#if she wants to spread rumors that is her problem. and i dont wanna know about it

[vivithefolle]

Hey its me who left a comments on your Quora, and bc im a negative hater of Hermione that will make her worshippers cry, i wanna just copy and repeat my unpopular opinions here to yours in order to spread my negativity :p

I think its kinda funny how Rowling self inserted into Hermione but forgot herself is a adult woman, and Hermione is a teenager sometimes, but like only sometimes.

A lot of Hermiones rule bendings and actions just sounds like what an 20s or 30s something would want to do, and would have full conviction as well as planning ability to carry it out. Sorta like the way you cant file a lawsuit and WIN if you are 10 but can if you are 21. Rowling wishes she could do what Hermione can do but forgot she was writing a teenager, then went "oh its ok. She settled it all in the end off pages."

Rowling will be like "Hermione is me and so mature and i wanted to do that to people i hate all my life" when it comes to time traveling - to take more classes than her peers because its fair where? - and "punishing" a bad journalist who spread stupid rumors and "punishing" the students and teachers she hated, or erasing her parents out of her records. Because only adults could break big rules like that and maybe deal with consequences. But then in the same books same chapters she will be like "Hermione is forever 13 year old and hates defying rules" when it come to the characters emotional development. And worse, after that couldnt write all the messy logical backlashes and consequences that this teenagers actions left.

Coupling with Emma Watsons casting and all the Mary Sue script changes influencing later books, the result is the worse, most self entitled, inconsistent, sloppily written female character ever created among all the real, logical teenage characters. Some like Harry is Mary Sue-ish, but hes at least consistent and logical to a teenager. Hermione is a Sue and couldnt even be a decent one that makes a lick of sense.

we like to dunk on Movie Hermione, and her looks and the Ron bashing can make us dislike her because thats not book Hermione, but in terms of being a Mary Sue , movie Hermione is actually a much better written character than book Hermione. One is at least consistent and is a character despite "perfect". Movie Hermiones lines and moments are still things a , very perfect, schoolgirl can know and do. Book Hermione cant decide if shes a teenager character with emotional flaws or a 30 something 4th wall goddess with super meta powers that can solve every characters romance problems. Like you cant choose both of these, Rowling.

its so frustrating bc this is actually why its so hard to convince Hermione lovers and criticizers on points from either side on her personality and her relationships with others. Because a very blazen competent girl that could "punish" teachers and students and new reporters alike on the basis of very adult, very real LAW and ORDER can not act like an jealous, immature 15 year old that also cries all the time with no handle on her emotions, is "book smart" and stick for rules, and vice versa. Which is she?

i now dont really care for Hermione and Ron. She ruined the couple for me. its not that she could be an asshole to him, but because shes not a character. Shes a vessel.

_____

Vivi's commentary: Well darn that is a brutal assessment! I do believe that what the things that make Hermione feel so disconnected is the lack of consequences. I mean, the way she "punishes" Rita and Marietta is totally the way a teenager fantasizes about punishing the people who hurt them, but the fact that Hermione manages to do it without ever having it bite her in the ass is the part that's really making her a Mary Sue for me.

#submission #text post #anti-hermione #anti hermione granger #hp meta #hp critical #jkr critical #jk rowling critical #bad writing

[uno-reverse-fic]

Part 2 Chapter 4

You woke up the next day with renewed energy, having gotten a surprisingly good night's sleep for the past few days. You rushed around your room, getting dressed and gathering a bag with your phone and money. You slipped on your crocs and headed out of your room towards the common area. You snagged an apple from the kitchen for breakfast and shove a granola bar in your bag in case you got a bit hungry before lunch. Kirshima, Mina, Todoroki, and Iida were already waiting for the rest of the group to show up. You sat and conversed with them, as a few more of your classmates showed up. Midoriya, Ochaco, Jiro, Hagakure, Yaoyorozu, Sero, Kaminari, and Tokoyami eventually showed up and you all began your trip to the mall. You sat in between Midoriya and Kaminari on the train, sharing memes with the two of them. You could already feel your spirits begin to lighten.

Once you got to the mall everyone split up into three groups depending on where everyone wanted to shop. You went with Todoroki, Tokoyami, and Sero, and Jirou who were stopping at the emo-teen stores. You liked the anime merch that was usually in those places, but you didn't usually go to them for any other reasons, so you decided that you would break off from them and meet up with Midoriya, Iida, Ochaco, and Kirshima to check out the more nerdy, stores after you hit Hot Topic.

"Alright since Surō wanted to meet up with Midoriya's group we'll go to Hot Topic first, that way you can get on your way without us boring you in the rest of our emo-kid stores." Sero suggested, gaining nods of approval from the rest of the group. The five of you made your way to the second floor, where said shop was located. However without your knowledge, you caught the eye of someone who definitely didn't want you around.

You looked around a bit, gazing in awe at the huge wall of figurines, but nothing peaked your interest enough to spend money on, so you decided to check out and meet up with Midoriya's group.

"I'm gonna go find the others, see ya later!" You said, waving to your friends as you walked out into the busy crowd. You sent a text to Iida, who you knew would respond the quickest, asking where they were. Just as you suspected he responded quickly, and mentioned that they were a few stores to the right of the Hot Topic entrance. You began heading in that direction, and looked down at your phone once again to type a reply. However, in your multitasking, you didn't notice the hooded figure that walked right into you.

"Ow! Sorry, wasn't looking where I was going, my ba—" You looked up to see him walking right past you, clearly unfazed by your collision. He shot you a crooked, yellow, smile and tapped you on the back of the neck.

"Have fun," He whispered slyly in your ear. Then you felt it. An all too familiar, horrible nauseas feeling, accompanied by dizziness. You stumbled your way through the crowd, and caught yourself on a nearby bench. Out of the corner of her eye, Ochaco saw your sickened movements, and rushed over to help.

"Oh my god what happened is everything ok?!" She worried.

"Oh yea, I'm fine. Just felt a little light-headed there." You said, recovering from the sudden burst of sickness.

"Oh my gosh S-Surō! A-are you ok?!" Midoriya stammered, rushing over to you as well to make sure everything was ok. You nodded to him, and did the same to Iida and Kirshima when they asked.

"I'm fine, really. Probably just dehydrated." You told them, knowing full well why you had that nausea burst. He was back, the same villain from before, and you only had 24 hours to come up with a plan, and get him to fix this mess before it started. 24 hours, and the clock was already ticking.

You spent the rest of the morning silently brainstorming ideas, and looking around to see if you could find the villain again. You were sure your friends suspected something was up, but they didn't say anything about it. At lunch Ochaco told everyone what happened, and how they found you clutching onto the side of a bench, trying not to fall onto the floor. Immediately everyone began questioning you and worrying, you dismissed it as possible dehydration, and continued eating. After lunch had finished, everyone decided to go home, the morning seemed to have been enough time for everyone to shop around.

Everyone hung out in the common area when you got back, and rumors quickly spread about your dizzy spell. Everyone bought your excuse, except for one person, Bakugo. He knew exactly what was up, and decided to keep his eye on you until the inevitable happened. He didn't question you however, knowing you would only blow up in his face again, and you had seemed happy enough the past few days, he wanted to keep it that way. He also didn't miss the way you seemed to get lost in intense thoughts quite often that evening. You were trying to form a plan without telling anyone, trying to keep your problems to yourself instead of burdening everyone else, even though that was sure to get you killed.

That night after dinner you were sitting around the TV, talking with some of your friends, when an unexpected news report came on.

"Breaking News: a criminal known as Tarachi Isoya escaped captivity last night. He was last seen wandering around a mall, before leaving in a hurry. If you see this man do not engage with him, and do not allow him to come into direct physical contact with you. His emitter-class quirk allows him to shrink any object he touches, however it's effect only works 24 hours after initial contact. He is extremely dangerous and has successfully taken on pro heroes. If you see him, immediately call the police." Then the report ended, and all eyes immediately shot towards you.

"Heh heh, what a coincidence that I happened to get a dizzy-spell on the same day he showed up at the mall." You sweated nervously. Mina cut in,

"So, dehydration. Is that also a side effect of his quirk." She said sarcastically.

"Yea what were you gonna do once you... ya know. Shrunk?" Kaminari asked, wary of his word choice, for fear of another attack.

"Ok, lets stop harassing the soon to be shorty and formulate a buddy system." Kirshima remarked, sliding in a small joke along with his idea.

"I don't need a buddy system." You said,

"I'm fine."

"You wont be saying that tomorrow at— wait do we even know what time it happened?" Ochaco asked. Midoriya shook his head,

"No, I vote for the buddy system strategy."

"Oo oo! We can make it like a game! Each hour we'll switch out, and we can draw lots to see who gets which hour of the morning! And then whoever is around when she shrinks gets to take care of her until we can figure out what to do next!" Kaminari chimed in again. That was it, you couldn't take the thought of your friends placing bets on your life. To them maybe it was a simple game to see who would have to hold the responsibility of taking care of another human, but to you, this was a live or die situation.

You got up and went to the bathroom, passing Bakugo, who was obviously eavesdropping, on your way there. He grabbed your arm before you could go any further.

"What do you want blondie?" You asked him.

"I wanna give my input on the situation." He said.

"Fine make it quick." You snapped.

"I think you shouldn't have tried to hide it from them in the first place, they eventually would have picked up on it, and if not you'd be dead meat without me. I was the only one who knew, and I know for a fact you would rather die than spend another week with me," You nodded at him, confirming his assumption,

"I don't think its right that they're drawing lots to see who gets to carry you around in their pocket for who knows how long. However, the idea of someone keeping an eye on you isn't a bad one. Just try to take my advice, and rather than have them decide who takes care of you, do it yourself. Make a decision quickly, before you dont have any authority over them." He concluded, letting go of your arm, and finding that you didn't storm off right away. Instead you pondered his idea for a moment before shaking your head and turning to head to your room.

"Tch, idiot. She's gonna wake up tomorrow and realize she shoulda listened to me." He muttered to himself before turning in for a good night's rest.

The next day you woke up to a knocking on your door,

"Surō, wake up! We cant have you in your bed all day, we have to keep an eye on you!" Iida exclaimed, his overly enthusiastic voice muffled by the door.

"Ok, gimme a few minutes." You already hated today, it was once again the beginning of your living nightmare. You pulled on the same gray t-shirt and red shorts you had worn the last time, having found they were quite comfortable to spend an entire week in. You slugged downstairs to be greeted with words of worry, and concern. You were completely mad at anything and everything, your weekend was ruined beyond belief. You made yourself your last cup of coffee for the next few weeks, and quickly downed the hot liquid. Today was going to be entirely about avoidance. You dropped your mug in the sink, and before you could run back off to your room, you were greeted with Ochaco's smile.

"Hey Surō! So last night we drew lots, and lucky me, I got the first hour!" She said cheerfully, but her voice soon dropped,

"Sorry about all of that, after you left Midoriya suggested that we let you decide, but you had already gone to sleep, so we were forced to go with Kaminari's idea." She told you, and you shrugged at her.

"Maybe we can take a walk outside since it's supposed to rain later today." She suggested.

"Sounds good to me." You knew the real reason she suggested that, it was because it was one of the last normal things you could do before your life went tumbling downhill again. You went with it anyway, taking her idea as a gift of gratitude. It was too bad she definitely wouldn't be the one to keep you for the next few weeks, you trusted her kind nature.

The first hour consisted of you and Ochaco chatting, and walking around the campus, by the time you made it back to the dorms, Yaoyorozu was waiting patiently, with a hot cup of tea, for your arrival. You spent the next hour with her, and the hour after that was with Midoriya, the two of you watched anime the entire time. After that was Mina, who decided that watching a rom-com would be a delightful way to spend her hour with you, the movie wasn't bad and despite your lack of endearment towards that genre, Mina ended up finding one that you enjoyed quite a bit. However this cut into the next hour, which you were to spend with Kirshima,

"Aw darn, I didn't wanna disturb your movie, so I waited til you finished, but now we only have 40 minutes." He complained, and you comforted him with a pat on the back.

"Sorry bout that. I gotta go to the bathroom real quick is that ok?" You asked.

"Yea, I'll wait right here." He answered, and you made your way to the bathroom for a short break. You weren't the happiest camper, because next up was Kaminari, and you definitely didn't wanna get stuck with him.

As you walked out of the bathroom however, you saw Bakugo walking in your direction, hands shoved in his pockets, and eyes fixed ahead of him. He wasn't there to watch you, but his plans soon changed when he saw you stumble back with a surprised look on your face. A horrible wave of dizziness and nausea washed over you, and in a panic, you stumbled backwards, tripping over your own feet. Bakugo's fast reflexes allowed him to catch you before you fell, but he gasped when you began shrinking in his hold. Your eyes opened and immediately locked onto his, you quickly pushed from his hold and stood up to regain your composure, but your pride was short lived. You watched in horror as everything grew around you steadily. Your eyes darted around frantically, and when they landed on Bakugo you felt the tears run down your face.

"No. No. No. Not here. Not now." You said, backing away from him. You didn't want a repeat of last time, you were scared, terrified, as Bakugo's growing form loomed over you. Tears ran down your face,

"Please, please don't take me." You cried to him, his hand came down gently on your shoulder, enveloping it, and part of your arm, as you continued to shrink.

"Surō listen to me. I'm not gonna hurt you, please stop looking at me like that." He said, but you couldn't move, frozen in place with terror. You were at his waist now, and he slumped down to his knees to level himself with you. He spoke again,

"Surō, please, trust me. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. I'll protect you with my life. I promise. Please just forgive me, I had no idea what I was doing to you." He pleaded, it surprised you, he was practically begging for you to trust him. You had no idea what compelled you to do so, but in that moment you listened to him. You wrapped your arms around his growing neck, standing on his thigh to reach him as best you could. You felt his hands wrap onto your back, comforting your shrinking form. You cried into his chest, feeling his hands behind you, and you felt safe. You didn't completely trust him, but there was something in the way he spoke to you, that compelled you to listen. You felt the warmth of his chest, and you could hear his heart beating, growing louder with every second.

But just as soon as it began, it was over. You slumped against his hold, feeling his hands tremble slightly at the feeling of your tiny form. You could feel him tense up when you shifted to look up at him. He held a look of concern in his eyes, and he took a deep breath before he spoke to you once again,

"Your safe with me."

MASTERLIST

#mha #g/t #fanfic #bakugo #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugo x oc #bnha #UNO REVERSE

[arctic-rising]

1-5, 9, 16, & 37!!

tysm for the questions!! this got…real long.

1. Write from the perspective of an outsider of your lair, what is their first impression? How have they discovered this group? How are they greeted?

      The young spiral twirled around her companion, twisting among the towering reeds. The skydancer, a map clenched in their claws, laughed as they caught sight of flashes of purple scales.       “When do you think we’ll be there?” Impressive stalks of bamboo clattered against each other as the little dragon zipped through it, and then back onto the well worn path.       “Well,” The skydancer tilted their head as they looked over the map, “if my calculations are correct, we should arrive there…now!”The tall bamboo- tall enough to reach towards the clear blue sky, seemed tiny in comparison to the massive painted gates that rose into view. Two stone towers with green and orange banners flanked the gate; shadowed figures darting around the structure could just be made out as plush clouds glided over head. The closer the duo approached, the louder the song of wind chimes became. When the shadow of the arch passed over them, they could make out heavy ropes draping bowls of unicorn dust and cerdae sparkle; the golden and red glitter contrasting against the green painted doors. A massive wind flight symbol had been engraved and then painted over in white across each door, splitting it in half when the gates where open.       The spiral gasped in delight and fluttered through the open doors. The skydancer followed, smiling as they kept pace with their friend through the crowds. Dragons of all kinds and all flights mingled through the cobble streets- some filtered into inns and taverns, others went straight for shops while some were content to sit underneath over hangs and watch.        The spiral soon fluttered back and wrapped herself around her friend, clinging to their fur as they walked. Her wide eyes darted around, moving from a snapper in furs to a ridgeback in armor, then over to a smattering of fae.      “You alright there?” The skydancer asked. The spiral looked up at them, her purple eyes turning a soft lavender in the sunshine.        “There’s so many dragons here. So many. Didn’t you say this place was hidden?”       “Yes! It’s hidden to those outside of the Plateau, and this place’s allies I’d assume. But, if you’ve been around here for a while you can figure out where it is easy enough.”       “But how did you figure it out? And where did you get that?” She poked at the parchment with one toe. The skydancer laughed and tugged it away.       “This? Got it from a friend! Who got it from another friend, and that one got it from their uncle, and that uncle got it from another friend. Probably.” The skydancer gracefully slid out of the way of an armored bogsneak who bared a white wind flight symbol. She nodded respectfully, and was soon lost to the crowds.       “You see, GuidingWinds is a trade hub. It has to rely on visitors to survive, but it wants to be a safe place at the same time, yes? So, tell me friend, what’s the best way to spread word of your little home to your neighbors, and your neighbor’s neighbors without letting all of dragon kind know?”       The spiral frowned and thought for a moment. She shrugged.       “Word of mouth, but of course you through in some rumors to help keep things under lock and key. You know, some lizards don’t believe this place even exists! But us wind folk know, annnd because we like our reputation we tell others about this place! Only if we like them though. It’s no good ratting your lovely neighbor out when they’ve been nothing but kind.”       The spiral blinked, her eyes going impossibly wide. “No- that’s so clever! But what happens if a bad egg gets in anyways?”       “That’s what the kingdom champions are for dear. You saw that bogsneak back there, yes? She was one of them- they’re an elite force that keeps the peace, and collects treasures and goods for the kingdoms personal stock. They’re awfully nice until you break the rules. Then they’re not so nice.”       The duo’s conversation continued as they slipped through the streets, two smears of color adding to the sea of manes and scales in the afternoon light of the Kingdom.

2. Is there a class difference in your lair? If so, how do the ‘lower’ ranks of their society live? If not, how do they maintain equity?

Ooo, yeah there’s very much a class difference. Thankfully the big wigs up in the castle (mostly lucien and azuleopa) do their best to make sure the treasure is being spread equally throughout the kingdom. Some dragons have more things because they either came into the kingdom with more money, or they’re just really good at saving up and making good investments. Another factor to keep in mind is the fact that the kingdom gets the majority of its cash via trading with visitors and merchants, so how popular someone’s product is can absolutely influence how much money ya got, and more over how comfortable your home is.

uhh the main reason why the royals are rich is probably because taxes. Merchants, both outside and inside the kingdom gotta pay a fee to keep their business legal and approved within the city, but the tax itself is determined by how much you normally sell in a month. there’s math that i can do with this but i dont wanna.

3. How is discipline dealt out? Is there a legal system? Fair trial? Vigilantism? 

The criminal is normally arrested and placed in temporary holding cells within the castle until Toxin and Arctic can find a time to determine their fate. If they decide that the crime was a minor offense, they’ll decide that the criminal has to do some time of sitting around in a cell before they can leave. Bigger offenses can lead to banishment or long-term imprisonment (or both, if you don’t rot away in the prison first)

4. Are there any important figures in history involved in your lair? Who are they and why are they significant?

Yes! Two dragons (who have been exalted) named Percy and Iolite were some of the first dragons within the clan before it became the kingdom it is now. Toxin, Arctic, Zaleka, Tahara, Phobia, and Adelaide will tell about stories about them if you ask nicely, but they always seem a little sad and wistful when retelling those tales. Percy was a scribe and Iolite was a very sneaky warrior, although both were said to have had hearts of gold. Iolite and Dawn initially trained Zaleka, and Percy helped plan the initial layout of the kingdom before they left. No one knows where they went, mainly because the dragons that knew them won’t talk about it…

and as a side note, Arctic, Toxin, and Dawn are all pretty important historical figures too but they’re still around

5. How has history constructed & molded your lair’s culture, morals and ideals, if at all?

As mentioned before, Dawn and Iolite trained Zaleka to be the fearsome warrior that she is today, and Zaleka went on to pass that knowledge down to the kingdom champions she’s trained. Kingdom champions have a special type of fighting style that utilizes their strengths to their absolute extent by boosting their skills with their innate magic. For example; Tokyo, a wind skydancer, is SUPER fucking fast already, but he uses his wind magic to make himself extra speedy, which lets him get in and out of situations fast and land a tooooon of quick strikes. Each kingdom champions’ fighting style varies, so it’s difficult to anticipate what’s gonna come next!

The kingdom def puts a lot of emphasis of just being nice to each other. The kingdom used to have a nasty serthis problem, and before they were able to fortify themselves a lot of dragons were lost in the conflicts. You don’t know when someone is going to meet their end, so just being kind to others in what moments you have with them is something the founders of the kingdom really emphasized after they lost a lot of their clanmates.

9. What is the political climate? What are some issues currently in the public’s eye?

the fact that literally every single prince and princess has died except Kima is very much a sore point with long term residents. some have blamed Blister, some have blamed the gods, and some think there’s something else going on. most are just thankful that Kima survived though.

another strain is from the events of Bounty of the Elements! haven’t actually gotten to that with the main lore arc, but because of a lot of the internal conflicts within flights (especially fire flight) trade and merchandise has been lacking in some places.

16. Who holds authority or is looked up to in their society? Do they hold any real power, or is it more of a concept?

Regina and Rahab are the queen and king, so of course they are at the very top of the food chain and technically have the most power. Arctic and Toxin have the most favor and influence over the population because of their history with GuidingWinds itself, and in the kingdom Dawn is the most powerful in terms of magic while Toxin is the most powerful in terms of athletic skill. Andromeda, Lotus, and Ana are pretty tied when it comes to who has the greatest potential to be more powerful than Dawn, and Antigone has the greatest potential to be more powerful than Toxin.

also Gaia is a super powered technically immortal druid but she doesn’t care about climbing the power ladder, so she’s more than content with selling weird plants.

outside of the kingdom is a different story. there’s some uh, demigods running around. Balthazar is one of them and is often called ‘the fighter’ because of his prowess in combat. he’ll absolutely reward you if you kick his ass but it’s super difficult, so don’t get your hopes up. he can also transform into a featherback boar at will, so there’s that. Ruthe is the other demigod! she’s called ‘the caster’ because she’s mastered all types of spell casting. she’s also incredibly difficult to beat, but she won’t reward you for kicking her ass. you might be able to convince her to teach you some tips on magic tho! Ruthe can also transform into a powerful beast, but i have yet to choose which one.

37. Are there any common domesticated animals used as livestock, labor or transport? How did this happen? Are they common place?

have i been meaning to figure this out for a while? absolutely!

have i actually figured it out yet? nope

short answer is that they probably have a bunch of the goat and bird based familiars. which ones, i have yet to decide on. i will say that southmarsh podids are absolutely used to pull carts and stuff like that.

#TYSM FOR THESE!!! #lore archives #sh33pskins

[thebiggest3vil]

STORY TIME! #2: I Got Cheated On And Embarassed In Front Of My Whole School😂😢😂 (*Funny!/ Fucked Up!)

So for this story time I'm gonna tell you about how I got cheated on . It's funny but fucked up at the same time so if you like reading then this is the post for you! So back, relax and read how I got PLAYED 😂.

So the first day of HS starts up and ya know things are different. Ya boy is a Sophmore and after a very weird freshman year of HS I started to find my way. I had more friends , I hit a growth spurt after being 4"11 and under my whole childhood life, I had a summer job so when I came back I was drippin in that Armani Exchange (Remember that store!? Damn) So when I came back my dress game went from like a 3 to a 12 and I don't care if that don't make sense it's my story lmao.

(Ok So where was I....OH Ok sophomore year)

So the day goes by and it's time for Gym. Now everyone knows that the first day of gym ain't really gym it's just niggas sitting on the bleachers and for 30 minutes and MAYBE they bring the basketballs out for the last 15. So I goto the bleachers and I see my mans at the top and I'm like "Yeoooo !!" And he went "Ayo boul!!" And that's how we signalled each other at the time lmao. So we sitting waiting for class to start and a bunch of kids walk in (I'm not paying them no mind) and as they got closer to the top all I hear is my name following "YOOO CUZ IT'S BEEN A GRIP!" I look over and it's my bro from my track team . At this point I'm like hype I got my homie in by gym class followed by my other homie...nigga gym was so tough. So as I dap him up these 2 girls walk behind him. One was kinda cute, Brown skin ass was glorious. The other was a lightskin girl, kinda tall was BAD (at the time) omg and I had my best shirt on nd shit I was fly but I'm not really worried cause all my niggas are in gym with me and when has that....ever happened when ALL your niggas had the same class besides lunch. So we sitting and my bro from track called me over and we started catching up. Out of nowhere the lightskin girl grabs my shoulder and asked what my name was (mind you was staring deep into my eyes like nigga my soul, I was beside myself) I told her my name and I went throughout my day.

So like a cool 2 weeks passed and ppl telling me "yoooo Brittney likes you" (Ima call her Brittney cause it's my story lol) mind you at this point it's been established by the brotherhood rank system aka period 8 lunch who were the baddest in school and everyone was tryna talk to them. They were arguably the 5 baddest in the school and niggas were on their heads. Now my one friend bagged one if them on the spot and the other one was already cuffed, but for them to tell me the most sought out one wanted me!? NI-GGA! I was feeling my self I started wearing shit I didn't usually wear to school (side note: I wore this Armani T shirt with the Black true religion jeans and some polo boots with this Hugo Boss jacket I was fly) Anyway weeks go by and I'm in music class talking to to homies and I tell them like yo....im bout to talk to Brittney....the problem was....

Brittney was the ex of my bro from track! So I'm like damn you my homie I'm not gonna do that to you etc I'm like I'm going to chalk It up, he goes "nah bro you good go head we friends but we broke up years ago" (THIS LOW-KEY WAS A WARNING But my dumb ass wanted a girlfriend so I'm like bet where she at?) Ok ok remember how HUGE MySpace use to be? Remember this.: So fast forward I ask for her number and she didn't have one cause idk but she had a house phone plus she added me on MySpace. So on MySpace that's were I started spitting THAT GAME and long story short I changed my relationship status from single to taken and THAT. SHIDD. FELT. GUUD! That shit felt like every nigga in that school had a shot and I came through like M'Baku like "Essssss challuuunge deeeeey" . You couldn't tell me shit , plus we had the same spanish class so we were out her being a couple nd shit and for the moment it was all going great.....until....

On one Friday it was a big ass party and instead of going I went to my Cousins house cause tbh fuck them parties they last like 1 hour always. So the weekend ended and Monday rolls by mind you I was getting calls from random ass numbers and I dont answer those like that so when Monday came around we had a fire drill and as SOON as everyone was outside and saw me they ran to me. I had atleast 8 people Coming up to to me saying "Dog bro you my mans get your girl she was at the party all up on some other nigga". me being naive as fuck is like " brittney? My baby? oh nooooo I don't believe yall shut up" but in the back of my mind I'm like ....wait....coikd she? Naah...so I go ask her and she immediately denies so I'm like ok cool. This was around the same time "rumors" started spread around the school that she was out here for the whole team was thottin and when I brought that up she goes "ww...well...that's not true who are you gonna believe your so called friends or someone who loves you?" AGAIN Me being a dickhead I'm like " Yeaaah baby Bonnie and Clyde, Hov and Bey, Angelina and Brad , we all we got! "(I'm laughing writing this cause I was like this..) Now along the way it was signs that were happening that I thought were weird. She would Always have "family" over or her "cousins" just came over out the blue and she had to get off the phone... 😂😂😂( I know man I know laugh! GO AHEAD! Its been almost 10 years fuck yall for laughing 😂🤣) Nd I'm like for an only child you sure have alot of family coming through. So the noise of it all started to get to me and I was over here questioning the relationship. I had a homie tell me to me face "Bro I do not want to see you get hurt and if you keep talking to her we NOT cool" so that night I'm like it's too many signs and tbh I don't wanna be with you anymore (even thoe I did....i did like fuck and I was acting like a bitch) so we broke it off and that's it.........WRONG!

Remember when I told y'all I was in love like a dickhead....well not even 3 days later we got back together cause she "missed me like crazy" and I'm like "baby I miss you too ajdgssnsjdndkd!😂" so we back together and like for them 5 days we were cool....the 6th day....nigga so I stayed after school with her and she was talking to me about Spanish tutoring and how this other nigga in my class was taking tutoring and that we should go....problem was the Spanish teacher got sick and cancelled so we stayed until the 4:00 bus...for her since she lived close it was the 2:45 shuttle so we kissed and she left. Fast forward to the after school bus my step sister stayed after with me and as we were riding back home she scream my name and says "Hey do you still go out with Brittney!?" Me confidently I'm like yeah whassup? She goes "Well hold on they talking bout she goes out with the one boul aka the NIGGA THAT WAS GETTING THE TUTORING IN SPANISH! I felt like a dickheaaaad on the bus. So many emotions, I felt like my lil bitch ass heart was ripped out, so I went home and called her she said message her in MySpace for right now. Thus is where I bring MySpace back.....how about I look on her shit and She put Boul in her TOP 5 behind me!!!!!!!! I was livid so.....

I messaged her like " Yo, are you and Bro talking what's going on...?" She hits me with a........

"Well I thought we were just friends talking " I was so angry I was like (From what I remember I wish I knew my account info but to sum it up I said ) "BITCH how dare you do that to me I loved you and you disrespected me you punk was blah blah blah " I wrote shawty a whole book angry and after I shut my laptop off.......and cried.

Smh lmao so my step sister growing up never like to see my super upset so idk HOW but she found her house number and I could hear downstairs her arguing with her nd etc. I didn't care I was upset I went on my MySpace and changes ALL my profile songs to breakup shit. Damn near a Chris Brown playlist I was HURT! I was writing cryptic ass messages talking about ima be lonley forever and yeah it was BAD! but eventuall I got over it....and the following Monday she ran straight over to me at was like "oh I'm sorry I really am and I'll get rid of all my contact and etc etc. We gotta spread some rulesnif we wanna make this work" I wasn't tryna hear dat shit. So in the end I said fuck it and we wentniur separate ways. I don't have any hate towards shawty but it was fucked up how I happened. Looking back, everytime I tell this story it gets funnier cause I was sprung. But yeah that's how I got Cheated on.....Never again thoe😂😂😂

[oddmeu]

im so sick of everyone. im sick of my stupid uncles and aunts who have nothing better to do than just talk shit about my mom and my family. im sick of them hating on me and my siblings just because we actually have a nice relationship with my mom. im sick of them trying so hard to find something wrong with us just because their own kids hate them. im sick of having them talk shit about my mom just because she’s the only one who isnt married and actually did something with her life. all they do is talk behind her back and spread rumors even though all that my mother has done is be there for her family and support my grandmother. out of nine kids my mom was the ONLY one who got herself an education and worked just to keep her family alive and support my grandmother while everyone else including my grandfather was doing god knows what. everyone complains about my mom thinking shes a bitch just because she doesnt take anyones shit and works hard. theyre mad because she didnt stay with my shitty father and raised three good kids with the only help coming from my grandmother. they think my grandma only cares about my mom but they refuse to understand that my grandma lived with us our entire lives and we were the only ones that took care of her while everyone us forgot about her. they forget all of the shit they made my grandma go through when they were young while my mom did the best she could to not give her any problems and help her with the house and the family. my mom has been there for all of her siblings but i guess they all forgot about that and decided to hate on her and break off their relationship with her just because theyre all miserable and cant move the fuck on. and my fucking cousins (even after all of the shit theyve done to me and have bullied me my entire life) think they can have a relationship with me knowing very well all of the shit their parents talk about my mom. no fuck you i dont want a relationship with you. you cant even tell ur parents to grow up and stop talking shit even though ur all older than me. u refuse to talk to them and tell them to move on but instead u want to ignore the problem, stop talking to my mom and then act like everything is ok. u wanna act like we can all be decent with each other even though u all also believe all of the stupid lies about my mom and blame her for everything that has happened. u dont even know what happened and yet u refuse to ask my mom about it and just believe whatever my aunt says even though she was the one that left and acted like a fucking child and made a fool out of herself.  i want nothing to do with any of them. my mom has been sick for months and she has been trying so hard to be positive and keep going. she’s had depression, anxiety, she can hardly move, has almost no energy left and was this close to having a heart attack. and yet she has been doing her best to keep my family going and supporting us as well as my fucking uncles who keep talking shit about her and my siblings just because they see that we’re actually doing well and not giving my mom any problems. i swear if anything happens to my mom i wont have any other reason left to keep going. shes the reason why im still alive and if i lose her then i just cant do it anymore. i just want everything to stop im sick of it all.

#im so fucking tired

[auroraynld]

Saturate

Saturate.

— v. /ˈsaCHəˌrāt/  to cause (something) to become thoroughly soaked with liquid so that no more can be absorbed.

I wanna say that i feel like i am saturated because i felt thoroughly soaked with those unwanted things —hoax, depressions, toxic people and their influences, and moreover, misbehavior and broken trusts— until i can’t even absorb anything anymore, not even lights and kindness.

Yes. I’m at this very phase of fed-up where i believe that i would really love to give up everything just to be happy, drama-free, and get the hell out of this place, pls. I’m weary of my current conditions, internally, externally, politically, mentally, and physically. Call me weak, but that’s what i really feel right now, where my cats can’t even amuse me anymore.

Internally, i’m on the edge of breaking down because of my anxiety of job-seeking, being unemployed, and my current regret of “dammit why did i took this major in the first place?!”. Tbh, i really wanna be who i always dream of, a diplomat or career woman, worked in the big ass company, got tons of respects from my friends, family, colleagues, etc. Yet, it’s not that simple, dear. Life is not that easy, it’s not as simple as studying, get a scholarship, get an offer on the job you want. No. Big no. Life is depressing enough till you can cry almost every night caused by the same reason you cried over the night before.

Externally—plenty of stuffs actually, yet i’ll start with my nuclear family. My biological mom has been ignoring me since the beginning of this year because of drama between her and my dad where i was dragged on to their stage, congratulated her on her birthday last April, no answer, asked her for apology earlier this month due to the Eid Mubarak, still no answer. My dad and stepmom got into a financial crises, not merely crises, yet they have gotten themselves in financial difficulties due to the economical and digital development, thus i lived with my aunt since i was in high school so at least i can save them a burden. Nevertheless, my aunt who has taken care of me, she decided to resign due to some internal problems, quite a few moments after her husband passed away, and so now she’s unemployed with a limited cash and a slight of assets. My other aunt and uncle, as usual, stingy and selfish, don’t care about the need of their nieces and nephews whilst they have a lot of money and assets, yet still, no feelings or pities. Other uncle, unemployed, spoiled brat, selfish, freak, and doesn’t care bout anything but himself. Those aunts and uncles are not very fond of my stepmom, idk why, well actually i know why, she talks too much, she complains too much, well tbh i don’t really like it too tho, but she’s my mom what can i do?! Dad? not helping, he forbid my stepmom to work and yet that’s triggered her bad habit of talking and complaining too much. And there’s one very close friend of my aunt that’s stupid and annoying, she always bring bad influences to my aunt where it’ll also spread to the whole family. Messed up? I know, that’s the reason why i really want to flee from this house and city.

Friends? Nope. No one but three that i can trust and i accounted for. Peer groups? Nope. I don’t like those spoiled brats who never listen and just go for what they actually need. Yes, i can say that i might be an extrovert but i don’t think that i really have friends since i’m that complicated person and i am that picky and i can’t simply hang out somewhere just to do...nothing???? I might be a fan of shopping, sight seeing, and hang around the malls for hours, but that’s all, without any of those not-so-friends, ok? And frankly, with their existence, i can always say that they actually the ones who make me depressed even more ever since i think i was always be in the dark, never get accounted for, and they never care about me. Not even a chance. :)

Politically. My family was exposed by hoaxes due to the presidential election last April, and the started to become the die-hard fans of the opposition, where they can’t even stop talking and spreading the black campaigns and rumors even after the election finished, and they keep saying that the election was corrupted, there was a big foul in the game. They refused to accept the lost, and keep hoping for an uprising. Shaking my head, i’ve tried so much, to make them understand, to tell them the facts that i had as a neutral citizen and an IR student, yet they-just-dont-wanna-listen. Why? They believe that this country was messed up enough and almost gone to the leftist wings a.k.a. communism. I really wanted to say, you stupid brat, no, it’s your brain and those quasi-religious people you look up to that gone way too far. Politics are just full of game. You know that, you should know that those quasi-religious people are just full of shit and they have no brain.

Those rants above are the reasons why i have this very problem with my very own self. The toxic condition around me drives me insane. It also exhausts me mentally whereas that exhaustion also affects me physically. I know that everybody might says “keep the positive vibes”, “don’t give up”, and those “love yourself”. But, haha, hun? You know what, keeping the positive vibes and loving myself is not that simple. If you were in this condition that you hate, you might wanna flee, i bet, and i guess, fleeing itself is the implementation of loving yourself that i never could’ve done due to my very own condition.

So, you might say that i’m giving up? Yes, i’m about to give up. I’m very weary.

I am saturated.

[escapinglight]

Allllrighty, before I go to sleep, I need to get some anger and pain off of my chest. This past year one of my irl friends has been ranting to me and another irl friend about how horrible her life is and how much she hates it. Granted all the reasons shes given are understandable and I feel for her. However, this friend also complains a lot about how she doesn’t care about her other irl friends problems and that she doesn’t have the time or patience for them.

One of the problems being “they’re both skinny and beautiful so they dont have a right to feel insecure about their bodies cuz Im fat and they never had to deal with the pain Ive dealt with” while the latter is true that does not mean theyre both not gonna have problems anyway.

Ive also learned that this irl friend also talks about me behind my back to our shared irl friend.

How Im too liberal, loud, annoying, and Im mostly annoying because I complain about being lonely a lot when neither of them are around and how Im skinny and why dont I just date? Basically saying I could have anybody I want cuz Im skinny.

And you know, shes probably right, if I actually went and tried I could probably have anybody I want cuz I can be really pretty and have been told Im a wonderful person to be around.

However

This isnt going to happen anytime soon.

Now I know that I could never equate my body issues to a fat person body issues. i know that the world doesnt automatically label me as ugly cuz I am not fat. I know I have a stereotypical beautiful skinny body.

THIS DOES NOT CHANGE THE FIRST 18 YEARS OF MY LIFE.

I was constantly made fun of and bullied, mostly by guys, because I did not fit the mold mentally and didnt dress the way the other kids did.

NEVER ONCE did I have someone express interest in me romantically or in a healthy way because to everybody I was a freak for the things I enjoyed.

THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO ACT OPENLY ATTRACTED TO ME ARE FUCKING STALKERS OR PEOPLE WHO JUST WANNA FUCK ME.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LITTLE I TRUST PEOPLE TO LET THEM IN LIKE THAT AFTER 18+ YEARS OF EXPERIENCING THIS?!?

HELL NO AM I GONNA LET ANYONE NEAR ME LIKE THAT cuz the first thing that comes to my mind is that they have ulterior motives. The ONLY thing I can think is that

“That cute person who looked at you and smiled only did that cuz youre a freak”

“This guy is only bein nice cuz he wants to get in your pants”

“These people who say they love you and want to support you only keep you around so they can get dirt on you, spread rumors, and laugh about you behind your back”

YES I AM NOT FAT YES I WILL NOT EVER EXPERIENCE THE ATROCITIES THAT FAT PEOPLE EXPERIENCE

Yes I am still going to be fucking insecure because I was mistreated for the developing years of my life by my peers anyway.

This is why I dont talk to her about any of my problems cuz I know shes just gonna complain about me behind my back.

Im getting tired and if I hear shes been talking about me again instead of actually confronting me about it I will end this friendship and she will cry and complain but I ust wont care anymore

#long post #negative #body image

[survivornavarino]

Episode #5: WE LANA DEL REY TONIGHT FAM -Rebecka

Back from exile so here's the happenings ~Immediately cried to Beckka about Tim leaving and being slaughtered in my arms. ~Messaged Trixie, well she messaged me about what happened our other tribal. ~Messaged all the favs cuz idc if Im at the bottom, im obviously bottom of fans or favs so WHATEVER. ~Talked a lot to Julia cuz we have a lot in common (Witchcraft, being 16 y/o babies, getting lit) ~Told all the favs I have no one in this game which is true. FAVS IF YOU LISTENING TAKE ME IN. PLEASE AND THANKS. ~Messaged Vi cuz at least she was with me.

Honestly what were they thinking with voting out Tee? I guess that's a challenge threat out of the way, so I won't complain.

https://youtu.be/HepZnpuimhM ________________________________________________________________ https://youtu.be/IJWWj23olkA

HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE LANA DEL REY SO MUCH NICE TRY AMIRADOR GET READY PUT ON UR ACRYLIC NAILS AND WINGED EYELINER WE LANA DEL REY TONIGHT FAM 

So the bad news is I found out Drew has been hardcore dropping my name since the game started and I thought we were cool but it's fine snakes will be snakes. I think he's a little shook about my at bat (me having won 1/3 games I've played) cause he's hinted at how crazy that is. And that would explain why he's pulling out fake receipts and conspiracies to get me out. Whew game recognize game https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/ryans-reality-network/images/6/61/Awright_alyssa_edwards.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150724035546 The good news is Eddie is a real one, we really are Joe and Desi from HvHvH, and he spilled all the tea. And honestly we have a similar playing style so we're really about to go the distance, especially if I never get reunited with Julia or Rebecka. SO we need to slay this lip sync so we both live but on the off chance we lose, things are gonna kick into high gear. I've only seen one season of Survivor (HvHvH) but Tyler convinced me to watch Kaoh Rong and let me just say that has shed some light on things. Voting Jacob? Will always be there. Sending another fan out? No problem. Voting long-term? Now that's not a bad idea. So when I said, "What if we got Drew out?" Eddie was all ears. Obviously this is super early and under wraps BUT between the two of us we can make it happen. The key is Tyler and Jake so if we can get them we have a guaranteed majority. It all comes down to timing and the pitch. This is our best chance to clock Drew and whoever fails the vetting process will be left out. If Eddie says that whenever someone takes a shot at Drew they can't afford to miss and that has to be a blindside, then this plan has to be airtight. I wonder who could pull something like that off https://media.giphy.com/media/QmeB1Hr5fz7a0/giphy.gif

I volunteered to do the music video since I was a film major and have professional editing software. It puts a good deal of pressure on me because if we lose it looks like I really dropped the ball. However, I’m hoping that my attempts to organize us and edit the entire thing will earn me some respect and points from my tribe. It’s a bit frustrating getting ideas out of everyone. Nobody seems to want to volunteer thoughts or contribute to the brainstorming and we don’t have much time at all to get this done.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CdgOebQNYEE ________________________________________________________________ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cdsZyoPZe5Q

First challenge on a new tribe and we lost. WHOOP DE DOO. Im going to try and find an in with the favs and hopefully stick with them. Saying how I have no allegience in this game. Also I keep forgetting that I can idol hunt so Im just casually at level 4 still I think. Ill probably look in the morning. But what were we thinking with Great Balls of Fire. That song is iconic and now that Tyler won he has chances of getting an in with people, but I want him gone Obviously no can do since I am not on his tribe anymore. Might as well dwindle down his numbers from this side then.

So we lost the lip sync. I had to apply lipstick for the first time so that was fun. Sadly one of us has to go home and my guess is it's either Heather, Trixie or Vi unless me or another favorite is getting targeted secretly. I need Heather and Trixie in the game if i'm being honest, mainly due to Trixie having rumors spread about her on the OG Admirador tribe and I wanna see if I can mess around with that. Then Heather was saying that people on the OG Admirador tribe were being fake to her, and she also told me Tyler got paranoid due to Heather not responding to Tyler's messages. So I hope Tyler makes it past merge, because I can work with paranoia. For those who don't know I'm trying a villainy thing and it's probably gonna fail miserably and I'm gonna look like a dumb fuck but I was the hero on my season and I wanted to try villainy out. I'm not good at long confessionals I apologize I feel like i'm the kid in the class presentation who speaks in a monotone voice and makes everyone fall asleep.

Me to the other tribe if/when i reach merge and we get to talk: https://desmadrechic.tumblr.com/post/171063789210/oh-god Ignore the caption that came with the video ajsjsjdkjd

So the other tribe voted out Tee and I'm a n g e r y The challenge was a music video. Still a n g e r y We won. Still a n g e r y!

So like this is bad for the fans, I feel like the faves will just band together and take the easy vote route, I need to socialise today. I need to just make strong social bonds and make sure people want to keep me around. I wanna act dumb and want them to think I am a free number for them. I like Drew and feel like he will be loyal to me, I am no 100% sure what Mitch and Autumn will do but I feel like they will keep me over Jake and Tyler if we end up going to tribal.

Well look at that I got added to a new alliance chat...! Autumn added me, Tyler, and Eddie to an alliance and we named it "Keyboard Smashers" and um I like everyone in it but I also like Drew...so I'm gonna protec him! If we lose and we're still on the same tribe I think I'd want to vote out Mitch since he hasn't made any efforts to talk to me individually. It's a shame bc I think we'd have a lot in common, but oh well! Tbh I have a feeling that we're gonna swap into 3 tribes of 5 next round...my psyche is telling me this...and I'm always right! But I hope I'm wrong because I feel like I'm in a really good position on this tribe and I'm scared to swap on a tribe with people from the other tribe because I think Heather and Vi wouldn't work with me, neither would the faves on the other side. Anyways...I'm a bad bitch.

We just did THAT and I'm happy for it. I've not gotten the chance to be as much if a social butterfly as I would like because my work situation is still adjusting, so if I can keep staying safe until merge that would be highly appreciated. HeatherAs of right now he vote is Vi. I dont agree with it since she is the only one who has been truthful to me in this game so far. But I dont see any way of saving her right now. My only choice I feel in this game is to team up with the favs and get out the fans, which I don't mind as long as that fan isn't me. Plus the fans (minus my loves Vi and Tim) all left me out of the vote. If they think I am going to crawl right back to them come another swap or merge, they have something coming. HOPEFULLY THIS VOTE ISNT ME OR ILL CRY.

So I'm just like really sad because I love vi and I never wanted to vote her out of this game but I have to and that's really sad.  I don't really have much else to say I just feel super guilty.

du du du..... another fan bites the dust and another fan gone, another fan gone another fan bites the dust

Why is it that each tribal gets messier than the last? Well maybe I should back up. We lost... again. Wow what curse have we brought to this tribe. I call bs since we were nice enough to give an upbeat song. The judges are bias smh. Anyways literally no one talked. What vote who? I dunno. It’s super silent which brings bad news. Probably gonna have to expect to be voted out tonight. Oh well. Hopefully heather doesn’t get voted out but I feel like it’ll be another fan that’s gone. The favs know each other and so they’re banding together I believe. Such sadness. I’ll just have to wait until tribal to know tho

Oh, right, this is a thing I need to do. Anyway, same boring shit as always, I'd put "Drew won an immunity challenge" as my mood message but it could be about anything, really. I think there are only like two tribal challenges I've ever lost in Athena. Bonus points because it was the music video challenge so you know my ass floated by and gave it all of ten minutes of thought, but we had a damn savant on the tribe! I love it when tribe swaps work out well for me. People were expressing all this sadness for Trixie and Vi going to their fifth tribal in a row and I'm just sitting here like listen, any goddamn time someone wants to take my seat at tribal and give me the night off, they're welcome to it. Denise Stapley is a cute look on some people, I guess. I'm just fine over here with my Cirie Fields kickback realness, I don't need tribal council, y'all can wait until FTC to give me a torch as far as I'm concerned.

What's the haps? Stress, angina, and crippling anxiety. Anyway. We won immunity which I'm real happy about because I can nOT go to tribal council. I absolutely refuse to lose and I'm really hoping I just make it to merge without attending a tribal council. For some reason I feel like I will I will either go to like the tribal before merge and leave at the first tribal I attend or I will make it to merge without losing and I will be merge boot. I really am happy because I feel like if we went to tribal council Drew would have targeted Autumn which is something I am SOOOO against. I literally sold my soul to that girl and that's who I'm riding with for the rest of the game. So because I love ha so much I kind spilled the beans to her about Drew targeting her. I feel like really bad about it though cause I do consider Drew a close friend but for some reason I'm really having a hard time trusting him. I just feel like he's only with me until he doesn't need me anymore and then he'll totally see me for the threat that I am and take me out. I feel so bad about it but I just feel like it's what I needed to do to show Autumn that I trust her and have her back. Because of that I think Autumn would've gone after Drew and I feel like I would've had to pick a side and I really just can't vote Drew out yet njvjsdfkdnsjk. I would literally feel terrible about it cause I usually don't turn on my close allies pre-merge but if he goes after Autumn then I have no other choice. As I'm typing this I'm beginning to wonder why I didn't just tell Drew that I didn't want to vote Autumn out. Maybe he would've said ok we can target somebody else. Why don't I trust him enough to say that? Hmm idk I'm just so on edge. So a 4 person alliance was created and I'm soooooo happy. MY first alliance in this game! I finally feel have something I can maybe rely on and trust for a bit. It includes Autumn, Jake, and Tyler all of which I LOVEEEEE. Like omg this is my dream alliance I'm screaming. If we stick together we at least have enough to tie it. But who knows what will happen. I'm watching you JAKE >.>

#TurnUpTheHeat #confessionals

[abotmi]

hola!

so, what im gonna post in this page is just about me. like, what happen in my live everyday. or people aroung me. so yeah, let me introduce my self first!

you can call me lia. well actually i dont want to tell yall my name bcs i want it secret, but lia is not what people call me so yea. umm i was born on march 25. im a girl. im on my sophomore year right now

what im gonna tell you guys in here is my story (my real life story) from today. so im not going back to the past to tell all about it. but if you are curious about it im going to tell you a lil bit of it hehe. here we go!

so i really hate school. i like to meet new people, but i just really hate to studying. especially for math. so when i was like in the 8th grade i tried to stop caring about my grades and guess what? yes. its going downnn but it’s not as bad as u think. but still bad tho. okay.

so since i was like little, i really like to socialize with other people. but i was like kind of bitchy atm. so when people knew my habit, they didn’t really like me anymore. so when i was in 7th grade, i had a really really close friends. her name was lorenza. she’s nice and cute. but as time goes by we didn’t really close anymore. we’re still friends, but just like ‘friends’ nothing more. i know why that happens. because i always said something without thinking what other peoples feeling. thats selfish. i kno. but yea for me it’s just kinda hard to change that habit. and one more thing, i really really reallyyyy like to swear. i swear like 100/1 so its really bad. i like to say shit about people which is not got. i got into a lottttt of trouble when i was junior. i almost got dropped out because of that. i call my teacher a bitch, my close friends, etc. im that type of people who can’t control what they going to say when they’re mad but after a while im just going to forget it all and livin my life like nothing happened. and that’s what make me got into a lots of trouble. i didn’t even said sorry!

so ok when i was in 8th grade, i had this girl friend, her name was pricil. she is actually sooo basic. idk i didn’t said i was different or anything but pricil is copying my style! like, everything! my clothes, shoes, hair, makeup, how i talk to other people, how i text other people, etc! i mean, man! that’s just makin me insane! just be your fuckin self! she’s trying soooo hard to be me! i just really hate it. i dont like it. so i spread rumors about her said she was a slut and she’s really poor, they just lived in an old fugly house etc. so yeah we fight and stopped being ‘friends’. were still friends, but were not THAT close anymore.

so rn im on 10th grade. when i moved to this new school, people went crazy. idk why!! they’re crazy about my face. they said im pretty etc. im actually really curious and uncomfortable with it because there are LOTS people wayyyyy moreeee better than me. but as time goes by i enjoyed it. i admit that my face have really helped me going through all this shit. since i was little, people who met me for the first time really like me because my face. they said im pretty and shit. even though i show em a really bad attitude they still like me. so once i think “oh okay im going to act really really bitchy and treat other people like shit. they’re not going to leave me anyway”. yea they didn’t left me. im still friends with people i treat like shit but i feel really really bad after a while. so im going to see a psychiatrist and he told me that i had a problem with my attitude and habit. he started giving me medicine and all and i tried to be a better person and voila! i got a friend! like, real friends! i mean, im still shit but im goint better and better. i can control my emotions and all. but sometimes i just really really cant control it and it made me had a severe mood swing. i mean, at 8 pm i can be super nice to other people but at 8:03 i changed to bitch mode and treat everyone like shit. but it’s getting better. i mean, yea my mood still swings like crazy but they are not as they used to be.

o yea and my psychiatrist said that MAYBE i had bipolar. i USED to think that bipolar was cool and depression was sooo edgy (stupid, right?lol) but one time, i got depressed, i feel like i wanna die. i wanna hurt my self. i wanna do bad things to myself. i think that my life didn’t matters. and when my psychiatrist said thay maybe i got bipolar, i was just so so depressed and it just really bad.

so yea thats all 4 today sorry for the bad english tho <3

[whisperingspiders-blog]

Probably gonna delete this post when i get to work but for now i need to talk about my problems into the void again cause that seems to help at least a little. So a while back i asked my ex not to be spreading rumors about me when my mom came to me to ask if i had cheated on my ex. In addition to that a few other people began reacting strangely to me and i didnt fully understand why. When i asked her to stop spreading rumors about me she insisted she hadnt, and that she had only told the truth. Saturday night my mom calls me to tell me that grace and an old friend of ours came over to her house (they love my mom, understandably so shes a great human) and grace took back saying that i had cheated. Unfortunately she then decides to tell my mom that i had STOLEN my roommates car, which never happened. I dont take the car without her knowledge, permission if shes awake, and i always put gas in if im driving a decent distance. Anyways my mom called and told me this and told me to make sure that my roommate hadnt said anything that would suggest that. When i asked my roommate she said her exact words were "he probably took the car rather than walking." To me that doesnt really scream "thief fucking stole my car" and more screams "hes a little lazy and doesnt wanna walk for two hours if he can help it." I just feel like my trust has been so thoroughly betrayed and i dont know by who. Almost everything ive heard, from several different people, doesnt add up. Someone is lying to me, or at the very least about me, and i dont know who is doing what or why. I dont believe my ex is lying to me, definitely not intentionally lying about me. But someone somewhere must have lied to her and i can only think it was one of my friends but that just feels too paranoid. I want her to stop demonizing me to herself and others. I hope she can start seeing the real me again, instead of this monster shes created in her head where i used to be. After everything thats happened she still holds my heart in her hands and she always will. I dont want anyone else to have my heart, and even with my trust issues lately regarding her i still dont trust anyone more than her with it.

#personal #yeah i think imma delete this later #its just me trying to put my brain process into words #its really hard #especially when my brain is processing faster than i can type #im so frustrated #because ive apologized profusely for my mistakes and she doesnt show a drop of remorse for anything #i wont ask for an apology ever #but i really would like one for all the bullshit and shade thats been thrown my way #i know i wont get one either #part of why i wont ask #i want her to actually give enough of a shit to see how its at least a little fucked up #idk probably just dreaming with that one