#im fucking puerto rican I should be fine

[errorciphersystem]

I honestly don't know whether or not people outside my circle do this or not but when it gets too hot in my apartment I'll just sit in a cold shower. Like a COLD shower. I used to DESPISE cold showers, now I use them for comfort in the damn heat.

#too hot outside #too hot inside #too damn hot #heat #i hate the heat #i was born in the heat and i still hate it #im fucking puerto rican I should be fine #but no this damn heat is the end of me #ive had to put frozen veggies on my head to cool down before

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂😅????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #relationships i guess #internet stuff #this went in a bigger direction that i thought it would lmao #but anyway

[adlexegam]

please tell me, am i in the wrong?

so basically i decided to join here cause i at least know my post wont get removed here. i tried posting my story on reddit’s AITA but my post kept getting removed because on their posts you cant post about abuse. so fuck it, here i am, hoping for someone other than my bf and myself to tell me im not wrong. context:i decided to invite my boyfriend over without telling my parents, i did it max 5 times. i was 16 at the time and he was 18. i got caught and my punishment was to get my phone taken away, my number cancelled, im no longer allowed to drive a car or get my license, im only allowed one friend, im not allowed my laptop anymore, im no longer allowed outside without constant supervision, cameras were installed in and out of the house, and just about every day since december of 2019 ive been getting told how disgusting i am for wanting to be with a n****r (my bf’s half puerto rican half white, i’m half hispanic and half white too), how if he was white he would have come to the front door and shook my parent’s hands and asked for permission to date their daughter, how im a dirty n****r lover who will get pregnant from him and have to slave away to take care of our half breed mistakes, how if i stay with him he’ll sell my body on the streets for money, how if i have sex with him ill get every std on the plant, all that 50′s bullshit. ive gotten pregnancy tested (im celibate), drug tested (mom claims she smelled weed in my room, so he’s a dirty n****r drug dealer apparently forcing me to do drugs, guess what i am against drugs since i know itll change my brain chemistry and i have weak lungs),and std tested (still celibate).  for the first few months after they found out i was allowed my laptop at home to do homework, and only allowed my phone during school. one day i got home and i got greeted to the fact that i no longer have a laptop and now have to use the house computer to do all my work at home. of course i got mad because for months ive been doing everything they wanted, and suddenly im being punished for being suspiciously good? my mom got on top of me and fought me to take off my backpack to take my airpods too, left my phone on the kitchen table. i grabbed my phone and locked myself in my room. she found out i took my phone, and once i unlocked the door i held my phone above my head so we can just talk. instead she got on top of me and started scratching me and all over my arms to get to my phone. i dropped it from the pain of the scratches on my arms. earlier that same day i was getting ready for school with my laptop open, camera taped over, looking for any school assignments i missed. my mom unlocked my door and saw my nude body getting ready with my laptop open, and just went back to the kitchen table and told my dad how much of a slut i am and how im posting my nude body on the internet. i quickly put on clothes and came up to her yelling how im just getting ready for school and how theres tape over the camera. i even told her to look at the laptop, the only thing open was google classroom. my dad got up and started yelling at me for being a slut and for talking back. for once i finally got tired of being yelled at, i finally stood up for myself. he punched me in the face and when my mom got in between to defend me (she caused the whole situation), his swings went back in on her stomach. i screamed dont hit my mother and tried to push her off him, he used the oppurtunity to grab my shoulder by my uniform and punch me in the shoulder. everything was a blur after that. my mother drove me to school and yelled how i shouldnt have been a whore on the internet. i fought back. before i got to school i yelled “please, just fuck off”. this is important later, because she used me saying that as the excuse for her getting on top of me and scratching me and ripping my backpack off my back. because i swore at her. it was okay. but here’s the important part. he hit me in front of the camera. i knew the police would ignore the emotional abuse ive been getting for my entire life. i got my physical evidence. finally, after 16 years, i had my evidence. i told my boyfriend what happened, and we agreed to meet after school the next day and call the police. i wanted to be emancipated, since my parents adamantly agreed that i (apparently) only wanted to be emancipated because my ‘poor street rat n****r boyfriend’ was manipulating me into it. ive been dreaming of this day since i was 8, when i realized what ive been told wasnt normal. they showed up on the corner of where i called. i told the policemen what happened to me the day before. they asked if i had any scars or bruises. i said no, he didnt punch me hard enough to get a bruise the next day, and my mother didnt scratch me hard enough to get scars. they knew what would happen if they gave me physical evidence. after i said that, the policeman interrogating me asked me something that will stay with me until the day i die. “he never really hit you, did he?” i began crying and saying yes! yes he did! i have video footage to prove it! we have cameras in the house! it happened right in front of the cameras! more questions ensued, and i was brought to the police station while my boyfriend waited at a local coffeeshop for me to finally be free from the abuse. at first i was scared, but the cops calmed me down. i told them everything. all my memories spilled from my mouth like water from the niagra falls. everything came rushing out, my fears, my forgotten memories i forced into my box of never to be remembered, the times before i feared for my life, the times i knew something wasnt right. i told them everything from the bottom of my heart. they listened and asked all the right questions.(if you want to know what happened to me and what i told them, ill post them in a future post if anyone cares)  one of the officers, the only one with melanin skin and a father to a beautiful girl, expressively felt sick from my stories, from my life. not even he could understand why, as a father, why any parent would find it right to do to me what they did. he was my favourite police officer, he was the kindest and the only one who really wanted me to feel comfortable. he talked to me on the level of a person, not a child. eventually cps came and he told me to tell her everything too. i did. she asked where i wanted to go if i got emancipated. i said to live with my boyfriend, his family is willing to take me in and once i get a job ill pay minimal rent so i can be free. she said ‘no, you cant live with a minor.’ i said he’s not a minor, he’s 18. she said ‘oh, then yeah you definetly cant live with him’ she said if i wanted to leave i would be put into a women’s shelter since i was too old to be adopted/put into foster care. she said i would be r*ped if i was put in there. she said i should just take it until im 18, then ill be fine. she said that there were no scars or bruises, so it wasnt that bad. (this part is blurry, the more i remember it the more the memories overlap, im sorry for any confusion) the police interrogated my parents. they believed every word they said. my mother used whitepages as a source to prove how my boyfriend lied about his name. my mother used our hours long calls to prove how im obviously being manipulated to lie. she said how im just a liar, as my father said, a pathological liar. they had no cause to me being a pathological liar, i was just born that way. i was lying to get into my manipulative boyfriend’s arms for my body to be used by him and his friends. i was obviously being manipulated, why would i want to leave my loving parents arms? i was obviously doing this just out of anger of getting my laptop and phone taken away, obviously. its not like they EVER did anything wrong to me, they were just teaching me to grow up a mature adult, ready for the world. they would never put their hands on me. the police never looked at the cameras. they never questioned me again. i was a liar. at home the child protective services lady said my room quote ‘ranked of weed’. i have never done weed. my boyfriend has never done weed in my room.  at the station they said they couldnt find a record of my boyfriend. i later found out that, even after he gave them his social security number, they still questioned his existence. at the station they told my parents they couldnt find his record (he has none, hes never committed a crime). at home a therapist came. to my knowledge, my boyfriend was never real (no record) and i would still have to be at home. i wanted to die. the therapist said she wanted to take me to a mental hospital. my mom was there and consented. my dad later came home, yelled at me in front of the therapist. she said im suicidal, with his consent she would call her supervisor to take me to the local mental hospital. he consented. while she called her supervisor from across the kitchen, he said: “she wants to kill herself? fuck if i care, she can drown herself in a river for all i care” i sat there shocked.  the mental hospital was a blur. once i got home i got my phone taken away too. my only communication would be from the 10+ year old computer we have in the kitchen. facing out so anyone that walks by can see what im doing. one of the cameras is watching me at all times, but is positioned so that it cant see what i am doing.  once i got home i used our kindle fire. i logged into discord on incognito mode. i asked him to send me his birth certificate. was he even real? was i even real? was our late nights of cuddling nothing? were the walks in the park nothing? were the ‘i love you’s nothing? did meeting his family from an hour long train ride mean nothing? were the chinese food dates nothing? were the confessions of our embarassing secrets nothing? were the times we had non-vaginal sex and laughed in the middle from how silly we were being mean nothing? were the times we had tiffs and talked it out mean nothing? did he save me from my ex-abusive partner just to use me? were the times we layed down next to each other with the only covering being my blanket, staring at each other in wonder of how lucky each of us were, was that nothing? when we spent hours telling each other our  entire life stories, was he lying? did the times he called my body the most beautiful thing he ever has seen, the times he’s said he didnt think he’d ever fall in love again from his ex, was that a lie? he sent his birth certificate. it was real. his birth date his name it was all real. he told me what happened to him. i told him what happened to me. he apologized for it going the way it did. i apologized for doubting him. child protective services sent a therapist me and my mother had to meet with weekly. 2 hours, 10 times. it lasted until the first weeks of quarantine. me and him are still in the same love we’ve has since before he found out how truly insane my parents are. the only reason we’ve ever gotten into fights is from how much he wants me to run away (before you say ‘ok maybe the parents were right, he sounds manipulative’, no, he only says that after every time something else happens at home and how he has to cope with the fact that im okay with being abused since its my normal. he wants me to run away from the abuse, not just so we can see each other again, so i wont be hurt anymore). he’s still the man i want to marry, the man i want to call mine and for him to call me his. we get scared the other might get tired of the waiting and just decide to leave for someone each other’s family would like. we talk through it. we know we can wait. i know i can take it until im 18. he knows he’ll be prepared to take me in once im 18. we know we can take the late nights awake, missing each other. we can take it because this isnt puppy love. this isnt purely passionate love. he wants me to be safe, and i want to finally be free. so you’re up to this point and you’re probably thinking one of three things: jesus christ can this lady capitalize anything?? or holy FUCK this is long it better be good or why did she title her post that? first of all, i do what a want nehenehenehneh second of all, whoever reads this needs the full context before i ask my question third of all, because of what happened a couple of days ago. a month ago my dad passed from covid-19. ive become the housewife while my mother has taken over the family business and my brother does the grass once a month. my mother still cooks, but i clean the dishes and fold laundry every day and vaccuum the whole house twice a week. a letter came in the other day stating how our child protective services case is now closed. they never found signs of physical abuse or neglect. my mother reminded me for the infinitieth time how stupid i am for getting manipulated. how much of a dirty n*****r lover i am. how i will never be anything without her. then she brought my father into this i started the situation, which made him depressed. he was depressed, so he couldnt fight off the virus. because he couldnt fight off the virus, he died. she blamed me for killing my father she blamed me for my father for deciding to go out every day without a mask for my father deciding to put in his eyedrops in an insanitary environment she blamed me  it was my fault i knew i was leaving when im 18 i knew i wanted to tell my mother at least a month before i left that i was leaving but now theres no going back once im 18, im gone im never turning back i will never be treated like this or talked down like this ever again but who will clean? who will vaccuum? who will make sure the house is organized? do i stay? can i even go? i just dont know anymore should i go? and well, what i started this post with, please tell me, am i in the wrong? for planning on leaving when im 18? to finish this post, i just want to say a few things. dont tell me to call the police or child protective services.i already did. they believed my abusive parents and told them how they can protect themselves against me, since i was the one who started all this. plus, look at the fucking news. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. my boyfriend looks hispanic and i look white. no fucking wonder they believed my parents. fuck cops. not all cops are bad, but no cop should fucking gun down people for their race. no person should be judged from some racist  person saying “oh im fearing for my life” and the person in question is black/a poc and is doing fucking nothing. they believed my fucking abusive parents because they threw my bf under the bus as bait and the police went for it. dont come after my family. all that will do is make everything worse for me. my mother can’t even look at a poc without claiming they’re related to my boyfriend and are going to follow her to kill her. dont do anything to me. just please answer my question. please just tell me if im in the right or if im in the wrong. i know this is abuse. i know whats happening to me is wrong. but i know i can take it. i know i can survive. i will survive and achieve my dream of becoming a doctor. i will be my own person. i am me

#numb #mental illness #abuse #trauma #sad #sadness #abusive #hurt #depression #acab #amitheasshole #aita #deep #emotionalabuse

[crackimagines]

Sayaka and S/O imagine

in a nutshell: its late, im bored out my ass and i need to write something tooth-rottingly sweet with one of the DR Gals because they don’t get enough love.

Imagine and my thoughts under the cut, + thanks if ya actually do read it considering I don’t do much serious writing on this blog.

Ya know, with a lot of the shitposting I do, I don’t get a lot of chances to do some wholesome moments with Danganronpa characters without having to go to angst-ville. 

And plus the only other times where it HAS been seen was during my P3 writing stuff. So I decided, fuck it, let’s just make one purely wholesome.

And why not with a DR Gal too?

(if you can’t tell I have a bit of a soft spot for Sayaka)

Word of warning it’s also kinda long as SHIT

Sayaka walked back and forth in the music room impatiently, her mind racing with thoughts.

She had invited her S/O to the room, saying it was a surprise for their birthday. Sayaka spent literal weeks in preparation for this day with a present she thought would reach out to her S/O’s heart.

Earlier that day during lunch...

(Kaede) “Sayaka, how many times do we have to say it? S/O will love the song you wrote no matter what!”

(Ibuki) “Kaede’s right! We practiced with you, and we DEFINITELY would’ve said something if it was shit!”

(Kaede) “N-Not the words I would’ve used but not too far off.”

(Sayaka) “Thanks again you guys, I know I know...It’s just that I really wanna surprise him you know! I made sure to ask Makoto if he could distract S/O while you two get prepped.”

(Kaede) “With Shuichi, Mahiru and Hiyoko’s help, I’m sure that we would’ve been fine!”

(Ibuki) “And besides, the gift itself is amazing! A song written by not ONLY Sayaka Maizono and her gang, but with Risette AND a Japanese speaking Puerto-Rican named Paz! That’s some serious creativity points right there!”

(Kaede) “Yeah, and you look pretty cute in the outfit you’ll be wearing!”

(Sayaka) “Hm...I just hope nothing goes wrong. It seems like when I plan these kinda things, it doesn’t go right.”

(Ibuki) “Just breathe girl! If Ibuki says you’ll be fine, you’ll be fine!”

(Kaede) “We got your back! Now come on, eat up! Your food’s gonna get cold!”

Present...

Sayaka took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts and beginning to calm down.

(Sayaka) “Come on Maizono! You got this! Rise-chan helped you out, Kaede and Ibuki helped you out, you got this! I’m not a little caterpillar, I’m a butterfly now-”

(Makoto’s Voice) “S-Sayaka?”

(Sayaka) “ACK!”

She spun around seeing Makoto and S/O standing in front of the door, slightly wide eyed but awkwardly smiling.

(Makoto) “Were we-snrk-interrupting something?”

(Sayaka) “Bah, shush!”

(S/O) “S-Sayaka? What is all this?”

She smiled widely before snapping her fingers and the curtains behind her unfolding, Kaede, Ibuki, Hiyoko, Shuichi and Mahiru holding instruments.

“Just a little birthday gift.”

I love you todoite kono omoi I love you; I hope these thoughts reach you

kitto itsuka wa kanau yo ne I'm sure one day it'll come true

konna kimochi setsuna sugiru no Such feelings are too painful

hajimari nante wakaranai no I don't understand things such as beginnings namae mo heibon de doko ni demo isou It seems like you could have an ordinary name and be anywhere demo nanmannin ite mo watashi But no matter how many people there are kitto kimi wo mitsukeru yo I'm sure to find you sunao na kimochi tojikome  I don't like the me who locked up these quiet feelings kara ni komotta jibun ga iya de  And confined herself in a shell ki no nai furi suru sono tabi ni Each time that I halfheartedly hold myself back tada itami ga fueteku The pain merely grows kimi wa nani wo negau no? What do you wish for? soba ni ite hoshii I want to be close to you zutto zutto sore dake na no ni Forever, forever that's all I want and yet…

(doki doki…) (Thump thump…)

koi no yokushiryoku Love deterrence hora GAME no hajimari Look! It's the beginning of the game massugu na omoi ga hora Look at these straightforward thoughts ima afure hashiridasu Now I'm overflowing and I start to run

hitori nante mou I don't want to be alone any longer! iya da yo Look at me! mite yo Everything leads to you watashi no koto zenbu kimi he to tsunagaru no donna kako mo mirai mo zutto No matter the past or the future, forever zutto…. And ever…. kono deai ga sekai wo kaeru This encounter will change the world houkago CLASS ni ima wa futari After school in the classroom kamisama ga kureta CHANCE yo Now just the two of us, This is a chance given by God jikan wa tada sugite yuku Time merely passes by kitto kono mama I'm sure that if this goes on futari wa sudoori We'll pass each other by senaka awase de With our backs facing each other hanarete yuku…. We move apart I love you todoite kono omoi I love you; I hope these thoughts reach you kitto itsuka wa kanau yo ne I'm sure one day it'll come true konna kimochi setsuna sugiru no Such feelings are too painful onegai tomete… Please stop… koi no yokushiryoku Love deterrence Once Sayaka was done, she slowly looked up to meet her S/O’s face and see if he was satisfied with her performance.

...Only to realize Classes 78, 77-B and Kaede’s class were all present and had come into the room without her noticing.

Everyone began clapping, and it only intensified when S/O stood up and they clapped even harder.

Sayaka stood in awe, her face flushing red while the the rest of the band bowed.

(Sayaka) “U-Um...Thank you all!”

(Ibuki) “You didn’t invite these guys did you? I thought we were only performing for S/O!”

(Kaede) “D-Don’t look at me!”

(Mahiru) “Oh, I did. I thought if we were doing a song our classes should see! After all we’re all friends!”

(Shuichi) “Er...as much as a nice thought that is, that song was specifically written for S/O only...”

(Mahiru) “Oh. O-OH. Did I just...?”

(Hiyoko) “Psh, way to screw the pooch on that one...”

Once the crowds began to thin out, S/O went up to a still blushing Sayaka.

(S/O) “Sayaka, that was a beautiful song! I’m really blessed to have someone like you write a song that passionate for me!”

She snapped out of it, and smiled back at S/O, shaking her head.

(Sayaka) “It wasn’t just me ya know. Rise, Paz and everyone in the back here made it possible! I...”

She looked down, too embarrassed to meet their eyes.

(Sayaka) “I just wanted to give you something that you might have a nice memory with...”

(Ibuki & Kaede) “Baaaawwww!”

(Hiyoko) “Bah, you two are a bunch of fuckin broads! You two talk that mushy shit out...oh and happy birthday. Come on, Mahiru.”

Mahiru nodded and bowed before leaving with Hiyoko.

(S/O) “Hey, let’s go out to eat tonight! It’s the least I can do for you after that!”

Sayaka nodded happily and went out with S/O.

(Ibuki) “W-Wait, do we have to clean up the mess?”

(Shuichi) “I say we should just give them the freebie here. It IS a special day for them after all...”

(Kaede) “Shuichi, how come you don’t do anything like that for me?”

(Shuichi) “Wha-YOU’RE THE ULTIMATE PIANIST, WHAT DO YOU THINK I COULD DO?!”

(Ibuki)[Muttering] “Investigate why your ass is about to be put in the doghouse...”

#sayaka maizono #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa imagines #danganronpa #dr1 #ibuki mioda #kaede akamatsu #shuichi saihara #Mahiru Koizumi #hiyoko saionji #makoto naegi

[transpeterafterdark]

hey im white and im writing a novel with multiple latinx characters. could you explain more about creators not giving latinx characters a distinct heritage? i don't wanna fuck shit up yk

So for me, saying a character is latinx doesn’t do it (usually). Latinx people are distinct from one another depending on where we come from. So the habit I’m talking about is how creators will say, “x is latinx but don’t ask for more details than that because we don’t want to do in depth research into different cultures/dialects/foods etc.” One example of this Carlos in night vale. He’s latinx because his creators said so but that’s all there is to his latinidad. (You can make an argument that he doesn’t remember much of his life before night vale, but they don’t go into depth on his background pretty much ever or let him have any desire to find out who he was despite all the curiosity in him so…… it can come off as lazy writing at times. He’s Latino™. Not Colombian or Brazilian or Dominican or anything else. Just Latino™.) If a person was raised within their culture, they probably wouldn’t forget their traditions without reason.

One thing for me, being puerto rican, is I don’t feel it’s the holidays until someone’s made/bought coquito, but some countries don’t drink coquito at all. I’m also generally a lil superstitious about not going into anyone’s home without money in my pocket after New Years cuz that’s how my fam is. Off the top of my head, dialect-wise I’d say that it’s super super common to hear spain spanish folk from the inland using the word “valé” (okay) for literally everything whereas stateside/in the caribbean the word’s barely used at all. Etc. 

You’re also gonna have to do the work of seeing how connected to that culture characters are. I’ve got a cousin who’s half panamanian and doesn’t know jack about the culture cuz her father wasn’t around. I’ve got a few cousins who are half trini and are connected to that part of their heritage a bit more because their mom was first gen trini and their dad is second gen boricua. 

Also please understand that latinx folks can be any race. White latines exist and generally are given more privilege than black/brown/indigenous latines. Also there’s plenty of religious backgrounds that latinx people can come from too. It’s not all catholicism, just like it isn’t in the states. (My fam’s catholic, but there’s plenty of jewish and muslim latines. Again there’s privilege that exists because of how widespread catholicism is) 

This is getting “pay me” long so imma end it here but basically just… do research. Talk to folks. Figure out where your characters are from and how that affects them. Don’t be afraid of giving your characters a distinct heritage. As long as you do your research well, it should be fine. And when you’re done, (pay) have latines from that culture(s) read your work and give you criticism and feedback

#this isn't even beginning to touch on mixed race or cross cultural identities really #but there's plenty of tools to research that out there already #so just put in the effort #find it #youtube's a great resource #Anonymous

[moomoof]

Stop it.

I was friends with this person for almost 2 years and it the last few months it turned into a toxic relationship.

We used to do hangouts and talk about issues we cared about on his channel but i found myself not being comfortable with some of the topics

 but if i ever voiced i didn’t want to do the show he would keep pushing the issue and i was weak to put a stop to it.

 That’s not to say i didn’t enjoy the shows cause i did buti  didn’t want ot do them all the time .

The problems started with our view points really 

I personally feel like he hid his real views out of fear of being abandoned or maybe he just posed as a liberal to ge friends who knows this is all speculation on my part after thoughts . 

This post is just to let out all my angst and frustration. 

I didn’t handle the last encounter withh im well i should’ve just said what i wanted and left i hoped he would understand but what scared me was his reactions again i wanted out of his show at least for a little bit 

i would suggest he find other ppl he would pick up on the hints ...

i was going though a rough patch with my health and i had no energy what’s so ever i didn’t want to disappoint him so 

..i told him straight up i couldn’t do it  to get our mutual friend and o  it with him he seemed annoyed at least in text

 i didn’t speak with him directly then i saw the show live with our friend and ..

his reaction to my illness was annoyance he was like she’s off ill or

 whatever the hell hshe has with the biggest eye rool i ever seen

 ...and then even if i told him multiple times

 i was ill i did'nt want to talk he tried to force me by calling my hangout

...and he was rude to our friend cause i suspect he was jealous of our friend or annoyed

 that our friend was trying out his own show i don’t think my friend picked up on this  

He lied about how his old friends broke up with him 

 Of course i believed him ....well actually no for a while now i wasn't believing him cause he lied or omitted things i found them out on my own. 

That's the heart of the issue it was a slow crawl but i woke up and wasn't going to be used by him.

Like i was saying i was sick he didn't care i told him i can really do this show cause i have things to do or i honestly didn't want to i told him that once but... a disturbing patterned emerged with him. No matter what i said or did he would act like i didn't say it and want his way. In the long run i got anxious around him any time i had an opinion he will shoot it down i couldn't express myself on my twitter feed without him screaming at me and somehow making me feel dumb.

I told him on many occasions i was emotionally abused and physically abused nothing. He of course said he was there for me to chat but i don't like talking about that stuff to ppl. But i suspect it was an empty gesture put there to pretend to be a good friend but in the end he wanted just a person to speak to cause he had issues but also he would use those issues against you. one year ago he said something awful or something like that and i disagreed true i got heated he screamed when that didn't work then he play oop i'm anxious card that then played with others and me for ever more.

He had to be right all the time. He had that stupid internet idea that if you don't have evidence of what you are speaking then you are wrong! or shut up even tho i never really went to his feed after a while cause i was tired of arguing. 

He enjoyed arguing.

Then the big event that woke me up. 

We were arguing about jill stien or third party voters actually i was talking about it on my feed and he shoved his opinion in my face....

yelled at me then i tried to be funny and say get with the program! with the clapping emojis 

He flipped a switch and said i was stupid by saying oh you think i'm dumb? really? ok then your writing skills are mediocre at best or worse actually. (yes i am aware my writing is terrible) but a personal attack like that for no reason hit me hard. 

He just...went to that , that's what he thought about me ...i suposedly let go but it churned for days i have very low selfesteem it took me years to get out of a dark head space. He knocked me down. He hates everything i am cause i do agree with him. That was my head space the next few days i wrote warnings but didn't name him. 3 changes and then i block you don't care you are my friend if you hurt me and put me in a dark space i am cutting you off. He got weirder with me hostile almost after then we butted heads and we airred things but i somehow had an inkling it wasn't safe to talk in the dms i talked in public ...it was weird i suggested we should take a break i wanted it so badly....he said no... and i caved and went back to the same shit different day. Then the last draw happened 

I hate susan sarandon's white feminism i fucking hate it i hate her i hate that she cares three fucks about what she created 

He has this weird white knighty behavior that he will attack you for talking shit about his favorite ppl. 

He also probably felt personally attacked he thinks i somehow am talking about him all time. 

We got heated i was already tired of his shit i started to withdraw from our supposed friendship. Then he did it...he attacked my identiy aka my puerto rican ness and added hillary to it he later deleted it. So he can claim he didn't know what he did to cause my silence but more on that later. He knew that after Maria the hurricane i lost family i wasn't connected to the for weeks i had to worry aobut their well being for months without being able to do nothing ...i was a wreck for months he knew i told him, it was on his show too ( he since deleted all of them GOOD!) I did not deserve this more over i had a very hard anniversary coming up as well not to mention it was september ( still is) i lost my cousin and everythign that i knew as my world this month and it was Maria's anniversary. He just threw it in my fave he used my pain to win a stupid internet argument.  I decided to ignore him for a week or so until i can figure out what to do with him, talk to him again, stop talking to him so often but still be friends or completely run away in fear.

I could not speak to him it hurt it really hurt he used my pain against me i could not trust him....and the silent treatment happened. 

The next day he acted like nothing happened and asked me if i was ready to talk about gay muppets like nothing happened ( the whole bert and ernie incident) that scared me ....he acted like everything was ok ...it wasn't it could be clear for anyone that it wasn't...

i muted his feed and muted him but twitter doesn't understand that maybe ppl want not to get notification from a follower or person you are following for a bit...

He kept liking my stuff in the hopes i would be happy? this is speculation on my part...

He commented on my posts to see if i would bite. 

 i ignored him hoping he would get it i muted hangouts cause i feared he might call 

i had growing fear my heart would race thinking he was there replying liking and dming me...

This might sound dumb but ...it isn't it is harassment...

His former friends mentioned this he would use his second account to spy on them months after the fact they blocked and left him behind..that should've warned me.

He would mention them a lot. Like i said earlier i believed them but i didnt let on to him that i suspected something happened...at first i thought well they should've told him why and then block him and during the a conversation he did something and they didn't likee it's normal ...let it go ..in my head... i nodged him to write it out and let it go in a nicer way.

 But he was controlling i saw it when he hated when friends posted somethign he would scream about it...

They mentioned that they felt free from his smug behavior that he would not value their opionions and then later one of his ex friends said it wasn't the change the channel movement but the how he held certain views on gamer gate..when i voiced my own he screamed at me cause he felt like he knew better and how dare you think otherwise!

He would go into these rage fits over this topic, if you didn't agree with him , eye roll 

condescenion and disdain. This was the topic which lied about and the ppl he lied about or omitted it cause if he didn't he could push his narrative which was that gamer gate was a good movement ...by ignoring all the misogyny and abusive behavior cause he hated ppl on the attacked side. He hated that todd in the shadows blocked him for saying awful things about his friend. He kept on and on about that...like it was a bad thing...

He believed a group of rapey men that wanted a transgender woman to die and claimed she raped her sister... i will not go further into this. 

I put my feelings on that forward he would probably be annoyed in his head about it..whatever. 

He hated lindsay ellis cause she liked the tweet that told him off for harassing todd and his friend..

Sorry to his ex friends for my words about them cause i believed him for the most part and i did care about him i wanted ot make him feel better. 

i was wrong i fed a monster.

I wanted a week of peace away from him ...didn't happen he kept on and kept on ...he even got our mutual friend involved and lied .... he lied he said to him oh she's angry at me cause i don't know i did something wrong i am worried about her ...she's sad about stuff and the world is a bad place blah blah making me sound like the problem...

remember our mutual friend can't really pick up on these things 

He asked i just told him not to be dragged into this cause i was pissed off 

then i said it was nothing i was fine. and i moved on and ignored him some more...

He kept going ...

Then finally he did th final final thing and made up my mind for me.

He tried to guilt trip me into being his friend again or even to talk to him it scared me ...i blocked him completely on everything

he said you are hurting...me 

me?! i hurt him what? he hurt me he didn't care and he dares to accuse me of something i never did so he can look like victim yet again! 

That pissed the shit outta me i got tired of his toxic domineering personality 

He wanted to control you by making you feel bad about challeging him on his views about having my own views for breathing for not wanting to do the thing he wanted on the day he wanted ...

him not caring about my illness really hurt me... he hurt me and i still have the anxeity and have it in my head his words ....i want it gone...so i wrote this to stop it! 

He was not worth it...he's a bad person toxic it's not your fault...

I reached out to one of his ex friends i needed reasurance ...i needed to know i wasn't crazy and seeing something that wasn't there ....now its over i want never to ever see him or talk to him again. 

I recount times were he said awful things like ugh when my face showed up on the hangouts ...like my face is ugly...

i took pictures he would say geez or something like that ignored it..

he laughed at my lack of furniture or equipment..to do audio work...

He even got super hostile with me when our mutual was with us...cause i didn't agree with him ...

I wrote a memorial for my cousin and he sullied it by commenting on it moments after he hurt me like a psycho...

Now i know why he kept trying to bring up his friends cause i interacted with mutuals he wanted to know if they told me about him...and for weeks i struggled to find out by asking them but i never did...

He is disturbed i am stupid for allowing it to continue to this point i don't know how far he would've taken it but my psyche could not take it anymore...

He even made fun of my drinking 

it was a terrible idea to engage with him but i honestly thought he was a someone else like a person i watched turned out he wasn't he was using an account to get ppl to like him then he change later i guess...

Maybe i'm wrong maybe he isn't all bad just immature but i don't care he scares me and hurt me...sorry for this post but i need it out of me 

[irenenorth]

New Post has been published on Irene North

New Post has been published on http://www.irenenorth.com/writings/2018/01/im-not-doing-this/

I'm not doing this

On Friday night, I opened several tabs in my web browser about Donald Trump and his latest, idiotic comments about “shithole” countries.

When I woke up Saturday morning, I looked at those tabs, so numerous that I couldn’t read the title tags anymore, and thought, “No. I’m not doing this.”

I wrote a few columns for the paper about Donald Trump before reporters were told they couldn’t write columns anymore. If I were still writing that column, my mental health would have certainly deteriorated. Trump is about to hit his year anniversary as president and he has diminished the reputation of the United States on the world stage, proven he doesn’t know or care about basic facts about the government and has, in general, made life worse for most Americans.

Many countries reacted to his racist comments.

If you ask my husband, he will tell you about Trump’s presidency. “It really is a shitshow. It’s just one revelation and scandal after another.”

The debasement of the office of the President of the United States of America is a tragedy. Trump has stained our national honor with his overt and unabashed racism. The people defending him on TV look like fools

— Steve Schmidt (@SteveSchmidtSES) January 12, 2018

I am sure books will be written about the damage he has done to this country, which was already great when he took over. He has made it worse. Amy Siskind has been keeping a weekly list to remind us that this is not normal.

On a weekly basis, the List tracks specific news stories representing eroding norms under the current regime. Taken together, they reveal a nation pushed towards authoritarianism, the wielding of unchecked governmental authority by one person or group at the expense of the freedom of those who oppose them. How is this possible? Weary from the 2016 election, many voters embraced uninformed obliviousness, unquestioning optimism, or an uncritically visceral reaction for or against the new administration. Instead, Amy Siskind sought facts. The Weekly List was born on November 20, 2016, chronicling Amy’s findings. Originally for her friends and social media followers, the List quickly went viral. The earliest weeks listed fewer than a dozen items. Now, nearly a year later, each week brings with it at least one-hundred new abnormalities.

The list will soon be published as a book. I want to purchase it, but hesitate because I have been watching Amy post her list each week. It’s a dizzying compilation of how things have gone wrong.

Since this is my site and I write what I want, I hesitate each time I think about writing anything to do with Trump. I don’t want my blog filled with his garbage. People who read this site know my feelings on all things Trump. If you follow me on my personal Facebook page, you have seen my angry posts when the president and the GOP have gone too far.

So, today, I will just simply list a few of the things that have angered me or are wrong. For my own sanity, I will refrain, for the most part, from writing about the president, his ignorance, stupidity, and general dumbfuckery.

As for the shithole comments, let me say, I am first, and foremost, an American. I don’t identify with other nations/cultures/ethnicities/etc., because I grew up here. I will probably always have a little bit of New Yorker in me as it is the place that shaped, in large part, who I was to become. However, my ancestors came from American Indian tribes in upstate New York, Ireland, The Netherlands, Germany, England, and if you could trace it back far enough, Africa. At some point in time, most of these cultures and countries were considered “shitholes” by Americans already here.

I am glad there were Americans who didn’t see things in that way and welcomed my ancestors to the shining shores along the East Coast, excluding the American Indians who were already here. They had a chance and I am one of the results of those welcoming arms.

CNN counterterrorism analyst Philip Mudd spoke on Thursday about this issue. I encourage you to watch both clips.

If you want to see a shithole country, read the comments in this Reddit thread. Fix this country before you start criticizing others.

I know people think it’s funny to refer to democrats and republicans as Dumms, Dimms, Democraps, Republicons, and Rethuglicans, and to make up new disparaging words for the GOP acronym, but it really makes me think less of you. If you can’t have an adult conversation without resorting to name calling, I really don’t want to talk to you.

For the billionth time, women don’t come forward to report sexual assault and rape because they are still, in 2018, being asked why they did something wrong. Why did you wear that? Why did you go there? What were you thinking? The focus should be on the dirtbag who perpetrated the crime. They don’t speak up because there are still too many people who shift the blame to the woman, discount her testimony, and/or victim shame.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up. About. Uranium. It’s been explained here here, and here.

Also, have a big cup of shut the fuck up about her emails. Really, ask yourself why it is only the conservatives, conservative media, and Republicans who keep bringing up Hillary Clinton. She lost. She’s not out there whining about it multiple times per day. They are.

This tweet not only sums up what Trump thinks, but what morons/assholes/racists who adore him think.

Trump's guide to diversity

Africa: Array of shithole countries Haitians: Have AIDS Nigerians: Live in huts Puerto Ricans: Lazy Black Americans: Ingrates Mexicans: Criminals and rapists Muslims: Evil terrorists Women: Treat them like shit

White supremacists: VERY FINE PEOPLE

— Shannon Watts (@shannonrwatts) January 11, 2018

How do you combat the idiocy and still remain sane? Imagine if I had to correct everything Trump said each day?

Yes, Oprah made a great speech and we should take it to heart, but don’t make her president. People forget she brought the world scam artists like Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz. When she traveled to Europe, she belittled employees at a Parisian shop, shouting, “Don’t you know who I am?” at them when they were closing for the day and she wanted in. She told atheists they really believed in god, but just didn’t know it. She was shocked people left their children outside without fear. She was also shocked in India when people ate with their hands. I don’t want this woman in the White House.

The president is a racist. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but it’s true. If you still support Trump, you, too, are a racist.

So, as I close more than 50 tabs and “nope” out of making myself angry on just on one single thing Trump did, know that I am reading his garbage every day. While it is painful and frustrating, we must remain vigilant and continue fighting against injustice and standing up for what we know is right.

I’m just going to try to avoid sullying my website with trying to educate the willfully ignorant and someone else’s pathetic excuse for a life and his constant need for attention. There are too many other, and better, things to write about.

#politics #racism #Trump