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#im having a breakdown thinking about him again
mins-fins ยท 1 day
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119
&&. unfortunately you aren't as slick as you thought you were.
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pairing: lee jeno x gn!reader
genre: fluffity fluff fluff fluff
warnings: sexual jokes, thats it ๐Ÿ˜š
word count: 1.2k
notes: jj spread the jeno bias disease i literally cant believe this ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ hes soโ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆ.im abt to draft another long jeno fic + an smau + another stupid drabble and all of that fun stuff!! dont get it twisted jisung is still my ult though ๐Ÿ˜’ no ones ever replacing him, anyway this came from a prompt someone sent me, smth about "kissing someone on a ferris wheel" which i just LOVEEEED hello??? okay ik none of you care abt my words, love jeno, love nct dream, pray i get park jisung pcs ๐Ÿ˜‡ good night now <33
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you are going to murder na jaemin.
the moment you get off this ferris wheel your throwing up your guts all over his shirt, or punching him in his face, or strangling him to death, whatever. the moment you step off this ride you're making sure he doesn't open his eyes to see the rest of his fellow human beings ever again.
maybe if you were less awkward you'd actually be thanking him, but you take one side glance at the boy beside you and want to smash your head against the glass.
jeno doesn't notice your side glance (and thank goodness he doesn't because you probably would've died if he took so much as a glance at you), he's much too busy glancing at the view from the height your at. you assume that jeno likes ferris wheels, he probably likes them more than you do.
"are you alright?"
you mentally prepare yourself for the voice crack you know might escape your lips. just talk to him like a normal human being, y/n, yeah you're into him and shit but that doesn't mean you can be a weirdo.
"yeah" you finally respond, thank goodness the voice cracks don't come out. "just feeling a little nauseous".
jeno raises an eyebrow. "scared of heights?"
you only manage a curt nod, a nod that makes jeno scoot closer to you, his lips stretching into a smile. "it's alright, i'll protect you".
fuck you lee jeno, fuck you, fuck you, fuck yoโ€”
your somehow able to chuckle, amused by his words. "it's not like i'm dying or anything".
jeno frowns. "so you don't want my protection?"
you pretend to think about it, pressing your lips together as your eyebrows furrow, avoiding eye contact with jeno at all costs. if you look at him, your going to fall and never get up. "i wouldn't be entirely against it".
jeno's shoulder nudges yours, nothing but a small touch that drives you crazy. you wonder if the mini breakdown your having is noticeable, if maybe, he's doing it on purpose, making your heart race to get a kick out of it.
but when you think about it further, it makes you giggle, because this is lee jeno, you could get down on one knee and propose to him yet he'd still be confused by how you feel for him.
if lee jeno knew how you felt for him really, you probably wouldn't have resisted the urge to make out with him on this fucking ride or already.
that was a strange thought, a stupid one even, but it's one manifested from your deepest desires.
when you think about it, though, you wouldn't exactly mind it.
"that's good" jeno snickers at you, eyes examining your face as if it's an interesting exhibit at an art museum. "you need me".
you feign a sigh of irritation. "of course, what would i do without you?"
"you'd die, clearly" jeno replies, tilting his head and reaching over to lace your fingers with his. the cold rings on his fingers feel like glass shards against your fingers, but his soft hands contrast his stabbing rings. "isn't this sort of romantic?"
you choke on your spit.
"romantic? romaโ€” hah! what are you talking about? what is romantic about this?"
soooo natural, y/n.
jeno simply shrugs, suddenly very interested in the view of the carnival from the ferris wheel. "were on a ferris wheel together, stars before us, just the two of us, this would be like.. the perfect date".
you blink, the words making you pause and your head spin. is he serious? is he really serious?
"is this your way of asking me out?"
you manage to ask that without sounding like a pathetic idiot who wanted to hear those exact words, and your response gets the same reaction out of jeno, flushed cheeks with an awkward chuckle accompanying the sight. you would've thought you were a genius if you weren't as flustered as he was.
jeno is speechless, and he fumbles through his speech like someone's holding him at gunpoint or something. "iโ€” no! no! ..maybe? kinda?"
you pause, all your former confidence suddenly withering away, the blood rushing to your cheeks in full force. you laugh, taking his words as a joke, but jeno keeps silent, and so do you.
"are you serious?"
jeno can't speak, so he just nods wordlessly.
you blink, glancing from side to side, this ferris wheel won't be on the ground soon, but at least this makes it a little more bearable. "did you just confess your feelings for me like that?"
"well to be fairโ€”"
"i was supposed to do it first!" you yell in another fit of feigned irritation, your cheeks a color reminiscent of jeno's cherry red shirt. "that's not fair! you beat me to it!"
"well how was i supposed to know you liked me back?"
you scoff, and jeno goes silent again, embarrassed by the question he just asked.
"you're such an idiot lee jeno.."
"can i kiss you?"
the question is a blurt of pure desperation, pure honesty from the deepest corners of jeno's mind, an inquiry he's been dying to ask you ever since he found himself interested in staring at your lips.
you hope you don't faint from the scorching heat radiating off your face.
"it's romantic" he laughs, his best excuse for that random inquiry. "i've always wanted to kiss someone in a ferris wheel, unless you don't want to thenโ€”"
you (in the most cliche turn of events) cut jeno off with a kiss. though you'd love to keep your fingers intertwined, you let go of his hand to find purchase on his shoulder, then tug him closer to you with a light jerk. a small squeak emits from him, but he quickly relaxes into the kiss, giggling at your enthusiasm.
though he giggles, he isn't much better off. it's nothing but a small press of the lips, it's not intense or anything, but jeno feels his heart soar. hie face heats to overwhelming heights, and he loops his arm around your waist, pressing you against him, as if the idea of not feeling every part of you would be maddening.
you both are just as desperate as each other, there's no push, just pull. it's a playful competition, your waiting for the other to pull away, stop the kiss because they need breath, it's stubborn in an idiotic way.
but jeno loses your little battle, because he pulls away for air, as red as the sunset in the early morning.
and though you laugh at the sight, you aren't much better off yourself (if the heat continuing to permeate from your face is enough).
"was that romantic enough for you?"
even with how breathless he is, jeno still manages a stupid question.
he squeals when you land a slap on his shoulder.
and while you thought you two were slick about it, considering you were like five feet in the air with nobody to see you, your equally red faces and intertwined hands were enough to get feigned vomits from your friends.
jaemin snickers as he looks between you two, and you glare as you see him open his mouth.
"so what happened up there?"
"clearly they got it on".
upon hearing the words, you let go of jeno's hand to yell and chase after lee donghyuck, who squeals and sprints away, shouting for renjun to help him.
jaemin just sends jeno a knowing look, a look that the older pretends he isn't bothered by.
for once, one of his ploys finally worked.
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sneakyboythingz ยท 1 year
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N was just a normal worker drone having a chill life working in a suspicious mansion but one day, something insanely tragic and traumatic related to a mysterious infectious force happens
The company that created him turns him into a powerfull killing machine and sents him to another planet to commit mass genocide against an innocent group of people just because some of them are infected with this said mysterious force.
N doesn't remember were he came from and has no idea what he is. In episode 2, for example, he din't know how to answer a single question that Uzi made about the disassembly drones, when he is one himself.
He got mistreated by his coworkers, but he had not choice but to accept it because they were his only friends, the only thing he wanted was to try his best and make them proud.
And to get even worse, his supposed crush, who pretends to not care about him for some reason, refuses to tell to him anything about their past and what they are as beings, making him confused and stressed.
Even If he is trying to change, he still has to live with the quilt of the millions of the innocent lifes he has taken before meeting Uzi since he din't know better back then
He keeps getting jumpscared by the extremely weird flashbacks of his traumatic repressed memories from the past but he cant do anything about It because has no idea what they are yet.
He is afraid to somehow lose his first true friend because of his mistakes so he tries his best by helping and sacrificing himself as much as he can for her
And its sad the fact that after getting the job done, If he din't met Uzi, he would have just simply died, just an litte piece on a big puzzle born to be used and then discarted
JUST...........
UGGGGGFHHHHHHHHHHH!#!#!##?#?2(2#?#!!2!#!#$!!#!#!#!#! I(!$$3+33;!33;3!3 CANTTTTT@!@!@!@!!@!#!#!#;;#;##!22(2+22+#?#?#
I love him so much but i cant stop to think about his story without being in pain
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lecliss ยท 2 months
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I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.
#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it#like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago#so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows#but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown#AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS#1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject#and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS#or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's#AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way#okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there.#also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that#well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there#ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE#also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines#IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT#AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS#i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen.#its VITAL that that did not happen!!!!#its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan#and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died#SO. logically it must have been like#fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?)#and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist?#like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote?#that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro#god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke.#NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW#in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw)#does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab????#oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute
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deadandphilgames ยท 7 days
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oversharing in the tags time :)
#i think itโ€™s time i go back to therapy#i keep having recurring nightmares about my ex best friend#or dreams where she reaches out to me. and explains why she cut me out#backstory. in high school had a lesbian toxic situationship with my#bestie. THEN i had another one. which kinda overlapped? the first one was open but also just messy#anyways. jade and i were like together for a year. then she got a boyfriend one day and i had a breakdown#it happened just after high school and i was sooooo โ€ฆ unwell. wasnโ€™t out to my family felt like i was gonna die etc etc#(this is all pre dnp btw) anyways next year i found dnp. a couple months later she broke up with her bf#and we sorted dated for a while (this whole time weโ€™d been just friends and i was still not really over it but hiding it)#and then she dated ANOTHER guy. they broke up and she had a breakdown and moved 9 hours away. i went#to visit her for a month. we like kinda dated again then and i thought we could make it work. then 2020. no travel#so she started dating a guy. didnโ€™t tell me. even though we spoke every day. she moved in with him#then she breaks up with him mid 2021. i started dating my gf. but Jade was clingy and it was awkward#she started dating a sketchy guy who was homophobic. i went and visited her a few times#start of 2023 she tells me she wants to make more of an effort cause he didnโ€™t like her friends so she cut everyone out. then she ghosted#in feb 2023. we had tickets for#mcr in march. i had to text her cause sheโ€™d blocked me on messenger and said im going to the concert whether sheโ€™s there or not#she said โ€˜yeah no worries! you can take someone else in my place too ๐Ÿ˜Žโ€™ she used that fucking emoji#and I havenโ€™t spoken to her since. I think she quit her job . and that guy was not a nice man#so I still worry about her#writing this all down makes me realise she was a bitch and I deserve better#but I just want closure. it isnโ€™t fair she replied so casually to my text when I said โ€˜youโ€™ve blocked meโ€™#it isnโ€™t fair she HAS MY SIGNED COPY OF DANS BOOK#anyways. I need therapy to get over this#and I havenโ€™t even written about my family issues (im#out and theyโ€™re supportive but my god they fucked me#up as a kid)#if you read this hi ๐Ÿ‘‹ hope you are having a lovely day#donโ€™t get in lesbian situationships!!!
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1o1percentmilk ยท 4 months
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i want to tell u guys abt my weredog oc... hes like if patrick bateman sucked and wasnt a nepo baby and worked a middling dead end office job..i give all of my trauma and worries and fears to him about fitting in and not getting to have an impact and yet not having the personal strength to make things better,
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shayberri789 ยท 1 year
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Thinking about how the Camero is a true representation of gansey on the inside. A new but old car/soul, fancy but with so many things broken and wrong with it but it works (mostly) anyway, and it's adored anyway
Thinking about how both Ronan and Adam stole the Camero for selfish but justified reasons, the same way they take Gansey's support love and trust for granted, and how they break his trust in doing so and yet Gansey loves and forgives them anyway, because they try to make it up to him (eventually)
Thinking about how the only person Gansey willingly let drive his car is the same person who wants to take care of Gansey the same way he cares for everyone else, and accepts his faults and flaws (how blue is pissed off by his shield, his president cellphone mask, but loves him more when she can see him being pitiful, unperfect, broken, and real, just like the camero)
I am once again thinking about Richard Campbell Gansey III
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syncrovoid-presents ยท 10 months
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I will continue being gone for a few days, sadly my original al plan of releasing the newest chapter of The Consequence Of Imagination's Fear has also been delayed. My apologies
Can't go into detail because its hush hush not-legally-mentionable stuff but today is my fifth 12 hour no-break work day. I'm also packing to move too in a fortnight (which is a Big Yahoo!! Yippee!! I'll finally have access to a kitchen!! And no more mold others keep growing!!! So exciting!!!)
#syncrovoid.txt#delete later#OKAY SO! this makes it sound like i have a super important job but really we are understaffed and ive barely worked there a year now#graduated college a few years early 'cause i finished high school early (kinda? it's complicated)#now i am in a position where i am in the role of a whole Quality Assurance team (testing and write ups)#a Task Manager/Planner#Software Developer and maybe engineer? not sure the differences. lots of planning and programming and debugging ect ect#plus managing the coworker that messed up and doing his stuff because it just isnt good enough. which i WILL put in my end day notes#our team is like 4 people lol. we severely need more because rhe art department has like 10 people??#crunch time is.. so rough..#its weirdddddd thinking about this job since its like i did a speedrun into a high expectations job BUT in my defense i was hired before#i graduated. and like SURE my graduating class had literally 3 people so like there was a 86%-ish drop out rate??#did a four year course in 2 BY ACCIDENT!! i picked it on a whim. but haha i was picked to give advice and a breakdown on the course so it#could be reworked into a 3 year course (with teachers that dont tell you to learn everything yourself) so that was neat#im rambling again but i have silly little guy privileges and a whole lot of thoughts haha#anywho i am SO hyped to move!! I'll finally get away from the creepy guy upstairs (i could rant for days about him but he is 0/10 the worst)#it will be so cool having access to a kitchen!! and literally anything more than 1 singular room#(it isnt as bad as it sounds i just have a weird life. many strange happenings and phenomenons)#<- fun fact about me! because why not? no one knows where i came from and i dont 100% know if my birthday is my birthday#i just kinda. exist. @:P#i mean technically i was found somewhere and donated to some folks (they called some different people and whoever got there first got me)#but still i think it is very silly! i have no ties to a past not my lived one! i exist as a singularity!#anywho dont think about it too hard like i guess technically ive been orphaned like twice but shhhhhhhh#wow. i am so sleep deprived. i am so so sorry to anyone who may read this#i promise im normal#@:|
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ya-gurl-emily ยท 2 months
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order 86 Ratchet online to complete my tfp autobot cast*
shows up 2 weeks later, defective copy
have to mail it back (need a new box cause i don't have the actual one) wait for that to go through, then order him again from bbts at higher price
have to wait another month cause they hate shipping to ireland
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euphor1a ยท 1 year
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Best 4 hours of my life, with the loml โ™ก
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#googie ๐Ÿฐ#i know i always say this but i can never really explain the way i feel about him </3 itโ€™s so hard to put into words#i feel so complete now god i love him so much ๐Ÿฅบ!! even that is an understatement ๐Ÿ˜”#i think it was like? 10:30 pm when i saw the weverse notif... and now itโ€™s past 3 am jdghbcbn#i felt so many emotions throughout everything (the wv live; the ig live; and then wv live again) but god.#iโ€™m just way too happy that i got to see him again ๐Ÿฅบ; i missed him a lot!#crazy how just yesterday afternoon i teared up watching a reel on ig about missing him </3 and then 6 hours later!!! he shows up ๐Ÿ’–#lol and i had so many mini breakdowns bc of him ๐Ÿ˜ญ heโ€™s a flirt FLIRT huh ๐Ÿ˜”โœ‹๐Ÿผ! WHAT ABOUT MY WEAK LITTLE HEART SIR???#i really have no defence when it comes to jk </33... sigh. but he sang sooooo many songs ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ#including txt! svt! nwjns! iโ€™m one happy bitch ๐Ÿคฉโ˜๐Ÿผ#what a great day to be alive honestly! just hope that he gets some rest bc goddamn itโ€™s nearly 7 am at sk now ๐Ÿ’€#oh and!!!! WE GOT TO SEE BAM MY BABY AFTER SO LONG IM SQUEALING THEY ARE SO CUTE OMG#HOW DID I ALMOST FORGET TO MENTION THAT LIKE WHAT#it was such a bonus to see tae too ๐Ÿคญ#!!! iโ€™m just really happy#iโ€™ll add more tags later... i just want to fall asleep now bc my eyes literally canโ€™t anymore lol#anyway... ik iโ€™m being very delulu here but like. sorry if it bothers you; iโ€™m like this. ๐Ÿคก#will always be jeon jungkookโ€™s bitch <3#bye bye ~ my eyes hurt ๐Ÿ™#see you guys tomorrow and i love jungkook ๐Ÿ˜†... and yโ€™all too <3
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harrowharkwife ยท 1 year
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tbh i feel like we're all maybe forgetting that 6A was kind of destined to be a little bit boring or slow-paced from the get-go because of how 5B ended so *perfectly* with everything tied up in a neat little bow. i mean 5x18 was literally called "starting over," and this is a show that (for better or for worse, this specific post is not pro-911s-pacing or anti-911s-pacing but a secret third thing, confused-and-trying-to-make-sense-of 911s-pacing) routinely and consistently takes right around ~10 episodes to cash in on big narrative plot points. not situational or episode specific or more technical plot points, like madney going from unsuccessful house hunting to finding a place within 2 episodes, or buck agreeing to be a sperm donor inside of 1 episode- those are typically resolved pretty quickly, within an episode or two. the show scaffolds these more-quickly-resolved plot points together into larger, more character driven arcs that typically always take around ten episodes for the full emotional fallout and significance to play out. 911 has always been a show where what happens matters a hell of a lot less to the story than how the characters feel about what happens, so because this is such a character driven show, inside of those ten set-up, pawns-on-the-chessboard episodes, it can be pretty difficult at times to figure out what they're angling at, or where they're planning on going (buck! where the hell are you going!), or how any of the plots are going to coalesce into something useful, profound, and cohesive. typically, the B season ends with at least a *couple* of loose threads that carry over into the arc-resolution-conclusion phase in the following A season, giving us an A season that's like 70% setup for new arcs and 30% wrapup of old arcs- but 5B ended on a true blank slate, so almost *everything* in 6A (with the exception of the conclusion to hen's super-drawn-out-but-very-realistically-paced med school arc) has been... scaffolding from the ground up.
and scaffolding looks pretty unimpressive and odd and boring on its own, like a big pile of ugly junk getting in the way of everything, but put it alongside the Sistine chapel ceiling it was built to accomplish, and suddenly it seems a little more worthwhile.
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cinnabeat ยท 11 months
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speaking of mairuma ive seen people complain that iruma should just reveal hes a human bc the author keeps teasing the will he or wont he and its apprently annoying which is just SO wrong on so many levels
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living-history-lesson ยท 9 months
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Vent in tags idfk
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iamthescalesofjustice ยท 2 years
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the thing is, nate and anders are regularly hooking up, very possibly dating, and velanna and sigrun are dating, and nate and velanna have chemistry and are maybe sliding into the start of a relationship with each other, and you would think justice and anders maybe have something going on but at this point in their lives they are just friends, its velanna who is actually willing to engage with justice on issues of oppression and its actually nate that is putting feelers out for something more with justice, and sigrun and justice dont quite understand each other but in a different way than they both dont get understand normal people, they are very much on a shared autistic to autistic communication wavelength so they are bros in that manner. meanwhile the primary tone of interpersonal relation between anders and velanna is awkward metamours and sigrun is willing to be friends with anders but he hasnt quite figured out how to do that.ย 
and this is normal, this is the baseline state of my understanding of the awakening polycule before any other factors. different warden commanders bring different dynamics and potential additional entanglements to the table.ย 
#anyway but madlad surana is still my fav complicating factor to this#nate and surana both fully believe surana is dating their respective partners and very possibly them as well#that he is an active component in all these relationships including their own burgeoning one. but hes not. surana is just being bros#undersocialized circle boy (gender neutral) disorder#the sleeping in other peoples beds? the bringing people food and gifts? the leaving bite marks and hickeys on anyone who lets him?#thats just surana being surana babey. plus the. yknow. circle-specific traumas and socialization#anders is too used to this to really understand what could potentially be weird about it#sigrun is new to it but considers it cool and fun bonding friendship times (only one who gets it)#nate finds a string of bite marks on anders inner thigh that definitely had to involve a lack of coverings to make and anders is just like#'yeah well you know how it is with surana' but no. nate does not know how it is. why wouldnt he think surana was dating them?#nate and velanna having like serious discussions about how to include surana for a date night#theyre not opposed to the idea of surana being involved in their relationship or anything. to clarify. both of them are looking#at this guy (gender neutral) and being like 'yes. this' its not that they dont want to be dating surana they are just looking to hash out#the how and why and think thats already the case and are thrown off when anders and sigrun are like 'lol what? no thats not it'#*'nate and velanna' all the way back at second tag lmao. im not redoing all that to fix it#if justice was not in a corpse surana would be biting him and bringing him food as well obviously btw#as it stands he cant have food and the biting would accelerate the breakdown of his current vessel :( but dont worry in our timelines we#can have our warden actually show up again later and then anders and justice can get the surana experience again#surana (having a romantic candlelit dinner with nate and velanna): this is so cool i love my friends ^_^#sigrun (being bit by a mildly feral elf who brings her cheesy rolls from the dining hall) this is so cool i love my friend ^_^
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holmsister ยท 2 months
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I think one of the things Dungeon Meshi is definitely about is how different people deal with being an outsider/marginalised/neurodivergent/what have you and basically what im getting at is that Kabru is TEXTBOOK "high functioning [insert diagnosis here]". Its that how they say it still? Don't care.
Basically. This man shows up and you listens to him talk and see how his party treats him and you think. Oh this is a cool guy who has his shit together. And then after like two pages you find out that he has constant flashbacks to Utaya that make him completely freeze, anxiety attacks, thought spirals, is incapable of analyzing his own feelings, is a stuttering mess when the stakes are high, has never done a chore in his life, keeps putting himself in triggering situations and re-traumatising himself, and the icing on the cake is when you read the extra material and it turns out he regularly forgets to eat and lives in a depression nest of dirty clothes and self-medicates insomnia with alcohol and also is 22. Which also kind of puts Misilril not wanting to let him go in another light - yeah for sure she's controlling and infantilising and also its not like she was really helping his issues but also she was not entirely wrong in her judgement. This man does NOT know how to take care of himself. He knows how to do the bare minimum so when he shows up at work the next day he can fool his coworkers into thinking hes got it together enough. For a bit.
He is DEEPLY unwell and he knows it but he is carried by the desperate wish to avoid another catastrophe. If he stops for a moment he KNOWS he'll collapse so he doesn't.
I also think this is why him acting nurse to Mithrun is such an important part of his arc. Its like. This person who has spent all of his adult life focused on a single objective disregarding everything else is faced with what happens when you do that for too long. And the result is a wet tissue of a creature who looks like he doesn't know where he is most of the time.
He is a man on the brink. I have no doubt he felt relieved when he decided he could trust Laios - not even in a Labru way, straight up because he knew he could not keep going like this.
But also like. Of all the characters in the manga, I think Senshi and Kabru are the most lonely ones. Except Senshi seems to be OK with solitude - for sure it's not entirely healthy to be alone for as long as he was but he definitely did well enough. He is very good at taking care of himself. Meanwhile Kabru *knows* a lot of people but can you really say he has friends? Rin, maybe, arguably, but even she does not seem to truly know him, you know? He keeps himself hidden from everyone. I think the only time we see him entirely honest is when he says to Laios that he wanted to be his friend, and hes so shocked when it comes out, you can tell he did not mean to say it. And differently from Senshi, he does NOT fare well alone. He likes people, he needs people. Again compare with Mithrun - he has like a squad of people taking care of him. If Kabru had a breakdown of that size can you say his party would go out of its way to help? Im not sure. Not because they're bad people, but because he's simply not that intimate with any of them.
Idk man it just struck me all of a sudden. Laios is weird and offputting and doesn't care about other humans the way Kabru does and YET he is infinitely more successful at building deep, meaningful relationships and taking care of himself as well. I think this is part of why Kabru is so fascinated with him as well. He can tell Laios has something he doesn't have. Wait this is turning into a whole another post I'll write this next time.
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pacifymebby ยท 8 months
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I cry when people yell at me(parent issuesโ„ข๏ธ) and I was wondering how the peakys would react to that, like I can handle most things but yelling is like a big nono for me, would they be concerned or tease me for that, I don't think they will but I'm interested on how they'll react to it for the first time it happens, or if I yell back for the first time? You just do a great job at writing these characters๐Ÿ’›
( im sorry if this is too personal or whatever)
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AN: not too personal my lovely dw, here at Pacifymebby dot Tumblr dot com we (me) totally specialise in โœจ fanfiction as therapy โœจ haha. Sorry these have taken me ages to do. I'm also a crier when men shout at me so I hope I've written this how you wanted!!!!
Tommy
๐ŸŒฟ Is genuinely very shocked when, mid argument, you start crying. You've seen so much worse than this, you've witnessed some terrible things because of him and his brothers, the fights they get into every week. Only last week you'd watched with as calm a demeanour as one could manage, whilst Arthur had a violent breakdown and smashed a chair up at the dinner table. You'd not shown a shred of fear. But now, here you are, silent, heartbreaking tears streaming down your face and why?
๐ŸŒฟ because Tommy raised his voice at you.
๐ŸŒฟ you couldn't even remember what you'd been arguing about now. You'd seen red and blue fear in your mind the second he'd raised his voice. You'd watched him lose his temper with you, his jaw tense, his face going red as he yelled at you, his expression so angry, so cold and unforgiving. And it had shocked you. Tommy had never raised his voice at you before. You'd seen him shout at his brothers but he'd never shouted at you.
๐ŸŒฟ and the sight of you suddenly drained of colour, your skin taking on that strange bloodless translucency as you starred back at him wide eyed and fearful... it shocks him. You're looking at him like you don't recognise him and suddenly there's a lump in his throat.
๐ŸŒฟ He reaches out for you but you flinch away from him, backing away slowly and then suddenly fleeing, running away, vision blurred by your tears. You don't really know where to go and you can here him calling after you, but his voice raised shouting down the hallway for you only makes it worse. Only adds to your fear.
๐ŸŒฟ you're certain that you're in trouble so you don't stop even when he calls after you. Thing is he hasn't even said he's sorry. Hasn't realised why you're running from him.
๐ŸŒฟ "Y/N love for fuck sake what're you doin... we need to talk about this... Y/n stop!"
๐ŸŒฟ He's chased you out to the gardens, still shouting, still not getting the hint... it's only when he shouts again, louder this time, screaming your name across the lawn that you freeze. His voice seems to shake the whole world and it strikes the fear of god into you. So you stop. And he thinks thats the problem solved, that you've stopped running away from him now so he can return to you and you can talk like grownups.
๐ŸŒฟ but when he gets closer to you you back away some more, and even when he warns you to wait for him you edge away. Every step he takes you take one back until you find yourself backed up against a tree, looking at him with all this fear in your eyes.
๐ŸŒฟ He's careful as he approaches, one arm out to you, trying to coax you back to him... he can see that something has absolutely terrified you but it's only when he gets close enough to touch you, only when he brings his hand up to fix your hair that he realises what you're scared of.
๐ŸŒฟ "Don't hurt me!" You gasp, eyes squeezed shut, your body rigid with fear as you bring your hands up to protect your face. And it's that which makes him realise. That movement, that fragile tremble in your voice as you beg him not to harm you that breaks his heart.
๐ŸŒฟ and the realisation hits him like a freight train, chokes him. He can't believe you're frightened of him. He can't believe it's him who has caused you all this terror. You're trembling, your hands shaking the way a rabbit shakes when it knows it's being hunted.
๐ŸŒฟ He let's out a sigh, closes his eyes and tried to steady his own shaken nerves. He doesn't want to scare you anymore.
๐ŸŒฟ "Y/n, angel listen to me girl, I'm not going to hurt you..." he says, his voice a gentle caress as he takes your trembling hands in his, draws them away from your face and places them on his chest. He holds then both to his heart underneath his hand and with the other he cups your cheek. Makes you look up at him, catches your tears with his thumb and brushes them away.
๐ŸŒฟ "I scared you," he says looking at you ever so mournfully, he feels so guilty and you can see the hurt in his eyes. It just makes you feel worse and you shake your head trying to apologise. You can feel his heart beating beneath your hands, it's racing, his adrenaline too high and you feel guilty yourself because you made him angry.
๐ŸŒฟ "I'm.. I'm so sorry Tommy I made you angry I shouldn't have pissed you off its not..." but he cuts you off, finger pressed to your lips to hush you as he steps closer to you, his body so close to yours that you have to tilt your head back to look up at him. His head is bowed to look down at you.
๐ŸŒฟ "Shh now angel I'm talkin yeah, my turn to talk now eh so listen to me..." he's being ever so gentle, his hand holding your hip, the other tucking your hair behind your ear and stroking your cheek. He doesn't look harsh or sharp anymore, instead of anger his eyes are full of love. "Don't you apologise to me sweetheart, please don't do that... I'm sorry I shouted at you angel, shouldn't have done that but listen to me now eh cause this is important..."
๐ŸŒฟ You can't take your eyes off him, you're still shaking, still crying, your hearts still racing, but you're not frightened anymore. He's looking down at you with such an intense honesty, you can see the remorse in his eyes when he talks to you in that sweet gentle voice.
๐ŸŒฟ "I will never hurt you alright, I promise... even if I'm angry yeah, even if we're havin a blazing bloody row, I won't ever lay a finger on you like that sweetheart, I won't ever hurt you.."
๐ŸŒฟ You'd probably start crying all over again, burying your face in his chest, feeling his arms wrap around you and hold you tight. His hand stroking your back as he bows his head to place a kiss on yours. He'd cradle your head against his body and rest his chin in your hair. Close his eyes, hold onto you tight and treasure the feeling of you in his arms.
๐ŸŒฟ "You really fuckin scared me Tommy..." you'd sniffle struggling to calm yourself down.
๐ŸŒฟ "I know angel, I know and I'm really fuckin sorry alright..."
Alfie
๐Ÿป He didn't mean to shout, Alfie's never raised his voice at you before because he doesn't believe in shouting at women and girls. He has a very firm, traditional view on that and he's stubborn about it too. No swearing, shouting and hitting women and girls.
๐Ÿป The only reason he shouted is because he panicked, you were wandering around in a daydream so you hadn't noticed the tension in the bakery when you'd entered through the back door on your way to see your beloved. Tommy Shelby had just left, informing Alfie that he'd set up a trip wire to ensure his safety, that if he tugged on the string in his hand he would pull the pin from a grenade which would blow up half the bakery, starting a monstrous fire which would probably kill all inside. All those barrels of rum would go up in flames.
๐Ÿป And you were one step from tripping that string which Tommy had tied to the leg of Alfies desk all, "I'll let you deal with this, have a think about what I've said whilst you work eh, careful though, its a delicate procedure..."
๐Ÿป So when he'd seen you Alfie hadn't thought twice, shouting "Y/N stop! Stay there, fuckin don't move!" and luckily you'd frozen. Your body going rigid as the fear struck you like lightning.
๐Ÿป He'd startled you for sure but more than that the sound of his voice ricochetting around the room, the voice of a man who was usually so tender and gentle with you, always so protective of you.. He'd never spoken to you like that and hearing it now struck ice cold fear into the very bones of you.
๐Ÿป Alfie doesn't even notice at first, doesn't notice how you've gone white as a sheet, can't even move, he's too worried about that wire, too busy trying to work out what to do. Hoping there's a chance Tommy was bullshitting him. Hoping that actually there's nothing to fear.
๐Ÿป And poor you, you're just stood there, hand clutched over your mouth starring at your love in shock. You don't know what to do because you don't want to embarrass yourself by bursting into tears over a little shouting, but you already know it's too late. Alfie really scared you, and he's never scared you before.
๐Ÿป So you can't hold it back, you're trembling all over with the effort of fighting your tears, some have already escaped, you've swallowed down a sob already but it's the fact that Alfie's not even looking at you. The way he shouted at you so sharply, so harshly, and he isn't even looking at you now. You're struggling to reason with your own anxiety, convinced that you've done something wrong, that he hates you...
๐Ÿป but then he hears it. The sound of your choked sob, one you'd tried and failed to hold back. And once the first escapes the damn breaks and you're in floods of tears. You don't move, frozen to the spot but your hands are over your face and your crying so mournfully that the sound sends an icy shard through Alfie's heart. Suddenly the hidden explosive is the least of his worries.
๐Ÿป "Fuck," he grumbles to himself, telling himself off for snapping at you, "gentle Alfie what have I fuckin told you man, sometimes yeah you have to be fuckin gentle..." he's grumbling to himself as he reassesses his predicament. He knows he needs to get to you and get you to safety but he knows he can't get to you without risking your safety.
๐Ÿป So he sighs. "Ziskeit, my dear, y/n poppet I'm sorry yeah, didn't mean to shout at you ziskeit, didn't mean to shout.. that was just me you know... panickin right, but I shouldn't have shouted at you yeah lovely girl I'm sorry..." he's making his way towards you very slowly and very carefully, talking soft and gentle, hands out because he doesn't want to startle you. His eyes flickering with concern between you and the wire you almost tripped.
๐Ÿป "See my ziskeit, down there right by your feet yeah, there's a wire right and I need you to be very careful cause it's very dangerous yeah..." he doesn't want to scare you more than he already has but he also doesn't want you to move and accidentally set it off.
๐Ÿป When he finally gets to you he doesn't hesitate to wrap his big arms around you and give you the warmest, tightest bear hug. He holds you firm against his chest, strokes your hair and cradles your head, burying your face in the crook of his neck. His beards tickley on your cheek and you're all wrapped up in the comfort of his musky scent.
๐Ÿป "There, there my little ziskeit, s'alright now yeah, your Alfie's got you my darlin an he ain't lettin you go.."
๐Ÿป He takes your hands from your face, won't let you hide and then he wipes your tears away with his thumbs. You can't just turn the waterworks off though and the tears keep coming.
๐Ÿป Alfie feels so guilty.
๐Ÿป But he'd hold your face in his hands and put his forehead against yours, looking down into your watery wounded eyes with such an intense devotion.
๐Ÿป "Didn't mean to scare you poppet, please don't be scared now yeah, I'm here, I love you... I didn't mean to shout."
๐Ÿป He'd probably call Ollie or one of his trusted men for help, he'd be instructing them on how to undo and disarm Tommy's trap, all the while still holding you and hushing you. The contrast between the way he barks orders at his men and then turns to you with the most tender, soft voice, shushing you and stroking your hair.
๐Ÿป Promises he'll never shout at you again, but also, because he knows what he's like he also promises that if he does raise his voice at you, it won't be because he's angry and it won't be because he hates you. It'll be because he'd a stupid old man who forgets himself sometimes.
๐Ÿป You'd sniffle, this shy smile on your lips as you tell him "you're not a stupid old man..." and he'd just chuckle, kiss your nose and brush your hair away from your tear stained cheeks, probably catching another tear on his thumb. "I am for making my ziskeit cry, but, you have my word now don't you girl, ain't ever gonna make you cry again..."
๐Ÿป It's a big promise but Alfie is truly devoted to you and so protective of you that he really does hold it against himself forever. He's always viewed himself as your protector so the idea that you were scared of him is horrifying to him. He really does intend to keep his promise.
๐Ÿป Will set a rule in the bakery and the warehouses that if you're around nobody is to raise their voice for any reason. He'll spin some bullshit about how it's very fucking rude and inconsiderate to shout when there are women and children present. If anyone breaks that rule Alfie will not hesitate to silence them in his own special way.
Arthur
๐Ÿ‚ It's probably not the first time this has happened let's be real here, this is probable not even the first time this has happend this week...
๐Ÿ‚ Arthur's emotions aren't exactly the easiest thing to endure... for either of you. He has a quick temper and he doesn't know how to express himself. If he's scared he turns to violence, if he's upset, he turns to violence, if he's angry, violence... even when he's happy or excited something usually gets broken, he usually forgets himself, talks too loudly... shouts...
๐Ÿ‚ And even though you're used to Arthur and his loud, uncontrollable and often unpredictable ways, you've never been able to get used to his yelling. You've always been easily startled and people yelling, raised voices has always set you on edge. And when someone shouts at you well, you always cry. You can't help yourself and you feel so stupid for it sometimes too... especially when it's Arthur who has made you cry because you know you should be used to it by now. You know what he's like... when he shouts and you start crying you always feel like a stupid child who can't control her own emotions.
๐Ÿ‚ But Arthur understands how that feels. It's not like he can control his either...
๐Ÿ‚ So of all the Blinders Arthur is the most sympathetic. It's not just that he feels terribly guilty for making you cry, it's that he hates how bad about yourself it makes you feel too and he wants you to learn not to be so hard on yourself.
๐Ÿ‚ So, he's always trying his best not to shout, for whatever reason... sometimes he comes home ecstatic about something that happened at the Garrison, he's half way through shouting through the house for you when he cuts himself off.
๐Ÿ‚ "Nah what have I fuckin told you Arthur Shelby, indoor voice for y/n, nice, gentle indoor voice..."
๐Ÿ‚ But of course this is Arthur and no matter how hard he tries he forgets himself and loses control on the regular. And when he does you also lose control... Arthur is an intimidating man at the best of times and when he shouts he is so fucking scary... especially when he's shouting because he's angry, and especially if he's shouting because he's arguing with you...
๐Ÿ‚ When that happens you probably don't just cry, you burst into tears, really dramatically... you'd shrink away from him, curl up on the floor crying your heart out, shaking, sobbing into your skirts and then when he realises what he's done it hits him in the gut and he does cold, panicks. He feels so guilty for scaring you again and rushes to try and hug.
๐Ÿ‚ Gets down there on the floor with you and bundles you up in his arms. His whole demeanor changes in an instant, all the fight knocked out of him in seconds as he rushed to comfort you.
๐Ÿ‚ Cradles you to his chest, rocking you to sooth you as he apologises over and over again. "For fuck sake darlin come here, fuckin 'ell I'm such a bloody idiot, I'm sorry my darlin I'm fuckin so sorry alright... didnt mean to scare you girl, y'know I love you don't I, ain't gonna hurt you, didn't mean to scare you just forgot meself that's all, you're alright my girl, I've got you eh, your Arthur loves you very much an he's very fuckin sorry for being such a fuckin dinlow eh..."
๐Ÿ‚ You'd be clutching at his shirt, sobbing into his chest, doing your best to calm yourself down, mentally chastising yourself for being so stupid because you know he didn't mean it, you know it was an accident, that you're safe with Arthur, that he won't ever hurt you... but even so, he scared you so much...
๐Ÿ‚ you'd push yourself up in his lap and try to wipe your tears away, probably trying to pull away from him and act as though everything was fine even though all you want to do is nestle deeper into his embrace and hold onto him until your heart stops racing.
๐Ÿ‚ And Arthur knows you well enough to recognise what you're doing so he isn't going to just let you go and pretend you're fine.
๐Ÿ‚ "Right now where dya think you're goin darlin..." he'd start, catching your hand and tugging you back into his lap, his arm locking around your waist, the other hand using his sleeve to dry your eyes. "Look at me yeah, got all the time in the world eh so I don't know what you're rushin off for darlin..."
๐Ÿ‚ "S'alright I'm alright now Arth was just being stupid wasn't I, you didn't scare me it's fine just bein..." but he'd cut you off shaking his head, giving you that frown which means 'dont give me all that rot y/n, I know you.'
๐Ÿ‚ "Nah," he'd say, "now don't start with all that shit now darlin, not wi me eh, I did scare you and you ain't stupid for bein scared neither... you ain't stupid at all..." "but..." when you try to argue he holds your face in both hands, your nose pressed up against his, his scruffy hair tickling your cheek as he gets right up close to you. His eyes are so intense when they lock with yours. "No buts now sweetheart, I fuckin scared you, I know I did and I'm fuckin sorry for it too... I'm the one who lost control so I'm the one who has to apologise right love, so I'm fuckin sorry yeah sweetheart, I hate scaring you an I never wanna do it again yeah... need to start using me fuckin brain eh love..."
๐Ÿ‚ But you hate seeing him put himself down so you're there holding his face in your hands too, looking up at him with such intensity, such stubbornness, it would be infuriating for him if he didn't currently feel so guilty. "You're not a fuckin idiot Arthur... don't call yourself stupid alright..."
๐Ÿ‚ For you and Arthur these scenes always end in the most loving of embraces, him holding you tight against him, you sitting in his lap on the floor, the two of you holding onto one another so carefully, so lovingly, your eyes locking as you tell eachother again how much you love one another. Your lips meeting in a desperate adoring kiss. One neither of you want to pull away from.
๐Ÿ‚ "Fuckin love you my darlin, don't even mean to upset you eh, I'll try harder yeah, Indoor voice from now I promise..." he says in as close to a whisper as Arthur Shelby can manage, kissing your face all over. Kissing away the last of your tears.
๐Ÿ‚ He always promises he won't shout at you again, you always promise you'll stop crying when he does. Both of you know that in a couple days time you'll be going over the whole routine again.
John
๐ŸŒผ For all that John is a very laidback man, he has a temper on him and he has a very strict sense of morals, right and wrong (despite all of his moral activities) and when he feels strongly about something he will argue about it... and he has a temper on him.
๐ŸŒผ When he loses his temper things can get messy, too emotional... He doesn't usually lose him temper with you though and so when he does it comes as even more of a shock.
๐ŸŒผ He doesn't mean to start shouting at you, he already knows you don't deal well with it... Your voices have both been raising slowly as the arguments been escalating and when he finally starts really shouting you shout right back...
๐ŸŒผ He didn't even realise he'd shouted until he heard your voice shouting back... suddenly cracking because you're trembling, because you've been fighting back your tears and they've just escaped.
๐ŸŒผ He sees the tears streaming down your face and realises that you aren't even shouting because you're angry, your shout was one of fear. A "Stop it! Stop fucking shouting at me John fucking stop it!" Your hands over your ears as you shout at him from across the kitchen table, your eyes desperate with heartache and fear.
๐ŸŒผ For a second you're looking at him with real upset and shock, like you don't recognise him at all, like he isn't your John anymore...
๐ŸŒผ He feels terrible. He's gripped with guilt, a pain in his throat squeezing and aching, he's choked up by tears in his own eyes. Sometimes feelings are too big and John can't handle them.
๐ŸŒผ Views himself as being the good family man, a loving, caring husband, a protective father, the man who looks after everyone, provides for them, so the idea that he could have done to his wife the one things she really can't handle, disgusts him. He's really disappointed in himself and he's determined to make it up to you.
๐ŸŒผ He'd raise his hands up in surrender, his eyes full of guilt, his cheeks a little flushed as a tear escapes his eye, he's stepping away from the table, approaching you cautiously.
๐ŸŒผ "Am sorry flower, I'm sorry..." his voice is wobbling but he's talking quietly now, as if lowering his voice like this is going to make up for the violence of his shouting at you moments before... and it does a little, or at least, his sudden effort to be gentle and careful calms you, lets you know you're not in danger.
๐ŸŒผ He'll wrap his arms around you carefully, waiting for you to come to him, waiting for you to let him hold you. But when you feel the outline of his embrace you crumble, throwing your arms around him, sobbing into his neck as he closes his hold around you a little tighter, keeping you secure.
๐ŸŒผ He'll hush you and rock you, doing his best to calm you down, all the while apologising for losing his temper.
๐ŸŒผ "I'm so sorry little flower, I shouldn't have shouted at you, shouldn't have lost me temper that was fuckin stupid of me wasn't it..."
๐ŸŒผ Lots of kissing your hair and your forehead. Will hold you as long as you need to calm down.
๐ŸŒผ Will wipe your tears and tap your nose. Will hold your face in both his hands, thumbs brushing over your cheeks, forehead to forehead promising you very passionately that he'll never shout at you like that again. You can see it in his eyes how strongly he feels, he's got tears in his eyes and he's perhaps crying a little too. He's talking but his jaw is clenched and the words are forced through his teeth so they come out really shaky but certain.
๐ŸŒผ You catching his tears on your thumbs and brushing them away. The two of you eventually smiling at that, making a little joke about how over emotional you both are.
๐ŸŒผ If you try to apologise for having cried, or if you try to joke about your tears, how silly it was of you to cry just because he shouted at you he will shake his head, cut you off all "no, no... no way flower, you ain't silly for cryin, you ain't supposed to like bein shouted at and your husband definitely ain't supposed to be shoutin at you like that neither..."
๐ŸŒผ He'll be extra sweet to you for many days to come, bringing you flowers, talking particularly gently to you too. Lots of affection, hugs, kisses, holding your hand whenever he can, layering it on thick so that you know he still loves you... he knows how sensitive you are and knows that you'll still be worrying about the argument days later, so he'll do as much as he can to show you he loves you.
๐ŸŒผ Once during a particularly heated family meeting Tommy shouted down the table at you for something you said, John was livid, white as a sheet with rage as he put his arms around you and stood protectively behind you. He was glaring so sharply his stare could have sliced Tommy open. Later you heard them scrapping when everyone else had left.
Bonnie
๐Ÿ€ Bonnie is such a calm lad, he never shouts even when he's threatening other people. He's not the kind of man who raises his voice unless he really has to, he's usually the quietly threatening, controlled anger, spitting his threats through gritted teeth, not yelling...
๐Ÿ€ It would take one hell of an argument, you'd both be feeling fragile and desperate, both of you shaking with he strength of the heartache and distress you're feeling.
๐Ÿ€ Whatever you're fighting about it's been brewing for awhile so you both have so many thoughts, so many troubled feelings you need to get off your chest...
๐Ÿ€ And when he does shout its because he feels a sudden panic, has a sudden fear that he will never be able to explain himself, never be able to make you understand... it's a truly desperate shout, almost a plea... "Would you just listen to me for a second love I'm trying to..."
๐Ÿ€But he doesn't even finish the sentence, the second he realises he's yelled at you he feels a wee bit sick, his hands shaking and suddenly he can't speak at all. He's watching you, you're frozen, starring back at him with these terrifyingly sad wide eyes...
๐Ÿ€ he can see he's just broken your heart.
๐Ÿ€ For a moment theres silence, you're just starring back at him in shock, he's watching you, scared to move or say another word because if he does he's worried something between you will break. That you're both hanging on by a thread.
๐Ÿ€ And when the thread snaps and you come back to life, your hand rising to cover your mouth and catch your sob, your eyes closing as your whole body shivers with the effort of fighting back tears, Bonnie watches you with this hollow weight in his stomach, this cold lump of guilt.
๐Ÿ€ Swallows a lump in his throat, his voice quiet and shaky when he speaks again.
๐Ÿ€ "Fuck, fuck I'm so sorry dove... don't cry, don't cry dove I'm sorry," he's speaking softly, hesitant to try and hug you because he saw the fear in your eyes and he's not sure you want him to come any closer now. "Please forgive me y/n I'm sorry, can I..." he trails off reaching for your hand, tugging you gently into his arms.
๐Ÿ€Whatever you were fighting about it simultaneously ceases to matter to him and also becomes completely unsolvable...he's scared youre never going to look at him the same way again. He's supposed to be your man, your protector, the one person you can always trust and now he's let you down, he's scared you... he really resents himself for that, can't forgive himself for scaring you.
๐Ÿ€"I'm sorry little dove," he'd whisper, his voice soothing, his breath brushing your cheek as he promises he won't shout like that again, "s'okay sweetpea, s'alright..." but he doesn't feel like its alright.
๐Ÿ€ He'll hold you as snug as he can, but carefully too, treating you extra delicately, he's really hesitant to hug you too tightly or kiss you in case you're scared of him now.
๐Ÿ€ "Don't be scared of my dove, you're breakin me heart," he says it with a teasing little smile, trying to get a giggle from you or something but you can hear the heartbreak in his voice and you know he's really telling the truth.
๐Ÿ€ When you settle down a little you nuzzle into him, "Sorry Bon..." you sniffle trying to dry your eyes, caught out and speechless when he catches your hands in his and, strokes his thumbs over your palms. "What you sayin sorry for eh sweetpea? Am the one whose sayin sorry now..." he chuckles, holding your palm up to his lips and kissing your hands.
๐Ÿ€ Even if you feel better quickly, soothed by Bonnie's sweetness, he won't feel better about it. The guilt will stick with him for a long time, one of those memories that comes back in the middle of the night and makes him cringe.
๐Ÿ€ He's extra soft with you for the rest of the day and the morning after too, treating you like he's scared you're going to break. He speaks quietly and gently and he'll treat you with such tenderness, holding you at every opportunity, holding your hand even if you're just sitting together. Any excuse to kiss you or tell you he loves you.
๐Ÿ€ Because he knows how upset you get when someone yells at you, if anyone else ever makes you cry by raising their voice at you Bonnie's fierce protective side will snap and he will be raring to defend you. You have had to talk him down from fights because of this.
Isaiah
๐Ÿ€ He'll be so shocked when you start crying... he's seen you witness so much "worse" than shouting before... so he really wasn't expecting you to burst into tears when a drunk man at the bar raised his voice at you. He turns with a frown, brows tugged in in confusion as he blinks at you struggling to process the sight of you with tears streaking your face. He honestly didn't think anything could phase you...
๐Ÿ€ For a second he's stunned but he soon snaps into action... "For fuck sake man now look what you've done!" He groans turning to the man behind your tears, "gone and made me girl cry ain't you... now I have to hurt ya..." he says with a cruel grin, as if he hadn't been intending on hurting the stupid cunt who'd been eyeing his girl up with lecherous eyes all evening anyway. "Don't get me wrong like... I wanted to anyway yeah, you've just given me a good excuse..."
๐Ÿ€ Once he's satisfied he's fucked the stupid bastard up enough, he turns his attention back to you. He's not expecting to see you still crying, in fact he'd kind of been hoping he'd just imagined it, been hoping he was just going crazy like Arthur... but he isn't, and you are still crying.
๐Ÿ€ And Isaiah isn't good with crying girls, doesn't know what to do about all those tears, feels totally at a loss.. especially because he's never seen you cry before.
๐Ÿ€ will try to joke about it, not teasing you harshly, just making a little joke about how 'easily' scared it turns out you are... "You had me fooled mousy..."
๐Ÿ€ This earns him a pretty firm slap from Ado who's jaw has just hit the floor... "Fuck sake dinlow whatre you doing making it bloody worse!" She'd be all arms crossed and shaking her head, muttering about how men these days are all the fucking stupid same.
๐Ÿ€ but her slaps gotten through to Isaiah at least who is looking at you now with a somewhat more awkward smile, but he takes your hand and offers you a hug. This is the most stunted a conversation with Isaiah could possibly be and you're beginning to feel a whole different kind of anxious.
๐Ÿ€ "Right for fuck sake, I've had enough of this.." Ada cuts in, "you.. give your girlfriend a fuckin hug alright," she'd say pointing at Isaiah and then pointing at you, "and you.. god sake girl get yourself a better fuckin boyfriend eh?"
๐Ÿ€ "Alright Ada piss off yeah I've got her, she's alright now ain't you mousy..." Isaiah would groan, he's embarrassed by Ada pointing out his flaws but hes showing it as frustration instead. He will take her advice onboard however, he isn't that stupid.
๐Ÿ€ He'll put his arm around your shoulder and squeeze you into his side steering you outside for a cigarette and some cool night air. He knows you'll be embarrassed about crying so he wants to take you somewhere quiet.
๐Ÿ€ "Sorry for laughing at you doll you just took me by surprise... ain't like you is it... crying..." he'll say gently, he's sharing a cigarette with you, taking a drag or two and then placing it between your lips carefully. This is something he only does when he's trying to make you feel extra close and cosy with him.
๐Ÿ€ He's quite curious about it, wants to understand why you cried, wants to know what it is about raised voices that you just can't deal with. And this curiosity isn't so that he can mock you, it's so that he can help you. He never wants to see you cry like that again so he wants to help you get over your fear...
๐Ÿ€ He will offer you lots of reassurance, "you know I'm always here for you love, won't ever let anyone hurt you yeah... so even if someone does shout at you you ain't got nothin to be scared of yeah?"
๐Ÿ€ He'll remind you that now you're with the Peaky Blinders you're always going to have someone near by to protect you. That men like "that cunt inside" will think twice about raising their voice at you...
๐Ÿ€ Will hold your hand for the rest of the night, giving it reassuring squeezes at seemingly random moments. His affections will be subtle but constant all night and he'll make sure you feel safe.
๐Ÿ€ If ever he shouts when you're nearby he'll remember himself quickly, apologising to you as soon as he can, making sure you're alright. If other Peaky lads chastise him for this he'll sock them round the back of the head no hesitations.
๐Ÿ€ He's too easy going and because he doesn't want to shout at you, he avoids arguments like the plague, he'd rather just let most things slide until an issue absolutely has to be addressed because he's worried that if he gets swept into a row with you he won't be able to stop himself from losing his temper. He isn't sure yet whether this tactic is going to serve him well.
Michael
โ˜˜๏ธ Its a heated argument, one which really give meaning to the phrase "blazing row." You and Michael are both furious with one another over a disagreement which has been stewing and bubbling away for weeks. One about Tommy Shelby and the unreasonable pressure he puts on his younger cousin.
โ˜˜๏ธ When the row started it was because you wanted Michael to stand up to his cousin, you'd tried to encourage him to put his foot down, to start saying no every now and then when Tommy's demands crossed boundaries, but Michael didn't want to. he said you didn't understand the family, that you were sticking your nose into something which doesn't concern you.
โ˜˜๏ธ And because you care so much about Michael you can't let go, won't back down. And because he cares about you and doesn't want you winding up in trouble Michael refuses to back down too. And thats how you end up screaming at one another in the middle of breakfast one morning.
โ˜˜๏ธ He's so angry he doesn't notice that you aren't just shouting to match his fierce temper. He doesn't notice that you're trembling all over, that your cheeks are flushed and your eyes are wide and white - more like a deer in the headlights than a dragon.
โ˜˜๏ธ The argument would peak with you unleashing all your fear and hurt, all your desperation into one shattering scream, "Leave me alone Michael for fuck sake leave me alone!" you shout over your shoulder when you go running off into the garden and he follows. HE doesn't listen however and it takes you picking a rock up and throwing it in his direction for him to get the message and let you go.
โ˜˜๏ธ You run away for the rest of the day, go disappearing down the lane storming into the park up the street, finding a bench or a tree to sit beneath, hugging your knees to your chest and sobbing into your skirts.
โ˜˜๏ธ Meanwhile at home Michael is pissed off, pacing, getting angry, damaging furniture as his temper gets the better of him. He's fuming, he can't get his head around why you ran away. Why you were so upset. . He thinks you behaved childishly and doesn't understand why you ran off like a little girl...
โ˜˜๏ธ It takes you both a long time to calm down and when you do you really don't want to go back to the house, so you go to Polly's instead, you don't tell her about the row but you drink tea with her and wait for Michael to turn up. (Pol assures you he always comes to her when you've been fighting)
โ˜˜๏ธ And when he does show up that evening he's been drinking whiskey and his mood is bitter and self pitying.
โ˜˜๏ธ "Let me guess Michael my boy, you and y/n had a row... she got upset, she ran away, she..." "Came here," he smirks shaking his head with a small self deprecating smile, "hiya love..."
โ˜˜๏ธ He won't apologise for shouting because you were shouting too, and because Michael never apologises for anything. But he will pour the two of you some tea and try to talk to you a little more softly than before.
โ˜˜๏ธ "You worried me love, running away from me like that...gave me a scare..." "You were shouting at me," you shrug sullenly. He would be struggling not to let his temper flare again. "You were shouting at me too to be fair love... and anyway, you're not a little girl are you, you don't run away from someone just for shouting..."
โ˜˜๏ธ You'd bristle, getting defensive, fresh tears glossing your eyes then, a painful lump in your throat when you realise he doesn't understand and maybe isn't going to.
โ˜˜๏ธ "No," you say, voice catching in your throat, "but what kind of man likes screaming at his girl?" When you ask him that he won't be able to ignore the guilt he feels. He'll be struggling to swallow down the lump in his throat too and he'll reach for your hand across the table, brush his thumb over your knuckles as he looks you in the eyes, tries to find an unspoken equilibrium between the two of you. Something to two of you can hold onto despite your differences.
โ˜˜๏ธ "Alright," he says finally, let's out a little sigh and squeezes your hand. "No more shouting eh how does that sound?"
โ˜˜๏ธ When you nod your head, your smile forming slow but wide, he mirrors your warm expression and leans back in his chair, tugs your hand across the table so that you'll stand and come sit down in his lap.
โ˜˜๏ธ "No more shouting it is then y/n," he says holding your waist in his hands, feeling closer to you at last, enjoying the comfort of your familiar shape beneath his hands. He'll point to his cheek then all, "come on love, give us a kiss eh? Forgive me?" and he'll wait until you do lean in to place a kiss on his cheek before he catches yours in his palm and steers your mouth towards his.
AN/ hope these were what you were hoping for lovely, I honestly am not sure I've done your request justice but I don't think I can write much more so sorry about that :/
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urfavlarry ยท 2 months
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HEYY, AIDEN x READER AT THE RINK ANON HERE!! LOVED THE WAY U WROTE THE ONESHOT!
i was waiting for your requests to open up again :D (im obsessed with aiden so bear w/ me, i'll be requesting ALOT abt him) wanted to ask if u could write a oneshot about tyler,aiden x f!reader as a love triangle! something along the lines of; how the atmosphere is around the group when those two keep on pissing each other off. Aiden being aiden and just pulling on tylers strings even though reader hasn't chosen which one she likes most!
(if its okay w u, every time i request something i'll just put ๐ŸคAnon!)
Tyler & Aiden x fem!reader
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โ•ฐโ”ˆโžค โ‹†๏ฝกโ€งหšสš ๐ŸŽธ๐Ÿฅ€ ษžหšโ€ง๏ฝกโ‹†
The more confident one here would probably be Aiden
Like ofc Tyler isnโ€™t insecure or anything but he definitely isnโ€™t that confident when flirting with you
Aiden would get more touchy and pushy (well if thatโ€™s even possible)
Tyler would be more calm around you and would be very overprotective over you and would protect you, just like his sister with his life
The two would bicker so much more
You turn the corner, thereโ€™s a fighting Aiden and Tyler there
Aiden would be more smug then angry when arguing with Tyler
On the other hand.. Tyler would get pissed
We all know he gets pissed easily but they wouldnโ€™t full on fist fight probably to not raise suspicion within the others in the group
When you are alone with Tyler he would probably be more โ€˜flirtyโ€™
He would have his hand on your waist or hug you
You wouldnโ€™t think anything of it because you think heโ€™s just being friendly (reader is kinda oblivious like always, typical Y/N)
When you three would be near each other the atmosphere would be so fucking tense
Ashlyn fight her inner demons to not say โ€œget a room the sexual tension radiating off of you is making me sickโ€
Some would question the weird atmosphere but the two would deny anything and everything
After a while they would probably make you choose or one of them would just make a move
If you had a crush on Aiden:
Tyler would be crushed
He would cry probably but not a full on breakdown
He would get pissy towards you and Aiden (more to Aiden)
Deep down he would still like you but after some time he moves on
Things would definitely be awkward for a while tho
On the other hand Aiden would be the happiest man alive
He would rub it in but he wouldnโ€™t go THAT far to the point he would make Tyler feel bad
Probably just sticking his tongue out when youโ€™re not looking or when he kisses you he would do that thing where you have your eyes closed while he is eyeing Tyler
Aiden would yap your ear off and tell you what has been going on between him and Tyler
You would just laugh it off, feeling a bit bad for Tyler but youโ€™re happy you got together with your crush :3
If you had a crush on Tyler:
Oh he would act like he doesnโ€™t care but deep down he wants to rub it in so bad but doesnโ€™t want to be immature
Would probably just smirk at Aiden when youโ€™re not looking
Aiden would still be his cheerful self but he would be crushed as well
Poor boy probably cried the whole night
Ben would glare a bit at you two like how dare you make his cousin cry
But after a while he forgets about it and moves on, going back to his usual very happy self who yaps everyones ears off
Tyler would definitely not tell you what has been happening
Like girl nuh uh that shit seems too embarrassing to be talked about anywhere near you
Would never admit he was jealous, like never
But you can tell because he looks like an angry puppy :D
After a while the atmosphere in the group would go back to normal, just some romance popping in lmao
If you donโ€™t like them back:
the awkwardness in the group would fr go ๐Ÿ“ˆ
probably would plan to fight the person you like
after some time they would ofc get over it but this would take then so much longer to get over
everyone in the group is like โ€œwtf is going onโ€
if you start dating that person and stat to drift away from the group they would be really sad tho
if the guy mistreats you then they will beat him up they wouldnโ€™t even care of they get in trouble
overall your interactions would be brief and awkward
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