#i would reverse bear trap myself for Amanda | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hms-tardimpala · 4 months

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Ficbinding: Saw collection

Warning: long post

As you may have noticed, I recently got into Saw, and the fanfic quality is phenomenal. The writers in this fandom are exceptional and unafraid to write the kind of freaky shit I love. In a month, I've read enough amazing fics to fill a small book, so I did!

As usual, the fics come first. There are nine, by four different authors (I found writers I love right off the bat in this fandom).

By @theflirtmeister:

Our land is sharp and glorious (3.5k, E) (special mention to this one for being the first Saw fic I ever read <3)

Tell me sweetheart (1.6k, M)

What suits your taste (3.3k, E)

By @degloved (Wolverton on AO3):

See me bare my teeth for you (1.9k, E)

The Issue series (3 fics, 7.5k, E)

Pig on speed dial by @gurokatt (2.9k, E)

Helping hand (1.9k, E) is by an anonymous author I salute, wherever they are.

These are all great fics I wanted to bind to make rereads easier and I recommend them all strongly (just mind the tags). A big thank you to the authors for replying positively when I reached out, I hope this is a good surprise!

Now let's talk shop.

This is my smallest book to date, and I have a good reason for that. As silly as it sounds, I wanted to make a book that could fit in a pocket of Amanda's cargo pants^^ I chose red for the cover and black for the headbands and bookmark to mimic the Jigsaw coat. This cloth is amazing: the pictures above show the book in real lighting (I took them at the window to catch what light was left today). It's a non-uniform blood-like dark red, which is perfect for Saw. It's also slightly reflective, as if it were slick, as you can see in this video under artificial lighting:

I went crazy with the cogs, I know.

I'm very happy with the fonts I chose: "s'AWsome" for the title, "impact label" for the fic titles (reversed for the author names), "underway" for the drop caps and "reem kufi" for the body of the text.

I decorated this book more! Every fic starts with an image of an object related to Saw (I used chains, blades, a puzzle piece, a bear trap, a scar, etc...). I also put the title of the fic and the author's name at the top of the pages. I wish I could have put something between these and the page numbers, but it would have been too small to look good. I used barbed wire for breaks in the stories because of course I did.

I'm especially proud of the "underway" drop caps, look!

They look like fingerprints!!! The oily residue and everything, you know!

What didn't work?

This time, most of what I did worked perfectly. Well, I did have to print, cut, fold, sew and glue this three times because I made mistakes when trimming the textblock. But in the end it's fine because I don't think the uneven edges are jarring when it comes to a Saw collection. There's a small spot of glue on the cover that I'll be the only one to notice. I could have strenghtened the back less for a book this size, it would have made it bendier.

One the whole, I love this book and the stories inside it and, as a craftsman, I'm very proud of myself.

Reminder: Feel free to ask me about materials, fonts and tools, it won't bother me at all to tell you what I used, but I'm too lazy rn to write it in this post that's long enough already.

#I hope this will prompt some people to check out these fics #thanks again to the authors for being super cool because I'm always anxious to reach out <3 #saw #ficbinding #bookbinding #coffinshipping #my bookbinding #I think that's enough tags for now

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femmemortes · 6 months

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My top five most brutal SAW traps even though absolutely nobody asked for my fucking opinion:

5 — Pound of Flesh, SAW VI

I feel like this isn’t a trap that’s talked about often enough considering the actual shit you have to do to survive it. I mean come on. Cut off enough of your flesh to survive? And it’s not even like there’s a set amount anyway, it’s a competition between you and another person to see who can do the most. No guidance as to what specific body part to cut off either. You just have to take the knife and just start going crazy. It makes having the punishment for not doing it look not as bad but, then again, actually thinking about having screws drilled into the sides of your temples? Yeah, no thanks babes xxx

Simone was a total badass just hacking her arm straight off like that and living. Just sent it all the way and won, you love to see it.

4 — Silence Circle, SAW 3D

If someone asked me to do this trap I would actually just kill myself instead. Gun in my mouth, bang, gone. Same with all of these to be fair but the fucking idea of the key on a fishing hook in your stomach? And that just raking up your insides as you’re trying to take it out? Fuck that. Fuck. That. I think the only thing that would make me do this would be the other person pulling out the string because if I had to do that shit myself? I’d just scream as loud as I could to make the spikes impale me instantly. I am not doing that shit.

This one gets bumped down a bit because we don’t actually see the visual of the hook going up through her? Which makes it an easier watch than the others on this list, but I still think it deserved a place here because of the sheer insanity of the entire thing.

3 — Bone Marrow Trap, SAW X

Fuck. This. Trap.

Actually fuck it. In my opinion this was the most brutal trap in SAW X. Yes, I know some people make arguments for the brain surgery trap being pretty brutal and yes taking out your brain is just… Wow. And I’ll agree it is bad. But you don’t FEEL your brain.

THIS ON THE OTHER HAND?

CUTTING OFF YOUR LEG AT THE THIGH? WITH A GIGLI SAW NO LESS? The amount of blood loss, the fact if you want to live just have to take that fucking saw to your leg and just DO IT? And then once you’re done you have to take that stupid little fuckoff tube and stick it in your bone and get the bone marrow out, which is ALSO PAINFUL???

Also the part where she grabs the gigli saw in-front of her with her hands… Fuck, just fuck.

Valentina really didn’t deserve to die here, I won’t lie to you. She cut off her leg, was taking out the marrow. I believe had the tube thing for the vacuum to measure how much bone marrow or whatever the fuck had been shorter, she would’ve lived. Yes she started later but like, come the fuck on.

2 — Venus Fly Trap, SAW II

I’m going to start this with, this trap being the first trap of SAW II is an actually insane tone shift from what we had in the first movie. Like, the only trap I really consider brutal in SAW is the reverse bear trap, but we don’t even see that one go off since Amanda survives it.

So seeing this shit right out the gate is just… Oh my god. Wow. Just wow.

This trap has always given me reverse bear trap vibes in appearance, it’s probably the whole thing of, it’s on the head, closes, shuts whatever. I don’t know but it’s got a similar energy to it.

First of all, the whole nails in your face thing? Yeah, hate that. But what I’m most concerned about is the KEY BEHIND THE EYE.

FUCK.

THAT.

SHIT.

The visual of him cutting into his eyeball with the scalpel? And you actually just have to fucking go at it and just… ugh. I was pretty torn between either this trap or the Bone Marrow trap for this kinda reason. Cutting off a leg or cutting open your eye? And honestly the eye is just. Worse. Like just digging into your eye to get out a fucking key? Like all things given, at LEAST I can turn off my brain somewhat while cutting off my leg. Just back and forth with a saw. I don’t even have to look!

THIS? WHAT I’M CUTTING IS DOING THE LOOKING. I STRUGGLE TO PUT ON EYELINER, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THIS?

1 — The Rack, SAW III

There is a reason why people think this trap is the worst one. There is a reason and it’s fucking obvious.

You’re on a mother-fucking crucifix looking ass thing, legs and arms out, and if this other guy doesn’t take a bullet for you, your limbs are going to be twisted.

YOUR ARMS, LEGS AND NECK are going to be ROTATED 360 DEGREES. ONE. BY. ONE.

Oh and the guy who’s taking the bullet for you? It’s Jeff by the way, stupid fucking Jeff. So you have no chance xxx

The visuals. I can’t watch this trap without looking away, I see the limbs start turning and my line of sight is directly away from the screen. No.

No.

The image of twisting flesh and the fucking shot where you see one of his legs start to move?

NO.

AND HIS HEAD. HIS FUCKING HEAD.

NO.

I DON’T NEED TO EXPLAIN WHY THIS IS NUMBER ONE. FUCKING LOOK AT IT.

Honourable mentions under the cut:

Honourable mentions go to The Angel Trap and Ten Pints of Sacrifice. I didn’t include the angel trap because I feel like, while yes getting your ribs ripped out is horrific, you don’t really suffer much while alive? Which to me, the more they suffer while alive or trying to complete their trap, the more brutal it is. Ten Pints of Sacrifice isn’t on here because I was doing 5, had I been doing like 10 you would’ve definitely seen this on here. Oh and also, Needle Pit isn’t on here because I’m entirely unfazed by it. I hate to do Mandy like this but I just personally don’t really wince at it at all.

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sawcondeez · 5 months

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back again :))

which saw trap(s) do you think you'd have the best chance of survival in?

if you could trap a fictional character who would you pick?

hiiiiiiiiiiiiii :3

- first of all, let me just say that I would do absolutely horrible in a Saw trap

the traps where you have to sever a limb in order to live… yeah I don’t think I have it in me to do that… I’d take the decapitation or whatever thanks 😭

I saw a poll a while ago with this question where the most voted option was the bathroom trap from Saw 2004 - yeah, no, I would rot and die in that bathroom just like Adam I’m sorry.

if I had to win one, I might be able to win the mausoleum trap if I was in Art Blank’s place? given that I could use the weapons provided to cut open the stitches over my mouth and once my mouth is free maybe since I have a female voice I’d sound like less of a threat to the guy with his eyes stitched up and I’d attempt to talk him through it and explain things and try to help cut his eye stitches too?? idk 😭😭 if he comes swinging at me like he did with Art, I’m done for tho. for sure.

I think I might be able to win Amanda’s reverse bear trap because it doesn’t involve self mutilation though I struggled to mercy kill even my sick neon tetra (it’s a tiny tiny fish lol) also I feel like unlocking the lock with my jittery ass hands would be my downfall lmaooo

I really hope I do not get put in a Saw trap because I WILL be dying (!!)

- as for which fictional character I would like to put in a Saw trap, I feel like…. maybe SpongeBob LOL I feel like it would be an absolute spectacle and I wanna see how Squiddy would react

that Sponge mf has been diced, cubed, shredded, blown up, skinned- the WORKS. he’ll be fiiiiine. he’s gonna bounce right back after.

while doing my watches of the franchise I also have found myself wondering how John Kramer would do when put in his own traps, especially the ones where you have to horrifically sever yourself. I know he’s been in the bloodboarding trap in Saw X but idk.. that was a lil different and there was a young boy at stake. John’s put so many people in traps for the dumbest reasons, and there are so many reasons why he himself should be put in one so like………….

Im sorry John I know you’re a beloved character but…………..

#saw #saw franchise #asks #saw trap

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barkhoffman · 7 months

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16, 17, and 18?

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

does the entire character of Eric Matthews count LMAO like all he did was cheat on his wife and commit ACAB crimes and scream at/about his son and then die while looking like a mall Santa who fell on incredibly hard times

granted I guess when you like Hoffman you can't really throw stones about the ACAB part specifically but

this is an anti-Eric Matthews household

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

omegaverse please. was appalled to find out I had to write the first hoffstrahm omegaverse fic on ao3 (I know some of y'all told me you were also working on this and I want you to know I am kissing you directly on the lips)

also this is going to appeal to a maximum audience of maybe 2 people, but watersports is a personal fav of mine and one I do intend to write fic of! like. it's always "have you seen the new hoffstrahm fic" and never "but what if Hoffman or Strahm pissed themselves in the Saw trap" and I think that's disgraceful of all of you (I'll talk more on this kink if anyone wants to hear it but I'm stopping myself for now)

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

Hoffman/Amanda, like potentially controversial take but come on if they were the same gender you know they'd be one of the top pairings you KNOW they would

they've got it all: hatesex, daddy issues, reverse bear trap solidarity, like seriously I know it's hard because it's hard for me too but stop being heterophobic for 5 seconds and see the light you assholes

(they're both bi anyway so it's not even a straight relationship, also have you considered making them t4t? pepperidge farm has)

[choose violence ask game]

#never thought I'd type the phrase “stop being heterophobic” who am I #sorry I'll try to do better next time /strums ukulele #ask game #ask tag #klarise #Saw #Sawposting

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ashyslashyy · 5 months

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theres a local con i wanna go to again this year (its the one i went to as ash a while ago) and i wanna do a new costume bc i wanna do the contest again but i am so torn between these. help.

pros & cons for each:

amanda young:

easy outfit (im gonna do red shirt & cargo pants i think)

it would be fun to make the cloak

i can make it fun & add fishnet gloves and a studded belt and other things i wear a lot

easy makeup

comfortable

very recognizable

i can go crazy with the fake blood

its gonna be partially based on one of her dbd outfits so i can have some of my dbd stuff with me and meet other dbd fans ^_^ like how i was ash last year and got a cool picture with a dwight cosplayer

least strange looking outfit if we have to go somewhere else to get food again

i could bring a little billy with me....

i have to try to make a reverse bear trap which, while fun, would be very difficult

i would get she/her'd even more than usual

gabriel may:

easy outfit that i already have basically all of

it would be a very fun stage performance cause i can walk backwards n shit

i already have a wig i could use for him

id like to make his weapon and i could get it 3d printed but also i wanna make everything myself BUT idk how i would make it

the mask for the back would once again be fun to make but idk how the fuck id do it

there might be like 2 people who know him

chop-top sawyer:

outfit that is both somewhat simple (base shirt & pants should be pretty easy to find) but allows for a lot of fun crafting and customization if i want

pretty much all his accessories i can make myself which would be super fun

another one that would be fun to do on stage for the contest. hes a freak

he has a bad in the movie that i can replicate so i have something to carry my shit

i already have a southern accent (albeit not a texan one)

somewhat recognizable??? horror fans tend to know him

id have to settle for him with the wig. sorry bill moseley but im not shaving my head bald for that

im kinda short and have way too much of a babyface to pull that off

can you imagine what my parents would say when im like "ok time to go" and i look like that

also yes i have considered herbert west too. hes fun and i already have a cosplay of him BUT that one is very hair dependent & i wanna do something that i can make props/costume pieces for

#help #cosplay poll

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lettersfromcats · 10 months

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August movies!!

hi doreen !!!

ive decided to watch at least one film a day this month for no reason, but i have been having fun. since i don't use letterbox to give proper reviews i thought it'd be fun to start documenting my thoughts on each one for the month :) (ratings based on intuition alone) (this will take a while/ in progress)

-the cabin in the woods: 6/10 i really wanted to like this cause i liked the vibes and it seemed right up my alley- i love a horror comedy; but i found myself really bored halfway through. i do like the premise but i think the characters were a bit too archetype-y for me, which i get is the point. i still found it enjoyable and i would watch it again- just probably with other people, i think it's a group watch film.

-the virgin suicides: 9/10 i'm using this to work through some of my watchlist and this was on there for a while, we talked about watching it and i was not disappointed. the exploration of grief from the peripherals really struck me as well as the depiction of girlhood. i understand the criticism of the girls stories being told by the boys but to me the film seemed very self-aware and deliberate in that depiction (and i do love an unreliable narrator). the utter foreboding that hung over the mystical haze of memory throughout the film was enchanting and i mean the cinematography and soundtrack, impeccable. i can't move on without mentioning the symbolism of the elm trees, it's as if a literary technique was designed specifically to get me to like a film. the elm in itself has such interesting mythos and history which maybe wasn't deliberate beyond the obvious symbols in the film, but still is really interesting, for example, in norse mythology, the first woman was made from an elm and in america elms became a symbol of war and liberation during the revolution.

-girl, interrupted: 10/10 started with simon and garfunkle and still got better. incredible performances from any lesbians idea of a stacked cast and jared leto dies at war so win-win. the depictions of illness while i can't say are flawless, never feel like the intentions are wholly mocking- (though i obviously can't speak for everyone) and are devastating when brought to focus. and there's a homoerotic friendship so i was always gonna like it.

-purple hearts: 0/10 i dont even want to talk about it, i was watching it ironically and i couldn't even bring myself to have fun. the politics are beyond confused and seem to boil down to a centrist mush of love everyone despite their flaws (racism) and war's okay if the soldiers are big pouty white men. the romance was even rushed i don't know how anyone enjoyed it.

-the lighthouse: 8/10 exactly my type of artsy bullshit, robert pattinson and willam defoe shine in this weird, gross, claustrophobic, anxious masterpiece and i was having a great time. so much and so little happened but the delirious descent into madness was wonderful and a little bit gay so score.

-saw: 10/10 i finally watched it and as i predicted am obsessed, i just love a horror that is just a little ridiculous. i want to keep billy in a cage and feed him carrot sticks, (is he an animatronic or a puppet? how does he cycle???) jigsaws motivations make no sense and honestly good from him, i'd go batshit crazy if i were him too. the editing is so 2000s i can't stop thinking about it. the bathroom trap is where i want to go when i die. the horror was a lot less visceral than i was expecting; i think the contained nature of the traps really just creates such tension, especially between the characters stuck together, which is so compelling to me. the reverse bear trap is crazy i love it and what lesbian horror fan isn't a little in love with amanda. im so glad i hadn't had the twist spoiled for me because oh my god. also score slapped: hello zepp.

-old: 4/10 so silly i think more rich people should pay out of pocket to make bad films unintentionally. i watched with my siblings and i love nothing more than tearing apart this sort of thing with a captive audience who have to find me funny or be bored.

-extra ordinary: 8/10 i didn't know this was Irish until it started and what a pleasant surprise it all was. such a fun watch i really enjoyed it. the supernatural elements were the good side of corny and the romance was cheesy but heartfelt, with quintessentially irish humour just a really easy to watch, fun little film.

-piggy: 7/10 i really enjoyed this despite the not-great dub i was watching. i like how the bullied girl revenge trope was subverted and saras character felt very real, her reactions to events came off as very genuine and the suspension throughout is pulled off really well. i do get the criticisms of it being a drawn-out short cause i did find it a little slow at times but not having seen the short i didn't find the plot at all diminished. i liked the aspect of detachment from the killings emphasized by none of them being on camera while the emotional impact remained as well as the almost haunting presence of the killer and his intentions.

-the florida project: 9/10 another one that's been collecting dust on my watchlist for a while now i was absolutely enchanted by every aspect of it. the honest depiction of childhood and a very american poverty was striking. the gorgeous use of colours brought the vibrance of childhood back even in the dilapidated americana of it all. the acting really shone, willam defoe slayed of course but the kids are what make it special. and that final shot.

-we're all going to the worlds fair: 8/10 such an interesting film, nothing has ever quite captured the echoing loneliness that existence on the internet can create like this before. i loved the aspect of the accidental acting in search of connection, to me the lead-caseys-personal experience reads as completely honest without necessarily pointing to the spooky aspects being beyond her own mind. the film's atmosphere remains evenly eerie throughout, actually spooking me a little at times. the incredible, universal isolation of each character was really well portrayed with no conversations taking place without some barrier (a screen, a door) and i loved the framing of the fair itself, especially in contrast to the bleak monotonous world of empty snowed-in woodland and soulless frosty towns that casey occupies. the lead actress did such a good job portraying casey and her shifting identity and breakdowns. the director's transness cannot be ignored and the film as an allegory for dysphoria works so well. all this set to the droning instrumentals of alex g creates such a foreboding ambiance i couldn't help but love. definitely one of my favourite watches so far.

-shiva baby: 8/10 oh boy so stressful but also really fun. im starting to really like rachel sennott, looking forward to seeing more of her in stuff soon; speaking of bottoms looks like it's gonna be so good.

-red, white and royal blue: look, we know this is not my kind of thing, i get why people like it but for me this one especially with the indescribably weird political message is just not good, i didn't like the book and i don't like the film. gay people should have cheesy bad films though so its fine.

-when harry met sally: 9/10 this is one of those films i always thought i'd get round to eventually and i was suprised how much i liked it. really really cute, made me believe in love again or something. meg ryans hair was stunning also.

-marry my dead body: 7/10 i definitely enjoyed watching this but if i was being haunted by a twink drastic things would happen and they would not be good. i liked the characters well enough and the mafia(?) plot was fun, action sequences were okay and i'll be charmed by most ghost plots plus a kooky grandparent? great film recipe.

-juno: 10/10 knew i'd love this and boy did i! everything about it was just so charming, the dialogue and mannerisms of the characters (except jason batemans who was so so scary), the soundtrack, the aesthetics and did i mention the soundtrack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love kimya dawson so much. just a wonderful little film.

-submarine: 8/10 i'm a fan of richard ayode but i think this is his only directorial work of his i've seen and i have to say i really enjoyed it. the cinematography was really cool, i liked the use of symmetry and colour, especially the assigning a colour to each character, that's my shit; stand-out shot for me was the dream sequence over the dam drain thing- i love a water motif used to represent inner turmoil of a character- olivers basically kendall roy if logan was welsh instead of scottish. i know people love the score but i never got into the artic monkeys cause i'm not a huge fan of alex turners voice so a series of songs written and performed by the man didn't exactly stand out to me, but they seemed lyrically cool. i love the awkward stilted dialogue and the oddity of the main characters, they're not exactly likeable but that for me doesn't detract from the film. also his dad was a freak called lloyd and i love him.

-bound: 10/10 i mean what can i say, it's a lesbian crime thriller and if you don't think im gonna love that you're crazy. the plot is really compelling and corky and violet are an even more compelling. i enjoyed it. (also add this to my list of really good films made in 1996)

-bombshell: 2/10 lazy liberal feminism, i watched for margot and kate

-bones and all: 10/10 cannibalism in media <3<3<3 i also really enjoy a bit of Southern Gothic in my films so this was always gonna be a hit with me, even if i had to look past timothys presence. from the start the atmosphere is intense, the rural desolate setting, the immediate social and then literal isolation of maren really keeps the foreboding building only broken by the sudden violence. cannibalism works so well here as queer coding (and everywhere else, don't get me started). the weird balance of such realistic settings and this unchangeable almost supernatural aspect of biological 'survival cannibalism' is so interesting; and the romance element of the film worked really well for me.

-werewolves within: 6/10 a fun little horror comedy, i thought i would like it more but the humour wasn't quite my thing, a little millenial maybe. i still enjoyed it and it was a nice film to watch with my mam.

-as above, so below: 7/10 subpar acting and script writing made up for by such a good concept, Dantes Inferno as the catacombs absolutely slayed, and i was actually pretty spooked a couple times which doesn't usually happen to me beyond overreacting to jumpscares, which while im on the subject the jumpscares here were really well done, didn't feel lazy to me at all. it does need to be said that it really feels like they had a good concept but needed to work the script and plot more, the horror could use some backup from a better-written storyline and better justification for the character's endings.

-primal fear: 8/10 young edward norton was a real standout here. definitely an interesting legal mystery thriller, i think the twist would probably be more impactful back in 1996 (good year for film), it felt a little played out at this point but still very well done.

-slums of beverly hills: 7/10 i love a good coming-of-age and also natasha lyonne so i definitely enjoyed this. don't love the way some topics were glossed over but what can you do.

-fifty shades of grey: bad.

-vampires suck: 6/10 a funny little parody, mentioned the black eyed peas.

-weird: the al yankovic story: 7/10 daniel radcliff as a freak strikes again. definitely my favourite musician biopic i've seen so far. charming in its ridiculousness.

-ginger snaps: 9/10 a coming of age horror which conflates the begining of puberty to the transformation of warewolfism. i really appreciated the body horror elements as a cronenberg fan and i just think the horror was done really well. the two main characters were played so well and it was quite funny at times. i liked the interpretation of lycanthropy as a disease and the route of cure the characters used. would definitely recommend!

-insidious: 5/10 while i didn't find it especially scary i think the horror was well done and the plot was actually quite interesting! astral projection is quite a unique look at a ghost story and i loved that it was a person being haunted not a house, it was a good subversion. i did watch for leigh whannell and he made such a fun supporting character among some pretty meh main characters. definetely not a bad film!

-no hard feelings: 6/10 so fun! im so glad more stuff like this is coming out again and i mean jennifer lawrence slayed so hard. weird how people are such prudes about female nudity still, it wasn't like she was being overly sexualised in the scene but people are making such a huge deal out of it, i thought it made for a funny moment. i really enjoyed the characters and their relationship felt very real and cute! also depicted modern teenagers as very scary which i approve of.

-ghost world: 8/10 a really interesting look at two girls stuck in limbo between high school and adulthood. i really liked the depiction of enid avidly avoiding confronting moving on and how she inadvertently hurts everyone around her by being so casually selfish and how shes contrasted by rebecca (also scar jo slayed here gave absoloutely nothing, such a good character). the aesthetics of the film were really fun, with the delapedated city really highlighting the girls and also how fun the costuming was. steve buscemi also had a standout performance in which he was an awkward freak and a pretentious asshole about music! what a slay.

i really enjoyed doing this, it kind of forced me to actually engage in the media i was consuming past the casual level i usually find myself on. and it sure beat watching tiktok for six hours before bed.

#kate #mediaposting

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murderenthusiasts · 3 years

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☺ for Amanda

For the sake of presentation, I took of her pig head.

Imagine you are Dwight with Reverse Bear Trap on your head. You've been running around the map like a headless chicken, trying to take this damn thing off. Finally, you find the last one. That must be the one...

And Amanda is just standing there, smiling at you. You either die by her blade, or have your head torn apart, but she's curious... what would you choose?

♤♤♤

I couldn't help myself. I needed to do a lil doodle of my girl 😭

Tomorrow is my last exam and I'm very nervous, but also excited it's almost over!

I'm working on a real update, but for now we can play a little game. As a treat.

#dbd #amanda young #the pig #karo draws

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saw5 · 3 years

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7 16 and 17 🐖📸

Favorite trap from your least favorite film? oh my god THANK you for giving me the chance to talk about the spikes that bind/the pincushion/whatever people are calling it these days. FUCK saw iv but i will politely tell it thank you for this trap. ANATOMICALLY THEMED .... creative .... a crossbow .... lawrence worked on it .... the man dies and the woman lives .... the diagram of the human circulatory system on the little classroom overhead projector is so good. kind of drives me nuts that it's from my least favorite movie in the franchise (so far) but whatever

Which would you be: a victim, a survivor, or an apprentice? i mean i feel like saying a victim to be realistic but who knows what would happen if i were actually placed in a situation like that you know? i think it'd depend on whether it was a me vs myself trap or a me vs others trap as well ..... idk if i'd have the cunning or gumption to throw someone under the bus before they do the same to me, but i DO have a pretty high pain tolerance. if i survived i do not think i'd become an apprentice i don't think jigsaw would take a shine to me nor me him

You wake up in a saw trap from the films. Which one? Do you survive? reverse bear trap obviously (you know how in the original script amanda gets that trap because she likes going to therapy and talking about her problems a lot? yeah) and yeah. it's a me vs others trap but like ... not about playing mind games with the other guy more about just ...... harming someone else & if it came down to it i would totally have the stomach to cut a dude open.

#thank you :+)#ask #spectrogenic

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kimhargreeves · 4 years

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Game Over-Mark Hoffman

Summary:Reader is an officer, John Kramer's daughter and Mark's fiancée. When John died he left Mark Hoffman to take over the job, but he's gotten way to far with his game. Reader and Jill confess what he's done so Mark is after them.

(Based on the movie: Saw 3D The Final Chapter from 2010)

"Promise me you'll say everything you know, in exchange we'll provide your security and life." One of the detectives seriously told us. I looked over at Jill, my adoptive mother and gently took hold of her shaking hand.

For many months the police had been suspicious of me being an apprentice of Jigsaw or as people called him, John Kramer. I'm his only daughter, he adopted me many years ago before he met Jill. Thing is his life changed when he and Jill lost their baby and since then he never treated me the same.

John could see this and even though I knew he was a killer he assured nothing would happen to me or Jill.

I started working with the police years ago and through my work I met my fiance, Mark Hoffman. The only man I loved.

***Flashback***

"Detective Hoffman, this is Detective (L/N). You'll two be working together from now on." One of our colleagues informed making us stare at each other.

"I don't do working the whole team work sweetheart." He grufflily said making me raise an eyebrow.

I crossed my arms over my chest, "Wether you like it or not you'll be working with me. So that means you'll have to like me." Mark Hoffman stared down at me but slowly smirked.

"Yes ma'am"

***********

Not long enough we both started dating, we got engaged the same year. We both proved the department wrong when they thought we wouldnt last, but Mark started to go insane and colder when his sister as brutally murdered. I stayed there by his side and tried to make him feel better, but I couldn't.

I had no plans on introducing him to my father but he quickly found out about Mark and even had him in one of his traps and then became one of his apprentices. So he spent most of his time with John and Amanda when they were alive.

The police were happy when they knew everything I was hiding from them. I feel myself responsible for every victims death especially Eric Matthews since we were close friends.

"Do you know of his whereabouts?"

I shook my head telling the truth right after. "I haven't seen Mark since he killed detective Matthews and ran away in hiding. Jill right after told me she placed Mark in the reverse bear trap and escaped so that's why she brought me in with her.

The police placed us in the same cell so Jill and I sat down on the only bed and started thinking about everything. "I loved your father but you do know I was never happy with his decisions..thats why I divorced him. I'm just glad you didn't follow his footsteps. " Jill tells me and glances at me.

"I'm glad I didn't either..we're risking our lives right now. If anything happens I want you to know that I did always considered you my mother." Jill smiled and hugged me.

*********

Many hours had gone by and I could hear a faint scream from the building. "Mom? Did you hear that?" Jill and I stood up and heard another scream.

We stared at each other and began to worry, "Is he here?! That's i-impossible. If he is then I will surely die..we both will." Suddenly the only officer who was with us fell the the ground after receiving gunshot to the eye.

Jill and I screamed and she hid me behind her when the door opened and Mark came in. He was furious and glared at us both.

He opened the cell and grabbed Jill but quickly she stabbed him with a pencil and told me to run. I did and she ran after me, I began to shake and cowered in a corner when I heard footsteps and could see Mark's tall figure.

I peeked and saw that he was staring down at my mother and knocked her out. "Mom!" I accidentally shouted before he turned to look at me and tied Jill to a chair and walked to where I was hiding.

Mark gripped my hair tightly and began hitting my head against a table. I cried out in pain and escaped from his grip which only made me stumble over my feet and crash to the floor desperately holding my hand out to Jill who was still unconscious.

"You made me do this (Y/N) if it weren't for you and your fucking mouth you wouldn't be in this situation." Mark said glaring down at me and again gripping the back of my neck and tying me in another chair next to my mom.

"Don't do this Mark! This had to be done and you know it. John never wanted this, unlike him, his traps were escapable but you took this at a whole different level." I can feel my tears streaming down my face as Mark doesnt listen and now adjusts my wrists down to the arm chair.

"Mark..please listen..I know you are beyond angry but I love you and I did this so you'd stop."

Jill wakes up and begins to panic in her state. I pull in my wrists but can't escape, "Mom! Mom everything will be okay. I'll get you out." I don't stop moving and trying to escape but Mark hits the switch behind the reverse bear trap and it starts ticking.

Everything seems to go in slow motion and before it ends. Jill stares at me afraid and everything ends for her. I cry when I felt the blood splatter on me and seeing her lower of once was her face, "Mom!"

"Fuck you! John would've killed you if he were alive and saw the thing you just did." I angrily tell at Mark who grabs another trap and starts walking towards me.

I begin to shake and continue to cry, "Please Mark..I'm pregnant." I mutter and he stops. Mark stares down at me.

"You deserve this."

"No Mark please!!" I shout and right when hen placed the trap on me there was a gunshot and I opened my eyes to see Mark on the floor and a blonde guy slowly walking to where we are.

Since I can't speak the man smirks and gets the bear trap off of me. "Apologies we couldn't arrive faster."

His name is Lawrence.

Lawrence looks over to where Jill was and closes his eyes before he grabs his cane and hits Mark with it. "I expected more from you. (Y/N) will come join us?" Lawrence offers me his hand and I look over to see Mark all beaten up and staring at me with almost regret.

"I will." I whisper grabbing his hand and going to the place where it all started.

********

Lawrence and I too Mark to the abandoned bathroom and quickly I chained his ankle to the pipe connecting the entire room and Lawrence quickly pushed me aside when Mark reached over to grab me. I glanced down and threw hacksaw away so Mark wouldn't grab it.

Mark and I glared at one another. I knelt down a few steps away from him and fought back the tears, "You could've been so much better, now look where ot got you."

"You're gonma regret this. "

"No I won't. Now you'll stay here to rot and think about the things you do before you die-" Mark quickly rushed and held onto my wrist tightly.

With angry brown eyes he stared at me but I could see his pain through them, "Don't leave me." He whispered so Lawrence wouldn't listen. With my other hand pressed it against my stomach and shook my head.

"I will. I'm raising our kid alone..I can't believe you were still going to kill me after I told you." I stepped away and held the door open staring at him one last time.

"Game over." I shut the door and heard Mark's screams from inside the bathroom. I turn towards Lawrence, he smiled and patted my shoulder.

#saw the final chapter #saw 3d #mark hoffman #detective tapp #eric matthews #lawrence gordon #john kramer #jill tuck #jigsaw #costas mandylor #mark hoffman x reader #hoffmanator

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ziracona · 4 years

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What has been your favorite ilm chapter to write? Your least favorite? Do you have any interesting fun facts that were in cut pieces? I love this fic and the research put in is astounding. You put so much love into this. I'm glad to have been a reader :)

Thank you so much for asking this, and I’m really happy you have liked it! : ) Researching all kinds of wild stuff has been one of the most fun parts. (I’m holding the start of the answer to each question you asked, bc I talked about the first one for a while lol).

I do have a favourite chapter! I think to read, it would be a lot harder question, and there’d be a bunch of chapters tied, but as an author, my favourite chapter is most definitely Speak for the Dead. I have a lot of favourite moments and chapters, but that’s the one I’m most proud of. There’s a really rare thing in writing I call “script perfection,” which is not like, a perfect script in comparison to other scripts, it just means the version of the script that got shot/published was the best version of that particular script there ever could have been. It’s incredibly rare, and very hard to do. Even with films and shows I love, usually there will be seconds, sometimes minutes, off and on, that are the best version of those seconds there could have ever been. And the rest of it is great! It’s maybe the second or third or eighth-best it could have been, and that’s still super impressive--like man--eigth-best is still so close to 1st, eigth best is freaking phenomenal. It’s something to be really proud of. But that’s as high as it almost ever gets. For anything. Only extremely rarely is an entire script at 96% or above on script perfection. (I would say for reference that Galaxy Quest and The Incredibles are two such films).

It isn’t the most important part of a script or a story at all. Not by a huge amount. The quality of the story itself is. I have plenty of films that never hit 90% or above script perfection that I still prefer over films that did (like, Galaxy Quest is an amazing film, and I’m in awe that it hit that level of refinement, but I still like The Two Towers, which definitely did not, better. Because Sam’s speech at the end of it is enough to power me for a whole year). But it’s still such a rare thing. And god, it’s hard. Any kind of media is done on some kind of budget (be it financial or energy or both), and time constraint, and also it’s just not easy to do. Again, true-final-draft achievement (which is probably a better name for this bc it’s less confusing) is far from the most important or valuable aspect of a film, or play, or book, and it’s not necessary to make a story amazing. But it’s still always /so/ cool to see. It’s cool to see a nine minute continuous stretch of it even, on screen. And out of all the chapters I’ve written, the only one I think hit true-final-draft at least 96% or above, was Speak for the Dead. And that’s not embarrassing or anything. It’s wild. And I’m super proud of that. I’m proud I got even one. Because a lot of even my favourite books don’t. They just have perfected scenes, and a lot of them, but are not the best draft they could have been. Which does absolutely nothing to negate their worth as phenomenal books, but. I’m really, really proud of Speak for the Dead, and very happy with myself for having been able to do that at least once. I kind of treasure that.

It’s also a special chapter to me, because I had it only very loosely outlined/planned for at all, and it kind of came together on its own, and everything just came together and fell into place just right, and this chapter I had been really unsure of before starting turned into my favourite one in the entire fic. I like what I write, and I enjoy reading it myself, but there’s a line in Speak for the Dead where Tapp is trying to explain everything to Meg, about himself and his past and his family, and he’s been going through this like, awful mass of confusion and trauma and guilt and regret that’s all come to a head in this one day, and he’s found out who Amanda is and can’t deal with that and the person he knew, and the way Sing died, the choices she went on to make, and there’s so much even he doesn’t understand about how the world is falling apart around him, but somehow he figures it out enough to say it to Meg. And he has a line: “You’re supposed to stay late and work the extra eight hours overnight to catch the killer so somebody doesn’t die; you’re not supposed to go home to your family and give your kid a hug. It’s not as important, in an equation. It was my responsibility. And I didn’t get that the other job had its own set of rules. That the cop’s supposed to let the bus with his partner fall, but the dad’s supposed to let the fifteen people go and save his kid—he’s supposed to go running through crowded subway tunnels chased by gunmen, consequences be damned, to get them away from where his kid’s hiding. I didn’t get it. I don’t know why. I loved him right, but I didn’t act like it, because I thought I was doing the right thing. But if everybody’s just numbers, you lose anything that matters, no matter how high the numbers go up. And you don’t realize until it’s way too late that you do just as much good really helping one person you signed on to protect as you could have ever done bouncing off the lives of a hundred people who go on to be the next Jigsaw.”

And like. I fucking love that line. God. It’s such a hard thing to articulate, what he’s going through in that moment, and I try, but I think I often don’t do as good a job. But every time I read that last line it’s like a gut punch. And I really love it. How the fuck could you possibly feel after going through the experience he’s just had? It’s such a specific, indescribable kind of big, whole-world-view devestating.

There’s also a lot of really sweet moments with Meg, and Adam drugged and injured but trying really hard to help, and it’s a super understated chapter in a lot of the moments? Tapp’s one of my favourites to write, because of the way he thinks. He tries so hard to be lawful good in a world where there’s just no law at all anymore. And he’s older by far than anyone else, and thinks about the world that way. Honestly, it’s one of the most serious chapters. It’s less graphic than say Proven or The End of the Line, but it deals with some very not remotely fantastic and not pretty themes. It’s heavy. But I like the way it tells itself. I enjoy working in references when they make things fun, or better, or more meaningful, and I got to do that a lot. Plus, it gave Ace and Tapp a bunch of one-on-one time they didn’t really get on-screen as much in any of the rest of the fic, but I really loved it. The way they try to look after the people they care for, and how they understand each other. I just really fucking loved that chapter. Also, Tapp beat someone to death with a reverse bear trap that was still attached to his head so he could save Meg from dying in a way that would be super lastingly traumatic, and if that’s not the most metal thing I’ve ever heard? I really love Tapp. And I love that he sticks to the things he does. Meg never learns what Amanda was going to do to her, not in fic, not after. And Tapp does change how he does things are talking to Meg at the end of that chapter. Tapp’s the one who immediately says they can’t go public with any information on Rin until she’s passed on, even though it could really help them prove their case and hypothetically better protect the world, because he’s not willing to see a kid forced to revert to being violent and feral against her will in self-defense, or locked up in a government black site to get that. He did good. Life has not been kind to this poor man, but thankfully, Meg Thomas has.

Least favourite? Way harder. Hmmm. Always whichever one I wrote most recently 😂

In complete seriousness, I don’t think I have one? I have like 6 I consider “slightly-less-interesting” than the rest, but I don’t have one I hate period, or just dislike a lot. Uhhhh. If I had to pick one right now, I’d say Core Essentials, because I haven’t read it in over a year and don’t remember it as well as many others, and of the small number of chapters in the “Damn, been a hot minute, huh?” group, it’s the one I remember the least. This rating may change next time I actually read it, lol.

Hmmm. Interesting fun facts in cut segments. In the original draft for Shrouded, Claudette went into Philip’s basement and got a really good look at the other side of the wall, through one of the cracks, and saw the Entity and almost gave herself a panic attack. The other side of the basement wall was described as looking like the sun, like just looking at light, but only at first, and then there was movement like a snake coiling or some huge creatuer deep underwater sliding across your vision, too big to see, but alive in there in the middle of the light, and moving around, and it horrified her. It was extremely creepy but pretty cool.

The original draft for The Wraith included Philip experiencing fragmented audio memories from Signifying Nothing/his time with Vigo & co. while he was mostly unconscious. It was really cool and I forgot because I haven’t read it in forever, but it hinted at /way/ more of the plot to those past events. I really liked the draft, but ended up changing it into what was published because I’d never done anything with his memories before, and I didn’t want to disorient the reader too much (probably a good call, but it was still a neat scene in the OG form).

It’s not in the fic, but canonically, after leaving the survivors camp at the end of The Wraith, Philip came up with his plan to leave himself a message in the bell, and then called the Entity. Trying to talk his way out immediately failed, and it was shitty to him and pissed him off, and Philip had considered what might work on something like the Entity before calling it, and knew he was dead either way, so he tried to fight it. More to see if it would work than anything. He knew he would forget it even if he did, but sometimes impulses lingered, and it was possible if it worked, it would help him think of it again. He used his blood and drew a protective symbol against demons on his palm without it noticing, then rushed it, and it wasn’t scared of him so it didn’t give a fuck, but he smacked it with the charm and that actually succeeded in burning its talon (very little, but enough to cause it actual pain) and it flipped out and got extremely angry, and immediately stabbed him through the skull, which is why he returned with that chunk of his mask gone and has a scar on his forehead now. Originally, I was considering writing some of the events between The Wraith and Dawn from Philip’s POV, but decided it was much better sticking with the survivors and their uncertainty completely. Got to live in the anxiety baybeeee.

I’m sure there’s more but you activated my trap card asking about Speak for the Dead - a special interest- and I already made this long, so I should stop for now. Thank you again so much for asking! I hope my answers made sense are we’re at least kinda enjoyable to read. 💙💙💙

#ask #anonymous #in living memory #in living memory (fic)#writing #ilm spoilers #this was so fun and im glad i had an excuse to go writing meta haha. the one part of college i miss :’-)#thanks! 💙 it was really sweet. and fun to answer!#long post

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prttyrockstar · 5 years

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So sorry if you’ve already been asked this but I wanna consult a saw expert on the best saw movies so if you feel like it could you rank them for me?

OH ABSOLUTELY!!!!! sry this took a while i wanted to get home to do it. im also going to put this under a read more bc uhm. Detail :)

1 2 3 6 7 4 5

1 original! the first! adam! reverse bear trap scene! u cant beat the first even if its clumsy and weird, it has personality and Flavour. i could go off abt 1 for ages and like. adams role in the game and the cigarette trick makes me EXPLODE im obsessed. influential sexy tasty watch it is all i can say.

2 honestly the first three r tied for me bc although 1 is good 2 is better in quality. higher budget, better traps and amanda! although its like. the best one it lacks the feeling of isolation and the mystery around who the jigsaw killer is. however it also doesn’t have as much personality as the first one and definitely feels like a big budget blockbuster sequel as opposed to James Wan’s Four Dollar Horror Movie if that makes sense.

3 AMANDA CITY OOUGH SHE IS SEXY AND FREE. the religious themes ..... the trials ...... the palette ...... the TRAPS i will admit i dont consider myself a huge fan of gore but ill give credit where credit is due the traps FUCK in this movie. brutal. angel trap? THE RACK?? it also calls out the hypocrisy of jigsaw and the whole breakdown of amandas character is just FUCK truly this is the sexist one in the series

6 idk if youve heard but after three for the greater part the movies suck bc the majority of our main/best characters are now dead (or are cary elwes) and leigh whannell no longer writes. this one is wild to say the least, since amanda makes a comeback in Tasty Saw Flashbacks and saw gets political abt the 2008 financial crisis!!!! insanity again the traps are epic and rodrick is in it. surprisingly rly well done. i like it a lot.

7 now we’re getting into the trash. i rate this one above 5 and 4 just bc of how hilariously bad it is. idk if uve already seen saw but for the purpose of this here essay im going to assume u havent but a main character returns and as much as i hate him on a surface level. thank GOD. for some reason saw 7 REALLY hates women. when ppl call the saw movies mindless torture prn this is the movie that comes to mind. i just think its funny a lot. its pure garbage but the ending makes me go AOOOWOAOOW

4 forgettable. i once saw it described as saw 3 as dlc and like. retweet. the whole thing of see what i see and riggs whole test is actually cool but i rly dont care abt it. its also setup for the new characters for the next four movies and i *snores* it also has my least favourite trap that i won’t go into detail abt but shows rpe explicitly and although the rpist gets killed its clearly for shock value. i would put this movie under 5 if i didnt hate 5 so much.

5 i HATE 5. its hoffman central and i have to LOOK at him for SO long. i think ive actually only ever watched this one twice dkgkhjg i dont like it. the test is super boring and although the five become one thing couldve been cool it just falls flat for me. best part is when hoffman is sweating in the chair. sarah has it on her ceiling. i have a collectors edition of it that has a spinning saw and hoffman makes fun of me when i press the button. i hate this movie.

#ask #long post #rape mention #jic the read more doesnt work lol #i just rly love saw thank u for asking for my opinion!#very fun being the saw expert/mutual :3c merci!#saw

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blooming-blooming · 7 years

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Saw I - VII: A Comprehensive View

This is something I don’t normally do, but have been meaning to do for a while when I consume a large series of media in a short period time. I figured this was the perfect opportunity to start.

As of recently, I’ve realized that I am a fan of horror. Like, a really, really big fan of horror. I’ve always flirted with my fascination of it (The Green Ribbon had more of an impact on me in the walls of my elementary school library than it probably should have on an 8 year old, in hindsight), but I never really knew where to go about getting into the genre until I started dating my girlfriend, who has horror as a special interest.

Growing up in the 2000’s with an older sister that was going through her middle school goth phase when the first film in the franchise came out, it was hard not to know about Saw. Such an iconic franchise I knew very little about past the gore (and, let’s be real -- I’m a huge fan of gore); so me, my girlfriend, and a friend of ours decided to spend my last weekend of Summer marathonning all 7 movies. Both of them had seen the first two films and we’d all read plot summaries, but besides that, it was a blind watch through. Here’s my brief stance on each one.

Altogether, I was surprised at just how much I enjoyed this experience. I was expecting to mostly suffer, and maybe find some small nuggets of enjoyment along the way to keep me going, but after every movie (except III), I found myself wanting to watch the next one right away. These movies are by no means good movies, for the most part, but they’ve become a guilty pleasure for me. Among all the egregious, torture porn-y gore and a plot that beyond transcends making even remote sense, I found myself having a lot of fun. And, at the end of the day, that’s the purpose of a cash cow franchise like this was: to entertain you. In that regard, the Saw franchise succeeded.

Saw (2004)

The first in the franchise, and the most iconic. We’ve all heard of the reverse bear trap and the part where Gordon cuts his foot off.

I didn’t know what to expect when I dove into this movie, and I was very pleasantly surprised. The atmospheric building is top notch, and the twist at the end has much more impact than I expected it to. I enjoyed the tension and distrust between Adam and Gordon; I felt it was just as realistic of an approach for them to never trust each other as it would have been had they slowly learned to trust each other.

What’s really important in this one, though, which every sequel lacks, is Kramer’s portrayal. He’s not painted as philosophical or in the light, he’s painted as downright sadistic and cruel. The fact that he isn’t a murderer in the absolute broadest sense of the term is only ever mentioned by Gordan, and not constantly used as a justification for him. His cancer is only ever brought up to give him a connection to Gordon and Zepp; not something to make the viewers empathize.

This especially makes the final scene, the one where he stands up, have so much more impact: “The key was in the bathtub,” and Adam’s subsequent reaction is the ultimate punch in the stomach to the viewer because it’s so evil. The entire time Adam thought he had a chance, that there was a spot of hope for him, only to have it viciously jerked away as he realizes he was damned from the beginning. Because this is a franchise with a narrative built entirely on retconning, this impact is diminished severely in later installments, but as a standalone film, it’s top notch.

Also, apparently the ship name for Gordon and Adam is “Chainshipping”. I have no idea how that, of all ship names, wasn’t taken by the YuGiOh fandom at least a decade ago, but I’m mildly impressed that a ship that obscure has a name at all.

Overall score: 8/10

Saw II (2005)

The second installment in the franchise. It’s worth noting that the original screenplay wasn’t intended to be a Saw film, but rather an original story that got adapted to work into the Saw universe.

The story follows eight people who have all been locked in a house. The doors will open and they’ll be free in three hours, but there’s just one problem: there’s a neurotoxin in their systems that will kill them in two. They need to work together to find out what their connection to one another is while overcoming challenges to gain antidotes to the neurotoxin before they die. Meanwhile, a police team lead by detective Eric Matthews has located and is interrogating Kramer on the location of Matthews’ son, Daniel, one of the eight people in the house.

Right off the bat, the drop of quality from the first movie is extremely apparent. Very few members of the cast are properly developed, and many die before they even get to their trap. Most notably, one of the characters, Obi, is an arsonist who is very heavily implied to be an accomplice of Kramer’s. This aspect is explored for all of about two minutes before he gets burned alive in an incinerator. It’s hard to get invested because there are too many characters who have nothing going for them.

Despite that, there are good things about the film. The needle pit scene is well done in just how tense and unfair it is. Likewise, the twist at the end that the house game happened before the police found Kramer is really creative and interesting. Sadly, these positives don’t make the movie worth watching overall, though.

Overall score: 4/10

Saw III (2006)

I honestly don’t know what to say. This was the worst movie I have ever watched in my entire life. Sadism and cruelty in a story should have a narrative purpose and should ultimately be shown to be bad, but it’s not here. You are honest to god supposed to think John Kramer, the serial killer who took one of his victims, a mentally ill recovering drug addict, and brainwashed her to carry out his torture with him, is in the moral right when said victim finally lashes out. You’re supposed to think it’s cool when Amanda, who has been deliberately manipulated and abused by this man, gets told she couldn’t meet up to his standards. You’re supposed to think she deserved her death for being “irrational” when she calls Kramer out on his bullshit, hypocritical, half-assed “philosophy”. Fuck that. Fuck that so hard with a stake wrapped in barbed wire.

Also, the dad was an unsympathetic piece of shit and all of the traps weren’t violent in a way that was thematically appropriate (minus the crucifix one, but that one was disturbing for a million other reasons, anywways, so who the fuck cares if it was good conceptually), they were just gross. I have never wanted to unwatch a movie as badly as I wanted to unwatch this one immediately after finishing it in my entire life.

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.

Overall score: -∞/10

Saw IV (2007)

Lord knows why I decided to continue watching these movies after the misanthropic, nihilistic, faux-philosophical sack of trash that was III, but I’m surprisingly glad I did. I feel like I could just say, “A pedophile dies one of the single most brutal deaths known to man, and a man who abuses his wife and daughter has a terrible death, too,” but that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what makes this movie amazing.

This is the first film where Kramer is dead (or so we’re lead to believe), however, Amanda is dead, too. So the franchise needs a new accomplice retconned in to take over after this film when Kramer and Amanda are dead For Real. Enter detective Hoffman, who had a grand total of one line of dialogue in III, to take that spot.

The plot and pacing of this film is stupid. And when I say stupid, I mean stupid. Everything is so ridiculously convoluted with multiple plot lines and involvement in the FBI that I honest to god could not describe to someone what happens. And, somewhere along the way, the film goes full circle. It becomes so ridiculous, so hard to follow, that it becomes brilliant. It’s so convoluted that you can’t help but laugh at the absolute absurdity of it all. This movie is a shitshow, but it’s an entertaining shitshow.

Overall score: 3/10

Saw V (2008)

The first film where Kramer and Amanda are Dead For Real, following the fallout from the incidents of Saws III + IV. FBI Agent Peter Strahm is onto Hoffman’s identity, and is deadset on bringing him to justice. Meanwhile, five people are trapped in a sewer and need to learn what connects all of them, and also go through some traps to attract viewers to theaters because nobody would see this otherwise.

This film is ultimately disappointing because it could have been good. All five contestants in the sewer game are really interesting, and it takes the concept of II and fixes up the ideas from it. Sadly, this cast and their story gets even less development than those in Saw II. I’m not joking when I say that they’re only there for the sake of a murder game to attract viewers; 90% of the film is focused on a boring game of cat and mouse between Strahm and Hoffman. It’s really a shame, since I absolutely love the twist at the end that they were supposed to work together for all of the traps and none of them had any idea until it was too late. It’s a concept I might make something of my own with, since I’d really love to see it done well and properly developed.

Overall score: 2/10

Saw VI (2009)

This movie is, quite frankly, surreal. I’m not sure if all of the previous sequels simply wore down my standards for what is or isn’t a high quality movie, but this film was legitimately fantastic.

A very common criticism for this movie is that it is far too political for a franchise that is known for just being senseless gore -- and it’s true, especially because of how hypocritical it is that a franchise based entirely around killing/punishing people for arbitrary reasons is making social commentary on the insurance industry deciding who deserves to live based on arbitrary reasons. Despite that, though, there’s something about it in this film that works so well.

The storytelling in this movie is the closest any of the sequels get to matching the quality of the first film. Following protagonist William Easton, the CEO of an insurance company that is notorious for rejecting potential clients coverage when needed or prematurely terminating contracts, he is lead through several traps where he is forced to put value on the lives of his employees. Meanwhile, Hoffman is dealing with the consequences of trying and failing to frame the now-deceased Strahm for his crimes.

I really don’t know what to say about this film other than it’s bizarrely well done. The Merry Go Round trap is my favorite trap in the franchise (after my Number 1 Hall of Fame favorite, The Bed Trap from IV, anyways); the direction of the arguing employees begging for life and Easton ultimately leaving his second choice up to chance just so he can get it over with is handled chillingly well. A lot of people find the twist diminishing to Easton’s storyline, but I disagree. The fact that the game was never Easton’s and was always the wife and son of one of the people his company was responsible for the death for reminds me a lot of the first film in a good way. It has the same cruelty to it that is satisfying because it works within the narrative; just because Easton realized the errors of his ways in an extreme situation does not mean the people he has hurt in his practices have to forgive him. This is pointed out as such in both Tara and Brent’s dialogue as they make the choice in the end to kill him. It’s just as appropriate of a response as if they let him live.

This is also the first (and only) movie where I even find myself interested in the extended “plot” throughout all seven movies; Hoffman has completely screwed himself over, and it’s surprisingly suspenseful to watch him try and crawl himself out of his hole.

Overall score: 7/10

Saw VII (2010)

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Overall score: Torture porn/10

#saw #write tag #Niki Gets Meta #The wild blue wind dancing in the sky! Queue Princess!!

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