#i'm gonna cry once i finish this series completely

[bizlybebo]

For your final thoughts on PD once you finish, I present to thee:

This ramble ask

How ya feeling?

HOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTT ENDYYYYY

ENDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IT. I WAS NOTTTT EXPECTING ANYYYY OF THISSSS AAAAAAAAAAJRGBTJKWEFREGTKWEFREGTKRFGNYT

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE ASKING FOR BY SENDING IN THIS ASK. KJREHKJERHD

this is probably gonna be even longer than my ramble after completing the greyscale series so once again i dont expect you to read all of this but OHHH YM GODDD i need to dump my thoughts somewhere cause HOLY SHITTT

after writing this out i really only managed to touch on the last 2-3 episodes but yk. there are my thoughts on the ending so it makes sense. i dont think we wanna see how big my ramble on the entire fucking series could get

spoilers ahead for anyone else who sees this: literally all of prime defenders s1 and s2

ashe came home.

ashe fucking CAME HOME.

now, i had a feeling since about episode 35 that ashe was certainly coming home, because there was so much buildup, yakko did an ashe cosplay, etc. like it would have been stupid for her not to return at that point. plus i kept seeing people drawing a post-trickster ashe and was like huh.

so essentially, i thought that because i Knew, i wouldn't get blindsided by these final episodes. in fact, knowing almost made it more... bearable? i guess, because i could hold onto the light at the end of the tunnel that ashe was 100% coming home. it almost made me feel the same hope that the group was feeling about ashe, because i had that certainty and faith in the good ending.

and then william wisp fucking died. again.

i was really sleepy when i was listening to that scene but still persisting because my anxiety was slowly increasing as the episode went on, but when the trickster just. plunged his hands through william's chest i was FULLY awake just sitting in absolute shock. i'm not the kind of person to cry huge tears over media (i think the only time i non-happy cried watching riptide was ep 53), but when william died For Real i actually gave a good few sobs. i was no longer sleepy i was just in shock and then in grief.

and i was like. oh shit. maybe there is no good ending.

something like that ENTIRELY blindsided me in such a crazy way that it had me doubting ashe would even come home.

and i kept thinking, hey, no, he's risen before, he'll be okay! but then he went to the fucking spirit realm. he got dispensed there with kumori and began the first day of forever and i was like oh. shit.

william was gone.

and the REACTIONS from dakota and vyncent were both so guttural and real and true to their characters in their own ways. like so good it's nearly painful to think about.

dakota's loud. he's loud and he's rambunctious because he's dakota. he never speaks below a shout.

but when william was torn in half, he wasn't shouting, he was wailing. the absolute shock and denial he was in haunts me dude.

dakota's was begging william not to do this to him. he could forgive william for so much-- for lying to him, for not asking for his help, for fucking killing jade, but he could never forgive william for dying.

dakota's not the kind of kid to ask, y'know? if something doesn't go the way it should to him then he'll fight abrasively and outwardly for what he believes is right, or in the harder cases he'll bite the bullet and take the fall.

but here, he was pleading with william to just. not die.

and i think the final thing that shattered my faith that hey, maybe william wasn't gone was that tide was so accepting of it. he fell to his knees, he grieved and he was torn apart for a second, but then he was back up, holding dakota, going as far as to use a whole turn in initiative to only hug his boy despite the deadly circumstances. despite the world falling apart around them. to loosely quote my other mutual cayden (<333), "at the end of everything hold onto something and dakota had to hold onto tide because it was the end of everything for him" and i think that's just. the only way i can really phrase it. top 10 moments that rewired my brain chemistry

and dont get me started on dakota LITERALLY JUMPING THROUGH HELL FOR EVERYBODY. JUMPING THROUGH HELL, LOOKING THE TRICKSTER IN THE EYES AS HE DID SO. LIKE I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT SOARING THROUGH THE BURNING SKIES OF THE CHAOS REALM? THE REALM THAT CORRUPTS AND WARPS EVEN THE STRONGEST DEMONS? AND STILL COMING OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE BECAUSE YOU'RE DAKOTA MOTHERFUCKING COLE AND YOU SIMPLY REFUSE TO SUCCUMB?? FUCKING INSANEEE.

and. fucking. fuck.

vyncent. MOTHERFUCKING. sol.

when i fucking catch condifiction.

vyncent sol is such an interesting fucking character. most of the time i'm like "there is something deeply wrong with him <3" in an endearing sense because yknow. he's a little strange. he's not from around here.

but oh my god.

vyncent sol, THE character development guy ever.

he starts off season 1 violent, unable to control his powers. he's violent, and he's scared, and he's homesick, and he's like a skittish dog who bites when it gets nervous because he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing here.

but he changes. he grows.

he gets his closure with fauna, yeah, but then he finds a new home. he finds himself in a flying car, chasing after the fucking lich, watching william and dakota fighting in the front seat like a married couple, and he just thinks yeah. this is home.

and he doesn't quite unlearn his violence or his vengeance but they do certainly shift gears (also tidbit-- the 'fatal flaw' of justice is vengeance which is part of why i chose him for that human soul in the undertale shit i was telling you about :D).

his character is about balance. he has to learn not to be reckless and violent like in season 1, while also not apathetic and taking inaction like he did in s2 episodes 31 and 32.

at the end of everything, he protects william with his life, ready to interpose any attack. he thinks that he can do right by somebody this time, act now so that there aren't any consequences later (y'know, like he never did with jade, or ashe, or the lich).

but william. still. dies.

the sheer anger that vyncent felt in that moment was overshadowed so strongly by his grief, but it was still there. i can't even put it into words without going on a whole nother tangent but oh my fucking god. dude. vyncent sol has irreparably rewired my brain he is all i'm gonna think about.

prime defenders honestly is just THE character development show in general. i haven't even touched on william's development, on how he put faith in his friends over mal even if he knew it was going to make things much harder because he trusted dakota and vyncent so much. on how he literally got killed, repeatedly, over and over, in the spirit realm for 12 hours straight. on how he dirtied his hands during the greyscale arc out of fear.

on how he finally. stopped. running. stopped trying to escape who he was. but still won't come out of the closet

and god this is a looooong fucking ramble and i haven't even said much yet, this is only me screaming about the last two episodes really, but so much has happened in them that i just AUUUUGUGHGGHGHJKTEHRKJ

and. holy fucking shit.

JADE??? MAY STILL BE ALIVE??? D OYOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING FERAL IM GOING OVER THIS JADE CANTRIP VENGEANCE ARC. I NEEEEEED XAVIERRRR TO SEE HER AGAINNNN JADE AND XAVIER'S FRIENDSHIP MEANS SO FUCKING MUCHHH TO MEEEEE

AND ATLAS? BRO POOR FUCKING ATLAS. he really could not catch a fucking break for the ENTIRE series. when bizly started describing the 'odd fizzling' i was like 'man this guy is just going THROUGH it with his career i feel kinda bad for him' and then.

he was dead.

i think grizzly said it best, how bizly has to 'keep reminding us that prime defenders is r-rated' cause yk. the sudden violence/gore. it was so impactful you were so right when you were talking about tonal whiplash because holy SHIT.

like we were just in mario kart hell chasing after le frog who stole pizza he couldnt even eat cause he was vegetarian. and then atlas' throat was slit and he was marked with an x. (x as in xavier's vigilante persona????????RTEHRTTT$YRJHTTETR)

im just AUGUGHGHGH so FUCKING UNWELLLL OVER THIS ENTIRE SERIES. I'M SO STOKED FOR WONDERLUST BUT ALSO THAT MEANS PRIME DEFENDERS PROBABLY WON'T RETURN UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR OR EVEN LATER.

i need a prime defenders christmas episode. dearly.

the bright side of this is that now i can write a shit ton of fic + inhale every single fic under the prime defenders tag on ao3.

but GODDD this is the most gutwrenching piece of media ever. i've never had such a strong hyperfixation since 2020 because the world is just so good. every single character and npc means the world to me. even summer and doug are constant subjects of my brainrot. even fucking lightspeed and harlem and aughughugnjtr.

thank you for the ask endy lmao im FUCKING CLAWING AT THE WALLS OVER THIS SHOW. AIUKGHEJHW

JADE CANTRIP REVENGE ARC PLSPSLPLSPLSPLSPLSPLS. I NEED HER TO COME BACK AND I NEED HER TO COME BACK WRONG AND I NEED XAVIER TO BE TERRIFIED OF HIS BEST FRIEND EVEN THOUGH IT'LL EMOTIONALLY DESTROY ME AKTJHETRKJTRWKERE

okay that's. all i can say for now

#vixen rambles #vixen answers #jrwi pd #jrwi #WEKJTHETWKJGREHTITWJKREJTYIQKJEFWRE8T90OPQEF9GRET0OE #LOSINGGG MY MINDDDD

[stayandot8]

Chapter Three, Part Two: Hell's Reign

series summary: this one is a little different than anything else I've written. An AU where the members work in a bar with my MC, no idols among them. It's also going to be on the longer side. The fluffy Chris we know and love is nowhere to be found. He's broodier, moodier, and has jokes up the wazoo. So buckle up, kitties. This one's gonna be good 😏.

inspo: the song by Fall Out Boy.

Genre: i'm not really sure tbh

Relationship type: ???

Important Contents: bar setting, so mentions of alcohol, chris is a lowkey-highkey dick, swearing as usual, 18+, mentions of dr*gs, death of a child, mentions of a g*n (if i miss any, please let me know)

a/n: HOOOOOO BOY, we been waitin on this one for a while, huh. Sorry for those of you who are actually reading this series, the creative process takes a lot out of you, especially when you have no time on your hands. BUT here is the next part, fully finished. I hope it lives up to your expectations. I don't know when the last part will be out, so I guess follow me if you aren't already? If you want to? Anyways... enjoy. :)

WC: 12.9k

Last part l Next Part I masterlist

~

My feet had never been lighter as I followed Minho out of my room and down the stairs. Once I was out of earshot of the slumbering boy upstairs, I let the panic set in.

“Minho?” He was quiet, moving about to find the things he needed. Grabbing a coffee pod and inserting it into the machine while finding a mug. He simply opened the cabinet and grabbed one, completely ignoring the mug with cats on it. That’s when I knew he wasn’t really all there. He shuffled over to place the mug under the machine to catch the coffee and pushed the start button. He didn’t turn around. 

“Minho? “ Nothing. He just stared as the machine whirred to life and the smell of coffee hit me. Awakened my senses. 

“Minho, please.” I hated how my voice sounded, pleading and high-pitched. Like I was about to cry. “Please let me explain.”

“You don’t need to.” His back was starting to piss me off, my desperation turning to anger. I just wished he would turn around and look at me. 

“I feel like I do. Nothing happened. Not last night. He couldn’t sleep, he said Changbin was snoring really loud so he couldn’t-”

“What do you mean ‘not last night’? Has something happened between you before last night?” He finally turned to face me, his features hard. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He was good at that mask of coolness, acting like nothing mattered to him. He was cool as ice, his eyes shuttering closed and giving nothing away. It was like he was trying very hard not to show any emotion. The twitches of his mouth were the only sign I had that he was still breathing. He wanted to say something, he just wasn’t saying it.

I stood there, silent. Watching him and opening and closing my mouth to say something. Anything. But nothing was coming. There was nothing I could do to combat the hurt he unknowingly exposed. I knew that deep down. What I didn’t understand was why he felt hurt. 

His eyes kept flitting between my chin and his cup, steam rising up and disappearing into the air. He would watch it fade from view, then come back to my chin, not willing to look me in the eye. 

“The night before last…” I started, voice barely above a whisper. “He waited for me while I was closing up. We got into an argument and he told me…things. Things I couldn’t…ignore. And he kissed me. And I didn’t stop him.” I said all of this to the floor, my stomach doing flips. 

“Well that makes sense.” Was the only thing he said, but the way he whispered it, I could tell it wasn’t meant for me. I made a mental note to ask him later. All I could focus on now was how he felt right now. 

What I still couldn’t figure out was why I felt like a child getting caught sneaking out in the middle of the night. I hadn’t done anything wrong, so why did I feel such shame and guilt creeping up through my spine, locking my throat? Why was Minho’s gaze so hard to meet? Why did it feel like more than just an older brother being concerned for me? Why wasn’t he saying anything? 

I took a few deep breaths and chanced meeting his eyes, which weren’t on me. They were glued to the view out the window behind me, jaw clenched. He looked strained with the weight of the words he wasn’t saying. Each rise and fall of his chest pushing them deeper and deeper until they hit the bottom, to be locked away. The tension he was creating with the silence grew with every passing minute, becoming tangible. My hands found solace in fiddling with my own cuticles, picking and messing with them in every which way I could. 

“Minho, please.” I repeated. “Say something. Anything. Yell at me, scream at me, hit something, just do something other than stare out the window.” His tongue licked his lips quickly, then returned inside his closed lips. He blinked rapidly, eyes never settling on one place for very long. He swallowed. Loud. 

“I just…” He trailed off. He bit his lower lip for a second before giving me what I wanted this whole time. He looked me straight in my eye and said, “I didn’t know you dated coworkers.” His shoulders sagged, deflated, and his head lowered. He stared back down at his feet, finally finding a spot to land on. He shuffled his slippered feet, crossing one over the other while he leaned on the counter. 

My head reeled. That was the last thing I thought he would say. I said as much. 

He scoffed, but looked up at me expectantly, like he was waiting for an answer to a question he didn’t ask. I let my head fall in confusion. 

“Is that what this is about? Me dating a coworker? I never knew of a rule against that.”

“There isn’t. I don’t care if people date each other in the workplace, as long as it doesn’t affect their work. I just didn’t know you did.”

“But why does that matter?”

He sighed. “It matters.” To me.

I stared at him.  Couldn’t do anything else. The silence in my head was now replaced with a million questions. I had been in front of him this whole time yet I didn’t see him until now. My quiet, stubborn, kind-hearted friend and his quirks all wrapped into this man before me, fighting his better judgment. The inner battle he was losing was evident in his frown lines.

“Minho?”

“I was-” Footsteps up the stairs, heavy and a sound like someone dragging something soft with them. Minho’s eyes went wide again and he turned his back to me, to whoever was coming down the stairs. Felix appeared, a blanket wrapped around himself, his blue hair disheveled and eyes drooping. 

“What- Why are you guys up?”  I glanced at Minho's back and sighed. 

“Nothing. Just too excited to be here I guess. Didn’t sleep much.” Minho said nothing. The tension I was feeling mere moments ago was fleeing, as if it too didn’t want to be a part of this. Part of what, I didn’t understand. I watched Felix move about to start making something for himself, moving around the stationary Minho and completely oblivious in his half-awake state. Clatter of pans and the frying of eggs were the only sounds coming from this room, the ceiling creaking about with the others starting to wake and walk around. I was staring at the marble of the kitchen island, trying to make sense of it all. 

Then it hit me.

Like a ton of bricks.

Space.

I needed space. 

The house was too loud, too crowded for such a large temporary oasis. The open kitchen-to-living room was suddenly too close, pushing in and squeezing any air that was left in the room. It was quickly very hard to breathe. Ragged breaths were all I could manage. 

I felt a hand on the small of my back. Chris appeared out of nowhere at my side, looking very concerned. He searched my eyes for what might be ailing me, but it was all a whirlwind of confusion, anxiousness, and nerves of giving something away before I could tell him myself. 

“I’m… going to get some sea air.” I stood, moving out from Chris’s grip and headed for my shoes by the door. Chris followed me, his basketball shorts swinging with every step and tshirt hanging loose on his torso. 

“Do you want me to go with you?” He said just low enough for me to hear. I shook my head.

“No, it’s fine. I just need some air.” And I left him standing in the door, looking like a puppy being abandoned by its owner. I glanced back as I shut the door and Minho’s eyes were watching me walk out, a similar look reflecting back to me.

*

Even surrounded by the calming aura of the sea, my mind was still reeling. My hands were running mindlessly through the sand, my mind elsewhere occupied. 

Minho had feelings for me. That was all that was bouncing within the walls of my skull, going from one side to the other. 

Minho has feelings for me. Has? Had? It seemed current, ongoing. So many questions were coming to me in between the waves of shock running through me. 

How long has he felt like this? Why say something now? Why didn’t he say anything sooner? He had plenty of opportunities. We’ve only been working together forever. We’ve only known each other all our lives. Why did he never say a word? Or did he show signs and I just never saw them. 

The Minho I knew wasn’t very expressive. Often coming across cold and unfeeling, he was never one that was easy to catch on to until he had already done what he was going to do. He laughed quietly, except when he didn’t. He found no one funnier than himself though. His jokes were the funniest to him. When he wasn’t overwhelmed with work, he actually was one of the funniest people I knew. 

Ah, Minho at work. He got buried too often. Or maybe he buried himself? Oh god, did he bury himself in his work to distract himself from his surroundings? Namely, me? No, there’s no way. He just focuses easily on it. He loves it. Doesn’t he?

Everything was coming too quickly, too fast for me to comprehend. I tried to let the sea drown out the thoughts when two people plopped down beside me in the sand. I knew from the smells of old dough and cologne that it was Felix and Hyunjin. I didn’t bother turning my head from the water. 

They sat with me, silent and following my gaze out into the nothingness. Felix leaned his head on my shoulder, the weight of his head bringing me back down from my thundercloud of thoughts. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. The blanket of safety I needed while I had these two friends with me along with the silence. Hyunjin broke it first. 

“You really didn’t know?” 

I snapped my head to him, eyes bewildered. He kept staring straight ahead, either completely oblivious or pointedly ignoring my stare.

“You did?” He nodded.

“We all did. We thought he would die before telling you.” Hyunjin said it slowly, like he was weighing the words on a scale before he used them. 

“And he told everyone but me?” Felix picked his head up before shaking it.

“No, he didn’t tell anyone. We just…picked it up from watching him with you. No one told us. We just know how he is with you versus how he is with other people. He’s softer, less… troublesome with you.”

“I beg to differ, Lix. He gives me all kinds of shit! You guys just don’t see it.”

“Maybe,” he replied “but I would bet you that everyone else would say otherwise.” His deep voice was soft, carefully laying the words at my feet for examination. For the first time since they sat down, I looked at each of them. Hyunjin was cautious, a little apprehensive and bit his bottom lip while he watched me. He met my eyes, giving me an apologetic look. 

“Really?” I said, quiet. He nodded slowly. I sighed and looked to Felix, whose head was still on my shoulder in his version of comfort. He shifted to look at me without moving off my shoulder. His eyes were wide and I have never hated that look more than this moment. I couldn’t say no to him, I would give him anything he wanted. “And what do you want?”

“I want to get this burden off of you. It just seems like it’s a lot for you right now.” 

“You have no idea.” I went back to the ocean, longing to be a simple piece of seaweed just floating in the water. My life would be so simple if I was just another piece of greenery with no feelings, nothing to care about, no one to answer to or listen. 

“Hey, we’re gonna leave you to think. Just…” They stood up, brushing the sand off their pants for the walk back. Hunjin had gotten a head start while Felix had started walking backwards, still facing me. “Don’t be out here too long. People” he widened his eyes at me, putting even more emphasis on the word, “will start to worry.” I nodded once, knowing exactly which people he was referring to. I wondered what he was doing through all of this, if he too would join me out here.

Well, I should have known better than to doubt that he would.

The sun was almost straight above me, signaling midday. It was a nice day to be at the beach if you weren’t me. More people had crowded the beach here, enough where there was noise to distract me. Shirtless guys playing volleyball, families laying out on blankets and old sheets, kids playing with their toys and shouting for their parents' attention were all around me. I was watching one particular group of older teens pushing and shoving each other playfully when another presence approached me. 

Minho walked quietly on normal ground, but he was even softer on sand. He mimicked my position, knees up to his chest with his arms circling them. He joined his hands together in nervous wringing as he found what I was watching. 

“They’ll get burned to a crisp.” A puff of air escaped my nose in a chuckle. We watched them run around for a while before my thoughts and questions burst through the dam. 

“How long?” A deep sigh. 

“Almost 10 years.” 

“It started at 15?” I asked incredulously. I saw him nod through the corner of my eye. “How?”

“I couldn’t tell you the exact moment. It was like I woke up one day and realized ‘hey, you’re in love with your best friend.’ Which was immediately followed by a ‘fuck, you’re in love with your best friend.’ And there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing to slow down, nothing to catch me from feeling this way. It was like it was… always there. Just waiting to be tapped alive.” 

I couldn’t believe it. Was I just too naive to realize it? Or was he just that good at hiding it?

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was waiting to see if there was any spark there, anything to tell me that you were into me too. And I was waiting and waiting and waiting. I watched the boyfriends come and go. I watch you flirt with customers. I knew what it looked like when you liked someone, so I looked for those signs. I looked for them with the guys and I didn’t find any. I thought you just didn’t like guys you worked with so I just sat back. I knew I couldn’t let the restaurant go, and there was no way in hell I was firing you so I suffered in silence. I didn’t think that would change. Yet here we are.”

“Here we are.” I was scared to look at him, afraid of the vulnerability I would find. I didn’t think I was ready for it. I had never seen him not be his sarcastic, stubborn, sometimes abrasive self. This was a new side of him I hadn’t been able to see. But I couldn’t help wondering… “What now?”

“Well…” He turned to me, forcing me to finally return that piercing gaze. I was right to be afraid of what I would see. I swallowed hard. “I know you. I know how you think. I know how you are. If you had feelings for me, you would have felt them already.” I tried to protest, the words forming on the tip of my tongue. He held up his hand to stop me. “It’s true and you know it.” That sad smile broke my heart. “Besides, now that you know, if you told me you returned those feelings, I don’t think I would believe you. Not truly. I would think that you were just saying it to ease the blow.” He put his hand on my knee. “We’re fine, I promise. I’ll just need some time to grieve. I don’t want this to turn into some… choice you have to make. Between me and him. It would create drama that we don’t need and honestly, I can’t stand the thought of losing you. So I’m removing myself from the equation. Forget I said anything and let’s just go back to how things were.”

“That’s the thing, Minho. I don’t know if I can. Now I’m going to read into everything you do and wonder if you’re telling me the truth.”

“But I’ve never lied to you.”

“A lie of omission is still a lie.” To that, he was silent. “Exactly.”

“Just give me some time. You’ll see, it’ll be fine.” I turned my eyes to him again. “Do you still want to be my friend?”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Then just give me time. Nothing has to change.” It was my turn to be silent, doubtful of his words. 

I didn’t want to lose him either. I wanted to tell him, but the words wouldn’t come out. He meant the world to me. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t lose him. But now everything he did I would have to look at differently. Reading into every word he said like I would find something there if I looked hard enough. 

“Now, if you’re going to pursue things with Chris, you need to make sure he’s telling you everything. Don’t push it, let him come to you. But make sure he tells you about his family before you two get…serious.”

“We’re not officially together. Not yet.”

“‘Yet’. There’s that word again.”

“What did you mean earlier? When you said ‘it makes sense’?”

“He asked me if I was into you and I never gave him a straight answer. I didn’t deny it outright. Not until later.”

“So he suspected it too? Wow, did everyone know but me?”

“I denied it to everyone who asked. After the first couple times, the others just stopped asking. I figured they had dropped it.”

“They took your denial as just the opposite. Hyunjin just told me that they all knew.” Minho nodded. 

“That makes sense too. They never asked me about it again so I assumed they dropped it.” Hmm.

“Is that why he was so cold towards me in the beginning? Chris?”

“I don’t know for sure. You’ll have to ask him.” I nodded and took in our surroundings one last time for the day. I had already spent too much time here. I needed to talk to Chris. 

We walked back together, not really saying much. I was still processing all that he had said to me. I think he was doing the same, accepting the fate he had resigned himself to. 

Walking up that long driveway, we could see that a figure was sitting on the stairs leading up to the front door. Sounds of splashing and laughter came from the backyard, yells and shrieks from the other boys of laughter and playful shouting. Minho was a few steps behind me, trailing me the whole way. As the figure came more and more into view, Chris had dressed in jean shorts and a white t-shirt with a band I hadn’t heard of. His hat was backwards as he picked at his cuticles and tried to act like he wasn’t waiting for us to come back. When we reached his earshot, his head shot up. He looked confused as to whether he should stand up or not. I stopped just short of him, giving him no indication of what was said over the past few hours. The only thing me and Minho talked about was that I should be the one to talk to Chris about everything. 

Minho walked past me up the steps, giving me a small pat on the back before I sat next to Chris. I picked a spot of rocks on the driveway to focus on, deciding it would be the only thing I look at while I got everything out. I was struggling with how to start, but Chris decided for me. 

“So… What the fuck? What was all that?”

“That… was the culmination of years and years of pining.” I turned to look him in the eye, wanting him to know that I didn’t enjoy this part at all. “He’s been lying to you. He does- did have feelings for me. He never told me or anyone else.” 

“What?”

“Yep. He didn’t even tell me directly. I figured it out. And this was the one time he didn’t deny it.” I turned to fully face him, watching his facial expression turn from confused to slightly angry. “He peeked in my room this morning and saw your arm around me. I wouldn’t have been so concerned but his face when he realized what he was seeing… I never want to see that face again. It was this mixture of sadness and anger and pain that I have never seen before. So I ran after him.

“And that’s when we started talking in the kitchen when we got interrupted by Felix. That was when it clicked. He was talking about not knowing that I dated coworkers and I thought it was weird until he wouldn’t look at me while I was explaining. I think that was the moment it actually clicked for me. He said something about something making sense and when I asked him about it, he said that you asked him if he had feelings for you. He said he denied it. Has denied it every time he’s been asked.”

“I asked him when I realized my own feelings. It was at the same time that I noticed he treated you differently from the rest of the crew. When he denied it, I thought it was because you were friends for so long. It was the only reason I could come up with.”

“So then why did you treat me like I wasn’t worth your time?”

“He just talked about you so much, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. It wasn’t until about a month in that it finally clicked. I was fighting it, I didn’t want to fall victim to it too. But that all changed for me when you started training me. I got to see you. I saw what everyone else saw. And I was pissed about it. I had fallen for you and I was fighting it so hard. But you broke down every wall I had built, just by being you.” 

Everyone was dropping so many bombs at my feet today. I hardly had the brain power to process it all. I thought this weekend would be fun, a time for all of us to relax. I didn’t think it would end up like this. Well, why stop the bombs now? I dove in head first.

“Tell me about your family.” Chris’s face hardened from the open and soft glow he had while he was telling me his feelings. From confessing more about how his feelings had come about to being forced to bring up a subject I was sure he wasn’t ready to talk about. He was pushing himself to tell me. I was pushing him, dying to know what Minho thought was important that I should know before he and I moved forward.  

Chris looked at me, apprehensive and wringing his hands just like Minho had earlier today. That particular nervous tick they had in common. They reminded me more and more of each other with every passing day. Chris swallowed hard and looked behind him to the front door to check for any eavesdroppers. Then picked a spot on the gravel in front of him just like I had. And it all came tumbling out.

“You weren’t… far off with your accusation of drug deals. My father was the one who brought me into it. Said he wanted to retire and do his own thing and pass it on to me to take care of everything. He got so caught up with leaving me with the responsibility and teaching me how to do things properly that he slipped up on his boss and he ran my father out of town. I spent the next two years trying to right his wrong and get him back. My mother was devastated. And pregnant with her fourth child.

 “I had two younger brothers. Lucas was close with my sister but the baby, Daniel, wouldn't leave my side no matter where I went. Those pictures you found in that box, those were the ones I took with me before I left. Those are the only pictures we have together. He was the one who understood what I was going through without me telling him. He had a talent for feeling your emotions without you having to say it. He was the sunshine that came out of the shadows of my father running. Daniel was always trying to make Lucas and Hannah laugh every day. He was so young and already wanted to make everyone around him happy. I wanted to take him everywhere, make up for my dad being a piece of shit that ran out on him. And he came along too, just to be a part of it all. I kept him away from that dark part of our life, the life my father thrust on me to take care of them. The problem was the room we shared. Daniel always wondered where I went in the middle of the night without him. He would wake up after I put him to bed and question me until he was out of breath and I got him to go back to sleep again. I was very late to a lot of deals because of him. About three years ago, he followed me to a deal and hid in the corner of the alleyway where no one could see him. I thought I was being careful enough that I wasn’t being tailed. But he was smaller, quicker, could hide easily. Well, the deal took a wrong turn, something about there not being enough for what he paid for. He brought out his ‘backup’ and started shooting, two warning shots off to the side. And I heard the smallest of gasps from behind the shadows.

“I’ll never forget the way his little body collapsed to the ground. It haunts me every night in my dreams. Everyone ran. I found someone on the side of the street to call for help but by the time the ambulance came…” He shook his head, his bottom lip starting to quiver. He drew some calming breaths, fighting the welling I could see coming from him. I could see the anger, the pain of it all in those tears. He was fighting these emotions too.

“That’s how I know Minho. He was in the hospital for his dad in a random town, my town, and he saw me pacing and waiting for my mother. I can’t imagine how I must have looked for him to approach me that night. He said he overheard what I told the nurse and put two and two together since the town we were living in at the time was known for shit like that. I didn’t say anything, didn’t confess or deny it. And then the fucker sat down and he waited. He started telling me this story about how his dream used to be to become a professional dancer. I thought he was fucking nuts, talking to this random guy about his dreams. But what I didn’t know at the time was that he was waiting with me for my family to come so I wouldn’t be alone in a hospital. 

“He gave me a piece of paper with his number on it and told me if I ever needed a way out, to give him a call. I don’t know what he saw in me that day, probably a broken soul with no way to change his circumstances but I couldn’t face my family after what had just happened. I couldn’t… wake up every day in that house, knowing what I had done to them. I didn’t deserve any kindness from them. So I ran too. I left my sister, my brother, and my mother all to deal with the mess of what I had done. I’d been living with friends and friends of friends for years, just trying to make ends meet and keep up with demand until Minho called me again a couple months ago and told me he had a job for me. So I packed up my duffel and hopped on the bus until I got here.”

I was in tears by the time he was done. We both were, as much as he tried to fight it. His breaths were shaky as he tried to regain his composure. 

“What you saw that night was when they caught up to me. I hadn't seen them since. They couldn’t find me, they said. But now they have. I don’t want to fuck this up, I like being here. I don’t want to have to run again.”

Wiping the tears that had fallen, my fingers were now slightly wet. I wasn’t sure how my voice would sound if I were to speak, but I had to ask. 

“Have they come back since?” He swallowed again and kept staring at the ground. I couldn’t help the slight anger that arose. What the fuck.

“It’s not like I wanted them to come. They have people everywhere. I can’t ever get away. I’ll always be dragged back there. Hell, I moved four towns over and they still found me.”

“What do they want from you? Why won’t they leave you alone?”

“He keeps saying I need to pay back my fathers mistakes. More deals I do, the less that I owe. I was hoping that if I made enough here, I could pay them and they would leave, but they haven’t yet. More things keep getting tacked on to the bill and it’s just a never-ending list.” He ran his hands up his face and into his hair and groaned. “If I could be done with it, I would.” He sniffled and wiped his tear-stained face again. 

“Thank you. For telling me.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I had no words for what he just told me and I was trying not to let it show. He started, seemingly surprised to hear me say that. “You haven’t told anyone else that, have you.” Not really a question. 

“I told Minho when I got here. But he’s the only one who knows.” I nodded. “What a way to ruin a romantic trip, huh.”

“It’s not ruined.” I put a hand on his back, trying to reassure him and myself. “Just had a couple wrenches thrown in. But there’s still two more days until we have to go back home. Let’s just…try to enjoy this as much as we can, yeah?” He plucked up his best smile, which came off tighter than what I was used to. His effortless glow was dull now, tired and emotionally exhausted. I had to admit that I was too. 

*

Mini golfing had been Changbin’s idea. Something about showing off another one of his ‘many talents’. All of us rolled our eyes. 

“Ah yes, something else Changbin can hold over our heads for the rest of the trip.” Seungmin had a point. Changbin loved beating us at sports and games and such and then never letting us live it down. Bowling was always his first choice, but we had all talked him out of it, especially since there weren’t really any bowling alleys around this area of town. But what they lacked in bowling alleys, they made up for in other activities. Mini golfing was one of them.

We all piled into the minivan Minho had rented for us. The ride there was filled with all kinds of smack-talk, more yelling and shouting. There was never a moment of peace around here. 

The spot Changbin picked was an outdoor place with a Jungle theme. It had a huge plastic monkey out front that you had to enter under. The open way to the front desk was littered with people who were thinking the same as us; just wanting to get out of the house and do something together. What they didn’t know was how our group handled such activities.

Hyunjin and Felix were “fighting” over who got the blue putter while Minho and Seungmin were mercilessly teasing Changnin about how they would beat him at his own suggestion. Chris had taken Han to find where the staff kept the golf balls, which left myself and Jeongin to meander once we found which putter we wanted to use. I opted for the pink one, of course. 

“Why are they so mean to him sometimes?” Jeongin asked, watching Minho and Seungmin. 

“It’s how they show their love for him. Trust me, he knows. He wouldn’t stand for it if he wasn’t happy. He does the same thing to them, haven’t you noticed?” I was doing my best to pretend everything was normal, like my heart and my mind weren’t constantly going a thousand miles a minute since this afternoon. It wasn’t that I was scared of Chris, it was just that I had no choice but to see him differently now. I never expected him to trust me immediately, I knew it would grow over time. What I wasn’t expecting was the contents of the story. It wasn’t his fault his brother had come along to something he wasn’t supposed to, but he blamed himself anyway. I wasn’t sure if that made him admirable or not. 

“Changbin has tells when something or someone goes too far for him. He’ll shut down almost instantly or be just the opposite of how he normally is.” 

“Kinda like you.” My head snapped up at him, surprise written all over my face, I was sure. Innie had never read me like that. I narrowed my eyes on him. 

“Whatever do you mean, Young One?” He smiled. 

“You’ve been off since this morning. Like something’s bothering you.” I sighed at him. So young, but he was observant. Liked knowing the small details of everything and everyone around him. “What are you hiding? What happened today?” His face held not a trace of insincerity, his eyes focused on me and willing me to tell him the truth. I almost did. 

“Nothing, Innie. Don’t worry, whatever it is will work itself out in the near future. I’m sure of it.”

“Well, if you won’t tell me, then I can at least help you take your mind off of it.” He placed his hand on my shoulder and let me lead the way behind Changbin, who had taken off to the first hole. 

“Whoever gets through first, tell Hyunjin how many hits you had and he’ll write it down. Whoever loses buys dinner. Ultimate winner picks where we eat!” 

Felix went first, not doing too well. 

“It’s because there’s a hill there!” He pouted the three steps over to the next hole while he watched everyone else.

Chris laughed at him along with the others before turning to me to try and catch my eye. He’d been trying since we piled in the van. I wasn’t purposely ignoring him, per say. I just needed more time. He leaned forward and back, trying to move around Han without drawing too much attention to himself. He frowned, and from the corner of my eye, I saw his shoulders go up then down, letting out a sigh. His frustrations weren’t for nothing, I knew I was avoiding him and so did he. I just didn’t know for how long. Once I was sure his back was turned, I chanced a look. His shoulders sagged more than they had since we left. He looked defeated. 

“Ah, so it is him.” Jeongin and his nosy ass… 

“Don’t tell anyone. Please. It’s just very complicated right now and I just need to sort it out on my own.” He shrugged and widened his eyes to look more innocent. 

“I wouldn’t even know what to say. I don’t know what’s going on.” He threw up his hands and followed Felix’s turn. Innie had an untapped affinity for mini golf, it seemed. He got it on the first try, to everyone’s shock and admiration, even his own. 

I went next, although it took me a couple tries, I got it in eventually. 

“Not bad! You did better than me.” Felix said, watching the others before he moved on to the next hole. 

“I think that’s how this whole course is going to go for me.” And I was right. 

Twelve holes later, my name was at the bottom of the list of winners, Han following close behind. ‘I’m no good with sports with balls!’ he insisted again and again. From the looks of the beginning of our adventure, I thought Jeongin would win the entire thing and I would be saved from any extreme expenses. But alas, Seungmin surprised us all. 

“Let’s go to the seafood place we saw down that way.” He pointed down south towards town and we all followed one by one, leaving the van behind since the weather was nice and it was a short walk. Chris decided he’d had enough of my avoidance and finagled his way to my side. 

“Everything okay?” He kept his eyes straight, walking just behind the others in front of me, letting his voice carry on the wind. 

“Not excited about the hundreds of dollars I’m about to spend but I guess.”

“Have you been avoiding me on purpose or by accident?” Ignoring my attempt at a joke, his tone gave away more than he would admit, but I heard the slight embarrassment for even asking. Like he didn’t want to appear insecure for asking a simple question he may already know the answer to. 

“Can we not talk about this here? In front of everyone?”

“Then later tonight? Please?” There was that voice again, that pleading he would never admit to. I had to make up my mind by tonight then, whether to keep things going as they were or to end them now and for good. It seemed like too soon. “I’m not trying to push you, you’re just making me nervous.”

“How about tomorrow night? Before we leave the next day.” It was the best solution I could give him at this moment, while I was still trying to figure myself out. 

“I won’t get an answer tonight anyways, will I.” More of a statement than a question. I shook my head. 

“I don’t have one right now.” Han must have said something funny because the boys ahead of us cracked up and started playfully shoving the boy. They were completely oblivious to the conversation happening behind them and the weight it carried. Minho was smiling at Han and trying not to look at us from the way his body was angled to the side but his eyes were on his friends and the sidewalk ahead of him. 

Chris sighed and kept walking, picking up his pace to leave me behind. I watched them all, all eight of them, together for the rest of the walk. They were a good looking group. They fit with each other really well. Where one lacked, others were there to pick it up. The strengths they played on were just that; strengths. Individually, they were good, but together, they were even better. 

We walked into the restaurant and were greeted by a hostess that couldn’t have been more than seventeen, but her smile made her look older. It was warm and inviting and perfect for her job. 

“How many?” She asked us. Changbin, who was stuck in front of the group, rose to his tiptoes and counted to make sure he was right. 

“Nine.” He replied and the girl counted her menus and led us to a table in the back. The place was semicrowded, just enough to have a stable crowd for this time of day, but not so much as to be too busy to do everything needed. Minho once told me that this meant the place was good, no matter who was cooking.

Once we were all dropped off at our table, the girl started placing menus in front of the chairs to return to her station at the front. Everyone sat in whatever seat they liked while Minho and Chris stared at the last few open seats; one beside me and one diagonally in front of me. When I realized what they were looking at, I quickly sat down and picked up my menu, eager for something else to focus on so I wouldn’t feel pressured to help them with this decision. Chris took the seat beside me while Minho took the other across the table. They both glared at each other for a second before giving a quick nod and picking up their menus.

Felix was seated on my other side and Hyunjin was on his. They were looking at the menu together and whispering to each other. Chris sat himself down carefully beside me, like I might explode if he sat too fast. 

“I seem to have found myself beside you yet again. Funny how we keep seeming to be thrown together like this.” He flipped open his menu. “Like a pattern almost.” He turned the pages without glancing at me, scanning through them top to bottom. I took a deep breath and continued to do the same, wondering why the universe was always playing such jokes on me. 

***

That night the boys decided to initiate a tournament of sorts downstairs in the basement. I opted for the silence of the crow’s nest on top of the house. Staring at the stars again, like so many other nights of years prior, I was looking for clarity. Being alone while being in a house full of people was a strange, yet not uncommon feeling for me. When there was fighting in the house of my childhood, I needed to find an escape elsewhere and the stars were as good a place as any. 

I hated this feeling that was coursing through my veins right now. This feeling of uneasiness was disturbing to my bones. Even when I wasn’t sure where I was going in life, there was always a backup plan in place. Even when it wasn’t solid, I knew I could come up with one if I needed to. But this didn’t feel like that. This felt like I was lined up at the plate, ready to hit a home run only to find out the pitcher wasn’t even there. 

Was Chris’ past something I could look past? Did it even matter? He seemed really torn up about it. I would be too in his shoes. But was that enough to look past how he got here in the first place? The drugs, the trauma, everyone he was involved with, it just seemed like too much. But he felt like a changed man, even if I never knew the old one. It felt as though he wanted to be different, wanted to be better than the boy he left behind. I wondered what sparked that desire for change. I prayed it wasn’t me. I wasn’t sure why.

I never wanted to change him, just to… The truth was I didn’t know. At first, I just wanted him off my back but that was before he became my responsibility. Now he wanted to become more, but before he could do that he needed to stop dealing with those people for his own safety, to stop him from getting hurt and to protect everyone else we had come to care about now. That was before I cared about him as I do now. And before I knew what was behind it all. 

Minho was another situation. He said to give him time. I didn’t want to lose him, but if what he said was true, that I would have felt something for him the way he wanted to, I would have felt it by now. But I didn’t know it was true. I couldn’t tell the difference between what I felt for him now and what I felt before, with the exception of the pang of guilt every time I thought about him. If what I felt now was friendship, then was it true that it was all I was capable of for him? I had never been overwhelmed with the need to kiss him or anything of the sort, but knowing what I know now, would that change? Did it matter if it did? Would it matter to him?

Minho: Where did you go? Felix is asking.

Me: You’re a terrible liar, even over text.

Minho: That’s beside the point. Answer the question.

Me: On the roof. 

“I should’ve known you would find your way up here.” 

“You know I love a roof.” His steps were loud on the wooden staircase, creaking beneath his boot. He found me bundled up in my blanket that I took from my room, feet tucked under me while crouched in the corner. I was sure I looked a mess with my hair tied on top of my head and makeup barely off. 

“That I do.” He sat across from me and mirrored my position sans blanket and looked up at the sky. “How bad was the damage?”

“Nothing a raise won’t fix.” We both smiled. We had always had this easy repertoire between us. I hoped nothing would change that. “I didn’t really get the chance to tell you earlier, but I thought about what you said. I’ve been thinking about it all day. And I don’t want to hurt you further, but I know as much as I wish you weren’t, I wanted to tell you that you’re right. The feelings I have for you and the ones I feel for Chris are different from each other. I don’t mean to drive the stake in deeper, but I just want you to hear it from me first. Minho, I care about you more than I do myself. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I hope you know that.” He nodded, watching my face as I spoke. It was killing him, little by little. But he needed to hear it. “I know you said to give you some time and I will. I just hope your opinions of me don’t change. I love you like family and I always will. You mean too much to me to let you go without a fight.” That made the shoulders slump fully, even though his face was growing into a sad smirk. 

“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. I am your boss.” There was that joke to save me from crying. He could always tell, even when I myself couldn’t. “Unless you want to look for a new job…” He was looking up at the sky and making a face like he was actually thinking about it. I took off my slipper and chucked it at him, hitting his knee that was folded into his chest. He looked at the slipper and blinked, like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. Then he grabbed his leg and started fake-screaming out in pain, falling down to lay on the wood. I rolled my eyes.

“Lee Minho, the other one is coming for you if you don’t stop!” I took it off to show him and his screams dissolved into laughter. That maniacal laughter that he was known for that made anyone stop and give him a look before continuing on their way. I laughed with him until it faded away from our lungs and into the night breeze. He sat up and sighed as he fell back on the railing and scanned me up and down. “What?” I asked softly.

“Chris is just lucky, that’s all.” I blushed and glanced down at my feet. “Hey.” He nudged them, grunting as he reached with his own. “I wasn’t trying to get sympathy.” He stopped. “Well, maybe a little.” He said under his breath. 

I picked up my slipper again.

*

By the time I made my way down to the basement, Chris and Jeongin were the only ones left. Everyone else had gone to bed, or so I was told. They were in a ferocious game of air hockey when I got to the bottom step and I stopped to watch them play a little. Chris seemed like he was better than he was letting on, but Jeongin wasn’t going down without a fight. The score was tied on the digital monitor 6-6. The next point won, and as soon as I realized this fact, Jeongin screamed in satisfaction and glee. 

“YES! Ultimate Champion right here! That’s right!” He did a little dance in a circle, hsaking what little ass he had that made Chris burst into laughter, defeat far from his mind. They heard my laughter coming from behind them and whirled around to see me trying and failing to keep my laughter from being caught. 

“Not so fast there, Innie. You still have one more person to beat.” I sauntered over to the table and pressed reset. Chris seemed happy I was standing near him. Until I hip-checked him and moved him out of the way. “Can’t have you getting in the way.” He looked at the younger boy, who was staring at his paddle like it had grown legs. “Jeongin!” He looked up through his lashes like a kid who’d been caught. “Get the puck, baby boy.” His eyes went wider and his cheeks were red. He grabbed the puck and tossed it onto the table while I grabbed my own paddle. Jeongin was aggressive after he got over the nickname I gave him. Once the blush returned to his neck, his tongue had poked out between his teeth in concentration. He tried, but he was no match.

7-3

Chris was applauding both of our efforts once we were finished. He stood up from his seat on the couch and slowly clapped as he made his way over to me again. 

“I had no idea you were hiding such a talent. But…” He glanced at Jeongin for a second. “I’d like to take a stab at it if I can.” He turned his puppy dog eyes on me, directing the question to me. I swallowed and nodded.

“You can try, but I won’t hold back because it’s you.”

“Oh, my lady, I expect no less.” I raised my eyebrow at him, not expecting the formality. Jeongin cleared his throat.

“I’m going to mourn my title that I had for a total of thirty seconds in my room where people will comfort me.”

“Yeah, Hyunjin might cuddle with you if you ask nicely.” I called after him as he stuck his tongue out at me on his way up. He flashed a quick thumbs up when Chris’ back was turned and I swatted him away. He took off running. 

When I went back to the table, Chris had his hand on his paddle, ready to go. 

“Scared, Sparkles?” I recognized the familiar movie dialogue and smirked to myself. 

“You wish.” He smiled so wide his eyes crinkled into slits. I could barely see the brown I’d become so fond of. While we played, I mulled over my earlier train of thought. The bottom line was: I didn’t know that person. I only knew the one in front of me, getting his assed whooped at air hockey. Whatever mistakes he was running from, he’d removed himself from a place that could’ve gotten himself into somewhere much worse. He left his family behind, everything he had known and came here to make himself a new life at Minho’s offer. And if he could pull himself out of that place, then I could forgive actions that had no bearing on me. As for the family he had left behind, that could be changed. I knew he needed to check in on them, just to hear from them. I was sure they were dying to hear from him if he left with no word. I’d ask him about that later. 

He was keeping up with me point for point. I was right; he was holding back from Jeongin. But I couldn’t figure out why. After I scored my fifth goal, I asked him.

“Because he reminds me of my little brother. It’s actually a little creepy.” It wasn’t a sad memory he was reliving, but one that made him pause to enjoy living through it again. A mournful smile crossed his features before he shook his head and grabbed his paddle again. 

It was nice that he had someone that sparked something he had lost too soon. Anyone who looked in his direction would notice he was carrying a weight on his shoulders that was going to crush him if he didn’t lift it soon. I wondered if I could be the one to help him. 

Two goals later, we were still tied. The next goal would win and after he caught up to me for the sixth time, I saw something spark in his eyes.

“Why don’t we make it interesting?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, were you bored until now?” I left a lilt to my voice and tilted my head, trying my best to mock him into lowering his defenses. 

“No, I just thought it might be fun.” I squinted. 

“I’ll hear you out, but I don’t agree to anything yet.” He chuckled.

“If you win, I will cook the best meal you’ve ever had. Whatever you want, no matter how complicated, no matter how long it’ll take.” He paused for what I only assumed could be dramatic effect. “But if I win, you kiss me right here, right now.”

I raised my brow in confusion. “That doesn’t seem like a fair trade. Why do I get a fancy meal and you get a kiss?”

“To get you to take the deal.” He shrugged innocently. “You have more to gain than to lose. What’s better than that?” I pondered over it. What did I really have to lose here?

“Alright, Puck, you’re on.” I grabbed my paddle with a sudden vigorous grip, I was sure it would break beneath it. Chris lay the hockey puck down and swiped at it so hard it went straight at the wall and bounced so quickly, it landed

in my goal.

Just like that, it was over. In one swipe, our tight match was done with a winner that was not me. I stood still, not being able to move from shock at what just happened while my brain was playing catch-up. I looked down to confirm what I already knew and blinked as the puck stared back at me in the pocket to be retrieved. 

Chris was smiling at me with that cocky smile he had before we had started to play nice. But this time, at least there was no malice behind it, just easy cockiness he had for some unknown reason. The swagger was back. It had been missing since this morning and I hated to admit it, but I missed it. It was an essential piece of him that had grown dull until now. 

“I guess that means I win.” He said under his breath, but loud enough I could still hear him. 

“You planned this.” I leveled him, letting my mind wander with what plan he could have possibly concocted during the day. Was it all a ruse to get closer? Or just some act of the universe for the second time today. Someone is trying to tell me something, I just know it. 

Chris drew closer, dragging his hand across the edge of the table on his way over and not denying a thing. He was walking slowly, like he was waiting for me to say something that would indicate I didn’t want to. He was almost nervous with how tentatively he was creeping along the table. He was watching me to see what I would do, each step drawing closer and closer and he stopped just short of me. We hadn’t been this close like this since the first and only time we had kissed. That fact had popped into my brain as I felt my throat start to close like it does when I know something is coming. I tried to swallow and it came out as more like a gulp. Chris watched my throat go up and down and returned to look me in my eyes. 

I got the feeling he was still waiting for me to say something, to object. And I knew if I did, he would stop and back away and I would regret not doing it. The pang of the truth of that statement hit me and I bit my lip. My heart was beating loudly against my chest, it was a wonder he couldn’t hear it too. He stepped even closer, eyes moving down to my lips. I felt pinned to the ground. I couldn't move if I wanted to. He lifted a hand and lighty gripped my chin to tilt my head slightly up to his. Our eyes met, shortly followed by his lips on mine.

It was like being struck by lightning. Twice, since this was only our second kiss. But this one was intentional. It was full of purpose, yet gentle enough that I could feel the raw emotions he had been holding on to the entire day. A place in his heart he held onto to show just me. He was showing me what it might be like, our relationship. Our first kiss had been rushed, flooded with so many emotions it was hard to choose which one to act on. But this…

Chris moved his hand from chin down to my neck to hold me there while we each drank our fill from the moment. He slowly started tilting his head to deepen our soft and sweet kiss while his hands moved again down my arms to bring them to wrap around his own neck. Once they reached their destination, my own hands had minds of their own. They curled into his hair, feeling his curls threading through them. They were as soft as they were that night. I could see myself running through them when the moon took over the sky. 

Our lips had started to dance when I felt his hands move down to my hips again, the fire leaving a trail on their way down. They started to inch lower and lower, breaking me from my own trance. I broke our lips apart to whisper against his mouth and shook my head.

“Mm mm. Not tonight.” I let my hands slide down his shirt down to his stomach, then drop back to my side. I had to stop it here before I gave in to what I knew would be a mistake here. Not now, not in this place or in this climate between us. That was a conversation we still had to have, but tonight was not the night for it. Chris seemed to understand and brought his hands back.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel pressured.” I shook my head, more aggressively this time to add emphasis to my next words.

“You didn’t, I promise. And trust me, that day will most likely come. But in a house full of our friends? Maybe not.” Chris nodded with a shy grin.

“Right. I forgot they were here for a second.” He looked back up to me and gave me one last grin. “Well, then I guess this is goodnight.” I nodded, feeling the slight tension of what had just occurred rise. I bit my lip again. His eyes drew downwards to it. It was his turn to swallow hard.

“Goodnight, Chris.”

“Goodnight, Sparkles.” 

It was hard not to dream of him.

**

The next morning began with being awoken by Felix leaping into my bed with absolutely no warning. Besides the mild heart attack and the string of expletives that tumbled out of my mouth, I was mainly left with wondering what he was doing. 

“Felix, what the fuck?!”He evaded the question as he continued to laugh at my outburst and rolled off of me. His cackles bounced off my bedroom walls and I slapped his shoulder as hard as I could manage. His cries of laughter turned to those of pain as he held that spot. 

“Why did you hit me so hard?!”

“Because you scared the shit out of me! Why did you do that?!” He was rubbing his shoulder now. “You act more and more like the little brother I don’t have every single day.”

“You definitely do have little brothers, you have like seven.” I rolled my eyes and shoved him out of my bed. 

“What did you even wake me up for?”

“I just wanted to see if there was someone… extra in your bed this morning. I heard he went to bed with a big ass smile on his face last night and I thought he might sneak up here again.” I peeked at him through the corner of my eye as I stood up and walked over to my suitcase to find something to wear for the day’s activities. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

‘Mhmm.” Felix huffed and plastered the most arrogant smirk on his lips. “Seungmin said he wanted everyone downstairs for breakfast. Something about ‘family time,’ I don’t know. But he’s cooking and I was sent to wake everyone up. Would you like to join me?”

“Like we don’t spend almost every waking moment together? Yeah, sure. Let me put some actual clothes on first.” He nodded and exited, rushing down the hall to jump on someone else. I heard a similar scream to mine, only in Jeongin’s voice this time, and knew exactly where he went.

I threw on my shorts and a plain t-shirt and stepped outside my door to see Felix whooshing past me with Hyunjin in tow, his hair a mess and his own t-shirt ruffled. 

“Felix Lee, I’m going to kill you!” Felix’s laughter followed him down the staircase. 

“It’s not my fault you’re so hard to wake up!” His flurry of blue hair disappeared downstairs, running towards the safety of whoever was downstairs. Hyunjin swung around the corner of the wall, his feet stomping down the stairs. 

I slowly made my way behind them, listening for the others that might be up here but hearing nothing, I continued on my way down. Reaching the second floor, I see most of the boys crowded around the kitchen island and drinking coffee. Chris spotted me and smiled brightly, his cup still having steam coming out of it. I sauntered over to him and placed my arm on his shoulder. 

“Morning.” He whispered to me. I smiled down at him and reached across him for his cup. He moved out of the way for me to have a better path and I took a sip while maintaining eye contact. His eyes flickered between mine and the cup I was drinking from, smirking at me. 

“Aren’t we missing someone?” I said to the group.

“Changbin said if anyone woke him up today, they would ‘find themselves missing a limb.’ I would rather not know what he meant by that.” Seungmin responded and brought his cup to his mouth. 

“Hm.” I thought about it for a moment and nudged Chris. “Should we go test his threat?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” He threw me a mischievous look and we both scurried off down the staircase to find our missing friend. 

He was not pleased. 

“YAAAHHHHH!!!!” Chris threw himself on top of Changbin, just like how Felix had done to me, and Changbin roared. He sat up swinging, almost knocking Chris straight in the eye. I was a mess on the floor, drowning in my own laughter and unable to breathe. “What was that for?! I could’ve knocked you out!” Chris’ laughter was a melody that sang to my very bones. I was still chuckling to myself, but I had resolved to watch Chris laugh to the side where he had fallen trying to dodge Chngbin’s swing. Watching his face dissolve into pure joy was like watching a flower bloom in Spring; worth the work and the wait. 

With another yell of exasperation, Changbin threw off his blanket and began to chase us both out of the room, through the gaming area, and back up the stairs. Chris and I were screaming with laughter the whole way up until we collapsed on a couch upstairs in a fit of giggles. Changbin had given up, saying ‘you’re lucky I don’t do cardio’ and took the cup of coffee Minho was handing to him. Minho was shaking his head at the two of us with a small smile, and I felt a pang on my heartstrings. I hadn’t forgotten what I had said last night, but it seemed he took it very well and was on the way to accomplishing his goal. Seeing him watch me and Chris didn’t extract that feeling of guilt that I thought would rise to the surface. No, instead he appeared as some father figure watching his children pull a prank, enjoying the show. 

When the laughter died down between the two of us, we both looked at each other, still breathing heavily. There was that moment between us, when you know you shouldn’t but you really really want to. I looked down to his lips, trying to pretend that I hadn’t been dreaming about them since I fell asleep. I was staring, I knew it, but I couldn’t help but feel the ghost of them again, just above me, aching to touch them…

“Who wants to go shopping in town? You know, get some beach stuff and take a group trip down to the water?” Felix, ever the savior. A bunch of them grumbled agreements. I joined in, still watching Chris watching me. 

“Lixie, I think that’s a great idea.” 

“Me too.” Chris echoed me. 

“You guys go ahead and do your shopping, I’m just going to head straight to the sand and pick out the best spot.” 

“I’ll go with you, Seungmin.” Minho piped up from the sink, washing everyone’s cups. 

“Well, I’m going shopping. And so are you Jeongin.” Hyunjin gave a look to the youngest, who widened his eyes and threw up his hands. 

“Well, I’m going with Minho and Seungmin.” Han proclaimed. “I need to work on my tan. I’m so pale right now, I look like a ghost. Hey! Maybe we could go see a haunted house tonight! That would be fun!” Everyone looked at him in surprise, shocked that he would be the one to suggest such a thing. “What?! I just think it would be funny to see everyone scared shitless.”

“I don’t get scared.” Minho said with a brave enough face, I almost believed him.

“Oh please.” I breathed a sigh. “Tell that to your favorite pair of shorts from high school!”

“Hey! You said you would never bring that up again!” He shouted over the kitchen island, fighting a smile. I wasn’t fighting mine and shrugged. 

“What? What happened?” Han eagerly looked my way. Minho leveled a look at me. 

“Don't. You. Dare.” My lips caved into my mouth, fighting the urge. I was almost going to do it until Hyunin called from the doorway. 

“Van leaves in five minutes! If you’re not in it, you’re being left behind!”

**

Hyunjin pulled into a huge shop with shirts with the name of the town in big bold letters on mannequins in the windows. The inside was just as big as the outside with shirts, bottoms, shoes, spare swimsuits, and pool toys scattered everywhere for purchase. We all drifted apart, each going to the sections that sparked our interest. I floated over to the souvenirs shelf that was ladened with shot glasses, car magnets, and keychains. I wandered over to the tower with all of the keychains with every kind of phrase I could think of and got an idea. I sifted through each of them, finding ones that fit each member of my family. Some sort of keychain that had the name of this town on it in the different designs on it that fit with everyone’s personalities, except for one. 

I had watched a movie recently that I was stealing this idea from. And when I found the keychain for Chris that I was looking for, I snatched it up. When I had everything I wanted from this section, I peeked my head up to see where my friends were. Jeongin was easiest to spot in the pool toys section, so I wandered over to see what he was looking at. He had found the box of pool noodles and was picking out which one he wanted to take with him. 

“I like the pink but I think Changbin might steal it once I bring it with us.”

“Why don’t we get one for everyone? And then just start a pool noodle fight?” His eyes lit up and he smiled wide. 

“Yes! I’ll buy them all one!” I chuckled and walked away, watching him try and put nine total pool noodles in his arms and start for the registers up in the front.

I found Chris near the t-shirts. He was shuffling through the black ones and I tried my best to sneak up on him, but he caught me before I could get too close. 

“Do I wear too much black?” It was directed at me, and the answer flew out of my mouth before I could put too much thought behind it. 

“Absolutely.” He frowned and shifted to the brighter colors on the rack behind him. “I think the light blue would look good.” He stopped to look at it closer, and picked it up off the rack to hold it up to his torso. He looked up to me, asking my opinion. “Good enough to steal.” He chuckled.

“Why don’t you get one too and we can match.” His ears turned bright red, followed quickly by his cheeks. “Or not. That sounds pretty lame, doesn’t it.” 

“No, actually. But I’m still stealing yours.” I grabbed one in my size and gave him a quick smirk as I followed Jeongin up to the register

Back in the van, Chris found himself in the back seat with me, giving Felix and Hyunjin the front seats and Jeongin had the middle all to himself. Sifting through our bags before we left to ensure we had everything, Hyunjin was off back to the house to get changed and join the others down by the beach. 

Chris had nudged his way into the seat directly beside me and placed his hand on the seat next to my thigh. 

“So, is today going better than yesterday?” He asked the window facing away from me. Too casually. I didn’t answer. I just took his pinky and wrapped it around my own, and smiled at him. I was noticing I was doing that a lot more now. 

*

Beach day with the boys was ending with movie night with the boys. They piled on top of each other, blankets everywhere and pillows on the floor made a very comfortable place to lay down. It was a nice final night for us all. It was intermittent with moments where I felt like we truly were a family, so close knit that it was hard to imagine my life without seeing them every day. 

We were all spread out, myself, Felix, Hyunjin, Han, and Seungmin on the floor with Minho, Chris, Changbin, and Jeongin on the couch behind us. I was sitting between Jeongin’s legs on the floor in front of him while everyone else settled for their own spaces on blankets. 

Once the movie ended, half the boys were snoring in their spots and heads were lolled out the side. I looked around and saw that most of them had passed out and decided that the night was best ended in my own room. Chris caught my eye as he had drawn the same conclusion. We locked eyes from across the room and he tilted his head in the direction of the stairs. I nodded. 

I followed him down to his own room, his keychain in my pocket that I had just bought earlier weighing in my pocket. Each step had me giddier than the last. I was more sure of myself since the last time I had descended down these stairs, more confident in my next moves. His back was moving through his sleep shirt, the movements making me want to jump on it piggyback style. 

We entered his room, dimly lit by a single lamp on the opposite side of the room. His room was smaller than mine, set with a simple bed and dresser about kids’ height and the closet doors pulled shut. I sat on the bed, my hands in the pockets of my pajama shorts and making sure the chain was still there. 

Chris shut the door behind him and turned to see me sitting on the bed. He looked nervous and started fidgeting with my fingers until he sat on the floor directly in front of me. 

“Why are you sitting on the floor?”

“I don’t know.” He laughed at himself. “I’m scared of making any sudden movements because I’m scared you’ll leave.” 

“And what if I told you I didn’t want to leave? What if I said that I wanted to spend the night with you down here in this tiny child’s bed?” His mouth fell open to speak but he said nothing. Instead he just smiled. “I got something for you today. While we were out shopping.” 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. But for you to get it, I need something from you first.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about gifts with caveats.” He looked at me skeptically, not moving from his place on the floor.

“Haha, very funny. Wasn’t there something you wanted to ask me on this trip? Something important?” He sat there, his brows furrowed for a minute. Then it dawned on him. 

“Are you saying you have an answer?”

“The answer to that question and the question I’m searching for can both be found with this.” I pulled the chain out of my pocket and let it dangle so he could read the word ‘Yes’ written on a seascape background. He watched it and squinted so he could read it. Then his eyes grew wide.

“Really?” He asked quietly, like he couldn’t believe it. I didn’t answer, just looked into his beautiful eyes and smiled. He stared at me for a moment, features frozen in a mix of elation, fear, and something else. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

“If you don’t, I’m leaving.” 

He did. 

All night long.

*

The drive back home was as quick as the drive there. We all piled in the same cars we drove up in, Chris and I sneaking each other stupid grins that I was sure the others had to have picked up on. We all decided to meet back at the bar so that everyone could leave at the same time in their own vehicles. Chris and I promised that we would tell Minho together after we had our first date, at which we would be discussing far more things in greater detail. But first, I just wanted to reset myself in my own room back home. 

I pulled my car into the parking lot that I was so familiar with, it was like pulling into my own driveway. Until Chris and I spotted, exactly at the same time, what lay waiting for us upon our return. 

Minho was already standing outside his car while the others stood just behind him, watching and staring. I couldn’t see his face or theirs. Their parked cars were behind them, still running, like they had barely put them into park before they rushed to see what had happened.

There was glass everywhere. I could spot the broken seats and tables from out here, the sun giving enough light to see it all. I threw the car in park and ran to get a closer look for myself, Chris hot on my tail. We both were stepping on glass as we went inside. 

It reeked of alcohol. Like the damage done was fresh. It was like someone had taken a giant hammer to everything within reach. The walls were torn up, pieces of glass broken were everywhere, and left up for everyone to see, were these words written in spray paint behind the bar.

COUNT YOUR DAYS

#stray kids #bang chan #skz #chan skz #skz bang chan #chan stray kids #chan x reader #christopher bang #stray kids chris #chan scenarios #chan fic #chan #stray kids imagine #stray kids felix #stray kids hyunjin #changbin skz #skz scenarios #skz fic #stray kids fanfic #skz angst #stray kids angst #stray kids bang chan #stray kids fluff #stray kids scenarios #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #bang chan scenarios #bang chan fic #bang chan fluff

[remyfire]

just had to pop in and say hello to a fellow animorphs kid. the animorphs to mash pipeline is real

spRINTING in and sliding into home base all cool and stuff yes hello :D :D

Animorphs my beloved. I started reading it way too young, probably, and we could only get maaaaybe 12 books out of the whole series in my library. I think I first found it before it was completed, actually, so maybe that's partly why, idk. But when we were dating, my wife nabbed me all of them in a big lovely digital package, so that's how like 20-year-old me got to finally finish reading the series and then cry my eyes out and stare at the ceiling for an hour processing it. Goddamn. Beautiful shit ;v;

Amusingly I had an Animorphs MASH AU pop into my head once, and it's going under the cut because I'm gonna go off at the mouth about it and I don't think many people will care about it, but you activated me and I'm excited now :D

It was specifically circling around Hawkeye being the only person to have this ability (no I have not yet decided how the escafil device got there before Elfangor did, don't worry about it, that's for later me to decide if I ever wrote it) and ending up morphing into Sophie for recon purposes because he could get away with a lot more scouting out of a suspected Yeerk installation as a wild horse than as a human in a jeep. Unfortunately the Sophie instincts make him too happy just to runrunrunrunrun. I think I had Radar as the only person who knew that Hawk had this ability, so when someone brought horse!Hawk back like "Oh hey I think the colonel's horse got out," Radar was just sweating and trying to pretend he wasn't hiding Sophie in her stall like "OH HOW WEIRD IS THAT," while Hawk who was rapidly approaching the two-hour mark was trying to very subtly trot into the barn and not panic Sophie as he morphed back out, bless them.

THEN my brain took it a couple of different routes! One was the variant of Frank's breakdown between S5 and S6. I posited the idea that a casualty that came in was the first to be infested, probably by a Yeerk scouting ship that went down somewhere deep in the forest, and when its alien host was dying on the ground and being investigated by a panicked American soldier, he didn't notice the lil slug creeping up his boot, over his pants, closer closer ever closer until it touched his face, and while he was in a panic and tripping over himself trying to get this thing off of him, he stumbles and bangs his head on something, and while he's reeling from it, that's when the Yeerk infests him. His host is now bleeding profusely from a head wound, though, and about to pass out, so when he ends up on Frank's operating table, this fucking Yeerk has already had a hell of a day.

So Frank manages to get infested by this Yeerk—again, I futz the details, they're not important rn hfkfd I think I posited Frank leaning down to hear what this gasping soldier is trying to say and the transition happening that way somehow—and the Yeerk is struggling to operate Frank's very poorly medically trained brain, so he is maiming and murdering casualties left and right. Everyone thinks he's cracking up because of Margaret's recent marriage, so they send him off on R&R. And the thing is that this Yeerk is starving and has been already for a full day, so the second Frank is there in Tokyo, his Yeerk has started to go insane from the lack of kadrona rays, and god bless Frank, but he was fragile enough already, and his conservative little mind was already paranoid and keen for conspiracies as it was, so he goes straight off the deep end. He does not get sent home with a promotion. He just happily believes that he did.

And then my brain took it a beejhawk route as I am wont to do where Hawkeye needs to know who is trustworthy around him, and he desperately needs to know if he can talk with BJ about what he's seen, what he's experiencing, so he gets them three-day passes and takes him to Seoul, and for the very first time...Hawk seduces him, and barely within minutes of arriving. And there's this brief pause before BJ surges into him with this low hum and unabashed, languid desire, and Hawk ends up pinning him down on the bed and making a quiet choked sound before he looks up at him with a feline grin and murmurs how he wants to play a game with BJ.

And this is how Hawk ends up tying BJ to a chair tight as he can in the middle of a Seoul hotel room, all while whispering the filthy things he's gonna do to Beej once he's got him secure. And then once he's checked all the knots and knows BJ can't get out of them, Hawk catches BJ by the chin and grins and looks him right in the eye and whispers, "I've got just under three days here alone with you. And you're gonna die the slowest, most excruciating death possible. And when you're squirming free, doing everything you can to find just one shred of food, I'm gonna laugh myself silly over how pathetic you are. And then I'm gonna grind you into a puddle for daring to get your disgusting little slime all over this fella's perfect fucking brain." Because he knows Beej wouldn't have drifted that easily into an affair with him, not without at least some degree of grief and self-directed frustration.

And unbeknownst to him, BJ—who has been so goddamn careful the entire time he and Hawk been working together to not let a lick of his desperate desire show through and tempt him, really tempt him—had intentionally pushed all those wet dreams and fantasies and hunger to the forefront of his mind just so his little Yeerk would bypass the sharp reluctance that BJ has to cheat again, so that it would instead think it was being incredibly clever, about to really wrap Hawkeye around its finger and find a way to make him another lovely host as well while his current one is all tied up with nowhere to go.

Something something watching the man you love writhe in agony for three days straight as his little parasite is using his voice to call you the worst fucking things possible with all the knowledge he has of what hurts you more than anything. Something something hearing him cry and plead and beg and promise you everything you've ever wanted with him if you'll just untie him, having to sit there against the wall with your head in your hands and whisper it's not him it's not him it's not him.

Man. What a fucking series, am I right? I'm really normal about it. Thank you for unlocking my babbling :D

#aughaughjfdsfnds i'd forgotten about that au until this exact moment i'm yelling #my ramblings #my writing

[kingwithpaintedfingers]

An Update on the Status of My A03 Fics!

Hihi! I have no idea if anyone who follows this blog reads any of my fics on AO3, but if you do, then you might like to know what the heck is going on with my fics, and why I haven't posted any updates in over six months.

First of all, I am alive! I wrote a lot of fics in the summer of 2022 when I had just gotten active in a fan server on Discord where there was a lot of encouragement to write fanfiction. In the spring of 2023, I started a medical assistantship course, and in order to keep myself focused in class, I turned off notifications for the server. And then I just kind of...didn't turn them back on???? In my defense, I was intimidated by the amount of time it would take for me to backread everything I missed, and that eventually snowballed into me just no longer looking at that server. I should honestly become active in it again, because it did a lot for my writing productivity. I also have a lot of hobbies both in real life and on my computer, and those take up a lot of my time as well. So that's why I didn't post much last year and haven't posted anything yet this year.

But I want to let you all know, that I do fully intend to complete the fanfics I have already started on AO3, and I do intend to write the sequels I promised a year and a half ago.

So without further ado, here is a status report on the incomplete fics and series I have on my AO3:

How to Live With Fire: One of my most popular fics! I have two sequels planned, and a rough idea of what I want to happen in each of them. Both of them are probably going to be only a few chapters long. The delay on this one is mostly on Part 2, since Part 2 has only the vaguest ideas of what I want to do with it (how Mortarion and Vulkan become a longterm couple, and how their legions react to this change). The trouble with this one is, I haven't read any Salamanders novels, let alone ones that take place during the Horus Heresy. I think I will at least have to read Deathfire for this one. I am praying that I don't have to read Vulkan Lives, since I understand that one has less tasty Salamanders content than I would like, and way more John Grammaticus than I find tasteful. But I will still try Deathfire at the very least, if I can find a physical copy at the library or a used bookstore or something.

A Matter of Trust: Another one that's going to end up being a trilogy. I have figured out what happens, now I just need to read the Plague Wars trilogy, because those events are going to be kind of important to the rest of the plot. Again, I'd like to read physical copies of the books so that I can flip through them easily. I'm going to see if I can find copies of the first two novels through the local libraries. Fingers crossed!

Until the Bitter End: Ohhhh, this one's gonna make me cry...this one is mostly hinging on me rereading The Buried Dagger and taking notes. Much lower barrier for entry for this one, since I've read it so often that I mostly remember where to find the events I'm looking for.

Lantern and the Child: This one is going to have like, a billion chapters. It's going to become episodic for a while, but I'm looking forward to it. In this case, it's a case of figuring out which characters I want to introduce. The idea of it being episodic is kind of exciting for me, because it feels like it will be a fun thing to do, and because it goes along with a writing conceit that my co-creator and I have for this AU, that it's the events of a theoretical (very dark) Pokemon anime.

This Once Nearly Was Mine: This one should literally be the easiest one to complete, I am ashamed that I haven't finished it. There's only one chapter left, and I don't even have to come up with all of the events. Again, this one is going to dip into Horus Heresy events that I haven't actually read, but I think I've heard enough from osmosis that I can skip most of it. I just need to, y'know, actually sit down and fucking write it.

Deep's Embrace: I've got an outline! And I've even got some scenes written out! As I type this post, I am preparing to submit chapter 2. I'm having a lot of fun with this fic, as you could probably all tell.

Anyway, that's basically it for now. If you have any questions, please let me know! And if you have any friends who you know enjoy my fics but aren't following me or aren't on Tumblr, please link them to this post so that they know just what the hell is going on with me.

#my fanfiction #ao3 fanfiction #warhammer 40k #warhammer 40000 #horus heresy #warhammer 30k #mortarion #calas typhon #vulkan

[carverl]

I've been rewatching the Indiana Jones films and decided to rank them from least favourite to my absolute favourite, I'd like to note that despite what negative things I may have to say I don't think there is a bad movie in this franchise which is kind of a miracle. I love all of them to some extent, this series means the world to me, and I feel the entertainment industry is lucky to have it.

5. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I really love the first two acts of this movie; the 50s setting is fun, Harrison Ford is great as ever, Cate Blanchett plays a great villain, the action is fun and energetic, and despite how much of a shitty person Shia LaBeouf is his performance as Mutt Williams is honestly really great. Then they get to the jungle in the second half and it all starts to fall apart. The car chase is pretty terrible, the giant ants are creepy but kind of just meh and the conclusion feels very underwhelming. I will say that I don't agree with the criticism that there being aliens is a bridge too far, it's about as plausible as any of the other supernatural stuff so it doesn't feel out of place to me. Overall a fun movie just a bit messy in its third act. 6/10

4. Dial of Destiny

I was so anxious to watch this one, all I'd heard from people was that it was terrible and another wasted legacy sequel, so imagine my surprise when I sat down to watch it and found it's actually brilliant. It feels like a proper finale to the series and does a lot of interesting things with Indy and makes him more compelling in this film than he's been since Last Crusade. Mads Mikkelsen plays my favourite Indy villain in Jürgen Voller, who is intimidating yet ever so slightly campy. I love him, and his plan is so bonkers and off the wall it's amazing. Helena is a brilliant supporting character, and I love how she's kind of like a young Indy with her own version of Shortround. The overall message of the film plus how it deals with Indy's age and the ending made me cry, I felt it was truly something special. That being said, I didn't like the CGI young Harrison Ford at the start of the movie, as well as how a lot of the once practical stunts are now completely CGI, but that aside I love this film. 8/10

3. Raiders of the Lost Ark

The classic that started it all, I'm not gonna say much about this film mainly because I feel like out of all the films I have least to say about this one. It's really great with phenomenonal action, music, acting, and pacing. An adventure for the ages, everything that could possibly be said about this movie has been said. It's a masterpiece. So why is it not at the top? Mainly cause I like the next two more, nothing against this film but I feel later entries improve on what's already there. Still the most quintessential adventure film of all time. 9/10

2. Temple of Doom

My hot take is that Temple of Doom is better than Raiders and I will die on this hill. This movie is a thrill ride from start to finish with some of my favourite characters in the whole franchise; I love Shortround and think he's a great sidekick to Indy, I love Willie she's such a great comedic foil and her line delivery never fails to crack me up, Mola Ram is basically the devil himself with how genuinely evil he is compared to the other bad guys he seems to be relishing in his evil. The camp fun of this movie mixed in with genuine horror imagery and elements make it utterly unforgettable to me, I know for some people it's too mean spirited but I kind of love that about it. Harrison Ford is so great here too, he is an absolute delight in this movie in every scene. The action is unmatched in the rest of the series here with the mine cart chase and bridge collapse being series highlights for me. Overall, it's just a brilliant bit of fun that while not being very deep has such great entertainment factor that I adore it. 9/10

1. The Last Crusade

I must have watched this on VHS so many times as a kid, I was constantly rewatching Last Crusade so I have a nostalgic bias for this movie, but so what? This movie means so much to me personally, its themes of obsession and fatherhood are beautifully executed. Getting Sean Connery, James Bond himself, to play Indy's father was a genius move by Spielberg the presence of Henry Jones sr elevates this film to the stratosphere for me. The story and characters are absolutely perfect, the action is as great as ever, the character of Indiana Jones himself is at his peak in this movie with how we learn so much about his past with that incredible opening sequence with young Indy. My only slight criticism is that the main villain, Walter Donovan is the weakest of the series, but even that's made up for by Elsa, who plays the role as both villain and love interest brilliantly. I love this movie to death. 10/10

"Indiana, let it go."

#indiana jones #ranking

[kedsandtubesocks]

ERIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MILESTONE!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S AMAZING!!!!!

anyway, u know what's my favorite game, undertale, hahaha, sooo, i'm gonna let you use any character you want for that!! i am giving you a million kisses and the sunshine on ur skin <3

RU MY SUNSHINE!! THANK YOU 🥺💕 I couldn’t have enjoyed this day without you and adore you so much!!!

And oh man did I have the best time writing this for you ☺️💘

🏆 - the game where everyone’s a winner!

- izuku midoriya + Undertale -

With your number one pro hero boyfriend being on leave for two weeks after the bad injury he received on the job, you decided to help him enjoy the free time he was going to have with you.

Plus you had a feeling Deku was going to like this game.

You just didn’t know he would like it so much as to start crying as he was now.

“Wait, no it’s okay!” You reassure him.

The man who has fought evil with his bare hands wipes away tears over the small pixelated art, and your heart feels like it’s going to swell over.

“I didn’t know Asriel was gonna end up being the flower! And- and, seeing him apologizing just…!” Izuku’s voice wobbles, and you comfortingly rub his back.

Once he recovers and pushes through, finishes the game, he’s a completely vibrant sun of a man you know. Bright emerald green eyes are ecstatic and wide as he rambles.

“That was so incredible! The way the game allowed you to play but showed the nature of consequences! And then the music?!” Deku cries with pure joy

You quickly get wrapped up in this excitement, rambling fast and eager in agreement.

“I’m so glad you liked it!” You reply matching his energy. Izuku suddenly blinks, as if he’s a bit taken back. Now you’re a bit worried that you possibly came off too strong.

Until he swoops in and kisses you swiftly, fierce and devoted. You melt into his touch easily but teasingly ask against his lip that was that for.

“I just…I’m glad to have someone else I can get excited over things with. Thank you. Thank you for sharing this with me.” Deku’s voice oozes with pure sincerity making you ache with adoration.

“You know, you can get ‘megalovania’ as a ringtone.” You comment knowing how much he likes the music.

“Oh you know nothing replaces All Might’s golden age series opening as my ringtone.” He laughs.

You can at least appreciate that he loves the game, and that enough is a win.

Ru thank you again honey and here’s to more days loving undertale and anime husbands 💖

#you know he’s cosplaying as sans and that’s all I’m gonna say 👀 #Ru’s tag ☀️✨ #asks and such things 💌 #keds 1 year & 1k celebration 📖✨

[phyrestartr]

Hello! I'm that burnt out anon that sent in that too-long message about Divine Favour part 1 (I'm glad you like comments because I have thoughts :D) and instead of revising for my exams I just finished reading part 2. Which is much more interesting and fun than revision. I love you so much for this nugget of hope. Anyway, I hope you don't mind my very tired but excited surface level thoughts part 2 electric boogaloo. Oh, and are you okay with emoji anons? Because if the rest of this series is as good as these two parts (which I have no doubt about and I'm hooked either way) I'm definitely doing to appear more often. I don't even read a series that often because I have the attention span of a walnut with ADHD but I'm so invested.

First off, the obligatory URAUME I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHH!!! I'm genuinely so happy we're friends with Uraume because I love them so much omg. I'm so happy they like their overcoat :D.

I also feel so bad for poor Yuji. Poor bby is being thrown for a loop :( but I want to know what other memories he's seeing! Is Sukuna consciously sharing his memories with Yuji, or is it unconscious? Maybe I'm reading into that one line too much and he can actually just feel the weight of Sukuna's emotions - which, if that's the case, means that Sukuna does care about the reader a lot, even more than he's letting on.

Anyway, speaking of reading into one line too much, that "You are." ???? ARE YOU TRYING TO RIP MY HEART OUT? Actually take it because I'd probably be less stressed but AAAAAAAAA . I came here for a break from revision and now I'm halfway crying at poor bby Sukuna just being so confused about these foreign emotions he feels so strongly but doesn't understand.

but then, even when Sukuna doesn't seem capable of recognising his emotions he's still so soft with the reader? Letting him curl up against him as a fox?? Letting him wear his kimono??? Having him turn around to cuddle???? Rubbing his body to try and revive him???????? I'm so aaaaaa I just love him so much and poor baby he's trying his best even if he doesn't understand completely what's going on.

I also want to know what Kenjaku is cooking up. Why did the reader end up in some nasty curse soup in a coffin somewhere instead of Uraume keeping watch over him? I think the plan is obviously to use the reader somehow to resurrect Sukuna. I'm not sure hoe exactly that would work. The reader's taken Sukuna as his mate, though, so maybe there's some funky yokai magic going on. Probably not. The other thing that's intriguing me is the:

“If I didn't know any better, I'd think you actually cared about that kitsune.” 

“Then you don't know what this is,”

I want to know what it is. Tell me. Tell me, Sukuna. Please :> I think it must be more than just a plan to resurrect him. Didn't Sukuna tell Yuji at one point that even if Yujo were to die, there were still fingers left over to be consumed? That suggests he isn't in much of a hurry to be resurrected even a thousand years. If the reader's burial was just to one day resurrect Sukuna, he wouldn't care so much.

I am obsessed with this series. Thank you so much for writing it. I'm gonna go back to my revision now, but thank you for taking the time to read this nonsensical rant :D

HEY HEY MY BURNT OUT BUDDY!! Hope you're doing well my dude :'D I'm totally 5000% ok with emoji anons, so ofc just lmk in another ask or whatnot what you'd like to take! I think I have a 💀 anon already but p much everything else is free for the taking I believe uwu

AND I AM ALWAYS SO FREAKING DOWN AND EXCITED TO GET YOUR ANALYSIS ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! my brain is also BRRRR ADHD (which is why I always have 400 stories going at once lmao) so I totally understand and HEY I'm glad I can provide a bit of a getaway from doing revisions and uni work you feel me u7u we all need sweet, sweet breaks to read about monster fucking!!!

I'M SO GLAD YOU LOVE URAUME. THEY ARE BABY (RESPECTFULLY). Idk I just enjoy the way they are towards Sukuna, and therefore towards people they like/respect. They need to have some EQUALS in their life frfr and reader is just the sort to be like "I have accepted you and so you must accept that I accept you" and Uraume just rolls with it, silently very happy LOL. Ig they see reader as an extension of Sukuna, too

Omg yeah we love torturing Yuuji in this house (respectfully)!!! Idk he's just a fun, emotional little nugget so he's srsly a great character to use for emotional gut punches. And the way Yuuji is perceiving Sukuna's emotions and memories is elaborated on a little further in the next part, so stay tuned 👀

"YOU ARE" IS LIKE SO CORNY AND CHEESY BUT I JUST LIKE CATCHING SUKUNA OFF GUARD LIKE THAT. BRO IS TRYING TO BE LIKE "DAMN BITCH U DIFFICULT" and reader is just like "u da best tho." Incredible. Impeccable. Sukuna doesn't know how to bother reader sometimes and just has to take a fat L and get mad bc he's having EMOTION loool

YEAH I don't think Sukuna is one for saying loving things in an appropriate way (Ex: no "you're beautiful and i care for you," more like "nice ass") but in the manga, he's explained to be someone that operates on the premise of 'pleasure and displeasure,' so imo heian sukuna categorizes every living thing as 'like that/don't like that' and then the nuance of that is a bit more annoying to him in regards to 'how much do i like that' 'how much do i hate that' etc etc. He's an interesting character to try and understand when writing, and I do have to think hard about how he'd react to gentle/soft/emotional situations since he's a stupid asshole but clearly can give praise/recognition when it's due

KENJAKU RAAAAAH it's clarified a tiny bit more in the next part!

BEHEHEHEEHH Idk if Sukuna will ever fully say it or reveal what THIS is, but reader and context clues should!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GIFTING ME SUCH A FIRE ANALYSIS AND UR THOUGHTS ONCE AGAIN!! Bro I get so stoked when you hit me with an ask like this like asdjkf;l coming at me with expositional essay analysis like SHEE!!

Seriously though, it's so so so cool and exciting when folks pick up on the little bits and pieces of foreshadowing/weird wording/etc and then start speculating on it. Makes the effort of writing in that stuff so worth it!!

THANK U AGAIN AS ALWAYS MY ADHD HOMIE, I HOPE THE REST OF YOUR REVISING WENT ALRIGHT!! YOU DA BEST, I APPRECIATE YOU!! 💖

#tears in my eyes #we love literary homies #yesss analyze that shit give me ur thoughts i love it

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

You gave us back Rachel, I could absolutely cry. (She says, absolutely crying.) I feel like at some point you indicated that you have planned out a certain number of stories in your series - do you have more stories generally planned with Rachel back? I would love more Berenson drama/healing, not to mention postwar Animorphs stuff!

Not gonna lie, How I Live Now was my last story that I had fully drafted and was trying to figure out how to post. It's been my mental "finish line" for a long time, to the point where I'm debating whether to mark Eleutherophobia as complete.

However, I also have [checks folder] 418 pages of outtakes, deleted scenes, vignettes, and fragments that went nowhere, all from that 'verse. Right now they're lumped in a single Word document that causes my computer to hyperventilate every time I open it, but I'm thinking of either posting an outtakes series on AO3 or franken-stitching several into a list story (e.g. 5+1) that I'd spin off from Eleutherophobia. That wouldn't be for a little while, since work's about to get crazy for me once again, but I can promise that not all of those fragments will languish in my MegaDoc forever.

#animorphs #animorphs fic #eleutherophobia #i do love when people dump their fragments and deleted scenes onto AO3 #pretty sure i gotta get me one of those types of series

[lord-squiggletits]

4, 13, 23, 26, 47, 65 :)

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

The first story idea I ever came up with for Transformers/IDW MegOP is a novel idea named "The Blade Called Trust", I literally thought it was going to be my first Transformers fic until the initial concept of Pay Unto Evil came to mind and supplanted it (as I had more/better plot ideas to make an outline).

The main reason I haven't worked on it is because TBCT is intended to be (even when I first conceived it) a magnum opus of IDW MegOP as well as possibly even IDW1 as a whole. It's not just gonna be megop-centric, but it's also going to be me picking and choosing my favorite parts of IDW1 and remixing them into my own fic that's basically an "alternate continuity" of sorts. Though not a fix-it fic so much as as it is a love letter to IDW1, making my own version of it but also paying homage to all of the coolest parts of it IMO.

As such, it's a super mega intense project that I need to do another read of IDW1 so that I can refresh myself on the lore, favorite characters, plotlines/themes I would've liked to see more of, etc. And THEN I can make a proper outline for it, and once that happens I'm home free to actually start writing.

13. talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you.

idk how to answer this one so I'm just gonna say N/A lkdsfklds

23. how do you deal with writers block?

Cry into my friends' DMs lamenting the limitations of my mortal form and why it is I can't be 100% creative and energized all of the time (not joking, my hubris is real bad). Suffer and wait for it to be over. Get really depressed about it. Usually focus on my other hobbies (gardening, sewing) while I wait for the writing juice to come back.

26. do you like to write one-shots or series, and why?

I don't have a preference. If an idea is meant to be a one-shot, I'm happy to write it as a one-shot. If it's meant to be a series/multichapter, likewise. I think being able to write a one-off piece that scratches some brain itch idea I had in my mind is just as good as an idea that takes multiple chapters/pieces to fully realize.

47. what story are you most proud of?

NOOOOO DON'T ASK ME TO BE PROUD OF MYSELF NOOOOO

Somewhat surprisingly I think it's actually An Endless Form Most Beautiful. I reread that fic somewhat recently trying to motivate myself to finish chapter 10, and holy absolute fuck. Past me was a genius writing it. The pacing is perfect. The slow tension and reveal of OP's backstory is also perfect. The romance between OP and Megatron feels natural and develops in a very deep way throughout the fic, centered on them developing trust and sharing their deepest thoughts/fears/goals/affirmations to each other. Impactor is an amazing secondary protagonist whose platonic love for Megatron hits just as hard as the main romantic plot between Orion and Megatron. The recurring themes of community, friendship, love, and collective support are CONSTANT and reinforced by basically everything that happens in the plot. Past me was a genius. I don't understand why I was so worried about the romance feeling unnatural/rushed or the themes being poorly represented.

I don't really like to compare my longfics to each other since I think each is different, but I think the entirety of AEFMB has thematic strength comparable to the epilogue chapters of Pay Unto Evil. Everything is so tightly knit together, but instead of PUE where the themes of mercy/restorative justice were basically an emotional payoff for a long story of suffering and hard choices, AEFMB's themes are a long, slow burn that keep the reader warm throughout the length of the fic, giving it a much more optimistic feeling.

That being said I'm also really proud of Pay Unto Evil for being the first novel-length story I've ever completed. And also for the fact that people keep leaving me comments saying how deeply the story impacted them or made them cry or gave them hope in happy endings.

65. what is your favourite title for a fic you’ve written? 

Pay Unto Evil is probably my favorite, given how succinctly it summarizes the theme of the entire fic. When you first pick it up, I imagine some readers might take "pay unto evil" to be phrased as a sort of declarative statement, an implication that this fic is going to be about karma and people getting what they deserve based on their past actions. But then you read on through the fic all the way to the end (or you already recognize/know the Bible verse the title is stolen from) and realize the actual plot/theme is quite the opposite.

It's a short, catchy, clever, deceptive (if you don't know the original quote it came from), insightful (if you do know the original quote) and meaningful title all in one. Technically a fic title only needs to make some kind of sense to be "good," but it's always nice as a writer when you find that title that's a real ZINGER, as clever and profound as something that would be published as an actual great work of literature.

But also, shout out to one of my Tarnma one-shots little death because even though it's quite a generic/cheesy title (everyone knows that "little death" is based on a French euphemism for orgasming sdlfdjlsk), it feels really fitting for how cheesy and romantic Pharma and Tarn are for each other in that fic, as well as the fact that Pharma having sparkplay done on him via Tarn's voice literally is flirting with death in a way. Thus, little death.

Other shout-outs: Love's Harvest, Of Tides Inevitable, and the joke titles of the one-shot Not According to Plan leading to a sequel fic called Exactly According to Plan. Besides that I literally get most of my fic titles from stealing song lyrics and/or lines of poetry so lmao 😂😂😂

#squiggle answers

[trainingdummyrabbit]

Hey, I know you're a Projmoon fan, I guess I'm curious because I'm at an impasse on what to do rn, did you play through the entirety of Lobotomy Corporation, did you just skip it entirely for Ruina, or did you read a summary/watch a cutscene compilation or let's play/something else? And what would you recommend as an approach? I've tried playing through Lobcorp but it's just extremely tedious and I'm considering skipping it to get to something I think I'll like more (Ruina)

oh!! ok my answer is a little bit complicated tbh; bc i havent. played any of the series at all. WAHAHA

what i personally did was um. attempt to watch an incomplete lobcorp lp ==> couple months radio silence ==> watched one (1) day of gameplay from a friend (for one boss fight specifically) ==> got recc'd summaries i slowly watched thru ==> couple months radio silence. ==> watched someone else's (actually complete) lp ==> (rabbit hole'd) summaries again.

um. dont do that. JSNBGKHDBK

im not gonna act like i Know how t tackle a series like this (since it took me like 4 circles around to Actually Commit to it (and also im kind of. new. here)) BUT from my personal opinion of the series and how it carries itself, i CAN recc at least Some order of something.

TRY to play Lobcorp! which i can kinda see is already done on your end. its something i Super want to try but absolutely know i wont finish SKJFNKDJF;; the main draw of PLAYING lobcorp is the struggle. it Sucks! its Long and Tedious and the game HATES you... and that's the point! it's plot relevant. it's an experience i didnt get to feel, but can so painfully just Understand by merit of watching someone else do it, only skipping about occasionally. tl;dr: the game loop is Telling A Story, Dragging You In-- THAT is the draw in insisting folks play it. it genuinely makes the... everything... hit that much harder. Once youve given it your best, dont feel ashamed to look for someone who's Done It! (i hear a lot of folks havent completed lobcorp themselves, so ✌) DONT UM . SKIP IT COMPLETELY THOUGH ruina is literally a Direct Sequel to it. i think it does a good enough job at introducing the setting on its own, but i am GRABBING YOU this shit will hit fucking DIFFERENT if you Understand. also its a lovely game worth looking at and appreciating bc GOD what a fucking experience those last few days are. i do not cry that easily to stuff like this but OUGH. AUGH. H

Wonderlab??? its a webcomic thats heavily reccommended you read through, but due to um. circumstances . it doesnt seem t be feasible atm. however, there IS a synopsis up thats pretty darn good! wonderlab, iirc, isn't directly plot relevant, but DOES introduce certain important concepts for ruina. however, it's not Mandatory, as ruina Also explains these things. as far as i know, its just a fun lil kickass story in the universe taking place between series you can look at if you want :)

Play Ruina! or watch, i guess. again, i watched an lp and it kicked the shit out of me emotionally (affectionate) so honestly do what you will here, i suppose.

honestly though, these are both super fucking long-ass and ridiculously heavy games so you're probably gonna be here a while. it took me like two weeks of committed watch time t look into Properly, and that was even when i started skipping straight to cutscenes at the latter half. embrace that! i cant stop you, but id heavily reccommend at the very least watching through the gameplay loop for a good chunk of the time-- giving the story that space really hammers home the... Everything. heavily heavily recc letting it Have that space.

for ruina specifically though, definitely at least watch through the beginning and ending legs of every fight-- and at least a solid chunk of every boss fight. if you're intent on skipping round gameplay loops like i did, imean. watch the boss fights watch the boss fights these fuckers do NOT play around. i cannot applaud these games' soundtracks enough and i wont say anything but trust me trust me trust me.

ANYWAY. here's the stuff that was recc'd to me, personally! if you wanna give watching through the series a go! :]

Lobcorp LP: [x] (Commentated+Completed! I couldn't find any no-commentary ones that were finished, but honestly for its gameplay loop it Helps. Blind on his end, but he does genuinely really like the series so i give it a thumbs up ✌) Ruina LP: [x] (Same guy :] also completed!) Lobcorp SUMMARY: [x] (Brief, but a good opener+summary!) Wonderlab SUMMARY: [x] (It Sure Is Wonderlab!!) Ruina SUMMARY: [x] [x] (Actually incomplete, but goes pretty well in depth and is easy to watch+absorb.) Alt SUMMARY: [x] (Consists of both parts of the duology! I haven't actually watched it in a while so i don't exactly remember much t say about it, but it sure is on my list!)

#TAG ESSAY BUT ITS IMPORTANT ACTUALLY HI <33 #pikasks #long post #speaking only what i know and feel from th short amount i can speak for!!!!!! #VERY VERY good game series though when it hits it fucking HITS. #its just 'im in hell im in hell im in hell im in hell-- OH FUCK.' #transitioning to a slightly more jaded 'ah. hell. --OH FUCK.' #ANYWAY. for lobcorp; abnormality lore isnt PLOT IMPORTANT but it IS very very fun storytelling so if you like fun spooky stuff. nods. #again-- do what you will and what you think is most fun-- this is just what i think would have th most impact! #for me tho watching the summaries THEN the gameplay helped a lot bc i do Not retain info well at ALL #. i also get really stressed when characters are in danger and i dont know what will happen to them so that helped there too KSJNFKJD #again. heavy heavy series but if its your speed its SO worth it. #ALLSO THERES CONTENT WARNINGS HI YEAH theres an image available but tbh most of it isnt that bad. #EXCEPT ONE INSTANCE. if you dont wanna know when dont read ahead BUT #REALLY HEAVY BODY HORROR AND GORE WARNING for one specific part of ruina-- nothing good happens on trains. <3 #it builds up to it very well so you can see it coming p easy-- no jumpscares-- but YEA THAT BODY SURE CAN HORROR. #THATS ALL. OK. HAVE FUN <33

[arunikas]

Hey Aru!!!

Related to your tags in my post

https://www.tumblr.com/arunikas/712901969567711232

I share the same sentiments with you! It was great to see that they added that new baby Boruto flashback scene with first time parents NH, but the entire episode did feel something lacking.

I was under the impression (there were hints about it that I saw somewhere before) that the episode would be somewhat similar to how it was during the Kurama episode, but I kinda... Didn't feel that?

I wasn't alone in watching that episode btw, and we had expressed that there was something missing in the overall feel of the episode. We were like, watching another regular episode for Boruto... Sure the animation was great, the fight scenes were well-executed, and the end part with Kawaki and Boruto was a good way to finish the series, but the emotions? Especially while Naruto was still holding on to Boruto, in complete denial of what happened... I was like - detached, neutral towards the whole thing.

And I know it's not because we already knew what was coming - we're all manga readers - we knew what was going to happen to Kurama but the emotions felt during the parts they were reminiscing had a lot of impact. Comparing that to the Boruto finale, well... Idk... I'm not even sure if I'm explaining this properly lol

OH THANK GOODNESS.........

Born I just started feeling uneasy and afraid that I might be a partypooper because of the tags I wrote, especially to you Born since you were the OP of the post. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable of what I said because everybody seems to enjoy the entirety of the episode (which is great! how long has it been since we hear good news from the Boruto episode?) Beats me.

But I'm relieved now that you felt the same way! If compared to Kurama's farewell, YES I AGREE WITH YOU!!!?!! We knew what's gonna happen and we just needed to sit back and watch how they'd execute the scene and I was literally crying and sobbing and choking on my breath even after a while I finished the ep of Kurama's farewell. It was so heartfelt and they absolutely did the scene justice! Even until now, I still feel a clench in my chest whenever I play the outro of that episode because it'd ALWAYS flood me with nostalgia of the feelings I felt when I watched it.

I was kinda expecting, nah, I really put my expectations high for this ep as well and maybe that's what makes it even more.....dare I say, disappointing? (no offense to those who enjoy the ep! your feelings are valid!!!)

My expectations skyrocketed once I saw the opening scenes of Naruto's core memories of baby Boruto and I was reaaaaally anticipating to see those glimpses come to life in the actual episode, with longer version, deeper flasback, and a profound heartfelt scenes!!!! Even when I was fascinated by the fight scenes, my mind would alway wonder "where's it? where's Naruto and (dead)Boruto? where's their moment and the flasbacks?????"

But then suddenly he got revived and I was like, "that's it?????????" 😭

I don't know...........it felt like....... everything just happened in a flash......too fast......like they rushed it to fit the 24minutes of the ep......like there's not enough time...... Even after finishing the ep, I was like, "where's my tears????????"

Nothing is stopping SP to go all out with the ep, like, wasn't it the finale of part 1????? I expect we'd get some blow in the guts with the ep hahahahahs that's (maybe) where I made my mistake. 😀

But my mami Hinata looked so good in the opening scene and for me it's their redeeming point lolol (though you must have also noticed the inconsistency of her hair? lol)

So that's my conclusion of the entire ep. I love love the opening and the ending, but the middle of the ep feels like it was lacking something....idk how to properly address this but I'm sure you understand what I mean😀❤️

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me Born!!!!!!!! I was really starting to feel bad because I couldn't feel it like how I'd imagined it would be. But, meh, that's how it is for me lolol

#let's just hope for a better light in PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #boruto: naruto next generations #thoughts and rambles #kotak masuk

[storiesofsvu]

Hiya! I hope you are doing well😌 I love your work and was wondering if you still planned to finish Solace in Solitude?

Looking forward to reading your work!

hey, to be completely honest, no, i'm not doing great, i'm exhausted, and you've caught me in the middle of a stressful work weekend where i'm nearing burnout and have already cried once. and getting an ask like this lowkey just makes me want to cry again out of frustration (mainly towards myself, i know you had no malicious intent sending this). and thank you for the compliment.

i've been so busy & tired i honestly have zero concept of time anymore, had no idea how much time had gone between chapters of Solace. it looks like i was posting once a month the last couple of ch's which is pretty standard for most writers, i had zero idea it had already been 3 weeks, which yeah is a longer time frame for me to post ch's of series. BUT, every time i open the goddamn outline i stare at it for twenty minutes trying to piece things together and get annoyed and close the document. I take a *lot* of pride in most of my writing, especially series and this one is an idea that i want to make sure is done *right* and not rushed. I look through prev ch's and the outline and notice that i've already included some stuff that i meant to happen later on, or that they would be having the same conversations multiple times, that i need to figure out certain things, ways to get the hostility back up again before the snap, how far into the angst do i want to dive, what general vibe do i want this chunk of the story to have? (tbh it's sounding like i need to call a bestie and have a spitballing session, but for that we also have to account for wildly diff time zones, and the fact that even the most ferally obsessed besties also have real life shit going on and are likely as wiped as i am)

there's too much for my brain to try and figure out when i have this much other real life shit going on. I'm working overtime, i'm working for free at home doing tons of shit to make sure that my bar is moving in the right direction, that we have the best staff in the best positions for them, that the new manager is really fully set to take over in a couple of weeks and has as many resources as possible so christmas season is smooth and a win for everyone. and shit like this is what pays the bills, not writing unfortunately. so until i can figure out how writing can help pay rent and buy food, it's gonna take the back burner.

I've also been focused on attempting to start more one shots, and focus on the ones i had planned out/people had req'd for bingo that ends tonight. Some of those ideas/req's will be tossed into the trash, some of them will probably end up getting written eventually, who knows at this point. its a struggle trying to appease everyone in my ask box and give them what they're asking for, especially spread so far across different fandoms and so many characters and being one of the only writers for some of those characters.

TL;DR: yeah, i'm planning on finishing it. no i don't have any idea when. i want to work on it but my brain is dead. hopefully i will be able to get something out sometime soon but ya girl is fucking tired and needs a goddamn break.

if i ever abandon a work or put it on hold i will put a note on the masterlist.

thank you for wording your ask in a more positive way and sandwiching it with compliments

[corgoship]

 btw you should. tell me more about ALL of them but i will be patient, I wont ask about the secret things yet. y e  t. updates on the trip gone wrong fic? or, or, give the Most vague non description of love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling. I know the vagueness, so like. dont even say names or fandoms, just. vibes of it i beg, confuse the masses xoxo mwah ,love you

Ok ok ok you got me. Hold on. I need to pull up the list :))) (long post ahead)

zemo fic part 2 draft - what it says on the tin, the second installement in the Ozymandias series, a story about Steve and Zemo, with lots of hurt Steve to go around. For those of you unaware, this is the first work, which is complete:

The state of the sequel is... undetermined but I am slowly chipping away at it. When I'm in the mood.

one bullet - one of the chapters of the previously mentioned fic that I actually finished and singled out. There's a gun and crying involved, is all I'm gonna say

wips 3 electric boogaloo - i'll be honest this one is a mismatch of drafts for stuff I have already written, like my Steve & Peter fic, and big chunks of trip gone wrong, which brings me to:

Trip gone wrong! That's the working title, but I think I'll settle for "The Racehorse Connection". This story has been almost finished for months - i only need to finish one more chapter and the epilogue... more than 50k is done. Unfortunately whenever I go back to this fic, I get the urge to rewrite it... which would be tedious. Anyway it's focused on Steve and Clint and there's some Hydra and aliens involved. Pretty proud of some of the bits that happen later on. Fond of this piece, if only I could finish it...

dragon rider - my samsteve dragonrider au. Mostly I pop in there to add lore/ideas/plot points instead of writing anything concrete

hurry boy, it's waiting there for you - my!!! Kittycap story!! Which for once is just pure fluff!! Mutual pining and first kiss. The good stuff.

metameowphosis - now we're getting to my breaking bad era huh. I mentioned this a few times and I tag stuff with it. Basically if Kafka's Metamorphosis and Christmas Carol had a baby - Walt is inexplicably transformed into a cat and enlists Jesse's help to turn back. And he learns things along the way. Also pretty fond of this one.

cabroncito - my secret secret messed up breaking bad fic... now with a title, but I'm afraid that's all you're getting :) well, a bunch more info i suppose: it's one of the darkest thing I've written... along with zemo fic, but this one is worse imo... to be completed soonish???

love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling - my gale/walt fic!! Gale fixes him! That's it that's the story. Haven't gotten that much down yet but. I have some ideas.

WHEW okay that covers everything!!! Thank you for being interested i love talking about myself :)))

#asks #love letters #whotheheckitheheck #steve rogers #my fics #personal

[altschmerzes]

Hey it’s L again! Or it’s actually O but I managed to write that whole long ask without checking I signed off with the right letter but, from now on… O!!

Wow thank you so much for your lovely response — especially that bit about your writing being for me (aros & abusive survivors first hell yeah) that was so ridiculously sweet. I fully cannot wait until you post literally anything but especially that episode tag you mentioned !!!! It’s something for me to look forward too and I’ll definitely be all up in your inbox probably crying about it once you do

It’s genuinely so validating to be agreed with about all the post 2.08 stuff and the 3.02 stuff because I felt a little insane about it. Like sometimes I try and force myself to react more normally to media around these sort of things but knowing you’re feeling some of the same feelings about it too makes me go no !!! Good reaction !!! Feel something about it !!!

I do still genuinely love both of those episodes though — “I forgot how skittish elderly people could be because of the war” made me laugh out loud. And Jamie literally saying “hmmmm” with his very *sad* sad face was so relatable. He’s so strange sometimes

Anyways, just thought I’d pop in and say hi and thanks!! Oh and how are you ?!!

- O

hey hey!!! great to see you again, i'm always like, relieved to find out someone saw the answer meant for them

i really do love knowing that my writing has made it to the audience it's meant for tbh. like of course it's meant for anyone who wants to read it, and i'm always thrilled to pieces no matter what to hear that something i've written was enjoyed or was meaningful to someone it's like. this is WHY i wrote it yknow, and why i needed stories like it, etc. means a lot :')

and yeah no same i always feel like, anxious and weird whenever i have an Opinion About Media and it is a WAR with my brain ghosts to get to like, expressing a thought at all ever but i like to think i'm getting better with that! helps to not be In Fandom i think. worry of getting yelled at for whatever reason goes way down lmao. and yeah same like, i try to Be Chill but at the end of the day everyone's gonna have their things, right, their Pet Issues or Hills To Die On or whatever. it's fine if i have mine, and it's fine for you to have yours too!

the "elderly people" line made me laugh so fucking hard, the delivery on it like. killed me. he is SO strange and it's honestly one of my fave things about him, it's a lot of fun XD i simply love a character who's a little weirdo

and as for ME i'm good honestly!!! now that my ordeal with the border is all resolved i feel like a completely different person lmao, a huge weight is gone off me. now i just need to finish a couple of 7k term papers and get ready for some final exams. a friend and i actually also recently started the series together in our weekly tv date and it's been so exciting and fun to get to watch it all over with someone who knows absolutely nothing and is loving it so far. i hope you've been well!!

#gav gab #gav answers #wah...... delight #long post #ted lasso spoilers

[mycurrent-hyperfixation]

I literally finished tacom 2 weeks ago and I STILL CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! I already left an ask telling you how much I loved it the day I finished it but I needed to come back and tell you that that series has changed my life it’s so amazing and probably the best fic I’ve ever read. Every once and awhile I’ll catch myself remembering bits and pieces of it throughout my day and it’s amazing . I’ve even picked up new songs from the fic. Like idk what you put in that but I’m addicted and it hasn’t left my brain since I love it sm and I love your writing 🫶🏻😭

Ok, I'm so sorry it has taken me this long to respond to this. I must have completely missed the notification!

You are far too kind. I actually think I'm gonna cry 😫. I'm so glad you liked some of the music I used! I spent so long on Spotify trying to find songs that fit well. I've been thinking of going back and editing the series a bit. I recently reread some of the first few chapters and nearly chucked 🤢. I just don't like how I've written some sections so might change them. Nothing major though.

I've also been thinking I might write something new. Just a one-off thing cause I can't commit to a whole series again. But I fear the fandom is all but dead by now. We'll see.

Anyway, sorry for my ramble. I cannot tell you how warm you have made my heart. I am so so so happy that you liked the fic and I truly cannot fathom how you consider this series one of the best you've ever read (have you seen some writers on this app? They're Nobel prize worthy).

Thank you so much for supporting my work!

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader

[thehare1234]

Weekly TV Round Up

Me personally, I am having a blast and think this is probably the most intensely I've thought about TV in a while...this makes me want to rewatch shows I've already seen but probably watched too passively and examine them with this new outlook

QL Shows

🥘What did you eat yesterday? (Ep 9-12): Ok so I went and finished the first season and all I can say is this show is great and these few episodes were also really emotional. So much of it just feels so real, and I'm excited to keep going with the series and there's still so much left :)

💟Wandee Goodday (Ep 5): Another great episode, I think this one was just a lot of fun as usual. Kao continues to be #1 character of all time and every time he shows up he slays, same with the grandma. I'm intrigued by Cher/Oyei plotline, my guess is not cheating but maybe like financial problems? Every week the almost kiss build up is amazing and I'm thinking it'll be at least a couple more episodes....Anyways I'm still enjoying everything this show has to bring

🧍‍♂️My Stand In (Ep 6): Alright alright, this episode felt sort of like a filler to get the next part of the story (the stand in for himself plot arc I guess I could call it?) I'm excited for Ming to find out it was Joe the whole time who he was in love with next episode. At the end of the day, I am having a lot of fun watching this and while I don't know if the actual body swapping plot is super strong, it's keeping me hooked. I do think that Joe sometimes makes decisions that don't make sense, but I still support him <3

🏡Knock Knock Boys (Ep 1-2): Ok so I truly started this without knowing the plot at all and what a fun time. The first episode sort of drags, but after it I went and watched the trailer to see if I wanted to keep going and I thought it looked fun. Episode 2 continued and was super silly and I really like the set up of this. I love like the four strangers coming together, each with their own things they have to sort through and different personalities. The vibes of just four roommates drinking together to get to know each other better also just feel correct, like this is what I did with my housemates when we first moved in. I'm loving how fun this is and I'm ready for it to continue. Also I'm very down for this Almond/Latte pairing lol

🎬At 25:00 In Akasaka (Ep 4-7): This is probably my favourite show airing right now. These last few episodes were so beautiful and I loved loved the editing between rehearsing and shooting the show, and how the show has become more blurred in those lines as the relationship has continued. Episode 7 was also great because I love a good POV switch. I feel like we really finally understood Hayama's perspective and it was nice seeing the show from his eyes because you realize how much in Shirasaki's POV it has been before this episode. I also love how the both of them have realized that they have feelings for the other but in completely different ways which match their personalities. Hayama has had feelings for years, but he keeps them very close to his chest and deep down, he only has very small breaks in his composure even when he's feeling jealous. Shirasaki on the other hand, once he realized he liked Hayama, it was almost impossible for him to keep his feelings contained, which lines up with what we learn about him being overly blunt/outspoken in University. I'm ready for next week when they have to shoot the NC scene like it's gonna be a lot for both of them

🥟She loves to cook she loves to eat (Ep 6-8): These episodes made me cry ngl. The call Nomoto had with the other asexual lesbian and just the reaffirming that you don't have to fit in to a nice label, or there is no right way to be a lesbian, instead of moving from one set of expectations (I have to marry a man, etc.) to a new set (this is how a lesbian should act), just live in your truth and just because you don't see it depicted doesn't mean it isn't right. Anyways then the next episode hits me with the Rina Sawayama Chosen Family needle drop and I legit was tearing up. It was so beautiful, that whole sequence. And I love the friendship they have with the other neighbour. All in all, it's so amazing I'm so happy this show exists <3

🦋My Marvellous Dream Is You (Ep 4): Alright, here we are, another week, another set of drama. Personally, I like that we got more flashbacks to their dynamic and why they ended up where they are now. I think it makes sense why Kim feels so attached to Dawan and why she puts up with her the way she does. I do think that a lot of this show will be Dawan losing Kim and realizing that she can't take her for granted as she has been and I'm hoping that that plot progression starts sooner than later. Also, was Toon and the acting coach this episode, and more Jessie, always more of her lol

✨We Are (Ep 9): Ok Ok. I liked how this episode gave us more backstory on Tan and Fang and also Phum and Fang since before this I had just assumed they met at University. I think that this show is really spreading out when they reveal certain information of how the characters are connected. I didn't love the addition of Kluen as a character because it sort of feels too late. It doesn't really feel like there's any stakes because Phum and Peem already like each other, it doesn't feel like Peem would ever go for Kluen seriously. Also Phum did get jealous but because he doesn't really express his emotions the jealousy didn't really add anything to the plot in my opinion. Also the whole making Q jealous thing doing it a second time also doesn't really make sense to me...but I guess it's silly and fun? Anyways I'm still having fun with it but I think I will only know how I feel about the show once I finish it and look back to see how all the reveals and progressions feel when looking at all the episodes.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩The Two of Us (Ep 1): Not much to say this is a Deep Night side story with the lesbians and I will continue to tune in. It's also a prequel story I think? Not many thoughts at this point haha

Non-QL Shows

📝Bridgerton (Ep 2): YES! A kiss before the couple gets together that haunts one of them, my absolute fave. I love a "kiss as a favour" but oh no wait now I'm in love with you uh oh. Penelope having to write about her own scandal in Whistledown was truly so upsetting but at the same time, it had to be done. My love for a lot of characters is only growing (for some reason I am a Cressida stan now, maybe because I can't remember what she was like in season 2). Overall, Bridgerton continues to give me exactly what I want from it and that's romance and pretty people ballroom dancing. Bridgerton if you make Eloise/Cressida a thing I will literally sell my soul to you <3 I also like seeing more of the other Bridgerton siblings and just seeing each of their unique personalities, I feel like the characters or storylines that tie the seasons together make it even more enjoyable for me

👯‍♀️Hello My Twenties (Ep 6-7): Alright, another great 2 episodes. I love the romantic plotlines in this show like one of the couples is giving such intense yearning is amazing. Also the whole episode where they threw the party was so much fun. Also this show is so wild to me because it's like 3/4 silly goofy roommates and 1/4 murder plotline? Like why have half these roommates been involved in some kind of murder, or accident, or coma? Each episode ends on such an intense note but the rest of the episode is just like "let's all watch porn together!"

👽3 Body Problem (Ep 4): Ok we are slowly learning more...tbh in this show I don't really care at all about the drama the characters have between each other (like the romance drama) and am more focused on the aliens/cult storyline but luckily they don't focus on them too much. Again I have so many questions but I know things will be revealed slowly, especially since there is going to be a season 2.

🏫Degrassi (Ep???): I think me and my roommate only watched one episode this week and I don't remember it that well. But the next episode is part one of a 2 parter episode AND a season finale so you know some wild stuff is about to go down

🪶Little Bird (Ep 1-2): Definitely a heavy show but an important one and important to understand and reconcile with these parts of Canadian history. So far, the show has set up really well and interspaced the flashbacks and present storylines well.

Next Week:

I forgot I started Living With Him last week so I will return to it next week.

#thehare1234 talks to the void #tv series