#idk haha we obv dont know but

[yngseung]

.

#crying thinking abt how i missed the go train for this album #i was looking online at stores and literally the cost of one album is the cost of what most gos have for both ;;;;;;; #i wasnt considering it but then my mom said she could let me have it as a bday gift if i wanted to so like ;; #now its ofc i want it but #alas #all the gos are CLOSED #</3 #she doesnt even know vrvr really i think its so cute :(( shes always like #'oh did ur group release any new music' everytime we talk #she just knows i like kpop haha ;; and this time i was like yeah an albums being released on monday and shes like #well as long as its not over [x moneys] i can get it for u and i was like yeah its NOT #but its too late for it to be worth it perhaps :(( #im sure fansigns will keep opening up tho so maybe i'll look into it then ifppl wanna do more gos #or if ppl decide to mass sell the album later but hh :(( #im love them hhh maybe its for the best tho #lets see how the versions look like haha i feel like right now #over version looks more fun?? #shy i think the cover was cute but the minimalism just seems really too minimalistic like #idk haha we obv dont know but #anYWAYS #rambles

[tedhugheshater]

i had a dream with gerard. i miss it already and i just woke up

#so #i was in mcdonalds with my best friend and my bf. and they were saying that gerard was upstairs with some fans #but i didnt want to go upstairs and bother him or sum. so i just go and look for a table (were not actually tables and were school desks) #and in the second row i see him sitting there totally alone. he was like tbp era yk and he looked at me and idk what we talked #so i sit next to him and we start talking. but wait we are not talking like face to face which would be the obvious thing to do bc hes next #to me -we were talking via twitter. like he tweeted something snd i answered and so on. i dont remember exactly what he was saying but it #was very gerardesque bc in my dream i went like god hes really back on twitter this IS gerard. at a moment a fee fans were also answering #to his tweets obvs and there was like a conversation between me and g and the fans made comments and casually joined every now and then #we were joking with him ablut blood and he said something smong the lines 'i havent listened to all of my songs in some time but you guys #sound as if you listened to all the vynils and then consumed them with ur mouth and swallowed them' normal clearly #they bother him (friendly bc he isnt bothered) with saying shit like haha u r a kinky bitch and thats when he says that #and he says he doesnt even remember what he said in his songs because 'i have written so much' but that he does remember not writing about #girlhood and being a woman -he was joking. so i answer 'gerard. gerard. look me in the eyes' and say abt the times he sang abt girlhood #and i mentioned revenge and not that kind of girl and he laughs like uuuhh u got me i was just joking hehehe. then we continue talking but #now face to face. i ask him what he thinks about argentina (im argentinian and in the dream he was here) and he says he likes it a lot bc #1. its small (????? we are literally the 8th biggest country but okay??? i think he meant like buenos aires is very. narrow streets and cool #like the way its built its weird and unique) and 2. its the only place in the world where it frels like its still the 90s #i know we talked some more but i dont remember by now. next thing i know i am with my mother saying i need her to give me money #because they were playing a concert that night and she was like i cant #and i think i was like damn okay ill ask gerard themself if i can do it free if i go with them but then i woke up #rad. the first part felt very real btw #then i was just showing symptoms of illness and being chrinically online /j #but yeah. that i guess. i never remember when i dream eith him #music #mcr #emo #gerard way #we didnt even eat at mcdonalds we were just sitting there

[bigmack2go]

I dont like the headcannon of davey being jewish.

Why? I am glad you asked!

Now listen dont get me wrong here!

Representation is so important especially for religions because in that department even the most popular ones r being bullied these days and then that religion isnt just any but the most hated one in history. The religion that was blamed for practically anything bad that has happened in the last 500-1000 years. In ww|| children didn’t even know this WAS a religion. In Germany they were taught that the word “jew” stood for a monster, like the wird rabbit stands for an animal. Idk if this makes sense but they LITTERALLY didn’t know any better which i personally find makes it worse. The ppl KNEW that they were wrong, and that they couldn’t convince poursouled children of anything unless they made up lies. The thing those children hated was justified. Anyone would hate a monster that only brings evil upon us. But they conected it to a name that describes something else.(the movie jojo rabit brings this accross extremely well and truthfull! It’s available on netflix and i think on prime!) And thats the problem. They knew they were wrong but they needed someone to blame for their own failures and problems. ANd WhO bEtTeR tHaN tHe OnEs ThAt HaVe BeeN aT bLamE fOr ThE pAsT 700 YeaRs???

This began with the germanians spreading Christianity around Europe when jews were still a majority. It was generally a seen as a sin to get along with a Christian, and as we all know in the middle age there have been some babaric events towarts (but also by) religious ppl.

In thirteen-sixty-something the thing got to a whole new level when in (i think it was italy but idk) a fountain was moisted with bacteria and brought back black plague for a lot of people, which obviously got word all around the world quickly. And with that obviously also rumours. The thing is that those rumors were LOADED.

Thats how the hatred toward jews specifically began. People thought they were witches that poisoned their food causing them all to get sick.

(Sry i didnt mean for this to turn into a history lesson hahaha)

So yeah. Representation is so important and I totally stand behind that!

That being said however i genuinely don’t like it with Davey and here’s why:

Im have no problem with the headcannon itself and obv not with people having thah headcannon. What bucks me is how that came to be.

It just feels sooo cliche taking the one character named david jacobs and saying he’s jewish.

I mean

Seriously

David jacobs

David. Jacobs.

David and jacob (lemme guess his sisters name is sarah hAHa- oh wait-)

Like it might be just me but that’s loaded with stereotype.

This might sound weird and/or mean but i genuinely get the feeling, the only reason ppl hc him as jewish is his name.

On top of that theres the fact that i generally just feel like its forced at this point. Again. I stand for representation with everything in me. but people just decided (rather than felt/knew) they needed to represent jewish folks and picked out ONE (1) (s i n g u l a r) character (LITTERALLY NAMED DAVID JACOBS!! Idk if u can tell but im getting rly worked up abt this)and said his family is jewish.

(Then if course theres the fact that i cant deal with the fact that he would have been killed at least in wa|| if not earlier due to being an non-arian jew but he prolly would be killed in one of the worldwars anyway so thats not much of an argument lol)

THATS IT! TYSM if u read this completely!

I also wanna take the opportunity to compell everyone to support palestina!!!!! I’ll put some links down below!

As a Christian i am lucky enough to not be bothered with shit by people i cant deal with but not everyone has that! So here’s just a gerneral reminder to educate and support people of any minority!!!

I will put some links so u can read up about the history of discrimination towards religion and jews!⬇️⬇️

1 Wikipedia article generally summarising antisemit!sm

2 definition

3 antisemit!sm+ history of rivalry between Christianity & Judaism

4 on discrimination and hate/ harassment towards religions in school and workplaces

5 discrimination WITHIN religion

6 some facts

7 using religion as an excuse to BE descriminating

8 read about judaism as a religion, rules and beliefs

#reminder that i have no clue is the numbers here are correct! #i dont mean to spread misinformation! #im just telling of my mind what i remember from history lessons!! #anyway this turned into a historry lesson and i didnt plan on that lol #feel free to correct me #i will cladly change this to fit accuracy!! #also this isn’t me telling you that your hc’s are wrong #its just something i wanted to say #newsies #newsie strike #newsies 1992 #newsies musical #david #davey #davey jacobs #david jacobs

[nonranghaes]

your sweet svt drabbles are such an inspiration to me. I've been getting into writing fics slowly by writing just short ones off a single scenario, and i have too many prompts and ideas coming from my head (which is great !) that i already had laid out but i just couldn't find thee tempo to start. Soo I'm trying to get more inspo by reading around tumblr and to my luck i landed here! i found your writing style an exemplar to how i wanted to write (bonus if you'd like to give some writing tips? 🥹). Your drabbles looked effortlessly written, they're simple yet so expressive and visually evocative. Reading them makes me feel like it's easy to just get the idea off my head and picture it in words OK I'LL STOP HASJB it's literally midnight o clock (when the strong urge to give one of my prompts a shot kicks in)

aaaaaAAA AND IF I START CRYIN????

honestly i dont rly know if i have any solid writing tips haha i like reading a lot since it can teach me a lot abt what i like in writing and what i dislike!! + reading helps u pick up on how other ppl describe things and how their writing flow. idk if that makes sense though. like... book i just finished (a death in tokyo) is very to the point and practical with its writing. it was written in a way that i could clearly envision a lot of things and my mind would fill in the holes since its set in a real world setting. other stuff i read might take care in describing things in more detail, but reading higashino's work kinda made me understand further how just plainly stating things can have its own power and paint a picture just as well--just depends on what you're writing and what kind of vibe it should have, yknow?

like. i wouldn't expect a thriller to have the same writing flow as a romance novel, but the gritty details can still have importance depending on what the topic is. little things like that. genuinely, imo, the best writers are those who read a lot and my advice is rly just to kinda read everything u feel safe w reading!!!

also i think ive said this a lot on wooahaes but ive also been writing since i was like. 11. if not younger lol so ive had a looooootta time to practice and refine and get to where i am now and i'll still be improving into the future hopefully!!!

other than that... hmm...

i'll admit this one isn't something everyone can do (and obvs no shame to ppl who can't!) but i always try to envision the space i'm writing and the people within it.

i think for me personally, i care a lot about the physicality of whoever i'm writing? if they're nervous, are they acting shifty? are they wringing their hands? is this a situation they want to get out of, or are they nervous because they're kinda excited for what's to come? how are they vocally, too? are they the kind of person who rambles when they're nervous, or do they get really quiet? is it obvious, or will it seem normal if they're quiet/chatty?

like... with the mark lee drabble where he's nervously dragging out the question of "what if we kissed?" it was kinda important to me to just kinda have him dragging it out because once he says it, there's no way to take it back, and once he says it, the nerves take over in a "and now i must ramble, lets talk about anything but what i just said, so the aquarium-" where even though we don't SEE mark, we still can tell he's a nervous wreck over it all. its little things like that that just kinda stick out to me?

mmm but for my drabbles specifically... i think i kinda function off the fact that i'm not writing an actual fic here? if i wanted to write something longer, i'd put it on wooahaes (and sometimes i do! i've had a couple fics now i was gonna just post as a drabble but then they kinda ran away from me). i've deleted parts of drabbles before because i felt like they were getting too irrelevant. the point of a drabble, to me personally, is to just kinda give somewhat a quick snapshot of a moment. i think my stuff usually takes place in a single place as far i can remember, because changing scenes makes it feel like a bigger thing (barring stuff where there was a short flashback).

i think it can help to have an idea of what you want to capture if you're writing a short drabble. reader/seungkwan caring for one another, minho teasing reader over the cats, reader trying to get one over on joshua (ft seungkwan). occasionally the more fantasy-ish stuff is like "merfolk reader in love w jisung" and "merfolk reader saving minho" or "android!shua being saved from the facility by reader" comes to me, too. i just kinda write purely by vibes and what i wanna write. idk if this helps but i usually do try to have some idea of what exactly i wanna do!! the times i have opened a post and closed it again bc i had nothing..................................... yeah

(obvs no shame in those moments ksdhfds i just always end up sitting there like. what was i doing again.)

ummm idk what else to say!! i can always try to give advice on other stuff if u ever have specific questions but this is all ive got rn <3 good luck!!!!! i believe in u!!!!!!!!

#nonranghaes.asks #asks.anon

[makoodles]

i just want to know that thanks to your amazing fic i learned to love tsutey, and im starving some good content bc there isn't much about this man.

also, your writing is awesome, you portray tsutey just perfect, like idk i just dont have words, but i imagine tsutey in these scenarios just like your characterization of him. so im hoping more content from you about him if u want to do it obv.

i hope that my message comes true bc english is not my first language! thats it, i love your work, your idea was so creative and through your writing i coul feel everything, literally when i was reading i coudn't help but smile haha, even when i was on the bus to my home

but thats all, thank you for giving us an amazing fic!

~🌻

BROOOOOO your english is so perfect omg, your message has me so emotional 😭

thank you SO much, i do feel like his characterisation can be quite subjective because we don't see a huge amount of him in the film, so it means so so much that what i'm putting out there for him seems somewhat realistic

i'm so so pleased that you've been enjoying my works so far, thank you sm!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️

#asks

[literaphobe]

Bro apparently ur supposed to replace ur bras every 6-12 months i aint doing that and i presume most people dont either like not using mascara/eyeliner after 3 months is recommended but this shit aint cheap enough for me to be doing that lmfao ill risk it anyways ur mlb fic idea is So ladynoir and if you ever do write it i wiuld read the shit out of that - also it kinda reminds me of buggachats fic maintaining a professional distance idk if uve reead that but if u havent i recommend it its goood

OKAY ill admit i had another fic idea bc well. we all know how obsessed i am w fwb dynamics and basically i was like What If adult ladynoir made out once and it was initiated by ladybug and chat was like ???? bc its like years of her telling him she’s in love w someone else and suddenly she kisses him for a While (obvs this is an AU bc the show is pushing adrienette in a dating direction of sorts) and basically ladybug tells chat shes really frustrated bc she wants to Experience things but she can’t because she can’t talk to her crush about Non-Platonic Things but she can tell him everything and she thinks hey maybe this could be good for him too because maybe it could help him satisfy any curiosities about her he has idealized and then he’ll be able to get over her For Good (<- yes this is me projecting my Problems on Potential Fic Ideas) and he’s like ? Um idk how sleeping with you will make me like you LESS but okay Haha

ALSO i haven’t read it but i opened it AND IM GONNA READ IT SOON HEHE THANK U ANON

#ask #mlbposting #miraculous ladybug spoilers #<- just in case #nsft #<- also just in case

[punkscowardschampions]

Java Pt.2

Ava: [‘how?’ because we dont know your life, all we know is last time you had to leave ASAP and you’ve already been here much longer than that this time, laying our head down on our folded arms and looking up at you whilst you retell us the night’s events, smiling lazily about it]

James: [‘I had to see you, I made arrangements to afford myself the privilege’ matter of factly, like it’s that simple and you and baby Jay weren’t both lowkey traumatised by the manner in which she was flung at her grandparents and left]

Ava: [nodding because you’re well aware he doesn’t owe you any explanation beyond that ‘I appreciate any time we can have together’ because that’s true too, even if you know the reasons he had to see you were not entirely about you, given the state he turned up in]

James: [kissing her softly but dramatically as a me too because hard same, no notes we genuinely are thrilled to be here, hence when he pulls away from it you can see him considering what peak romance activity they should spend their time doing now, because there’s so many options, they could order some food and eat it together either in this bed or downstairs being domestic, they could make some together to be even more so, he could run them/her a bath and read to her, he could stay here and read to her etc etc etc, we all know he’d do it all and wants to, which is making it impossible to decide even if he wasn’t someone who famously isn’t allowed and therefore isn’t used to making decisions ‘I’m considering how we should spend this time though and quite the internal debate has been sparked’ in answer to the question she hasn’t yet asked of what he’s thinking so hard about]

Ava: [grinning ‘that is quite the conundrum’ because truly, so many things you could do and should ‘how about I get us some drinks whilst you carry on verbally jousting yourself?’ wriggling out of this comfortable position you find yourself in to go and do that because haven’t offered him one and you will be parched by now lmao, having a quick look at ourself in whatever mirror we come across on our way towards the door]

James: [my boo says they will be thirsty literally after how thirsty they’ve been for each other and she’s so right haha, using his long limbs once again this time to pull her back slightly, deliberately not all the way back to him and this bed because do want her to go but enough that she does have to pause for him, looking at her yet again in this shirt which will be all creased and collar askew no doubt, so straightening that for her like it really matters what she looks like to go, again it’s giving dad ‘are you hungry?’ because that is one of the options and if he can get her to decide it’s one less choice for him to try and make]

Ava: [coming closer than he pulled you automatically because any excuse, even though you still intend to go, giving him a soft and slow but passionate kiss as he’s fixing your collar for you, temptation to sit back down clearly being fought in how you’re shifting from foot to foot, tugging on the bottom of this shirt ‘we can eat too’ taking his question as a polite way to let her know he is, how you sometimes do ‘what do you like?’ because decides for us whether we’re also making something in the kitchen or ordering something in]

James: [the sound coming out of him is so much more than a happy sigh when she kisses him, it’s fully a contented NOISE as if he missed her so much already because where’s the lie, biting his lip when she asks the question obvs, like oh UM ‘I don’t know, you’ll have to come to a decision about that, in particular, for us’ when that could come across like he’s being a little shit and messing around like idk what do YOU like but he genuinely does not know and thus there’s a honesty and self-consciousness to it letting her know he’s being serious]

Ava: [biting your own lip in an unconscious copycat move because you watched him do that with so much intensity behind it, shaking your head as if to bring yourself back to the conversation at hand and in a no problem kind of way ‘I’ll see what we have in’ because been alone for a long weekend vibe, who’s to say how stocked the pantry is by this point]

James: [‘I’ll assist you’ getting up to do exactly that and thus immediately closing the gap, however small, between them, lowkey towering over her and smiling because you’re aware it’s giving you’re worried she can’t reach the high cupboards without you (which your short af wife actually can’t lol) and that isn’t what you meant because she isn’t a tiny gal and we’re about that, you’re just not the sort of bear to lie here and be waited on to any degree, you’re used to the hardcore opposite, putting what clothes you have left back on, because you can be topless that’s fine but potentially naked chef feels like a lot for soft domestic hours despite knowing y’all are home alone and have been very feral]

Ava: [‘okay but don’t distract me’ with such an amused face because that’s an impossibility and we all know it but you are also genuinely going to get this food and drink situation sorted or so help you, reaching out to find his hand as you walk down the two flights of stairs you gotta]

James: [giving her an adorably mischievous face back because we do all know it, let yourself be led to baze’s slay kitchen boy, when you get there almost whispering ‘I’ve had an idea’ because the excited child he basically was in her bedroom has returned, and because I’ve had an idea myself and it’s this, my brain was like, okay but imagine if there was a random chaotic meal he made in his messy drunk high era how people do, idk what, but it’s actually good somehow not the weird and gross combos these things usually are and he liked it and so he’s gonna make it for her now, because she asked what he likes, he hopes, if she’ll let him, taking both of her hands and LOOKING at her like do you trust me because it is a big trust moment cos he clearly hasn’t made it for anyone else ever]

Ava: [LOOKING back at him excitedly like go on because of course we’re down and want to know what your idea is, gesturing towards your kitchen like go ahead boy, work your magic, helping him find all the ingredients he needs to find and still having no clue but enjoying the chaotic process here]

James: [ngl I can’t decide if it’s a better vibe if we allow him this weird little success aka let the food genuinely taste nice or if we should say he remembered it tasting nice but when he makes it here and now in the sober light of day it isn’t but they can laugh it off as a fun and funny mem and make/order something else, what do you and Winola think? Either way though, steal an apron to put over your topless bod sir so you look as good as she looks in the shirt and sit her on a bar stool to chop stuff for you because we’re enjoying domestic bliss]

Ava: [I say we let it slay because there can be other chances to do the reverse/you probably wanna feel more comfortable to be able to laugh about your sobriety, rn it’s all a bit precarious because of everything else going on lol, so enjoy your domesticity and its rewards of something actually edible]

James: [good points boo, we’ll go with that then, take the win James you’re welcome, and enjoy being cute af together because god knows when you’ll next get the chance to spend this much uninterrupted time together]

Ava: [it’s basically a fluke because clearly things are patched up with Chlo enough that you don’t leave because you don’t think you can so you’ll be back to your routine and I assume it’s Monday tomorrow so school and baze are back too]

James: [mhmm, real life be beckoning so make the most of the time you have left together, speaking of, however many condoms he has left in his wallet is the number of times they should hook up again because it’s extra but realistically so for the vibe we’ve set, so pick a number Win x]

Ava: [me having to look at pack sizes, you often get 10s or 12s, the smallest size packs so if we’re saying you’ve used a couple, we could say you have like idk 8 left, which seems like a lot but you’ve got all night until the morrow when he gets Jay here so lol]

James: [my boo is doing research and she’s so right for that because I wouldn’t have the first idea, and yeah agreed, he could literally stay until the AM if he wants and we haven’t specified what time he arrived so it’s feasible without us being cray, I just had to put it out there because how decadent yet real of y’all]

Ava: [you love to see it, do you wanna skip to said AM when you have to get back to your real lives, as we’ve set the vibe here pretty well?]

James: [we could do yeah because we know what we’re saying as far as the rest of y’all’s night goes however long is left of it]

Ava: [just thinking, so it feels like a fresher convo, as we unfortunately had to take some annoying lil breaks there]

James: [it’s a good shout and you’ll both be busy with your respective days so we can do as much or as little as we like there, aw how devastated they’ll be to have to part ways, this boy never been more upset to have to put his own shirt back on]

Ava: [truly devastated, will be so annoyingly distracted and mopey at school, soz not soz everyone, I’ll message you first and you can decide as and when to respond, probably the best bet]

Ava: I hope your day is better, tolerable at the very least

James: [catch him replying straight away despite his tasks because we’re still feeling extra in the cold light of day but in a better way this time]

James: I’m relieved not to have to dash your hopes, there’d be almost none for either your day or my own under those circumstances

Ava: I’m accepting my day as the write-off it inevitably will be but I’d rather that wasn’t a shared fate, this time

James: Would you? Because, in truth, I’ve already been informed this shirt is missing a button and the news has been difficult for me to accept, to say the least

Ava: Oh

Ava: There are almost too many moments where it could have been misplaced, yet I can’t begin to picture which is the culprit

James: [write her some what ifs as a shameless excuse to reminisce how you do because we all know he’s been THINKING about it since he was told about said missing button so despite how busy you’re supposed to be you’d have time to write a saucy lil tale]

Ava: 😳

Ava: I’m now utterly convinced it was all my fault, and being unable to offer to replace your shirt, nor am I inclined to want to…

Ava: I suppose I’ll spend this lesson researching how to sew a button back on

James: You’ll have to spend hours on your hands and knees after school searching your bedroom for the button in question as well

Ava: Activity and time better spent when you’re there in front of me but of course

Ava: it’s a must

James: A singularly mismatched button would be a conversation starter, undoubtedly, but you’re the only person I want to talk to about how and why I’m dressed in such a manner

Ava: At least you must know everyone at your father’s office by now, no meet-cutes

Ava: Me having to come to terms with, let alone expose to you, that kind of potential jealousy already wouldn’t be appealing

James: My father’s office isn’t a location where any feelings are stirred within me, rest assured

Ava: I’d say that was your business but all things considered

Ava: if you are with anyone else, or plan to be, I would appreciate knowing that

James: I have no intention of being with anyone but you, on company time or otherwise

Ava: I wasn’t trying to suggest it, though it totally sounds like I was

Ava: I’m happy to hear that

James: I’m equally content to dispel the notion, however hypothetical it may be with regards to my current work colleagues

Ava: I already told you, how it was for me

Ava: I didn’t just assume the same though, however much I may have hoped

James: All things considered, it’s hardly an assumption, I’d hope

Ava: I don’t know, I’m not here to judge

James: I deserve scrutiny if you’re left wavering, I must not have done enough to make sure you were convinced, as I am 

Ava: No, it isn’t that at all

Ava: Forget I even brought it up now

James: Would you like to tell me what it is?

Ava: I was just checking, that’s all

Ava: you and I don’t have any promises to keep, that’s what I meant, I didn’t phrase it right though

James: But I do promise, Ava

James: my spare time to you, my unabated interest

Ava: and NOT just because I’ve now shoehorned the topic into conversation, right?

James: Some things go without saying, after last night especially

Ava: I’m sorry that it sounded like I doubted you, as opposed to what I was actually doing, attempting to reign myself in, once again

James: I understand, don’t apologise

Ava: I can get carried away, I don’t want that to ruin anything we have

James: I’m prone to the exact opposite of being carried away, whatever that would be, overly grounded, perhaps?

James: your behaviour is a breath of fresh air

Ava: You are to me, so unlike anyone and everyone I could even begin to compare you to

James: I thought I’d found an exceptional counterpart for you in [the gal from the book] but even she isn’t a fitting likeness, I see that now

Ava: But [a scene from said book that already parallels some peak romance you two have achieved by now], you can’t take that away from me 

James: Of course not, I wouldn’t dream of punishing you for being so incomparable when it’s the furthest from a negative

Ava: And you’re going to write the only suitable comparison for us

James: I’m going to try and capture what can be of you, yes

Ava: Your writing is far more astonishing than I am

James: Nothing is more astonishing than you are

Ava: Agree to disagree, the way you write me is the only compliment I’ll ever need

James: No, I’m sorry, I insist

James: travelling every continent or living an inhuman number of years during which I spent every day experiencing so-called incredible things, I’d nonetheless be unable to find anything or anyone to rival the sight and wonder of you

Ava: I hate to be the one to point out that you’re still proving my point right now but

Ava: I find you just as mesmerising, I promise

James: You’re proving mine harder, which I absolutely don’t hate, any and all reminders of how I feel about you, despite your physical absence, are very welcome

Ava: Still feeling your presence is harder with all these other people around but not entirely impossible, or I’d have to go home

James: For your education’s sake I can’t demand it

Ava: As long as you’re fully aware any of your demands are otherwise my pleasure to fulfil, obviously

James: The temptation to abuse the level of power you’ve granted me is overwhelming

Ava: I know it is

James: It’s a source of more pleasure for you to know it

Ava: Yes

Ava: in fairness, it has the potential to be a neverending source of for you so I’m not being entirely selfish

James: Though, if I refuse to ever write an ending I’ll never be published

Ava: Hmm, true, I hadn’t considered that

James: Consider it carefully, what I’m prepared to give up for you

Ava: I am now, promise

James: As I said, my father’s office isn’t the place for eagerness, and yet, here I am, filled with passion

Ava: Do you want me to stop talking to you?

Ava: I didn’t mean to take it to this place, however unapologetic I would like to be about it usually

James: Necessity may dictate that you do, but I’d fight that to the bitter end, written or actual

Ava: I won’t take offence, from you

Ava: the universe, a different story

James: Please talk to me, or I’d simply have to take offence myself

Ava: It’s all I’m feeling any good for today, and I am not mad about that at all

James: Being good for me is a behaviour that comes naturally to you, it isn’t much to ask, contrary to what other people may today

Ava: I should insist I have to try VERY hard, actually

Ava: You’d have to reward me then

James: There should already be something waiting when you return home, unless one of your neighbours feels they deserve it more

Ava: James!

Ava: It isn’t my birthday anymore

James: I can’t help but feel every day spent with you is an occasion worth marking, I’m sorry

Ava: I’m not, unashamedly so

Ava: you know that I’d rather you were waiting for me, always, over anything, so I can receive any and all actual gifts safe in the knowledge you don’t think that’s my primary want from you

James: I haven’t set aside my lunch break to get my watch fixed, instead I’ll continue to wear it as it is

James: because I am waiting for you, in the moments we’re together until we can be again

Ava: It’s important

Ava: These things that are breaking, they mean something, they have to

James: Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with no trace of disagreement and thus no need to put my foot down this time

Ava: That said, we either need to start intentionally breaking my things more or at least try to spare yours a little

Ava: Meaningful to us shouldn’t mean visible to everyone

James: What do you have in mind?

Ava: It should be so obvious it doesn’t need mentioning

James: Are you certain your bed isn’t broken?

Ava: … I wish I were

James: I wish I could send you home to check

Ava: On my own would just be too sad for words 

James: That’s precisely the purpose of your present, to alleviate that sadness where possible

Ava: I have no need to doubt your thoughtfulness

Ava: I’m still allowed to miss you though, right?

James: The question is whether or not my heart is something you also intend to break, as it’s yours

James: if your answer is yes, don’t miss me

Ava: I would never intend to break anyone’s heart

James: Naturally, I could tell it was rhetorical while I posed it, but forgive me, I had to guarantee you knew too that you have that piece of me

Ava: You can’t take that back, or just say it now and not really mean it

James: No, and I wouldn’t do either of those

Ava: Can you say it again?

James: [sending her a voice note to actually say it because I’m sure he has his own lil office he can shut the door to, it’s obvs a boujee place]

Ava: Jesus 

Ava: I don’t understand how this happened

James: It defies explanation, unfortunately for our novel

Ava: I thought, I mean, I didn’t know what I was looking for, I wasn’t, you were just there, suddenly

James: I should probably allow Teddy a small dedication in gratitude, lest we forget he brought us together, because if real life had rewrites I’d definitely attempt to 

Ava: I am meanwhile grateful that he currently has no idea because he would absolutely be unbearable about it

James: He has some, but they’re extremely fanciful, nonetheless, it was insufferable hearing them, that’s true

Ava: But not really, he just presses buttons, indeterminately, to see if anything sticks

Ava: but I’m sorry he’s been testing you about any of it

James: He’s my younger brother, it’s a given and a role in life he obviously cherishes

Ava: True enough

Ava: I do feel slightly responsible in this specific case though

James: It rests on my shoulders, you haven’t done anything wrong

Ava: It wasn’t supposed to be so blatant, I didn’t cover myself well enough

James: It’s okay, Ava

Ava: sorry

James: I don’t regret how this happened, no actual redrafting is required

Ava: Okay

Ava: everything is as okay as it can be, isn’t it?

James: I promise you, darling

Ava: I think my heart might belong to you too

Ava: no one nor nothing else has the effect upon it you do

James: Oh

James: you needn’t worry about how my day is going, in that case

James: I couldn’t be happier

Ava: I’ve been failing to find the words to describe it since you told me

Ava: I didn’t think it could get better than last night

James: I wouldn’t have thought myself capable of wanting to see you more than I did yesterday 

Ava: It only gets worse

Ava: in the best possible way, of course

James: I’ll do my best not to prolong the agony for too long, exquisite as it may be for the moment

Ava: I know it’s not just down to us, I’m prepared

James: Your phrasing means I’m completely unwilling and not at all ready

Ava: And I purposely excluded the word suffer from my phrasing too

Ava: In an ideal world, we would never need to miss each other unless we really, really wanted to feel it

James: [obvs write a lil story about that ideal world and what y’all would be up to, I’m sure it’s saucy af and involves her on his desk rn because cliche for a reason and he’ll write it so it’s not]

Ava: It’s criminal for us to both be at desks right now and yet have no way to reenact any of that

James: [do a rewrite into something that’s more doable for you both in your separate locations because you’re that sort of bear]

Ava: Do you want me to, James?

James: Can you without getting into trouble?

Ava: I think so

James: Then yes

Ava: How else can we be expected to focus at all today

James: My concentration is non-existent

Ava: There’s nothing in my head but you

James: It’s what’s bound to happen when I’m wearing the scent and feel of you against my skin

Ava: I miss that shirt

James: I’ll gift it to you

James: I just needed it today, desperately 

Ava: I like sharing with you

Ava: if it wasn’t like being held by you, I wouldn’t have kept it on so long

James: I’m glad you did

Ava: You could concentrate then

James: I’ve been fixated on you since your birthday

Ava: Maybe I wished for it when I blew out my candles

James: We can have a year together, that’s how those wishes work, isn’t it?

Ava: I’ve never checked, or counted

Ava: it’s a cheap wish if it doesn’t cover you one year to the next though, you’re right

James: I’d like the assurance of us lasting that long, so I’ll choose to believe those are the terms

Ava: I like it too

James: I’m at a sudden loss for words once more

Ava: You already know I don’t want an ending

James: Thinking where we could be a year from now, we really are only at our beginning

Ava: Where do you want to be in a year, apart from with me?

James: I don’t know, I’ve been afraid to want things, apart from you

Ava: I’m totally fine with you just wanting me 

Ava: we have time to figure the rest out

James: Where do you want to be?

Ava: I don’t have an exact plan either, just better, just you

James: Do you have a desk calendar I can break?

Ava: So I can admit to you that my gut reaction to having a year with you was that it isn’t long enough then?

Ava: realising that is how I feel, in the split second after reading those words was… overwhelming 

James: You can confide anything in me

Ava: I feel that

Ava: but that is something I don’t want to abuse, seriously

James: I don’t believe you would

Ava: I just like you, James, no time limit on it

James: You know I relish spending time with you and how intense my desire for more together is

Ava: Until that changes, I see no need to limit us further than the extenuating circumstances do

James: Neither do I

Ava: I’m happy 

Ava: I want to make you happy like this too

James: I am 

Ava: Good

Ava: I miss youou

James: We should meet for lunch, I miss you too

Ava: You have an hour? Where would suit you?

James: I’ll send a car to bring you to me at [somewhere that’s clearly nearby this office but not somewhere his colleagues would go for lunch because they are too snobby/busy/both] if that appeals to you?

Ava: Sounds perfect

Ava: I’ll try to leave before the rush so I don’t have to brush anyone off in person

James: Oh good, I’m always aiming for it when the company is as unrivalled as yours

Ava: I know I’m not exactly being rivalled by anyone at your work right now but that’s still a compliment I’m going to take

James: It’s one you’ve unquestionably earned

Ava: I don’t know if the food will rival last night either but that’s a big ask

James: I suppose an uphill and losing battle is faced regardless in terms of attempting to spark my appetite with you around, but I’m prepared for that, if I may quote you yet again

Ava: It is scandalous of you to be so blatant how NOT about lunch this lunch date is but I’ll still allow it

James: It would be lax of me not to feed you, you must keep your strength up, be it for afternoon classes or the prior commitment you have to them

Ava: My only commitment is to you, that’s all I need my strength for too

James: I’m as dedicated to your wellbeing

Ava: You are so

Ava: I’m still searching for the right word for it

James: Perhaps you’ll find it over lunch if I also vow to help you with the pursuit

Ava: I’ve already said too much, I feel so wholly transparent in front of you

James: I’d love to be visible to you to the same degree

Ava: You can be, you can trust me

James: I’m aware of the magnitude of that responsibility, and I swear it’s the sole reason I’m reluctant to place the strain upon you

James: it’s merely a reflection of me and my baggage 

Ava: It’s okay, we’ve all got it

Ava: You can be as open with me as you feel comfortable being, you don’t have to worry about my ability to deal with it

James: I’m used to carrying burdens alone

Ava: You shouldn’t have to, I don’t want you to

James: I’ll try not to, from this moment on

Ava: I’m not claiming I have solutions to every problem but

Ava: not being alone with it all can’t be a bad thing, can it

James: I don’t think so

Ava: Me either

Ava: I’ll tell you things too

James: Isolation exacerbates every issue further, in my experience

Ava: I can’t imagine having to carry on and do the things you do with no support, truly

Ava: it’s incredible you have, as well as not relying on the old crutches that you used to before

James: There are no feats to boast about to date, I’m completely lacking in heroic acts

Ava: You work, study and raise a child

Ava: None of those are nothing, you should be proud of yourself

James: None of them are applaudable, I’m just doing what I have to

Ava: It’s harder work, doing things you don’t necessarily want to do, never mind when they seem like thankless tasks

James: I’m proud of her, independent of me and with no thanks

Ava: I didn’t mean your daughter there, more the rest

James: I’d be lying by refusing to acknowledge what a miserable existence parenting is much of the time, but no, there are enough rewards to prevent it from seeming utterly futile or everyone would have already given up

Ava: You’re allowed to be a person outside of it, it should be encouraged

James: I’m not encouraged to seek out delight in many places

Ava: Everyone I’ve ever met is a walking advertisement for unhappy parents making unhappy children

Ava: I don’t know why the cycle keeps repeating unbidden, we have to step in and up at some point, surely

James: Because few people have children when or how they would choose to, the circumstances start out less than ideal and, therefore, persist in being

Ava: It’s never too late, however difficult extrapolating is, it’s still a worthy cause

James: Unless too late is relative, dependent as it is on where the individual tipping point could be and the deciding factor of what amount of damage would be irrevocable 

Ava: There’s always more to be caused and so always reason to leave too

James: You’re right, I have to concede to your point

Ava: I understand practicalities prove less black and white in the execution but

Ava: I still stand by the point

James: As you should, it’s excellent

Ava: Will you, do you think, one day

James: That day came and the actions I embarked upon made everything infinitely worse

Ava: She didn’t take it well then

James: An understatement

Ava: But she’s found out before, about your infidelities, right?

Ava: I don’t know if I can comprehend the priorities…

James: She has her own

James: but outward appearance is what matters

Ava: Even if it’s all a lie?

James: Yes

Ava: That’s so ridiculous

Ava: You shouldn’t live a lie because she’s content to, or thinks she is

James: I’m beholden to my obligations, I live as duty dictates, which regrettably, must include her impulses, however contemptible I consider them

Ava: You have multiple duties, to your daughter and to yourself, too

Ava: She can’t be the only person considered

James: I wouldn’t have one to my daughter any longer, that’s been categorically stated

Ava: Okay but she knows that’s not something she can do, even if she wants to

James: It’s within her power, my lapses in judgement go beyond infidelity

Ava: And hers?

James: Aren’t on the record like mine are, hearsay isn’t sufficient when it’s my word alone

Ava: Wasn’t your rehab stint voluntary?

James: Technically, but none of my alleged character witnesses would attest to any less than kicking and screaming

Ava: I mean, it wasn’t court ordered

Ava: and you completed it, all of which points to a commitment to sobriety, not the opposite, which is what she wants you to be scared of

James: I wouldn’t be granted full custody and I’m under no illusion she’d follow through with other arrangements, even if those were court ordered

Ava: You think it would be worse than it is now then

James: Her threats are seldom empty

James: living with her I have the ability to perform damage control, compensate for the things which should be better but aren’t

Ava: I understand

James: I’m afraid I wouldn’t be in contact with my daughter for months, possibly years, depending on the legal red tape involved, by which point, she may not want any at all

Ava: She wouldn’t be allowed to just stop you, there is no case, even if she made up something truly horrific, it’d still need proving and you’re innocent until it is, which it can’t be

James: Perhaps not, but she wouldn’t stop until I was guilty in the eyes of my daughter and I’m not sure how easy it would be for me to disprove the character assassination going on behind closed doors

Ava: I’m sorry, it’s horrible you have to deal with any of this

James: The compassion you’ve shown is new to me, but I value it

James: thank you

Ava: Your daughter is very lucky to have you

James: I’m lucky to have you

Ava: All I’ve done is listen

James: Don’t downplay it

Ava: I’m happy to, you’re welcome any time

James: I wouldn’t be to treat you as my unpaid therapist

Ava: I wish I had actual solutions for you

James: You are a solution, being with you is more than enough

Ava: You still want to do lunch, don’t you

Ava: I really want to see you

James: Of course

Ava: We can skip the whole lunch part, truth be told

James: Okay, tell me

Ava: Tell you what?

James: About what we’re going to do instead

Ava: Well, we need to be alone

Ava: because I need to be as close to you as is physically possible

James: Where are you taking me?

Ava: As bed isn’t an option, the nearest privacy the car can find us

James: The car itself can be a haven for it in the meanwhile

Ava: It could suffice, I’m not opposed to the idea

James: [obvs writing her a car scenario what if, of the antics he’s THINKING about them getting up to]

Ava: Okay, so we are absolutely staying in the car then, that’s decided

James: Are you definite?

James: [and a what if of somewhere else, idk maybe a park to bring back where they hooked up for the first time when we did the tour vibe last, regardless, just here giving her options and more to THINK about]

Ava: The only thing I’m definite on is that we’re going to need more than one lunch break

Ava: and that you’re in charge of where we go, you have the best ideas

James: There’s a full work week ahead of us, but I must insist you eat brunch on the weekends, with or without me

Ava: I’ll keep my strength up, I promise

James: Good girl

Ava: I felt like I was dreaming the first time you said that to me

James: It’s almost unfathomable that I’m not, still

Ava: Did you dream, when we fell asleep?

James: Absolutely

Ava: About me?

James: About you and only you

Ava: That’s mutual then

Ava: I’m still struggling to have any thoughts, waking or otherwise, about anything but you

James: My pen has endeavoured to write your name on an abundance of [idk what business report thing he’s meant to be doing, sue me]

Ava: I’ve distracted you dreadfully

Ava: I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty about it though

James: It’s the effect you’ve had since reentering my life, which I’m similarly lacking the slightest remorse about

Ava: I don’t want to be something you regret, another lapse in judgment 

James: I don’t want you to get that impression when it couldn’t be further from the truth

Ava: Promise?

James: This feels different, perhaps I shouldn’t admit it as freely as I am, given reconnected days ago

Ava: I would feel bad, I know there’s no evidence to support that

Ava: if you and your wife had a chance, I thought she treated you any better than with total contempt, I really would

Ava: I’m not saying I wouldn’t have done it, maybe I still would but I wouldn’t be so unapologetic about how I feel for you

James: I meant what I said when I expressed the credit you’d be to the field of journalism, you’re indisputably someone with strong morals and ethics

Ava: It doesn’t feel like a shouldn’t, not when you’re trapped

Ava: not when I like you more

James: You aren’t behaving as you shouldn’t, I am

Ava: If she won’t let you leave, what are you meant to do?

Ava: Suffer in silence entirely is not an option 

James: I ought to dedicate myself to making my marriage work, arguably

Ava: Should you?

James: I barely remember the day, vows included, but speaking them aloud is a prerequisite

Ava: Were you scared?

James: Honestly terrified 

Ava: You weren’t old enough to make that sort of commitment, to understand what it meant 

James: You understand 

Ava: No one would let me get married, think that would work out long term

James: No, but you possess the emotional maturity, I don’t think anyone is claiming our troubles are age related

Ava: I don’t know about that, I’m just saying I’m unsure why all the actual adults in your lives failed to see it was a poor idea to begin with

Ava: You were let down, both of you

James: This wouldn’t be a conversation we were having if you didn’t

Ava: Okay, and you are now too

James: I’m trying to avoid being another adult who has neglected to do what they’re supposed to

Ava: I would say that’s very clear

James: It doesn’t always seem like I’m being understood

Ava: I can’t begin to fathom how frustrating it must be, to be trying as hard as you are, and to receive no confirmation of the fact, let alone recognition

James: If I’m able to summon up any optimism at all in this situation, it would go towards my conviction that you aren’t going to suffer the same fate

Ava: You don’t have to spend any of your optimism or worry on me, James, I promise, I’m always alright

James: And in the first instance you weren’t, you’d be able to express it much more eloquently than I

Ava: I could talk to you, as you can talk to me now too

Ava: however inelegant the prose, the feeling is what counts

James: I’m blown away by how you communicate both your emotions and opinions

Ava: I just need to get you to see how and why the feeling is mutual

James: I’m sorry, I’m not deliberately setting you up for your own failure or thankless task, it just may be

Ava: Well, I’m no quitter

James: You’re persistent

Ava: You’re yet to find it annoying

Ava: I hope, or this is very awkward

James: It’s enviable, as long as you remain conscious of the fact you’re allowed to rest

Ava: Only when sleep is unavoidable

Ava: I didn’t set that precedent to go against it immediately

James: No, when it’s necessary, I’m mindful of the exhausting nature of my daily life

Ava: I know you are, that’s why I have to do everything within my power to distract you when we’re allowed

Ava: said like it’s not my pleasure

James: The pleasure’s all mine, though, I very much hope it isn’t really, or I’ve contradicted my previous sentence and claimed attentiveness to keeping this fun for you

Ava: You know how pleasurable this is for me, you’ve made certain of that

James: Today there’s more I could do, to be absolute in my belief

Ava: Please

James: But nothing would give me greater pleasure than for us each to be completely and equally certain of it

Ava: You do make me sure, like no one else has

James: I’m usually so indecisive, not with you

Ava: You know what I want, it matches what you do

James: Yes

Ava: It’s so… freeing, to actually know that

Ava: not be guessing or hoping

James: Most areas of my life are an exercise in restraint, I can’t bring to mind when I last relaxed it, before us

Ava: That’s how you really test the muscle, isn’t it

Ava: because you know when and where to let go and let it out

James: And when to keep a tight hold, which I insist upon doing with you

Ava: I need you to, I can’t lose you

James: Releasing you isn’t an option yet

Ava: I’m yours, remember

James: The enduring ache I have for you isn’t going to let me forget

Ava: That sounds all too familiar

James: My methods of alleviating them will too as alas I’ve rather given myself away with my earlier prose

Ava: Familiar does you a disservice there, nothing about this feels old hat or everyday 

Ava: I feel like you’ve shown me things I couldn’t even guess at in my wildest dreams

James: Regular time with you would only serve as a continuation of everything I’ve loved having the opportunity to do

Ava: Let me make myself available for you

James: I dream of a progression of this which doesn’t become a gradual nightmare for you, that’s all

Ava: How could it ever be a nightmare?

James: Ava

Ava: I know, what I can’t have from you

Ava: but I know what I can and I want it so badly

James: It’s a shared hunger

Ava: Devour me, I promise you it’s what I want

James: The moment can’t come soon enough

Ava: Waiting for you is starting to seem natural, right somehow

Ava: even if it should be shaming to be here in this room with these people feeling this way

James: The blush I can picture you wearing is, even though it is a dreadful shame I’m not there witnessing each distinct shade bloom firsthand

Ava: No sneaky selfie is painting the picture you deserve either

Ava: you know how to make me blossom every time, there’s no doubt you’ll see for yourself just how flushed I am now

James: That wait will be as worthwhile as the one you mentioned

Ava: I do wish you had more pictures of your handsome face online though, selfishly

James: I consent to you taking pictures of me

Ava: Really?

James: I don’t see the harm in submitting to it

Ava: Wow 🥰

James: Flushed doesn’t look as good on me, but if it’s what you want

Ava: It is because we absolutely must agree to disagree there

James: Oh, you’re adamant, are you?

Ava: Completely

James: Okay

Ava: I’ve seen you flushed, there’s no denying the perfection, I’m afraid

James: There’s no way to protest the comparison favours me over you

James: you’re the epitome of perfection

Ava: No, you

Ava: perhaps we can say we’re well-matched

James: We can’t, I’m sorry, you’re an archetype, the likes of which I fear will make a mockery of my writing whenever I attempt to exhibit you

Ava: I fear what being with you might do for my ego

Ava: luckily with every incredible thing you say about me, it just endears me to you more than myself

James: The readers egos will lead them to assume I’ve misrepresented you because you embody too many implausible traits

Ava: As long as you don’t find me insufferable and unbelievable 

James: I’m struggling to withstand the torment of our current separation, was that your question?

Ava: I forget but I empathise so wholly that nothing else matters

Ava: I’ve never clock-watched this hard before

James: It’s outrageous the clock doesn’t feel your stare and leap forwards at your request

Ava: It is, you’re right

Ava: Who do I complain to about this?

James: How could I not be the one to blame? What cruel storytelling device have I, the author, employed here, and for which exacting ends?

James: but I need you to know my yearning for you feels violent right now, whether or not you agree or disagree it’s an adequate punishment

Ava: Having no say over how forceful the longing hits and for how long the feeling stays seems entirely appropriate, no good or bad or agree or disagree even capable

Ava: It’s just so

James: Being deprived of your body and all I need from it is an experience I am ill equipped to cope with

Ava: Is it consolation to know I have as little clue as you?

Ava: all I know is how willingly I’m going to submit to what your body needs as soon as I see you

James: My solace exists inside of you, I’m learning

Ava: It’s something we create together

James: Peace

Ava: Security

James: I’ve never known a respite like the one you offer me

Ava: If there was better somewhere else, I would let you find it

Ava: that’s how much I like you

James: Let me reveal you, uncover all there is to

Ava: I trust you, I want it to be you

James: Expose yourself to me and I’ll lay myself bare to you

Ava: James

James: Fuck, Ava

Ava: How did we stumble upon us, how is it so incredible

James: I don’t know

Ava: Writing until you do would be a worthy pursuit but I still don’t think you’d get an answer really

James: There’s an argument to be made for you taking over as the writer, because stumble is a prudent word choice for my inability to walk anywhere at the moment

Ava: You really need to be sat down darling

James: Thankfully I am, lamentably you’re not sat with me

Ava: God if I was

James: Write it for me

Ava: [do, trying your hardest and being the sauciest, obviously]

James: You’re profoundly talented

Ava: You leave me with no choice in the matter

James: You’re going to leave me with no alternative but to behave very unprofessionally

Ava: I am

James: No apologies?

Ava: Only if you really want them

James: You’ll be sorry this office isn’t soundproof when the denial of the recording I would’ve sent you fully registers

Ava: But 

James: [he can’t resist sending a voice note regardless though which is just him breathing insanely because gotta be quiet shh]

Ava: I can feel how that would feel against my skin, if I focus hard enough on each breath

James: If I close my eyes I can feel the weight of you in my lap

Ava: There’s not an office in the city soundproofed enough for how I would be reacting if I were in your lap right now

James: I’d be inconsolable at having to keep you as quiet as I am

Ava: Inconsolable does sound like a personal challenge though

James: True, perhaps it should be

Ava: Perhaps you’ll want me keeping you company all the time

James: I already crave that

Ava: Me too

Ava: you already made me want to be on that desk of yours, now I need to be under it, bent over it, the possibilities truly are endless

James: [of course writing all those possibilities being even more !! than he was earlier hence also a saucier rewrite of that desk moment from then because the mood we’re in rn]

Ava: I’ll do anything, just please let me

James: Darling, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t grant you permission for

Ava: I fucking adore you, I need to feel you again, I’m so lost here

James: The desk isn’t mine, you are

Ava: The moment you laid eyes on me, you possessed me fully

James: Remember how that felt, feel it now

Ava: I haven’t stopped, I can feel you in my flesh and blood and my bones, you flood my mind and my other senses until I can feel you again

James: I’d create space for you in every fragment of me, there isn’t a trace of myself I wouldn’t gladly let you coexist along with, because it’s all improved for the closeness of you

Ava: I want to be consumed by you and consume you, no distinction between us, that’s how truly my entire being belongs to you

James: I’m going to flood this desk without even touching myself because of how you confess the things you want

Ava: Now I really want that

James: But you’re not here to consume it

Ava: You could for me, feed me

James: You have declared your appetite for us to be joined, I should demonstrate my own

Ava: I will give myself over to you again and again, every second, every day, I become yours anew

James: It would be impossible to dismiss any vow made by you, least of all that one

Ava: Want me, I don’t know if I’ll continue to exist if you don’t, not now

James: I said it first, I told you to be mine entirely or I’d be afraid what I’d do

Ava: You were so masterful, I’ve been under your spell since

James: I didn’t exist without you

Ava: But you’re so vivid and raw and electric to me, how can that be true

James: To call you my muse cheapens it, but you know what you are irrespective of the language deficit

Ava: You know who that makes you, how vital to me, my master, my creator

James: I’d experience an unparalleled sense of pride and fulfilment if I were, of course your parents were satisfied after creating you, anyone would be content to stop

Ava: You are but don’t stop, please

James: I won’t, I can’t

Ava: You need this, me

James: You’re fundamental to me too

Ava: I’ve written your name on my thigh

James: I’d carve yours on this desk provided I saw it at all, but I could be anywhere for how little it matters when I’m not with you

Ava: Soon, love, so soon

Ava: I don’t need to come back

James: The sight of you would be alarming, once the limited time I have runs out and we’ve got no choice but to be finished

Ava: I’d wait for you like that, ruined

James: Never ruined

Ava: Not for you

James: Ravished, but your beauty grows with that, I refuse to diminish any part of you

Ava: You’re so unbelievably caring, it never fails to shock me

James: You bring out the best in me, I want it for you

Ava: We can have that together

James: Art evolves, if that’s what you are and I’ve created you, it’s my aim that you do

Ava: You make me feel it, like it’s more than skin deep

James: Our bond is, you’ve cured me of more than my writer’s block

Ava: I think I’ve run out of words, I don’t have sufficient ones to match to our bond

James: Present your thigh to me

Ava: [a covert snap of this which is clearly well under your skirt because we know what we’re saying here and where your head was]

James: [another voice note, this time of him saying her name in response, obvs whispered to be likewise stealth but !! af because not okay about it even a lil bit]

Ava: Maybe that’s all we need to say

James: It’s all I feel as though I can say

Ava: You’ve kept it off the desk and the [whatever work things he is currently ignoring so hard] no one can expect anything more 

James: Yours are the only ones I care to meet

Ava: You continue to exceed even my wildest 

James: I remain floored

Ava: And I demand you be here now

James: Soon, I promise

Ava: I’ll count every second ‘til then

[r34listic]

So i have a friend (lets call her tessa). Tessa and i are classmates. She joined our school last year and was the new student. I told her she can sit next to me in all classes and like just join my friendgroup cuz she didnt knew anyone. We became very good friends and we had the same kinda of humour etc. Since she is part of our friendgroup now, she is friends with my friends. Obv. And she came very close to (lets say Kira). Kira and Tessa did a school exchange together. I wanted to join but my parents didnt allow me so yeah. After that one week of school exchange kira and tessa came back to our country and were hanging out together all the time. I understand that they are good together but you could at least say hello, right? Kira was very sweet and gave me a hug and told me everything about the exchange. Tessa was just there.

So Tessa and Kira met new people like (fake names) Lucy, Mia, Mike... many people. And they were talking about them all the time. Especially about the boys. And if you ask them "isnt that the guy from the exchange?" Tessa would be like "you dont even know him, so what do you wanna say anyway". Like i was just asking? Cmon now i dont feel like standing there and not knowing anything about the convo.

This kinda turn into a habit. So Kira and I are still close and i kinda fixed that thing between me and Tessa. New school year (now).

So the holidays were over and we came all back together. Tessa and Kira ignored me as usual. So i was hanging out with the other part of the group, jenny and livia. I had beef with livia cuz like, i just dont like her. But jenny is super sweet.

One day tessa suddenly came to me and told me about her dream she had in the holidays. It was about me "stealing" all of her friends. She said it jokingly but i could see how worried she was. You must know, Tessa has a lot of friends. Like, she knows everyone of the world and considers them as her friend. Idk. She also kinda blamed me for having not many friends. So i thought i might follow some people on instagram. There were many people who were suggested to me so i just followed them and they followed back. I dont have many friends. Maybe 2 or 3. Most of them are more just a company tbh. Like tessa, jenny, kira... just talking with them so school isnt boring.

Ofcourse tessa noticed that i followed some of her friends and she tried to embarrass me in a convo with other people. I didnt felt embarrassed and noone laughed so it didnt work. She was like "yeah why are you following kiras mum on insta" and i was like "girl what are you talking about stop being so delulu"... basically she often does that. Tryna embarrass me for my interests cuz she has no talents. Like girl? I have a tt account where i started to post stuff about how to have a glow up and jzst the girly stuff. It went pretty well and i gained 21.8 k followers. Thats a lot i think.

As i had my first 3k followers i told the friendgroup. They were very supportive and followed me and stuff. Tessa included. I was happy that everything went well. I thought.

So in the past days Tessa also tried to expose (not rlly the word) my account to others and was like "she has a tt account about glow up haha". Well girl then mention the 22k followers.

What i notice is that Tessa doesnt have any talents. I have some, i think. Im very good at drawing, learning new stuff, healthy clean girl living, writing stories, being creative, also very good at school, making transition edits... and tessa just had nothing. As much as i know. She plays tennis and volleyball. Thats it i guess.

Its pretty obv that she is just jealous and i knwo that from the beginning of this drama. I know she isnt worth my time so i wont let her suck my good energy.

#storytime

[voidbeomgyu]

7:06AM: ive been so inactive bc classes just started again, but ive come back to release my anxiety ab this man at the bus stop. im literally in the bus rn but at the stop i was waiting and then some man ive never talked to before pulls up and starts talking to me. ((for context my class starts at 7:15am and i take the 6am bus bc the next bus is at 7am and id be late by a few right but sometimes idc ab being late cos im tired so i take the 7am bus, like today))

so ive seen this fool like mayb two times before ,i cant remember but he never talked to me until today when he walked to the stop and asked me "arent you cold?" cos all i have on rn are my sweatpants and a tshirt over a white longsleeve cos my first class is a body conditioning class im gonna warm tf up right. but i was like "uh aha a little" and he laughed or whatever and then just kept talking like bro im literally trying to text my "more than friends" friend rn leave me alone. he asked if im going to school rn and BRUH MEN MAKE ME BLANK OUT LIKE MY MOUTH GOES ON AUTO PILOT SO MY DUMBASS SAID YES.

ive had some not good at all experiences with men and boys around my age before so idk, ig over time my axiety just got worse? anyway he was like "college? [state] state?" and i omg i was like "no just college ahah" and the nearest one is like the ONLY ONE SO HE CONNECTED THE DOTS TO WHICH SCHOOL I GO TO OBV. i even told him my name bc im DUMB. but like im wearing my bracelets rn right (i make and wear kandi ((pony bead bracelets))) and the one on my wrist has my name on it and so does the phone charm thing i made. so i like noticed him eyeing it and was like FUCK I CANT EVEN LIE ARRGRGRHHR COS LIKE I COULD SAY IT WAS A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER NAME RIGHT BUT WHY WOULD I HAVE MY PHONE CHARM SAY SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME RIGHT GRRRARRGGRGSGR

after he would finish a thought id turn to look forward to the road again and look down at my phone to text my friend right so it would be silent for like 2 second and then BOOM HE STARTS TALKING AB HOW HE GOT HIS LISENCE SUSPENDED FOR THREE YEARS BC HE KEPT BREAKING THE LAW AND GETTING TICKETS IM LOSING MY MIND WHY WOULD I NEED TO KNOW THIS??!??? he was like yea thats why im taking the bus now and have to wake up so early and im sitting there like 😀👍

i had my mask on bc paranoia yardy kno (tmi i have the covid vaccine and two boosters and i still got sick but i didnt die so cool it did what it was supposed to ((tmi tmi my body is so weak when i was in 5th grade i almost died from an infection spreading up my arm to my heart from a PLAYGROUND WOODCHIP SPLINTER IN MY FINGER...))) so like i wear masks bc i dont wanna get sick by ANYTHING EVEN JUST A COLD OR SOMETHING IDC IDC im happy for that tho cos 1. man does not know what my face looks like and 2. face warm

OKAY ANYWAYS when he found out my name he paused for a second and asked who my dad was and i was like ...what so he said something like his ex's brother had a daughter named [MY NAME BRUH] and i was like 😀👍 aaahawggagwggs so he thought i was her or something. i was like oh okay haha and then turned back around like ive been doing to try and end the conversation right, but like we are waiting at the bus stop yk so theres gonna be cars that pass by and its gonna get loud especially rn everyone is going to work. but since it was loud ig i didnt hear him?? cos suddenly his voice is like way louder than before right so i turn and hes like A FOOT AWAY FROM MY FACE IM AARGRHEGR WHY. he said his name i forgot what it was i wasnt paying attention cos i was like 😦 but it think it was michael, so michael if u ever see this ur weird.

anyway then he said something like "you know what's cool?" and bruh i literally saw my life flash before my eyes. why? idk but that sounds so ????? like scary ???? but i was like "uh sure" and then he went on this tangent about being in the navy and that he got to travel the world like three? idk how many times but he was telling me wheres hes been like naming the countries right

i was just sitting there being my polite little self bc i was raised to no matter what respect when someone is speaking to you in a conversation even if u dont wanna be there. like for when someone older than you is speaking to you i mean and this guy was OOOOOLDER THAN ME faded brown hair covered in grey, brown grey fluffy stash, he looked like maybe early-mid fifties but could pass for being like 70 im being so fr. anyway yea im being polite even tho im like so uncomfortable bc thats just what i do idk😭 it was def obv how uncomfortable i was tho i was fidgeting SO much like shaking both my legs, picking at the skin around my fingers, and trying to end the conversation multiple times. but he just kept going😭

but after that whole idk how long tangent ab navy stuff he suddenly asked (after i turned around to stop talking to him ofc) how old i was like "how old are you if you dont mind me asking?" and so i was like scared but also kinda relieved cos i get comments a lot about how much younger AND how much older i look bc ig i just present myself more mature??? even tho my style and stuff isnt like super mature or anything ppl ive talked to like teachers/parents/classmates who are older than me, like mid twenties to late thirties tell me that they thought i was so much older when im actually like a baby. its only ppl my age that say i look younger right, so i was like oh maybe he thinks im like way older or something?? like im wearing a backpack and a little tote with stuff so it looks like im going to school, but he asked if im attending college or a four year uni meaning he thought i was a little older (or at least he just didnt mention a thought of me being in high school? mayb cos im taking the public bus and not a school bus idk). i said the truth bc I HAD HOPE IDK BRUH LIKE IKKKK I RLLY SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD ANY HOPES BC A MAN IS A MAN AND IF U GET WEIRD VIBES THEN THEY ARE PROB VERY MUCH CORRECT BUT IDK😭😭😭

anyway i told him like yea im 18 and when i tell you his face lit up like LIT UP. i was gonna be sick like why are you smiling so hard at me being so young like he was giddy ab it too like STOPPPP. he was like "woww getting your education earlyyy thats awesome" and tbh idk how to take comments like that bc idk hs at least in my state is like "go to college or university immediately after highschool" and during senior year we have stands up to help us apply for schools and stuff so i dont rly see me being 18 at college early or anything so i just sat there like "😀👍 thanks" IM USING THAT EMOJI COMBO A LOT BUT DAWG ISTG THAT WAS LITERALLY ME THE WHOLE DAMN TIME IM SO FR

i was thinking to myself like WHY IS THIS BUS TAKING SO DAMN LONG PLEASEEEE😭😭😭😭😭 but it arrived eventually and he got on first and sat allllll the way at the back. i always sit near the front bc its just easier ig idk but i was like so relieved bruh while i was sitting there listening to him i was thinking like oh my god P L E A S E do not sit next to me to keep our conversation going i want to sit in silence and be CALM. IM LITERALLY A BROKE COLLEGE DANCE MAJOR STUDENT IM SO PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY TIRED AND I CANT EVEN DRIVE SO IM TAKING THE PUBLIC BUS AT 6AM EVERY MORNING SO I WAKE UP AT 4:30AM TO GO TO MY 7:15AM BODY CONDITIONING CLASS.

maybe i am overreacting and it was one of those things thats like a fatherly kind of thing. like how sometimes you might meet a nice man who works at a shop and you see him as like a father figure of sorts yk. but like i really REALLY was not getting that vibe. like at some points i was 'like yea cool okay mayb im wrong and ur just a wise man talking life to a kid you met at the bus stop', but then he'd just keep talking. and yk how theres like a line of where something is like too much to say right. like its a common sense thing to know when you're a GROWN person and you first meet someone who is damn younger than you and could pass as a minor, you dont ask like where they live what highschool they went to, (i forgot to mention but yea he asked me that) or dump a bunch of your life on them. like he told me what highschool he went to, what elementary school he went to, what state it was in, and how he was born and raised there, where he used to work, how he had a motercycle and went 160mph coming off the freeway like an idiot, what car i should get when i decide to start drive instead of taking the bus, how cute it is that my name is so similar to a brand (like a one letter difference so he noticed it right away and was like "ohh thats so cool, you're so unique thats cute"), and that whole ex's brother thing was weird too like idk i feel like you wouldnt ask "who's your dad?" but rather ask like "does [name] happen to be your father?" or something yk. NOT TO MENTION THE LISENCE SUSPENDED FOR THREE YEARS NOW ONE YEAR LEFT THING TOO LIKE 😭 OKAY WHY WOULD YOU TELL ANYONE YOU JUST MET AB THAT😭😭😭

anyway yea i just didnt get the friendly older man you see in those heart touching movies kinda vibe. more like grown man finds a young girl sitting alone at the bus stop and dumps his life story on her to hopefully rush into some sort of relationship with her kinda vibe. (like those situations ((a lot of the time in fiction lol)) where you meet someone for the first time at a bar or something and you talk the whole damn night and either go home knowing everything ab eachother and planning on meeting again or having fucked in the backseat of one of your cars kinda rush i mean) IDK MAN it was like a scary unsettling kinda vibe yk. it was obv he had so much more he wanted to say bc he was like ig stopping himself?? idk how to elaborate on that but when the bus finally arrived he sighed like "aw the bus is here" so i feel like he wanted to talk with me more.

TL;DR im never taking the 7AM bus instead of the 6AM bus again because of a man i met on a cold wednesday morning 😀👍 happy day everyone

#voidbeomgyu #void's life updates

[p0is0ned-r0ses]

I posted 853 times in 2022

That's 821 more posts than 2021!

204 posts created (24%)

649 posts reblogged (76%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@toothsheeran

@walmart-satan

@stimulants-4-breakfast

@zipzap-zaj

@ghost-of-soup

I tagged 18 of my posts in 2022

#relatable🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 - 2 posts

#im either gonna start texting my bf furiously or screaming on here there are no other vent areas - 1 post

#i dont wanna go but im not gonna cancel bc i already told my mom - 1 post

#i just think butts are funny - 1 post

#haha get it - 1 post

#octover - 1 post

#bc its over - 1 post

#since it’s november now - 1 post

#i hate november - 1 post

#send help - 1 post

Longest Tag: 96 characters

#im either gonna start texting my bf furiously or screaming on here there are no other vent areas

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

trick or treat!

HELLOOOOO!!! :)

twix are my favorite, but if you prefer fruity candy, I also have skittles!!

See the full post

4 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#4

I think I wanna change my name on here. I don’t use my real name on tumblr obv in case one of my irls finds it, they wont sus me out. but idk Salem is pretty femme and im genderfluid and transmasc. maybe i’ll test out some names on here.

if any of my mutuals feel like they know me well enough could you maybe comment/reblog with some gender neutral/masc leaning names you think might fit me? or just ones you like?

currently thinking maybe Ace, Viper, or Alex (ik, how unique)

if anyone has suggestions i would really appreciate them!! love yall :D <3

5 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

#3

i rly like him and we texted nonstop for the whole long weekend and over text he seems to like me too but he doesnt talk to me in person. maybe its just bc we havent rly had a chance but he told me to find him this morning like a day ago and he just walked right by me like three times wtf

8 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

#2

suicide but pink

26 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

edblr is literally “i wanna die and not eat for weeks i hate myself anyway here’s this adorable picrew i found @literallyhalfoftumblr”

54 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[bunnyyamor]

Can I say something to get it off my chest…let’s not bash only anime watchers ok if ur a manga reader. I cannot stress enough how many ppl that read manga like try to flex??? That they read the manga and their the all knowing about the fandom like dude stfu ur not god eww like and they like bully u if u bc u don’t know as much obv cuz u only watch anime. Look for some ppl anime is easier to digest as a media or a form of entertainment, some may love to read only and choose manga both r valid. I personally sometimes do both for certain fandoms but I mostly am an anime watcher and boy oh boy do I get shat on haha 😂 it doesn’t matter both r valid and both r ok, both r right! Now let me ask u fuckers that bully anime watchers like when it comes to marvel and dc have u read allllllll of Spider-Man’s comic allll of them from the first edition to the most recent??? I bet u haven’t and someone can come for u for that. It’s literally just like respect ppls decisions

Ok now another point that refers to fanfic authors. I cannot stress enough how much I dislike when a consumer or reader comes to a writer and tries to make it sound like bc they don’t know the full lore about a fandom (like u haven’t read the manga) that ur not entitled or have the right to write fanfic about this fandom?!? That legit is fuckin bonkers to me!!! First off someone can write whatever the hell they want! Second who tf r u to tell me what is canonly correct or not. Like “oh he wouldn’t act that way bc in issue 324 he actually loses his mother and goes into a deep depression so him being funny is like soooo ooc and like ur a terrible writer die” like dude stfu go outside touch grass maybe eat a couple pussies like dude. the character the fandom all of it is fake! It’s nice to have different interpretations and perspectives on a fandom and the writing. I honestly dont give af, if I like ur writing I like it period. The amount of ppl that say ur writing him wrong or he isn’t like that as if they try to sound more like they love the fandom more than u bc they know more than u? Idk it all sounds bat shit crazy to me so just don’t be that person u sound stupid and just annoying. How bout we welcome ppl into things we like and listen to their thoughts about the characters they r growing to love and learning about how bout that huh???

#° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ angel rambles. #I do this w my niece do I gate keep and bully her cuz I’ve known anime longer #hell no I let her have her first experiences and tell me all about the story and I’ll react as if I didn’t know this whole time