#i went crazy in february for NOOOO reason

[periwinklemoonlight]

it was sooo hard to choose between some of these LOL

#art summary #i went crazy in february for NOOOO reason

[amandayuebing]

My Life is Very Shoujo Manga, Chapter 42: Dealing with his past

15 February 2015

After our friends had gone home, Tony walked me back to my apartment when he asked me, “did you have fun tonight?”

I nodded, but was still a little distracted. 

“Good.” He smiled, rubbing my head. I shot him a brief look of annoyance that was apparently strong enough made him freeze.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I did have fun, but I have to be upfront about something.” 

Our pace slowed as he looked at me patiently; a worried frown forming slightly between his brows. It was obvious he was clueless as to why I was upset. 

“Next time Denise talks to you, you need to let her know you have a girlfriend.”

“Alright, I will.” He squeezed my hand a little tighter as we continued to walk. “Are you a bit jealous?”

“Jealous?! No! Why would I be jealous? You guys have already broken up! I just don’t think you’re being fair to me.” I huffed and walked ahead of him.

“Noooo.... Okay, I said the wrong thing,” he sprinted after me. 

~~~

The truth was, though, although I didn’t want to admit it, even to myself (and especially not to Tony) at the time, was I was a little jealous. 

It was Chinese New Year. I was the current girl in Tony’s life; I felt like I should have been the most important girl to him right now. But it was clear he still cared about her. 

After all, they had spent two years together. It wouldn’t be that easy to forget someone you created so many memories with. And those memories were something I could never replace. I knew she would intuitively know certain things about Tony that maybe I didn’t know yet. And he would have accumulated so many memories of all the little intimate details you would get to know when you love someone for that long... 

And she was his first girlfriend. The first girl he ever loved. Even if they no longer cared about each other romantically, her place in his heart was one I knew I could never replace. It was a complex feeling, as I neither blamed him or her, but it still made me feel bad. 

Not being able to accept a part of Tony that he didn’t have the power to change made me feel terrible. I knew it was irrational. It made me feel like a bad girlfriend. I wasn’t used to feeling this way, and the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. 

Looking back, I wish I had allowed the younger me to be more compassionate towards myself, instead of beating myself up for feeling that way. And not to be so scared to let Tony know how I felt, and fear I’d come across as “crazy” or “jealous” like it was a bad thing. But instead, I should have trusted he had the ability to be empathetic, as someone who genuinely loved and cared about me.

But we all learn things with time and experience...

~~~

Denise wasn’t the only ex I had to deal with. 

After the New Year, Tony and I decided to become public about our relationship, since it seemed people were starting to find out anyway. As expected, not all people reacted well to the news.

It was UTS Shield Competition when Marianne came around to the kendo club again. Probably to see Tony one last time before she went on exchange.

I observed she was more dressed up than usual. I knew either that meant she was trying to get Tony back one last time before she went to Japan, or she was serving a revenge outfit to remind him what he'd miss. Instead, she was bitterly disappointed.

We tried not to be obvious around her, out of respect; even though we were no longer trying to hide our relationship, we didn't want to rub it in her face that Tony was in a new relationship already. (Also, it was a kendo competition, so it wouldn't have been appropriate to pack on the PDA anyway.) But someone must have tipped her off because apparently, she was livid.

She accused Tony of cheating in the relationship when nothing started between us until they had broken up. But it didn't matter what he said, she was not happy. She didn't talk to me at all.

As expected, other people also wanted to weigh in on the drama.

Paul messaged me (late at night, at that ) to chastise me about how in his opinion, he agreed with Marianne and felt Tony had cheated on her with me.

Not that I needed to, but I clarified with him that Tony only confessed and we started dating after he and Marianne had already broken up. But Paul felt it was emotional cheating since we had feelings for each other during the relationship, which is his prerogative to feel.

But it is a fact of life that sometimes a relationship doesn't work out, and you end up having feelings for someone else. And personally, although I felt bad for Marianne, we didn't do anything wrong and neither of us knew how the other really felt until Tony and Marianne's relationship had ended.

But I never understood exactly what he was trying to gain out of this conversation. Especially as for some reason his blame was directed entirely at Tony, but here he was lecturing me about it. Also, he was one to talk, trying to go after someone else's girl when they were clearly in a relationship.

Then there was Will who insisted it was my responsibility to try and clear things up with Marianne, so there wasn't "bad blood" between us, when I was pretty sure I was the last person in Sydney she wanted to speak to before she left.

All these people weighing in to make it seem like Tony and I had done something terrible other than fall in love had somehow made me feel guilty, when I should have been stronger about my personal and relationship boundaries and not let people tell me how to feel. But the weaker, more immature me caved and I reached out to Marianne to try to clear the air, despite the fact mentally and emotionally, I knew I didn't want to be around her either. And I was also right that she did not want anything to do with me.

Marianne left without saying another word to either Tony or me. But that didn’t mean this would be the last time we would be hearing from her... 

#relationships #first love #young love #love triangle #love #my life is very shoujo manga #mlvsm

[breeeliss]

[Femslash February]: Flowers

i feel like i’m just going to accept the fact that i’m going to be perpetually a day behind on these things. 

also this took forever to write im off my game today xD

Day 9: Flowers (Alyanette)

Words: 2200

Link to Archive of Our Own: [AO3]

[Previous: On Wheels] [Next: Sunlight]

One of the first things Alya learned about Marinette was that she doodled flowers when she was bored. 

They started off as small, blossoming roses in the corners of her notebooks that weren’t any larger than the tip of her pinky. If you left her to it for long enough, she’d wrap vines, leaves, ladybugs, caterpillars, bees, birds, clouds, and more flowers all around the margins of her book. Sometimes, she’d sneak her colored felt pens and highlighters to school and add in whorls of colors and outlandish patterns until her entire notebook page was covered with fields and gardens and windowsills dripping in plants. She’d always take a picture of it on her phone -- to turn it into an embroidery, or a screen print for a t-shirt, or a design for a book cover -- and pout pitifully for Alya to send her copies of her notes. 

It blended seamlessly into the normality that was Marinette -- the color pink, pigtails, the smell of bread, pinpricks on fingertips, different nail polish everyday, humming music under her breath, and doodling flowers in class. 

One day, Alya’s hand was right next to Marinette’s notebook, and Marinette continued the doodle from the edge of the page onto the back of Alya’s hand. Alya raised a brow when she started, but shrugged when Marinette asked if it bothered her. As far as idiosyncracies went, Marinette’s were all rather harmless. Besides, it was rather nice to take notes with one hand and feel the light brush of Marinette’s pen sketching away against her other. 

It always took three washes in the shower to get all the pen out, and her mother kept worrying her with folk knowledge about skin cancer and ink poisoning, but Alya didn’t like showing up to school the next day with the sketches still on her arm. It almost felt like her duty to give Marinette a blank canvas everyday, to encourage her darling little habits that were secretly the highlight of Alya’s day. 

“Why flowers?” she asked Marinette as she added yellows and oranges to the sunflowers she was drawing along the vein inside of her wrist. 

Marinette tapped the end of her pen against Alya’s nose. “Pretty flowers for a pretty lady.”

“How flattering,” Alya joked. “Do you sweet talk all of your notebooks like this too?”

“Of course,” Marinette chuckled, extending her horizon down Alya’s arm so she could add another row of flowers. “Nah, they’re just easy to draw. Mindless enough that I can half pay attention to the lesson.”

“You could just pay attention to the lesson and doodle later,” she teased. 

But Marinette gripped Alya’s arm and held it still as sketched. “Noooo, physics is so boring. Besides, you and Adrien are better at explaining it. And god forbid I want my art advertised.”

“To who? My family?”

“Yes. Their approval is very important to me.”

“I actually think my mom loves sunflowers, so that shouldn’t be too hard.”

“Look at that! I’m psychic too! Sometimes I surprise even myself.”

Marinette started taking pictures of Alya’s arms as well, and she’d send them to her at the end of every class. Alya just sort of kept them in their own little album in her phone and flipped through them when she was waiting for the bus or laying in bed at night trying to fall asleep. Sometimes, they were incredibly simple -- like a long chain of tulips wrapping around her wrist. Sometimes, during long periods, Marinette would manage to create abstract drawings filled with rings of daisies with hearts in the middle, swirling clouds that circled fields of violets, and shining suns with beams turning into longer vines of leaves and flower buds that left Alya reeling from the detail of it all. On the weekends, when she knew she wasn’t going to see Marinette the next day, she’d avoid washing it off just so she could trace all the lines and patterns with her fingertips and marvel at the talent. 

It almost seemed like something Alya could force meaning into if she really wanted to. Like those moments where you realize you’re the exception, and your heart wants to add sentimentality where it doesn’t necessarily belong. But it was such a mundane habit the two of them shared, that it seemed silly and self-indulgent to even hope for something like that. Even selfish to demand more of something that was already special and perfect. 

Adrien laughed when she moved to sit next to him in class one day to work on the literature project they partnered up to complete. “Daffodils today, huh?”

“Sometimes I have to look them up online,” Alya said. “She drew amaryllises the other day. I didn’t even know that’s what they were called.”

He gestured for her arm. “Can I see? I was watching while she was drawing on you today, she was concentrating so hard.”

“Yeah, she added butterflies to this one and started getting all crazy with the wings and the lines and stuff,” Alya mused. “It’s pretty with all the red and purple added in, but it’s going to take forever to wash off.”

“Well, that’s Marinette. Putting 110% into everything.” Adrien turned her wrist to the left and squinted at one of the designs. “Huh. I didn’t know she writes things, too.”

Alya frowned. “She doesn’t write anything. Not that I know of anyway...”

Adrien shrugged. “Then maybe I’m just seeing things. Thought for sure that looked like an ‘M’.”

“Where?”

“Right here. Above the bone in your wrist. Next to the tree with the red leaves.”

Alya checked where Adrien was pointing, and sure enough, there did look to be something that resembled an ‘M’ resting just underneath a flower petal that was lying right next to a great tree that took up half of Alya’s arm. “Huh. You’re right. Does look like a letter.”

“Could be just an accident.”

“I dunno,” Alya squinted. “Hard to accidentally draw an ‘M’. Plus, it’s just under the flower lying there out of nowhere.”

Adrien tapped his pen against his lips. “Maybe it’s just her signature, you know? Doesn’t she monogram ‘M’s on everything?”

Alya hummed. “Yeah, she does. But, what, she’s signing my arms now?”

“She did say she wanted you to show off her art,” Adrien chuckled. 

“Well, damn, good to know I’m her new canvas,” she said, pretending to sound annoyed. “I thought she was kidding about that.”

“Marinette doesn’t strike me as much of a kidder,” Adrien said. “I mean you definitely know her more than I do, but it always seems like she’s got a reason for doing something you know?”

Alya ran her thumb across the letter. “Yeah....that’s true.”

She pointed it out to Marinette as a joke the next morning. Marinette contained her smile by biting her lip, dipped her head so that her bangs covered her face, and muttered, “Yeah, that’s me. Signing everything...”

“Guess you’re serious about me advertising your art, huh?”

“Yeah...” Marinette said absently. “I never kid.”

Alya spent the entire walk back to her house from school looking for Marinette’s initial on her arm, wondering where she’d hidden it that day. Except, Alya never found an ‘M’. Instead, she found an ‘E’ written along the vine wrapping around her thumb. The day after that, it was what she was sure was a ‘J’. Then, another ‘E’. 

Was it a message? A word she was trying to spell out? MEJE hardly meant anything, unless she’d caught Marinette in the middle of a word or a sentence. Maybe it was a joke she was trying to spell out, or some silly message that she wanted to sneakily place into her art. Like that time Marinette sent her ten texts that were just pictures that was supposed to say “Please help me I am very hungry and very sad.”

“Maybe it’s in another language?” Nino offers when Alya shows him the ‘T’ on her sleeve of buttercups that Marinette drew on her arm during maths. “Doesn’t she know Chinese?”

“Barely,” Alya smirked. “Plus, wouldn’t she just use characters and not letters?”

“I guess so.” Nino laughed and twisted Alya’s arm around to stare at the design that was looping around all of her fingers today. “Must be something really important. She’s putting a lot of work into these doodles. You might as well get one of these tattooed.”

“Watch it be a meme she found on the Internet the other day. If it is, I’ll kill her.”

An ‘A’ and an ‘I’ came next, and then another ‘M’ before the letters started to repeat. Alya waited until she was home and typed in all the letters she’d gotten so far: MEJETAIMEJ. 

It seemed like nonsense to her at first, and Alya blamed the late hour for making her miss what was so obviously right in front of her face the entire time. But she blinked at the letters right in the middle of the jumble and felt her chest tighten a little. 

JETAIME. 

Je t’aime. 

She had to rewrite all the letters four times over to make sure she didn’t miss one, to make sure they were all in the right order, to make sure that she wasn’t just projecting her feelings onto something as innocuous as silly little messages left in the doodles that Marinette left on her arms. But Alya wasn’t wrong, and that may have been the most confusing and frustrating part of all of this. It didn’t make any sense. They told each other they loved each other all the time. They were best friends, of course they loved each other. Maybe it was just that. Maybe it was just a cute little message from a friend that she wasn’t meant to read into. Maybe. 

Or maybe there was a reason Marinette wasn’t just telling her. Because it was heavier than it had been before. So heavy that Marinette couldn’t bear to say it with a new meaning -- a meaning that could very well add a different filter to everything. 

Alya waited for more days -- waited for the ‘E,’ ‘T,’ ‘A,’ and ‘I’ -- until it was Saturday and they were lying down on Marinette’s bed, limbs tangled together, watching a movie on the laptop balanced on Alya’s stomach. Her right arm was held up while Marinette started drawing roses on her wrists again. 

Alya cleared her throat and lowered the volume on the movie. “It’s an ‘M’ today again. Isn’t it?”

Marinette’s pen stilled for only half a second before she continued shading in a petal. “So you figured it out?”

“Pretty sure,” Alya muttered. She was hyper aware of the feeling of Marinette’s head pressed up against her temple and Marinette’s nose that was tucked against her neck. She swallowed and tried to make her voice sound stronger than her resolve felt. “I...I love you too.”

“But do you?” Marinette muttered, keeping her eyes on her pen and on Alya’s arm. “I mean, really honestly. Do you? Because....i-if you don’t, it’s fine. I just...sometimes I feel like I have all these things I want to tell you and I don’t know how to say them. So I just...picked the best thing that fit. But if you don’t....I mean, I don’t have to -- ”

“You’re rambling, babe,” Alya interrupted gently. 

Marinette laughed against her skin. “Sorry. I’m not very good at this sort of thing. And I don’t want to freak you out.”

“Nothing you do could freak me out, Mari. You don’t have to worry about that” Alya assured. “I’m not freaked out.”

“So then....what are you?”

Things with Marinette always felt so natural, like one thing bled seamlessly into the next. Nothing felt jarring and nothing felt strange enough to need a period of time to settle and adjust. Things just were, and no matter what came up the two of them molded into it perfectly without ever needing to explain or defend. Alya wondered if this was exactly what was happening now. Because Alya had always loved Marinette, always loved her with all her heart. She traced back along the past year to see if that love turned into a love, if that comfort turned into a need, if those changes were even the sorts of things you could track and notice. But there was never a sharp jolt or jump to indicate a change. Alya wouldn’t be surprised if one morning she woke up, got dressed for school, saw Marinette stumbling into class with only seconds to spare before the bell and realized ah! There it was. There were all the small letters left behind like clues forming together into something beautiful that Alya could treasure deeply. 

It took no work. Smooth. Effortless. Everything always easy. 

What are you?

Alya shut her eyes and pressed a small, short kiss on Marinette’s lips, smiling at the gasp that jumped up from Marinette’s throat and past Alya’s lips. They pushed back against hers as Marinette kissed her back, and for such a brief moment the whole world stilled and everything felt perfect and righted. 

“I’m happy.” 

#miraculous ladybug #alyanette #alya cesaire #marinette dupain-cheng #alyanette fanfiction #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #my writing #femslash february 2017 #femslash february alyanette edition #flowers

[gossipchii]

tag game

@sirelo tagged me to do this like ages ago but of course I had forgotten.

It’ll be random facts about me so you’re free to ignore, lol.

last- drink – water. call – my boyfriend when he woke me up fuuuuu. song i listened to – audition fom La La Land.   time i cried – yesterday after saying goodbye to one of my best friends. He always leaves, but this time I’m the one leaving.

have you ever: dated someone twice – nope.   been cheated on  – noooo. kissed someone and regretted it – lmao yes. lost someone special –  yes. been depressed – not as often as I used to. been drunk and thrown up – lmaooo yes, more than once. in the past year, have you? made a new friend – yep!  fallen out of love – not yet. laughed until you cried – yes it’s the best feeling. met someone who changed you – not yet, I mean it’s just february. found out who your true friends are – sadly. found out someone was talking about you – yes it was way too funny.

general: how many people on tumblr do you know irl –  @cielocriss :D do you have any pets – nope. do you want to change your name – no, i love my name. time you woke up this morning – 10am. what were you doing last night  – watching the season finale of svtfoe OH MY GODDDDD. i also went to get beer with some friends.  name something you cannot wait for – to leave to WDW. have you ever talked to a person named tom – tommmmmm..... riddle? what’s getting on your nerves right now – all the things I have to get done before I leave lmao. nickname – in this tumblr it’s chii. zodiac sign – aries ftw pronouns – she/her fave tv show – GAME OF THRONESSSS. college – i decided to take a gap year.  hair color – as dark as my soul. do you have a crush on someone – my boyfriend <3 <3 <3. what do you like about yourself – my sense of humor, pfffff. I’m funny af.

firsts: surgery – hasn’t happened yet. piercing – ears. best friend  – a girl who i’m still friends with, which is kinda crazy. vacation – i went to the beach when i was literally 2 months old.. pair of sneakers – i have noooooo idea.

random: eating – an apple. i’m about to – take a shower. listening to – the la la land soundtrack. want kids – not as far as i know. get married –  maybe. career – international relations..

which is better: lips or eyes – eyes. hugs or kisses - hugs. shorter or taller – taller. older or younger – older. romantic or spontaneous – spontaneous. sensitive or loud – loud. hookup or relationship – it depends. trouble-maker or hesitant – for some reason, trouble maker.

have you ever: kissed a stranger – yeah. drank hard liquor – yep. lost glasses or contacts – aha. sex on the first date – never.  broken someone’s heart – i’m afraid i have. been arrested – almost. turned someone down – haven’t we all?. fallen for a friend – LOL, yes.

do you believe in: yourself – almost always.. miracles – hmmm i guess. love at first sight – nope. heaven – idk.

If you want to do this, feel free to do so.

#tag game #personal