#i thought i'd burned out on suptober

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

Maintenance

When Sam’s phone rings and he sees Castiel’s caller ID, he can’t quite suppress the old sense of alarm. Their lives have been peaceful for a while now - maybe too peaceful. And although Dean and Cas have seemed happy since moving into Bobby’s old cabin last year, Sam doesn’t trust that happiness. From experience, good things never last for the Winchesters.

Warily, he picks up the phone. “Cas, hey, what’s going on?”

“Can I seek refuge at the bunker?” As usual, the angel isn’t one for preliminaries.

“Why?” Sam asks, immediately worried. “What happened? Where’s Dean?”

“He’s at the farmer’s market.”

“The farmer’s market? What for?”

“To buy food.” Cas sounds annoyed. “That’s what you do there.”

Sam rubs his forehead. “I know that. But I didn’t know Dean did. But what does that have to do with you seeking refuge? Is someone after you? Something? Do you need help?”

“I definitely need help.” A nuance of desperation bleeds through Castiel’s grumpiness. “The situation is dire.”

Sam is squinting into the phone now. He still has no idea what the hell Cas is talking about.

“Cas, what happened? What the hell is going on?”

On the other end of the line, the angel sighs deeply. “I sent Dean for a check-up.”

“A check-up? At the doctor’s?” Sam’s heartbeat picks up.

“Yes. Humans are feeble creatures. They need maintenance, Samuel,” Cas lectures him.

“I know that,” Sam all but snaps back, his patience wearing thin. “And Dean went? Is he sick?”

“Not yet. But he could become sick if he doesn’t watch his-... wait, I forgot what it’s called.” There’s a pause, and Sam hears paper rustling in the background. “... his cholesterol. It’s too high.”

Now it’s Sam’s turn to sigh. He has a hunch where this is going. “Did his doctor put him on a diet?”

Castiel grunts gloomily. “He told him to swap meat for vegetables.”

“Let me guess,” Sam says, battling a feeling somewhere between relief, worry and laughter. “He’s eating greens and hating it.”

“...and being unbearable, yes,” Cas adds. “I know he’s doing this for me, Sam. He wants to be healthy for me. But, dear God, he’s killing me.” Sam can literally hear the misery written on the angel’s face.

“That bad?”

“He’s angry all the time. Even when he sleeps.”

Sam can’t help it. He chuckles.

“It’s not funny, Sam.”

“I know, I know.” Sam disguises his inappropriate mirth in a cough. “I’m sorry, Cas. I can imagine.”

He hears Castiel scratch his ever-present stubble.

“What shall I do, Sam? Can I stay with you and Eileen for a while? Until he's less... like this?”

Sam takes a moment to think. “Of course you can. But I don’t think it’ll help Dean’s mood if he thinks you’re leaving him.”

“I’m not leaving him!” Cas is appalled.

“No, but he’ll take it that way, Cas. You know how he is. He’s always afraid that you will. And he’ll blame himself. And that will make him even more angry.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.” Glumly.

“That bad?”

“Demon Dean was a ray of sunshine compared to him.”

“Oh.”

They both fall silent for a moment. Sam is just about to suggest something when, on the other end of the line, he hears a door slam.

“Sam, Dean’s back,” Castiel hisses.

“Hey hey! Who are you talking to, Cas?”

Dean’s voice. Bright and cheerful.

“I’m… I’m talking to Sam…”

“Oh yeah? Tell him and Eileen to come over tonight! I’m putting steaks on the grill. And burgers. I’m gonna show that doctor where he can shove his cholesterol.”

Dean laughs, defiantly and wholeheartedly, and Sam can imagine the i-don’t-give-a-damn joy in his brother’s eyes.

Then Castiel is back on the line. “Did you hear what he said?” He sounds very relieved.

“Yes.” Sam smirks. “Problem solved, I guess?”

“For now. But I’ll need you to teach me some heart-healthy recipes. Maintenance, remember?”

“I’ll be happy to. But it’s you who’ll make him eat them.”

Castiel sighs again. “God help me.”

Sam chuckles again. “I’m afraid you’re on your own, buddy.”

He hangs up, to the sound of Dean whistling gaily in the background.

#suptober23 #no.12 #swap-meat #fanfic #it's not what you think #will you look at that #i thought i'd burned out on suptober #but apparently there's still some juice left in me #castiel #sam winchester #dean winchester #humor #destiel