#i'm the bus of the friend group

[dailytransitiongoal]

transition goal <3

#transgender #gender #gender envy #queer #trans #trans representation #lgbt #transition goals #gnc #gender goals #gender affirmation #gender inspo #gender euphoria #genderfluid #genderqueer #mtf #ftm #transmasc #transfem #transition goal #transisbeautiful #trans pride #breaking bad #jessie pinkman transmasc icon #bimb #bimbocore #bimboification #i'm the bus of the friend group

[queenlucythevaliant]

Okay gang, here's a silly little game. I've assembled six teams of blended Narnia and Tolkien/LotR characters. Here they are:

For bonus points, tell me in the tags where you're going on your road trip, who has what role (driving, snacks, aux) on the road, and what you'll stop off and see along the way

#this is shameless inspired by the lotr national parks poll #but the crossover potential is just too good #also for characters who wouldn't reasonably fit in said VW bus just handwave it #everyone basically fits okay? #narnia #pontifications and creations #ask me hard questions #tolkien legendarium #i myself am going with team 5 (to no one's shock) #we're gonna hit national parks across america #Bilbo and Treebeard can trade off as DJ #Eärendil gets to help drive and navigate #Lucy is in charge of snapping pics out the window #Reepicheep can lead us in some road trip games or something idk #i feel like this would be a really lovely group to just sit and stare at natural beauty in silence together #which is kinda my jam #occasionally pointing out something really especially lovely #would be fun #edit: as if I left put your fave character I'm sorry both these series have about a million so it was bound to happen #and for Narnia in particular I was trying to bias it towards Narnians rather than friends of narnia #also i was seriously tempted to do a 'team dragon' which would be all the tolkien dragons + eustace haha

[carlyraejepsans]

i think i might be legit happy for the first time in my life.

i got out. i actually got out.

#and i mean unabashedly #fully wholly no ifs no buts no compromises. I'm out i have friends REAL friends like irl we hit it off so well in just a few days #we're all here cause we all love the same things i can hop on a bus and go anywhere i want in the city (ANNUAL BUS PASS FOR 25€. HELLO???) #i live on my own I'm meeting my roommate tomorrow and ik she's a sweetheart my professors are trans friendly the prices on stuff are decent #I GET TO USE MY OWN NAME. #i get gendered correctly even with long hair this is the first time in my life where i recognize myself in the mirror #this still doesn't feel real. if i think about it too hard i start to tear up #i think the local mutual aid group might even have resources to get started on hrt

[punkeropercyjackson]

Oh did that trans woman present femininely in a way you find corny?Did that autistic kid annoy you by being passionate about their interests?Did that traumatized person cope by being a therian so you think they're stupid?Did that black person act in a way you found offputting?Thank you SO much for making a whole post to make fun of them because it was completely necessary to announce your most important feelings ever because weird people are vewy scawy.Should we throw a party to cheer you up?Should we invite JK Rowling?

#like shut your fake freak ass UP you're not breaking social norms by being k/inky and using over the top cruelty those are literally normal #i used these groups because they're the kindness most accepting and coolest people ever and have done nothing but help me heal as i do them #and with autistic kids i mean they did it completely unintentionally by being my friends while i took the role of the shoulder to cry on #because i'm a GROWN ASS MAN AND WOMAN who does NOT need the approval of my oppressors and i will NOT throw them under the bus to get it #go do actual activism and grow a spine and get a relathionship that's not a situationship and communicate outside out of your little bubble #transmisogyny #ableism #antiblackness #transfem #trans women #actuallyautistic #catkin #dragonkin #ghostkin #therian tag #autistic girl summer #black femme #black men #black love #blackness #misogynoir #bigender #genderfluid #transmascfem #pinkcore #weirdcore #children's rights #anti harry potter #💌 #summerposting

[bitchthefuck1]

We as a society need to acknowledge the psychological toll of being the only woman in a friend group willing to argue back when the guys start saying sexist shit. I deserve financial compensation.

#I'm out here in the trenches with zero backup and the only prize i get is a text from a girlfriend after the fact saying i was right but she #didn't have the energy to argue it #someone give me a fucking medal #like in any other context I'd straight up stop hanging out with these people but i can't for Reasons so instead every few months i have to #undergo psychological terrorism over a group meal #it has actually been such a good demonstration of how men will prioritize patriarchal alliance over anything else bc this is a group of #people ive known for years and that i see weekly and the way they will throw me under the fucking bus to agree with a random guy someone #invited that none of them actually know is genuinely insane. good to know exactly how little you value me as an individual 👍 #actually tho I can't describe to you how fucking depressing it is to watch a male friend say something lightly misogynistic and then when #you provide the slightest bit of pushback they just all start to join in and double down and then because none of your other female friends #are willing to speak out they start to get more emboldened and the situation spirals a bit and you're literally standing there getting #dogged on as you're forced to confront the fact that on a fundamental level they dont see you as a real person

[trvelyans-archive]

i am well on my way to becoming besties with this girl in my class i have a friend crush on

#i made a joke at a party on saturday and she has said it twice every day this week LKSJDFKSDKL #and also she's picking up on a bunch of my misc phrases #i said cringefail loser moment in the gc and she said it to me today #I'M SO OBSESSED WITH HER I WANNA BE HER BESTIE SO BAD she's so cute and nice and was stroking my calf #today when i put my foot on her leg slkdjflsdjfls she's my QUEEN!!! #also the cute guy in my class who i didn't think liked me and i bonded a LOT today #and i reacted during his performance of something and he jokingly yelled at me for reacting after #and then he was like yeah anytime there was a big moment in people's performances i would look over at you #to see you react to stuff and every time you did #and he laughed at my jokes and we had to do a cringefail loser exercise with each other and it was nice #AND another girl complimented my eyes because i took off my glasses to perform and i got so bashful #IT WAS A GOOD DAY i cried on the bus to school and home FROM school but #i like my friends...... i hope there's no drama and we all become a really tight knit group #and even though i was super crazy today to offset the Sewerslidalness. everyone thought i was funny and charming!!! #and not in a mocking way!!! #i like them. I LIKE THEM!!! i like everyone i'm working with at school this year!!! #okay. personal post over. ghost files time!

[queerstudiesnatural]

feeling so shitty :(

#period + fatigue + many kids #one of my kids has been off his meds for a while and idk what his condition is exactly or what medication he takes but he becomes violent #he physically fought with two of his friends just this morning and ended up getting punched in the eye #he refused to participate in activities but disrupted the class all the same #i had to yell and ground him which i hate doing #but he was keeping everyone else from learning so i had to take him out of the group #and now it's only 5pm and i'm already so exhausted my brain feels like soup #and i have another 2.5 hour of classes before i can even get on the bus #and from then it still takes me 2 hours to actually get home #i just wanna cry and sleep and instead i have to teach rip

[bookwyrminspiration]

tater and i have moved past the emotions and are going down unhinged memory lane for a moment but i WILL say this. kotlcblr in peak pandemic times changed so many people's lives for real. it was THE transitional period. and i may still be here but you and i and everyone all know it's different now... i've talked about it with so many friends. but it was!!!! so much!!! so many things were going on in all of our personal lives and something great was that it was very much a home to a lot of people and like. What We Needed at a time that we needed it, yk? where like. no one was obligated to talk about the things going on in real life but everyone was free to be silly and have fun. and if someone needed some help there was usually someone online to offer it. and then like people do when they grow up & out of something they moved away to bigger and different things with entirely different tones and themes and mediums with wildly bonking back and forth meters of writing quality. JUST LIKE AMPHIBIA i am holding your shoulders like. i am fully aware that the things that i have seen u watch are not nearly as simply animated as this and also that i wouldn't have watched it if not for my little siblings but that show has touched upon something so like. golden. like they Got It, whoever they are.the found family doesn't stay together forever! sometimes u have to grow and change and move away and never speak again but that doesn't mean that the love you had matters any less

It was! It was such an of the moment thing. Both because of the specific people, which is something that applies to this moment of keepblr now, and because of the situations we were all in? Because we were all (or almost all) young and undergoing this massive worldwide stressor with no real control over what our lives looked like--or at least that's how it felt. And so there was all this energy and unrest and comfort seeking that led to such strong involvement and connections with each other.

And then the world started repealing its restrictions and trying to move on (regardless of if it was smart to do or not) and so we had more going on irl again and weren't cooped up seeking connection. And then we were also getting older and so a lot of people joined other fandoms or left tumblr. Which is fine! it's just bittersweet to think about

Which!! Is just like amphibia. As for the style thing, I know I'd get over it and get used to it once I started I just. Haven't started. But everything I've heard about it has been very good! Especially cool to see comparisons to real life. Sometimes people are only part of your life for a brief part of it, and that time has to end and you'll miss it but you have to grow and move on. But it still mattered so so much, even though it ended. Maybe even because it's not like it used to be.

So so many thoughts, this is also making me think about irl friendships and such which is. oof!

#quil's queries #soryasongsaa #long post #thinking about my past best friends #because they're only ever temporary #oak and I were so close as kids until I moved away when I was five #and then I had virginia for a few years. but then I was in the gifted program and they wanted us to become close with /those kids/ #and we kinda drifted. but her mom and my mom were great friends so now I hear little updates about her through them #even though the most our moms do is follow each other on facebook now #i was at her baby brother's ceremony we came over for fry bread we met sitting next to each other on the bus we lived in the same apartment #and then mimi. we were inseparable until we went to different middle schools #where I met abby. we had every single class together in 6th grand and I got her into keeper and that was a /huge/ part of our friendship #but then we went to different high schools. and I was part of a group for a bit but then covid hit and I. did not keep up with anyone #so my partner has been my closest companion since 7th grade #though I'm. also not good at keeping consistent contact i'm bad at responding to messages #anyway. there is my friendship history for u guys I'm being way too open on the internet <3 #those are real names simply because they're common names and they're all very distanced from me now #so I don't think I'm putting anyone at risk

[yotd2009]

something abt realizing you're listening to someone sing for the last time really hits in an awful way

#so there's this girl who's a year above me and to say that she's good at singing is an understatement. if the goddess of song #herself were to appear in front of me or anyone who's ever heard a note come from her mouth and asked which one was more talented the only #appropriate answer would be that the goddess pales in comparison. i first heard her voice at the auditions for our middle school musical in #the sixth grade and i've been in shock and awe ever since. it's in the name of her voice that i decided i wanted to learn how to write musi #bc i cannot sing but wanted nothing more than some sort of reason to stand next to her. and by some twist of fate. i took music theory last #semester and guess who ended up sitting directly next to me. and who i also said no more than maybe 5-10 words to the entire time. . whoops #in my (and her) defense. it's not like she's unapproachable or anything. she's one of the genuinely kindest people i've ever encountered bu #the problem is. it's a music theory class. i was the only one in it not affiliated w the music department. and everyone in it had known eac #other for 4-7 years. even my like. actual friend in the class was ignoring me a lil (he wasn't he was just hanging out w his closer friends #and so i kept to myself the entire semester bc i didn't want to feel like i was intruding on anything + am terminally shy #(like. to the point where i get physically ill bc of it) #flash forward to today in ap world w our song parody project. our teacher was showing past examples from previous classes and guess who too #the class last year. and ofc. you Do Not get [name redacted] working on a project w/out having her sing for you #her group made a stalin-themed mr sandman parody and our teacher paused the video halfway through and it was my own personal 9/11 #bc there's no good reason for our paths to ever cross again. unless she becomes some celebrity. which i have no doubt she could if merit wa #the only factor at play there. i will never hear her voice again and i'm not sure what i'm going to do abt that. #romeo.txt

[eats-the-stars]

love the guy assigned to my case at the “help you get a job” program. i have exactly 2 modes. 1) procrastinating until the absolute last minute. And 2) guess I will complete months worth of work that is also due at the end of the year in exactly 3 days of non-stop effort. You can basically flip a coin as to which approach my brain will decide to take for any given task.

so yeah I have a job now. and my poor case manager dude is like “wait. no. that was so fast. it’s been one week. you did how many interviews? and you picked...this one. the one that is not like anything you have done before and also was not on the “jobs I think would work out for me” list that we made?”

and he was scrambling like “accommodations. training. oh god. um. do i need to talk to your employers?” and getting more anxious when I was like “no i think I have it covered.” like i am sorry bro but i know that my vibes in person are like “quiet forgetful autistic person who can pass for either a high school student or a grandma at any moment” and this does not inspire confidence, but I am actually pretty independent once someone gives me a little push to start a thing.

also...dude you have my job history. winter sports area general worker (concessions, ticket sales, renting ski/snowshoe equipment, managing cross-country trails, monitoring the tube hill, etc.). family restaurant hostess (basically every role in the place except a cook). person selling fireworks out of tent for all of July while also living in a smaller tent behind the shipping crate filled with things that go boom. call center customer service rep handling 4 different clients that range from crafts and home decor to incontinence products and super expensive furniture. freelance dog-sitting with clients ranging from “rich couple who wants me to let their elderly cockapoos out twice a day for $50 bucks a pop in a house with a basement theater” to “i’ll give you $10 a day to exercise and feed the 3 huskies in our small apartment also they can jump higher than you are tall and scream louder than you thought possible.” bro we added a whole “volunteer experience” section to my resume because I wrote grants and worked with an environmental group to restore native bluebirds to the community and volunteered at the community table and the animal shelter and the library. like i have done lots of things that are not really connected at all. someone says “hey do you think you could do this?” and I am suddenly living out of a tent for a month googling “what the fuck is a crossette?” i once ended up in Memphis for 2 months doing volunteer construction work in the aftermath of a hurricane because my cousin didn’t want to go alone and everyone was like “oh we know someone who goes with the flow so hard.”

so you better believe i told you “oh i don’t know, maybe a receptionist position would be nice” and then applied to every local job known to god and then a few extra and took the first one to say “cool can you start next week?” i know i did not give off “I will try anything at least once if you ask me fast and then go ‘great!’ before I can process what i agreed to” vibes while sitting in your office in my colorful leggings, grandma sweaters and animal hats while not making eye contact and talking about how lovely my nephew is and how much I enjoy quiet time alone and gardening and i struggle with a poor memory and navigating social interactions. but i know you proofread my resume my guy. you asked questions about all these things except the construction thing because i actually forgot to mention that actually which is good because then i might have had to mention the cult involvement that i wasn’t aware of until i was stuck on-site but it all worked out so no sweat. still, i am glad that he is concerned by my “out of the blue” spontaneity. it’s kind of his job to help people settle into jobs that they can handle, and I also know that I would realistically need more assistance from him if I wasn’t so good at adapting on the fly due to my bad habit of saying “sure, I can do that” to literally anything. also my new job is honestly pretty tame, so i am not sure what he is freaking out about. i should really not mention some of the other jobs i spontaneously applied for before accepting this one. like..my friend...i could be working in a bridal shop. i could be training to install and repair vending machines or decorating cakes or delivering medical equipment. i applied for a job that was literally “window production.” none of these are actually as wild as that time I spent 2 months with a religious cult doing manual labor and living out of an abandoned, half-destroyed school building because my cousin talked me into it. i had to watch a dramatic reenactment of the crucifixion of Jesus on my very first night that brought the whole gymnasium of strangers to wild, howling tears while I was awkwardly clapping my hands as my cousin sobbed incoherently into my shoulder. i once dog-sat a bluetick coonhound for 2 weeks in the dead of winter, and the snow if his yard was so high that he was able to jump the fence and book it down the street. i had to chase him through knee-high snow for over an hour before he stopped to sniff a bemused old lady long enough for me to catch him. i once had a customer at the restaurant rail at me for a good twenty minutes because she was absolutely sure that we did serve pineapple upside down cake and i was just withholding this dessert from her, specifically. the bar for “jobs I would apply for” is so low that I actually thought “well as long as nobody spits in my face, pukes on me consistently, or shanks me in the kidney again I could probably do anything.” although to be fair to my case manager i did not mention those things to him (except the pineapple upside down cake lady because I mention her all the time, i am still pissed off about that situation). also, my sister was actually the one to have a dog wake her up in the middle of the night only to puke directly into her mouth, but I watched it go down, so the psychic trauma of witnessing that still exists.

#honestly i think my poor social skills get me into half of the situations in my life #because i agree to things before i process them because most people talk and talk too fast for me #so i spend the whole conversation trying to keep up also figure out what the hell we're talking about #and then at the end i turn to my sister and say 'so what was that about?' #and she says something like 'you signed up to sell fireworks out of a tent for all of july' and i just have to run with that #the other half of the situations just come from having relatives and family friends that actively seek out situations #but want to drag someone adaptable and chill along who will also not say 'that's literally insane. no' when asked #also i need less cousins who take the zombie apocalypse life tip of always bringing a slow runner with you to situations #like i am a small person ok. my legs are shorter. i can't help it that everyone else is sprinting around on their stilt-legs #also just like i like to take walks with my dad because the mosquitoes love his blood way better than mine #i have a history of 'first person to get stabbed in a situation' that is probably just due to being the weakest looking person in any group #and i don't really panic in emergencies. i don't really know why. maybe it's something to do with being autistic #but if someone is screaming in pain and writhing on the floor #or an alarm goes off #or a bus skids on the ice and smears a stranger across the sidewalk right in front of me #or if i get mugged in a coffee shop while i'm studying for exams #i don't really do the things that other people around me do in the same situation #i personally think that the bubble i exist in just runs slower than everyone else's #so they're all having their reactions and freaking out while i'm still like 'damn something sure is happening right now. #am i supposed to do anything about this?' #and then if the answer is: 'yeah you should probably calm down that guy on the floor. figure out why he's screaming. then call 911 maybe?' #then i'll just do that while other people are saying things like 'oh god what's happening?!' #like if i panicked every time i had a dog that i was responsible for make a stupid life decision in front of me #or had a cult member ask me. an atheist. if i felt like i connected with god at the emotional catharsis activity #or honestly even just every time i've ever been stabbed in the left kidney even tho that's only happened twice #then i don't know i would probably be doing a lot of panicking #maybe it's an energy thing. i feel like panicking requires more energy than i usually have access to

[meowyoi]

UWAAAHHHHHH I HAD SUCH A NICE DAY I SAW SO MANY FRIENDDSSS UWAAHHHH i was literally talking about one of said friends then an hour later i saw her I LVOE SMALL CITIES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

#okay first i planned a coffee date with a friend then on our way there i met someone i don't hang out with that much #but we still consider eachother friends and say hi on the street #then we got to our destination and that friend's girlfriend showed up then more people i'm acquainted with from their friend group #then when i was heading back the friend i mentioned to the first friend just #SHE JUST SAT ON A RANDOM WALL THAT WAS ON THE PATH I TOOK TO MY BUS STOP LIKE WHAT A COINCIDENCE #i'm so fucking happy i saw her uwaaahahhhh

[gothicromancebf]

being a mentally ill queer fourteen years old was just like. why do others seem so happy? am i the only one feeling this way? why is there a wall separating me from everyone else? why do i always feel so different from them? why can't i be like them, so careless and fee? why was i cursed with those feelings? am i not allowed to be happy? only marina diamandis gets me.

#why the fuck did i randomly remembered that time #and so strongly too #for me being fourteen was grey rainy bus stops #everyone in their little friend groups laughing and chatting and gossiping #and i was sitting next to them listening to my silly little podcast #i'm so glad i'm not fourteen anymore #aleks.txt

[istillseeeverything]

I don't know why I venture tags anymore to find some inkling of connection or W/E the hell I even do that for. Like every post in cyzminority tag is "you aren't a monster if you have these symptoms/traits!!!!" "Here's a screenshot of someone saying the most vile shit ever, but don't listen to them ur valid!!!" *Some random obvious 4channer post w no notes except for maybe like 2 12-14yos who get into mogai beef every week when u check their blogs to see if they're also 4channers* "here's my flag redesign that is the same as the old one but I technically made it so (???)"

#jesse.txt #This doesn't bother me that much but I'm usually looking for art or personal experiences or w/e #Also this is probably exactly what my middle and high gay clubs were like #It's sad tho cuz the friend group that took over our current gay club don't even do anything. Idk if they even bitch anymore #I was actually in my middle school one but I'd be there for like 10mins and leave for the bus #Still very scarred from there weird gay shit in middleschool (not exaggerating) but that club probably would've #Made it waaaay worse if I actually went there

[thschei]

Translation here

She pokes at me and then runs away Can’t let go; she does it on and on and on She calls me, and then turns away They say she’s dangerous but I can’t hear them Why are you doing this to me? Why am I doing this to you? The end of your words are vague And my tears fall I’m on my knees And I’m ready to get hurt You're looking at me, who came back Can’t let go; I do this on and on and on From your touch that held onto me I don’t see a single trace of love anywhere Your eyes change little by little, The moonlight starts to vanish As if everything is so fun for you, As if you’re laughing at me You get further away Tears come to me again I need therapy, la-la-la-la-la therapy I knew it but I’ve fallen for you again; I’m ready to get hurt I’m a toy that’s made for you; My life-line is always in danger I’m nervous but I’m sure That you will transfer to some other guy Just play with me for sure, today From head to toe, take all of me Roughly play with me, then throw me away; I’m all done getting ready to get hurt Why are you only like this to me? Why am I only like this to you? Once again, you leave room, you leave strange words And I look at you as you take off and I cry I need therapy, la-la-la-la-la therapy I'm waiting for you once again; I’m ready to get hurt

#erin talks #video #erin's music rec tag #propaganda for this song: 1) the opening notes sample the phantom of the opera #2) the krn title of the song is 'I'm ready to get hurt' which is literally the funniest CD listing I've ever bought #3) my friend successfully got me into this group by describing this song as: a lady vampire is sadistic to a bunch of guys who keep coming #back to get hurt by her some more . literally what more could I ask for #3) thee funniest lyric ever: I need therapy la la la la therapy #4) the choreo is really fun :) at the therapy part they kinda reference thriller & during the chorus they mimic ripping out their hearts #isn't that sooo sweet <3 #5) 'I'm on my knees and I'm ready to get hurt' hello???? #6) their previous 2 songs weren't very successful & they were almost going to disband when the youngest member suggested they switch from #cutesy upbeat boyish songs to a vampire concept bc he was inspired by twilight . and the company listened to him? #& this song was popular enough to give them an extra oomph so that they got their first music show win with their next song which had #a similar theme of a sadistic woman hurting the members through voodoo dolls (I'll post that song some other time but it's Very gorey lmao) #7) I just really like how little dignity the narrator of the song is & how honestly they talk about being degraded and crying <3 #8) at the time it was pretty controversial for male idols to wear colored contacts & makeup but this helped normalize that :) #9) their car broke down when they were scheduled to perform this song so they had to get on a bus & an older lady was like ARE YOUR PARENTS #PROUD YOU GO AROUND IN MAKEUP??? and the leader of the group was like 🤗 yes actually they are <3 #10) one of my fav recent groups (who . are old at this point; they came out in 2017 but I'm a hag stan that hasn't gotten invested in actua #recent groups) covered this song and it made my entire life 🥺 #11) the music video shows the members as vampires getting shot out of a rocket onto the moon??? #12) I really like the lyric change in the final chorus to 'why are you only like this to me? why am I only like this to you?' #like it makes the narrative distinct: this isn't an equal playing field between 2 sado/masochistic ppl . this is a power play between 2 ppl #who otherwise don't have skewed power dynamics in their relationships; it's codependent it's fucked up it's its own unique situationship #where the lines aren't clear . and the song doesn't end with the one on the receiving end of this sadism resolving to get out #it ends the way it starts: everything is vague and uneven and he's sobbing but he'll wait comma ready to get hurt again comma for her to #come back . and I Love that for me <3 #I can't say this was formative or why I like fucked up ship dynamics bc I was already like 15 when I found this song & I'd been #Like This for a Very long time . but it certainly hammered it home <3

[mouseoho]

word vomit warning <3 hnngngng last friday me nd some friends were meant to go clubbing and i was mentally and physically ready for it and had accomodated my study plans around it and it was my only halloween plans and it got cancelled and they were like we can go next week bc we all have a that week off! Except that I do not have next week off instead ive got 1) a bank holiday that im spending working 2) a day off on halloween to work on assignments and then a big deadline on wed and an even bigger on thur and im not ready for either deadline and i was going to spend my One day off working on them bc my work hours r so awkward and im not gonna be productive coming home from work today or tomorrow or monday bc i finish at like 10pm and i start at like 12am so I've got like a few hours to work on hw across all 3 days and basically. Yeah I Can't Go Clubbing Next Week I Have Work And Assignments. and I was thinking of asking them to dinner or lunch on halloween so we can at least do a small thing and i can take a break from work for a short bit except then they start talking about a sleepover tuesday night and it's like 😭😭if i come in hungover or late to AN IMPORTANT CLASS WITH A DEADLINE AND THIS IS MY ONE AND ONLY CJANCE TO GET FEEDBACK BEFORE SUBMISSION i Will kill myself. like man 😭😭 like i TOLD them i have important deadlines that week + only one day off .. why r u suggesting impossibilities

#the sleepover would be in the middle of nowhere with a bus that comes twice a day and they #said i could take that.... at 7am????? like yeah I'd get to class. but sleep deprived or hungover. and if I'm neither then #it sucks bc that means I'll have spent the night being the sober one babysitting drunk ppl (not really my fave thing) or #falling asleep early into the sleepover. except from past experience that sucks bc that's when things start picking up and i #not kpop sorry 🙏 I don't want to put it on main bc two of the ppl in this specific friend group are also my moots on main #and i don't want to look like a dick complaining about them #but i do want to vent so it's going on the kpop sideblog lol sorry #TBD

[katya-goncharov]

i wonder if it's weird that i still bear a grudge against my friend from primary school for unfriending me on facebook over a decade ago

#it's just very very complicated because A. she's lived round the corner from me for her entire life and her mum and my mum are still friends #B. she's still facebook friends with a lot of other kids from my high school who she was far less good friends with than me and even some #kids who weren't even in our year so it felt very deliberate at the time that she chose to unfriend ME specifically #C. we never officially fell out or stopped being friends. it just sort of ended the way childhood friendships sometimes do when you're 14 #D. it very much felt like she stopped being my friend because i wasn't popular at school and she didn't think it would be good for her #social cred #E. thinking back now i'm very sure she was a pretty toxic friend and she did and said a lot of shitty things when i was a teenager #F. i sort of still miss having her as a friend and i've never really managed to make a friend to fill that void since #G. i still remember this one time when i was like 16 when i saw she'd posted a bunch of pictures of our childhood friendship group and she #tagged every single person in it except me and it was sort of like i didn't exist to her and i never had even though i was THERE on the #photos #H. she went through a lot of really difficult stuff as a teenager and my mum always used to say i should reach out to her or message her bu #i COULDN'T do that because she'd unfriended me and i couldn't tell my mum that so it just looked like i was a selfish jerk #I. no-one even uses facebook anymore but because she set that boundary when we were 14 now i can really never follow her on instagram or #twitter even if i wanted to and i never will be able to and even though my best friend from high school does because it would be #breaking this boundary i'm not sure she'd even want to honour anymore 10 years later and it's just. such a weird situation #J. sometimes i wonder if she still thinks about me and it's weird when i'm at home because she STILL lives round the corner from me and we #were friends for the 7 years we were at primary school but i haven't seen or heard from her for years now and i don't know. it's 2am and i' #just thinking about it and i don't know why this particular friendship still gives me so many emotions i've been spending 10 years trying #to unpack and process #emma vents #anyway ignore me i'm just. thinking about it for some reason tonight