. "My home isn't far. You'll be safe there."

Somehow, this man had the widest eyes Clover had ever seen, never mind the fact that one of them was already swelling shut.

Clover's version of healing was not very divine. At least they could be fairly assured that he wasn't bleeding internally on them.

"Are you- are you sure? I'm not... I don't want to bring anything to your door, if someone has something against me..." Oh, he was so worried.

Clover patted his cheek. "Hey. Hey, look at me.” He did. He had very striking eyes. “You- You're not getting hurt again, okay? Not on my watch."

It was a promise they meant. A promise they kept.

Mostly.

Mostly, except for that - that little scar.

But that—that was a very different promise.

25. Things you said that you still think about today

It was a joke.

Or, okay. Not a joke, because if Honey had actually asked, Clover might have done it. At least given it due consideration. That was not saying much, because Clover would have done pretty much anything Honey asked, back then, and they weren't going to consider how much they'd do for him if he asked even today, but.

Anyway.

It wasn't serious. Clover didn't think so, anyway, and they weren't about to ask Honey now if he ever meant it when he said they should go off and live somewhere else. He was a big-city sort, or so he said, and Clover was no stranger to cities, so it wasn't like they couldn't make it work.

He was pacing the kitchen—he was restless some mornings, just like this. Clover didn’t know why back then, just accepted it as a quirk of his to sometimes be soothed away. Now, of course, Clover had connected his restlessness to the mornings he had left late last night or early that morning, presumably playing his part in whatever part of their lives was real rather than the fiction they’d created.

“Maybe we could leave Luckey sometime,” he suggested, apropos of nothing. Clover fetched a mug for their morning coffee, kept an eye on him.

"What, run away together?" they asked, after a second of observing his behavior. He was restless, certainly. Small-town fever, they thought. People got it. Not Clover, but people. “Or do you mean more of a day trip?”

He looked over at them, and allowed himself a smile. “Well, what do you think?”

“Of running away together?” Clover poured themself a cup. They wanted to give him the benefit of clear consideration. “I think it’s ultimately unnecessary. We’d have to be running from something, by definition.”

“Ult’s guys,” Honey suggested.

Clover added cream to the cup, still taking Honey seriously. They had thought he was a coward, back then, tiptoed kindly around his caution. He had, after all, still borne the scars of their treatment—did, actually, to this day, so perhaps that was not all act—and they thought that his caution was a boon, making them more thoughtful. “I’m not convinced they’d follow us. Not running away from anything, that way.”

Honey hummed. Paced some more. “Okay, but. It’s kind of? Small?”

Clover nodded. “Two hundred or so.”

“Yeah, so. Small.” Honey nodded to himself. “That doesn’t… you like that? You’ll like that forever? What if some people here end up sucking?”

“Depends how much they suck,” Clover said, after another pause to make sure his question had been given its due consideration. “People here right now do suck. I’m still here.”

“Forever?”

Clover shrugged again. And then, in a moment of what wasn’t irony but certainly couldn’t be anything else, said, “It’s a sweet thought, Honeybee, but I’ll be honest… Luckey will have to have burned before I’d leave it.”

Honey had given a half smile and sat down. “Well. That’s not happening anytime soon.”

Satisfied with the answer and with the fact that Honey had actually gotten his ass in a chair, Clover sat with him and reached across the table so they could squeeze his hand in theirs. “We can still go on a day trip.”

It was a strange thing, the fact that they were so assured that he would stay right there with them, looking back on it. Honey did, of course—he slept in the next room, though far from Luckey—but they did wonder. If they never left Luckey, where would Honey be? Still sitting at that table?

The what-if and what-is suspends there, in their mind. They try to be self-disciplined about these things. The memory pauses right there, fingers touching their Honeybee’s, and palms not yet met.

#clover #the baebees #really inundating this blog with them lately fjhdskfhsd #theyre just good. SORRY #sometimes these things need to be somewhere other than discord dms. you understand #also sharp eyed readers (rebekah) may notice some parallels with a certain rp from 2018 in the promise one. btw. #ALSO I used the book canon and not the movie canon for the sex scene. so they could talk.

[nwarrior777]

another life blogging thoughts. it starts with me thinking about changing my username, but its much more than that. pls sorry if i write smth not clearly i really not in perfect mind condition

tw: life crisis, identity crisis, sad thoughts, stream of thoughts

advice ONLY if you have something really similar. support commentary is encouraged but only if they are specific (like "giving you some cookies!!! or giving you yellow blanket!! or "sending you a frog meme" etc etc)

iiii think i maybe want to change my username. is this a fckin middle crisis they were talking about.

like. nwarrior was ment that i am fighting against stereotypes against shitty normis Norms, homophobia, transphobia, fatphobia etc etc and shit and etc, to society, to myself. and like my fight is my art. buuut

last time i think more about that. i dont want it to be fight. like. i don't want it to prove something to these fuckers who do this awful evil things to us. why would i care about them? they will not stop doing their shit because i drew bodypositive art. but. then i draw representative art my followers will feel happy (i mean, i read comments so i can assume you do).

so i don't want to make a point of my representative art on fighting. it's not about showing evil guys that they are (shock!) evil, i want focus of my work to be on. spreading warm and positive and giving positive emotions. i mean, it doesn't change anything in my content itself, but more. of my attitude to it? i just always thought about it as my little contribution in an endless fight for our rights? but like.

as i said long ago, we, oppressed people, are always were are and will be the winners because we have the most great power of life itself - love. and oppressors can't steal it and it's so, so powerful. stealing is their trademark, but Love. you can't steal Love and make it into something bad. it's Love. they can lie, try to fake it, try to buy it. yk it's so funny, i just realize. they think they can do everything but they can't do the only thing in life that really matters (and no, i am not excluding aroace people from narrative here, Love is like. is something more here than sex or dating, try to understand me pls.)

so yeah i... i am sitting here and thinking that it's something more than a fight. it's a strange fight if we already have a winner but looser don't know about it and think that he is on the top and treats a winner like shit and a winner constantly need to prove that little fucker that prize is in their hands and looser think that prize is something different.

and so, yeah, i know that it is in fact a fight and we are fighting for our rights. but i am so tired of fighting. i recently figured out that i need to fight myself a g a i n because i thought i was much better at being good person, but no. i mean i have some progress but turned out i am so so so not enough and i am crying and have that thing in trout first time since idk then. and i thought, omg, do i have to fight myself again, like, feeling literally like i stubbing my heart (for people just thinking "lol that heart bit that edgy lol" - yeah, edgy, can i be """edgy"""" in my mental breakdown middle life crisis fckin letter feelings which i type without script, okay thanks!)

and i thought like.... maybe i can make something more

my trademark was a sword, like, warrior.... but now i am thinking more about... something warm. a cup of tea, spreading through your body, flower, fire. something like this? it would be nice like.... and it's really more helpfull to use to urself symbols of cup of tea and flowers and warmth then a sword. it's so much more calming and comforting.... yeah... i think i will think about it

my sword is like a toothpick to that evil voide around. my sword against that void in me - it's big damage. but. if i will give someone, including me, a nice warm cup of chamomile tea... the world will really become better.

[quodekash]

THE EPISODE IS OUT AND IVE NOW WATCHED IT (and it took me two hours to get through as per usual) SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

ITS TIME FOR MY COMMENTARY ON THE ENTIRE EPISODEEE (im sorry)

THEY WON HELL YES FINALLY

BUT IT WAS A DREAM

why? they like crushing our souls.

the scene of gun waking up and getting ready (having a shower, brushing his teeth) reflects the very first episode, where he had so much energy and he was preparing his speech for the juniors. And now he’s lost the biggest competition of his life so far, he’s sad, and honestly he’s lost - but not in the meaning that he didn’t win, he’s lost in the way that he doesn’t know where he is or where to go or what to do. and gmm is making me cry about the freaking passage of time which is so cliche like there are so many other things to make me cry about but instead you choose the thing that I’ve been having a mental breakdown / existential crisis over for the past three years? It feels like a personal attack tbh

THE TEACHER WAS SPEAKING IN THAI COS THEY ARE THAI PEOPLE AND THEN RANDOMLY SAID “oh man good job” IN ENGLISH AND IT WAS SO JARRING I LITERALLY FLINCHED

WIN DONT BE COLD TO YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FLIP

PORS TRYNA CHEER EVERYONE UP WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT THEM??

AND SOUND’S TRYNA GET YOU TO APOLOGISE COS YOU SAID BLOODY HURTFUL THINGS AND THEN YOU THROW YOUR ARM OUT OF HIS GRIP AND SAY “you won’t get us”, ESSENTIALLY IMPLYING THAT HE’S NOT ONE OF YOU AND HE’S NOT IMPORTANT??? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

AND SOUND DOESNT EVEN GO AFTER HIM

awhhhh poor Por alone in the music room by himself he needs a hug I would like to give him a hug please

Pat, I love you, I truly do, but shut up please. you’re gonna make Por freaking cry and that’ll make me cry and I’m already gonna cry enough from this episode

POR IS STANDING AT THE PIANO, HE SHOULD SING AND PLAY A SAD SONG BY HIMSELF TO LET HIS EMOTIONS OUT ON THE KEYS, TO FEEL HIS FEELS THROUGH MUSIC

BUT NO ALL HE DOES IS CRY

AND IT MAKES ME CRY

GOSHDARNNIT

“the doctor said I can go home next week!” “Don’t rush it mum. I can survive at home on my own. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” “I’m okay. But when will you get better?” THIS WOMAN ALWAYS SPEAKS THE TRUTH ONLY THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH AND I LOVE HER

“ever since I woke up, I’ve never seen you song. I usually had to tell you to quit singing.” “……..do you think dad would be disappointed in me?” “What about you? Were you disappointed in him for not being able to release his music? Listen. If we tried our best, there’s nothing to regret. I think your dad would think the same.” BRO HOW IS EVERYTHING SHE SAYS SO FREAKING QUOTABLE

AWW TINN SHOWING UP AT THE HOSPITAL TO VISIT GIM BUT HES JUST TOO LATE I LOVE HIM

OOOOO THEYRE GONNA DO THE PROM NIGHT PERFORMANCE THATS AWESOME

also side note prom night means dates means tinngun soundwin tiwpor I’m very excited

ITS FINALLY TIME FOR PHOTJANEES MENTAL BREAKDOWN OMG FINALLY IVE BEEN WAITING

“do you think we raised him well enough?” YES OFC YOU DID WHAT THE FLIP /gen

“What mistakes do you think we’ve made along the way?” Every parent makes mistakes, man, that’s the way of life, it’s a learning experience for everyone involved. But what’s important is making sure you show your child that you love them and support them and care for them and shESDONE THAT mostly I think. all the things she’s done that could be considered bad or negative were her trying to do what she thought would be best for tinn’s happiness and well-being, even if it didn’t go down that way. You made mistakes, yeah. That’s what makes you freaking human, photjanee.

OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAY TIWPOR PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND SOUNDWIN PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND TINNGUN PROBABLY

I was excited for this rehearsal, but win, stop it. “Just cancel this freaking band” seriously, stop. You’re being really cold right now and idk where it’s coming from but it has to stop please.

“I’m out” exCUSE ME???

THE BASS PLAYER CANT JUST QUIT

THE BASS IS THE FREAKING HEART OF THE MUSIC, THE SOUL

IF THERES BO BASS PLAYER THERES NO SOUL SO THERES NO MUSIC

okay sound is going after him it’s okay

and win was disappointed in himself so it make sense now. It’s not healthy to push your own insecurities and fears onto others to feel better, but it does explain his behaviour and hopefully he can find a better coping mechanism

EXCUSE ME WHEN THE F L I P WAS THIS ESTABLISHED??????

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW PLEASE

COULD SOMEONE PERHAPS INFORM ME OF THIS INFORMATION????

your boyfriend is being super self-hatey? Aggressively force him into a hug and let him let all his anger out while simultaneously letting him know both verbally and physically that you’re there for him and while you might not understand what he’s going through you will listen and do what you can to make him feel happy. I love these two.

its a tinngun scene next and you’ll never guess where they are

✨the freaking pool✨

AND WE GOT A SOUNDWIN SCENE, THEN A TINNGUN SCENE, THEN A TIWPOR SCENE, ALL IN QUICK SUCCESSION THIS IS AMAZING

JFJEJFHDHEHDB TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE

SIR--

AAAAAAAAAA

THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPYYYYYYY

✨oh shoot✨

por fell down the stairs and ✨broke his leg✨

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE WISH REDEEMING THING THANK GOODNESS I WAS SO FREAKING CONFUSED

HOW IS HE SO FREAKING POSITIVE ALL THE TIME????

“But Tinn has got a really nice voice, ma’am” gun you’re being real sus she’s about to figure it out

photjanee keeps getting so close to finding out about tinngun and then something interrupts it and it happens every single time

BEACH TRIP PART 2 LETS GOOO

wait a sec they did a bad buddy. They went to the beach and then they went to the beach again. And the second time was in episode 11. why has that happened twice now.

BRO HES WEARING YELLOW

WIN RESERVED A SPOT FOR SOUND AGAIN AND THIS TIME SOUND IS ACTUALLY TAKING THE SPOT I LOVE THEMMMMM

so that fight was freaking intense, they were all having a go at each other, naturally it progressed to just Soundwin yelling but then surprisingly it turned into win and gun.

I rly liked that scene tho, all of them at the height of emotions and they all give really hard but sincere and heartfelt apologies to each other. And then they have a group hug. It’s so sweet, I love all of their group dynamics so freaking much

this man is neurodivergent and I love him with all my soul

tinn’s dad doesn’t have a name. tis character is nameless. but I love him.

NATURALLY TIW HAD TO EMERGE FROM THE SHADOWS FJRJFHFH

TIWPOR ARE SO OBVIOUS

“Did I miss something?? What is happening?” Well, win, you see, you know how you and sound are in love? It’s the same situation with Tiw and por, but you numskulls have been too thick to see it somehow

TIWPOR ARE LITERALLY BOYFRIENDS I LOVE THEM

everyone just coping Soundwin left right and centre okay then

first tinngun with the medal kiss

now tiwpor with the sprinkle water

what’s next, yo and nook are gonna be tied up together? Pat and [insert imaginary character] are gonna have a lot of meaningful interactions in the bathroom?

oh also that song?? It made me cry man. I don’t care what anyone says, this show is a cinematic masterpiece.

the way they’re watching a video of them singing an encouraging song to encourage themselves?

the way they’re suddenly in the room watching??

THE WAY SOUND APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE???

THE WAY TINN APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE????

THE WAY THEIR CURRENT SELVES ARE SUDDENLY SINGING TO THEMSELVES?????????

it gave me chills and it gave me tears

I literally can’t describe how much I love this show

the only thing that could’ve made that song better is if Tiw appeared out of nowhere

i CaN wAiT uNtiL yOuRe A uNi StUdEnT dude no one cares about the rule anymore, sound literally said he and win are boyfriends (WHICH BTW W H E N WAS THAT ESTABLISHED?????) just date now

“no matter how long, I’ll always wait for you right here” okay that’s super sweet and all but literally no one cares about the stupid rule just kiss already

yeah okay that explains it. I’d noticed how the only people to say “until they’ve WON hot wave” were that guy and Tinn and Tiw, but everyone else just said until after hot wave so yeah

“Be with me now and you’ll get to use the hashtag #MySchoolPresident” gotta love them subtle title drops lmao

and naturally there’s a cliffhanger on the photjanee plot line. great. like they needed to have something to keep us hooked even tho we're invested literally no matter what, the next episode is the freaking final episode, we're gonna watch it, dont worry gmmtv

MY MAIN TAKEAWAYS

last episode felt way too short but this one felt way too long

I’m still not sure if tiwpor were already secretly dating or if it’s just mutual crushes or if it’s something else BUT they’re going down the tiwpor route for which I am grateful because WE’RE NOT DELUSIONAL HAHA SUCKERS WE WERE RIGHT

WHEN THE FLIP FLAP TICTAC WAS IT ESTABLISHED THAT SOUNDWIN ARE BOYFRIENDS????? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN OFF SCREEN???? I HAVE Q U E S T I O N S

and we have one episode left of this goodnessforsaken show. We have had eleven episodes. We have had about 600 freaking minutes of this show. And Tinn and gun stILL HAVENT KISSED???????? WHAT THE FLIP IS GOING ON

#soundwin #winsound #tiwpor #tiwsonpor #tinngun #satangwinny #winnysatang #mark ford #satang kittiphop #winny thanawin #maek pakin #ford arun #gemini norawit #fourth nattawat #geminifourth #my school president #my school president the series