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havin-fun-imagining-twd · 1 year

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A measure of reverence, Pt. 1

Please accept my genuine apologies for the month long delay again, slowpokes. I do have the next two stories after this typed out, which amazes even me :D

When - the morning of the season 2 Chupacabra episode whooo. For the Slowpoke Series, the morning after A mighty good team.

What - the group is gearing up for another day of searching. There’s caffeine, chattering about an iconic early 2000s TV show, Daryl cracking funnies (”What are you brayin’ at, jackass?”), and Shane’s gradual descent. And you finally primp your eyebrows

Relationships - slow burn Daryl x You at the friendship level growing stronger every day, platonic Glenn, and more.

Perspective - You 2nd, Him (Daryl POV) 3rd

Pronouns? - she/her for convenience

TWs? - some language

Is it super long? - nope, about 3,500 words

Is it boring? - at times, y’all, you know how it is. This one was kept lighter because the next two are a bit darker

Are there plot references to other stories? - aw yeah, here’s a link to the Masterlist, slowpoke

Are there lame screenshots from the episode? - naturally, and word-for-word dialogue!

(never wanted to do a bleach wash for a fictional character’s costume so badly)

................................

Early-morning

................................

your morning

“Your mama said yes?” you check with Jimmy again.

“Yeah.”

“I think it’s smart, he knows the area.” Glenn sounds unsure of himself when he next volunteers, “And hey, after we get back, I can help you with…stuff. What, um, what stuff around the farm needs doing? I grew up helping my parents in the garden?”

While those two talk about that, you see that Lori is up and dressed and already hanging laundry to dry. She didn’t really sleep in as much as she probably needed to, but you call “Good mornin’!” just the same and go over to help her.

Dude, you’ve been buzzing around since 6am. The migraine that hit you last night you were able to pretty much do away with after taking the prescription Glenn found—but you woke up early to desperately use the toilet (not even in the RV, you’d used a quickly dug hole by the treeline behind some brush and trees. Blame the magnesium and charcoal).

Anyhoo, you made the coffee today while still half-asleep, and dude, one cup of coffee usually doesn’t perk you up so much!

You’d set up a jar of sun tea for Carol, did laundry, spent some time with Carl, chatted with Maggie and Patricia, survived the lengthy discussion between Rick and Hershel about Carl’s transfusion this afternoon during which Rick still didn’t confront you about how Carl getting shot was your fault and you really wish someone would just out and say it and get it over with, then you opened up + fed + watered the chickens before collecting the eggs for the Greenes, sacrificed a t-shirt to be made into fabric strips for the search party today, primped your eyebrows (finally), made your hair look passable, and wiped down with baby wipes in your tent by way of showering, AND learned some shoulder/neck PT exercises from Jimmy, it was great! You’ve barely even fallen into an inner spiral about the Shane/Lori/Rick/baby situation and about poor Sophia all morning!

Trotting over to Lori, you place your mug (it’s Jacqui’s old mug, actually) on the ground and start to help hang the damp, cleaned clothes. “How’d you sleep?”

Something about the way she says it seems hint that she feels guilty for not waking up early. “Slept like a log, if you can believe it. I didn’t even feel Rick get up.”

“Good.” You shake out and flatten Dale’s cargo pants to get some of the wrinkles out before hanging them.

“Was that your doing, then?”

“Might could’ve told him to sleep in with you last night.”

She takes a slow breath, then pastes on a smile and is most likely trying to sound normal when she asks, “Next time, wake me, especially on laundry day. How are you, is your dizziness gone, honey?”

“All gone.” But ouch, you lift your injured shoulder a little too high while hanging the pants.

She notices and lightly tuts. “Let me hang them, you can hand me the clothespins.” While fixing the line, she makes sure, “Last night, Patricia mentioned checking your stitches. Did you see her?”

“Saw her this morning when I was talking with Maggie. My stitches are doing great, gonna have ’em for another week or so. Why did you have on that frowny face as I walked over here, Lore?” You glance down at her belly then back to her eyes.

With a subtle shake of her head, she hangs up another shirt. “It’s nothing, it was…” she peeks over at you. “Carol just called me our ‘unofficial first lady.’ At first I thought it was funny, but...” That pasted-on cheerful expression falls away to reveal a sort of nervous look. “I-I don’t know why—was that just her saying that, you think?” Her tone of voice suggests that she hopes it’s only Carol who thought so.

However, you shrug very unhelpfully. “Rick is kinda the group’s head, I guess. How’d it come up?”

“She wants to cook dinner for the Greene’s.” She pauses, frowns, and becomes visibly uncomfortable. “But she thought the offer would sound better coming from me. I should’ve told her that was just Ed’s voice in her head, but I was too…I-I didn’t know what to respond so I just kept hanging laundry.”

At least her brows smooth out when she adds, “Dale’s boxers, of all things.”

That got you giggling. “On that topic, I don’t know how y’all got all the bloodstains out of all these. You’d never know.”

The clothes T-Dog had been wearing when his arm got sliced open + the clothing you, Rick, and Carl had been wearing when Carl was shot = clean as if nothing at all happened. Even the clothes the Greene’s lent you that you wore for two and a half days straight (and got egg and blood stains on) look fresh.

You crouch down to grab your coffee and cannot help but remember the phrase Daryl used last night regarding your ‘mother-henning’ as you check, “Did you eat enough breakfast, Lore? That way your vitamins will absor—shoot, we have to get vitamins.”

“I had some water when I woke up.”

“Oh, that’ll keep you going.”

She bumps you with her hips, entertained enough to smile a little.

“Wanna use Jacqui’s mug after I’m finished?” you offer, holding it up. The handle had broken during the rush to leave the CDC, but Lori glued it after. “Have a sip, it’s nice and strong. A little bit is okay, right?”

Nodding, she takes it and her eyes turned glassy. “I miss her.”

Which is why you aren’t expecting the sudden grin after she drinks some. “Honey, this is espresso.”

...........................

his morning

He’d woken up early and taken out the original map to bring to his tent so he could fix all the grids. When his stomach started yelling at him for breakfast, he brought the map back to the campsite and downed a can of beans while working. He even put timeframes down, it was a productive-ass early morning. And that’s with his slight headache after getting slightly drunk last night.

It was Y/N who actually, um…she noticed he wasn’t feeling too hot and went and brought him some painkillers. After poking fun about his breakfast choice, obviously.

Speak of, she’s on her way over with a mug of coffee.

“Good morning, troublemaker,” Dale calls to her. He’s holding this real teeny mug (teacup? fancy shot glass?). “It’s nice to be using Irma’s demitasse this morning.”

Not knowing what that means, Daryl watches as Y/N twists her mouth playfully while chirping back, “G’morning, Dale.”

“You’re definitely feelin’ better,” Daryl muses when she reaches him.

“Miles better from last night. Good stuff is gonna happen today.” She holds out her mug for some reas—oh, the coffee is for him?

Again, he has to quickly pause and digest what it feels like for somebody to give a damn, then has to shove back the assumption that there’s some hidden angle behind it.

Except, when he goes to grab it, it’s barely full (?).

Carol’s voice pops in from his right, and he hasn’t ever heard her sound so teasing before. Never heard her make much noise at all. “Was the espresso accidental, pookie?”

Ha, ‘pookie.’

“Might could’ve been?” Y/N admits with a groan. “Yo, feel my pulse, it’s goin’ haywire.”

That explained why there wasn’t much coffee in the cup, he guesses. Intending to check over the map again, he’s next aware of Y/N snickering to Carol, “Ohh-ho, can that be his nickname?” with her thumb pointed at him.

What does she mean about a nickname? Best ignore that.

...wait, did she mean ‘pookie?’

His ears perk up again upon hearing Y/N happily announcing, “Nah, I slept off the migraine like almost completely!”

That makes him stop nit-picking the grid boundaries and look up at her. “Last night?” Is she even okay to go out today?

Y/N gives a little bow and takes a sip from her water bottle. “Like two hours after falling asleep I woke up ’cause I was getting one, so I took one of the pills Glenn found at the drug store and,” she pauses and turns around. “Glenn, air high-five!” she calls over, and he and she do a little clapping motion from a few yards away. And yeah, she winces because she used her bad shoulder.

Turning back with a shrug, she finishes, “But yeah, I simply went back to sleep, woke up feelin’ pretty good. I th-think having all those other painkillers already in my system helped,” she adds as Carol walks back to, uh, he didn’t know, someplace, wherever she came from. “How’s your hangover, any better? Stomach ain’t queasy?”

“I didn’t drink enough to get hungover, m’fine,” he grumbles. “You, uh, doing okay with what you got goin’ on?”

“Same as yesterday.” She starts concentrating on the new grid lines and appears to be silently mouthing directions while pointing out the path they’d taken yesterday. It’s like she’s studying for a test.

Then a dumb thing happens: when he goes to wipe his nose on his shirt, he smells tuna fish.

Cigarettes he knows he smells like, and BO, obviously, everyone’s sweaty as hell these days, but tuna? He’s gotta draw a damn line somewhere.

When he asks Y/N about it, she’s too absorbed in the grid to give a helpful answer. “I never really mind how you smell, to be honest. Ain’t there a thing to do with gene compatibility and that or some such?”

She doesn’t really mind how I…and what was that about jeans?

Lifting up his shirt again to sniff it then fast as he can, yanking it down where it rode up in the back so his scars won’t be on display, he asks more plainly, “I don’t smell like fish?”

“Oh, that, yeah.” She nods, taking another sip of water. “You had tuna with your breakfast again, right?”

He shakes his head and stands there dumbfounded, trying to figure out how it was possible that he smells like fish (and why he cares).

Rick comes over to study the grid, positioning himself next to Y/N with a “Good morning, weirdo. Daryl, how’s things?”

Then, Daryl remembers how he’d tossed that can of tuna he’d had for breakfast yesterday into his tent. When he took off his overshirt last night, he must’ve flung it right onto the can.

Maybe he should clean up in there…

…Either way, he’s jogging over to change.

.................................

You

“Colored strips to mark the boundaries and searched areas, that’s clever,” Rick mumbles. “Hey Dar—wait, where’d he g—” He looks up and all around. “Y/N, where’s Daryl? I was about to ask him a question.”

“Grabbin’ a fresh shirt.”

He nods and points to a spot on the map. “Do you know what this here is?”

“A high ridge. He wants to get to the top ’cause it’ll show a lot of the search area.”

“Then it looks like you and he are set to head this way after searching this stretch right here?”

“Mr. Greene said most of the houses there were cleared of any sick ones—um, walkers,” you share, massaging the side of your neck the migraine hit last night. “Our hope is Sophia found a safe place to hole up there, it’s right off the trail.”

On her way back to finish helping T-Dog cut the fabric strips for the search grids, Andrea briefly comes over and stands beside you to get a look at the new plans.

Rick’s doing The Squint at you. “Are you okay to join us today? How’s your head? I know Shane doesn’t…” he gestures at you leaves it at that.

Yeah, you know what Shane doesn’t want and what he thinks about the whole thing.

You assure Rick, “My head’s pretty good, all told,” and leave it at that.

“And the rest of you?” he presses, maintaining the squint.

Andrea raises her brows and has your back when she says, “She's able to decide for herself,” as she turns back to rejoin T-Dog, who, as you now see, is inclining his ear to listen in.

“Are your energy levels even any good after givin’ almost three pints two days ago?” you more remind Rick than ask.

He glances behind at the T-Dog and Andrea. Why’s he about to smile? “Well, after about a coffee mug’s worth of espresso,” he chuckles, “I’d say so.”

Ah, another accidental victim. You’re grateful no one in the group has heart issues (and that some of them recognized the mistake by the taste. You and Rick did not have that skill).

“Sorry, Ricky,” you say through an awkward smile.

But it’s cool, he’s still grinning about something. He looks at Andrea and T-Dog again. “When I mentioned how Shane doesn’t feel comfortable with her searching today, she licked the ridge of her teeth just like he does when he’s mad.”

“You’d think they was raised in the same house,” T-Dog dryly comments.

A dumb thing happens: the comment doesn’t hit you like you expect it to. You should have giggled and forgotten about it.

And you like being compared to your siblings, you love them. You loved it when your foster siblings started adopting mannerisms like you guys.

But hearing that silly, little, meaningless observation comparing you and Shane, it hit different…

Stop being an idiot about it. Stupid girl. Shane is a good man, you know that. Give him a damn break.

Rick looks more serious when he murmurs, “Speak of, let me go get him. Just need to go over a few things. Be ready in a few.”

.................................

Him

He had to take a dump first, so he’s only just now grabbing a different shirt. He figured he’d just yank his clean one from the clothesline.

“I can give you one of Shane’s ribbed tanks if you want,” he then hears Y/N offer.

He looks over to where she’s walking with two bundles of strips, one white, one yellow.

Then he looks down at his tank top. Is it that bad?

Whatever, he’s gonna put something on over it, anyway. “It’ll get just as mucked up as this one.” Speaking of, he grabs his shirt off the clothesline and starts to unbutton it.

This look passes over her face as she peeks at his tank top for a stretch longer than he would think was normal. “That was Merle’s,” she figures out.

How, he has no idea.

“You’ve always worn the ones with the thick straps that go up higher, your brother tended to wear the more wife-beater type—sorry! The kind with thinner straps. Ma hated the nickname for those types of tanks.” She follows this up with an apologetic mention of, “They called them ‘wife-beaters’ in The OC, so it’s on my mind,” as if whatever that was made sense to him.

“...That a movie?”

“A TV show. Oh, Glenn!” she suddenly calls over to him.

One of their little exchanges starts. Daryl forgets to put on his shirt because truth be told, it’s kinda easy to get kinda sucked in when those two start, even though those two can jabber on about literally damn nothing.

She stretches her arm carefully. “Your middle sister made you watch The OC with her, right?” she asks Glenn.

“She and I did, yeah. Appa, too, but it was more of a hate-watch thing. Kinda weird they only ever had one Asian on the show, dude, like, Orange County’s got a huge Asian population. We’re like 1 in 6.”

Y/N looks at Daryl in expectation of him being surprised, too, then back at Glenn. “For real?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s crazy.” She flops the bundle of fabric strips from one hand to another. Glenn starts to sword fight it or whatever with the other bundle of strips.

“Oh right, sorry—anyways,” Y/N starts up again, “Maggie and I got to talkin’ about the show over breakfast. We both decided it stopped existing five minutes before the third season ended but we both love that Kirsten and Sandy had another baby in the season four.”

“Oh, and the thing with Kirsten’s alcoholism? And the way Ryan—”

However Glenn was gonna end that sentence gets cut off by Rick as he and Shane stride over to the map laid out on the hood of Carol’s old Jeep station wagon.

“Good mornin’, guys. Let get going. We got a lot of ground to cover.”

Daryl jogs over with his shirt. It’s hot as hell outside, he’s already sweating like a pig in a bacon factory.

He ends up next to T-Dog, Rick in the middle, Andrea beside him, Y/N, then Shane.

“All right, everyone’s getting new search grids today,” Rick starts. “If she made it as far as the farmhouse Daryl found, she might’ve gone further East than we’ve been so far.”

As Daryl finally puts on his shirt, the teenage boy appears from out of nowhere. “I’d like to help,” he pipes in. “I know the area pretty well and stuff…”

“Hershel’s okay with this?” Rick asks.

“Yeah. Yeah, um—he said I should ask you.”

Unless he was just nervous, what that Jimmy kid just said was either a lie or a white lie. But, Rick doesn’t argue.

For a cop, that guy’s a little too trusting. “All right, then. Thanks.”

Daryl catches Y/N’s frown as she looks at him, then at Jimmy, then at Rick with her brows all low, unconvinced. It looks like she’s about to wave Jimmy closer when her brother interrupts.

“Nothing about what Daryl found screams Sophia to me.”

Not even looking at her directly, Daryl sees his friend’s muscles tense up, he can tell even from his spot across from her.

“Give this a measure of reverence, Shane,” she hushes. She’s trying not to react too strong.

“I’m bein’ upfront about the situation, Y/N,” Shane insists. Then to everyone there, he goes on to declare, “Daryl brought her back there just yesterday, she wasn’t convinced. Anybody could’ve been holed up in that farmhouse.”

The way his friend hunched when her brother mouthed off made a big part of him want to mouth off right back. But Andrea, classy as hell, steps in without missing a damn beat. “Anybody includes Sophia, right?”

She was so casual about it that it pretty much made it seem like she was brushing off a bug from her shirt. That chick is good, shit.

..................................

You

Andrea must’ve been such a good attorney, good Moses. You’ve never seen her feathers ruffled, like, ever, she lets it all just roll off. How is she so calm? Because while you were fixing to pounce, probably very obviously, she slid a hand around your waist and smoothly (so smoothly!) pointed out to Shane, “Anybody includes Sophia, right?”

It’s either the jitters from the caffeine or your damned hot head, because you’re just—you’re ready to start clawing at the man who’s overtaking your brother, because why would he have said that out loud? To all them? You’re fucking mortified.

That wasn’t Shane, it wasn’t Shane! Why is he being like this? And why can’t he button his stupid shirt all the way, huh?

Dale is coming out of the RV and gives you a look as if asking ‘what happened?’ so, you imagine taking the stupid tea kettle off the stupid burner to calm down.

No one else seems to be as agitated as you, not even Daryl, which is a huge relief.

Echoing Andrea, he’s as nonchalant as they come when he scratches his nose and reminds everyone, “Whoever slept in that cupboard was no bigger than yea-high.”

To which Andrea is quick to reinforce, “Good lead,” along with Rick when he agrees, “Maybe we’ll pick up her trail again.”

“No ‘maybe’ about it,” he grunts. “We’re gonna borrow a horse, head up to this ridge right here, take a bird’s eye view of the whole grid.” Except, Daryl hadn’t mentioned anything about a horse before, neither yesterday nor today.

First of all, he can ride a horse? Hot. Second…who did he ask for permission about borrowing one? He briefly catches your confused stare as he points to the spot on the map. “If she’s up there, we’ll spot her.”

T-Dog’s been nodding away at all of this, impressed. “Good idea,” he tells Daryl. But then his brows lift and his lips pout a little in the way that happens before he cracks a joke. Lo and behold: “Maybe you’ll see your chupacabra up there, too.”

The tension in your body from a few moments ago goes *poof* as you grin.

“Chupacabra?” Rick repeats, again sporting The Squint.

“You never heard this?” Dale, now next to Daryl and across from you, hoists the gun bag on the hood and begins handing them out while staring into space and narrating. “Our first night in camp, Daryl tells us that the whole things reminds him of a time he went squirrel hunting and he saw a chupacabra.”

Sweet little Jimmy finally relaxes and lets out a quiet giggle while Rick’s squint turns into a mild smirk.

Unfortunately for sweet little Jimmy, Daryl grates at him, “What are you brayin’ at, jackass?”

Okay, you’re sorry, but even though it wasn’t appropriate of him to react that way to an innocent giggle, that comeback was really quick and you’re snorting. Still, poor kid. You switch places with Andrea to be next to Jimmy and make a point to openly laugh at the conversation.

Rick is stuck in squint-mode, isn’t he? “You believe in a blood-sucking dog?”

And Daryl is quick on the draw. “You believe in dead people walkin’ around?”

Yet again, you’re somehow the only one who finds this funny (Glenn, dude. Where are you?).

Next thing you see is Jimmy casually reaching for a long gun.

Rick and you both stop his arm, and T-Dog cautions, “Hold on there, kid.”

“Hey, hey. You ever fire one before?” Rick challenges.

“If I’m going out, I want one.”

Daryl shoulders his crossbow and tosses out, “Yeah, and people in hell want slurpees.”

You’re the only one laughing, again. Rough crowd today.

“Jimmy, yesterday I got ‘quit cluckin’ like a mother hen’ from him, don’t even worry about it,” you share. “You mentioned you did skeet shooting with your dad before, right? So you’ve fired a shotgun, then?”

“Once or—I mean, yeah.”

That means he has no idea, never mind.

Shane speaks up and sounds much more like himself when he does. “Why don’t you come train tomorrow? If you’re serious, I’m a certified instructor.”

“Not to brag, but he’s a really good one, too,” you definitely brag.

Jimmy, overwhelmed at all the attention from grown-up strangers, nods slightly.

Andrea (so smoothyl!) tactfully and kindly solves the problem. “For now, he can come with us.”

“He’s yours to babysit then,” is Shane’s brusque surrender, and he waves Jimmy over with his hunting tomahawk.

Andrea, of course, doesn’t pay this any mind and goes to arm herself with her pistol. You try to follow suit by not staring daggers at your brother.

Instead, you finally let everyone know, “Glenn is going with him, y’all. I don’t know where he ran off to, but these are theirs.” You hold up the yellow fabric strips, then look at Jimmy. “Glenn’s smart and fast, you’ll be in great hands with him,” you say out loud, then whisper in his ear, “I know you asked your mama, but you gotta ask Mr. Greene, too, okay?” Back to a normal volume, you wish him and those around the station wagon, "Don’t die, don’t get bit.”

You’ve just started to jog off to join Daryl and start today’s search when Shane stops you and pulls you in for a hug. He kisses your head. “Don’t die, don’t get bit.”

.................................

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mercurygray · 2 years

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Dick appreciates being on leave, having a locked door, and somewhat being anonymous in this city. He relaxes, A LOT. Turns out he can be a little talkative, to Joan's delight.😏 “You take me so well.” + “I will never get enough of you.”

This is VERY thirsty for Thursday. I might even venture to say it's Not Safe For Work.

They already knew they looked suspicious.

How could they not, a young couple, him in a uniform and her in a nice dress, coming from the train station with only his bag and nothing for her?

Let's do something unexpected, she'd said, when she picked him up from the train. Get a room in the city for the weekend. With no clothes? he asked, amazed by her boldness. For the night, then. Like you're a soldier on leave.

Mischief looks good on her. Mrs. Winters, look at you.

There was something delicious about checking into the hotel. It was obvious that the clerk at the desk didn't believe for a moment that they were married, that Mr and Mrs Richard Winters was just for the purposes of the hotel register, or that the rings they were wearing belonged to someone else, that there was something forbidden and clandestine going on here.

Joan practically dragged him by the tie into their room, and it wasn't like he would object, after two weeks away from their bed and her gorgeous thighs. (He's been dreaming about these thighs. He kisses them from knee to crown after she gets her panties off and he's not disappointed at all.)

He's been dreaming, he knows, because everyone talks, over these training exercises - about being away from the wife, or the kids, or the girlfriend. Talked about the girls they'd had in Europe when they had been young, or the secretaries or waitresses they met on the side, the sweet-tight-blow-naughty-dirty-tits-ass-pussy-bar-alley-backseat-desk-lunchhour kinds of women, who made noises and told them they were good lovers and would do the things their wives wouldn't.

Well, I'm in her, right, and she says it's too much and makes me stop. Too much! Can you fucking believe? Debbie never has a problem taking me, you know?

They talk a lot about taking - about taking her, taking me, taking it. It's only normal, to compare. Dick was four years in the army and four years in college sports and he's been in a lot of locker rooms with a lot of naked men and it always…worried him, a little, that he was…larger. Joan's never mentioned it, never, but maybe that's just what women do, because it's pretty obvious from these stories that women don't like to pass comments on…performance. (And why would they, when it's so easy to find someone else who can accommodate, who can take it?)

Two weeks was a little while to be away. Joan is full of beautiful pleased noises and he is full of…words, for her, the dirty talk that men make, yes, Joanie, yes, please, just like that, higher, yes, god. (He doesn't usually talk like this. It's new and strange. This is the man sneaking into a hotel with a woman that isn't his wife, the role he's playing today.)

There's a blissful kind of relief when he comes, panting and relaxing and raising his thumb to thier joined bodies so he can feel her racing pulse, softly feeling her out so she, too, can go over the edge as his heart calms and his body softens. They fit together so well - he is in her, to the hilt of him, her legs spread wide, one hooked over his shoulder, so that they will press together just so.

She withdraws her leg, lets him out - he kisses her calf as it passes by, tickling her a little, and rolls over to lie next to her.

She looks over at him and grins. "What are you thinking about?"

"It's only that you…take me so well."

She looks at him like she doesn't quite understand what he just said, the golden euphoria broken. "That I do what?"

He explains, haltingly, about the bootcamp stories, the words he's never used himself, and Joan's smile begins to widen a little when she realizes what's going on.

She explains, slowly and patiently, about muscles - about pleasure. "If she's…tight, or tense, it's because she doesn't like it - that she's not relaxed, or ready." She brushes a stray hair off of his face. "If he can't get in, sometimes it's because she doesn't want him there."

Blessed relief. "But you'd tell me, if -"

She nods. "I love the man I married because you listen to me," Joan assures him. "And I'd always let you know, if you were too much. But you never are." She leans over, her body heavy over him, and kissed the corner of his mouth. "For you I'm infinite."

Good, he thinks, silently, feeling his body respond again to her touch, her closeness, and watching her smile widen as she moves a hand to touch him again, his body nearly shivering with delight. I don't think I could ever get enough of you.

#i have written a thing #a thirsty thing #fun with dick and joan #joan warren #mercurygraypresents

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ndeyebaby · 2 years

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How to deal with thoughts like “what if the law isn’t real” ? like am afraid to put so much hope into manifesting just to end up knowing it isn’t real whenever i ask stuff like this in people in this community they always go like “then don’t use it” or something like that am not trying to be rude i just want help with doubts like this

I feel you and I hate it when blogs do that. I agree that the law is simple but you can’t just be nice…? Not talking about rude anons but cmon we’ve all been there

So this might not be the answer you’re explicitly looking for but it helped clear things up for me so it’s definitely worth a read <3

The law has been recorded countless times throughout history. You may know Neville Goddard, who’s popular with the ‘law of assumption’ (and I believe he coined the term, I may be wrong) and how he taught the Bible as a metaphysical textbook explaining how we are literally God. Or fragments of God, destined to realize our power.

With this in mind, it’s easy to wonder “well, if the Bible is about the Law, then why aren’t Christians manifesting?” One person could say that they take it literally and lose its message, which is true. Another reason why is that they don’t truly believe what they are hearing.

I took a Christianity class during my first semester of college. We learned about the Bible and church history, and one of our assignments was to visit a church. Well, I went with one of my family friends who never really seems to be in a positive mood - she seems sad most of the time, which makes me sad (I’m imagining she is happier though.) The pastor said to lay your problems at the altar, and the service talked about how Jesus/God is our savior and not to worry.

I would see people hear this message, but then as soon as the service was over, I would hear a “how are you?” and the response would be like “well not so great blah blah blah.” Which is super confusing, because if you’re told that God and Jesus was here for you and to lay your problems at the altar and to let go and let God, then why were you still worrying about it? It became clear to me that they were keeping their problems alive by exercising their power. As it says in the Bible - I wound and I heal, I kill and make alive. They killed and they wounded themselves mentally

On the flip side, there are countless Christians who live amazing lives and attribute it to their faith. You may or may not know Joel Osteen. I don’t know too much, but I’ve read a couple of his books that really stress the importance of positive I AM statements and faith in God.

There was one story in one of his books (I have pictures of the pages if you’d like me to send them to you) and it was about a man who had painful arthritis. The doctors told him that there was no treatment and it would gradually get worse. And it did! One day, on a plane, his pain got so bad that he felt that he would no longer be able to play the piano. He got out his Bible and meditated on one verse about Jesus healing his wounds. So he literally imagined himself to be better, and told people that he was, even when he didn’t appear to be. People called him crazy! But he persisted and gradually he got better until he reversed his condition, even after the doctors said it wouldn’t get better.

So the law is proven in that way! One day, it could be today or tomorrow, you will realize that you have been groomed to believe that life is as it seems, but if you really pay attention to your thoughts, you’ll realize that as within, so without. So monitor your thoughts and build your faith by seeing how your outer world reflects your inner world. Do your best to think on things that are lovely no matter what you see and you world will change!

Sorry I kinda rambled here but I hope it helps

Excerpt from the book talking about the 4D but ✨christian✨

#ask #neville goddard #law of assumption

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browneyes-issac · 2 years

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Birthday surprise part one: how you met.

Jack " Whiskey " Daniels x Oberyn Martell x Frankie Morales x F!reader

Warnings: Talks about sexuality. ( reader is 17 and Oberyn is 18, nothing happens. Just them talking about finding both males and females attractive. ) Mention of verbally abusive parents. Small mention of sex, nothing explained, just mentioned.

AN: This is full on a self indulgent, lol. Because I'm pretty sure I'm not doing anything for my birthday this year because it's so damn hot and I don't really have the money.. So what better to do to make me smile? Write something with some of my favorite guys where it's much better of a birthday! 🥰

So as I was about to switch to current time in their lives, I realized I wrote a lot. So I'm gonna split it in two and post this part today and the other part tomorrow. 🤗 Leave it up to me to want write a cute little one shot, and then come up with so much for it that I need to do two parts.. 🤣🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Ok so we are gonna look past that I shamelessly threw my name in here. 😆🙈 I can fully see Oberyn calling a women he cares about a lot his lotus flower. And it just fits Oberyn in general to have flower nicknames for people.. So in other words, don't mind my name making an appearance in here.. 🏃💨😆🙈

Notes about what this will be: I am making an AU where there are multiple Pedro boys in one universe.. The reason is because there is amazing qualities about each of them and I think being in a friend group with them would be super sweet and amazing.

Summary: How you met the guys.

Main masterlist

Birthday surprise masterlist

You've been friends with the guys most of your life. Well scratch that.. You met Jack first when you were 17 and you guys became fast friends, Frankie and Oberyn were just pluses once Jack introduced you guys.

You and Jack met at this camp both your's and Jack's parents forced you to go to. The camp was just a basic camp for teens. You guys were paired during a fun group exercise to get to know each other and be active at the same time. The shy person you are, being very quite and only talking when needed, all that shyness jazz.

But the little shit that Jack is. Even at the age of 17. He is lady charmer, but he is different with you... You were the most beautiful girl he's ever seen he thought the first time he saw you when you guys got paired. Instantly making it his job to know more about you.

He really wasn't a lady charmer yet, still got a few years for that, he just says that about himself because he's watched too many movies and thinks he's hot stuff. He sees a lot of himself in you with how shy you are. He used to be the same exact way but his brothers got him out of his shell in the last year or so with being more brave with talking and not being shy to do anything.. The typical things siblings help you out with when you're a very shy person.

" Hey darlin, can I ask you a question? " Jack asked with that southern accent you ended up teasing him about later on in your friendship.

" Y yes you may. " you said with a stutter that was caused by being nervous because such a cute boy is talking to you.

" what's that bracelet you are wearing? I noticed you haven't taken it off the whole day, even during the activities we had to get dirty. " he asked kinda nervous that you'd think he was weird for noticing so much.

" I- You are very observant and a random question that I never thought someone would ask. You blush and smile that he noticed something so small about you. Uhh it's my birthstone color, my favorite color, and my aunt's favorite color woven together with an infinity symbol. My great aunt gave it to me for good luck. And I just have never taken it off because I was really close with her before she passed last year. " You say more confident then you thought you would.

He is blown away that you actually told him instead of giving him a basic answer. He smiles widely then says; " That is very beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss though. "

" Thank you, it's for sure one of the things I will always hold near and dear to my heart. Not even gonna think what I'll do when it falls apart. You both laugh at the last part. And thank you, she was an amazing person. It's been tough without her but I know she's in a better place and I know she is always with me if I need her. "

" it's so easy to talk to him.. I've never felt this comfortable with anyone. I think I'm going to become friends with him, he seems like an amazing person. " You think to yourself after rambling your reply to him.

" You're welcome very much for both, darlin. That's really sweet though. How you still go about your life with the thought of her being there with you still. I thought I was the only one that thought like that with the people I've lost. " he smiles at you and takes your hand and squeezes it in a sweet way to say you aren't alone after he says that.

~~~

After bonding more throughout the day you guys become fast friends during camp. Practically became joined at the hip. Then it was time for camp to be over. You guys exchanged numbers to keep in touch over the rest of the year and all that jazz.

Come to find out once school starts up... Jack is a new student at your high school. Once you both realize it, you race and hug each other. You both are surprised by it, but quickly settle into it because you've grown so close.

Best first day ever both of you say in unison then start laughing up a storm at speaking at the sametime.

You end up having most classes together and lunch. At lunch he introduces you to his brothers; Frankie and Oberyn. They are a year older and are the sweetest & funniest guys ever.

Another thing you found out about the boys are they are all adopted. Their adoptive parents took them all in when they were 9 and 8. Jack was put into foster care at a young age and moved families a lot, he still to this day doesn't know why. Oberyn, the poor sweetheart has been in foster care since birth. His parents were horrible people but were in the right mind to give him up so he could have a better life. Frankie, he was very similar to both of them, but he acted out a lot because he was put into foster care. Which then caused no one to want to adopt him. But their adoptive parents took one look at all three of them and said they would take them because they knew they were gonna be amazing people and be the happiest with them.

" she is very beautiful and such a sweetheart. " Oberyn leans over and whispers to Jack. " I told you. I'm really glad that we moved here, and mom and dad made me go to that camp. " he says to his brother with the biggest smile on his face.

~~~~~~

You ended up being the fourth part to their group that they never knew they needed. Always to the rescue to break arguments about the most random things. Always made them laugh with how goofy you were once you opened up completely to them and weren't shy one bit.

And of course becoming the mother of the group that kept them in check when they were being too rowdy. "There is a time and place to be jackasses. " you'd always tell them after stopping them from doing god knows what and slapping them on the back of the head playfully for being brats.

You became close to all of them even more over time, especially during summers since there was more free time to be goofy, etc.

First was Oberyn, you and him instantly click with loving nature and being so open about your sexuality. You came to find out that his favorite color is a beautiful mustard yellow. You never knew yellow could be so beautiful, let alone a mustard shade. Always had a bracelet on that was the color and once cold weather hit, he always had this gorgeous jacket on that was the mustard yellow. Always teased him that you were gonna steal it from him because it was so beautiful. " Never in a million years, my lotus flower. Maybe just maybe if I find another one you can have this one. We will have to see. " He said to you with such an adoring smile one day while you guys were out getting dinner for you and the guy's weekend dinners.

Then there is sweet Frankie. He is a lot like you with being the dad of group. It's mostly with the boys, but since they have corrupted you into being a menace also, he's stern with you also. It's nothing bad.. Just like how you are with them; goofy but stern when you all need to be proper, etc. You bond with him over loving old movies and being old souls. He is the one you go to when you are struggling with your parents. They are always fighting and taking it out on you with yelling and blaming a lot on you.. So you struggle with a lot of stuff because of them. When it gets too much you go to Frankie, because his birth parents were a lot like yours, so you feel more comfortable and such talking to him about it. Besides you never want to burden the other boys, they do know about it but you never really talk much about it. They know you feel more comfortable with talking to Frankie about it, they are never upset you are and know you know they are always here for you.

Jack and your relationship progressed normally over time. You still were inseparable, definitely got worse in the best way over time. Talked everyday the whole day no matter what. Still joined at the hip when you were out with the boys. You both developed small crushes on each other but always kept it down and hidden from the light of day. Well until you guys were 24, you confessed your feelings to each other one day. There was a moment you guys thought something was going to happen, but Frankie walked in on your conversation.. And it never really was talked about after that, nothing even changed with you guys.

Once Frankie and Oberyn moved out, they got a place together, well for the four of you once you and Jack were 18 and graduated. You all made a pack early in your friendship that you all would move into a house together after high school. Because you guys were all the family you ever needed. And besides it was a perfect reason for you to get away from your asshole parents and for the boys to keep you safe.

~~~~

It's been two years since you all moved into your house. Its been the best two years ever. You have become so much mentally stronger since you left that toxic household. For real the best decision ever that you made that pact with the guys all those years ago.

~~~

Everyone in the house has had their fair share of lovers.

You and Oberyn of course having both females and males in your romantic lives. You guys even experimented with being in bed together with two other people. Exploring having that type of relationship with a group of people. You two always were each other's safe place when it came to sex. Never ashamed to ask about things or for help with a lover, just all around so supportive and helpful with it. It never made anything weird between you and him, or either of the boys. You all knew each other's sexuality and knew Oberyn and yourself were very open about it, etc.

There was this one summer that you and Frankie had this fling. It was kept secret from the other boys most of the summer. Neither of you were ashamed, it was just one of times where you both weren't in a relationship at all and thought it would be fun to try it out and it was a way to get your sexual frustrations out and not having to rely on yourselves all the time. Cause we all know sometimes it's just not enough and ya need someone else to help fully release all your worries. It just lasted that summer, there was definitely no strings attached. So once one of you found someone else, it was over. The boys found out at the end of the summer, they were very very surprised but kinda thought something was up because there was times both of you would leave the room together then come back looking a little flustered. But they were oblivious to it really, never really thought anything of it. Surprisingly they weren't even weirded out. You guys all loved each other so damn much that it didn't really matter, as long as no hearts were broken and everyone was ok with stuff ending, etc.

Now you and Jack. Still nothing ever happened with you two. Over they years. Yes that confession happened when you were 24, but nothing after that. Until you we're. about to turn 26...

The end for now... 👀💞🤗

AN after reading: Ok so! I apologize for this being so damn long and I got it deep into having back stories and everything with each of them and reader. I'm not promising anything... But I kinda feel like this might turn into a series after I write the second part today into tonight.. 🤔 We will see.

Also, I kept their spicy times very blunt because I'm stlll new to writing and I haven't really done spicy time writing yet, soooo I kept it simple for you guys to imagine. 💞

But in other news! I hope you liked this little get to know them part before we get to see what they planned for the birthday surprise. I can't wait to " put pen to paper " and write the second part, and share with you all! 💞🤗 the idea seems sweet and awesome to me, I hope you'll think so too once you read it. 🥰💗

No pressure for reading this tags: @supernaturalgirl20 @stxrrylunatic @heythere-mel @prolix-yuy

If you would like to be added to the tag list for part two ( and maybe more parts) just shoot me an ask or DM and I'll add ya! 🤗💞

#birthday surprise pt1: how you met #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #jack daniels #oberyn martell #frankie morales

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countessofravenclaw · 1 year

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The 2022 writing Advent calendar: Day 16

16. Mistletoe

The academic student association always went above and beyond for the holidays at Oxford. It had been a bit of a culture shock for Nina as a freshman since it was so different from Blake. Blake had celebrated any holidays, it was a good thing it even gave vacation off for the since it was not educational. But now as she had been living in England for one and a half years. It did not face her anymore.

But it was not like she still was not going to appreciate the beauty of the London Christmas lights as Gastón drove then through the streets of London from their apartment to the Campus. Thei both had the lectures start at 8:15 am, so it was still absolutely dark, and the lights were still on.

“I have that employment and business seminar today,” Gastón said as he parked in the parking lot reserved for students. “When was your last lecture ending?”

“At 15.” Nina answered, “But why do you ask? You probably know my schedule better than I do.”

“The seminar will probably run late so you need to wait for me.”

“That's fine. I can work on the draft at the library.”

“I wish you’d let me read it,” Gastón complained as they started towards the door into the building.

“I told you, it is not really polished,” Nina countered, “I don’t really know what I am doing with it.”

“And you know that I doubt that,” Gastón shot back a took her hand in his. “You are an amazing writer. If someone can write that book, it is you.”

“We’ll see about that,” Nina shook her head and opened her phone. She suddenly saw a text from Luna she had apparently missed the previous night... to be fair, not surprising given what they had gotten up to… “Look at this.” She showed the text to Gastón.

“Luna does not know what a snowman is?”

“Apparently she, Matteo, Simon, and Ambar had full-on debate about the topic. She wants our opinions and so-called experts.” Nina said, looking at the text. Unfortunately, all the snow that had rained in London the previous week had already fully melted.

“I shudder to think who won that debate.” Gastón laughed, “My money is on Ambar. She and law school will be a deathly match made in heaven.”

“That is a good point but you know Luna won’t stop until she gets her point across…” she could not finish her sentence as she suddenly felt herself being pulled backward by her arm. Gastón has stopped in his tracks.

“What?” Nina asked as she found her balance.

“Don’t look up,” Gastón said in a low voice. Nina turned her head towards the ceiling. The hallways they had been walking had been lined with a string of garland. Her eyes followed the vine until she saw the reason why they had stopped. There clearly was a mistletoe hanging right above them.

Right as she realized it, she felt arms sliding around her waist, and Gastón brought her closer.

“I don’t think I saw any of these last year.”

“Well, I did.” Gastón responded, “Do you know hard it was last year when the only thing I wanted to do was to kiss you? Matteo suggested I just trap you under the mistletoe.”

“You should have done it,” Nina slid her hand around his neck and he started pounding faster, like every time they were close. She was sure it was never going to stop being like that. “Would have saved us some time.”

“Well, I can fix that now,” Gastón smiled and smoothly captured her lips with his own.

“Oh, great, we really should not leave those two alone,” They separate once they heard an annoyed English voice. They turned to see Jacob and James standing in the hallway

“Anyways…” Jacob continued as Gastón appeared to throw quite seriously murderous glare at his former roommate, “I am off to class, see you at lunch.”

“I finally found you,” James started talking after Jacob had gone, “I need to talk to you about that last problem in yesterday’s exercise packet. You didn’t respond anything when I texted you about it.”

“Oh, I don’t think I saw that message, because...” Gastón responded.

“You don’t what, I do not need to know why.” James came to grab him by the shoulders. “We need to go to the class. Nina, you won’t mind if I steal him?”

“Not a bit,” Nina laughed, “I need to go myself. Te Amo.” She placed on kiss on Gastón’s cheek and turned to wars the staircase that led to her lecture hall.

“Yo tambien”

“With you two, I am not sure If I am annoyed or glad that I don’t understand Spanish.” Nina heard James say as she started climbing the stairs.

Did you notice the call back all the way to Day 1? I had to add that in here.

#2022 Writing DCLA+ advent calendar #Gastina #Soy Luna

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arleneworld22 · 2 months

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Today, yesterday and other days

Today I decide to wear my favorite coat to be more comfy at work, it’s light and a little long and color gray, it reminds me of Harry Potter’s cap. I worked for first time in months at the pharmacy and at the beginning I made many mistakes but after the first hour I started to get it so it wasn’t too bad, I like my co-workers of there because they are very nice to me, there are 3 women, I like to think about them like the superpowerful girls, Betty is Blossom, red hair, kind of bossy, very communicative with the patients and focus on her work, Perla is Buttercup, kind of serious, carefree personality, calm and a little abrupt, but she is very patient with me, I think of her like a “senpai” she is very attentive with me, most of the time she trained me when I started there; and then America, she is the sweetest person I meet in the whole hospital, she has personality of preschool teacher, very kind, sweet voice, veeey kind x2, patient and loving, you really feel safe with her. Btw two patients gifted us snack bars to all the workers there… well thinking about it better, I think those were to America and she shared with us, well it was delicious anyway.

Today I listened your playlist when I finished my exercise, when I was cooking and that felt very relaxing, I like discovering this kind of new feelings in moments like this.

Yesterday my bro sneaks into my space at night and I know that when he does that it’s always because he wants to tell me something important; he told me about a classmate that it’s currently flirting with him and he doesn’t want to express how really feels because he is afraid to be hurt, but actually he likes him (oh btw he is gay) he told me he is deaf too so communication it’s not a problem, he told me about him and sounds like a nice guy actually, I hope they can be fine.

I forget to congrats you for finish all your homeworks the other night, now you have to keep that consistence, I wish you good luck with that.

Also, do you buy me something? I feel suprised, moved and speechless... oh God, what I'm going to do with you and your kindness? you really caugh me off guard.

Listening your playlist, and see that actually we enjoyed each other's, would you like me to expain you some of them to you?, would you like to explain me some of yours?, choose the ones you want and I'll do it, music is something that help us to connect more with our feelings, and the point of this is to get out what we feel, what we felt, heal and move forward. So if you want, can you explain me how Heaven's on fire make you feel? I feel that maybe I get it but I think I'm missing something, also with the bug collector, just if you want.

I have to confess that I never looked for Natalia’s albums before, as I listen her music most of the because my mom played it, so I never have the neeeded to look for them because my mom puts it, maybe I already listened all her songs and I didn’t know lol.

Talk to me about everything you want, I’m going to be happy for know more about you. I don’t have plans to watch OP for the next couple months, maybe neither this year but I want to watch it some day, tell me whatever you want, I’m going to feel happy to know about how do you feel with references and everything.

I noticed that yesterday you added “Sigo aquí” from treasure’s planet and my mind almost exploded for that coincidence because yesterday I watched that movie! Life is weird but I like things like this, I already watched but maaaaaany years ago, so this little coincidence… wow.

Hey, the second highest score and it was a 18/50?! WOW that’s hard, but amazing! congrats for that achievement, it’s not perfect but it doesn’t mean that you lose, enjoy this victory, you deserve it. I hope you really enjoyed that nap.

#this is the first time I listened Thalia she has such powerful voice.#good night #letter #see you in october #I hope you can sleep well #How is your brother?#How is your your mothers health?

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shannn0nnn · 7 months

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I found a message that Bobby sent to a woman. He told her she has a hot yoga bod after she sent him a picture of her. He told her she had a nice outfit. The picture was her in a sports bra. I blew up at him, didn’t sleep all night, I cried so much. I felt so betrayed and hurt but also a strange sense of relief because I felt in my gut something was there. The next morning he acted guilty and tried to pull me in bed and flirt but I lashed out and confronted him more. He told me if I can’t get over it then we need to break up. I left like I was going to work and I got down the road and couldn’t stop crying. I drove back and he was in the drive way. I got out and argued with him. It was a mess. Apologies, Lies, truths, I’m not sure anymore. He claims it’s an old friend and he stopped interacting with her when she got too inappropriate. Claims he even called a friend named Lisa to discuss her. I don’t know if this is true. I hadn’t seen all the messages. I asked for his phone, I read the messages. There was flirting. He did stop talking to her. That much is true. He says they lived together in some house but never had sex. He told me he loves me, he would never cheat on me, he didn’t even give the messages a second thought, etc. I told him I wouldn’t bring it up anymore but I made it very clear this is not okay and better not ever happen again. I want to believe him. I’m going to do my best to focus on the positive.

I went to work after getting some shitty breakfast and sitting in a cemetery for a little bit. Why do I feel so comforted among the dead? Why do I feel like they understand me more than any living being could? What is wrong with me that I have always had that feeling in me? Everyone at work knew I was crying. They gave me a card with snacks. It did make me feel good to know people care about me.

Before this all happened, things were going really good with us! It felt like old times. I sat by a lake while he worked on a house. It was nice to have the alone time and the sound of the waves and the sunshine was so relaxing. We made love. We watched old movies. We joined a gym with sauna exercise rooms. Why did this have to happen? 😢😢😢😢 why?

It made me feel so ugly. So used. So unwanted. I felt scared and unsafe. I felt panic. I felt pure utter sadness. Anger. Confusion. Hope.

We went to see foxy Shazam last night. 🦊 they’re amazing as always. I feel like Ohio is here when I go to their show. Bobby actually liked them.

I really love Bobby, I really want us to work. I’m just so scared. I don’t want my heart broken. Please let him love me and let me be enough.

I didn’t go to work today. I slept until 12:30pm on and off. I needed the rest and I took Xanax two days in a row from all the stress. Bobby and I went to the store and out to eat. We had sex in the afternoon. He did seem a little like he was in a bad mood though but said he wasn’t when I asked him. He did tell me he loved me tonight but I said it first.

Noah was very rude today. I vented about him to Bobby because I was so upset and embarrassed about how he was acting. I worry about him and his anger issues. I don’t know what to do, he doesn’t listen to me at all. It scares me sometimes. I love him so much. I want him to be normal and not depressed and messed up like me.

I just need to stay positive and move forward. That’s the right thing to do. I can do it. I have to!

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inthiseternalmoment · 8 months

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Visiting Bahá’í Again

Day 2 of journaling and I’ve moved to Tumblr, plus I feel like a little boy again in more ways than one 🫢

9/3/2023

I started journaling yesterday and as you know, I’m serious about everything I do (he said seriously). So I started thinking about my options when it came to where I would store my entries and it was important to me that I could refer back to them from wherever, whenever.

I considered Pages on Mac, the Day One journaling app, and then Medium and Tumblr. I landed on Tumblr because I could post freely on here with no expectation that my writing is pretty/concise/witty/informative (Medium) and my writing could live online for free (which excluded Pages and Day One).

These posts are for me and by me, and while I don’t mind if people see these, I don’t want to write for anyone else. As a recovering people pleaser I am done existing/creating for others, and this diary/journal is no exception. If you as a reader resonate with these entries, awesome! But I’m at peace knowing that I can come back and read these.

Just like the rest of us, I’m on a journey of expansion and it’s important to me to be able to look back on the many moments I had throughout my life.

The last time I journaled was in high school, and it’s been almost 10 years since then. I’m doing this as a way to come back to myself, but also as a way to get down the absolutely chaotic thoughts and feelings that I have as a smol human.

Yes, I’m a spiritual fractal of one of many divine sparks of source/god/the universe/all that is and I’m just expanding my awareness of that with each day, post by post. 🧎🏻‍♂️

Aprille and I obviously cleared the air and got back onto the same page as we always do, and always will. She even answered questions for me about Tumblr as she was a regular user back in high school (I just used it for *orn).

Today we went all the way up north to Evanston where there is a temple called Bahá’í House.

“Yes Smoking” and a very useful CTA sign

Butterfly synchronicities I’ve been noticing of lately and a really pretty shot of the empty L

On the way to the temple, I saw cicada shells for the first time since childhood back in Okinawa/Hateruma and I got so excited! It was like I was a little boy again looking at all the cicada shells on trees. What’s funny is that just yesterday I wrote about the cicada I spotted on the tree that flew away with piss, and now I got to see even more of this childhood creature. These synchronicities are insane, man.

All the different cicadas I saw (there were more but then I would’ve taken a picture at every tree and we had a temple to see 😤)

The main temple is absolutely beautiful and I’m so happy I randomly came across it while exploring the edges of the CTA on Google Maps.

We sat inside for a while and meditated – I took the opportunity to practice the karma-clearing energy exercise in Voyages 2 as well the general meditation I learned from Dr. Steven Greer and what I remember of a basic white-flame meditation I remembered Eric Jacobsen (Seattle tattoo artist) told Aprille and I about. There’s a little child-like hope in me that was wishing that my meditations were stronger this time around because they were done in such a spiritual place, but who knows 🥴

Afterwards we took the Purple line back to Davis to eat in downtown Evanston. We originally intended to each at 527 Cafe but they were only doing takeout so we were redirected to Todoroki, a Hibachi sushi place.

Yummy sushi hibachi baby ooo 😔

While waiting for our mobile order at 527 Cafe (they had some yogurt rice drinks we could not pass up), we checked out the beach.

I love discovering cool spots just by walking around, and this place is no exception 🥰

It feels amazing to be coming back to myself in this way. I loved writing, and now I can write and get my feelings off my chest when I have them.

As for my feelings from yesterday: today the revelation came to me while talking to Aprille that I need to enjoy this time being single. There will come a time that I will no longer be single, and as strange as it may seem, there are unique aspects of being separation with a romantic partner that I can explore now – and I should. Honestly, I prefer to look at things this way compared to the “woe is me” energy from yesterday. Not that I won’t have more days like yesterday BUT this understanding helps ground me. Which is something I can really use 😪

I’m not sure that every post will be this detailed, but that’s fine too. I think I needed to do it just to do it and that’s reason enough.

#personal #september #2023 #9/3/2023 #27

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gratitudegainsclub · 1 year

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Feb 15 2023

- grateful for me! My life! My talents! All my strengths! My personality! My perseverance! My motivation! My introspection! My youth! My optimism! I feel grateful and loving for who I am today. These feelings are the best and I’ve had them before but sometimes I get out of touch with them. It’s helpful to get outside perspective sometimes because when I compare internally I just never reach a point of satisfaction I suppose. But I’m grateful for all the balance and diverse aspects I integrate into my life. Sporty, but also smart and hardworking, but also a potato with sleep, but also goes clubbing, but also hangs with people who are mild and soft, but also loves to be loud, but also doesn’t talk in class, but also has independence but also has a steady long term relationship. I’m proud of myself for just living true to who I am instead of in a box. I’m proud of the journey of constantly peeling back layers and learning what feels natural for me, and reminding myself that no one can dictate that for me otherwise. Grateful for LIFE! And this feeling of self appreciation! Self empowerment! Radical self acceptance!

- grateful for being amazed as always by women’s health, c sections today were incredible to watch and I can’t believe so commonly done in modern society. That shit was absolutely insane. As surgery is in general. But I’m grateful for this elective and the opportunity to learn medicine! Also is a nice reminder when people outside of healthcare go “omg my stomach I could never do what you do” I’m like wow yes this is a skill! Also grateful for my competence as always, suturing and knot tying comes pretty easily and I’m proud of that!!

- grateful for tennis with Jenn and being able to check in with her in the midst of everything going wrong. I’m glad I can offer support and tidbits of loving perspective that I hope at least remind her for a brief bit that she will be ok. Grateful for us having a good and humorous attitude with a bad day of tennis, even though we both understood the frustration. Our dynamic works so well together and I really really enjoy her company! So loving, so supportive, so silly (she always likes my grunting noises I naturally make)

- grateful for question banks making studying so easy and efficient. Grateful I find test taking kinda fun lol cause my pride is on the line w how well I do. And then when I get it wrong it always sticks with me because it teaches me something new. Active learning is quite fun!

- grateful for solo runs and studying podcasts that help take my mind off! I ran fast and it was hard but hi was proud of myself and also grateful I listened to my body when it felt weird and needed a break midway. Yay exercise

- grateful for seeing ahma at the y and her being in a good mood these days! She was peppy and served me her assortment of food for dinner and then we stopped by her friends house to pick up dress pants and then when we arrived she was telling me her latest story of trying to get her friends jacket zipper tailored by another friend. She’s so fun when she’s chatty and I love her so much! Grateful to feel this kind of deep love, grateful for her health and independence at frickin age 82?! Grateful for being close by and being able to spend time with her every few weeks, so much it feels like regular programming. Grateful for her serving such healthy foods for me that I never feel guilty after the meal. Ugh so much love

- grateful for coming home and having an alone evening! Meal prepped, unloaded “groceries” (ahmas food lol), watched greys anatomy. It was peaceful and I didn’t feel pressure to free up my time and be around Andy cause we unspokenly did our own things.

- grateful for Andy noticing when he came in bed “your feet are so cold!” And then tucking them into his thighs even though I told him he didn’t have to. Why is he so kind 🥺

- grateful for recognizing that I’m on an upswing and it may be related to getting off TikTok and making the healthy decision for myself to stay off of it!!!! Self discipline

GRATEFUL!!!! FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

- health gratitude: didn’t eat more than one chocolate Andy left out for me today, didn’t eat too heavy of a lunch, threw away extra bread, potatoes, and chocolate before I could think about it too much during dinner!

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who-escaped · 1 year

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20221211 张昕 Zhang Xin's Birthday Message to 许杨玉琢 XYYZ

ZX: Alright, I’ll start. [Audience makes noise] No, no no, it’s just-

XYYZ: Don’t have expectations. [ZX: right] She’s not good at writing letters, don’t expect too much. You’re putting a lot of pressure on her

TO Yangjie: I don’t need to think about it to know that your birthday stage definitely is amazing today. Although I kept falling sick during this period of time, I watched you constantly run around, planning for your stage from March to July, all the way until December when you finally managed to have this birthday stage.

As I write this letter, it is night time and I’m listening to music. There’s a lot I want to say but I don’t know where to start, there’s too much to say. Even though I’m still that me who doesn’t say a lot, spending the past eight years with you, we’ve been through too much. In the face of rumors and gossip, we have bravely been ourselves. Every time we’re exhausted from doing so, we hug each other and cry together, talking from night time until the sun rises. I don’t know when I slowly began to understand you better [T/N1] (ZX: I’m a bit nervous, a bit nervous). At times, without even speaking, our eyes meet and I know everything that you’re thinking. For many things, you pretend to be strong. You don’t talk about it, even if you’re actually affected by it. If you’re misunderstood, you’ll keep thinking about what you should do. So, knowing what you care about, I think that you are careless and a little stubborn at times, but you still care in your heart. (XYYZ: Stubborn? You are the more stubborn one! ZX: No, Libras are all quite stubborn, just that you… I may be more stubborn but you are more stubborn on the surface. It’s that- [Audience laughs] [T/N2] You’re thinking too much! I just meant that she is from the first half of Libra while I’m from the second half. So, I am relatively- Don’t laugh! I’m more of a Libra while she’s more like the earlier one. Therefore- Don’t laugh! XYYZ: The earlier what? Speak clearly. The earlier zodiac? ZX: Yes, the earlier zodiac. Let’s not talk about this anymore. The more I say, the stranger it gets.)

But you still care in your heart [T/N3]. It’s like how I rarely see you cry. Once, when you were running a high fever, I went out and wandered around outside. Only when I returned did I realize how high your fever was. At that time, you were lying in bed and crying. I felt horrible that I hadn’t been by your side. You are really someone who constantly needs friends to accompany them. You can’t go out alone or stay at home alone. Ever since that incident, I told myself: If you are ever alone, I will do anything to be by your side. (XYYZ: Alright then, you won’t go out to play sports? ZX: Ah, wait a minute, wait a minute. DM: Don’t worry, we’ll accompany her when ZX exercises. ZX: Just like Ah Meng said that she keeps wanting to come over, she actually can. Then, if I go out to exercise, Ah Meng can accompany her, just like how Ah Meng is wearing my clothes now. XYYZ: She said- GS: Which fanfic is this? ZX: No it’s, Ah Meng, Ah Meng- What did you say? DM: What fanfic are you talking about? GS: Wan Wan Lei Qing [T/N4] XYYZ: Do you think I don’t have eyes? Do you think I couldn’t see? ZX: It’s not that, it’s like that picture of us hanging over our bed. NYP: Hanging over whose bed? ZX: Just, our bed… bed bed… NYP: Your shared bed? ZX: Yes, yes yes yes yes yes.)

This year, we (ZX: Wait a minute, let me read this first. Didn’t you say you were going to cry? Why do I feel that you keep laughing? It’s all your fault! [T/N5] XYYZ: To be honest, I’m already not in the mood because of you. Thank you. ZX: Am I that funny? XYYZ: Thank you, one-eyed. [T/N6] ZX: Ah, save me. When I was writing this letter, I actually thought that I was being quite emotional. I may have deluded myself. XYYZ: Don’t laugh when you speak, be a little more serious. ZX: Okay) This year, we experienced a lot of mixed feelings. After Chinese New Year, we went into lockdown and felt anxious everyday. (XYYZ: Actually, only you were anxious. You would stand by the desk like this. Then, when you listened to music, you would suddenly cry. Then, I said: ZX look at this. [T/N7] ZX: Why am I being laughed at again? I want to say, I felt that you were actually quite happy at that time because you were playing games everyday. While I was crying everyday, I would hear her saying: charge, charge! Hit him, hit him! Maybe I was too self-absorbed at that time.)

Later on was Best Partners. Initially, we just wanted more opportunities to perform but then things didn’t go so smoothly. Just like that song we wrote, we wanted a perfect beginning but suddenly it did not go as planned. At that time, we were both more emo but our personalities make it such that both of us like to communicate in our own way. In a blink of an eye, it’s already the end of the year. This year, we have really experienced a lot, we’ve seen a lot but I’m still me and you’re still you. No matter how our relationship may change in the future, you will still be the person who knows me the best, the only person who is able to find me when I am most upset, when I am unhappy, when I disappear. You are somebody that I cannot lack in my life, Xu-Yang Yuzhuo.

T/N1: ZX mispronounces a word

T/N2: The word she's using for "stubborn" literally means "mouth is hard" and the audience keeps reacting to ZX talking about XYYZ's mouth

T/N3: ZX repeats herself, same line as what she said before the above section in brackets

T/N4: Reference to a drama

T/N5: Said to the audience

T/N6: ZX is wearing an eyepatch during this

T/N7: XYYZ proceeds to mimic ZX

ZX: Alright, I’m done reading

XYYZ: To be honest, I think that this is the best letter she’s ever written

ZX: You know, when I was writing this letter, I just happened to be listening to <In This Noisy Word> [T/N8]. I looped this song as I started writing and managed to finish the letter.

XYYZ: During the time where I was constantly rehearsing, I saw that she was always doing sports so I was really upset! The topic we talked about was where we wanted to go, what we wanted to do today and she said to me, “Hey, let’s play football tomorrow. It’ll be fun.” I said, “I already played during the sports meet.” But she kept inviting me, even though I didn’t want to go. I hope that you can accompany me to do what I want to do next time.

ZX: Right, just like I said, you accompany me to play football and I’ll accompany you to dance.

XYYZ: But I don’t want to play football with you!!!

ZX: We can do a different sport, we can surf

XYYZ: That’s too dangerous! If other people knock into you, you’ll go flying

ZX: That’s true, that day I…

XYYZ: If you don’t believe me, ask DM!

DM: Huh? What happened?

XYYZ: We’re talking about football, tell her that it’s dangerous

DM: Just like this, I was sent flying

ZX: That’s true, the other day when I was playing at night, I was really sent flying

XYYZ: That’s right, so I’m normally very worried about your safety. Just return healthy and safe.

ZX: It’s okay, it seems that we have already decided that we will play together when everything ends, then we will return to Guangzhou. We also plan to go abroad during January to play.

[XYYZ has no response]

ZX: You agreed!

XYYZ: Don’t just say anything. What if we don’t go and others ask me why we didn’t go?

ZX: I said that I asked her if she wanted to go with me and she agreed saying that she wants to go

XYYZ: I want to go, I also want to have a trip with everyone because of the previous team building

ZX: No worries, we can replan. At that time, we said that we wanted to plan to go to Macau for team building.

XYYZ: It doesn’t matter, we can play Honor of Kings [T/N9] next time.

ZX: After being busy today, we can be happy tomorrow

XYYZ: Yeah! It’s your miserable day, jiayou jiayou!

T/N8: A song by ZX and XYYZ

T/N9: An online game

Twitter | CuriousCat

#snh48 #张昕 #zhangxin #许杨玉琢 #xyyz #eliwa #昕羊 #xinyang

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bestfriendforhire · 1 year

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Children of BFFH, Entry 172

I gave Doc a friendly grin while waiting for her to explain our battle strategy. She had picked Four, Dea, Eléa, Aika, Maiko, Valeria, Layla, and me for teammates in today’s battle. Though I had several hundred plans that could possibly work with our current composition, I was excited to see what Doc’s plan is. Sadly, my smile only made her nervous, but that was normal. My friends really didn’t get me very often.

“What are you planning?” questioned Four, who never made anyone jump with his smile.

“Sorry. I didn’t get everyone I was planning on using, so I’m adjusting.” admitted Doc with an apologetic smile.

“Well…” I started, perfectly willing to give suggestions.

She held up a hand to stop me. “I’ve got this. My main idea is still intact. The core idea for today was to abuse Eléa’s gift. She’s been training hard, and I think she’ll make a wonderful showing this time if given the chance.”

Eléa looked surprised, but smiled at the complement. “I’ll certainly try!”

I gave Eléa a hug. “Don’t let her abuse you!” I teased, causing Doc to roll her eyes.

“Four, what was our ruling on when Eléa is benched last time?” asked Doc, biting her lip as she watched him.

“Um…” he started, having to think for a second. “To keep her from feeling like a liability, we were counting each projection individually. As long as there is a projection without a minimum of three-hundred milliliters of water splashed on her, she’s still in the game.”

“Perfect!” exclaimed Doc before giving Eléa an encouraging smile. “How many projections can you make if you really push it?”

“With the real me sleeping, I should be able to do at least sixty for a few minutes.” replied Eléa confidently.

“Wow.” stated Doc, looking around with surprise. “I’m assuming you can do half that for a bit longer?”

Eléa nodded. “Thirty of me should be good for around twenty minutes.”

“That’s still amazing, and waaay more than I realized you could do.” stated Doc, letting her surprise show. “I was thinking we’d get a dozen or so of you to the other base to find their flag in a hurry, but I can’t imagine them stopping thirty of you too easily unless Messy really shows off.”

“Especially if we do some quick work on Eléa’s technique!” I exclaimed excitedly.

“Huh?” questioned Eléa, taking a step back from me.

I could see them all staring at me worriedly and barely kept from sighing. “Imagine this… I make a little spell and attempt to spray Eléa with water.” I demonstrated, creating an illusion of Eléa as my target. Just before the water hit, I made a second illusion of Eléa peel off from the first, take the hit, and then dissipate.

“I… I think I can actually do that pretty easily.” stated Eléa with a surprised look of her own.

I nodded. “The best part is that the projection won’t be wet if you’re fast enough with it. You could be extremely difficult to dodge without your opponent getting fancy with their attack. Just don’t expect it to work on Luce more than once. Messy and Aid will probably adjust immediately too.” I warned her.

Four smirked. “Nice one, Crazy. That could actually be really useful. With how well Eléa’s ability to cooperatively cast with herself has been going, she’s going to be a really dangerous opponent in the near future.”

I nodded excitedly. Eléa had a great deal of potential, and that potential would quickly see fruition if she kept on working as hard as she has been lately. Just this past week, she had been doing extra exercises with the quadruplets in the gym, and Momma Mila had told me that she really was working hard on her schoolwork back in France. With Commander Doc’s permission, I started doing some quick practice with Eléa. I didn’t expect her to master this type of dodging immediately, but today would be a great way to try it out. Plus, her projections could take hits for her actual body if she grew accustomed to sacrificing them.

Doc hammered out the rest of her plan fairly quickly. Valeria, Dea, and Eléa would infiltrate the backside of Fort Raine. I would go on offense to distract as many of them as I can manage. Four would keep our flag disguised with an illusion while putting up numerous illusions of our flag in other rooms and taking out enemies as he could. Layla would be our primary guard for the actual flag, shooting anyone who dared to approach it. Aika and Maiko would be using their drones and the fort’s water cannons to guard us from aerial attack and blast anyone who approached the gate.

I liked this plan. With numerous projections of Eléa running around the enemy fort, Dea’s odds of passing as one of our enemies would increase. Valeria was already pretty decent at fighting thanks to Momma Cosette, and her use of her doorways was getting better and better. I happened to notice earlier that Valeria stocked one of her rooms with hundreds of water balloons. If she opened that room above a group of enemies, I would love witnessing the ensuing chaos! In case anyone happened to make their way inside our fort—which was always possible considering that Aid could just burn a hole through the back if I didn’t counter him—Doc had Four and I riddle the ground floor with illusory floors over pits of water.

If Aid or Messy were on the offensive, our defenders would really have to work, but I was feeling our defense was pretty solid against most of the others. Maiko would notice the pitfalls if she came over, but I didn’t think she’d find the flag too easily even if she came up through the ground to infiltrate the base. Besides, I made the outer layer of the base as tough as steel. She’d have to work a bit to get inside. I really, really was looking forward to my next time as a team captain, since I recently had some breakthroughs in forging far tougher materials with my plants, which made magical reinforcement all the better.

With our plans complete, Doc gave the ready signal, and the rest of us took our positions. This was going to be a blast!

#Children of BFFH #Children #of #BFFH #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story

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crazyblondelife · 2 years

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I Had Something to Say and Change Was Possible

I’ve been through some tough things as most of us have but I no longer look at those tough things as bad. Those life situations taught me so much and without having gone through them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I definitely wouldn’t have the confidence to sit and write blog posts and talk about my life. My story is my gift to share with the world in the hopes that I inspire others to take back their power, learn to love themselves and create the life they want to live.

This morning, I was answering a few comments on TikTok and for the most part, the comments were very kind…but, there were a few that stung. People assume things about you by the way you look and present yourself on social media. They don’t know the backstory about my life and they assume that because I’m thin and love fashion that I am somehow arrogant and not spiritual. People also think I’m tall which is hysterical to me because I’m barely 5’4”! Again, assumptions based on nothing!

The truth about me is that it took me almost my whole life up until probably 4 years ago to really find my confidence and I continue to work daily to become more of who I was put here to be and let go of old tired thoughts about myself that no longer serve me. We all have deep rooted insecurities and things that happened in our past that we need to release and that is…in a nutshell, the work.

I was born into a conservative home in a time when the world was changing (I’m sure, much like you). My parents were far from people who were trying to embrace a new way of thinking. My maternal grandmother was an alcoholic and my dad’s mother, so I’ve been told was agoraphobic. So…there you go, instant baggage for me. For the most part, people parent to the best of their ability, but we bring our perceptions of live and who we are to the task which doesn’t always work out so well. Long story short, there were lots of rules in our home and my dad was a believer in enforcing them. As time went on, I was convinced that I could never do anything right and stopped trying. By the time I was in middle school, I was pretty rebellious, had no self confidence and was on a fast track to getting into a lot of trouble. By the time I was in 9th grade, I had a boyfriend who was on the same track and he ended up being my first husband. We were both 19. Marriage as you can probably guess was hard. He had some substance abuse issues and was never home, I worked at a job that I hated and we had no money. I began to develop an eating disorder and at one point weighed 89 pounds. I was anorexic and bulimic, but somehow still managed to get pregnant. My oldest daughter was born after we had been married for almost 4 years and we were divorced after 7 years. I knew I was very unhappy but didn’t really have much of a plan.

During the time my daughter was little, I started a catering business, inspired by Martha Stewart! I love her to this day because she showed me that life could be more than what I had always known. I read every magazine, made as many of her recipes as I could and dreamed of living a life like Martha!

I was working very hard at that time, sometimes not going to bed at all and barely keeping my head above water.

One thing that has been a constant in my life has been exercise. I did aerobics and even taught a few classes every week for a while. While at the gym one day, I met my husband to be. He was 2 years younger than me and had a good job. He was good looking and fit and together, we looked like an amazing couple. There was something about him that I was very drawn to, but there were also times when he treated me in ways that I knew weren’t right. The security of marriage and being in a relationship was too good to pass up and we got married. I thought things would be fine and even though from the outside looking in, we looked like the perfect couple, on the inside, things were not good.

Fast forward…we had two more daughters and I became very busy. We were trying to pay for private school for 3 children (I was still working myself to death catering), he was traveling and I could hardly hold it together. We fought…a lot!

In between all of this, there were some good times and maybe that’s what held us together. I think we always loved each other…we just didn’t love ourselves. It’s really hard to hold a relationship together when you’re bringing so much baggage to the table.

When I say we were together for 25 years before things came crashing down, it truly blows my mind. After 25 years of marriage, I found out that he was having an affair and as you can imagine, things went from bad to worse. I had no idea how to navigate the emotions that came with this and I literally fell apart. I handled everything so poorly and we were apart and back together more times than I can count. After about 4 years of this, something happened and I think he saw he was about to loose his children and also, me. Things began to turn around slightly, but I was so bitter and angry that we continued to fight. I expected him to prove to me that he was committed and I watched everything he did and analyzed every word that came out of his mouth.

This is very long story and the details aren’t even that important. What is important is what happened to me after being in so much pain for so many years. Finally, I had enough…I knew that I could not live in this way any longer and I dropped to my knees in my bathroom and prayed for things to change. What I didn’t realize at the time, was that the change had to come from me AND that the affair had nothing to do with me. It affected me certainly, but what he did was about him and his insecurities.

Gradually, I started searching for answers by reading self help books, listening to free Youtube videos and podcasts. I was reading about self love and Law of Attraction, letting go of the past, mindfulness, living in the moment…it was a lot, but gradually began to make sense.

Self love doesn’t happen over night and life doesn’t change in a single instant, but it only takes a spark. A spark of inspiration, a glimpse of what life could be like, seeing evidence in others that things can change and happiness is possible.

During this time, I found blogs…other people’s blogs. I was fascinated at what these mostly young girls were putting out into the world. Fashion, advice, food, decor…it seemed like they were having so much fun and I was in serious need of fun. I decided to start a blog and call it Crazy Blonde Life and one day, I did it. My entire first blog post was a quote from Goethe…

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

I somehow knew, even though things were still really bad, that I had a dream, I had something to say and that change was possible. And now…I’m proof that it’s all true!

Fast forward once again…almost 7 years later, I am happy, confident, strong and still moving forward toward my ever evolving dreams. I have become the evidence that others were to me. I have become evidence that inside of everyone lies enormous power. I believe that the Universe (God) always conspires for us and that I am here today, writing this post because of the blessing of all I’ve been through.

I also believe that there is so much more for me…and that my dreams are big, but God has plans for me that I am not even capable of dreaming. So…let’s get this party started! I’m ready, willing and available!

In tomorrow’s post, I’ll go deeper into what I’ve learned on my journey and how it helped me come out of a dark place! Thank you so much for reading….I hope this serves you in some way! As always, I would love to know your thoughts if you want to share. This post wasn’t easy to write because I’m sharing really personal things about myself and my family, but I’m sharing because I know 100% that other women can relate to so much of what I’ve written and maybe are just starting their healing journey!

#my story #Law of Attraction #Best Life

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leadingtheway · 2 years

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Week 2

Doing the Strengths Finder to discover my unique strengths was a pretty deep experience for me. I have been on a self discovery journey for the past few months and in doing this exercise, I found that my top 5 strengths really resonated with me. This is what StrengthsFinder revealed: harmony, input, empathy, intellection and connectedness.

If I were to use these strengths in a leadership role... it would probably go something like this:

Harmony: Looking for agreement - I'm not a fan of conflict, especially when it involves people with whom you spend most of your waking hours with. So when it comes to Harmony, I would try to use this strength to mediate and resolve conflict within my work, home and school life.

Input: When this came up I thought, okay that explains a lot. I love collecting quotes and pictures. I enjoy reading up on things and looking up stuff that I heard for the first time etc. I would use this strength to bring information to the table to share with team members for projects or workshops.

Empathy: Feeling emotions of others has its positives and negatives. I would use this strength to understand and support my team members where its needed. Whether its to offer an ear, advice or just words of encouragement for a job well done!

Intellection: Sometimes I feel like I overthink things... I would use this strength to assess a situation logically and rationally. I would offer this as feedback for example project proposals.

Connectedness: We're all humans at the end of the day so it's only right that we treat each other with respect. I would use connectedness to remind my team members of such. By standing up for tolerance, respect and kindness....I would remind every to appreciate the different perspectives we each bring to the table.

Over this week I learnt that having empathy towards someone can make a difference in their outlook of life. One of my team members was a bit distracted/challenged when it came to handing in her parts of the project on time. At one of our weekly group meetings, it ended up being just her and I on the call so I took the opportunity to talk to her beyond the context of the assignment. She told me a bit of her history, challenges and the struggles she faces even today. Having that discussion with her though made me understand her better and appreciate all the work she brings to the group even more. I was also able to share bits of this with the other team members who at first didn't have the tolerance and understanding for her. Once I had that discussion with them separately, our team's dynamic changed. There was no longer any complaining about the team member submitting stuff late. Instead, we worked even better together drawing on each others strengths and abilities. We gave her time when she needed it and she never failed in providing us with amazing research data.

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luveline · 3 years

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in the morning, afternoon and night [Fred Weasley x Reader]

tags: reader-insert, hurt/comfort, self esteem issues, low self esteem, reader has acne, sad reader, insecure reader

pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

word count: 1.8k

You glared at your reflection.

You'd think with such amazing magical medicine available, some witch or wizard would've invented a cure for acne, or at least a spell that covered it up.

You'd struggled with it since your third year. The muggle doctor you'd seen with your mother had suggested it was hormonal, and would calm down as you got older.

That was years ago.

It shouldn't have been a big deal. It wasn't, really. It wasn't usually very painful, though it was itchy as a stinging nettle and twice as unsightly. A large part of you knew it wasn't your fault, that acne was something that simply affected people at different times in their lives. You'd tried topicals and changing your diet, you'd tried losing weight and exercising and dermaplaning and everything they suggested in your mams fashion magazines.

Nothing worked.

Tears welled in your eyes and you sniffed them back, blinking rapidly.

It might've been silly, but it honestly made you want to hide away. You'd skipped dinner without really thinking, finding your way into the girls bathroom you inhabited now. You straightened your tie and robes, dusting down the sides. You leaned forward again, dabbing under your eyes with your sleeve.

The last thing you wanted was for anyone to know you'd been crying, because then someone might ask why. You didn't want to talk about it, ever.

If Fred saw you like this...

You and Fred Weasley had been almost dating for a few weeks now. Almost, because you hadn't talked about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing yet.

It had been years of thinking he was the fittest boy in Gryffindor (besides George) and months of meeting his gaze in the corridors and catching his eye over dinner. Gradually it had become something more; he started carrying your books between classes and opening doors, touching your arms and your hair and your face.

You cringed at the memory. He had been so caring, moving to wipe an eyelash from the skin under your eye. You'd violently flinched from his hand, afraid he might feel the bumpy texture of your skin, feel the acne beneath your makeup. He'd been apologetic and a little confused, filling you with guilt. You hadn't been able to find a way to tell him it wasn't him, it was you. Of course you wanted him to touch you, the thought of him cradling your face had been the subject of many dizzy daydreams, but you just couldn't tell him this one thing.

It was your deepest insecurity.

The stress had only made it worse. Redness was easy to cover with muggle make up and even some wizarding tricks you'd learned over the years, but there wasn't a way to smooth your skin, and the acne was textured.

It was depressing. You didn't want to use that word, it felt ungrateful to compare your skin issues to something so severe, but it made you miserable.

You but down on your quivering lip, pushing away from the mirror unhappily and opening the bathroom door, a frown on your face.

"Y/N!" a familiar voice said.

You jumped, startled but unsurprised. Fred had a talent of always knowing where you were. You'd find it creepy if he wasn't so endearing.

"Fred," you said, plastering a smile over your frown. "I was just coming to find you."

"What a coincidence, ma chérie, I was doing the same."

"Well," you began, easily sidling into his space, "you found me."

"Yes, I did," Fred hummed, wrapping his arms behind your neck, grinning.

He took a long look at your face, his forehead creased. "What's wrong?"

"Nothings wrong, Fred."

He moved his hands to your shoulders, looking down into your face searchingly. "Have you been crying?" he asked.

You shook your head, lying without thinking. "Something in my eye,"

"Both of them?"

You stepped backwards. He let go of your shoulders accordingly.

"Y/N?"

"It's really nothing," you said through a forced laugh.

He frowned at you for a few seconds more and his face cleared. "Alright," he said slowly, rolling the words in his mouth, "if you say so, doll."

You opened like a blooming flower at the pet name, your whole face softening. You smiled, hoping he understood that the smile meant, oh I just so adore you, Fred Weasley.

He threaded his fingers through yours, dragging you down the corridor beside him and waxing poetic about their newest lot of Peruvian darkness powder as you went.

It got so bad you couldn't go to class.

Okay, so you definitely could've gone to class, but the thought of leaving your curtained bed was enough to make you sick with anxiety, so worried that everyone would see you - see your face.

NEWTs were coming fast and hard. Everyone who wanted to be anyone was working hard studying their asses of, on top of Professor Umbridge's million new rules you had to abide by, including her newest life-ruining rule: Boys and girl are not to be within 5 inches of each other.

What a joke. You struggled through classes, wrote essays so long your hand burned at night and now you weren't allowed to sit next to your almost boyfriend at lunch? It was miserable. It was making you miserable, and now you may as well have sharpied on your forehead how equipped your body was to deal with it.

Fucking badly.

You groaned to yourself, rolling on your side to face the wall. You were at your wits end. It felt endlessly unfair that the thing that was stressing you out most was getting worse from stress.

Your stomach growled hungrily.

You threw your arm over your eyes in defeat, eyes finally filling with tears. You felt so hopeless. There was nothing to be done except keep up your routine until the flare up was over, or until your mothers next 'miracle cure' popped into existence.

The tears felt too hot against your sore skin. You couldn't help but sob quietly to yourself in self-pity.

A knock sounded at the door. You gasped, wiping the tears away in panic.

"Y/N?" It was Alicia. "Are you alright? Can I come in?"

"Yes," you managed. "Yes, of course. It's your room too, after all."

The door clicked open. Alicia appeared, tanned skin completely clear and glowing, though each perfect feature was marred with empathy. "Fred's been begging every girl in the common room to come fetch you, but I told him to leave you be."

"Thank you," you said.

You cleared your throat. Alicia moved her weight from foot to foot, twisting her hands.

"I- Y/N. I won't pretend to know how it feels, but I promise you, Fred won't care. He's beside himself worrying that you're bedridden and dying or-" she laughed to herself, "or that you're still mad at him for the itching powder. What I mean is... he's a good guy, and you're upset. Maybe you should tell him what's wrong. He won't care."

You sniffed. "I know," you admitted, feeling the weight of her shifting the bed. "I know he's a great guy. I just wouldn't blame him if he, if he didn't like me anymore. If he found it ugly. I would understand it, and I think that makes it worse," you choked on your words, heat building behind your eyes.

"Oh, Y/N," Alicia said, placing a tentative but comforting hand on your shoulder.

You lay in quiet, listening to your own ragged breathing.

"I'll go talk to him," Alicia said.

"No! I mean, no. Thank you, but no. I... I'll speak to him myself."

Alicia nodded, rubbing your arm kindly.

The sound of the door clicking shut behind her finally spurred you into sitting up. You dressed in a hurry, chucking a wool jumper over last nights pyjamas.

He wouldn't care, would he? You cringed. Yes, he definitely would. Whatever was between you would stop. He'd have the grace to let you down slowly, drawing away his affections. He was a polite guy, he'd probably even say the whole spiel of "it's not you, it's me". But he would, eventually.

Well, you figured. Let it be quick. Like ripping off a bandaid.

You tread lightly down the steps, hoping to see him before he saw you.

Of course, when the slightest groan on the bottom step sounded, his lovely face whipped to meet yours. He smiled in relief, but it was mixed with something else. Disgust, your brain supplied nastily. He was disgusted. He rose to his feet, smiling smiling smiling. But something in his eyes was different, now.

"Y/N," he said.

"Hi," you said.

"Hi yourself, beautiful. Where've you been all day?"

"I'm... sick. Bad cold," you settled on.

He raised an eyebrow. "You sound okay," he said, not unkindly.

"I..." you looked down at your hands.

A siren was sounding in your head. You didn't think Fred had seen you without make up for the last 3 years. Fight or flight was leaning heavily towards flight.

"Well, are you hungry?"

You shook your head.

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten all day. You need something in your system if you're gonna fight this cold."

"I'm not actually sick, Fred," you admitted under your breath.

"I know."

You looked up. He was still smiling kindly. It was infuriating.

"Look," you said finally, rushed and all at once, "if you don't want to- if you're grossed out. Then it's fine, I'll understand if you don't want to see me anymore."

Fred was stricken.

"I know it's - ugly."

"Ugly? Nothing about you is ugly."

"Fred, my face-"

"No, listen to me, Y/N. It's not ugly. It's not gross. You're not any of those things, are you kidding?" he said, grabbing your hands. "You're beautiful. All the time, in the morning, afternoon and night. You're beautiful in charms and transfiguration and care of magical creatures. You were beautiful yesterday and you're beautiful today and you'll be even more so tomorrow." He stopped suddenly, looking down at your joined hands. His cheeks had turned bright red.

"Smooth, Freddie," came George's voice, from the sofa behind them.

"Shove OFF," exclaimed Fred, growing more red by the second. Heat filled your own cheeks.

"It's skin, Y/N. That's all it is."

"Okay," you said tightly, trying not to cry.

Fred breathed out, his hair shifting in response. His corded arms pulled you tight to his chest. You breathed him in. He smelled sweet and rough, like burning caramel.

He thought you were beautiful.

You smiled into his shirt.

<3<3<3

tag list: @msmimimerton

if you’d like to be added to a tag list, please ask ! for in general or for specific characters, i don’t mind

#fred wealsey fic #fred weasly x reader #fred weasley #harry potter imagine #fred Weasley imagine #fred Weasley x reader #reader insert #reader has acne #reader is an unreliable narrator #reader x fred Weasley #fred Weasley fanfic #fred Weasley fluff #hurt/comfort #Fred weasley x reader

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seawater-aurelia-writing · 3 years

Text

The Break

Pairing(s): Fem!MC/Yuu/Reader x TBD

Summary: MC finally shuts down from all of her acts of helping with overblots and the countless favors/demands that are asked of her. When the Prefect of Ramshackle is the one who needs help, who steps forward?

WARNINGS

I am not the best at labeling warnings or triggers but I can say that this story is laden with neglect, self-neglect, anxiety, possible depression and attempts to justify the above. There could be more labels that I can add but i’m unsure how to word them - so please exercise caution.

Quick Note: The reader in this story is largely based upon Cinderella, for multiple reasons (#1 being that I want to and #2 being that I absolutely love Cinderella and think she’s amazingヾ(•ω•`)o ) . If that type of character behavior annoys or offends you, I recommend skipping this!

She should have seen it coming; The break. Her break.

Her sight blurred with tears, which spilled over her eyes quickly as she laid upon the floor of the library – cold and alone. In front of her, just out of reach, laid her phone amidst the plentiful books which laid strewn chatoticly across the floor from her harsh tumble. Her phone vibrated constantly cause M/C o flinch as she imagined the messages that must be flying across her notifications; Her friends and upperclassmen asking for favors and why she hadn’t completed what they asked.

‘I need to… get up.’ She thought to herself, willing herself to move her arms but her body was more akin to cold, ancient steel, a machine that had been abandoned and forgotten throughout time; It felt nothing like how she was a month ago, a week ago, a few hours ago. ‘ I have.. so much left to do.’

As she tried to find the will to stand – M/C thought of how she ended up in this position; body battered and bruised after falling from the top of the ladder in the deserted corner of the library.

She could barely life her feet as she made her way down the path, back towards Ramshackle Dorm. In her arms, Grim lay curled into her chest as he slept peacefully in her arms.

‘We both had a long day.’ MC mused to herself, gently pressing his closer as the cold, wintry wind blew harder. She recounted their day slowly, going over each task they had accomplished.

Crowley wished for them to wake up earlier to remove unwanted, viney weeds from around the campus gates, Sam’s Store, and the fencing around the Flying Course field in exchange he’d give them some aid to finally repair their roof. Unable to refuse such an offer, M/C awoke at 3 am to be able to accomplish all of the weeding.

However, Grim had not woken to any of her calls or he just ignored her, leaving M/C to venture into the darkened morning on her own to do the weeding.

After 2 hours, when she was finally able to head back to Ramshackle to freshen up before breakfast, she was stopped by Vil. The Pomefiore Dorm Head all but demanded her attention for an hour in the afternoon, her lunch period specifically, to fetch him some arctic sea water from Azul.

Vil was supposedly unable to pick up the water himself as he had an impromptu photoshoot and Azul would only meet during lunchtime.

Despite the tone he used, M/C could sense that Vil was more antsy about missing his photoshoot -made more evident by the slight twitch at the mention of potentially missing the event. She agreed with a bright smile; choosing to ignore Vil’s comment about grass sticking to her and her ‘odor’ when she turned to leave.

Finally, she made it to Ramshackle and rid herself of the stray remnants of debris before she freshened up. Grim, who finally awoke, all but rushed her from the home before she could rest – determined to beat Ace and Deuce to breakfast.

But as luck would have it, M/C could not make it to the Dining Hall before she was stopped by a rather, frazzled Ruggie, who all but shoved a bag of food onto her. He left rushed orders to take it to Leona as he was asked to help restock the lounge before classes. He ran off before she could refuse.

Grim happily skipped to the dining room, telling her not to waste time since he wasn’t going to save her any of the food. However, before she could rush off – Grim yelled back at her to pick up some tuna for him at Sam’s since she was going out of the main building anyway.

She only nodded, ignoring the hollowed feeling in her stomach and the way it rumbled in protest.

M/C remembers being stopped before she could reach Leona, the botanical garden just in sight. That view had been blocked by the ever-looming, Leech Twins. Floyd grinned down at her and plucked the sandwich from her hands.

“Ah! Koechi-chan is so sweet!~ She brought food for us, Jade” Floyd cheered, ignoring her protests and pleas for him to give her the food back.

“Indeed she did, Floyd.” Jade chuckled, doing nothing to stop his twin, who began to eat the food in front of M/C. “And by the way, Prefect. Vil told us that you would be the one picking up his items later today.”

“Y-yes that’s right. At lunch time.” She clarified, her voice softer as she deflated. In retrospect, she still didn’t know what she could have said to Floyd to make him stop. So many girls on Magicam were adamant about how they maintain dominance over their own friends to avoid being stepped on but they always sounded cruel; Giving instructions to ‘clapback��, to insult them, to physically hurt them or poke at their insecurities to make them listen. She didn’t want to snap at the twins, not only would it not do her any good but angering them isn’t what she wanted.

“Azul needs to push that time to this evening, at dinner. Vil suddenly requested twice the amount and thus more payment is required.” M/C remembered the chill that ran down her spine as the Twins seemed to loom over her even more.

“P-Payment? But I don’t-“

“Rook is handling the payment but,in the even he doesn’t, please he prepared to pay any outstanding fees.”

The Twins ignored her pleas for clarification, with Floyd only turning around to demand that she be present for his basketball practice later today.

M/C recounted how, after that, her day became a blur with random intervals of clarity when another request or demand was made of her.

Ace and Deuce asking her to handle their chores in Heartslabyul of feeding the Hedgehogs and Flamingos while they went to mandatory study hall with Professor Trein.

Trey caught her and asked for her to pick up some cream from Sam’s shop for him. She also picked up the tuna that Grim had asked for and the only thing she could afford to eat to replace the breakfast that she missed – a discounted egg salad sandwich.

A sandwich she could only eat half of, as the other half was given to Silver, who had missed breakfast looking for Malleus. He had not asked anything of her, she remembered, but the way he looked at her was odd to say the least. He was adament on her sitting down and finishing her half of a sandwich before leaving but the appearance of Ortho, who asked for her to run an errand for Idia, pulled her away.

Her classes came and went, leaving her feeling isolated as usual. Professor Crewel, never one to shy away from a ‘training’ opportunity, chided her for using an incorrect about of Phoeniz wings in her potion. He only became agitated when she proceeded to answer his questions about the potion, a simple draught, completely wrong. Grim was of no help as even he didn’t know the answers, nor did Ace or Deuce by what they had said but Ace and Grim took great joy in laughing at her misery.

Normally, it wouldn’t have affect her but today, it hurt.

But she smiled anyway.

Lunch time came and, again, she was stopped before she entered the dining hall. Sebek demanded her help in finding Malleus, who was not present at lunch. Again, Grim deserted her as Sebek grabbed her and dragged her along beside him and Silver to find Malleus.

Again, Silver regarded her in an odd way but he said nothing out of the ordinary towards her.

They never did find Malleus and Sebek took too yelling at her for being unable to be of any use in finding him.

“..Sorry, Sebek. I’ll try harder next time.” Was all she could say, while Silver chided him on being too harsh.

As they made it back to the main building, it was time for classes; She had missed lunch as well.

‘Perhaps that’s why I was so dizzy.’ She thought to herself, managing to prop herself onto her elbows. The floor beneath her moved and rippled, similar to the waves in the great oceans back in her homeworld. ‘Correction, why I AM so dizzy…’

Her mind again wandered back to her day after lunch time; Where her day only worsened.

Without any proper food in her, there was no way that she could stay awake with Professor Trein’s class. Lucius quickly spotted her and alerted Trein, before Deuce could fully wake her up.

“Do you believe yourself too smart to pay attention within my class, Miss M/C.” He sneered, a glare firmly on his face as he gazed down at her.

“N-No, sir. I’m sorry, Professor! It wasn’t-“

“Silence.” His voice was firm as harsh, caushing her to flinch and shrink in her seat. “There will be no talking back to me of any kind. I had high expectations of you, Miss M/C and yet you have a complete lack of manners. As punishment, you will write me a paper explaining the important of Magical History, no less than 10 pages. If it is not on my desk first thing in the morning, then expect a harsher punishment. Do you understand?”

“Y-Yes, sir.” She mumbled, her head bowed in submission. M/C could remined the feeling of the heat behind her eyes; How hard it was to hold back tears in that moment.

She hadn’t expected kindness from Professor Trein but it seemed no one was recognizing that she was doing the absolute best that she could do with the circumstances that she was in.

She was blunt and sarcastic at times, yes, but she can’t think of anyone who can hold their tongue constantly. Yet when she seemed to speak, unless it was humorous in nature or her agreeing with those around her- she went unheard. But if she pressed and asked for help, who would drop their things to come to her aid?

Those thoughts plagued her for the rest of the day;

Even as Floyd threatened and scolded her for missing basketball practice, where she was supposed to stock the ice water and the cool towels for him, even though Epel asked her to pick up some old weights from Ruggie.

Even when Ruggie scolded her for not delivering Leona’s sandwich, calling her a thief for eating the sandwich when she reassured him that she didn’t and that Floyd had taken it.

Even when Ace and Deuce whined and complained about letting them down for not feeding the animals properly, when she couldn’t do it properly as they never explained all of the rules to her.

Even when Azul asked, demanded, that she find a specific book for him within the dark recesses of the library before closing as Vil’s additional fee– the thoughts never left her.

In truth, she was merely an anomaly in this world; An irregularity that didn’t belong, didn’t have a place within this magic, twisted world that she found herself in. She was without even the most basic magic to help her through her day to day life as the other had. M/C didn’t know even the most basic of terms within classes that would help her – shown by her struggling grades and performance.

She wouldn’t last outside of NRC, even Crowley had alluded to that. She had no birth certificate, no I.D. on her person, and no family of which to speak of.

Who would risk their own education and future to help someone who wouldn’t be able to do anything on their own anyway?

Even Grim, the other half to her ‘whole student’ was beginning to separate from her as his magic was matured and refined.

But that was why she smiled, was it? She smiled because she liked being needed, feeling as if she had a place in a world where she had none. Even if it ended with her being overworked, sleep-deprived and feeling so hollow – she was needed. A little suffering was nothing.

If her friends would excel in the world around her, wouldn’t that be worth it all? They shouldn’t have to suffer and fail in their classes just because a useless anomaly couldn’t handle the most basic of things.

‘It’s fine.’ She thought to herself, finally pushing herself to her knees. She winced, her movements letting her know just how bad her fall had truly been; Her chest hurt and ached with every beat of her heart, her right leg, the one which hit the ground first, was pulsing and red hot and all over – it felt as if fire ants were stinging her.

“It’s..fine.” She mumbled to herself, reaching with shaking hands to begin the task of stacking the books that she knocked over.

“No, it is not.” Came a hardened voice from behind her.

M/C tensed, her eyes widening as she registered the voice as Professor Trein. As she straightened her back quickly, aiming to turn to look at her professor, the room began to spin once more. Sound all around her became muffled as it felt as though her entire was was submerged underwater.

“ -s M/C. Are your manners that abhorrent that you cannot even turn to face when when I speak to y-.” Professor Trien fumed but his voice faded away despite how hard she attempted to focus on it.

“P-Professor…” She whimpered, curling into herself to try to stop the sensations around her; But they never ceased, even as she felt something wet run down her face - a pain beginning to bloom upon her head as she focused on the wet feeling.

And it all went dark.

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