#if anyone has a good quality version of the clip please send it to me

[lesbianladysif]

Did you see loki S1 deleted scene about frog thor? I haven't seen a gifset of the frog boy yet anywhere 👀

I have seen it! However, I'm having trouble finding a HD version of the clip to use for a gifset.

#all I'm getting is tiktoks of people filming their screens #maybe I just can't google :'( #if anyone has a good quality version of the clip please send it to me

[worstloki]

Top Forty Thor-Being-Thor Moments from Thor 1

just absolute dumb*ssery that this 7yr old kid’s life goal is to “hunt down the monsters and slay them all”. I’ll go easy on him here and let the Thor/Loki expressions do the talking because of “...just like you did Father” but seriously can his hands even fit around a sword handle??? this kid isn’t even punching the air right??? if there was a sword in his hand he would’ve cut his head with the way he’s moving???? pure tiny-himbo energy here just look at that >:o face he’s making. contrasts very nicely with Loki’s ‘,:|. 10/10. such a baby idiot.

“the jotuns must pay for what they have done! they broke into the weapons vault! if the frost giants had stolen even one of these relics!” thor. thor please. can you even name one of these relics. thor. hey thor. thor. shut up. “well, what would you do about this?” odin asks him. “march into jotunheim! like you once did! break their spirits! so they’ll never try anything like this again!” wow okay so we’ve fast-forwarded by like a thousand years and thor is still going on about genocide. huh. that’s funny, i thought loki was the genocidal one. hmm. i also just realized that the loki exclusive clip gives loki the same hairstyle thor has here so do what you will with that information.

0/10. horrible. terrible. i dont care how angy thor is about not getting to kill some jotuns or become king today this very instant, that is a tremendous waste of food. an absolute fool. how can he just remorselessly throw the bread to the floor. if loki stabbed him when he was 7 he would deserve it for this table flip alone. what a privileged white *ssh*le.

loki came skulking around a corner and suggested not to go to jotunheim and not only did thor not suspect anything but he also then went on to decide to go to jotunheim. 10/10 himbo material. 

if tumblr didn’t have a picture limit i would put every instance of thor smiling in this list because look at that stupid smile. he’s such an idiot. 11/10. this is the thor content i’m here for.

“I have no plans to die today” thor says with the stupidest open-mouthed smirking smile ever captured on film. right after he also told heimdall not to tell anyone they’re gone. he’s literally planned to strand them on jotunheim. thor’s grand plan was to strange themselves on jotunheim and also start a fight. i repeat: thor’s plan was to successfully slay all the frost giants and not need to return until they’re all gone. what an absolute d*mb*ss. this is getting ridiculous. this was originally a top-ten-thor moments list but i’m not even twenty minutes in so i’ll have to extend the list. thor. thor are you listening? thor, you’re such an idiot.

“HOW DID YOUR PEOPLE GET INTO ASGARD?!” thor you sweet sweet summer idiot, please, i am beggin,g you,, learn to rea,d , a room,, literally everyone else who came with you is regretting it, there is complete silence and only the rumble of the opposing king is meeting your “I AM THOR, SON OF ODIN”s, please, please take some notes from Loki, or, you know, literally anyone else in the room, since everyone is asking you to get out of this realm while you still can,

thor’s stupid smile makes an appearance after he gets called a princess and decides to fight a whole realm over it. you know what? thor is a princess. he’s the prettiest princess in all the lands. what’s thor gonna do about it? is he going to fight me too? I hope he does the stupid grin first. minus 15 points for the sexism. thor is a complete and utter sadistic fool who needs to get a hobby. seriously, he’s 1500 years old and still going on and on about slaying all the frost giants. boi, i hate to break it to you, but your dad is not the best or only example of greatness out there. i don’t think your dad even qualifies as an example of that. 

“THEN. GO!” 🥰 ahh yes, just thor thingz 🥰🥰 like when one friend has had his arm burnt 🥰 and another friend has been impaled and needs medical attention, 🥰🥰 and all the rest of your friends are yelling for you, 🥰 and your brother is telling you they must go, 🥰 and you decide to buy everyone time by laughing maniacally and killing more frosties because you care for them and dont find joy in destruction like a loon 🥰🥰🥰 

THIS is the iconic Thor moment that makes my day whenever I think about it. Just Thor, an absolute bumbering 6′6′’ giant boodlusting dummy sees Odin and just decides to yell “FATHAA!! WE’LL FINISH THEM TOGETHAAA!” as if the last thing Odin told him wasn’t “no, thor, we’re not going to do anything to the frost giants, do not go after them and try to kill them all.” 11/10 d*mb*assery right here folks, I couldn’t ask for Thor to be more of a fool. This is PEAK Thor energy. Look at that face. I feel like Thor spends half this movie with his nostrils flared. I love it.

okay i gotta give thor credit for rightfully calling odin “an old man and a fool” but also there was not even 1 frame of the scene where Thor had a decent face so now all i see is >:O >:| >:o >:[ when i watch that scene. yelling at odin was great, not yelling at odin after he HUAERGHed at loki was less great, but to be fair it’s thor and he is the definition of Peak D*mb*ss. 

thor literally GROWLS and starts yelling “HAMMAA?? HAMMER??” over and over. He was hit by a van, he fainted, he woke up and started growling. I don’t know what else there is to say about this.

“you dare threaten me? puny human?”. so. uhh. basically. Thor knew she was threatening him? He KNEW she had a weapon? instead he made a face and started yelling as he tried to walk his way closer????? thor you complete and utter dum dum. you frickin hairball-for-brains. im not even surprised darcy tasered him. with that kind of face, i’d taser him too.

when you wake up in an unknown place to a person smiling at you without a stupid smile, the first step is always to attack first and ask questions later 😌😌😌 (but seriously thor you imbecile why didn’t you ask where you were instead of throwing multiple people around the room and getting your butt needled. you clueless buffoon. you’ll remain a clueless buffoon if you don’t listen to anyone.)

just a quick recap but thor was knocked unconscious by a van and these people kidnapped him aboard and the next scene we see him in he’s checking himself out in  mirror after presumably changing right there in the open?????? these are the things that make thor thor. any other character and i’d question it so much, but this is thor, and i truly believe this is in-character for him. just change in the open because why not? thor is a beefcake and that’s his only redeeming quality and he knows it. 10/10 thor moment. 

I am now convinced that Thor saw Jane and “5k van-hitter to lover slow-burn height-difference himbo-scientist trope” flashed through his mind.

“but no more smashing!” Jane says, and then Thor proceeds to check her out and smile unlike an idiot and like a douche. was this his version of flirting???? i’m not one to decide, but yes, yes it was. He threw a cup to the ground and broke it, and she’s getting mad at him and berating him about it, and he’s liking it. y’all i’m sorry to break it to you like this, but thor has a canon fetish. i am so, so sorry.

im DYING. THAT ISN’T EVEN A KISS, HIS MOUTH IS OPEN. he SMUSHES his mouth around her knuckle???? WHY. I can’t keep noticing things like this. send help. please. Jane’s response makes so much more sense now; she’s laughs for a solid 3 seconds and shakes her head and is like “uhh, thank you? ahaha,” and then she keeps looking back longingly when walking away. they are doing this in PLAIN sight of EVERYONE. Darcy and Erik are standing RIGHT THERE, and Thor is doing weird things to her with his mouth. I’m out. I am done here. goodbye. 

return of the stupid smile AND the douche smile in quick succession through the entire trip. their entire dialogue is peppered with innuendo. “I’ve never done anything like this before. have you ever done anything like this before?” “many times, but you are brave to do it.” “I have nothing else to lose.” “ah but you are clever, far more clever than anyone else on this realm.” “realm? rEaLm?” “you think me strange?” “yes” “good strange or bad strange?” “I haven’t decided yet.” I AM DYING OVER THIS. plus, we get Return Of The Himbo with Jane asking after Einstein Rosen bridges and Thor is like “uh, actually, more like a rainbow bridge 😜🤪” i feel so sorry for jane here, didn’t know how much of a d*mb*ss Thor was when signing up for this van-trip and knuckle-sucking 😭😭😭 i also no longer have questions about how the trip that SHOULD HAVE BEEN A HALF-HOUR ONE turned into one that LASTED TILL THE SUN WENT FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE SKY TO SETTING by the time they arrived. I have no questions. please. I don’t want to know what they were doing in that van. please no. don’t make me think about it.

thor’s plan had 3 steps and they were 1. give jane his jacket 2. walk in and get his hammer 3. fly out. that was literally his plan. he had the first “I have a plan. attack.” moment in the MCU. pure concentrated 0-brain-cells energy right here. how can you not stan this king of d*mb*ssery. look at him, flaunting his big boy muscles. he’s about get his hammer and fly out, like he just told jane with a trademark stupid-smile.

crop-top hair-mop thor is my favourite thor. the way the entire fight scene parallels a hamster in a maze only exemplifies the thor vibes for some inexplicable reason.

“you’re big. fought bigger.” + Thor douche-smile + subtext from earlier + rolling around passionately in the mud = not a happy me. 

I swear i’m not making up this romantic subtext but it’s barely even subtext. the entire scene leading up to Thor’s attempt at lifting the hammer is actually filmed erotically. I’m not kidding. First there’s a shot where Thor pulls aside a hamster-cage-wall blind which mirrors a shower-curtain, and THEN he walks around the hammer while smiling douche-ly at it, we get a few close-ups to his face which are shot from angles slightly lower than himself, giving him an aire of superiority, plus the music adds to this, he reaches out for the hammer’s handle with a mud-covered arm in the rain, in non-slow-motion slow-motion, and he wraps his arm around it, like, he fully twists his arm, unecessarily sexually, around it as he grabs the hammer. This is not okay. On the plus side, it makes the movie much more entertaining,, on the down side,,.

im not going to call Thor dumb for not knowing he’s not worthy. im not going to. because odin literally whispered the enchantment to mjolnir after he’d thrown thor to midgard. it is very funny watching thor grunt in frustration though. he starts yelling because he couldn’t lift the hammer and just lets himself get caught. like, dude, get a life, go buy a new weapon from the store, seriously. he mourns for the hammer on-screen longer than he does for loki. he also looks like he’s in far more pain here. he becomes catatonic and unresponsive after this, but when loki dies he’s already feasting the same afternoon. 10/10 dum dum thor material. never change thor, never change. (that’s code for please change, thor, please,)

thor trying to establish dominance wherever he goes is the funniest thing because at this point he’s being a complete asgardian *ss about it and it’s reaching points of pettiness never seen before. side note: he is possibly flirting with selvig too. maybe. i’m not saying anything happened, but Thor’s openning lines when bringing him home carried over his shoulder are “he’s fine, not injured at all,” followed with an apology to selvig, and an explanation to jane which consisted only of “we drank, we fought, he made his ancestors proud,” and then he puts the man to bed and before he falls asleep erik says “i still don’t believe you’re the g*d of th*nder, but you ought to be,” so... your choice, i guess...

thor’s got his trademark stupid smile and stupidly takes jane’s life’s work notebook and starts doodling in it about trees. the last time his father told him this story about Yggdrasil was when he was 5 and he clearly hasn’t payed attention to any lesson about anything since and it shows so so much. thank you thor. very insightful knowledge you’re passing on hear. ‘i come from a world where [science and magic] are one and the same,’ ok great, now elaborate on that please. oh, right, you can’t because you’re thor, my bad, 20/10 thor behaviour. he couldn’t even doodle nicely. all his lines are wobbly. epic art fail. i wouldn’t trust him near my sketchbook with a 2B pencil.

THIS is thor’s realization face. in case anyone was interested in what ‘dawning truth’ looked like on him. 😰😪 THIS is the face of a thinker, of a man betrayed by his own beloved brother for unprecedented reasons. look at the nuance in his expression. 😩😩😩 so many emotions, I can’t even count them all 😩💯😪

stupid smile and “do not worry my friends, i have a plan,” he says, “i’ll just try and abuse the fact that Loki’s super selfless and kind and has no self worth to my benefit as i have countless times before which is exactly what he’s rightfully angry about this time,” he doesn’t think to himself because that is NOT the smile of someone who is thinking... like, at all. +10000 points to gryffinthor. the d*mb*ssery really jumps out.

“im sorry bro for whatever i did and whatever you’re blaming me for as an excuse to do this, im sorry bro, but you’re disturbing innocents that i don’t really care about but you’re the one making a scene in front of them so why don’t you admit you won’t kill me and are just having a temper tantrum and we move on? hmm?” and then he proceeds to get slam dunked in the face with a metal arm like yEAAAA BOI that’s what you GET for going up against the SENTIENT LAVA-SPEWING metal-man ya absolute dunderhead clod. thunderhead clod? yeah, that. he’s just so dumb, your honour, please, you must understand, the victim pleads guilty on all charges of d*mb*ss and d*mb*ss alone.

I can NOT describe the emotions I feel knowing that Thor is suck-kissing Jane’s knuckles. Like, his mouth is literally jelly-ing it up against her hand. There is suction there and it shows when he is placing and removing his mouth. I promise that’s what is happening. I’m not any happier than you about this. I regret everything. This is why Loki should be what is focused on and not Thor; Thor’s going around trying to frick frack everything in sight even if it’s just Jane’s hand. He’s maintaining eye contact with Jane while he licks her fingers. Why did I decide to rewatch this movie. 

i’m only adding this in as a thor moment because of how desperately and badly they kiss. seriously. 2/10 kiss. im not surprised jane broke up with him. they look like two actual seals fighting over an actual grape. while i’m here i’m going to criticize every fic ever that decided thor is an experienced gentle lover. what were y’all on when watching this movie. thor can and will f*ck literally everything in sight and he won’t even do it well because he is the peakest of peak d*m d*m. look at this man. look at his face. that is the face of an absolute himbo idiot, and it’s the face of an absolute himbo idiot who knows it. he’s been stranded on earth for 2 days, max, and his flirt-count is at 69 people because his name is one letter away from thot. i bet his terrible use of a pen from early means he writes his ‘r’s like ‘t’s and he doesn’t even care. 1000/10 thor moment. doesn’t get much more romance-thor than two individuals smooshing their faces together after some finger sucking. that finger sucking is gonna leave jane simping for years. and that’s true love babey. <3

“I’ll handle my Brother!” Thor says, as if Loki didn’t send a metal-murder-bot that quite virtually killed him less than ten minutes ago asdfhkhsdgsdjf Thor, you horrific himbo you, Loki’s weapon of choice is literally throwing knives he will literally kill you before you enter the room if he’s on his game and wants you dead which he just proved he would do and you’re just gonna???????????? jog on over to him????? Thor??????????? bruH???????????? buddy??????? pal???????? you really wanna go 1v1 the brother you very clearly underestimate and know nothing about????????????????? im loving the confidence, but, no.

Loki: “you literally can’t stop this from here.” Thor, immediately: “i’m going to hit it with the hammer and see if that works” and then it does in fact work later... technically speaking, even if it ends up causing chaos destruction and death and loki falling off the bifrost 😔😔😔 but Big Brain Thor is the Biggest Brained Thor!!! The plan worked!! in a messy-Thor-ish way, but it did!!!

“you can’t kill an entire race!!!!” Thor yells, teeth gritted, as he faces his brother, his coward pacifist brother, who has suddenly decided he wants to join the age-old family tradition of realm-destroying, when this is supposed to be Thor’s dream, Thor’s, not Loki’s. How dare he, Thor thinks to himself, fist clenched around Mjolnir in anger, the pain of the handle pressing against his palm perhaps the only thing preventing him from lashing out at this thought, that’s my planet of monsters to slay, he should go get his own! Loki hits Thor across the face with the back-end of his spear. “Now fight me,” Loki says, but Thor, well, Thor cannot fight, as he remains stunned that of all things Loki would dare steal his life’s ambition, and he is sent sprawling backwards across the observatory, slowly but surely sliding to a stop despite his catatonic, very symbolic silence.

the elegance, the poise, i see your time on earth has made you no less graceful, Thor. the simple magnitude of this sprawl. the spread of the arms. the turn of the feet. this is not a dude, this is a man.

sometimes your brother starts vehemently talking about he’s gonna kill the race of monsters and about how he’s only ever wanted to be your equal and about how he’s not your brother and never was and sometimes you just have to say “this is madness” instead of addressing the issues or asking for any of the  deets 🔥 👊💯😩

Loki is whipping Thor’s butt. Both literally, and metaphorically, Loki is whooping Thor’s d*mb*ss. Earlier he knicked Thor’s face, now he’s just pushing Thor around, he uses the spear as a pole and later kicks Thor’s face by kicking vertically up, and Thor, bless him in all his blond golden muscled glory, doesn’t think anything is up with this, gosh he’s such an absolute utter idiot

sometimes your brother laughs way too much and also cries too much in a fight and there are also too many of him so you just need to blast lightning so you get a shot at all of them 😌😌😌 and then put your magical infinitely-heavy hammer on his chest 😌😌😌 but it’s okay because Thor left holes in Loki’s container 😌😌😌

now THIS is the meat to Thor’s funny bone, just the pure unadulterated humour that is Thor saying that there will never be a “wiser king” or a “better father” than Odin, it cracks me up every single time without fail, just the way he says it with a straight face and— what do you mean he wasn’t joking

look at Thor’s stupid smile as he asks Heimdall to spy on jane every single day while conveniently never asking after Loki ever. This is Thor’s face in mourning after he attended a feast after everyone was celebrating after Loki’s death. Look at his stupid smile. I love him your honour. He’s just,, he’s just so frickin stewpeed, just Thor being Thor, just the purest of d*mbest of *sses. 

#listen #if people can interpret loki and the grandmaster as a thing when loki spends the entire time looking uncomfortable about every situation #then i can interpret thor as flirting with people when there are actual canon questions which get solved when other explanations dont work #so #dont mind me here #in conclusion: thor is a dum dum idiot and it's *chef's kiss* #thank you for coming to my ted talk #ThisPostIsLongerThanMyLifeSpan #TPILTMLS #Language! #language #im one of those people who comments on things through movies but you can't be mad because it's worth it and i've got points #obviously writing means i can get the full gist of the comments out without summarizing #but #like #my family is simply underappreciative and i'm a genius

[templeofgloom]

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken

Summary: Young Lara Croft is at the crossroads in her life. Meeting an elderly archaeologist gives her some insight on what she should do. Based on the original 90's version of Lara Croft and her backstory.

Lara Croft took a deep breath.

This was fine.

Before her father had time to say anything more she turned around. "Sorry, Father. I think I should go and mingle."

She stepped to the door and opened it. If her father wanted to say something more he'd have to cause a scene.

But he was too much of a coward to!

Lara stepped out, her heels clicking on the marble floor. She was trembling and didn't want her father to see it.

"Lara!"

She turned to look at the blonde man. "Oh, there you are. Dear." She spat out the last word out like a curse.

The Earl of Farringdon paused for a moment, before smiling again. "Yes. Had a good talk? With your dad?"

"Absolutely."

God, he was so... Boringly pleasant.

She had known Thomas Farringdon since she was ten, and had been as unimpressed by him when their parents had made them play together.

Lara wanted to spat on the polished floor. Of course, even then, her father had wanted her to marry the boy one day!

Her father's words echoed in her mind.

"You would be a fool to turn down an earl, Lara! Don't be a child!"

She was in her twenties! She had experienced things her father had no idea of!

She turned to glare at the man next to her. Or him.

He reminded her of a dog. And not even one of those sleek racing greyhounds, or feisty hunting dogs that would disappear into the undergrowth, running after a fox. If he was like that at least Lara could have respected him.

No, the blonde young man was like a Labrador, kind and friendly and loyal.

And so very very boring.

He offered his arm to her. "Shall we go?"

"Yes," Lara told him.

Instead of taking his arm she started to walk towards the main hall where most of the quests were.

Thomas walked after her. "Um, so. About the wedding..."

"Wedding?"

"I thought you talked about that with your father? I mean, my parents think, my mother told me to ask you when you-"

When Lara had gone to talk with her father it had been with the intention of telling him she was breaking off the engagement. But she hesitated now to tell it to him.

"I'll see-"

He was still following her. She looked around the room full of quests, trying to think of an excuse.

She felt like she was suffocating at the sight of aristocrats talking to each other, exchanging superficial greetings.

Her eye caught something.

An old man who looked completely out of place, standing up the stairs, apart from rest of the people.

He was not, apart from his battered old fedora, dressed untidily as such. But the quality of the tailoring on his old-fashioned suit and bow-tie set him apart from the other quests who would not have been seen dead in anything but the latest haute couture.

Lara started walking towards him. He seemed to be examining the stained glass window.

"I see someone I know," Lara lied.

The earl looked up. "Oh?"

"Be a dear and go get yourself some refreshments. I am going to catch up with him."

"Who?" He looked at the old man. "Doctor Jones?"

The name was familiar somehow.

"Yes." Lara turned to look at him. "So?"

Finally the earl took the hint and walked off.

Figuring out she might as well talk to the weird old guy, Lara stepped to the man.

Doctor Jones turned to look at her, and Lara noticed he had an eye-patch covering his right eye. He glanced at the earl. "Was that boy giving you trouble?"

So, nothing wrong with his hearing, at least.

"That boy is my fiance," Lara informed him. "Also yes."

"Long story I take it."

He turned to point at the window. "Wonderful work. 13thcentury, I believe. It might be even be older. Unfortunately it's hard to track that down, I believe it was moved to this mansion from a French church some time in the 19th century."

"Are you here for the windows?"

"Yes, actually. I heard this mansion was very interesting architecturally, so I managed to get an invitation. I did a favor to the count some decades ago."

Lara gave him a look. He looked old, at the very least in his 70's.

And the name was familiar...

Then it clicked. "Doctor- You are Indiana Jones!"

Indiana gave her a look and tipped his fedora. "The one and only."

"You wrote the adventures of Henry the Cat!"

Indiana gave her a surprised look before a pleased smile spread on his face. "Yes, I did indeed."

Lara blushed. "I mean, I read them when I was- very little. I did read your traveling books later, of course, and some of your historical novels."

"I hope you enjoyed them. Henry the Cat especially."

"I did."

"I did write them for kids. I wanted to write something children could read, or their parents could read to them, and it would teach them about history and different cultures in a child-friendly way. And maybe get them interested in actual archaeology and history and languages when they got older."

"It definitely worked with me."

She had treasured the books depicting the adventures of a smart little cat with a suddenly-familiar looking fedora. He had gone on adventures and traveled to different countries and learned new languages and discovered treasures in mysterious ruins. At the time Lara had not fully appreciated the way the author had woven real facts and lessons into the books, but they had first gotten Lara fascinated with mysteries and ancient civilizations, and when she had discovered the author had written books for older kids and even adults, she had been delighted.

Indiana smiled. "That's the best feedback you could give me."

Lara nodded. "Of course, just sitting behind the desk, writing, that's easy."

She couldn't keep the bitterness from her voice.

She shifted her weight slightly. Her side was still bandaged, and there was pain when she moved her body in certain ways. She couldn't have worn her favorite dress because of it, and had gone for something far more baggy than usual.

Indiana gave her a curious look. "It's a big world out there. I know you probably feel like an adult but trust me, I did think I had seen everything too when I was your age."

"Really? Had you? Had you watched your friends die in front of you?"

"Dear child..."

There was something more in Indiana's look now. Suddenly his gaze seemed sharper as if Lara was just some interesting historical artifact for him to examine.

He took Lara's hand and examined her fingers. "Frost bite."

"Yes."

"It should heal fully... You were lucky."

"Lucky, huh?"

"You are alive."

"And for what?" Lara turned to look at the party. "For this? For a marriage with some... Man who has never set foot outside England except to go on a beach holiday."

"You are still young."

Lara turned to look at him. He had to understand.

So she told him everything.

How she had been returning from a skiing trip with her friends. How the plane had crashed on the Himalayas. How she had been the only survivor, and fought to stay alive.

When she had set eyes on the small mountain village she had felt like she was saved.

But now that she was back home, she would have rather died.

"Or not died," she corrected. "Disappeared into the mountains. I was... I felt alive."

Indiana, who had been listening without a word, nodded. "But you lived to fight an another day. There is nothing stopping you from going back into the nature, to the unknown."

"There is."

Lara took a deep breath. "My father. Lord Henshingley Croft. I told him I couldn't... Even if I stayed, I can't live the life he wants me to."

It was easy to tell Indiana all this. Perhaps it was because Lara was convinced they would never meet again after this. She could finally put to words what she felt. What it was that felt so especially suffocating.

"I can't marry the man he wants me to. I don't think. I can't see myself marrying anyone. Definitely not someone picked up for me like we were two pedigree horses to be bred."

"And your father is... Old-fashioned like that?"

"I told him I was going to break off the engagement, and he told me I was free to do so. But that he would cut me off financially."

He would do it, Lara was certain of it. No more skiing trips to Switzerland, or holidays in exotic places. He would do his best to clip her wings.

"Ah. I know a thing or two about unsupportive fathers."

"What did you do?"

"I left home. Joined the Belgian army."

"To fight the Nazis?"

Indiana patted her shoulder. "First world war."

"You're old!"

"And I have seen a lot. Known many people. Believe me, you have it better than many people do. If you make preparations, and have at least some family members who will support you, you can do it. You can walk away."

"Maybe I will," Lara told him. "But I could marry the earl. Old Tom is very dull, but kind. I could wrap him around my little finger. Would it really matter I don't love him? Most of the marriages here are not based on love as much as being able to tolerate each other."

"That's not true. Well, not all of them. But want a piece of advice from an old man?"

"Why do I get the feeling you are going to give it to me whether I wanted it or not?"

"Fair. But indulge me. At my age it is sometimes fun to play the wise all-knowing sage." Indiana raised a finger. "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."

"I think I have seen that on a greeting card," Lara mumbled.

She turned towards Indiana. "Anyway, once I'm back home, I will find my old Henry the Cat books and send them for you to sign.

Indiana tipped her hat. "It would be a pleasure."

Lara felt better now. There was clarity. She had clawed her way through both a Girls boarding school, and icy wilderness. She could find a way to support herself.

Be herself.

Be free.

#indiana jones #fic #lara croft #thanks fore my friend lena for help with this #(she's the lara croft expert) #tomb raider #classic tomb raider

[katachell]

portal 2 project???

portal 2 has an AMAZING narrative. AMAZING. but if you want to rewatch the story... you cant. your two options are to watch let’s plays and randomly skip around to hopefully hear all the dialogue, or to read the quotes on the wiki... which are seperated by character, not scene, and dont give environmental details. this makes it impossible for people who dont want to put in a massive amount of time in to experience the story of the game in one definitive place. so, i propose:

THE PORTAL 2 PROJECT

the end product of this project would be a video, posted to YouTube, that has all of the relevant scenes and dialogue in order. it would play out like a movie, so people who haven't or don't want to play the game can still enjoy and understand the story in its entirety. it would use screen recordings of the game, so you can see whats happening and hear it.

what would be included in the video:

-any moment where there is dialogue (exceptions listed below)

-plot relevant details: for some examples, getting the portal gun, finding a rattman den, introducing a new puzzle element, when cave says that portals can be placed on the moon. (this is to better help people who aren't familiar with the franchise understand what the things they're seeing on the screen are.) (most of these would be short clips: for example, when hard light bridges are introduced, the clip would show chell walking up to it and standing on it, and then the video would move on.)

-major scenes, obviously. an example is when chell falls into the pit or unlocks old aperture.

-small, funny details. (without lingering for too long.) it wouldn’t be portal 2 if you dont show the little details! examples include the borealis dock, the elevator room screens, or when wheatly is monologuing and you can go back and he’ll keep monologuing (”you’re at my mercy! wait- come back! (chell goes back) FOOL! you’re at my mercy, and i dont have any!”

-exploring the enviroment: for example, the screen recorder would stop to look at the awards in old aperture, zoom in on chell’s name for the potato experiment, listen to the optional/hidden cave experiment dialogue, as well as look at old posters and signs that tell you about the dangers of old ap. just so the audience is grounded.

-ive touched on this in other bullet points, but not everyone has the time or willpower to look for the little hidden things in the game. this would make sure that you get a very full, portal 2 experience.

what would NOT be included:

-puzzle solving. some chambers take a few minutes to solve, and there is no dialogue. this interrupts the story. unless the puzzle solving is relevant to the plot, like quickly introducing new mechanics to the audience, it wont be included.

-unimportant dialogue. for example, in the neurotoxin generator area, whealtly will ramble for - i think i lasted 4 or 5 minutes before i left - a while, just trying to convince the neurotoxin generator to shut itself off or something. while entertaining, it takes away from the focus of the project.

an example of the formatting:

i imagine the format to look something like this: (im using chapter 1 as an example)

-full, uncut opening with the wheately escape. the cameraman waits at the door before opening it so you get his full dialogue. ~5 minutes

-chell goes into her old relaxation vault, listens to the announcer, puts a button on the pressure pad, then enters the elevator. this introduces the button/cube mechanic. (this scene comes directly after the last, with no cuts). since there is announcer dialogue and new mechanics, this stays relatively uncut. ~1 minute

-chell exits elevator, hears funny announcer dialogue. the camera looks at the room for 5 seconds so the audience understands the setting for the scene, as well as the act. ~15-20 seconds

-chell presses a button to open a portal. this is the first time a portal is seen. she walks through the portal. this introduces the core mechanic of the game. (~30 seconds) (once the mechanic has been used once or twice, the rest of the puzzle is cut)

that would be the basic format. for things like multiple uneventful test chambers in a row, it would show slow fading shots of the test chamber number so you understand that time is passing. this would be intercut with shots of the setting.

HOW CAN I GET HELP / THIS PROJECT STARTED??

getting all of this footage is too much for one person. editing it... is too much for one person. ALL OF THE FOOTAGE HAS TO COME FROM PEOPLE WORKING ON THIS PROJECT. IT CANT COME FROM OTHER PEOPLES YOUTUBE VIDEOS. For this project, I’ll need people to record the footage, people to help edit the footage, and 1-3 people who know the story well and are willing to go over the game’s plot and determine what scenes and details we need, so the records know what to record and what to focus on. 

Do you want to help capture footage? if so, youll need:

-access to the PC version of the game with LOW LAG gameplay

-a screen recorder program. it CANNOT have a watermark on the finished product. needs to be high resolution footage.

-(the recordings will NOT feature your voice or a face cam.)

-(you do not need mods and please leave the portal gun with its base texture)

-(id be comfortable with each screen recorder person to cover around 1-2 chapters... so maybe 4-5 people, unless i can find more. youd be following some directions on what to record. you do not need to edit, just get the footage.)

Can’t do that? Can you EDIT video footage? you’ll need:

-a video editor. high quality. i dont know the editing industry, i dont know what software exists.

-MUST be able to export it without a watermark and in high quality.

-(each editor will be responsible for a chapter or chapters. then render your final product. one editor will put all of the finished chapters together. this means you can use different software from the other editors, and will have a good amount of control over your assigned part. i dont have a number for how many editors there will be. id like more than one.)

Can’t do that? What about choosing the important scenes and details and acting as a sort of ‘writer’ for the plot? You’ll need:

-a good knowlege of the game and its history and fun facts. if youre obsessed with this game and franchise... yeah same. but as long as youre interested and know it well, thats fine

-be able to browse the wiki

-time to review the game by watching lets plays or playing it yourself

-be able to choose the right details and communicate that to the screen recorders and editors. remember my example about chapter one earlier? youd have to lay it out in a similarly comprehensive way.

-take constructive criticism

-must be older than 14 for this. youve gotta make a lot of decisions in this role. ive seen some really creative and talented high schoolers, so thats where im drawing the age line.

-(im hoping for 1-4 of these people, including myself.)

IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN HELPING, SEND ME A DM. IF YOU’RE CHOSEN TO WORK ON THE PROJECT, I’LL SET UP A DISCORD FOR THOSE INVOLVED. IF THIS GETS SOME SORT OF MASS SUPPORT, I’LL SET UP A DISCORD FOR ANYONE INTERESTED IN UPDATES.

The purpose of this project is to make it so you can relive the portal 2 plot without having to replay the full game. Other methods do not exist. No one video shows the plot in order with ‘filler’ removed. Voice lines exist in text form, but do not capture the visual aspect of the game, or give context, and are not a full experience. This story is a masterpiece and deserves to be edited so it is comprehensive and all in one place. No one will claim credit for owning portal 2 or writing the story - the video is showing gameplay, and just so happens to be the relevant gameplay. However, screen capture, editing, and direction credits will be given to everyone who participates. This project will allow you to introduce friends and family to the game without sending them a video where only 5 minutes out of the 1 hour video is relevant. I have wanted this project for a while, but I’ve realized that I can’t do it alone. Even if you can’t help directly, please spread the word and reblog.

#portal #Portal 2 #wheatley #Chell #glados #cave johnson

[wickedlyqueer]

Wickedly Queer - Animated

Two years ago I created a gif series where I took Wicked and retold the story by making it explicitly queer with as little changes as possible. Now, it’s time to create the next step: a two part animated queer retelling of Wicked!

This project will take many months as I have to write, animate and edit everything by myself. So why am I telling you about this now? Well, here’s the thing...

I need YOUR voice!

Quite literally so. While I’ll be the narrator, I want to include the community and have you voice these beloved (gay and foodified) Wicked characters! You don’t need to be a voice actor and these days many phones have passable audio recording. Nonetheless, it’ll be a big voluntary community effort.

For this to work I do need everyone to “audition”. But if possible, I’d love to give everyone who sends in a demo to voice at least something! Singing will not be required, but if you can sing that’s definitely a bonus.

SUBMISSION DEADLINE: 15 November 2019, 23:59 CET

For more information on the roles I’ll be casting, where to sent in your audio and on the project itself please keep reading under the cut!

What to Expect? 

Two videos posted on my YouTube channel BannedFromZoos, both consisting one Wicked act. Expected release dates will be in 2020. 

Much of the plot will be summarized by the narrator, but all altered dialogue (as seen in Wickedly Queer) will be spoken by you! 

The characters will be in the style of the double name witches animatics. For reference what it’ll look like click here.

The script for the first act is around 15 pages and general rule of thumb is one minute per page. The second act is slightly longer with 23 pages. So we’re looking at a total of at least 30 minutes of animation!

Especially if you want to audition for the main cast, be aware this project will stretch several months. Make sure you have room in your schedule between November-February for at least several days of a couple hours of recording and potential re-recordings as not all audio is immediately great the first time around. 

If the main cast wants to, we can do a private readthrough on Discord, so the dialogue flow will be more organic as you’re playing off each other.

Unfortunately, I’m not able to pay anyone! I can’t even pay myself and I’m doing the writing, animating and editing for this beast. I don’t monetize my videos either. All input will be voluntary. Obviously, each separate video will have credits and you can choose to either be referred to as by your name or one social media handle of your choice. 

How to Record

If you’re new to recording here are some basic tips on how to record proper audio:

Make sure you’re in a non-echoing room with no background noises.

Don’t mumble! Actually speak as if you’re speaking to another person. (This is a lot harder than it sounds, as you are essentially talking to the air. So be conscious of this!)

If recording with a phone, keep the mic input near your mouth, but keep a distant of about 15cm (~ 6 inches) between you and the device.

I can’t work around spiking audio. So make sure all of your audio is not too loud. (This counts double for Popping -- when you make a Pop-sound especially with hard p’s your audio tends to spike).

You don’t have to sent in your raw-file. If you want to edit your best takes and sent me that, that’s fine too! Keep your total recording under 5 minutes, but preferably between 30 seconds - 2 minutes. I prefer to have you do a line a few times in different ways than just once and leave it at that. 

What I Expect

To not have you bail on me halfway through the project. Like I said, this will be a longterm project. If for the next six months you can’t commit to at least several hourlong sessions, then either don’t submit or choose a small role. 

Small roles will essentially be ensemble and only be a line or a reaction or two that could be done in like 15-30 minutes. Easily done and the only reason you’ll have to re-record is if the audio is bad. 

That said, I expect that if I want you to re-record something, you’ll do it. I have to mash up about 20 different voices, all being recorded at different times, places, rooms, and level of audio quality. Anyone who has worked with audio knows how ridiculously difficult this is. If I ask you to re-record, please just do it.

If you don’t get cast in the role you wanted, you don’t take it as a personal insult. Right now I have no idea how many people will want to join. But if it’s more than 20, I’m forced to select and choose. The ones with the best audio and acting will get the role.

But more than anything, I want this to be a fun experience! I really hope this will bring the community together as we create an acted-out queer version of this beloved musical. 

Main Roles

The main cast of three. We’ll work closest together and I have to depend on you the most. 

Elphaba Thropp

Non-binary in this iteration, so any voice will do! Elphaba is ambitious, and fierce in their beliefs - to the point they’ll give up close personal relationships to do ‘what is right’. Actor needs to be able to portray a nice balance between snarky commentary and empathetic behavior. Will use they/them pronouns throughout this show, therefore preference goes to someone who is trans. Being able to sing is a bonus, but not required. 

Glinda Upland

Feminine voice. Glinda clings to popularity as that’s the only way she knows how to gain affection. Therefore terrified of coming out to anyone, as she believes that would ruin her status. For this role I’m searching for someone who can have good comedic timing as well as show her very difficult emotional struggle. Please be aware, in Wickedly Queer her emotional journey is far bigger and more present, so that will be most important.

Being able to sing is a bonus, but not required.

Fiyero Tigelaar

Masculine voice. He has no idea what he wants from life and goes into careless behavior because of it. Fiercely loyal, selfless and dependable.  Actor needs to be able to convey the struggle of an existential crisis without wanting to admit to it. As Fiyero is a man of colour, preference for casting goes to a PoC. 

Being able to sing is a bonus, but not required.

Side Roles

These roles are around one scene and most of them interact with another character. Not as much commitment needed, but still a real fun time.

Nessarose Thropp

Feminine voice. Role for someone who can convey bitterness and frustration and somehow coming across not too spoiled (only Act II scene). Being able to sing is a bonus, but not required.

Madame Morrible

Feminine voice. Perfect for someone a bit older (at least for this fandom - lol). Regardless of age, you need to be able to be daunting and terrifying. 

Announcer

You’ll be the first voice people will hear! Like a real theatre show, there will be an ‘intercom announcer’ before the show starts. Practice that peppy customer service voice if you want this role!

Sounds / Animal Noises Person(s)

This role is a lot of fun for someone who has a lot of skill with their voice. I need several sound clips throughout the show for at least the Monkey (Overture), Goat (Dr. Dillamond) and wails from the Lion cub. Might need some more! So if you got that versatility in your voice, this one’s for you!

Small Roles / Ensemble

These roles will be for the people who did not get cast as main or side, or for the ones who do not have time to commit to the larger roles. These roles are either ensemble reacting or a role with one or two lines.

2-3 Guards

Dr. Dillamond

‘Is it true you were friends?’ Loudmouth

Several Ozians (reacting)

__________________________________________

SEND IN SUBMISSION

Send in your audio submission to: [email protected]. I only need audio, I don’t need video. If your file is too big use another site like WeTransfer to sent it. Your audio is preferably between 30 seconds and 2 minutes, but must be under 5 minutes.

Record whatever you like! You can choose to do any monologue, whatever song that is within the range of your role, or any scene of a play or musical you like. Make sure you show the range of what you’re capable of acting-wise and fits with what the role entails! 

For more information on submitting an additional song go here.

In the mail please add:

Your first name (+ pronouns)

Age

Which role(s) you’re auditioning for

If you audition for a main role: choose at least one from side / small roles in case you don’t get cast.

What platform I can reach you at besides mail (preferably, Tumblr or Discord)

DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSIONS: 15 November, 23:59 CET.

#wicked #wicked the musical #wickedly queer #voice acting #wq animated

[a-bit-too-much-of-a-zelda-fan]

LinkedUniverse Fanfic Ch. 10: Noontime Nightmares (pt. 1)

Stop! You’ve Violated the Law!

So, you’ve stumbled upon this original post for my Linked Universe fanfiction. That’s okay, it happens to everyone. As of March 2021, I’ve uploaded the entirety of this fanfic to my Archive of Our Own page. Along with finally giving the story a name–Oops! All Links: A Linked Universe Story–I made substantial edits to some of the chapters. These range from minor stylistic revisions to fixing a gaping plot hole that kinda completely broke the character conflict in the earlier chapters. I also renamed and renumbered (but not reordered) the chapters. Specifically, this is now Chapter 12: Noontime Nightmares.

The AO3 iterations of these chapters are the definitive versions. So, if you would like to read this fanfiction, please do so on AO3, right here. With this embedded link. Hehe. Geddit? Link?

Note: My screen name on AO3 is FrancisDuFresne. Yes, that is me. I am not plagiarizing myself.

Anyway, for posterity’s sake, the rest of the original post is below the cut.

That dark forest the Links entered last chapter of my @linkeduniverse fan narrative? Yeah, it’s pretty dark. Part 1 of 2. Word Count: 2418

Nearly all light was blocked by the forest’s dense tree canopy. The heroes were glad they decided to light their lanterns, but even they seemed to not be able to pierce more than a few yards into the darkness. Wild was reminded of a similar forest north of his Hyrule Castle. He hoped they would not encounter the monsters he did there here, too.

The Links spent two uneasy hours walking through the woods. Twilight hadn’t sensed anything strange in his wolf form, but that didn’t sate their feeling they were being watched. Wild still had two arrows nocked on his bow; Warrior instructed him to fire at Twilight’s signal. Warrior was determined to neither get ambushed nor be defeated in one.

“I don’t like this,” Hyrule whispered. Holding his lantern at arm’s length, he still could barely see Legend ahead of him.

“None of us do,” Legend replied. “Unless one of us does. Does anyone like this?”

Time smiled. At least one of them was trying to keep the mood light. “No, I can’t say I’m very fond of this.”

Wind, used to sunny days on the high seas and night sky starlight playing off the water, agreed. “Yeah, not the biggest fan.”

Twilight was put on edge by the suffocating darkness. His heightened senses as a wolf could barely pierce it. It brought to mind the dark cloud that sent the group out of the illusory world of the burning village. That thought unnerved him even more. There was nothing except the faint scent of his friends behind him and darkness ahead.

Three more hours of this? He thought. I almost want something to happen… Wait.

A new scent appeared. It was familiar. The stench of rot and death, a few yards ahead and to the right. Looks like I jinxed it.

The Wolf barked and pointed his head in the direction. With no hesitation, Wild loosed his arrows. The THWIP of the them hitting a target bounced and echoed off the trees. Now fully alert, the others clipped their lanterns of their belts and drew their weapons. Wild nocked two more arrows as Sky moved ahead of him and Twilight.

They walked slowly towards what may be a slain monster. The light of their lanterns fell upon a stag pinned to a tree. It was dead. Two arrows stuck out of its neck; that they expected. What they didn’t anticipate was a massive spear skewering the poor animal through its side. The weapon was long as Time would be tall with Twilight standing on his shoulders, and nearly as thick as a small birch tree. From what was exposed of the head, it seemed to be a jagged, razor sharp rock of some kind. It was shoddily tied together with old ropes.

The stag, pinned to the tree by the spear, seemed to have been dead for a week at least. Flies buzzed around it, and it reeked horribly. Hesitantly approaching it, Sky’s lantern showed it was missing its hind legs. He gagged. He turned back to the group and shook his head as if to say, this isn’t good.

“What the…” Hyrule said as he inched toward the carrion. “What could have done this?”

Wild’s thoughts raced. “Something big. Hinox, maybe?”

“Hinox aren’t that big,” Four said. “Only ten feet, max.”

“Yours, maybe,” Wild replied. “Mine are giants. Five times my height, easy.”

“Oh.”

“What’s a Hinox?” Wind asked. He said it almost as if not wanting an answer.

“Big, muscle-y creatures,” Legend explained. “One-eyed, love bombs…”

“Love bombs?” Wild scoffed. “What kind of Hinox are you guys used to?”

“Something more explosive than yours, apparently.”

Time didn’t like this one bit. “Cut the chatter. We need to be on guard. This thing probably likes prey that stand around and talk.”

“And something tells me we’re the perfect prey,” Hyrule muttered.

Suddenly, Twilight barked again. Following the wolf’s snout, Wild pulled his bow’s string and let two arrows fly. Another THWIP. The heroes warily followed the sound. Their lanterns’ light fell upon a what looked like a fox, again affixed to a tree. The entire font half of its body seemed to have been torn off. This time, a man-sized halberd held it in place. Time pulled it free. He shook off the fox and held the weapon out to the others.

It was finely made, with smooth curves, a polished head, and stained wood. The blacksmith who made it was clearly a skilled one. The materials looked expensive. “This is no traveler’s spear,” Four observed. “This belonged to a knight.”

“So,” Wind ventured, “where’s the knight?”

Warrior looked down at him with one eyebrow raised. “Do you really have to ask?”

“Not really.”

“Figured. Well, it looks like whatever thing is, it’s several yards tall, can use weapons, and has a taste for raw meat.”

“Hm…” Wild put all these pieces together in his head. “I’m definitely thinking a hinox like the ones I’ve seen. Funny, I had to fight one in a forest like this.”

“At least you’ll have experience, then,” Hyrule said. “Plus, you have us now.”

Twilight was still transformed. He was trying to pick up any other scents. As his companions were talking, he picked something faint up. What’s more, he felt a soft rumbling under his paws. Almost like multiple sets of footsteps… He tried to pinpoint where it was coming from, but it was all around them. He looked to the others. They hadn’t noticed any of it. He transformed back.

“Guys, we have company,” he said. “From all directions. Sounds like footsteps and smells… not good. Worse than this carrion.”

“Yep,” Wild confirmed. “Hinox.”

“Is that plural?” Legend asked Twilight.

“Yes.”

“Great.”

Warrior looked to the resident amnesiac. “What can we expect?”

“Five times our size, fat, dim, sometimes armored around the legs. I usually used spears because it’s not safe to get too close to them. They’ll create shockwaves by beating the ground with their hands, and like jumping and crushing people under their rears. Time, pass me that halberd.”

Time handed it over. He was better with a sword anyway. Wild took it and tossed it between his hands, as if checking its balance. He readied it in both hands and took a stab into the darkness. Then he twirled it into one hand, then the next, then back. The hero nodded, evidently pleased with the quality of the weapon. It also gave him an excuse not to use his shield, which he stole from a Stalfos and wasn’t comfortable at all.

“Twilight?” Warrior asked. “How many did you sense?”

“I couldn’t tell for sure. Four or more.”

“Then I’m not sure if we should split up.”

“I should be able to take one myself,” Wild pointed out.

“Right. Pairs for the rest of us, then?”

Before anyone could respond, the footsteps Twilight heard began to become audible to them. A few seconds later, the stench hit them too. Twilight was right, it was coming from all directions. “We’re being surrounded,” Sky said. “We might want to get creative with our weapons.”

“I agree,” Time assented. “If swords aren’t working, don’t hesitate to use anything you need.”

Now the footsteps were growing louder. In a few seconds, the monsters would be upon them. The heroes’ lanterns were infuriatingly dim in the oppressing darkness. Warrior pulled out his Fire Rod. “I can’t take these shadows, we’re sitting ducks!”

He held the Fire Rod aloft and ignited the tip with a layer of flame. The firelight illuminated not four, not five, but nine Hinox less than ten yards away. Wild’s description of them was accurate, the others silently confirmed. The reek of the monsters filled the heroes’ nostrils, forcing them to hold back gags. They readied their weapons. Swords and shields glinted from the fire. “New plan,” Warrior whispered. “One-on-one. Got it? Break.”

In a flash, Wild stowed his halberd and drew his bow. He nocked three arrows and fired them straight into the nearest Hinox’s single eye. The giant monster recoiled with a deafening roar, reached up to its face, and tore the arrows out of its eye. Blood splattered the ground, but the injury didn’t seem to bother the Hinox. It kept moving forward. Wild gaped at it. That usually did some serious damage. Only nine arrows left... Wild thought. Got to conserve them.

The others saw this and stared at the monster. Not many creatures can take three arrows in the eye and keep going. Wild slung his bow over his shoulder and drew his new halberd. He rushed at the Hinox. It stared down at this tiny man sprinting at it, confused by the sight. Most things ran from it. Undeterred, it raised its hand to squish the puny thing. As it was about to bring the three-fingered hand down, Wild jumped to the side. He readied the spear.

The young hero’s feet skidded on the leafy forest floor. Taking a half-second to ground his feet, he stared down his target. Aiming straight at the Hinox’s fat gut, he let loose a flurry of stabs. Again and again, the finely-crafted halberd pierced the monster’s tough skin, sending blood into the air. Wild felt flecks hit his face as he attacked. He worked his fingers furiously, turning the spear slightly with each stab, the axe-like head digging in and tearing flesh as it exited.

The monster roared in either fury or agony, Wild didn’t care. Its entrails torn, it stumbled onto its back with a deafening THUD. Wild ran around to its side and jammed the halberd between the Hinox’s ribs. He used the spear’s handle to vault onto the monster, pounded his boot into its chin, and leapt upward. He twirled the weapon above his hand, secured his grip on it, and spiraled downward.

The halberd’s head bored straight into the Hinox’s eye. After three rotations, Wild righted himself, dug his boot into the monster’s forehead, and jumped to the ground. The roaring stopped. The felled monster ceased its writhing and went limp. Wild cast a look at it to ensure it was dead. Satisfied with his work, he went on to help his friends.

…

By now, Sky was working on his own Hinox. He drew his Beetle and shot it to the side. The flying weapon distracted the brute. It swiped its hands through the air, trying to swat it down. The hero saw a moment to strike. He rushed to the monster’s leg, hoping to cripple it. He raised the Master Sword and made an inward slash. The blade struck the wooden guard the Hinox wore on its leg. It was stuck.

Sky yanked on the handle to free the blade from the wood. One tug didn’t work. Two. Three. The blade came free and Sky stumbled backward. By now, the monster remembered its prey. It turned back around to face Sky. Spotting the puny Hylian, it crouched down. It was preparing to jump. Sky remembered Wild’s words and turned tail.

He was several yards away by the time the Hinox’s enormous behind slammed into the ground. The shockwave still threw him forward. Narrowly dodging a faceplant, Sky managed to get back on his feet. The Hinox was coming for him again. Sky’s eyes darted around the monster, trying to find a weak point. There! he thought. Found one!

The young swordsman spotted what he was looking for. The wooden guards the Hinox was wearing were held in place by some frayed ropes. That was something Sky could work with. He drew his scattershot and filled the its pocket with pellets. He pulled back, aimed for the eye, and let go. He knew it wouldn’t do much to stop the brute, but it would distract it. With the monster blinking away the tiny ammunition, Sky made his move.

Taking off at a sprint, he replaced the scattershot with his sword and ran underneath the Hinox. At just the right moment, he made two deft swipes. The ropes sliced apart and their load fell to the ground. The Hinox was still trying to figure out what was happening when Sky ran back the way he came. He held the Master Sword aloft and charged a skyward strike. Lowering it to his side, he ran under the Hinox and spun on his heel. The charged spin attack sliced clean through the monster’s legs. Sky ran clear before it collapsed in a heap on the ground. It wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

…

The world froze. Wind was holding the Phantom Sword aloft, using its time-stop ability. All sound and breeze stopped as he dashed around the Hinox. He had to make the most of this moment. He took his hookshot out mid-step, held it in his right hand, and readied it. He aimed up and chose his target.

With a squeeze of the trigger, the chained weapon fired out into the stagnant air. It dug itself into the side of the monster’s head. Wind knew it wouldn’t dig deep enough to do any serious damage, but he wasn’t planning on it. He picked up more speed as he sprinted. By now he was directly behind the Hinox.

The hero kicked his feet off the ground into a high leap. At the apex of his jump, he squeezed the trigger on the hookshot again. The chain retracted, shooting Wind into the air. Using the momentum of his leap, he rushed up to the monster’s neck. He raised his sword. A split second from hitting the Hinox, he swung the Phantom Sword.

SWISH! The blade cut straight through the nape of monster’s neck, severing its spinal cord. Wind felt time begin to restart. He planted his feet on the slowly collapsing Hinox’s neck and pushed off into a backflip. He landed on the ground and was just retracting the hookshot’s tip as time resumed fully. The titan collapsed on forest floor. In quite literally no time, the young hero had felled the giant.

The Phantom Sword was exhausting to use without the fairy Ciela’s help, so Wind took a moment to recover his strength. He looked up at the rest of the fight. The others were still working on their Hinox. He could just barely see them through the darkness. He smiled at the sight. The Hinox looked tough, but his friends seemed to be having an easy enough time fighting them. Nice, he thought. Gimme a sec, boys. I’ll be right there.

#linkeduniverse fanfiction #linkeduniverse #my own #my writing #fanfic #Noontime Nightmares

[courteneyf98]

Documentary on OF

Why are people suddenly willing to pay for porn on Only Fans when they can get the same thing for free on PornHub?

This documentary informs you that most porn stars get paid next to nothing. An actor from deep throat; one of the first hardcore mainstream pornos (1972) and was only paid $100. By 2014 people weren’t buying DVDs like deep throat anymore, they were watching them for free on one of the hundreds of porn sites that are on the internet. Because of this, performers started getting paid more per scene. 

As social media began to rise such as Snapchat a lot of people were putting their lives on the internet more frequently. Snapchat an app where pictures and videos are posted to a story and then disappear after 24 hours. This allowed you to post and distribute video on mobile, message people and accept payment, who could that possibly appeal to?

Adult performers then started to cancel their contracts to Porn sites and moved over to Snapchat. They would create an account and tell followers to subscribe to their premium. Snapchat doesn’t officially allow this content on their app, it was just a way for adult performers hacked together so that they could sell porn, they create a private Snapchat account and if people wanted to see the porn they posted they had to pay a subscription through Paypal or Bank.

It probably seems like this was a small scale operation like the porn version of a lemonade stand but turns out performers were making a lot.  One of the interviewers girlfriends made 30,000 in just one week creating content on Snapchat. Eventually girls were making so much money that established mainstream porn stars like Lana Rhodes and Leela Star left their contracts to focus on Snapchat. Porn stars are only getting a tiny percentage of the money that clip will ever make whereas on Snapchat you are getting 90% of the money.

Then Only Fans was made in 2016 and instead of having to create private under the table accounts like they did on Snapchat that constantly got shut down, only fans officially allowed adult performers to post and charge Porn.

But why are willing to pay for porn on Only Fans when they can get the same thing on Pornhub for free?

 In the video they use Starbucks as an example. In the 1970s coffee in America was disgusting, it came in a can and was cheap but when Howard Schultz (founder of Starbucks) went on a trip to Italy, he fell in love with the coffee bars there as the coffee was good and the atmosphere was so comfortable that people hang out for hours. When he came back to America his vision for Starbucks was to replicate that amazing experience he’d had by selling European coffee in a amazing atmosphere, Starbucks was able to transform coffee from a cheap commodity into a luxury that sold for double the price. 

So the answer to the question is people are willing to pay for the thing that’s better as its premium just like Starbucks coffee.

Howard found the middle ground between work and home and that’s exactly what adult performers did they turned premium snapchat into a middle ground between porn and girlfriend. Which can be seen as the “virtual girlfriend experience”.

Unlike a cam girl site where performers are in a chatroom full of 500 guys, performers on Only Fans send porn privately to their clients. At Starbucks they write your name on the cup as it is more personalised and on OF girls say their clients name privately.

The girlfriend experience is all about intimacy without the attachments of being in a long-term relationships, so, OF girls don’t just strip for their clients they talk to them by saying ‘Good morning’ ‘Good night’. They learn their kids names, pets and when their birthdays are. Its almost like they are part therapists, part friend.

In the traditional porn the performers were employees and not happy ones. But now that they have jilted they have became small business owners. Performers now get to perform in the comfort of their own bedrooms instead of being on set and in studios and not exploited by the owner of the sites. 

Comments

Intimacy means a lot to people, even if it is a service. A lot of people, mostly men can feel alone but not communicate with anyone physical as it takes their ‘masculine title’ away from them. However, with OF they have almost like a virtual therapist girlfriend, where they can physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually please them and accept them. It’s just crazy to me that technology can give you the power to not feel alone anymore?!?!?

Only fans as more advantages as say for instance, Cam girls require both the model and their fans to be on at the same time at the live event. However, OF offers the service 24/7 as the content is always on their page unless the owner takes it down. Onlyfans doesn't rely on livestreaming. This fundamentally changes the way Onlyfans can generate revenue: a model never needs to go live and their subscribers never need to tune in at a certain time in order to give them money.

Onlyfans turns that on its head: you can work as much or as little as you like and you can also set the price based on what you believe the market will pay. You could in theory shoot pictures and videos for a month straight and slowly post them over the following year providing the illusion that you are generating fresh content to your subscribers. It's essentially a social/content distribution network that generates passive income with the option to set your own price for custom content.

Technology has reached a point where girls can produce decent porn with their phones and macbooks. Ten years ago, plenty of cam girls were making fine money, but they couldn’t compete with studios on basic video quality. Today they can record from their iphones at a resolution acceptable to more viewers.

It’s the same way your average travel vlogger on youtube now has drone shots of things only studios could capture with helicopters a decade ago. Everyday technology is giving power to the everyman.

[sonicmega]

Reflecting on Breath of the Wild’s VO Process

**WARNING: VERY LONG POST AHEAD**

Breath of the Wild is a very special project to me - and Revali in particular an incredibly special character - but it actually has nothing at all to do with the fame of the game or the worldwide recognition of the brand. It's special because nearly every single milestone, from the audition to the final recording session, either taught me something about myself or implemented one of the many many lessons we've been taught time and time again at panels and workshops but probably don't see in action very often.

This is going to read more like an essay than a stream of consciousness, but I feel this will really help me get across the individual facets of the Breath of the Wild 'experience' that went far and beyond anything I have ever gone through before for a voiceover booking. I hope you'll understand that this is meant to be a way for me to reflect on an incredible journey, and not anything intended to try and 'upsell' how special said journey was for bragging rights.

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1) The audition for BotW initially came not from the casting director himself, but from a CLIENT FRIEND the director had from a studio I had done previous work for. The owner of said studio contacted various talent saying that "a fellow client is looking for interested talent for an audition, please email _____ for more information", but otherwise had NO involvement in the actual project at all.

That was it. The door of opportunity for this began not with an intense workshop, or a circle of inside friends making referrals, but with a simple email from a partner studio saying "email this person and send samples if you would like to be considered to receive sides". Not a single detail about the project was included in that email, but I still had to make the choice to dive into that deep end and find out what waited ahead.

This means that the door of opportunity I had for this project came about strictly as a result of my connection network - a recording company I've worked with for YEARS was the source of the initial email connecting me to this brand new person/studio branch, even though they were never involved with the actual game. This is why it's so integral to maintain connections with all your peers and clients - you have no idea where that next opportunity is going to start.

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2) Auditioning for the characters was a little more difficult because, as many of you would imagine, pretty much everything was codenamed or altered so as not to make it obvious what the project was for. Granted, it was still easy to find those 1 or 2 sides that I KNEW were right up my alley in terms of pitch and cadence, but even after knocking them out I still had one more to choose for my audition and wanted to maximize the # of shots I got to take.

Believe it or not, I was the one who went to my mentor and said "I really want to read for (Deku Tree)", even though he initially wasn't interested and/or wasn't fully convinced that I could pull off a realistic approach to the character (and for good reason; low-pitch performances have been a weak point of mine for a long time). But I wanted to draw from the many times I've played 'old and whimsical grandfathers/wizards' and finally showcase it to someone in the industry.

So with enough prodding we worked together to refine it by adding elements of my STRENGTHS to what I already had developed; instead of being straight up baritone, I was now slightly younger, but breathy and relaxed in my pacing. Wide-open mouth movements and deep breaths naturally deepened the voice without me having to force my range lower into my throat. I was developing a character from the ground up and making it into something I could present, and the results were obvious; the casting director *could not believe* that "that voice" was coming out of MY face, to the extent that he had the visiting company president listen in as a witness confirmation.

This is why you have to look at key terms in audition sides, and why "making it your own" is a LEGITIMATE approach to surprising studios and directors with options they didn't know were possible. With a few exceptions, don't look at a character and just determine "I can't do this" - try to at least dissect them into elements you're familiar with, and figure out how you can take what you know and apply it to what they're looking for.

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3) When I got the callback for BotW, I was smack-dab in the middle of a 3-week vacation to visit Ajai, back while she still lived in Michigan. They had a specific date planned for these callbacks that couldn't be adjusted, and it was in approximately 3 days from the call - a whole half-week before I would have been flying home anyway. Changing my flight meant not only ending a visit that my fiancee had been waiting for SINCE SEPTEMBER, but also a brand new flight ticket (at full-price), and not even a guarantee of the role since this was strictly a callback audition.

I still went. Even without having absolute certainty of the real project name (I had a fairly good hunch at this point), I still went. I ate the cost and chased the chance, because I was not willing to risk it on the alternative option of a remote audition from my old laptop vs. a live in-studio option with feedback and professional-level quality.

I don't know if I still would have booked it via the remote audition, but I know I never would have wanted to risk it anyway. This was one of the moments where ALL those times Tony Oliver said "If you'd rather be doing anything else, go do that instead" actually became a defining factor in my decision; I *wanted* this, wanted it so bad I was willing to throw down several hundred dollars just to better my chances at leaving a great impression. To be honest, I think that decision also said to the director that I was just as committed as he was to trying to create a great production, and that if cast he could trust we would be in it together beyond a basic Talent-Role obligation.

This is why being a voiceover artist sometimes means making sacrifices without a promise of a reward; it's our version of "dressing for the job you want", just a lot more expensive.

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4) If Deku Tree was the example of the character I thought would be difficult but actually turned out to be quite easy to do consistently....Revali was the reverse. Revali was the character I expected would soar (lol) with flying colors, who I had developed an entire personality and quirks for before I even stepped foot into his first studio session...but instead gave me immense amounts of trouble and self-doubt.

The problem was that even though I DID have an extremely bold/solid character choice for him going into the studio, the people in charge (and I mean The Big Guys) already had very specific ideas in mind for what they wanted - ideas that did not mesh with my own creation. I went from having a complete character already penned out, to having to scrap nearly every detail of my creation and hang on the word of the director for guidelines on what to do. I was at Square 1 and trying so, so hard to meet what was requested of me because I love Revali as a character more than any other role I have ever played, and I didn't want to lose him.

I actually cried to my mentor over the phone during the middle of that first session while on a break period from the recording; I was so distraught at the differences between what I had in mind and what I was being asked to do that I wasn't sure if I could even accommodate the director's wishes... if I was going to give the character the kind of performance I knew he deserved and WANTED him to have. I wanted Revali to be the best he could possibly be, and I wasn't even sure if I could trust myself to accomplish that even though I felt like no one else could be more passionate about him.

But I learned from this. I learned firsthand that even the best-laid plans can go to waste, and I had to go back into this session ready to be an "actor" in the truest sense - someone who creates magic out of bits and pieces, regardless of whether they have 5 days to prepare or 5 minutes. I learned that to give Revali the kind of performance he deserved, I had to put aside all those negative thoughts and emotions hindering me from being able to focus and PLAY, stop worrying about all the ways I could fail, and work with my director as a teammate while trusting that he - more than anyone else - genuinely wants to see me succeed. I needed this kind of reality check to prepare me for my future in the industry, and no matter how frustrating Ravioli Bird was to tackle I am so grateful that I could experience that frustration over a character I refused to ever give up on.

This is why it's important to have a sense of self-drive and a real desire to improve; no one can help you succeed if even you give up on yourself.

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5) The funniest part about Revali was that it wasn't just my audition that helped land the role (it was still the biggest portion by far, don't get me wrong), but also my ability to be a massive shameless fanboy. According to the director, I literally could not contain myself from widening my eyes and giving out small squees of excitement every time he showed up on a sample clip, not unlike a young child getting their first real look at Disney World's Magic Kingdom Castle. Somehow, my overjoyed noises had been shared directly with individuals over at a different studio who plated a part in determining the final cast. It turned out that similar to XSEED, the board members were very interested in having cast members who were as passionate about their product as they themselves needed to be. For them, my passion was the 'oomph' and extra tang that took an audition from Good to Great.

This is why it's important to remember that it's OKAY to be excited and/or proud about the work you do as a voice actor; this profession is supposed to be fun. It's incredible, it's unique, and we get to have some of the coolest adventures ever while being paid for the privilege to do so. Sometimes letting our inner geeks show can be a great thing, as long as it's contained within a professional context.

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Regardless of how much work went into this entire experience for me, I do not expect it to be undeniable evidence that my end-result was perfect, or even subjectively 'good'. I do not expect everyone to be a fan of it, and if you thought the character fell short THAT'S STILL OKAY; so many different elements went into the delivery of each line, the atmosphere of each scene, that my performances were as much a result of the client's wishes and specific demands as they were my own spices added to the recording soup.

But there is absolutely no doubt - not a single shred of evidence otherwise - that I worked incredibly hard on this. Every single step of this project was a new challenge for me to meet or a brand new obstacle I hadn't really faced before but now needed to address and move beyond in order to do what I needed to do. I can be super critical of myself sometimes (all the time), but there is not a moment in my mind where I question whether or not I put my heart and soul into this (Current # of Times I Cried Over Revali currently sits at 3).

Because I put that effort in, and because I did the ABSOLUTE BEST I COULD in every moment of my involvement with this project, I can be proud. I AM proud. I am proud of what I accomplished even if someone comes along and says "TBH this makes the CDi games sound better". I am proud that I threw risk to the wind and put myself out there without fear of rejection just out of sheer desire to be a part of this, and now I'm a permanent part of the Zelda legacy for it.

This entire process was nothing short of an adventure in every sense you can think of. But even as this project finally closes up, my voiceover adventure continues, perhaps now even grander and with more opportunities than ever before.

Thank You for becoming a part of it, however big or small your role, and I hope that no matter what your passion is you find the chance to have an adventure like this for yourself.

#Breath of the Wild #Legend of Zelda #Sean Chiplock #Nintendo #voiceover