#i just want to be left in peace lol

[calpicowater]

Day 7/366: January 7th 2024 | Coquitlam Shifts... 🐶

This day easily one of the worst days of my life. Spent most of it in panic attacks and even when I was napping I was drenched in sweat. Well. The year is off to a weird start truly.

#365 #52 #i just want to be left in peace lol #can ppl stop bothering meeeee #ty

[befuddled-calico-whump]

previously, on Benji's Bad Day

#there's at least 3 pages here so ill just rb it as i draw em #ive decided he can't win #old crew from left to right: Mike (he/him); Cassandra (she/her); and Peace (they/them) #i want peace and joy to meet lol #whump art #beaten #t$$ benji #whump comic

[lunarharp]

into the deep end - 29k T orufrey fic.

the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the other.

for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.

the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.

but they were never whole to begin with, were they?

qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.

olly says nothing.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #ok first this drawing isnt right im too tired..i couldnt draw for a week bc i was WRITINGGG and now i dont even know how.. #im changed....... why would you write a 29k fic? WHY??? and i wanted it to be 30k because qifrey (spoilers) turns thirty in it. #and that's important to me...and yet it's 29.4k. there's a point where it's just like. i cannot any more. it is what it is. goodbye #it's about memory trauma..disability..birthdays..mental illness..living in a grave since you were born since you died since it happened #and crawling and crawling and crawling back to the place where you left him #uh yeah feel free to give it a read! i literally dont know if a single person will read it and enjoy it and tell me LOL #i've realised long fics do not get read as much lol. but! it's separated into 4 parts ok! you could read one part and then take a break. #just saying. also i hate editing. if there are any more typos ill flip my lid. no-one tell me. #god i love witch hat and qifrey and orufrey and oru #there's girls and background ermicia and garuato but i was so vague about so much cause i had to be peace out #btw being ace is critical to me and informs everything i write.

[crescentfool]

with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.

i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.

heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."

knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.

it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.

i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!

i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!

#lizzy speaks #hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023 #but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me #so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s #it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything #and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are #all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it #for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet' #and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient- #kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an- #instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.' #like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space #and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i #some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues- #our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol #but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard- #of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works #i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things. #in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive' #but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity' #...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people! #who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish! #thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories! #and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more #it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly! #ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves #as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like #wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!

[liquidstar]

WOW I FINALLY FINISHED THIS SET. There were a lot of things I wanted to get right for them so I took some extra time but hopefully it was worth it! The guild for this set is Cobalt Heart- a guild with focus on maritime missions, lead by (of course) guildmaster Neptune. There was no other planet I could've picked for his namesake lol. They're the guild I jokingly call the most jockish, but some moreso than others. I really do hope I did all the characters justice, but if you wanna know more about the individual members, it's under the cut as usual!

Name: Neptune

Name Origin: The planet named for the god of the ocean

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 52

Guild rank: Guildmaster

Weapon: Trident

Ethos (Power): Ocean wave (Control over water- stronger with sea water)

Flaw power is based on: Originally based on his overly relaxed go-with-the-flow nature, but since becoming a father and guildmaster he's matured, and his power grew from simple wave control to more powerful control over the ocean's water. Waves aren't always peaceful, but he's become someone who understands their power and the responsibility needed for it.

Notes: If it's unclear, the marks on his chest are meant to be top surgery tattoos, but in cool wave shapes!

Name: Triton

Name Origin: Neptune's moon, aptly named for his son

Pronouns: He/they

Age: 24

Guild rank: 4 star

Weapon: Twin sai

Ethos (Power): Ocean breath (Underwater breathing as well as other aquatic adaptions)

Flaw power is based on: His ardent wanderlust, especially in regards to the ocean. They literally cannot leave it alone despite any possible better reasoning, which is when it becomes a problem.

Notes: Was his other parent a mermaid or did they just do the fish thing on their own? The world may never know.

Name: Otrera

Name Origin: A trojan asteroid named after the queen of the Amazons

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 32

Guild rank: 5 star

Weapon: Brass knickles

Ethos (Power): Preflexes (Hightened reflexes)

Flaw power is based on: Her overly-guarded and cagey nature.

Notes: But her brass knuckles are pink so its quirky when she knocks your teeth out.

Name: Naos

Name Origin: A star whose name means "ship"

Pronouns: He/him

Age: 21

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Modified crutches

Ethos (Power): Helm (He can change the direction of inanimate objects. It's not limited to projectiles, he can change the direction of objects while they're in someone's hand too.)

Flaw power is based on: His avoidant tenancies, especially where more serious responsibility is concerned.

Notes: Honestly? Joined the guild to boost his playboy status.

Name: Aitne

Name Origin: One of Jupiter's moons, named after the personification of Mount Etna, a stratovolcano

Pronouns: They/them

Age: 27

Guild rank: 4 star

Weapon: Spiked gauntlets and armor

Ethos (Power): Molten Core (Lava manipulation)

Flaw power is based on: Their brash and destructive nature.

Notes: Likes all their food to be charred.

Name: Ariel

Name Origin: A moon or Uranus, named after an air spirit!

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 16

Guild rank: 2 star

Weapon: Baton

Ethos (Power): Harmony (Perfect balance on anything)

Flaw power is based on: Her own difficulty maintaining emotional balance under stress

Notes: She's a gymnast! And even though I didn't make the character named "Ariel" a mermaid, you can still see a scale pattern in her leotard!

Name: Maru

Name Origin: A white dwarf whose name means "Sky." It's orbited by the planet Ahra.

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 18

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Claymore sword

Ethos (Power): Sky walking (She is capable of interacting with air as if it were a tangible object, creating leverage for herself to walk and balance on as if it were solid)

Flaw power is based on: Her somewhat vain tendency to place herself above others

Notes: Complete and utterly confident she's the cooler twin

Name: Ahra

Name Origin: A exoplanet whose name means "Ocean." It orbits the star Maru.

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 18

Guild rank: 3 star

Weapon: Claymore sword

Ethos (Power): Wave riding (Creation and control of tidal waves to ride on, as if she was surfing them with no board. But she does have to be on them.)

Flaw power is based on: Her arrogance and recklessness

Notes: Completely and utterly convinced she's the cooler twin.

Name: Pipoltr/Pip

Name Origin: A star named for "a bright and beautiful butterfly."

Pronouns: Whatever really?

Age: 8

Guild rank: 1 star

Weapon: Giant lollipop

Ethos (Power): None yet!

Flaw power is based on: N/A. This doesn't mean they're flawless, but until their power develops they're really just here to go on fun little adventures.

Notes: This child hangs around with sailors all day long. The words they know....

#finn's ocs #finn's art #oc references #FINALLY POSTING THIS SET #there was a bit of a delay bc i wanted to make sure i got the crutches w naos right #i ended up not making just the crutches a weapon but like. with modifications based on a real self defense item i found #but slightly different for both fantasy reasons and also i think its patented lol #his pose is also based on a real self defense w crutches video that my friend sent me (hiiii thank you for that once more btw <3) #so like hes very much in motion here. thats not how he usually stands w the crutches lol he usually like. uses them as crutches lol #the little trigger on them is what releases and returns the blade in them btw #also as for the rest of the group! i think neptune is absolutely the most fitting of his namesake out of all the guildmasters #i mean they all have aspects of it but he's fully embraced it. despite what i said abt him growing into responsibility and all #hes still such a chill nice guy. just in general. it would take a lot to get him angry (and if you did the sea is NOT peaceful!) #and in a lot of ways triton is like how he was when he was younger. responsibilities dont matter he needs to go to the challengers deep NOW #also the reason i picked twin sai to be his weapon is bc i didnt wanna do a trident twice. even tho like thats kind of the typical motif #but sai are like. also a 3 pronged weapon. so i felt it kept the energy. but smaller and 2 of them #omg speaking of weapons i completely accidentally added a trans flag to ariel's baton design lol. but i left it in why not #i had such a hard time w her colors bc i wanted her to be flashy but also to make the leotard mermaid esque #also for it to not be too revealing. like leda (from the lunar flare set) can have an exposing leotard tutu sure but shes an adult #and i wanted to give ariel more of like an 80s home gym workouts vibe. with the legwarmers and scrunchies lol #and the twins!!! i wanted to make them samey but differeny. in a way i havent done w matching outfits before #bc the actual shapes of the clothes are very different but the colors totally match! #plus the twins are fraternal. i feel like thats obvious what w their different hair colors but there are more subtle things #like slightly different eyes. the height and weight differences arent part of that tho bc that can happen to any twins even identical #otrera i also had a lot of fun with. especially the blonde hair in an emo bang with like a pink sporty outfit #the crown logo references her namesake being a queen too! #she really was fun tho bc shes just no nonsense trusts nothing but her gut. and shes meant to be like an MMA type #aitne was also super fun but a bit tricky to make it clear that their eye is half lidded from the burns and not just like a drawing mistake #but i think i made it clear! its important bc their vision is also impaired on that side #and the burns themselves were most likely an accident on their end. remember they're brash and destructive. even to themself!

[swordmaid]

tav shri’iia is THE canon for me obvi but I also really like the idea of tav wren with yves still being part of the dead three as bhaal’s chosen. the thing with wren is that he was yves’ childhood friend who was pursuing his bard career and severely flopping. one night when he was supposed to escort yves home from the graveyard he chose to perform in some tavern instead, and that night is when the bhaalists came and killed her. for him, one of his closest friends just went missing the night he was supposed to look after her, and when she returns 2 weeks later all beaten up and bloody with no memory of herself ofc he felt guilty….! and he couldn’t even bear to look at her because it’s all his fault u know … if only he didn’t ditched her maybe this wouldn’t have happened so one night he just decides to leave bc he couldn’t take it anymore. it’s always been his dream to be a travelling bard anyway and maybe his career will pick up in some other city than baldur’s gate, so he leaves her and his home and sets out to salvage what he can of his career. and in the most part he was mildly successful. he also ends up making a pact with some fae and they help with his bard career too lol but the guilt of yves is still in his mind- he just got better at ignoring it.

SO. imagine his surprise when he gets tadpoled and goes to moonrise to find a cure and he sees his friend - the girl that’s been haunting his dreams and the source of his guilt and shame - a part of the evil cult that’s been enslaving people with parasites. and now he’s meant to kill her? but how could he when he’s the one who left her behind and maybe it’s his fault that she turned out like this … but anyway I love the idea of wren being like noooo that’s NOT yves she would never do that!! and they’re just like girl ur delusional ur friend is literally chopping people up forcing us to find the parts like some treasure hunt

#but durge era yves is so similar to glados to me where she is so mild about everything and instead of forcing you to test #she forces you to figure out the murder mysteries around the lower city and present ur case in the murder tribunal #like as she says. the only thing better than murder is getting away with it and what’s more fun than to watch someone figure out the puzzle #you set for them u kno 🤭🤭 #and her proposition to ally w her is that she wants u to figure out the whole absolute ploy and how it started and what role she plays #and the only way to get those answers is to break in gortash’s place which betrays his trust … so it’s like a fun whodunit for her..!! #also i think wren finds out what actually happens to her that night .. learning that his real friend died and got replaced with this other o #other one who’s essentially just wearing her skin … reconciling with the truth that if he was with her she would’ve lived … killing this #yves for his friend so she can have some peace finally .. etc etc. it’s really about ween #wren*s survivor’s guilt bc I like to imagine they had another friend who he left with to look after yves #and when he finally returned after how many years he learns that friend has been dead (bc yves killed him) and allegedly yves’ mental #health went downhill when their friend died so she had to be sent away #which in truth she just left for the bhaal temple lol #anyway just thinking abt this three.. def wanna do a wren playthrough one day ..!! #also their other friend’s name is pan (full name xaphan) and they’re a tiefling but idk abt their appearance yet #making them a tiefling so yves’ first kill post lobotomy links back to her og friends where - if #it’s alfira she’s a bard like wren and tiefling like pan … but honestly pan could be Dragonborn too if she ends up killing quill lol #shut up about bg3. #bg3

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

i have realized i have yet to leave a job (including my internship last semester) peacefully/on good terms and idk why that just struck me or how it matters but now im perplexed

#literally left a passive aggressive “fuck you everyone on staff hates you” letter for my first job before closing and never coming back #for my second job i had so much anxiety going in bc i got so used to people screaming at me every shift #that i just procrastinated on giving them my class schedule until they gave up on trying to get me to come in #because they were so short-staffed that they didn't want to let me quit #for my internship i literally got what i needed to for school #and then peaced out in the closet office until i got to leave and never looked back lol #lol #kat rambles

[widevibratobitch]

do i let feminism lose and spend all of my savings on a rhinoplasty or do i continue to just. live Like That lol

#kms idk what to do #it's doing research on best surgeons in your country hours while your friends with normal noses are sleeping #anyway it's been a great little vacation and i had a lot of fun but the absolute fucking dread whenever someone is taking a picture #and i cant control how it looks. is ruining all the fun. #i said fuck it once today and then saw that picture my friend took of me and wanted to yeet myself into traffic straight away #the worst thing is im obsessed with big unusual conventionally unattractive noses. i love them. #but mine is not this hot sexy aquiline kind. its just a huge round bulbous fucking potato in the middle of my face #its the kind of nose no one will ever find pretty or hot or even interesting. its just comical. it looks like a fake clown nose. #and while it is indeed very in character of me to have a fucking clown nose attached to my face 24/7 forever #its literally making me wanna wear a paper bag over my head #goddd idk. cause like. what if something goes wrong lol knowing my luck it definitely could #and then uhhhh idk i guess i really would just kms lol #funny thing - didn't even really notice it before uni. like i always knew there was something seriously fucking wrong with my face #but could never put a finger on what it is exactly #and then this uni friend made that one comment about my nose and suddenly everything clicked into place #you're absolutely right queen the fucking nose aka the CENTRAL thing on my face is the main culprit here lol #anyway not a day has gone by since then that i wouldnt look into the mirror and felt awful and pathetic about it <3 #i am ready to go against all of my ideals and just do it. ill have no money left but maybe its worth it. to get a little peace of mind. idk.

[lovewarmthandloneliness]

my coworker randomly came up to my desk and talked about something which reminded him of his age (he's like..50), and then he went into dad-mode and said "you truly need to enjoy every second of this life. it's way too short."

i just gave him a smile and said that he was right, but damn, whenever i hear such "advice", something inside of me breaks. what if i don't enjoy life? what if i haven't enjoyed life for so long now? i am completely and painfully aware of how many things i've been missing out on, and i doubt that it's going to improve in the future. going to therapy has only been uncovering all the reasons why i've been feeling and acting the way that i do, but it's not helping in solving anything, because most of these things cannot be solved. i am stuck in this shit, and if i ever reach my coworker's age, i'm probably going to have a gazillion regrets.

#i wish i had a “young and wild”-phase like him #or a party phase #instead i've just been having depressive phases lol #it feels like i have no major life experiences #probably because i spent 99% of the past 20+ years at home alone in my room #i wish i had fucking FRIENDS #like just. ONE. #i wish i wasn't so damn obsessed with peace and harmony #i wish i was a little bit more selfish #i wish i could speak my mind and do the things i want to do #i wish i wasn't so crazy sensitive #but it feels like i'm stuck this way #i only have like 5 therapy sessions left before my therapist is going to have to decide whether to continue treatment or not #and i'm so sure that she's going to ask me my opinion and i'll just go “oh we can end treatment i'm totally fine” #because all this time i've been feeling as if i'm just wasting her time #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #rant #mental health #therapy #social anxiety #avpd #cluster c #depression

[heavierthanlaila]

allah surely is the most merciful and he truly does listen to your duaas and he indeed answers all of them.

#i literally made duaa few days ago and said ya allah if this person is bad for me or if this relationship is making you angry with me pls #take him out of my life #(i was only talking to this guy to know him better for the sake of marriage) #and LITERALLY the next day this dude out of nowhere decided to be super passive aggressive because of something very minor #so i confront him and express my feelings clearly and calmly but get a little mean at the end and his reaction is why are you being mean lol #so i explained why and he was like even if let's say i was mean why would you be mean to me in return??? #LMAOOO #like... #so i said so you get to be passive-aggressive and give me the silent treatment and i dont even get to protest in a harsh tone????? #but i didnt argue i just said i really thought you were better than this and that was that #he left just as quickly as he came into my life #the funny thing tho was when he said that he doesn't like it when i use “big words” like manipulation and passive-aggressive #like so he even wants to dictate how i express myself let alone be angry that he crossed my boundaries and was doing something i found annoy #honestly egyptian/arab men are indeed something else #I'm just sad that i let him disturb my peace tbh #I'm glad it's over because I dont have time for some elementary school kid trapped in a 29 year old body #he even made me seriously question myself like if i was that rude or that inconsiderate but honestly it was just him being too insecure #alhamdulilah he is out of my life #I'm so grateful that allah is my wakeel because he surely won't let me down

[crescentfool]

hello everyone! now that team picking is out i wanted to say that i am participating in artfight for the first time this year on team werewolves! (its the color blue. i love the color blue.)

you can find my profile here! https://artfight.net/~crescentfool

#lizzy speaks #lizzy does art #<- sort of! because the art on the left is new LOL #im very excited though! i've wanted a chance to draw more splatoon related stuff and i think art fight would be a great way to- #discover other peoples ocs. i mostly just want the additional practice idrc if i dont get attacked back or w/e #i feel kinda bad bc i wanted to focus on making stickers but then artfight came up so.. im shifting my goals 4 now lol #after artfight though.. nothing can stop me #art is a bit weird for me rn just because i've gotten such a huge surge of motivation back at the start of this month- #but at the same time there's a lot of projects and things i want to do that im like... uh how do One Commit #so im trying my best to take it one thing at a time!!! and i hope you all who are doing art stuff feel at peace with your process #also i feel like this should go w/o saying but i am not guaranteed to attack back but yknow #in my head im gonna do So Many Cool things for artfight but also a part of me knows i might just take a break to draw fan art n thats fine! #anyway bye i cant believe we're halfway through the year! can you believe it? yeah! me neither! explosion!

[stinkrascal]

we’re finally going home oh god i cant wait to be in bed

#love seeing bf’s family they are so sweet #but wow im exhausted socializing kills me #we stayed an extra day bc bf’s brother and his gf came down from colorado #and left just now! we wanted to spend more time together #it was good except i definitely have covid now #but im fully vaxxed and i literwlly do not ever leave my house so it’s fine #it’s about time i finally get covid #we only had a celebration w immediate family and nobody went anywhere else/saw anyone else so it’s not too bad #we all made our peace knowing we’re gonna be sick after this lol

[forestwhisper3]

Lazy morning with my cat.

I get to enjoy her kisses and touch her toebeans.

And then she had to go and make this derp face, ahaha!

I love my cat. 🥰

#Dora the cat #She is my baby #Very warm and fluffy #...And likes running outside the moment she sees an opportunity but we're not talking about that haha #Her little motor has been running this whole time and I love it #camera made my thumb look huge lol #While I only took pictures of Dora I am in fact surrounded by 3 cats #Jackie is sleeping on my left and Willie is on my right #I just don't want to move around too much and bother them #It is so peaceful 🥹

[roaringheat]

I was really productive today and i'm trying to be proud of myself but theres nothing like being reminded by my family that they consider me lesser and an after thought to kill my mood and motivation

#vark posts #dont rb #all i did was ask my dad and my sister if they wanted to play mc and an hour later i get some half assed 'idk' #ik that might not seem like much but this happens everytime i make some attempt to spend time with them #whatever i suggest is never good enough and i'm lucky if i even get texted first #they never personally inv me over and everytime ive pointed it out theyve spun it around on me #they even go so far as to ignore me and put me down in person #maybe its time i go low contact #i so badly want things to go back to how they used to be but nothin good is gonna come out of putting myself in this situation over and ove #i responded to the idk text with 'you can just say no. its not that big a deal' and ik thats gonna piss my dad off #so i havent looked at my phone since #nothin like family trauma to make me use desktop tumblr lol #sorry to vent this like all happened at most 10 mins since posting this #and im very hurt #anyways fuck them check out the shit i did today #i took out the trash + worked out + did the dishes + started a russian study journal #+ cleaned and disinfected 1 of 4 cobweb and spider covered chairs so now we have a chair for the dining table! #cleaned the chair outside on my apts front porch while it was raining so it was actually pretty nice and peacful #wasnt playin any music or anything just listening to the rain and letting myself get swept up in chair cleaning lmao #im a bad bitch as soon as im left home alone all day

[mauxanhduong]

idk if it was growing up and having to deal with shit or losing someone rly close to me and not getting much support but i feel like i’ve just been getting angrier and pettier and meaner !!! i feel like i’ve been becoming more bitter and a worse and worse person. but idk LOL

#might just be the like night woes. but. idk #death mention #but like. after her death i was like. so so desperate for like. comfort. and my entire family just. didn’t ever talk about it again #and like. i get wanting to move on!! and like they genuinely did!! they were happy and stuff but. idk. i got left behind #and like. neither sibling was an option bc. either away. or too young to talk to abt shit. so i just felt so alone. ugh #yeah like. i’m glad they were all able to make peace with it and move on. like for real i’m happy. but getting told by everyone to like. #not talk about grief. you can’t be sad. you can’t cry. move on. it’s been months why haven’t you moved on yet. this again? right now? #idk LOL it was so isolating and i got so pissed at everyone and kind of. in a rly bad spot mentally LOL. and then now i’m here. still not #idek. still wish i had support back then. kind of just bitter now but. i guess i’ve moved on. kind of. i still. don’t feel a lot of closure #with it tho. i still want someone to talk to. but like i don’t NEED it anymore. yknow. i can kind of just rely on myself now. idk #WOWWWW this got venty. whoops my bad LOL. cathartic tho. sometime u just gotta talk abt grief. you know. #umm let’s see. tagging #death cw #grief cw #xuân says stuff

[orcelito]

My dreams... are so close to being realized...

#speculation nation #cats #cassy #tally #i want to have two kitty cuddlers #tally just left tho lol. expected. #but she sat with us for a good five minutes!!! a new record!!!!! #maybe someday we can all sit together in peace...