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#i love women. some of my best friends are women.
starless-nightz · 2 days
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i sent this request to someone else about a year and a half ago and i went back to look at it but they never made it into a fic so i thought it’d ask you instead while also making some small changes to my old request
Eloise bridgerton x fem!royalty!reader where two women can get married as long as one of them is rich enough to support the both of them
reader has to soon take over the throne because she is an only child but she has to first get married so she goes to London to find a wife or a husband and Eloise accidentally makes reader laugh (like that one scene w queen charlotte) which makes Eloise catch readers eye and she tries to court Eloise but Eloise being herself decides to be stubborn and act as if she has no feelings for the reader
readers mother strictly reminds her that she has little time left to find a match which forces reader to move on and try to find someone else who’s more willing to marry
of course Eloise gets jealous which makes her realize her mistake and it end’s with Eloise confessing right before the day reader is about to propose to another girl saying something along the lines of “dont marry her”
happy ending pleaseeee
Eloise being courted by fem! royalty! reader
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note -> I absolutely love this idea! I made this into HCs and a scenario since I dont have any idea how to make it into a fic, sorry :[
warnings -> none.
content includes -> fluff/angst, smitten reader, jealousy.
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You didnt want to get married, but you had to, as you knew your father was at the brink of death and you would soon need to ascend the throne, forcing you to marry
You disliked the girls this season, they only liked you for your power and money, you wanted someone who would genuienly love you
The moment your eyes layed on Eloise Bridgerton you knew you were smitten, and the way she talks and jokes always make you laugh
You tried to court her, always sending her, her mother and her sisters flowers and gifts, dancing with her at balls, reading and talking about her favorite books, even becoming close friends with some of her brothers
But Eloise did not want you, or at least she acted like it, so your mother forced you to find someone else
The girl wasn't too bad, but she wasn't Eloise, and you knew you could never love her, even if you tried, but she was the best choice from the ton, so you asked her father for her hand, which he agreed
You didnt understand why Eloise was so upset that you were courting another, she didn't want you, after all, but she proved you wrong the day before you were going to propose
"You cannot marry her! I wouldnt allow it!" Eloise said as she grabbed your arm, her eyes filled with guilt and jealousy.
"Why not? I wanted you, Eloise, but you made it quite clear you did not want me, and I must marry if I were to ascend the throne." you said as you looked back at her, you loved her, but she did not love you, so you have to marry another.
You freed your arm from her grip and you turned away to leave, until you heard her say-
"But I want you! I was wrong, i was stuborn, I want you and I do not wish to see you marry another!" she said, a tear running down her cheek, stopping you dead in your tracks.
You turned back to her, losing your breath, she wanted you? All along she wanted you?
"Are you certian you want me?" you asked her and she nodded, looking back up at you.
"I have loved you ever since you started courting me, but I was too stuborn to admit it, i have only realised it when you started courting another, please, i cant see you marry another." her voice broke as she spoke, her eyes begging and pleading for you.
"I could never imagine choosing another over you, especially now that I know you return my undying love." you said as you bringed her closer, pulling her in a kiss which she gladly returned.
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TL asleep? cool.
(long post, strap in)
i wanna talk about colin's wet dream. that was the most demisexual shit i have EVER seen. there's not even any sex. its just a romanticized, elevated version of their first kiss. its colin's subconscious wanting to replay the moment he fell in love with his best friend in the Most way possible.
lets break it down:
we got the same location of their first kiss. Complete with mood lighting and a fog machine. It’s giving pride and prejudice 2005
Penelope comes out (looking gorgeous, of course) to their rendezvous spot, which has been previously agreed on.
colin thanks her for meeting him, she doesn't know why he's asked her to come
he confesses his feelings for her
she reciprocates (this is the important part of this to me. ) her wanting him, makes him want her more (do you see where the demisexual colin energy is coming from? do you understand?)
they make out
he kisses her neck as she pants his name over and over (see my point above re: her wanting him makes him want her more)
he wakes up, absolutely shook
this is an idealized reimagining for colin: during their first kiss he was basically in shock, his new personality chokes on the reality and vulnerability of the moment
in the book he talks about how he tries to think of something witty to say but finds that no words are necessary, and there's no combination of witty banter or suave bravado that could help in that moment. the rake persona that he has put on up to this point absolutely fails him. but here, in this dream, words are crucial, the declarations of love are why its sexy! (demi colin is canon idc idc)
and its so important that this wet dream, the idealized version of this scenario happens like this. because we've also seen colin having sex with sex workers (and luke newton has talked about this) but his energy in those scenes is very detached, very focused on him and his pleasure with zero connection to the women he's with. he has two different threesomes (if you can even call the second one that, he's barely even looking at them) with four different women and we know nothing about these girls. they don't even get names. they don't matter, and its simply not. as. good. as the feeling of kissing pen. there is no connection
which is, i think, why he taps out during the threesome in ep4. he tries to go back to the devil-may-care attitude toward sex and intimacy that he had before kissing pen, he tries to return to that mask he put on of "the rake" and it just doesn't work! he feels nothing! in fact he feels disdain for the position he's in and the choices he's made!
the threesome in ep4 mirrors the outburst he has later at the club really well. like he's so frustrated with this position he's put himself in, the men he's surrounded himself with. he literally says "none of you are gentlemen!" "you're actually gross and disrespectful!"
a line that i love is :
"... it is tiring, is it not? The necessity imposed on us to remain cavalier about the one thing in life that holds genuine meaning. Do you not find it lonely?"
and they laugh! in! his! face! because these are men that feel perfectly fine sleeping with strangers and bragging about their "conquests" to their buddies
but that is not who colin is! he's still very young. and his experience with marina (who tried to seduce him and it didn't work, imo bc he just didn't feel that passion, that love that makes his relationship with penelope so different) has left him jaded, but not nearly as jaded as he wants to believe. even if he wants to be casual about romance and sex, he just isn't. this man proposed to marina after knowing her for what? a couple weeks? He is an All or Nothing type of guy. He has that Bridgerton 'when i fall in love i will only ever talk about my spouse' Gene
Now: some costuming details that i love:
Her hair:
(i know this is a stretch but go with me here) her hair is in slightly tighter curls than we've seen this season, which to me seems like a nod to colin liking (or at least not minding) her hair the way it was in previous seasons and maybe not caring as much as we might think about her transformation. but its still down and flowy and in line with her new style
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let's talk about this! dress! (it has genuinely been keeping me up at night)
the sleeves seem much more similar to the silhouettes of her costumes in previous seasons, not necessarily in shape but in style
the sleeves are bulkier, compared to this season's costumes, which while they might have been the same size and shape, they are made of much lighter material, giving the silhouette a softer, more mature feeling.
compare it to this dress from s3 ep2: it looks very similar with the sleeve shape and the floral appliqués, but in the dress in the image above, the appliqués are much more obvious, closer to penelope's style under her mother's tastes
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the point i'm trying to make here will be made more clear in a sec. what I am NOT trying to say that colin prefers her in her little girl dresses with loud designs, bright colors, and silly hairdos. he just associates those bigger, brighter, louder style choices with penelope.
And he has always liked Penelope. Even when he didn’t take her seriously as a potential partner, he always saw her as an equal. He never made fun of her silly dresses and questionable hair choices.
This has nothing to do with Colin but i feel like i should point it out:
there is something to be said about how her muted pastel color palette along with the more demure style that she has adopted shows that she is trying to Show Up with this social season, but as a wallflower, she is shy. she's always hated those brightly colored dresses her mother put her in, because no matter how close to the wall she clung, she was always visible. she was always vulnerable to ridicule.
but i don't think colin knows or realizes this because why would he think critically about the specific style changes she's made. and he probably doesn't really make the connection of the influence her mother has on her clothing. and around him, pen has never seemed all that shy. she's been confident and witty. if you pair her personality that shines around colin with her louder outfits, it seems more congruous
(take the scene from season 2 where we get the line "My purpose shall set me free") this is a side of penelope that no one, not even eloise!, sees
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what his subconscious knows is that he associates pen with vibrant, textured, and often 3-dimensional outfits, and his subconscious creates a dress that fits her new style, with a little more of that featherington flair thrown in.
the fucking tie in front: i feel like this is a very clear reference/ foreshadowing to the mirror scene
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for those of you who haven't read the book, the mirror scene doesn't actually happen, but colin tells penelope about a fantasy he has about touching her in front of a mirror
this is a pretty small offhand comment made while they're having sex for the first time but amongst book fans the scene has become pretty fleshed out i think, with fanfics especially
because the idea that it touches on is colin fantasizing about penelope seeing herself the way he does, as sexy and desirable (he seriously cares about her pleasure so much its sickening, I'm actually sick)
and although Book Colin doesn't mention it, the idea of him undressing her in front of a mirror has become a popular story set-up
i think the tie in the front sort of plays on the time period sensibilities of propriety: this is a time where in "good" society an unmarried man and woman would never touch skin to skin, its why all the women wear gloves most of the time. its why the scenes in season 1 between daphne and simon play on the excitement of removing the gloves: its a taboo thing
this is unrelated to this post but i need an explanation as to why pen isn't wearing gloves in a lot of her scenes this season, like the scandal that that would cause??? I'm assuming its representative of her growing into her sexuality; and bridgerton is a fantasy, not a historical nonfiction, but like some consistency would be nice guys bc i was so confused abt all the skin-on-skin contact happening. even with Francesca and Lord Samadani WHEN HE KISSES HER BARE HAND I WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER. especially because of all the glove-related tension in s1. but i digress.
so the tie in front is sort of a dare. even though its clearly an addition, and untying wouldn't actually remove her dress, its her (colin's subconscious version of her anyway) way of saying: "you could untie this, you could undress me if you wanted to" "i love you" "i want you"
and i think that's beautiful. this season is great and i will die on this hill.
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If you've made it this far, congrats! you're just as feral as me! come and gnaw on the drywall with me while i post fanfics inspired by this season: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55988977/chapters/142190584
chapters 1+2 of my new fic are up
photos are from : https://www.cap-that.com/bridgerton/302/index.php?image=bridgerton3x02_1502.jpg
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okay so I saw an ask that's similar to a situation I'm going through, and now I feel like I have to ask...AITA? NSFW content
(🐊🩷💀 for me to find)
this will be long, I'll try to shorten it
I've been married to my (25f) partner (27 mtf) for almost 6 years. I'm going to use he/him pronouns for him because he hasn't begun his transition and still wants these pronouns, but 3 years ago he came out to me as trans. we live in a not great state (US) for that, and so he hasn't begun his transition bc he personally doesn't want to start until he can also start medically, but, he was born a male and wants to transition to female
This was nbd to me at the time because I'm bisexual, so I was like "alright cool let's figure out how to get out of this state then and let you live your best life." we haven't been able to move financially, but we are hoping for next year.
When I believed he was still a male (if this is not the proper wording PLEASE correct me, I just don't know how else to say it??) we had this understanding that if I wanted to sleep with women, I could, bc I never have actually slept w a woman before. This never actually happened bc I'm terrible at flirting/weird w sex in general, so it never applied. However, around the time he came out to me, I began maturing (?) sexually myself. I got a SUPER high libido out of nowhere, started thinking about things I've never really wanted to do before (threesomes, etc) and thought about the possibility of sleeping w other men bc, idk, I just wanted to? I honestly considered (am still considering) if I'm sexually monogamous or not
I LOVE my partner, I do not want to leave him, but I literally cannot control my sex drive. When we have sex, it's great, but I also wanna sleep around a little. It has nothing to do w him and I don't wanna leave him, and honestly I don't even like the men I've considered as people, I just think they're hot. I'd never date them in a million years bc they're personalities are...not compatible to me. I honestly think they're assholes, it's just physical.
Anyways, when he came out, a few weeks later I proposed this question to him. I said "hey, you always said I could sleep with a woman bc it'd be a different experience than I could get with you, when you medically transition, can I sleep with men? I really like sex with a penis and you know straps kinda scare me a little. of course it'd just be sex." He kinda flipped, we got in a big argument and almost broke up over it bc he thinks I want to cheat on him. It doesnt help that around the same time, a male friend was showing big big interest in me, and when my husband asked who I'd even want to sleep with, I said this friend, and then he was convinced I had feelings for him and I lost some of his trust. Nothing ever happened w this friend, and nothing EVER would without my partner knowing and being okay with it, but he definitely lost trust in me.
His side of the story is, well honestly I don't understand it. I've been too afraid to bring it up again bc of how big the fight was, and everytime I broach the subject, he thinks I want to leave him/cheat on him. He says he's uncomfortable w me having sex w a man even after he transitions. He's tried explaining how it's different to him, but I don't understand. I think a lot of it is he just doesn't trust men and honestly probably hates them. I'm definitely attracted to women, but I like penetrative sex. Penetrative toys scare me, I've had panic attacks using them before. I just can't do it, I don't see them as an option. I love my partner and I dont want to leave him, but I also don't want to forego a sexual experience I enjoy.
TLDR; I've gotten a crazy high libido the last few years, my trans partner is uncomfortable with me sleeping with men once he transitions, even though I've been "allowed" to sleep with women this entire time that he still presents as male
Am I the asshole? Would I be if I brought it up again?
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femmealicent · 1 day
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i don’t understand the argument that alicent seeking out rhaenyra is “not feminist” or the question “why can’t alicent just be a strong independent woman >:(” in what world is alicent completely transgressing the expectations of a mother, queen dowager, and supposed enemy of team black not a radical act? how is her conscious choice to seek out peace and potentially love in the face of insurmountable odds not exercising agency? tell me how a woman who acts on her true desires lacks “independence?” the push and pull between rhaenyra and alicent is a narrative tool used to illustrate the deep connection between women and solidarity in a shared experience despite repellent extrinsic forces. accordingly, alicent’s merit as a representation of women is not diminished by her passion for rhaenyra but strengthened; her persistent love for rhaenyra is her connection to freedom, self-determination, and liberation. rhaenyra and alicent are not “codependent,” and their shared love does not minimize their independent worth. two women seeking comfort together among the cannon fire and clanging steal of a war begun by men is not "inconsistent writing" or "bad feminism;" they are each other's connection to hope and true autonomy. when you expect alicent to be unfeeling and self-serving and disregard love (free love, not love imposed by duty), you're inadvertently expecting her to act like a man; you're not delivering her from the shackles of oppression, now you're the one "making a window in the wall of her prison."
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dianneking · 2 days
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The Bet - Brienne/Reader bookshop AU
Hi dears, in case you wanted some trashy, slightly angsty romance bookshop AU starring none other than the majestic Brienne of Tarth as well as yourself...well, look no further cause you're in the right place! It is with great pleasure that I present you
The Bet
Tags: Alternate Universe - Bookshop, Out of character, Angst with a happy ending, POV second person, Idiots in love, Mutual Pining, Misunderstanding, Panic Attacks, Hints of past violence, Swearing. Word count: 5423.
AO3 link in the title above.
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"Hello?" 
You did a double take when you lifted your eyes from the monitor. You didn't mean to, but the woman in front of you was not the kind of person that usually found her way to your tiny bookshop. 
She was...well, she was imposing , to begin with: taller than you'd ever seen a woman be, with broad shoulders that the t-shirt she was wearing did nothing to hide...and she looked clearly out of her environment among the shelves, standing with her back ramrod straight and her hands clasped in front of her, shifting from foot to foot, a frown taking over her face the more and more you looked at her without saying anything. As if she was waiting for your reply...
Oh!
Right.
"Oh uhm sorry, yes? Uh hi, welcome! What brings you to our bookshop today?" You cringed at your own awkwardness, but her expression didn't change too much from her frown.
"I lost a bet."
"A...bet?" Well this was unexpected. Surely your little shop was not so scary that getting into it was a dare? And this woman in front of you looked as if she'd be afraid of very little. She looked more disgruntled than scared anyways, light eyebrows corrugating over those piercing, beautiful blue eyes, lips pressing together as her nostrils flared out. She looked like the type of woman who spends more time in a gym than in a bookshop but apart from that, you had no idea what kind of bet would bring her here. Not that you were complaining. 
"Yes. I lost a bet and now I have to buy a book here. Surely you can provide me with one." She enunciated, as if she was talking to the dumbest person alive. You didn't care. Her accent was melting your insides into a pile of goo. 
I'd like to provide you with my number , your mind dreamily suggested as a reply, but you squashed it ruthlessly down. Not every woman with muscles is interested in other women, you reminded yourself. And even if she were, it didn't follow that she would be interested in you , anyway - the woman was the definition of Out Of Your League, with her short blonde hair, her chiseled jaw, her strong arms crossed on her chest…and you had lost your train of thought once again. 
"Hmmmm yes sure. Uhm not a fan of reading?" She bristled as if you had insulted her.
"Of course I read .” She scoffed “I make time to read daily. I simply don't waste my time with all of this..." she gestured around her, vaguely including the manga section and the horror shelves in her speech "...this fiction ." She spat the word as if it had offended her by its own existence.
Right.
If you had to be completely honest, if it had been anyone else insulting your beloved books, you'd have been all up in their faces. These weren't just books, they were your babies, your companions during the long days at work and your even longer sleepless nights, they were your best friends in a way no human ever could aspire to be. From the moment you had understood that in those pages lied countless stories, adventures you could partake in, emotions you had never felt, you were in love with reading already.
That's why you were working here, day after day, smiling up at the shelves filled to the brim, cursing the paperwork and cleaning and everything that kept you away from cracking open the newest release and losing yourself in its pages.
You loved your job because you loved books.
So anyone insulting your papery companions would be treated to your Cold Stare™ and Dismissive Attitude™.
And yet...you guessed this woman was clearly misguided in her dismissing all fiction with such a sneer. The fact that her sneer was so damn attractive didn't absolutely play any role in your sudden conciliatory attitude. Absolutely not. Nuh-huh. Not at all.
"Hello? Are you still there?" 
Well, fuck. Daydreaming of a client when they are in front of you. Great way to appear professional, and to make a good first impression on a gorgeous first-time client.
"Huh. Yeah, uhm sorry, I was thinking of possible recommendations that would suit your needs. What are your general interests?" You tried to patch things up only to be once again met with her frown.
"That is a useless endeavor. I will not enjoy wasting my time reading it anyways. Just give me one." 
"But you will read it?" 
"Of course! I did give my word."
Her word . Who said that nowadays? Giving your word? That was the stuff of old, of knights, of epic tales of heroism, of... fiction .
Oh.
You might have the right book for this hard, formal, stunning woman.
You stood up, surprising her with your sudden movement, but you didn't notice the way her eyebrows shot up, nor the way her eyes followed you as you made your way to the book, rising to your tiptoes to reach it.
You presented it to her like a hunter presents their caught prey.
"This." 
She gingerly caught it between her fingers, as if it could bite her, or worse, contaminate her with the debauchery of reading for pleasure.
"This?" 
"You'll like it." 
"Haven't you listened? I said I don't like fiction."
"I heard you. You didn't say you don't like it. You said you don't read it." You didn't even know where the confidence came from, but you were sure. This was the right book for her.
She seemed to be surprised by it. Surprised enough to give up her fight with a huff. 
"I guess I might as well get this since you're so sure about it." 
She started skimming the first pages as you rang it up for her, and you could see her frown slightly easing up.
You hid your smile, feeling it pulling at the corners of your mind as she absent-mindedly handed you her card, paid and wandered out the shop, her nose still in the book.
____
"So about that little bet we had, did you get the book?" 
Brienne didn't like admitting she was wrong. She sure as shit wouldn't admit that to Jaime of all people. She wouldn't hear the end of it.
But no matter all of her misgivings, she was enjoying that book. The plot had captivated her against her will, and more than one time she had found herself up until the early morning hours glued to the pages, lost in the description of adventures that had never happened if not in the fantasy of the author.
Such a far cry from her usual dry, factual fare of nonfiction books. Boring , some would call them, practical , she’d counter. You see, Brienne was a practical woman and she happened to like that about herself. And if people found her boring, it was their fault, not her own.
"Yes, I did get that" she replied in a bored tone, hiding her excitement below her well-polished mask.
She thought of the excitement on your face as you got the idea of suggesting this book to her. Of how smug you had looked when handing her the volume.
So sure she'd like it. And the most shocking aspect of it all was the fact that she did. 
And maybe, maybe in the privacy of her own mind she could admit to herself that she also thought of the way your shirt had risen as you reached for the book, exposing a sliver of your midriff as it did so. And the way your eyes had sparkled when you had handed her the novel, challenge and amusement and confidence mixing in your gaze. 
She had liked that too, just like the book, and just like the book she had liked it almost against her better judgment.
________
"How did you do it?"
Your heart skipped a beat as she charged into the shop, the bell ringing behind her long after she had entered, a thunderous frown on her face, the copy of the book she had purchased from you tightly held in her slender yet strong fingers.
She had gorgeous hands too…some people were just blessed with beauty, you thought. And you were blessed with being able to see and talk to such beauty.
The smile that climbed to your face was not your usual customer service one, but a warmer one, a special one just for her.
"So, did you like it?" 
She looked taken aback at your warmth, and you could see the faint beginning of a blush on her cheeks.
"I did, if you must know it!" She looked offended at the very thought. It was adorable.
"Oh I am so glad to hear that! The author is an emerging one, only has another one published, if you liked their style you might enjoy this too!"
"What for?"
"Why, as your next fiction book, of course. Isn't that why you came back?"
"I…maybe."
This time your smile got a definite hint of smugness in it.
"Are you going to fight me over this one too? Should I dare you to read this as well?"
"Listen here, don't get cocky. You just got lucky there. It won't happen again."
It did.
As a matter of fact it kept happening, and you fell into a sort of beautiful bookish routine. Depending on how long the book was and how busy she was, your favorite client would grace your shop with her presence once every couple of weeks or more, always putting up an offended front at having liked the fiction book you had suggested and yet always asking for another one.
Slowly but steadily she would start opening up about what she liked in them, allowing you to start collecting tidbits of information about her as well - she loved historical fiction, and fantasy too. She wasn't so keen on sci-fi and urban fantasy unless the plot was somehow worth it. She loved strong female main characters and complex character arcs. 
During the day she was kept busy from her work (law enforcement, she told you on one occasion, and didn’t go in more detail, you wondered if she was just a regular cop or maybe something cooler), but she found time to read in the evenings ("Mornings are absolutely for working out, no way I am skipping that for a book. Even if it is a good one.” she had stated, as if it was the law, and you had nodded dumbly, once again mesmerized by the intensity of her gaze, even if you woke up with a book and read it during breakfast and on the commute to the shop and couldn’t think of a better way to start the day). 
_______
“And I loved the world building in this one, the interaction between the characters, and I can't wait to read the second part and understand where these mechanical enemies are originating from!” 
You looked up at her as she agitatedly waved her copy of Clockwork Boys in the air, trying to express how much she had enjoyed it. You found it hard to believe how different she was from the hard, reluctant person that had first set foot in your shop. Mesmerizing. Just as she was. 
Suddenly you felt brave, braver than you'd ever thought you could be.
“In two weeks the author is going to be at our local book fair, if you'd like…maybe we could…go together?” you stumbled on your words a little and you could feel your cheeks getting hotter but that didn't change the fact that you had managed to ask your crush out!! 
And she didn't say no! She looked a bit stunned for a second but then she ran her free hand through her hair (oh it looked so soft and silky, you wanted to bury your hands in it too).
“Sure! Is it going to be Tuesday in two weeks, right?”
“Y-yeah.” Had she just…?
“Cool, I have the day off anyways, so it works like a charm.” She… She…
While your brain was still reeling, unable to process the fact that she had said yes , she grabbed the stack of post-its and pen and started jotting down something.
You blinked at her, unsure of what to make of the string of numbers you were seeing until she straightened up and handed you the sticky note with a…was it a shy smile pulling her lips up? Her eyes had never looked so big before, of that you were sure.
You looked at the sticky note. It was a pink one, and you had to resist the childish urge to draw hearts all around the numbers. You just were so happy! You thought as you went to save it into your phone, only belatedly noticing a glaring tactical error on your side. 
You still didn't know her name!
You felt like hitting your forehead on the desk. How was this even a thing? Who doesn't know their crush’s name? You, that's who. Too busy ogling her and inviting her to book fairs to remember to ask her her frickin name! 
Hehe. But you did ask her out and she did say yes. That had to count for something, right?
You looked down at your phone and then typed up “ My Knight 🩷 ” in the name field, struggling to contain the giggle that threatened to escape your lips. In another world she would have totally been a proud knight, protecting the defenseless and fighting for justice, you were sure of it. And she would have looked gorgeous in armor. 
Tomorrow, you told yourself. You'd text her to work things out tomorrow. Surely you could resist that long. The fair was ages away anyway. You could resist a handful of hours to avoid seeming desperate, surely you could.
You texted her that same night, of course. 
But she did reply almost instantly, and you managed to start a conversation beyond the bare minimum details of your…was it a date? It had to be a date, right?
She told you about her dinner, and how she had already started on the sequel of the book she had just finished. You could almost feel her excitement through the message.
You fell asleep with your phone beside you on the pillow, dreaming of soft blonde hair and armor  and book fair dates. 
____________
"Are you the one who's been selling Brienne fiction?" 
You were pretty sure you had never seen the man who had just entered your shop as if he owned it. 
"I'm sorry?" 
"You know, Brienne? Tall, blonde? Hates all fiction books except the ones you've been selling her?" 
So that was your knight's name! And what a roundabout way to learn it! Just like in the best novels, it seemed that you had been spared the humiliation of asking her for her name after you’d known each other for months. 
Brienne.
You liked the way it sounded. 
Brienne.
It sounded like the name of a warrior, a strong, hard-headed and hard-working woman who'd stop at nothing to achieve her dreams. A knight. 
“I am Jaime by the way, nice to meet you. So are you the one?" He offered you his hand, you took it mechanically, trying to answer his question without giving too much away. Your knight’s reading habits were none of this dude’s business,that’s for sure.
"I don't know if I am the only one. Maybe she just doesn't tell you about all the fiction she enjoys."
"Nice try to defend her honor. I see why she likes you."
She liked you?
Butterflies erupted in your stomach and it took all of your self-control to avoid bursting into a happy dance.
She liked you!! Shelikedyoushelikedyou.
She liked you. 
She liked you.
She liked you !
The man in front of you kept talking, oblivious to the cheering going on within your brain.
"Listen, I know Brienne, okay? She's a lovely girl but I had to bet with her to make her unwind enough to consider reading something for pleasure."
“Well she probably didn't find the right book until now.”
“Or the right book dealer… so are you hers or not?” 
"Maybe I am…But why do you want to know that?"
“Well if you were , I'd owe you a huge thanks and possibly a round of drinks, cause she's been in a downright good mood for the past months, and especially in the past week or so. As her partner, I spend most of the day with her, and believe me, I am beyond grateful for the change.”
Oh.
Her…
Oh.
Of course.
Of course she had a boyfriend. No, a partner. That's even more committed, right?You had been so stupid. Stupid and stupidly hopeful. So hopeful and you'd once again mistaken friendship for something else, just like you did so many times in the past. 
You tried to swallow around that piece of news, you kept on a brave face while he still waffled about something or something else, but you had no idea what he was talking about.Nor did you care, all the joy that had taken over you had just as quickly dissolved, leaving a bitter aftertaste in your mouth.
You didn't remember him leaving, but you knew that you were quick to lock the door after him and close up shop.Only then, surrounded by your beloved books, you allowed yourself to break down and cry all of your tears.
____________
You didn't cancel on Brienne, even if a part of you wanted to do nothing but stay home and mope. Yet you were sure you'd regret it for the rest of your life if you didn't go. 
And she had looked so happy when you had invited her. She probably didn't have a lot of female friends, you thought. When she talked of her hobbies, it had always been things that she did on her own. Working out, reading, jogging. 
She was probably glad to have some company. Someone to talk to that she vibed with. That was that. It had always been that, and you reading more into it didn't change the harsh truth.
Your heart was beating faster when you pulled up to the parking lot of the venue, but it was more due to trepidation than happiness. You had been preparing yourself mentally for a bookish date with your crush, not for…an outing with a friend. You weren't sure how to behave now, your mind too busy going through every single interaction the two of you had had, dissecting each word, each smile, each playful joke at each other's expense. When did you start thinking you could have a chance? At what point had your hopes become delusions?
Your phone started buzzing as you got out of the car. “My Knight 🩷” appeared on the screen, and you had to swallow against a hard knot. 
You know you should have changed the name. You knew her name now, and she most definitely wasn't your knight. And yet…you still hadn't.
With a sigh, you picked up, trying to be optimistic despite the dread pooling in your stomach. You could do this. Friends. You could hang out with your friend that just happened to be the hottest woman you'd ever seen. It was going to be okay. 
_____
It was not okay. 
It was anything but okay. 
Who thought that Brienne was going to be the kind of straight girl that gets all touchy-feely with her female friends? She had hugged you when you two met up and you thought you would die on the spot, surrounded by her arms and her perfume and the happiness of her voice.
And then as you walked through the venue, weaving through the stands, checking out books (you couldn't remember a single one you'd seen, preoccupied as you were with your companion) her hand kept finding excuses to touch you, once on the shoulder to get your attention, once wrapping around your elbow to direct you to a certain stand, once simply splayed on your back as you discussed cover designs.
It was torture. Every time her warm hands touched you, your heart would start racing, still stubborn in its hopefulness. But then you’d remember that it was all in your head and your heart would painfully constrict because oh it would have been so nice if it had just been true.
By the time you sat down in the auditorium where the author panel was about to start, you were a jittering mess. 
You kept replaying each interaction you had with Brienne, trying to rationally explain to your heart why, even if it might seem like she was coming onto you, she had a boyfriend and therefore it had to be her way of being friendly. 
Yes, even when she placed her hand squarely on your knee as the authors started their introductions.
To be honest you weren't sure what had been said at the panel. You mechanically laughed when you felt others do the same, and studied Brienne’s profile out of the corner of your eye. She had a soft smile on her face. As if she was enjoying herself. As if there was nothing wrong with the way her hand was resting on your leg, absentmindedly stroking lazy patterns with her thumb. Driving you mad. 
You were so engrossed in your thoughts and in her touch that you hadn't even noticed that the panel had ended, and most of the spectators had filed away, leaving the two of you alone in the auditorium.
You did notice Brienne shifting in her seat to turn towards you. Mainly because that caused her hand to climb slightly up your leg, putting it decidedly in the thigh area. Clearly an oversight on her part, but you could feel your breathing getting slightly quicker, and looking up to see her stunning eyes trained on you with laser-sharp focus didn't help you with that.
How unfair.
How terribly unfair for her to be so close, and yet unreachable.
How crushing that her hand, searing hot on your thigh, was not a promise of something more.
How sad that you'd never get to kiss those lips even if they were getting closer as Brienne leaned towards you…you could see her blonde lashes fluttering slightly, the small scar on her upper lip, her breath light on your face…
Suddenly she was too close.
Your heart jumped in your throat, and it felt like it had cut off all of your air supply. 
There was a ringing in your ears, and your skin was crawling hot and cold at the same time. 
You could see the little scar on her lip almost flickering, as your vision swam with black, and you knew without any doubt that you had to 
GET OUT OF HERE!! 
______
"So this is where you've been hiding." Brienne's voice was not warm anymore. You guiltily looked up at her from your spot on the bench. She wasn't smiling at you anymore and you wanted to hit yourself for that. It wasn't her fault that you had misunderstood all of her cues and kept seeing what your wishful thinking desired, and yet she had been the one to go through the pains of searching for you while you hid away to work your way down your panic attack.
She sat down beside you, a heavy sigh on her lips.
"I need to ask you something."
Oh. There it comes, you thought. The direct questioning that preceded the gentle let down. The 'I'm flattered but I don't feel the same' speech. As if you had never heard it before. Your heart remembered the pain as if it had been yesterday, and valiantly tried to brace itself for the inevitable rejection.
"Why?"
Huh? That…that was not what you expected her to start with, but she kept talking, and you had no choice but listen. "Why ask me out if you're so clearly uncomfortable with me? Is this some sick joke? It wasn't enough to prove me wrong over and over again? You wanted to humiliate me, too?" 
You could only stare open-mouthed at Brienne as she rained down harsh words on you, anger and pain mixing on her face. She was so beautiful. Even when angry. She looked like a vengeful angel, the righteous hand of God, coming to punish you for daring to hope too much .
"I-I'm sorry." You tried to explain yourself, but she didn't let you, her voice hard and cutting and relentless.
" You are sorry ? Is that all you can say? That's not enough for me. Especially when it's clearly bullshit. Do you think that's the first time people make fun of me? That someone thinks that going out with Brienne The Beauty is the funniest prank on Earth? Did you do it for a laugh, hm? Didn't expect me to say yes when you asked?" 
"No, actually I did not."
"You! The fucking nerv-"
"I didn't dare to hope you'd say yes because you're out of my league!" 
A stunned silence met your words. You didn't know where the strength to interrupt her came from but you had to. You couldn't let her go on thinking you had asked her out to make fun of her or something. And once you started talking, you couldn't help yourself. The truth had to come out, so you pushed on: "Which clearly you are. But you said yes and I…Brienne, I am so sorry. I tend to live in my head and you were so nice to me and I thought…but clearly I shouldn't have. Thank goodness Jaime told me before I made a fool of myself. Which apparently I still did. Fuck. I am sorry for that, I promise you I am enjoying myself today and I am sorry I am awkward and I understand if you don't want to see me anymore after this." 
"Jaime? What does he have to do with all of this? Did…did he set you up to do this?" You could hear the betrayal seeping in her voice and you couldn't bear it. If you couldn't have her, at least you could do your best not to have her break up with her boyfriend over a huge mess of a misunderstanding that you did all by yourself. By thinking you had a chance with this goddess.
Better if she hated you instead. Which she would do anyways. If she didn't already.
"No. Nono he's been nothing but friendly. He just dropped by the shop because he was curious about the books you've been reading." 
"Then why did you bring him up?"
"I didn't know, okay? When I asked you to come here, I didn't know."
"What didn't you know?" Oh she wasn't making it easy on you, was she? 
"I thought…I thought you might be interested in me - which I now realize is ridiculous. That's why I asked you out. I asked you and you said yes and you gave me your number and I thought it meant…I swear I didn't know! But then he told me and now I can't help but be awkward because I had thought this was a date and now it's not and I didn't want to ruin it for you which I guess I did anyways. I swear I didn't know when I asked you."
" Know what ? What did Jaime tell you?"
"That he's your…That you're his…That you two are together. Which makes sense, because you are so well assorted and you look perfect for each other and I am sure he can make you happy in ways that–" 
"WHAT?" The roar that came out of Brienne's mouth was almost feral.
"What 'what'?" You babbled back. You looked worriedly at her shaking hands. You knew she was going to be angry at you once she found out about your silly crush. But you still hoped she wouldn't hit you or something. She didn't seem like she'd be the type to take out her anger on you but…but those hands looked like weapons, clenched as they were into tight fists. 
"WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?"
You flinched away. You couldn't help it. The loud angry voice booming next to you, the hand shooting out towards your shoulder…you flinched away, your hands instinctively coming up to shield your face. Trying to make yourself as small as possible. Just as instinctively, apologies started dropping out of your mouth.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!" 
Silence.
Well, not really silence but the soothing pitter-patter of rain on the tin roof above you. 
But no words.
No more loud anger.
And no new pain blooming on your body.
You dared to open your eyes and peer beyond your hands. 
Brienne…well, she was beautiful, as always. But she was also white as a sheet, her deep, blue, stunning eyes wide open and bright with unshed tears. Her whole face a mask of hurt as her gaze took in your shape, as far away from her as the small bench allowed you. Her hand was still in the air, but it had lost all the strength, it was just hanging, palm half-opened towards you as if to show you it was harmless. When she spoke, her voice was little more than a broken whisper.
"I…I wasn't going to hit you."
"I…huh…I'm sorry."
She sighed and straightened in her seat, tearing her eyes away from you to settle them on her hands, now clenched in her lap. Her back was once again ramrod straight. Just as she probably was , your mind cruelly reminded you.
"No. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, to make you think that I was…unsafe. I guess that with how I look, it's an easy assumption to make."
"Beautiful."
"I'm sorry?" 
"You said 'with how I look' and that's beautiful. You're beautiful, Brienne. He's a really lucky man."
It wasn't her fault and you knew it. You couldn't blame her for this huge misunderstanding, you couldn't let her think that she or her appearance was to blame for your reactions.
You put your hand on top of hers, trying to get her eyes back on you, to show her how truthful you were. Her hands were so cold. She still didn't look at you.
"He…We huh we're not together together." Her whisper was so soft that you thought you had misheard.
You had to. 
"I'm sorry?"
"Jaime and I are not together." 
"You two…are not?"
"No! I don't know why he would…wait. What did he say? What were his words?"
"Huhhh I don't remember exactly. He said something about you being his partner." You tried to keep the accusation out of your voice. She didn't seem like the type to try to cheat on her partner, denying she was in a relationship at all. Gaslighting you for her own ends. And yet, you didn't dare to hope that…
"Oh for fuck's sake! Is this where all of this came from? He's my work partner . Not my romantic partner!"
"Your… oh . Fuck."
"Yes, fuck. And since we're on the subject, when you asked me, I thought it was going to be a date as well, that's why I gave you my number!! But then we were here and you kept avoiding me and you tensed up every time I touched you and when I tried to kiss you you just ran away and I thought…I don't know what I thought."
"Could you maybe…try that again?"
"Try what?"
"To kiss me. I promise I won't run away this time. Or have a panic attack."
"Just like that? That's not how it's done! The moment must be right and mmmmph–"
You didn't let her finish her sentence. You threw yourself at her, lips on lips, slightly smashing your noses together in your haste. 
But neither of you cared, lips moving against each other, her hand tangling in the hair at the base of your neck, and both of yours coming up to cradle her face. You didn’t care, because unbeknownst to the other, each one of you had dreamed of this moment so many times, and yet now that it was happening it was better than any fantasy. 
Comments are always welcome. If you want to read more of my fanfictions, here's my masterlist.
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queerly-done · 22 hours
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So my opinions on all the Dead Boy Detective/DBDA Characters
All of these are opinions as someone who has watched the show a few times now and also the Doom Patrol episode and I’ll give my opinions on the Doom Patrol versions at the end.
Spoilers for Dead Boy Detectives Show. And Doom Patrol season 3 ep. 3 and that episode alone
Charles Rowland
- Charles is such a sweetheart I love him. He’s always looking out for his friends and literally went to hell for Edwin, and kicked the Night Nurse for him. I just love him so much.
- I felt so bad for him in episode one when he says his dad, “wasn’t the nicest guy,” and in episode three when we see him break being forced to see a father k!ll his family over. I was actually crying with him saying he doesn’t “want to be a bad guy”! It broke me so badly, the abuse he went through and the fear he’ll become like his abusers is a very real thing and to see a character go through that makes the story feel more real, and makes me more sad. He could use some therapy.
- Him being the “brawn” of the team is pretty funny to me but thats most because if you watch the cast interactions you’ll see what I mean.
- All in all, I love him. He is loving, protective, loyal and has golden retriever with attachment issues energy mixed with scary dog privilege but the dog isn’t scary unless provoked.
Edwin Paine/Payne
- Adorable, get him some therapy please! He needs it! Man was so repressed for the first part of this show I thought I’d die before he confessed. But I don’t blame him honestly, his death was traumatic and being called a “Mary Ann” whilst being sacrificed likely would put a bad taste in your mouth about the idea of you being queer in any way shape or form. I am so proud of him good job!
- Honestly he just makes me so happy, and I love how he interacts with everyone and grows!
Crystal Palace
- I love her she is so bad ass and I hope wish the best for her
- She needs better taste in men, my suggestion date women
- I want to see a little more of her Nepo baby side of her past cause clearly that was a thing
Niko Sasaki
- Sweetie! I miss her! She was the only other person other than Charles to get Edwin out of his shell and it hurts me so much to see her be gone. Her death will forever haunt me.
Cat King
- I love him so much, he is my favourite kind of not evil but not good guy the kind that plays a game with people by flirting! Ahhh I love him! I don’t love that he falls for Edwin(I’ll make a separate post on this issue)
- Anywho I still love him he gives off chaotic gender neutral vibes and the song Sex With a Ghost was made for him, I just love him!
Monty the Crow
- Monty I love you but don’t kiss people without consent!
- Honestly he was very important, and sweet he didn’t deserve all the pain he’s been through, may better things come his way.
Jenny the Butcher
- Badass. I love everything about her. Her style, the way she gives advice, yes I just love her so much. I want to see more of her.
- Her episode made me so sad for her ;-;
Esther Finch
- Honestly I love her as a villain she was so evil, and a genuine threat. She is also so hot and scary I just love her.
David the Demon
- A creep I didn’t like him, I don’t know what else you want?
Doom Patrol versions!
Charles Rowland
- He was so funny in this, I loved him. I love how the show conveyed a mutual interest from him to Edwin they are both just too dense to say anything about it. I also love that it seems the only thing he knows about America is that they like baseball.
- They did have to go off and hurt me with the fear of water scene, but he was so sweet protecting Edwin from the Night Nurse(who in this is just 10 times scarier)
Edwin Paine
- Him not getting anything about modern times and brushing off his feelings for Edwin was so well done! I love how he tells Larry he “isn’t like him” saying he isn’t queer and that if he were that would be bad, he says this all in a very rude and brash tone and then proceeds to comfort Charles in the nicest to he is capable of.
- Beautiful 10/10
Crystal Palace
- Boss ass Bitch, girl boss. 8/10 I love her but no real opinions yet that is I may go back one day and edit this for her
I hope you liked this dumb post :3
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louisisalarrie · 3 days
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How can there be a bbg ending? Like Louis just says ‘oh btw he’s not mine’
if u are a PR member from Louis’ team, please listen carefully, because there are a couple of ways to end it, and I will be expecting my pay check asap thank youuuuuu.
Simon Jones, or whoever you may be, welcome to the show!
(these are the sad endings where we feel bad for Louis and boost his image to the gp as a good guy):
1. fight ending in paternity test (a number of different arguments could be used for this) and then bam turns out B has been using him for money like her ex said she would do to Louis and slept with multiple people around that time. Now, you may be thinking “oh but L has publicly treated this kid like his own and he’s a nice guy surely he’d still want to be in this kid’s life” and Louis would make a statement like “if F wants me to be there still as a person in his life I will be but that’s up to him. Please respect their privacy” but we never end up seeing any more photos of them etc., so it’s essentially over. Oldest trick in the book. He’ll come out looking squeaky clean. I kinda think that’s why they didn’t do a paternity test sooner. It’s the last trick up their sleeve to end it when they were ready.
2. Louis is like “I’ve known for a while he’s not mine, but I didn’t want to announce to the world because I still care about him and it would cause a fiasco for him and B from the fans, but B and I think it’s time and I am going to take a step back from his life to not put him in the spotlight any further. Pls respect their privacy” so he looks like he’s lied for a little bit, but “known for a while” would be post AOTV, and he was just worried about his kid dealing with the media and fans and the onslaught that would bring. What a good and caring guy who’s looking out for a kid that’s not even his! Wow.
Those are just 2 that come to the top of my head. There would need to be further planning and more detail, but you get the gist. Those 2 remove his paternity completely. NOW these theories also heavily depend on the way larry wanna come out. Is it gonna be a shock tell all? Because in that case, the above doesn’t matter. Or is it going to be coming out separately and then getting together? Is it going to be coming out together and saying it’s a new thing and they “reconnected”? Well, that I don’t know. But the two above still confirm that Louis is, or was, into women and didn’t, or still doesn’t, define himself as gay. So that’s also a spanner in the works which again, I don’t entirely know the identity he aligns with, but I lean towards gay over ever being bi etc. because of his interactions with women.
So if we want to look at ways where he looks like the good guy (also not sad in a club but I guess maybe a bit??) and entirely remove him from ever being near a vagina, this is my main one:
1. Louis was a surrogate for B at the time as she is a close friend and was in a space to have a baby and he was happy to do it because he loves kids and wanted one of his own but he’s gay so he can’t, so it worked out well. The media took things out of perspective and blew it up into something different than what it was, but they ran with it because he wasn’t ready to come out. And wow… what a generous and loving guy! He loves that kid and he’s still a dad, he’s lied to us but it’s just because he was scared to come out, that’s truly both a heartbreaking and heartwarming story. (The timeline of bbg is messy as it is, so this would need some refining to work without looking suspicious).
So, how do we make him not a dad and ALSO never been into women? Well… a tell all is gonna be the best way to do this, exposing the stunts. But legally, a huge process (unless they say fuck it and cop whatever the repercussions may be). But if we’re doing a slow coming out, I think he’s gonna kind of have to be F’s dad unless it’s a paternity test or a tell all. He’s in too deep with AOTV and the Instagram posts and his family and shit. I don’t think we can have 100% gay and 100% not a dad without it being truly bizarre for the gp to swallow.
Idk im very tired but you can also go to my bbg tag and just have a sift through where I talk about this a bit more in depth.
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belle--ofthebrawl · 5 months
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2024 resolution to write more femslash and ghoulettes.
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buddiesmutslut · 3 months
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LISTEN. If we get a bisexual!Buck arc, I will ACTUALLY LITERALLY CRY, I’m already emotional just thinking about it, it will literally bring me so much joy
BUT
I don’t want it at the expense of an Eddie coming out arc…
Bc listen, I read a post talking abt how the writers probably won’t give both of them a really flushed out Queer Realization Arc bc it would be redundant, which like, okay sure, yes, I can see why you wouldn’t want to have two main, male characters going through the exact same thing, so sure, whatever, BUT -
I feel like, out of Buddie, Eddie is going to be the one that really struggles with coming to terms with his sexuality.
Eddie, who had to be The Man Of The House at 10 years old. Eddie, who grew up in the Deep South. Eddie, whose family is Catholic. Eddie, who already had a strained relationship with his judgmental parents. Eddie, who had a WIFE. Eddie, who says that what he had with Shannon was magic & compares every relationship he had to her. Eddie, who was in the military, which is infamous for DADT. Eddie, whose aunt constantly pushes him at random women because he needs to not be alone. Eddie, who canonically suffers from comp-het, saying that dating women feels like putting on a performance, not that he understands why. Eddie, who dated Ana & was planning on staying with her, even though he was unhappy, for his son.
I think Buck would be way chiller with realizing he’s queer - if he doesn’t already know, which is my fav head-cannon - & I feel like he wouldn’t struggle as much bc it’s Eddie, & Eddie is his best friend, and gender wouldn’t play as big a part for him as I think it would for Eddie.
I would love for them both to have an arc where they worked through their expectations when it comes to relationships & realize that they’re queer, but idk man, I feel like Eddie is going to be the one to really struggle & he deserves to really have that flushed out.
Idk, I’ve been thinking about this ever since I saw that post & nobody I know watches 9-1-1 😭
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kaizokuseb · 1 year
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god fucking damnit. i woke up from a nightmare this morning and just immediately broke down sobbing. sometimes i cry after a nightmare (because they’re literally all about the people i love suddenly being indifferent/cruel to me), but i still feel like i could start crying again any second
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possamble · 1 month
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realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
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calenhads · 9 months
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act 2…. done?
#idk if it’s actually done or not but whatever#i’m going to sleep since i’m getting brunch with friends tomorrow at an hour earlier than i am normally awake#but yes i killed ketheric and lifted the shadow curse ig?#it’s not entirely gone yet but it’s getting there#and i met dame aylin my best friend in the whole wide world#i love the way she speaks it’s soooo good and really elevates her character#also. women. yeah.#vive la lesbians or whatever#i am having many thoughts abour jubilee as well but i will contain those to their own post. maybe.#i’m excited to actually get to baldur’s gate#also since i finally met them in game i can understand#the uncontrollable lust for enver gortash…. yeah. i like his nose so much#and orin of course i cannot forget about orin. i understand you all#she is so so so cool and has never done anything wrong ever#ketheric made me sad though. he’s just a really sad old man who did terrible things#i was fine until the note on his body from a clearly very young isobel.#the fact that he kept it all these hundred and some-odd years makes me insane#me when fathers do terrible horrible things to the world for the sake of a daughter. yeah.#ALSO by dame aylin association my shadowheart romance is going well#i did have to have The Talk with gale though because i forgot i flirted with him one too many times 😭#he kept looking at me with his huge wet sad brown eyes#i like him so much i need to do his romance SOON#meaghan talks#meaghan plays bg3#bg3 spoilers
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dirt-str1der · 1 year
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Trans kiryu is a genuinely funny hc because like trans majima is like oohh angst ohh she has to fight to be accepted she has to deal with people making fun of her for being a man in a dress she has to take into account her position and social standing and kiryu is literally just kiryu forever because the universe loves him too much to ever force him into a situation unless its to go to prison in which case hes like yayyy i love jail yayy yayyy
#Yakzua loveblog#im just talking to myself you guys dont need to read anything#in fact dont read this im going to talk about transphobic nishiki again anyway#my transphobic nishiki hc is the most important one to me because. like we all need to have some transphobic people in our lives#i do think that nishiki calls him ‘kiryu’ even though theyre best friends forever because when nishiki will always accidentally say his#deadname instead of ‘kazuma’ even though i know that nishiki is literally the one who gave him the name kazuma to make fun of kiryu for#thinking hes a boy and it just kind of stuck but nishiki eventually stuck. with calling him kiryu because thats how he prefers to be called#they are bestfriends for a reason .... and nishiki is the only one kiryu will let be transphobic towards him because theyve known each other#for forever and he knows he means no harm by it like he will still hit him but nishiki takes it in stride because its their thing and its#never not funny to make kiryu annoyed like for anyone else its an uncrossable line but once a month nishiki will lead kiryu into the womens#section to shop for new clothes and kiryus like Somehow i always knew you wore womens jeans and nishikis like HEY !!!!#but as kids they were always very cute because theyre always together and you can never really tell whos following who because it seems like#theyre on the same wavelength until nishiki realises that life is so much easier when youre working smart so he went to work on his INT stat#while kiryu never stopped being a wild animal like hes literally some sort of monkey to me sorry for dehumanising him because of his autism#like i adore his ‘own little bubble’ way of life as long as he’s physically okay kiryus not going to complain about anything. like when he#said ‘i decide to do things based on whether i love it or hate it’ im like Yeah i bet you do. he sits outside the orphanage all day playing#with rocks until nishiki comes finds him then they both go outside to smash open windows with the rocks kiryu has gathered and kiryus in his#little skirt and he always uses it to carry things in you know how it is and he stopped going to school to be a bigger menace than everyone#anyway did i mention that the universe loves kiryu. especially his genes he was very lucky because he never had a big chest or nothing he#was always going to get tall and thick in the shoulders and beefy and when he cut his hair it just sealed the deal he passed with flying#colours like young children are indistinguishable by gender unless they have a big pink bow in their hair but kiryu radiated masculinity#from a young age and his aggressive way of life didnt help. well it helped a lot actually. a lot of people were scared of him and nishikis#like dont be scared of kiryu shes nice when you get to know her and everyones like ?? thats a girl ???#in fact it made more sense for kiryu to be a boy at that point so he went to kazama and told him and kazama was like ok lets make it happen#like kiryu and nishiki are so special because there is nobody in the universe more transphobic to kiryu than his own brother but also nishik#was the one helping kiryu shop for boy clothes when he was clueless about it like hes not stupid but he really doesnt know about fashion and#he trusts nishiki to not make him look stupid and nishiki is of course like 😏 well well well youre having a girl moment arent you#nishiki is okay with kiryu being a guy because this means that now whenever kiryu hits him he can fight back without being misogynistic#okay im done talking my noodles are getting cold but kiryu as a kid would have been a veritable nightmare#oh yeah my trans beam extended to nishitani as well because just look at him. everybody majima wants to sex is trans
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biromanticbookbabe · 1 year
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Okay BUT that ancient idea that all 'good' women don't have any sexual desires at all, only men do is highly destructive and still influencing society today...
For a very long time, I was so uncomfortable with the idea of having a sexuality at all because I internalized that shit. YES, REALLY!
For many years, I fought for the rights of my gay friends fiercely (all the while not connecting the dots of why it mattered to me on a more personal level).
I was loudly vocal about LGBT activism at my college, all while living like a nun and avoiding ever having to deal with any of my personal feelings.
Suppressing yourself like I did is NOT healthy. I wouldn't suggest it at all.
#I tell you I was probably the least self aware person you have ever met#granted I am sort of glad it turned out this way because I didn't know I was bipolar until I was 22#So somehow younger me was just put all her manic energy into really loving the gays...hmm wonder why#I would not want to be a scary unmedicated girlfriend nooooooo because trust me it would have been UGLY#and somehow I thought I was asexual...I was just very good at supressing things which I can't any more because of the bipolar#and because I wanted to be the perfect daughter I tried to be straight and failed horribly at it...comp het is horrible it really is#don't waste your entire 20s trying to be someone you aren't#look you can be ace and be a woman that's not my point#hypersexuality which is a symptom of bipolar disorder pretty much rules out being asexual- sorry but I realized it#I wasn't asexual because I wasn't interested in men I was gay because I had been interested in women the whole time#I just aggressively ignored it for the most part since I had some fucked up ideas about myself and cared too much what people would think#one of my best friends is a lesbian irl and many many of my friends in school were LGBT of some kind#I purposely sought out other LGBT people to hang out with- because on a level I knew I belonged with them#I definitely miss the communities at school and I could just be around other gay people and just chill there#I'm lucky in that way I think and I hope all LGBT people experience that sense of belonging in their lives#Idk but I was thinking about the damaging confinement of assumed asexuality for women when uhhh that's not accurate WOMEN CAN HAVE DESIRES#mychatter
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promised-meadow · 2 years
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I didnt participate in lesbian week a bit ago bc I didn't feel I was allowed to. Fuck that noise. I'm a proud lesbian and I'll be as gay as I want. Happy pride, everyone
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