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pintsizemama · 2 years

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Heroes & Heartbreak

Chapter 18

Summary: Ari and Javi are conflicted on what happens next. A new CI leads the DEA and CNP to a huge bust. Carrillo makes a decision that will impact Ari’s relationship. Javi has to come to terms with his feelings.

Pairings: Javier Peña x OFC Ariana Morgan—DEA Agent and daughter of Pablo Escobar

Fandom: Narcos

Rating: Explicit 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 7,356

Warnings: language, hangover, jealousy, angst, reference to death of a teen, gunshot, violence, blood, drinking, Smut, PiV, prostitution, possessiveness...let me know if I missed anything, and I’ll happily add it here!

A/N: I’m gonna warn you, I’ve gone back and forth on what happens with Carrillo in this chapter. Not entirely sure I’m content with it…but it will have to do.

I included conversations from the episode to help anyone who hasn’t seen it or hasn’t watched it in awhile. Sorry if it feels redundant if you’ve seen the show a million times like me.

As always, feel free to let me know if I need to correct the Spanish translations!

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Javi was the first one at his desk the next morning. Steve had stopped in but then disappeared. Ari was still asleep. He felt that familiar guilt well up inside him. She was never late. She never overslept. She never drank that damn much. Until him. Steve breezed back in from wherever the hell he had been.

“Ari?” Steve asked. Javi just shook his head. Steve frowned, concern etched across his face. The phone rang and Javi picked it up.

“Peña.”

“Agente Peña,” the man on the other end began. “Habla con don Berna. Tengo una propuesta que podría interesarle.” (This is Don Berna. I have a proposition you might be interested in.)

“Qué sorpresa,” (What a surprise.) Javi murmured. He agreed to meet with Berna in a small cafe. Javi walked in and noticed Berna right away. He approached the table, cautious of the narco and his intentions.

“¿Qué pasa, Peña?” (What’s up, Peña?) Berna greeted him. “¿Estás esperando a alguien?” (Are you expecting anyone else?)

“No,” Javi replied. “¿Y tú?” (Are you?)

“No,” Berna assured him, “no es necesario. En esta ciudad, donde yo me meta, tengo amigos alrededor. Pero sentate. Sentate pa que pruebas el mejor café de Medellín.” (No, it’s not necessary. Everywhere I go in this city, I’m surrounded by friends. Sit down. Sit down so you can taste the best coffee in Medellín.) Javi reluctantly sat across from him.

“¡Doña Luz!” Berna called out. “Prepárele aquí un café a mi amigo.” (Bring my friend a coffee.) Javi crossed his arms and surveyed Berna.

“¿No tienes más que un café para ofrecerme?” (You have something other than coffee for me?) Javi asked.

“Mire, agente,” Berna began, “you no soy como cual quiera de esos informantes a los que ustedes les dan unos dólares y ya. No, señor,” (Look, Agent, I’m not one of those street corner informants that you slip a few gringo dollars for a tip. No, sir.)

“¿Entonces qué hacemos aquí?” (Then why are we here?) Javi asked. Berna leaned forward.

“Agente, usted y yo somos como la serpiente y el gato. Si la serpiente puede, mata al gato. Y s el gato puede, mata a la serpiente. Pero, a veces, los dos ven una rata bien grande y ambos se la quieren comer.” (Agent, you and I are like the snake and the cat. If the snake has the chance, it will kill the cat. And if the cat has the chance, it will kill the snake. But there are times when they see a big rat, and they both want to eat it.)

“This is Moncada’s biggest lab,” Javier said, circling a spot on the aerial photo. “It’ll have to be inventoried before it’s dismantled and moved.” Ari squinted at the photo. Her headache had calmed from a sharp, relentlessly pounding pain to a persistent dull ache. She definitely had way too much whiskey last night.

“How do you know that?” Steve asked, perched on the desk. Carrillo was looking at Javier with surprise, the intel being very good...better than he usually gets.

“One of my CI’s,” Javi told them. Ari stiffened. Was this the girl Javi had been fucking?

“Hell of a tip,” Steve said.

“It’s a hell of a CI,” Javier told him. Ari couldn’t help the scoff or the words that slipped from her mouth.

“I’ll bet,” she muttered. All three men looked at her. She realized she had spoken aloud and not in her head. She cocked an eyebrow, challenging one of them to say something. They didn’t, but Carrillo kept looking at her, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Look, you want Escobar’s men, there they are,” Javi said, pulling Carrillo’s attention from Ari.

“Let’s do it,” Carrillo said.

“All right,” Steve agreed.

“Princesa,” Carrillo turned to her. “Are you alright? You look exhausted.”

“Late night,” she replied, with a wave of her hand. “I’m fine. More than capable of going on this raid.”

“Are you sure?” Carrillo said, concern laced in his husky voice. “I don’t want to take any chances with you, Ari.”

“I promise, Horacio,” she told him. “I was in worse shape this morning. Feeling much better now. Just a mild headache.” Carrillo nodded, and they made their way outside to the Jeeps, Carrillo’s men ready to go within minutes. Carrillo eyed Ari for a minute. She began to climb up into the Jeep with Javi and Steve, when she heard Carrillo.

“Princesa,” he called out. He beckoned her over. “You ride with me.” Ari sighed but quickly jumped down and jogged over to Carrillo, hopping in before him. She had a feeling he wouldn’t let the comment about Javi’s informant slide. She’d seen it on his face the moment the words slipped out. Carrillo turned and gave Javi a hard look before sliding in next to Ari.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Steve asked. Javi clenched his jaw, reading between the lines, interpreting the look Carrillo had given him. Something had felt off ever since he came back. That look he just gave him…and what Ari said last night. Fuck. Carrillo was staking his claim.

“Not sure,” he told Steve. “Maybe...” He trailed off, not wanting to say out loud the horrible thoughts swirling in his head, fearful that speaking them would make them true.

“What?” Steve prodded when Javi didn’t elaborate. Javi shook his head.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know what I’m thinking,” he said angrily. “It’ll just piss you off.” Steve considered his words for a minute. Poor guy was having a tough time sorting it out. Finally understanding dawned on his face.

“Wait,” Steve said, his voice low, even though the men in the car with them did not understand English, “is Carrillo trying to move in on our girl?” Javi clenched his fists, looking away. “Fuck,” Steve said, seeing Javi’s anger as confirmation. “He’s married...what the fuck is he thinking?”

“Listen, I don’t know if that’s what’s going on,” Javi told him. “Ari said he and his wife are having problems...I guess they’re separated right now, and I don’t know for sure if he’s interested in Ari. He mentioned something a long time ago, back before he was sent to Spain...he said if he wasn’t happily married he’d be first in line to ask her out.”

“I remember,” Steve said quietly, thinking back to that night at the bar. “What. The. Fuck.” Steve fumed. He paused and mulled it over once more. “You know, I thought something seemed…different with him since he’s been back.”

“Different how?” Javi asked, hoping he wasn’t crazy and Murphy had picked up on the same thing he had.

“Just a different vibe between the two of them,” Steve replied. “I can’t explain it, but something shifted.” Javi sighed. “He’s been looking at her differently…more possessively.”

“I noticed it too,” Javi said quietly. “Right away.” Steve shook his head.

“This is insane.” Javi refused to meet Steve’s eyes, too lost in his own pain. “Hey, look at me!” Javi was staring out the window. Finally he turned to his partner. Steve sucked his breath in when he saw the agony in Javi’s eyes. “Shit, Javi...” Javier let out a ragged breath. “Why the fuck don’t you just tell her how you feel? She doesn’t want anyone else, man. Just you.” Javier looked shocked at what Steve said. “Don’t look so surprised, Javi. I’m not an idiot. I know you two have been...well, more than partners.”

“Fuck,” Javi hissed.

“Don’t worry, man,” Steve assured him. “It’s not as obvious as you might think, I just know you both really well, so it was easy enough to figure out. Plus, I do live right above you guys and the walls are thin. I’m pretty sure Connie and I are the only one who knows though...other than Carrillo.”

“Shit,” Javi said, “Carrillo knows?” Steve nodded.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure,” Steve told him. “Nothing gets by him. Plus the look he just gave you…fuck if that wasn’t some sort of alpha male challenge.” There were a few minutes of silence before Steve spoke again. “Do you...do you think she’d say yes?” Javi looked confused for a moment. “To Carrillo, if he’s interested in her?” Javi’s face fell for a moment before he schooled his features.

“She mentioned something last night...that makes me think she’d consider it,” he said reluctantly.

“Really?” Steve asked incredulously. Javi sighed.

“She was drunk and pissed at me, so I don’t know how truthful she was being,” he told Steve, who looked at him like he needed to know more. “After we saw the kid get shot...I needed to forget for a while, so I went to see someone I found a right after we got here that has been good source to fuck out my frustration. Ari offered to be the one to help me...but I didn’t choose her...again, so she downed a bottle of whiskey. We got into a fight when I got back. She mentioned finding some backup fucks for when I’m not around...mentioned Carrillo. Fuck...I really messed up with her.”

“What do you mean you didn’t choose her again?” Steve asked angrily.

“She’s caught me turning to other women instead of her a few times...times when she’s needed to lose herself in someone just as much as I did. The first time it happened, was the day we found Olivia. She came over to fuck...and I already had someone there. The look on her face...she was so cautious of me, so utterly heartbroken. She tried to hide it, but she was crying.” Javi swallowed, the memory twisting his gut.

“Goddamnit, Peña!” Murphy shouted. The officers in the front seat glanced back at them.

“Lo siento,” (Sorry.) Steve said with a reassuring smile. They turned back around and Steve shot Javi a glare. “I can’t believe you! Ari is fucking amazing, and you’re treating her like an expendable piece of shit. Jesus Christ, man…I don’t fucking get it.”

“I know!” Javi growled. “I’ve been such a fucking asshole to her, Steve, and she doesn’t deserve it. It kills me to see how much I hurt her, but I don’t know how to be anything but this. I have no idea how to be a man worthy of her. Fuck, she’s way too good for me. I don’t know why she puts up with me.”

“Because she loves you,” Steve said simply. Javi looked at him sharply. “She does, Javi. You can fight it all you want, but that woman loves you.”

“I know,” Javi whispered hoarsely. “She told me the day before Escobar ordered the hit on the CNP.”

“She told you she loves you?” Steve asked in shock. Javi nodded. “Shit.”

“Yeah,” Javi murmured. “Shit.” He sighed heavily.

“What’d you say?” Steve asked.

“Nothing,” Javi answered.

“Nothing?” Steve groaned. “Really, Javi? Nothing?”

“I didn’t know what to say,” he said defensively. “Besides she told me she didn’t expect me to say it back.”

“But you do,” Steve said quietly. “You love her.” Javi just swallowed audibly and refused to answer. “Run from it all you like, Javi, but it won’t change the fact that you’re head over heels for that woman. Just get your head out of your ass and tell her before it’s too late and she gets tired of waiting for you.” Javi just nodded. Steve saw the agony on his friend’s face, so he gripped his shoulder, giving it a squeeze, and dropped the subject.

“Princesa,” Carrillo said quietly. Ari looked up to meet his eyes. “There are a couple things I need to discuss with you.” He was using English, knowing the other men in the truck—other than Trujillo—did not speak it. “Are we ok?” She frowned, confused. “After last night…I saw the look on your face…”

“Oh,” she whispered. She chewed her lip. “Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about last night, Horacio. I saw a side of you I never could have fathomed existed. I understand you needed to make a point…but he was just a kid.”

“He was old enough to know better, princesa,” Carrillo argued.

“I know,” she agreed, “but something like that—it stays with you, Horacio. It changes you. Send you down a path you cannot return from. I don’t want that for you. Hell, he was only a bit younger than your own son.” She looked into his eyes. “I know you feel guilty. I could see it as soon as the boys left and that mask came down for just a few seconds.” Carrillo stayed silent. “That’s a good sign though. If you feel remorse, you’re not too far gone. There’s still hope.”

“You think so?” He asked softly. “You don’t think I’m too much of a monster?”

“No,” she assured him. “You’re not a monster. Just don’t lose sight of who you are and what you stand for in your pursuit of the real monster.” Carrillo nodded once.

“There’s something else we need to discuss,” he said after a moment. “What is going on with you and Peña?” Ari sucked in her breath, not expecting that question at all.

“What do you mean?” She asked, trying to figure out how much he already knew.

“I mean are you together or are you just fucking?” He asked boldly.

“Shit,” Ari swore angrily. Trujillo’s eyebrow’s shot up. “We’re not—”

“—Don’t try to talk your way out of it,” Carrillo interrupted her. “I see the way you two look at each other, and Peña is ready to kill any man that comes near you. Plus, I know what I saw in that tent in Tolu.” He watched her reaction closely. “I have never brought it up because it doesn’t seem to effect your work.”

“Fuck,” Ari cursed, she paused, trying to figure out what she was going to say. “I-It’s just physical. A way to blow off steam.” Carrillo stared her down.

“I don’t like when you lie to me, Ariana,” Carrillo warned.

“I’m not lying to you, Horacio,” she insisted. “We are not in a relationship. He has made that abundantly clear. Shit, he hasn’t touched me in weeks. He’s been fucking some other woman since we got here.”

“But you care for him...” Carrillo prodded. She blew out an aggravated breath.

“Yeah. Yeah, I care for that asshole,” she whispered, then a little louder, “But he doesn’t feel the same way, so I just...well, it is what it is.” She winced, knowing how pathetic that sounded. Carrillo considered her words.

“You deserve better than this,” he said finally.

“Probably,” she said with a sad smile.

“Are you ok to work with him?” He asked gently. “I can alternate taking you both on raids. Or just bench his sorry ass for treating you this way.” Ari chuckled. Trujillo stifled a laugh. Everyone knew how much the boss cared about everyone’s favorite DEA agent. Hell most of the CNP was infatuated with her at this point.

“No, it’s fine, Horacio,” she assured him. “We work well together. I can keep this professional. Been doing it for a couple years now.” Carrillo’s eyes widened when he realized just how long this had been going on. “This is the arrangement we initially agreed upon—one that I wholeheartedly accepted. My feelings changed. Not his fault. Thanks for the concern though...it’s nice to know someone gives a shit about me.”

“Of course, princesa,” he said in a low voice. “I care very much for you. You are one of the most amazing women I have ever known.” He paused a moment, carefully considering his next words. “You know there are men who would not treat you this way. Men who will treat you how you deserve. Do you remember the night my men were fawning all over you?” Ari nodded. “I told Peña he shouldn’t deny his feelings for you. I warned him you wouldn’t stay single long...that you enchant every man you meet.”

“I do not,” Ari scoffed.

“Yes, you do, princesa,” Carrillo said sternly. “You do not see it, but you do. I also told Peña that if I wasn't a happily married man, I would be first in line to ask you out.” Ari looked shocked at his words.

“What are you saying, Horacio?” She asked cautiously. He mulled over her question for a moment.

“I’m not sure, Ari,” he answered honestly. “I don’t know where I stand with my wife at the moment...I love her, but…if I were to find myself single once again...well, I wonder if I would take the opportunity to show you how you should be treated by a man, princesa.”

“I—I...” she stumbled over her words.

“Shh,” he soothed her quietly. “Don’t worry yourself over this. You mean a lot to me, Ariana. My feelings for you are not…romantic at the moment, but I know that could change easily. But I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable or jeopardize the friendship we have. I think you just might be my best friend, princesa.” Ari smiled at the colonel.

“You’re my best friend too, Horacio,” she said gently. “And I love you. Very much.” She paused, wondering if she had the guts to say the next words out loud. “Javier has my heart. I’ve been in love with him for a long time...I don’t know if that will ever change.” Carrillo looked at her, something she couldn’t understand in his eyes.

“Then I hope he can be what you deserve, Ari,” he said after a moment. Ari smiled sadly. “I love you too, you know,” he said quietly. She reached out and squeezed his hand.

“I’m glad I have you in my life, Horacio,” she whispered.

“The feeling is mutual,” he murmured as he brought her hand up to kiss her knuckles. He rubbed his thumb over her the spot he kissed for a moment. “I think a little competition will help.”

“Competition?” Ari asked confused.

“For your heart,” he clarified. “If Peña believes I am interested—and available to you—he may get his head out of his ass.”

“I’m not looking to play games, Horacio,” Ari warned him.

“You don’t have to do anything,” he assured her. “Just enjoy the attention you will get from us both.”

“Horacio—” she began.

“—Nope, it’s been decided,” he cut in. “I will romance you to make Peña see the light and finally commit to you.”

“Oh my god,” Ari groaned.

“And if it doesn’t work, and you fall madly in love with me, then so be it,” he teased.

“You are incorrigible, Colonel,” Ari sighed and shook her head.

“Just enjoy it, princesa,” he replied. “Who knows, maybe once you see how you deserve to be treated you will be the one to end things with Peña.” Ari didn’t think this insane plan would work…but maybe it would help her to finally see her own worth.

“If Peña asks, I want you to tell him I’m pursuing you,” he added.

“Horacio, no,” Ari shook her head adamantly.

“Yes,” he said firmly. “Just trust me…it’s best this way.” Ari shook her head again and looked out the window. The man was insane.

They arrived at the rendezvous point just south of the lab. They geared up and carefully made their way in, through the jungle. Javi, Steve, and Ari split up, each going in with a couple of Carrillo’s guys. It was relatively easy, since most of the men there weren’t armed. The ones that were armed were not afraid to shoot. They took out several of the sicarios, Carrillo’s men sweeping in behind them to round up those that were unarmed. Ari saw Steve and Carrillo meet up to go after Gato.

Ari heard the all clear given. She lowered her weapon and moved into the next room. She approached a table full of cocaine and money. A loud sound drew her attention to the back of the room and had her raising her weapon on instinct. A man popped out from a large cabinet in the back and started shooting. Ari felt a sharp pain in her shoulder, but she ignored it, her focus on the threat. She fired three rounds into the hidden sicario, two in the chest, one in the head.

“What the fuck?” Steve, Carrillo, Trujillo, and Javier came bursting into the room. “We got the all clear...what’s going on?”

“Looks like one of the fuckers was hiding...must have missed him in the sweep,” Ari said, gesturing to the dead man. Carrillo shouted at his men, furious at the oversight. They glanced over at the sicario, noticing the deadly precision of the bullet wounds.

“Nice shot, princesa,” Carrillo complimented her.

“You’re bleeding, Ari,” Steve said suddenly.

“Huh?” She asked, still not feeling the wound, adrenaline buzzing through her. She looked down to see blood on her shoulder and running down her arm. “Shit.” Javier and Carrillo rushed to her side. Trujillo and Steve smirked at each other, seeing the two hardened men fussing over her. She looked back over her shoulder at the wound.

“It went straight through,” she assured them. “I’m fine, guys.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Javier told her, his voice hard. He had felt pure terror when he saw she was bleeding. “Let’s get you outside so we can take a look.” She rolled her eyes. They went out and a medic took a quick look. Ari was right, it was a through and through, nothing serious and easily patched up.

“You’re awfully calm for someone who just got shot,” Carrillo said. She laughed.

“It’s not the first time I’ve been shot,” she told them. Steve shook his head at her.

“You’re unbelievable, Ari,” he said laughing.

“What?” she scoffed. “I’m still buzzing on adrenaline, so it doesn’t even hurt that much yet. Now this one,” she lifted the hem of her shirt to show a scar on her stomach near her hip, “this one hurt like a fucking bitch. They had to dig it out, hit a few nerves...man that day sucked.”

“Princesa,” Carrillo said, “You are something else.” She saw his eyes linger a little longer than necessary on her toned stomach. She lowered her shirt and suppressed an eye roll. He was already starting in on his bullshit…and from the clench of Javi’s jaw, it was working.

“She’s got quite a few battle scars hidden under those clothes,” Javier said, without thinking. Ari’s eyes went wide.

“Javier,” she hissed quietly. She looked at Steve and Carrillo.

“Relax,” Javi said. “Apparently these two already know we’ve been fucking.”

“What?” She said, taking a step back. Steve knew too? Shit, did everyone know? Fuck, did the guys talk about her around CNP headquarters? Was she getting the reputation she had tried so hard to never have?

“It’s alright, Ari,” Steve tried to calm her. They could see the panic in her eyes. “No one else knows...well, Connie knows. But to be fair, that’s mostly on you guys because you’re too damn loud when you’re fuckin’.” Ari turned bright red and looked away. Javier couldn’t help but smirk.

“What can I say?” Javier taunted, eyeing Carrillo. “I love the sounds she makes.” Carrillo clenched his jaw.

“Javi, shut the fuck up,” Ari gritted out between her teeth.

“I’m sorry, querida,” he said with a roguish grin. “It’s the truth though.”

“Isn’t it also true that you’ve been fucking someone else the last couple weeks?” Carrillo bit back. Javier paled, eyes darting to Ari’s face. Pain flashed across her features before she quickly put up the wall she hid her feelings behind.

“Nothing new there,” Ari told them, trying to sound uncaring and casual. “Javi’s free to fuck whoever he wants. And so am I.” Javier clenched his jaw in anger. Carrillo stepped forward and cupped her jaw.

“Good,” he whispered in a low, seductive voice. He ran his thumb over her bottom lip. Her eyes widened in shock. Just then one of Carrillo’s guys called to him and he left the three DEA agents alone, muttering something about stubborn idiots in Spanish under his breath. Ari felt unsteady after that encounter. She would never get used to her best friend acting in a romantic way with her.

“What the fuck was that?” Javi asked angrily.

“No idea,” Ari said evasively. They stood awkwardly for a few moments, trying to move past the conversation. They surveyed the scene. They had captured forty-five guys in the raid. Despite the tension between the four of them, it was a good fucking day.

“Your CI hooked us a pretty big fish,” Steve said, breaking the tension.

“Yeah,” Javier agreed, “he’s a winner.” Ari’s head snapped up when Javi said ‘he’. So it wasn’t the girl he’s been seeing...which meant she wasn’t his informant...He didn’t fuck her to get information. He slept with her because he wanted to. Ari felt a pain that had nothing to do with her shoulder course through her body followed immediately by disgust. With herself. She needed to put an end to this toxic arrangement.

“Wonder if he’ll give us Escobar,” Steve pondered.

“I don’t know,” Javi said, “we’ll see what Carrillo gets out of him.”

“Yeah, we’ll see,” Steve agreed. Javier chewed on his bottom lip, looking at Steve.

“Carrillo told me that he talked to you,” Javier said to Steve. “He thinks he can trust you.” Ari shot his a questioning look.

“Steve let Carrillo know he wasn’t happy to be left out last night,” Javi explained.

“Ah,” Ari said. She turned to Steve. “Trust me…you did not want to experience last night.”

“Let’s go!” Carrillo called from the Jeep. Steve turned to Javi.

“I’m a big boy,” he said, “I can handle it.” Javi looked like he wanted to say more, but Steve walked away.

“Yeah,” Javi said softly. He turned to Ari. “You coming with us or are you riding with your boyfriend again?” Ari ground her teeth.

“I’ll stick with you two this time,” she said, trying to sound less annoyed than she was.

“What did he want?” Javi asked.

“Nothing,” Ari said.

“Hmm,” Javi hummed. “I’m sure.” Ari was pissed at his tone. She was tired of the insinuations and misplaced jealousy. Especially considering he was the one fucking another woman less than twenty-four hours ago.

“Yeah, he just really needed to fuck,” she said nonchalantly. “And since I did too—considering I was left high and dry last night—I rode him in the backseat on the way here. I think we may have scarred Trujillo for life, but it was worth it.” Javier glared at her. Ari could tell he knew she was lying, but it was still irritating him, so she was content with that.

“Does he fuck you as good as I do, querida?” He said seductively, moving closer. “Can he pull all those wonderful sounds out of you the way I can? Can he make that perfect, tight little pussy drench his cock? Does he make your thighs tremble and make you come so hard you blackout? Hmm?” Ari glared back at him, not having fun with this game anymore.

“Fuck you, Javi,” she said angrily. He chuckled. She pushed away from him and got into the backseat of the Jeep with Steve. Javi quickly jumped into the front seat. They sat in tense silence for part of the drive. Steve couldn’t take it after awhile.

“How’s the shoulder?” He asked Ari.

“Fine,” she said.

“You’re tough, kid,” Steve said fondly. She smiled at him. “So, why did Carrillo want you to ride with him?” Ari tensed at his question.

“He just wanted to talk,” she said.

“About?”

“Last night.”

“Anything else?” He pushed. She shrugged.

“Stuff,” Ari mumbled.

“Goddammit, Ari, is he trying to sleep with you?”

“What?” Ari said, shocked at Steve’s question.

“Well?” Steve pushed. “Is he trying to fuck you?”

“Jesus, Murphy,” Ari groaned. He looked at her expectantly. She noticed Javi had turned around to face them. She wanted to deny it immediately, then she remembered what Carrillo had told her. She didn’t want to lie to them or play games to get Javi. She wanted him to love her all on his own. Not because she manipulated it. She sighed and went with the easiest answer.

“I don’t know.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Javier asked angrily.

“It means I don’t know,” she told them. “His marriage may be over…and he said his feelings for me could easily become romantic.” Ok, good. Not a lie. He did say that to her. “He also wanted to know about my...personal life.”

“Ari...” Steve warned, wanting more information. She sighed.

“He asked if Javi and I were in a relationship or if we’re just fucking,” she told him.

“What did you tell him?” Steve asked, eyeing Javi.

“I told him we’re just fucking,” she said simply. “We’re not in a relationship.” Javier winced. “He mentioned something about the night awhile back when all his guys were buying me drinks.” Javi paled. “He wanted to know if I was still ok to work with Javi. I told him we’ve been making whatever this is work for a couple years, so he doesn’t need to worry about it.”

“And his…feelings for you?” Steve prodded. Ari sighed.

“He told me I deserve better, and that if his marriage is indeed over...he might want to show me how I deserve to be treated my a man.” Javi clenched his jaw.

“Ari,” Steve said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea...”

“I didn’t say I would start up anything with him,” she told them, looking out the window. “I’m just telling you what he told me.”

“So, you won’t start seeing him?” Steve asked. Ari shrugged.

“He’s my best friend,” Ari said quietly. “I love him, but it’s different…I don’t know.” She sighed. “I really don’t need anymore headaches with this fucking job.” Javier’s face reflected the guilt he felt at how much pain he had caused her with their arrangement. The rest of the trip was spent in silence, though it was less tense than before.

They got back to CNP headquarters and piled out of the Jeeps. Carrillo walked over to them.

“You get anything out of them?” Javi asked Carrillo, tamping down the anger he felt at seeing the man who wanted to pursue his girl.

“Something,” Carrillo said. “Not everything. You coming?” He asked without looking at any of them, letting them know all would be welcome. He looked back to see their responses. Javi shook his head no.

“I’m in, yeah,” Steve said.

“Princesa?” Ari looked at Carrillo and then the helicopter. She remembered a story he had told her at one of their nights at the bar. She knew exactly what was going to go down in that helicopter. Or more accurately who was going to go down in that helicopter.

“No,” she said quietly. “I don’t have that in me today.” He nodded, understanding.

“If we get back early enough, let’s have a drink tonight,” Carrillo told her. She nodded and Javi clenched his fists.

“Let’s go,” Steve said. The two men walked off and got in the helicopter, taking off into the sky.

“He has no fucking clue what he just got himself into,” Ari said, looking up at their partner flying away.

“Yeah,” Javi agreed. “But he said he can handle it.”

“He has to see this shit to understand why we tell him to stay out of it,” Ari said. “He just doesn’t get how intense Carrillo can be.”

“But you do,” he sneered.

“What the fuck?” Ari said angrily.

“I thought you wanted to be taken seriously with this job, Ari,” he spat. “Instead you’re just gonna fuck half the guys you work with?”

“Wow,” Ari shook her head in disbelief. “Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?” She turned to leave, paused, and turned back. “You know what, no. You don’t get to call me a whore, you son of a bitch. You fuck any woman you want, whenever you want. How dare you slut shame me for even the possibility of considering another man.”

“It’s different,” he protested.

“Why?” She scoffed. “Because I don’t have a dick?”

“No, because you don’t just fuck around,” he said angrily. “The other women I fuck mean nothing. I have no relationship with them. I fuck, I leave. End of story.” He took a deep breath. “You said you love me.” Her stomach plummeted at him finally acknowledging her love. “I know you love Carrillo—maybe not the same way, but you do. If you fuck him…it will mean something. It won’t be meaningless. I have meaningless sex. You make love. It’s fucking different.” Ari gazed at into the warm, gorgeous eyes of the man that held her heart. She couldn’t keep doing this. It was time. Javi had to make a choice.

“You don’t want to make love, Javier,” she whispered sadly. “You want meaningless sex. You want uncomplicated. You want everything I’m not. You’ve proven that time and time again. You need to make a decision. If you want me, I need more. I can’t keep watching you fall into the arms of another woman. But, if you’re done with me—if you can’t give up other women and commit to me—then I need you to let me go, Javi. Because I don’t think I’m strong enough to walk away from you.” She swallowed audibly and wiped the tears that had pooled in her eyes. “Take some time to think about what you want and let me know. But I can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing. It’s all or nothing now, Javi.” She walked back into the building and left Javi standing in shock.

A while later Javi sat at his desk typing up reports. Ari was sitting at her desk, sorting through more paperwork, wincing every now and then when she moved her shoulder wrong. Steve walked in dejectedly. He put his gun in his desk and sat down heavily. Ari stood up, walked around to Steve, poured him a glass of whiskey and handed it to him. He took it and looked up at her, nodding his thanks. She leaned back against his desk, and folded her arms across her chest. She stared at him for a moment.

“Did he toss both of them out or just one?” she asked quietly. Steve and Javi’s heads shot up.

“How did you—” Steve started.

“—I know his methods,” Ari interjected. “Drink up. You’re going to need it tonight.” She moved back to her seat and continued her work. Carrillo strode in and grabbed a chair. He pulled it up next to Ari’s desk and fell heavily into it.

“Got any more of that for me?” He gestured to the whiskey. Ari grabbed another glass out of her desk and poured him three fingers. He drank half of it in one go.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “I swear, most days, this job really fucking sucks.” Ari laughed quietly. She held up her glass.

“Cheers,” she toasted as he clinked his glass to hers. They both finished their drinks and poured another.

“You could try not being a savage when you’re on the clock,” Ari suggested.

“I’m extremely civilized,” Carrillo argued.

“Sure,” Ari rolled her eyes.

“Last time I checked civilized people don’t toss men out of helicopters,” Steve murmured.

“True,” Carrillo agreed, “but it’s effective. And don’t forget, Murphy, you signed up for this. All in, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve grumbled.

“Princesa,” Carrillo turned to her. “How’s the shoulder?”

“Eh, been better,” she replied.

“You scared me today,” he said softly. “When I saw that blood…my heart stopped.”

“I’m fine, Horacio,” she assured him.

“I know,” he said. “Still scared the shit out of me.”

Over an hour later they had finished up most of their work and were ready to call it a night. Javi stubbed out his cigarette. He was pissed. He had spent the last hour watching Carrillo drink and flirt with Ari. If it hadn’t been clear before, it was now. He was definitely interested. He kept brushing her hair off her shoulder, touching her hand, grasping her thigh when they laughed at something. Just a couple hours ago she had stood outside this building and told him to make a decision. To commit to her.

His anger swelled. How dare she give him an ultimatum? Who the hell did she think she was? Just as quickly as it came, the anger dissipated and he deflated. She was the woman who loved him. That’s who she was. The only person who saw all the parts of him—good and bad—and still loved him. He wanted to be the man for her, but he knew he would only end up destroying her. He wasn’t built for love. Only devastation.

His head was pounding. He couldn’t process everything that had happened over the course of the last day: Carrillo staking his claim, their relationship being outed, finally admitting his love for Ari, Ari getting shot, the ultimatum...it was just too much. He needed to shut it all down, just for a few hours. He decided he would go see Gabby as soon as he got the reports done for today’s raid. He couldn’t be with Ari tonight. He needed more time to figure his shit out. Fucking another woman was probably the worst way to do that, but he didn’t know any better way to handle his stress. He stood up and put his jacket on.

“Going out?” She asked him. He looked at her, shame in his eyes.

“Uh, yeah,” he said quietly.

“So, you’ve made a decision?” She said, trying to sound casual. Javi shook his head.

“I need some time,” he said pathetically. Ari shook her head in disgust.

“Well, have fun,” she said looking away. Her hand reached out to the bottle of whiskey. She gripped it tight, stood up, and started to walk out.

“Ari,” Steve warned, “you shouldn’t drink anymore with that bullet wound.”

“Like I give a fuck,” she said tossed over her shoulder and made her way back to their room. Javi watched her walk away, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

“Way to go, Javi,” Steve slurred slightly. He had downed quite a bit in the last hour. “Take your fucking jacket off and go to Ari.” Javi shook his head no.

“I—I can’t,” he said sadly.

“You’re gonna lose her, man,” Steve warned.

“I know,” Javi whispered and left headquarters.

Hours later while Steve sat drinking at his desk after talking to Connie in Miami and Ari sat drinking in their room alone, Javi was pounding relentlessly into Gabby trying desperately to drown out the thoughts in his head. He thrust harder, his hips snapping into her ass violently, hoping he could lose himself, but he just kept seeing Ari: the blood on her shoulder after the raid, the hurt in her eyes she had tried to hide when she knew he was going to see Gabby again, how peaceful she had looked last night when he whispered those three forbidden words. He thought about how good she felt when he was inside her. How hard her pussy clenched around his dick. How she moaned his name and whimpered, begging him to fill her up. How beautiful she looked when she said she loved him.

He felt his balls pulling up, and knew he was close. He grabbed Gabby and pulled her up flush against his chest, gripping her tight and burying his face in her neck as he came, filling the condom. He shuddered and thrust through his orgasm, panting. His mind was still filled with Ari. He didn’t even realize when he opened his mouth and whispered against Gabby’s neck, “Ari.” Gabby tensed hearing him call out another woman’s name. It was nothing new in her line of work, but Javier was not the type of man to pine over a woman.

Javi was coming down from his high. He breathed in deep and caught the scent of the woman he was holding—vanilla. It was all wrong...Ari smelled like lilacs...he snapped out of his haze and realized he wasn’t clutching Ari to his chest. He was holding Gabby. He had just fucked Gabby. He shook his head slightly, trying to focus. He had been so caught up in his thoughts about Ari, he had mixed reality and fantasy. He slowly pulled out, holding the condom at the base of his dick. He tied it off, tossed it in the trash, and grabbed his clothes. He dressed quickly.

“Thanks,” he said, distractedly, and bolted out the door. That was the first time in months he’d felt anything while fucking a prostitute, and it was because all he could think about was Ari. These women did nothing for him anymore. Ari was all that mattered…and he had made the wrong decision yet again.

He felt so fucking guilty. He had betrayed Ari. He hadn’t made a commitment to her yet—but it was still a betrayal in his eyes. He fucking loved her. He needed her. He had to figure out how to make this work. He didn’t know if he was capable of being in a committed monogamous relationship…but fuck, he wanted to try. He would beg her forgiveness, and then beg her to be his.

He made his way back to headquarters and quietly entered their shared room. Steve was out cold on his bed, snoring lightly. Ari’s bed was empty, and for a moment Javier panicked. Was she with someone? Fuck, was he too late? Panic flooded his body. Then he noticed her head peaking over the back of the armchair. He quietly walked over and saw her slumped down, fast asleep in the chair, the bottle of whiskey tucked in next to her. He picked it up carefully, happy to see it wasn’t nearly as empty as the one last night. He set it on the desk and carefully scooped Ari out of the chair and into his arms. She snuggled into his chest and sighed. He laid her down gently on her bed, removed her shoes, and tucked her in. He noticed blood seeping through her shirt. He carefully pulled it aside to find the bandage soaked through.

“Shit,” he cursed quietly. She must have opened the bullet wound up from her awkward position in the chair. The alcohol definitely did not help the situation. He stood up and rummaged through the mediocre first aid kit they had in their room. He grabbed some new bandages and sat back down on the bed next to her. He redressed both wounds quickly, trying not to hurt or wake the goddess in his arms. Once she was patched up, he sat back a bit.

He brushed her hair off her face and just looked at her. She looked peaceful and so beautiful. He wanted to let her sleep. He could confess his sins and his feelings tomorrow. His thumb stroked along her cheekbone. He decided to stay there a few moments more, feeling the softness of her skin and listening to her quiet even breathing. He wanted nothing more than to stretch out beside her and fall asleep with her in his arms.

“I’m going to make this work,” he whispered to her sleeping form. “I’ll be a better man for you.” He leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead before getting up, tossing the bloody bandages in the trash, and getting into his own bed. He lay on his side, facing her. He felt like he could stare at her forever. Eventually the sounds of Steve’s soft snores lulled Javier to sleep.

Chapter 19

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aewriting · 4 years

Link

So, I was innocently doing some Duolingo this morning when I started getting flooded with past-tense declarations of love. Which made me think of Malex, naturally. And this quick, cracky, fluffy little fic was born.

Words: 2187

Relationships: Brief Forlex, Endgame Malex

Warning for brief mention of homophobia, Duolingo frustration

***

“What the actual hell?”

“Alex?”

Alex looks up from his phone. Forrest is standing at his kitchen counter, frowning slightly at him. “Everything okay?”

Alex rubs tiredly at his face, puts his phone to the side. “Yeah, fine. It’s just… have you ever used Duolingo?”

Forrest snorts a little. “I mean, yeah, a little bit. Why?”

Alex shakes his head slightly, looks away. “It’s, it’s nothing. Stupid.” He pauses. “I’ve been brushing up on my Spanish. It used to be a lot better, but with being away all these years, not using it…” He shrugs. “Figured I’d download Duolingo, start working through it, you know?”

Forrest’s brow is furrowed. “Don’t you have a bunch of friends that speak Spanish, though? Liz, her cousin?” He smiles a little, then. “Kyle? The doctor?” He raises an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t mind watching you and Dr. Kyle speaking Spanish to each other, you know?”

Alex fixes him with a look. “Yeah, they all speak it, it’s just… I dunno, I want to have at least the basics down before I go to them for help. I feel like once I have a good base again, I’ll ask one of them to do some practice with me.” He shakes his head. “I don’t even know what I want to get out of this, just figured it’s better than, like, mindless scrolling, you know?”

Forrest cocks his head to the side. “Sure.” He’s opening the fridge. “Want anything in your coffee?”

Alex’s mouth twitches a little. This is… far from his first morning after, with Forrest. He’s taken his coffee black. Every time. And yet, every time, Forrest offers him sugar, cream. He can’t decide if he’s just trying to be a good host or if he really doesn’t remember. “I’m good, thanks,” he says politely.

“Okay,” Forrest says with a smile and a wink. He’s in a t-shirt and boxers, barefoot, as he brings the two steaming mugs over to the couch where Alex is sitting. Places Alex’s on the coffee table and sits down next to Alex. Close enough to touch.

“So what did Duo do to piss you off?” he asks, smirking.

Alex laughs a little, rolls his eyes.

“Come on, that’s not the face of a man who’s happy with an owl.”

Alex grabs for his mug, takes a sip. It’s good. They’re good, right? Like, Forrest is nice. And trying. “It’s just, I’m learning tenses now. And I can’t figure out why in the world they choose the verbs they do. Like at a beginning level, you know?”

Forrest is looking amused. “Can you give an example?”

Alex sighs. “Like… love. I swear I have had about five questions all in a row about love. Amor. Did… did you love me? Me amaste? Then, Sí, te amé. Um, mucho.” Alex swallows, suddenly a little uncomfortable. “Like, it’s just, just kind of bullshitty, you know? Like, who needs to say that right away, in Spanish?” He glances around him, holds up his mug. “Like, be useful! Teach me how to say ‘I finished my coffee,’ you know?”

Forrest is looking at him a little oddly, then looks away. Blows on his coffee to cool it. “I have to imagine that a decent percentage of people use an app like that to… I dunno, impress someone? Someone they like?”

Alex looks at him quizzically. “You think?” He shakes his head. “I dunno, I would think it would be more for work. Travel. Even just, like, keeping your brain sharp, you know?”

Forrest eyes him. “I learned German for a guy.”

Alex scoffs. “Of course you did.”

“I mean, it was for a guy and my research,” Forrest says playfully, nudging at Alex with his shoulder.

“Multitasking,” Alex says wryly.

“You know it,” Forrest says with a small smile, which disappears quickly. “You… you ever actually said it to someone?”

Alex looks at him, confused.

“In, in English, I mean,” Forrest clarifies, but Alex is still looking at him blankly. “Ever said I love you?” Forrest swallows, a little nervous. “I mean, this is not a pressure thing – these are early days, I know that. But… but I know you were pretty closed off, when we met. Just made me wonder if you ever had something serious? With someone?”

Alex’s jaw is tight as he responds. “I’ve never said I love you.”

***

“Oh, fuck you, Duo,” Alex mutters, clicking off the phone and putting it face down on the table.

“Who’s Duo?” Rosa asks, suddenly right in front of Alex’s booth. “And what did he do to you?”

Alex laughs at that. “It’s an app. Teaches you different languages. Makes it like a little game.”

Rosa quirks an eyebrow. “And what language are you learning, Alejandro?”

Alex chuckles. “Spanish.”

“Ahhh,” Rosa says, sliding next to him in the booth. “Por qué? Un hombre?” she asks suggestively.

“No!” Alex exclaims. “Why does everyone think that? No, I just wanted to try to get back some of the Spanish I lost over the years. I mean, I’m living in New Mexico now, and I’m embarrassed by how much I’ve forgotten.” Rosa’s just looking at him, eating one of his French fries. “Seriously, why does everyone think I’m doing this for a guy?”

“Um, because you and Forrest broke up, and now you’re back on the market?”

Alex’s mouth drops open. “How did you know that?”

“Small town,” Rosa says, popping another fry in her mouth. “I hear things.”

Alex shakes his head a little. “Well,” he says, eager to change the topic. “I think even Duo thinks I’m doing this for… certain reasons.”

Rosa’s face twists a little. “Okay, who the hell is Duo?”

Alex picks up the phone, unlocks it. Frowns as he looks at the screen.

“’The man has curly hair,’” Rosa reads, grabbing the phone from Alex. “Okay…” she says, giving Alex a sidelong glance.

Alex snatches the phone back from her. “Here,” he says shortly. “You just need to do a few, get them right, then…” He quickly presses some buttons, holds up the phone. “Here. This is Duo. He’s this little green owl, and he’s supposed to, like, encourage you, but sometimes if you go a few days without practicing he just ends up, like, harassing you.”

“Great work! Let’s make this a bit harder!’” Rosa reads with fake enthusiasm as she looks at the screen. “Harder, eh? That how you like it, Alejandro?”

“Rosa,” Alex warns, half-heartedly.

She grabs the phone again. “I wanna do one.”

“You speak Spanish already.”

“Oooh, matching!” she exclaims. “Montar… well that’s easy. To ride.” She sets the phone to the side, fixes Alex with a suggestive look. “Alejandro, seriously, what have you told Duo here?”

“Shut up.”

***

“What the hell?” Alex mutters, rereading the sentence. The screen is a little hard to see in the bright sun.

“Something wrong?” Michael asks, closer than Alex realized. “Besides your brake pads, that is.”

Alex sighs, pockets the phone. “Yeah, about those.”

“It’ll be about an hour still. Want to wait for it?”

Alex glances around the junkyard. No one’s here, the weather’s pleasant. “I’ll wait.”

“Okay,” Michael says, turning and making his way toward Alex’s car. A part of Alex hopes he’ll turn back around and… what? Visit? Shoot the shit? With a sigh, Alex takes the phone out again. “I’ve never had a cat that speaks,” he mutters. “Yo… nunca…he… tenido…”

“You should’ve brought this in earlier.”

Alex clicks off the phone again, rolls his eyes a bit. “Yes. Thank you, Michael.”

Michael raises his hands in faux surrender. “Hey, I’m just saying.” He sighs a little. “Glad you brought it in.” He looks like he’s about to turn around again, but instead he squints at Alex. At the phone. “Who you texting?”

Alex narrows his eyes, looks at Michael. Michael, who seems awkward, suddenly. Alex watches as he runs his hand through his curls, shrugs a little. “Nevermind, none of my – “

“It’s Duolingo,” Alex says.

Michael sticks out his lip a little, and Alex has to look away quickly. “That the app that teaches you different languages?”

“Yeah,” Alex says. “I’ve been trying to improve my Spanish.”

“Ahh,” Michael says, like he knows something Alex doesn’t. “Certainly can’t hurt. ‘Round these parts.”

“What?”

Michael shrugs. “You know. Lots of people here speak it. And you’re here for a while, right? Till you get out?” he says, slight edge of bitterness to his voice, the way there always is whenever Alex’s military service gets mentioned.

“This whole thing just started out of embarrassment, actually,” Alex says, and Michael looks at him, confused. “I knew way more Spanish back in school than I know now. Like, I remember the good stuff – curse words, things like that,” he says with a smile. “But it’s like my brain completely blocked out all the grammar rules.” He shrugs. “But sometimes they put together the most bizarre questions. Like this one,” he says, clicking on the phone and bringing up the half-finished item. “I’ve never had a cat that speaks.”

Michael barks out a laugh. “Who the fuck has?” he asks. Then grins. “Yo nunca he tenido un gato que habla.”

“What?” Alex laughs. “I didn’t know you knew Spanish!”

Michael shrugs. “I’m not, like, fluent, in it.”

“You were able to just translate some nonsense sentence off the top of your head,” Alex says skeptically.

“Okay,” Michael says. “I have a good memory, you know that. Picked up a lot when I was working at Foster Ranch, right out of high school. I definitely know how to tell you to fix a fence, ride a horse, that kind of thing.”

“Montar,” Alex murmurs, remembering his chat with Rosa.

Michael looks at him a little strangely. “Yeah.” He looks for a moment like he might say more, but doesn’t. Exhales loudly and gestures to the car. “Well, I better get back to it,” he says.

“Yeah, of course, don’t want to delay you or anything.”

“Yeah,” Michael says. Grins. “Just give a shout if you get stumped.”

***

(One month later. The Wild Pony.)

“Dúo surfea muy bien.”

“Duo surfs very well,” Michael translates. “Because of fucking course he does.”

“You seriously know a lot of Spanish. You’re not even looking at the screen.” Alex hits continue. Freezes. “I’ll just do this one,” he says hastily, pushing buttons.

“Too tough?”

Alex looks at the screen. Te quiero. “Yeah,” he says with a thin smile. “Too tough.”

***

(Two months later. Crashdown.)

“Podemos usar Internet en cualquier lugar.”

Michael’s eyes narrow. “We can use the Internet anywhere,” he translates. “Easy. Hit me again.”

“Okay,” Alex says, bringing up the next screen and reading the Spanish quickly. “Siempre te he amado.”

He looks at Michael questioningly… Michael, who looks stricken.

“Michael?” Alex asks, frowning.

Michael chuckles a little. “Um, I‘ve always loved you. That’s what it says, siempre te he amado.”

Alex looks down at the little word options at the bottom of the screen. Fuck. That’s definitely the answer, but he doesn’t punch it in. Not yet. Keeps looking at Michael. They… they’ve been dancing around each other, around this, for months. Years, really, if he’s being honest.

“Siempre te he amado,” he repeats quietly. Swallows. “It’s the truth,” he says finally.

“Es la verdad,” Michael mumbles, still looking away. “Next?”

Alex puts the phone down. “No, Michael. No. I mean… I mean, yes, I guess it is la verdad, like that’s the Spanish for it, but… but I was trying to, to say…”

Michael has gone very still now, is just looking at Alex. “What, Alex?” he breathes. “What were you trying to say?”

“I’ve always loved you, Michael. That… that’s the truth.”

“You, you being serious right now, Alex?”

Alex nods his head quickly. “Yes, Michael. This isn’t… isn’t Duolingo Spanish, right now. This is me. And you. God,” he says, feeling the flush creep across his face. “We have enough trouble just being straight with each other in English.”

A slow grin starts spreading across Michael’s face. “If you really think about it, we’ve never been straight with each other.”

And Alex can’t help his own smile, either. “Definitely not.”

“Not at all,” Michael says, sobering a bit.

“We’ve worked so hard,” Alex says softly. “At, at building something between us. Something new. Like, a real friendship.”

“That’s what you said you wanted,” Michael says, a little edge to his voice.

“That and more, Michael,” Alex says. “I want more. If, if you do, too.”

“I do,” Michael says, biting his lip. He looks down at their shared booth, looks back up. “I’ve always loved you, too, Alex. Still do.”

The phone emits a little ding, and Alex looks down.

It’s Duo. Waving.

“Perfect timing,” Michael says wryly. “What does that little fucker want?”

“Wants to tell us ‘Great work!’,” Alex reads. “’Let’s make this a bit harder!’” He laughs a little, at that, looks at Michael, and shrugs. “Ready if you are?” he says, a question in his voice.

Michael smiles at him, big and genuine. “Well if Duo says so, let’s give it a go.”

#my fic #duolingo made me do it #malex #forlex #rosa ortecho #roswell nm

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lakesandquarries · 4 years

Text

Jump the Fence Part One: Something Out Of Nothing

chapter one: started with a big bang

summary: Post Black Mesa, things get weird. Well, weirder. The Science Team is back, but it's not just them, and Gordon has to learn how to readjust.

notes: series title from “jump the fence” by mother mother, chapter and fic title from “infinitesimal” by mother mother. this is part one of a four part fic and should be about 3 chapters. maybe.

AO3 Link

Gordon wakes up on his couch, face pressed against the cushions. He’s sore in places he didn’t know existed and exhausted in a way that goes past physical, but mainly he’s confused. For a moment he just lies there, staring at the dark brown fabric of his couch, appreciating the fact that he’s alive. It’s only when he tries to sit up that he realizes things are off.

His hand is missing, replaced by a prosthetic. An admittedly cool looking one, sleek and orange, but - that wasn’t supposed to be real. It was all just a game - or a dream? His VR stuff is nowhere to be seen, and he did essentially just wake up. So why the fuck is he missing a hand now?

A sharp buzz interrupts his thoughts. His phone is on the coffee table next to him, ringing loudly. Gordon lets out a goran, rolling over to grab at it as it screams at him. The caller ID just says “Unknown.” Never a good sign.

“Fuck it,” he says out loud, and answers the call. “Hello?”

“Hello, Gordon!” A familiar voice says, and for a second Gordon thinks he might cry.

“Dr. - Dr. Coomer? Is that you?”

“Indeed it is!” Coomer responds.

“Holy shit,” Gordon says. “Holy shit.”

“I completely agree,” Coomer says, and in the background Gordon can hear other muffled voices.

“Is - is that Bubby?”

“Yes! Tommy is here as well, along with Sunkist!”

“Can you put me on speaker?”

There’s silence, followed by a very muffled conversation where Gordon can just make out Tommy’s voice.

“Mr. Freeman?”

“Tommy!”

“I’m here too, you know,” Bubby cuts in, and there’s a bark in the background.

“It’s so good to hear you guys,” Gordon says, and he means it. He’s smiling so wide that his cheeks hurt.

“I’m very glad to hear you as well, Gordon. However there’s a few things I must ask you! First of all, where are you right now?” Dr. Coomer asks.

“Uh, my apartment. Why?”

“Do you have a car?” Bubby asks.

“Yeah.”

“We may need some assistance,” Dr. Coomer continues. “For you see, we are all still in Black Mesa!”

“What’s left of it, at least,” Bubby grumbles.

“What do you mean?” Gordon asks, running his hand through his hair. Oh, that feels weird with the prosthetic.

“It’s real fucked up,” Bubby says, which explains absolutely nothing.

“It looks like it got hit by the Tri-State Tornado of 1925,” Tommy says, which also explains nothing.

“The most "extreme" tornado in recorded history was the Tri-State Tornado , which spread through parts of Missouri , Illinois , and Indiana on March 18, 1925. It is considered an F5 on the Fujita Scale , even though -”

“Cool, got it, thank you Dr. Coomer.” God, he missed them. Granted, he’s only been apart from them for like ten minutes, but that was ten minutes where he thought he would never see them again. “Right, okay, do you guys need me to come get you?” Oh, fuck, are they gonna need somewhere to stay?” With the initial excitement of hearing his friends fading, Gordon is starting to realize the actual logistics of this. Three entire people have apparently sprung into existence in a place that doesn’t exist. Plus a dog. Where are they gonna stay?

“I don’t wanna be here a second longer than I have to,” Bubby says. “How the hell did you get to wake up somewhere new while we’re all stuck in this shit hole?”

You’re not real, Gordon thinks but doesn’t say. “I dunno, man.” He puts his own phone on speaker, opening the maps app. How the fuck is he gonna find a place that doesn’t exist?

Except when he opens the app it shows him places he has saved. Right under Home is Work, and work is apparently located at “Black Mesa Research Facility”.

“What the fuck,” he says.

“What?” Tommy asks. “Is something wrong, Mr. Freeman?”

“Everything’s fine,” Gordon says. He doesn’t wanna reveal anything to them, not yet at least. That's not a conversation to have over the phone. “I’ll be there in 20, okay? I’m gonna hang up while I drive but call if - if anything happens. I’ll be there soon.”

“We’ll see you then, Gordon,” Dr. Coomer says, and with an echoing bye from the three of them, he hangs up.

---

He spends the drive over having a mild panic attack. The route feels at once new and familiar, roads he recognizes moving in ways that feel just a little off. Even the music on the radio seems weird, though that might just be his imagination - he doesn’t actually listen to the radio that often.

Black Mesa isn’t a far drive. Gordon can imagine working there, picking an apartment based on location, commuting everyday. But Black Mesa isn’t real . Or, it wasn’t, until today. Because regardless of what he remembers, he pulls into the parking lot and the building is right there.

He understands what the Science Team was talking about, now. The glass windows are all shattered, the door completely smashed. He carefully picks his way inside, avoiding especially large shards, and the front desk has been crushed by a fallen chunk of ceiling.

He opens his phone and redials Dr. Coomer’s number, hoping for a quick response. He picks up almost instantly. “Hello, Gordon!”

“I’m here! I’m in the front lobby, I think? The aboveground part. Where are you guys?”

“We’re in the main building! I suppose it would be easier for us to come to you, though, wouldn’t it, Gordon?”

“I really do not wanna go any deeper into this place,” Gordon admits. Coomer chuckles.

“I don’t blame you! Well, we’ll start trying to find our way up. Don’t go anywhere!”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Gordon says, and he hangs up again.

He does a little exploring as he waits for the Science Team, wandering around the remains of the lobby. The ceiling has almost completely caved in, but he manages to find a small waiting area that's semi-intact, with one chair left miraculously unscathed. He takes a seat, looking over the assorted magazines left on the table. A couple he even recognizes. He flips through them quickly, and quite a few reference Black Mesa, mentioning their research in fields from genetic engineering to theoretical physics. Apparently the experiment that got them attention in the first place was a successful sheep cloning done decades ago, and that got them enough funding to branch out into other things.

What the fuck.

Well, no one’s here anymore. Can’t hurt if he just...takes them.

It’s then that he hears voices, distant and indistinct, but Gordon knows his friends well enough by now. He scoops up the magazines and starts heading towards the noise, grabbing the handle to the stairwell just as Coomer pulls it open. Gordon’s pulled with it, colliding with Coomer’s burly chest.

“Hello, Gordon!” Coomer says, wrapping him up in a hug.

“Hi Dr. Coomer,” Gordon wheezes as Coomer’s arms squeeze all the air out of him. He finally releases Gordon, who has to take a second and lean against the wall to get his breath back. Tommy pats him on the shoulder. “Thanks, man,” he says. Tommy beams at him. “Fuck. Okay. It’s good to see you guys again,” Gordon says, some of the tension leaving his shoulders for the first time since he woke up. “Whadya say we get out of here?”

“Please,” Bubby says.

Gordon leads them to the car. Tommy calls shotgun as soon as they step outside, which Gordon is happy to oblige, and soon enough they’re on the road.

“So, I’m not gonna have space in my apartment for everyone to stay. What do you guys think of getting a hotel?”

“We don’t have any money, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy says, turning his pockets inside out.

“It’s cool, I figured I’d cover it.” He doesn’t really have the money for this but it’s fine. It’s fine! He’ll work something out.

There’s a pretty decent hotel a couple blocks from his apartment. Gordon had stayed there once when the electricity got all fucked up and couldn’t get fixed for a week, and for a few dudes who have presumably lived in Black Mesa their whole lives it’s probably gonna seem amazing .

“They better have a hot tub,” Bubby says from the backseat. Gordon glances in the rearview mirror to see him scrunched up sideways in the middle seat, leaning against Coomer. Neither of them have their seat belts on, though somehow Sunkist does.

“Guys, come on. Wear your seatbelts.” He waits until he hears the click to keep talking. “I’m pretty sure they have one. Shit, maybe I’ll stay with you guys too. Be nicer than my apartment.”

“Uh, Mr. Freeman?”

Gordon risks a glance at the passenger seat. Tommy’s staring intently at his phone, propeller hat spinning slowly. “Whats up?”

“My dad just messaged me,” Tommy says. Gordon almost considers pulling over and demanding to see the texts. “He, uh, he said I can come stay with him?”

“I thought you were an orphan?” Bubby asks, leaning forward and grabbing onto Gordon’s seat.

“It’s complicated,” Tommy says. “But, uh, if you guys wanna come stay too, I’m sure it’ll be fine!”

Bubby makes a thoughtful noise. “Wait, is your dad the weird guy in the suit who was at Chuck E Cheese? Fuck no, I’m not staying with him.”

“I’d like to stay with Bubby,” Coomer says.

“Okay, well, I’ll guess we’ll...split up, then. Coomer and Bubby can get a hotel, Tommy stays with his dad, I go home.”

“We’ll see each other again though, right?” Tommy asks, eyebrows furrowed.

Gordon and Coomer both say “Of course!” at the exact same moment. Gordon keeps one hand on the wheel as he reaches over to Tommy and rests the other on his knee. “You guys are stuck with me whether you like it or not. Science Team stays together.”

Tommy pats his hand, and doesn’t say anything else as they pull into the parking lot of the Los Gatos Garden Inn. The four of them shuffle into the lobby, Sunkist staying in the car - windows rolled down, of course. Tommy and Coomer immediately get distracted by the tourist brochures, even though most of them advertise places a long drive from where they are. Bubby, at least, is being helpful. Sorta.

“Just so you know, we only have singles available right now. That’s a room with just one bed,” the receptionist informs them.

Gordon turns to Bubby. “You and Coomer gonna be okay with that?”

Bubby hunches his shoulders up. “I can sleep on the floor if I have to,” he says.

“If you insist.”

Gordon books it. It’s not as bad as he was worried it would be, but still, he has a need to check his bank account. To his surprise, when he opens his banking app, he’s informed that he has nearly a million dollars that were just deposited. Clicking the deposit gives him no useful information, the source being a string of glitched out text.

Okay. Sure. Fine! Why not.

Bubby’s eyeing him strangely, like he wants to ask something, but Gordon ignores him. “Okay! Coomer, Bubby, you guys are set. Do you, uh...need anything?” Oh, shit, they don’t have any stuff, do they? Everything they owned is probably still in Black Mesa, if it even existed in the first place. “Do we need to go shopping?”

Bubby picks up the collar of his lab coat, sniffs it, and recoils. “Yes, we do.”

“Alright. Let’s fucking…go to Target, I guess?”

---

Wrangling the three of them through Target may actually be harder than getting through Black Mesa. It feels like every second someone is wandering off, getting sidetracked by something. First it’s Bubby insisting he needs some space suit pajamas, then Tommy discovering the toys section, then Coomer harassing some random employee he somehow mistook for Gordon. At least Sunkist is behaving. She doesn’t have a leash, but she stays near Tommy anyway and doesn’t run off once.

“Guys, we do not need all this,” Gordon says as Tommy stacks a third 12-pack of soda in the cart. “We’re just getting the essentials. Some clothing, toothbrushes, that sorta thing. Okay?”

He feels like he’s aged several years by the time they make it out. But they’re out, and Gordon’s bank still says it has a ridiculous amount of money, and they have everything they could need for the next while, so. Gordon’s feeling confident. He drops Bubby and Coomer off at the hotel, helping them carry everything inside. They’ll be okay there. It’s one of those hotels you can basically live in long term, with a minikitchen and everything. He wonders how the single bed is gonna go.

Well, not his problem.

“Alright, next up is to take you to your dad’s, right?”

Tommy nods, buckling his seatbelt, then rattles off the address. Gordon plugs it into his gps. It’s barely ten minutes from his apartment.

Gordon’s running out of things to say, but Tommy seems content with the silence. They’ve never really gotten to have a peaceful quiet like this. In Black Mesa quiet moments never lasted very long, and the day has been extremely hectic. It’s not until Gordon is pulling up to Tommy’s house that he feels the need to speak.

“Holy shit , dude. Your dad lives in a fucking mansion. Why were you staying in the Black Mesa dorms?”

“I-it’s company policy, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy says, wringing his hands together. Gordon doesn’t press. Probably didn’t exist in the game - though in that case, how does it exist now?

He can worry later. Tommy’s getting out of the car, and Gordon offers to help him carry stuff but Tommy assures him he’s fine. Gordon’s glad, to tell the truth - he doesn’t wanna risk interacting with G-Man again.

“I’ll see you later, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy says as he waves goodbye, and Sunkist gives a single farewell bark.

“See ya soon, Tommy,” Gordon says, and he drives off.

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #gordon feetman #tommy coolatta #bubby bubby #dr coomer #idk how to tag!#cora writes #jump the fence #something out of nothing

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hoshigomi · 5 years

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Takarazuka Special 2018- Say! Hey! Show Up!

Man, am I lucky to be able to see so many incredible things in Japan. Under the cut are all the thoughts I had about this year’s TCA special! Forewarning- they’re hardly cohesive, they’re very personal and biased, they’re SUPER LONG because I’m not writing this for anyone in particular or editing it whatsoever, and they’re whatever came to mind between the two showings or while waiting at intermissions!

The Beni/Tamakichi/Mirio/Daimon group is like. Something else. You put all four of them up there and they split off into FACTIONS, and it turns out to be Beni vs. Everyone which melts into Beni and Tamakichi vs. Daimon and Mirio and by that I mean if Beni and Tamakichi are teasing Daimon and Mirio MAN can those two sweet, sweet women not hold up. Beni is a troll. Beni is relentless. I’d call her a predator to Mirio and Daimon’s prey. The teasing never ended- but to that end, the laughter never ended either, and honestly, I loved them. I loved it. They were all charming and they all shone and the way their personalities differ (OOH do their PERSONALITIES DIFFER) was the most obvious and beautiful thing in the world. We have a FUN set of top stars, y’all. It was nice to see them all together.*

*I missed Makaze for a lot of reasons, most notably: 1.) she would have made for another great target for Beni to give hell to, and 2.) there were a lot of silk, deep, deep v-necks, and it’s kinda cruel to leave Makaze out of that, don’t you think. See you next year, Soragumi. Your energy was missed.

Daimon can’t eat gluten??? She certainly didn’t eat any bread in France, which has everyone including me pretty aghast.

Tamakichi used to? Swim? Play HANDBALL? They for sure teased her about being in the Olympics at the noon showing, but that’s as far as my Japanese got me. Makes sense though because have you seen her shoulders?

Sorry I need to say AGAIN how much Beni Ran This Shit. She IS the oldest top right now, by a year to Daimon and Mirio and like...more years to Makaze and MORE years to Tamakichi, and I’m sure that’s part of it, but I think the other part is that she’s a natural born emcee and comedian and she knows it. When I watch Beni I think ‘oh my God I love you so much for so many reasons,’ I love that woman. That’s my top star. But then MAN, I can ABSOLUTELY SEE how those reasons might make someone else feel the exact opposite. She also like applied herself for a bunch of this show and oooohhhhh it’s so lovely when she does.

Tamakichi asked Mirio and Beni to talk about going to Taiwan, and they sung the little ditty that I don’t know the name of but clearly is done every time they go to Taiwan because they both knew it. Beni also spoke some Chinese for the Taiwanese live viewing audience.

There was also talk about why they all chose their final songs, how their years went and what each troupe did, and some general banter.

Aside from the Top Stars and Todoroki Yuu, no one really spoke. The Top Musumeyaku certainly didn’t talk. To be TOTALLY HONEST, as far as this live viewing went at least, unless you’re Top Star, nibante, Top Musumeyaku, or Kacha/Hanagata Hikaru/Akira/Kai you don’t seem to have TOO MUCH camera time. Still thankful for the fact that they do the live viewings! But it IS tough to spot your whoever-else, unless they’re doing their little solos.

Moving on from our lovely Top Stars, here’s the quick-n-dirty lowdown on what stood out to me in the show! (I’m sorry if I missed your favorite, there were a lot of people, a lot going on, and I’m REALLY biased towards watching certain people.)

Miya had a lot of great stuff. She and Saki both had some funky songs with acoustic accompaniment. Saki’s had kind of a Western vibe. (Like cowboys, not like Western Hemisphere.)

Sorry, back to Miya, I really really hope she hangs on to top. She has her act together. She knows what she’s doing onstage, she’s pretty polished, and I personally really really dig the general tone of her voice, especially when she goes a little high.

I saw the show twice. Both times, when Coto came on for her solos, whoever the person next to me was like SLOW NODDED. Same, seat neighbors. God she’s good. She’s looking a lot more grown up! She’s CUTE. I’m kinda obsessed! I can’t like compliment Coto enough. Y’all know how good she is. She stands out just because she’s THAT GOOD.

Maaya Kiho. Maaaaaya. Maaya, come back to Hoshigumi so I can see you every day of my life. That girl has SOMETHING SPECIAL. Her energy is unique and a little aggressive but flirtatious? She has one of my favorite voices in the company, hands down. She knows how to work that like specific musumeyaku sexuality but you can kind of totally tell she also wanted to be an otokoyaku. She has that IN her. I love Maaya. I want to listen to like four hours of just Maaya.

If I had to listen to something else for four hours, it would be Ari singing Yami Ga Hirogaru.

If I had to listen to something ELSE it might be Aasa because her voice is definitely UNIQUE in a way that really pleases me.

I also want to quickly shoutout to Tom for running as much of this as she did- and I want to comment that I like....like her voice. It has a REALLY unique quality to it now. She’s really interesting to listen to, and she’s still truckin’!

I want Mao Yuuki and Mikkii to stand exclusively next to each other for as long as they’re both in Hoshi because that height difference is SOMETHING else.

Speaking of Mikkii, I’d like to challenge everyone who records and edits anything for the rest of her time in Takarazuka to actually put the camera on her for more than .9 seconds, because she is ON TO SOMETHING REAL. Tenju Mitsuki is always on. Whether or not you particularly care for what she’s doing, everything she does is done with 100% follow through and intention, she has a target, she isn’t doing anything superfluous or pointless with her body. She’s SHARP. Tenju Mitsuki is a fantastic performer and I really want to see more of it.

Speaking of fantastic performers, shoutouts to Coto (sorry, duh), Daimon, and Maaya for being magnetic in the same 100% followthrough, target, intention way. What incredible performers.

Yuki and Tamakichi sang OKLAHOMA and while I thought I knew what heartbreak felt like, it turns out I didn’t until I realized that we won’t ever get Tamakichi/Yuki Oklahoma.

Daimon and Sakura’s Climb Every Mountain was NICE.

I love these Top Musumeyaku Very Much. It’s almost dumb to say but God they just all bring such different things and personalities and voices to the table.

Welcome to Top, Misono Sakura. It’s good to see you. <3

Senna Ayase has Got It. She rocks. She has a lot of power and she led her musumeyaku in something really sassy and nice and I just want to say that man, I hope she loves her post-Takarazuka life.

I want to compliment Maitii on everything and mourn the fact that she isn’t leading everything, honestly.

There was a kind of long but not too long In Memoriam Section featuring the Top Musumeyaku all speaking for a few seconds and then mostly senka members + Kai + Akira with vocal solos all in white.

I never want to see another musumeyaku’s dress dragging on the ground. Someone almost Ate It when her dress got caught on something at the edge of the stage. Please. Keep our musumeyaku upright. Hemming things isn’t that hard.

Wow, Tsukigumi is fun. I also literally can not fathom HOW Baddy was THIS YEAR. As a whole they just have a really fun, kinda off-the-cuff energy that I find very endearing.

Shimon led Chaos Paradise, which, if you’re me, was one of the most satisfying things in the world.

Tamakichi is so beautifully EARNEST in a way that really suits all the golden age musicals she’s been getting. Maybe we CAN cross our fingers for Oklahoma...

From now on I’m formally requiring 8-10 business days to prepare for hearing Inochi from Gaisenmon because I didn’t walk into Hey! Say! Show Up! expecting to get chills and feel the weight of the Human Condition on my shoulders.

Shoutout to Yukigumi for replacing the ‘Nya!!’ at the end of Gato Bonito! with ...whatever sound they were approximating to imitate a wild boar. Happy New Year, everyone!

Irodori Michiru is just really cute and I love looking at her.

Thank you Kai for your golden hair and 16 Year Strong insistence on being .3 seconds behind on choreography because you prefer being ~languid~ to being ~sharp~ because you sure were easy to find.

No amount of exclamation points, keysmashing, or attempts to describe it can make you understand how I felt when the music to Jump! from Oceans 11 started up, or when RUSTY was played by Kai. That was a dream come true. Nothing less.

On that note, KAI SANG RAIMEI TOO, so I feel like God really Was looking out for Her Fans this Takaspecial. Thanks, God.

Everyone’s medley started out with the Top Star singing something earnest or Powerful or Big, but our very own Kurenai Yuzuru elected to open up with SPECIFICALLY the doki doki waku waku bit from Another World. The audience loved it. I loved it. I love Beni and I love Hoshigumi and I love that they included Arigataya, Nanmaida from Another World also and I love that Kai was hopping around as Kiroku again with the biggest smile on her face and I love that we got to hear Coto’s PIPES and I love that the audience was clapping for Killer Rouge and I love Killer Rouge and I love the ENERGY THAT troupe has.

Seo Yuria. Seooooo. Seooocchi. Get that fear out of your eyes, sweet thing. You have such a SMILE when you let yourself and your voice is THERE and you’re about to step into some big big shoes. Let yourself have this.

Rei and Saki are both coming into their own vibes! I’m excited to see where they go from here.

Shoutout to Shidou Ryuu for getting WAY more screentime than intended because she was planted half a foot to the right and directly behind Tom at pretty much all times. Good to see you, Shidou!

The best thing about seeing people from different troupes performing together in any number is like....no one is quite WITH EACH OTHER. Like MAYBE your weird idiosyncrasies fit in well with your troupe, but they sure don’t fit with the weird stuff your neighbor is doing. It’s charming and it’s sweet and I LOVE seeing it.

I didn’t think I’d cry either but tears DID spring to my eyes when Kai bowed.

I would like to formally petition Takarazuka Forever to FOLLOW Sumire no Hana in encores because Sumire no Hana is kinda a downer and Takarazuka Forever is an upper but that’s personal preference.

They wished the audience Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in ENGLISH which felt like an extra treat.

I didn’t mention every single actress in this (I’m sorry if I missed yours!! It’s so hard to remember everything and watch everyone when there are such weird combinations of actresses on the stage etc.), but God, I can honestly and truly say that to me, they all shone. Everyone is so different and everyone is working so hard. Every person who had a solo did it with everything they had, and it was beautiful to say. While watching Saki and Tamakichi, the thought came to me that entertainers- people who choose to use their lives to make other people happy- are just so special. These women are all such hard working performers and dedicated individuals and the life they put into giving us this thing is incredible. I feel so lucky to even be able to say that I do what they do. Not with HALF the skill or talent but this was one of those shows that made me think. Oh. We are so lucky to do this. The world is so lucky to have this art form. Musical theatre really is the most wonderful thing in the world, to me.

If more comes to me later, I’ll add it after the cut, but this is already 80 pages long and I’ve exhausted my phone notes. If you read this far, thanks and I’m impressed! I’m HAPPY to tell you more specifics about things if you want to ask, I can try to scrape my brain for whatever’s in there.

Thanks for a beautiful 2018 in Takarazuka, everyone. Happy New Year! May 2019 bring us beautiful things we could never have expected!

#takarazuka #tca special 2018

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violetosprey · 6 years

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BTD2 My thoughts on Lawrence

I covered my thoughts long ago on all of the “Till Death Do Us Part” game characters, but I never really took the time to talk about my thoughts about the main series “Boyfriend to Death” characters. I have actually talked about many of these characters through various different posts. But otherwise, there haven’t been that many posts dedicated specifically to certain BTD characters.

These posts will mostly be about my own opinions and views (a rough analysis more than anything). I may end up focusing on multiple aspects of the character, or just one particular one if I think it defines them best (we’ll see). For those that have read some of my other posts, there likely WILL be some thoughts I’ve stated before that I’ll simply be re-iterating here. But there may also be some new stuff in here if it happens to come to mind, or because I’ve simply not had the time before to go over such a topic.

It will take a while to get through all 8, so please have some patience and just check back later if it looks like I don’t have a post up yet for a character you’re really interested in. I will also be talking through these under the assumption that you’ve played/read all the routes (so I might mention but not go into explicit detail on a scene).

*major spoilers below *

Fun Fact: When BTD2 was announced, the character who’s route that I was MOST interested in playing was Lawrence. He was completely different from what I was expecting to see as a character from these games. I’m not quite sure what it was about him. Even with his physical appearance, I could state his traits out loud and it wouldn’t sound like he’d be the kind of guy I’d be into. But it just seems to work here. Also, I had this goal when I started the games that I was going to try REALLY hard to survive on my first attempt for at least 1 out of the 4 guys. Needless to say, I failed spectacularly on my first attempt.

I’ll be completely honest here. I’ve wanted to write about Lawrence for a while now because he’s one of the characters I got REALLY into. He’s the only one in the BTD series (excluding TDDUP) that I almost was able to get all the endings on my own. I had two left before I broke down and looked up a guide. If I had tried a little harder, I probably could have figured out how to get his best survival ending in the bathroom (I had the scenario set up for it), but I couldn’t have figured out the “name” thing on my own (which was the ending I was really looking for).

The problem is I wasn’t quite sure HOW to talk about Lawrence. I’ve said this before, but as opposed to BTD, BTD2 gave the characters a lot more depth this time around. Among them, Lawrence is the hardest to figure out and comprehend. Hell, Gato’s even explained through asks from time to time about Lawrence’s history with finding the river after a drowning incident I believe, how leaving it (or was it constantly returning?) is slowly rotting him, and how he keeps wanting to go back. We have been given information, but I often have a difficult time either remembering the details, or putting together the pieces. So other than acknowledging that Lawrence was born human but has become something supernatural overtime…not much more I can expand on here at the moment.

One thing the creator has said about Lawrence is that he’s “not good with people.” I couldn’t agree more! Lawrence has this conflicting nature where he simultaneously wants someone to bond with, but doesn’t know how. At the very beginning of the game, he’s meeting up with Ren, whom he’d been chatting with online previously (presumably more than once). When things get awkward and Ren leaves early, Lawrence becomes SO distraught that he puts the blame on the MC and attacks them. Then later when the MC is held captive by Lawrence, he may start to like you but…well…remember the whole “spine” bit? Yeah he’s probably not fully aware that some of the ways he interacts with others could be off-putting to say the least. He’s also very apprehensive about what the MC says or does at times (ex. MC screaming or taking too long in the bathroom). When he feels he’s starting to lose control, he’s quick to restrict and gag the MC. And if you push him to complete insanity, he reveals that under that nervous exterior he does indeed have a slight hint of sadism.

Right before I started this post though, I thought of something that I don’t think I’d taken the opportunity to do on my tumblr before: Compare Strade and Lawrence. I mean JUST the two together (not compared with all the other characters at once). They’re both characters owned by Gato that operate in COMPLETELY different ways. Strade was such a hit (possibly the most popular in the first game), that’s it’s almost like “How do you top that?” or “How do you avoid recycling older material that you know worked the first time?” Strade is just a pure sadistic monster with no supernatural qualities to him (with the exception of a fox boy in his house). He has no real motivation for being evil other than he enjoys it. Lawrence on the other hand, is a human whose mind has been gripped by supernatural events, causing him to become mentally unstable. He’s detached from reality and constantly on edge, but still has at least a small desire to connect with other people (that he’s often unable to).

I forget who the heck made the post, but someone made a comment about how after having to deal with Strade’s “unbroken stare” in BTD, it was quite a shift to face Lawrence who is often looking away from you. This is both hilarious and true. Strade carries himself with a lot more confidence in a jovial manner. Lawrence, even when he has you tied up, is nervous and not sure how to deal with the situation at hand. Strade knows he’s in charge while it feels like Lawrence has to remind himself that he’s in control of the situation. For example, Lawrence says “he can do whatever he wants to you,” but if you start kicking up a fuss he’ll freak out. He has the strength to keep you down, but he appears to lack…authority? Really, the times he seems the most composed ironically are when he becomes COMPLETELY unstable and goes to cut you up. That’s pretty terrifying.

Strade also loves to hear his victim’s screams, while Lawrence can gag you frequently in his route. Yes, you could say it’s because Strade has you locked up in his own house where people can’t hear you while Lawrence is in a shared apartment building (one time one of the tenants even hears the noise). But I think even if Lawrence were alone, I feel like he just doesn’t like loud noises or resistance in general. He’s implied to have gotten a little “dirty” with corpses after all…and a corpse won’t fight back or say a word. I personally perceive Lawrence as something like a frightened dog. The dog wants some attention and compassion, but if you’re not careful, you could corner and frighten him to the point where he bites you.

The weirdest thing I probably have to say is that…both Strade and Lawrence like people in different ways. Strade I get this feeling that he genuinely enjoys conversation and interacting with others. That’s why he appears so friendly. But then he gets his kicks out of torturing people, so how much he can ACTUALLY care about another human being is debatable. Lawrence (I’m running into speculation territory here) I don’t think necessarily hates or dislikes people, but they do make him nervous. Still, he wants some kind of companionship (first with Ren, then with the MC if you get him to really like you). In a strange way, Lawrence comes off as liking you more “genuinely” than Strade ever could. I don’t really know how to explain it. But the problem with Lawrence is that when he does decide he likes you and wants to keep you…he clearly doesn’t know how to have a proper relationship (*coughs* cuts your limbs off so you can’t get away *coughs*).

The best ending for Lawrence (as in HIS best ending at least- not talking favorite endings) is where you two connect when you mention the river. It’s definitely a rather sweet ending. I think what this may also imply, when comparing this ending to the one where he amputates you, is that Lawrence can never really have a “normal human relationship.” His mind is has been warped too much by the river and he can never view or interact with the world in a normal manner again. You have to be on the same level as Lawrence in order to truly bond with him. Kind of interesting.

So what did I think about Lawrence? I loved him! Definitely don’t regret spending as much time (the most time even) on his character as I did. Even if it meant just getting killed over and over…and over…and over again for several hours (let’s just say that maybe by the time I got to Ren’s route I wasn’t COMPLETELY upset that I had to kill the guy). Regardless, Lawrence also gets the award from me for being the HARDEST character to figure out in the main BTD games. This post was fun to write, but it was just challenging to try to come up with some solid viewpoints.

P.S. In the event someone reading this is aware that my blog is half BTD/TDDUP and half yanderes goes “Are you seriously not going to talk ONCE about Lawrence as a yandere character?” Well here’s a short answer for you: I could see why someone might (and you are more than free to) label Lawrence as a yandere, but I personally do not. The reason is…Lawrence is weird? Sorry if that’s an unsatisfying answer, but if I really wanted to get into my reasons why here then this post would be way too long :P

#btd2 #lawrence oleander #gatobob #horror game #3 thought posts left #going at the pace of a speeding snail #own post

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kiaraspeaks · 5 years

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Bryden Campbell:

It haunts Bryden that the man who is responsible for not only razing Mound Bayou to the ground is the same man's words who lead her to odd corners of the world. She doesn't know how to envision her own life without the agency. Would her parents still have met? What would the world have looked like? She looked at his scrawly handwriting and snapped the book shut and placed it back inside her bag with the rest of his dusty artifacts. As much as she hated this monster, he had never put terrible things like this into play. It was odd to be reading these words, exposing old secrets and trying to make amends, not for him, but to free herself and her family and give as many people a better life. She still knew this would never be enough.

Bryden stared out at the road ahead of her, she was surrounded by the night sky, the sound of bikes racing up and down the street, the lights of the gas station above flickered on and off, casting sickly green glow over them, and high grass on the other side of the station. She was exhausted looking for the clues this fucked up old man left behind, but it was the lot in life that she had chosen. Bryden pulled her hoodie over her head and parked the car, she placed the keys on the dashboard and leaned back in her seat, she hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep but she could sleep when Richard Pennyson was dead.

For now her face was plastered on every website, hung on posters across the United States and abroad, even here in Pakistan. Some rallied behind her and others called for her head on a pike. When word got out that the Soldier-Killing-gun-toting-supposedly-well-trained-child soldier was wanted all those megalomaniacs obsessed with some invisible war hung on every corner peering into the face of every young black girls face. It’s not what Bryden wanted, she was alright with a target on her back but nobody else’s, not innocent women and kids with too much of the world's problems on their shoulders already.

Bryden left Diaz back at the hotel while she struggled to find the man that Meriwether only described as 'the Good Doctor', she knew it had to be a pun of some sort. Good people didn't work for the agency, you couldn't retain your goodness and common decency and still be an agent of the state. Her father's words still weighed on her, for her to be able to trust him or her mother she needed to know the truth, starting with all those kids that disappeared on the island. She didn't fully expect her connect to pick up everything they were doing and fly to see them, but they did.

Someone tapped on the passenger side window before opening the door. They pulled their hood back and Bryden was surprised to see him, she didn’t expect him to answer her so soon. He had a file tucked under his arm, a bag slung across his chest and tilted his head to the side, the last time she saw him she left him back at a hotel in the Philippines. He had his own problems and knew meeting up with her was a favor, one she would have to pay back sooner than later.

“Look at you sweet thing, thought you didn’t get down with treason.” Gato said and laughed softly, hadn't he joked about treason with her before? She had had Ashanti on her mind back then, not this, nothing as complicated as taking on one of the most Dangeorus men in the United States.

“I don’t.”

“So they just fucking with your good name?” Gato asked.

“No, not exactly, I did something, something I probably shouldn't have.” Bryden said,

"Tell me more, tell me more." He said and propped his chin up on his elbow like they were at a sleepover, not like she was at the top of the United States shit list. He didn't look the slightest bit worried and it put her at ease a bit, but just a bit.

“But I’m not going to take that shit laying down.”

“You don’t seem like the type.”

“So do you have what I asked for?" Bryden asked, she hadn't called him for a roll in the hay, she needed the information, somewhere deep inside she wanted to trust her father. Years ago he had saved her, she felt like a damned fool for wanting his help after all this time. He was an agent and one of the damned best ones, he was trained to disarm others with first his words and eventually his weapons. This would put any worries to rest or so she told herself, Gato didn't give a shit about her parents, he could remain objective, wouldn't skew result in anybody's favor.

“Yeah, I had to call my ex-fiance but I got it.”Gato said.

“Ex-fiance?” Bryden questioned.

“It was a long time ago sweet thing, don't worry, you didn’t break up a happy home or anything.” He

“Happy home my ass, you propositioned me.”

“Didn’t expect you to be down for it.” He said and held the file out to her and she reached for it and he snatched it back, he cupped her chin with one free hand, holding her close to him as he whispered. She could kill him right now for doing such a thing, but she figured she'd entertain him, see just what his full plan was for her. “Tell me one thing.”

“Sure, it’s not like my life is in danger or anything.” Bryden said.

“You did that for you, right? None of this was about Ashanti. You didn’t kill for him, right?” He said with a touch of irritation and disappointment in his voice.

“It benefitted us both.” Bryden lied, killing the soldiers meant Ashanti had the men who hurt his family put to death, but Bryden hadn't exactly had that benefit. She could have gotten what she needed by grabbing one of them and cutting off their finger tips until they gave her the information she needed. So why had she done it? Why had she been so damn foolish? She knew whoever was out there, taunting her, pulling her into their twisted sordid game,

“Sweet thing,” He said in that charming and irritating chiding way of his, “What did I tell you about Ashanti?”

“Not to trust him.” Bryden said.

“And what did you do?” He asked, he had been leaning in closer and closer, if she just tilted her head forward they'd be kissing. She thought about the Royal Mandaya, it felt like a million years ago, and she felt wound even tighter now than she had back then with her parents and the Russian Mafia breathing down her neck. Now that felt like a cake walk compared to taking on a literal global army willing to do whatever to kill her.

“I fucked him.” She said but she hadn't looked away from him yet, he released his firm grip on her chin.

“They always do.” He said but his face remained passive, then he held the file out to her, “He call back yet?”

“We didn’t come here for a heart to heart, Gato.” She said.

“So that’s a no.” He said and snickered.

"Now I've got a question for you." She said as she began to go over the file. Richard Pennyson had approved the attcks, he had a list of children and they were all on there, even her name, a few had been checked off but the Santos family had passed on the job. If Gato was as honest as he was flirty, then Jodiah struck the fear of God into the family which should have been very hard to do, she knew what the Santos family was capable of. She took his silence as time to ask her question, out of the corner of her eye she saw he was sitting rigidly, "Would you take a hit out against me?"

"I think my feelings might actually be hurt, Bryden." He said, his playful tone and demeanor had changed, he looked actually hurt by her question.

"That's not a yes or a no."

"Of course I wouldn't." Gato said and reached over again, this time reaching out and stroking the side of her face gently, lovingly, as if they were still trapped in a world where she was trying to run away from her problems. Sometimes she wished she never would have left that hotel. "We may not have known each other long, but I like you."

"You kill for a living, you could just be saying that."

"Bryden, I don't know what world you live in that you think your murders somehow carry less weight than mine do. I've never killed agents, I've never killed any of Amir Malik's men, you're making a name for yourself worldwide, in your world and mine. I'm not sure what's going on with you but some men have codes."

"I'm covering every alley and avenue." Bryden said as she snapped the file shut and looked back over to him.

“It’s going to be ok.” Gato said and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“What makes you say that?”

“You just saw red, I know you just saw red because I read that file and I saw red.” Gato said, “I’d kill him and his kids, I’d wipe him from the face of the planet for free if I wasn’t tied up in some shit.”

“He… those kids…” Bryden said, if she was going to take down Richard Pennyson she needed to close up her own loose ends, including the people who tried to kill her, the people who put a smoking gun to her head when she was only ten years old. Why did he want her dead? Why did he let all those kids die, not just in her classroom, but on the island. Why was her father right about such an awful thing? Those kids who died or were snatched from the island during training were all ordered to die directly from Pennyson. What a sick bastard. But as her father had said, men that evil don't die so easily and she knew there had to be more than two men involved in this, she'd press her old man more about this later.

“They were your friends.”

“Yeah and he had us killed… he targeted us like we were nothing, we didn’t do anything to him. What the hell is his problem?”

“Maybe he wasn’t hugged enough as a child.”

“Well he can hug his casket.” Bryden said and reached under her seat and handed him an envelope full of cash. He had his gun drawn on her and she smirked, “Relax, it’s your money” He peered into the envelope and then shoved it in his hoodie pocket.

“We are still killers and I always have to be careful,” Gato said and put his gun down, “If you need anything else, sweet thing, just ask.”

“See you say that but I feel like there’s a catch.”

“That kid I’m raising--"

“Yeah, what about them?” Bryden asked.

“Some dangerous people want her dead, really dead, dead as in dead last year.”

“And you want them to go away, I’m guessing.”

“The ones I can’t touch myself, yes.” Gato said, “My world has rules, doesn’t fucking seem like it but there are rules and lines we can’t cross.”

“You mean there are lines you can't cross, well good thing you got me. Consider them buried in Utah.” Bryden said and slid the file under her seat and grabbed her keys and turned on the car, “If shit does go left…”

“Don’t talk like that, sweet thing. I’m just getting to know you and I like what I see.” He said.

“And I think I really need to stop fucking around with hardened criminals.”

“You gonna let Ashanti ruin the rest of us good bad guys for you?” Gato asked.

“Be that as it may, if things do go left there will be some money left for you to handle the rest.”

“By that you mean?”

“His kid, his house, the dog, I want that shit gone, I want him on his knees begging for somebody to end it.”

“Shit won’t go left, but I would like to be there to see that. My sweet thing bringing one of the world’s most powerful asshole to his knees.”

“Your sweet thing?” Bryden questioned while cocking one eyebrow.

“We work good together, you can't deny that."

“No truer words have been spoken, now get out of my car and go take care of your kid.” Bryden said and he sat there for a moment staring at her with that stupid look on his face before he leaned forward and kissed her, it was a deep kiss, it reminded her of their night in the Philippines. When his warm hands began to slip up her shirt she stopped him, there was no time for that, for now she needed to focus on finding the Good Doctor. “Get out before you make me regret this.”

“Of course, sweet thing, I’ll see you soon.”

“You really think so?” She asked.

“You’ll need me again and you still owe me.” He said and she watched him cut across the gas station lot, yelling to some kids and they quickly scattered from his dirt bike, he peeled off disappearing into the darkness, Bryden thought about the file, about her father and about what the future held. As she turned towards the old dirt road she dialed his phone number.

"Your sources check out?" Her father asked, she could hear him walking around, something glass clinking against another surface before he settled in an old chair or a new bed.

"Yeah, they did." Bryden said.

"Why can't you just date normal young men?" Her father asked, she got the feeling he had eyes everywhere and better eyes than Pennyson. She peered out the window looking around.

"We're not dating, and where would be the fun in that?"

#writing #writeblr #bump in the night #Bryden

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choisgirls · 7 years

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How would the RFA + V and Saeran react to a bilingual MC, who uses a word in another language when she can't think of the right one in the language she's speaking? (I do this a lot with French + English, and my friends who don't speak French always give me weird looks :( )

A/N:

The language I picked was the language (Punjabi) I speak at home, but I didn’t know how to spell it in english but I tried my best!!! (Most of these are actually my own experience) (Also sorry I didn’t use several languages, i just like putting my own personal stuff in here sometimes) 404 did the non-Punjabi ones! ~ Admin 626

*YOOSUNG-He convinced you to play LOLOL with him!!!-Big mistake-He knew that he could get loud and angry when something happened, but…-Did not expect you to get so loud!!!!-”WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING???? JAVLA HELVETE!!!!”-……..MC….what?-You said it fairly often, and he knows it’s another language, but…. WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?-He’s asked you constantly what it means but you….couldn’t…..think of the right words?-”It means… um…. Well. It means… Oh my god? What are the words?-I DON’T KNOW MC THAT’S WHY I ASKED-Scared the hell out of him when you yelled “FUCKING HELL” out of nowhere one day and you had to explain that you finally remembered what you were trying to say!!! Only this time, not in Swedish!!-MC!!! BAD!!!- lowkey google translates anything you can’t remember for you

*JUMIN-The two of you were coming home from a completely boring party you had to attend-It was full of big, important business owners and directors and you just couldn’t stand it!!!-”HOW in the WORLD do they run their businesses??”-”I know! They’re such…. Um… uh, como se dice…pendejos??”-???? mC SUCH LANGUAGE-”I agree, they did seem to be lacking in the knowledge department.”- okay that wasn’t what i asked exactly but thanks-This happens more than you’d like to admit, but it’s a good thing he can speak Spanish-He’ll always understand you, whether you’re speaking in Spanish or not!!!-”Jumin? Como se dice gato?” “MC, that’s a simple word. It’s cat. How could you forget?”-”Do you want some… some.. Um… Vino?” “? Wine? Yes, MC, please.”-YOU’RE SO GRATEFUL THAT HE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU where would you be if he didn’t translate for you???-He notices when you’re quiet in public and realizes that you probably just can’t think of the correct word outside of Spanish, so he’ll answer you quietly just so you don’t get embarrassed what a cutie omg

*SAEYOUNG-HE DOES THE SAME THING-”Shit… what’s the word again….”-??? So you ask him what word he’s thinking of. He didn’t figure you’d know but he told you anyway-”I forgot the word for ‘safinat fadayiya’”-”Spaceship?”-”…..yoU KNOW ARABIC”-????? Did he not realize you’ve been able to get into his house since the beginning-Now the two of you speak Arabic around the others just to be jerks-Not even Jumin knows Arabic-You don’t say anything meaningful, either. It’s usually random sentences!-So every time you forget a word, he’s got your back! So long as you you do the same for him-Except if you forget a word at the gate, he’ll let you suffer and laugh at you-Well!!!! Until you get angry enough at least. Then he’ll let you in and hide from your cute wrath

*SAERAN-He didn’t even know you could speak another language-Honestly always thought that you were muttering or making words up-That’s why he always gave you a weird look-One day though, you were mid-conversation with him and blanked on the word-”Do you want to go get…. Um. Get…crème glacée?”-”….Get what?”-”Crème glacée. You know… the uh, frozen milk stuff you like to eat!”-”You..mean ice cream? You’re saying ice cream?”-”YES! YES HEY!!! That thing! Thank you!”-”What the hell was that? Made up words? What the fuck?”-Saeran it….. Was….. French, sweetheart. Not made up-??? He was really confused but took your word for it-Tries to learn French secretly so he can help you next time instead of looking at you like you were crazy

*ZEN- you’re actually lowkey worried about him???- He’s so pretty!!!- What if he gets jinxed and he becomes ugly because his looks are shown off so much??? Literally my grandma has said this to me and my cousin after she and i dressed up one time- you always try to encourage him to wear sweats and other lowkey clothing so no one will be drawn to him! (of course only when you two are trying to do something in public together, you wouldnt try to get him to do that for anything job related)- but he just doesn’t get it??? He never listens to you but you never really explain why bc you feel so embarrassed believing in this!!!- but one day you two get into a terrible argument about this- “I just don’t get it! Are you jealous of the other girls giving me attention?”- You start tearing up because that’s so far from it, you completely trust him- “Nazaar, okay?! I just don’t anything happening to you!!!”- Zen is just like wtf did u just say, was that even human or are you just choking wtf- and then he reMEMBERS YOU CAN SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE HOW DID HE FORGET- “Oh god sorry, I didn’t mean to use Punjabi but I don’t know another word for it. It’s kinda like jinxing but it’s more intense? But basically by showing off your looks, other people might want something bad to happen to you and you might turn ugly!”- LMAO MC WHAT YOU THINK THIS PIECE OF HOT ASS IS GONNA TURN UGLY???- but he understands it’s part of your ritual and he lets you do these little rituals to ward away the “nazaar” because it’s cute that you worry that much

Jaehee- you’re helping out at the shop when you run out of cardamom to put in the chai! sUCH A TRAGEDY- but you can’t remember what it’s called??? You can’t tell Jaehee???- “MC, what’s wrong?- “We’re out of that one spice!!!”-thanksMCthat’ssospecificyoumusthavegottenanAinenglish- you decide fuck it and you’re like “We’re out of leche!!!”- Jaehee goes wide eyed because you can speak another language wtf- She actually knew what you were saying because Jaehee knows Hindi and that overlaps with your language a lot-yes Jaehee knows Hindi don’t question it okay-You two start trash talking the customers in Hindi/Punjabi

V- This boy got a cute owl figurine at a store!!!-smh what a hipster *eye roll*- He puts it in your room bc it’s so cute!!!- but when you see it, you freak out???- “wait what’s wrong with it MC???”- “Nazaar lagna!”- He just looks at you like ??? what did you say to him???- What did you just say about his son- wAIT YOU CAN SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE???- “Oh sorry um, in my culture, owls are considered bad luck?”- okay but what u did u just say MC udumbhoe- “I just said you jinxed me, I mean it’s worse than a jinx but that’s the best way I can say it”- He spends the rest of the night asking you to say other words in Punjabi cause it’s so pretty-asks you to call him Daddy in your language (just kidding that’s Jumin)

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writeraraik · 6 years

Text

bryden and gato

Bryden stared out at the road ahead of her, she was surrounded by the night sky, the sound of bikes racing up and down the street, the flickering lights of the gas station and high grass on the other side of the station. She was exhausted looking for the clues this fucked up old man left behind, but it was the lot in life that she had chosen. Bryden pulled her hoodie over her head and parked the car, she placed the keys on the dashboard and leaned back in her seat, she hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep but she could sleep when Richard Pennyson was dead. For now her face was plastered on every website, hung on posters across the United States and abroad, even here in Pakistan. Some rallied behind her and others called for her head on a pike. When word got out that the Soldier-Killing-gun-toting-supposedly-well-trained-child soldier was wanted all those megalomaniacs obsessed with some invisible war hung on every corner peering into the face of every young black woman’s face. It’s not what Bryden wanted, she was alright with a target on her back but nobody else’s, not innocent women and kids with too much of the world's problems on their shoulders already.

Someone knocked on the passenger side window before opening the door. They pulled their hood back and Bryden was surprised to see him, she didn’t expect him to answer her. He had a file tucked under his arm, a bag slung across his chest and tilted his head to the side, the last time she saw him she left him back at a hotel in the Philippines. He had his own problems and knew meeting up with her was a favor, one she would have to pay back sooner than later.

“I don’t.”

“So they just fucking with your good name?” Gato asked.

“No, not exactly, I did something, something I probably shouldn't have.” Bryden said,

"Tell me more," He said and propped his chin up on his elbow like they were at a sleepover, not like she was at the top of the United States shit list.

“But I’m not going to take that shit laying down.”

“You don’t seem like the type.”

“Yeah, I had to call my ex-fiance but I got it.”Gato said.

“Ex-fiance?” Bryden questioned.

“It was a long time ago sweet thing, don't worry, you didn’t break up a happy home or anything.” He

“Happy home my ass, you propositioned me.”

“Sure, it’s not like my life is in danger or anything.” Bryden said.

“You did that for you, right? None of this was about Ashanti. You didn’t kill for him, right?”

“It benefitted us both.” Bryden said.

“Sweet thing,” He said in that charming and irritating chiding way of his, “What did I tell you about Ashanti?”

“Not to trust him.” Bryden said.

“And what did you do?” He asked, he had been leaning in closer and closer, if she just tilted her head forward they'd be kissing. She thought about the Royal Mandaya, that felt like a million years ago, she felt wound even tighter now than she had back then with her parents and the Russian Mafia breathing down her neck. Now that felt like a cake walk prepared to taking on a literal army.

“I fucked him.” She said but she hadn't looked away from him yet, he released his firm grip on her chin.

“They always do.” He said and held the file out to her, “He call back yet?”

“We didn’t come here for a heart to heart, Gato.”

“So that’s a no.”

"Now I've got a question for you." She said as she began to go over the file. Richard Pennyson had approved the attcks, he had a list of children and they were all on there, even her name, a few had been checked off but the Santos family had passed on the job. If Gato was as honest as he was flirty, then Jodiah struck the fear of God into the family which should have been very hard to do. She took his silence as time to ask her question, out of the corner of her eye she saw he was sitting rigidly, "Would you take a hit out against me?"

"I think my feelings might actually be hurt, Bryden." He said, his playful tone and demeanor had changed, he looked actually hurt by her question.

"That's not a yes or a no."

"You kill for a living, you could just be saying that."

"I'm covering every alley and avenue." Bryden said as she snapped the file shut and looked back over to him.

“It’s going to be ok.” Gato said and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“What makes you say that?”

“They were your friends.”

“Yeah and he had us killed… he targeted us like we were nothing, we didn’t do anything to him. What the hell is his problem?”

“Maybe he wasn’t hugged enough as a child.”

“We are still killers and I always have to be careful,” Gato said and put his gun down, “If you need anything else, sweet thing, just ask.”

“See you say that but I feel like there’s a catch.”

“That kid I’m raising--"

“Yeah, what about them?” Bryden asked.

“Some dangerous people want her dead, really dead, dead as in dead last year.”

“And you want them to go away, I’m guessing.”

“The ones I can’t touch myself, yes.” Gato said, “My world has rules, doesn’t fucking seem like it but there are rules and lines we can’t cross.”

“You mean there are lines you can't cross, well good thing you got me. Consider them buried.” Bryden said and slid the file under her seat and grabbed her keys and turned on the car, “If shit does go left…”

“Don’t talk like that, sweet thing. I’m just getting to know you and I like what I see.” He said.

“And I think I really need to stop fucking around with hardened criminal.”

“You gonna let Ashanti ruin the rest of us good bad guys for you?” Gato asked.

“Be that as it may, if things do go left there will be some money left for you to handle the rest.”

“By that you mean?”

“His kid, his wife, his house, the dog, I want that shit gone, I want him on his knees begging for somebody to end it.”

“Shit won’t go left, but I would like to be there to see that. My sweet thing bringing one of the world’s most powerful asshole to his knees.”

“Your sweet thing?” Bryden questioned while cocking one eyebrow.

“We work good together, you can't deny that."

“Of course, sweet thing, I’ll see you soon.”

“You really think so?”

“You’ll need me again and you still owe me.” She said and watched him

#bump in the night series #writing #writeblr #I like their chemistry I can't believe I actually wrote both of these

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violetosprey · 6 years

Text

BTD My thoughts on Strade

*major spoilers below for BOTH BTD and BTD2*

Fun Fact: Strade was the first character I’d ever seen related to the BTD series. A picture of him online is actually what got me interested in the games. That’s how I learned about them. Also, I still think Strade’s scar near his mouth makes him look like he has a toothpick in his mouth (until he makes certain expressions).

If you asked me who I thought was the most popular character in the original BTD game, my guess would be Strade. I don’t know exactly why, but I feel like Strade is the most common “face” of BTD (though maybe that’s just because he’s how I found the game myself). Strade I think does embody that sense of horror these dating simulator parodies bring. He’s one of the main reasons I consider the original BTD game that focuses on a character’s ability to be straight up evil (while the BTD2 characters had more depth). His pure sadistic nature might also be why he’s so popular.

First off, it’s perfectly fine if you want to head canon Strade with a slightly…nicer disposition. I know a lot of people enjoy doing this (especially with his relationship between either OC’s or Ren). They’re fictional characters, and people should be able to have a little fun with expanding on other possibilities (for stories, or just for kicks). However, people who’ve read my other posts may have noticed that I prefer to stick as closely to the game canon (and what the creators confirm themselves) as possible. And the canon truth about Strade is…he’s an absolute MONSTER. Despite being one of the few human characters in the BTD series (excluding TDDUP), he has proved to be one of most evil and remorseless characters. What’s more, we aren’t really given a back story as to why Strade is the way he is. From what Gato’s implied though…it’s almost as if he’s just always been this way. He has no deep rooted anger or anxiety issues from past trauma that we know of (and he appears way too confident). He’s not doing it out of hatred (on the contrary, he likes people). He’s just doing it for fun because he enjoys it. Hell, he’s made it his CAREER through the snuff films.

People have asked Gato various things about how nice Strade can be. In the game he DOES have a rather friendly demeanor to him. And he’ll offer you food, call you “buddy.” But I think the creator makes it pretty clear that while Strade holds no actual ill-will towards his victims, he IMMENSELY enjoys torturing them. I think Gato has even once said something along the lines of “nothing Strade does is consensual.” Meaning, he goes out of his way to make sure that no matter what, his victims are in distress. Even if they manage to get comfortable around him, he’ll find a way to make them fear again. I talked about once how each of the BTD and TDDUP characters respond to “initiative,” and both the game and the creator make it clear that Strade has a preference for people that are more shy or introverted. People that are less likely to open up or be assertive with him. It also means it’s more likely that the person will be submissive and afraid of him I’m guess. I think Gato had said that Strade decided to keep Ren because Ren was very submissive and willing to do whatever Strade said.

Speaking of Ren, I don’t think I’ve taken the time to really talk too much about the kind of “affection and love” Strade can show. I think Gato once described the relationship between Strade and Ren was most similar to…roommates? And Strade (when not tormenting Ren) would buy him games he wanted (so a weird snuff film rich sugar daddy?). We do see that Ren’s not in the best shape though when he comes down into the basement. I have no clue how frequently Strade tortures Ren, but it’s definitely enough to keep Ren in a very nervous state. When you attack Ren, Strade gets furious. But he doesn’t call Ren by his name, instead saying “You touched my fox,” I believe. So Strade probably never considered Ren a lover or friend of any kind. More like a pet. Why Strade would be nice to his “pet” could be a psychological play here where offering even the smallest bits of kindness between his sadistic activities causes Ren to become more obedient and closer to Strade (a carrot stick method if you will).

When a person is going through a horrible experience (like being kidnapped by a serial killer), the mind has the ability to do whatever it takes to help relieve stress from the victim and keep the will to live. What probably happened here is Ren started to cherish the “kinder” moments of Strade so much that eventually he saw them as having some kind of “bond.” It’s highly likely that Ren developed a form of stockholm syndrome. We actually see the proof of this in BTD2. Ren talks about how he KNOWS Strade was a horrible person, and we was afraid of him. But at the same time, Ren thought they had something special. In fact depending, on the level of affection and choices, I think Ren can even get really ticked off at you if you call him out saying that what he and Strade had wasn’t real. If people were confused as to why Ren wanted you and him to kill Lawrence together, this is probably because Ren had developed this warped idea in his head that sadistic activities (and even murder) were part of a more intimate experience. A quicker and more efficient way to form a stronger “bond” between the two of you.

Doesn’t that sound familiar? I’m pretty sure…Strade says something very similar to the MC in his basement back in BTD. That the moment you’re sharing together is very exciting and very “intimate.” This is probably the same kind of stuff he told Ren that caused Ren’s mind to slowly become warped. It could just be Strade messing with people’s heads on purpose to get them to do what he wants. However, I did occur to me that it’s entirely possible…that Strade fully believes that the act of causing harm to others, and hearing their screams, is an extreme form of intimacy. Like it’s not just a tactic for him to torment people with, he actually gets off on the things he does because it’s his form of “love.” Before anyone who reads the other stuff on my blog calls me out, no I don’t think Strade is a yandere. He’s far more yangire (I can’t quite be sure either if he’s really “loving the person or just the experience).

Now this is just a theory, but it might also help to explain the bleeding heart ending. Strade gets SO excited, that he forces himself on you and proceeds to strangle you to death while he’s doing so. I’m sure several people thought this was a little strange. Since I’m not a serial killer or murderer of any kind, of course this stumped me for a while as to how Strade ends up “loving you to death.” I think now it’s possible that he ends up liking the MC (or interaction) so much, you could even say “loving” I guess, that he ends up holding nothing back and in a state of ecstasy, ends up snuffing out your life with his bare hands. In the one survival ending, you need a full red (regular) heart to get your own shock collar. This puts you at the same status as Ren (a “pet”). But if you REALLY want Strade to “love” you…it ends up with your death. I think this says a lot about just how deranged and sadistic Strade is. It’s no wonder Gato has never painted him in a sympathetic light.

The last little bit I wanted to say about Strade, which I think it another reason people like about him, is the expressions he makes. Hats off to Gato, Strade’s expressions in the series I personally think are some of the best. If you don’t believe me, here’s a fun little video showcasing many (not sure if it’s all) of his expressions. The music makes me laugh, but it makes the video more entertaining I think :P You get to see him be cheery, sadistic, and angry, and it’s just a blast.

I really do like how simplistically evil Strade is. He’s never truly meant to be a lover, which is good because the point of these games was to be ironic. They’re not dating simulators where you win the heart of the bad boy (usually). They’re survival horror games where you work hard to just get out alive. But even when you do find that survival ending (and both Strade and Rire only have one each), you may realize to your horror that you don’t truly get to escape the nightmare. And that’s CERTAINLY a twist to be admired.

#btd #btd2 #strade #gatobob #own post #horror game #I posted Vincent thoughts before this but #tumblr was mean and wouldn't let it appear in searches #please be nice tumblr and let this post show up on more than just my tumblr

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violetosprey · 6 years

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BTD2 My thoughts on Cain

*major spoilers below, and this is stupid long…like anything I write*

Fun fact: Cain is my second favorite character in the entire BTD/TDDUP series. The ONLY reason he isn’t my #1 favorite is because I have an intense love for villainous male yanderes, so Marcus just has an unfair advantage here. If Marcus did not exist though, Cain would be my favorite hands down.

In some ways, Cain is very straightforward in regards to his characters. He’s THE bad guy. If he were in another video game or story, he’d likely be the final boss to defeat. His powers are ridiculous, he’s nearly 3000 years old I think, and I think his creator has implied that he’s not a fan of working under others. He’s had to as a torturer, but hasn’t seemed to like it (though maybe it depends on the other person/character). If his character just came off as too OP to you when playing BTD2, well that’s probably because he’s not supposed to be a push-over :P And the MC of all things in the game is CERTAINLY not a character implied to be anywhere near his caliber to take him on. What’s more, Cain can be considered a bad guy for the VAST majority of his life, and he shows no regrets whatsoever as to the monster he’s become.

Another fun fact is, I actually didn’t make the connection at first upon Cain’s introduction that he’s the Cain from the story of Cain and Abel. You do get some dialogue in BTD2 from Cain about his origins there, but in the event that someone is not familiar with the importance of this background, I’ll dip in a little here. Basically, in the bible you have the first humans, Adam and Eve, and their first sons following that were Cain and Abel. I’m not incredibly familiar with the full story myself, but what happened was the brothers needed (or maybe wanted- don’t remember) to make a tribute to God. Cain was a farmer, so he presented some of his harvest as tribute. Abel was a shepherd, so he slayed some of his livestock and presented it as a sacrifice to God. Between the two gifts, God preferred Abel’s. After this, Cain then murdered Abel. The significance here would be that following this tale of early human creation, that would make this the first act of human murder. So what Cain represents is the origin of one of the most extreme acts of violence on another human being. And when you ask Cain about his feelings on the matter in BTD2, he STILL does not regret murdering his brother after all these years. Apparently the bible doesn’t fully goes in Cain’s motives (so it’s fitting that in BTD2 it’s also left to the imagination), but jealousy is a common theory.

So the Cain we know of BTD2 was punished, marked, and sent to hell I believe. While likely being punished himself, he served a torturer in hell when needed. If you checked through ElectricPuke’s tumblr, you’ll also learn that he would have been used for big events of depression or war such as the black plague and the crusades. Most of the time, Cain was kept in line by the more powerful fallen angels in hell. He’s arguably one of the strongest villains, but not THE strongest person basically (Sam who pops up in one ending was confirmed stronger, but just is held back by rules and restrictions). Recently though, he was able to escape, and he does not plan to go back.

So what’s he do now that he’s out? Repent for his sins and come to terms with his years of torture to try to be a better person and go on a long journey of enlightenment *eyes sparkle*? Pfft, nope. He goes straight to tormenting humanity (likely both small scale and large scale, depending on his mood and what he can get away with without being caught) because that’s what he enjoys the most. That’s the thing about Cain. He does show moments in the game where he’s quiet, thoughtful, and perhaps even lonely. But when you look at him as a whole, he’s just a sadist that does whatever he wants to do. He’s a VERY charming character, but it’s best not to be fooled by this man. Sweet words may just end up being his way of manipulating someone, tempting them, into doing what he wants. He does this frequently throughout the game actually, encouraging you to join tell him your sins, join him in the bath, drink his wine, or join him on the balcony. But if you go back to many of these scenes and see what they lead into (often Cain getting rough and causing harm to the MC), you realize in your attempt to reach out towards the rose…that you forgot about the thorns underneath. Maybe that’s another reason Cain likes roses :P

The complexity to Cain lies in the fact that he’s difficult to figure out…especially when you NEED to figure him out to live. Cain is very fickle, and he gets bored fairly easily. On one hand, he does whatever he wants, and he’s most pleased when he’s tormenting someone. But he does have to still be careful about where he wanders because the other fallen angels ARE looking for him to a degree. And Damien’s aware of Cain’s reappearance and is prepping for whenever Cain decides to start causing mass genocide for the heck of it. How much damage Cain has caused since he’s gotten out btw, I’m not sure. We only know that the MC isn’t his first victim since getting out since apparently he likes to text “weird pictures” to Damien. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say these “pictures”…are likely of his victims after he’s done something horrific to them. Just a guess, but I’d bet good money on that :P

Back to what I was saying though, Cain is still restricted as to where he can go and how often. Damien can’t beat him, sure, but the other angels that can beat him he’s smart enough to avoid. He has to hide away in Tartarus for…who knows how long at a time honestly. That’s not something we learn in the game or are given hints to. Soooo Cain is even MORE bored when he has to sit around his house all day. He can read books, but he’ll probably end up reading his same stuff over and over again to the point where it’s unenjoyable. So what’s he decide he wants to do? Cain wants a pet (and he is the worst pet owner in the world).

Let’s face it, pets are companions that give you something else to focus on in your day-to-day routine and help even ease away some loneliness. But he’s Cain, so a fish, bird, dog or cat isn’t going to cut it for him. Why settle for smaller creatures like those when he could grab something that he can make conversation with, indulge in sexual pleasures…and listen to them scream when he tortures them? Cain makes it VERY clear that he sees the MC as nothing but a toy to him. You may not be a dog, but you’re just Pet 2.0 at best to him. He really doesn’t seem to have a high opinion of humans either honestly. Despite having been one, Cain’s not really all the impressed with what he sees. It’s not like Rire, who Darqx has stated likes humans and prefers to torment them over demons because it’s more interesting to watch something that’s so obviously inferior to you try to fight back. Cain does also like a victim that puts up a fight, but when he says the MC is “interesting,” it’s not explicitly because they are human. Actually, I forget who put up the post, but someone figured out that if you name yourself “Ashe,” then you get a few dialogue changes suggesting MC ISN’T human in this case (it’s a reference’s to Gato’s angel character you meet at the river). Cain can also turn you into a demon or a fallen angel, so he really doesn’t care about keeping you human. So if you wanted to think up an OC to use for Cain’s route, probably any species would work as long as it’s weaker than him (which would….probably be 98% of creatures that come across him anyway).

I fully believe Cain when he says his intention is to kill you in the end. While he’s looking for something more long term than when Rire “plays” with his victims, Cain’s “pets” just wouldn’t last very long. First off, trying to please him is infuriating. If you stay silent right after he’s kidnapped you, he’s unimpressed and kills you by ripping his tongue out. He gets furious if you yell back at him and storm off the kitchen, even calling you a child. Yet he likes if you say you’re not going to roll over for him when you take a bath together, and he gets turned on when you bring a knife and try to stab him. It seems if you want to survive Cain, you have to hit JUST the right notes of feisty and entertaining, while not going too far into a defiant state that's just too obnoxious for the nearly 3000 year old fallen angel to deal with. I myself, just kept getting abandoned and killed by Sam XD I never made him happy enough on my own. It doesn’t help that he’s one of the two characters where you don’t see his heart changes until the very end either. Kudos to whoever figured out those survival endings where you end up with Cain (alive I mean).

Speaking of his age…good luck with either of you relating to each other. That’s one of the hurdles here too if you’re trying to survive. I’ve always said that Cain is more likely to hold sympathy for you than someone like the demon king Rire, because Cain used to be human. That being said, there’s not a whole lot of sympathy for him to give. Like I said, he doesn’t really seem impressed with humans. And one difficulty with relationships where there are rather large age gaps is how life experiences and events (past and current) shape one’s personality and views. Basic example is an 18 year old and a 70 year old will have VERY different life goals and obstacles at the point in time of their lives. The 70 year MIGHT be able to relate to some of the 18 year old’s troubles since they’d have already experienced them, but at the same time they could just wave off those troubles saying “oh that’s not so bad, wait until you have to worry about this.” Meanwhile, the 18 year old of course isn’t going to be able to relate to later difficulties in life that the 50 year old has faced. I know I’m getting a little weird here, and you’re probably thinking “18 and 70 year old in a relationship? That’d be a disaster.” Well now the old man is nearly 3000 years old…you think he cares that much about your college exams, mortgage payments, or taxes you have to pay? Even the MC’s emotional trauma might just seem petty or insignificant to him. And if he picked up say…a 25 year old. You think the 25 year old version of him would have anything in common with a modern day 25 year old? Probably not.

And that’s another thing I like about Cain’s path. Your survival is based on two things: a) Either someone else comes and saves you after you’ve avoided danger long enough or b) your personality and Cain’s end up meshing. If Cain doesn’t care that you’re human, and he doesn’t sympathize or relate to you, you have to hope that you’re the kind of person that’s entertaining and pleasant enough for him. It also might help if the MC is a little masochistic (makes for a better slave) or has some dark thoughts (think of the painting in the one ending). There’s also two different ways this happens. If you get the ending where he turns you into a demon, Puke described that as him making you one of his minions. Whereas the ending where you turns you into a fallen angel, you’re more his equal. So demon ending I see as you are JUST obedient enough to not be boring or obnoxious, but it’s still like he’s just grown attached more to his “pet” to me. Like, he’s kicked you around and harassed you a bit, but when you betray Damien and stay with him on your own he’s like, “Awww that’s adorable. How can I say no to that face?” He’d probably still torture you a bit and keep you in a submissive role (but more playfulness there I suppose?). Is it weird that I could also imagine quiet moments where he’s petting the MC’s head on his lap while he reads a book? Fallen angel ending he’d probably have more respect for you and even treat you as a proper lover, rather than a sex toy.

Going way back to when I said I fully believed Cain when he said he intended to kill you from the start, I think it’s because he doesn’t really expect to end up making everyone he captures a minion or fallen angel (fallen angel probably even less). And let’s say he DOES like a person for quite a while, but never enough to turn them into a minion or fallen angel. He’s probably still eventually going to kill you because he’ll get bored of the same old thing and hasn’t gotten attached to you (this is probably more likely), or because you’re just getting too old to be durable for his torture. Yeah do you think he’d keep someone around when they’re elderly? He’d probably “pet his pet down” much sooner than that. I think he changes someone he REALLY likes into a minion or fallen angel so that they not only become more durable (if he keeps up his sadistic acts) but so they can live longer with him. Humans can barely live to 100. Cain’s so fickle though that my head canon is if he doesn’t grow attached to you after a week of torment, then he just kills you. I don’t think he has the patience to let someone prove themselves to him over a few years. That’s just my opinion though.

I’d have to replay ALL his routes again. Strangely enough despite him saying that he likes a little fight in the MC, it feels like there are more moments where he likes your compliance more. Weird, but I’d have to check into that. Still, with Cain it’s hard to tell whether that compliance just ends up making you too “yes-man” for Cain to really enjoy, or which moments you pick to be feisty won’t end up with you getting your tongue ripped out.

Overall, I think Cain is one of the more interesting characters in the series due to his backstory, charm, consistently evil persona, and survival difficulty. He’s one of the reasons I consider BTD2 more fleshed out than BTD. I know it’s not fair to compare the two games like that since BTD was made very quickly in good humor, but a lot of the characters in BTD2 have a little more to them going on that we get to see in the BTD guys (Strade, Rire, and Akira just doesn’t have as much screentime…I think). And out of the 4 in BTD2, Cain is definitely the most straightforward evil. Nothing really sympathetic about him. I may have said it’s possible that he gets lonely, but “being lonely” doesn’t mean you’re automatically a good person that people should feel bad for right away. Cain has not shown any remorse for what he’s done, and even in the survival endings where you end up with him, he doesn’t imply he’s going to stop being the villain in anyway.

#own post #I am SO sorry this is so long #Apparently I have not let myself talk about Cain enough...#btd2 #cain zeitgeist #electricpuke #horror game #btd

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