#i wish all those horrible things didnt have to happen to me first. but they made me who i am. and thats who he fell in love with i guess

[strwbrymlkshake]

I'M STARTING TO FEEL IT AGAIN

#mine #🎸 #GIRL WHAT THE HELL/POSITIVE #our dynamic. our energy. unmatched. imm mmmmmghshfjdhfdkfj there are people in this world that actually like me #HELP he is so cute ok. going deranged fathoming the concept of me being acceptable. me being loved. for me. what the fuck #and i dont even have to do anything i just have to. be me???....??? im. hello girl. my reaction to this whole thing feels so delayed #im still processing it i guess i cannot comprehend it even. what the hell girl! so soon!?? hw. what #i have a Feeling i cant shake thats like. this is gonna go bad or something bad will happen. no matter how i reassure myself #i want to believe this is gonna work so bad but i still?? dont believe this is real im so skeptical of love and other such things #he wrote me a love letter dude if i told that to me like a year ago i would murder a guy out of pure excitement #i wish all those horrible things didnt have to happen to me first. but they made me who i am. and thats who he fell in love with i guess #we haven't begun dating yet because im so fucking balls to the wall batshit insane i have so many reservations about dating- i just #i just dont want to be there for it to go wrong again. i hate being so afraid of the horrors that i cant bring myself to partake #i wanna cry im not upset even im just so emotions . hell i AM crying rn i just cant believe this shit #mmmmdhfnfmhfkf bro i dont even. hello. what the fuck!!!/positive?? i cant even tag well rn im still comprehending everything #there is a guy in this world who wrote a love letter to ME. TO ME. AFTER ALL OF THIS. AFTER EVERYTHING. IM SO HAPPY BUT AT THE SAME TIME

[ideas-scattered-dreams]

My THRONE. My RULE.

fandoms : genshin impact AU: imposter au

IMAGINE THAT...

You sat on your throne a fist on your cheek and a lazy look displayed on your gorgeous face. you look down to your loyal acolytes .. they had their heads down in shame. shame, shame, shame. these loyal acolytes of yours are now begging for forgiveness. why..? isn't it their own fault for not knowing u were the real creator? isn't it their fault for not recognizing the false one? weren't they LOYAL and FAITHFUL to you? or are u just a JOKE! Those days u ran to not get killed by the Favonius knights, those milleths, the shogun's army and many many more acolytes that volunteered.. the days you were injured by swords, arrows, hurtful comments, the npcs hitting u with damn rocks... the only thing u luckily got yourself to be in your rightful throne is that u cut yourself Infront of them, gold and starry blood oozed out of your arm. then panic! Recalling those disgusting memories made you enraged. after all that, they confidently BEG for forgiveness.... the trauma u received... is unforgivable. you clenched your eyes shut, teeth clenched together, fist clenched tightly.. you felt sick just looking at these damn monsters that almost killed you, u felt utterly disgusted. Nahida was besides you, she looked at your shaken form and softly held your hand to calm you... you looked at her and smiled. but in the end you had someone here that actually believed you when u both first met. Afterall she was the archon of wisdom. You sat up, anger visible to see from the window of your soul, you knew u weren't gonna forgive these dumb monsters. why should you? would you really forgive the ones that gave you blunt and unforgiving trauma? its like forgiving the one that killed you so easily so... agh! You walked down the stairs, towards the archons infront. you lifted their chin, looking dead on the eyes of this pathetic and naïve archon. "your grace... please we beg of your--" snap! you punched it. you punched this archon infront of u. "y-your grace!" you kept going. to the left to the right, you kept punching it. kept going until it was black and blue. something u cant even recognized anymore. you didn't care, you didn't care anymore, this isn't even half of the things they have done to you! None of the archons besides it even batted an eye, they still had their head bowed so lowly.. oh how they wished to be in their fellow archons place.. after it stopped moving u laughed, laughed filled with pain and unsatisfied hunger. it felt amazing, you felt amazing punching the fuck out of this bug. You sat up, smiling down at your creation. you wanted more. you wanted to show these damn monsters how you FELT in those damn days that felt like years. you were sure that this will make u the horrible one but u didnt care. giving the things that happened to u is the right thing isnt it? karma bounces back.

You aren't the villain, you are just a victim.. oh how u wish this dream doesnt end...

A/N: omg omg, its been like 1 month since i last posted? dont know, it was a hectic week, exams were buzzing in, i got accused on cheating, school got suspended bc there was a weirdo infront of our school gates whistling at the poor girls, almost got involved into a car accident too! but anyways, i think ill be updating more? or just some days where my brain gives me ideas.

#➥🌙dreamer.ideas #genshin impact #sagau #sagau x male reader #sagau x female reader #sagau x gn reader #sagau x reader #sagau imagines #genshin #genshin x male reader #genshin x female reader #genshin x nb reader #genshin x gn reader #genshin impact x male reader #genshin impact x female reader #genshin impact x nb reader #genshin impact x gn reader

[icycoldninja]

Hey, love your DMC fanfics, can I request DMC5 Dante with sweet and kind s/o in her twenties, meeting fem reader parents who are really strict, conservative and lil abusive especially the reader's mother. They have weird ideas of purity for women and are very patriarchal.

Hello, hope you're well. Thank you very much, I am more than honored that you enjoy my writing. I am afraid to say that I have chosen to omit several aspects of your request as I wish for this blog and all material posted on it to remain free from political and social reform-related biases. In order to preserve the intended mood of the piece, I have replaced the aforementioned omitted material with synonymous themes, as needed. I understand that this may be disappointing to you, and for that, I apologize. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this fanfiction and that you have a fruitful and productive day. Thank you for your patience and leniency.

Terrible idea (DMC5! Dante x Fem!Abused!Reader)

TW: Controlling parents, violence, and implications of physical abuse incoming; if you are uncomfortable with these themes, DNI.

-‐---------------------------------------------------‐-------------------------

You sighed, resting your cheek on your palm as you stared out the car window, absently watching the blurred scenery rush by. Your heart was pounding in your chest and your hands felt clammy; you couldn't believe this was actually happening.

For context, today was the day Dante had agreed to meet your your parents. Normally, this would be a joyous occasion, but in this case, it was terrifying because your parents were less than pleasant, to say the least. They hated the idea of you leaving their (abusive) household so much, they did everything they could to make your relationships--be they friendships or otherwise--crumble. At first, they'd attempted to keep you isolated, but now you had a job, and therefore, your own house, which was conveniently far, far away from theirs, so there was nothing they could do. Their only remaining tactic was to embarrass you and insult anyone you brought to see them until your guest left, either in disgust or awkwardness. The only reason Dante lasted as long as he did was because he'd never met them--you'd kept their existence a secret from him and his existence from them up until this point.

You hadn't wanted to bring Dante to meet them, but he'd insisted. Because his parents weren't alive anymore, he was unable to introduce you to them; to make up for it, he'd meet your parents instead. You never told him how horrible your folks were, however, and were seriously regretting it now, but he was so excited--you just couldn't burst his bubble like that. Maybe, hopefully, things would go well today.

"Hey, babe, you OK?" Dante asked, briefly glancing in your direction.

"Yeah," You sighed, turning and smiling at him.

"You sure? You don't sound ok."

"I...I'm fine, don't worry."

"Ok...well...we're almost there, according to the GPS."

You nodded, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, not really sure what to say. You honestly didnt want to be going to your parents' house; Dante didn't need to get involved in your family issues any more than he needed to.

"Come on, I see that frown. You can tell me if something's wrong, y'know," Dante encouraged, patting your shoulder.

"There's nothing wrong," You responded, forcing another smile. "I'm fine." Dante would have pursued the conversation, but there was a sharp turn coming up that he needed to focus on. Once he rounded the curve, you spotted the a building in the distance; a familiar building that you recognized as your parents house; the building that had never been your home.

"This your folks' place?" Dante asked, and when you nodded, a big grin broke out on his face. It was clear he was excited to meet those who had "raised" you. It was a shame he had no idea how awful they truly were. "Alright," He exclaimed, grinning, "Let's go meet the people that raised my angel!" He flung the car door open and bounded out out it, with you slowly following suit. Poor Dante. He had no idea what waited for him there, and it was all because of your weakness. Now that you were literally on the threshold of hell itself, you felt so upset with yourself for not warning him earlier; for being so selfish and keeping the truth a secret from him. You were sure that after today, he wouldn't want to be with you anymore, and so, you decided to simply accept your fate and get on with it; maybe the day would pass by quicker if you pretended to enjoy it.

Your anxiety and fear reaching its peak, you rung the doorbell and waited for the door to swing open; waited to be greeted with the frowning faces of those horrible monsters you couldn't believe you called your parents.

Sure enough, the door creaked open, and you were met with your mother, a scowl plastered across her wrinkling face.

"Y/N," She greeted, stiffly, prompting you to force a smile.

"Good afternoon, mother." Your mother then turned her attention to Dante and narrowed her eyes at him.

"And who's this?"

"My...umm....my..." You words died in your throat; your mother's scrutinizing gaze silencing you. You sighed, folding your arms and averting your gaze. Thinking you were just too excited to function properly, Dante eagerly piped up and finished your sentence.

"I'm her man, name's Dante, nice to meet ya!" He stuck his hand out, expecting your mother to shake it, but she did no such thing.

"What? A boyfriend? Are you crazy? We told you never to get a boyfriend--you don't deserve one! " She yelled, her piercing, fiery gaze directed on you. "Answer me, girl, what were you thinking?!" You couldn't. You felt like there was a burning lump in your throat, preventing you from speaking. If you did, you were sure you would cry. You knew this was a bad idea. What were you thinking indeed, coming here and bringing Dante with you? Clearly angry at your lack of a response, your mother crossed over to you and slapped you across the face. "What has gotten into you, child? How dare you disobey us and bring this filthy troll to our doorstep?! How dare you?!" Suddenly, your mother seized you by the arm and began beating you with her bony, yet painful fists; his vise-like grip keeping you in place even though you screamed in pain and tried to get away.

"Stop it, let go of her!" Shouted Dante, forcing your mother away and standing between the two of you. You sobbed, clinging onto his arm as you desperately tried to wipe away your tears.

"Get out of my way, you have no right to stand between me and my daughter!"

"She ain't your daughter if you hit her like that--the hell you thinking?! What was that even for?!"

"Shut the fuck up, you worthless loser," Retorted your mother, spitefully. "You have no right telling me how to parent my child.

"She's not your child if you treat her like this," Dante said, coldly. "Come on, babe, let's get outta here." He wrapped his arm around you and tried to guide you away, but you remained still.

"I'm sorry, Dante," You said, still crying. "I shouldn't have dragged you into this. I'm so, so sorry--I should have told you about them sooner."

"And what's that supposed to mean, young lady?!" Demanded your father, striding into view in his usual stained shirt. "And who the fuck is this?"

"Her boyfriend," Growled your mother, turning her nose up in disgust. "A bad influence, too." Your father grunted, roughly grabbing your wrist and jerking you towards the house.

"That's easily taken care of. Get outta here, loser, you'll never see my daughter again." You turned and looked at the angry expression on Dante's face, wishing you had the strength to stand up for yourself and break free. Unfortunately, you didn't; you were too afraid to do anything. You could only watch as your horrible parents dragged you inside their house of horrors and slammed the doors in your boyfriend's face.

Once again, you found yourself questioning your thought processes that led you to set foot within a 40 mile radius of your parents' lair.

You knew it; you felt it in your bones and your gut, but you did it anyway.

You were such an idiot.

This really was a terrible idea.

#Dmc #Dmc5 #Dmc5 dante #Devil may cry #Devil may cry 5 #Dante x reader #Dmc dante x reader #Dmc5 dante x reader #Dante x reader angst #Devil may cry x reader #dante x reader #Angst #Fanfic #Angst fanfic #Angst with bad ending #Sad angst #Dmc x reader angst #Requested #thanks for requesting #icycoldninja writes #My apologies #I'm so sorry for omitting parts of your request #I understand if you're mad

[snailfen]

not that anon but who's your favorite sluggy

so i never played the original MSC, but originally my favorite was the saint. i loved the idea of being able to just Leave situations and have a grappling tongue at all times as a newbie. i really struggled with platforming and survival back then, so i really liked them. fuck losing all karma upon dying, i could just Leave!

out of the vanilla scugs, monk was also my favorite back then. i REALLY hated the lore removal, but my gaming skills were already just Piss Poor in general so rain world was almost nigh impossible at first. also i liked being friends with lizards and scavs and i couldnt bring myself to attack scavs back then.

so, between then and now, my favorites have changed. between the MSC slugcats...

this is one of those few times i can answer from Every Possible Aspect of the candidate, like gameplay, campaign plot, etc. Which is really cool! when MSC dropped, Riv was the one  I played first using the "unlock all campaigns" cheat. I REALLY wanted to play saint first, but knowing from the start that the slugcats were ranked by difficulty and saint was locked behind 2 slugcats as opposed to 1, I curbed that urge and went for Riv since they were my second favorite.

now, their super exaggerated movement was hard to get a handle on, i will admit- but i hadn't played this game in a long time so i was just rusty on top of that. but i can confidently say im used to them! i love using their abilities to see just what i can do. there was a time i was playing with a randomizer and it was really fun having to adapt to each new situation like an opportunist. i wish i recorded it! but riv really helped me get over my hesitance when i was faced with predators, which was a bad habit I'd had for a long time.

campaign gameplay tested my lay of the land as well; especially by starting out in drainage system. i practically never set foot in drainage system back in the day, so i didnt know where in the world to head. I luckily detected the garbage wastes gate like, right away. trying to navigate the parts of the game more beaten off the main path of vanilla was difficult but fun! having only so much time to get from place to place was a fun challenge. then, after getting the rarefraction cell, trying to see how far i could go in 1 cycle was even greater.

now the plot is really where riv got me for sure.

looks to the moon has been a favorite character of mine for years. i never really stopped thinking about what happened between her and pebbles; every few months or so i would think about it. just how... hopeless things were for moon. It really made me sad. i think i speak for a lot of people when i say i wished that i could help her in some way. but the only thing i could do is bring her neurons, really. i never really made sense of pebbles side of the deal, like i knew what was going on with him and i felt bad, but it never really hit me how horrible things were for him. it all just felt so... tragic, yknow? that things ended up the way they did for the two of them.

exploring their superstructures was an experience. i originally planned to go to pebbles through shaded citadel after visiting moon on my first playthrough, but plans changed when i considered dealing with memory crypts, and the leg, AND underhang with my cycle limit (i had already sort of guessed that riv was after monks point in the timeline, but i didn't know that those areas got worse for riv so i was just thinking in terms of vanilla) so i went through the wall.

I kinda wish I saw at least memory crypts, but thats ok because the low gravity in the normally zero-gravity access shaft, plus the proto dll at the end, told me everything I needed to know before facing Pebbles chamber. Floating through his decayed structures... it hurt. I remember my first encounter with him in vanilla felt just a word away from being downright incomprehensible. he really came off as some god I couldn't percieve. but now, seeing the walls corroded by nothing but Rot, only small parts I actually recognized just barely peeking out amongst the decay, I just couldn't look. I felt like... like my arteries were clogged just by seeing his condition. Hearing him listen to Halcyon Memories, a favorite (previously) unused track of mine created a special kind of somber that I will Never re-experience.

Then, Moon's structure. This one is special. I got suuuper lost in here, but im glad I did. Up until a certain point, I had been taking the scenery in with a kind of reverence you would have while walking around a graveyard. I wandered for a few cycles, and at some point, Random Fate started playing. I didn't recognize the bass line yet, but when I had stumbled into what I immediately recognized as Moon's Memory Conflux, the Sundown melody kicked in.

Recognizing both things at once, I got all... like, choked up. Like... I'm finally helping Moon!  But... what about Pebbles? Why can't I help him? ...And like, I knew why; he brought this fate upon them both. But that didn't make it hurt any less. He asked me to do the only thing he wanted: to give all he had to redeem what he did. So in the end, this was all I could do to help him; in the same way that this was all Pebbles could do to make up for what he did to Moon.

Don't get me started on the ending. Seeing Moon restored to even a fraction of what once was had me so happy! It was exhilarating to say the least. But I was tearing up on the edge of my seat when she reached out to Pebbles. Watching the messages roll in slowly, seeing what she had to say, all the while praying that Pebbles could hear her.

Seeing Moon call herself Pebbles big sister is what broke the dam. From what I saw back in the day, people usually skirted that title of hers when it came to Pebbles, or never really acknowledged it. Even I did, for some time. But it never made sense to do that! Moon and Pebbles would never feel such anger, betrayal, or regret over everything that had happened if they weren't very close. I found it very important that that's who Moon was to him. Not just a great friend, but a big sister. I'm so glad the MSCteam felt that was important as well.

Speaking of which, seeing the names of community members and fans that I recognized in the credits got me sobbing again when I thought I was done. This expansion was a loveletter to the game from the fans, brought in officially by the actual developers. The Rivulet campaign especially enforced that feeling of love for the game- by having compassion for the tragedy two iterators and finally helping them reconcile.

I finally felt satisfied, not only because I was able to help Moon- but because I had also realized the tragic life that Pebbles had led. Those two things had never really left my mind.

anyways WOOOOO that was a lot of rambling. hope you enjoyed......

#rain world #rain world downpour #mossball.txt #asks

[chaifootsteps]

I see a lot of people discusing how Vivzie could end in legal trouble for her actions, and while i know wishing bad things on other people is wrong, i would be lying if i said i dont find that idea very funny. I was the one that sugested that if Hazbin Hotel ended up being edited the same way that the trailer did then someone would end up sued for causing motion sickness to someone on the public.

But then i thought, if it does happens, that Vivziepop ends up in jail for abusing her workers or comiting tax fraud, whatever it is, her stans will simply negate everything.

If thats happens, the first video about it we will have will be some AyyLMAO shit titled like "Vivziepop on LEGAL TROUBLE over this DUMB thing..." and just create a narrative that she got in trouble not because she did something bad, but because the world hates her so much for being famous that people told lies about her to the police to get her arrested. Acting like she is some little poor soul "hated for no reason" and again ignoring the fact that she is rich and got privileges.

There was a case years ago where a woman got arrested for doing something horrible that she had no shame on admiting, and somehow she still got a lot of support and people asking her to be freed because of shit they literaly made out.

(Content warning: mentions of abuse, child homicide, psycological damage)

This woman killed her 4yo daughter, and also abused her boyfriend, leaving a big psycological and emotional damage in him.

Naturally, she got arrested, but it awakaned some weird ass "feminist movement" where a bunch of women got around the prision and asking for her to get freed. When asked about it, they said that its because they belived that "maybe he (her ex) was the one abusing her", so she was actualy the victim for them.

There was proof that she did all of that. It wasnt even a question. She ADMITED IT, yet these people where there insisting that "maybe" something that THEY COMPLETELY MADE OUT happens instead of what every evidence said and aparentely that was enough reason for her to be inocent.

I feel like Vivziepop's fans would do the exact same thing if she gets arrested. They would all gather around the prison, with the merch of the show and protest signs that are decorated with her ugly characters, screaming about how she should be freed.

And when they ask why they think she is innocent they would say "well we belive that MAYBE she didnt do that and uh its actually a conspiracy of people lying about her because they hate her because they are jealous of her and... uh maybe the proof is fake because everyone hates Vivzie for no reason and um... eh... and even if she did those things, uh it wasnt that bad and y'all are mean for arresting her".

Sorry for the negativity and the rant, Vivziepop's fans geniunely scare me, they have proven they will do ANYTHING for their "goddess", i feel like they would even commit a crime if it means procting her from facing the consequences of her actions.

Yeah, as overdramatic as it might sound to say it, I sincerely, genuinely think Vivzie could shoot someone and her fans would resort to weird conspiracy theories before admitting she did anything wrong. Hell, they'd probably blame me.

#Anonymous #vivziepop fandom #vivziepop critical #actual blog post

[justarandomgirly]

My RWRB review WITH SPOILERS so dont read if you havent watched yet

Beautiful fresh movie. But horrible book adaptation.

It starts like...it has no proper beginning. We simply find ourselves at the wedding at thats it. I would have opened it at a White house when Alex is given instructions or something.

First cca 10 minutes of the movie were already spoiled to me in all released clips.

Star wars convo? Gone. And it was important in the book for us readers to understand how characters think. Even the whole convo as they lay on the ground in that closet was short and rushed.

Turkey scene was the best & funniest in the book. Here it was smushed into like 20 seconds and all the fun and their convo taken away limited into like 3 lines no David no Mr Wobbles...

No phone call after parents had a fight.

The texting montage...in the book this whole thing with texting is crusial. Its when they fall in love. How they open up to one another so when they see each other at NYE, its like Alex is meeting whole different man. This was again rushed.

Mails leaked. But which emails?? We saw none. We didnt see them writing any emails, like the juicy erotic and romantic ones in the book, just couple of texts. So what exactly leaked? As book reader you know. But imagine you didnt read the book.

NO CORNETTO SCENE!!!

I liked the party tho. And first kiss.

Scene in red room also shortened.

But I loved Amy.

I expected lot more intimacy since it was R rated.

No Wimbledon.

No shouting under the windows of KP. The scene I was mostly looking forward to. The Henry you motherfucker!

Even this was changed. After Alex says Ill leave if you tell me to leave they passionately kiss then make love then comes museum. Here there is no kiss nothing Henry just immediately takes him to the museum. We just see them in bed next morning.

Karaoke scene way too short,again.

Emails being leaked were so stressful in the book I was nausiated when I read those pages. Here it was...kinda brushed off. And the guy who leakec them wasnt punished or anything like in the book. They gave us hint people know their emails were hacked, but its not resolved in the movie. So if you havent read the book you might have impression Miguel got away with it.

Election night or talking to king and Philippe... it was all like...

It felt like i wasnt watching a movie, but a recap of what happened in a movie, before watching volume 2. Almost all scenes sounded like they took the most important parts of conversations in the books and characters spoke them because the information had to get to the viewer, but it felt shallow.

Poorly written rushed writing. Thats how I would put it.

Yes actors are awesome. Taylor is so damn hot and charming it hurts.

Tay and Nick have chemistry straight movie couples can enwy them.

Im not complaining about acting. That was great. Uma as president? Pls Uma run for president in real life.

Nick and Taylor perfecrly embody Henry and Alex in every way. I couldnt wish for better casting.

But again. Rushed horrible writing. If i didnt read the book, i wouldnt believe boys love each other so much. Writers just had to get into this scene after that scene, because thats how this story goes, and thats it.

As a book adaptation, Im only giving it 3 out of 10.

But as a movie...sweet romantic funny fresh and a beatiful message to the LGBT community...im giving it 7 out of 10.

Agree or disagree, I wont fight you.

#red white and royal blue #rwrb #red white and royal blue book #rwrb book

[ppnuggie]

I Love your 'Decpticons x reader/raiden shogun'!.

I absolutely love it and I just keep reading it! Is it alright for me to request u a 'decpticon x reader/venti or zhongli' ?. You don't have to do both.

Have a good day/night!

　　　　　　CONS x gn human reader

　　　　『　megatron ,, starscream ,, knockout ,, breakdown ,, gender neutral human reader 』

　　-> cons w/ a venti like s/o

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, crack ,, mentions of wine n alcohol

　　— tysm !! im glad you liked my crossover 🥴😎 i did venti for this one but i can do zhongli too in a separate post ! :D i chose four cons though since you didnt specify ^^

megatron ::

• hes not quite happy having you onboard his ship with your frantics ,, making a mess of things instead of just standing by like he assumed you would

• whilst you do provide a lot of fun and excitement towards the vehicons ,, he’s still not all that okay with you onboard

• he just huffs and puffs ,, giving you glares from across the room whenever you start singing and telling tales ,, he finds it unnecessary and silly

• but ,, the work ethic from the vehicons has gone up ,, and you do help out a bit when you use your anemo powers to lift stuff for you

• the thing megatron does take a liking to is your fighting style ,, your crossbow style and how neat your anemo powers look when mixed together

• he feels and thinks that you could be better ,, but when you use your anemo powers down in the energon mine ,, hes quick to provide a small nod of thanks

• when he catches wind of you slipping up and talking about a certain nation you and a few others destroyed ,, he starts to rethink his view of you

• he wishes to hear more about what happened ,, but doesnt push it as you get quite stiffy when you slip a certain nation through your speeches

starscream ::

• he finds a lot of things about you infuriating ,, your silly songs ,, little fairytales ,, your somewhat obsession with wine and getting a bit tipsy ,, he honestly doesnt see why megatron even allowed you onboard the nemesis

• he does notice you help out the vehicons and eradicons but that doesnt mean he likes you !! he just ,, happens to know how nice and gentle you treat them ,, and help them

• he does like your anemo powers ,, never seeing that in a fleshy before ,, but he brushes it off and gruffs about how a little wind and air does nothing to help the cause

• only when youre too tipsy and gone do you share your most gruesome stories ,, how your first friend had died horribly and how you were alone after that

• starscream overhears it when he gets his daily energon ,, not meaning to eavesdrop ,, yet his wings droop as he can easily synthesize with your pain

• he ,, too ,, have lost those quite dear to him ,, optics gazed at the floor before decided he’s had enough and leaves

• he does change his attitude towards you a bit ,, only being a little more nicer then before ,, but that doesnt mean he likes you !! stop teasing him fleshy !!

knockout ::

• knockout is more then pleased to meet you ,, already a fan of how nice you are to everyone around you ,, despite being on an alien ship with even ruder aliens

• you and knockout tend to hang out often ,, showing him your anemo powers and sharing your tunes with the mech ,, he’s delighted to hear your stories as well

• knockout makes for a good friend ,, supportive and interested about you ,, helping you with things along the way of being on an alien ship

• he notices your kindness towards the vehicons ,, and just smiles to himself ,, glad to have at least some sort of positivity on this hell of a ship

• definitely appreciates when you use your anemo powers to help him buff himself 💀

breakdown ::

• breakdown is absolutely head over heels about you ,, so fascinated with everything you do and say ,, hes quite the friendly guy ,, probably the most friendly mech onboard

• loves your little harp and your songs <33 always clapping when you finishing singing or telling a tale ,, asking questions and all

• when he first sees your anemo powers ,, hes super impressed ,, as if he couldnt be as impressed beforehand

• he is appreciative of how nice you are towards the vehicons and eradicons when they work ,, knowing full well that they get injured a lot and deal with a lot of negativity already

• all in all ,, he makes quite the nice friend

#transformers x reader #x reader #x gender neutral reader #tfp x reader #🌌.tfp #starscream x reader #megatron x reader #knockout x reader #breakdown x reader #tfp breakdown #tfp knockout #tfp megatron #tfp starscream #tfp starscream x reader #tfp megatron x reader #tfp knockout x reader #tfp breakdown x reader #breakdown #megatron #starscream #knockout #transformers prime #tfp #🌌.breakdown #🌌.knockout #🌌.megatron #🌌.starscream

[sequesteredschizo]

cw // suicidal ideation & self harm 

thought too much about where I should post these words @ and where to do it if I did

Decided on here, both to challenge myself to be honest about how I'm doing and as a small private testament to myself, esp considering I can't guarantee I'll remember any of this later if I don't 

A few months ago I decided I was supposed to kill myself on April 26th 2024. I think something about doing that nullified certain anxieties of mine at times, for better and for worse. I thought the worst thing I could do that would ruin everyone I cared about was already going to happen, so I was able to loosen my grip somewhat on the people-pleasing and the social anxiety and the agoraphobia- maybe a sort of subconscious 'if something doesn't change, i will be dying. So I might as well try while I'm still around.' I've been callous and I've been unstable, but I also took risks (or, actions I that felt like risks to me) that landed me with more life-affirming results than I could have ever anticipated.

I sent texts I thought were annoying and stupid to people I wished I talked to more, I tried to eat like a well-adjusted adult person, I was honest with my dad about how hellish my disability was making my life for the first time. Etc etc. Anything to connect, anything to survive. I didn't care anymore. it felt like the end of the world. To everyone else it probably seemed like I was finally re-entering society, if anyone thought much of it at all (unlikely, imo.) At one point, I hurt myself worse than I ever had before, and without really meaning to, haven't done it since. It feels now like a microcosm of the bigger picture, just by coincidence. Doing better wasn't necessarily my intention, but it was a consequence of thinking I was fucking it all up one last time. Might as well throw all the chips in.

Last weekend I attended a wedding out-of-state for a relative I hadn't seen in years knowing id meet countless new faces and I didn't even freak out. And I was terrified, and I didn't want to go there and I didn't want to stay here but I did it anyways. Turns out I don't think I've ever felt so loved and welcomed and appreciated in my life. The people I reached out to on a whim, because what was the worst that could happen? Some of them actually respond back, fucking shocker. My dad is trying to stop pretending I don't exist. I'm a little less malnourished. So those are all good developments.

I feel like I reached up into an empty sky with the very last dregs of energy I had and by some miracle, just enough of the universe reached back. I don't and didnt want to scar and endanger my struggling loved ones because I couldn't be strong enough to deal with myself. It had to be my last option, after truly trying everything I could. I didn't even do much, and I didn't expect it to work. I didn't expect my favorite band to be dropping new shit on my due date. I didn't know that I would really honestly from the bottom of my heart not want to leave this fucked up horrible beautiful tragic world behind. 

I know there's always going to be a part of me that expects me to commit. it's always been easier for me to hurt myself than help myself. I've written a lot of suicide notes throughout my life. This is the first time I've ever done the opposite, I guess? This is supposed to be my promise to me that I want to live. I need to. Its really hard to admit that to myself. I'm pretty sure I can do it tho.

I think (and almost hope) that the handful of you who follow this stupid little blog wont read this, but I posted it here because theres too many people everywhere else. It's directed at myself anyway.

a distant yell into a cacophonous void, in hopes that typing it will act as a metaphysical vehicle for manifesting it in the collective subconscious:

TRANS PEOPLE DONT KILL YOURSELF!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[skadream]

happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY TRANSIT from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

[starkid256]

can i rant about how bad 2023 is for me rq?

ok so in the first couple of months of 2023 i was doing great. new year new me amiright. i was chillin on the crk wiki n shit and i wasnt doing very well in school but what can you do the us education system is flawed and nothing can fix it. i made a contest for people to draw strawberry crepe cuz that was the rage and all. once the deadline hit, i was ready to make the prizes.

i hit the biggest fucking roadblock in my life.

i just got hit with the worst burnout and depression i have ever had in my life. it took 11-12 days to write something with 1k words. this depression is still there. it pains me to even attempt to draw or write or anything. whatever, depression like this is very common. eventually, i moved on from the crk wiki and went to comic studio.

oh. comic studio. where do i begin?

to start off, if you dont already know, comic studio is a website to share comics. shocker i know. i met some friends on here from there. some of my moots i met from cs. and yet, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. there was drama left and right, mainly centering some specific sensitive users that ive blocked on here, there were people sending death threats and threatening to kill themselves every day. and i desperately told them that their lives had value. all of this drama and suicide baiting was absolutely murdering my mental health in cold blood, so when i broke my kindle screen, i had an episode where i nearly killed myself. no one saw. not anyone irl, not anyone online except for a friend who didnt take it seriously. i didnt really draw too much attention to it anyways. btw, all of this was happening while my dad ran off with my now stepmom and was dumb enough to put himself into a mentally abusive relationship. my mom, who i live with, hates those two so much. also my stepmom is queerphobic and has internalized conservativity.

i got tumblr as soon as i got my first phone, near the start of june. i love tumblr with all my heart, but it fucking murders your mental health nearly just as bad as cs. i mean, what do you expect from a website that makes you think that all the problems of the world are your fault? i have met great people here, but it still fucking sucks.

the real nail in the coffin was when a user on comic studio (who i have now blocked on tumblr) made a half baked shitty "callout post" on me. i will say, i did do something wrong that i apologized for afterwards, but everything else was past drama that they brought up even though i had already apologized for all of it. i apologized, and decided that i should leave comic studio. and so i did. keep in mind that all of this has been happening while my main family (which means excluding my dad and step mom) lives paycheck to paycheck.

now flash forward to the present. im on my phone for 14 hours a day on average laying on the couch scrolling through tumblr and watching youtube and playing roblox wishing i was dead. i have no one to blame for this behavior but myself. i would hope that the rest of 2023 is ok, but i already know i will have a horrible rest of the year. yeah this was a rly big rant. ily guys and i hope your 2023 was better than mine.

#rant #vent #pls read

[societysonlooker]

2) What is your favorite fic of yours?

3) What fic of yours do you think is underrated?

6) Do you outline your fics? If so, how?

8) Do you take inspiration from real life? If so how do you incorporate it into your fics?

Oh hey anon!

2) So, while I don't really have any comfort fics, but one series that lives rent free in my head is Caged Robins by independent_variables. Here's the description:

Caged Robins don't sing, they beat their wings against the bars.

Or:

Jack Drake meets Robin.

And another favorite of mine is 16 November 1581 by DairyFarmer. If you like Good Dad Bruce fics and you like hurt/comfort, this is for you. It's just, a stellar fic all in all. Tw for child abuse, though. Description:

Bruce blacked out. He wasn’t sure what happened after those words left Jack’s mouth. All he knew was that the next thing he remembered was being pulled off of Jack Drake by several police officers.

----

Tim goes missing and there were times that Bruce wished he wasn’t such a good detective.

There's a lot more fics from a few different fandoms I could rec if people were interested, but these are ones I've remembered and read Recently. shoutouts to

the ENTIRE Where's My Goddamned Dinosaur series by njw (18+ yall)

Loading and Aspect Ratio by JUBE514

M&M by Impravidus

The Entirety of Liminal Spaces by Calamityjim

Worlds Finest Three by SuperRobinSmash (18+ yall)

Whatever Happened To Tim Drake? By TinHatFlash (READ THE FUCKING TAGS YALL). I frankly consider the best example of an honest to god Greek tragedy that I've ever seen in modern writing (and I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR THAT SHIT) because every "mistake" the characters make is an action that have no choice but to make because they are who they are and they're trying to do the next best thing in a horrible situation and it is an ever-evolving downward spiral. Seriously, I cannot sing enough praise for this fic.

Additional shoutouts to Heartslogos, Petra, and Teland, who's fics dragged me, joyfully, into this fandom, what with my then-limited-to-Teen-Titans-Cartoon knowledge of dc comics, and honestly so many others who's names I recognize, but can't pull from yhe top of my head right now.

Ok ok,

3) so, the first thing is I actually have irl friends who follow this account, so on the off chance they see this, I'm not gonna talk about my own works, *but*, I do think that one of my short-story/longfics is over-rated. It's got 2 chapters, is unfinished, hasn't updated in years, is full of mistakes and stilted sentences, is frankly a longfic i didnt commit to and need to seriously rework before i continue, and it has as many kudos as all my other works. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for all of them, and I'm really happy that the story made so many people happy! I just think it's definitely one of my rougher pieces, and hopefully now that my schedule is even-ing out i can finally dedicate some time to working on that.

6) yes and no, sometimes I get an idea and inspiration for a short fic and am writing whatever comes to mind in a matter of minutes, and finish it in a caffein induced haze within the week. Sometimes I write a full NotFic (a beat sheet, if you will) and never write a full story. Sometimes I write a notfic, edit it a couple of times, then write a fic. Sometimes I copy/paste the thing into a new doc and just restructure the sentences into the right perspectives, paragraphs, and descriptions, and Bam! Story. And sometimes I do an actual point by point outline of "these are the beats I want to hit, the how doesn't matter, just figure out the details as you go and Get To This Place, and that's the kind of thing that usually leads to my fics that deal more with emotional trauma than anything else, I want the characters to feel a certain way then interact with each other, and I ask myself how I can bring them to that point. The story usually builds itself after that.

8) Oh yeah, all the time. I started writing by writing poetry to express myself, and the media I consumed was, generally, along the same vein. As a kid I liked pieces that were both escapism, and something that tackled my day-to-day problems. So give me magic and dragons, but give me academic pressure and strained interpersonal relationships, too. To this day, that is still my taste in media. I use fiction-writing as a way to vent my own thoughts, emotions, and traumas. I'm always inspired by the world around me, in that sometimes i see a pretty dress and have to think "do I want to wear this dress, or do I want to see a pretty girl in this dress?" And then write both. Sometimes I go "man, that was fucked, Imagine if I made a fictional character go through that too?" And then make the character go through something infinitely worse, yet still come out on top. In that sometimes I find that I'm writing a lot of a trope I enjoy, and then I start examining what about the trope i like, and nine times out off ten some other long-forgotten trauma comes flying out of the woodwork. When I'm writing, I'm doing it to tell a story, yes, but also to examine some aspect of people. Their inner thoughts, the way we interact with each other, our wants and needs, how we treat each other in a society l, and why some normal human things are taboo when the same society allows atrocities. I don't necessarily think stories need to so much have a progression as they need to simply convey something to the reader, much like poetry, and I think that really impacts my writing.

Anyway, sorry that was so long! I have a lot of feelings about fanfic 😂 thanks for the ask nonny!!!

#societysonlooker's asks #just tagging so i can find it again if i need. i do a lot of revlogging

[lokisprettygirl]

hi sorry, thought this be a better place to rant about TB because evidently the length of said rant doesnt accommodate the number of character available in the comments. anyway, sorry if this is rather lengthy and if this is ever a bother

nooo wtf. first of all, lokis back story in cairo, wtf sameera or whatever her name was. he was beaten to a pulp, darling im so sorry. Things like that make me want to be there and be the one to comfort and nurse him back to full health and it just brakes my heart that he was beaten up in the first place. That bitch didnt deserve him at all, im so sorry darling that you had to fall for that wretched girl only to be left broken and beaten, im so so sorry darling.

second of all, i understand why he's trying to sever the intimate and sacred contact they shared because, one he doesnt want to get hurt again, two he feels guilty that that bloody bastard steve laid a hand on her and hurt and left a mark on her and he wasnt there to help and save her, three he knows he has to give her up when she get married to steve and he cant be there to save her from the torture she going to endure from him and four he's afraid of the capability and power steve and her father have of hurting or killing him like with what happened with whats her name and the fact that she might do the same thing she did

third of all, I understand y/n as well. shes trusted him and he broke whatever that was they had and it hurt her. it made her think and believe in the things those horrible people said to her. Its also making her think that she like poison, that if she gets involved with someone else they'll leave her or they'll get hurt or taken away from her or they'll use her for their own evil scheme. (honestly this might be a terrible metaphor)

Honestly the internal conflict i have with myself will cause my untimely death, Im always like this, I understand or at least try to see both sides and this is great example of it

and lastly four, erik stevens sounded rather familiar to me and i looked it up and it turns out its actually killmonger (sorry i always call him that and might have forgotten his actual name)

Now wtf (it appears i have said this way to much i apologize) now their separated and they thought they still had that time even though they arent "friends" anymore, it still hurts them that their separated ( i dont think this paragraph makes sense sorry) Now lokis appointed to who im assuming is bitchannah or something (honestly i really dont care for the name of the characters that annoy me)

And steve you conniving asshole, thats it hes a bloody fucking bastards asshole. Honestly, everyone but y/n and loki is a narcissistic, self centered asshole that dont give a bloody fuck about anyone but themselves. (then i remembered her mother and that lady from the shelter, their good)

wow im sorry for the length and if this ever bothers you, im simply ranting of how i perceive these characters and this is a testament to your brilliant writing. You are a brilliant brilliant writer and dont let anyone think else, (even me if i ever do or did, which i hope not, if i ever did it wasnt my intention). The complexity in the stories that you muster up to conjure in your head is already brilliant but to share it to the world and to us or me personally is a privilege so thank you

again im sorry for the length of this and wish you a good day darling and hope you get better soon. sending all the love 😊❤️💜💙💚💛😊

Never apologise for a long comment or ran or feedback as I like to call it. Trust me your comments are everything that keeps me going and makes me want to update faster. 😘😘💚

Yeah Sameera really fucked him up badly, he is broken too, just in a different way and they both need to love each other to fix each other. It's just a perfect fit, he's the safe harbor she wants and she's the validation he needs. But their attraction for each other isn't limited to what they need from each other , they both want to protect each other selflessly and that says alot

And yes the new bodyguard is in

I just wanted to finally bring a side character I really like but never have written before

Whether he'd be a friend or foe? We will see 👀👀

You're making me cry with the last paragraph, lately I have been feeling even worse about my writing for some reason but this made me feel so validated. I try to give my characters a solid foundation and I'm just super happy that you feel so invested in them. Thank you for this ask my dear 😍💚

I'm sending all the love too 💓💓

#asks #stupidthoughtsinwrting #the bodyguard

[gonancray]

you, i thought i could trust.

why did you lie. i just keep going back to those moments - when i looked you in the eye and asked if it was okay to be there - if we were intruding - the reality of our decision finally settling, the haze of adrenaline fading - and you looked at me and assured me that no, i wasn’t. no, we could stay.

why.

i asked you twice more during our stay, and again you responded the same way.

what hurts the most is the 180 you did the next day. if that had been a lie, if it had all been a facade, if you’d been able to go upstairs and text behind our backs and return with a straight face - as if we were some frightening “other” you needed protection from - if you had let me bawl into your shoulder, held ▇▇▇’s shaking fingers in your own so gently, with such softness in your eyes - then what the FUCK HAD BEEN REAL. 

I FELT SAFE. YOU FUCKING MADE ME FEEL SAFE AND OKAY AND LIKE I COULD FINALLY BREATHE SINCE THAT HORRIBLE GSA MEETING WHERE I GAVE ▇▇▇ THEIR GIFT AND LEFT IN TEARS BC I WAS SO OVERWHELMED AND ANXIOUS THE MEETING WHERE YOU LEFT ▇▇▇’s BDAY GROUPCHAT W NO EXPLANATON. 

WHAT I HATE SM IS THAT I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IS TRUTH AND LIE ANYMORE. I GLIMPSED you in the library today and your face was so untouched. i didnt expect to feel so suddenly hollow. i didn’t expect those two seconds of eye-contact to engrave itself in my mind for the rest of the day - for me to be here, 10 hrs later, frantically scribbling in a notebook, dodging the wet stains on paper. im crying and i feel nauseous and i cant even eat

what was real? what of our friendship was real?

i cant help but remember that day when i spilled my heart to you on your bed, and you let me rest my chin on your shoulder and you held me the tightest you’ve ever held me and you rubbed circles into my back and ▇▇▇ was beside me and i thought maybe we could stay there forever

i bared my fucking soul to you. 

i’d shown you my self-harm scars and explained them. i’d shown you the rawest parts of myself. i’d told you things i’d never told anyone. i shared my grade 7 poetry with you. i spoke about my relationship to religion and the hijab and my sexuality and how i felt about labels. and i thought you bared your soul to me in turn. i thought you’d never be afraid to tell me anything. i thought you’d always tell me the truth.

now i dont even know who you are.

what does it mean that you were able to throw it all away in one night. what did it mean about the nature of our interactions so far, if the entirety of our visits to your house had been a lie.

i am heartbroken by you. 

i cannot be friends with someone i cant trust.

i just fucking wish you had told me. everything wouldve been fine if you had told me.

one of the first lines in that message you sent me was “fucking take accountability for your actions”

i remember staring in numbed shock, on a hard bench in the cafeteria, the voice of the guest-speaker turning to a low buzz in my ears

▇. you hadn’t told me i had crossed a line. you hadnt informed me of any boundary being crossed.

i had asked you and YOU HAD LIED TO MY FACE - through your words, your countenance, your actions, the stupid warm smile on your face.

what the fuck ▇.

how dare you take this out on me. how dare you reveal to me how little i know you at all. 

i fucking hate you

i want nothing bad to happen to you, but i hate you. i wish the best for you but i hate you

how to reconcile this newfound hatred with the old, lasting love. 

i hate that you will never see this. i hate that i let you have the last word, i hate that you will never know how much i am hurting, i hate how you will never know i can no longer stomach breakfast without feeling the urge to throw up. i hate how its been a week and here i still am, crying over what we used to be - and what i did to us out of necessity

most of all i hate how to u i am still the villain. to you, i was the one who did the hurting. i was the one who didnt give a shit abt you

so here: in the privacy of my notebook: i am sorry. i’m sorry for not thinking. i’m sorry for ambushing you, i’m sorry for getting you in trouble, i’m sorry for the hurt i caused, i’m sorry for the inconsideration i displayed.

i would have given you an ocean-full of apologies - if only you had let me. if only you had given me a chance before leaping to your insulting conclusions

but its too late now

cutting you out was like severing my right hand. every time i reach for something i mourn its loss

you were a constant in my life and now youre gone

now all thats left is to deliver the eulogy, shuck off my funeral clothes and walk on

#oct 25 #. #reposting this properly

[coffeeastronaut]

Insane to me that 13s finale was so bad like ik i literally quit watching during her run bc it sucked so bad but like. What. we got:

straight up incomprehensible plot with multiple irrelevant or unaddressed plot points beginning and then never getting finished or explained in any way (was was the master Rasputin? why did the plan have to happen in two different time periods? what were those two warring planets? why did we need the cybermen AND the daleks? why did the master use his big doe eyes to hypnotize those people?)

Comprehensible plot points that were botched (matryoshka cyberman, kidnapped energy source alien thing, ai holo doctor, yaz being/becoming the doctor in her own right, the doctor has so many friends forever and thats why shes a winner, master x doctor haties 4ever, yaz wondering if she’ll get left behind like other companions/being worried abt turning into them, dan leaving)

Comprehensible plot points that were stupid as shit (the master needing ace and tegan for the matryoshka.. he couldn’t have just kept it in his pocket? forced regeneration into the master so that he can wreck her reputation for some reason? siesmologists being kidnapped and also he graffitied some paintings (for some reason?) and these things are Clearly Related Duh. master wants to um, be the doctor for some reason? yeah im not touching that one frankly. the doctor suffering zero consequences from forced regeneration only to get laser beamed to death but then shes fine to like get ice cream and chit chat but she is dying. Dont think abt it too much.)

chibby coincidence catastrophe. this cunt loves to not write cause and effect lets just get lucky or slip or trip or fucking whatever. teagan slipping on that ladder so that she can get jumpscared but then it’s fine actually she can just slide away like dark souls, graham just like idk chilling and running into ace in the dalek lave pit, random traitor dalek (who is immediately killed and never relevant again???) just happens to contact the doctor just in time for the other daleks to use it as a trap????

and like on top of all this it had so many moments where you can practically feel chibnall begging the audience to get hype bc look xyz thing is here from previous thing on the show! like w/ the classic companions coming back (and i do love them! But WHERE was the relevancy beyond making yaz uncomfortable bc they both left in bad circumstances. Where was it.), or all of the doctors homies showing up to pilot the tardis with her (you WISH you were the stolen earth you WISH-), or the fugitive doctor (sorry i didnt watch that ep. but i know enough to know it was nothing more then a callback.), or seeing all the other doctors in 13s like dreamscape place or whatever the fuck (and what was the point of that? she just idk says hi guys! and then sits in there and waits? hello?), the companion support group (cute concept! joked abt in fandom for years! but so lame in execution im sorry!), UNIT being involved for some reason (this is the least egregious imo, since it slotted neatly into the plot. however since they didnt do anything other then say hey doc check out these paintings! ahhughh cybermen! it’s still stupid as shit.) ace and graham flirting for some reason???? LIKE WHAT WAS THE POINT HERE. Dan leaving (why didn’t he leave at the end of last episode when he was clearly thinking about it??) like ten minutes into the episode, and the doc is like okay bye! [leaves him homeless on the street] like what horrible pacing that was. And where the hell was ryan? Dan and graham come pick yaz up and ryan is no where to be seen. Maybe he could smell the bad vibes and stayed home. Christ

Yaz especially felt just soooooo botched and shitty. As i said before i quit watching after 13’s first season, but i did catch the last five min of the sea devils and even just there it was. Pretty fucking clear that they were confessing love to one another, but we ~cant be together ever~ (says the cunt whos had countless kinda-sorta-girlfriends and at least one wife!) because itll ~be sad~ (you wish you were tenrose you WISH-).

Her competence at flying the fucking tardis, delegating tasks, planning, and executing on all of it was flawless! that’s an insane level of skill for a companion to have, only ever shown in new who with River Song, and outliers like Doctor-Donna, Bad Wolf Rose, or whatever that was with immortal Clara. To have her do all that, especially with such success… it’s crazy. Usually we only see that level of competence from ex-companions, like Martha, Micky, dimension-hopping Rose, or Sarah Jane.

Both those things said. You’re telling me. The Doctor is regenerating. So. Yaz is just. Gonna go home? What? Not even that the the doctor intentionally abandoned her- although, arguably she did- just. She’s leaving i fucking guess. For no reason? After all that? I understand it’s partially a writing thing and mandip leaving the show or whatever, but like, that was seriously the best you can do? She just dips and goes to a support group?

And that feeds into a greater problem with the episode, the idea that all of this works bc the doctor has all these friends. And then she just like. Leaves. She just dips. Hits the fucking bricks ALONE. and again it’s partially the writer swap i’m sure. But what on Gods Green Fucking Earth. Not to mention it all hinges on her having friends but none of them seem to actually like her or be friends with her. it’s like houseplants instead of characters.

absolutely a shameful end to a shameful run of the show. I really hope that jodie/13 get the chance to come back under better writers in the future for audio dramas or whatever.

in conclusion, tldr, or whatever: jesus christ that shit

SUCKED

#mi #long post #good parts of the ep: im a sucker for high saturation sorry it looks baller. sacha as the master is a delight even if his writing is just #fucking ATROCIOUS he’s nice to look at thanks to costuming for putting him in cute outfits. #it’s hard to fully enjoy his acting when the material really is just. so shit. but i do like his choices and his mannerisms hes fun.ty sacha #umm… colors and sacha… um….. idk i guessthe master’s jokerfied tardis was good. ehhhh #dont get me started on the dt regen . glad to see the man but Hello? Hello? Hello? #erm. i should tag this as a long post. and also as dw so that my friends can filter this but i do NOT want this showing #up in the tags like at all. i dont want to be a prick to ppl who liked it and also i dont want to get killed by doctor who fans who thought #this was baller. sorry to jodie whittaker fans too. im sorry she sucked and i cant tell how much is her and how much is chibnall. augh. #tagged this as long post. sorry to my non-dw mutuals for my long haterism post.

[letmesleepy]

Are you done? May i speak? Ok then

First, right off the bat its obvious you dont even know the definition of the thing you are defending. Pro ship isnt "supports ppl enjoying ships" it means when you partake in ships of all kinds, regardless of age, consent, or even if theyre family. Yes you too. Saying "supports" doesnt suddenly mean you are exempt from it. You are not a bystander. There are no bystanders in this sort of behavior, there are only those who allow it, and those who dont. Its that simple. I have seen the community, i know what i am talking about. I have seen ppl recklessly stumble around the concept of horrible, most of the time abusive relationships, no self awareness as to why in real life they are bad, only thinking about "shipping", alongside ppl who will look the other way, while trying to remain "neutral".

It is not a "neutral stance" and if you truly believe that then i feel sorry for you, genuinely, because someone fooled you. Yes. Fiction and reality are different things. But that doesnt mean they dont interact. That doesnt mean they dont effect each other. If fiction didnt effect reality, we as humans wouldnt have been making fiction. Thats the entire point. We love creations that effect us. From the fucking beginning we have been telling stories that make us laugh and cry, because they effect us. Even some change us. Shape us. Lets take for example; childrens stories. Like say a kids show, thats main theme is how kindness is good. Why would that show exist? To shape. To effect reality. By changing the kid. Helping them realize they shouldnt be mean to their friends, because their favorite character is kind to their friends, and it makes them feel good to be kind.

Surely youve watched kid shows as a kid? Seeing characters eat a delicious cartoonish meal that made you wish you could eat it? Doesnt that count as fiction effecting reality? Or perhaps you would argue that they are impressionable kids. That it isnt the same w adults. Then lets use adult examples. Like trans adults. Did you ever notice when some trans ppl have names they got from fictional characters? Because the fiction effected them and made them deeply connect with that character to the point of absorbing them into their identity? Like myself? A name of mine that i got from a video game, where i was called this name by fictional characters who fictionally loved me, which effected me to the point i found deep comfort in that name?

But please, lets get back to you. You say there are studies that show fiction doesnt effect reality. Where are they? Do you have a dependable source? You didnt include it in the ask, and since you seem to believe you are trying to open my eyes, im going to guess it was am empty sentence. I am not a child, simply saying "there are studies" doesnt suddenly make me go "oh shit scientists are working on this!" No. It makes me think yer wasting my time.

And ofc. The age old sentence. "Seeing murder on tv doesnt make you wanna commit murder." Really creative. Real original. Its almost like we were never saying that. Almost like we were saying "hey if you act like this thing that harms ppl is normal, ppl vulnerable to grooming might see it and think that the horrible thing happening to them is ok." And you might think "psh no one would think that. No ones stupid enough to see my age gap fic and think its actually ok irl!" Well. Lets use me as an example again. Cuz yer trying to change the mind of the wrong person anon. Cuz its quite insulting, as someone who read fics where rape, and inappropriate age gaps, and other such things were ok as a kid. Which then, ya know, lead to me believing they were ok, which lead to the most horrible moments of my life. But, enough about me.

Lets discuss this demonizing over having moral purity you speak of. Demonizing is a strong word isnt it? It implies yer innocent, and we are guilty. As i have no way of knowing who you are, lets say for a second thats true. That yer innocent. Since you somehow found me i will assume we have similar media interests. Lets make up a scenario, hm? You are an innocent person, who ships Frunn and Frinn. Frunn and Frinn are brothers aboard a spaceship. They rarely get along, especially in such a limited space, most of the time the bonding is forced by Frunn manipulating his brother. He often takes control of Frinn, making him do things he doesnt wanna do. Yet you see it as romantic. Why? Wouldnt it make more sense to go "gee thats fucked up. Glad thats not actually happening" and move on? Why have you decided to instead imagine these two toiled brothers are romantic, even sexual with each other?

Are you not capable of media analysis? To dissect the ins and outs of their relationship, to understand the art of the eternal battle of family vs family? Or, instead of allowing yerself to process it, digest it, you moved towards the only way you can interact w media, via shipping. Maybe you say fiction doesnt effect reality, because you dont let yerself consume media, properly. You do not let it effect you, you do not wonder why this scene stuck w you, you do not want to have deep thoughts. When you say fiction doesnt effect reality, you are saying you do not see past the surface level of what you consume. You are telling everyone you are not capable of thought.

Yes, fiction is "make believe", but it also tells us things. For once in yer life listen to the story. It is real to us humans because we attach ourselves to stories. Teaching doesnt start and end with school match, it is in every single story. If fiction did not effect reality, representation would not matter. Kinning wouldnt exist. Fictive alters wouldnt exist. Hell for the love of god take cons for example. If fiction didnt effect reality we would not have cons. Period. Because ppl love to dress up as characters that have great meaning to them, or represented them. We would not have merch, of any kind. If fiction does not effect reality, why do we try so hard to make that fiction true? Why do we roleplay, and craft, and draw that which we love? Hell yer fuckin ships wouldnt exist either if it didnt. We wouldnt have art of any kind. We wouldnt create. Cuz we as humans, like i said, love things that effect us. Fiction, as an art, effects us. And acting like it doesnt is not only false, but sad. Cuz it shows you are trying to deny the human call to let things effect you. And yer denying the harm that it can cause if yer reckless. Yer denying the countless ppl who have consumed yer art, and let it effect them, either of its beauty, or of its contents showing something is normal, which truly it isnt.

"Antis" as a whole are not trying to wipe out all problematic content. I for one have a fondness for movies and books that explore the darker sides of things, dissecting and unraveling and revealing why it is bad, yet the offender sees it as good. Its just when you simply, utterly devote yerself to making this, in the fictional world, seem normal, it gives off the impression you want it to be normal in real life. The fiction has effected you. Figure out why and fix yerself.

#long post #ummmm super sorry to my followers for this. ik its super long but i dont want my point under a read more. #uuhhh #rape mention #pedophillia mention #incest mention #hope im doin this right #i dont talk about these topics on here so idk #but um. thats all im gonna say on this. #i hope i can get through to you anon. yer doing more harm than good #please. for the love of god. take a literature/english class. something to help you understand fiction #sorry again to my followers 💗 i try not to get nasty on here but this was my last straw. #also the ask is screenshotted cuz i plan to block anon. hopefully they see this before i do #anyway. ive been looking at this for too long im just gonna post it and if theres any typos or nonsense. whatever.

[self-h-rmageddon]

just remembered my dream 😊🔫 kept waking up randomly in the night and the first couple dreams were standard, i hardly even knew they were dreams until i woke up and saw those texts didnt exist, but.. idk. brain is like yeahh youve had it too good for too long. trauma jumpscare!!!

i wrote a message for him . one like how i do for them and it makes me so fucking furious .. to like SEE myself write it, even in my dream i felt sick like why would i tell him that? why would i say things like that, things that are only meant for them?

and it just gets worse cuz he responded and my brain was once again trying to see the good in him.

do you really think he wouldve stopped if you were younger? i dont think he wouldve, i think no matter how much he insisted he isnt like that, if i were any younger he'd probably have just as much fun, it was already wrong to begin with and he loved it! it makes me sick..

the worst part is that some part of my head still clings on. he didnt give me anything!!!! all i got from him was trauma and fear and insecurity, pain and anguish, sexual satisfaction that was tainted cuz i knew it wasnt right for me but i didnt wanna leave cuz i liked the attention

why did i listen to him? why was i so eager to please, why did i want it? even if it made me shake so hard id feel sick, it felt so good to have attention like that again. i want to set this whole world on fire every time i think of it

im not who i used to be for numerous reasons, it really is like looking back at somebody elses past.. i feel sorry for that kid. i wish i couldve been there to protect him. i wish i couldve been the adult i needed back then. whatever, whats done is done. just get it out, maybe there will come a time when i stop dreaming of him

its crazy cuz he wasnt even the worst thing to happen to me but. he kinda was? like imagine being so fucking horrible that the mental anguish of knowing you was worse than that of physical assault IMAGINE. god you fucking suck

#i hope hes dead #i know hes not #what else can i hope for? #hate talking about this so much but #i need it out so i can move forward again