#idk just. as a person with delusions and paranoia

[nexus-nebulae]

i really really wanna write a story at some point that starts out as one of those cliche YA novels where a normal human character finds out about an entire magic world they didn't know about- except the character is some form of mentally ill with paranoia and delusions, so the story revolves around how much more difficult it becomes for this person to percieve the world while also dealing with whatever Magic Bullshit is being thrown at them

#cw unreality #tw unreality #<- just for the description of some of the delusions #i don't want to trigger someone else to have a bad delusion/paranoia because of my own paranoias + creative writing ideas #but like the story is told by this unreliable narrator #who is unreliable due to the fact that they can't even rely on their own brain #and the struggle is figuring out what's real and what's reliable #but because of the character's history with their mental illness they can't do it on their own #but suddenly don't know if they can trust literally anyone else around them because- what if it's all just lies #but then also are stuck in a place of semi-denial where they desperately want to believe this isn't real and is just another delusion #so the story focuses on them learning to manage their symptoms enough to get a hold on what's happening #while both you and the main character struggle to figure out what's actually happening in the story #a semi-mystery type thing #idk just. as a person with delusions and paranoia #if something like that happened to me i would *freak the fuck out* #like on one hand i've been begging to get isekai'd into a fantasy world my whole life #on the other hand i would have absolutely no way to tell whether or not it was just a bad mental break #because the worse your symptoms get the harder perception becomes #to where i don't know if i'd be able to trust literally any of my senses because well. i get pretty vivid tactile hallucinations #i wouldn't be able to reach out and touch the magic creature in front of me and immediately know it was real #it could just be my brain supplying the sensation because i expected it and my own brain is crafting a false world around me #and as a writer just. thinking about that kind of fucked up situation makes me a little rabid #i like to fuck up my characters. lots #and fucked up situations based on my own delusions/paranoias? fun content fun content

[piplupod]

yet again i am trying to figure out how much to tell the counselor/therapist about how bad things are getting bc the considerations i must take into account include:

1) will i be put into the psych ward for this, and

2) will telling a professional actually help me, what kind of help would actually be available for this, and

3) are they going to give me more medications that don't actually address or fix the root of the problem while still giving me awful side effects that I'm just supposed to deal with and hopefully not end up in the hospital for

#i am going to try to not be around much on here but djfjdkdl that never happens for very long #on one hand i need to not be online bc it's fucking w my head a lot and im teetering close to an actual Episode #but on the other hand. i have no other sources of socializing other than the dbt group once a week #and socializing helps anchor me in reality but. it has to happen online. which fucks w my head bc im just holding this magic little device #and having to trust that theres an actual real person on the other side and that its not all just some made up program I'm talking to #esp w how ai is rn. even video chats could be made up!! i don't know!!! #but honestly even in person im getting a bad feeling like everyone is fake and im making this all up. so. ha. goody goody great for me :))) #also i am really sorry for staying so quiet about current events but i am struggling to avoid this possible psychotic episode #if i can get my shit under control then i will be looking into things more and helping spread info !!! #I'm just really struggling to keep my head firmly in reality rn and maybe that's not a good enough reason idk #but i just... really want to avoid being put into the psych ward or my parents catching wind of me having these reality issues fjfkdl #anyways wah wah poor me I know sorry. i promise i am trying to look at things when i can. hopefully i can engage soon #paranoia tw #delusions tw

[snekdood]

the sooner ppl recognize “persecution delusions” aren’t just some “narcissist” thing and are also a schizophrenic thing, the better off we’ll all be

#infact theres a couple delusions that schizophrenic ppl have that 'narcissists' have but the reasons and they way they go about it is #usually different. its not that i think im special and im the only person i focus on and bc im so special ppl want to attack me or whatever #im literally just terrified every day someones going to hurt me (probably bc of trauma and other factors growing up) #theres ppl in my past who totally were the types to stalk ppl on social media and try to ruin their rep #idk if they're still doing it or found a new target or what but sometimes yeah i might over assume about what those ppl are up to #because im tired and theyre abusive and it stresses me out to feel like im constantly being watched #and since i have paranoia and schizophrenic tendencies my minds constantly going 'well what if they're still watching you? what if they're #still trying to fuck with you?' #im not doing this bc i think im special im doing this bc im scared of my abuser and have had abusive stalker ppl before in my past #so much of my delusions about being stalked and watched growing up has come from a specific individual threatening to do that w my family #and not even threaten he has actually done it before and we got a restraining order #but after that he would still continue to threaten doing that #so tyhat trauma mixed w paranoia and schizphrenic tendencies was uh... not a great mix to say the least #thats literally the only reason im constantly combative on here. bc i feel like im still being watched. #and like. ill never know when they stop watching me either #which isnt great bc i cant just be like 'finally i can relax and not feel like theres someone inspecting my asshole every 5 seconds' #which to be fair is 100% intentional on their end. they know what theyre doing to me. theyve convinced ppl its moral somehow #ig constantly trying to trigger me enough to go offline is The Move but yall still dont even wanna consider for second if they're lying #hell. you probably come up with excuses for why any of their bad behavior is good actually and anything i do thats good is bad or whatever #theyre 100% pure and good witrh good intentions no nuance no grey areas and im 100% horrible and bad with bad intentions always and also #'my vibes ar eoff' so thats how you know im prolly the abuser here

[yveltalreal]

ooc post

\\ okay so ! theres newer blogs tagging unreality in the community so i wanna make a psa

\\DO NOT TAG PKMN IRL POSTS AS UNREALITY UNLESS YOU REGULARLY BREAK CONTAINMENT OR PLAN TO HAVE OTHER PARANOIA/DELUSION INDUCING CONTENT OUTSIDE OF JUST THE POKEMON STUFF!!

\\early on (like a year ago) we had a similar thing and the general consensus the community reached is that if every post is tagged unreality, its inconvenient for those of us who do have that tag blocked but DO wanna engage in the community because it means we essentially cannot see your post unless we take the 50/50 shot at either seeing silly rp post or being triggered into a paranoia episode.

\\use the pkmn irl tags and other similar tags for our community! this allows people who do not want to see the rp posts and may find them paranoia inducing to block the tag, while not excluding people who DO wanna see your post!

\\once again, the unreality tag can still be used, but generally it should be kept for specific posts and blogs rather than all ur posts being tagged with it.

\\similarly, using the pokemon rp tag should be kept for like actual in person rps as there are people who do rp on the site but not like. rp thats meant to be taking place in the actual world instead of just guys who have tumblr accounts, but idk if we're still doing that or not. i remember some people being annoyed by it a while back.

#pkmn irl #pokeblr #ooc post #pokeblogging

[localcanadiancryptid22]

Babe wake up new cult of the lamb au dropped.

I coughed this au up today. Uh,enjoy. More info under the cut. I'll get to the bishops another time.

Narilamb au because cotl has a grip on me again/A cat's lie,a lamb's truth au. Au - The lamb is named sarem,their personality is smart and wise like shamura which is why they're besties with the latter,the general story is that sarem and nari have always been in love when nari was still a god and during's sarem's early cult days but uh the betrayal aka the lamb/sarem defeating nari and turning them mortal kinds caused nari's feelings on the other to sour but the love is still there,mutual pining slowburn but the slowburn isn't cause they're enemies it's cause they have a lot of other shit going on to talk to each other about their feelings so there's that,narinder and shamura were responsible for the lambs' extinction. narinder was the one who killed them all with his crown's powers but shamura was the one who ordered him to do so as they figured that killing the lambs would increase the bishops' power more and also increase the old faith's following. sarem finds out about this and they're absolutely LIVID due to their family being included in the extinction so yeahh saremder argument that also involves them fighting,and yeah the main story is nari and sarem trying to deal with a shit ton of side quests while also hiding their feelings from one another + heket side story + shamura purple crown side story + leshycat side story. idk what to call this au yet. Update it's called a cat's lie and a lamb's truth based off of the og inspiration of toh yesterday's lie title. Nari's lie is referring to him lying about his feelings toward the lamb and also him lying about the cause of the lambs' extinction,sarem's truth is referring to them being very obvious and blunt about them pining for narinder but nari can't accept their feelings 'cause betrayal™ and also the truth about their past (they don't remember anything about their past before meeting nari). Plus the betrayal goes both ways,narinder feels betrayed by the lamb's defeat/mortal resurrection of him whereas lamb feels betrayed about narinder aka the only person who cares for and understands them literally killing their entire species and family. WIP story. Bonus - Side stories of sarem helping ratau with something or someone,shamura is trying to get the purple crown as the brain damage is getting to them due to them forgetting a lot more often and the fact that they're now getting delusions as well as paranoia so they deem that the crown will fix them as i hc that the crowns don't just give the gods their powers but it also enhances abilities/talents that they already have. however thing is it's not actually the brain damage but shamura has some sort of supernatural illness instead but they don't know this yet,heket is a lesbian and she eventually meets a lizard girl who used to be her follower when she was still the goddess of famine. Also mystic seller appears here and they have a name,woo!Bishops and lamb voice claims:Lamb/Sarem - Gus porter post witch pubertyNarinder - Corpse husbandHeket - UndyneLeshy - FizzarolliShamura - Raine whispers Kallamar - StolasBonus - Enzo's/Yellow cat's voice is hunter toh.Lamb notes: I got lamb's name by mixing salem and saram together,as i wasn't sure on whether to use either name during brainstorming so i just fused 'em lol. I gave lamb digitigrade legs 'cause irl sheep have those,also i gave them pants. And i put more gold in their appearance to make them more unique.In CLLT,aym and baal were taken back to their mother after narinder's defeat but they also often visit the cult in order to see narinder. Baal however stays longer at times due to him being the more social and friendly one out of the two and as such he usually interacts with followers,aym only stays as long as he has to as he's a mama's boy and he'll miss forneus too much plus he has better things to do than mingle with cultists. Also the twins have decided to take on a more relaxed lifestyle after they have retired as the henchmen of the former god of death,aym is now a blacksmith (he likes weapons lol) and baker whereas baal is now a gardener.

#lmao #fave #my posts #my art #cotl #cotl fanart #cotl au #cult of the lamb #cotl narinder #cotl lamb #narilamb #narilamb au #aym and baal #cotl art #cult of the lamb fanart #cotl aym and baal #my fanart #digital art #ibispaint art #narinder fanart #idk what else to tag #cotl narilamb #cult of the lamb game #my au

[healingwgabs]

“Talk to a therapist” “go to the psych ward” are ableist statements and r not supportive to the psychotic communities who experience delusions of persecution and extreme paranoia who wont trust their therapist or the psych ward staff?? and are likely to get traumatized if they go to therapy or the psych ward in a state like that

Seen posts on here that recommend that psychotics (Doesn’t specify what kind) speak to therapists? And from personal experience I don’t agree (depends on what kind) and think it can be harmful. I was lucky enough to be given a few free sessions-my mom had something set up (like 3-the country I live in offers that to some ppl 🇨🇦 but my therapist) but it was during my psychotic depression (w chronic paranoia) and now I feel ways about seeing a therapist.. idk don’t recommend seeing one if ur like that, it was kinda traumatizing and it wasn’t the therapists fault

Everything is traumatizing when ur in a state like that :( still learning what triggers I got while like that esp having experienced things for as long as I have

I also never told my therapist about the psychotic symptoms I was experiencing during things, didn’t trust being honest about them with a professional at the time, just had to mask a lot. Didn’t tell my family either. I was rlly scared about the terrifying things I was going through internally

#disability justice #psychotic depression #schizophrenia #bpd psychosis #bpd paranoia #delusions of persecution #extreme paranoia #anti oppresion #transformative social justice #ableism #lived experience #bipolar 1 depression #psychotic depression awareness #improving care for psychotics

[otherkinberry]

Just read your pinned post!

May I ask how you practice your witchcraft? I think it's very interesting and I don't know much about it!

Hi there!! Thanks for asking, I really appreciate you trying to learn/educate yourself on this!

So, as you don't know much about it, I'll explain in some detail what witchcraft is, as well as answering your question!

Witchcraft and my experiences!

What's witchcraft?

I define witchcraft as a religious practice (that means it's not a religion, and you can practice it no matter what you believe in). More specifically, the belief in the supernatural, such as magic in nature.

Why someone believes in that power/the source of that power, is different. Some may believe in god(s)/divinities, the universe, nature or even nothing at all/not know!

And how someone practices in general, is different. The things they believe in, etc! For example, some believe that you need protection before doing a spell, some don't. Some believe in different correspondences to various herbs, some may not use herbs at all. Etc!

It's a very personal thing, although there are some general guidelines, everyone believes in different things.

So, basically: everyone practices differently.

Here's my personal experience with it!

I consider myself begginer witch, so I'm still learning about witchcraft, and more importantly about what I believe in!

( if I believe in higher powers and which ones, what I want to focus on with my craft, etc.)

And I'm being patient with discovering that.

For now, what I think is my "goal" with my witchcraft is to be more present, happier and protected.

A fun fact is that I actually do think that my therianthropy is linked to my practice in some way. It brings me closer to nature, and that's an awesome thing ( I mostly try to connect with nature on my craft). And although idk if I believe in past lives, I do get some kind of weird nostalgia when I daydream/think about being my true self. Maybe I had a past life in another universe? Idk. And that's ok for me ig.

Its different then the one I started with, I used to have as my "goal" soly to be protected. (I had a lot of paranoia and delusions that I was going to be hurt)

Therianthropy and witchcraft

The more physical part of my practice/more fun facts

I've bought some books already, and even have an altar (not for any divinities, it's for myself). But I'm still kind of in the broom closet. I have some wards/protections around my room, and some that I bring with me! Also, some spell jars, etc. (If you're curious about what any of these mean, just ask!)

#otherkin #therian #non human #otherkins of tumblr #nonhuman #alterhuman #otherkin positivity #wolfkin #otherkinblr #therian community #therian witch #magick #witchcraft #witchblr #witch community #witches #witches of tumblr

[nexus-nebulae]

hmm. thinking Thoughts about being insane and reclaimed identities

#i like being called insane tbh #i enjoy referring to myself as crazy or insane in a positive way #in the sense of i am clinically insane i have delusions and paranoia and hallucinations and everything #but i don't view all of my symptoms as entirely and inherently negative and in fact find joy in some aspects #i think some of my hallucinations are fucking funny #but i can never ever speak about them because people hear hallucination and just think BAD #even if i'm like. actively smiling and laughing telling the story they just go 'oh :( im sorry :(' #like oh my god i thought i as an autistic person was bad at fucking tone #let me be chill about my own hallucinations god fucking dammit!!!!! you're more fucking neurotic about my mental illness than I am #idk if there's a -punk community for this specific thing #if there's anything like. idk sanitypunk. unless that would just fall under neuropunk? #similar to cripplepunk you know #i might have heard of a term for it before but my memory is completely fucked so i don't know

[anti-endo-haven]

cw delusion talk

//

i hate having fears that us being a system is just one really long delusion.

its even worse cuz we found out in 2020, and people will just assume ur faking if you found out then

but we dont even have delusions that last long, nor do we have delusions that revolve around ourselves being something we're not

our delusions are always paranoia based and surround things not being real, death, things under our skin, people being in the house, etc, that sort of thing

so idk why we even get scared of this being a delusion because we dont have delusions like that

its weird

having delusions is weird. we think its either caused by paranoid personality disorder or schizophrenia, we honestly cant tell cuz our psychotic episodes dont last that long, however we are very easily triggered into an intense paranoid delusional state

-🪐🫀

There’s also schizoaffective disorders that can be caused as well, but it could be anything.

We also have delusions/hallucinations and we’ve been struggling with thinking that it could be a delusion or not. Even with us daydreaming, we fear we’re just faking even with having ways to prove otherwise.

The best thing I can say and how we can help ours is telling ourselves what we have as proof and say that we aren’t faking. We try and use grounding methods as well to help us.

There might be others that can comment and help what they use as methods to help as well.

#🪐🫀 #anti endo #did system #system #osddid #endos dni #traumagenic system #actually did #endos not for you #actually traumagenic #did plural #did plurality #osdd plural #osdd plurality #tw delusion #tw delusion mention #tw delusion talk #tw talk of delusions #anti-endo-haven-vent #anti-endo-haven-vents

[uselessheretic]

i feel like i see the thing relatively often where someone will say that ed's not actually that mentally ill, fans are just racist and also somehow this is izzy's fault because the only time he shows symptoms of mental illness is through izzy supposedly. even though in episode four alone we see him talk about suicide ideation, how discontent he is in life, and how burnt out he is.

but when people urge others to add an antiracist lens to their analysis and point out the historical racism within the psychiatric system it seems like?? they think that the only explanation is for ed to just be a lil depressed and that poc who are otherwise perfectly fine are constantly being slapped with extreme diagnoses. which, that is a thing that happens btw. people will call the cops on and forcefully institutionalize black folks who they have disagreements with and weaponize psychiatry against them.

that said, when talking about something like the uneven diagnosis distribution between poc and white people of schizophrenia (since that's something that's been researched) it's not that doctors are talking people who are otherwise perfectly mentally healthy and attributing their behavior to mental illness (although again it does happen.) usually though what people are referring to is how doctors are quick to diagnose poc with schizophrenia before doing their proper diligence and going over the other possibilities including histories of depression, trauma, and abuse. certain traits they exhibit are overemphasized and others minimized or ignored. a black person and white person may show the same exact symptoms, but the doctor will first have the white person tested for PTSD or BPD and try alternative treatment plans, while marking the black person off before considering other possibilities.

it's dangerous and disturbing where poc will be put through a series of medications that do not help, receive no treatment for the actual root of the problem, and then in the process often be criminalized as well since there is a much greater social stigma and forced state control over people diagnosed with schizophrenia.

i just feel like if you're gonna talk about ed and misdiagnosis through a racial lens, it'd be more accurate for him to immediately get diagnosed with something like schizophrenia without the doctor doing anything more to look into him. ignoring things like his history of child abuse and how trauma can cause certain responses. or for something he said metaphorically to be taken as literal where he might describe himself when angry as "the kraken" and the doctor marks that down as a sign of delusions. overemphasizing verbal expressions of angers as signs of violence. hearing ed say "it feels like my boss is out to get me" where he means that the boss keeps picking on him and it feels racially motivated, and the doctor puts on the record that he suffers from paranoia.

also just saying but there is actually a LOT out there you can read about māori mental health and the issues surrounding NZ's system. about 1 in 3 māori adults meet criteria for a mental disorder and this is a result of a racist health system, poverty, and, very importantly, colonialism. but like? i promise you don't need to create your own theories on how ed's identity interacts with mental health as if you're the first person to considered that. kaupapa māori mental health services are literal resources in place to address māori mental health needs within a cultural context. like! it's very cool actually for these things to be made available through hard community work that rejects colonialist psychiatric systems and instead utilizes a holistic and indigenous approach to wellness.

idk it's just so much more complicated than ignoring ed's very real mental illness and writing it off as no biggie. tbh it feels very um american centric as well to make assertions about relationships to mental health and race without ever acknowledging the specific community history here and that this isn't a new conversation. if you want to say you're examining ed through an anticolonialist framework then it would help if you did literally any work to find out what that looks like currently.

#ofmd #psychiatric abuse cw #institutionalization cw #edward teach #that tag is for me to find this later if i need

[doctor-says-im-alright]

Ive been wondering lately if I really do have bipolar with psychotic features or if I have schizoaffective. Idk why the idea of bipolar though is so offensive to me lol. I think its because I never really feel grandiose and thats just an unfair part of the bargain.

The main difference I found is psychosis symptoms outside of mood episodes. Ive been trying to figure that out, but as my moods are really long, Im not sure. I was thinking maybe that is true because this year I seem to launch into paranoia in a single afternoon instead of over months. But thats associated with a stressed mood, not anything neutral? Idk. My paranoia is generally after Ive become fully stressed, but honestly, it is possible I have delusions constantly. How do you even know? I know I have OCD but I am so fixated on death that it might be more delusional than just OCD - like I do have rituals but its mainly just stressful thoughts that Im being haunted and the proof was a dead bug.

But the past week I noticed I shifted into a different phase. Im suddenly energetic or agitated. Like laughing hysterically, talking a lot, becoming really upset or angry, sad, overwhelmed, and constantly unreasonably scared. Everything is a threat. I seem to be really focused on fires happening for some reason. I am sleeping way more than normal, actually my sleep is suddenly really stressful. I dont go to sleep unless I take meds but thats normal for me, but now I cant get up. Ill wake up and its like Im magnetised to the bed and am stuck for awhile until I actually wake up. I sleep 12-14 hours but when I look at my Fitbit data its somehow only 5-6 hours in that time Im asleep. I know it, too. Its like Im not asleep and am in my room but dreaming in it. I didnt even realize I was so upset about this until I saw a post by someone talking about training their service dog to wake them up properly and asking how to do it and I could cry with the relief if I could figure out something mine could do to help me with it.

I generally always get told Im too self aware to have any psychosis issues and I think Im good at sounding self aware but Im actually not at all. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling, Im guessing based on any knee jerk things that may have come out. Like last year I was in the psych ward for paranoia, but I hadnt even noticed or was able to communicate, but can see it now, that I was actually in danger of attacking people because I believed they were going to kill me first, and that had been my motivation to go in. And it wasnt even the person I said I was paranoid of.

I cant even figure out if my hand hurts or not. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling. I know Im jumpy and on level 100 of agitation. I just suddenly start crying, Im overwhelmed with proofs of life and death. If someone tells me a joke I literally cry laughing. My words are mixing up and I feel like I cant say anything. I read things Ive written and even Im like what?? What does that even say. I know I am having PTSD symptoms - thats a given with me. I know for months Ive been hyperfocused on it, its been a source of anger outbursts.

Like for some reason the thought of romance or sex or any relationship sends me into a flying rage. My dog licking my other dog disturbs me so deeply I immediately lose it and have to run outside or throw something. People talking about love and needing people makes me feel so revolted. Ive been half dating someone and they mentioned kissing and Im ready to set myself and everyone else on fire. I cant stand the thought of desire and needing someone and craving them it is disturbing and I want to be sick thinking about it. But Im not normally like this at all. Not at all.

I am asexual and aromantic and my friend keeps making sex jokes and referencing my being asexual and I swear to god Im going to throw up on him or hit him with a wooden spoon. Havent decided yet.

#does anyone else get disturbed by proofs of life #i made a list recently #mainly food bothers me the most #like people being hungry or eating just sparks deep fear in me because that proves they are alive and its a risk #its the strangest thing #because it can also completely snap me out of a rage episode #like if im mad at someone and I see them #pouring a glass of water #then i am suddenly desperately sad and scared instead of angry #how can you hate someone who is pouring a glass of water #half eaten food in the fridge is one of the most disturbing to me #but also the back of the head is a proof of life and terrible

[coolerdracula]

delusion/paranoia talk under cut, may be triggering?

sometimes I just get really convinced that the person I'm with will be / has been replaced by a duplicate who wants to kill me ... like I can't turn out the lights or leave the room in case it happens while I'm not looking at them. it usually happens when I sleep in the same room as someone? and I know it happened when I was a kid a lot because I would share the bed with my mom and I'd wake her up a lot by turning on the light and like. prodding her face with my hands to make sure she wasn't a doppelganger. I don't know if this is really a delusion or paranoia or whatever but it feels incredibly scary and very real in the moment & idk what else to call it. but it passes and then I'm fine so shrug

#bearer of the curse #mother mention #umm. #paranoia inducing #? #I don't usually talk about this sort of thing but this is one of the minor unreality things I deal with so it's not like big potatoes or wh #whatever. also I want to know if it's normal or common or anything

[lemonhemlock]

1 and 8

character everyone gets wrong

hmmm.... there's so much asoiaf meta at this point it's hard to say.... tyrion perhaps? he generally maintains this antagonistic view of his father and sister, but, in hindsight, it does seem to me that not everything tywin and cersei did was to designed specifically attack him or to work against him. tywin does send him to KL to be hand of the king in his stead and gives him actual power to reign cersei in and cersei does try to team up with him at the beginning of ACOK. but tyrion is so set on undermining her that he never really takes this offer of collaboration seriously and everything escalates quickly afterwards.

idk how to best express this but i feel like, even though the ableism was real, there was a point where they could have mended their relationship, but tyrion did play a crucial part in destroying this truce, it wasn't all a premeditated assault on him. but, while fans have smartened up to his POV trap and realised that he is truly on a downwards spiral and not necessarily a "good" person, this unblemished victimisation narrative remains

by now i sound like a broken record but i cannot truly investigate these leads until i begin the great re-read project (if only i wasn't preoccupied with other books rn !! )

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

i'm gonna start this with cersei bc this is the shorter rant, but people are so obsessed with this take that she doesn't really love her children, they're all just extensions of herself and that's what she cares about. it's so boring. it sounds like something parroted back from a psychiatry textbook. listen, cersei is her own brand of delusion, but she is also a person with feelings, not some ice-cold demon. people forget that in the quest of stripping her of her humanity, they also make her a less interesting and complex character. yes, she is an awful person with the capacity for love, otherwise what's the point? why do you think she became a POV character if it's all clowning around? also i think many people are way too eager to mistake paranoia and the effects of two recent traumatic deaths in the family with stupidity in her case

i'll have to move onto jaime rn bc his redemption discourse is also reaching tedious levels. first, in the ancient days, you had the dudebros who considered him a villain from the get-go and absolutely hated his guts, then these same dudebros discovered his POV in book 3 / season 3 and thus jaime gained a lot of fans who were suddenly on board the redemption train for him. then others got sick of this interpretation and countered with "jaime is not on a redemption arc !!! insert many exclamation marks!!!". this reaction was necessary at the time because debates were getting frightfully silly, but, nowadays it's like we've veered too far in the other extreme (from what i've seen anyway. i'm not an up-to-date scholar in jaimeological studies).

what i mean to say is that "redemption" has become such a dirty word in relation to jaime, when it's truly just a term. what does it matter what you really call it? redemption arc, identity arc, we're getting bogged down in definitions, snootily pointing the finger at each other and not really seeing the forest for the trees anymore. like he is objectively reconsidering, reinterpreting and trying to redefine both his relationship to the people around him and to abstract concepts like knighthood, justice and honour.

he doesn't exactly """regret""" pushing Bran out of a window, but he doesn't not regret it, you know what i mean? (another thread people are obsessed with: jaime will not get "redeemed" bc he doesn't regret pushing bran. i mean sort of? it's not that black or white, though: the situation was constructed in such a way as to be a fucked-up trolley problem with no true right answer. even sainted NED thinks this, i.e. to what lengths he or cat would have been willing to go to save their children. EVEN NED). yes, he also famously threatens to trebuchet edmure's baby, but he is also kind of pissed off in that moment, bullshitting and playing the tough guy in front of edmure. he lies a lot, to others and to himself. he is prone to violence, but he's not heartless. he is delulu but he is also re-evaluating his life. he's thinking about emulating his daddy but also cosplays as goldenhand the just. the man is really going through it.

if you ask me, it's vvvv likely jaime is the valonqar and his story will end with cersei in a bout of violence. but: as a manifestation of his unjust jealousy or as an act of kindness (to save her from a worse death)? i think both are possible. jaime is the pendulum swinging, he is a work in progress, he can get better, he can get worse. he is not a good person, he is pretty decent at heart and trying to do better. his 'identity' arc or whatever you want to call it might as well be a 'redemption' arc but with the quest unfulfilled. or partially unfulfilled. he might retcon himself into a true white knight, but still choose to go back to cersei, because he feels responsible for her or, you know, (incoming controversial opinion) because it's the right thing to do. yes, the incest is a bad coping mechanism, yes, you did many fucked up shit together and that was wrong, but, for better or worse, she is your sister and the person you shared your life with. you can't let her die alone. whatever she did, you also did, and you should carry the burden together. there is love there and you must honour that or else nothing means anything in this world. you go into the light together!!

#hi starlight 🌟 #ask game #tyrion lannister #cersei lannister #jaime lannister

[alltimewhat]

okay I'm kinda glad someone else kind of experiences this because sometimes when I'm watching/listening to a video that's like an analysis/retrospective etc etc of a show/movie/game I like all of a sudden I'll just get this...feeling. it's kinda almost like I'm being looked at ??? but like I'm not? It doesn't matter if it's about something scary (it almost never is, i cant do scary things) also tends to happen more late at night. also idk if this is pertinent info but like I don't have any diagnoses?

yes! i get this as well. to be fully transparent i personally have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and have had delusions relating to being watched/observed. i assume that my paranoia around my interests is somehow connected but i don't know for sure. it usually feels like a kind of prickly feeling in my back like when you think someone is about to touch you, and i've had it since i was a little kid. hopefully we can both figure out some kind of solution that might help ease the feelings a little bit because it can be frustrating!!!

#i get it with my interests a lot but especially if i particularly like a person or character. photos of them become hard to look at

[f-elixie]

idk, i feel invalid as a schizospec person. like, i have experienced psychotic breaks and paranoia in my life, that's for sure, but i don't know if in my situation i am welcome in the schizospec comminity. kind of posting to ask for further advice/asking if those things are "valid"?

absolutely not invalidating anybody else's experiences here, this is just my moment of doubt. keep that in mind.

// delusion descriptions and psychiatry talk

so, to point out, i do have in fact borderline personality disorder and i am currently on quetiapine (seroquel).

through my life, i've been experiencing various delusions (not speaking of those ptsd-related). i've had a few psychotic breaks, some of them quite severe, and i often experience paranoia (as in "they want to hurt me/they speak ill of me/shit like that). i've been told by some therapists that i also have schizotypal personality disorder and frankly, i think the description somewhat fits me.

i'm here to ask, is seeing cats in peripheral vision normal? i sometimes hear whispers, sometimes start thinking that i am god, or that i am in one way or another blessed, and a few minutes later i'm snapping out of it. i don't have outright hallucinations, i don't hear obvious voices. all this stuff is so subtle, yet somewhat worrying.

i'm asking schizospec people, when does the spectrum start? what do i do with these experiences? is this stuff valid, like as a psychotic person, or is it a common human experience?

idk i'm down bad and tired and yeah just having a lot of doubt in myself.

#seriously schizophrenic #schizophrenia #actually schizospec #schizo spectrum #psychosis #psychotic break

[schizopositivity]

hiii i hope youre having a good day

do you have any advice for dealing with the thought that people can read your mind? one of the major thoughts/delusions is that everyone can hear my thoughts and refuses to let me know for whatever reason. making fun of me, studying me, i dont know, and i dont know whether its something like psychosis or just my anxiety trying to get really bad but i hate it. can anxiety cause paranoia like that? normally it goes away at some point but it really just quiets down and stays in the back of my mind really and i dont know how to deal with it

i think anxiety can cause paranoia for sure

idk if this will be helpful to you (reality checking affects people differently) but as far as any credible research shows: actual mind reading is not possible. we as beings cant read the minds of others, and others cant read our minds. we can pick up on ques like facial expressions and body language to make a guess about someones mood, but we cant actually know what they are thinking. and from what ive seen people who claim literal mind reading is real, or equate body language reading to mind reading, are pseudoscientists that are probably doing it for some personal gain like money. not everyone moves in a way to indicate a mood or thought acuratley to others (like neurodiverse or disabled people). not everyone is able to understand other peoples body language or facial expressions as an indicator of their mood (like people on the autism spectrum, people with psychotic disorders, or possibly people who dont have empathy). and absolutely no one is able to read minds.

ive held this belief very strongly before when i was not properly medicated in highschool. i know how distressing and invasive it feels and no one should have to exprience it. i know that even if you talk about and know mind reading isnt real, the feeling could still be there. i hope you are able to eventually feel more at ease. if you have a therapist/counselor id advise you to talk to them about it.

#answered #tw mind reading