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taylorgrape · 5 months

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Ryan's Characters as Taylor Swift Songs

I am so sorry. @rumor-weed

AUDREY "RUMOR" WEED AS NEW ROMANTICS "The rumors are terrible and cruel but honey most of them are true." I'm gonna be so real the above lyric was such a big part of me picking this as a song for her lmao. But also it's just sorta a vibey bop and the general energy of it reminds me so much of Audrey which obviously we love. Other notable lyrics that give me Audrey vibes: "We play dumb but we know exactly what we're doing" "It's poker, he can't see it on my face but I'm about to play my ace." "We team up then switch sides like a record changer."

BARTLEBEY THE BUTLER AS TIMELESS "Time breaks down your mind and body, don't you let it touch your soul." Bartlebey is Timeless for two reasons. One, is, of course, the fact that Ryan and I are constantly pushing the narrative of Pincherbey are in love in every single universe and timeline. The other reason is that we don't know if he belongs in this timeline at all or what his like... whole deal is in any regard. And for that reason it is very funny to just say "Bartlebey is Timeless." Other notable lyrics that give me Bartlebey vibes: "And somehow I know that you and I would've found each other." "I thought about it as I started lookin' 'round at these precious things that time forgot." "We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made, and you'll say, 'Oh my, we really were timeless'."

PHIL WINKLESTEIN AS TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR "The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star." King of yearning ofc gets the yearning song of all time. Honestly listening to this song and thinking abt the musical situation with Bob and everything just came together. My mans is so in his feelings and if he has a guitar (which he might I'm not caught up on the Phillip lore) I just know that mf would have teardrops on it. Other notable lyrics that give me Phil vibes: "I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night" "So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light, I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight." "The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart"

PETER PEPPARAZZI AS EYES OPEN "So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard." Ofc Mr. Pepparazzi is the song abt how everyone is watching you. Because my mans is the one watching!! He is the 'everyone' referenced in lyrics below. King of being nosy fr. I really do not have much to say past that bc I love that this is just how he be. Other notable lyrics that give me Peter vibes: "Everybody's waiting for you to break down" "Everybody's watching to see the fallout" "And nobody comes to save you now."

LOVEY ASPARAGUS AS I DID SOMETHING BAD "I don't regret it one bit 'cause he had it comin'." Miss I killed my husband is obviously this song are you KIDDINGGG literally I could just list every single lyric in this song and it would be correct. She's a baddie and even tho she did in fact kill her husband she's kind of a feminist icon for that. He deserved it and I'm glad she did it. Other notable lyrics that give me Lovey vibes: "Most fun I ever had and I'd do it over and over and over again if I could." "They never see it coming what I do next." "They're burning all the witches even if you aren't one, so light me up."

NEBBY K NEZZER AS YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN "And snakes and stones never broke my bones." hear me out hear mE OUT- my man has dealt with far too much shit he's done his time... and he's surrounded by well... we know them. He's just done and that is DESERVED. Also, of course I am slightly biased but this is such him and his stupid high school glee rival energy. PLUSSS (as listed below) 'shade never made anybody less gay' ARE YOU KIDDDINGGG so nezzer coded (source: bro trust me) Other notable lyrics that give me Nezzer vibes: "And I'm just like 'Damn, it's 7:00 a.m.'" "You need to calm down, you're being too loud." "'cause shade never made anybody less gay."

ART BIGOTTI AS ILLICIT AFFAIRS "Take the words for what they are; a dwindling mercurial high" Okay obviously this is abt Art yearning for a whole ass married man. BUT ALSO the way this song is written just gives me such Art vibes especially with the whole comparing having an affair to drugs thing lmaaao but like when I was picking songs and this came up I KNEW this was downbad king art bigotti. (ps this is currently one of my top taylor songs so this is a great honor" Other notable lyrics that give me Art vibes: "A drug that only worked the first few hundred times." "You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else." "Look at this idiotic fool that you've made me."

LAURA CARROT AS ANTI-HERO "I should not be left to my own devices." Obviously this is Laura lmao she a baddie but she also is a criminal. And does nothing to better herself which honestly good for her bc same. She don't give a fuck and I admire that!! She owns being an anti-hero and she is so real for that. Also just like... the energy of this song truly gives me Laura vibes so there is also that. Other notable lyrics that give me Laura vibes: "One day I'll watch as you're leaving 'cause you got tired of my scheming." "It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." "The family gathers 'round and reads it and then someone screams out 'She's laughing up at us from hell.'"

GOLITAH GOTTIK AS MEAN "Well, you can take me down with just one single blow," I am going to be so real like 70% of me picking this song was the above lyric bc that's so god damn funny when u think of the bible story. but also. much like nezzer Goliath has been through too much... (see medical malpractice) but despite that he really do be out here just living his life and simply does not have time for the haters which is why i picked this song. Other notable lyrics that give me Goliath vibes: "Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me" "I just wanna feel okay again" "All you are is mean and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life"

PA GRAPE AS THE BEST DAY "I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong." I'm gonna be so real my main reason for picking this song is bc it's literally written abt Taylor's mom so obviously in my fucked up little delusional mind Taylor Grape wrote it abt Pa Grape. I will not be taking any criticims at this time. That said, these lyrics are more like... how she would feel abt him vs ones that just exude his aura but yolo. Other notable lyrics that give me Taylor/Pa vibes: "I don't know why all the trees change in the fall, but I know you're not scared of anything at all." "Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay, but I know I had the best day with you today." "And I love you for giving me your eyes, for staying back and watching me shine."

SHANNON CEDRIC UNO SCALLION AS THE 1: "And it's another day waking up alone" Okay so OBVIOUSLY this started as a shitpost bc scallion number one is the 1. HOWEVER. upon reflecting on some of these lyrics I was like... damn i might b on to something. they're sort of just like depressing and cryptic enough, especially out of context and that just felt so perfect for mr uno. Other notable lyrics that give me Uno vibes: "And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow" "In my defense, I have none." "If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?" KILT BAGPIPE RHUBARB AS SHAKE IT OFF "I go on too many dates but I can't make them stay, at least that's what people say," Bro I will not fucking lie. As soon as I started this project I KNEW this mf had to be shake it off. A hot fuckin mess, slutting around, everyone finding him slightly offputting, but he is an unkillable yale man so he is fr just gonna shake it off. Also, so far this has easily been the one that I hard the hardest time narrowing it down to just four lyrics bc inside and out this song is Kilt all over lmaaaao (derogatory?) Just know that I decided to not put any lyrics from the chorus bc they all fit too well lmfao. Other notable lyrics that give me Kilt vibes: "But I keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop moving." "I never miss a beat, I'm lightning on my feet." "but I'm just gonna shake to the fella over there with the hella good hair."

TOM GRAPE AS CLOSURE "I'm fine with my spite." okay this song is basically abt someone trying to give closure and this one mf being like nah, i'm good. which to me is so tom. he does NOT need that closure. he's good bein a spiteful little sour grape (which i love for him) but honestly king of not needing the mushy shit. ofc some of this is taken from his relationship with his estranged sister taylor grape but i mean how could i not. Other notable lyrics that give me Tom vibes: "Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled." "I know that it's over, I don't need your closure." "Reaching out across the sea that you put between you and me, but it's fake and it's oh so unnecessary."

EGG BOY AS IT'S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND "'Wanna hang out?' Yeah, sounds like fun." okay so my otp: bathroom eggs ass was ofc fully thinking of that when i chose songs for each of them (see bathroom girls for a similar note) but also this song was specifically Egg Boy to me bc... u know what. he DOES think it's nice to have a friend. he's a silly goofy guy who loves his eggs and this song gives me energy of like childhood nostalgia and that is so him and bathroom girl coded to ME. Other notable lyrics that give me Egg Boy vibes: "School bell rings, walk me home, sidewalk chalk covered in snow." "Light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew." "You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too."

VICKI CUCUMBER AS BETTER THAN REVENGE "I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at, honey." I MEEEEEEAN was there even really another option!! Miss steal your man had her man STOLE! a sneaky little bitch (affectionate). I truly feel like there is not much else to say bc the energy of this song is just SO vicki to me. Like this BELONGS to her. Much like Kilt it was SO HARD for me to narrow it down to just four lyrics but i hope u enjoy the ones a pick. Other notable lyrics that give me Vicki vibes: "She took him faster than you could say sabotage." "She looks at me like I'm a trend and she's so over it" "You might have him, but I'll always get the last word." SCOOTER CARROT AS THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS "I'm shaking my head, I'm locking the gates" i have to be so fucking honest rn. I picked Scooter for this song bc this song makes me want to go to a boujee ass hollywood party and get into multiple fist fights with multiple a-listers and honestly i think I would like scooter to be there with me when i do it. He's got just the right amount of spite to help me out. not to mention in soc everyone thought he died so he's got some vengeance in him. me and moyer the destroyer kickin leo dicaprio's ass as god intended. Other notable lyrics that give me Scooter vibes: "This is why we can't have nice things, darling, because you break them, I had to take them away." "And so I took an axe to a mended fence." "Here's a toast to my real friends, they don't care about the he said, she said."

#new romantics #timeless #teardrops on my guitar #eyes open #i did something bad #you need to calm down #illicit affairs #anti-hero #mean #the best day #the 1 #shake it off #closure #it's nice to have a friend #better than revenge #this is why we can't have nice things

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immaturityofthomasastruc · 3 years

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IOTA Reviews: Sole Crusher

Well... It's finally here... the episode introducing the new bee hero. And what do you know? It looks like I was right about how the new character would be portrayed.

It's kind of funny how I made predictions exaggerating what could happen, and they were surprisingly accurate. Isn't that funny?

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Let's just get into the seventh (chronologically the seventh and the seventh episode in the season to air after “Mr. Pigeon 72”) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Sole Crusher. Damn, I hate that a pun this clever was used for the title.

We get to the point pretty quickly with the first scene being Zoe arriving in Paris and getting a tour of the city. She asks to stop at the Dupain-Cheng bakery, where she meets Marinette through some brief Unfunny Marinette Slapstick. The two quickly strike up a conversation.

I mean, it's not like Zoe is the sister of the absolute worst human being in existence, right?

Marinette compliments Zoe's shoes, and she points out that she designed them herself, and wrote every good thing anyone has ever said to her on them. But because she only has one friend, there's only a standard “I <3 U” on the left shoe.

So Zoe leaves the bakery and heads to Le Grand Paris where she meets her mother, Audrey. Unlike how she talked with Marinette, Zoe pretends to be just as snobby as Audrey in order to fit in. She then meets up with Chloe, who criticizes her for having poor person things like a phone without any diamonds embedded in it. And then she sees Zoe's shoes.

Look, that meme was already dated when it was referenced in Black Panther three years ago. Please don't try to reference memes in 2021, Miraculous Ladybug.

Chloe offers some golden heels while saying that those kind of shoes are for winners to wear and crush the losers underneath. This is the only episode to mention this kind of ideology, and believe me, it gets worse when Chloe decides to teach Zoe how to be like her.

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Get used to this. This episode is all about demolishing any semblance of likability in Chloe's character. Now that Astruc doesn't have to bother with writing Chloe with decency since she's not Queen Bee, watch as he turns her into an absolute caricature of her former self.

Yes, Chloe has ordered her father to give her a lot of frivolous things in the past, but she has been shown to care about him, like immediately rushing to hug him after she was safe in “Origins” and showing concern for when he was akumatized into Malediktator while apologizing for causing it. For the love of God, one of the first things she did when she allied with Hawkmoth at the end of Season 3 was to have him unto her parents' akumatization. I guess she only cared about her rich parents for their status and not because she actually loved them right?

Next up on the list of Chloe's positive qualities to ruin is her friendship with Sabrina.

🎶It's seven o'clock in the morning🎶 🎶I can't believe they made this scene🎶 🎶With the writing Astruc's enforcing🎶 🎶It's like he's trying to piss off me🎶

Yep, Chloe doesn't view Sabrina in a twisted view of friendship anymore. Now she's a slave. I'm not exaggerating by the way, he actually said that in a tweet.

THIS IS WHAT THOMAS ASTRUC ACTUALLY BELIEVES

Okay, so I guess all those times we saw Chloe playing superheroes with Sabrina in “Antibug” and “Miraculer” were just a slave driver playing with their property. Actually apologizing to Sabrina for getting her akumatized in those episodes? Protecting her from the Scarlet Akumas in “Ladybug”? She was just interested in keeping her slave around. I think Astruc may have slept through the slavery unit in his history class. Yes, Sabrina was mostly used as a joke to show how controlling Chloe could be, but there were still semblances of an actual friendship between the two.

Chloe arrives at school and introduces Zoe as her half-sister, despite being the same age and having the same mother. Because I guess we can add basic biology to the list of things the writers don't understand. Now that we're at school, Chloe's friendship with Adrien is next up on the chopping block.

Yep, despite being Adrien's only friend and making a big deal about valuing his friendship to the point where she threw a big party just to make sure he wouldn't leave her and risked cooperating with an Akuma to save him, now Chloe just sees Adrien as a rich meal ticket. Two of the earliest episodes to show Chloe had a more compassionate side to her, and they just undid them. Even as much as I hated the episode, “Felix” showed Chloe was willing to cooperate with Marinette and her friends just to find a way to cheer Adrien up on the anniversary of his mother's not-death.

For the love of God, Astruc, 1984 was supposed to warn people about what could happen if they rewrote the past, not encourage people to rewrite the past. He probably finished Animal Farm thinking Snowball really did work alongside the humans, didn't he?

Marinette comes up and Zoe pretends to hate her, leading Marinette to wonder why she did that. She texts Zoe (she gave her number to her earlier) and invites her to a concert on the Liberty, but Chloe finds out. Zoe thinks fast and pretends it's just so she can torment her more. Chloe then takes out a book listing all the ways she can torture Marinette. I wonder if this is a metaphor for the writing process behind most of the episodes last season.

Zoe decides to go outside for some fresh air, and Andre comforts her. Funny how Andre bends over backwards to give Chloe whatever she wants, yet he's willing to actually talk to Zoe like an actual parent. Andre tries to cheer Zoe up, but she talks about her past where she had to put on an act so she would be liked, but (bet you've never heard this before) she just wants to be accepted for who she truly is. The surge of emotions is enough for Shadowmoth to akumatize her into Sole Crusher.

In addition to having one of the most clever puns for an Akuma name, I actually like Sole Crusher's design. Not only is it a good excuse to reuse Chloe's character design, it makes sense thematically, as Chloe was trying to mold Zoe into a copy of herself. The gold and diamonds also make sense given Chloe's love for shiny things. Her powers tie into the bizarre belief Chloe has about stepping on the winners. Whenever Sole Crusher kicks or steps on someone, she absorbs them and gets progressively bigger, making it easier to do so. While it's not cracking my top ten anytime soon, it's still an interesting character design.

Sole Crusher heads to the hotel to get Chloe, and she manages to get away pretty quickly. Maybe in an alternate universe, she's a track star? For some reason, she runs to the Dupain-Cheng bakery and then... Oh my God... pushes Marinette's parents so they get absorbed by Sole Crusher, before trying to do the same with Marinette.

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When has Chloe ever done something like that? Whenever she endangered someone during an Akuma attack, it was unintentional or a result of her naivety. She was only trapped in Pixelator's dimension because Adrien tried diving to save her, she only alerted Rogercop to Ladybug's presence because she eagerly called out for her, and during “Zombizou” she only tried to throw Sabrina towards the horde of kissing zombies once, and that was meant to highlight her growth. The only person to actually do stuff like this consistently is Lila, but I guess she got vaporized by Big Brother offscreen.

This episode is determined to make the audience hate Chloe by retconning everything about her character while portraying her as a complete monster. As bad as Chloe could get, she was never selfish enough to use anyone as a human shield. This kind of behavior honestly could be explained by saying Chloe was lashing out as a result of losing the Bee Miraculous permanently, but the events of the Season 3 finale aren't mentioned ONCE, not even in the next episode that introduces Queen Bee's replacement! How the hell can you set up the next Bee hero without explaining why the original needs to be replaced in the first place?! And trust me, I'm going to talk about Zoe replacing Chloe later.

Sole Crusher grabs Marinette in her hand, so the Horse Kwami, Kaalki, uses her power to teleport over to Adrien's house and inform him Ladybug needs help, meaning once again Adrien did nothing in this episode before becoming Cat Noir.

At the Liberty, Chloe offers more victims to Sole Crusher in the form of the band Kitty Section (consisting of Luka, Juleka, Rose, Ivan, and Mylene) and theatens the giant golden supervillain she can send her back to Paris, even though she's really not in a position to bargain right now. And she STILL continues to insult her. Do you hate Chloe yet? Come on, do you? The writers won't stop until you do.

After we see Sole Crusher's conflicted emotions, Marinette is set free by Cat Noir and transforms into Ladybug, immediately summoning her Lucky Charm, a shoehorn. They only learn Zoe's sneakers were where she were akumatized thanks to Chloe's ranting, so the episode unintentionally made Chloe save the day. Ladybug breaks into Le Grand Paris and breaks the sneakers where Zoe hid them, using the shoehorn to open a door. So Sole Crusher is de-evilized, Ladybug fixes the damage, and gives yet another charm to Zoe.

Afterwards, Zoe goes to the Liberty, apologizes for the act she put on, all while divulging to the audience her “tragic backstory”.

Of course, everyone welcomes her with open arms.

And right here is where the biggest problem I have with Zoe as a character. I normally hesitate to use this term given how often it gets thrown around when criticizing characters these days, but I really can't say anything else.

Zoe... is a Mary Sue.

For those who don't know, the term Mary Sue originated in a Star Trek fanfiction from 1973 satirizing several self-insert stories at the time. Most of these stories showed a beautiful young woman joining the crew of the Enterprise and immediately gaining the attention of the crew. Mary Sue parodied this character archetype by showing how much she was appreciated by Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, the latter being driven to tears at her funeral despite his species being emotionless normally.

What does this have to do with Zoe? She has the exact same storyline as Mary Sue in the parody fanfiction. Her mere presence is enough to make Chloe act extremely out of character in an attempt to make her look better, and as soon as she apologizes while giving a frankly vague backstory, everyone just accepts her as their friend, and I mean everyone in the entire class. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't feel earned. Why was she bullied at her old school? What did her bullies have against her? What caused her to stop going along with her peers, and why did everyone turn against her? How the hell did the bullies who put cockroaches in another student's locker get no punishment while the victim was forced to transfer schools? It's an intentionally unclear backstory designed to make the audience feel sympathetic towards Zoe without actually doing anything else.

I want to ask anyone reading this who watched the episode a question: Outside of her backstory, what do we actually know about Zoe?

What is her personality like? She's nice? Socially awkward? We've never had a character like that in Miraculous Ladybug before! Sorry Marinette, Adrien, Juleka, Nathaniel, Mylene, and Marc, there's a new character with more personality than all of you combined!

What are her goals? She wants to be an actress? Great, but why? Even though there's no clear answer for why Marinette loves fashion, or why Alya loves journalism, or why Nino loves DJing, you can still see the passion in their lives when they do something related to their goals. Zoe only says she wants to be an actress, connecting it to her people pleaser backstory (and given how it ended, she must be a terrible actress), and in the next episode, she immediately gets the lead role in a student film.

When Mylene got the starring role in the movie in “Horrificator”, we at least got snippets of her acting skills in the same episode that established her desire to be an actress, which is also implied to be because she was inspired by her father in “The Mime”. She didn't just say she wanted to be an actress and got the leading role. She still had problems to overcome like her cowardice, which threw her own self-confidence into doubt. Here, Zoe just says she wants to be an actress, and is rewarded for no reason the very next episode.

Zoe basically exists only to be a foil to Chloe, and the writers had no idea what to do in terms of a personality, so they just dumped a bunch of extremely likable character traits onto her without thinking of how her character could come off. And like I said, she's a Mary Sue.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. I've seen a handful of posts on this very site calling Zoe a Mary Sue. In fact, I even asked another Tumblr user @anxresi to quote their take on Zoe being a Mary Sue, which I couldn't even top in terms of accuracy. They basically listed off five things that made Zoe a Mary Sue.

She has to have a ‘tragic backstory’ so all the other characters will fall in love with her. Usually within minutes, in the very first episode they’re introduced.

She has to have a supercute design so that the audience at home will fall in love with her. And if they don’t, they’re automatically dismissed as ‘haterz’ even if their objections are purely from a writing POV.

Her only flaw will be thinking too little of herself. “What, lil ol’ me as the Bee Miraculous holder? With my shyness, colorful shoes, chic beret and personalized pink strip in my hair? Gosh, who’d have thought it?”

The contrast to her half-sister will be a constant plot point, with Chloe always getting dumped on. “You see, kids? Bad things happen to bad people. But you see this super-sweet girl over here? She gets a free DAD. Instant FRIENDS. To star in her own MOVIE. The chance to be a SUPERHERO, even though she only arrived last week. Who cares if she has no depth, no personality and barely any reason for being in the show, apart from being a massive ‘Up Yours’ to all the Chloe fans out there?”

What about character development, Mr Generic Zag Guy? “Development? What’s that?! Zoe is already perfect as she is. The only ‘development’ she’ll receive is having her hair done in the first episode she’s introduced. Besides, That‘d’ word is banned here at Zag studios. Why do you think we abandoned Chloe’s stillborn arc so quickly? This is a KIDS show, why bother trying to create a complex character with more than one dimension?”

This is essentially who Zoe is. She's perfect, has no character flaws, has a cute design so the audience will love her already, and was designed only to replace Chloe as Queen Bee. That's all she is.

So the episode ends with Zoe feeling happy at all the new friends she made while we get one of the most blatant attempts of symbolism in the ending card I've ever seen.

See, look. While Marinette is happily talking with Zoe with the image of Ladybug next to them, Chloe is to the far left with an EVIL purple aura, showing how bad she is compared to how great Zoe is. Only a braindead moron would actually like Chloe over the super awesome and pretty Zoe!

I'll give my final thoughts on the episode in the next part where I analyze this plotline as a whole.

LINK TO “QUEEN BANANA” REVIEW

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #thomas astruc #thomas astruc salt #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #chloe bourgeois #queen bee #queen b #zoe lee #vesperia #sabrina raincomprix #andre bourgeois

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fandom-imagines-stories · 3 years

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Trapped Secrets

Dr. Spencer Reid x Reader, Derek Morgan Platonic x Reader

Words: 3692

Summary: With no time to lose, you and Morgan storm an unsub’s house before the rest of the team gets there. After not hearing back from you, Spencer and the team start to panic. Injured, trapped, and keeping a major secret, you and Morgan have to stay alive in a frightened unsub’s basement.

Notes: I picture this in season four because that’s where I am in the series. Plus I really like Spencer’s hair cut at the beginning of this season. I am totally in love with Spencer Reid so expect to be seeing more imagines for him and for Criminal Minds in general! I hope you guys are as excited as I am.

Find more Spencer and more HERE

“You’ll be careful, right?” You asked, straightening your boyfriend’s tie underneath his vest.

“Only if you are.” Spencer gave you that little awkward smile that he always gave you. “Besides, I’m not going with Agent Action Hero.” He motioned to Agent Morgan; your search partner for the evening.

“He’s not an action hero.” You laughed, strapping on your vest. “He just really likes kicking in doors.” Spencer snickered slightly, but his expression was still uncomfortable.

“You jealous that I’m riding with your girl Reid?” Morgan laughed, patting the younger agent on the back.

“Morgan.” You hissed, jerking your head towards Hotch.

“What? We all know about you and the brainiac.”

“Yeah, and Hotch doesn’t exactly like being reminded about it.” The relationship between you and Dr. Reid wasn’t exactly protocol, especially on the same team. You hadn’t quite been able to figure out why SSA Hotchner hadn’t reported you or told you to put an end to it.

“You guys better get going. We only have about five hours before he’ll likely kill Audrey Lang.” Spencer hooked his finger with yours, only for a moment, but it sent a sweet, tingling feeling up your arm. With both of you being new to any kind of serious relationship, you stuck to pretty small signs of affection. You didn’t mind. It was personal and perfect. Spencer went to join Hotch and you headed to the car with Morgan.

“Is it just me, or did Reid actually look kind of worried?” Morgan asked. It was more to tease you than from concern.

“Shut up.” You couldn’t help but grin. Morgan had that effect. You got into the passenger side and waited for his list of snarky comments. He wasn’t done poking fun at you yet.

“I have to say, you’ve got ‘rule breaker’ all over you, but I honestly did not see this coming from Dr. Teacher's-Pet.” He shook his head with a smug smile and started the car. You just sat and rolled your eyes. Any response would just mean more provocation. “But dating a younger man… I always pictured you as more of the ‘Silver Fox’ kinda girl.” Now that pressed your buttons.

“Okay, first of all, just because I like Richard Gere, doesn’t mean I like older men.” You retorted, “Secondly, I’m not even that much older than Reid. There’s what, three years, between us?”

“Uuuhuuuh.” The side eye he gave you made you want to slap him. Morgan chuckled. “Come on, you and I are friends, right? Don’t I get a few little details?” From the smirk on his face, you knew what he was talking about.

“Derek Morgan, we are on a case. We are professionals on a case about three murdered federal employees. I will not divulge information regarding my sex life!”

“I never said anything about sex, Agent Y/L/N.” His grin grew and you begrudgingly turned your face to the window. Morgan laughed at the red flushing your cheeks. You would be mad if he wasn’t your best friend.

In the other car, Reid rode beside Hotch in tense silence. Spencer knew that his relationship with you could potentially get both of you into trouble with the bureau. Every time he was around Hotch, he waited for the reprimand. The unusual quiet was almost worse. Hotch turned a corner and took a heavy breath.

“It’s a bad idea. You know that right?”

“I know it’s against the rules, if that’s what you mean.” As intimidating as his superior could be, Reid was sure of himself.

“The rules are there for a reason, Reid.” Hotch sighed. He would give anything to not be having this conversation right now.

“Have either of us proven to be less efficient?”

“That’s not the point.”

“If our relationship complicates our work, I can assure you that Y/N and I will be the first ones to address it.”

“Reid-”

“You know, if anything, I think that we’ve working better together than we have in the past, which is saying something because Y/N and I-”

“Are you happy?” He asked a little more aggressively than he had intended. Reid just blinked at him blankly.

“What?”

“Are both of you happy?” He glanced over at the younger agent and Spencer shifted in his seat. He was awkward, but assertive.

“I can’t totally speak for Y/N, but… yes.” He sat and waited for his superior’s response. Hotch fixed his eyes on the road.

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I said okay.” Maybe he was going soft, but he’d never seen Reid or you like this before. If this relationship could help the both of you get through the horrors you saw every day, then turning a blind eye might not be the worst thing.

“Thank you.” Spencer felt a small smile creep onto his face. Hotch scowled.

“If a single problem arises, and I mean any dispute or laps in judgement-”

“You didn’t know anything about it. Got it.” Spencer stared at his lap to hide his smirk.

You were still avoiding Morgan’s inquiring gaze when Garcia’s voice came through your earpiece.

“Guys, Audrey Lang’s phone just turned on.”

“Where?” Morgan’s grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“157 21st Street.” Your stomach turned. As selfish as it was, a part of you had hoped that someone else would be closer. Morgan whirled the car around.

“That’s just around the corner from us. We’re right on top of him.” He slammed on the brakes in front of the house and the two of you jumped out of the car. The house was about what you expected from a paranoid, conspiracy-obsessed unsub. The windows were boarded up and two different cameras looked down at you from the roof.

“Morgan.” You pointed to the devices. Jacobs knew you were here. He nodded and spoke into his radio.

“This guy has surveillance everywhere. He’s going to panic.” He glanced back at you, waiting for you to have his back. Despite your building panic, you didn’t have time to hesitate. You gave him a strong nod. “We’re going in.”

You pushed your fear to the pit of your stomach. If you showed even the slightest panic, Morgan would know and you could jeopardize everything. So when he kicked in the door, you were right behind him.

The house was silent. With guns raised, you both covered the first floor, finding nothing but scattered notes and ‘Big Brother Is Watching’ flyers. You located a flight of stairs leading to the basement and cautiously followed Morgan down. Similarly to the floor above, the basement seemed other than a desk with a few surveillance screens. Across from the stairs was a large metal door. It was open.

Morgan charged towards it, but something wasn’t sitting right with you.

“Hotch, how close are you and Reid?” You asked tentatively.

“Five more minutes. Have you found Mrs. Lang?”

“She’s in here!” Morgan announced. You stepped into the room, but kept close to the door. Morgan was kneeling over the unconscious body of Audrey. While she was out cold, she was still breathing.

“What about Jacobs?” Hotch asked.

“We looked everywhere upstairs and he wasn’t there.”

“Reid, when you went to the other crime scene, you said that the victim had been covered and made to look like part of the rubble, right?”

“Yeah, Jacobs wanted to hide the body. If the construction worker hadn’t been working there, it likely wouldn't have been found.” Spencer’s voice wavered as he figured out where you were going with this. You looked at Morgan with wide eyes.

“Then how did we get here so easily?”

Hotch yelled into the radio.

“It’s a trap. Get out of there. Now!”

You whirled around and came face to face with Steven Jacobs. You fired your weapon, but didn’t get the chance to see if you hit him. Instead, you stumbled backwards and the large metal door slammed shut.

“No!” Morgan shouted, throwing his weight against the door to try and break it down. “Hotch, can you hear me? Reid!” The radio connection was dead. Morgan slammed against the door again.

“Derek.”

“We’re going to get out of here.” He searched the door for any point of weakness.

“Derek.”

“Let us out, you son of a bitch!”

“Derek!” You finally yelled. When he turned around you watched his face morph with panic. Blood leaked through your fingers, your hand pressed against the wound in your shoulder. It wasn’t your gun that had gone off, it was Jacobs’. And you were hit.

The street swarmed with teams from local police, S.W.A.T, and the BAU. In the middle of all of it was Spencer. He just stared at the front door. Somewhere in the basement of that house, his girlfriend and his closest friend were trapped by a paranoid schizophrenic with a gun. Neighbors reported already hearing a shot go off. Judging by the lights still on in the house and the fact that you and Morgan still hadn’t come out yet, it wasn’t one of your guns to make the shot.

“He must be using something to jam the signal.” Prentiss huffed, her attempts to get a hold of either of you failing. “We need to get in there.”

“We don’t know what Jacobs has in there.” Rossi said gruffly, joining them after meeting with the S.W.A.T leader. “For all we know, he could try and blow the whole block.”

“The longer we wait, the longer he has Morgan and Y/L/N.” Spencer ran his fingers through his hair. “Audrey Lang is probably dead and we don’t know who shot the gun or-”

“When they found her, Morgan didn’t say anything about Lang being dead.” Hotch said sternly.

“He didn’t say she was alive, either.” Spencer’s voice was harsh considering he was speaking to a superior.

“Reid, I want to get them out just as badly as you do, but if we try and storm in there, Jacobs will likely kill them and himself.” Hotch’s tone was stern and surprisingly calm.

“You thought you had me, didn’t you!?” A voice boomed from the house. Every agent in the street tensed and raised their weapons. Prentiss was the first to lower her gun.

“Look in the bushes.” She pointed to the shrubbery on either side of the door. “Speakers.”

“You all thought you would silence the truth! Well I’m smarter than you. That’s right. And I will not be silenced!”

Hotch looked at the hostage negotiator, who gave him the okay to talk.

“Mr. Jacobs we don’t want to silence you.”

“Tell that to the three spies in the other room.” Underneath Jacobs' voice was the sound of banging. Like fists against a door. Listening closer, Spencer could hear a yelling voice.

“Morgan.” He whispered to the others. They listened to the sound of their coworker- their friend- trying to break free.

“Jacobs you son of a bitch, we’ve got two injured people in here!” Derek screamed. You closed your eyes, trying to drown out the sound that was just making the pain worse.

“Derek, don’t antagonize him.” You grimaced, trying to keep pressure against the still gushing bullet hole in your shoulder. “It’ll just piss him off.”

“Y/N, we need to get paramedics in here. Audrey is barely breathing and you’re bleeding out.” He knelt in front of you, lifting your hand slightly to look at the wound.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to tell the patient they’re going to die.” You teased, trying to get your mind off of the guilt and regret. Derek winced.

“You’re not going to die. I didn’t mean that.”

“Go check on her.” You motioned towards Mrs. Lang. “I’ll be fine.” You adjusted slightly so your vest was in your lap. You had to take it off in order to tend to your wound and it left you vulnerable.

As Derek crossed the room, you felt your vision blur with tears. You should have told him. You should have told him.

Outside the tension was only getting worse. Jacobs had gone quiet and the team was itching to break the door down. Spencer was pacing, running through plan after plan in his head. If Garcia could hack into Jacobs’ system, they could cut the surveillance feed and go in. But if Jacobs noticed the hack, he would kill everyone inside. Finally, the shrill voice came back over the speakers.

“One of your spies is dead.” He laughed frantically, a madman slipping more and more into his delusion. Spencer froze. “She said she didn’t know anything, but I knew she was lying. You train them well, you know.”

“She.” Spencer whispered, the panic making his hands shake.

“Mr. Jacobs, which woman is dead?” Hotch asked carefully. Jacobs laughed again.

“You have chips in all of them, you tell me.”

“Mr. Jacobs, I need to know who died.” While he kept his gaze focused on the house, Hotch could tell that the team was holding their breath.

“Damnit!” Derek exclaimed, slamming his hand against the floor. Audrey was dead.

“There was nothing you could do, Derek.” You said grimly. You looked around at the metal walls and felt the last bit of hope leave you. “He’s going to kill all of us.”

“No, no, you don’t get to talk like that.” Derek crouched in front of you and put a hand on your cheek. “We are not going to die in here.” A tear slipped down your cheek and you shook your head.

“I never even got to tell him.” Maybe it was shock, but you started to hyperventilate. “I didn’t tell him, Derek.”

“Sweetheart, what are you talking about?”

“I didn’t tell Spencer.”

“Tell Reid what?” Derek’s eyes searched yours until you watched the realization on his face. “You’re not…”

“Yeah, Derek. I am.” You wiped another tear away. “I found out a couple of weeks ago.”

“You’ve known that long and haven’t told anybody?” He sighed, sitting down beside you. You laid your head on his shoulder.

“I’m telling you now, aren’t I?” You laughed humorously. “I know I should have told Hotch as soon as I found out, but I couldn’t tell him before I told Spencer and I just couldn’t figure out how to tell him.” Your voice cracked and Derek pressed a kiss to your temple.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

It was eerily quiet. Jacobs had stopped his rambling and the sirens outside seemed distant now. Your hands fell to your stomach and you smiled sadly.

“Help me think of names.”

“Hmm?”

“Come on, distract me from the pain. Help me think of names for the little genius.” You shifted so that you were looking at Derek. “I was thinking that, if it’s a girl, I want to name her Diana. Spencer’s mom has always been such a big part of his life and I think that’s what he would want.”

“Diana is a beautiful name.” He gave you a sweet smile and took your hand in his. “What if it’s a boy?”

“See, I can’t make up my mind on that. I’m sure Spence would want some super smart author’s name or something, but... he’s the smartest person I know.” You spread your fingers over your belly, thinking about everything you had to lose.

“Well if Spencer Jr. doesn’t stick, you could always name him after your favorite profiler.” Derek chuckled. His smirk fell when he looked at the sorrow on your face.

“I need you to tell him.”

“What?”

“If I don’t…” You gulped. “If I don’t make it out of this, I don’t want him to find out from some doctor. I want him to hear it from you.”

“Don’t go there. Don’t you go there, you hear me?” He stood with new determination. “We are getting out of here and you and that wonder baby are going to be just fine.” He brought your hand up to his lips before turning towards the door.

“What are you-”

“Jacobs!” He pounded on the door. “I’m ready to talk! I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“Derek what are you doing?” You struggled to stand and Derek moved you to the wall beside the door and motioned for you to stay still.

“I’m ready to talk, Jacobs! You win!” You both readied your weapons and Derek stood in the corner.

It didn’t take long for Jacobs to take the bait. Slowly, the metal door opened and Jacobs cautiously stepped inside. His wild eyes locked on you and your gun and he charged towards you. Before he could get far, Derek kicked the door into him. The impact made him stumble forward into you, shoving you against the wall. Your head hit the concrete hard, disorienting you long enough for Jacobs to aim his gun at your stomach.

This time the shot wasn’t his. And you didn’t miss.

The second shot had everyone ready to go in. Teams were prepping when the front door opened.

“Hold your fire!” Morgan shouted. “I’ve got an injured agent here!” He emerged from the house walking as fast as he could. He was carrying you. Spencer broke into a sprint, rushing alongside him and trying to examine your injuries.

“What happened? Is she okay?” Before he could answer, paramedics swarmed them.

“She was shot in the left shoulder, no exit wound, and she’s lost a lot of blood. She also hit her head pretty hard, but she’s remained conscious.” He informed them.

“Sir, you’ll have to come with us so we can examine you as well.” One ordered.

“I’m coming with you.” Reid said firmly. Nobody argued with him and so they all climbed into the back of the ambulance.

They sat Morgan and Reid down and got you onto a gurney.

“Agent Y/L/N, can you hear me?”

“Agent Morgan, did you sustain any injuries in Mr. Jacobs’ basement?”

“Dr. Reid, I need you to stay over there.”

So many things were happening at once, Derek could barely get a word in.

“There’s something you need to know before you give her anything.” He told the woman tending to you. He finally looked at Reid. He’d been avoiding his gaze since he stepped out of the house, but now he had to keep his promise to you. He had to tell him. “She’s pregnant.”

The paramedics acted accordingly and Spencer just stared at him.

“What?”

“She’s pregnant, kid.” Derek put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off, his gaze shifting to you.

“That’s not… she would have told me. She would have-”

“She wanted to tell you. She was just scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“I don’t know, kid.”

“Don’t call me that!” Spencer pushed away from him.

“Sir, I need you to calm down-”

“Reid-”

“You should have waited! If you had waited for the rest of us, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“We were trying to save Audrey Lang.”

“Audrey Lang died!” Spencer snapped. “And now so could Y/N. She could die and could my…” He trailed off, his anger fading quickly into a devastated panic.

“This is really not the place for this argument.” One of the paramedics warned.

“She’s going to be okay, Reid. Her and your baby are going to be okay.” He pulled the younger agent into a hug, trying to convince himself as well.

The whole team was in the waiting room. Hotch watched Reid carefully as he paced relentlessly. Judging by the tension between him and Morgan, there was something the two weren’t saying.

The bodies of Audrey Lang and Steven Jacobs were found in his basement. Hotchner would be filling out the paperwork as soon as they found out your condition. When the doctor finally approached them, everyone was on the edge of their seats.

“Agent Y/L/N will have to wear a sling for her shoulder injury and she’s suffering from a concussion, but in time, she will make a full recovery.” Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. The doctor continued. “As for the other matter,” She gave Spencer a small smile, “she’s asking to speak to Dr. Reid before any other visitors.”

With everybody’s eyes on him, Spencer followed her back to your room. You looked a lot better now and you were giving him a nervous smile.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” He stood in the doorway for a moment, unable to move.

“I’m going to go fill out some forms, but I will be just down the hall if you need anything or have any questions.” The doctor said before leaving the two of you alone. Spencer shoved his hands in his pockets and slowly shuffled forward.

“Is everything okay?” He asked. “I mean… is the… are you-”

“We’re both fine, Spence.” You held your breath, waiting for him to react. Spencer pulled up a chair and took your hand in his. His hands were shaking slightly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Spence…”

“Were you that afraid of how I would react?”

“No!” You exclaimed, laying a hand on his cheek. “Spencer, I was afraid of everything. I was afraid of facing it. I love you and I want this child, I do. But… I know geological profiling and how to link victims and what to say to a grieving family. I don’t know how to be a parent.”

“You think I do?” He laughed anxiously. “I don’t know the first thing about being a dad. But…” He gulped. “I know that I have been happier with you than I have in my whole life. I don’t know a lot about love, but everything I do know, I know because of you. And if you can do that, then we can figure this out.”

A grin spread across your face and you pulled his lips to yours. You were too distracted by each other to notice the other figure at the door.

“I believe I was told something about naming a certain baby after me?” Derek smirked. Spencer gave you a look.

“You’re delusional, Morgan.” You laughed. Derek looked at Reid.

“Are we good, kid?”

Spencer smiled.

“Yeah. We’re good.”

#spencer reid x reader #Criminal Minds #criminal minds imagine #matthew grey gubler #spencer reid #derek morgan #aaron hotchner

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beware-of-you-98 · 4 years

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Do have any sad/angsty headcanons of Emily’s childhood? Like before 15? I love your hc lists, they’re always so good 🥺

i can certainly try!!

(ow i hurt myself really bad with this one)

tw//mention of conversion camps but it’s brief

emily, as we know, had very absent parents (or at least a very absent mother) from a very early age

she’s learned to rely on herself from an early age because of this

like, yeah, she has nannies, but she’s firm on being very independent

(this type of thinking leads to early compartmentalizing, which never ends up being a good thing)

once, emily breaks her arm when she’s four years old and no one noticed for three days because she hid it so well

[her arm still hurts from time to time even now because of this injury]

her mother makes her take ediqute classes to be a prim and proper lady but emily finds ways to skip the classes

she much rather sit alone in the library and read

her favorite stories are the ones where knights rescue princesses

she always imagines herself as the knight, but still as herself because girls can be heroes too!!!

if she wants to fight dragons and carry a sword and rescue pretty princesses, no one can stop her!!!

when she’s six, she begins to sneak out into the woods to play “rescue the princess”

with no friends, she has to use a lot of imagination, but she makes it work

one day, she befriends a raven by feeding him pieces of her lunch that she doesn’t eat

she knows the knights in her storybooks have horses, but she thinks a raven will work fine as her sidekick

she names him mortimer

mortimer gets spooked away when emily first picks up a stick to use as a sword, but once he realizes this weird, tall, featherless bird won’t use the stick on him, he stays

mortimer follows emily around as she stops through the trees, loudly proclaiming that she is “dame prentiss” and that she will slay the dragon to rescue the beautiful princess

mortimer is emily’s only friend, really

when her mother tells emily that they’re going to movie, she honestly has a full blown panic attack because what about mortimer???

he won’t know she left!!!

he won’t understand!!!

what if he’s sad??

what if he thinks she rescued the princess without him???

would he be mad??

he helped too!! mortimer deserved to know!!

she can’t just leave her best friend behind!! surely her mother will understand that, right?

her pleas fall deaf on the ambassador’s ears

emily’s devestated

they move across the world

emily kinda shuts down after the move

she barely talks

she can’t find it in herself to read any more knight stories— they make her too sad

she thinks about mortimer a lot

one day, she thinks she sees him and cries when she realizes the bird is a crow and is definitely not her friend

the ambassador signs her up for piano lessons after that to keep her in the house at all times

after her schooling lessons, emily is forced into the main room with the grand piano

the piano teacher her mother hired is a kind young woman that speaks to emily in a very soft, very friendly voice

she has carmel hair and really pretty hazel eyes and tells emily that her name is miss howard

she looks just like the princesses in emily’s storybooks

miss howard is really patient with emily

sometimes, they don’t even play the piano during emily’s lessons

sometimes they just talk about emily’s day

emily thinks it’s nice—she’s never had anyone to talk to

miss howard listens to emily when she has a bad day

she doesn’t tell her that “a prentiss never shows weakness”

miss howard lets emily cry when she needs to

she lets emily talk about mortimer

she doesn’t call him a stupid bird

miss howard thinks mortimer sounded like the greatest friend [he was]

one day, emily breaks down because her french lesson didn’t go so well and her mother forgot it was her birthday.... again!

when she goes into the main room for piano lessons, miss howard is sitting at the piano with a small cupcake and a candle in the shape of the number 8 sticking from the top

in her hands is a small present that she gives to emily once she’s done singing happy birthday to her

emily bursts into tears because she’s so overwhelmed that miss howard remembered her birthday

she throws her arms around her teacher when she opens her gift— a small crocheted raven that looks exactly like mortimer

emily whispers that she wishes miss howard was her mom instead of the ambassador

the next week, emily has a different piano teacher and never hears from miss howard again

emily moves around a lot during her childhood, and since she’s already lost two friends very near and dear to her, it’s hard for her to let people in

by the time they locate to the western part of the united states, emily is 12 years old

the ambassador puts emily in a private, all girls boarding school

emily gets picked on... a lot

the other girls make fun of her because emily carries around the gift from miss howard everywhere she goes (it brings her comfort)

they make fun of her accent

and the fact that she’s not entirely fluent in english

(she’d honestly like to see any of those mean girls try to attempt to be fluent in russian and french)

she spends most of her time hiding in the school’s library and crying in the bathrooms

she’s hiding in the stalls again after being pushed into the lockers one day when another girl comes in and sits outside the door of emily’s stall

emily recognizes her green socks and cuffed pants— the girl is in her chemistry class (audrey, emily recalls)

audrey is quiet for a long time before saying “those other girls are jerks”

emily’s response is a sniffle and scuffing her shoes against the tile floor

audrey tries again, but her voice is softer

“i really like your bird”

emily timidly sniffles “thank you”

“what’s his name?”

emily pauses

“mortimer”

“i like that name”

audrey begins to sit with emily at lunch

she’ll go out of her way to find emily in the library and sit with her so she’s not alone

they don’t talk at first

emily is very wary of audrey’s intentions and doesn’t trust her

but she doesn’t push her away either because audrey doesn’t make fun of her and she likes mortimer

the day emily decides to fully trust audrey is when audrey stands up for her when she’s getting picked on in the halls

audrey stands between her and the bullies and yells at them about how awful they are because “emily is a great person” and “emily’s so sweet and she doesn’t deserve this shit”

emily wonders if the way her heart flutters is the same way the princesses felt when the knights rescued them in her storybooks

she feels special— no one has ever stood up to her the way audrey did

they become inseparable after that

emily and audrey become roommates later that year

audrey helps emily come out of her shell and teaches her how to stick up for herself

emily tells audrey about moritimer, the real one, and miss howard

audrey listens

she always listens

she’ll hug emily tightly and just hold her in her arms

(emily wonders if it’s normal for her to feel so safe in her best friend’s arms)

(she wonders if it’s normal that her heart skips a beat, her breath catches in her throat when audrey smiles at her)

(she wonders if it’s normal for her to get so excited when audrey holds her hand, even though her hands get clammy)

(she wonders if it’s normal to want to kiss your best friend, even if they’re both girls)

they’re skipping class one day, walking hand in hand down the stream behind the school

audrey is abnormally quiet and emily asks her what’s wrong

audrey won’t tell her for the longest time

she lets go of emily’s hand and leans against a tree, biting nervously at her nails

emily gently grabs her wrists and pulls her hands from her mouth

“hey... you can tell me anything, you know that right?” emily whispers

audrey finally meets emily’s gaze brieflt before she sighs

“...is it bad that i really want to kiss you?”

emily’s heart skips a beat

“no, it’s not”

she pauses briefly before adding softly “you should”

audrey is emily’s first kiss

it’s so soft and so perfect and everything like fairytales describe it as

audrey calls emily her girlfriend and she completely swoons

she hasn’t been so happy in years

she doesn’t know how the ambassador found out

but she’s called to the office one day snd faces her very angry mother

the ambasssador chews into her like emily’s never been before, swearing and red in the face from screaming

the ambassador pulls her out of the school right then and there and tells emily that they’re moving to rome

she refues to let emily see audrey again and has her assistant go pack emily’s belongings while she continues to scream at her in the car

she tells emily that this type of behavior is something she won’t tolerate

she says that if she ever catches emily with another woman like that again, she’ll send her off to a camp

emily never sees audrey again

it’s only when they land in rome that she realizes that the ambassador’s assitant never packed the crocheted mortimer

#criminal minds #criminal minds angst #emily prentiss #oh ow this hurt #emily prentiss and her childhood trauma #help that last sentence actually killed me #i’m in pain oh.....oh.....#:((((((#oh :((((((((((#oh #justice for mortimer the raven #oh i’m so sad #i’m sorry #someone give baby em a hug #emily’s mom is very oc in this bc i don’t think she was this bad in canon #well actually she wasn’t #like she was bad don’t get me wrong but this one..... yikes #very matilda-esque at parts

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purrincess-chat · 3 years

Text

Cat’s Not-All-Encompassing Character Ranking

Okay, so I have to admit that I omitted a lot of characters I don't have strong opinions on. Most of them were one-off akumas, so don't get your panties in a twist, your faves are probably still on here (and ranked lower than you think).

As a preface again, these are just my personal opinions. They can't hurt you. You can still like characters more or less than me. And I don't care how you feel about them. This list is for me. And the person that asked for it. So shut up. Go make your own rank list if you’re so butthurt.

We're going in reverse order this time, starting from the bottom:

84. Gabriel Agreste- I mean, is anyone surprised? I am not private about how I think Gabriel should go to jail. Or fall off a cliff. Or be erased from existence. Rip to those that like him, but I’m different.

83. Thomas Astruc- Honestly, he’s down here on principle. Self-inserts are generally a no-no, and I just laugh every time I see him on screen because he really put himself in this show and said boohoo no one appreciates me XD

82. Bob Roth- I feel like this one should also be obvious. He’s just a dick. Terrible human. I give him 0 stars.

81. Tomoe Tsurugi- We all collectively hate her, right? It’s not just me?

80. Su Han- This mans has small peepee energy. And he bad mouthed Fu, so get FUCKED, my dude.

79. Rolland Dupain- Listen, I get it, he liked Marinette in the end, but I could do without the racism.

78. Nathalie Sancoeur- My opinion of Nathalie took a nosedive after the s2 finale. I just do not care that she is in love with her boss. Don’t care that she’s dying. Just do not have it in me.

77. XY- Justin Bieber ass wannabe.

76. Nora Cesiare- I didn’t care for Nora. I know Thomas loves her, but the overbearing sibling trope is tired.

75. Anarka Couffaine- I underestimated how much I don’t really like her. Like, it’s not full-on hate, but I just do not care for her.

74. Otis Cesaire- Got akumatized because a kid said he could outrun a panther. I’m still not over it, Otis.

73. Andre Bourgeois- No love for the crooked mayor. I hope your wife divorces you.

72. Alec Cataldi- The real villain of Stormy Weather. Like fr why is he such an asshole?

71. Roger Raincomprix- Is Officer Roger just doing his best? Sometimes. But like sometimes this mans just needs to take a chill pill.

70. M. D'Argencourt- Please get out of the 1600s

69. Ella/Etta- These two are basically the same character, and I am indifferent to both of them.

68. KnightOwl/Barbara- Listen, I would have liked you more if you were less controlling.

67. Majestia- Same as above, but like I guess I like you more

66. Theo- *Mean Girls principal voice* Stay away from underaged girls!

65. Andre the ice cream man- I just want a scoop of chocolate, Andre. Is that too much to ask??

64. Amelie Graham de Vanily- We haven’t seen much of her, but she seems like a snake bitch.

63. M. Kubdel- I mean, if my son wanted to resurrect an ancient mummy and believed in aliens, I’d give the family heirloom to my daughter too.

62. Jalil Kubdel- Lolol, buddy, pal, dude, my guy. Chill.

61. Vincent (Adrien's photographer)- Head empty. Mom’s spaghetti. Idk he’s alright.

60. Manon- I don’t hate Manon. She just gets on my nerves every time she talks.

59. M. Ramier- This mans got akumatized a billion times because he gets emotional about pigeons. I mean, honestly mood.

58. Mme. Mendeleiev- She doesn’t put up with Chloe’s shit, and we respect her for this.

57. Baby August- Someone just give this mans some food. He’s a growing boy.

56. Santa Claus- If I were Santa, I too would list Ladybug as the best kid in the world.

55. Art Teacher- He doesn’t even have a name, but I vibe with him. He seems like he likes to paint scenes of nature with his pet squirrels.

54. Prince Ali- Lil mans just wanted to have a good time. I can respect that.

53. Duusu- Duusu, I get that your Miraculous was broken, but get with the program, girl. You is a hostage.

52. Other Kwamis- Idk, all the ones we haven’t seen as much. I don’t have real opinions on them yet. Just neutral.

51. Sass- He gives me dad vibes.

50. M. Damocles- You go, you funky owl man

49. Jean (Chloe's Butler)- He deserves a raise. What is your name, sir? We may never know.

48. Mireille Caquet- She’s pretty cute. No complaints.

47. Aurore Beaureal- Baby’s first akuma. I love her design. She’s a cutie.

46. Claudie Kante (Max’s mom)- This womans just wanted to go to space and live her dream. We stan a hardworking queen.

45. Hot Dog Dan- I like him more than Andre the ice cream fraud. Sure, my hotdog might turn me purple, but if I ask for chili on it, I bet he’d oblige.

44. Nadja Chamack- I mean, she’s doing her best.

43. Audrey Bourgeois- So, as I said in the episode ranking, I have a love-hate relationship with Audrey. She’s the worst, but that’s why I love her. I love her ironically. Like, yeah she’s atrocious, but I just want to watch her burn the world.

42. Luka Couffaine- Directly in the middle, like he’s always been.

41. Nathaniel Kurtzberg- My opinion of Nath improved after Reverser surprisingly. I ship it.

40. Chris Lahiffe- I like Chris better than Ella/Etta. He’s just a little mans out here living life wanting to grow up. Don’t believe it, Chris. Stay little forever. Being an adult suuuuucks.

39. Fang the Crocodile- The goodest boy.

38. Nooroo- I just want to give him a hug.

37. Mlle. Bustier- She’s doing her best, but I mean, when ya whole class keeps getting turned into supervillains, I’m surprised she’s not an alcoholic.

36. Penny Rolling- I just like her. I think she’s neat.

35. Ondine- Mermaid queen! She’s so sweet, and I love her with Kim. I hope we see more of her in the future.

34. Marc Anciel- Marc is a little cutie bean. Idc if he’s based off one of Thomas’s irl friends. He can stay.

33. Wayzz- He loves Master Fu so much I cry.

32. Felix Graham de Vanily- I know everyone hates canon Felix, but tbh he exudes massive chaotic neutral gremlin energy, and I actually kinda vibe with that. And he pisses with his uncle which is a whole ass mood.

31. Tikki- Tikki is very cute, but bby please work on the preaching. You don’t always know what’s right, babe.

30. Sabrina Raincomprix- Sabrina deserves better. I hope we see good things happen for her.

29. Lila Rossi- Surprised? I actually like Lila. The first fic I ever wrote for this fandom was a Lila redemption. I think she is a good antagonist and foil to Marinette. I absolutely want to see her get dunked on in canon, but that doesn’t mean I hate her.

28. Wayhem- I don’t know why, but Wayhem makes me laugh. I love him XD

27. Uncle Cheng- He’s just a good mans with a birb who wants to make you tasty food. What’s not to like?

26. Trixx- Trixx shot up after GoS. Chaotic bean make Eiffel Tower go bendy

25. Jess- She’s pretty cool. She’s a vibe.

24. Aeon- The cutest bean!!! She saw Adrien and Marinette and said yep. Those two are meant to be together. Jess, we gotta make it happen.

23. Ivan Bruel- Ivan is such a gentle bean. We love him.

22. Mylene Haprele- Smol

21. Fei Wu- I still have not watched the Shanghai special with subs, but I liked her.

20. Gina Dupain- The grandma I aspire to be.

19. Marianne Lenoir- I love her. She is good. She and Fu are so cute. And she seems like she would have kicked le ass back in the day. (and even now)

18. Rose Lavillant- I am so excited for Pigella!! Rose is too cute. We love her.

17. Gorilla- aka Adrien’s real dad. If the series doesn’t end with Gabriel getting yeeted into the stratosphere and Gorilla adopting Adrien, I don’t want it.

16. Clara Nightingale- She’s in love with Marinette. You can’t change my mind. 16 is also how old I hc her to be, so don’t nobody come for me.

15. Tom Dupain- Most. Supportive. Dad. Soft bean. Just wants to make you fresh bread.

14. Sabine Cheng- Good mom vibes. We love to see her.

13. Juleka Couffaine- Shy goth bean. Just wants to have her picture taken. Definitely a lesbian. We stan.

12. Nino Lahiffe- The goodest boy. He’s just out here doing his best, loving his friends.

11. Chloe Bourgeois- Chloe is another one I have a love-hate relationship with. Her brattiness is funny to me. We had high hopes for her. Honestly, she ranks this high because I like to play with her in fic.

10. Max Kante- He smol and smort. And I adore his friendship with Kim and the fact that he made an AI himself at 14. What a legend.

9. Alya Cesaire- Rip to Alya salters, but I’m different. Outside of Chameleon, Alya is fine. She’s a supportive bff. All yall people that are mad she doesn’t kiss Marinette’s ass all the time need to go out and make real friends. I said what I said.

8. Alix Kubdel- I love Alix. I love how she is always so done with all the lovey-dovey bullshit. She is tiny queen, and Bunnix, while OP af, is still super cool. We love to see her.

7. Kagami Tsurugi- I will fight anyone who shits on Kagami. She has done nothing wrong, you guys are just haters. All she did was exist, and yall said, wow what a toxic bitch?? Disgraceful.

6. Jagged Stone- We are going to ignore the deadbeat dad trope that canon thrust upon him. He is a Marinette stan, and we love that.

5. Kim Le Chien- I really love Kim, you guys. Does that surprise you? Listen, my favorite male character types are sweet beans and himbos. Kim is both of these.

4. Master Fu- If you didn’t pick up on how much I love Fu from the episodes ranking, then idk what to tell you. I want him to be my grandpa. I would trust this mans with my life. He did his best. You paint those pictures, you funky little man. I love you.

3. Plagg- My galaxy trash man. Love him. 10/10 chefs kisses all around.

2. Adrien Agreste- The biggest Marinette stan there is. I just want him to kiss her on the face. And marry her. Idk, I just think that would be neat if he could do that. I just want good things for them.

1. Marinette Dupain-Cheng- Honestly, are you surprised? I have always been and always will be a Marinette stan. If you expected anyone else to be in this spot, then clown suit rentals are off to the left.

#cat speaks #cat spoils #character ranking #okay fr tho dont ever ask me for anything ever again #take your complaints to your dashboard button and off my blog #idc if you dont like my ranks #theyre not for you #heck off

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bunnyinthestars · 3 years

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Adrien is definitely gonna take Emilie’s place in a coma (A Theory)

Yeah so I mean the title of this is exactly what I’m pretty sure is gonna happen. This is because there has been a huge load of foreshadowing and some other subtler reasons I will be going over in this post. Of course, there’s always a chance it won’t happen, but if it didn’t I think I’d be pretty surprised considering just the amount of evidence thats going into this.

(Also sorry ahead of time for the structure of this, I tried to structure this based on my specific reasons for this theory but I kind of went off on tangents in some places and in others I use ideas that I assume come with the theory and don’t necessarily fit into any specific reason (like Emilie coming back to life and what would happen there, why Adrien and not Nathalie, and loosely how theyd get Adrien out of the coma), although I mosty stick to the structure I still want to add this disclaimer just so you’re aware that I wrote this in one go at midnight (also wait right now its 12:10am it is now ten minutes into my birthday??? ok ignoring that))

I dont know man. Just consider what I have to say. Or dont. I will be listing my reasons starting now.

1. Imagery of Adrien being in comatose state/ in a coffin-like thing.

This is surprisingly common??? Off the top of my head I can think of Style Queen and Riposte (I believe) which involve this. In Style Queen, Audrey in the form of her akumatized self had essentially kidnapped Adrien and put him in this gold/glass coffin thing that disintegrated the longer it remained untouched. The other one is Riposte, where Ladybug hides Adrien in that big sarcophogus in the Louvre (he didn’t stay in it but still the imagery is there.)

I also just remembered in Chameleon when Lila took Adrien’s form he was asleep/in a comatose state in that locker and Plagg was like “aw man am I gonna have to kiss him.....” but then Adrien wakes up because Lila stole someone else’s form

EDIT: another instance of Adrien/Chat Noir being shoved into a sarcophagus (besides Riposte) is in Pharaoh in season 1

So yes there is definitely a good number of foreshadowing for this. I might take this further and say if Adrien were to go comatose and be in the coffin Emilie was in then Felix might replace him for some amount of time?? Like impersonate him amd stuff?? Just because there’s lots of stuff in the show with impersonation I feel like it could work aNYWAY BACK TO THE EVIDENCE I KNOW ITS A TANGENT

2. Possible evidence foreshadowing Emilie *inadvertantly* killing (not killing but making comatose you get it) Adrien

This one is not as strong as the first but its worth considering. I was googling the word “mayura” just out of curiosity a while back and basically its a peacock in Hindu stories (like peacocks are a kinda revered animal) and I just initially found a couple websites that said that the mayura has been depicted eating a snake as a symbol of the cycle of time (you dont have to read this part in parenthesis, its just kind of a tangent: the cycle of time as known in Hinduism is another aspect of Hinduism directly referenced in the show: the horse/space miraculous kwami Kaalki’s name is a reference to the prophecied tenth avatar/reincarnation of the god Vishnu, and he is referenced in the Kalachakra tantra which is basically a Hindu book about the cycle of time. Keep in mind I got all this from wikipedia and other internet websites, I do not practice Hinduism and I dont directly know anybody who does, so if any of this is wrong pls lmk because there is surprisingly not a lot of information on the internet about it from what I could tell)

So anyways yes peacock (mayura) eating snake representing the cycle of time. Both Luka and Adrien are represented in the show as the snake, but ultimately I think the snake here represents Adrien just because it makes more sense (Snake Noir, future Alix’s tattoo depicts a snake to be Adrien and is meant to represent Adrinette, Adrien just has some shifty stuff going on with the snake in general etc) and thus, if Gabriel manages to actually get the ladybug and black cat miraculouses and make the wish to bring Emilie to life, then this “mayura” analogy (assuming Emilie as the mayura in this scenario) would make sense if her life brought upon Adrien losing his.

The reason I dont think it would refer to Nathalie even though her official name is Mayura is for pretty much two sub-reasons. The first is that I think she is going to die before this wish happens. I know, its a kids show, whatever, but consider it. The Agreste/Graham de Vanily family has a trend of having opposite names [I am so sorry I literally first heard this from a tumblr user but I cannot remember who I just remember they had made a string of theories on why Emilie Agreste will not be who she seems to be so credit to them I did not discover that] for example the name Gabriel means hero/angel, Felix means happy/fortunate, Adrien means dark, etc, and Nathalie Sancoeur means “birthday (of Christ)” and “heartless” respectively. We already know she is not heartless but rather full of heart because she has fallen in love with Gabriel. So then,,,,,,,,,, the opposite of birth is death. She’s already shown to be pretty sick too despite the peacock miraculous having been “fixed” (as of the New York special being the most recent piece of content). I’m sorry guys I do not make the rules

stop why his face look like that though

The second part of why I think this is a little stupid but. The original art released by Jeremy Zag for Mayura does not look like Nathalie. Plus this art was only released under the name of “the Peacock” (originally Le Paon in French) so it might not actually be the Mayura we know as of now. Now, theoretically, it could be that they had made this art before they knew they wanted Nathalie to be Mayura or just as art depicting what Emilie would have been like as the peacock miraculous holder, and it could literally just be Nathalie. When you compare the images, though, the original Mayura art looks far more like Emilie and a lot less like Nathalie. Yes I am aware this is stupid just know this is only a minor point

I dont know man those faces do not look the same to me and the original Mayura definitely had Emilie’s eye shape and face shape in mind. They might’ve changed it after making the concept art but my point still stands

Ok next reasoning

Again not a very strong point but sometimes dialogue just implies things in Miraculous and I can think of a very specific quote that would fit this happening, and there are probably more that I just dont know to look for since I dont have this whole show memorized

So the quote is from Startrain after Gabriel loses control of the akuma then learns about the Startrain having been akumatized with Adrien on board, and he says “hoping that my enemies will save my son..... how ironic.” When I first heard this quote I really, really felt like it was foreshadowing something just based on his tone and the way this new idea was being introduced of him having to be on the same side as Ladynug and Chat Noir for once, even if it was just temporary. This quote absolutely is indicative to me of a future event in which he’ll have to work with his “enemies” to save his son. A situation in which Adrien is in comatose would perfectly align with this. At least for how I would predict the show would make it, Gabriel would have to turn away from Emilie (who represents the past for him, and this action would therefore represent moving on) and join forces with Ladybug/Marinette, his “enemy”, to save Adrien.

Onto the last reason!

Emilie is probably definitely coming back. Which means someone’s going into a coma in her place.

I mean come on it would be so anticlimactic if they just caught Gabe before he fulfilled his wish. Plus with the way they are outlining Emilie to be this perfect golden being is definitely because its going to far contrast with how she will actually turn out. This doesnt really support the Adrien thing in particular but honestly it would also be anticlimactic of the coma was for anyone else. If it was Nathalie, then yeah itd suck for Adrien I guess but like???? Doesn’t really connect the plots as much. Whereas if its Adrien, that brings Marinette into it, that gives her a powerful as heck conflict. Im guessing they would also somehow resolve his coma with “the power of love” mentioned in the theme song, just because of the foreshadowing with like waking someone up with a true love’s kiss (think Plagg in Chameleon, I guess the rose in Style Queen, maybe Alya’s story to Manom in Stormy Weather if we’re strecthing it....)

TL;DR: Adrien is probably gonna go comatose (like Emilie did) at some point because its been pretty foreshadowed (think Style Queen, Riposte, and even Chameleon), because of the legend surrounding the Hindu “mayura” peacock eating a snake representing time (wow that was not a sentence ok then), because Gabriel has previously foreshadowed having to work with his enemies to save his son, and also just because it would be super awesome and allow each character involved to have a pretty fulfilling conflict and arc.

(all images from the miraculous ladybug wiki excluding the piece of art depicting the mayura which is from murugan.org)

I hope however took the time to read this post enjoyed this theory, sometimes I have really random yet detailed theories regarding this show and I wanted to share this one because if I’m right then this will be proof I had predicted it, also you guys could possibly elaborate on it. I’m all for friendly discussions folks fr

If this doesn’t end up happening the theory is still awesome and they should have done it, and if it does my ego will probably expand and hopefully they will make it as awesome as it seems like it would be. Sorry if the structure of this post is not great, but thank you for reading. I appreciate you, have a wonderful week :)

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dessarious · 4 years

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Misconceptions, Miscommunication, and Misinformation Pt91

Inspired by @ozmav Maribat AU

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Marinette woke slowly. Her head felt fuzzy and it was a struggle to open her eyes. Once she managed it the first thing she saw was Plagg, hovering and looking guilty. That couldn’t be a good sign.

“Why do I feel so strange?” Her words came out a bit slurred but she could tell Plagg understood by the way they wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“We’ve all been worried about how stressed you’ve been and the way you’ve been pushing yourself. Chloe and Tikki decided to help you rest.” Marinette could only let out an exasperated, if fond, sigh. She was perfectly capable of recognizing her own limits no matter what they thought. Her mind flashed to the confrontation with Catwoman and she cringed internally. Yes she had a tendency to push those limits but she did know what they were.

“Let me guess they turned off all my alarms and took my phone so no one would disturb me.” Even as she said it she knew it was wrong. Plagg wouldn’t look guilty over that. Not to mention the sluggish feeling that wouldn’t go away. The only time she felt like this was… “They drugged me!”

“In their defense you were really out of it before you passed out. You scared them.” Plagg’s soft words didn’t penetrate right away through her indignation but once they did a wave of guilt hit her. She knew that Chloe especially had been worried about her but it was becoming frustrating. Everyone around her seemed to be asking her how she was doing or trying to do everything for her and she just wanted to be left alone. Chloe tried to tone it down and leave her to herself, but Marinette still felt how much the other girl wanted to help. Having so much attention directed at her all the time was draining. Because of that she’d been pulling away from everyone, even the ones she shouldn’t have.

“Where are they?” Plagg just pointed toward the outer room and Marinette struggled to sit up through the fog still trying to force her back to sleep. She hated allergy medication. “Could you move my chair closer to the bed for me?” Plagg just floated there staring at her and she had to fight not to roll her eyes. “I’m not going to do anything stupid, I just want to go talk to them.” It still took the Kwami a few moments to sigh and do as she asked. Marinette was pretty sure they only did it because she actually gave them permission to touch the wheelchair. She’d banned them from it after the last incident when Tikki had to undo the damage they’d caused. As she shifted from the bed to the chair she noticed Plagg watching her carefully.

“It’s rather impressive how adaptable humans are. For the most part nothing short of death keeps you from moving forward. You’re lucky enough that you don’t have to do so alone, but you really need to talk to the people around you more. All of you are ignoring things and trying to keep the peace but all it’s doing is creating distance that none of you want.” Marinette could only blink at the Kwami. It was rare that Plagg was serious, about anything, and she knew better than to ignore them on those occasions. Especially when they were right.

“I know. I just…” Just was used to doing things on her own. Just didn’t want to be a burden. Just was scared it would change things, and not for the better. “I’ll talk to Chloe.”

“I don’t just mean Chloe. You’re closing off from almost everyone. Unlike Tikki, I understand wanting to keep things to yourself, wanting to be independent, but you aren’t meant to live like that. You thrive with other people, not alone. Setting boundaries for people is fine, but right now all you’re doing is hurting yourself and the people around you.” She flinched even knowing that Plagg wasn’t being mean or even trying to scold her. They were just stating facts as they saw them. It honestly made it worse for some reason. The Kwami’s expression softened. “Tikki’s bugs always have an ingrained sense of duty and their insistence on secrecy and doing the right thing all the time doesn’t help any of you loosen up. You becoming the Guardian just added more stress. Despite all that, you need to remember that you’re still a teenager and no one can do everything by themselves.”

Marinette felt herself tearing up and could only nod. Plagg flew up under her chin and started purring. For all the little God had a terrible reputation they were the most supportive and forgiving of all the Kwami. They stayed that way until she could compose herself. Her head was suddenly clear as well. She’d thank Plagg for that except it meant anything she said to Chloe right now would be entirely her own fault.

“Damian’s not mother is here too. She’s been helping to make sure the two of you aren’t bothered.” Marinette held in a sigh of relief at that. It gave her a little time to try and figure out what she should say. “I like her. She’ll be a chaotic influence for you and she’s been good to my kit. Even put her parents in their place.” She couldn’t help but giggle at that. Granted she wished she’d been there to see it. Ever since the fashion show Chloe’s mother had been riding her to try and turn her back into a subservient subject. It wasn’t working but it was creating an extreme amount of anxiety for Chloe. It was one more reason she’d been trying not to lean on her too much.

“Well, I suppose I should go out there to thank her and introduce myself properly.” Plagg just gave an approving hum as she headed towards the door. When she entered the main living space she expected to be overrun but Chloe and Selina were both engrossed by documents on the table in front of them.

“This is a really well structured business plan from what I can tell. You should show it to Bruce when he gets here, or Tim. They’ll be able to give you better feedback and considering your goal they may even want to invest in it. Not to mention figure out how to do a run around so that your parents don’t know about it or try to get involved.” Chloe looked stunned at the praise and Marinette was just confused. She’d had no idea Chloe was interested in starting a business.

“You really think they would? I don’t actually need an investment. Even without my parents I have a decent amount of money from things I’ve done, and you can see the start up costs are fairly minimal since I’d be acting as more of a go between than anything else. But getting advice on how to structure things so my parents can’t do anything if they find out about it would be a relief. If my mother had any idea I was planning something like this… it wouldn’t be pretty.” Marinette had hated Audrey even before they started dating for the way she treated Chloe among other things, but now she absolutely loathed the woman for that uncertain tone in her girlfriend's voice. It was times like this she wanted to sick Plagg on the woman, no matter what Tikki said.

“Planning something like what?” Both heads snapped up in surprise at her voice but the uncertainty in Chloe’s eyes physically hurt. Had she really been so unapproachable that Chloe didn’t want to share something like this with her? Selina was the one who answered.

“Chloe has an amazing idea to connect customers with artisans and communities in third world countries. That way the people and communities get more, or any to be honest, of the profits from their work while still offering lost cost, quality items to people around the world. It even takes into account the specific economies in each region so that they don’t accidentally unbalance things and possibly cause an economic collapse in the process. It’s pretty ingenious actually.” Chloe’s face kept getting redder the longer Selina talked but Marinette could see how happy the praise made her. Between that and what Plagg had said about the woman, Marinette was ready to make her a new wardrobe as a thank you. Until she remembered that she’d be doing that anyway since she was Bruce’s fiance. She’d have to come up with something else.

“It’s just an idea really. There’s no way to be sure it will work without actually trying it.” Chloe mumbled her reply to the floor and Selina was frowning at her in concern. Seeing Chloe close off like this brought home what Plagg had said about how she was hurting the people around her. What a mess.

“Well it’s a great idea and if anyone can make it happen you can. You’re one of the smartest people I know.” Chloe’s face lit up as she practically launched off the couch to hug her. Marinette just held on tightly and made a silent promise, to both of them, to fix this.

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miraculouslycool · 4 years

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Adrien's Emotional Intelligence:

Lately I have been seeing TV tropes list Adrien under the Innocently Insensitive trope which is..... kind of justified, because he can be oblivious, but a few good looks into the show can tell you just how good he is when it comes to empathy. With various kinds of people, too.

Gabriel

Adrien never once blames his father for his obviously uncomfortable and wrong form of parenting, because he knows he is hurting and hasn't moved on like he himself has tried to. Even when Gabriel yells at him for even suggesting about the nature of his and Natalie's relationship, he doesn't even flinch. Because he may not know how his father acts upon his grief, but he knows that the grief exists.

Adrien: Don't be so hard on him, Plagg. It's only been a year since...Mom went away forever.

Felix

Felix takes it out on him for no legit reason, and even if Plagg tells him outright that his cousin is screwing him over, all Adrien has to say about it is that people grieve in different ways, and that's okay.

Adrien: Plagg, Felix lost his father not too long ago. He's probably not himself.

Kagami

I always thought Kagami didn't take Chat Noir as seriously as one would take Ladybug, even while she was akumatised as Oni-Chan. But that was probably cause he was being cocky and joking around.

Towards the end of the episode, when Chat realises that Kagami genuinely likes Adrien-him, he doesn't even comment about it, he only gives her back the rose kindly, because he knows how much it meant to her.

And this is all after he saw Kagami rampage the city because her Akuma was obsessed with protecting him, something he could have very well avoided her for.

Chloe

This has been brought up several times, but as much as I think Marinette had every right to be happy her bully had left, Adrien also had the right to be sad his friend left too. He didn't stop Marinette from celebrating, he didn't stop ANYONE from celebrating, because he knew their happiness was justified too.

He just went away and sat at a corner to feel sad by himself without disrupting anyone's fun, because he knows that despite Chloe rubbing it into everyone's faces that she was getting rid of them, she was hurting. (Also, props to Marinette for being considerate about how sad Adrien must have been. No one else did that.)

And he also took a moment to take the first step with her as Queen Bee.

Chloe: Ladybug, please!! Give me another chance!!

Audrey: According to me, Chloe just demonstrated there is nothing exceptional about her!!

Chat Noir: I know you did the things you did to impress your mother.

(Because, really, no one else knows the pressure of having to constantly feel like they have to impress a parent to be given love that a child is entitled to, more than him.)

Lila

@fearlessinger and I talked about this a lot in Discord, how Lila is essentially Adrien's darker mirror. Both of them are kids from wealthy families (Lila's mom is a diplomat, that is a heck of a paying job), both of them are lonely kids who are relatively new to the Miracuclass, have a single, distant and neglectful parent, and are definitely guilty of putting on a wild and exaggerated persona for themselves, Lila through her lies, and Adrien as Chat Noir.

At the same time, they are very different. Lila chose to connect with people by making up stuff about herself, while Nino accepted Adrien as he was and that in turn encouraged him to be himself with Marinette, which led to her accepting him (atleast in his eyes) as a friend. Lila hates Ladybug, Adrien is in love with her. And to an extent, both of them are very manipulative, only Adrien chooses to not to be.

In Chameleon, like fearlessinger pointed out to me, he was essentially giving her an out, perfectly tailored to her needs. She doesn't have to admit to her wrongdoings publicly, she can ask for his help, and the class's help too, because they're all good kids, and most importantly, he is willing to genuinely be her friend, all for one price: Stop Lying. And I think that's what threatened Lila. She felt understood, and she was already knee deep into her fake persona, she didn't think she had a chance with any of her goals outside of it.

Ladybug

Adrien hasn't exactly had a chance to do this with Marinette, but he's done it with Ladybug twice.

The first time in Origins, he reminded her of her successes, and how they outweighed her failures, and that she still had a chance to fix everything, and he was by her side the entire time.

The second time in Miracle Queen, even though this time, her failures were arguably more, he still essentially reminded her of the very thing she lives by: There is a solution to every problem. And no matter how hard she screwed up, she can still fix it, because he believes in her ability to do so, even if she herself doesn't.

Honestly? The very fact that Ladybug, Kagami, Gabriel, Felix, Chloe and Lila are all completely different people, compared to Adrien, who is lonely, sheltered and socially inept, and yet he somehow finds a way to put himself in their shoes and help, no matter how THREE of the six people mentioned here have been nothing short of awful to him is astounding.

Adrien is definitely the most emotionally intelligent character in Miraculous Ladybug.

#miraculous ladybug #adrien #ml analysis #ml meta

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andromeda612 · 4 years

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The writer vs the liar

So, remember the prompt from a few days ago? You can chek it here

Well, I made a draft for what would be the whole fic, I'm gonna start it soon and will post it in Ao3, I would make a post when is ready and with every update, if you are interested make me know, so I can tag you.

I apologize for any mistake, english is not my first language, I hope you like it!

After Mari is expelled Nathaniel and Alix are worried and confused, because there is no way Marinette did those things (Alix defended Marinette in Reverser and I like to think that Nathaniel learned his lesson, so they are less likely to believe that Marinette would do anything of what Lila said) but all the mess is confusing. They talk but can't get a good answer. They decide to relax a little in the art club, they can't.

Marc noticing their mood ask what's wrong. So they tell him, and Marc is fast to point out all the wrong things with the whole situation. The "evidence" is circumstancial, superficial and easily planted, Damocles should have called Lila's parents too, no just Marinette's, Lila should had at least some bruises but there is no one, the protocole says that they needed to make an investigation, Mari has the right to prove her innocence, but Damocles just expelled her then and there. So yeah, the school messed up, because that failure in protocole and lack of professionalism can be addressed as neglect.

Thinking a little more they come to the conclusion that Marinette had been framed, but by who and why? If you think about it the only suspect is Lila, after all she was in the middle of the fire, but why would she did that? Marc asks for more background about this girl, because he only knows her because he had seen her sometimes in school and because Rose mentioned her once or twice, Nathaniel nor Alix have ever talked about her, Marinette either (and that interview on the Ladyblog is not that famous, so he missed it)

Alix explains the drama between those two, the seats thing (Marc tells them that it was wrong to move Mari to the back without asking her, maybe Nathaniel never had problem with being alone but he is not Marinette, they admit it was thoughtless from them and make a note to apologize later) and Marinette claming that Lila is a liar.

That catches Marc's atention, he knows Marinette, for him she is like a sister in everything but blood, after all she was the first person who was nice to him in school and despite not knowing in the time being that he has social anxiety she always was patient and kind with him until he was comfortable enough talking to her. Misunderstanding aside, she was the one who introduced him to Nathaniel and the rest of her friends from the art club, and they introduced him with the rest of their friends. Now he has two best friends (Mari and Alix) is dating his other bff (Nathaniel) has other good friends and is working in what he loves with his partner, all thanks to Marinette, so is no wonder that the two of them grew closer.

He knows that Mari hates liars, so if she thinks that this girl is a liar she must has a very good reason. Then Alix says that it just her being jealous because of Adrien. And yes, that may be true, Marinette tends to get jealous of any rival for the boy's affection, and can do crazy and, honestly, pretty bad stuff for him but again, he knows her and knows that at the end Marinette always admits her wrongdoings, apologizes and does better. He also knows that jealousy for itself is not a strong motive for dislike someone that much, because Chloe? is a brat, Kagami? He knows that Marinette actually helped Adrien in a date with her and now both girls are very good friends despite her knowing that Adrien actually is interested in Kagami, so if this Lila is really that good of a person then why Marinette seems to dislike her and think that is a liar? She has to has a reason.

When he says this Alix and Nathaniel have the decency of look ashamed, Marc is right, they (Alix and the girls the most) should have asked for her reasons instead of brush it off as simply jealousy, Marinette is better than that.

With his point clear, Marc asks for more details, maybe they can discover why Marinette thinks Lila is a liar. Again is Alix who talks (Nathaniel never had been one of Lila's admirers and he pays not much attention to the drama) and tells every story Lila told them (I'm not including the napkin incident because either Nathaniel nor Alix were there, Nathaniel was alone in another table and Alix wasn't in the cafeteria at all) and once she is done Marc is fast to point every single hole, contradiction and nonsense in Lila's claims.

Being a writer and a very active reader makes this kind of thing easy for him, it also helps that some of Lila's claims can be debunked with a little knowledge (arthritis doesn't work like that for example) and him has plenty of that, he likes to read about different topics, not just stories and comics, also is the fact that he makes lots of researching for his stories (the comic is not the only thing he writes for) even if they are about fantasy he likes them to be coherent and solid, so if he is going to use some topic he research to support his writing, so yeah he knows a little of many things. He also points out all the times Lila manipulated them so they did things for her, and how.

Now they know the truth, Lila IS a liar and a manipulative one.

HOLY SHIT MARINETTE WAS RIGHT! First they feel bad, they should have listened to her! They are also ashamed because now that they think about it most of the lies are dumb! They are idiots!

Marc is fast to comfort them, after all some of her lies are believable at least from their point of view, their class is not a normal one they have some famous people like Adrien a famous model, Chloe the mayor's daughter, Nathaniel is the ilustrator of one of the most popular comics in Paris, Marinette is Jagged Stone's favorite designer and has been prized by Gabriel Agreste and Audrey Bourgois, Max is a genius with his own AI, there is Kitty Section and the list goes. So, one more student with conections and awesome claims is not that difficult to believe. Also, they are being manipulated, Lila use pity to make herself look vulnerable and fragil, so they would not question her or her claims, she also takes advantage of their kindness. Being fooled and manipulated is not a crime, they are victims too.

That make them feel better, but now they are pissed, because THEY ARE BEING FOOLED, MANIPULATED AND TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF! AND MARINETTE IS EXPELLED AND ALL IS THAT WITCH FAULT!

Marc is pissed too, being the patient and quiet person he is there are just a few things that makes him trully angry, but messing with his loved ones is the top of that list, and that little bitch is messing with all of his friends and his boyfriend! She is not just liying, manipulating and using them, she also gives them false hope with all the false promises she made, they are gonna be hurt once she fails in fulfil them. And MARINETTE IS EXPELLED so yeah, that brat crossed many lines.

For now they decide to talk to Marinette, Alix and Nathaniel need to apologize, and to make her know that the three of them know the truth and are by her side.

Later they discover that Marinette's expulsion is revoked, aparently all was a huge misunderstanding and Lila herself clarified the mess. Yeah, something is off here and they are not going to let their guard down, but at least Mari's name is clean.

The next day they are in the bakery with Marinette's favorite ice cream and two draws made by Alix and Nath, a -forgive-us-for-not-listened-you-and-for-being-bad-friends- gift. Marinette is relieved and actually cries of joy for having her friends by her side and free from Lila's claws, and of course she forgive them, after all they admitted their errors and apologized, also despite the evidence against her they gave her the benefit of the doubt, and for that she is grateful.

They talk and Marinette tells them how she found out the truth the same she told Alya and Nino (Marc tells her that it was not ok to follow Adrien and Lila but unlike them he still listened to her side of the story) she also point out that she ACTUALLY KNOWS Jagged Stone.

But hey! That doesn't mean that Adrien also knows the truth?

Yeah, she also tells them that Adrien is aware of Lila's true nature and also talks about the 'high road' advice. "HE TOLD YOU WHAT?"

But before any of them could get angry with Adrien she explains that he really thought her lies were harmless, also he believed that expose her would be bad because he called her out in a friendly way and still she was akumatized, but now that she was expelled he recognized that his advice was a bad one and that her lies can hurt people, he already apologized to her, and explained that he made a deal with Lila, he will be her friend and she will be a model and in return she will bring Mari back to school. He also admited that the best is to expose her, becasue netiher of them actually believe that Lila is going to let Marinette alone.

That makes them calm down, and forgive Adrien, he apologized to Marinette too and admited his error, also they think that a deal with the devil is punishment enough, and if they think about it, probably the poor boy didn't knew better, but he does now, so it's ok.

Then they learn about the threat in the bathroom and her almost akumatization. And they are even more pissed HOW DARE SHE? They apologize again for making her believe that she couldn't trust them with that. She says is ok, that she didn't take her too seriously, and she has faith in them, and so far they proved her right. Though, Marc wish that she could have talked to him at least, maybe they would have prevented all of this, but it doesn't matter.

Well, now they have one thing clear: they need to take that bitch down. But how? Lila could lie her way out, or twist the situation in her favor, they are trying to come up with a plan, but Marc is quiet, his mind working and then he has an idea.

With a calm and cool tone he says them "Just help me with some research, I'll take care of the rest" and replacing his usual sweet and shy demeanor there is a smirk and a cold determination and confidence in his face that surprise them (Nath actually finds it kind of hot)

They don't know what is he thinking, but they have seen him angry before (and thank god they have never been the cause of it, because Marc is a cinnamon roll but is very scary when is angry) and they know what his wrath is capable of. Whatever his plan is, they know is gonna work and dammit if it doesn't. They almost feel bad for Lila. Almost.

The next days they spend time together doing the investigation (they have some fun time and an awesome sleepover too), and finally they get solid proof to expose Lila, thanks to Marinette they get a video interview with Jagged Stone where the singer claims that he never had met Lila, and thanks to Marc's general knowledge in health and some help from Nathaniel's parents who both are doctors, they also get proof to debunk Lila's claims of illnes or other disabilities (specially the lying disease bullshit) and since Marc is a good researcher they manage to find some interesting stuff, like Mrs. Rossi contact information, is all in the embassy page.

With the investigation done, all what they need to do is wait for the perfect moment to expose the liar, and the oportunity comes two weeks later in the form of a picnic that Bustier's class organize just to hang out together, naturally Marc is invited and helps to organize said picnic, almost all of the class consider him a friend and one of them despite him being in Mendeleiev's class. Mari, Alix and Nathaniel still don't know what is his plan exactly, but they trust him. Adrien is aware of his plan but he doesn't know what exactly is either.

So here they are, in the park, in a cute blanket, with some delicious food and with great company (that doesn't include certain people, aka Chloe and the liar) and of course Lila is charming their friends with other of her lies, it takes all of their willpower to not roll their eyes. And then, listening carefully Marc takes the perfect moment to interrumpt the tale, social anxiety or not, that witch is hurting his beloved ones and he is not going to tolerate it, so even if he never has talked to her, fuck his shyness, that girl is gonna face the consequences for her actions. (It also helps that he is already friends with the rest of his boyfriend's class)

So, to everyone suprise he interrumpts Lila in middle sentence to point out the holes in what she is saying.

Alix, Nathaniel, Marinette and Adrien froze in panic, what is he thinking?! A direct confrontation was a bad idea, wasn't it? Marc locked eyes with the four of them and give a look thay says 'I get this' so they let him be, but now they are really uneasy.

What they didn't know is that the last days until now Marc has been doing more than just research, he was studying his enemy. Marc is a good listener, and being someone who likes to go unnoticed he became a very good observant too, he can notice little details and patterns, also he is a sensible and sympathetic boy so is easy for him to put himself in other's shoes, that combined makes him very good at reading and analysing people. He also made extra research in psychology and behaivor. So now, he knows how Lila works, he knows what to expect and how to answer. It also helps that he is very good with words, not just the ones he writes for his stories, but the ones he says and also he is very good with other's people words, he knows how to use them. That is his plan, he is going to use all his skills and knowledge to trap Lila, she thinks that she is smart and can control the situation, but Marc is going to prove that she can and will lose in her own game. Her lies are gonna be her downfall.

Lila of course tries to make an excuse or another lie to save face, but Marc refutes her again and again, and the rest of the class? Some are confused and others seems thoughtful shit! She is losing control! She tries but this black haired boy seems to be smart, he gets her cornered until the point that she can't lie her way out, and her classmates are starting to look suspicious. She tries to change tactics, the tears worked against Marinette, they will work now. She hides her face in her hands and starts to sob.

"I just was trying to share some of my wonderful experiencies with my friends, so I could give them some advice to help them in the future. Why are you being so mean? I haven't done anything to you! " That make people like Rose or Mylene to softened and go to comfort her, and between her hands she can see Alya ready to confront the boy, but Marc is ready for this kind of tactic, is his turn to make a move.

"I'm sorry but, How does this make me mean? I just pointed some facts because honestly, I'm a bit confused. At first I thought that you just made a little mistake, but then you just said another nonsense! Why would YOU do that?"

And then she is losing the little control she manage to regain. Because no matter how much they want to comfort her, Marc has a point and what he said so far actually makes sense, at least more sense than what she said. The others start to look torn between comfort or question her.

"Well... how would you know that what I said is wrong? Where is your proof?" Lila crosses her arms and look to other side, just to hide the smirk in her face, that would be enough and that annoying nobody will learn to not get in her way.

But, much to her surprise Marc actually has a good answer to that.

"Uh... comon sense? I mean, If I'm being a little honest if you think about it, some of the things you said have no... logic. Also I like to read a lot and about different things, including what you were saying so I know for a fact that some of the things you said are wrong. And my proof? Well a quick search in google is enough to prove me right"

Lila pales, she was not expecting that answer, and to her utter horror she can see some of her classmates typing in their phones, probably fact checking for once, she need to fix this now! She looks around trying to find some sympathy or something that would help, but she only see her classmates reading something in their phones and some of them are starting to frown, then she looks to Marinette and has an idea, this would break her little deal with Adrien but is ok, she wasn't planning to leave the brat alone anyway and her model career is in his father's hands, and she already has him tied around her finger.

So, before anyone could say something she sobs more louder and points a finger to Marinette.

"This is because of Marinette, isn't it? She put you into this! I-" but she couldn't finish because Marc interrumpts her, he also is ready for Lila trying to blame Marinette and he is not having it!

"And what does she has to do with this? Is not her fault that you have your facts wrong" and now the others are starting to narrow their eyes towards her, Damn it! Well she made the baker a threat, is time to fulfil it.

Lila makes the best she can to look pityful and scared. "Well... I didn't want to say this because I thought that nobody would believe me but... Marinette threatened me in the bathroom the day I came back from Achu!" She cries to everybody's shock.

"WHAT?!" Everybody screamed that. Marinette and her we-know-the-truth squad are frozen and can't believed it, THE NERVE OF THIS GIRL!

The rest to their friends are equally stunned, because they just can't believe what Lila said.

Lila using the shock continues with her sob story.

"She cornered me in the bathroom and told me that she would turn all of you against me! And all because she is jealous! And now she is using this boy to make you think that I'm a liar, just like she said!" Lila hug herself in an attempt to look small and is crying full force now.

Marc has to use all his willpower to not scream and call her a hypocrite, but he has a perfect answer for that too.

"Marinette would NEVER do that!" And to Lila's surprise and Marinette's glee is not Marc who says that, is Alya.

"Marinette is the sweetest girl, and she is not a bully!" That was Rose, who walked away from Lila like she burned her. And the rest of the class make their agreement known.

Lila really did NOT expect THAT reaction! They are supose to be comforting her and screaming to Marinette, not defending her! It's ok she can fix it.

"See? Is this why I didn't want to say anything! You don't believe me!"

Marc takes the word again "We know Marinette, we know she has flaws but she is one of the best people we know" again everybody agrees with that.

Lila is getting desperate, this is not what is supose to happen! And where is an akuma when you need it?! But Lila refuses to lose!

"Look I know you all thougth that you knew her and that she was your friend, but the truth is that Marinette is not what she seems to be, she is a manipulative liar and is just using you!"

Again, is not Marc who talks, this time is Kim

"No, you look Lila, I have known Marinette since diapers, and I know she has flaws but she is NOT a bad person"

"Yeah, and using us? She is the one who goes out of her way just to help us! She is a caring friend! Heck! We actually had to convince her that it's ok to pay to her everytime we comission something from her!" That was Nino

"And still, she gives us discounts everytime she can, but jus for the record, we have no problem in paying the whole price, Marinette, your job is awesome and you deserve to be fairly rewarded" that was Ivan, and Marinette gives him a very grateful smile, the rest of her friends agree with him and she smiles to them too.

"But-but" Lila is in trouble, she tries to think fast, but then Max just dig her hole deeper.

"Also, what Marc just said about your story is also true, all the wrong facts and holes, I asked Markov to fact check and the evidence supports Marc, the only conclusion is that you were lying to us!"

Nonononononono NO!

"And since you told us this lie like you did with any other of your stories I wondered What else was a lie? I also asked Markov to confirm every thing that you had said to us, and nearly the 86.65% was a lie"

Marc smiles, the game is going exactly according to his plan, even some of his moves were made by others, he is happy that Marinette has friends with such a faith in her, ready to stand up for her just like she does for them. But he knows that the game is still on, Lila still has some pieces, but Marc already steal her big ones, she just has some pawns to defend her King and Marc has his army intact.

Well fuck, she is doomed, the rest of the class looks ready to attack her... and then she remember her last card, it's a wild card, her lies will not work the same way anymore but she could save face, she will, eventually, come up with something to regain her control.

Well it seems that there is a limit, so I make a part 2

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theepsizet · 3 years

Text

Let’s talk about Allison and Tom

There’s been a discussion regarding these two characters: an Alice and her Boris and there’s also been a lot of theories regarding them and/or their identities. So this post is basically me slapping my thoughts on the table. And here it is:

Allison Angel and Tom!Boris are in fact Allison Pendle and Thomas Connor. But you can’t take everything about them presented in BATIM for granted.

This theory first came from this video by MatPat, whose main subject was to discuss Henry and even had good backing reasoning/evidence for his status and what-he-is in-game. He also mentions how Allison and Tom’s names aren’t on coffins and therefore can’t be Allison Pendle and Thomas Connor. If anything, they’re actually soulless; Joey was unable to get their souls.

First problem: MatPat completely glosses over a detail confirmed by Joey in Chapter 5 from this audio log:

“Listen Tommy, I know you boys over at Gent are doing your best, but I'm paying for living attractions, not weird abominations! Whatever that grinning thing was I saw wandering around your office, you better keep it locked up tight! I realize it was a first attempt but imagine if the press caught sight of it! Might scare off investors! And in response to your previous memo: If you claim your failures are because these things are soulless, then, damn it, we'll get them a soul! After all, I own thousands of 'em!”

Did you get that? The reason Ink Bendy is off-model is because he doesn’t possess a soul. If they were soulless, Allison and Tom would look... pretty demonic. But they’re not; they’re on-model, resembling their cartoon counterparts near-perfectly (the biggest difference is, of course, their attire such as Allison’s ponytail and dress and Tom’s robotic arm)

Second problem: He never explains why their names are Allison Angel and Tom. MatPat doesn’t elaborate on this fact and just calls them that and moves on with the video.

So, my take. The game files reveal unused secret messages, and these messages do in fact reveal that Allison and Tom’s names are absent; confirming that they don’t have coffins:

(originally posted by thedreamfisher)

So, they’re alive, right? Well...

In Chapter 4 there’s an audio log labeled “Untitled”. The entire audio log is just somebody gruesomely transforming into an ink monster, most likely a searcher if one goes off of the moaning. According to the game files, its Grant Cohen. Not to mention, in the first BATDR gameplay trailer, look what happens to Audrey’s hand when she uses her power:

(originally posted by thedreamfisher)

When Audrey uses her power, her hand changes. It literally turns into ink. Both these scenarios confirm that killing people and stuffing their souls through a machine isn’t the only way to reincarnate people as living cartoons. My theory is that at some point, Allison Connor exchanged enough letters with Joey that he could convince her and Thomas to return to the studio. Similar to Henry, they became so exposed to the ink that it literally transformed them into perfect toons. They were then reborn from the ink produced by the Giant Machine (we’ll get back to this). The dark truth is that, Allison Angel and Tom!Boris are Joey’s best outcomes from his experiment. Not to mention, Allison says this to Henry:

“I... I honestly don't know my name. So they call me Alice.”

“He [Tom] just seems to respond to it [his name].”

It’s a fact that the ink corrupts the mind. Sammy’s Hot Topic Q&A confirms that his memory deteriorated, and considering that these answers come from when Sammy is The Prophet, it wouldn’t be too unlikely to conclude that the ink did this to him. So, when Allison and Tom were reborn, the ink corrupted their minds so much they basically became amnesiac.

Speaking of reborn, notice what Allison says when talking about the ink in general and why she can’t come with Henry for the final battle:

“...you don't want to touch the ink for too long. It can claim you, pull you back.”

“We can't! We're not like you, Henry. If we go in there, well... a drop of water in the ocean is never seen again.”

It wouldn’t be surprising that they were born out of the bigger ink machine (and we have now officially come back to this). Given its size, the smaller one — the actual one, the one that — wouldn’t be able to produce enough ink to fill entire caverns (the underground levels). It also makes a lot of sense given the context: too much ink would make them unable to fight back, and too little wouldn’t do much effect at all. Both would literally become a drop of water in the ocean if they went with Henry. Not to mention that the first phrase is similar to part of Twisted Alice’s monologue when Henry enters her lair:

“Take this little freak for instance! He crawled in here... trailing his tainted ink to my door! It could have touched me! It could have pulled me back! Do you know what it's like? Living in the dark puddles? It's a buzzing, screaming well of voices! Bits of your mind, swimming like, like fish in a bowl! The first time I was born from its' inky womb, I was a wriggling, pussing, shapeless slug. The second time... well... it made me an angel! I will not let the demon touch me again.”

Now, here’s what I mean when I say you can’t take every word of there’s for granted. The truth is that it’s entirely clear what their motivations and there are several instances where things seem highly suspicious regarding these two:

In Allison and Tom’s hideout, Allison’s graffiti contains a list of levels that are crossed out. If one reviews the cutscene at the beginning of the chapter, it is revelated that throughout Henry’s time as prisoner, the levels are listed and then crossed out, as well as more of her drawings being inscribed onto the walls. It’s almost like they’re looking for something

There’s, weirdly enough, graffiti of the Seeing Tool outside the Administration Lobby. Were they done in that level before? If not, why is it there?

Considering that both of them are pretty experienced around the studio (Allison does know what the Lost Harbor is, and is a professional swordsmaster), Allison doesn’t even use her sword to slice off the boards of the prison cell door. Tom even has an axe and doesn’t do anything.

Tom starts off completely distrustful and treating Henry through spite. He almost immediately becomes part of Henry’s side.

Allison asks Henry to lead the way down the floorless hall. Even after she calls out his name, she doesn’t really grab on top him; she just let’s him fall (although this statement is confusing on its own as Henry falls way to fast for him to look up and see their reactions; its probably not even possible to see their reactions without hacking)

(originally posted on this page and this page of the Bendy wiki)

@thedreamfisher suggests that they could be manipulating Henry. and to be honest, yeah... that’s exactly what they’re doing. Why they’re doing it, though, is difficult to pin down, but my theory — yes, that is the theory part — is maybe because of one obvious fact: Henry isn’t like them at all. Allison even says this is why she and Tom can’t really trust them, and Twisted Alice confirms he’s “so interesting... so different...”. Compare this to the way Allison talks to Audrey in the BATDR trailers (this and this). She’s a lot more open, honest, more like a mentor and willing to tell her a lot more than she would to Henry, possibly because she resembles that of a lost one (why Henry’s avatar is completely invisible when hacking and what is a subject to debate for another time).

Allison knows Henry is different and may be manipulating Henry because she wants to turn off the machine. Tom too. Why do you think she calls him “the hope [she’s] been waiting for” and tells him that he “[can] set [them] free”. But, here’s the catch: this doesn’t make them bad. There’s been a number of theories that they’re bad people, but this manipulation only shows they have good intentions; if anything, they’re more of the most basic, generic definition of antihero.

And this makes even more sense when the conversation between Buddy Lewek, Allison Pendle, and Thomas Connor is reviewed in Chapter. It’s a lot of dialogue, and I’m not going to copy and paste the entire thing, but the most important anecdotes is that they hint to have more knowledge of the machine and its functions than the average employee. They also imply two things: they seem to be aware of Susie’s fate (most likely what happened after Joey gave her an offer hinted in audio logs in Chapter 4 and 5) and that they can’t stop Joey at all. It’s hinted by Allison that she and Tom both needed the job, and that they committed to his decisions because of the pay. Tom mentions how Joey treated him well, and Joey claims from a memo to clipped in the Joey Drew Studios Employee Handbook that he’s fascinated by Allison and her personality.

So... yeah. That’s it. Feel free to comment.

(One-finale note: The idea/credit of Allison and Tom being born out of the bigger ink machine and the manipulation aspect all goes to thedreamfisher. Do not give me credit for this idea)

#BATIM #bendy theory #allison angel #tom #thomas connor

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syms-things-5 · 3 years

Text

CLEAR THE AREA - Chapter Twenty

Previous Chapter here

Warnings: language and the usual angst

Summary: I made it! My first story at an end. Thanks for stopping by and sticking by me over the last few months. I'm strangely quite proud of myself for sticking with this even when I had zero idea of how things were going to go. I have plans for a sequel of sorts and I hope you come back for that (when I get my ass in gear to write it!).

Tags: Thanks to @kelbabyblue @jennmurawski13

Chapter Twenty

The hot shower was a welcome relief when she finally stepped inside. It had been a hell of a long day. Far longer than she could recall and she had battled plenty.

Sarah had been back at work for a week or so and trying her hardest to deflect questions. Audrey had, she realised, kind of figured most things out without having to awkwardly impose the third degree on her pal. She knew everyone in the family knew and while at first she was happy and possibly even a little excited by that knowledge, her enthusiasm soon turned to concern when Sarah informed her that Shanna had been ignoring all of her messages and calls ever since. None of Audrey’s queries beyond that were met with much more than a non-committal shrug. How could Sarah be expected to answer any of Audrey’s questions when she didn’t have any of the answers to her own?

“She’ll come around. She has to.” Audrey said, in her soothing tone that always seemed to work no matter what news she was giving. “She won’t want to lose you. You’ve been friends for years.”

A few people had said variations of the same thing to her lately. That Shanna will come around, that she was just shocked but she’ll eventually understand, and that things will get better. Carly said Shanna had a wicked stubborn streak in her that even she struggled with at times but she also knew she loved Sarah very, very much. It was just a tough time but she’ll learn to understand. It would absolutely be OK, she would bet money on it Sarah wasn’t so sure.

She already knew Shanna was as stubborn as they come - she’d lived with her long enough - so when exactly was she expected to “learn how to understand”? More importantly, why did she even have to? They had been best friends for years but Sarah had betrayed her trust and flat-out lied to her face. Multiple times. “White lies” Scott called them, shrugging them off as though they were a big pile of nothing and just something people do when they need to get out of awkward situations. Sarah wasn’t sure sleeping with her best friend’s brother counted as an “awkward situation” or something that could be casually brushed aside with a sweep of the hand but nevertheless, she appreciated his efforts.

These were the conversations that kept circling around her mind as she stood under the shower head. Normally, she wasn’t one for wasting water but she allowed herself to enjoy it a little more this time. The soapy lather and fragrances of lavender and sandalwood surrounded her senses and was very soothing to her brain.

She barely noticed the fog steaming up the bathroom and focussed on the feel of the hot water cascading over her tired, worn-out body instead. If she died right here, right now, they could say she was probably the most relaxed she had been in months.

“Shall we pick you up from the airport? It’s no trouble.” Jocelyn fussed on the end of the line. There was a loud scraping sound somewhere in the near-background so Sarah figured she was back on the DIY again. That, or she had given the pottery classes another go. Recollections of Shanna laughing herself silly at Jocelyn “doing pot” flooded back into her memory all of a sudden and only served to leave her feeling sad in the pit of her stomach.

“No, Mom, it’s fine. It’ll be late. I’ll just get a cab.” Sarah calmly affirmed, one hand holding the phone to her ear and the other shoving yet more clothes into her suitcase. She’d given up on folding like an adult. “The flight could be delayed so I don’t want you hanging around the airport any longer than necessary.”

“But you’ll have bags, Sarah. Heavy bags and that’s no good. You don’t want to give yourself an injury.”

“Mom, I have one suitcase. Don’t be so over-dramatic.” She eye-rolled.

That was the…fourth lie? Perhaps the fifth since this conversation had started? Who knew. Sarah glanced down at the suitcase on her bed currently lying next to a smaller, overnight suitcase. There was also a backpack and a laptop bag sitting ready by her bedroom door. It was just easier this way. If she had to explain her real intentions, she would never finish packing and her parents would be on the red-eye to Boston.

“OK, well, keep us posted when you leave and when you land and I suppose we can go from there.” Jocelyn sighed. Whatever she had been doing had now stopped and Sarah could imagine the look of concern on her face. She was momentarily consoled by the fact that her Dad would at least see things from her point of view and hopefully Jocelyn would learn to just drop it.

Sarah hung up the phone and went back into the bathroom to finish drying her hair currently wrapped up in a towel. Shanna had shown her a trick with a towel and an old cotton t-shirt some years earlier after she had eventually agreed to stop cutting her hair. “It’s so beautiful and curly but, like, it’s a nice curl? A gentle curl. Honestly, girls would pay so much money every day to have waves like yours.” enthused Shanna at the time. It was a sweet thing to say. Jocelyn had said much the same thing as she was growing up but Sarah always preferred shorter cuts because she couldn’t be bothered to spend time styling it every day. And it would always take time. Too much time.

Her longer hair felt so lifeless and dull by comparison, she thought, except when Audrey would blow-dry it during one of their all-too-rare girls’ afternoons and rub this coconut concoction into her roots so it smelled delicious for days afterwards. Or when Chris would gently comb his fingers through it when he thought she was asleep. She didn’t mind it so much then.

She finished the last brush-through and switched off the dryer, wrapping the cord around the handle ready for it to be packed. A dab of foundation under her eyes and she looked reasonably well-rested now; well enough so as not to draw attention to any stresses or worries. Jocelyn always had a knack for sussing them out and it was frustrating and unwelcome at the best of times. That she was usually right was beside the point.

She mentally ticked off a list of items she made a point of packing; some comfy sweatpants, a couple of books, her particular brand of coffee because her folks now apparently hated the stuff. She located her passport and boarding pass for the tenth time, making sure they were safely zipped in the side pocket of her backpack. She was pretty much done. If it wasn’t for the looming feeling of regret, she would call a cab to take her to the station right that minute.

Looking down at her phone, she decided to call Shanna one last time. It rang a few times before a groggy voice appeared on the end of the line.

“Hey….” Shanna offered, cold but not totally unhappy to hear her, Sarah thought. The last few times she had tried calling Shanna, it would ring for a lot longer. The shortness here was a small step in the right direction.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Sarah asked with some trepidation, trying not to sound overly familiar and casual. She was trying to follow Shanna’s lead with regards to friendly small talk.

“Better. Mom’s been making soup every day. Sick and tired of the stuff to be honest.” Shanna had come down with a small cold and had used it as an opportunity to stay in the relative ease and comfort of her mother’s house. Sarah would much rather have seen her in person before she left but speaking on the phone without one of them, or both of them, ending up in tears was also good.

“Well, at least you’re in the best place. Your Mom always makes me feel better when I’m unwell.” Sarah smiled down the line.

“I’m not unwell, Sarah.” she said, defensively. “It’s just a cold. I’m just tired.”

Sarah feared she’d overstepped the mark. “OK, well, still, it’s good that you’re there. ‘Cos…Lisa would just worry otherwise. Probably.” She was babbling now and she knew it but she couldn’t think of anything to say. Shanna had put up something of a wall between them now and while she was talking to her and not completing freezing her out, it felt different and not altogether pleasant.

“Yeh, that’s true.” Shanna responded after a brief pause. “But you’re a nurse so you would think I would be better in my own home.”

“Nah, I’d just be bringing back all kinds of infectious things.” Sarah joked and was relieved to hear a laugh on the end of the line, a laugh that very quickly turned into a harsh cough. But it had definitely started out as a laugh so she’d take that as a win, too.

“So, have you been really busy?” Shanna asked after she managed to clear her throat.

“Same old. We have a new intern and she’s pretty eager to get stuck in which is great. Audrey is impressed so that should tell you how amazing she is.” Sarah offered. It had in fact been busier than most days but now wasn’t the time to relay the usual information she wouldn’t normally think twice about offering to Shanna when she had asked.

“That’s cool.” Shanna coughed again and cleared her throat. “Have you been working all the time or, um, have you had much of a break?”

“Pretty much all the time, yeh. I did those double shifts I was meant to do last month so I’ve cleared my flexi-time now which is good. I’m back on track.”

“That’s cool.” Shanna said.

“Yeh and I built up some more which is good, too. It’ll come in handy at Christmas perhaps.” Sarah was trying to keep the conversation going as best as she could.

“Cool. Do you just come home and crash, then?”

“Most of the time, yeh.”

“You don’t go out anywhere or anything?”

“Um,” Sarah had a vague idea of what she was getting at. “I don’t really have time to do anything else. I wanted to get my hours back up to a healthy point. You know what O’Brien can be like.”

There was silence on the end of the line. Sarah could hear her shuffle about in what she assumed was her bed. Shanna coughed again, gentler this time, and sighed as she tried to think of what to come back with. She knew she was probably being a little obvious now.

“Well,” Shanna started. “I hope you’re getting through it all OK. Y’know, the work and stuff. I hope you’re doing alright.”

“Thanks. Yeh I’m…I’m alright.” Sarah replied, touched by the slight concern she could hear her speak. “I hope you feel better soon, too. It’s not fun having a cold particularly at this time of the year.”

“I’m sure Mom has been crushing aspirin and vitamins into my food so I’ll be Wonder Woman before you know it.”

Sarah laughed. “Absolutely you will. I’ll, er, let you get back to resting. Are you up to much?”

“No, I’m just watching Netflix.”

“Ah right. That’s cool. Lots of new murder shows from what Audrey tells me.” Sarah nodded. She knew Shanna wasn’t about to launch into a description of what programme she had been binging the last few days so they both vocalised their goodbyes and hung up. It was the first call that had ended on a mutual note and not Shanna making a lame excuse to cut off Sarah’s equally lame attempts at small talk. Again, Sarah took it as a positive.

Sarah looked down at her phone, a photo of them both in their graduation gowns on her home screen. She hadn’t changed it since she’d gotten the upgrade a year earlier and she had no intention of doing so now. It was a nice day, a nice memory. The hangover she suffered for days afterwards was more than worth it.

She was unsure why Shanna had felt the need to ask her what she’d been up to. She had seemed very specific, more so than about anything else they talked about lately. Naturally, Shanna knew Sarah well enough now to know she relied on work whenever she was dealing with something upsetting and difficult so surely it would have been obvious that she had had zero contact with Chris. He probably would have said as much to her in person. Or he would have talked with Scott or Lisa, and Shanna would have eventually found out by default.

The more she thought about it, the more anxious she felt. Knowing how she and Chris had left things, it was almost entirely likely that he hadn’t spoken to Shanna too much. Perhaps he had holed himself up in his apartment like he did following a tiring shoot, trying to sleep and rest and eat whatever carbs he could get his hands on. Maybe the opposite and he’d thrown himself into some training again. Maybe he’d gone back to Los Angeles for work, that he’d finally given in to Matt’s nudges and agreed to accept one of the many lucrative endorsement deals brands would throw his way every so often. Maybe he had been entertaining himself with the boys. Or with someone else. Someone…

No. This had been Sarah’s fault. There was no point trying to find justification for his absence. She had created a rift between a brother and sister where one should not have existed. He should have talked to Shanna but from Shanna’s probing and what little information she could gleam from Scott, evidently that didn’t appear to have taken place. She briefly considered googling his name to see if any news outlets had a scoop before deciding against it. She almost made it to her kitchen before giving in and bringing up a search on her phone. No. Nothing. He’d gone radio-silent as per usual. As she suspected. Normally, it was quite impressive of him to go under the radar with such precision but now it was just inconsiderate. How dare he not make his whereabouts publicly known so Sarah could come up with a half-convenient lie as to why he and Shanna hadn’t seen each other. A comforting lie that could make herself feel better about the mess.

It would have made her feel so much better to know they were getting along again. Selfishly, it would have made it easier for her to leave knowing that they were finding their own way of getting back on track with one another. Sarah could imagine Lisa fretting to Scott and Carly at night, wondering how she could help her two most stubborn children become pals again. Sarah would rather she had been forgotten completely in favour of them piecing their relationship back together, for everyone’s sake. If there was one thing Sarah hated more than drama, it was knowing she was the root cause of the drama. Separating herself from the family now would be preferable than being made increasingly aware of the glaring hole setting up home in their house. A meteoric hole that she had been responsible for. A hole inside a family unit that had gotten through a lot in their forty-plus years together. A wonderful, loving, generous family that had taken Sarah in without question and had accepted her as one of their own just because Shanna had once said she was “pretty cool”.

No, Shanna did not deserve to be frozen out by her brother. Chris didn’t deserve to feel like he couldn’t speak to his baby sister.

Another day passed and Sarah didn’t feel much better. She did, however, feel momentarily relieved by Audrey’s personal admission that she had googled Chris a couple of times as well. Another sip of steaming hot coffee and she further admitted to having set him up on her Google Alerts “just in case”.

“For safety. I’m just looking out for you.” Audrey declared before smirking at her across the table. “I didn’t want you waking up one morning to photos of him draped over some starlet or whoever. And don’t think for one second that I will not come for anyone who dares to speak ill of you online. You are beautiful and kind and funny and sweet and absolutely good enough for him. I swear to God and he can quote me on this. Think of me as your own personal hype-woman.”

“Wow. Thank you. That’s a lot to take in but it’s very kind.” Sarah laughed nervously. “I think.”

“All I ask in return is dibs on designer dresses for the wedding.” Audrey winked at her as she left the staffroom. She didn’t catch neither the eye roll nor the middle finger Sarah proffered in return.

A few moments of quiet passed and Sarah pulled up Scott’s number on her phone.

Sarah 10.45am: Is Shanna feeling any better?

Scott 10.52am: So so. She’s terrible at being an ill person. I don’t know how you manage it xx

Sarah texted a laughing emoji back in response followed by a couple of red hearts. She’d give anything to “manage” an ill Shanna right now.

Scott 11.04am: But how are you??? We miss you Xx

Sarah could feel the tears forming at the back of her eyes. It had been a couple of days since she had last cried but as her departure flight loomed ever closer she was feeling it more and more.

Scott 11.08am: Seriously………

Scott 11.09am: Please come see us soon. Mom is super worried about you and threatening to bring you her tiramisu

Scott 11.11am: don’t worry, I stopped her xx

She bit the inside of her lip a little too hard.

Scott 11.13am: but you owe me one. I had to eat half that thing xx

Chris loved tiramisu, she remembered. Maybe he was responsible for eating the other half.

It was no good. She was going to have to call him soon. Against the promise she’d made to herself about not thinking about him, it only served to keep her worrying about him more and more.

Sarah 11.20am: I know, I’m sorry. Tell her I’ll call her soon, I pormise xx

Sarah 11.21am: *promise

Scott 11.24am: not sure that’ll do much honeybun. You know what she’s like. Love you xx

She texted him a kiss emoji and felt relieved that he didn’t respond again. She pulled up Chris’ number and contemplated sending him a message. How would she even start? A simple “hey” was not going to cut it at this point, nor was a “how are you?”. Time was running out and as Ryan peered his head round the door to check on her, she shoved her phone back in her locker and left to finish off her day.

Sarah 15.58pm: Are you still alive?

She stayed staring at her phone for what felt like an eternity. Just before she resigned in disgust at her pitiful attempt at casual humour, she saw the tell-tale three dots appear at the bottom of her screen. They flickered for some time before stopping then starting again. She wasn’t sure if it was because he was composing some irate response at her pathetic joke or if he was deleting a message in favour of ignoring her altogether. She wasn’t sure which option she would prefer had she had the choice.

No response came through. She pulled a cup from the cupboard and set about making a small pot of coffee for herself. She still had a little time yet before she was due to leave for the airport and she had made plans to clean the place up a little before Shanna returned home, presumably a day or so later when she figured Sarah was safely out of the picture.

She picked up some daffodils and daisies on the way home from the hospital and separated the bunches between the living room, the kitchen and the hallway. She had visited two different grocery stores to find Shanna’s favourite flavour of ice cream and the fridge was stocked with some healthy veggies and yoghurt so she could make her breakfast smoothies in the morning. She also set about steam-mopping the hard floors so the clean, floral smell could spread through the entire apartment. It was a nice welcome home, she thought. She would appreciate it if someone had done the same for her.

Her phone started vibrating in the back pocket of her jeans as she folded the bedding that was fresh out of the dryer. She wasn’t altogether able to name the feeling she experienced at seeing Chris’ name flash on her screen alongside a photo of him smiling like the goof he was. A beautiful, sweet picture taken from Shanna’s birthday party three years previous. There was a time recently when she’d let it ring a little longer than was necessary just to allow herself the chance to stare at it for a few seconds more. But now was not one of those times.

“I genuinely didn’t think you were gonna answer me.” He said, his voice displaying the disbelief he was feeling.

“You would have kept ringing me otherwise.” It wasn’t an accusation as such, and he knew it.

“Yeh, probably. But I would have tried not to.” He said, matter-of-factly. “I’m not great with sussing women out but I figured you didn’t want to talk to me that much.”

She felt sad to hear him say it out loud even though it was true to an extent. He seemed submissive in some way. “Really?” She asked, more beseeching than she had intended.

He paused and she could hear him sigh. “Yeh, I would have. It would have been tough but I’ve thought about it a lot recently and I do have a little pride left, believe it or not.” She heard him straighten up and realised he’d been either lying on his couch or on his bed. “But you messaged me first. I’m kinda surprised to be honest.”

He wouldn’t be as surprised or impressed if she said it was just to check he hadn’t died in his sleep. She decided to keep that little tid-bit to herself.

“You’ve been quiet lately.” She said. “I mean, I thought...I don’t…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I don’t actually know what I meant to be honest. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t haven’t contacted you out of the blue like this.”

“It’s fine. I’m glad you did.” Chris was feeling generous and decided to help her put out the fire. He knew she was panicking a little and no matter what else he was thinking right now, hearing her sound apprehensive wasn’t going to make him feel any better.

“I just wondered how you were doing, I suppose. I’ve been talking to Shan a little bit. Not a lot, not like we’re back to normal or anything but I wanted to check you were OK as well.” She tugged at the end of her sweater sleeve currently stretched between her fingers. “I haven’t really asked you that.”

He thought for a second. How was he feeling? He wasn’t sure he could give her an answer. He didn’t really know and he couldn’t make it sound half-positive even if he did. He had thrown himself into his work a lot more, much to the joy of Matt and some producers who had been trying to get his attention. When he wasn’t working out, he was reading scripts and when he wasn’t reading scripts, he was watching his diet. He had been very quiet on social media to an extent that someone in his PR team had taken to posting a couple of things on his behalf. Just two or three charity posts and something NASA-related to let his fans know he hadn’t completely disappeared. The team had notified him earlier that day that a cute dog video they had posted just 24 hours previous had gone viral and he had received more marriage proposals than usual as a result.

By now, he had learned how to fend off his mother and his brother. To be fair, it wasn’t all that hard to do with Scott. Scott had been understanding enough recently and he had the benefit of knowing when to shut up and let Chris go at his own pace. Pushing him was only going to have the opposite effect. More than once, he found himself wondering if Scott had spoken to Sarah. When he tried to hint around the situation to see if that had in fact been true, Scott had shut him down just as quickly. He didn’t mind that all too much. He appreciated Scott’s discretion and no doubt Sarah needed him just as much as he did.

“I’m alright, Bernette.” He said. “You know, fine.”

“Fine?”

“Yeh. Just fine. Nothing more.” He said. He didn’t much care about sugar-coating things but maybe that was out of a little tiredness and boredom. They were way past protecting each other from the other person’s feelings at this point.

“Anyway,” he shook his head. “What about you? How’s things with O’Brien?”

“Oh y’know. Yeh, fine, I guess.” She replied. “How did you know there was any issue with O’Brien?”

“You gotta love that Audrey.” He chuckled.

O’Brien had come under fire last week for yelling at a couple of interns and one of them, unbeknown to anyone else, happened to be the niece of a local congressman. Rumours were circling but Sarah and in fact most of her team had no time to pay attention to anything going on above their heads. That’s the thing with medical emergencies, you see: they never stop just because somebody’s job is on the line.

“Right.” She said. “What else has she said?”

“Nothing much.” He said. “She said you were worried about me.” There was a smugness that she decided to gloss over. Why was Sarah so surprised they had been talking about her behind her back? Why was she surprised that they had each other’s phone numbers?

“And you didn’t think to get in touch?”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”

Sarah chewed her bottom lip. If he could only see her now. He’d get a kick out of it for sure.

“Alright. Fair enough.” She sighed. “You’re OK. Good to know. I’ll let you get on with whatever you’re up to.”

“Is that it? That’s all you wanted to say to me?”

“Apparently Audrey has been filling you in.”

“Oh fucking-” He stopped himself. “You cannot be mad about this, surely. Listen, all she said was that you weren’t sure if I was OK because you thought I hadn’t been in touch with the guys. That’s all. She was doing the very thing you should have done yourself.”

She paused and swallowed. “Right.”

“Come on, Sarah. She thought she was helping. She’s just being a good friend.” He pinched the skin on his forehead between his thumb and forefinger. “And it was like yesterday or whenever. It’s not like we’ve been in touch constantly and talking about you all the time. She hasn’t said anything about how much you’re in love with me or how you can’t sleep for thinking about me.”

“What?!”

“It was a joke.” He deadpanned.

“Oh.” She said.

His heart sank – it wasn’t that much of a joke, he had hoped. He slid his hand down his face in frustration, pinching his nose slightly before leaning back on his sofa and staring up at the ceiling. He held his phone tightly to his ear and waited for her to speak.

“It’s OK.” She finally spoke. “I get it. I shouldn’t have been so distant these past few days. I’m sorry, Chris.”

He certainly wasn’t expecting that apology but he could roll with it. “This isn’t all on you, Sarah. I could have been in touch more, too. With everybody, I guess. I had a couple of meetings I had to prepare for so I think I just took that as an excuse not to be more present.”

“Anything fun?” She asked, taking the opportunity to change the subject.

“Kind of. Nothing massive. It’s an ensemble piece that a director wanted to talk to me about. It actually sounds pretty cool.” He scratched the side of his beard in contemplation. “It’s your cup of tea for sure. You like those murder-mystery-type films, right?”

“Oh yeh! Like Agatha Christie and Poirot? Love them.”

“I thought so. It’s a great script and I get some funny lines for a change. It’s something a little different and Matt keeps telling me that I need to think outside of the Marvel box, so…we’ll see how it goes.” He could feel himself growing a little more enthusiastic at the prospect of doing the movie. He should probably call Matt and tell him the same thing. He sounded like he was having a rough day so a contrite and grateful actor would cheer him up no end.

“Anyway, that’s about it. I’m kinda bored to be honest. Have you eaten yet today?”

She had all but emptied the fridge last night to remove anything that might go off in the next couple of days. Now it was filled with some of Shanna’s favourite things and there wasn’t anything in it that really appealed to her at this moment in time. She hadn’t thought much about food all day to tell the truth. She figured she’d grab a bagel while waiting for her flight.

“Um, no.” She said. “But I’m not that hungry either.”

“You don’t want waffles? With white chocolate? Raspberries?”

She did want that now he mentioned it. “No, I’m good.”

“That’s a lie.”

“It is not a lie.” Even she knew she wasn’t being convincing.

“Everybody wants waffles.” He implored. “It’s God’s way of saying he wants you to be happy. Come on, it’s my treat.”

“I just think…we probably shouldn’t see each other for a while.” She looked down the hall at the packed bags currently leaning against her bedroom door.

“It’s waffles, Sarah. I think I can control myself.”

“Um…”

“That’s good enough for me. See you in twenty.”

He hung up before she could respond. With no opportunity to persuade him otherwise, she stayed put in her kitchen, waiting for waffles.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” She smiled at him openly and saw his shoulders relax. Without prompting, he walked in past her and placed the take-out boxes on the counter. They were the size of pizza boxes and she felt her tummy rumble in anticipation.

“So, I’ve been thinking.” He started as he turned to face her again.

“In the few minutes since we last talked?” She spoke in jest.

“Hush, Bernette.” He eye-rolled. “I’ll have you know, I’ve been thinking very seriously these past few days and I know it’s tough right now but just hear me out, OK? Because I think I know a way to make things a little easier. Maybe if you get some time off from work, get some time away from everything, from Boston perhaps, it could actually make things a little better for the both of us. For everyone. I’ve been trying to think about things in a different way and not in my usual blinkered view or whatever the fuck Scott says I have, and I honestly think I’m seeing things a little clearer now, and…”

He glanced away from her face for only a split second but it was enough for him to visibly shrink a little in his stance before her eyes. Sarah followed his eyeline to the bags currently resting down the hall. The angle of the suitcase was hiding the other bags behind it but if he shifted a mere foot forward, he could possibly get the full picture.

Turning back to look at her, he furrowed his brow in confusion. “What’s going on?”

Sarah visibly swallowed and he knew the answer before she even opened her mouth. He became all too aware of her hands and arms hanging limply at her sides.

“I’m going to see my parents for a few days.”

“A few days? That’s a lot for a few days, Sarah. You normally travel light.”

“I just packed for a little longer ‘cos I wasn’t sure what I was going to-”

Chris didn’t give her time to bend the truth. He turned and walked back into the kitchen. She watched him move to the window before looking down at his feet and shaking his head in frustration. He rubbed a hand solidly over his beard. “You’re leaving.”

“Well, yeh, I’m going to see my parents and the two usually go hand in hand.”

“Oh, fuck off, Sarah.” He spat. “Don’t get smart with me. You’re doing a runner. This looks like a fucking cop-out.”

“No, you’re wrong. It’s not a cop-out and I don’t appreciate that tone either. If I was doing a runner, do you think I would do it in broad daylight and tell everyone what I was doing? I literally just told you where I was going.” She retorted.

She grabbed the last bottle of water from the fridge. She wasn’t particularly thirsty at that moment in time but she knew that he would eventually want it and she didn’t much feel like being accommodating right now especially not to a man who was calling her out in her own home. That he was entirely accurate in his assumptions was, well, irrelevant.

“How long are you really going for?” He asked as he watched her disappear from view and back down the hall to her bedroom.

“I just told you. A few days, maybe a week or so, and then I’ll figure it out from there.”

“Figure what out?”

“Just…” She turned back to face him, waving her hand vaguely in front of her in the vain hope he would suddenly understand everything she was trying to say. Either he did and didn’t want to give her an easy “out” or, most likely, he had zero clue because neither did she. Giving up, her shoulders slumped from their squared-off position just seconds ago when she was trying to give the impression of strength. “It’s just a lot, all of this, and I need some time out.”

He took another couple of small steps towards her before stopping by her bags. Looking down, he could see her intentions as clear as day now but as he looked back into her eyes, he could see her exhaustion ever clearer. They should be on the same side. He shouldn’t be picking on her this way.

“You just said I could do with a break, right?” She shrugged. “So, this is what I’m doing. You should be pleased. You could even say I’m taking your advice if you wanted to.”

“Yeh, but I actually meant taking a break together.” He conceded. “I came here to say I thought we could go to L.A. for a little while. I need to check on a couple of work things and I thought you could come with me. Nothing funny, I promise. Some proper sunshine might be cool, right?”

Sarah was struck by the kind gesture and the glint of hope now showing in his eyes. Despite what they had both said, he clearly hadn’t lost the small possibility that maybe they could try and forge something out of the ruins and, under different circumstances, she might have been tempted.

“Thanks for thinking of me.” She offered, merely giving him a small smile. It didn’t seem like there was much else to say. The bags were packed and now that he could take in his surroundings, it felt a little emptier somehow and like it had all been wiped clean. Except he didn’t feel so clean. He could feel her on him, on his skin and in his head, and he doubted he could remove her as easily as she was clearly hoping she could remove him.

“Do you think you’ll let us know when you come back?” he asked.

She looked passed him and down the hall, focussing on nothing in particular. “Yes, of course I’ll let you guys know. I’m not going forever.”

She tried her best to convince him but she knew it wasn’t going to do much.

“I know that,” he sighed. “but it’ll be weird not seeing you every day. It’ll be sad. I’ll be sad about it.”

He let out a deep breath and shuffled his feet awkwardly as he tried to think of something to say that might drag things out a little more, that might cause her to rethink her plans. It was one of the more frustrating things about her, that she could keep a secret so well. He briefly wondered if he could think of some more frustrating things about her that might help him cope with the current situation but no. Who was he kidding?

“I like this apartment.” He finally offered. “Some good memories.”

“You know that Shanna will still be here, right?” She chuckled.

“But you won’t be.” He said. “And between you and me? You’re kind of my favourite.”

“I won’t tell Scott you just said that.”

“He knows already. I wouldn’t worry about it.” He said. “Hey, do you think I could come and visit you?”

“Um-”

“-Just think about it. You don’t need to answer right now. It’s been ages since I’ve been to Maine and I hear they have amazing seafood.”

Sarah laughed again and regarded him like the small puppy he so obviously was. A small puppy that she realised she had been kicking ever-so-slowly over the past few weeks and it made her feel like shit. As much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, she knew she was running away and she knew she was a coward.

“I am sorry, Chris. For everything. I can’t really explain it in a way that means anything right now but I just wanted to say it clearly one more time to you in case I hadn’t really said it before.”

Chris held his hand up to stop her from saying anything more. He didn’t need an apology from her. Hearing her apologise only made him feel worse. Of the multiple times she had been caught under his gaze, nothing was quite like the way he was looking at her now.

“Sarah,” he started. “I need you to know that whatever it is you want from me, I’ll never say no.”

“Chris, I-”

“-Honestly, that’s….that’s the only thing I really wanted to say.” He held his hand up again to stop her if she was thinking of interrupting him again. “I’m gonna go and I hope you have a safe trip, OK? Enjoy your waffle. Maybe send me a text or something, let me know you made it there in one piece. If you want to. Maybe we’ll see each other again sooner rather than later.”

She saw his eyes glance behind her and into her bedroom. He turned and glanced once more into the bathroom like he was taking a mental picture of the place which seemed crazy to her until she remembered that he wasn’t strictly talking to Shanna and it was unlikely he’d be back here anytime soon. God, she hoped they’d fix things. She needed to at least believe her leaving would make things a little better for them. Otherwise, what would be the point?

They didn’t say goodbye in the typical sense or any kind of sense, really. She was almost relieved to watch him walk away quietly without looking back and equally as relieved to have made it to the airport without much more fuss.

Like it was said, she was a coward.

Audrey had called her to wish her a safe journey and then spent fifteen minutes complaining about O’Brien and a patient who had taken to calling her “princess”. Sarah was glad of the distraction as she made her way through the airport towards the waiting lounge. It was pretty busy for the time of evening but she was glad to feel invisible once again as she moved through the heavy criss-crossing crowds of people, each with their own issues to deal with. Something about strength in numbers perhaps. A couple more hours and she’d be home again. A couple more hours and Jocelyn could stop texting her messages that made little sense.

Oh God.

Living with her mother again was going to try her patience. Maybe this was the price she had to bear? It wasn’t too late to change her mind, Audrey had said before pleading in a half-joking, half-serious manner that surely, she wasn’t going to leave her to handle the hospital by herself? It was almost like she was expecting never to see Sarah again. A few weeks. That was all it was going to be. Then she’d figure out what to do from there, with a break and some fresh Maine-air to clear the cobwebs. Chris was right about the seafood and the closer she got to her departure time, the more she started looking forward to it. She was sure she was making the right decision.

Chris 19.46pm: Don’t forget about us xx

She was sure she was making the right decision.

It was 100% the right decision.

Right?

#chris evans #chris evans fic #fanfiction #clear the area #sarah bernette #chris fic #chris evans x original female character #evans fic

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nitrateglow · 4 years

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My god-tier Audrey Hepburn movies

I just realized I’ve technically seen all of Audrey Hepburn’s movies-- or rather, all the movies in which she was given star billing.

So, because I’m bored, here’s a list of my top ten personal favorites of her films. The criteria is simple: 1) she had to have starred in it, so nothing from her pre-Roman Holiday career counts nor does 1989′s Always, and 2) this is based on my level of enjoyment of the movie in question.

1. Wait Until Dark

Wait Until Dark possesses many merits, but Hepburn is one of its key strengths. For me, the most interesting performances are the ones able to balance seemingly opposing elements of the character in question. Here, Hepburn balances vulnerability with inner strength, insecurity and terror with courage, angry frustration with budding confidence. She makes her character seem like such a real, vital presence, like someone you would know. Also, having someone as sweet as Hepburn as the target for the cruel mind games and brutal violence of the villains makes the horror all the more terrifying.

Beyond her performance, this movie feels like it was tailor-designed to appeal to me: an intelligent and formidable villain, the everyday setting juxtaposed with a menacing atmosphere, scary scenes that don’t rely on gore, eccentric criminals, dark humor, a tight script without an ounce of fat on it. But you’ve heard me go on, so I’ll leave it there.

2. Charade

Charade is a prime example of how to mix suspense and comedy. The mystery at the heart of the movie is very clever, with twists and turns every other moment, constantly keeping the audience on their toes. Best of all, the film holds up after repeat viewings because of the delicious chemistry between Hepburn and Cary Grant, and the witty screenplay, which has such an elegant and tight structure that I seethe with envy as a writer every time I revisit this glorious thriller.

As in Wait Until Dark, Hepburn is concerned for her life as she’s terrorized by criminals, only here, they’re mostly more humorous in nature, sometimes even lovable (except Scobie, he can just jump off a cliff). She mainly gets to exercise her comedic chops, throwing off quips, sarcastic lines, and screwball banter with wonderful finesse. It makes me sad she never made more films with Cary Grant-- the two have a spark that belies the large age gap between them.

3. Roman Holiday

The character-building, naturalistic performances, and humor make Roman Holiday one of the best examples of romantic comedy. The film has both a gentle touch and a grounded maturity that make it more than just a remix of the earlier and quite similar screwball comedy It Happened One Night. To get a bit literary and pretentious, it reminds me a bit of Romeo and Juliet-- not because of the romance, but in how the movie starts as a standard screwball comedy and ends on a lyrical, wistful note you might not have expected.

Even though this was her first lead role in a feature film, I think Hepburn’s performance as Ann remains one of her strongest. Ann feels regal and dignified while also possessing the naivete and restlessness of a teenager on the brink of adulthood. It’s as fabulous a star-establishing movie as anyone could want.

4. How to Steal a Million

How to Steal a Million is pure fun. Not a moment of this caper comedy is to be taken seriously (which makes it the perfect quarantine movie if you need something to de-stress with). I always regard this movie as Charade’s even frothier spiritual successor: both films are playful, stylish, funny, and packed with romantic banter, plot twists, and colorful 1960s fashions. The main difference is that in this one, there’s no mortal threat involved and the humor gets a little more risque though not crass.

Also, how nice is it for Hepburn to be paired with a leading man closer to her age? Peter O’Toole was only three years younger than Hepburn when this was filmed. The two of them have glorious, cute chemistry.

5. The Nun’s Story

I hate the question of “objective best” anything, but if you put a gun to my head, I would say The Nun’s Story is features Hepburn’s most impressive work as an actress. For those who accuse Hepburn of being too affected, of being a mere clothes’ horse, here she is bare-faced, dressed in a nun’s habit, and playing a very reserved character whose dilemmas are largely internal. She plays her character’s spiritual conflict with an understatement that could only be considered skillful.

The film itself will likely be seen as “too slow” by most and there are a few colonial elements towards the Congo section that date it, but the film’s strengths, both from Hepburn’s performance and the mature way it presents its individual versus the system story, give it classic status. Few movies regarding organized religion are this balanced and lacking in propaganda, either for or against it.

6. Breakfast at Tiffany’s

While still Hepburn’s most iconic role, Breakfast at Tiffany’s gets called “overrated” a lot these days and fans of the original Truman Capote novella routinely dog it for making heavy changes to the source material. There’s also the, you know, gross yellowface a la Mickey Rooney that deflates every scene in which he appears. However, is the move bad? NO. It juggles zany comedy, tender romance, and rather heavy drama too well for me to consign it to the “overrated” bin. Blake Edwards was a fine director and this movie is one of his best.

And Hepburn gives a damn good performance as Holly Golightly, even if she is not the character envisioned by Capote. This character could easily be unlikable if played the wrong way-- she’s a “phony,” rather pathetic, and self-loathing despite her wit and charm. But rather than coming off as an unbearable loser, Hepburn’s Holly is a realistic, relatable loser we all love in spite of her own delusions and lashing out. She might even hit too close to home (or maybe that’s just me).

7. Funny Face

Funny Face took a few viewings to grow on me. It was one of the first Hepburn movies I ever saw (that was back in high school) and I was initially excited because it was directed by Stanley Donen who co-directed Singin’ in the Rain with Gene Kelly, a long-time favorite of mine. I expected this movie to be just as sublime and was disappointed when it didn’t hit that high mark.

Rewatching it later, I now find it very charming. It’s incredibly upbeat and relaxing, the sort of old-school movie musical that doesn’t get made anymore. Hepburn’s singing is a bit rough in the bigger numbers, but she is very sweet, a damn good dancer, and quite attractive to the point where she just takes my breath away. Fred Astaire and Kay Thompson are also wonderful and get a lot of great moments that show off their talent.

8. My Fair Lady

When considering what would go on this list, I was honestly shocked to realize how much I like this movie. I’m in the camp that considers Hepburn miscast, I find George Cukor’s direction rather stiff, and I really don’t like how the ending is changed from the original play. In spite of all this, I still really enjoy this movie for the songs, costumes, and what remains of Shaw’s brilliant satire on class and gender relations. Those three hours go by and the movie never outstays its welcome.

While I think Hepburn wasn’t the number one best choice for the part (I don’t really buy her as a crass flower girl in the beginning), she isn’t a disaster by any means. She’s still charming and sympathetic, and once she makes her transformation, you have to wonder how Higgins held it together, she’s so gorgeous. And I love the relish with which she approaches the “Just you Wait” song or the way she delivers the “move your bloomin’ arse” line at the races.

9. Sabrina

I think producers figured because of the fairy tale appeal of Roman Holiday, Hepburn would be perfect for this modern take on Cinderella, set in 1950s New York. Just like in Roman Holiday, Hepburn gets to undergo dramatic character development and show her comedic skills. It’s a cute movie, with a very charming William Holden and gorgeous black-and-white cinematography. It’s also shockingly uncynical for a Billy Wilder project.

About the closest thing this movie has to a flaw is Humphrey Bogart as Linus, the guy who Sabrina chooses in the end. This is a role Cary Grant could have played in his sleep, but Bogart clearly is not enjoying himself in some scenes. However, he isn’t movie-breakingly bad by any means. His character is meant to be a hidden softie and far more dependable than his handsomer brother, so I can buy that Sabrina would warm to him in the end.

10. They All Laughed

People tend to argue what the last “worthwhile” Hepburn movie is. Most argue it’s 1976′s Robin and Marian, while I’ve seen some go as far back as How to Steal a Million in 1966. They All Laughed, a Peter Bogdonavich comedy from 1981, gets my vote. This is a love letter to screwball comedies much like Bogdonavich’s 1972 classic What’s Up Doc, only with a far more melancholy edge.

Hepburn does not become a major presence in the movie until nearly halfway through. However, she approaches her role with a mature dignity that makes me wish she’d done more work along this line towards the end of her career. Her character comes off as an older, sadder Princess Ann from Roman Holiday. This makes the movie sound morose, but it isn’t: it ends with life going on and the characters accepting that with grace.

#lists lists lists #charade #roman holiday #how to steal a million #the nun's story #breakfast at tiffany's #funny face #my fair lady #sabrina #they all laughed #audrey hepburn #thoughts #wait until dark #old hollywood #i'll probably make more lists like these with other actors i like #so expect a buster post guys

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carriagelamp · 4 years

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~ Queer Lit 30 Day Book Challenge ~

I decided to do this challenge I came across for June! Originally it was designed as a “day-by-day” thing, but my June was way too hectic to do a write up every single day… so I decided to make a nice compilation for the end of the month instead!

This is perhaps not the “purest” form of the challenge but I wanted it to be personal for me. Growing up when I did and where I did, I had very little exposure to queer books, especially age-appropriate queer books. That being said, there’s some books on this list that are really only “queer” by technically, or through a secondary character rather than the main character. I debated whether to include these but finally decided that, yes, I would. I owe it to myself. Even though some of these books that aren’t “as queer” as other, they were (or are) really important to me as a queer person and my journey is understanding that, so I wanted to acknowledge them!

More info about the books and the challenge under the cut!

Day One: First Queer Book You Remember Reading

Color by Taishi Zaou and Eiki Eiki

Remember how I mentioned a lack of available, age-appropriate queer books? I was one of those kids who was definitely exposed (probably too young) to queer manga/yaoi. It wasn’t necessarily what I wanted, especially as a wee ace teen, but it was the best I had at the time and it meant the world to me at the time, to see same-sex relationships even if looking back on them is very “YIKES”.

I’m sure I read others before this, but Color is one of the first that I really remember and which I a) actually owned and which b) wasn’t completely repellent in hindsight! I haven’t reread it in probably over a decade so I have no idea how it stands up, but at the time it read like a much more “realistic” account of two teenagers developing a crush and starting a relationship and as a questioning teenager it really helped me realize that this was a real, viable option.

Day Two: Queer Book That Reminds You Of Home

The Witch Boy by Molly Knox Ostertag

I hummed and hawed about this one for a long time because honestly I tend to read books that make me feel far from home. I decided to go with The Witch Boy though because it’s a story that challenges gender norms and stars a large family out in the woods, running wild and exploring magic, and honestly it gives me vibes that remind me of vacationing with my extended family. We’re also partially ginger and inclined to run wild in the woods. If we knew magic we’d have used it for sure.

This book is about 13 year old Aster, who lives in a family where the women all become witches and the men all become shifters. Aster, however, has no interest in shapeshifting and instead finds ways to study magic and learn the arts of witchcraft while constantly being pushed out by his female relatives… though everything might change when a new danger, that may or may not be connected to Aster studying magic, begins to appear.

Day Three: Queer Book That Has Been On Your TBR Too Long

Beneath The Citadel by Destiny Soria

That was an easy choice, this has been sitting on my bookshelf for months, staring at me accusingly every time I enter my room. I’m really excited to read it (Magical heist? Rebellion? With an asexual protagonist? Yes please) but for some reason I have not gotten around to it. Some day, baby, some day.

Day Four: Queer Book With A Name Or Number In The Title

George by Alex Gino

George is an absolutely charming middle grade novel about a child named George who the world perceives as male… but who knows she’s definitely a girl. The novel begins when her class decided to put on a play about the novel they had just read: Charlotte’s Web. George is desperate to play Charlotte, her favourite character, but isn’t even allowed to try out because it’s a “girl’s role”. George and her best friend struggle with how to handle this problem and manage George’s secret amid elementary school and home drama.

This book is really adorable – it was a nice, easy, cozy read for an adult, and would also make a great read aloud to elementary-age children if you want to introduce them to transgender characters.

Day Five: Queer Book Where The Protag Has A Fun Job

The Magic Misfits by Neil Patrick Harris

Not actually a queer protagnoist, but a queer side character who plays a major role in the series. Mister Vernon, one of Leila’s fathers, has arguable the coolest job: he’s a retired stage magician turn magic shop owner, which is complete with large rabbit, hidden room, and tons of fascinating gadgets to help a young practical magician learn their trade. He is hands down one of the neatest character in the series and is a major catalyst throughout the series.

The first book follows Carter, a runaway orphan who practices street magic to get by, as he runs away from his horrible uncle and winds up meeting a gang of magic-loving friends in a small town. Hiding from his uncle is only the beginning though, and the mysteries surrounding the town and Mister Vernon become thicker and thicker as the series goes on.

Day Six: Favourite Queer Graphic Novel

Check, Please! by Ngozi Ukazu

There’s lots of fantastic queer graphic novels out there, but I have to name Check, Please! as my favourite (and not just because I’m Canadian and am legally obligated to at least show interest in a hockey story). Check, Please! is the friggin cutest story about Eric “Bitty” Bittle, former figure skater and avid baker, who joins the Samwell University hockey team. The story is told in the form of Bitty’s vlog as he recounts the bizarre quirks of the Samwell hockey team, his struggle to overcome his fear of checking, and his growing crush on the team captain, Jack. Seriously guys, this is cavity-inducing sweetness and you can read it all online for free, here on tumblr @omgcheckplease or at its own website, checkpleasecomic.

Day Seven: Queer Book You Often Reread

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan

Another book I haven’t reread in years, but this was the first queer novel I ever read (and owned!) so I read it obsessively, first the copy from the high school library and then my own copy (which is, let us say, well-thumbed by this point). It was pure fluff, in an aggressively diverse, relentlessly accepting, rainbow-coloured high school and it was exactly what I wanted in high school, and it still makes me happy whenever I remember it. It’s a straight-up high school romance, pretty traditional to the genre, but it has the most delightful supporting cast you could ever ask for. Maybe I should reread it again this summer…

Day Eight: Queer Book With A Happy Ending

Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst

This was a bit more of a “yeah it was fine” book for me, but honestly… queer people deserve some average, run-of-the-mill YA fantasies. As far as my normal reading preferences go, run-of-the-mill YA fantasies are my bread and butter. And this one has a cute sapphic romance to go with it. It’s about Denna, a princess with a dangerous secret: she has a magical Affinity for fire, despite being betrothed to the prince of a kingdom that aggressively prosecutes and fears magic-users. So now Denna is in a strange land, trying to hide her increasingly volatile magic, solve an assassination that rocked the kingdom, and deal with the growing connection between her and the prince’s wild sister, Mare. It has court intrigue, a murder mystery, horses, and lots of confused sapphic pining so it’s totally worth picking up if you want a light summer fantasy adventure.

Day Nine: Queer Book With (Over) 100 Pages

River of Teeth by Sarah Gailey

I decided to try to get as close to 100 pages as possible! River of Teeth is a 114-page novella that I haven’t quite finished (work and covid stress happened) but which I am fucking losing my mind for. I can’t recommend it enough. It’s peak alternative history, about queer hippopotamus-riding cowboys in Louisiana during the early 20th (late 19th?) century. Like… I don’t know how to emphasize how unbelievably cool this book is. Genderqueer demolition expert with a giant crush and a penance for making things blow up and attempting to poison guests when they’re bored?? Check. Gay gunslinging hippo-riding cowboy with an angsty backstory (and also a giant crush)? Check. Sexy, fat, badass lady con artist with an albino hippo that she spoils? Check. Like damn guys. I’m not done the book and I’ve already bought the sequel because I know the second I pick it back up I’m not gonna stop until I’ve ploughed through it all. This book is the epitome of “refuge in audacity” and “rule of cool”. Is it over the fucking top? Absolutely but that’s the point.

Day Ten: Favourite Queer Genre Novel

The Red Scrolls of Magic by Cassandra Clare

I’ll be honest, I’m a little shaky on what counts as a genre novel (isn’t… everything… a genre??) so I decided to interpret it as “slightly trashy YA supernatural fantasy” because that sure is a hella specific genre I’m weak for.

I really thought I was done with the Shadowhunter novels, I thought they were a goofy series I left behind in teenagerhood that I could look back on with amused indulgence. And then I found out that there was a novel specifically about Alec and Magnus and! Oh no! Ding dong I was wrong. I fell back in hard because listen… I love them. They were one of the first canonical same-sex relationships I ever read about in an actual novel, they meant a lot to me then and still mean a lot to me now. I have nothing to say to defend myself here except that this book wrecked me and I can’t wait for the sequel.

Day Eleven: Queer Book You Love In A Genre You Don’t Read

Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me by Mariko Tamaki and Rosemary Valero-O’Connel

I am very rarely a slice-of-life / romance genre sort of person. I like my stories cut with a heavy dose of fantasy, scifi, action-adventure… something. So a graphic novel that’s not only a romance, but one about an unhealthy relationship and infidelity is like… super outside my usual range of reading material. But it was very much worth the read! The art was stunning, and the complicated emotions it tapped into really touched me. I’m very happy to have read it, and was so damn satisfied by the end.

Day Twelve: Queer Book With A Strong Sense Of Place

Belle Révolte by Linsey Miller

Linsey Miller is one author I very actively follow, I love her works and they always have very distinct, complicated worlds with unique societies and magic systems. Belle Révolte was her latest book and followed a prince-and-the-pauper type of story, in which wealthy Emilie des Marais is determined to learn noonday (magical) arts in order to become a physician, someone who can actually work to make her home a better place… but this is not something a proper lady would ever be allowed to do. So she flees her finishing school and meets poor, but magically gifted, Annette Boucher and offers her the chance to switch places. Annette goes back to school as “Emilie” and gets to hone her skills at the midnight arts while Emilie will use her name to sneak into medical school and fight her way up the ranks to physician. This is a challenging enough task, with rebellion roiling just beneath the surface and the country about to slip into a arrogant war that threatens the lives of hundreds…

Day Thirteen: Queer Book That Really Made You Think

Our Dreams At Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani

This is a four book manga series that is completely breath-taking. It’s touched by magical-realism and completely drowned in visually stunning metaphors and symbolism. Seriously, I’ve reread these books multiples times trying to digest how the wide variety of symbols overlap and contradict and compliment and challenge each other. I still haven’t really gotten a solid handle on it, it’s very fluid, so yeah… definitely makes me think.

The story starts with Tasuku Kaname who believes he may have just been outed as gay by a high school friend, and feels like he’s watching his entire world crumble around him. He is seriously considering taking his own life, when he runs into the mysterious woman “Someone-san” and winds up leading him to a drop-in center that’s run by a local non-profit, and is also a hub for a number of queer people in the community. The books follow Tasuku as he grows, learns, makes mistakes, and confronts his feelings, along with a number of other members at the drop-in center. It is completely beautiful, optimistic, but also quite stark and harsh at its look at homophobia and transphobia in modern Japanese society and how it can effect people in different ways. I just bought book four and can’t wait to read it and see how everything ends.

Day Fourteen: Queer Book That Made You Cry

The Marrow Thieves by Cherie Dimaline

Holy shit guys. Listen. Listen. If you don’t read any other book on this list, please consider reading The Marrow Thieves. It is hands down the best book I’ve read so far this year. Another book that doesn’t have a queer character as the protag, but as one of the main supporting characters and listen, his story fucking destroyed me as a person. That romance just… aaaaaaah. AAAAAAAAH.

Anyway. The Marrow Thieves is a Canadian dystopian novel. It takes place in a post-climate change world in which society has been ravaged – partially due to the wildly different and extreme weather patterns, but also through a strange disease that has spread through the population that has left people completely incapable of dreaming. Now unable to rest, process their lives, and dream of a future, people are being driven insane and only one group appears to be immune: North America’s First Nations people appear to be unaffected. And so they begin to be harvested, rounded up and collected in “school” in order for people to suck the marrow out of them to give to white people afflicted by this disease. The Marrow Thieves follows a First Nations boy named Frenchie as he flees the recruiters and tries his best to survive in this post-apocalyptic like wilderness, banding together with other First Nations people who are heading north, where they hope to find communities of their own people with whom they can shelter and start to rebuild their lives.

It’s a YA level novel, not very long, and such an insanely good read. I cannot emphasize enough PLEASE GO READ THIS BOOK.

Day Fifteen: Queer Book That Made You LOL

Mostly Void, Partially Stars by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor

Welcome to Nightvale always makes me laugh and it was a lot of fun to get to read the transcripts of the episodes. I’m a sucker for novelizations/transcripts of shows. It was a nice nostalgia trip and gave me an excuse to go back and relisten to some of my favourite episodes too! If you’ve never gotten into Nightvale… hey, it’s a classic! Podcast is fucking stunning if you’re into podcasts, and if you’re not but would enjoy a weird, queer, eldritch horror comedy then try the book! It’s the first “season” compiled in text form, exactly how it’s heard in the show.

Day Sixteen: Queer Book That Is Really Personal To You

Jughead volume 1 by Chip Zdarsky et al

Including this one because gee golly it sure did make me want to fight a lot of people for quite a while. It was one of the first stories I ever found/read that had an explicitly asexual main character… (and a character I already really loved! Which I now got to feel an even stronger connection to! It was so fun and validating!) so it was super awesome how like half of tumblr decided for a year there that this was apparently a cardinal sin. Imagine… one single version of old, long standing comic series deciding to retcon a character to represent a heavily under-represented community… imagine being so fucking angry about that that you decide to start a hate campaign on the internet. So much fun to live through that as an ace person. Anyway, these comics were nothing amazing but I sure do love them aggressively out of pure spite, even now that the aphobia on tumblr has died back down I will hold this to my chest and adore it.

Day Seventeen: Favourite Queer Book Sequel or Spin Off

The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee

Honestly do I even need to say anything here? Is there any queer person who hasn’t read Mackenzi Lee’s The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue series? If you are someone who hasn’t read it yet… go do that?? Absolutely stunning, one of my all-time favourite book series. It’s the perfect combination of hilarious and goofy, intense action, heartfelt character development, and a dash of “wait was that supernatural or??” This sequel was fantastic, this time focusing on Felicity, Monty’s sister, and her quest to become a physician despite being a woman in the 18th century. Awesome look at femininity, feminism, asexuality, and race. (Also… OT3? OT3.)

Day Eighteen: Favourite Queer Book By A Favourite Author

Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett

One of those “ehh is this technically queer? Not really but close enough, it is in my heart” books. It was one of the books I read as a teenager when I was still beginning to seek out and try to explore queer lit in so much as I could.

Terry Pratchett is, hands down, my favourite author, and though he doesn’t tend to write explicitly queer literature, his exploration of gender through allegory is top fucking tier. Everything to do with the dwarves in his series is fascinating, and a really great challenge/critique/exploration of gender, and this is the book that takes it to the next level (and brings in at least implicitly queer characters). It’s about Polly Perks, who lives in a small, war torn nation, choosing to join the army in order to find out what happened to her brother. However, as tradition dictates, she can’t join as a girl… so she disguises herself as Ozzer, a young man. There’s a lot of twists and turns, and as always Pratchett delivers fantastic humour and just absolutely delicious satire.

Day Nineteen: Queer Book That Changed Your Life

And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson

This was the book that made me realize that I, as a queer teacher, could have queer kid lit in my future classroom. Maybe a comparatively small revelation, but a really important one to me. It made me realize that this didn’t need to be something I kept a secret in my professional life and which could really positively influence children, especially queer children. It was the first queer children’s book I ever bought.

Day Twenty: Favourite Queer Book Series

Candy Color Paradox by Isaku Natsume

Alright… I’ll admit it, this isn’t actually my favourite series, but I’ve used my favourites in other spots. And this is a good one! Definitely more of an actual “yaoi” than the other manga I’ve included (here there be sex) but it has a very different vibe that what I’m used to from that type of manga. The main pair are actually both capable, mature adults, with careers they actively care about, and who get together in the first volume!

The rest of the series is less about them angst-ily toeing around their relationship, and much more about them learning to grow as a couple and balance their work and relationship and society. It’s funny and sweet, and I really enjoy these two losers. It’s a very low-stakes enemy-to-friends-to-lovers story, in which Onoe (a reporter) and Kaburagi (a photographer) are paired up on a news story they’re supposed to dig into together. What starts as a bickering rivalry gradually becomes respect, friendship, and love~ Onoe is a gremlin of a protag, so he’s a treat to follow.

Day Twenty-One: Queer Book That You Recommend A Lot

Mask of Shadows by Linsey Miller

To repeat myself: Linsey Miller is awesome! This is my favourite book of hers, the first of a duology. It’s kind of like an intense, edgy Tamora Pierce novel with murder. In this world, the Queen has a team of assassins known as the Left Hand. They’re an elite group that keeps the Queen safe and does the dirty work that needs to be done to protect the kingdom and keep the encroaching nations at bay. When the assassin Opal is killed, a contest is announced to find the new Opal. People from all over come to complete for the honour of being one of the Queen’s royal assassins, including gender-fluid thief Sallot Leon. Sal has some deep motivations to become Opal that go beyond a loyalty to their kingdom, but they’re going to have to survive their competitors if they even wants a chance at it… (Sal generally goes by either she or he in the books, but I’m using they in this instance since it’s in a more general sense.)

Day Twenty-Two: Queer Book That Made You Take Action

The Deep by Rivers Solomon

Uhh, I don’t really have any books that made me take action per se, but this one sure gave me a lot to think about. It’s about deep sea mermaids who originated from the pregnant slave women tossed into the ocean to drown during passage to North America. From those dying women, this race was born and were taken in by whales, raised and protected until they could descend into the deep ocean waters, to form their own safe society. Their collective past is so painful though that as a species they’ve developed a very short term memory. But a people can’t live without any ties to their roots and so one of them, the Historian, holds all the memories for their entire species and shares it with everyone once a year so that the community can be connected to their ancestors before once again returning the memories to the Historian for safe keeping. Yetu, the current Historian, is so overwhelmed by these memories, that she can no longer take it – she flees her people, her responsibilities, and her pain and escapes to the surface instead...

Day Twenty-Three: Queer Book By An Author Who I Killed Is Dead

Cybersix by Carlos Trillo

I cannot emphasize enough, this is not actually a queer comic, it is in fact a very homophobic, transphobic and sexist comic written by a horrible person.

That being said, he’s dead and I own it now the TV series was essentially about a genderqueer superhero and a very confused bi biology professor who has a crush on both personas. I had a passionate crush on both personas as a child, and I will cherrypick this comic until I die in order to enjoy the only kickass genderqueer/genderfluid noir antihero I’ve come across. I am valid and I am not open to debate or discussion. Do not read this comic it’s horrible (but consider watching the show).

Day Twenty-Four: Queer Book You Wish You’d Read When Younger

The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang

This is such an incredibly soft story with the nicest art. There’s so much understanding and compassion in it and its exploration of gender and self-confidence and being true to yourself would have been very reassuring to me as a child, especially by late elementary/middle school.

Day Twenty-Five: Queer Book In A Historical Setting

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

A retelling of Achilles’ and Patroclus’ relationship from childhood to the Trojan war. So yeah, you can imagine that this was also a candidate for Day 14 :’) I haven’t read this one in years but god it was lovely and emotionally destroyed me as a person.

Day Twenty-Six: Queer Superhero Book or Comic

Overwatch: Reflections by Michael Chu and Miki Montillo

I don’t really read superhero stories very often (the comics have always driven me a little bonkers, trying to find a way to enter the totally unapproachable Marvel/DC canons, and the MCU burnt me out years ago for every other sort of superhero story) so this is the closest I can get. Tracer’s a superhero yeah? Anyway, I, like every other queer person in the Overwatch fandom, lost my fucking mind when this dropped for Christmas a few years back and officially declared Lena Oxton not only the face of the entire franchise but also a lesbian. It’s an adorable little comic and Tracer’s girlfriend is a sweetheart.

Day Twenty-Seven: Favourite Queer Children’s Picture Book

Prince & Knight by Daniel Haack

There’s a number of sweet queer children’s books that are popping up these days, but this is my favourite just because it’s less about “explaining the gays to children” (though those books also have their place) and more of a cute little fantasy adventure in which the actual protagonist is gay. It’s about a prince who sets out to find himself a bride who can help rule by his side, but it quickly becomes clear that he isn’t interested in any of the girls. Instead, when a fire breathing dragon threatens his kingdom, he meets a brave knight who fights along side him. It’s very supportive and the art is lovely.

Day Twenty-Eight: Queer Book That Made You Feel Uncomfortable

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann

This is a book with an asexual protagonist that I was originally really excited for. I know there are a lot of people out there who really enjoy this book and connected with it, but it didn’t do it for me. Maybe because my expectations were too high, but the protagonist’s experience with asexuality was vastly different than my own and the narrative voice ended up rubbing me wrong (and let’s be honest, slice-of-life romance is NOT my usual genre at all). So it’s not “made me uncomfortable because it’s Bad And Wrong” more just… totally vibed wrong with me. Maybe the perfect book for other people but definitely not for me, I had to return this one unfinished because it’s portrayal of asexuality just made me so deeply uncomfortable.

Day Twenty-Nine: Queer Book That Made You Want To Fall In Love

The Gentleman’s Guide To Vice And Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

This book had to make it on here somewhere, and honestly it could have gone in a lot of different spots, but I chose to put it here because the relationship between Monty and Percy is so incredibly sweet and authentic it really does make you want something like that. TGGTVAV (for anyone who has somehow not heard of it) takes place in the 18th century, and is about Monty, his best friend (and crush) Percy, and his sister Felicity going on a final “hurrah” tour of Europe before Monty's father finally tries to pin him down in England and force every part of Monty that’s deemed “unacceptable” out of him. So Monty intends to live this summer up… until everything goes off the rail and the three of them are suddenly fleeing across the continent with assassins at their heels and a strange, stolen artifact in their possession.

Monty has a lot of growing to do in this novel, and that’s one of my favourite things about it. For his and Percy’s relationship to ever have a chance, Monty needs to learn and change and actually communicate with other people, and it makes the relationship feel strong. Not a fluffy, surface level romance that often happens in YA but something built from the ground up by two friends who really want to make it work. Ahh, it’s lovely. One of my favourite novels.

Day Thirty: Queer Book With Your Favourite Ending

My Brother’s Husband by Gengoroh Tagame

A two-book manga series that was completely stunning. It deals with queer relationships and homophobia in a very stark, real-world manner that you don’t often get in manga, while still being incredibly loving and sympathetic. The book is about Yaichi, a single father whose estranged brother (Ryoji) recently died. One day, a Canadian named Mike arrives, introducing himself as Ryoji’s widower. Mike had come hoping to visit his late husband’s homeland to try to get some closure, and Yaichi ends up inviting Mike to stay. The whole story looks Japan’s societal biases, through Mike’s experiences, Yaichi’s thoughts, feelings and prejudices, and those of his daughter who adores Mike.

Seriously, this is one of the kindest, most earnest looks I’ve ever seen to internal prejudices that critiques them without demonizing the person who feels them. Instead it lovingly embraces grief, growth, and love. This series made me cry multiple times, was good enough that even my straight brother practically ordered me to go out and buy the second book when he finished the first, and the ending was just *chef’s kiss*

Honourable Mentions

A few books I really wanted to fit on my list somehow but couldn’t quite manage it, so here: All Out an anthology of historical fiction short stories about queer teens. The Tea Dragon Society series and Princess Princess Ever After, graphic novels by the amazingly talented Katie O’Neill. Heartstopper a webcomic turn graphic novel by Alice Oseman about a pair of rugby players. The Different Dragon a cute picture book in which the boy has two moms and which is about accepting different ways of being. And Lady Knight a part of Tamora Pierce’s Protector of the Small series because because Kel is word-of-god aro(and/or ace) and I’ve adored that series and Kel since I was about thirteen so by god I’ll take it.

Now for those that wanted to do their own challenge, I found it on @gailcarriger’s blog.

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #383

“the big bully try to stick his finger in my chest / try to tell me, tell me he’s the best / i don’t really give a good goddamn ‘cuz i got my lunchbox & i’m armed real well”

Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Well yeah. Most of my friends are online, and while I've seen pictures of most at least once or twice, some I still haven't. The last time you threw up, what caused it? It was a side effect of a mood stabilizer I started. Any foods from other countries you would like to try but haven’t yet? I'm sure there's something, idk. Do you think the world would be more peaceful without any religion? Yes. Have you ever had a stalker? No. Does it hurt your feelings when people talk shit about things you love? It makes me self-conscious way more than anything. I start to obsess over whether or not the person things poorly or weirdly of me for liking what I like. I just feel judged for liking it, but that's my problem. Do you like it when people give you nicknames? I do, actually. It feels kinda affectionate to me. Do you often find yourself checking out people’s butts? Haha I'm not gonna say it's never happened, but it's not something I make a habit out of for sure. What fandoms are you in? MEERKAT MANOR IS BACK BAYBEEEE, Markiplier, Silent Hill, Shadow of the Colossus, World of Warcraft, Spyro, Wings of Fire, and lots more, honestly. I'm into a lot of stuff, and I don't love in moderation, haha. Are there any fandoms you used to be in, but left? Yeah, like Supernatural, Good Mythical Morning, or Warriors, but it wasn't out of "I don't like it anymore" or anything, I just drifted away. Anything the fans in your fandoms do that pisses you off? World of Warcraft if particular has one of the most toxic fucking fanbases. There are so many goddamn elitists and people who whine about "boohoo WoW is dying" and "omg this game has been trash since Wrath" and yada yada yada and it's annoying as hell. They always find some shit to complain about. Then Silent Hill... ugh. I think people just hop onto the "the series sux after 1-4" bandwagon to fit in with a certain crowd, but that's not the main thing that annoys me; rather, it's the fact the former main admin of the SH wiki made a fucking joke out of us there. He was clearly having personal issues and made a HUGE and utterly ridiculous deal of Silent Hill 4 having heavy symbolism to the main character being obsessed with the bullshit idea of him being circumcised, and it led to a maaaassive thread of us members trying to talk some damn sense into him as he abused his power. He was finally banned by the Wikia staff, but not in time for some gaming websites to publish "news" stories about it because it was just that ludicrous. Now, YEARS later, we still get trolls coming onto the site to try and revive the drama by inserting absolute rubbish into pages or making new ones. Nowadays I'm the main administrator there, and it's fucking embarrassing sometimes. I'm supposed to keep the wiki under control and respected, you know? Ugh, I'll stop. I could rant for a very long time about this. Do you prefer ruffly or regular potato chips? Ruffly. Do you write down your own recipes, or just commit them to memory? I don’t cook. What color do you want to dye your hair? My top three are pastel pink, lilac, and a light creamsicle orange. I REALLY want to dye it SOMETHING. :( How do you like your chicken? Of course breaded (like nuggets, tenders) is my favorite, but I also enjoy is broiled and seasoned well. There's other ways, but because I don't cook, I, uh... don't know how a lot are made lmao. Do you enjoy cheese fries? UUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH YES. Do you eat refried beans? I absolutely hate beans, so no. What is a food you enjoy, but don’t have very often? A whole lot because a lot of it is from restaurants and we don't eat out all that much. As well, my diet is very narrow just because of how picky I am. Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn? Why? I mean, what are we comparing them for? I think Audrey is fucking gorgeous, though. Marilyn is also beautiful. Favorite fictional world? Uh, I dunno. Do you use lint rollers often? No. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want to. Has your power ever gone out for more than a day? I think so. Other than a dislike button, what’s something you wish Facebook had? Hm, I dunno. What time do your parents normally get home from work? Mom can't work right now, but I think Dad gets off around 5PM. Are you afraid to ask people out on dates? Yep. Do you think it’s better to look for love or let it find you? Both can work, but I definitely prefer to let it find me. I feel that *in general* that usually has better results. Have you ever found yourself worrying about commitment? No. I'm a very committed person romantically. Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? No. Have you ever had a rash from poison ivy? I don't believe so, no. Do you have any chairs in your bedroom? No. Did you watch Elmo as a child? Some, yeah. Do you know anyone who doesn’t eat meat? I don't think so, off the top of my head. When you throw up, do you cry? No, but I'm a whiner and will also shake from fear because I have such a phobia of vomiting. Doing it totally turns me into a baby. Who was the last person to carry you? I couldn't tell you the last person to full-on carry me, but back when I tore a ligament in my foot, my mom kinda had me lifted when she would help me walk. Is it easy for you to accept loss? Absolutely not. I handle it very, very poorly. Have you done anything sneaky lately? No. Have you ever had a rolling back pack? Yes. Who knows you better than anyone else? My mom, probably. Would you ever want to go to Brazil? Sure, if the opportunity came up. Are there any medical conditions that run in your family? A lot, mostly heart problems. What band has the best guitar solos? Metallica imo. Who is the biggest jerk you've ever met? She was somehow my former best friend. Have you ever swerved off the road to avoid hitting an animal? I've never been in that situation, thankfully. What's a charity you would never donate to? I'm really not familiar enough with charities and their practices to know which ones are sketch or not. Have you ever grown your own herbs? No. Do you have any exes you'd consider dating again? Yes. What were some of your favorite classes you took in high school? Art and German. Mythology was fun, too. Do you know anyone with a profession in law? Yeah, I have a cousin that's a lawyer. Have you ever Googled yourself? Yeah, outta curiosity. What's the shortest amount of time you've had between relationships? Like, two days. Part of the reason I left Girt was because I liked Sara. As a child, what comfort foods did your parents make for you when you were sick with a cold or flu? Chicken noodle soup. What's a movie series where the sequel was better than the original? Ha, for some reason Inspector Gadget came to mind. I guess from mentioning my childhood. I was FUCKING OBSESSED with that movie as a kid. The first one's fine, but I love the second one. Does your car have heated seats? Mom's doesn't. What is the strangest pizza topping you've ever eaten? Nothing strange, really. Describe your hometown. What’s it like there? Small and dangerous. Lots of run-down areas. A gang nearly broke into our house once, if that helps you get the picture. What was the last video game you beat? I replayed Silent Hill 2 forever ago. What did you learn from your last failed relationship? It really just taught me that you need to take care of your own mental health before you can effectively handle another's properly and strike a healthy balance. What country does your favorite band hail from? Britain. What’s something on your to-do list that never actually gets done? Finish decorating my room. -_- Have you ever been really passionate about something but then lost interest? If so, what was it? Good Mythical Morning, I suppose. I used to be OB-SESSED. I still adore Rhett and Link as people, they are fucking wonderful human beings and excellent entertainers, I just drifted away from their content. I don't really know why. Do you sleep with the TV or the radio on? No. What’s the worst thing about being male/female (whichever you are)? Menstrual cycles, I'd say. It affects your mood so much, and as someone who's bipolar, it can be very confusing. I like to know why I'm feeling a certain way. What movie has the best special effects? /shrug How many work hours per week is too much for you? I wouldn't know, I've never really worked long enough to figure this out. Can you remember your first day of school? I think I have the faintest memory of it. I know I was very scared to leave my mom (I had absolutely awful separation anxiety from her) and I MIGHT have cried, but I don't really recall with certainty. Have you ever entered a modelling competition? Would you? No thanks. Did you keep any drawings/stories from when you were younger? Most, no, because the level of cringe is LITERALLY unbearable for me. Do you have a safe? Mom does somewhere. What’s the scariest thing to happen to you so far? The breakup. That night was just fucking terrifying. I was so certain my life was over, like the situation was so, so impossible in my head. What was your last dream about? (or your daydream if you don’t remember) My memory's faint, but I just remember I had a nightmare where a LOT of my bones were totally snapped in half. When was the last time you saw a relative? Excluding my immediate family, I last saw my now-departed grandmother and my uncle a while back at a hotel as they were passing through. Have you ever been in a TV audience? No. Are you in any way close to reaching a personal goal? Not really... Do you prefer crosswords or word searches? Word searches. Do you like making collages? Not really. Do you remember any inside jokes from childhood? No. What would you love to learn to do? Digital art, like drawing on a tablet. Do you prefer monkeys or lemurs? Lemurs. Do you watch movies based on the actors or the movie plot? The plot, 100%. Are you more shy in real life or on the internet? I am WAY more shy irl.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''lunchbox'' by marilyn manson

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emmadarci · 4 years

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Killing Eve ― 3x02 (Review)

I’m finally back to discuss 3x02!! It’s kind of late, I know, but thankfully I haven’t read any other reviews, reactions or thoughts of the episode yet, so my opinion hasn’t been affected by anyone elses and the perspective is still pretty fresh, lol! So let’s get into it, shall we?

The Funeral

This is exactly the place that ended up bringing all, or most, of characters together. Literally. Carolyn is there, Eve is there, Konstantin as well, Kenny’s girlfriend Audrey including his employer and a colleague. Oh, let’s not forget Kenny’s sister - Geraldine! The only person who’s missing here is Villanelle.

I assume they haven’t seen each other for 6 months. And by “they” I mean Eve, Carolyn and Konstantin. Some thought that Konstantin being there was very random, but not exactly. Sure, he didn’t personally know Kenny, but he makes it look like he’s there to support Carolyn since they are “old friends”. Eve immediatelly picks up on that and calls him out. “Don’t pretend... for one second, that you ever think of anyone but yourself.” Eve hasn’t spent as much time around Konstantin as Villanelle has, and despite that fact she seems to know him really well. And in a way, by saying so Eve is reminding US of who exactly is Konstantin Vasiliev.

So. The Bathroom scene. Now that I’m thinking about it, there are 3 characters that perfectly express 3 different stages of grief. Carolyn seems to be almost unaffected by her son’s death, not saying much, not feeling much, perhaps? At least she doesn’t show it. She’s clearly in denial and that’s the first stage of grief. Then there’s Eve, who is so determined to get to the bottom of things and solve the case that got her dear friend killed. She’s obviously angry because she’s the only one who truly believes Kenny didn’t commit a suicide. That’s second stage of grief. And finally, there’s Audrey, who allows herself to be vulnerable and accepts the fact that Kenny’s gone. So pain and acceptance follows the previous two stages. It’s just so interesting as to why they would throw all 3 of them in a bathroom like that with three completely different reactions. So yeah, I do think they did th scene only to show us how those 3 are dealing with the loss.

Next, Geraldine comes into the picture. And she does that through Konstantin. Konstantin is minding his own business, getting his hands on the food and Geraldine comes to greet him, obviously happy to see him again. Based on their brief conversation during the scene shows that she had a way better relationship/bond with Konstantin than she did with her own mother. That says a lot. Also, we find out that Konstantin has been there for quite A LONG time since she and Kenny were kids. It’s safe to say he and Carolyn did have an affair at some point and who knows... maybe he was way more involved in their lives than they’re letting us on. But yeah, I’ll touch upon Geraldine and Konstantin a bit later.

The fact that Carolyn was the only one who was wearing WHITE instead of black gives us a clear indication of the denial. Not only she did that, but.. “Couldn’t we be sad and listen to good music?” Carolyn Martens, everybody. She might just have the weirdest yet coolest one-liners in the show and I’m all about it.

Were any of you just as annoyed by Jamie, Kenny’s employer, as Eve was? I’m sure the conversation between him and Eve was intentional especially knowing that they will have to work together to crack the case of Kenny’s death, but damn! Still not sure what to think about him. Seems rather shady to me. Then again.. there are too many shady characters on this show we cannot trust, lol, so might as well add another one in the list!

Villanelle & Dasha

I honestly thought that the new place Villanelle moved in belonged to her wife. It only made sense. I mean.. where the hell is MARIA?! Don’t tell me we won’t see her again. What’s the point in having Villanelle marry someone and not share any scenes with that character again? We better see her again and the fact that Villanelle is not even wearing her wedding ring is hilarious and shows exactly how FAKE their marriage really is.

Okay, back to Villanelle and Dasha. I don’t think her wanting to go back to Russia is the only, or main, reason why she had to bring Villanelle back into business. I hope we won’t have to wait until the finale to find out what Dasha did to Villanelle. It had to be something very extreme.. or not at all. Let’s not forget... Eve rejected to go with Villanelle and she shot her..almost killed her. So Villanelle saying she’ll kill Dasha.. you can never know, right?

Villanelle having to work WITH someone? Really? I think the show made it pretty clear in 1x04 how Villanelle can’t work in a group. It will not end up well and this time it was no different. I actually liked Felix a lot. He was such a baby, but he did fucked up after all and Villanelle told him straight away that she’ll kill him if he made her look “bad”. Good old foreshadowning on it’s finest.

Patience and responsibility is required to be a Keeper. Villanelle has neither of those two and she even admitted that herself. She knows it, we know it, and Dasha knows it. Instead, she tells her to “pretend” to be patient and responsible. Not only that, but handle Felix in a particulary way, by lying to him and giving false hope he “might” be good. Not a minute after, Dasha uses this manipulation technique on Villanelle to show how well it works. Thankfully she didn’t fell for it. But that makes me wonder... if Dasha has been acting like this ever since she found Villanelle again. She’s giving her false hopes of becoming a Keeper and being “good enough” to be one. She has no power to make Villanelle a Keeper, so... she’s manipulating her to do the dirty work and.. maybe deal with her after she did whatever she was needed to do. Which might lead to yet another betrayal... and this time she might not survive.

It has always been Konstantin’s job to remind Villanelle of Eve and tease her about her all the damn time, so when Dasha brought Eve up and Villanelle possibly STILL thinking about her, she got immediatelly defensive and kind of pissed off? I mean... it doesn’t get as obvious as this. We get it, sweetie. You’re still as much in love with her as you were 6 months ago.

Carolyn

There was a part of me that believed in a way that Carolyn might be involved in her own son’s death. Yes, that would be very fucked up to say the least, but... we don’t actually know her, do we? She could’ve done anything and everything and we wouldn’t know. And neither do other characters, as it seems. Even Konstantin, who has known her for YEARS is ordered to spy on her. Truth is... we don’t really know anything. But then.. there’s something else.

Then we get the scene in the car, which was very well needed. We needed to see a more vulnerable side of her, the emotional side of Carolyn to see that.. she might not have been involved in Kenny’s death. She has been acting that entire time, pretending he comitted suicide because she knew there will be people who would be spying on her. Hell, she probably knows Konstantin was there to do that, but decided not to mention anything.

One name. FIONA SHAW. The car scene was phenomenal. Carolyn doesn’t get many scenes like that where she gets show emotion and open up a bit more so I really appreciated the scene and again... her GOLDEN one-liners. “Why don’t you go and do that thing... where you close your eyes and breathe?” This line KILLED ME! It might just be the most iconic Carolyn line for me so far. Don’t try to change my mind lol!

So on top of everything that’s going on, and her trying to investigate Kenny’s death, wanting Eve’s help... she tries to talk about her family, especially her father but Eve’s not having any of it. So plan B is to bring up Villanelle, because ohh she knows...just how important Villanelle was AND still is to Eve and all she needs to do really is to binrg a photo of her most recent victim and tell Eve that she’s back. This can’t be about Villanelle anymore... I mean Kenny JUST died and this just has to be a way for Carolyn to get Eve back in the game. And it has worked.. even though Eve declined her offer. “I thought you’d want to know” Yes, Eve DOES know now. And she won’t let it go. The level of her “subtle” manipulation is just... soo efficient. What I don’t understand is why she keeps “firing” Eve and then coming back later and asking her to come back and chase Villanelle all over again. And when she does so... Carolyn doesn’t want Eve to be as invested in Villanelle anymore and that’s the same case with Villanelle and Konstantin and honestly... this topic deserves a separate discussion and I’ll touch upon it really soon because I’m VERY curious and even slightly frustrated about the whole thing.

Konstantin

This man might be just as shady as Carolyn is, this season. At least one thing we DO know. He has a mission and will play an important role. Last season all that he wanted was to get back to his family and hopefully quit working for the Twelve? Yeah, that didn’t work out. Like at all.

He’s not with his family, his wife has a boyfriend, his daughter is stuck with them and she hates it and Konstantin doesn’t really care that much. I mean, what could he do? Bring Irina with? She’d only end up dead so he can’t involve his family into this thing. And that leaves him alone in this... mess. I’m not even sure where his REAL loyalties lie anymore. I’d say his family but you can never know. He did say... he never stopped working for the Twelve. So that might just answered my previous question.

At the same time I feel he is STILL working with Carolyn to some extend. Carolyn went to tell Eve that Villanelle is back then Konstantin goes to find Villanelle to let her know that Eve is alive and well. Were Konstantin and Carolyn ordered to do that separately or it’s their own plan in getting Eve and Villanelle to chase one another once more? Shady stuff, indeed.

Just like Carolyn manipulates Eve, Konstantin’s like “Eve’s alive. But DON’T go to London”. LMAO, seriously Konstantin?! Of course she’s NOT going to London in the following episode to visit Eve. Don’t even worry about it. It’s very suspicious he only comes to visit Villanelle after half a year and exactly when Eve knows that she is back and everything else. He was ordered to stay in London for a while... so now he’ll bring Villanelle to London and shit will go down. Good job, dad!

Eve

So recently I had a very huge realization. The thing is... Eve has always been Villanelle’s shadow in a way, because most of us LOVE Villanelle to pieces and we often, if not all the time, forget about Eve being another LEAD of the show. I’m not gonna lie, I was like that for the past two seasons and I really underestimated her. But.. this season, these first two episodes proved me wrong and I’m still shocked as to how much Eve has changed since S2. I can’t really put my finger on it... but shes’s different. Shes completely different person now. She’s so much more grounded in so many ways, and yeah I know she’s a MESS right now but the character development so far... wow. Maybe she’s like that because Niko is not really in her life anymore and she doesn’t need to pretend about anything. She gets to express how she really feels and I’m all for it. I’ve been ASLEEP for too damn long... and I finally awoke.. and I fucking LOVE Eve Polastri. Please, do not underestimate her. She and Villanelle were always equal but now... now they truly are and I cannot wait for next episode to see how she’ll react to Villanelle and how different their interactions will be from now on. Since.. old Eve IS dead and this Eve gives zero shits about anything. All I can say... careful, Villanelle, you don’t want to mess with her.

Sandra Oh. That’s it. Her ability to just.. become this new version of Eve fascinates me so much. It almost seems like she doesn’t even need to try and I LOVE that. She’s bringing this wild, crazy side to Eve that we haven’t really seen before and her every scene deserves a fucking applause. Truly. So let’s appreciate Sandra for being sooo ridiculously amazing as Eve and serving us each episode with amazing content. I’m starting to see what Villanelle sees in Eve... and I’m a bit worried lol!

Alsooo I can’t be the only one who noticed the change in Eve’s choice for drinks. Throughout first two seasons she ALWAYS went for Gin and Tonic. Now, though? It’s only GIN. Yeah, this is a different Eve and shes going for real, clear drinks and that’s all we need to know.

Villanelle

I’ve covered most of the things previously in ‘Villanelle & Dasha’ part. I just want to quickly discuss Jodie Comer’s acting. Can we do that, please? Okay, so there were two scenes that stuck out for me. The one where she and Felix had THE conversation about being rejected by the loves of their lives AND obviously the ending scene with Konstantin. Jodie Marie Comer. There are NO limits for her acting... none at all and I still catch myself watching scenes like that with my jaw to the floor.

The scene with Felix is soooo important and you can’t tell me Villanelle is incapable of having feelings after watching it. She HAS feelings and she DOES feel them. More intensively than others too. And the way they used the Unloved “Cry” soundtrack in there... just glued me to the screen and I had to rewatch the scene several times. A truly highlight of the episode.

Now... the ending scene. That was something I didn’t think I’ll see in terms of.. how outstanding Jodie’s acting was. They also focused on HER only, blurrying Konstantin’s image out and pushing him into the background because that’s how Villanelle felt. She basically went through AT LEAST 4 emotions through the same scene and that’s all because she found out Eve is actually alive and... I’m still SHOOK.

Soundtracks

Just feeling like I need to mention how wonderful are the show’s soundtracks. Like the crew finds and picks mostly not very popular songs and they work so well and makes the show so unique. Most shows use already known songs and Killing Eve just... goes for something unpopular (yet), older foreign songs that fit so perfectly in the given location of the show and the songs usually, if not always, have a very deep meaning. They reflect and tell a story for us that the characters are not telling and that is suuch a brilliant way of using the soundtracks. The two that I REALLY loved this episode was USP by Liz Lawrence and Dart For My Sweetheart by Archie Bronson Outfit. If I’m correct both of the songs were playing during Kenny’s funeral, which is soo fucked up! But like.. thanks Carolyn, for requesting some good ass music!! I definitely recommend you guys to check those songs out and the rest of the soundtracks, as they carry such a strong Killing Eve vibe!

Overall Thoughts

Like I said about the premiere being and feeling different, this episode was somewhat similar to that meaning that the show is different now and we shouldn’t expect miracles of it because we will end up disappointed. So far, I’m loving it and I CANNOT wait for next episode... I know I will not surive and probably neither will you. They’re still taking their time into getting back to the “normal” pace of the show and current events but I have a very strong feeling next episode will NOT compare with the previous two and that’s when the story itself will pick up the pace and will actually GLUE us to the screens until the finale!

As always, feel free to let me know your throughts, reactions or even predictions for the next episode as we have basically 2 more days until 3x03 and we all will need help afterwards. So my inbox and askbox is always open for you guys! And MASSIVE THANK YOU to those who actually take their time to read my nonsense!

#killing eve spoilers #killing eve #villanelle #jodie comer #sandra oh #eve polastri #ke review*#ke s3 #ke 3x02 review #3x03 cant get here quick enough

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